Hollywood Handbook - James Austin Johnson, Our SNL Friend
Episode Date: March 15, 2022The Boys have on JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON from Saturday Night Live to do some helpful impressions.Watch the video of this recording at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://ar...t19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
this is a head gum podcast
so i you know i'm 25 30 dollars in to this fucking claw machine and i'm i'm fading
but i'm getting close i've actually I've gotten a couple of items out, but as I've said,
I need to get out the hypodermic needle that's in there.
Yeah.
So that it,
so that I can take my medication and I'm trying and trying and it's sort of
like the,
you know,
the,
the claw only squeezes tight enough every so many.
And it's also,
um,
it's getting buried down under some of the other,
some good toys. I mean, there some good toys i mean there was like
a truck there was like a doggy uh stuffed doggy that i liked but um and people are sort of like
a crying face i was like why he's crying but yeah you know but i but i'm you know people are lined
up behind me and dracula in particular is tapping me on the shoulder and going like hey bud it's my
turn the claw machine i'm like well bud it's my turn the claw machine
i'm like well that's not how the fucking claw machine works like i go till i'm out of quarters
and he now he's you know kind of bucking up and going like you trying to get bit here
now i'm not going to do an impression of him i think it's offensive but he's like you know
you try to you know good yeah don't do it don't i won't do it but he's you know you try to get bit here and i go well i may be actually
if i don't if i don't get this needle out you don't stop bothering me and i'm not able to take
my medication i may need to get bit yeah because that's going to be actually my only avenue to
remaining animated yeah because i'll be, you know.
It's something.
I'll be dead.
It's better than what's about to happen.
So I may want to get bit,
but let me get back to you.
Thank God he was there.
Yeah.
Well, it wound up being a very lucky thing.
Yeah.
And then it's like, you know,
it was sort of like a suicide by cop situation for me.
Yeah.
And he's like, why is it in there?
The needle?
It's a plush needle it is but very sharp
inside right and it is hollow yes and so it's like very easy to mistake for something that has to
go in there but like yeah it's plush it's not like the very dangerous kind that people just like
carry around it's like stabbing everyone it's soft it's like it's like
safe for people and basically instead of inject you have to kind of like eat it to get the stuff
and you eat it but i yes and i had the medicine in like a big jar you know it was like and people
were going like that's just gatorade and i was like well no it's not just gatorade it's three
different kinds of gatorade mixed up in the jar and I need to eat it yeah in
order to get you know or else I'm gonna die yeah James James what's up bro hey guys uh I am such a
huge fan um SC and uh HD it's so cool. Wow, he goes deep.
This guy rolls deep.
He's doing the very deep. Both initials.
And he's getting it.
Yeah.
That's awesome, dude.
Me too.
That feels good.
I'm a big fan.
HD, KB, and Jadge.
Love you guys.
I'm so glad to be here.
You guys are so cool.
Listening to your show. I'm so glad to be here. You guys are so cool. Listening to your show, you know, I'm in New York now.
So you're listening late.
You listen late over there.
And I miss LA so much.
And to put on your podcast, which I haven't listened to in years,
but the thought has come, it's come up a lot it's
been coming up a lot and i'm hearing a lot of people talking about it a lot recently mentioning
and it's and it just takes me back yeah that's the little spark that mention people mentioning
the show and at some point it hits kindling you know when people want to journey back to 2014 we're here like we're always here to like
gently like take you back in time to uh to 2014 in culture uh we haven't changed we're still doing
our thing the world has you can count on us you know and it's yeah it's a nice respite from the progress that
so much of society has made progress in quotes yeah and i yes and i use that term very loosely
okay everyone having disease is progress if that's what you like you know what the opposite of uh
thinking about this you know what the opposite of progress i was thinking about this you know what the opposite of progress
is indifference exactly it's love yeah it's it's both of those it's it's actually con congress
if you want to look but um i mean congress is pretty much a a Latin word for indifference as far as, you know.
Wow.
If you open up a newspaper, The New Yorker or something, which I read frequently and live on the Upper West Side now.
