Hollywood Handbook - Johnny Pemberton, Our Close Friend
Episode Date: August 11, 2014Sean and Hayes are extremely pissed about having to do so many Ice Bucket Challenges all week. On the bright side, they talk about some very exciting development opportunities involving newsp...aper comic strip properties. Then guest JOHNNY PEMBERTON arrives to speak on his famous charity stunts and eat a whole pack of gum for Engineer Sam. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery returns, and Johnny explains points on the back end and the dangers of baseball tricks. ​See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
So, Jason muses like, he doesn't believe me.
And I'm like, no.
I was confused too for a long time.
But that guy, the director, is silent bob they're like this they
are the same person and i watching him figure it out and like really piecing it together it's tough
it's tough it was tough on him because he'd been sort of living in this illusion for such a long
time and also that's a friend of his yes who was
tricking him yeah yeah that's hard to go to work backwards through that relationship and go like
all those times that he was filming me that i didn't know it that i was interacting with this
other guy silent bob who i thought was another friend of mine and i now i know why i never saw
them together or why one would go to the bathroom and then Silent Bob would come out
it was just him putting on a trench coat and a backwards hat
and I bring out Kevin
in the Silent Bob outfit
and have him stand there
and say hello Jason
yeah
and we all
cried
it was cathartic
well it's a release.
It is a release.
And after – and Kevin didn't want to live in that reality anymore either.
No.
I think at a certain point he was being –
It was very tough on both of them.
He was being Silent Bob to protect Jason.
Yes.
Because it had gone on so much further than he'd ever imagined.
Well, snoogins to both of them, and I couldn't be happier.
Snooch to the booch. Snooch to the booch to both of them, and I couldn't be happier. Snooch to the booch.
Snooch to the booch to both of those men.
Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in
the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
What up, what up?
You know, this week.
It's been a good week.
A cold week.
This ice bucket.
I'm so frigging pissed at the people who've been tagging us in these ice bucket challenges.
Carl Urban tagged me this morning.
It's so fucking cold.
It's like, do you not know how cold it is?
It's so cold.
And people think like, oh, it's like the summer.
It's nice in the summertime it's that's
ice that's that's the coldest thing there is water okay yes water's so cold that it froze
an ice bucket philip roth tagged me yesterday and i was like look i loved exit ghost yes plot
against america there's some ones in the middle that are kind of boring to me.
Okay, the baseball one, I didn't totally get what you were doing.
American Pastoral, I like.
Goodbye, Columbo.
Portnoy's Complaint, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, a little dirty, but also pretty well written.
It's a good book about horniness.
Yes, The Human Stain.
Okay, and guys, that's not about the Monica Lewinsky
scandal.
The human stain
on her dress. What?
Bill Clinton made a
spooge
stain
on Monica's dress.
Oh, yes.
Human stain.
Yes, of course.
But I don't think that book's about that.
Well, they do actually talk a lot about Bill Clinton in that book,
and now I'm sort of making that connection
because it is taking place at the same time.
Is it?
I haven't read any of it.
I haven't really read his stuff,
but he tagged me in the ice bucket challenge.
Yeah.
And I was freaking pissed.
Yeah. I was like, okay,
I know you can write a book, but that doesn't
give you the right to make me be so fucking cold.
It's feezing.
It is feezing.
Well, yes.
But then they say
if you don't do it,
you have to pay like a100 to these weirdos.
And so I'm saying bring on the buckets.
Yes.
Hit me with the bucket because I don't want to give my money to people who I can't totally figure out what they're out for.
Yes.
And what are they going to do with this $100?
Are they going to go get more of the – whatever the stuff?
this hundred dollars are they gonna go get more of the whatever the stuff so you know rather than actually do anything monetary i i've been but yeah getting ice on myself i'm just in a bay i'm just
going around in a bathing suit all the time now because i'm constantly getting bucketed
when i was growing up getting iced meant that you put a Smirnoff ice in your bro's pocket and you made him chug it.
Yes, and that was funny and it was fun.
And if you didn't feel like chugging it, you didn't give a hundred bucks who you don't even know what he's going to do with the money.
Hopefully, you use it for a sandwich.
That's what I would prefer to do.
Is just buy them a bucket of soup.
I'll buy you a hundred dollars worth of soup. We'll buy them a bucket of soup. I'll buy you $100 worth of soup.
We'll buy them a bucket of soup
instead of a bucket of ice.
Yes.
And then have them eat the soup.
And you can come with me
and we'll eat the soup together.
Yes.
I'll watch you eat it.
I'm not going to give this to you
and let you just like,
I don't want you to turn around and sell the soup.
I don't want you to trundle off
into some alleyway.
And this is the thing with giving money to these guys or any guys is you don't know if the money is going to do something nefarious when it leaves your pocket.
And so if you use it for something positive, soup, hamburger sandwich, literally anything that could be eaten or that could be worn.
Blankets.
Oh, yes.
A shirt.
Thank you.
That's exactly what I was searching for.
A shirt.
These things you buy, people know what that is.
You can see them wear it.
It's not something where they can take this money and do something with it that
is not exactly
positive for society.
Anyway,
we're a little cold and we're a little
ornery as you can tell, but we do have
some exciting news. Hayes and I are
going to turn the newspaper comics into movies.
We've signed a big deal
with United Features
Syndicate. We've signed a big deal with United Features Syndicate.
We've gotten all the big properties that are out there right now.
You know, all, like, God, some of these amazing characters that we have to just play with.
Pogo.
Pogo, yeah.
Shoe.
We're doing big stuff with Shoe.
Curtis.
We're trying to get. And when you get Curtis, you don't just get Curtis the character.
You get Gunk, Curtis's friend.
You get Gunther, Curtis's barber.
You get his dad who has to quit smoking.
You get Super Captain Coolman, his favorite superhero.
You get all the Kwanzaa guys.
Every time they do the whole Kwanzaa thing every year and they use the old, like, mythical African characters, you get all of those.
It's a package deal.
We have so many things to work with.
With an eye on, I think, sort of creating a new Marvel universe with some of these characters.
And I'd like to single out For Better or For Worse.
Yes, yes.
We have some really exciting plans
for For Better or For Worse.
Because those characters do age,
we actually can make five or six movies simultaneously
with the characters at different ages.
Or do sort of a boyhood,
or I guess Engineer Cody boy,
now that project, we can do a version of that.
Yes, a version of that where we have Lizzie,
and you have Lizzie as a baby, and then she's getting older,
and that's Mizzy's macaroni, and don't touch Mizzy's macaroni
when people try to eat Lizzie's macaroni.
You can have Farley die, who was was their lovable dog who died in a river
and we and we're we i know what you're thinking we have gotten grumpy cat to play this dog which
is its own sort of like in joke because farley was also very happy-go-lucky and sort of outgoing
and a dog and so to see grumpy Cat sort of play against type like that.
