Hollywood Handbook - John Early and Kate Berlant, Our Close Friends Again

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

The Boys catch up with JOHNY EARLY and KATE BERLANT. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast okay so i'm going crazy mode today i'm like so fucking pumped to have the squad and in person in the studio fucking both of my buddies and it's like i haven't seen you in about a million years and then you did you did the show somewhat it's crazy yeah but it was you know it wasn't the same it wasn't the same yeah and it was um kate was like a like a full-on no show which is like like it was just so much more awesome to like have you both here. Yes. To not have somebody bail. You don't remember. Did I bail?

It is like so full. No. Full on. Yeah. But like, you were traveling. I was traveling internationally. Yeah.

And so, and to have the two of you together, because at that time it was John and Kate, you had your peacock. Yeah. Project. Yeah. We talked a lot about which category it was John and Kate you had your Peacock yeah project yeah we talked a lot about which category

it was it was gonna be nominated for no just on on Pete we did not talk about that well we can which category

it was gonna be under we saved that for this yeah we were trying to figure out which I think ended up being epic balls with awesome sauce was the was the category

yeah and John was here to talk about that Epic balls with awesome sauce. And John was here to talk about that. And then since then, it does kind of feel like it's been like very different direction, like not doing stuff together in a way that, that's scary. I noticed, well, very scary.

And so the fact that I was like, this is not going to happen, that they're both going to be here today. Well, you'll notice how we're positioned. Yeah, yeah. Meaning what? Separated? Space.

Yeah. So this is healthy. This is it right here. Same room, you're here together. Yeah. But just a little bit. A little bit of space. Just a little bit of space.

Yeah. Because Kate did. Kate's doing her. It's Kate. I'm doing my play, which is coming to the Pasadena Playhouse. Tickets now available. Play. And how nice, right?

Sags resolved. WGA's resolved. The stage is open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stage is open. The lights are on. Right. Be where they're not.

Now everybody's going, being back on screen. Being on film and TV, and I'm still on stage. So much room to play it's amazing no it's like a wide open can go nuts yeah that's really cool i've got to get up there you should it's amazing it is the immediacy of it live yeah we know in our reptile brain right like whether we're looking at a giant projection on a screen or connecting with a human being it's real human connection frequencies there's magnetic it's like just sit there like do not talk don't be there's a play happening yeah do not speak but it's still it's like very that, that's a real human connection right there.

Have y'all ever seen the play? No, I don't. I'm scared. I don't want to. I would not be comfortable there. I'm told that you are not allowed to. I saw Jersey Boys in the movie theater. You're not allowed to respond to anyone.

Yes. And we went together. No, I couldn't do it. It was challenging. Yeah. It fucked me up yeah i was um i ended up going to the hospital afterwards oh my god they're like insane you were hospitalized no but i went to just see everybody and just be like oof yeah check out yeah and give them a bit of a kick huh seeing me come in there hey yeah and telling them about the movie because like they can't go they couldn't see the movie they're laid up like yeah to share

in that way yeah but we have which is yeah we saw the movie tell them about it yeah well and but they were also like kind of freaked out because the jersey boys are like fucking crazy yeah was it shit it was like demented people it was mostly people i mean the one middle age people recovering from some sort of like uh like plastic surgery yeah it's like just like okay yeah so that was the kind of hospital cool cool cool so they did look freaked out anyway yeah yeah no yeah and it was just Cool, cool, cool. So they did look freaked out anyway. No, yeah. It was just to say what's up and tell them about the Jersey Boys. That's so cool. Who are so weird.

No. Did you see it? I don't know what that is. It was a Broadway show about... I'm seeing Kinky Boots in my head. It's about a real band and I'm forgetting their name. Kicking Boots. Kicking Boots, yeah. It's about a real band. Jersey Boys forgetting their name. It's about Kicking Boots. Kicking Boots, yeah.

It's about a real band. Jersey Boys? It's called the Jersey Boys, yes. But the band wasn't the Jersey Boys. It's based on a real band. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was based on real guys, yeah. Yeah.

And then they made a movie which didn't do... Hey there, lonely girl. No one talked about that movie. It didn't do well on anything. Who was in it? Yeah, it's... Well, exactly, exactly.

Uh-oh. Who was in it? Hey there. Remember, they are like Well, exactly. Exactly. Who was in it? Remember, they are like the falsetto. They sing really high. Like... I mean, maybe that's Billy Joel. That's Billy Joel? Yeah, but it's...

You can't tell me anyone that was in it. Yeah, I can't. Exactly. That was kind of the idea, so you could see them and not be pulled out of it. Right, right, right. But I actually want – it was so crazy that I actually could have benefited from that distance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From seeing people up there be like, okay, I know who that is.

That's Eric Bana. He would have been amazing. He would have crushed. He would have crushed. Yeah, yeah. It would have been so helpful if Eric had been a part of joe manginiello yes like all of a sudden i understand like he looks like a jersey guy right yeah and and just i have something to like yes dave bautista latch on to yeah yeah because he's funny he's fucking some beef on stage I'm just looking at these

like I don't know what they were tiny they're not substantive yeah yeah I'm actually getting dizzy going like this

looking between you two do you want to move do you want to do you want to switch it up do you want to sit over here no I'm just running if I seem more oriented it's not because

I'm cutting you out it's because I'm getting dizzy going back and more oriented it's not because I'm cutting you out it's because I'm getting dizzy going back and forth getting whiplash and I'm doing this so if I so if you feel

I don't feel well okay the two people over there make sense so I'll check in and so when people look back I'm kind of like switching back and forth

what I'm just letting you know that I'm not being rude I'm just getting this is great dizzy so I'm just gonna this is great so you know while you're looking over there I'm just letting you know that I'm not being rude. I'm just getting dizzy. This is great. And I'll go like.

