Hollywood Handbook - Jon Hamm, Our Close Friend
Episode Date: March 10, 2020The Boys help JON HAMM book his next big role. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. ...
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This is a HeadGum Podcast. And I managed to get over the control board Yeah
And I pull the plugs on all their mics
Okay
And then I step out and Doug's behind me
And I go, hey everybody
And these kids are pissed
I go, in my day
BTS stood for
Built to fucking spill
And I launch right into
Carry the Zero
Which, full disclosure i can't
really play what are you do you have an instrument i'm humming a lot of the i'm humming a lot of the
guitar noises yeah just trying to give the general impression and i i have music so you said you unplugged their mics i unplugged their mics
is there is the the music is still playing the music unfortunately is playing and i'm having a
tough time getting my humming volume up especially because i'm you can't hum very loud i can't
and and i'm not super sure of how it goes but i think the message remained and I hope that a lot of those kids, obviously I didn't
get to stick around. I went to jail, but
I didn't get to see the aftermath, but
I think a lot of these kids... Had you been able to say you might
have heard them say like, oh, I'll check it out.
Yeah, I'll check it out because they're a very
good band. Hey, welcome to Hollywood
Handbook, an insider's guide
to kicking butt and dropping
names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry
we call showbiz.
What up, what up.
So I guess this is the first episode of Tri Month.
Is that right?
And this is Kevin's project.
This is the second one?
This is the second one?
Oh, okay.
All right.
I feel good.
Okay.
Good.
And we have, maybe I'll do a thing where I'll be like we have like a normal guest and then I'll
like yeah so I'll do a thing where but I'm
and then I am like
pretending to discover you
so I'll say
and well today so it's
different from a regular tri-month where we have
an exciting guest and but now this time we just have
just a normal guy
and I look over here and
huh
oh yeah it's me it's John Hamm guys John I mean I am just normal just a normal guy. And I look over here and huh?
Oh yeah, it's me. It's Jon Hamm, guys.
Jon Hamm. I mean, I am just normal.
And he's normal. To us, he's normal. I think to everybody
I'm normal. Yeah, and to
us in particular. There's nothing extraordinary
really. Come on, Jon.
Jon. What am I wearing? A
t-shirt? I got a
beat-up hat on. Now, wearing? A t-shirt? I got a beat up hat on.
Now, I noticed your t-shirt says the not fucking around crew.
Well, I like to wear that just to remind people that I was in the town in 2009.
And you coined that phrase.
It's been 11 years.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was an ad lib.
What?
That was surprising.
Yeah.
People don't know that.
In fact, the whole movie wasn't even meant to be set in Boston. That was all ad libbed. What? That was surprising. Yeah. People don't know that. In fact, the whole movie wasn't even meant to be set in Boston.
That was all ad-libbed.
What?
You improvised the location.
We improvised the location, and then we kind of built it from there.
A lot of people don't realize.
That's improv.
Yeah, it's all improv.
So that's beautiful, what we can create with our minds when we try.
And the weirdest thing was, we took it from a suggestion from the studio.
Oh.
Like, give us a city.
The studio.
I don't know.
Boston.
And just rip.
Okay.
And we were like going, we were kind of going with that.
And Ben starts rolling.
He's catching this.
You know, he's the favorite son of Boston.
So he's like in his element.
That was lucky, I guess.
Super lucky.
In that respect.
I mean, maybe they would have known.
What did you have to start with?
Just a meeting with the studio, essentially.
We had a town, which we were like, the town.
It's got to be, yeah.
The town.
And then we had a place, and they were like Boston.
Uh-huh.
Similar to a town, yeah.
And then we had four helicopters that we had to use somehow in the shooting.
Right, yes.
And then they were like-
Did you end up using those?
We used two.
But even so.
I mean, it's plenty of of helicopters a little goes a long way
as you find out when you're true whenever you're in a helicopter no no no four would have taken me
out of it that's too much too much too much chopper yeah um and so you did that i did that
and you did that and then it uh and it kind of worked. You know what? It did.
It's working.
It was a film that had a beginning, a middle, and an end.
It had some characters that people responded to.
Truly.
And a couple of chase scenes.
This is where the choppers come in.
Because you can see from the top.
Follow.
Boston looks like a rabbit warren.
You've got to know what you're doing and where you're going.
And everyone, just likeeremy renner discovered this people hold their sweatpants
banned with their hands when they're walking around just in case oh yeah you don't want to
nobody wants an unfortunate get your ass pantsed yeah not in town baby yeah yeah in case they're
a pants happy town that that's for sure.
They'll grab and pull.
And the locals are aware.
A lot of people say no funny business.
They're all funny business.
Yes.
Well, you can talk about this because you
actually
come from a tradition.
A funny business?
Well, in that part of the country.
Yes.
I'm from...
You went to school.
Yes, I went to school, obviously, in Boston in a little castle.
Where me and my cronies...
God, I hate to say it that way.
I can never pronounce it right.
Yeah, but it's...
My cronies and I would just make each other laugh and just see who could spend the most money on sausage or whatever.
The highest jinx?
Yes, exactly.
You would compete on height of jinx?
Yes, it was honestly a high jink contest.
I hear that's going to be an Olympic sport in Tokyo.
They're going to have the high jink.
Yeah.
If you can get the highest jink, then you get a gold medal.
Yeah, and it's actually not true.
It's a joke we made up.
But we are so excited to have you, and we do have a question to ask,
and it's, what's next?
What's next?
After, I guess, Scott is kind of done with you, huh?
Scott is done with me? Scott Aukerman. with you, huh? Scott is done with me?
Scott Aukerman.
Scott Aukerman.
