Hollywood Handbook - John Gemberling and Anthony Atamanuik, Our Comedy Casino Friends
Episode Date: May 17, 2022The Boys team up with TONY ATAMANUIK and JOHNNY GEMBERLING to make a comedy casino.Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19....com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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this is a head gum podcast
so i roll up i walk up to the counter sort of bow-legged and i say
one epic pepperoni stuffed crust.
And they say,
okay, what do you want to drink?
And I say, oh, crush.
Crush cream soda,
cream crush.
Normal as can be. Cream crush, please. And they're like,
hmm.
Okay, I can see them trying to work out
how this is going to work. And they're like, okay.
Okay.
All right, give me one second. And then they go back what's the issue so the epic aspect of the epic pepperoni stuffed crust is that whatever you want to drink
is is what it is it's stuffed with the drink so when they say what do you want to drink
that's what it there's the pepperoni and the drink and what you're kind of supposed to say
i guess to be polite is that you want sauce cheese cheese cheese you're supposed to be like
oh i guess i'll have some some i'll guess i'll have some cheese to
drink and then they're like great thank you that's awesome and then can you get a drink or you have
to go next door or something the drinks are on the back and they don't come in bottles they come in
like uh inject like uh like an injector needle like a syringe but it's like one of those fat like foods for it like a
plastic syringe not one that you would like use on like a a guy right and so they're just trying
to figure out how to get the cream soda cream into the into the into the crust.
Yes, it's getting in. But then now
there's a hole. And so it's coming out of
the hole.
Well, the process falling
apart. Yeah, it evaporates
in the
oven. Does anyone explain this
to you or at any time? Does anybody talk to
you about it?
This is what's so fucked about our country
right now if i can just say this is like i i'm happy this we're on our own we're on our own this
is what's so there is nobody coming to save us yes good luck yeah no it the the the the marvel The Marvel movies that you go and see, that's a fantasy, pal.
Dr. Strange isn't walking through the door.
Once again, I'm supposed to vote my way out of this.
Just go vote one more time.
This will be the one.
This time it'll fix it.
And then once again, sorry, nothing we can do because we have the white house
we have the senate you know and so at this point like if you're not going to come in and fix
something as simple as a cream crush epic pepperoni stuffed crust pizza
then how can i trust you with law?
So that's my last time going to... That's your last time going to the pizza?
Going to see Papa.
It's probably my last time going to the voting booth as well.
They don't want to call it Papa John's anymore
because of that.
It's called Papa Different Guys now.
I've been since they changed it it i'd be more comfortable walking i don't want to have a bag that says papa john's just papa different guys they know hey i'm part of the solution
welcome to my show to the show the big show hollywood handbook. Tony and Johnny. Tony and Johnny.
Tony and Collie.
The boys with their little
microphone toys.
They love to do the show.
Are we here?
We're here.
Johnny Gemberling and Tony
Atamanek.
John G.
Thank you.
The bad boys.
John C.
This thing is on
a rocket ship to outer space.
It's a big
show. It's a show.
The show is
taking off. Very buzzy. They don't come along
that often anymore, these buzzy
shows. Our show?
Yes. The marketplace they said was saturated no room
for another podcast well i guess we'll have to make room said johnny and tony is it is it
carve out a little space for ourselves i'm hearing buzz really this is really you know we're just
such a mom and pop operation you know we have our heads down, just grinding them out every week.
I think it's the format.
We're the mom and pop.
We're the papa different guys.
Yeah, we're the papa different.
You're looking for papa different.
We're right here.
Yeah, these are the different guys.
These are two different guys.
It's different.
It's casual and filtered conversation.
You listen?
Yeah.
Does it sound like I listen uh yeah absolutely describe it
yeah casual unfiltered conversation yeah that's it old friends chopping it up not afraid to step
on each other's toes either which i enjoy yeah we are afraid actually but it just sort of happens
wow yeah but you fight through that fear to get to get pissed
at each other and but that's but you know being brave is not the absence of fear of stepping on
each other's toes you can't be brave unless you're afraid yeah and yes you need it anyway you need
your fear you need your fear you know that's what that's what makes you whole i mean that's what kirk said to cybok and
star trek 5 and that's what ned stark said i am in the first uh game of thrones uh episode
yeah you can't be afraid you can't be brave unless you're afraid no if you're not afraid
you're not doing jack shit yeah well we're excited that we didn't realize that there was so
much buzz you know about our show oh my god you never know when you're in it speaking from
experience we were buzzy seven eight years ago we didn't know what we had at the time
so cherish this now you guys have been doing this podcast for like almost 10 years right yes we have been we have been on
we we started out with this like trajectory of rising very quickly in sort of the podcasting
world we have maintained it across an entire decade wow no change in the rate of increase of our listenership the entire time every day i wake
up and like it's gotta fall off yeah we should see a little dip you know what i mean today
has to be the day i'm surprised your listenership isn't affected by the crypto dip that there's no
sort of correlation it's it ended up being great for us that people are cashing out to subscribe. Interesting.
