Hollywood Handbook - Brandon Wardell and Jamel Johnson, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

The Boys help BRANDON WARDELL and JAMEL JOHNSON get on Hollywood Reporter’s Most Powerful People in Podcasting list.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You guys know how much we love water on this show. We talk about it literally every single episode and about the water that we have been trying to make ourselves. We basically have- Not trying to make. We've been making it. We've been making it.

We've been trying to perfect it. And it's not presently drinkable. Yes. So we have here, I'm really excited about basically like in a quite higher situation where like we have, we have a partnership now with Fiji Water. This is the number one. It's gonna get us so much closer.

Premium imported bottled water brand in the US. And they had basically come to this is like kind of the water that we were trying to first imitate and then top in success. So funny. We were coming for them and they must have felt us breathing down their neck and just said like, you know what, let's work together. We're more powerful as a team than as combatants. And I agree actually, because their water is drinkable.

It has a 7.7 pH, perfectly balanced. And you know, I'm not- Ours has a 700.700 pH. Yeah, so we were a bit higher. And then, you know, unlike the other two premium bottled water brands, whose names I will not mention, the two top ones, but you think, you probably know who I mean.

And one of them's us. And one of them is us and we, their electrolytes are 100% naturally occurring. Ours were 100% unnaturally supernatural. Ours were summoned inside of a pentagram, basically. These ones are from the earth. They have more than double the electrolytes of the other two top premium water bottle brands,

giving it the signature soft, smooth taste. It's like velvet. And we're can, we are being allowed to continue developing. PG one. There's not a non-compete or anything. It's not PG 13 and we've explained this obviously. Yeah. But like, it's not, it doesn't have that kind of edge, but it's not G either.

That's, yeah. It's a little bit, it's kids can have it, but you should be around them when they do. Yes. Fiji water is bottled at the source and untouched by man until you unscrew the cap. Their bottles are made from a hundred percent recycled plastic and they continue to lead the top preview bottle water competition on launching a hundred percent recycled plastic bottles earth's finest water and Fiji water and I have a tagline for them that you probably haven't heard and that they haven't heard and it is, feed me Fiji. Thanks, Fiji.

Do you guys feel the earthquake? Yeah. Did you feel it? Where were you when it happened? I was in East LA. I was on Whittier. It was parked. I was in my car. I was about to pull off and it felt like a bomb went off.

The whole block shook. Yeah. One big shake. And I made eye contact with this lady. She just looked like she was going, like headed to the bus or something. And we looked up at each other and she was like, what the fuck are you looking at?

And I'm like, dog, we almost fell in the earth. What do you mean, what are you looking at? She just had somewhere to be. It was just like imagine somebody reacting to an earthquake and they're like, I still got, I got somewhere to be. Yeah. Yeah. No pause. Cause I didn't feel it. I don't feel that stuff. I like, I still got, I got somewhere to be. Yeah. Yeah. No pause. Cause I didn't feel it, I don't feel that stuff.

I was, I was, I was. I just don't, that's not like, that's not my thing is like feeling that shit, I don't do that. And I was looking at. But cry more though, okay? I was looking at haze when it happened to me, I didn't react, I was in the hot tub and I was in the middle of a really funny story.

And just as I was kind of getting the punchline, the earthquake happened in a huge splash of like really hot water went in my mouth And I like kept and then I like kept trying to like say the right end of the story But like I'm like sort of sputtering and also most people are kind of freaked out and Chris a lot of the girls freaked out. A lot of the girls were freaked out by the earthquake, you know, and like, and how much water. And they're cold now because all the hot water has gone out of his mouth.

I drank a lot of it, yeah. And then I was like throwing up, you know. It's all water, so to me it's not gross. That ain't throw up if it's just water. That's what I mean, yeah, spitting up. Recycle, come back. And I say cry more, which was a mistake. In that context was a mistake.

Well, cause I had a lot of tears coming because it's just like, that's a natural. Well, when you spit it out, it's gone. At that moment, that was really bad advice. Yeah, it wasn't, it didn't feel great. It wasn't helpful, yeah. That's the one time it's acceptable to cry as a man. As a man, if you are.

If you're barfing in a hot tub. If you're vomiting in a hot tub water. If you're feeling the hot tub water. That actually, there's no shame in that at all for me. Did you finish the story? Did the story hit? It really felt like it took a lot of the steam out. Like by the time I actually was able to clearly enunciate the kind of punchline of the whole thing.

The sirens are also kind of drowning. My experience was I couldn't really hear it over the sirens. Yeah, a lot of people had called the various emergency workers. So it was, and which the response time, I think, was kind of fucking awesome. But yeah, it was, and honestly, the story wasn't that good. The response time was hitting, for sure.

The story, not so much. Yeah, story time, bit much. Response time, crackin'. I had done a lot of buildup, and I regretted. I said, God, I could've gotten to this ending so much faster, and then once the, but I didn't know there was gonna be an earthquake. Yeah.

Brandon Jamel Show. Brandon Jamel Show. Listen, Patreon, right now. I feel like I'm in an episode. Patreon, painting of the water's warm. Oh yeah. Please, heat it up for us. How many times has Hayes done your show? Oh, a couple times.