So you know, while you're looking over there, I am looking at you. Great. This part. Yes. Okay, great. And I'd like to let everyone know that I'm not being rude. Yeah. Because I like to announce that.

Yeah, totally. So if anything I say feels offensive, inappropriate. Not being rude. Like hurtful. I'm not being rude. Totally. Yeah. I'm not being rude. Totally. I'm making podcasts. This is actually one of the first

times Kate and I have been in this arrangement. I feel like normally I'm always this side of my face. Because we have the same good side. And I, of course, defer to the I was wondering lately if my good side is actually my bad side. Do you want to switch?

no no I'm not no no I'm thrilled about where I am because the cameras are really mostly right Kevin?

getting my good side yeah but I'm with you that I actually think my good side what I think of is my good side is more like

traditional and kind of milquetoast and this side which I think is like... So much character. And sexier. I feel weird because I feel like I have so much hair

and I feel like I'm kind of buttoned up. I feel like this is not... Just in general right now? I can feel that it's not... Well, can we scrap that angle? No, it's fine. I'm just going to open this up to kind of sell sex sells. So, yeah. Well, yeah.

I mean, so that's interesting. So we've been talking about obviously we need to be more sexual as well. I mean, like if there's like. Well, I was transitioning into that. Okay, great. That like because the stage is open and like you're doing your thing and you had your special but um thank you yeah hayes and i have been thinking about putting on a live sex show yeah get back to your like amsterdam roots yeah and just like nothing it's what's so i mean that's

the truth absolutely yeah well that's what we that's what we are mainly interested in is financially fucking out of pocket right now burlesque yes but like it has it has really grown out of I think

the artistic roots of it and now it is all cashy I keep forgetting you can't legally pay you can't legally sell tickets

to watch people fuck on stage right that's illegal you can't sell them for money no electron if you but you can trade them for electronics and you can you can do it by i'm sure that's going on like a truth thing yeah pay yeah it's free to enter but you gotta pay to leave right right right a cup of

coffee costs 35 bucks right yeah are y'all having sex together in the show? We have no idea what the show will look like. Sorry, I said yes. Go on. Well, even though we don't know yet. It's in such early stages. You know what I mean? I get that totally.

Just keep it open and talk about it. And I'm excited on a few levels to see how the show takes shape and to find out what it feels like. John can tell you. I can tell you. Or show you. You know what I love

more than burlesque? Tell me. The culture around burlesque. That is... Which we've lost. Motorcycle guys, pin-up girls, Quentin Tarantino.

So many different boots that I can't pick one. You know what I mean? So many styles of boots. And there's this feeling of like, it's like sort of threatening. They're going to hurt you, but they're so weak. The people involved in it are so physically weak. No, have like, and have like 16th century diseases. Like have consumption.

You somehow feel like they got from doing this, but how? I feel the need to be clear. I wasn't disparaging Tarantino. I was saying that Pulp Fiction has been something that's been co-opted by a lot of the burlesque community. That's what I meant to say. It is just objectively a perfect film, I would argue, in many ways. Oh, my God. Do you want me to cut out my Tarantino comment?

I just don't want to be... I know there's a lot of people. I just wanted to be clear. I know there's a relationship there. I just wanted to be clear that I wasn't saying like... I was just saying that that movie has been co-opted by that culture. I have to say right here and right now, like I haven't thought about this, but how much I use your Tarantino credit

for my own social cachet. I was a box office brewing girl. I'll be like, yeah, she's been in, yeah. And I was in the trailer. I was in the trailer. Oh, yeah. And it makes me, it really, by association, I feel so much cooler.

I had a close-up in the trailer. And I never worked again that's well that's it you know you get one credit like that and you're part of

cinema history part of the fabric of this great tradition and then it's like what are you gonna do now yeah what are you gonna do instead and it was scale

for you yeah but that I mean I'm sure you would've done it for scale like oh that I mean I'm sure you would have done it for scale like oh yeah

I mean of course had they not had they not made you you would have done it for scale like for sure I'd like the money to show back up on screen

exactly because I don't necessarily need it in my pocket and they're obviously in complete agreement on that and that is amazing that's the best feeling

when you're both going in and it's like you both say it at the same time, like scale. Yeah. You know what I mean? Kate, did Margot like to play? She was really sweet. Because I know that you obviously like to play.

Yeah, yeah. We get the script. We get the script. Yeah, yeah. But I think there's always some room to play. You know, I have to say. And when your seat partner is Margot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I have to say. And when you're seat partners, Margot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'll say that there was no improvisation. It was really to script. And of course, you know, I would never be so bold as to improvise on that set. To start playing. Oh, my God. So I just was completely to the, because, you know, the scripts are so poetic. Can I say this? And I'm not here to gas you up.

It felt like you were playing. That's incredibly kind. I mean, it felt, you know. Well, it's not a comedy role, right? It's really, I had to. I wasn't saying it was comedic. I did not call it comedic. I was saying that it felt so natural.

Yeah, thank you, thank you. That it was as if. That's a high compliment. I assume perhaps you and Margot were playing. But that's a credit to both of you and to the writer. She could not be more professional or lovely and she was really great. Was there any

kind of discussion of history? You haven't discussed this before. Let me ask a friend! You haven't discussed this. No, I'm just kidding. We really don't. Talk about work. Our friendship exists like totally in the work that's what people don't know when you're watching our stuff that's the only time we're hanging out yeah you power down when those yeah literally don't we can we always say save it save it save it we say

save it yeah i don't want it because when you start to get into the dynamics of friendship and personal friendship when the cameras aren't rolling. That's where things, and that's when honestly you can get fraught. That's when fights happen. Yeah, exactly. When you're rolling, you can't fight. So that's...

