Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Freaky Flix Friend

Episode Date: September 18, 2019

QUEENIE and The Boys make a horror anthology series. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS code: THEBOYS), Harry's (www.harrys.com/handbook), and Quip (www....getquip.com/theboys).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 this is a head gum podcast just zipping around zooming and zipping with lewis black and he is freaking out And he is freaking out. Yeah. He is getting red and pissed. You know the backstory there. The backstory to him getting pissed? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:35 No. He is mad. The backstory. Yes. That's the backstory? He is one of these guys who came out of his mommy's womb just mad. So the backstory is that he was born mad. You ever see Mad Max? Have you seen it? Have you seen Mad Max? What's the question? Have Have you seen Mad Max?
Starting point is 00:01:06 What's the question? Have you ever seen Mad Max? No. Yeah, well, okay. Then I can't make my point. Okay. Well, you know, I'll say it anyway. If you watch that movie, he's really not that mad compared to Lewis Black.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Okay, that's helpful. That is helpful. It's not a backstory. What do you want from me? When you say, when I talk about how Lewis is mad and pissed, and you say, have you heard the backstory? And then you say he is mad. Basically the same thing that I just said.
Starting point is 00:01:50 And then you're giving me examples of who he's mad compared to. None of that is a backstory. I know this person. You're leaving out your part of this, which is I go, have you heard the backstory? And you go, the backstory? To him being mad Matt you're like all fucking uppity and pissed about it I was right wasn't I
Starting point is 00:02:09 no you weren't it turned out that I was right no welcome to Hollywood Handbook insider's guide to dropping names in the back door you sit for this one and then we will have you in the next episode.
Starting point is 00:02:26 You're going to be in the next episode. This episode's about Louis Black and the Black story. Ugh. Dang. Damn it. You've got me so riled up. Oh. The backstory to how angry he is, because I was going to say he was born mad.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yes. And then you got him zipping around. Uh-huh. Right? Yes. And that's reminding him of how he was the original lead singer of the Squirrel Nut Zippers. Yes. Oh.
Starting point is 00:02:58 And he was kicked out for what? For being too mad. Not old-timey enough. So, again, it's not a a backstory because he's pissed already yes and that story here in the afterlife so we had to zip around so fast to get his hair this is not your episode oh sorry yes and i'm very excited to have you for an episode in the future probably happening right afterwards uh Uh-huh. Yeah, I can tell.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Is it fucking contagious over there? Are you affected by it? Everything is like the backstory? Hayes and I are on the- We're on the- Yeah, I can tell. You know what? Let's do it now.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Let's do the Julie episode now. Let's do the Julie episode. Oh, don't do me any flavors. No, yeah. You do the Julie episode and I'll just watch. Julie, welcome back to the show. Hollywood Handbook. Everyone at home was, it's a Julie episode. It's Queenie.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Yes. Yes, Queenie. Queenie's triumphant return. She's the only one who can keep up with the boys. Shut up. And sometimes outpace them. Who says shut up? Me.
Starting point is 00:04:02 You said shut up to your fans. I'm saying shut up to everyone. I'm in the pocket. Probably. Julie, what brings you to this town? It's like the time where new shows debut. Okay. And I like to drive around and look at the billboards.
Starting point is 00:04:23 There's a really interesting one about bradley whitford and you called him bradley cooper earlier i didn't um i did yes really you were asking me about different shows yes and you listed three of them yes and the third one you said is it the one with Bradley Cooper where he's got a scarf on and it says like they need him
Starting point is 00:04:50 more than he needs them and I said I wish because that would be very interesting to me if Bradley Cooper was doing like a multi-cam
Starting point is 00:04:57 I wish I worked for that show well both uh huh so you didn't correct me until we were on the air well I didn't know what how many billboards are there in los angeles of bradley cooper wearing a scarf in front of a
Starting point is 00:05:16 fucking choir well there's none but you didn't even say choir you said he has a scarf on and the poster says they need him right you and then sort of you trailed off and i thought well i know that's not a show but it's not enough information asshole idiot hey if i if me quoting you but said bradley cooper if me quoting you is slander perhaps you should choose your words more carefully. Did I say Bradley Cooper? I wasn't here for any of this. Did I say Bradley Cooper? You don't remember? I did?
Starting point is 00:05:49 I thought you were talking about some Bradley Cooper show. I didn't know that. Oh my God. David. David. This is so embarrassing. Bradley Whitford. And it says they need him.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah, but they spell it H-Y-M-N. They need him. Right, because he's. They need him. They need him. They need him yeah but they spell it h-y-m-n they need him right because he's they need him they need him they need him right and then there's a choir and they look like they're either having fun or frustrated and then he's the opposite okay he's stuffy i think in the show i don't know why he wears that scarf all the time what other billboards uhboards did you come to see? Did you see that one where the lady's like, she just got a new family
Starting point is 00:06:32 and she told her old family to fucking fuck off and screw themselves. New family? Yes. Fucking sit and spin. What is that one about?