And how many times have I been asked? A couple one times. A couple one times. BJS the one. But I guess I was including the Old Testament. It's a whole, it's eras. Oh, if you just a couple times and how many times have I been? Was I was including the Old Testament it's a whole it's errors my zoom has been fucked How many times have I been my I would like I would love to have Can't get it going it's not the impression I just I don't have have your- The guys are in Glendon. We'll get your info down. That's not the impression I got. I have my guy in my-

We'll get your info down, Sean. This is the first time I ever did Hollywood Handbook. You were away. I think I'm always gone when you do that. You're always gone. And then you have- It's the first time I've ever seen you. And he wasn't there for them either.

A lot of- And you did Flavor Ones when I was gone as well, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so a lot of people, I wanna dispel any sort of Sean, Brandon, beef. We had the, maybe this will work, maybe if Sean's here this will work is the conversation that we had that led to this. Yeah it was like a scheduling nightmare but it was like okay we tried it with Brandon, no Sean,

with Jamel, no Brandon. Yeah. Sean, no Brandon, we tried a few times. Yeah. Most times are Sean, no Brandon. We tried a lot of different iterations of that, and it never has quite been able to sing the way we would like the show to. So I think that this, I have high hopes for this episode

and for all of our futures because it's been pretty fucking grim. Yeah, yeah, gotta have, gotta have high, high hopes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you sing that? Yeah, do I sing that? Do I sing that on the track, on the sing that? Yeah, do I think this do I think that on the track on the original track? Yeah That's yeah, bret. That's a Brendan Brendan or Yuri Okay, yeah, there's Brendan Yuri. Yeah

Brandon me me re Don't look at me when you say Brandon me Brandon me me re don't look at me when you say Brandon me You're supposed to help it when he says Brandon what is what is it? Oh, oh relationship about yeah, you know Look at you. I got if I can't Brandon me re moment If I have to fucking look away Most of my time Song yes, oh, where's the booty?

You was locked I haven't seen you do I haven't ever what he's the he's the train guy haven't seen him on a train Once mm-hmm, I've never seen him on a train and you're on there and you are looking at everyone Yeah, I'm like red line. Trying to identify. People trying. Keep their hat low, you'll just kind of flick their hat up. See their face. He's running a train with eye contact. Basically what they're going down. The conductor goes down and then I, or that's not the conductor, who's the guy that. that all the boards and Brendan, Brendan get off. Everyone else, get off the train. Everyone else.

I'm always talking local trains. You do an interstate train. Yeah. No, I've never seen you on the train once. It feels like that kind of is a wrap on this one though. Yeah. Well it was like, do we keep you on the train? A lot of energy.

Do we keep you on the train? Yeah. Do we keep you in the train thing? So like, you guys. Do we keep them? We know you guys love to get political about it. We have some thoughts. Yeah.

Yeah, basically. Oh look, everybody sees all the fucking podcast lists and rankings and all that stuff that comes out. Yeah. Yeah. USA Today, Top 50. Yes. Coaches poll.

Mm hmm. Yes. Yes. The power rankings. Pull this up, Kev. Get the fucking numbers up. Let's actually look at it, Kevin. People see this stuff.

Damn, it just came to me. Brandon Irie, if he was Jamaican. Brandon Irie! Oh, I'm sorry, it's not my fault. Would Jamel do the voice? Do the voice. I do the voice. Do Brandon Irie.

I can't do the voice anymore. Do the voice, what is Brandon I what is I February 2024 yeah, can't do the voice. Yeah, man. Yeah do that do the Yeah, I love I love Sabrina Carpenter man. No Brandon. I know it's Brandon Uri. Oh as I read Panic at the disco guy. I can't see high hopes or you go the emo route. The Brandon on we. Mm hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. That brand on we, you know, it's like, yeah, Brandon on we that's, that's me. And, uh, me sort of having like a, like a, yeah having like a Brooklyn malaise, kind of early Greta, kind of HBO girls situation. The list came out. The big list is out. Hello.

The most powerful people in podcasting in 2024. Hello, Lord. The list is out. And there's a picture of everybody here. Yeah. So here's, here's an image and club. Shay, Shay is there. Yeah. That yeah. And club Shep Shep. It's not an interview. It's a conversation. Dax Shepard is there. Uh-huh. Conan. Thank God. Joe Rogan. Bone Yag is what it says. Says B-O-W-S. It's not a new bone thug?

Yeah. Bone, bone, bone, bone. Matt Rogers, Amanda Doyle, Abby Wambach, Glennon Doyle, Emma Chamberlain. USA Softball stand up. No Club JJ. Just Club Cheche. No Brady Warbox. Just Abby Wambach.

Brand Jermell Show not on here. No. Not on the most powerful people in podcasting in 2024. Our entrance is loud in this. you want box. Brand Jermell show not on here. No, not on notice. Notice we are in 2024. Our efforts is loud in this. Yes, it's screaming. Yeah, I'm screaming. So what do we do?

What do we do about this? I know we got to get we got to get to a place where there's an editor's note. Yeah, by the end of the year. Yeah. Or even like the next thing you do Yeah, yeah I've been like sort of like marinating on this Yeah, it just said by the way shouldn't Marin be aiding on this list. Well shouldn't Marin be aiding there is a ting right now

Yeah There oh, yeah I'm gonna be eating this. Marin is aiding right now. Yeah. Oh, there, oh yeah. Did eat. Marin is aiding. Did eat continuously. Yes. Was eating continuously. Aided. Here's what could happen. And let me say this actually,

you guys are not on the list and right now, we're here to help. Yeah, thank you. That's a look, first off. Which by the way, by the way, shouldn't they be here to help? You better hope they don't find out about this. You might wanna shut this off. Uh-huh.

