Hollywood Handbook - Dominic Dierkes, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: January 27, 2014

Sean and Hayes are back from the Sundance Film Festival to share their Top Picks for this year's Breakout Artist. Then, Sean's protégé DOMINIC DIERKES joins the boys to discuss the ins and outs of his infamous Fart Gun sketch, make each other feel old, and speak on why there is no white history month as they reach into the Popcorn Gallery.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Okay, so Engineer Brett, this is Seanan Hayes. Seanan Hayes to Engineer Brett. Go song. So now the song should be playing, and as always, you'll mute our microphones during the song so that we can't be heard. And then when the song ends, we're going to start the show.

So it should be going over us now. This is episode 16 of Hollywood Handbook. The song is ending in 3, 2, 1. Stop. Hollywood Handbook. And it's over. Hey! What up, what up?

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Sean and I recording this segment, anyway, took a little field trip that we take every year to one of our favorite film festivals, which is the Sundance Film Festival. Yes, Sundance. I call it CON for short. So this episode might sound a little different because unlike past years when we have done our shows from Sundance, this year we decided not to bring any engineer. We usually...

Normally we get a luxury suite just for the engineers, and we set up four engineers in there, make them share a bed. That's kind of a little joke that we have. Which is the tub. Yes, they have to sleep in the tub. No showerhead, so if you want to take a bath, it has to be a real bath. And we do it that way. This year, because the engineers have been so naughty,

we did have to pull back, scale back, and not use any engineers. And Engineer Brett, I know you're listening to this right now. You're the best of a rotten bunch, so we're trusting you to splice in some good sound effects and songs and things for us. So he should be, I'm sure he's probably back. We had him fly out here to set this stuff up, and he's going to come back, I guess, when it's all over. He'll come back to get the hard copy after we've checked out.

We're going to have the hotel call him because it's nice for us. We thought, well, if we're not bringing them, let's not be in the same room as an engineer at all if we don't have to because it does start to wear on you. But I love Sundance Film Festival. I love discovering the unknowns. Yes. Yes, it's actually kind of a fucking shame what's happened to this festival where it's all now about, like, parties and, like, everyone's doing each other and, like, sipping champagne and fancy wine. They're sucky fucking and they're dipping strawberries in their champagne wines and they're all just sucky fucking one another all day and night long, and no one actually watches the movies. And no one, it's like people have forgotten what the festival is called,

which is the Sundance Film Festival, not the Sundance Fuck Festival. That's right. That's true. And the other thing that people have forgotten about that's important about this festival is it's a great opportunity to shred some pow on these beautiful slopes of the Sundance Resort. We're going to stick around to shred powder. I got my board strapped to my boots at all times, and Hayes and I built the sickest fucking half pipe,

and we actually kept building it out until it was more of a three-quarters pipe and ultimately became a full pipe, and we just did fucking loop-to-loops all day like shit, fucking anti-gravity shit. The way I like to do it is go to the top and just go all the way down. You know what I mean? Like, without even stopping to take a break. And that Fast and the Furious movie is actually,

the title was supposed to be talking about our snowboarding, and they couldn't afford us, so they made some fucking car bullshit. But that's how we do it. And that's how we fucking shred the pow. And I don't care if I get snow in my eyes. I'll even wear, like, the helmet I helmet I wear is usually like a really small one I wear a small helmet I wear pretty thin goggles

and I don't give an F but anyway enough about shredding because I could talk about it all day because I'm so fucking awesome at it and I go so fast fucking people think it rules let's talk about let's talk

about something else discoveries yeah something else that rules which is independent film sean and i like to go to these movies so we can see who's on the hollywood horizon as they say and who has a chance to be the real breakout actor of this festival? Because a lot of these are independent movies. Every year somebody comes out of nowhere. They live in some fucking jerk off fucking Tennessee bullshit spot. And they have somehow made a movie. Somebody gave them a camera.

And nobody's heard of them before. We hear about them. We see them in the movie and somebody gave them a camera, and nobody's heard of them before. We hear about them. We see them in the movie, and we make them famous. They make these movies by breaking into the local news station or something and setting up a living room set there and just kind of scrambling any way they can. And we have a lot of respect for them. Most of them are not good. These movies, in large part, they don't have the proper training. They don't deserve really to be seen by anyone. But every once in a

while, somebody breaks through and you say, this is some undiscovered talent that's really going to make waves in the city of industry, which is Los Angeles. Yeah, and so our top picks this year, because we usually say leave movies to professionals, but the people who proved us wrong this year, our top picks for breakout artist are, number one, Zaf Braff. Who are you, Zaf Braff, and where did you come from, and how'd you get that movie?