My favorite newspaper.
Prog Rock.
Progress Prog Rock.
Con Rock.
Con Rock.
Con Rock, I think, is an emerging genre.
Con Rock overused.
That's what hisintstones name would be
james james did we have we done your flintstone name yet i would love one i'm here okay we we've
been we were meaning to do everyone's flintstone name for a little while
and i now i see why we didn't do it it's yeah it's so hard i've got i can't think of one for
you okay you have it i think i have it so i don't really know what you can do with james so that's
your assignment while i say the rest of this um you would just be james austone gotta be john stone
okay you could also just add a saurus that you could be james austone johnson saurus and call
it a day you know yeah and we just go home we just like get out of here let's just say you know
sometimes they just had you know you're you're a little younger than i am sometimes the kids on there would just be named
like just a one word so i maybe blinky yeah yeah blonky boo-boo yeah boo-boo wow wow bungo yeah
yeah bungo so it's bungo we're here with bungo uh and it's at its tri-month were you
made aware of this james uh no but um once again i'm hearing chatter i told you sorry i told you
that in an email in the pre-interview my assistant who was that with i guess it was
probably was with your assistant i mean she's she's in tennessee i don't she didn't come with
me she's the only 10 i see yeah that's is that what you were saying i don't think you should
have said that you shouldn't say that especially not on this show the interesting historic fact about you james yeah yeah is that
you booked us and then you booked us and now in immediate sequence this is true yes
it's true and it better be true because you canceled on us yeah you can't you canceled on us
well of course i just say it's true so it has to be true i can't i can't do your show because i
booked snl oh is there like so you have to like go do something because of that it's like
seems like you could have still done the show it's okay it's fine it's actually good i mean looking snl is not like a
it's okay yeah i kind of just you get a phone call or whatever so here's the thing so the thing
that clinched it and i want all the young comics to know this the thing that eventually like the
moment that i knew i finally had gotten the show, I get this big envelope in the mail.
I think the post office.
That's how you know the heavy envelope.
Yeah, not too thick.
I got the heavy envelope.
With all the cue cards in it.
Straight from Wally, the cue cards guy.
He mails.
And you think it's going to be written out
sort of in a complete thought, you know, in Fallon style.
And it was each word of
my approval was printed on a subsequent card, but the font didn't really change. The font was pretty
small. Yeah. Subterranean style. And so I had a lot of cue cards to get through to get to the very
end of what it, what I could tell was actually my SNL contract and,
um,
the entire contract printed word by word on separate,
separate cue cards.
And,
and to sort of wrap up the story,
even though I know a lot of people are liking it,
um,
I just feel it's like,
it's a little indulgent.
Maybe it's not the funniest part of the show.
Um,
but it's a piece of my life and I like to share it.
Take the pressure off yourself to be funny i mean that's that has opened the show up
for haze and i so much we used to sit down and go like how are we gonna be funny today you know
yeah and it would wear us out now it's just it's all sharing man and people will prefer it
it's people hated that i mean people hated the other stuff. What we thought, yeah, what we thought was funny back then
has turned out to be very problematic.
We apologized to our audience, and they were like,
we hate this too.
And we're like, awesome.
That's great.
Let's just talk.
Let's share, man.
But do wrap it up for sure.
Absolutely wrap it up.
And your story, because so much of it is supposed to be
that we're talking.
I have stuff that I want to do.
Definitely share, but do it like be done soon quickly be done with yours so if you go in my dressing room at uh 30 rock which is short for 30 rock um if you look at the
sun no i don't think so anymore i don't think that's been on not anymore yeah it's not for
that anymore it did used to be it did used to be. It did used to be.
If you go in my dressing room,
if you look at the
walls of my dressing room, you can see
all of those. I mean, that's pretty
good. Dirty Rock. Yeah.
I might get that started. I feel like Andrew
Dismukes might think that's pretty funny.
If you look at my dressing room
all along the walls, you can see I've stapled
up and in some cases nailed those cue cards from that contract.