And it's,
yes,
it's tracking great because people are so aware of Grumpy Cat and what's his
next project.
It's an in joke for people who are fans of Grumpy Cat and the comic,
a little bit of backlash.
Some people are so attached to the idea of Farley as a pure dog.
Yes.
The real nerds, you know, the real comics nerds.
But this is the same thing I say about having a black guy play Wonder Woman,
which is it's about time, you know,
which I'm pretty sure they're doing right now.
It's people who, they're a little scared of change.
Well, they're close-minded,
and I think that we're really breaking some molds.
And our primary, our first thing that we have slated is we're doing the Foxtrot film.
Yes.
And that's what we're going into right now.
And we break ground on that production tomorrow.
Yes.
Because we are building the Foxtrot house. Foxtrot, of course, is the Fox family.
Roger is the patriarch.
Roger Fox.
Andy's the mom.
Andy.
Peter's the older brother, Paige, and sort of the nefarious Jason.
Jason, who's wise beyond his years.
Yes.
But can't always stay out of trouble.
And it can be pretty frustrating to Paige, I think.
We do have McAdams to do Paige.
That kid who says apparently a lot, fingers crossed for Jason.
I mean, that would be a dream.
Yes, and if he doesn't do it we'll use dave franco
in the studio once dave franco and it's we're fine with dave franco but the kid who says apparently a
lot you know uh from the news from the news yeah right um would really be our first second and
third choice and franco's somewhere around six or, and I have another idea of someone in between. Peter's always wearing a hat that seems like a natural fit for Judah Friedlander.
And being able to write funny things on the hat.
Just a bonus, just more jokes for your bugs.
Just a constant joke on the screen all the time.
100% joke saturation whenever the hat is present on screen and so
when you think about that for focus group testing i don't know if you like i know actually you don't
know how well focus group testing works but people get these dials where when they hear something
they like they think is funny or interesting and before you get too gross the dials aren't attached to their dick
it's just a dial that you turn to say you like it or you don't it doesn't like provide pleasure i
don't want to indulge that but you can hear them thinking like oh so you turn it up and it puts
like electric shocks into your dick your dick and it's like no that's not the kind of testing we're
talking about that's a different, this is for movies.
And so you turn the dial all the way up when you like something.
And the effect you get, you wonder why Judah Freelander is like in movies.
The effect you get on the dial is when they can see the hat, the dial is turned all the way up at all times. And it doesn't matter what else is going on on the screen.
They're laughing at the hat.
And so you can get some cool artistic messages through that maybe audiences wouldn't approve of as long as the hat's on screen yes so if you want
to make a statement about something it's a little political yes it's mixing a little broccoli and
with the brownies yes exactly yes people have to eat their vegetables and uh and they find that out
and when that does happen that does feel good on my dick i mean that is
like having a pleasure dial for me to see that we're giving someone an important message um
maybe it's that uh the bible is a work of fiction or anything and uh and see okay
i believe in how many people making a statement how many people have to die
okay behind religious fanatic beliefs some big man in the sky who says you know okay
i will give you spank get it all out get get it all out. I'll give you – this is your platform right now where you can talk about your feelings on this and get everything you want out there now.
And then we just don't have to talk about it again on the show.
Okay?
L. Ron Hubbard has found a better way to live.
So Dianetics tells us that we have in our DNA, in our history, these sort of almost record scratches, right?
These imprints where there's some flaw in there. If we can go in through auditing with a trained expert, we can actually remove these glitches and become clear, at which point we are our greatest selves.
I mean, what makes more sense to you? We're planted here by aliens, okay?
Or I'm made out of dirt and my uh girlfriend's made
out of bones somebody by my bones my rib bones one bone what makes more sense to you
knowing the universe how big it is
is that i'm asking you're asking what makes more sense to me?
Yeah.
I'm not obligated to participate in this.
I'm letting you say what you think.
Oh, okay.
And to your Sam, what makes more sense to you,
knowing the universe how big it is,
and hey, tell him it is big?
Okay.
It is big.
Is there anything else he needs to know
before he makes his decision?
Hmm.
I guess he should know that I care about him very much
and that I don't always show that through my actions.
Are you holding a treat?
Show me your hand.
It's a Reese's Fast Break.
It's a Reese's Fast Break. It's a Reese's Fast Break.
It's just peanut butter and nougat.
He's going to go right to you if you're holding a treat.
Okay, but it's just a Reese's Fast Break.
It's peanut butter and nougat and just chocolate.
Okay, well, that destroys the whole experience.
He doesn't like crunch, you know, because there's no peanut.
There's no pretzel in it.
He doesn't have sharp teeth.
He doesn't have the jaw strength.
It's not a matter of teeth, actually.
We found out because i did take i
i took him to uh yeah dr akmanic and and it's not actually a matter of teeth oh i thought it was
because he has flat teeth yeah well that's what i thought too because from looking at him that's
what it looks like but it's actually jaw strength and he just didn't develop and i don't know if
it's the way the hinge works or if it's the muscle mass.
If it's the muscle mass, we can build it up.
There's a bunch of jaw exercises.
That's interesting.
Because you can see it does – it just hangs open.
And when he chews something, he uses his fist.
Well, if it's a hinge malfunction, it doesn't matter how strong you get it because it's
just never going to – it's never going to properly close.
So we're doing these jaw exercises and just hoping that we come out the other side of it.
Well, I showed him the fast break.
Now I have to give it to him.
Yeah.
Okay.
Here you go, Sammy.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, he likes it.
Look at him enjoying that fast break.
Yeah, this is nice.
He's just sort of holding it in his mouth
and letting his saliva kind of break it down slowly.
Just mushing it around with his tongue,
pushing it against the palate there.
A slurry.
And then it's just sort of dripping down the back of his throat.
Yeah.
Here, I'm going to give him – here.
That's nice.
Here's a little – I'm going to give him a little baggie to catch some of the drips.
And he'll drink the drips later tonight for dinner.
Anyway, so we've got – Jason has his best friend Marcus who is –
I think Chadwick Boseman is a great fit for something like that.
You see, if he could play Jackie and he could play James, then he could play – and he could play Marcus, I think.
I still want Tavi.
Tavi Gevinson?
I mean, you can go out to her i mean i still want tovey you want her to play jason's
ideally black male best friend yes ideally
well she is a kid she is a little kid she is young so that's half of it right there and
i think that people will be more accepting of the sexual undertones
that exist between jason and marcus if it was toby toby toby gevinson and the kid who says
apparently yes toby gevinson and the kid who says apparently and i can just see the sparks flying
between them sure and i i think it's fine i love love that Marcus is almost definitely fucking Jason
and putting that iguana Quincy into his butt side, part of his body.
