Hollywood Handbook - Ben Schwartz, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 23, 2013

Sean and Hayes talk about the perfect gift to give your assistant this holiday season and reward the new engineer for surprising them. Then, TV and film star BEN SCHWARTZ joins the guys to give us a little insight on some of his many famous film characters, tell us a bit about his acting for GIFs program, and share his thoughts on the digital age of scripts.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I write on the underside of the disc. I already got this one. And I send it back to Netflix. Three days later, I get another one. Same thing. Already got this one. Send it back.

We've gone back and forth on this like 90 times i've already got all these movies hey what up what up this is hollywood handbook an insider's guide to the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz i'm hayes davenport i'm here with sean clements tis the season to be holly Tis indeed, Hayes. It's holidays time. And Hayes and I want to talk a little bit about giving. Specifically, giving to those in your life that are helping you achieve your goals. And for me and Hayes, that's our assistant team. It's sort of the eternal question,

what do you get the person who has nothing? And your team is more than just your assistants. You have your agents, managers, lawyers, and all that. They're all Jewish. They don't celebrate Christmas. They get very upset if you get them a gift of any kind. It's very disrespectful. So don't do that. And also your money, that's what they will accept as a gift.

You've already given them 10% of your dose of, and that dough, Ray Me, Lo Vent Amelia, is the greatest gift that an agent, manager, lawyer, etc. can receive. What we are referring to in this segment is your assistants who, when you have someone, what do you get the person who has nothing? The reason that expression exists is you have so many options. How do you pick one thing? We've gone back and forth on this in years past. Do I give them a lump of cash so they can go buy what they want?

Do I buy them, if I've seen them reading a book, do I make that book into a movie? Now they want to see that movie. This is overcomplicating things. That's not really what they want. No. And we've found a pretty simple solution is when it gets to be holiday time, Christmas time, you give your assistant a hug and a kiss. And a kiss on the lips you call them over to your they're already at your

house on christmas day they helped you throw away the the boxes and things and you sit them down this is just when they sort of i like the look on their face when they sort of feel like okay well maybe this year i'm not gonna get it and you And you can tell they're kind of dragging their feet around the house. They look a little bit sad. And you sit them down, and you say, oh, I almost forgot. I think I have something for you, too. And then you put your hands behind your back like you have a physical object to give them. And I'll pull out often a wrapped empty box, and I'll let them go through the process.

And I actually don't make it empty anymore because it's too light. I will fill it with a bunch of rocks. And so I let them open it up. And last year, Tamandria actually pretended to like the rocks because what are you going to say when your boss gives you that? And I said, don't be silly. That's not your real gift and you know that. And Eileen and I delivered the softest, warmest kiss.

And that's something that money can't buy because you couldn't fucking pay me to kiss half the fucking trolls I see walking around out on these streets. Which is why when you hire an assistant, it's important to think about what is it going to be like to kiss this person on Christmas time, other major holidays. important to think about what is it going to be like to kiss this person on on christmas time christmas time other major holidays other holidays columbus day their birthday your birthday last day of school last day of school um big career like premieres like big career

events for you yes whenever there's a premiere or when one of your shows gets syndicated. If you're inspired by a piece of music. If you drive by a cemetery, you have to kiss the whole time to stop from being scared. If you read a funny blog and you're just in a great mood. to stop from being scared. If you read a funny blog, and it's just, you're just in a great mood.

Yeah, or even if you've just bought a soda from a vending machine or something. Because, in a way, letting your assistant know you appreciate them by giving gifts, not only on the most major holidays, appreciate them by giving gifts not only on the most major holidays um tells them that they're doing it right and that they are headed somewhere this is really the universal language of giving if you study the science uh and if you you know crack open a textbook every once in a while all cultures kiss each other animals kiss this is how people communicate on this big blue marble there's no fear of getting the wrong gift a big kissy a warm a warm soft one

especially if you're built like me and Hayes, really nice lips, is always the right gift. You can't give the wrong gift when you're giving that. And it does translate across all cultures. And Hayes and I know that because we've hired every kind of assistant from a Chinese lady all the way down to a lady from Taiwan. And kissing all these assistants, it really helps us.