This kid, Zaf Braff, did a movie about himself and his life that was so funny and so smart. And so moving. And so sad and so scary. That we didn't watch it. That we couldn't actually get all the way through but a lot of the chatter about this guy that we've heard you know when we're like covering our eyes all we can really hear is the positive chatter and it's been very good as always we pick both a male and a female breakout artist. So here's a good time to point out, Sisters is doing it for themselves.

And this young lady we're about to mention is really doing that. A lot of the movies we saw at Sund at sundancers this year uh had sisters in them and they were all they're like they're acting in them they're playing all kinds of parts they're uh they're singing in some of the movies like it's a really refreshing change of pace which is what sometimes you need independent film for is to kind of shock shock the system and have women be in these movies. Yes, and so this filmmaker is a woman. Her name is Cameron Crowe. We all know Cameron Diaz.

That's a famous woman named Cameron. Yes, this is not the same one, and they're actually not even related. Not even related, I asked their publicists. But I saw a movie, and I said, I have to know who made this. I didn't see the whole thing. It got a little scary. It got a little scary for me, but I saw part of it, and I said, who made this? And someone said, Cameron Crowe.

And I said, oh my, good for sisters. And it really felt good to say that. And to genuinely think it was good, because a lot of the times you'll see something that a woman has done and you'll say like, well, I can sort of tell that it was good for a woman or like, I can sort of tell they were doing this, but you like- Like Kathy cartoons. Yes. Like Kathy cartoons. Yes, like Kathy cartoons. That's a great example. You could tell reading a Kathy cartoon, this is good for like the cartoons that women are doing,

but it's not like a Curtis, a Mallard Fillmore, an Adam at Home. A Zitz. Zitz. Zitz. It's not one of your classic male strips. And so seeing this movie and really loving it as hard as we did

and then finding out that it was made by a woman? What a great experience to have. Yes. And so those are the two movies that we left our hotel to see. But the great thing going on at Sundance this year was Hayes and I found that in our hotel room, we were able to order most of the movies and avoid the mobs. Yes. You go to a place like Movie Central, like a place like Park City, Utah,

they have these movies playing right in your hotel room a lot of the time for certain clientele so they can see them ahead of time, not wait in line, not have to sit in the seats and watch the whole thing. They want us to watch the movies. They want to make it easy for us. It's to their advantage, and we love it because we just order in room service, and we ordered a bunch of movies, and I'll say this. Because we just order in a room service, and we ordered a bunch of movies, and I'll say this.

The direction of the festival, we said before, it's getting into a little bit of sucky fucking everybody. Yeah. It's reflected a bit in the movies that were there this year, because I thought they were pretty racy. Yeah. The movies available to order in our room were King Black Butts, Slurpee, Com Queen, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Ding Dong Challengers, and Creamy, Creamy, Ooh, Creamy. And so those were the movies that we watched, and they didn't seem like standard Sundance family fare. But I will say, with all these movies, you're looking for sort of a relatability,

something that you can latch on to from your own experience. And it was very refreshing to see realistic male characters with a certain attribute that Sean and I both share. How to put this. So hard to... It's a physical area of the male body that you don't always see portrayed realistically.

Blessed with a certain... Yes, a certain endowment. And so it was really nice to see guys like us, normal guys like us, hanging out with their girls doing the things that we do. And so that aspect of it was really cool.

And I think that made it a good Sundance Fun Dance. We'll be right back with our guest Dominic Dierkus. He's sort of a protege of Sean's in the writing world and we will talk about his experience really learning from one of the masters

when we come back on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So anyway I'm wiping my hand off on my pants, and this kid's tugging at my shorts. He goes, hey, mister, show me how to do that. And I go, what, throw a punch? And he goes, yeah, my name's Mike Tyson, and I want to learn to throw a punch.

You were wearing pants and shorts at the same time? Yeah. And I go, hey, if you didn't learn from seeing it once, you're never going to be able to do it. And I think I was right. Hey! Hey, everybody. What up?

What up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We got a guest. We got a guest. We got a guest. We have a good guest. Why don't you say who it is? So this kid, this is a kid who caught my eye, and I think he could make something of himself.

I've sort of taken him under my wing. I've never done this before. Normally all our listeners are obviously our protégés. But I specifically found this guy, Dominic Dierkes, and when I met him, he was doing some jerk-off

sketch thing at some fucking jerk-off theater. And since I met him, he's been able to see me up close working on TV shows and films, and it's pretty exciting for him. Go ahead, Dominic. Say thank you to me and introduce yourself. Well, yeah, thank you. Obviously, thank you. Sir.