And that's very heavily implied in the Foxtrot comics.
But I don't think America's ready for it.
When you look at the expression on Quincy's face all the time,
he's never looking too pleased about what's going on.
Well, and he's always adjusting to the light.
In between the panels.
He's always getting used to being in the light, it seems like.
His pupils are, you can see them shrinking.
Yeah, he's like rapidly sort of blinking like, okay, I mean, is this, how long is this for
that I'm actually going to get to sort of breathe fresh air and not be, you know, put
into Jason's butt.
Mm-hmm.
By Marcus.
By Marcus.
Who ideally to me is Tavi Gevinson.
And how about the mom and dad?
Now we get to cast some real fun old folks in this business.
some real fun old folks in this business.
Now, to me, Andy has always had kind of a hang dog,
lovable Luke Wilson feel.
Yes.
And she has that thing where she's like typing a lot on the computer,
which I have seen him do.
So do we cast andy as luke wilson and then once he's on board do we get owen to play her husband roger ah yes because you can actually
sort of tell that roger and andy are fucking yes sort of on the side and they actually make some
allusions uh to that in the strip.
And so then to play that out, experiment with that with Luke and Owen,
that could be really interesting.
With Luke and Owen and seeing them sort of give each other a big warm kiss.
Yeah.
And for Owen to go like, oh, man, that felt really good, that kiss, bro.
You know, like, and I'm no impressionist.
What's Luke say?
Oh, yeah, I remember when I gave you that good kiss.
We have a great guest today.
Johnny Pemberton is here.
Stand-up comedian, and he's acting, and he's in the movies,
and he's going to come on our show right next on Hollywood Handbook.
Hollywood Handbook.
So I say to Naomi, Judd, get that away from me, or I'm going to call the fucking police.
And she's like, well, it's just my car.
And I'm like, that's not a car.
That's a fucking weird-ass bug.
Smart car?
It's like a smart car?
Okay, yeah.
I don't know.
Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in
the red carpet line back hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
John Pemberton is here.
21 Jump Street.
22 Jump Street.
Stand up.
Yes, comedic.
All kinds of comedy.
Yes, that, sure.
But around- Kroll Show.
Yes, it's always sunny in Philadelphia.
Now, these are all things that he's done.
Maybe you've seen them on your screen, but what Johnny's really known for is his generous spirit.
And he does a lot of charity work and i think that's mainly what
we wanted to talk about with you today john i'm here hi john hey hey hi so nice of you to come
here thanks for having me it's uh great to to just drop in and hear your credits like that
it feels good you know it feels good it feels bad actually but it feels good. It feels good. It feels bad, actually, but it feels good.
Why does it feel bad?
Because, you know,
it's like a thing where
that's part of my charity
stuff I'm working on
is trying to get people
credits who have none.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's similar to our mission here.
And you can give them
a few of yours, maybe.
Well, I wish I could.
I've tried to work that out
to give credits away.
IMDB can be sticklers. Which of your credits work that out to give credits away. IMDb can be sticklers.
Which of your credits are you
trying to just give away sometimes?
All the co-starring roles, basically. Any co-starring
roles, I'm going to get rid
of those co-starring roles for sure just because
now they're kind of neither here nor there.
They clutter it up.
Any web series stuff, any shorts,
any kind of things that were like a
quote, TV movie,
a.k.a. failed pilot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, those TV movies.
Yes.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Wink, wink.
Totally.
Yeah.
But that's just a little piece of it.
But otherwise it's just all about just trying to do things that people – I mean people are always doing things all the time, activities.
Yes.
This is part of your philosophy, yeah, that people are always doing things.
But they're not necessarily doing them for charity.
Right.
You do all kinds of things like shopping at a grocery store.
If you do it, sometimes if you're not being watched, you do things differently.
Mm-hmm.
You do things probably faster and more speedy because you're not being, you're not aware.
If someone's watching me, perfectly separate these bananas the exact amount I want.
Yeah.
As opposed to buying the whole clump.
Yes.
So if you do that when you're not being watched, you're doing it great.
But as an actor, I have the ability to do things
while being watched as though I'm not being watched.
Yes.
And so why not use that for charity
by doing these big sort of events that you can monetize?
Sidetrack.
Are banana clumps getting bigger?
I don't know.
Well, this is Gmo's. i don't know well this is um gmos okay you know
about this something's up because when i'm looking at those banana clumps i feel like something's not
right they're starting to look like the clumps from the clumps movies it's gmos they combine
that's how big they're getting they combine them they splice them with grapes you know about this
i have i don't.
I just haven't read any science stuff for almost a month.
And so now it's the shape of a banana and the taste of it,
but sort of the grouping and the quantity of grapes.
Okay, yeah, because the clumps look very big.
But I'm sorry, I cut you off a little bit.
Just because I was like, when you mentioned the banana clumps,
it really took me there to being in the store and going like, something is freaking up with
this.
But yes, I think that we have seen people do these big stunts before.
I certainly, celebrities, you know, made a big event out of these stunts, but never with
the frequency and never with the sort of um panache
the panache thank you yeah that you've been word yeah that you've been uh doing and um
you just did something for weird kids like a week ago right do you mean weird kids the
organization or weird kids in general like kids who are weird kids the organization that helps
weird kids okay Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
That was really fun.
It was something just real simple, but that's the thing.
It's all about simplicity under the microscope.
That's what we talk about.
That's what we talk about. And your big stunt that you did was you registered to get a new debit card.
Mm-hmm.
Went into the bank.
I did it.
A bunch of them.
I did it in person.
No one does that.
Everyone calls that number.
But if you look closely, you can go in and you can talk to somebody.
And it's not that fun.
It's a pretty insane thing to do.
It takes a little bit of time.
So because it takes time, that's the time I take.
And that's my donation is the time.
And you get to see me interact with a normal person,
like talking to them, just being like, hey, yeah, this is my number.
Hey, how are you?
Stuff like that.
Okay, wow, yeah, just a man of the people kind of thing.
But there's always cameras trained on it, so it becomes an event,
but that's the thing for weird kids.
It's just they're so weird.
There's so many of them.
They're so weird that I'm willing to – I'll register.
That's what I did that day.
I registered 15 debit cards, which is – that's a record.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All for the same account?
Well, no.
You have to set up separate accounts.
Okay.
Yeah.
You got to pay the piper.
Yeah.
And there's a minimum, I think, deposit for each of these things,
and that has to come from somewhere.
It comes from money.
Yeah, it comes from some part of the charity that would be going to the Weird Kids
is going to opening new accounts for you.
I guess it would have to go to opening the accounts.
Well, we have a silent backer, Tevin Campbell.
He's an R&B singer-songwriter.
He's been kind of behind the scenes the last 15 years or so,
but that's where he's coming in for that.
We met at a function.