You don't accept crypto for subscription fees.
We don't.
How do we handle that?
Not anymore.
No.
We're just cold hard cash these days.
We're analog.
People pay in cash.
Real estate.
They pay in actual cash to subscribe.
Yep.
I drive around in real estate.
Is there like a depot or like a
i drive around i got a i got a truck oh they just give me their address i show up 12 hours later
anywhere in the country i make it work it's interesting john we're more pure we don't
make money off of this podcast not what it's about in fact we've lost money and and that's
i think when you know you care about something when you're sinking money into something you're
losing money and it comes through on mike that you're losing money and i think that's part of
what's made it so buzzy is it's like the passion is so real yeah but yeah no i listen and i i could
just feel the money slipping
out of your pockets as you guys
are having these conversations.
When did you become
profitable?
Gosh, what's today?
Thursday?
This is a Thursday right now.
So I guess it would be
Sunday night.
Sunday night.
Not quite Monday yet, but closer to Monday than obviously.
Wow.
Saturday, yeah.
And you're in the black, as they say.
Wow.
Wow, that's pretty impressive.
Yeah, I mean, we don't, like I said, we do it for the art.
And, you know, we don't really.
And it is art.
It's a disrespected art form. It's a disrespected art form.
It is a disrespected art form.
You know, and we looked at, we said, we're two nubiles.
I mean, we're nubiles when it comes to this.
Nubiles?
Smooth nubiles.
We're smooth nubiles.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're smooth nubiles.
And we, you know, we didn't know.
We were like open bare bellied
lambs just hoping
to come into this territory and
and make
the little lambs running around
with their bare bellies
not even wool to say yeah everyone knows about
lambs and their fat
bare bellies just dragging on the ground
just exposing their little bellies
just showing them off.
They don't know any better.
You know,
that's how they tracked a serial killer who was a shepherd.
Did you know that?
Talk about that a little bit.
Yeah.
Because you've brought this up a few times already today.
Yeah.
Well,
in our pre-interview in the pre-pre in,
in 1968 and,
and,
uh,
outside.
That's right. Just like setting.
That's right.
Yeah, setting.
One pill makes you horny.
And I was born made to wear the flag.
Ooh, that red, white, and blue.
But it was a torn torn ireland divided ireland and uh just just south of belfast
um uh over 15 women were found uh in different states of decomposition with all their hair
removed piled into a bag and set next to them and uh south of belfast sobey yeah that's what they call it now
they call it so big yeah so big yeah it's the sobey arts district and and so and they thought
for a while it was a very noted uh northern ireland artist actually phineas mcfinney and uh And they actually were able to track this murderer down using forensic belly slide imprints on the grass.
That the one thing the shepherd couldn't do was leave his flock because he is a dedicated.
He was a dedicated shepherd.
And you got to give them that.
So they were coming with him.
The flock was there at every murder. And you could see their underdeveloped teats,
the mark of the teats dragging in the...
The nubile belly tracks scraping through the Sobe meadows.
And it's a really interesting case.
Thank you for bringing that up.
It was.
The sheep's fat teats were dragging in the dirt
yeah and the hooves weren't they're these are lambs they're very developed yeah they're under
no they were you know they're underdeveloped but large enough teats no they're swollen and
their teats like their teats are just on their bellies their bellies are short legs at that age as well yeah think about when you were eight or seven well i don't know if this is like a
johnny had a different experience which is fine yeah that's true maybe i don't know of having like
big round nipples like yeah big fat engorged nipples is like there's no normal with this yes when i was
eight that's so true when i was eight and my fat teats were making tracks in the ground
my hind hooves would would would erase those tracks wow as i walked right because i'm walking on the teat tracks with my hind hooves
well i mean they haven't gone to trial yet and maybe maybe this is from 1968
yeah yeah it's uh what do you call uh um statute of limitations
the statute of limitations is you wait for decades yes you have to try the case that's
how they do it in ireland the statute of
limitations is we can only do so much there is no normal with this stuff in terms of like what
statute of limitation means there's no reason to limit that and here it may mean how long before
you are unable to prosecute a crime yeah you know in ireland it's how long you have to wait before
you're allowed yeah before you do it so yeah he had quite a life you know family
grandchildren and he actually was a model model a citizen and a model as well yes and he was he was
uh he was actually uh one of uh robert maplethorpe's uh first uh models in his first book
and he also had a lot to do with the um uh what's the famous clothing store
he was he was always you know catching a football on a picnic table or he's in a tree and look at
me and yes no yeah that's how i mean what i hear this new documentary is about how the models were not just all white, but like Irish, native.