You might wanna bury this TV right now, because if there's any burn-in from this list and this image on the TV, and Jake is in here, he's like, what's that? What's that on the screen? Is that Dax? You are fucked, son. You gotta get this TV outta here. Are they coming in at all?

The next, they don't record here anymore. Next week? Yeah, just for guests. Just for guests, yeah, okay. I'm taking this TV home with me. Kevin produces Jake Johnson's, the Club JJ. Oh, shit. Yeah, they work.

Club Brandon. Club Brandon. Club Brandon. I like that. It's so strong. I like that. That does feel good. Club Brandon.

Club Brandon. It does. It hits the ears clean. Club, Brandon. Club, Brandon. Club, Brandon. Yeah, club, Brandon. But we can, like we can, I think we can actually, this came out August 9th,

I think we can get this corrected potentially even. My thing is like for our show, obviously you're on our show. I did, I did want to do a club random style. Five drinks. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Five drinks on the table.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut up, Brandon. None of them are open either. Just like three of them are open. Shut up. No, they're, that's not true at all. Two of them don't even have the capacity to be closed. And one of them unopened. Shut up. No, that's not true at all. Two of them don't even have the capacity to be closed

and one of them is half drunk. Yeah, what was that? Well, three. Three? Three, five. But you said none of them are open. Nah, I'm open. They will be. Here's the actual, like, here's the real, like, juice.

You know? So you're gonna go, well, you guys aren't on the list. Yeah, we're not supposed to be. We're your favorite podcasters favorite podcaster. We operate in the shadows. And one of the things we do is we identify young talent and we try to find ways to lift them and showcase them. And so like, I don't wanna be on this fucking bullshit.

You know what I mean? All these fucking old losers. But actually, I would like to see them inject some new blood. And I think that with our kind of know-how and daring do, we can kind of coach you guys into a place where it's not just gonna be an editor's note, it's gonna be an editor's damn novel about you guys. Four paragraphs, four plus? Yeah, they're gonna be, oh god, it's gonna be,

click here to download the PDF, right? Editor's damn, editor's damn the dictionary. It's gonna be the damn fucking editors, editors and Carta. It's gonna be a separate CD that you have to put in your computer to click through and get all the information. But we're gonna have to work for it. We're gonna have to lie a little bit.

We're gonna have to do like. Can I say this? You better fall in love with the grind. Cause if you fall in love with the result, it's over. Do not think about being on the list. What I want you to do is think about the work you do to get on the list. The struggle, that's where you're gonna live.

Do you know Dr. Hubba Hubberman? He says that there is like this part of your brain that only grows when you do something you don't wanna do. Not something hard, something you don't wanna do. And the more that grows, well the more you grow. You said Dr. Hubba, first name Hubba, last name Hubberman. I just wanna make sure. Dr. Hubba Bubberman.

Dr. Hubba Bubberman. Bubberman? All right, I just wanna make sure I got that because I'm taking notes. I'm trying to lock in. And you know what he was able to do is he was able to put that part of his brain that grows like that in here.

Well, and the part, the thing that he didn't wanna do was have multiple girlfriends. Yes. But he had to challenge himself. He had to do it. Because he needed to become stronger. And like, that's what we wanna do for you guys.

What if you guys are doing the podcast, Brandon and Mel Show? Which you already do, yeah. Easy, right? One of you, it's your birthday. Yeah, okay. Yeah, like this. There's a cake a lot of eyes on this immediate yeah it's like the birthday episode I haven't listened in a little while but I got to check out the birthday everyone's gathered around

outside the pocket of the window of the podcast or to watch the big birthday episode right you say one of, like the person brought out a special cake, blow out the candles, make a wish. You make a joke about Trump being shot. Okay. Straight off the- One of you makes a joke about the shooting occurring. Right.

Okay. The other- Yeah, it's like you want deep breath, blow out the candles. Why you blew them out in one shot I wish the fucking well figure out what? Like who it is right down and we'll kind of will judge it the other one Immediately puts out a statement. Mm-hmm lie. Yeah in that moment on the show Yeah, that is podcast is over. This will be the final birthday episode and

And final episodes it is the birthday episode So so we're gonna finish it the birthday anymore and we're gonna finish the episode But I do not celebrate the birth don't support the birthday at all Downsing birthday episodes have always been about love and inclusion Denouncing the birthday. Yeah, birthday episodes have always been about love and inclusion, you know, they're not supposed to divide us, and so like, the other one, yeah,

puts out an aggressive statement that you are divided. And this is the thing, doing the podcast is comfortable. The thing you guys don't wanna do, the part of your brain need to grow, is the part that gets in a fight over a joke about Trump getting shot. Yeah. That's the challenge that we need to embrace.

Okay, dig in. And then we'll just have it in the chamber for when you guys are like, announce that you guys are getting back together. And everyone's like, holy shit, are they gonna talk about it? Like, yeah, you're gonna talk. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna talk.