It was just sort of this meatballs for charity thing.
It's like a celebrity chef.
What's his name?
I can't remember.
Paul Perdom?
No, it's not Paul Perdom.
I think he's off meat now.
He got too big.
Oh.
Yes, he's big for meeting meat. Sounds like Paul Perdom to me. It's a pauper dome. Okay. I think he's off meat now. He got too big. Oh. Yes. He's big from eating meat.
Yeah.
Sounds like pauper dome to me.
Put a shunt in or a stint?
A stint.
It's a shunt.
Yeah.
And it drains.
Yeah.
It'll drain you.
He had to get shunted because his stint blew out because of the cholesterol deposits.
In his body.
Yeah.
But Tevin and I have been rolling ever since.
Yeah.
From the meatball thing you went to.
Yeah, ironically enough, meatballs.
They roll, yeah.
They roll.
It's all gravy.
It's all gravy, baby.
He hates that.
No, no, no, no.
I won't tell.
Tevin, I'm sorry about that, baby.
So I guess you've come under a little bit of heat lately.
People kind of feel like you're just having a lot of money invested to film you,
basically running your errands,
and then giving a pretty small amount to charity at the end of the day.
It seems like you're maybe getting your life funded.
That grocery store thing.
Right.
You know, all the time you spent shopping, you're spending a lot of money on food.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, that's part of it.
Teach a man to fish.
That's a thing.
Yes, it is.
Yes.
You have to feed an army, is the old Roman saying.
Ooh.
Yeah.
The army wins on food.
Yep.
And there's a...
Romans used to have pieces of cheese that were the size of wagon wheels.
Mm-hmm.
And hide them.
They'd hide them inside.
That's actually a little different, but yeah, you're onto the right track.
And they'd get in there.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I haven't read any history stuff for a little while.
Is that a thing, though?
Is that the Parmesan invasion where they would have the guy inside the wheel?
Yeah, they'd get in there, and everyone would go inside the opposing city,
and then they'd eat him inside the cheese, but he'd be poisoned.
Oh, because he's so – yeah, that's an interesting technique.
But that's sort of where I was getting at is that you've got to feed an army.
And so charity is expensive.
You have to, like I can't have, you can't have people who work for me showing up looking shabby.
You can't have people, they have to have parking, like have to have people get to the office right when they get there, like valet.
Everything's valet.
Always valet.
Yes.
And a place to keep all the food, that costs money.
That's rent.
Yeah, you've got to have a house for that.
And that's the charity house.
And we let people sleep there at least, shoot, it must be three or four nights a month.
Yeah.
With someone sleeping there.
And that's generally attractive women that you're letting sleep there.
Yeah, but these attractive...
That's the thing about...
People don't realize outside of Hollywood is attractive women have more problems than most.
They get sick.
They get really sick.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And then you do...
Unfortunately, yeah.
This is what I say to people.
You know, if you don't eat food...
Right.
You're going to die.
Yeah.
And if you die, then there's nobody to do the stunt
you know so you have to be eating your favorite tj your favorite tj's products what are some of
your favorite oh trader joe's oh yeah yeah i don't really go to trader joe's oh where do you do i i
like to go trader joe's for i'll go to trade joe's for the for like a stunt yeah yeah shopping stunt
like a 60 that's kind of a goof yeah the 20 minute one whatever divided that by seconds that's what
we call it and uh otherwise you know i typically i don't really go shopping oh okay just not a lot
of time or interest yeah going to the places and picking out this you and picking it out and touching the stuff.
I put stuff back a lot.
I'll pick it up and look at it, read the label.
Sure.
I used to, at least.
And who knows how many people have done that before me.
Well, they're certainly doing it now.
Yeah.
Yes, now that they've seen that big thing you did.
Now they're all doing it.
And that is, you know, you're a person of influence, John.
Well, that's, you know, that's what you got to do.
It's part of it.
It's part of the lifestyle.
And now I guess it's sort of become, you do a lot of stunt consulting now.
Anytime someone needs just some like insane shit.
Just what's the craziest shit we can do for the big movie.
Well, Bret Michaels came to me recently.
Oh, okay.
Speak on that.
Yes.
He's great.
He just has such a, he's got a real shining heart, they say.
You know, he's just really, it bubbles over with that.
He just shines.
He literally shines.
Yes.
And he figuratively shines as well
and so and that heart's giving him it's a little too shiny lately yeah unfortunately yes yeah and
so brett came to me he wanted to start something up that was real simple real easy to do something
that he could get everybody on the whole team on board and we kind of pow wowed for a little bit
um we went up to joshua tree for the weekend
and stayed at this very it's a great place it's just it's this place that's um it's a it's a
geodesic dome that they flattened and they sunk underground but then they raised they sunk it
underground but then they take all the ground that was around it and excavated it so it's basically
on flat again but underneath underneath. Just lower.
Yeah, lower.
Which evidently, Brett was telling me that this is a vibrational thing that's just, you can't beat it, right?
You can't.
Yes.
Nature does not have a match except for maybe if you were able to live in the subroots of an elm tree.
Yeah, yes. But who wants to do that?
So we powered up there.
We just kind of got in the same vibe as far as what Brett was into.
And we came up with something called Bandanarama, which is something-
Okay, yes.
Okay, all right.
I read about this.
I think I heard about that on the news.
Yes, the news told me.
Speak on that, Bandanarama.
Well, if you've seen Brett Michaels, you know he's a bandana man.
Yes.
And he has been rocking those, rocking, no pun intended.
He's a rocker.
For people who don't know Bret Michaels, he's a rocker.
He's a rocker.
Got it.
I love, that's probably my favorite genre, definitely.
You like rock?
Your favorite genre of guitar music?
Big rock.
Big 10,000 Maniacs fan.
Yeah.
Anything Natalie Merchant touches is like whispering gold to me. Mm-hmm. genre of guitar music big rock uh big 10 000 maniacs fan yeah anything natalie merchant
touches is like it's whispering gold to me uh yeah so we banana rama brett michaels is big time
bandana bandana man and it's like well why not make this a charity so he started his own brand
of bandanas called bandana man and which uh every um for every bandana sold,
two cents goes back to the factory that's made it.
Wow.
So now the people who are making these bandanas
are getting some charity money.
They are, yeah.
And they can do whatever they want with that.
Exactly.
They can do whatever they want with it. And some of them are in big trouble. They are, yeah. And they can do whatever they want with that. Exactly. They can do whatever they want with it.
And some of them are in big trouble.
They are.
I mean, Malaysia is a fascinating place right now.
It's a dynamic political environment.
Yeah.
So we haven't really been there or visited or checked it out, but we've seen a lot of pictures, and it looks like things are going for the better.
Yes, that's great.
And I, for my part, on iTunes downloaded the charity Bandana Man song that you guys recorded.