Starting point is 00:06:41 It sounds like a lot of fun. I saw the one for the unicorn. Boom. I saw the one. the unicorn. Boom. I saw the one. The unicorn is like, this guy is missing. He's single. The only one.
Starting point is 00:06:51 And he has the only one who's missing? Well. Well, maybe he's not missing. Maybe it's like for a good time. The unicorn is like. He's single. Unique corn. He, what?
Starting point is 00:07:03 Well, that's how I remember. It is like that. Well. How do you remember it? The horn looks a bit like corn on the cob Doesn't it? It's pretty unique Being in that place on a head That's fairly unique
Starting point is 00:07:15 For corn to be there That is unique You must admit that's unique Julie you must. Please. To have a corn cob in the center of your forehead or something that looks like what? For a horse? Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:34 And then there's one called Bob. Is it Bob? It's Bob. Yes. And now she's very gun shy. Abby Shola. About the bee names. She's scared. Oh, I see. Andishola, yeah. About the bee names. She's scared.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Oh, I see. And I hate seeing this. And I'm not even going to say what you originally called Abishola. What did I say? Abiola. I'm on two new medications. Hey, man. One is for my skin.
Starting point is 00:08:03 They seem like they're working. And the other is for my brain. So imagine what we'd be hearing without that one. Your skin looks great. Thank you. Bob Hart's Abishola. Does he? I did watch the trailer.
Starting point is 00:08:22 He definitely does. This is Mike from Mike and Molly. Starts shipping his nurse. How is he different than Mike? He has mustache. And he is somehow 20 years older, even though Mike only went off the air like a few years ago. Right.
Starting point is 00:08:46 And Abishola, he will not leave her alone and stop talking to her. And he goes to her work and tries to give her presents. Not in the first episode, but it is definitely heading in that direction. Okay. And it is. Funny? It is funny, yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Very funny show. Okay. Well, it's time to talk Stumptown at long last. The brand of justice that Stumptown is going and doing on these people. What's Stumptown? Is that the coffee? What was that sound? these people. What's Stumptown? Is that the coffee? What was that sound?
Starting point is 00:09:27 I interpreted it as frustration. What did I do to you? What did I do to either of you? You said that we're doing the billboard stuff.
Starting point is 00:09:43 You said you had eight minutes of billboard stuff. I never said such a thing. You told us we had eight minutes and you said, just sit back and watch the show. Devin, is that true? No. No, I can't. Thank you. In good conscience agree that that's the case.
Starting point is 00:09:57 That did not happen. What? Except you called it a Brad board. Do you have against me? What did I ever do to either of you that wasn't either kind or constructive? It's got to be one or the other. No, I'm not saying it has to be. I'm saying, what have I ever done to, like, well, maybe not annoy.
Starting point is 00:10:19 That's probably not the right word. But, like, hurt you. I have never been cruel to you. I've never been rude to you that doesn't mean that's true that's all i'm saying yeah what am i saying you you hurt sean though is kindness you build him up that's not my problem that's not my problem yeah you're if you're kind to me it's freaking stings. It feels like needles. Sharp needles and knives.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Ow, that kills. And pincers. Wow, that's so interesting. Yeah. It is. You don't think that's interesting? You ever see Hellraiser? Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:58 How is it? It's ahead of its time as far as all the cool like incest. Because I know that like incest is really popular in porno now. Starting to get, yeah, starting to become big. And that's really interesting. The stepmothers are doing it for themselves. And for their green family. I thought you were talking about the stepfathers, the UCB improv team.
Starting point is 00:11:23 You thought that? Yes, but then I remembered that my skin looks great, and it's because this really big dose of antibiotics. Brain antibiotics. No, no, no. They don't make those. You've got to wonder what was in that brain. What was?
Starting point is 00:11:44 Before the antibiotics came in. All I have done is been kind to you. I will just remind you, I've only been kind. Only been kind to both of you. It's all felt neutral. Everything my whole life. Fuck you! Fuck you!
Starting point is 00:12:01 It's felt neutral? You remember you came on this show with Tom and you did an impression of me. I did an impression of Hayes. Okay. But we never got to do. But you co-signed Tom's impression of me. You did co-sign it. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:12:15 And we never got to do how was your week. We never got to do how was your week. That's true because I didn't know you then. What's the score now? It's like 15 to zero. Julie, you did know me. I did know you back in the day, but you didn't live here.
Starting point is 00:12:28 You did know me. You didn't live in the same, I guess that's not fair, because I did come out here and interviewed Jack Hay and stuff. In New York? I did live in New York. When I was doing my podcast regularly? When did you move out here? You son of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:12:39 2009. Look at your shifty, pretty eyes. 2009. Both of you have light eyes and fair complexion, and it drives me insane. It drives me crazy. All I do is see boys who, they didn't dislike me in high school. I just didn't exist to them. And I feel like I come on this show, and you are actively cruel.
Starting point is 00:13:03 Is that true? Yes. Yes, it is? Yes, it is. The problem is, or maybe it's not a problem. Actively cruel? I think it's funny. I think you're both very funny. What's Hellraiser sound like?