Wow.
It's awesome for you, man.
We're thrilled for you.
I would never go there.
First of all, the food sucks.
In the commissary?
I mean, if that's even it like what it is i don't know if the chef is like i don't know what uh like bad at food or like if there
even is a chef at all when i was there the food was so bad it's a commissary yeah that commissary
is a mess because what it looked like to me was a public restroom bathroom exactly my thought this is the bathroom i thought this is the bathroom and then
i thought this is supposed to be food yeah this is disgusting it tastes like paper and that was
the thing i liked tasted like paper that was my favorite thing i ate in there second of all nobody ever shuts up i watch the show somebody's always and i'm like
shut the fuck up shut up i'm trying to look at the sets and everyone's like watch me now and
like here i am someone just finished now here i am doing my thing shut up check out my thing people look
so weird i i mean they yes really do like and i'll see a guy and i'll be
10 minutes i don't know how long these things are 10 20 minutes into watching
one of these uh scenes you do and i'll go son of a bitch that's the fucking guy from the other one
yes but i didn't know that yes am i supposed to like that's what makes me honestly throw up
yes yeah that's that that'll happen a lot um when you see someone that you've seen before and i know
that that's very jarring but that's actually sort of baked into the dna you see someone that you've seen before. And I know that that's very jarring,
but that's actually sort of baked into the DNA of the show that you're going
to see,
you know,
since,
since the show began,
they decided that they were going to bring back a lot of the same actors
in,
in subsequent sketches.
Right.
Okay.
And so you have this SNL tradition,
but they don't say that.
I mean,
correct me if i'm wrong
they do everything else basically i never shut up so much and they don't and it's like well you're
talking so much just explain to me hey i'm the guy from before this is what i'm doing now this is why
third of all you know you're probably not going to be the host right
right
I've
you know I have
wondered if that's
if that's going to end up happening
and
each week
I'm introduced to a new
actor or singer
or something and
it's not it's not me.
Yeah, you're probably not going to be the host.
Cookie?
What?
Unfortunately for you, and I don't want to be the one to tell you this,
but I think you need to hear it.
Tell me what? You're probably not going to be the one to tell you this, but I think you need to hear it. Tell me what?
You're probably not going to be the host, baby.
Yeah, sure.
It's going to be Zazie Beetz
or Imogen Poots
or Billy Blanks
or Trace Cyrus
or Bo Jackson. blanks or trace cyrus or or um bo jackson or bo jack like it's gonna be one of those types
and i know it's not gonna be me and bo jack bo jackson horseman uh we were
it's never gonna and it's never gonna be me and i know that and that unfortunately when bo hosts you
should do something with that when bo jackson hosts yes i don't remember seeing him up on the
you do a car nose on the car he's on he's doing both it's bo jackson the baseball player is
hosting and bo jackson the football player is his musical guest yeah that now I have heard from
you know I've heard from past cast members um like Joe Piscopone some others are friends of mine
um that when Bo Jackson comes to host it's's always a huge, huge mess and a big production
and a lot of drama and a lot of twists.
Well, he brings his own writers, you know?
He brings his own writers.
And he brings various sport implements,
helmets and clubs.
Like sharp stick, yeah.
That can be hard to
navigate, especially at the...
Does that thing just get into your mouth?
Is there a hair in your mouth?
I got a hair in my mouth and
that happens from time to time.
Even when you're on TV a lot,
you're still able to deal with stuff like that.
Okay, so this is a true story about SNL. you're on TV a lot. It does? You're still dealing with stuff like that, yeah. Mm-hmm. I, okay,
so this is a true story
about SNL.
So, you know, I played...
Is this the same one
from before?
No, those were lies.
This is a true story
from SNL.
Okay.
Because I know
that you guys like me now
and obviously you trust me
if you believe that shit.
But...
I didn't believe it.
And it's cut.