Oh, man, that's embarrassing me.
I mean, I'm not a real musician.
You could have fooled me.
You could have fooled me.
Bandana Man, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
Bandana Man, doo-doo-doo-doo.
That's me in the upper part there.
Yeah.
And I thought it was just really nice how some of that money goes back to iTunes.
Well, actually, most of it does.
Oh, yeah.
But you've got to pay the piper.
I've said that twice now.
Yes, yeah.
And it's powerful.
And I hear that iTunes guy is not doing so well.
No, I think he's got some kind of brain disease.
Last time I saw him, he was not looking that good.
Yeah, I think it's bad vibes, honestly.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's a lot of things people don't realize that.
It's just how you vibe on something.
Illness is mostly vibes related, yes.
Yeah, because when you see something like onset chemistry,
that's a thing that I feel like is highly underrated.
Oh, I hate to get in just
to get off the charity stuff but can you talk about some of your onset chemistry that you've
had with some of the stars yes some of my favorite on cat on cats chemistry just like
we are all we all you know are tired today i get spoonerisms i get spoonerism nervous when i uh think about some of these starlets yeah
sure uh zoe de chanel okay and the vibes were strong between the two of you there was a strong
vibe yeah it was it was really great we both bonded because we had um both recently uh read
the first chapter of watership down and oh yeah such a powerful story right yeah i i didn't get any further than that
um just because things came up and i had to you know had to fly to sri lanka for um this other
event but uh otherwise yeah there's there's there's like a palpable thing there yeah yeah uh
the first chapter has some of the rabbit stuff in it. I think so. I can't remember now.
That was the one thing I was not crazy about in that.
In that particular, yes.
Because it shows them, they're like the heroes of this story,
but what it doesn't show is them eating your vegetables.
Exactly.
That's the one side of the story that, for example,
you give me a few minutes, I'd love to tell you about
what's happening to some of my vegetables. Like that, for example, you give me a few minutes, I'd love to tell you about what's
happening to some of my vegetables.
Rabbits are pests.
Right?
Well, they're rodents and we treat them, you know, it's cute or whatever.
They're supposedly delivering eggs, but you know, kitties turn off the fucking cast.
They don't do that.
Right.
And so maybe, maybe someone comes along later in the book and is like, well, it blows them
away. I mean, hopefully blows, Well, it blows them away.
I mean, hopefully Blaston blows them away.
Blow.
You're bad.
Just had a little help from my friend.
Just a pile of my friends.
A big little pile of little grains of friend.
Yeah.
That's what they say.
I get high with a little help from my friends.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
It feels so fucking good to do cocaine.
Like, it honestly makes me feel awesome.
Yeah, it's just like morning.
And the culture of it is like, that's what it is.
The ritual of it is kind of like the fun thing.
Love ritual. Love ritual. morning and the culture of it is like that's what it is for the ritual of it is kind of like the fun love ritual you know love ritual oh i wouldn't do it if it was just like taking a sip of a drink
you know what i mean to me that's boring but the fact the community the community around it
yes and it's the all the you know having your own personal straw with your initials and um i actually use a mate straw oh sure in a gourd
okay yes well because it's similar it's south american it's got that sort of that niche window
of uh i mean i'm doing the thing with my head right now that you can't hear but it's like a
thing where i'm trying to get like a vote it's like a yes it's a little like a vogue it's got
a little bit of a alexander like an Alexander Technique vogue.
When you really do a hot bump through that mate straw,
when you're in Machu Picchu with...
Let's just look at him.
Rhymes with Pefri Schatzenberg.
Okay, yeah.
I have a concept.
I have a couple guesses.
I will not say.
I have a couple guesses.
I will not say. I do think I know. I have a couple of guesses. Do not ask. I will a concept. I have a couple guesses. I have a couple guesses. I will not say.
I do think I know.
I have a couple of guesses.
Do not ask.
I will not say.
Okay, I won't.
I have some guesses, though.
When they close off the highest village in the world for two hours so you and your friends can do backflips.
You know what I mean?
Do you guys like to fuck on cocaine?
Oh, man.
Well, it's part of the ritual.
God, I can't talk about this.
And it does make me feel like a true champion.
Maybe the only thing that does.
Now, we have a thing, John, that we do on the show.
And we wish we didn't have to do it, but we do.
Is this a star
meter thing oh yeah come on it sort of is it's sort of a star meter thing it's similar i i don't
know god no i just i just like to talk about that star meter thing is yes is that you like that
well uh shailene woodley donated some of her stars to me oh and you she actually broke
the algorithm to your charity how old is she now i don't know i think she's gonna be 19 just
she's 19 and that's what she is great you can you can age her up you know how it works she'll age up
once she bumps three years over that next margin so she'll go from being teen to mom.
And it'll be in a blink of an eye,
and we'll just be like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Yes, you've got two years as teen,
and then you've got a good two years as mom,
and then you're out of the business.
And then you play a mummy.
You can play a mummy, certainly,
or a wicked old hag who's emerging from a coffin,
grasp at someone's ankles.
That's what I mean by, I was going to say you should disappear, but that's a way to disappear and still appear.
Or mocap.
Mocap, yeah.
You've got to be lithe for that, though.
Yes, you have to be extremely lithe. You have to be able to do some of that sort of head-bobbing Vogue stuff that Johnny was doing before.
Are you a kinesthetic learner?
Definitely.
Definitely kinesthetic.
Definitely synesthetic, actually, because I had that surgery done.
Where you can see.
See sounds, yep.
And smells.
What kind of smells are you seeing?
A lot of squares.
That's probably Engineer Sam.
Green squares.
That's definitely coming from Sam.
When you smell Engineer Sam, you smell...
Well, I mean, I can smell him by looking at him.
Right.
I'm getting like a great...
It's great.
It's a nice yellow ochre sort of a real natural thing like a...
What people used to paint houses.
Yeah, he's a freaking ochre.
Yeah, he is.
Living under a bridge.
He's an ochre all right.
Yeah, he's walking around with a club.
Do you want a charity?
That would be great if we could get an Engineer Sam charity going.
That would actually be, yes.
He is extremely weird.
I mean, maybe you could chew a piece of gum in honor of Engineer Sam.
Yeah, well.
That could really get him going.
Would that be good?
Do you want to, well, I guess you don't do it longer.
We have all this gum here. I can do two pieces. Do you want to eat a whole pack of gum? Sure, yeah, I'll could really get him going. Would that be good? Do you want to, well, I guess you don't do it longer. We have all this gum here.
Do you want to eat a whole pack of gum?
Sure, yeah, I'll do it. No problem.
I swallow gum, typically.
Great. Do you want to eat a pack of
Trident Strawberry Twist?
Strawberry, please. I think it's strawberry.
And this will ideally
be able to get Sam going.