Starting point is 00:13:18 Yeah, what's... Well, it raises... Peenhead, huh? Yes, Peenhead. What's it sound? Devin, pull up Hellraiser. His name. Peenhead, huh? Yes, Peenhead. What's it sound? Devin Poe of Hellraiser. Okay. His name's Peenhead. There's a lot of like BDSM.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Oh, I found this. I'm going to send this link to you. I found this really fun. What is this? Dirty stuff? It's a woman on ukulele singing about BDSM. Okay. Seems like an inappropriate instrument
Starting point is 00:13:46 for that kind of content. It's caused me lots of pain. Mm-hmm. This is what he sounds like now. You have to tell me ahead of time. If it's Garfunkel or Oates, you have to tell me ahead of time. You have a trigger.
Starting point is 00:13:59 We're going to hear what he sounds like coming up. If it's Joey Deschanel, you have to tell me. I will. This is a portion of, it says best part of hellraiser okay it's scary i'm scared it doesn't say what he's what what does he sound like i don't know if peen head is gonna be in this one oh here it comes y'all need any peens that's what he sounds like that's the best part
Starting point is 00:14:27 that's crazy shut it off oh yes y'all need any peens that's surprising it's almost Halloween we're gonna talk about horror movies that was the email yes we are
Starting point is 00:14:43 okay that was the email. Yes, we are. Okay. That was the email. Email. What horror movies really freak your bean? And be honest. Freak my bean? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:59 My clit? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sean just acted like he saw his mother split beef and throwing up. At the same time, the idea of me being sexual in any way to, I'm going to say both of you, but especially Sean. Look how he's still recovering. I look, look how he's still recovering. I mean, I know he's still recovering. We all know that he's open about that. He's still recovering from me mentioning my, the only part of my body that's just for pleasure.
Starting point is 00:15:38 And it's true. I, I accept that every other time we've had so many female guests come on and just Is Sean on strike right now? All we do is just say my clit and we just constantly don't react at all sexualize and explore Here's what's freaking my bean lately
Starting point is 00:15:58 I'm really excited about But you uniquely I refuse to engage i'm really excited about the sequel to escape room okay me too who's the bad guy in that um the room itself the room is room is a guy? Well, no, it's like a presence. Like it's a, you know, like the way like haunted house movies, like there's a presence to it. Okay. I've never been to an escape room, but I understand you guys do that a lot out here. Yeah, because I did it once with Tom.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Yeah, so it's all you talk about. Or all I talk about, I guess. Anyway. I've been wanting to go back. Why? I'd like to try it again. The same one? No.
Starting point is 00:16:51 What was the theme of it? Are there themes? Yeah. Was this one Alice in Wonderland? I wish. Was it? Now when I say I wish that time, it's because I wish it was Alice in Wonderland. Julie, that's good.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Because Bradley Cooper is wrong and I meant Bradley Whitford. Alice in Wonderland, scary horror version. Because actually some of that stuff is insanely fucked up. They are chopping. They are, like, there's drugs. Yeah. Smoking drugs. The caterpillar.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Acting weird. What are they chopping? The head. Freaking the queen. Smoking drugs. The caterpillar. Acting weird. What are they chopping? The head. Freaking the queen. Oh, right. Queenie. Queenie. She's chopping off the heads.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Uh-huh. The listener. Yes, Queenie. Queenie. Yes. I'll mark it down on my board. You know what? You guys were mean to me before that.
Starting point is 00:17:45 Queenie. Yes? Let's start over. I'm just razzing. The razzies are coming up. You guys excited about the razzies? I knew you'd be able to do it. The razzies are at the end of March.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Sorry. Sorry, Sean. You were winding up and starting again. I really got in the way of you pulling the bow back. I really fucked with your quiver. Is that another vaginal thing? I'm so hostile.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I'm so hostile. Let's start from the beginning. Hi, guys. That's what I was trying to do. Let's do it. I was doing the horror movie. Yeah, great. A scary one where it's like Alice and her friends.
Starting point is 00:18:23 It's like Mary Elizabeth Winsteadead is a millennial named Alice. Right, yes. And she goes through... She follows a bunny from Donnie Darko. Oh, that's fucked up. Thank you. And I'm already fucking freaking out. Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?
Starting point is 00:18:41 That's terrifying. I think that's what the bunny said. I'm not positive. Maybe it was mask. Maybe it was mask. Maybe it was mask. The mask? Human mask. Or mask.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I think it was probably human suit. Maybe it was suit. Yeah. Yeah. And she has like all these friends and they're going on vacation and she starts, she does a robo trip. Can it be a, be a Project Birthright? Yes, she goes on Birthright.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Yes, thank you. Project Birthright, yeah. She's robo-tripping. And it's a teen tour. Oh, and can the Gaza Strip be Wonderland? Yeah. Why do you make that face? I was going to ask if the Gaza Strip was another vaginal thing.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Not anymore, it's not. That's since I went to the place called Pink Taco on Sunset. He's stuck in a loop. I know. I'm trying to prove that I'm cool with it. I'm totally comfortable with genitals. Do you want to hear that song?