I... Okay, so... you know we're switching out
wigs all the time and um kristen wigs never even see her on the show anymore yeah you know no no
no you don't even see kristen on the show no she no actually i do basically every week but yeah
anyway yeah and um so we're going in and out of our wigs and in and out of
makeup and prosthetics you know to become these new characters and um no lie this morning
so i had to play a bird in the bird sketch last week this morning i cough up iconic three four full feathers wow and i said when did these feathers get in here and
it all comes flooding back i'm an snl cast member of course i was in the bird sketch
last week that there's vanity fair wrote it up i you know the subreddit was freaking out about
the bird sketch and uh i'm coughing up feathers from this thing and we must have done it
and I'm coughing up feathers from this thing.
And we must have done it two or three weeks ago. And just the little smile on my face
just thinking about the new friends I've made.
So this answers another question I had about the bird sketch.
Yeah.
So that's not real, right?
The hunters or the birds themselves?
Well, it's like based on some real stuff.
It's based on something.
It's based on what's real.
Yeah, but it's not real.
We get newspapers delivered to the writer's room,
and that's where a lot of our ideas come from.
And there was a story in USA Today about...
What? Because of USA Today?
Getting from the newspapers.
Yeah, using a fake news.
Well, whether it's real or not is a cute story.
Apparently a lot of birds have been sort of interacting with hunters
in forests across America. Yeah, interacting with hunters in forests
across America.
Yeah, interacting with Hunter's laptop.
Right?
Well, I mean, if you want to ruin the sketch
for everybody who hasn't
seen it yet.
And then we
get this sneaker-upper where
Hunter Biden comes out and the hunter's
looking this way. He doesn't see that
Hunter Biden is coming.
And so when the Hunter, you know,
played by Beck Bennett flips around and sees Hunter Biden,
it's this crazy moment where it sort of all comes together.
And I'm playing a Robin in this thing.
And, you know, I've got a couple of good jokes in it.
And you're playing Robin
Williams yeah I mean that's like
the name is
the name of the bird is Robin Williams
I was specifically
instructed
that was my favorite joke
when I'm
introduced as Robin Williams and then I don't get to
do the voice I mean I was told not to do the voice
no you weren't doing the voice, but I just thought like,
hey, go.
This guy's Robin Williams.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was really good.
Some funny shit.
That shit was cool, man.
It worked better than I thought it would.
You guys are all right over there.
Yeah.
Huh? No, you guys can get it for sure. You guys are all right over there. Yeah. Huh?
No, you guys can get it for sure.
You guys can get it.
It's cool.
Except for like, what's up with Teron?
Teron?
Thank you.
Teron?
You don't know Teron?
Teron?
He plays Mr. Pitt.
Mr. Pitt from Seinfeld?
No, Teron. Like he's does all these guys
he's he's like being very weird he's like honestly like maybe like like very crazy
taran he plays mr pitt he does all this other stuff you don't know this guy mr pitt from seinfeld no he's not i feel like
deja vu there's a glitch in the matrix toron toron killiam yes tron yes tron okay sorry
tron i didn't kill him uh yeah he's a friend and um uh you know talk to him please please talk to him
tell him to james acting more normal yes honestly um i don't think you're gonna get the result that
you're trying to get because a lot of the,
you know, there's a, there's a Kerouac quote that comes to mind when I think about the SNL cast
member. It's the one, let me see the people.
Kerouac in the city.
The Benzedrine.
The people for me are the Benzedrine hobos,
the angel headed hipsters who yawn in the night,
who never say a commonplace thought but are always singing singing
singing madly madly madly towards the scientific spinning whatever and i first read that in high
school and i knew that those were my people and i knew that karawack's promise was
the not ready for primetime players.
You know, that what he had said, and I think that's Dharma Bums,
that it found its sort of fulfillment,
that the fulfillment of the beats is really in the...
Dharma and Greg Bums.
Dharma and Greg Bums.
Comes on after Kerouac and the City.
And Tron was singing as well.
Hamiltron.
Tron.
So, and Tron and I love that quote.
And, you know, we're both big Kerouac heads.
So you don't get to SNL really by following the rules.