Yeah, we're gonna sit down. Of course we're gonna do another birthday episode. Of course we're gonna talk about it. Usually it's my birthday. Yeah. Right course we're gonna talk about it. It's usually my birthday. Yeah, yeah. Right now, we gonna do something a little different. It's nobody's birthday today. We gonna get really real.

Okay. But this has to be all so meticulously choreographed. The initial joke, the statement has to be ready to go right there. Instantaneous. People are watching outside the podcast door and their phones start going, bing, bing, bing, be like, ready to go right there. It's how people are watching outside the podcast store and their phones start going, bding bding bding bding bding.

It's lighting up with the statement. It's lighting up with the news alert from the statement. And then like, look, people weren't talking about Kyle Gass that much. Kyle Gass was gassed. He was gassed. He was running on empty. Now, gas prices are through the roof. Kyle Gass was running on fumes. Right? So yeah. Yeah. Right. So we gotta figure out like, who's doing what? Whose birthday is it? Good. Who's making a joke that causes them to be? We gotta write the joke in the version that I, the version that I kicked out. You do the Kyle Gass thing. I do the birthday? You do the Kyle Gass thing. You do the joke. I do the joke. Oh right. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke. You do the joke in the version that I the version that I kicked out you get you you get you do the Kyle

Gaston I do the birthday you do the cut you do the yeah, I do the do the It can't be your birthday and you work no, it's your birthday Your birthday, but then It gets to be your birthday real love it is my birthday gets to be your birthday But then you have to do the Kyle Gast be your birthday. Real live, it is my birthday. It gets to be your birthday, but then you have to do the Kyle guest. Okay, that's huge. Your birthday is coming up for real. Yeah, in actual.

And even if it's not coming up for real. But then you gotta make the joke. And you're feeling yourself, cause it's your birthday. So you go, oh, I can express any opinion I want. Right. Which the Brandon and Jamel show has always been about. Surely I'm not gonna be the subject of national news.

I feel like. But. Hey listen, but when you drop the statement. You will, yes. Habanski. Yeah. I see, I co-case, so it's my birthday. So yeah.

Big hat. Are you buying the statement from Brandon? Big hat. Big hat. Am I buying the statement from Brandon? I'm just trying to think about it. I hear that someone has made a statement. He's a statement guy, he's got a statement in him.

I guess that it's out of character. He's stated some statements. Let's see if we can get in him. I guess that it's out of character. Let's see if we can get it there. I guess that makes it more powerful because in a way you do think about whoever the guy that's not caught gasses and I don't keep track of all this stuff. He's a little bit of a kooky guy.

So for him to get so serious about it was actually pretty powerful for me. It made me look at myself. And the statement could account for that, be like, listen, I know I'm a fucking dipshit. Yeah. I know I fucking suck shit. I'm fucking scum, you know what I mean?

I'm disgusting, right? Yeah. Look, nobody loves me. Yeah. You know, that's obvious. You just kind of get out in front of that aspect of it. So it's like, I mean, we reference it almost every episode, but it really is B-Rabbit and Amy Mile, you know.

Kind of saying this about, this is before you can get to him, you know. No tap. Yes, I do have a friend named Cheddar Bob. Right. Yes. Yes. What else? Damn, I was gonna say do have a friend named Cheddar Bob. Right. Yes. Yes. What a damn I was going to say he had a friend named Cheddar Bob. Wink did fuck.

Yeah. Wink. Still standing here saying fuck the free world. Yeah. Powerful. It was powerful. So Jamel Big Hat. Right.

You were saying. I blow the candle out. I mean, maybe I take a bite of cake and I say man This this cake good enough to Get the president shot That would confuse me Well, that was so good. I might the only thing that would taste better than this cake is a second Okay, that makes more sense. This first draft.

It's just first draft. It's just first draft. And I think I do wanna focus on some of the birthday elements because this has to be, again, meticulously. Guys, he's closing his eyes for a wish. Right. And I hate to say my wish because sometimes that means it won't come true, but.

Right. And I hate to say my wish because sometimes that means it won't come true, but. Right. Just don't wish you. Well, that's what actually happened in the other version that we're referring to. So that worked, we can do it again, but that is exactly what happened. See, I don't follow this stuff. Like, I don't know what they're.

And he was making a wish. Oh, we gotta do a lot? He was making a wish, yeah. But saying your wish out loud is a form of protection as well. Right. Okay. So you don't have to do a lot,

like you can do it in studio and that thing. So we can get a bunch of, I would like a couple takes. We can get a bunch of cuts at it for sure. Let's just get a bunch of alts and maybe we do a mashup at one point where it's like seven different jokes. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. But big hat, what kind of hat are we talking about? Well, I'm just thinking party, straight party. Big party hat. But it's larger than usual, just like a big cone. It's a cone hat. So is it?