Or if you do, what great footage. Yeah. But you were asking. Oh, I was asking, was there any discussion? Were you present for any sort of like,

well, Sharon Tate, when she, like historical discussion? Or was she, she was already deep in the role? She was deep in. They had been shooting. I think I was there the last week of shooting or something. Wow.

Yeah, I was there for two, it was one, two, two days. Yeah. So my last day on set was also my second day on set. And which theater was it all? It was the Bruin right there in Westwood. The Bruin? You stopped at Diddy Reese? What?

Diddy Reese? Right there, yeah, absolutely. The BJ's across the street? Stop by for a pizookie? BJ's Brewhouse, yeah. We did an episode of Doughboys in 1-7 about where BJ's was kind of the focus of the entire episode. Yes, we did. I used to eat the pazuki in high school.

What is a Pazuki? Oh, John, John, John, John, John, John,

listen to this. It's a great show. We would love to do it again. Yeah. The Pazuki. I would love to do it boys. Um, the Pazuki is a cast iron with a chocolate chip cookie dough.

They put it in and they put it in the oven. So it's a warm, gooey cast iron, huge chocolate chip cookie dough, they put it in and they put it in the oven. So it's a warm, gooey, cast iron, huge chocolate chip cookie. And then they take it out of the oven. They have to kind of like, well, they do that table side. They kind of mush it around. And then they do vanilla ice cream on top and it melts over. Oh, my God. It is.

I mean, I haven't had it since I was 16. Caramel sauce. We should fucking go get a Pazuki. Pretzel bits. We should blaze and go get a Pazuki we should blaze and go get a pizookie I mean the things they do to the pizookie now pizookie I love your pronunciation do they add like peppermint chunks for the holidays and stuff

it's a cookie it's not a kooky but people do say pizookie and it's like and it's actually a pizookie it's a pizookie it's not pizuh it's not kray I would argue a really fun date for us pizookie dinner and pizookie it's not Pisa I would argue a really fun date for us it's Pete Zuki

it's a couple name Pete Davidson Suki Suki Waterhouse Suki Waterhouse and Pete Davidson Pete Zuki I mean can you

even believe they came up with that I need to address the last time I was here, I was doing Dirt Boys, and you can bleep that out. So they are having people on the show. I had a pillow behind me for lumbar support. Sure. And then I saw the footage. And that's all resolved?

And then I saw the footage. And the viewers at home could not see the pillow. What they saw is me out here like three feet more than everyone else. I think I recorded here for about eight months before I realized that was happening. You literally can never have lumbar support. That's why I'm short-lived

right now. No, you have to feel uncomfortable. Oh, we should add a third person to our collaboration. It would be so funny like ten years into it, we just add a third. That's really good. Because you can see what they're doing and just panic. Yeah, yeah.

All the videos are us panicking. Yeah, like a 24-year-old. Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that's funny. We could have a kid and add them. Yeah.

I need a fucking Stranger Things kid. Get one. Yeah. Or you go four. You have to do go four you have to you have to do four you have to do one more yeah yeah

so they we could just keep growing yeah so funny so then it's like 18 people yeah yeah by the end

oh yeah it's like the polyphonic spree the polyphonic spree oh my god okay go music videos change the game yes yeah

other stuff that should rock my world when they're on the treadmill how do they do that honestly if you think of that you're crazy man

like the stuff they would do what's the music is my question what's the song we only think of the video no it's true I do I can think of the video. No, it's true. I do. I can kind of hear that one that's coming back. It's working.

I have not. The video has been wedded to the song on some level and some synapse because I'm hearing xylophone. Uh-huh. There's a girl, my lord in a flatbed fort slowing down to take a look at her. Is that right? phone yeah holidays are coming up let your knee hit the ground do what you love but call it work throw a little money in the church this is a great thing because like my prayers up in your roots down deep did you mention the holidays because like my gift to people is introducing

them to new music really yes like i curate like wow what do you use spotify title what title what's your main party stream music? Oh, Spotify or Spotify or Tidal. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just like it's

or Apple. Like Tidal or Tidal. Tidal or Tidal. Tidal. The pronunciation of all these over here. Tidal. It's like music.

Tidal. It's just an audio format. Yeah. Well, and now visual. Does this happen a lot? Spotify. So now that we're going to have to go in and like subtitle, I guess the entire thing. Title.

Subtitle. Yeah, Hayes gives everyone an iPad with like a huge curated playlist. That's amazing. And one year he had accidentally uploaded a personal video to it. Because the cloud, you don't know. Oh, no. What was it? So I had to rappel into their house.

I didn't want that out of respect for him. But yes. Down the chimney to get the iPad. And it was like in the Christmas tree. Oh, no. So they think like the kid comes in. They think I'm Santa Claus. They think I'm giving them the iPad.

So then they start watching the video. No, no, no. I have to like, I don't want to like, don't wake up your parents. It's me, Santa. Like this is just between us. You know what I mean?

So like, okay. Like, thank you, Santa, for the iPad. Thank you for my iPad. Thank you, Santa Claus. Yeah. I was just thinking, was Santa young ever? Has he always been old it's

a really and i guess it's a mythological right we suspend our disbelief and but he's always old or was santa young i asked the same question twice because young santa that's a movie well i was just gonna say i think you could be, I think you could be Young Santa. Literally. I think John could be Young Santa. Thank you. Look, John. Couldn't John be Young Santa? Couldn't I write a movie called Young Santa? And it's John.

For John. Gay Young Santa. Yeah. Why make him gay? Yeah. And then he. Or it only needs to be the title. And the mythology is that he became not gay at some point.

Yeah. He got older. He just like. He went back in. Or maybe his coming out story, so committed to Christmas to kind of push down something else. Being gay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it would be too controversial. Yeah. Or just devoting oneself to Christmas. Yeah. To avoid oneself. I devote myself to Christmas entirely.