But me imposing be more normal, what you you're saying is that's going to make
him go even weirder which i don't know if that's possible if he gets even weirder it might even
seem more normal to me but i think i think what you're not yeah i think what you're not getting
about the quote is that what is normal to somebody like me or tron or philip or or Lorraine is not the normal that
you
that you use
to function in life.
And our baseline is actually
much more poetic
and freaky and
profound. Is David Pumpkins there?
David Pumpkins is there pretty
frequently. Now he was named after
one of the one of the
actually the chefs in the commissary if there even is a chef yeah i certainly didn't see one
honestly nothing was hot yeah well one thing was hot but it it didn't it didn't feel like a lot
of care was put into the preparation of the food when i was there. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you
in 2024 with Babbel,
the science-backed language
learning app that actually
works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private
tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help
you speak the language.
And the question that I always get,
people stop me and they say like,
hey,
I trust you.
I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about.
But there's one language that I'm trying to learn, and that's body language.
Can Babbel teach me body language?
Yes.
Babbel now has visual in-person lessons.
Part of their quick 10-minute lessons
that they do for other languages
handcrafted by over 200 language experts
to help you start speaking a new language
in as little as three weeks.
Babbel is designed by real people
for real conversations,
and that includes body-based conversations.
What does it mean
when you drop someone off
after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them?
They're pulling it.
What does that mean?
Does their finger hurt?
I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something.
They're trying to pull down the spider web.
Yeah. or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a
lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the
heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency
i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street?
They're kind of like, they've got like almost like police clothes on.
It may be police.
Yeah.
And they're standing in the middle.
And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost.
And they're really aggressively like pushing it out.
And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing
dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners
i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations
at which i have all the time,
and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.
Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others.
Can't feel good to be others there.
Continue to prove Babbel is better.
One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college.
Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold.
All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee.
Here's a special limited-time deal for our listeners right now.
Get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners, at babbel.com slash the boys.
but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys.
Get 55% off at babbel.com slash the boys,
spelled B-A-B-E-L dot com slash the boys.
B-A-B-B-E-L.
B-A-B-B-E-L.
B-A-B-B-E-L.
Dot com slash the boys.
Rules and restrictions may apply.
With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me eating better
is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted
dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here
with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is
different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a
pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not of ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready
it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now yeah you don't just send
us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and
there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more
than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and
what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you
eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy.
You've been pushing that so much.
You're saying that you will be added on to your bed.
To your bed.
Yeah.
Your bed plus one.
That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do.
It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long.
A lot of these, I know, give you a ton of energy.
They have smoothies and things like that.
This is wrong.
Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom.
What's the second?
It's you in your bed?
The bed.
I guess Clippy.
Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are.
Pancake, smoothies, and more.
Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast, midday bites, and more.
This is not even up for consideration, so let's just hear what the actual meal was.
What was the food?
I don't want to go to bed.
It's very simple.
It's one huge chicken nugget.
Sign up and save.
We've done the math.
Factor is less expensive than takeout.
Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious.
Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code theboys50
at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50% off. Hey guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app
that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your
bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want,
I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are
insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to
or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses
before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way
you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know
by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't
the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie
they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah
and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry
vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund
for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to
20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest
they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions.
And that was, I mean, just to be fully transparent, that 500 million, most of that was the dresses.
Well, yeah.
I mean, you're talking about Hollywood memorabilia.
You're talking about like ornate gowns in some cases.
And so that was costing me a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.
Stop wasting money on things you don't use.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys.
That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys.