Yes.
Irish.
Thick brogues.
Thick brogues.
But blonde.
But blonde.
And blue eyes.
Very strange.
Yeah.
But all Irish.
The staff.
The shepherd's staff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So anyway, I love true crime.
That's just who I am.
No, I'm addicted to this stuff.
And it's funny because, you know, here you do a podcast.
It's not expressly a true crime podcast, but I don't think it hurts to have that obsession.
I think there's room to talk about that stuff in podcasting a little bit.
A little bit.
You could be possibly lucrative you know down the
line down the line not that you're interested in that but it's that seems like a risky proposition
i think we'll stick with the podcast we lose money on okay i i i think i think we know what
we're doing i i appreciate but i appreciate you and i want you to know i appreciate you and everyone
sees things differently i mean how would we break into true
like what do they do they listen to like
the police
the scanner
I think you listen to the scanner and then you sort of
yeah you get in there and you just say like
hey so I was listening to the scanner
hey this guy's being weird
yeah there's a guy being weird
one guy's voice was kind of nasal and I heard
the beginning of what street he was going to
yeah it's helpful too if like you live in a if you live in like um uh really expensive building
on the upper west side and you know maybe you have a couple of friends who are you know really
just out the door on the ledge of both you know their lives and their careers partner up with them
and you know you find that you have a common interest right right and it is true crime and
yes yeah well you're a beloved media source that sort of becomes your entree and then that grows
into your you know you're working as a community you're making art together you're investigating
something in real time and it's it's exciting and you know two of you are old make sense
yes one's tiny one's normal size yeah or tall even yeah and then of course there's your other
best friend to complete the set the young latina yeah well yeah of course
everyone i mean hates us openly uh for a while and we really have to work at her to to just get
any kind of i mean it's almost a trope at this point the two old men hanging out with the young
latina solving crimes i mean you know no and yeah people may be sick of that, but it's
funny. It still works
on me. Yeah.
I go, here we go again.
Let me guess. These two old guys are going to
meet a young Latina they befriend.
And then, you know,
I'm so proud. I go, there she is.
I wonder if they're going to find something in common.
But then, before you know it,
I've got my popcorn out
and I'm, you know, skipping through the next one
because I do love seeing that group.
Speaking of shows, this show, doing this one,
we know what we're doing just like you guys
what we want to think about is what we can do together you guys are sort of a rising commodity
right we are again maintaining the gap as as we move up and up and up in our
subscribers and our listens
but I do
think there's still an opportunity
for
us to reach back you guys to reach forward
and like we sort of grab
hands and we'd love to send the
elevator back down you know it's
going to be quite a few floors but
I know that a lot of podcasts i you know that is a lot
of podcasts did not do that for us yeah interesting you pull us up a little we drag you down a little
and we just meet in the middle i i think that could be many podcasts we send the elevator back
down other podcasts will hack the elevator so it careens towards the roof of the building and your eyes are impaled
by the spikes at oh at the top of the elevator shaft oh like a charlie oh oh i was thinking
emilio charlie no charlie you're thinking charlie she that wasn't charlie sheen that was thinking
charlie that was emiliovez. Red light, green light.
He was thinking glass elevator.
I was thinking mission impossible.
But where Willy Wonka gets impaled and Charlie survives
because the spikes
don't reach his head.
Charlie's small.
Yeah, Charlie's small.
So there's another pairing.
All you need is a young Latina.
If you have Willy Wonka and you've got Charlie, you need a young Latina.
You got mystery to solve.
Charlie's too young to me for that.
Yeah.
I'd like to see Willy Wonka, Slugworth, and a young Latina.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
That would be pretty nice.
And they are friends in the end.