Starting point is 00:19:44 On the show? Yeah. Are we allowed to hear that song? On the show? Yeah. Are we allowed to do that? It's someone else's content. But we can. It's a YouTube song. I don't know why that makes a difference. It's on an album.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Is it sincere? Yes. Okay. Just play the first like 10 seconds of it. Yeah, for sure. Is that okay? Yeah, you can get away with 30 seconds. You can always edit it out.
Starting point is 00:20:05 I know how much you guys do in terms of editing. Exactly. Oh, okay. With the riff on it? No, but we have to, there has to be a critical element to our appreciation of the song. Okay. Okay. First things first, BDSM is an acronym that we break down into three separate sections.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, and that's all three. As far as ideals, well, that's not quite black and white, but here's two more fucking acronyms to commit to your mind. She's swearing at me. Oh, thanks. You swear at me? I'm trying to learn. I'm getting a taste of it, though. Come on. Yeah, I guess
Starting point is 00:20:52 I deserve it. I'm a filthy little worm. Everybody needs all these crazy tricks now. Whatever happened to humping for a couple minutes and going to sleep? I'm sorry. That's not good enough for you? It's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Humping? Yeah. What happened? Where'd that go? People have too much time. That is what it is. It's these people. You get a hobby. What do I do with the time?
Starting point is 00:21:28 I have to go to the store, get the freaking smacking stick. Buy the freaking sweet tickler. The smacking stick. Yes. The smacking tickler. The sweet tickler. That's what it is. It's just about filling the day.
Starting point is 00:21:43 It might be about consumerism. It is 100% about consumerism. That's a big part of it. And the corporation. Do you guys celebrate Buy Nothing Day? Buy Nothing Day. Yeah. I don't know about it. It's a
Starting point is 00:22:00 day where you don't buy anything? Then yes. Eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah. You don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet. You're actually doing the cooking. And there are 35 different options to choose from every week, including Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, and Keto. Which is this? It's a little bit of all of them. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:01 It shouldn't be. There are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking
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Starting point is 00:24:19 that's code the boys 50 at factor meals.com slash TheBoys50 to get 50% off. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. and the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about, but there's one language that I'm trying to learn and that's body language. Can Babbel teach me body language?
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Starting point is 00:25:22 What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of draw it towards them? They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something.
Starting point is 00:25:42 They're trying to pull down the spider web. But I've seen this too a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? Because it looks like an emergency. I know I was supposed to do something. Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on.
Starting point is 00:26:12 It may be police. Almost, yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over, get out of the car? Yes, or just do it out the window as I'm going.
Starting point is 00:26:31 That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others. Can't feel good to be others there.
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Starting point is 00:27:46 always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me hey guys rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills you can see all your subscriptions in one place and if i see something i don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think oh that was
Starting point is 00:28:42 got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions.
Starting point is 00:29:33 And that was, I mean, just to be fully transparent, that 500 million, most of that was the dresses. Well, yeah. I mean, you're talking about Hollywood memorabilia. You're talking about like ornate gowns in some cases. And so that was costing me a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Rocketmoney.com slash rocketmoney.com. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. We were figuring out the horror movie. We have to do a horror anthology. We have to do a horror anthology series. Donnie Darko is the not the Mad Hatter.
Starting point is 00:30:21 He's the White Rabbit. Who's the Mad Hatter? Who wears a's Donnie Darko's White Rabbit. He's the White Rabbit. And who's the Mad Hatter? Who wears a stupid hat? Who's a bad guy? Well, Freddy Krueger has a pretty stupid hat. I don't know if we could just use Freddy Krueger. But Donnie Darko's rabbit is okay. That's freaky, man. Okay, so Freddy Krueger is the Mad Hatter.
Starting point is 00:30:45 And who's his... He wears a hat. He's one of the only guys like this who is wearing a hat. He's got a hat on. In every second. What's the Mad Hatter's apprentice's name? Oh, sure. The March Hare.
Starting point is 00:30:57 The March Hare. The March Hare. The March Hare. March Hare. The March Hare. The March Hare. The March Hare. What's his game?