I know. Yeah. It's almost time. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language.

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Yeah, it's amazing. You saw it. I've watched it a few times. Was that the taping? You were there. No, Kate did a major... I did a warm- did warm up she literally she she vamped while i changed into a costume and like really tore as as gay people say yeah yeah

you tore yeah yeah that's okay you ate yeah yeah i know about that yeah you can use it yeah yeah it was great imagine him doing that do it say it you you tore just now yeah good yeah Hayes really tore

yeah he ate that he ate it he ate it yeah yeah he ate the bones we eaten

I love when they like like Hollywood Handbook Hollywood Handbook Hive we eaten like love when they like Hollywood Handbook Hollywood Handbook Hive we eaten like when this when this post comes out when this when they see this image

yeah we before the episode we should post it we should post this Hollywood Handbook yeah yeah Kevin could this also be like

could this also be like a post it can't be sure make it a post Kevin and have it and have the caption be if we did a post of this and people were like commenting on it can't be sure make it a post kevin and have it and have the caption if we did a post of this and you're eating comment or yeah yeah hollywood handbook hive we eaten tonight we eaten tonight we eaten good can we repost it yes it can be reposted hollywood handbook repost post hello hive we're eating tonight we We eating tonight. Yep. Yep, that's perfect.

Hollywood Handbook. Did you say reading? Hello, Hive. Post the stories. We're eating tonight. Post stories. The special was on Max? Yes. Was that like... Although it premiered on HBO. It was an HBO original. Which camera should I look at when I say that?

That one. Thank you. HBO. I cut to them. Can you do it again? So it one. Thank you. HBO. I cut to them. Can you do it again? So it premiered terrestrial. HBO. That's less prestigious to me. I mean, like, I don't know if like,

to me it is. To me it is. That's what like Marmy is like watching. Marmy's watching HBO terrestrial. No, Marmy. Marmy, old grandma. Marmy.

You can't like speak Marmy from Little Women? It's Marmy. It's, old grandma. Marmee. You can't speak old here. Marmee from Little Women? It's Marmee. Marmee's like a tech. Marmee, dude. She doesn't know what is happening or what's up, and she's watching HBO on the frickin' terrestrial, on the frickin' rabbit ears.

That, to me, sucks. It's Max. the freaking rabbit ears that to me is big it's max fucking honking remote control look like a damn uh battleship board or something like a battleship board yes like it looks like a battle you know one of these things i haven't seen one of these my remote sleek yeah tiny one button can barely Bleak. Yeah. Tiny. One button. Can barely use it. I'm swallowing it by accident. Literally, I can't use it. Don't know how it works. Mine fell between my couch.

I cannot get, like, between the cushions. And not just the cushions. Into the wood bases. Between the two wood bases that are immovable. Oh, no, John. You're kidding. Because it's that thin. It's that thin.

It's, like, I really, really, no one likes automation. No one likes automation. I miss buttons. So your character has a wood base? I'm so young. That's where we're going. I can only use the new remote. Mine's Adamantium.

I think aesthetically we're going to go back to that. Skinny remote. Buttons. I agree. My stick of gum is my remote. I mean, it's way for thin. It's so, yes, I cannot use it. The button does nothing.

Nothing at all. Can't turn anything on or off. I feel so modern. I hate it. I love it. I gotta get a Sonos Playbar. Max did your, aired your special. It's on HBO.

I love that part of your voice. Max! Yeah, yeah, it's good. And suddenly. It's cresting a hill. And suddenly they forget so fast and john do you know this john does this movie about the crazy coyote cartoon yeah yeah yeah and then what does max say no thank you thank you not hungry we're not eating tonight to the base of the skull

not eating yeah hollywood handbook hive not eating well not for long hungry daddy's ass wouldn't it be so funny if they were like we the whole idea is like wily coyote is like cannot be dead and so it's like this was just another trap yes another scheme of coyotes that explode in his face but he still comes back oh my god it's wiley coyote he's walking down the aisle of the theater like yeah that's so meta yeah i love seeing you light up I love seeing you light up like that that's so meta Kate I mean that's truly like zooming out you know it's like from the

view from the blimp as they say Kate really specializes in meta stuff can't get away from it I guess so you might I don't know that's me teeing you up Kate talk about how meta stuff. Can't get away from it. I guess. So you might. I don't know. Do you want to ask her a question? That's me teeing you up.

Kate, talk about how meta you can be. And is this, are we eyeing a streamer? For the play? You know. I'm pushing her. Yeah, Johnson pushing. I want it filmed. Are we having those conversations conversations and is the Max thing

like is this after Peacock is it just like we not like we're not doing that again type thing no we loved Peacock

we loved Peacock they were really excellent to work with really truly really easy wonderful people that's awesome

yeah yeah really it was a great process yeah you know with the play which I hope people will come see in Pasadena January February

January February 2024 tickets on sale now Pasadena january february february 2024 tickets on sale now pasadenaplayhouse.org you'll have to see it but it's um i seen you talk about the play yeah with nathan for you fielder yeah yeah yeah y'all talked about the play yeah we had we interviewed nathan interviewed me to do the show? Yeah, yeah, probably. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure he's a huge fan. Yeah.

Yeah. I have not seen the stuff, like the new stuff. Yeah. Oh, the new show. Is he going to want to talk about that? Like, he's going to want to. Probably.

Is he pissed if I haven't seen it? Yeah. No, I'm sure. It just happened. It literally just happened. Yeah, we can't be. It just came out last week, I think. And it's show time.

Yeah. You can buy the add-on. Yeah, so you can watch it within. Yeah. It just happened. It literally just happened. It just came out last week, I think. You can buy the add-on. Sorry, I have a family. But the timing is really good. For promoting it, that window has closed. And thank you, Kevin, for that. I just want to say thanks for waiting until the window has completely closed.