You know, you benefit from everything you give somebody. And it helps you learn when you kiss someone, especially from another culture. Like, oh, well, maybe that wasn't for me. Like, yeah, it didn't taste as good as i that didn't taste as good as maybe i hoped and so and it seems like some people from some areas of the world really stiffen up yes and really go cold and feel uncomfortable and they try to get they try to turn their head out of your hands. Yes, and I don't know if they're so excited they start squirming,

but that's rude. That's not appropriate. You need to calm down, take a deep breath, and accept the kiss full on. Stop squirming with your thrilling excitement, and just hold fucking still. And if they've done a really good job, I'm in the process of, you know, I hide a mint under my tongue,

and I give that to them as well during the exchange. So they think, you know, sometimes I can feel the disappointment when they're just getting the kiss and then the mint slides into their mouth. And what a pleasant, pleasurable experience to have a surprising mint slid into your mouth during a kiss from someone you really admire. So that was Shop Till You Drop, our segment about giving people gifts. We wanted to take a second to pull back

the curtain, take a look behind the scenes of the show. We've given some of our engineers who have come through here a pretty hard time. And it's been deserved in a lot of cases. This is a pretty big opportunity for them. It's been deserved and it's gotten pretty good results

it's sort of understood to be a launching pad and they tend to improve their performance next time or they hit the fucking bricks as was the case

with Frank and probably will be with Cody sooner rather than later we also as much as we are willing to call out bad behavior

we also are willing to reward an engineer when they do something that really impresses us. Which we didn't think was going to happen. Yes. Quite frankly. I didn't think I was capable of being impressed anymore. Not by an engineer, no. But there's a new engineer on the scene.

Engineer Sam is here. Say hi. Hey, guys. is here. Say hi. Hey, guys. And he really got our attention today when we showed up to the studio and he was not there.

And I remember that feeling, trying the handle and the door not opening and thinking, I don't remember the last time that happened to me. And I also remember thinking when I realized he wasn't here, he must be five minutes away. Yes.

But what Sam was doing is what we in the industry call a powerful move. Someone makes a powerful move when they want to assert being powerful. Yes. and that's the only thing I could think about in those 25, 35 minutes when I was sitting in the hallway waiting for Sam to show up. It wound up being about 40 for me, yes. It was about Sam and killing Sam and just hurting him first and then killing him and all these things. He was on my mind.

And normally, like in a normal situation, I wouldn't even think about an engineer. No, an engineer would matter to me not enough to even put the energy out there to kill them, hurt them, kill them and hurt them. Sure. And so the fact that he got that deep under my skin, I said, this kid's really got something. So Sam, if you want to tell us, I would just love to, you know, the story of what happened. Oh, and again, I'm very sorry. I was late. No apology necessary. You got our attention. Yeah, we are really, now we're listening.

I guess. So someone hit my motorcycle and then drove away and just left it in the street destroyed. So I came out this morning. Were you hurt? No, I wasn't. It was while I was sleeping. Someone had hit it and then tipped it back up. So it's almost not even part of the story.

Well, no, I mean, it's all I have to get here. So I apologize. Again, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry guys get an uber account and what i found so impressive about that is because people will try to stop us from doing this show oh uh that's that's not an uncommon you're new but you'll see that most of the time you try to get to the studio, you will not be able to. Something will, you will be arrested and go to jail on some trumped up charge, something you didn't even do, like a parking ticket or something. Sean or I, they'll give us sleeping pills so we oversleep. Crumble it up into our creme brulee.

Yeah. I mean, we're the voice of the resistance in a lot of ways, so certainly there are people in power. But never has someone so weak tried to stop us from doing the show. Now, Sam, I left a voicemail for you while we were waiting. Is it possible for you to play that on speaker? One moment. Please.