Is he done with me?
Is there something I haven't heard?
The only reason that you would be sitting next to my candy ass.
Oh, is it because I've been traded?
I've been traded from...
A lot of people.
So, Scott...
From BB to HH?
Scott chews them up and spits them out.
He uses people.
Mm-hmm.
He does.
Yeah, tell me about it.
And so now you're just a wadded up tissue on his side table.
And they're flung into our welcoming arms.
But by the way, comfortable arms.
Thank you.
That's really nice of you to say.
You're welcome.
And thank you for having me.
Oh, and thank you.
So for the answer to the question, what's next?
Guys, you tell me. I don't know. Thank you. That's what we wanted to do. Yeah, thank you. So for the answer to the question, what's next? Guys, you tell me.
Well, thank you.
That's what we wanted to do.
Yeah, thank you.
So our thought is, John can do it all.
I can do it most.
We've seen you do some, but we think you can do it all.
Okay.
We've seen John act.
He's been serious.
He's been funny.
He's been in the town. Both sides of the aisle. He's been serious. He's been funny. He's been in the town.
Both sides of the aisle.
He's been,
maybe not.
Kissing.
And he's kissed.
I've kissed.
More than once.
Yeah.
Okay.
We don't need to.
Yeah.
Is that a contest?
Isn't it?
Some of us have kissed once
and some of us have kissed more
and who's keeping count really?
And there is such a thing
as too much.
Yeah.
So to be like,
and if you do it right,
you're trying to do it once, but it actually
is desperate. That is fair.
If you do it right one time,
that's all you need. And then you're done
for your entire career.
I believe you can see
my kiss.
That's all you need. It's on your list.
Go for it. There it is.
Yes, yes, yes.
And
they will suck my kiss.
I've seen that.
Yes.
But we'd like to see you produce, direct, edit.
What's your Master of None?
You want to see me behind the camera is really what you're saying.
I want your Master of None.
Oh.
What's John's Master of None?
I think it would be called Master of One.
Some?
One?
Just one.
Just one?
I mean, how much do you really need to be a master of?
Hmm.
Hey.
So that is, I think, that is going to make people mad involved in the original show.
It's very close to the original.
That's kind of the point, right?
Show's not on anymore.
The whole point is to piss their ass off. What's the sequel to Master original that's kind of the point right show's not on anymore the whole point
what's the sequel
to Master of None
is to piss their ass off
Master of One
I'm not
so this is not
why I got into
this business
to make people upset
and to steal
their content
and yet
you've successfully
done it
so far
I do seem to do that
just kind of by accident
but
in this case I like I there's plenty to go around.
There's plenty of titles.
And also, I think if we were going to do a title that was close to the original one,
it would be called Hamster of None.
That's fair.
But in this case, we can branch out.
A little bit of the thought we had was, yes, we're going to steal from them.
But let's not make it so obvious yeah i think i think maybe you lean in the other way and you make it totally obvious and then when
you're called on it you trump it you go like what what i didn't do anything i didn't do any prove it
prove it i dare you double down and the onus on them master of two is season two master of three
is season three.
And we can keep going.
I'll just keep going.
I don't need to say anything, but everybody knows I know what comes next.
My character's into cooking.
He's got a funny friend.
It's not Eric.
It's Tim.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
And he did our last tri-month.
So he is someone who we could probably get involved with.
Let's get him involved.
Friend of the show.
Friend of the show. I think we could. And I just want to say, on the Trump. Let's get him involved. Friend of the show. Friend of the show.
And I just want to say on the Trump stuff, like you haven't heard like a ton of the show,
but we don't weigh in on that either way.
By the way, who would?
Yes.
It's not like.
Hey, a lot of people are like, not my president.
Sorry.
Everyone's president.
Or look, it's like everyone's.
Or is he?
Or is he?
Or is he not?
Who knows?
He's not.
And honestly, is he master of none? Is he master of none? Is he master of one?
Is he master of two?
I don't know. I don't know how the law works.
Neither does he.
Nobody knows how the law works.
Is the law even a thing? No one knows.
Even if it is, it's not our place
to talk about it.
As citizens of the United States, it's not our place
to talk about what it is.
We are actually sovereign citizens. So that's the one thing that we do sort of weigh in on.
That's so cool, by the way.
Only as it pertains to our own rights.
How does that work, by the way, if and when you would get pulled over by, say, LAPD?
Do you have your sovereign citizen card and you can say, like, guys, guess what?
This is not happening.
I'm between sovereign citizen cards right now,
but I am working on one that's really cool.
Are you going to get your sovereign real ID?
Because you need that to travel.
Right, with the bear on it.
Yes, I'm going to do that, but there's just,
I got to find room for it in the design
because I'm designing something cool.
Is it a different bear for a sovereign citizen?
It's not the California brown bear.
It's like a, it's like Yogi bear.
It's like polar bear.
For a sovereign, the bear is standing up
and he
is smoking a pipe and wearing a sherlock holmes hat bless that's that's a perfect bear yes but
it throws off my design a little bit well it's just i think your idea is gonna be a little bigger
just if you want to see that detail yeah exactly right now he's cut off kind of all the details
are cut off yeah the corner it's a work in progress i don't listen don't finalize don't
formalize until you know what you want.
Well, thank you, John. Yeah, absolutely. It's your
country. Yeah.
Thank you for saying that. By definition,
it is your country.
Take it back.
Yeah, I think I will.
And actually, to all the
stuffed shirts who've been trying to make me
finalize my real ID,
here's a message from me and Jon Hamm to you.
Fuck off.
Yeah.
Yeah, guys.
Like forever.
You stuffed shirts.