You know, he works for him.
I don't know if you know that.
He was a fake Slugworth. Do you know he works for him i don't know if you know that it was a fake slug
do you know that about slugworth did that he he worked for willie wonka every time i forget i
watch it every time i'm scared every time i'm like what is this guy doing he's meeting with
these children and he's he's being so crazy he's being so crazy to them's being so crazy. He's being so weird to them, yeah. And it's like my mind is wiped.
And then you get to that reveal and you just go,
oh, Slugworth was good.
I should have known by the name Slug,
which obviously is incredibly fastidious and-
Very loyal.
Nature's gardeners.
Very loyal creatures.
And worth and value.
It's right there
in the name. They're nature's
gardeners. I'm like normal
gardeners which
have no association
with nature at all.
It's the most unnatural thing in the world.
You know,
normal gardeners are trying to control nature, manipulate it for their own, you know, do their bidding or whatever.
Right.
Slugs work within the existing structures.
They're just trying to.
I'm nature's gardener.
Just goo on it.
But how's that gardening?
Just goo on it.
They're in the ecosystem.
Gardening, by definition, is outside of nature.
It's part of agriculture it's it is controlling
nature but nature's gardeners
that just means aren't bees more like nature's gardeners excuse me there's not just one
nature's garden i mean i don't think i said nature's only gardeners that is that is true i would say they're
more of like the bees are like nature's horn dogs you know because they're like fucking flowers all
day they're getting all up in the flowers guts yeah yeah they're they're fucking stinger deep
in flowers and they're buzzing they're creating buzz like your show if we can just
return some of the things that we were discussing just a minute ago just keeping it on sort of on
track no getting us back to where we were going yeah what kind of partner i mean what kind of
project you know do you think that something like the phony and collie show which you know
our show has a very particular
structure you know it's about two guys talking aimlessly for a while ours too ours is about
a couple of men chatting uh-huh without uh you know without a particular destination you know
we try not to uh put too many parameters on what we can discuss
uh and it's and it's for a little bit what do you what how long do you typically record for
uh well the episodes that we release are approximately an hour you know with ads so
maybe 48 minutes of content is released let's say we record for six to seven
hours a day yeah yeah wow are you it's it's your and and we're probably not as long lately because
we've been doing it for a little while we kind of can feel when something's hot when something's
working like i think we'll probably use the slug discussion from this. Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
That's fun.
Just no context.
And you have ads that run regularly, not just occasionally.
Do you have more than one ad in an episode?
You'd have to ask Kevin.
You'd have to talk to Kevin.
I don't really deal with that.
Yeah, I'd prefer it.
Kevin? What's up, guys? um yeah the ads are pretty interesting we really um get like every last drop out of it for the whole month
so before we used to have like does that make sense I don't just like you know I don't you
don't have we've done ads for a while, so we totally understand what that means.
But like for you that don't have that experience,
like does it not make sense that we get every last drop out of it for the
whole month?
I can be honest.
I don't understand what that means.
Yeah.
I didn't know.
I was afraid of that.
Okay.
I was hoping he would maybe break it down a little more clearly.
I obviously got it.
I said, Oh, this is pretty obvious.
What are you saying?
We get every drop out of it for the whole month. But it but smart for haze to jump in and say hey wait a
minute these guys are flying blind you know let's hold their hand to sound you might be like to
sound like you're laughing and crying when you talk about this stuff is that weird no when you're
talking about ads it's actually very normal oh Oh, okay. Okay.
So before we would manually edit in a new ad every single episode.
Now we're doing this thing
in the industry called dynamic ad insertion
where instead of having
I know about that.
Hundreds of ads
throughout the year.
That's what these are doing.
Yeah.
That's what they're inserting there yeah sorry kevin go ahead
i mean that's right isn't that what the flowers are doing to the bee we typically get like
a couple ads and then no hang on actually wait no that's no the flowers are covering the bees
and the bees aren't putting anything into the flowers the bees are bringing the flowers are covering the bees and the bees aren't putting anything into the flowers the bees are bringing the flowers are inserting something into the bees no i think the flowers
are i guess the bees insert their whole big ass in there man their ass and they get covered in
the fucking flower juice yeah i think they're stinging the flowers no No, they'd be dead. I didn't say stinger.
I said their ass.
I guess the pollen's coming off of them.
Yeah, they move flower
to flower, and there's pollen on their
legs and their back hind ass.
And then they go to another flower
that maybe doesn't have a lot.