Again, I'm really sorry. No apology necessary, Sam. New message. Sam A., big dog what up uh this is shawny clembo i'm here with uh haze d and we would love to get into the studio you know how i do it feel free to give me a ring a ding back whenever makes sense for you uh not sure what you're up to. I'm really looking forward to doing the show. It's 11.19 right now, so you can track,

and I've been here for 40 minutes or so. Sorry, it's not a very expensive phone. And again, I am really, really sorry. This is only our second time meeting. I really wanted to come in and do well, and I'm sorry, I really fucked that up, but I'm really sorry. We wanted that too, but this is more interesting

and for this is actually something that we do with all our new engineers but we got you a new motorcycle are you serious? yeah it's parked right outside and

we're just looking forward to getting off on a good foot with you and you are fired And we're just looking forward to getting off on a good foot with you. And you are fired. Of course. Just naturally when you show up. We're fired. We can't. When you show up really late.

Tolerate that. But please enjoy the motorcycle. My only hope is that no one hit and run it. We have a really exciting guest today. Ben Schwartz is here from all kinds of TV and movies. He's going to be with us after the break on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook.

Meg Ryan, Richard Gere. Well, fair's fair. If you want to go double or nothing, then I'm game. He goes, no. And he smashes the basketball and i was like well shaq now you owe me another 15 bucks because i paid for that ball not full price but i did pay for it hey what up what up welcome to hollywood handbook an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call Showbiz.

Great guest today. Very exciting guest. Star of TV and movies, Ben Schwartz is here. You've seen him in Parks and Recreation, The House of Lies, lots of big projects. We're really appreciative that he could join us today. Do I talk? You don't have to.

I kind of get like when watching you guys work is kind of almost enough do you know what i mean i could almost forget that yes we've we yeah we've heard that a lot yeah you feel like you're just at home listening to the podcast like you would it's almost embarrassing that people don't get to see the visual of it because the way you guys dress is dapper the way you guys act is fucking on-swo. So it's just amazing. So people are only getting one one-hundredth of what this is, really, I guess. Yeah. We like to keep

something for ourselves. Sure. That's smart. But we also like to go behind the scenes a little bit, and I think we should probably do that today. Well, one thing we really wanted to do with Ben was he's been in so many seminal projects. Thank you so much for saying seminal.

Thank you. Thank you for doing the work that you do. And we talk about what really happens inside Hollywood, but we don't always talk about what happens in movies while we're doing movies. happens in movies while we're doing movies. And we wanted to play some famous clips of Ben doing his actings and have a conversation about what the character's thinking, what you're thinking. Can I preface this real quick? That once I'm acting, once I'm in the acting, I usually, I'm so into the character that it will be hard, but I'm going to try, because I am

that character. Do you know what I mean? I'm not Ben anymore. I'm that character. So I'll try. I'll try. So let's just get started. We'll play this is one of your most famous lines. We'll just play the clip, and then you sort of, if you can try to go back to that place. I'm going to close my eyes right now. Okay. Which sucks, because I don't get to see you guys,

but I'm going to close my eyes. You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good. There it is. It's a swap. Got up. Ba-ba-ba-boom. Let me take you back to set real quick, all right?

We're filming a Warner Brothers lot. We took three stages and turned them into one Combined them All the roads in between Right Knocked out the walls Knocked out the walls Is what we call it We call it K-O-T-Dubs

Which is almost the same thing As Nuka's on the plot But K-T-O-Dubs Right And so We knocked them out We got that spaceship on there As you guys know

This is Independence Day Right Of course This is Independence Day And And I remember Because the original line The original line was I make this look all

right. Oh. That was the original line. And that was for when they had someone else playing it. Correct. That it would actually work for that person. I guess. You know what?