Sir, yeah, thank you, sir. I mean, writing partner, the fact that we're credited as writing partner is, like, so generous. Yeah. Because I view it not just as a partnership, but as, like, a mentorship. Yes, and that's a good way to view it. And, well, it's interesting. People should know how this is a good lesson. Normally in the industry, the way the Writers Guild has it spaced out is if you are a writing partner, you're each getting 50% of a paycheck.

But Dominic and I have worked it out that he gets whatever he contributes to a script, that percentage of the money goes to him. And I try to contribute a lot, which I think is the lesson, you know, and I think I'm going to get something in one of our scripts. He's taking a lot of shots on goal, and I can't wait to cut him his first check. My only advice for you, Dom, is I know in some of these cases it can be easy to get a little too close and sort of think sometimes that Sean is your friend. You know, and like you sort of get your head in the clouds and you sort of convince yourself that because you guys spend a lot of time together in a professional work setting that you guys are friends even though you never hang out outside of work and you don't play sports together or anything like that. Yeah, yeah.

No, I mean, trust me, that boundary has been made clear to me for sure. I mean, I thought, yeah, I got the same thought. I thought, oh, we're friends. We see each other. And then you were quick to point out we don't play a single sport together, Sean. We don't really hang out outside. Sometimes we do have to take meals together. But when you forget yourself and you speak to me a little too chummy in front of company, I think you've found that punishment

is swift and fair. Yeah, yeah. But Hayes, I'm also excited to get, I feel like I've emailed you a bunch and just looking for advice and a lot of scripts and stuff like that. So, I mean, do you feel that, Hayes, do you feel that he's emailed you a bunch? I mean, to me, you're sort of the guy who I will call Sean and you'll answer the phone. And it's like, well, obviously I want to talk to Sean. I have to go through you every single time. So we get, I have that time with you, which is fine. And I get the emails and things like that. I get a lot of emails.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. No, that's, but know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, no, that's a... But anyway, I mean, you were mentioning my... Because when you said the thing I was doing when you met me, it was an internet sketch comedy group. Sure, yeah, something, yeah. We were putting sketch comedy videos online, and... Yes, and you caught my eye.

Oh, and you must have been the only one to ever do those. Well, no, no, no, we weren't the only one to ever do those. Well, no, no, no. We weren't the only one to ever do those. I wouldn't say that. No, but they stood out from the crowd. There was a lot of crap on there, and he'd made a lot of dumb ones. But there was one sketch in particular that really had something. You know?

It was really a smart, original twist on something I hadn't seen before. And tell them about, Dominic, the fart gun sketch. Okay, yeah, sure. We have a sketch. We didn't call it the fart gun sketch on YouTube because obviously that's going to way tip it. Mistake, mistake.

Mistake, way tip it. And that's a mistake I've made in our writing on television where I tip the whole joke of the episode sometimes just by making the whole title of the episode one of my favorite jokes. And you've told me not to do that. I'm sorry. I'm saying it was a mistake not to call it the fart gun sketch. Yes.

Because when I go to look for it, I can't find it. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's just called Guns because we wanted you to have the experience. Not funny. Not a funny title. And if you'd been working with me at that time, you'd be much more successful. I actually think that title is a little bit scary.

The title Guns? I'm not asking you to say it again when I say something is scary. That's not a cue for you to just throw it right back in my face. I apologize. Does that make sense? It really does. It really does. It makes total sense. That's not a cue for you to just throw it right back in my face. I apologize. Does that make sense? It really does. It really does. It makes total sense.

That's what I thought. Yeah. Anyway, so that video, the fart gun sketch, as it became to be known, obviously, but that became the thing that we really were proud of and that really, I feel like, got us. I mean, it's what kind of led me to meet you because I was. Well, I got a good laugh out of the gun sounding like a fart. Yeah. And so I turned to Bordelstein, my assistant at the time, and I said,

get me this kid on a phone or put him on a plane or something. I want to talk about how he made that gun sound like that fart like that. Yeah. I mean, what we were going for comedically is when, I mean, because we love movies with firearms, and then we see them all the time in films, and we've come to expect a certain sound from these guns. Like when you shoot a gun off, you come to expect the kind of like bang pow that goes with a firearm. You know, and so what we... I've never thought of this.

I mean, Hazen, you ever thought of that? I mean, I feel like I've seen it like a million... Are you serious? Like I've seen it so many times. A gun sounding like a gun? Is the joke like how... No, a gun, like a fart gun thing. Really?