I guess we can do this while we do the Popcorn Gallery.
Yes, that would be good if while you're addressing the popcorn
gallery questions, you're eating an entire pack of
popcorn. So this is a segment
that we hit.
We're going to ask questions from our fans
as you're on piece
one right now.
And I guess...
Well, do you want to swallow them
one at a time or do you want to eat?
One at a time. Okay, one at a time.
Okay.
So I guess as we answer the questions, you can just sort of at the same time narrate how you're doing on eating this whole thing.
Yeah, what's going on with the gum, and you can sort of deal with some of these questions.
Super chill.
The popcorn gallery, oh yeah.
Okay.
We're going to reach into the popcorn bag.
Swallow the first piece.
Great.
Really good.
Okay.
He likes the first piece of gum.
And he's feeling good, and he looks pretty good.
It looks like he gave you a lot of energy.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
It feels real good.
It just feels good putting stuff back in the world.
We're going to reach into the popcorn bag. Oh, yeah. It feels real good. It just feels good putting stuff back in the world. We're going to reach
into the popcorn bag.
Uh-huh.
And Sam,
will you play the sound drop?
My hand is stuck
to some gum
inside this popcorn bag.
He's answering.
Right?
Doesn't it seem like
he's answering what's happening? It seem like he's answering what's happening he's
sneaking into the studio and listening to the first half before he records and recording the
sound drop really not even the first half just the emphasis on seconds just the seconds before
my hand my hand is stuck in some gum it's's like... Right. But also not... My friend Mark records these sound drops, and they're becoming eerily...
Prescient.
Present.
I was going to say...
Prescient.
I was actually going to pronounce it a different way.
I was going to say prescient.
Prescient.
Prescient.
We all said it different ways.
And also not totally getting what happened in the first half, because no one was talking
about their hands.
So no one's hand was stuck in gum. But he said, my hand.
He's referencing gum.
But the emphasis is on the hand.
Yeah, it's very odd.
He could use a charity of his own.
Well, he has one in a way.
Here's a question from Octodoptopus.
Johnny, no spoilers,
but you had a very big surprise appearance
in the Guardians of the Galaxy after credit scene.
Is that what contracts on movies mean for when they talk about points on the back end?
No.
No, that's not what that means.
No, it's not what that means.
Points on the back end means that's when you get the big money from the other.
God, I wish it meant that, though, at the end of the movie.
That would be great.
God, I'd be double rated, though, at the end of the movie. That would be great. God, I'd be double-rated.
It does, in a way.
It's like sort of when people see you be funny at the end of the movie,
they say, points.
Yeah.
Oh, points to him.
Points, yes.
He had that part that was in the movie, but here's a little extra.
Yes, points.
Yes, points.
Yes.
Ask Hayes what an overall deal is.
Okay.
Hayes, what's an overall deal?
Well, I'll tell you exactly what it is.
And also, the thing that you think that I don't know is a holding deal.
Okay.
Well, yeah, I guess I can't keep track of holding versus overall or what Hayes doesn't know.
So it's not even the right thing that you are even just even referring to.
A few weeks back on the show, Hay uh made a big mistake and didn't really understand
some of the contractual terms that we deal with every day actually the really embarrassing thing
is you not understanding me when i was saying exactly the right thing a whole overall deal
oh a whole a hold for all deal that's what hayes wants to talk about right is it a whole
overall deal hayes an overall holding deal? No, of course not.
Is that what it is?
I'm not going to engage in that.
Uh-oh, he's going to go 70s tape on me.
Do you want to talk about your little scene,
your scene lit at the end of the movie?
Where are you on the gum?
I don't want to spoil.
I just swallowed the second piece.
It's pretty good.
I mean, it's great.
I prefer a sugared gum with some all-natural expeller-pressed cane used in there.
Yes.
But this is okay.
I mean, it's got phenylkinetronics in there, phenylalanine.
Yes.
Is that that acapella group that's so big?
Phenylalanine?
Phenylkinetronics?
Phenylkinetronics.
I don't know.
I think that may have just been a character and a part of a film.
They called them – that was what they called Belle Bib DeVoe in that movie.
But it was Belle Bib DeVoe, but they called them –
But they had to be like a fictionalized future version of themselves.
Yeah.
Phenomenal kinetronics, yes.
Phenomenal kinetronics.
What's up?
Boop, boop, boop.
Boop, boop, boop.
Okay.
Okay. And here a moment ago you said you weren't a musician. I'm not a musician. Keno Neutronics, what's up? Okay, okay.
And here a moment ago you said you weren't a musician.
I'm not a musician.
That's my mouth, baby. But between Bandana Man and this song.
Well, you know, you got to stay humble in this business.
Otherwise, you hit the frying pan hotter than oil.
I can't really talk about that Gardens of the Galaxy thing,
but I will say the points in the back end is a reference to
the money you make from sales of toys.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Ah.
So anytime you sell a toy, which this-
Did you get that, Hayes?
Yeah.
It's absurd.
It's an absurd-
Well, Guardians of the Galaxy-
Well, and also-
I don't understand what's going on.
The Gardens of the Galaxy is a tour that you're doing now all through here where you take
people to-
Asparagus plantations and such.
Well, plantations, but farms.
Oh, good, plantations.
Yeah, well, it depends how you look at it.
That doesn't have to be a dirty word.
I agree.
It's plants.
It just means plants.
Right, it's a plant station.
People picking plants.
Is that weird?
It's just two words.
It's plants and stations.
Plant station.
Yeah.
Oh, now suddenly it's weird for people to pick plants.
Like, how are they going to get in the basket?
Exactly.
They don't pick themselves.
No.
If they did, we would actually have a problem on our hands.
Right?
The plants would be taking over.
Well, yes, they'd be picking us, you know?
Yeah.
Cauliflower starts picking itself.
What's it going to pick next?
Probably a baby's head off.
That's exactly right.
But I'm sure a lot of these people would think, you know, that was great.
They would love for the plants to take over.
Yeah, some of the libtards and democraps out there really would like to just go ahead
and have the broccoli and cauliflower pick all of our baby's heads off, and wouldn't that be fine and dandy?
Oh, excuse me.
Can we have the broccoli pick itself?
Thank you.
Hi, I'll just be in my Prius.
I'll just be in my Prius.
I'm going to go for a third piece here.
Okay, I love to hear the sound of the chewing, and I love to do it.
Do you want to do three at once?
We're sort of running out of questions.
Do we have another question?
There was only one question.
What do you mean?
Well, we only have two more.
Some of them, I don't know.
Some of them, they haven't been vetted.
They're not screened.
Professional question askers,
the people that we're working with.
Sometimes you can really tell.
Really?
Let's reach back into the bag.
Sam.
Oh, man.
Now my hand is stuck in even more gum.
Do you mean gum?