I guessed. And I said, this is what you're going to do for me. You're going to change the script to Wing Ding's font, because that's the only way I read scripts. They did it. Done. And then I said, just let me do what I do. And then and then the director who i'm not even gonna say his name right now the director um said go for it we rolled i said i make this look good uh-huh uh-huh right so that's improvised that is totally improv that is improv and i don't want to say that the writers like god

bless the writers They write great words But sometimes When you're on stage You say things like that Do you know what I mean? Yes Right Well in a lot of ways

Writers are just Playground designers Oh that's interesting Yeah They're like rollercoaster tycoon things They're not on the rides They can just create the rollercoaster Yeah they're building a

Good yeah Set of Good yeah good Good yeah Structures in which on the rides. They can just create the roller coasters. Yeah, they're building a set of structures in which you can play and have fun. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. God.

I feel like I'm finally with people who get it. Do you know what I mean? But you go on a lot of these podcasts with people who are like just Oh, they're going

That's usually what I hear. So this is like I'm hearing people talk for the first time there is a line that i did in a white man can't jump where i say uh you're you're listening you can't hear jimmy do you know what i mean yeah that's kind of like what i'm saying uh for this one i'm a jimmy uh hendrox uh in that movie um well thank you let's play another let's jump to this is a different movie which one do you choose? there's so many I bet you did

welcome to earth so oh baby get off that Warner Brothers lot and get to the sony lot that's where we filmed this baby six stages six stages k-o-t-w oh my god can you play one more time i'm gonna tell you what the original dialogue was before i fixed it This is what the original dialogue looked like before I fixed it. What's up, man? That was what it was. Because they were meeting for the first time, and they thought that's what a person would say. This is from

Men in Black, which was ironic because I was white. Correct? This was from Men in Black 1, I believe? I've done so many of them. I think I've done six. We have six in the can. Three have come out. For this one, it was What's Up, Man? Because I just knocked an alien. And I go, and then, by the way, I did.

I'm going to jump myself. The next try, I punch the alien. I go, I make this look good. And they go, you've done that already. I go, you're right. That's a point for you. Yeah. That's one point for you.

And when you say that, you mean Marty. Marty. Scorsese. Scorsese. Mark Scorsese is doing this. He directed this movie. But I think he directed most of, he directed Independence. Marty. Scorsese. Scorsese. Mark Scorsese is doing this. He directed this movie. But I think he directed most of, he directed Independence Day, Smurfs 2. He's directed most of the films that are out there right now.

But, so I knock the guy. I knock, and by the way, there's a human being in that alien costume, obviously. And I say, take away the padding. I need to feel like I'm hitting somebody. Gotta feel the crunch. Oh, God, that's what I call it. And when you hear, I remember, I hit him so hard that I think his nose went up into his brain because that guy died.

That guy perished. What a privilege for him, though, to get punched by someone who's been in the business. Well, so many people die in such boring ways. Yes, thank you. And no one remembers what happened. And their family has nothing to be proud of. It's like, oh, he died taking a shit. Right.

Most of the guys die taking a shit. And when you die on set getting punched by somebody, they deliver the Hollywood flag to your house. They drink it

over the casket. It's a really nice ceremony. And there's a 21 video camera salute. Yep. Everybody rolls their cameras. Red, red, red, red, red, red. And we should talk

about the Hollywood flag because I don't know if people know about it. It is just J.J. Abrams making out with Steven Spielberg in the middle of It is just J.J. Abrams making out with Steven Spielberg in the middle of two bears for California. Yeah.

And a big 8mm in the middle. Yeah, the Nick Cage movie 8mm. The DVD cover for that. Yeah, so it's mostly... So, I mean, that's what that is. But what a fun day of shooting that was. That one line took three days. So it was really fun to get it done and get it out of there.