You know, what's going on.
And they drop the pollen over there, and then the
flower's like, great. now I can grow more.
Nature's horny gardener.
I think the flower's inserting another bee.
Sorry.
Is that how flowers...
I just got kind of pissed off, you know?
John, this is a really important...
I was going to suggest maybe that you guys get...
that you get into the ads game,
but now I actually think you should not. I think you should
stay as far away from this as possible. This is a little bit of a
gang up on me. Well, John, when you do the ads, you know,
you're representing a brand. And so if you were to go rogue like you just
did and abandon the copy and start just theorizing
on a flower somehow inserting into a
bee uh you'd lose a lot of very important people a lot of money i do have to step in we'll be
step in and defend my partner and say that even though i think what he said clearly was wrong
in just in basic fundamental-
Kevin and I have barely been able to get through a sentence.
You guys have been laying in wait
to jump all over the two of us.
But I wanted to say that John has,
I think, a greater purpose here,
which is to understand maximizing dynamic ad insertion,
which I know I'm very interested in.
Absolutely. John and I both have obviously had very storied careers in the industry. And we really feel like as industry mavens,
as people who have been around, are visible, are seen, are recognized, are even during COVID,
recognized are um even during covid even with a mask on people could tell me through just through my eyes yeah and yes you know we know i'll desperate look in your eyes yes yo i run i have
awful sort of disassociative panic attacks that i don't even remember who i am and i leave the house
isn't that nice yeah everyone else knows don't they yeah that's
one of the gifts right yeah so recognizable well my neighborhood sort of does a story circle
every week and tells me what i did so i go out in the week and i go you know maybe i
attack somebody or i you know i you know maybe shit in a little Madonna, you know, like a little,
and where I live there's a lot of Madonna and babies.
Where I live, yeah.
You might use a toilet, you know.
On planet Earth, there's little Badattas everywhere.
No, I don't know where I live.
Where I live, too.
Where I live.
Little Madattas.
Where I live as well, there's little.
There's some big Badattas.
And there's huge ones.
Yeah, absolutely.
There's enormous ones, yeah.
Oh, really? We don't have enormous ones. You know, you wouldn't. There's a little, there's some big Madonna's And there's huge ones. Yeah, absolutely. There's enormous ones. Yeah, but.
Oh, really?
We don't have enormous ones. You know, you wouldn't.
There's a little Krishna.
You would get on one of those.
A little Krishna on the corner.
But anyway,
so I would really,
you know,
think that our star power
should be enough
to drive the show,
but it just feels like
ad insertion,
especially if it's dynamic,
would be something
interesting to both of us.
It is dynamic.
And thank you for the reset.
And go ahead, Kevin and John.
You know, I'll save my comments for afterward.
After I just want to clarify after what?
After he start after after you start talking.
After I start talking,
then the comments will flow free.
Yes.
All right.
Let me try it like this.
This analogy.
Because I'm a little bit of a music head.
Your band's about to go on tour.
Sorry, I just get emotional.
Your band's about to go on tour.
Are you reading this?
It's okay.
Yeah, put the paper down and just say it
put the paper down and just say it i i trace my hand when i get nervous
well you're gonna you know what you're all set for thanksgiving
turkey turkey okay i feel better your band's about to go on tour okay you sound you sound worse
yeah you don't sound better about to go on stage or on tour am i packing or am i touring
tour you're you're tuning what so stage on stage yeah you're about to go on stage. You're on. I guess you're not really on tour until you, you know,
until the first note is played.
And so I guess effectively you are about to go on tour
if it's the first show.
You're about to go on tour.
You're tuning for the first show.
And your manager comes up to you and says,
instead of playing 10 songs tonight,
why don't you play three?
And then you say, but we can do 10.
And then they say, no, do three tonight.
And then the next city do one.
Okay.
Get it?
I feel like I already have to understand dynamic ad placement to understand the analogy that you're making.
I thought this was going to be the explanation.
I think I get it.
Thank you, Tony.
I think I get it, which is that
they're saying, hey,
why not do less
and leave early?
And let's
just go to the next town.
And you get paid less. and get paid less and do less
the songs are the ads and then yes and then you go to the second city and you play one song and
then your manager plays a video of the other songs to everyone on this in the audience here's i think
a better analogy your band's about to go on tour before you take the
stage you know your manager comes up and says hey in between the songs why don't you do a couple ads
thank you should i do all the ads now they go no no no we're gonna dynamically insert the ads
throughout the course of the tour okay the dynamic quality of the insertion i think
is the part that is not getting explained at all clearly where does the dynamism somebody decides
where to put the ads in and they just decide differently every time and that's the dynamism
dynamic you know dynamically based on people don't know where to skip to.