Goddamn empty suits.
Empty suits and yet stuffed shirts.
Well, yeah.
What do you think they're stuffed with?
I guess I got to pick one.
Ooh.
You know what I think?
I think those shirts are stuffed with rice pick one. Ooh. You know what I think? A suit like a...
I think those shirts are stuffed with rice pilaf.
Yeah.
Well, happy I didn't answer.
It takes up a lot of space, and it tastes like nothing.
It's nothing.
It's filler.
And it makes you think like, ooh, I'm getting more food.
Todd, this is great.
Look how much I got.
It cost 27 cents.
Oh, my pork chop's resting on something.
Stuffed shirt. Yeah. It's a good point. But it is cents. Oh, my pork chop's resting on something. This is nothing but a stuffed shirt.
It's a good point.
Compared to rice, it is
more flavorful than regular
rice. Is it, though?
You know what? You're right.
Somebody give me a working definition of the word
pilaf. It has the big brown ones in it.
No, no, no. I know what
it looks like. I know what
rice is. Yeah.
But what is pilaf?
Pilaf actually means...
She was a French singer in the early 20th century.
Edith Pilaf.
But pilaf in its purest form, it does mean medium lump.
Oh.
Yeah.
So it has the little ones and it has the medium lump.
Is it short for something?
Is it short for like pilaforte or pilafonagio?
Pilaformagio.
Pilaf dem jeans is actually the full.
Pilaf dem jeans.
Yes.
Pilaf dem jeans.
Yeah.
Well, that makes sense now.
I'm kind of coming around on rice pilaf, I guess.
Yeah.
It is actually sort of a beautiful.
Perfect for date night.
It is sort of a beautiful thing.
It sends a message.
John, did you ever, did you direct ever?
I did.
I directed two episodes of Mad Men.
Okay.
In the sixth.
How'd you swing that?
In the fifth and sixth seasons.
I knew a guy.
Okay.
Made a couple calls.
Did you, you didn't go over and do a, do a The Office?
I never did an office.
Okay.
I never did.
It's called The Office. I never did a The Office. I never did an office. Okay. I never did a... It's called The Office.
I never did a The Office.
I wasn't asked.
That show was off the air
by the time
Mad Men came off the air, too.
So I never got the opportunes.
Okay.
But Bryan Cranston
did go over and do one.
Of course he did.
What doesn't he do?
Sells Fords.
Yes, is that
a thing? Cranston's a
voice of Ford. Yeah.
It's an American voice for an American brand.
You talk about cars as well.
I do. A very German brand, Mercedes-Benz.
I mean, make of that
what you will. I mean, it's something
of a second World War II.
It kind of is it really is
who won that by the way i forget uh you know like you're still out with this new one take
this new one play itself out and again with all that stuff it's not for us to i get it to weigh
in i've been watching a lot of documentaries recently why did it happen how did it happen
when did it end i don't know nobody knows no did it end? I don't know. Nobody knows.
No, and it's foolish.
You don't want to have
egg on your face
jumping in and going like,
oh, you won World War II.
And then it's like,
well, then tomorrow
one of these guys
does what they've
been trying to do.
Yeah, someone jumps out
and is like, ha ha!
And then it wasn't,
it actually wasn't over yet.
And as soon as you said,
thought that you won.
Exactly when you are calm. Gotcha! Exactly. And look, nobody wants to be that guy. And as soon as you said, thought that you won. Exactly when you are calm.
Gotcha.
Exactly.
And look,
and nobody wants to be that guy.
And I'm still,
least of all me.
Nobody wants to be that guy.
Least of all me.
Yeah.
You're the last one.
Fighting World War II?
Yeah.
Well,
I'm in it to win it.
Did you say a minute to win it?
I'm in it to win it.
Oh,
okay.
Did you ever watch a minute to win it, John, with it to win it. Oh, okay. Did you ever watch
a minute to win it, John,
with Guy Fieri?
No.
Oh, gosh.
Minute long cooking show.
I did not.
What do you win?
Food?
Rice pilaf.
You know how they did?
The Top Chef won season
of a bunch of different
contestants
that like stay on
for each episode.
Chopped different contestants every episode. on for each episode chopped different contestants
every episode okay minute to win it 30 episodes in one half hour block with different contestants
for each one and what you win is actually not as important as the amount of time you have in
which to win it just one minute win it in a minute and then you would go now i'm I'm familiar with you're going to love it in an instant,
the Carnation instant breakfast tagline.
Okay.
And we're all learning.
We're all learning.
Yeah.
Not only is it an instant breakfast, but you will love it in one instant.
That's how fast you will come around.
The good people at Carnation, I'm pretty sure they don't lie,
they make condensed milk and they make instant breakfast.
That's weird.
I thought that it was about how long it took to make,
but it's how long it will take you to love.
It's a laborious process.
It takes an instant to make it.
It's an instant breakfast.
Oh, it's instant to make it as well.
Happens like that.
Okay.
As soon as your spoon touches it, you're in love.
Oh, you don't even taste it.
You don't even taste it.
The aroma, the fact that it only took an instant to make. And often by the time you taste
it, the affair is over.
And that's how fickle love
can be. And you got a minute to win it back.
But we... This is Brett.
Oh yeah, sorry. Hello.
Hi Brett. Have you been sitting there this whole
time? I have. Sorry.
Just laying in the cut. Brett's from St. Louis
too. That's not true.
That's not true. I know everybody from St. Louis, too. That's not true. That's not true.
I know everybody from St. Louis, and you're not one.
I don't look familiar to you?
No.
At all.
Double down.
I'm pretty different looking.
Call the fire.
Say he's not from there.