You mean like that sound bite?
Is it referencing like gum as the scrotum, you know?
Oh, like my gum? My scrotal sack.
You know, when you're playing with
a bunch of guys playing baseball and it's like fun and yeah oh i think i got some gum on my pants
i think i sent some gum oh yeah i only recently been able to do that actually that's funny i
struggled for a long time uh not being able to do that trick myself.
Oh, yeah.
Just because I was scared I was going to, when I grabbed the flesh of the sack,
that I was going to touch the cable that runs underneath that goes to the balls.
Sure.
What's that called?
Not the vas deferens, but the cable, the thing that gets tied.
I thought I was going to grab it and break it, but it turns out it's not the – The tubes.
The tube, yeah.
I don't want to pull a tube when I'm just trying to do a gum joke.
You're talking about the well-known trick where you pull a little piece of your scrotum out of your pants
and then you show someone and say, I think I sat at some gum.
You got it.
That famous trick.
That famous trick, yeah.
Something of a stunt.
Something that comes up so frequently in your life
but that you had never been able to try it
but had been, I assume, practicing in your room
and then getting spooked.
Yeah, practicing in my room,
but it's something where I don't want to be alone
and rip a tube.
Sure.
And then it's like, what happened?
You also don't want to do it in front of other people.
Right.
Exactly.
And have that embarrassing thing happen where like, you know when you do a joke, all of
a sudden the joke becomes, oh, I just hurt myself in this joke.
You have to go, oh, excuse me, I'm not joking.
Yeah.
Yes.
But then everyone thinks you are joking.
Yes.
Then that's part of the joke.
And all the meanwhile, you're leaking.
You're leaking.
You're leaking tubes.
Tube juice.
Yes.
Yes.
But it's okay now.
I'm going to do a stunt coming up where it's how much gum can I sit in.
And it's going to be tied into this because I'm swallowing it,
so it's this thing where it's like, wait a second, didn't he swallow that gum?
I don't think he –
Right.
Yeah, how do you sit in something that you swallow?
Yeah.
I know.
Maybe – hold on a second.
Maybe he swallowed it and he pooped it out and he sat in it.
Well, I was going to say, in a way, everything that you do swallow, you do ultimately end up sitting in, at least for a moment.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Yeah.
Not in my toilet, but yeah.
Yeah.
Well, if you're using one of these new hard surface.
Flat toilet.
Toilets, yeah.
With no.
That are all the rage. Well, we're in a drought, so I sit surface. Flat toilet. Toilets, yeah. With no. That are all the rage.
Well, we're in a drought, so I sit on a flat toilet.
It's almost a baking pan, essentially, like a cookie sheet.
That's a really good thing to do.
It's very sustainable.
Zoe D got me into that.
Oh, yes, yes.
The two of you.
Now, she's a musician as well.
Did you two record anything?
Yes. No. No, we didn a musician as well. Did you two record anything? Yes.
No.
No, we didn't get to that level just yet.
She's been busy.
I'd love to see the two of you put up a YouTube video singing or something like that.
Yeah.
That could be a big stunt for you.
Maybe playing a little instrument, a tiny drum.
Not a full size.
Yes, not a full size.
But, yeah.
A micro drum.
Yes.
Yeah. Just like slide two drumsticks yeah. A micro drum. Yes. Yeah.
Just like slide two drumsticks under your fingernails and just go.
Yes.
I have a gift for you.
I second some gum.
I have a gift for you.
Let's not shoot a gun.
I want to be the one who is the favorite boy.
I want to do a movie with you and make points on the back end from selling some toys.
I want to get money.
And then she would come in.
And mixing it with your politics and saying, let's not shoot a gun.
There's politics.
There's funniness with the gum.
There's also some educational stuff for someone like Hayes
who doesn't necessarily know what points on the back end means.
I have an R&B album coming out called Points on the Back End,
and it's me slapping a big piece of that ass.
Yes.
Points on the back end.
Pointing at it, I guess. Points on the back end. pointing at it i guess it points at the back
points at the yes i guess so nikki minaj was a big rear end yeah here's that question we got out
a little bit ago it's from greggy and he says mr pemerson how's the summer treating you how'd you
get that question and he we got it out a long time ago oh okay is there more remember we got it out a long time ago. Oh, okay. Is there more to that question? Remember when we got it out?
I totally forgot.
There is more.
Can I say it?
Yeah, I'd like to hear it.
I'm just having another piece of gum here real quick.
He also wants to know if it's hot enough for you out there.
Oh, yeah.
Four.
Hot is hot enough for me out there.
Truth be told, it is always hot enough for me out there because it's always too hot,
and I'm working on something to fix that.
I got one of those cool new sun shields for the car.
You put that baffled up, that reflective baffle on the front windshield.
It really reduces the temperatures.
Here's something that roasts my grits that this reminds me of
because you brought up a good point when you actually said that it is always hot enough because it's always too hot.
Now, I notice when people do ask me if it's hot enough for me, it always is too hot.
Nobody's ever asking that when it's pretty moderate.
It would be nice to ask.
At which point, a lot of times it is.
Or if it's even too chilly for you well i
run hot i run hot yeah i just have a fast metabolism yeah unfortunately i do sweat yeah
it's true and that's why some of that bandana man stuff really connected with me well those
bandanas are special too they have a sort of a zinc lining evidently that causes a cool evaporation effect.
Alzheimer's.
Oh my God, you're right.
You get Alzheimer's from that.
I thought that was aluminum.
It goes through your pores.
Yeah, and it lives in your brain.
In the front part of your brain.
Oh, really?
And then you can't draw a self-portrait of yourself anymore.
Oh.
Yeah.
You have to trace it over the mirror.
Yeah.
Well, I guess we're going to have to.
I could be wrong, though.
I could be wrong.
Also, they always just ship them back to overseas,
and they'll find a use for them over there.
Yes.
Whoa, yeah.
It's like to get the jerseys,
they have the wrong team winning on the jersey.
A little place called the Amazon loves those.
They can turn almost anything into food there.
Yeah.
So it is hot enough for me.
That's such a fail when they have the team jerseys printed that it's not the winners.
Epic fail.
Put that guy with the flip-flops running that dugout canoe.
He doesn't know.
They should make the fucking losing team wear those jerseys in front of their dad.
I would love to see somebody do a caption for that on At Midnight.
Would that be amazing if they had a picture of that guy and said,
and did the caption this,
and we could see maybe what Kurt Braunohler has to say about something like that?
Oh, yes.
Captions.
Nasty.
Wicked, just wicked.
I love captions.
Let's get one more question out of the bag, Sam.
Oh, great.
Now my hand is even stuck in a whole other thing of gum that's real gum this time,
not the joke gum I was doing when I was touching my fruit sack.
Okay.
How is he doing this?