Starting point is 00:31:08 I'm not really focused on him. He's moving the tea. And I don't think the audience is either. Submissive. Okay. Cool. God, the Mad Hatter was ahead of his time spilling all that tea. That's Freddy Krueger doing that
Starting point is 00:31:25 Want some tea bitch He looks sickening And then he I don't know Don't look at me like that No I'm Ready to collaborate I'm ready to collaborate
Starting point is 00:31:43 Who's the March Hare Oh gosh Is there something like March collaborate. Who's the March Hare? Oh, gosh. Is there something like March Madness? I mean, the March Hare, for you to focus on the March Hare area specifically, we have already found a scary rabbit. And now you're forcing us to find a second one. It's so hard. What you're making us do is so difficult.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Sean already came up with the Donnie Darko rabbit. That's the scariest one. It's so hard. What you're making us do is so difficult. Sean already came up with the Donnie Darko rabbit. Yeah. That's the scariest one. Why are you wearing that stupid human suit? What about the sun from Breaking Bad? It's a psycho bunny from the line of Underpants. Oh, psycho bunny. Psycho bunny.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Nice, dude. You don't like the sun from Breaking Bad? Why not? Well, what? He doesn't feel like the March Hare to me. To me, he could maybe play the March Hare. Right. But I haven't seen that from him.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Oh, I see. You didn't know who the March Hare was. Psycho Bunny. I've seen Psycho Bunny act like the March Hare. What's Psycho Bunny? I've seen the Happy Tree Friends behave in some pretty mysterious ways. Oh, those are fucked up. Those are like those
Starting point is 00:32:45 fucked up cartoons. And also that little bunny on the sticker who's smiling but saying like, sometimes I think bad thoughts. You know the bunny that I'm talking about? Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Do you know this bunny? I don't, I don't. Is he like Calvin Pissing kind of attitude? No. Not exactly. He's smiling in a much like more... Sometimes I think bad thoughts. Oh, he's devilish? much like more sometimes I think
Starting point is 00:33:05 bad thoughts oh he's devil he's devilish yeah not to look at him but when you hear some of the stuff he's saying
Starting point is 00:33:11 pull up this bunny you know the bunny I'm talking about this is dark man yeah so that guy's the March Hare I would not want to be
Starting point is 00:33:19 hanging out with him as the March Hare Psycho Bunny and Freddy Krueger is the freaking Mad Hatter okay oof have another cup of tea bitch with him as the March Hare. Psycho Bunny? And Freddy Krueger is the freaking Mad Hatter. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Oof. Have another cup of tea, bitch. And it's Freddy Krueger saying that to me. Is there a scary queen from anything? Is there a scary cat? Is there a caterpillar? How do we map this genre?
Starting point is 00:33:48 The Cheshire Cat almost is the scary cat, huh? Because I've seen him drawn where his teeth are so sharp. Can it be James Corden? Oh, it's James Corden from Into the Woods. Well, from Cats. He was the butcher in Into the Woods. But James Corden's in Cats and I I tried to
Starting point is 00:34:07 mess me up take a swig with the wrong I messed myself up out well he's in Cats he's
Starting point is 00:34:15 he is yes have you guys done that as a teaser freezer no no it's silent largely largely visual
Starting point is 00:34:22 there's not a single there's a song being sung it's a song song yeah we not a single there's a song being sung song song yeah we could pretend we're watching the trailer and just play the song
Starting point is 00:34:30 it might save us a little money we gotta move so like this is what we're doing is the new AHS this is the new AHS okay
Starting point is 00:34:38 because they do the 80s one this year now we gotta think about like what's the isn't that Pose isn't American Horror Story 80s one this year. Now I got to think about like, what's the next one? Isn't American Horror Story 80s? Isn't American Horror Story Pose?
Starting point is 00:34:50 Yeah. Help me. Like Reagan and everything. You know what I mean? Pose is Reagan is happening then? Well, it's like the 80s horror story is Pose. Okay. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:35:01 Yeah. Yeah. I think that Pose is probably more grounded than some of what they do on American Horror Story. Okay. Where there's almost a supernatural element to some of the ghoulishness. Huh. Yeah. And did we find the bunny?
Starting point is 00:35:19 I found a creepy bunny. I don't know. Oh, God. You wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know it. Let me see. This one's pretty scary, though. Is it from a sticker. You would know it. Let me see. This one's pretty scary, though. Is it from a sticker?
Starting point is 00:35:27 It's a sticker. Let me see it. Yeah, internet's being dumb. Here we go. That sucks. I mean, this guy's pretty creepy. No, no, not even close. Oh, I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:35:35 I don't like it either. I don't like that. I don't like it one bit. No, that's too creepy. This one almost looks cute, but you can tell that he's completely deranged. Bosh ruined his blaster. It's in pieces. Good boy. Is that allowed?
Starting point is 00:35:50 Of course it is, because he wants common sense gun laws and he's taking the first step by dismantling his laser ray blaster. Is it this guy? What's this? He should not be eating that. That's plastic. Oh, boy. Bosh, this looks He should not be eating that. What's that? That's plastic. Oh, Bosh.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Oh, boy. Bosh, this looks like it could be from just about anything. Have you been eating plastic, my friend? Say the truth. He took out the middle of it and chewed up. Oh, that was in the middle of it? I think so. What's your favorite classic horror flick?
Starting point is 00:36:26 Oh, yes. I love this question. Rosemary's Baby? Say the truth. That is the truth. Say the truth when I ask you. Rosemary's Baby. Why is that not the truth?
Starting point is 00:36:36 You think I'm lying? You think something trashier? Just make sure you're saying the truth. I am. And if you're not, we'll know. Okay. That's your favorite truth. I am. And if you're not, we'll know. Okay. That's your favorite one. I think so.