I don't build my whole schedule around his new show. There is a lot of anger. I know, I can feel that. I don't build my whole schedule around his new show. There is a lot of anger. I know, I know. I can feel that. Apparently don't. I could. I certainly could build my schedule around when his show is coming out. Yeah, let me just tell my family. We have people.

Hi, hi, my family. Yeah, sorry, Nathan's doing a new show. I gotta sit by the TV. Sit by the Sonos and wait. No, that's not realistic. I wish the listeners could see your dad bracelet.

Oh, that's sweet. They can. Where do you guys keep it? They can. Yeah, they can. They can. I love talking about it. I'm becoming a bracelet guy this year.

Yeah. And there's a certain point in your life where you kind of hit a wall. Yeah. And you say, really, what can I do that would be interesting to me at all? Literally. And one of them is to become a bracelet guy. Well, literally, yesterday I started putting this watch on because I'm like so bored. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watches. I was thinking about getting a watch. I'm shocked I don't have a tattoo right because I'm so bored. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watches. I was thinking about getting a watch. I'm shocked I don't have a tattoo right now based on how bored I am. Have you ever had a tattoo? No, I don't.

Yeah. Me neither. I'm so bored. I actually think it's the most mortal sin. I forgot to put the one on today I was going to wear because this is something I do. Being bored. Yeah. Yeah.

None of us have tattoos. Huge. No tattoos. That's tripping me out. It's a sign of maturity. There's something pure about tattoos. Huge. No tattoos. That's tripping me out. It's a sign of maturity. There's something pure about that. Yeah. Well, and it's also a sign for me of just indecisiveness.

I know myself. I know that I'm mutable. Yes, that I change. Yeah. And that there are different seasons of myself. Well, isn't that what's kind of exciting with the tattoo? You know, the tattoo represents. That reminder of where you were.

Yeah, who you were. What if I don't like who I was? What if I don't like who I am right now? Where do you guys keep your bathroom trash? I have an amazing bath of trash. Have you noticed my bathroom trash? We haven't talked about it. I have to say I have not.

Honey? That's a towel. You haven't noticed it? Well, I'm also like, I will say this is a kind of gendered thing. I have not. Honey, that's a towel. Well, I'm also like I will say this is a kind of gendered thing. I don't... Careful. Menstruate? Don't have one. So I don't often...

I don't make trash. My trash goes down the drain, honey. I don't ever... And you're not putting on makeup and taking off makeup. I flush my dental floss. I spit into the toilet. You shouldn't flush dental floss. I don dental floss. I spit into the toilet. You shouldn't flush dental floss. I don't flush. I do do dental floss.

You shouldn't flush dental floss because it seals. They get caught up in it. But I have, what's your trash? She even noticed it. No. So I got this trash. I was staying at a friend's house. And she had this trash.

And I went, something about this. If it's a little industrial, if it's a little not romantic. I love wicker in the home. It's from Simple Human, that brand. They really have a, they've cornered the market. You step on it, and it is so, the trash. It's wicker step on it? Sorry, it's not wicker.

I veer wicker. It's chrome. It's black chrome. It's playing against type. Black chrome. The power, yes. John, it disappears into the bathroom you have to go check it out

John's coming over after because we're going to start spitballing and I'll double back for mine honey that's your towel warmer but what does it do is it perfectly sealed off you press on it two flaps open up like this you dump the trash and it is an effortless

it's a lever you barely tap it i don't know is it like high high like what what that like so it's really short it's perfect i mean it has the flaps open this way it takes up no space wow i love it you're stepping on it with your bare feet. Butterfly trash. I know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Sometimes. But no shoes in the house. Bathroom trash is- Modern, clean, industrial, but feminine.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you take out your trash, are you like, oh, bathroom trash? Or do you like- Is it lined yours? I'll say another thing about this bathroom trash. Or do you like dump it out?

So it's lined and it comes with little liners. You wouldn't believe the amount of trash this thing stores that's interesting to me and now I want a photo because I'll send it

for the pod mine I can only get like one thing in there I got an office trash can that I really thought was going to hold more but it is a bathroom trash essentially

it's a little step on pedal little metal and I gotta say it fills up so fast you're going to want to look into the simple humans. No, it's true. You might want to look into this. Because I got the smaller one.

This isn't even a bigger one. They have a huge, huge, and you can get black, you can get white, you can get silver. I think it's the feet thing for me. I'm in there because my feet are dirty. And so now I'm touching my feet. It's like, this is the problem that I came here to address. Right. I was trying to solve.

That's interesting. Now I have to give my trash can a bath. I guess it's right there. It's in the bathroom. I guess that's convenient. You can wipe it down. You didn't say that, but I assume that happens. There's nothing worse than cleaning a trash can than I do it you know

I might talk about this on stage Actually Work it out now I'm buying a ticket to that There's nothing worse than cleaning your trash can Work it out now The worst thing for me is cleaning a trash can Why?

What's the why? Is this how she cares? We're in this area and it's like, well, the trash can, right? No, like, think about what it is. It's to hold the refuse. It is to dispose of

the unclean. And now I'm inside it? Like, to clean it, I have to get in don't i yeah yeah it's interesting like i'm trash like this is what i think who was the guy debate who was the guy who came up with this who is the first guy who was like hey i've got this piece of nasty smelly stinky piece of trash i should keep this in my house. Okay. No.

I should find a special box. It's true. I should actually pay money for something to keep this smelly stinky piece of trash in my house. That's good standard. I know, that's good. Who was I?