That's over. I wasn't sure how long the soundbite was.
Oh, yeah, no. It stopped
playing. But honestly, my friend
Mark, who records these soundbites, I mean,
it started to freak me out
a little bit. And just missing
really not
getting the set.
Seeming to want to
play along
yes
with what we're talking about
but just not knowing
exactly
not knowing how
yeah
what to focus on
well he's not a professional
no
can I get his email
after we're done
absolutely
great I want to
get him on board
I have a podcast
oh sick
yeah
do you want to plug it real quick
yeah here we go
it's called Twisting the Wind with Johnny Pemberton.
That's what it is.
Sort of a psychedelic ranger.
What is?
The podcast.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
This is from Andrew.
He says,
Johnny.
You know what?
He doesn't say,
but I've actually been suspecting for a long time
that it is Andrew T.
Submitting questions. And pretending to be like British.
He asked kind of his questions in like doing a character so we won't know who it is.
Well, he's a racial chameleon because he knows, you know, he could pretend to be any nationality.
Is this a troll you have?
Andrew T.
No.
He's a race expert.
Okay.
And so he uses his knowledge and power.
Yo, is this racist?
Yes, yo, isn't this racist?
Gradually, he's been refining, I guess, his race imitation.
Andrew asks, Johnny, you did a standing up comedy piece about hating cats.
Standing up comedy piece?
Well, this is what it is.
I mean, that's, yeah.
That's the British thing. And it's yeah that's the British thing and it's seamless
now knowing for sure that this is Andrew T
and on the forums it says location England
which is really trying to get me off the top
so standing up comedy piece yes
get in the cabin
get me a little bit of curry
well you're an actor of course
you can do that.
Right.
Andrew, yes.
You did a stand-up comedy piece about hating cats.
Okay.
You mean like a nine-year-old video that was edited by someone other than me
that I haven't done in nine years?
It doesn't seem like he did a very cursory Google.
Is that what it's? the most cursory google search and even then like what's the one that's not good yeah yeah the first video
that pops up whatever the most disappointing thing is and let's just zero in on that and
make it the focal point of the conversation now now isn't this typical of Andrew T though, trying to, from the inside, take down
our podcast so that his podcast is the only one on Earwolf. And it's a very good try because what
he did is he found something that you wouldn't want to talk about and he forced us to talk about
it. I'll talk about it actually. It's a video. It's of a joke joke one of the first stand up jokes I ever did and it's very funny
yeah
I've actually
come around
and started liking
cats a bit more
in the past
five years or so
so
there you have it
I'm allergic to cats
so that doesn't help
sure yeah
well they're
going uphill
with you there
yeah I'm gonna take a fifth one here well Sure, yeah, well, they're going uphill with you there.
I'm going to take a fifth one here.
Well, do you want to...
We should probably finish that up.
The pack or the... Well, both.
Okay.
Was that even a question?
It wasn't a question, was it?
Well, he says, what kind of sick freak are you?
Because he's either fake or real mad about the cats.
I mean, things run off me like duck fat off of a croutine.
Yeah, so you don't even care about that.
No, I mean, try to hurt me.
Try to offend me.
Send your message board legions.
Fly dicks at my face.
And this will be a fun contest.
Try to offend Johnny.
And so that's what we submit to you.
He's laughing, so it doesn't really seem like it's working very well so far.
I've heard it all from producers and directors and casting directors
and casting associates and other actors in the lobby next to a casting associate
who are taller than me or stronger than me
who've got tighter pants on with a visible big dick.
They're all trying to hurt you and be a bully.
Yeah, I've heard it all.
Yeah, they're sitting in gum all right.
People make fun of the way I shit.
A bunch of big league chew is what they're sitting in.
What kinds of things do they say about the way you shit?
They say it's noisy.
They say it sounds like a racetrack.
They say it sounds like a bunch of horses galloping through mud.
They say it sounds like are you trying to cause a problem in our office?
They say could you use a different bathroom, please?
They say what did you eat?
They say what's wrong?
Are you okay?
Do you need help?
Do you need to leave?
Do you need to come back a different day and do the audition? They say
who hired you?
They say no
this is the only bathroom. I'm sorry do you need
a special bathroom Mr. Pemberton?
They say oh you need a lock?
Oh you're going to shit?
One thing I
do like and it is very
nasty of them to do that but one thing I like about it is
they say it sounds like a racetrack and I but one thing i like about it is they say it
sounds like a racetrack and i'm going in what way and then they clarify they go horses galloping
through mud was the next thing you said oh so they say it sounds like a nascar racetrack and
then they do the horse because the way the sir are you okay are you vomiting and shitting what's
going on there sir do you have a do you have do you have ibs do you have IBS? Do you have IBS? I have IBS, too.
I can eat eggs.
Well.
Will.
Thanks for coming, Johnny.
Thanks for being here, Johnny.
Well, thanks for having me.
Rate us on iTunes and like us on the forums.
Also subscribe to the podcast. Like our Facebook page.
Talk to us.
Yeah, subscribe.
Yeah, thank you.
We've never said that this whole time.
Please subscribe on iTunes.
That might be why we're not doing the subscription numbers that we need.
Google how to do it.
I recently started saying subscribe to Twisting the Wind, and it helps.
Okay, well, subscribe to both.
While you're on there doing the one, do the, oh, and then, sorry, one more thing.
Rob Campbell gave $100 to Earwolf.
Sweet.
What is that?
Body fucking da.
Rob Campbell from Milwaukee, Oregon, which, first of all, Milwaukee's in Wisconsin.
Stupid.
Gave $100 to Earwolf and wants a fucking prize.
The guy who bought the pro version this week is a newbie by
nature does he have a question for me i'm ready no he he he bought the pro version of the podcast
and i guess he can get i guess the gum money yeah so the gum money is not going to engineer sam
anymore especially after this stunt he just pulled and uh it's going to go to newbie by nature instead what does that mean the pro version well by the pro version they get
uh extra goodies and yeah yes they get a prize and yeah so yeah you get the pro version you know
it's a little more expensive it's like imdb pro oh did they do that yeah and they get to hear sometimes
i guess a famous person say their name if you just want to say like newbie by nature if you
just say it gives them a feeling when you just like when they hear somebody like you say their
name here we go i'm a voiceover artist primarily so this is no problem newbie by nature and so okay yeah that really shook me
i can do a thing actually if you want me i can just say anything i can inflect
any part any word in a sentence so i could do to mean different things yeah i say newbie by
nature it's three words i can go newbie by nature newbie by nature Newbie by nature See those are
It's all different
All three of them yeah
Yeah
Bye
Hollywood Handbook
Earwolf
This has been an Earwolf Media Production
Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman
For more information visit Earwolf.com
Earwolf.com.
EarwolfRadio.com
The wolf dead.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.