No CGI, by the way. And I would think if I see, I'm just reading it, and it says, what's up, man? Or even if it had said, welcome to Earth, I would think, oh, I'm being friendly. I'm welcoming this guy. But you had the intuition to know comes, yeah. You had the intuition to know, what if he's mad? And doing it in a mad way. Have you guys acted

before? Because it seems like your notes are coming from a very real actory place. Do you act? I have no traditional training. But have you been on screen? Any credits? We've been on screen. They sort of came to us. Of course. It's hard to really call it acting, next to the kind of things that you do.

Oh, freak out. Ba-ba-ba-date-a-date-a-beat-beats. Hoop-hoops. I wrote that song with Vince. You're a good compliment and acceptor. Say that again? You're good at accepting compliments. I'm very good at it,

because I want to make it feel like you did something correct. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to make you feel like you don't want to give me another compliment. Don't punish people for giving compliments. Thank you. It makes me want to compliment you more. Give me another compliment. Don't punish people for giving you compliments. Thank you. It makes me want to compliment you more. Give me another compliment.

See what happens. About anything. Hear that again. Did you see my work in Too Wong Poo Thank You For Everything by Julian Umar? I did.

And I thought it was really scary in a good way. Oh baby. Digging into the streets. Let's go to one of your next famous movies. Which one? There's so many.

Famous movies. The feet are going. I start the fire. I make the pizza. So this is F. Marie Abraham who you're playing against. Remember? From there? The Q-tip.

Q-tip. Q-tip. Throw it away. That's not working. Hit it with this. I haven't set my line yet. Nope. Not yet, no. That's a lot of run-up to my line, guys. Don't ever do that again And that movie is of

of course the guy that turns people who can't get dates into dates, right? Bagger Vance Hancock. Of course, Bagger Vance Hancock. And so, let me take you there. How many sound stages for this one? Honestly, where The Sopranos filmed, we're back in New York for this one.

I brought my trailer, which is two houses on top of each other and wheels on the bottom. Tiny, tiny tricycle wheels on the bottom and two houses on top of each other. We're in, what's the place where they film Sopranos and 30 Rock? Silver Cup. Pizza Land. Silver Cup. Not Pizza Land. You were close, though.

Silver Cup. Right? Wait, am I wrong? Is it Pizza? I just remember From the opening credits Of Sopranos Isn't there

Pizza Land Oh that's what it was You're thinking of when I'm smoking the cigar At the beginning of Sopranos Yes Yeah yeah yeah No no no

Satriales Yes So I'm gonna take you to Not quite Satriales So we're in Silver Cup And we filmed This is not even a joke You guys are gonna think

This is a What do you What do the comedians call it A bit A bit of a joke A bit of a joke A bit of a joke You guys are gonna think This is just a is not even a joke. You guys are going to think this is a bit. What do you call it? A bit. A bit of a joke. A bit of a joke. You guys are going to think this is just a tiny bit of a joke, but it's not. We filmed in the cup, the top of the cup in Silver Cup.

So on top, there's a little cup. We filmed in the cup. No, no, no. It's not a tiny bit. Oh, you got me. No, I'm not making a tiny bit. Wait, you're serious? This is, I'm serious.

That wasn't a tiny bit of a joke. So we filmed that. And I wasn't there. They filmed everybody else's stuff without me. And then I come on the last day and do all my lines over a green screen. And you talk to a bunch of tennis balls. Just tennis balls. And by the way, those tennis balls are great.

But that line was improvised, if I remember. That line was probably improvised. What was the exact wording on that one? Because we did like seven takes of it. And please don't play the 30 minutes up until it. Don't ever do that again, I think is what I said. Don't. Ever.

Ever. Do. Do that again. Oh, see, this is what it was. They had put three periods in between each word. And I got so bored after the second word. I don't know what that means. Those are ellipses, okay?