Be like if you were from St. Louis.
Shuff him around a little.
Dude, I didn't see you around.
Yeah, you did.
Back off.
He's got your ass.
He's got your fucking ass.
You didn't see me around because you're not from there.
He's got your big back out, back paddock.
Brad, I apologize.
Oh, I thought you meant.
The raviolis.
Would you like some raviolis?
No, don't offer him.
What kind of raviolis?
See, Brad, there's only one answer to that.
There's only one answer to that there's only there's only one answer
to that
and that is toasted
raviolis
toasted
yes
see
toaster ovened
or like a
you put them in a toaster
what they're basically are
is fried
like pop tarts
in a toaster
yeah Brett
you're gonna love it
in an instant
we have to do this show
what did you guys
give me to
yeah let's do the show
and we'll start
and start recording
sorry sorry
did you want to get your somebody hit a button what was your thing did you guys get me into? Yeah, let's do the show, and we'll start, and start recording now as well. Sorry, sorry. Did you want to get your...
Yeah, somebody hit a button.
What was your thing?
Did you get your catchphrase clean?
Mm-hmm.
What did you guys get me into?
Okay, great.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now it's an episode, and you can start recording now.
On three.
So part of...
You want to do it together?
Yeah.
And this is the directing.
This is...
Uno, dos. That's... uno, dos, tres, cuatro.
One, two, three.
Record.
And record it.
Okay, here we are.
So, uh, ow.
Sorry.
So.
So they can sink it.
That's a slate.
Nice.
I mean, you know, our initial sort of idea, and obviously our motto on this show is.
God, this is a good smelling mic.
I'm gonna...
And that's Harry Richard.
That is a rare,
rare commodity.
That is... I will make the mic
stinky for everyone before the show.
And it's so sad. I love when people come here
and give it a big sniff and I am very scared
that with coronavirus
they'll be less likely to sniff a community mic.
That lifestyle that we've enjoyed so freely.
That's going away?
I think it could go away, and I think the market is responding to that.
See, again, I think people lean in.
It's worth it.
This is the diffuser on a microphone.
Yeah, it picks up a little corona here and there.
But the diffuser itself, literally by definition, diffuses the virus.
So you get just a taste of it, a hint.
That's where your body builds it up.
Then you're immune.
So many definitions.
You're immune.
And a place like this, the coronavirus is honestly laughing too hard.
Exactly.
If it's right
here on the mic,
it's getting the
first exposure to the mic and it's laughing
too hard to do anything.
So anyway,
the motto on the show, of course, is
I like my idea, but I love
your idea, John. And so we were
going to sort of steal
the naming convention from Master of None of just taking a famous phrase, then taking the second John. And so we were going to sort of steal the naming convention from Master of None
of just taking a famous phrase, then taking the
second half. And then
truly it has to do almost
nothing with the show itself. Or it
could. But we
just thought that would be kind of a good way to start.
Should have pasta.
Sorry? Pasta. What about pasta?
You were saying it could have nothing
to do with the show, or it could.
And I think the one thing that it should have from Master of None is pasta.
They make pasta in the second season.
So I guess I would start with, I would say, okay, two in the bush.
I see a billboard.
It's you.
It says two in the bush, and they've chopped the first half off the saying
well it's me and george w bush thank you hanging out uh-huh i mean talk about an odd couple yeah
well i'm immediately intrigued and i'm setting my dvr function we're both back to back each of us
pointing with our thumbs at the other guy yeah and that's the eric that's loud that's the where
this guy yeah and he's feeling the same way about you.
It's not lost on me, of course.
But there's got to be a Noel Wells in there.
Now, who's that going to be?
Probably Laura Bush.
See, I was thinking...
Because we need two.
I was thinking the Bush twins.
Oh, and that's two.
That's two.
Even more so two in the Bush.
And twins.
And twins.
It's true.
It's not lost on me that Bush also is pubis hair.
Yeah, I've heard that.
So then I'm going, okay, it's pubis hair.
Okay.
Two, Tupac, the Tupac hologram from Coachella.
Is he somehow trapped in yours or George W. Bush's Bush?
The hologram or Tupac himself?
Because no one's seen him and it's a...
And there's rumors.
The hologram is more kind of zeitgeisty.
When I think about what people are talking about,
do you remember how Mork and Mindy ended
with Mork talking to Orson in the black space?
Who are you asking?
Of course I know how Mork and Mindy ended.
I feel like this show ends. this show and get me out of here
every every episode ends with either myself or george w bush talking to the hologram of tupac
who appears in our our uh pubic hair pubic hair i'm sorry well pubicular hair yes and he'll he'll
he'll show up uh- up and you'll be like,
hey, Tupac,
we had some crazy adventures
this episode.
Right.
And he would spit some rhymes
and tie it all together.
Yes, and you're learning.
And you would learn
and you would go,
at the end you just go,
thanks, Tupac.
And he's like, peace out.
And he would just disappear
right into the pubis.
Yes.
And Dave is already eating our lunch from the show, Dave.
And you see he's coming out of the boxer part.
And he is a rapper.
Is he a rapper?
And he's doing this exact thing.
Dave's a rapper.
Dave's a rapper.
Do we know who Dave is?
I'm not to.
But you've seen this guy.
I've seen Dave coming out of the fly.
He's going to grow on you.
He's going to grow on you. He's going to grow on you.
Flying out of the fly.
Yeah.
It's an FX show.
I always give them a shot.
Oh, yeah.
Every single one.
They've got a track record.
Every one.
I have to say, I was an early adopter of Terriers.
Did you ever watch that show?
Everyone is like, Terriers.
Could have used a second season.