But that veers into Dunskap territory. Oh, if it's too large? Because it's the bottom. Well, I mean, at some point, if it gets really, really. What is this, Ignatius P. Reilly, I think? You can move past Dunskap territory and have it just be like. That it's so tall. Yes. territory and have it just be like that it's so tall yeah and so it's like it's

like messing stuff up at the oh I see it's like touching yeah it's gotta be pretty hard to because of water pipes when we record we get we went we in one of those buildings where you could see the water pipes okay so it's clanking up there yeah yeah it's going like clank clank little that's good use it to plug a leak at one point Probably Thinking like this is a norm like acting like it's a normal episode then you surprise him for his birthday What would you do? Did you think I forgot? Yeah? The whole episode you've been sitting here. Look at me like he doesn't remember

The whole episode you've been sitting here looking at me like he doesn't remember. Oh he doesn't, yeah. With his big ass hat on. I sure did. I have my hands behind my back the whole time. You're sitting in a chair. You think that my hands are just, you think it's just a natural resting position.

I think it's just stretching because it's in different positions. Little do you know, it's a milk bar birthday cake. Okay, so that's so tasty Here's my concern here. Both your hands are behind your back. You're holding a cake How are you gonna get that around? front I mean you go big flip

No, no, no No, he knows and he knows himself. I know knows, and he knows himself, doesn't he? I know myself. He knows he can't do a big flip and. I know, yeah. That would be cool. If he was going- I'm practicing the positioning right now. But if you had your hands back there-

This is good work though. Yeah. This is good work. We need to get these reps. If you had your hands back there Brandon. We only don't have one. Blocking, we gotta get the blocking right now. Blocking, yeah, we're blocking this.

Yeah. And you went, excuse me while I try to suck my own dick. And then, and then you hinge at the waist in a way that allows the cake to emerge from behind. Yes. I'm patiently waiting for him to suck his own dick and then I see the cake.

Well, at least a guy, you know. But I'm a little worried if we don't get that exactly right, you're just gonna lurch forward and the cake, it's going to just slip onto your back. Just shoot backwards, yeah. Right? Oh yeah. You know just gonna lurch forward and the cake, it's going to just slip onto your back. Yeah, oh yeah. You know? Yeah, your back if you're lucky.

There's the option of you stand up, turn around, and now he sees the cake and then you just sort of like shuffle towards the table and hopefully slide it on the table. I'm worried if the cake is a little too low, that the table, you will just like smear it on the edge of the table. Cause you can't see shit.

If the cake gets fucked up, that's the story. Then it's the episode where Brandon smeared the cake all over the edge of the table. We need to be the episode where the joke about- That sort of overshadows- And he might not be able to get his joke off over the sirens. We need a clean narrative. Yeah, exactly. Believe me, that's happened before.

Okay, Jamel, close your eyes. Close your eyes challenge. That's good. The close your eyes challenge. You guys already do the close your eyes challenge. So we're always doing the close your eyes challenge. Perfect, the close your eyes challenge. Well, that's a recurring segment on the show.

So it just feels like that'll be the easiest way to get it. So that's sort of, I think, an easy entry point. And I actually think this could be an improvement on your normal Close Your Eyes Challenge, where you just have Jamel close his eyes, and you do something that none of us can really do. Yeah, it's not audible. We can hear you, you're doing something, for sure.

It just kind of sounds like. Yeah, yeah. There's a little wing. And then you're like, okay, you can open up. But then you just do the show. You just keep doing the show. Yeah, nobody says it happens. Listen, we've been getting a lot of write-ins,

people like this open space. It's like an open verse on TikTok. We usually don't do, when we do Close Your Eyes challenge, there's no cake, usually. True. So this is like an easy sort of. Okay, so there is no cake. Cause again, we don't know what you're doing.

So there is no cake. There's no cake involved usually when we do Close Your Eyes challenge. Yeah, I might do a pie once in a while. Okay, so you know what's happening, even though your eyes are closed, you know what's happening. What's up?

Well, it's not that I know, I just, this is my guy right here, I can kinda sense a little. And you can smell that. I can kinda sense it, smell it. Yeah. Smell that there's a little you can smell it. I sense it smell it This whole time It's like smear My white shirt it smells like it's gonna melt you know under the hot podcast icing Bar what kind of cake is it's from milk bar, but what kind of cake is it?

The milk bar, birthday cake. Straight up, that's like a nice... The milk bar, milk bar, birthday cake. Confetti bar. Nice. I don't know, I feel like you're... What did Charlie have? We gotta find out what Charlie...

Fudge you the whale. I pulled out a melted fudge you the whale. Fudge you the whale. We gotta find out what Charlie had at her birthday. Cookie puss, I mean. Oh, right. And we like, we gotta get that cake. Oh, we gotta get the, yeah. Oh, God.

The bread. Did that party look nuts to you? The pistachio junk? Did that party look nuts to you guys? Indie Sleaze is back. There? Indie Sleaze is back. It's fucking back.

They took a picture at a party? They took, this Indie Sleaze mode, man? It's just crazy. Flash on. Shade small, shade real narrow, dancing with her friends being crazy. Wow, and people were going like, bah! Oh my God. Damn, Indy Sleaze there on much again? I think some of those people might have had

a little something to drink as well. Uh-oh, couple pops. Yeah, I think so. It was really funny. Okay, so there's a candle, like the candle, when do you light the candle, I guess? Phoenix closing ceremony Olympics? Yeah.

Indy Sleeves. That's Indy Sleeves to the max. That's Indy Sleeves. Michael Phoenix Jr. Tomas. Hello. Hollywood handbook. Guys, when my cats are healthy, they're happy,

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Hollywood hamper. The candle! Yeah. It's already lit when you are having it behind your back. And so like you start, like, how do you normally start the show? Yeah, Brandon come in and he'd be like. Brandon comes in. I come in. Yeah.