No, what it means, you're supposed to say in your head, when you see a dot, you're supposed to say the word dot. And that's how long you're supposed to wait. So don't dot, dot, dot, ever dot, dot. I got so fucking, can we curse? Yeah, yeah, you can. We got so freaking bored that I went

don't ever got bored do that again and the original line was hey man your mom just passed away and I was like

I feel like that's a bummer at this moment because the music stops because we got the phone call that the mom passed away but I think we worked it and I think it worked pretty well

and when they cut to the funeral right after this, it's more of a surprise now. Yes. It's more interesting. Yes, and afterwards, and I literally say surprise. I say surprise, thank you guys for coming for this eulogy. And then I do a 35-minute monologue. I'm so sorry for your loss, yeah.

Yeah. SSFL. So sorry for your loss. You made the funeral way funnier. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Here's your last famous movie quote.

Well, can we stop already? I have lots of famous movie quotes. Don't say this is the last one. Just for this day. No, this is the last one we're going to do. No, no. Thank you very much. And that would also imply that you were never going to have another famous movie quote.

Yeah, by the way. Well, that's a bit of a joke right there. That is a little bit of a joke. That's a bit of a joke. That's a tiny bit of a joke. That's a bit of a joke. That's a tiny bit of a joke. Is snakes out there this big? Is that from Anaconda? What film is that from?

It's from Anaconda. It's from Anaconda. It's from that moment where you see... How big the snakes out there might be. No, is that from... Are those snakes on a plane or is that Anaconda? No, that's from Anaconda. Is that really from Anaconda?

Yeah, it is. Sincerely, is it? Truly, it's from Anaconda. It's amazing. We were doing Anaconda. Peter, there were seven Peter Dinklage's that played the snake in Anaconda. So what they did is like little rascal style, you know how they used to go in like a trench coat? Yeah.

Seven Peter Dinklage's made up this big Anaconda. And, um, God, you guys are picking the greatest lines because that one was, I think that one was improvised. Am I right? Oh, that wasn't in the script? That wasn't even in the script.

Oh, wow. Can you play it one more time? I'm going to tell you what, so play it one more time because it's really quick. It snakes up, dude. This big? Okay, and my line,

it really was, um, we're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Kevin Smith's character in the movie he did with Adam Sandler. And I was like, pretty good line, PGL, but I can make it be. And how I made it be was I said, hit it.

It snakes out there to speak. And didn't make sense in the scene, but made sense in all of our hearts, I feel like. Don't you think? And you've often said that you only choose scripts that have some sort of funeral or mourning scene, but that you will always change what that scene is. And to be fair, just so the listeners know, mourning, M-O-R-N-I-N-G. Me waking up in the morning. Funeral and also a mourning scene.

Yeah, like... But you hate night shoots I hate them At the night shoots Gonna get some good shoots Gonna get some sweet film At the night shoots Do you remember that?

Oh yeah The song I sang? Yeah that was from Collateral Yes That was in Collateral Con Air That was in

By the way Flubber Old and New That was in a ton of my films. You've sung that song in a lot. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, yeah, but Anaconda was fun.

By the way, 13-minute shoot. The whole movie took 13 minutes to shoot. I always say that you're one of our greatest chameleons because you do sing that song in almost all of your films. You never know it's me. But it feels new. It's organic to that character. It seems like that character

is coming up with it for the first time. Can I take you to one? I'm going to take you to two different movies. I'm going to sing it the way I sang it in the movie. You tell me what movie it was. Okay. Is that cool with you guys? Oh, please.

It's going to be easy for me. All right, good. You obviously probably said one of those. It's going to be easy for me. We're big movie fans. Going to get some night shoots. Going to get some good feel by the night shoots.

Man on the Moon. Can you say it at the same time next time if you don't mind? Mm-hmm. Okay, so for the next one, here you go. Gonna get some good takes, gonna get some good film on the night shoots. Lemony Snicket. Lemony Snicket's a series of unfortunate events. Correct.

And that's just two of the 35 times I've used that in film. The story that Marty tells about Anaconda was, it was going to be... Not Marty McFly. We're talking Marty Scores? Marty Scores. Okay.