Starting point is 00:36:49 She's saying the truth. Okay, and already it's sort of coming apart. She's saying the truth. Why is it coming apart? I'm just going to walk away. I think she's saying the truth, right? What are you talking about? How do we modernize that?
Starting point is 00:37:00 Okay, The Shining. Oh, no. And she admitted it. How do we modernize the shining oh no and she admitted how do we modernize rosemary it's out of the shining but it's at a freaking airbnb oh my god that's such a good idea and the old lady who runs the airbnb is the rabbit from donnie darko the guy oh it's like though this might be outdated instead of his finger talking to him
Starting point is 00:37:27 it's an app it is oh it's like he has a fidget spinner on his finger he's got a fidget spinner fidget spinner fidget spinner
Starting point is 00:37:34 I said it and tried to at the same time can the um can like Jack Nicholson be a blogger
Starting point is 00:37:43 oh yes that is very now. I thought you were going to say blob. Well, I didn't. No, but. What? Think about that. Can Jack Nicholson be a blob?
Starting point is 00:38:07 That's insane. No, Jack Nicholson is blogging for Salon. And he needs to get away. He has to write a think piece about AOC. Yes, he's doing like a whole series about AOC and he has to get away to where are people going now? We're in New York
Starting point is 00:38:31 when people are just like this weekend I'm going to blank. There's like matcha cafes. Okay, that is absolutely not what I'm
Starting point is 00:38:39 alluding to at all. Okay. You mean like, like what kind of cafe do you want? Yeah. I don't mean any kind of like local business. That's not even close.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Well, rainforest, rainforest cafe is, it doesn't feel local because it's sort of the, if you remember where we started on rainforest, we were talking about an Airbnb location. The Lion King is not a place. Okay.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Okay. I think I get what you're going for. What is a location where people in New York, they say, I'm getting away for the weekend. I am going to. Oh, the peanut butter falcon. What is that? Yes. They say, hey, I'm going to, I'm getting out of here. I'm going to go see the peanut butter falcon this weekend. I am going to. Oh, oh, oh. The Peanut Butter Falcon. What is that? Yes. They say, hey, I'm going to, I'm getting out of here. I'm going to go see
Starting point is 00:39:27 the Peanut Butter Falcon this weekend. Right, yes. That's a play? It's a movie. It's a movie. Okay. Shia LaBeouf. Alright. I like to go to the movies and forget about where I am. So he's going to the movies to write two hours. And the Airbnb
Starting point is 00:39:44 is a movie. Theater. Duh. Oh, God. That'd be fucking sick. Like a haunted movie theater? Oh, shit. And the freaking creepies are coming out of the screen.
Starting point is 00:39:58 It could be one of those movie theaters where you have to have, like, reserved seating in advance. Oh, that sucks. The last thing you think is, I should have booked a different seat. As the creepies come out of the screen
Starting point is 00:40:15 and dismantle you. Oh, shit, man. That's a pretty good shining. Who are the twins though oh the light twins and yeah
Starting point is 00:40:31 like football on TV shots at Gina Lee and twins and like and the kid is standing at the end of the hall and his he sees the twins and his finger goes up
Starting point is 00:40:46 like an erection finger gets boner and the fidget spinner spins on it's own is that what your balls do I know I have no relationship with my sexuality
Starting point is 00:41:04 since what since I walked into the doorway I know. I have no relationship with my sexuality. Since what? Since I walked into the doorway? Did he say since? Did he say since? Like I was walking onto a yacht. Two minutes of humping. What's wrong with that? Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:41:19 Okay. Yeah, really kind. What a kind, constructive person. No, she never had done an impression of me. That was constructive because we were riffing. No, she's never done an impression of me. That was constructive because we were riffing. No, she's never done an impression of me. We weren't talking about that at all. Jeez Louise.
Starting point is 00:41:29 That was more like Hayes' Mack Weldon character. Why is there going to be a fan? I do end up having to do those mostly by myself, though. Who is another one of your favorite? The guys in it are in a horror flick. My favorite creepies. Yes. Who are some of your favorite creepies from horror flick history?
Starting point is 00:41:52 I don't understand the question. Imagine these creepies coming out of the screen and it would have to suck if you're sitting there. And that's how, you know, if you've landed on a good, the new age S season that we are working on is updated classic flicks. Right. The new Tim Burton, Alice in Wonderland, updated, check.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Right. The Shining, check, did it. Yeah. Now we have to do another one. The baby one? Brosemary's baby? Brosemary's, so it's like- What did I say?