He walks in the door. Enter. Enter. OK. Yeah. Cue Brandon's entry. Yeah. Brandon enters. Craneshot. Welcome to the Brandon Jamel show. Most epic podcast in the world. Today in studio. We're gonna have to cut this,

Birthday, it's Jamel's birthday. Bang. Even that, with the candles going and your hands are back there. Right, oh, because the crane shot, I fucked it up because you can see the reveal. Yes, so we're just gonna have, you can do the crane shot.

It's gonna have to be just a faster crane, like really, really fast. We can tie it tight up there. It's hanging off them water pipes, but we can tighten that all up. Yeah, okay. We can just make it, we just probably just shut off the water.

Well, please do. Okay, we've got Cobra Snake taking pics. Cobra Snake is there taking pics. Cobra Snake is there taking pics. Okay's it's it's indiesleeves this it's gonna be indiesleeves I just don't want the indiesleeves to distract from the joke about an assassination attempt oh it won't it won't I just want this story I'm also a little worried with some crane, the big hat, the pipes, the cobra snake, the candle, it's feeling a little bit like a final destination opening.

Yes. Right. Yeah. We could easily die. There's a lot of moving parts. Water, electricity, fire, big ass camera. Yes. Chuck Lorre once said,

every scene should be about one or zero things. It was really powerful to me, somebody who's in comedy aspiring to be one day, obviously not like Mr. Lorre, but likes it, but don't. No, it's not, I mean, it's nice, but it's, I'm not, I'm really not. I just wanted to give you your flowers.

But I'm really not. Since we're here. But I do think that that lesson could aid us here where I do think the episode needs to be about one or possibly zero things. And with the crane and the candles and all these other elements, it's starting to feel like it's about so many things

that we're getting lost. Cause we got zero things figured out. We got that a lot of stuff. But we're kind of doing that. So I would like it if you're just about one thing. Just so we're not standing on each other's feet. Yeah. I mean, it ain't a lot of room in the sandbox.

I feel you. No, no. It's awfully crowded. You saw the list of the most powerful podcasters. They were tucked in there, in that graph. It was a tight squeeze, you know what I mean? You wonder if some of them almost didn't make the cut. So I think to avoid anything like going haywire

with all of these elements, you're just gonna have to like cut down the opening really, really, you might actually have to change the name of the show to Happy Birthday. The Happy Birthday Show. The Happy Birthday Show. Or even Blow This Out. The show could be called Blow This Out.

Blow This Out. Yes, because like the candle's gonna be going. Are we doing one? And we're smoking big cigs, Indie Sleeves. We're doing... Yes. Indie Sleeves, yes. Tammany Hall, nothing more Indie Sleeves

than Boss Tweed. All the candles are American Spirit cigarette. Pfft. Every color box. Yeah. Every color box in there. Now I do want to say you can't do that voice. I know when you're thinking it's Indie Sleezer again that you can do.

I don't know what that was. It's a nondescript European. The voice wasn't. Oh I thought that was you trying to do your Brandon Irie again. Oh yeah. It's just close enough. It's close enough. It's like Belgian Brandon. we- It's close enough.

It's like Belgian brandon. It's like a- I don't know what country the guy's from. Yeah. But it's definitely Europe. It's definitely Western Europe. Mm-hmm. Okay. So this is also- and we only record on birthdays.

True. So we have one on main. We have one on main and then we have one on Patreon. One- we have the main birthday. Two episodes a year. And the Patreon birthday. There's happy and then there's birthday. Your birthday is late April, mine is early December. You might want to do your Reddit cake day as well. My birthday is really, it's late August, but we get a crack. It's another A month. It's August.

Yeah, we have to give each other our Reddit gold. Reddit cake day. On our Reddit cake day. Physicaldit gold. Yeah. So yeah we got we'll do four. That's respect. Yeah. I got time for that. Okay we start the show the cake is back there do we ever figure out how we're getting this cake on the on the table like this this is gonna end up being if we can't we like we like We are really close. I just was a car although. Yeah, it's Fitzcarraldo. It's Fitzcarraldo. It's just yeah although. Yes. Yes What do we my best feet Okay, I mean maybe to do we are we Is that what we do do we like rig Brandon like are we?

Are we fully locked up? Just shut up, dude. Just give me a second. Hey, we're going right back We have Brandon. I'm a vessel resting if we get a big piece of plywood Mm-hmm that we have granted resting Like standing up but leaning forward, so he's leaning against the plywood. Okay. Right? I got some plywood at the crib too, not to cut you off.

Okay, okay, no, okay. But we got that ready. That's the kind of interjection that helped. Is it like a brand, so you have a, like a branded size piece? Well, it's a little bigger, just in case for some room. But we can take it, they'll cut it for free at Home Depot, one free cut.

Can't ask for two, but you could get one. OK, but did you get your one already? Well, they don't know. I'll just come back. It's my first time in the store today. Something of a chameleon. Yes. So you're going to have to act like, you know, I know you act. I know you act. And as I say that, you are sort of dressed the same color as the cow.