I'd like to have a conversation with that guy how can I how can I store this next to where I eat yeah yeah is the post getting like

is it like going off or like it's still uploading it's uploading okay okay is it going nuts or

slow wifi this time of year right yeah it's the season yeah it starts to cool down yeah all the the season yeah it starts to cool down yeah all the the sap inside the wi-fi yeah yeah yeah because if it's not doing if it's like if it's like embarrassing to have it up there i would i would like to cancel can i do that thing where i tag john and kate and it posts on your grids as well oh my my God. That is so fucked up.

I cannot believe that. They want you to collaborate on the post. The fact that anyone can just do that. You can put something on my grid. That shakes me up. At any given time, people are just doing that. I'm like, because it's so easy.

No, I don't want to. I heard there's a new close friends grid. I've I've been really detoxing from social media I have two phones now I have a social media phone

I have a regular phone I'm really seriously committed to it so I'm on it less but I just heard there's a close friend grid option which I feel

I don't know how I feel about that so you could post a grid I just feel like I would get confused you'd have a private grid but just do be real right exactly totally wait didn't you get the phone the light phone oh i literally you bought it i bought in a state of total mania i was so excited about the i bought

the light phone and i was like here we go and i and then i tried to like sync it and i freaked out like i could not fully understand it. And that's the idea. No maps. And that is where they get you. Because that's the idea. But then how do you start using it? And they get you with maps if it's unusable. That's the idea, John.

I know. You are not supposed to be on your phone so much. I know. And so you get this thing and your first instinct is like, how do I get on my phone? It's the whole point. I wanted to just make a call. John, you should set it up. I couldn't figure out how to make a call. But isn't that hard though? No maps.

You know what I'm saying? Living in LA, driving around. I mean that. I'm looking at it because I could get a GPS thing in my car just for GPS. Sleep. Sleep. Sorry, I was just trying that out. Wake. Wake him. When you wake up, you will be haze. sorry I was just trying that out wake him when you wake up

you will be haze you're awake oh no no now you're gonna wake up he went to sleep even yeah hey what's your name oh

you know the usual what what's your name buddy mr hayes oh that's crazy can i post that too yes get it up there man put it in their grids sleep when you wake up you'll be back to normal yeah Yeah. As Sean. Wake up. Good. Hey, how you doing? You're being so funny about trash. Tell me your name again.

Oh, thanks. Tell me your name again. My name? Yeah. You know I'm the clam dog, baby. And we're back. And we're back.

Yeah, yeah. That was really scary. Yeah. Because it was kind of like which one is like the real you okay did something like cramping a little body pain we're good i'm just holding on to it and it's gonna go away are we i'm sorry dude are you having water like are we drinking i know i just get my water from java yes yeah it is hydration yeah i've had almost there's so much water in fruit. I mean, water is almost entirely fruit.

You're so right. Yeah. Yeah, I really, really am serious about this. I do not get, I think it's really fucked up to get your water just directly from water. I think you should be getting it. You're supposed to get it. If you eat a handful of berries, you know, every afternoon.

Lettuce, flowers. Yeah. They talk about scurvy from like not having, berries you know every afternoon lettuce yeah yeah yeah like they're serving like they talk about scurvy from like not having fruit like yes right got it yes that's bad they don't talk and there isn't really a name for it the disease from like too much too much fruit yeah kiwi no exactly yeah yeah but it is basically like But it's basically the same thing. Didn't Steve Jobs, he was like only fruit or whatever, and then he died. He was fruit-pilled, yeah. He was like...

He was fruit-pilled. The only fruit, and you won't get cancer. He was going produce. You know, sometimes I brag about this guy, farmers in my family, and Steve Jobs was obsessed with the fruit from my family's farm wow and he died because he was so only eating right he was like eating like pounds and pounds of apricots the apricots of course didn't kill him no but but but you can't only and i don't think they can't only you can't i don't think they did but but I do think that when you say that someone who died only ate a food.

It's a guns don't kill people type. Yeah, yeah. Totally, totally. It's like. Yeah, yeah. They don't help. Yeah, yeah. Post update, post update.

Hit me. What do we got? The account Fuck Jerry reposted it. Oh my God. I god i know he's still going that's crazy you're going viral again he said didn't expect this on my 2022 bingo card okay i don't know if it's a typo or i think it is okay should i respond yeah we've got to write something back we can't just leave fuck Jerry. Okay, can we do a comment that's like, please credit us?

Hello, Jerry. Please credit us. Should I post like a gif with it or something? Put our bios like in the comments. Body of the comment. Yeah. And do one bio per comment. Don't get someone to reply to the bio. okay and do one bio per comment don't get someone to get someone reply on the bio replied to the bio yeah to the bio yeah i have something you could call

him to dress it up instead of just hello jerry great uh um maraschino jerry maraschino jerry it's comedic because or you call him ben you can say fuck because Ben and Jerry is who say Ben hey Ben hey Ben oh and it's the east yeah do both

and see which one he likes as two separate comments hey Ben where's Jerry hey Ben where's Jerry hey Ben where's Jerry where's Shino Jerry hey Ben where's Jerry it's me

where's Shino Jerry chocolate covered Jerry hey Ben where's Jerry it's me where is she no Jerry please credit us and then there's

four separate comments with each of your bios great and it's like a cascading reply of the yeah where they

where they reformat and you have to give the click to see more yeah they have to fully reformat the comments you know what I hate

have you noticed this this is so I hate? Have you noticed this? This is so... I hate when you've used... When you're so addicted to your phone that these minutiae are interesting to one. Yeah, I'm in already. But when you... Now when you go... Like when you reply to a comment, there's also an option that just says message.