I think they pulled the plug too early.
Yeah, that one is brilliant, but canceled.
I like a Legion.
I'm an FX stan.
And that's what we're finding out.
Maybe we take this.
Just us gotta take it to them.
Two in the bush, we take the FX.
It has that edge for sure.
You could see the poster.
Again, back to back.
It'd be great.
Two-plot kind of shimmery in the deep BG.
Oof.
That feels like, okay, this shit is a hit.
Oh, and he's doing different stuff as you're driving.
Right, like as you drive by, it shimmers into a different thing.
Yeah, through.
Oh, that's so good.
Yeah.
Instead of Thug Life like it's a different
like it's a different uh as you go by it's a different slogan it's a different tattoo
right right right yeah yeah it would be a different one it would definitely be different
for sure yeah no and i'll and we'll just come up with it on the spot what do you say instead
i would say like thug wife.
No.
He's like pointing at Barbara Bush.
Sorry, Laura Bush.
Then when he's pointing to the twins, it's... Never apologize for saying Barbara Bush.
Not on this show.
Nothing to apologize to me here.
America's last favorite first lady, I think.
Yeah, number one for me.
Number one of the year.
No, I can't say that. Not that I weigh in on this stuff, but this is I think. Yeah, number one for me. Number one for me, yeah. Boy. No, I can't say that.
Not that I weigh in on this stuff, but this is one thing.
That person should not have done that.
That's the one thing I will say on the show.
We don't talk politics.
We do.
That was wrong.
We do come down.
Sir who shot Barbara Bush, if you're listening, or a madam, you shouldn't have done that.
Don't do it again.
I said stop doing it.
Quit it.
Stop shooting at First Ladies.
Let her rest in peace.
Jeez.
By the way, easy target.
Yeah, no kidding.
Oh, you proud of yourself.
Real proud of yourself.
You're shooting at Barbara Bush.
Oh, I'm so impressed.
Take a gun and point it down.
Oh, God, so awesome.
Big tough man shooting, or woman, shooting Barbara Bush in the grave.
Give me a break.
That is one in the wrong bush.
That's low.
Yeah, that's one in the wrong bush,
which I'm realizing we are open to someone doing that to us.
The same way we're going to master of one them.
That they could one in the wrong bush us.
They could one in the wrong bush.
And now all of a sudden our titles, like a boomerang whipped around.
We can keep changing the show.
Well, yes.
Or just keep changing the title.
Same show.
Well, there's other titles.
Sure.
We had other shows.
What's another one?
This is Kevin.
Yeah.
What's a really good one, Kevin?
Kevin, I know you're not from St. Louis.
Hey, guys. Hold on. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. one, Kevin. Kevin, I know you're not from St. Louis. Hey guys, hold on.
Hey guys, Chef Kevin here.
Hey guys,
St. Louis' own ravioli chef
Kevin here. Holy shit.
He made them. Kevin, where'd you go to
high school? The John something
one? The St. Arch High. No, he didn't.
Not a school.
St. Louis? Nope.
We already started wrong. Cardinal Stadium. Yep, that's not a school yeah St. Louis nope we already started wrong
Cardinal Stadium
yep
that's not a thing
what about
grain of salt
for a name
that's not really
the second half
of a
phrase
that's a grain of salt
to me
that does suggest
though
the first one
you would
you would
oh I found my name
you would it does suggest that you would though that you would you would oh I found my name you would
it does suggest
that you would take that show
you would watch that show
hey watch this show
well why am I gonna do that
take it with a grain of salt
yeah
I don't know if that is an answer
to why I would watch it
well I mean it just goes down easy
well I think it would protect
that's what that means
protect us from criticism a little bit this show is disgusting ah one grain of salt ah delicious
you know what spoonful of sugar that's the companion piece to green assault so that so
that's an example though of a show called makes the medicine go down or something. Mm-hmm. Is that allowed?
What do you mean?
Oh, because it's like a song?
And it's from like a, you know, a large corporation.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you could.
I once went in to do Punch-Up on, they were working on a movie called Larry Poppins.
And I was like, do you have Mary Poppins?
And they were like, we'll get it.
We'll get it. We'll get it.
How hard can it be?
Oh, don't.
We know who to call.
I'm not worried about that.
We know who to call.
Hollywood Handbook.
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rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys hollywood handbook so what's
another one kevin you had so many you called me to say you had so many ideas.
Yeah, I kept bragging about it.
A penny earned.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Now that's a better example.
Thanks.
So I guess you're like...
Lead character's Penny Marshall.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
And her job sucks shit.
Takes place in the afterlife.
Uh-huh.
And Scrooge is her boss. So you're playing, but you-huh. And Scrooge is your boss.
So you're playing, but you're the star.
Scrooge is your boss.
Play by Gary Marshall.
Okay.
And this now is getting meta, but I love it.
I mean, the working title is We Are Marshall.
Okay.
And a penny earned is out the window.
No, no, no.
No, it's in parentheses.
Right.
Yes.
We Are Marshall, a penny earned.
I like the fantabulous
emancipation of one Harley Quinn.
One Harley Quinn.
That now...
You're starring, so you can play
Penny Marshall?
I play the voiceover. I play the voice
of God talking to
the marshals.
And he's scared to play Danny Marshall.
Why?
They hired me.
I can't.
What's at the core of this fear?
I don't think it's as scared so much as I think I'm not allowed to play a lady because
there's ladies that are.
Melissa Villasenor will do it.
Perfect.
Yep.
Perfect.
And that's.
The chameleon.
She can do anything.
Mm-hmm.