Starting point is 00:42:20 Is it like a Manny? It's a Manny. Oh, it's a Manny. It's Freddie Manny. Oh, it's a Manny. It's Freddie Prinze Jr. is the Manny from Fred's. Right. And he has an, oh, and so there's a surrogate? Mm-hmm. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:35 And it's a Bruce Willis from Surrogates. I don't know what that is. Is that a movie? Oh, Surrogates is a movie. What's it about? These freaking RoboZords. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Essentially, everyone is RoboZord. Plug in the machine. It's like, you know Simone? Simulation 1? No. You don't know Simone? Okay. No. Wow. You know, okay. You know Donnie Darko you know the you're the fembots from austin powers no yeah everyone in the world imagine is fembots
Starting point is 00:43:18 what are you imagining that now it's not that's not i don't think that is what who's at the wheel is happening in this movie you're seeing fembots can't drive oh yeah the stepford fembots what if it's um i'm trying to think of now like really creepy creepies. Slimer? Did you ever see the creators? What? The creators. What?
Starting point is 00:43:55 Creators. I don't know what that is. How about the ghoulies? That's my name, you know. The ghoulies? Yes. The ghoulies on one of the vhs covers in my video store one of the ghoulies i think ghoulies too is coming out of the toilet bowl no thanks imagine imagine sitting down and feeling vulnerable
Starting point is 00:44:19 and the ghoulies are there man those creepies come out of the screen even if it didn't bite you honestly people think oh what if it bit me even if it just rubbed up against you dude we're just watched dude even if it just yelled as loud as it could yes it doesn't even have to touch you even even honestly even if it spoke in a normal voice. Yelled like, yelled ah, or yelled a word? I'd probably pick a word if I wanted to really freak somebody out. And what would the word, what would it be? Hmm. David.
Starting point is 00:44:55 David is the word? Jeez. David! David! What about in a normal voice? That would freak you out if you David if it just said David David David that would be so freaky why this why are people only so obsessed with whether the ghoulies bites them bites their butts they're really underestimating the psychological aspects of having someone just yell
Starting point is 00:45:27 at your butt while you're sitting in the toilet. Or even talk to it. Yeah. Or even just try to start a quiet conversation with it. Damn. Imagine the questions you'd have after that. Like what?
Starting point is 00:45:41 Well, did this come out of my butt or out of the toilet? You knew it would come out of my butt or out of the toilet? You knew it would come out of the toilet. If it was talking to my butt. You'd feel it if it came out of your butt. Does it believe that my butt has the ability to talk back? And does it? Who's David?
Starting point is 00:45:58 Who's David? That would be number one for me. Oh, for me, that's four or five. Really? Is David somewhere else in the bathroom where I can't see him? Am I David? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:11 Have I been David this whole time? Bosh is really annoying everyone. He's so cute. I can't even handle how cute he is. Everyone's being too loud. He's so cute. Bosh has started calling people, he has a new word for people which is if they're, he thinks they're being knuckleheads, he calls them knuckies. Bosh has started calling people, he has a new word for people, which is if they're, he thinks they're being knuckleheads, he calls them Nuckies.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Oh, like Steve Buscemi on that fabulous show. I guess so, but he keeps saying, he keeps being like, get a little of these Nuckies. And to me, it sounds like it might be inappropriate. Why? I don't know. Something feels wrong about it. Yeah. Yo, and you raise your eyebrows as if to say,
Starting point is 00:46:49 I wonder where your son got such a judgmental. I was raising my eyebrows because that cord was moving and I was worried he wasn't eating it. Hi. Rosemary's Bay. Oh. Yeah, that's good. That is the new version.
Starting point is 00:47:04 That's interesting and cool. That we're doing is the new version. So she just has a bad boyfriend? A devilish boyfriend? Oh, yeah. When Bae is Satan. Yeah. And then he goes, he has his zaddy's eyes.
Starting point is 00:47:20 It's all... And Devin clapped, and it's a it's it's all and Devin clapped and it's a freaking wrap it's all Instagram stories the whole thing
Starting point is 00:47:32 takes place the whole movie is Instagram stories Instagram stories and it's one of those things where they start a story and it like
Starting point is 00:47:39 finishes in the next one oh yes well you see when the screen first starts it's so many dots at the top and you kind of track where you are yeah what's going on for me on my phone what are you doing is this Is this DeVereger? The Ghoulies, what is another of some of these favorite... You called me by name. Yes, some of these favorite scary and what are some of the most frightening flicks?
Starting point is 00:48:15 You keep asking me about horror movies. Yeah. And you keep asking me about creepies. I want you to help with the show. Well, often the most frightening flicks are starring just the most nefarious creepies you ever did lay eyes on. The most sinister creepies imagined often populate these freaky flicks.
Starting point is 00:48:35 You know what I think is even scary? What I think is really scary is you don't even know what the guy looks like until you do. The Bye Bye Man? What? You're talking Bye Byebye man the bye-bye man yeah what's that not a fan of all our stuff masterclass julie yikes horror anthology series we have created this premise out of nowhere mind you.
Starting point is 00:49:10 And we have turned it into something where we have updated all some of these, some of the most like. Iconic. Among all the flicks. Yeah. Some of the spooky. Freakiest flicks. Yes. Yeah. Time at the movies.