But you play in the movie you're in. You're playing yourself I'm more than I'm saying. I'm black and tan, okay So Brandon's like kind of His face is like mushed into the plywood a little bit. He opens the show. Hey, it's branchman podcast most epic podcast And then the grips like pull on the plywood to just kind of like like yeah like puppeteer him Just drag the plywood onto the table. Uh-huh. Oh, I see. So now the cake that was behind his back is on the table

He's lying face down. He's faced. What a powerful place to make a statement from you know, I mean Laying big down on the But Brandon's not making the statement. Laying dick down. On a table. Oh he's making. He's making the statement. He's making the statement. He's not making the joke. When the joke happens. I'm laying. He can say I was in such a vulnerable position, you know?

Laying prone on plywood on top of the table with a cake on my back. And as you ate off of my sacrum essentially. Yeah. I was then subjected to this insanely divisive violent imagery which has never been part of our show. I was then subjected to this insanely divisive, violent imagery, which has never been part of our show. The ethos of your show has always been that of the ethos water bottles

they used to sell at Starbucks, which is just like the whole world. You know, yeah. We wanna be right next to our own Shawn Mendes. Yeah. A Shawn Mendes CD, that's where we wanna be. That's exactly. Putting people in stitches.

And so. Sorry. Shawn Mendes. That's where we want to be. That's exactly. People in stitches. And so. Kind of in these sleeves. I don't know. So I'm planking. So you're planking. I'm planking. I'm planking. The original planking is Indie Sleeves.

Yes. Okay. Now we're back. Yes. I was not really with you on the Starbucks ethos cups and Shawn Mendo's being in these sleeves. Planking is in these sleeves for sure. Yeah, Starbucks not necessarily in these sleeves.

Laura Keeler and the bees. Remember when Starbucks was pushing that? They were just telling people to go to the movie? Yeah, they had like, there was like displays inside Starbucks, they were like, you gotta check out this movie. Do they still tell people when they replay it on bounce TV? Yeah, I haven't been inside a Starbucks in a little while.

I'll go see. I usually just stand out in the parking lot and ask someone to go in and buy my drink. Like at SIGS from back in the day? Yeah, it's like kind of like a kid outside a liquor store and I'm like, hey, will you get me? They changed the bathroom policy. So now you have to stand outside and be like, hey, can you get me? They changed the bathroom policy.

So now you have to stand outside and be like, hey, can you go in there and go to the bathroom? Can you go to the bathroom for me? I just really got it. I gave you a couple extra bucks, man. I gave you 10. Please just go there, go to the bathroom. I gave you $10.

You could just real quick, man, I'm in a rush. Come on, it's prom this weekend. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. You have to go to the bathroom for me. Pfft.

So Brandon's face down on the table, on the plank. Yeah. Jamel, you're surprised, even though like you're wearing the hat. Now you gotta eat this cake, even though your hat is gonna be like lodged in the pipes. So you're eat this cake, even though your hat is gonna be lodged in the pipes. So you're gonna be like, you know. Kind of stiff.

You can't see it, so you're gonna have to figure out like knife and fork without being able to see the cake. And you have to be careful of his, that you don't like basically eat a piece of bread. I'm good with that. I've been working on my ball handling. I'm looking up. Yes. I'm at with that. I've been working on my ball handling. I'm looking up. Yes.

Like the Glendale YMCA. Yeah. So I don't even need to see the fourth. Yeah, okay. I'm locked, I'm set. Okay. Bow, you know what I mean? I'm worried that you will.

I love that confidence, but I fear it as well. I mean it is, you know, I know it's like that. It's just a high rider. It's a different motion. It fears in the cockiness. Yeah. And it's when we stop being is, you know, I know it's like that. It's a different motion. It fears in the cockiness. And it's when we stop being careful, you know. I'm worried that you will hez-y Brandon. Yeah.

Oh, I like kinda. I'm worried that you will hit Brandon with the hez-y while you're holding a knife and fork. Because then if he moves when he's planking, if I move him. Yeah, if you go to like, yeah, if you go to cross up the cake with your fork or something. But that's all right.

Listen, I- Get a mouthful of quadratus lumborum. Just one nice, easy fork. Yeah, I think I can get there. Yeah, and honestly, I don't give a shit what happens to him. And that's why we have the statement in advance. So if Brandon is like bleeding out,

like we'll have the statement queued up, you know? But we do still have to hit our marks because if Brandon is putting out the statement before a joke or something, you know? Like that's gonna be an issue. That's disastrous. Yeah, people can't see the strings. So we take a bite of cake.

Something to consider. What's the cake sound? Like you eat a bite. Yeah, what does the cake sound like? That's me eating it, but I don't know, I can't do a cake sound like. What does the cake even sound like? Well, I mean the noise you make

when you eat a piece of cake. We all have a different one, mine is like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's my cake. The whole time, the whole piece? If I eat cake and it's just to give you an area, I just do a little here we go again. You know, just a small, just a subtle, here we go again.

Oh, see like back Prescott, but just like under your breath. Yes, yes. That's right. Yes. I usually just go, hmm, hmm. Can I give you a suggestion? Maybe it's, oh, we are so bad. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Jim Carrey's back. I see. Yeah, you're doing the close your eyes challenge. Yeah, my eyes are still challenged.

So I'm still closed. Yes. I get a little back in there. Sub came in just a little bit of back. We are so back. Nice. Now, we have to get from here to a very disrespectful joke.