So it's Melissa. It's you you're god right
well i mean that's what you said i'm i'm the you know i'm saying what you said yeah i'm named didi
fill in the blank okay i'm didi myers i play didi myers president clinton's former chief of staff uh uh what the hell press secretary uh-huh and uh yeah and also god
now that's you've been getting everyone has a political god it's like george bush it's like
the freaking penny marshall gary marshall whatever and it's like tupac so political
yeah and it's making me think like this guy's got's got a lot to say. Maybe we redo Veep.
Okay, Ed, we're in business.
But hold on.
It's called Beep.
Hold on.
Everybody in it is cars.
I'm getting mixed messages because when a car says beep, I don't hold on.
I go, uh-oh.
Well, that means you hold on. That means you grab the thing at the on the top of the window
that little holding part the handle sure beep i i so if you're going to do
v beep the show is called beep i do need to see a particular acting technique from you and so i'm
just going to give you i'm not going to give you a read on it but basically we will have an exchange
the exchange will end with like um you'll go uh uh like you're kind of looking like like okay but looking forward to seeing you again,
and then as you turn away, you go like,
fall in the garbage.
They call you like a nasty.
Oh, yes.
Like an insult on the way out.
Yes, like you're being nice.
In the world of beep, we call those exhaust notes.
Oh, yes.
So it is.
It is a little muffler discharge as you're pulling away.
Do you want to get those clicks out, Brett?
Just all the clicking.
Yeah, just if you have any more clicks to do.
I just don't want to interrupt the scene.
I've been hearing some very loud mouse clicks.
It sounds like he's been doing a lot of double clicking.
That's how you know I'm working.
Do you want to get those done?
Let's just get a few.
You want to pre-click?
Yeah.
A couple dozen clicks.
Yeah, let's just get a few.
Let's save them.
Hold for the clicks.
Let's just get a few.
Open a file.
I can't click what you guys are talking about.
Put them in the click file, and then when you need them, just open the file.
How do you open a file?
Double click.
So you're done.
All right, so go back.
So what am I?
We're in a scene.
So we'll do a little scene.
From beep.
We're talking, and it's very cordial.
Sure.
And you're going like, oh, yeah.
Just a couple of cars talking.
Yeah, just a couple of cars.
Car talk.
Exactly.
Click and clack.
Should not have shot.
And then
Did the clack get shot?
That was really sad to me.
That was really sad when
clack got shot. And I would
say to you,
sir or madam who did it,
you should be ashamed.
For sure. Stop it.
You can't take clack without click.
Yes, take them both.
If you're going to shoot one, shoot them both.
So they can be together in paradise.
In car paradise.
As we are.
We're in car paradise, beep.
Los Angeles, California, car paradise.
It's true.
The greatest place to drive.
You have to shoot beep in LA.
On location.
I want to shoot LA for LA. Yes have to shoot Beep in LA. On location.
I want to shoot LA for LA.
Yes. LA for LA.
Los Angeles plays itself.
It really is like a character in the film.
Yes.
No, the city of LA is a big character in Beep,
the film that we're making a show.
So we're a couple of cars.
We're talking.
Maybe we're talking about something.
I don't know.
Maybe a parking place,
a valet guy that did us wrong.
Yes.
Yes. Okay. Perfect. Is that the same thing or two different things? something what i don't know maybe a parking place a valet guy that did us wrong yes yes okay perfect
is that he's a little too rough different things i don't know it could be a there could be a
starting point i can i can okay i can pick that up all right i've got the chops
yeah at the parking place uh valet did me it started? Huh? That was the beginning?
That's line one.
Okay.
That's line one.
And I would say, uh-oh.
That's my response.
Uh-oh.
And I go, yeah, no, yeah, I was pretty disappointed.
You're like, L.A., huh?
Yeah, L.A., son of a bitch, man.
Well, I'm going to go.
And that is man. Fucking. Well, I'm going to go. And that is beep.
Okay.
And that's the essential beep.
Did the thing happen that you were describing?
Coming this fall.
Yeah, but it's annoying.
Tuesday's on FX.
That's on FX, too.
We might have to make it.
FXX.
Okay.
Might have to be a little nastier.
Well, and that's the thing.
Plenty of room to go nasty.
Yeah, I agree.
I mean, the whole thing sets itself up to be censored
you walk around and beep and someone's like
hey listen you
that was a little late
that was a really great opportunity
listen here you
Brett
I literally gave you the sign
that's so late
that's even later
why does it take so long
that was good
that was at the same time as he was saying the first part
the fourth time is a charm
I think
listen here you
we got some kicks to work out no it's true and you never get it right on the first day
that's why we have rehearsals that's why we have rehearsal that's why we have season two honestly
like figure out what we did wrong in season one no it's right yeah you just watch season one season
one i'm just making for me to watch and sort of figure out what i want to do out send it out put it out there put it on youtube put it on vimeo get beep out there what's another one kevin uh yeah it majorly did
keeps the doctor away okay and that's what they say about an apple but i think see the great thing
about that as a show that will develop is that you know they always say that's like, the shows there are about three things.
Cops, lawyers, doctors.
That's it.
This one is about not doctors.
We know it's not doctors.
Get rid of doctors.
Go away from doctors.
Keep them away.
More harm than good.
We're going to have to have cops and lawyers
in here, right? Somehow keeping the
doctors away. From the people who are hurt to have cops and lawyers in here, right? Yes. Somehow keeping the doctors away.
From the people who are hurt.
Or, and hear me out, just a bunch of firemen training their hoses on doctors.
Keep them away.
Wow.
Keep them away.
Because then you've got Chicago Fire keeping away Chicago Med.
We should put Chicago Fire in the show.
The MLS team?
So that's interesting.