Yes. It was going to be a different thing about a bunch of people who knew each other in high school gathering together and sort of catching up. And then you said that line and they sort of built the movie around that line. They said, what are we doing?

Right. Well, obviously, when Marty shoots, Marty scores. That was a little bit of a joke. And I kind of, when you get a line that's more powerful than the words on the page, oh, dude, do you know what I mean? I once said a word so powerful that the sides in my hand disintegrated, and they turned into a dove, and that dove flew and sang the Night Shoot song.

God bless that dove. That's why we do movies, though, is for that feeling. Yeah. Who cares about the millions? Right? Who cares about the millions of reviews? I could take them or leave them. Who cares?

No, I don't even read that stuff anymore. I have to just shut it out. I do. Because they're not part of it, and so why should they be allowed to speak on it? Thank you. And I actually think that a lot of critics are failed artists. Whoa. And I'm sorry if I'm stepping on any toes,

but I actually believe that some of what those critics are is they wanted to do movies, and now they only just talk about other people who did movies. I don't know. Sour grapes. Have you ever tasted sour grapes? No. Disgusting. I bet. Almost as good as the movie I did sour. I don't know. Sour Grapes. Have you ever tasted Sour Grapes? No. Disgusting.

I bet. Almost as good as the movie I did, Sour Grapes. That's right. Gonna eat some good grapes. Gonna get some good film on the night sheet. Sour Grapes. By the way, aren't... This is my blow your mind.

Aren't we kind of critics ourselves? I mean, in the way that... In the sense that we're our own harshest critics. Right, I mean like, in the way that we're talking about us. Now I gotta look in the mirror. You know what I mean? Now I gotta look in the mirror.

I guess the thing that doesn't make me a critic is that a lot of critics are failed artists. Oh, that's interesting. Shia LaBeouf just did a short film about it, didn't he? Yes, he did. He did, for real. Didn't he do about critics, online critics? Some good buzz surrounding that.

Buzz. A lot of bumblebees. We call them bumblebees. A lot of bumblebees around that one. The hype machine is really generating some positive hype. Yeah, generous bumbees swarming around that film. A ton of bumbees, man. And I haven't seen him yet.

I heard he gets naked in a lot of these. I think he's in that Nymphomaniac movie coming out. Yes. of bumbees, man. And I haven't seen him yet. I heard he gets naked in a lot of these. I think he's in that Nymphomaniac movie coming out? Yes. I'm interested in seeing that. His penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben, I wanted to talk to you

a little bit about film and TV work. Sure. You know, Hayes and I do this as a service. Right, of course. Obviously, we don't need the fucking money.

And can I thank you on behalf of everybody? No, you of course. Obviously, we don't need the fucking money. And can I thank you on behalf of everybody? No, you can't. Oh, I don't. Yeah, you can. Get a little cold for you? Pop on the jacket? Yeah, I threw the jacket on.

It's not for you, but you actually inspired us in a way. Yeah. Yeah, it's popping through. I'm getting the jacket in the cams. It's popping through. You inspired us. Can you lower the jacket in my cams real quick? I was worried you couldn't hear my jacket.

We're calling them cams, right? C-A-M-S? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Like ear cameras. Like cam news. Like ear...

Basically, headphones are ear cameras. Pretty much. Yeah, they show your ears. You inspired us because you have chosen not to shut the door behind you and are teaching those great acting for gift workshops. Yeah. Acting for? For gifts. For tumblers.

Yeah. Because there are gifts out there and they're great gifts. Oh, yeah. And then there are BGs. There are bad gifts. There are BGs. So if I can help an actor, because I will say more important than a resume, more important than a headshot is a sweet looking GIF.

Do you know what I mean? You get a real sweetie GIF. That's the future. I think so. And I'm not afraid to say I learned something in that class. Thank you. What did you learn, by the way? Even me.