So when they're playing the podcast, or let's say
to continue our concert
for Ice Axe, our band,
that
we're, and I'm presuming,
John, that that's okay.
You're saying it Ice Axe.
It's Ice Axe.
Yeah, Ice Axe.
I, comma, Sax comma sax our logo is crudely drawn testicles with two
dollar bill pyramid eyes on each one yeah i mean we play saxophone eyes act no i it's more about
i just want i just wanted to be clear it about that. We, that we all play saxophone.
Yeah.
It's an all sax band,
but the logo.
Yes.
It does add a different layer to it for sure.
Yeah.
It just like lets people.
I like,
I'm not complaining about the logo.
It's a lowercase.
I voted for a different logo.
That's fine.
It's a low for a different name.
I wanted to call it.
I want to call it i want to call
it isis oh i understand we all have sisters yeah isis isis and then you bring your sisters up to
dance at the end of the show and then people in the audience can buy nice yeah and and johnny and
tony here's a little trick of the trade and johnny but have have the ad
have a little sax solo so people don't want to skip it yeah because sometimes it can be boring
and then you feel the elevator going down i don't have any the elevator is going down to help
the other people to help the other part yeah but there's a different elevator we're on is there an ad
elevator and a health elevator this is the rock and roll elevator in this case it's songs yeah
and the elevator goes down and it's got uh amelia west of as his corpse on the roof
how many dates do we have are we doing like major cities are we doing second market
so you the you play every week but sometimes you don't have any songs.
Okay.
If that makes sense.
You'll go to your manager like, hey, why don't we have any songs this week?
We're still doing a show.
Yeah.
And the manager doesn't know either.
They'll say, let me check on that.
Well, it seems like the manager, I'll say this.
It seems like the manager truly does not know what's going on, nor really care, almost as if it's like some sort of like, like, you know, when you have like a public service from like a crime that doesn't constitute jail time and you must go somewhere and, you know, do a compelled service for a period of time.
That sort of feels like the attitude of the manager in relationship to whether
there's songs in the concert or not, whether they care or not.
And often only tells you information.
Committed a petty crime and was was sentenced to compulsory service.
That happens all the time.
Well, the manager...
It's typical sentencing.
You know, the jails are overcrowded.
Yeah.
The manager cares about some stuff.
He was able, I guess,
to purchase a house yesterday.
You're not the manager's only client,
and that's becoming increasingly clear.
It's funny.
When we went on tour,
our manager let us know right up front that we were not only not their only client but that they would not be
paying attention to the tour whatsoever this manager was like fully invested but then realized
the band doesn't like playing music and got scared the manager was scared i just want to clarify the manager was scared the band was
very brave the dynamic quality can't be brave unless you're scared yes yeah i guess i was very
brave too yes thank you john you were really imagining over there just then remember earlier
today when we were taping you talked about my imaginarium and i just watched
you imagine i loved seeing john play in his imaginarium and splash around like that it was
so inspiring tony and i both when we're imagining things we squeeze our eyes shut and live uh we
squeeze our eyes shuts and we live yeah in separate imaginariums yeah we squeezes our eyes shuts and we think about the thoughts
we see things and and here's things you know imagine beautiful the childlike wonder that
both of you still bring to this i remember when we started out we had some of that
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Now, we did have an idea for a collaboration. Oh, good. slash the boys now
we did have an idea for
collaboration oh good
comedy casino
what do you think when you hear those two words
carpeting
you know
really the direction that I think we were if we we don't have a we don't have a lot
for this we mostly just have comedy casino we brought that you know which okay is pretty
cool but i do know that we were sort of thinking we were thinking going into more is it like spanish tile
oh i was thinking like comedy baked in a broiler with garlic and bacon and butter okay
and that sounded delicious because i just i think if comedy can be edible if comedy can taste good people really that's
when they want it i guess again of a we don't have a i just want to address that one before
we move to the next one just just so we know just so we're on the same page yeah again we don't have
much there will be food the food is is all boiled sorry which one are you addressing
the the comedy casino being a comedy that's prepared with like garlic butter and that it's uh
hasn't been addressed yet that it's broiled but when i said carpeting that's so that
not that's not ever going to get addressed no that
was no we did when hayes said very explicitly like a spanish tile spanish tile right okay that was it
that's it that's i'm sorry john that's definitely it we are done with that for sure no hayes let's
let this does feel pretty embarrassing for my partner.