That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys.'s rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys
did we talk about how it was tri-month yeah i want to know about tri-month and i was hoping
that you yeah we were too me too you and me both pal our feeling is you know tri-month
traditionally is reserved for some of our biggest guests you of course are a guest who we booked almost as a favor initially
and then in the interim in the which was only a few months you became big enough almost big
enough that you would be a good a good get for tri-month i think like in in the range um what
we were thinking because what we historically trimonth here's the standard
feature player that's great that's awesome for a normal episode historically trimonth is the
person who walks is not in the cast walks on screen applause right there on site
like a bit like a billy crystal or um sure not billy yeah not him yeah not jane seymour
we had john ham couldn't get jane but sure john ham but we but we were thinking um because you're
on this show and uh you do all this crazy stuff and these voices uh there were a couple people
who scheduled in lineup for tri-month and kevin will have um the list of no's uh soft no's that we've received um uh soft no's and with is it a clown
but but we but we uh we're hoping that you could perhaps, in fact, free up their schedules and book them on this very day.
And maybe they would join the Zoom.
Perhaps we could talk to them.
Yeah, I'm catching on.
It's good for your show, too.
You may find, you could go back to the show and say, hey, what I realized is I can do this.
I catch your drift.
Yeah, I think I see where you're going with this.
Okay.
You want me to email them?
Well, I don't want to say no to that.
Yes.
That could potentially be huge.
I suppose that would be more useful for us than anything we thought.
Coming from you, is it an either or?
Could we lay down an impression you are sort of becoming them?
We're inviting them onto the show through your sort of multiple personalities.
You don't even know.
Yeah.
Mr. Everybody.
Dance for us.
The man of a thousand crazy voices and talking like that does all this
like voices that is so nuts so it scares me sometimes on the show because i don't know
you know i don't know why you're doing that and so kevin can run through some of these
people that he has emailed in almost every case has not received
a response from correct or you can say kevin if you ever if you ever say exactly what they said
yeah that would be huge okay yeah let's hear it this first one's from mr adam scott no response response okay and now this is a guy who we have pretty rich history not like like necessary like
he's never done the show but we both had a earwolf podcast for a long time sean of course is one of
the one of the main writers on ghosted. Well, I did Lockdown.
Episode 5 Lockdown.
I did Episode 105 Lockdown.
So there's that.
So we worked pretty closely.
He did listen to the podcast at one point, too,
and he actually said, I heard an episode.
You guys were talking about a book or something?
Yeah, and we actually might have been that time.
We were.
Yeah, we were. We actually were. I don don't know if we were we could have been um i think uh we have
audio of that right don't we have audio that can you hit play on the audio of him yeah actually
we might have a little audio that kevin pretend that pretend that this is real this is like sure sure let me pull it up you really
want me to
be on your
show about a book
wow that was him
Adam thanks for doing the
show we finally get Adam
and we got Adam on now
really good
that's just
that's just off the top of my head you know um
and you can say that you put it it it's there's absolutely no shame i've learned this i used to
be like you're a little younger than me james but like i used to be like this where i'm just like
oh i just showed up here with like my god-given abilities totally untrained and started doing this and i'm doing
this yeah well first of all first of all i'm a lot younger than you so let's get that fucking
straight okay and uh second of all yeah i agree with everything you said yeah god-given and
talented no i'm saying you can like.
Yeah.
There's no shame in having like put in the work.
It's okay to admit that it takes a little elbow.
We gave you all the names ahead of time.
You spent.
You had to cancel your initial like booking because you were so scared about like not having prepped enough.
I'm going to pretend to be on SNL.
I'm going to need a couple months.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah this is the new sincerity man
oh yeah this is Sound of Young America right
yes yes
it sure is
man I used to listen to that show
I used to listen to that show and I'd think
wow
what am I listening to
where did the hours go what am I listening to?
Where did the hours go?
And it's,
and it's a little bit of a chuckle to look back on it just because those times were so good in 2009,
2010.
But I genuinely,
well,
you can't do it late.
That thought a lot.
You got there late.