No. That's like right there. It's just... He's about to... It's like right there it's just he's about to kind of like the bird go the mess it's like hey do you think everyone needs to see this well exactly but also we think that this is take it offline we sure this is for the public consumption yeah but this might be a private view yeah if at all but you'll go you'll comment lol and you'll hit message instead of reply and then suddenly you're in a stranger's dms and it looks like i'm like being like lol that's crazy this is why i have two phones yeah but it can still happen on that one phone i don't understand

what is it about the two phones i don't update update. So I don't have the latest Instagram. Oh, she's on the old world. I don't need to have all that accoutrement. Yeah. No, I hate it. I'm in this bad spot. I always want other people, the public to know when I think a photo of a young woman is stunning. But unfortunately, I end up in this spot.

Yes, where I'm DMing. Stunning. Just to her. Yeah, yeah. Stunning. Yeah. But unfortunately, I end up in this spot. DMing. In the DMing. Stunning. It's just to her. Yeah, yeah. Stunning. Stunning. Yeah, yeah.

I don't need her to know it. I need other people to know. Right. I've got an eye for this stuff. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still on the Facebook that was only for elite colleges.

Like when they were... Well, that's right. Yeah. Adding colleges one by one sort of in order of elite. How did they preserve that? Your phone's never updated. They just made the new one and we were like, we're good.

We're actually good. And we have a wall, of course, and people post on the wall in a way that makes sense, which is in the third person about who you're posting right this guy's the best friend you could ever ask for yeah but don't ask him for some of his tofruities or like whatever like you know like that like yeah haze is a legend but don't watch garden state with him he'll talk all the way through yes yeah exactly so people are reading it and they're getting information instead of... Well, and they know that this person really knows you. That feels like such a specific story.

They must have some kind of history. That is sweet. And it's with the understanding that literally everyone can see this. You're talking in front of everyone in the world. Yes. And that was beautiful. How are we going to get it back? We're not going to.

We have to look for it elsewhere. We're not going to get it back. You need something else. Yeah. I remember when the wall came out and I was like, what? Like when every new innovation of social media, you're like, no. Yeah. There's no way.

And then in five minutes later. Literally. Right? I was going to do a week. Yeah. No. Cut me saying five minutes later. Five minutes later was just a week.

Thank you. Remember all the outrage when Instagram changed the logo? Remember that? What was it? Everyone was so angry because it used to be that flat image. I was living. And then it became, what's it called? Skeomorphism.

Yes. Was that what it is? And then it became that chrome, that shiny thing, that object. Putting my slimy thumb on this. I broke my arm swinging around so mad at that. I saw the new logo. It started fucking spinning. Punching.

It wasn't a punch. It was like a flare. Yeah. Yeah. But hit it against this column. A lot of people. Yeah. I was in a parking garage.

Yeah. Freaking out. Yeah. Which I don't even know how I got service to see it. But I just started swinging, you garage. Yeah. Freaking out. Yeah. Which I don't even know how I got service to see it. But I just started swinging, you know? Yeah.

Damn, dude. It's personal. But now it's like, I don't even really remember the old logo. Isn't that sad? Remember when it was just filters?

It was like all about the filter and you would look like a picture. Nashville was my go-to. And it was all like blue and like thick. Yeah. Amaro.

Vintu. And it was like, don't do Kelvin on me. I loved Amaro. No one do Kelvin on me. I was a Marvel. I was a Marvel. I was a Amaro Nashville kind of girl. Yeah, Valencia. Classy.

Yeah. Amaro. And I remember feeling so tortured because I felt like you had such a kind of way with the filter. Wow, really? You knew exactly what to do. And mine were so like… Clarendon. Yeah.

Here's you, Clarendon. Wow, the memory on you. People can go back, right? They can see that. They can scroll to 2012. Yeah, did you go back and delete? Do you have 1,800 posts? I have done a deep, like, oh, no, where I went to the very beginning and just started deleting posts. I hate it.

Yeah. And it's like, just delete the whole thing. The whole grid. You know what I love? People have. You know it's an artistic type when you do the grid and they make all the photos to be one photo. That is crazy. So you go to their page and

everyone this episode is so long i'm sorry goodbye it's been just a blast having you guys drink athletic greens please yeah i want a chocolate eclair from where i'm considering making you go to a pastry shop with me after this the one that will drink it and i just feel like even the fact that they're drinking we can talk about this and then we can go, even the fact that people are drinking athletic greens means they have the proportions wrong. You know what I mean? It shouldn't be in a condition that you can drink. It should be much thicker. Like, you're not getting the greens.

You should be eating it. Because that. Because it's. You should have to cut it with a knife and fork. Yeah. Because that's part of the process. Yes. Yeah. The breakdown. Yeah. You know how to do it. That's why you should have to cut it with a knife and fork. Yeah, because that's part of the process. Yeah, the breakdown. Yeah.

That's why we have teeth to masticate. Snort it. Well, because that water, this is what I'm saying. Exactly. You don't want that hydration. No, it has to be lukewarm, right? Because if it's cold, cold, cold, it crops. I want my brain healthy.

All this stuff's a lost cause. Yeah. But up here, I still can be cause. Yeah. But up here, I still can be strong. Yeah. And so, yeah. Have you done brain injections? Yes.

I've done a handful of them, yeah. They're incredible. Yeah, through here. It's the only thing that works for me. Yeah. Do you get it from here or do you get it from behind? I do.

There's a softer, and my fontanelle never fully, so I still have that soft patch. Yeah. So they sometimes just go right in there. But it's very painful. Straight through the top. Fontanelle.

That's unbelievable to have that. The occipital notch. He only credited Kate. Oh no. Wait, I do want to say, listeners, if you rewind so stop.

If you rewind right now, like, three minutes, you'll hear Kate quietly say, she's on the rack. Into the mic. It's true. I said it. I was looking at you. Yeah. Because I'm craving a chocolate eclair. Was that in reference to anything?

Or just like. Oh. Or she's just like. No, I'm. No, no. I mean, not. This is so girl brain. I'm sitting here. Was it contextual? You're just like... Oh. Or she's just like... No, I'm... No, no, I mean not like... This is so girl brain. I'm sitting here...