Is the joke how unoriginal it is? Well, we did this in... You have to remember, this is like 2006, maybe, at the latest. I mean, well, let's stop down. Let's stop down, and that's good to keep the era in mind. Let's play a moment from the sketch, and Engineer Brett, later on you're going to splice in. Hi, Brett. We know you can hear us.

You're going to splice in a moment from the sketch, and we're going to react as if we've just heard it. And that's going to be right here? We're going to do it now. Okay, so Brett, we're assuming that you played the sketch and that you played the right one. And that everyone listening at home has now listened to what you put in later. And we already knew what it was going to be because we discussed it.

So we'll react to it like we just heard it. In a world where guns don't sound like they normally do. Bully. Ah, there she was. No, yeah, that sketch, I mean, you heard. You know, especially from the get-go, you kind of expect the guns to have, you know, bang sounds and all sorts of sounds. But the most prominent that

people really got psyched about was the fart. So it came to be known as the fart gun sketch, and that's what really got us going. Even in the sketch world, I feel like this is like, when Renner hosted SNL, he did this. I mean, listen, people like it. I'm not trying to say that, like, people shouldn't like something. I'm just saying it's, like, it's nothing really new. You know what I mean? If you're going to choose an apprentice, I think it should

be for someone who actually did something, like, special and interesting. And you guys seem to have, like, a great relationship. I'm not trying to get in the way of that. And, like, I'm not, you know, Sean's welcome to spend time with whoever he wants. Like, that's obviously not my decision could he ask me of course you could i'm not saying you should or you have to let me say this what that's what i'm saying you say whatever you want i'm and i'm about and you say let me say this but you don't even have to ask me

but i want to make your own but i want me say this, but you don't even have to ask me. But I want to make sure. Because you're your own. But I want you to be comfortable, but this is something I really believe. What a great comedian does, a great comic mind, they look at the world we know. They take something we've all accepted, guns go kapang. And they say say what if the gun farted and that fart noise coming out of that

gun to me is great comedy and if you don't see that or you don't agree with that and that's what this is about and it's not about a jealousy thing it's not about it's just my sensibility where like look like give me an example dom like tell do like a joke do a joke yeah like do a joke make

me this will be good make us laugh just make me laugh this will be fun and if you can make me laugh he's so funny he's so funny he's a guy this Guys, this is so much pressure. You guys are in comedy. You know this is so much pressure. This is what you do. We've all had to do it. We've all had to just tell a joke, huh? Just make me laugh. Do something funny so that I laugh.

Because you're like this comic genius, and so if that's something that you can do, I think the least you should be able to do is make me laugh. Okay, all right, all right. Okay, and Dom was pointing a gun, a finger gun. A finger gun at Hayes. And that was so, I mean, and I know you. And that's the kind of thing that really busts me up and

and it busts up a lot of people in a good way i um i have an apology to make uh i i was wrong about you you see oh wow thank you um i see it i totally get it. Yeah. And a lot of people, until they experience it, you know, live, because it started off as a live bit. I mean, the real reason people, I think, latched onto it so much is the technical achievement of making that gun fart, of, like, actually figuring out how to do that. And it's just the noise. But I think...

noise. But I think... But I think one thing that may have been wrong and the reason that you didn't find it funny before is that you hadn't actually seen it and you were just reacting to Engineer Brett splicing it in later

which is not the same as watching it. Well, when you send it to... Sometimes I'm at work, and I can't watch these things with the sound on. Yeah, and I relate to that. So you send me a sketch like this and say, like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen, you said. Warning, not safe for pants,

because you'll pee your pants. Right. NSFP. And so I watch something like that with the sound off, and I don't really, like. Oh, God, what a bad sketch. You watched the whole sketch with the sound off. What a bad sketch.

You must have hated it. I really apologize for that version. That's a really bad way to watch that one. And I think it is actually, you know, I think it's very impressive if you can make me laugh with a sketch without me being able to hear the essential sound effect of it. But in some cases, you do sort of need to hear the sound. And now that I've seen it all together, I understand what Sean saw.

And it makes me remember when I was sort of in that same place. Yeah, and that's sort of, it's fun to remember when you were in that place because seeing Dom sort of fumble around and try to figure out how to write a script or do anything reminds me of when I was younger and some of my early shit before I found my voice. I remember seeing some of that. It was really good yeah and the idea that you could someday be as good as some of my really early shit when i was really just fucking off and not even really giving a shit um that is what keeps me going and keeps me plugging away working with you yeah i mean i appreciate that i'm really i'm excited to haze that you're on board for the sketch because we're actually i mean people sometimes people email like oh when are you guys going to do a sketch again

or whatever? And like, we are wanting to, we're putting together now in the idea phase of doing a sequel to that sketch, to the fart gun sketch.