What the hell is this? Why did i just listen to so much of
it and what did i get out of it and not really being sure i had an answer for myself and uh
something you got to talk you got to be able to talk about it at work on monday
you remember back then like if you didn't show up having like binged it you couldn't fake it
everybody said hey did you hear
you're at the kids table then man
right
I remember yeah
boss is coming over for dinner that night
like
which is the thing that happens
you're frantically listening to the sound of young America
before he comes over
four times speed
you're barely absorbing it andy daly's moves in the improv episode that they're doing are coming
even faster did anyone else anyone else kevin that you reached out to who yeah who else do you got here's another one nick offerman no response dang
it oh shoot you should have we should have like a little soundboard like nuts you know oh man
bart or someone is like pissed or i'm trying i'm i'm trying to give you time. We need a soundboard. Do you have a Nick Offerman clip saying that he can't do the podcast?
I don't think so.
I don't know how we would have.
Kevin, do we have one?
Yes.
Okay.
No, no, no.
Yes.
Yes.
Do this.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yes.
Let me pull that up.
We actually majorly do have that
shut up
shut up
it's gonna be
I told you I can't do
your podcast
wow thanks Nick for coming by see ya I told you I can't do your podcast.
Wow.
Thanks, Nick, for coming by.
See ya.
Hey.
Okay.
So that one's in the books. We have two of the main guys from Parks.
Wow.
And that's interesting that it was the same show and that they just kept doing it.
And they said that they stopped it, but they actually just kept doing it.
Just kept doing it.
Yeah.
Here's another one.
Well, we don't have to, Kevin.
Sure.
No, I want to hear it.
Bob Odenkirk, pass.
And that was actually, how did that?
Not a no response, an active pass.
That was an active pass. Can I just get the how did that? Not a no response, an active pass. That was an active pass.
Can we hear, can I just like get the details on that?
Sure.
Our lovely booker, Natalie, reached out and responded, pass from Bob.
And that was all the text that we got.
Like, I sometimes like to know how these things are phrased.
Just to see if there's like a way in where I can engage them in logical debate.
Like find the fallacy in their
argument and therefore pin them to the show as a guest yeah oh odin kirk is a pass sadly
okay oh and we have it because i've seen i've seen him smiling recently. So we know he's not sad. Therefore he must be.
Not only.
Not sad.
But actually doing the show.
And if you want to find the clip.
I do believe.
He was at a wedding.
Where I gave a speech.
A few years ago.
And I think he had.
One or two chuckles.
And probably was telling. his friends and wife afterwards about the funny speech that i gave so he'd probably want to come on the show
and talk about that at least this was in like 2017 like 2018 maybe yeah i didn't see him laughing but i'd heard from someone that he laughed
i wasn't staring him down you know i checked but just say that so just say the speech guy
it's the speech guy's show speech guy's show yeah yeah yeah oh yeah i bet he
i i bet he thought you were funny i'm certain that he thought you were funny
do we have a great we have a clip of him saying that yeah let me pull that up
hey uh i thought you were really uh funny at that wedding
wow wow i mean sean do you wanna i'm on better call sol oh my gosh
that's the final season of better call sol yeah i know matt foley
yes from the yes thank. You were kind of
starstruck a little bit.
I got nervous because I was
meeting the real Bob Odenkirk
again.
You know, guys, I also do David Cross.
Okay.
Could we get him to quickly
pass on the show? Could we get him to very
quickly not want to do the show?
Let's see.
Yeah, I just don't really want to do the show.
Okay.
You don't want to go on a rant about it or something, do you?
Well, I think he would have gone on a rant,
but he would have gotten interrupted by, I think,
his Arrested Development co-star, Jeffrey Tambor.
Oh, okay. So what would that sound like? have gotten interrupted by i think his arrested development co-star jeffrey tambor oh okay so
what would that sound like but both like kevin i specifically could like get him yeah as a guest
but so kevin had him on a list and you said i really want to get jeffrey and i was like
really please don't but we could have david going off on a a rant. Jeffrey tries to like interrupt him.
And then Kevin shuts it down physically.
Stops that from happening.
I don't know.
I just feel like I'm about to go on a rant here, Jeffrey.
Enough.
You know, stop it. Enough! Stop it!
Wow, you really put him in his place.
And I think changed his ways.
Give the people what they want.
That's my motto.
To give the people what they want. Yeah. That's my motto. Wow.