Well, one thing is don't obscure your mouth in any way. No. In case they want to Caption what you're saying It needs to look Like you're saying it So don't cover your mouth That's one thing

Smart great because they're going to use that They can use that for a meme also Meme Meme Meme Meme Sam also so yeah me me me me me me me me so i think god i'm gonna throw up with sam um do you know what i like a lot there's no more scripts anymore there's just ipads yeah let's discuss that there's i mean like what's the point we're ruining trees i guess but i like the feeling of holding a script in my hand

and writing no thanks on the cover I can't write no thanks on an iPad that's great that's great

yeah don't you miss that there's something because I'm not gonna throw my iPad in the trash just because I don't like a script

but there's something about in front of the man who wrote the script dropping that product in the trash it's so much less dramatic

yes to dangle an iPad over the trash and then drop it in and then have to go get it back out because it's your iPad. I'll tell you this.

This is what I do because I have all the money of all of it. So I'll just throw it out. I'll just break an iPad. I will write in marker on my notes and write them

on the actual iPad and say the corresponding pages so when they script through they'll know where it is. So when the thing is blank there's thousands and thousands of marks. But on the actual iPad and say the corresponding pages so when they script through, they'll know where it is. So when the thing is blank, there's thousands and thousands of marks. But on the page, you'll know exactly what it is. I just remembered I do that, too. You do that elaborate thing that I've been doing?

I just remembered I do that, too. I have Bo Jackson come in and break it over his knee. Smart. That's great. He's such a pro. He is a pro. Remember when he ran on the wall of the center field? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, I just remembered that I can do that too

on the wall. I played Bo Jackson in the documentary, Bo Jackson, by the way. Did you? That was me. That was me. Thank you. Thank you. What did you think of it, by the way? I thought it was when he sang the Night Shoot song. Did you think? Are you about to give me a compliment? I cried.

Oh, thank you for being a supporter. Travel back and forth and supporting me. You're a friend real true. You're a dude and a supporter. You're a dude and a supporter Please Tell me when we're getting along Because I feel like we're good friends But then when you enter a room

And you give me good reviews And I know that you're really a supporter Thank you for being a supporter Thank you so much for coming on the show thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you so much for being here. It was so special for us. Oh, God. It was so lovely. How many minutes was that? Oh, it felt like one.

Yeah, it only felt like one. Is it over? Well, it's almost over. It's almost over. Okay, well, let's not... Until that fat lady sings. We do want to say, please do review us on iTunes. Yes, and, please do review us on iTunes. Yes. Please do like us on Facebook.

Please talk to us on the forums. And buy the pro version. Hey, do you have the numbers on who bought the pro version this past week? Yeah, Matt Cameron. One person? Matt Cameron purchased the pro version. Oh, we got another donation. Oh, okay.

Who's it from? Matt Cameron. fuck matt cameron um matt cameron fuck you and then you see that the supporter is that can't be the supporter is bruce robinson whoa reed robinson the second he bought the pro version this week and what he gets he gets the prize for the pro version happens to be Ben Schwartz singing a personalized version. What's his name? Bruce Robinson. Bruce Robinson. An original song, or do you want me to do it from the supporter song? Bruce Robinson or Reed Robinson?

Well, he is supporting our podcast. I mean, it may be nice for him to hear the supporter song, which also I know we have time for that. Some of the other songs are very long. Bruce Robinson? Yes. Bruce Reed Robinson II? Yeah. Dear Bruce Reed Robinson II, this song is for you. Thank you for being

a supporter. Travel back and forth and back to support us. You're a friend real true. Bruce Reed Robinson II you're a friend and a supporter. So if you're in a submarine and you're real low in the earth, remember that I'm your friend. Come back up from the water and then you're going to be supporting me.

Thank you for being a supporter. Bye. Bye. me thank you for being a supporter bye this has been an earwolf media production executive producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman for more information visit earwolf.com The wolf dead.