And this is what's really exciting too. Yeah. The idea that he's going to follow up a smash hit with an even bigger, hopefully more successful

farting gun of some kind. Well, I mean, that's why I wanted to actually open it up a little bit to you guys because we're, like I said, we're still in the idea phase and we're just kind of kicking around. We're like, okay, there's two ways we can go with this.

We can have like other things that guns sound like. Let me get the whiteboard out and we can just do it. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just crack through it. I'm going to start. Okay. So like other sounds that can come out of a gun. Yeah. Or like a bang or a boom. Bang, yeah, yeah. Just crack through it. Start. Okay. So like other sounds that can come out of a gun.

Yeah. Or. Like a bang or a boom. Bang, boom, yeah. Or other objects that fart that shouldn't fart. Like a duck or an animal. Right. So right now we're leaning towards.

Right. Hang on. Duck, animal. Okay. Right now we're leaning towards just subbing out the object because it feels like it'll be easier to find the fart gun sketch, a new the fart whatever. So I have...

There's a few. I mean, what if it's a big old fat guy? Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That'd be funny. It might be. That could be good.

If a big old fat guy farts and it's like a movie trailer yeah because you expect it to what you expect him to i guess shit all over or something or please please don't be vulgar that is it what is it the guy... You said I could go blue sometimes if I felt it. Is it that the fat guy sort of bends over and is like clenching his butt to fart, but what you hear is a machine gun sound? Oh, that's good. Why? Because then you could still call it fart gun.

Okay. Because I think the title is what a lot of us reacted to. Right. Okay. Okay. So you don't want to do the same thing again except for the title, right? No. And you've said, and Hayes and I live by this philosophy,

you're not going to do a sequel unless there's a really great idea. That's right. That's right. Yeah. We're not just going to do a sequel unless there's a really great idea. That's right. That's right. Yeah. We're not just going to do a sequel because we just want to like, oh, it's time. We're not doing anything right now. It's like, no, we're going to want to let the idea drive us through. Sure.

Which is why, you know, so we're sitting down trying to figure out which ideas are excited about. We have Fart Knife, the Fart Knife sketch, which we actually, when we were actually kind of going through, it feels like it might be less, like, because gun is more violent than knife, you know? So we might have painted ourselves into a corner. De-heightening, that's it. There was a word you had used for it earlier in the session and I couldn't remember. Sometimes de-heightening is heightening.

That's right, yeah, making it real small. But not in this case. Most of the time it is not, yeah. And knives can kind of sound like farts when you're cutting through, like, a, making it real small. But not in this case. Most of the time it is not, yeah. And knives can kind of sound like farts when you're cutting through a picnic table at a park. Like if you take a steak knife and you just start sawing into a picnic table. Yeah, okay, so fart knife I think is gone for sure,

if that makes sense. This one, fart dick. Fart dick sketch just because they don't come out. I mean, you're expecting the fart to come out of... We talked to you about Working Blue. The guy's dick is a gun? The guy's dick is a gun. Well, I'm just...

Is that what you're pitching? No, no. Guy farts out of his dick. In a world where dicks fart when they shouldn't. Maybe. I don't know. I've been asking for some celebrity connections. Sorry.

Go back. The guy, his dick is farting. We're still at the title, so it could be anything. But it's fart gun. So his dick would have to be a gun. You see what I'm saying? Well, no, it's the fart dick sketch. Like gun, we're saying we're subbing dick in for gun.

That's what I'm saying. So his dick is a gun. Okay, yeah. You're subbing it in for gun but like that's what i'm saying like so his dick is a gun okay yeah you're subbing it in well his dick will be a gun then am i am i crazy it's like okay no i might watch that what hayes said okay uh all right so i'll put it maybe next time when we have fart dart the fart dart sketch but i think we just thought that was funny to say like that it rhymed the rhyme yeah and then uh and then actually fart butt sketch we had the fart butt sketch uh so that you guys actually kind of covered that one um but Hayes I'm sorry I feel like I I feel like I I didn't mean to disagree with you because Sean

has talked to me about this like when I get a note sometimes I just want it I'm just trying to clarify it but it sounds like I'm arguing I understand that but it's like this isn't for me do you know what i mean like i'm not giving advice for myself it's for you yeah so if you don't listen it's no skin off my rear end you know what i'm saying for sure and and i want to listen like i want to be i'm going to go off and just do my own thing but like if you want this thing to be successful, maybe actually listen to the people you are asking advice from. Do you know what I mean? That's just for the future.