I know.
No, as a favor to you, John, I want you to feel heard.
So you had an idea.
You just asked what I pictured.
Mm-hmm.
And if we're talking about...
And then Hayes said he pictured something else.
And then Anthony said another idea.
I'm sorry, can we just take it back?
All of this will be very clear.
Can we get a quick time out and I can talk to my partner privately for just a moment?
Yeah, let's do that.
John, this is like an opportunity that we don't have, okay?
This is a chance to partner with something that's successful.
You've already heard about the ads and the music.
I don't want to go on tour right now
okay i don't think anybody's saying we're going to go on tour i think it's just an analogy that
they talked about a bus and having to tune up and everything i'm not ready to do that these guys are
i imagine guys are a bus you know i think these guys are like i I don't know, talking. Paul. I think they can hear us, but listen, you're embarrassing me.
I am?
We're supposed to come in and be confident, okay?
And we could merge.
Look at WeWork.
These guys want to jump all over everything I say,
and you're right there with them, all right?
I'm playing the game, baby.
What do you want?
Do you want to make money?
If the game is gang up,
who am I supposed to gang up on?
The giggly guy?
Yes!
Yes!
Gang up on him, okay?
All right.
Maybe it'll get you back in the game.
But you've got to gang up with me.
What, what?
You've got to have my back.
I've got it, I've got it.
Ah, he's... Sorry sorry guys he's doesn't
understand anything oh it's so fine it's so fine yeah yeah yeah no way does he understand anything
okay all right john he's ignorant but look we i think the the food's gonna be boiled
you know that's uh thank you for answering my question boiled. You know, that's settled.
Thank you for answering my question.
We have a big pot.
That's fine.
And you're going to spend all day sweeping that floor.
Anytime anything falls on the floor,
you're going to be sweeping it up,
carpeting, you can't see the stains.
You're going to be mashing the boiled beans
right into your carpet.
Nobody's going to see it
because the pattern is so elaborate. The boiled beans are going to dry at the carpet. Nobody's going to see it because the pattern is so elaborate.
The boiled beads are going to dry at the carpet.
Nobody will see it.
Everybody's going to see the spills.
I'll know it's there.
It's going to be swooshes and cubes.
It's going to be all different colors.
I hope it smells very elaborate, too.
Yeah, because it's going to be rotten, boiled beans.
You've got to pump that oxygen in.
You've got to pump that oxygen in.
That's not really
the direction we were
thinking. We were thinking this is going to be
more of a nitrogen. Sorry, not the direction,
Tony. Tony took it
in the wrong direction.
Because it's a comedy.
You drove it into a ditch.
I'm sorry. We don't have a lot for it. We don't because it's it's a comedy drove it into a ditch yeah i'm sorry yeah
i'm sorry we don't have a lot for it we don't really know what it is but we were gonna put
helium in we thought it's gonna be a helium casino yeah i'm sorry i'm really embarrassed
yeah that's sorry i'm sorry john i didn't mean to embarrass you uh i'm sorry well next time
next time
you know
don't be such a
fuck schmuck
I'm sorry
and uh
you know
the bees
he's doing so good
you know about what the flowers do
this is such a good part of the podcast what he's doing so good you know about what the flowers do this is such a good part of the podcast
what he's doing
everything you say is just laughable
and uh
what do you want
what do you want from me
we want a cogent idea for comedy
casino
I'm just gonna bring it back in and say that i like the idea i want the partnership
and i know my partner does is embarrassing and and and sort of infuriating as he can be
and i just think that there's a lot of opportunity maybe to start in the old strip in Vegas. Uproot everything.
Let's cancel all our projects.
Go to old Vegas.
Get alone.
New bullshit.
Shit sucks.
Miss me with that shit.
Let's buy the old Binions.
Let's buy Binions Casino.
I love Binions on Showtime.
It's my favorite Showtime show.
I love Binions. Binions on Showtime. It's my favorite Showtime show. I love Binions.
Binions is so good.
That's like me and my buddies.
That's your tiny yellow round mobsters running Las Vegas,
making lots of money.
That's Binions.
Binions.
And it stars all.
The Binions from Despicable Bee.