Is that what you were referring to as you first
mentioned it okay and then i was too and i'll third it yes and and and they're playing keep
away they're kicking the ball around yeah sure imagine how the doctor they're keeping it away
from the doctors yeah keep the doctors. Doctors notoriously terrible with their feet, great with their hands, terrible with their
feet.
Yeah.
Not good soccer players, most doctors.
And by soccer, I mean, of course, football.
Yes.
The loving sport.
I know you have a big European following on the podcast.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
If any.
Slavic, mostly.
When your European fans come to Hollywood, they use this as the official handbook?
Like, they follow what they've heard?
They learn from this?
Some of the way these guys are acting, they must be taking their cue from us.
We also give one piece of a map in every episode.
Like one page from the Thomas Guide?
Yeah, pretty much.
We describe just one part of the city.
And there you go.
In every episode.
That's your new town, European fan.
Yeah.
You take all your people from your country.
You live on this page.
Yeah.
Do we want to do the one part of the map?
The map section?
Yeah.
Right now?
I don't know why we wouldn't.
What are the borders?
We're looking at, if I'm looking at it correctly, and I'm looking at it upside down, but I think
it looks like
Saticoy Avenue is one border
yes
that to me is
where my LA ends
so that's
that's kind of
what is that
that's sort of no
North Hollywood-ish
yeah the no-ho arts district
leads you to
if you go one way
you get to Burbank
you go the other way
you get into a
Studio City maybe
yeah
that's prime real estate the no-ho arts district yes you landed into a studio city, maybe. Yeah. That's prime real estate.
The NoHo Arts District.
Yes.
You landed on a great episode where Sadekoy almost gets to the NoHo Arts District.
It kind of peters out right before NoHo Arts District.
Yeah, it's not in the Arts District itself, but you can probably see the art with a nice
set of binoculars.
It's NoHo Arts District adjacent.
Yes.
Yes.
It's East.
Now, when I first moved to LA, there was no NoHo Arts District.
There was NoHo, but there was no NoHo Arts District.
Wow.
And you made it happen.
Well, I was a part of it.
I was a part of the NoHo renaissance.
You were there for that scene.
Talk about being the energy in the city when that scene was emerging.
You guys wouldn't believe it.
There was, God, there was independent theater.
There was acting classes.
There were headshot pavilions.
They would have a pavilion, just headshots.
You could get your headshot taken.
There was street parking.
There were pay phones.
It was kind of the glory days of noho and now you
know disney moved in they made it the noho they kind of got rid of all the pavilions
james giuliani who was the former mayor of noho the peanut m&m store yeah they got rid of a lot
of that stuff uh which is a real shame. It took away a lot of the character.
And I guess it made it safer, but did it make it better?
Disagree.
Yeah, it's a tough conversation because the art coming out of there at the time was so in your face, man.
It was very horny.
It was really horny, yeah.
Yeah.
Just thinking about it, it felt different.
It felt, I'm not going to say better, but better.
Hey, you can't go back.
You can never go home again.
That's what they say.
And I feel like it's easy to mourn, obviously, the NoHo Arts District in its heyday.
But at the same time, something like that is emerging all the time.
I don't know if you've been.
Moves forward.
It's a flat circle, but it moves forward.
Yeah.
Talk about this.
Speak on that.
Well, you saw True Detective, which by the way, we should come up with a new True Detective.
New Detective.
Okay.
Where time doesn't move in a flat circle.
Fake Detective.
Fake Truth Detective.
Truth or False Detective. You pick. It's a branching narrative Fake detective. Fake truth. Truth detective. True or false detective.
You pick.
It's a branching narrative.
You get to pick.
It's a freaking, what was the thing called?
It's a pander snatch.
It's a pander snatch.
True, false detective.
Time is a flat circle.
True, false.
You go left, you go right.
Who knows?
Maybe you run into Matthew McConaughey.
Maybe you run into matthew mcconaughey maybe you run into alexandra daddario
maybe you run into maybe you run into uh benicio del toro maybe you walk into the noho arts district
in 1994 and it blows your mind this is the true false detective yeah incense peppermints
holy shit man i mean is your mind blown yes we've come up with four solid television shows
we've come up with a slate yeah this is a rock block oh yeah we've got our entire thursday night
it's two for thursday this is animation domination well listen guys it is uh it is true you gotta go
are you leaving no. I'm not.
I'm coming up on my second week.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, yeah, me too.
And I've got ideas.
And I'm watching Beep.
Beep.
I feel like I'm watching Beep.
Finally.
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Great.
A ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently
that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly the product
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happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not yeah i guess i'm interested
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I ordered like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night.
Like a lavender scent.
Okay.
And they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that
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in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming
shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harry's.com slash the boys highest customer
satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find yes
yes sure but that you didn't yeah so you're attuned to to this stuff
i got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on
and you know that that was something other people
would find funny based on well the responses you were you were getting a lot of people inside that
laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my leg started spinning around and flipping me
over what happened was i was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in
the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies i wear sandals
punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's
like slats in there and stuck inside there and then i don't know who
somebody pushed the button or what but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and i'm
flying in circles help punk help me you punks are your clothes staying in the basket are you going
fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com slash the boys.
That's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set.
Hollywood Handbook.
Kevin, what time is it in the show?
40-ish.
Maybe we should do one more.
Yes.
The horse's mouth.
Just in case one of our pilots doesn't go.
Well, I think if you want, you get five.
There's five on a hand.
So you want five solid ideas to walk
in any room, any network to pitch, you want five.
When the studio head, when you
walk in, he holds up that hand.
And you better be able to peel down
every single digit.
Jordan Peele, he's got five on it.