For me, I don't care. Yeah. You can do whatever for me. Yeah, it doesn't matter for you. But some people really piss them off that you ask for their advice and then they try to give it to you. But you're not one of those people.

You act like you don't give a shit. I don't care. Yeah, okay. I have my own thing going. But that's a good lesson for the audience is that if somebody like a haze is giving you some really helpful advice and you start spouting a bunch of bullshit and really taking a hard line like some kind of fucking asshole, like what Dom was doing, it could potentially rub them the wrong way. And you might find yourself on the wrong end of an ass kicking.

Should we reach into the popcorn gallery? Let's do it. So I guess Brett, we'll just address Brett now. This is where you would cut in. You're going to plug in some of the popcorn gallery sound effects. Yes, you're going to do the theme of the popcorn gallery sound effects. Yes. You're going to do the theme for the popcorn gallery. And before each time we reach into the bag, you have to do the sound effect of the popcorn rustling and the voice.

So that's for you, Brett. That's a message for you as the engineer, not as a listener to the show. This is like put on your engineering hat. Engineer, not as a listener to the show. This is like put on your engineering hat. If you guys don't hear that when you're listening, then go ahead and send your unhappiness to engineerbrett at email.brett. Okay, so let's reach into the popcorn bag with a question for Dominic Dierkus. Okay, here's a question from Papa John Leguizamo.

Dominic, why is there no White History Month? Wow, I actually get this question a lot. Because there is a Black History Month. February, right? It's February. Mm-hmm. And it seems like, is it racist to only represent, to only give black people their own month?

Is, I think, what is being alluded to here. It seems that, even to me, sort of an outsider on the whole conversation because I am one-eighth Native American,

it does seem a little unfair. Mm-hmm. But, you know, Dom, let's get your feedback. Okay, yeah. I mean, from where I'm standing, it's absolutely unfair. But, you know, I get why it's not there. Like, I get the politics of it, but it's 100% unfair, yeah.

And speak on what you mean by the politics of it. The politics of it, just I get why there can't be a month called white history month you know i feel like i feel like they're kind of because you know if they like labeled it that there'd be a real outcry against it now so but why is that why is it wrong though and when you say politics i think there's a specific politician you're referring to and maybe you can speak on that. Yeah. Well, look, I mean, I think every branch of government comes from, you know, like every facet of government is working in some way on the directive of the president.

And, you know, I think if he wanted there to be a White History Month, there absolutely would be. But why doesn't he want there to be one? Well, I see. That's the thing. I think it's just, like I said, the politics of it, you know, like that gets bartered for something else in another arena. And speak on that specifically. Yeah, okay. Like highway repairs in some state might be like, okay, well, we're not going to repair your highway unless you vote against White History Month. And then they're like, okay, and they back off. But I mean I'm a part of a community of people who we do have a White History Month.

We don't say what it is. We don't label it. There's just a month where a lot of us walk around. We kind of nod and we know that it's our month. And you feel pretty good when you do that, huh? Yeah. It's like how I, you know, when I'm out at my totem pole. Do you have your own totem pole?

I do, yeah. I live on a nice piece of property and so there's room for that kind of thing. But I feel so connected to my ancestors and i think that that is a very nice positive thing i would love to participate as a as a white guy just would be great to have my own month is it uh i've heard that yours is also february yeah yeah yeah our secret white history month is also february okay let's reach back into the popcorn bag. Okay, Dominic, here's a question from Bird Rules.

Bird Rules asks, Dominic, vacation or staycation? I've always said it depends on where you live. Because if you live in a spot that is a vacation spot I think a staycation makes a ton of sense like a resort like if yeah if you live at a resort if you live in yeah like your dad lives at Club Med

my dad lives at Club Med and my mom lives at Universal Studios Florida and unlike most like in the Nickelodeon area and so I have a lot of experience with this, actually. And we would always do staycations. And people were like, that's lame. You're not going out of town. It's like, well, we live, you know.