To give the people what they want.
As much as I can possibly give of my really good impressions
and withhold, you know, to the point of
almost not even getting the chance to do it at all,
my terrible impressions.
Okay.
Do you want to tear off a couple of those right now so one of the bad ones
yeah and give the people what they want i just want to say like that's some people's approach
doesn't have to be everyone's you know you want to hear you want to hear a real one you want to
hear a real one yeah this is this is a new one i've been working on um uh this so this is jk on... This is J.K. Simmons Oscar winning performance
in a farmer's insurance commercial.
Okay.
And I don't want to say it again, but
will both of you say it again?
This is J.K. Simmons.
No, both of you at the same time.
This is J.K. Simmons.
You want to say it, Hayes?
No, both of you at the same time.
You said both of us.
Okay.
Can we get a clap? Can we get a clap?
Can we get a clap?
We're going to clap on go, okay?
Why would you think that's not you?
Why would you start to clap and be like,
oh, that can't be me that they're talking about.
It's you, man.
Who do you think it would be?
And you said on go?
One, two, three, go.
Or three, two, one, go. Three, one go three two one go and we'll clap the beat after go okay okay can we get a clap real quick yeah
three two one go this is jk the simmons talking to you live from New York
on Saturday night.
Both of you at the same time.
That's why we did the clap.
We're synced up now
because we did the clap, but I want you
both to set it up at the same time.
Okay, let's do it.
Okay, one,
two, three, go.
Your hands are behind your back kevin you okay
one two three go jk
jk jk simmons with you with the simmons this is j i'm jk and with you it's me bill simmons and
it's time for the show jk.K. Simmons, Oscar winning performance
at a farmer's insurance commercial.
This is J.K.
Sorry.
This is J.K. Simmons, Oscar Isaac performance
at a farmer's insurance commercial.
In the farm of
Hey, Haze, can you set it up
so I just want to hear it. yours was really good but i just i want
to hear it we have both we have both this way i got it parker get me photos of great rates
no no no no no no first of all i it sort of steps on the premise a little bit. Cause I don't remember him winning an Oscar for Oscar.
I think you said Oscar worthy.
What's interesting is,
is,
um,
Hayes is Hayes's introduction was pretty sure he said Oscar worthy,
but Hayes's introduction was actually not your tempo.
Like,
is that,
is that something?
Yeah. I mean, he didn't do that before before i was hoping for a for a clap judge is that totally it totally gets it wrong and that's sort of that's a huge
oscar worthy and like the idea that any spider-man movie in particular no way home is like not oscar worthy because it's something
that people actually enjoy it's like okay i don't think those things have to be mutually that's
actually yeah but let's put him in this like dog shit thing that like nobody watched oh now this
is worthy of your big your little prize your little shiny stone that you hand out and you say like oh now now this has value
the oscars have a problem america thanks they have a problem and the problem rhymes with farvel
farvel goes west farvel foovies and it's and basically it is they have banned marvel movies from the
oscars even though shadow band they're the best marvel has been shadow banned from every year
they're shadow banned because they're right wing coded and to see things so cucked in our industry, honestly, it could be based.
It could be goaded with the sauce.
And what we have instead is it's quirked up, frankly, and it's blursed.
And it's not a sleigh.
blursed and it's not a slay and i think there needs to be more of a return this is really my philosophy on doing impressions there needs to be a return in show business to to content that is
based that is um lit well you said it yourself it's goaded with the sauce yeah what does that
sound like in the form of how does that philosophy express in the form of an impression can i see a
based impression maybe something like jk simmons jkK. Simmons Oscar winning performance in a farmer's insurance commercial.
I'll set it up myself.
Okay.
So this is,
so you guys can set this up.
So this is J.K. Simmons.
Farmers only.
Yeah.
Three, two, one, go.
It's J.K. Simmons
in a Oscar winning performance
in a farmer's insurance commercial.
Right, here we go.
The farmer's insurance, there's nothing that we haven't seen.
Recording stopped.
Hollywood Hamburg.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.