Jordan Peele off.
Jordan Peele off. Maybe that's it. Maybe's got five on it. Jordan Peel off. Jordan Peel off.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe that's our new one.
I know Kevin said horse's mouth, but Jordan Peel off.
It's a cooking show
that Jordan Peel participates in.
Different
recipes with rice peel off with Jordan Peel off.
And each one of them has a horrible
twist where somebody dies.
I was going to say, if I know
Jordan, it's not just a cooking show, right?
He unleashed the Candyman into my feed.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, he did
that today. The Candyman's been released.
The Sammy Davis version?
I didn't know that there was one of those.
You've never heard the song
Candyman?
By Sammy Davis Jr.? No, I have. I was kidding.
Jesus, Hayes has never heard it.
I just said I had.
Hayes, your ignorance is showing.
I just said that I had heard it
and literally just said that one second ago.
Yeah, he has no idea what it is.
And I said I was joking
and I actually thought that was
what we were supposed to be doing on this show.
But who can make the sunrise
and sprinkle it with dew.
Probably
the God character.
The Candyman, exactly.
Candyman can.
It's from
Candyman Ken because he
mixes it with love and makes the world taste new.
That's neither here nor there.
The horse's mouth.
The horse's mouth.
The second half of what phrase? Don't look a gift horse there the horse's mouth yeah the horse's mouth now what is that the
the second half of what phrase
don't look a gift
horse in the horse's mouth
don't look a gift horse
in the horse's mouth
don't look a gift horse
in the horse's mouth
pretty sure that's not how it goes
but let's say it does go that way
St. Louis
regional
patois
that's like an
upstate New York
Utica
which I'm pretty sure you're from
St. Louis St. Louis
St. Louis
nope
nope
again
Sklar Brothers
not
nope
listen
you've
there's two of those
and they never
are seen without each other
he's one of
he there is
Kevin is actually
a Sklar Brother
Kevin from now on
we will need you
to be a Sklar Brother
on this show
okay
so I think this one
is a spin-off of
it's obvious Bo BoJack Horseman.
And it's BoJack Horsemas.
BoJack Horsemas.
BoJack Horsemas.
It's time.
And it's just, it's an art film.
Yes.
It's just a closeup of BoJack Horseman eating rice pilaf in slow motion with crossfades,
like nuclear explosions
silent
silent
they'll love that
30 minutes of silence
the fans of that show
be like
oh just when I thought
they would
not using this facetiously
they would eat it up
they would not
just chewing
it's an ASMR
kind of thing
they're chewing
BoJack's chewing.
Minus the sound, of course.
Minus the sound,
but maybe you bring
your own sound to it.
Just like a huge piece of it, yeah.
You just bring your own sound to it.
And that's what happens.
You hum along.
You create your own ASMR.
Again, it's a
choose your own adventure,
kind of choose your own sound.
No one's done this, you guys.
Well, it's Bendersatch.
Yeah.
No.
Did you ever do a voice on that?
Bojack?
Mm-hmm.
No.
What happened there? Doesn't Will Ar learn to do all the voices on that he does what was that that's a hog what kind of car is that
it was supposed to be a horse eating a carrot well it is not well, I don't need to hear it again. Unless the horse was being fed back.
Yes, feedback.
Yeah.
Yeah, horse's mouth.
Give me that again.
I'll lose my shit.
That's funny.
I just missed it.
No.
No, come on.
We'll fix it.
Give me that again.
I'll lose my shit.
No, you get one shot at it.
You better lose yourself in the music.
You only get one shot.
Oh, right.
Yes.
From the Oscars.
I love that Academy Awards song.
It is.
You know what it is?
It's the theme song of the Oscars now.
Yes.
Which I thought was a bold choice.
Because you kind of do get other chances.
Yeah.
A lot of these people
are multiple nominees.
Sometimes even
within the same show.
Yeah.
Like Bong Joon-ho
got four chances.
He was four for four.
Yeah.
And so every time
you only get four shots
hope you win all four
of them.
Bong Joon-ho
Bong Joon-ho rhymes
with a lot of things.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We don't have to go
on everything that rhymes with the beer all damn night.
No.
Guys at home, yeah, you can figure it out.
Go.
Yo.
That's just a fuel.
And I could have come up with.
That's just the very beginning.
That's the tip of the iceberg, by the way.
I think that is all of them.
Tip of the iceberg will be coming on Wednesday nights on FX.
The second half of the phrase, that's just the tip of tip of the that's just is the beginning of the phrase and then the tip
of the iceberg is the second half of it and that's just will be its lead-in that's just we'll start
the hour uh 7 30 7 to 7 30 that's a judge it's just that's just yeah that is perfectly fine
it's just a bunch of things that are perfectly fine. And then the host
of the show, which is Mike Rowe from Dirty
Jobs, he will say, well, that's
just.
Thank you for saying Mike Rowe
from Dirty Jobs because
all the things that he's
done. That rhymes. Mike Rowe.
Mike Rowe, Bong Joon-ho. That's another one.
Okay.
I've been confused for Mike R micro on more than four occasions wow and i and i had that experience once where where somebody came up to me
it was like you're the guy from dirty jobs yeah no i'm not well you were crawling out of the
and they said yes you are right okay They thought you were trying to play their ass.
I was, yeah.
I was crawling out of a toilet.
Like the ghoulies.
Oh, boy.
Well, here we are again.
Here's another episode of Dirty Jobs.
Just record scratch.
I guess you wonder how I got here.
I'm Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.
Crawling out of a toilet at the Rose Bowl.
Bye.
Well, let's take it back.
Goodbye.
Hollywood Handbook.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.