But yeah, if you lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I don't think you would necessarily want to staycation. No offense to anyone. I don't know if many people listen in Tulsa. Right. But it's a bad place to live. I mean, yeah. Well, it's just you don't want a vacation

there because you don't want to live that you don't want to be there like at all yeah and in no offense if you live there and you like it like i get it i just don't i just don't get why anyone would spend time there what do you get about it what do i get about what they like i mean you know i don't know i'd have to meet them but i mean i get it like i get how you would be wrong about like i felt ways about things and then found out later I was just like completely off track well no one

no one chooses to live there right so it's right so why are they there you're asking me yes

I mean I I assume their families are there or they just like I don't know why is their family there yeah yeah they should all go on a vacation if it's in prison i get it if you're in prison

because it's because that you're not supposed to be allowed to leave could you speak on that dom yeah well i mean you they can't let you leave prison i mean because you would if if they brought you to prison and then you could just leave it would there would be everyone would get in trouble there would be no yeah everyone would be in trouble and they'd throw you right back in you'd walk right out and it would just just i mean that just sounds like a waste of money if you're asking me like we lose so much money per prisoner anyway i know what a frustrating system do you know that it costs more money to feed one prisoner for a month than it does to build a school? Yeah, I did.

I read with the amount of gasoline that it requires to run an aircraft carrier. You could feed a whole village in Africa for 10 years. Hey, want to feel old? Yeah, what's up? Yeah, I like feeling old. Right at this moment, you're older than Zach Morris was when he graduated from Bayside. You're kidding me. There's no way that's true. Is that seriously true? Well, I have to think about it. I'm 29. Yeah. Yeah, he would have been, what, like 18? Jeez, now, okay. Okay. I get these scents of me sometimes online.

They're really, like, really. It's scary almost. Hayes, want to feel old? I guess. The first Beatles album came out over 30 years ago. Hayes, you want to feel old? over 30 years ago. Hayes, you want to feel old?

I already feel pretty old, but I guess I could feel older. If that show Family Matters was real, Urkel would be 75. He would be 75 years old today. God, I am old. Dom, you want to feel old oh yeah okay if if dinosaurs were around today they'd be twice as old as jurassic park wow man god i mean that is that dom can you make me feel

a little younger please yeah yeah yeah you want to feel uh let's see okay yeah you make me feel a little younger, please? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to feel, let's see. Okay, yeah. You want to feel young? Yes. Movie Avatar? It just came out in like the last five years. Ah, that feels great. Yeah, so it's recent.

Hayes, you want to feel young? Please. The artist won Best Picture a couple years ago. Oh, man, i'm really young hayes you want to you want to feel young yeah okay the first iphone uh-huh it was it was like not even 10 years ago right like five um you know what i actually don't i don't know i didn't i didn't have that one in front of me. I think it was less than 10.

Yeah, less than 10 years ago, which is like just because it feels really recent. Dominic, you want to feel young? Yeah. Frigging hybrid cars, you know? Like those are starting to really catch on. Sean, you want to feel young? Please.

The goji berries. You eat gojiji berries those are so good for you they're really good for you not too much but enough well too much of anything you know they give that they say that with everything like don't take too much it's like yeah well too much of the best it's because like it's if you can't afford it. Don't spend all your money on whatever, but it's like, what if you have more? We had one more question in the popcorn gallery. Let's reach back into the bag. And engineer Brett, go ahead and throw in the sound effect. Remember to please throw in the sound effect. Thank you.

Okay. Dominic, this is a question from bill russell crow he asks dom i was recently apprehended at lax for yelling out dom when i saw you moonwalking across the baggage claim conveyor belt you ever think of changing your name to something that doesn't sound so much like bomb um i feel like there's two things i have to answer for there. You must get this question a lot. I get this question a lot, yeah. Start with the actual question. Okay, so have I ever thought about changing my name to Bomb?

That's his question? Sure. Yeah. No, I actually haven't. I haven't thought about that. Yeah. But, you know, it's something, yeah, I don't know, but it's a good thought. Do you feel like you've really earned it yet? No, I don't. I don't thought about that. Yeah. But, you know, I would, it's something, yeah, I don't know, but it's a good thought. Do you feel like you've really earned it yet?

No, I don't. I don't feel like I've earned it. I feel like, well, because Sean, you told me that I'll get to change my name to something cooler once I've kind of achieved a writing, you know, threshold that you've established for me. When you officially crack my shit up and really do something that makes me laugh my whole butt off, and if you do it in front of anyone and they see me crack my shit up and I have to answer for it, I'm going to give you a cool nickname like Razorblade or Spanish Harlem or something. But until that comes, I would say the best thing for you to do keep your head down or even change your name

to something more appropriate to where you are now that'll make more sense if you do get to bomb people will go like yes now he's bombed but now you can be like

plastic fork right yeah that's right okay or like chamois cloth yeah or like dried eggs like on the bottom of a pan if you made scrambled eggs yeah like dried eggs dried eggs okay yeah um so i guess the answer is no i can't i don't i'm not worthy of bomb yet and then windowsill seed garden

yeah like a micro green sort of setup like some oh yeah, like you're growing herbs or something? Mm-hmm. Maybe not herbs. People really like herbs, but maybe like moss or a weed. Okay. Or like a pillow, but one that just goes on like a chair. Oh. Chair pillow. Yeah.