Right. And I actually wonder if it's not like celebrating, we don't wanna get in trouble like that guy did. I don't, I don't. So maybe it's like a totally, a totally inscrutable take on it. Uh-huh. That Brandon. The way Brandon becomes offended then a totally inscrutable take on it. Oh, I split the joke.

The way Brandon becomes offended then creates the narrative of what the joke was, but the statement itself, you have a little bit of breathing room. And now we're embracing debate, right? Like now we can have like Skip and Steve and A fighting over what you meant. Yes, incredible. And it's, and, and we're, and then we're engaging

in the marketplace of ideas. But yes, but it's a, it's a Roshach of like, what, like what everyone sees in it is different. This cake, wow. So delicious, light, fluffy, neatly iced. It's so good. Delicious, light, fluffy, neatly iced. It's so good. It's the only thing better. Okay.

Okay. Would be. I thought this is while you're making a wish. We actually nixed the wish. We nixed the wish. See that's what I thought. Oh, you didn't see the updated script. No, yeah.

The wish idea got lost because I was saying exactly what had happened, as if I was coming up with it. Right. Because I don't really follow these things. But we can get to the same place by just him saying the only thing better than this would be. If somebody tried to

shoot Donald Donald J. Trump again well okay wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait no no that I was gonna say that doesn't work but yeah but he did say John old day I don't know they try that's the possible deniability this is the big this is the weakness yeah oldability. I mean, this is the vague. This is the vagueness. Yeah. Old day. Trump. I think you just tripped into gold.

Come on, man. John John. Did I trip or did I land? Did I trip? Right. I think he's stuck in. He's stuck it. I was did I Simone Biles it or did I not?

He had me going in the first half. But then he said, John old day. John old day. Trump. You had the right. You had to fuck with me. You thought the right, you had the fucking with me. I was about to say. John-el-day Trump.

I think he said John-el-day Trump. When you thought about it, you went off. When all of y'all thought about it, y'all had the fuck with me. And these are the results we looking for. If somebody. This Hollywood Reporter. John-el-day Chomp.

Donald J. Jumps. John-el-day Jumps. If we could get Johnoddle day jumps all the day. That's just killing. That's really. We're so safe. That's a sosa man. It's on. We'll really have something. There's an avenue where Brandon's justified in being upset about the statements. Yeah. Brandon's justified in being upset about the statements. Yeah, but yes, definitely can't take you to task, you know, on the whole, because I don't know who John update.

I don't know if it fits. It ships people. It's feeling good. Okay. Brandon. Yeah. I don't know, if it fits, it ships, people. It's feeling good. Okay, Brandon.

Yeah. Statement, just from, like, reach back and pull that statement out. Let's go, baby. Let's get it in one. All right. We're almost out of time. No tap, yes.

It's cranked. John O'Day Trumps, who that is? Huh? No, you have to be the only one not taking that position. Yeah. It's gotta be, I was horrified by the comments of my co-hosts. You're not upset because you don't know who Johnald Day jumps is.

No. That is a take on it, but that's not a reason to end a podcast. I respectfully disagree. I think it might be. Okay, reason to like end a podcast. Yeah I respectfully disagree. I think it might be. Okay you think he's so bad. Okay. He's just like what the fuck is you doing?

How could you just say his name right? How could you say John O'Day Jones on your birthday? How you gonna ruin your own birthday with this mess? That type of. Yeah so John O'Day. John O'Day is wrong. Okay, we need to get this straight. It's John O'Day jumps. Donald J. Jumps.

No, now you're getting it right. John O'Day jumps. Now I accidentally. You fucked it up into it being correct. Back into it being correct. Back into it being correct. John O'Day jumps. John O'Day jumps. Oh man.

I am shocked. I am shocked and appalled at what my one time best friend I felt the weight immediately. said about John O'Day John O'Day jumps. Yes. On our podcast.

Okay, so this is another dig. You think that John O'Day jumps is a real person. So I think he's... You are offended on behalf of... On behalf of John O'Day jumps. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

So I think that's the angle we took. I disavow the birthday. This birthday is abolished. I don't acknowledge Jamel's birthday anymore. And yeah, on behalf of John O'Day Jumps, I want to disown and condemn Jamel. Jamel? Jamel Jomsson on behalf of John O'Day Jumps. Uh, Jam Bell. Jam Bell? Jam Bell Johnson.

On behalf of Charlie Day Jumps. Now how are you going to the last name, the way you said Johnson, how are you going to write that out? It sounded sort of Creole almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it would be spelled the same way. Like if I'm reading it, how am I gonna get your take on that just in writing? It was Italian.

Italian. Cajun man. Yeah, Italian. I think we get their P.I. italics probably. Parentheses Cajun man. John Song. John Song. Parentheses Cajun man and then just write Johnson.

Yeah. And everyone in their head will read that John Song. Yeah. Yeah, John Song. Yeah. Okay, Cajun man voice. their head will read that yeah yeah yeah okay cage a man boys yeah right my yeah my Instagram post playing I don't know what any of you did cage all for your yeah okay I don't know what any of these what that was to be used yeah yeah so we're at we're at the Apollo we're. Yeah. So, um, we're at the appal- we're at-

We're over. We're done. We're over. The show's over. The show's over. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.