Yeah. Oh. and it stars all the despicable b you doing okay tony well that's why i talk about is our signature flavor of the podcast which is that we don't shy away from decay and being sick and and getting older uh so uh so many podcasts now
dude it's so played out to like be healthy and like yeah and just be talking and not making like
other noise you know i know yeah it's no it's all these young healthy noises and it's like it's like
the problem with social media these days where it's like you young healthy noises and it's like it's like the problem with social media these
days where it's like you're presenting this fantasy yeah that you're not extremely sick right now
yes and that's not related to content like that's not that's not my life so then now i feel like
shit because i'm listening to like these young studs like Ira Glass or whatever.
Oh, yeah. They're like just acting all fucking healthy.
And I'm going like, this is not this is not achievable for a regular American like myself.
And I always appreciate when people on Instagram will like post a picture where they're like pretending they're like young and healthy and stuff.
And then later being like, just so you know,
I was,
I was sneezing a lot at the time that I posted this picture.
Oh yeah.
I was sneezing all the time.
I followed this account.
Beautiful,
beautiful young woman,
incredible beach pictures.
I was just,
I was really probably obsessively tracking this account.
And then finally she posted a beautiful beaches and she finally beaches. Nice. Yeah. Just the beaches, not account. And then finally she posted beautiful beaches and she finally beaches.
Nice.
Yeah.
Just the beaches,
not her.
And then,
but you could just tell she was beautiful and healthy and healthy and taught.
And in the description,
had a great day,
woke up,
rested,
had a healthy bowel movement.
You know,
just reporting no problems.
I feel free through my nose
yeah breathe through my nose uh my hand my hands don't crack uh you know i don't suddenly have a
moment where i feel like i lose my breath and maybe a little bit of consciousness and i don't
know what's going on it goes away and then i just ignore it because i figure well what am i going to
do go to the doctor about everything whites of the eyes
are clear yeah and then you know what made her so relatable was when she she she finally posted a
selfie and she was a 98 year old actually one of the last living birkenau survivors and she and she
was very sick and had been sick since World War II both mentally and physically
with the trauma and what happened to her
and it made me feel
more connected
it makes you sort of stop
scrolling, it's not all white noise
now you go, oh good
a human being like me
her family posted it because she had died the day before
at the beach
it wasn't as inspiring.
It wasn't as brave.
It was a brave family, though.
That's one of the bravest families I've ever heard about.
Your family
is telling your story for you
versus just getting out in front
of it and saying,
I'm sick.
That's what I thought i thought i thought
coward was the first thing i thought yeah yeah fake fake fake friend fake gamer girl as well
yeah total fake gamer girl that can be one of the most frustrating things where you feel like
you're really connecting with someone online uh a girl as you said an attractive young female
who's so into games gaming you know these games that i love where i'm shooting puzzles and
and then to learn uh that there's no there's no lenses in those glasses yeah and that the um the reflection of the light the game and
stuff that she was actually just watching a movie about a game she was watching pixels
and there was no game yeah being played uh that can be um pixels is the best of all of them too
by the way pixels yeah oh yeah no it's got the most games it says the most games
in it and that's how you judge a video game movie if you judge a video game movie you judge it by
the number of games mentioned in it well you're gonna see one you're gonna see you know uh
assassin's creed you know they're only doing the one game yeah you're gonna see pixels take your You got to see Pixels. Take your pick, Tolles.
Because, you know,
Josh Gad's getting sucked off by fucking Q-Bert
at the same time that
Pac-Man, you know,
chomping on Sandler.
And you're like, okay,
now we're actually, you know,
doing a movie because there's more games.
I like The Wizard.
Hey, cool, man.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah, Fred Savage
just really
had a problem recently.
Is that why you're
bringing him up? Because he had a problem recently?
He recently had a problem.
You want to either celebrate
what he did or
dance on the
kick someone when they're down
is it either for you to
yeah what are you doing exactly
John is it that you
agree with his behavior
or is it that you think he deserves ridicule
at his lowest moment
go ahead and pick I'm curious to to know i i i just i think
i wanted to reference the wizard i mean you're you're on your own partner you're you're on your
own i mean they're still remaking the wonder years right like i can't be the i mean it's up to you at
this point yeah yeah you have to decide yes so they? So this is what I want to know.
Should they move forward with the project?
The Wonder Years?
Yes.
Well, it's a great opportunity.
Hollywood Handbook.
That was a Hate Gum podcast.