Was it contextual? You're just like... I'm sitting here dreaming about chocolate. Yeah. Okay. And I'm sorry to bring that up. I just thought it was so funny. No, thank you.

I'm glad someone caught it. And you said... Yeah. I thought you might be saying that's how you get your athletic greens. Through eclairs? No, through like a pack. Yeah, then I put...

Oh, through being on the rack. I put my athletic greens and a tampon and i there are different ways to absorb nutrients that's all i'll say yeah yeah yeah let me just uh handcuff myself and only try one for the rest of my life that's real exciting thing i've got this whole body i'm gonna only take nutrients exactly i know exactly yeah very smart yeah it couldn't possibly be a better way. Ridiculous. I used to think the earth was flat.

I know. Let's put some athletic greens in some other holes, man. What the fuck are we talking about? Jesus Christ. Through the foot. Do you guys want a hat?

Oh my God. I love this hat. Oh, please. It's really cool. I know. What's the relation? What's the,

Oh gosh. Oh damn. I almost had it too. It was really, you had your fingers right on it. Is that the relation? What's the? Oh, gosh. Oh, damn. I almost had it too. It was really, you had your fingers right on it. Is Hat Pack a Hollywood handbook thing? Yeah, man. Yeah. I feel stupid.

Hollywood handbook is kind of a Hat Pack thing. I have a really big head. Yeah. This is kind of cool. It's really tight. One thing is like, can we take this back? So if you go, hey, is Hat Pack a you guys thing? Yeah.

And then we'll go, no. Okay. Hat Pack is a you guys thing. It's a'll go no okay it's a you guys thing yeah john told me once that um you look good in it john he listened to the show and that made me feel really nice i feel it's funny to be now to think that i actually feel a hundred feet i listened to i listened to y'all's show in when i was in scotland and arizona push-ups i find myself believing it again even as he just revealed that he has no idea what the hat pack is oh yeah i find myself getting sucked in again being like

when did hat pack present itself a few months ago when you were busy i don't listen oh sorry i go back i go back and i cherry the old days yeah i'm not like i i'll be i'll admit it i'm not an i'm not a weekly listener binge mode i've been i go binge people have been saying it's an international travel show that That's what it is. It's very K-specific. It's not domestic. We have shows for that. There's something very European about our team. It is.

Totally. I think John looks great in that. You look amazing, but now can we take it and you go, so is hat pack like a you guys thing? So is hat pack like a you guys thing? Not like that. Do it loud. Can you say it on camera too?

Yeah. So is hat pack like a you guys thing? And with energy. You got it. Okay. Who directed the special? Because we might know that we could get them. Episode's already so long. But if we could like get them episode 30

so long but like if we could get them like get them on the horn and this is me saying that the special the special

was great you know worked I think it worked but so is hat pack like a you guys thing that was really good

yeah but don't do it oh right because we have to do our line we'll do it well again because that's the real test. So is hat pack like a you guys thing? Show the hat to the camera. So is hat pack like a you guys thing?

No. Hat pack is a you guys thing. Wow. Clip it. And you respond clearly to like a little bit of antagonism I need to feel small which you absolutely did he doesn't respond to that at all

what it is is what it is we are donezo nothing else I cannot tell you how much worse it can get it only degrades from there copy of a copy of a copy it's pretty grim like Julianne Moore you just gotta no rehearsal go raw It's like two grades from there. Copy of a copy of a copy. Yeah. It's really pretty grim.

Like Julianne Moore, you just got to, no rehearsal. Go. Yeah. Go raw. Yeah. I save it all up for the one take.

So what's hat pack? So your listeners know, you don't need to explain it. No. Well, what if someone's, what if one of our fans. They could use a little reminder. People could use a refresher because some people still are asking.

Some people have short memories. Every 20 years, Hollywood requires that a new pack emerge. Rat Pack in the 60s. Pussy Posse. Rat Pack in the 80s. Frat Pack in the 2000s. Here we are in the 2020s

and nature abhors a vacuum. You're thinking of the sex-having. I was thinking Pussy Posse. Yes. They were probably friends. And the frat pack probably had sex as well um frat pack was like vince vaughn and wilson like that whole comedy uh unit and then so there is no pack and we thought what if the new pack was so inclusive uh and it was the hat pack because it should rhyme and of course everyone had to be cashed in a movie

and go through that whole thing to just spend $29 are you fucking kidding me? That's genius. This is coinciding with the fourth turning, which of course has so many other implications. Oh yes, we are involved in the fourth turning.

And it is a time of great crisis. Which is also a time to rebuild. Yeah. I think of it like a brush fire. I was going to say a cleansing fire. Yes. Naturally, you think of it, it's great destruction. But it's required to make space for something new to emerge.

it's great destruction, but it's required to make space for something new. But what we're finding is our listeners need to be reminded every single fucking episode that they have their hats for sale, that they can buy. Look at that. Or that they just like wearing filthy hats that they never replace. Like this is what we're learning about our listeners. That they just buy one hat and wear it for the rest of their lives

well I'm hoping we're gonna bring in like a new kind of clear contingent you could probably throw this in the wash yeah that are gonna new purchases it is really cute do I get to keep this? yours has a blue sticker on it but that's so chic right

is when you leave the sticker on that's like very, right? When you leave the sticker on. That's very hip-hop. I have one louse. I have one very active louse. It's like a circus level louse, but it doesn't respond to direction. You know what I mean? It does tricks,

but not in any way that I'm like, do this trick. It's just doing impulse yeah yes I'm just so used to what he does

yeah you can lice have no impulse control that's what I was gonna say I have to use the bathroom bye

oh my god Hollywood Handbook that was a hate gum podcast