Right. It's all mushed down pretty flat. And then bed pillow next someday. Yeah. No, I want it. I mean, I want it. People really could use that. And ultimately airplane neck pillow and then possibly Bob. As far as the other part of the question goes,

is it LAX, he said? He saw me at the baggage claim. Moonwalking across the conveyor belt. That's where he was apprehended. Moonwalking across the conveyor apprehended moonwalking across the conveyor belt i'm i'm genuinely trying to realize if this is me because i don't i don't think i can moonwalk is the thing but i have idly tried but that's where you would do it because all you have to do to moonwalk on a conveyor belt is turn backwards oh god you're right yeah oh on a conveyor belt is turn backwards. Oh, God, you're right. Yeah.

Oh, on a moving conveyor belt. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Does that ring a bell? That does ring a bell. I was standing on a moving conveyor belt,

and when I stand, I tend to do a thing with my feet that makes it look like I'm walking forward. So I think I was just waiting for my bags. I think this guy saw me waiting for my bags doing my little idol thing with my feet and then he went,

oh, that guy's moonwalking around in a circle and I had one white glove on. Sure. Because I, because that's my, what I used to carry

in my heavy bag but that's all. So yeah, I think that's probably what he saw. Were you singing something? Was I singing, I mean,

yeah, yeah, because when I, like I said, I was waiting for my bags Yeah, so you had your headphones on and you were maybe singing along Yeah, yeah I was just singing It was just this mashup that I made A lot of different, you know, just Michael Jackson songs

Just a lot of different Michael Jackson songs And did you grab your feature? Yeah, and I paid the guy a hundred bucks to turn the thing on so that it would spin me around. So it was a fun day. When I said, maybe it wasn't clear when I said, did you grab your feature, I meant like did you grab at your... My dick and do the... Oh, you did.

Yeah, I did the Michael Jackson noise. Yeah, I went, hee-hee. Lucky his dick wasn't a gun like in that funny punch-up you made to that sketch earlier. See, that's exactly, you get it. You see what's so funny. When it comes back up, you really see how helpful it would have been to take Hayes' note and not risk winding up on the wrong end of an ass kick. And that one's off the table, obviously, now because you didn't pick it up in time.

That can be something else now, but maybe next time. Of course, now I'm like, it is great. Because when I heard it earlier, I heard it in the lab. This time I heard it in the streets. You see how true it is. Are you sick? A little bit, yeah.

Just a little sneeze. Just allergies, you know. But you would come and do this show and be sick? Yeah, yeah. No, just a little sneeze. Just allergies, you know. But you would come and do the show and be sick? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had spit all over the mic. I tried to turn away, but I Did you know he was sick? Spit and piss on the mic. Did you know he didn't kiss both of our

cheeks? Did you know he was sick? Oh, I had I swear to God, Hayes. I swear to God, you have to believe me i really didn't know you told him that you weren't look look i had emailed trying to schedule this for so long and you guys kept kicking it down the road and kicking down the road and then this and then he and then when he emailed back and said this date's firm we're actually gonna we actually need somebody because everyone we know has dropped out like Because I think this is everyone you guys know. That's what Sean said.

Said no to this one. No, nobody dropped out on us. Oh, whatever. I didn't mean it like that. Dom, do you know who's using that microphone after this? Who? Andrew T!

Okay, yeah. No, and I'll apologize to... I'll apologize. Yo, is this germs? He could go to the hospital! Because you were selfish! And then no one would know if this was racist. I just thought...

I actually just wanted to do it so bad that I just thought I could push through. And I thought honestly, I thought you guys wouldn't notice. I thought you guys wouldn't notice that I was a little bit sick. I mean, we can still use it, right? Well, I guess then you'll host the show instead of him as if. Yeah. Please don't make us laugh with that funny joke. Don't make us laugh with that funny joke you hosting.

Yo, is this racist? As if you even could tell if it is racist. Now rate us on iTunes. Like us on Facebook. Buy the pro version of our podcast and make that investment. It's an investment in yourself.

The prize in the pro version this week, Andy Neese bought the pro version. And what's his? Well, he gets, and this is unfortunate, but he gets a foam mic cover. Now, I don't want to send him one that's sick making. But it's also like we can't give up one of ours just for the pro version.

No, one of ours is worth a lot more. So you get the unused microphone cover from this the fourth mic cover from this session and there are no germs on it.

The one that nobody used and you're going to love it. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com.