Starting point is 00:49:19 What is another one of these scary parts? Frankenstein. Okay. Why are you not like that? You want to be more modern? It just takes me back to when I was not young. No, but I was having a lot of fun. I wasn't young, but I was having a hell of a time.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Speak on that. Yeah, that was one of the things we would do. So, Frankenstein, I guess, is technically a movie. What is an updated version? Well, Max Landis did the updated version, right? Am I wrong? Of his life? No, he did Frankenstein.
Starting point is 00:50:06 What did he do? Victor Frankenstein? His dad created a monster and he like went around and... Did he do Victor Frankenstein? Did it ever come out? I think so. He wrote it, right?
Starting point is 00:50:16 Did he just text it in parts to women he dated? To get like another abusive line of dialogue. Oh, baby, I was just being Frankenstein No baby don't misunderstand me I was just being Frankenstein Come on you know I got I got these crazy screenplay ideas in my head
Starting point is 00:50:39 Sometimes it comes out in text form I'm just being Frankenstein Practicing my Frankenstein dialogue Victor Frankenstein, practicing my Frankenstein dialogue. Victor Frankenstein. I heard an interview with, I can't remember if it's that one or if it's I, Frankenstein, where Frankenstein is played by a normal-looking Aaron Eckert. And I heard him on Howard Stern. He's normal-looking now, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Not great news for me. And so he's on Howard Stern. Howard Stern. He's normal looking now. Okay. Not great news for me. And so he's on Howard Stern. Howard Stern's going. So, you know, you're playing Frankenstein, but it's not how I'm used to seeing him. You know, you don't really look like how I think of Frankenstein. And he goes, how do you know that? How do you know what Frankenstein looks like?
Starting point is 00:51:25 Starts just like really pushing back. So you know what Frankenstein looks like? How would you know that? How do you know I look, you're saying I don't look like Frankenstein. But how do you know that? Sounds like an actor railing against a system that says you're too this, you're too that. You're too handsome. And that's what I'm hearing.
Starting point is 00:51:43 Time to open up the casting. Of Frankenstein? South Asian woman. Which one? Quick, name five. I'm just saying. Can they have worked with my mom? I'm just saying, like, you know, how do you know? I'm saying, and that's you know how do you know
Starting point is 00:52:06 I'm saying and that's what Aaron is saying as well what does Frankenstein look like what does Frankenstein look like how do you know that he looks like Herman Munster that's what I thought Herman Munster is disgusting he is the grossest
Starting point is 00:52:25 like he's always like twitching his lips and his forehead is like way too high and he has that black lipstick on and I think he's the grossest guy and he's got this like beautiful wife but you still would I wouldn't
Starting point is 00:52:40 I would not I'd sooner with grandpa Al Lewis you would you'd rather grandpa I would not. I'd sooner with Grandpa Al Lewis. In a heartbeat. You'd rather Grandpa? Yes, than Herman Munster? Here's an amazing, crazy thing that I heard about Herman Munster. So one of their next door neighbors or something is like this beautiful bottle blonde. And they think that she is basically like a disgusting monster.
Starting point is 00:53:14 When like you are saying they are so ugly. The monsters look like fucking shit. Herman looks like shit. Herman Munster looks like shit. Herman Munster looks like shit. At least in the Addams Family, she had a Latin lover she'd spread for every night. Herman comes out
Starting point is 00:53:33 of the screen. He is disgusting. I'm like, this sucks. Yeah, it sucks. He's always a close-up, too, because he did so much face twitching. Yeah, you got to capture that. Let's get a single on Herman.
Starting point is 00:53:54 He's gross. If he opened his mouth and black liquid just fell out, would you be surprised? I mean on monsters no probably just finished doing something with the creature from a certain lagoon and what if that
Starting point is 00:54:17 is his cub what if the hand from did you say that was his cum yeah cause you didn't get it. That's a way homer. I thought the black... Saved you the trip. Why does his cum come out of his mouth?
Starting point is 00:54:33 Because he blasted off in there. The freaking creature from the certain lagoon. Yes, keep going. Blasts in Herman's mouth. They're having fun like, fun together? Those two? The shape of water.
Starting point is 00:54:50 And that's a problem for you? I'm an ally. Okay, fine. Anybody who wants to do anything with the creature from a certain lagoon, man, have at it. Well, I'm an animal rights advocate okay and I back myself into a corner
Starting point is 00:55:09 luckily I'm already done with the show that was apparent when you picked up your phone and said what's on this for me what did you say when you picked up your phone I don't fucking remember let's talk about the next one Julie what do we want out of the next one?
Starting point is 00:55:26 Let's plan now. Something like the next show, you mean? Yeah. We could do a TikTok. The next time Julie is here, we could do a TikTok. That could be good. A fun Q&A. Or we could do a Frank Zappa album.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Okay. Oh, look at Posh with his... He stopped doing it. Chase's tail for a second. So freaking cute. I'm worried about this, what he was eating. What is this? It doesn't look like he swallowed any of it.
Starting point is 00:55:52 No, yeah, there's all the extra pieces I threw out. So I think he did just chew it up. Great. But it's a heavy piece of metal and plastic. Why would they put that in the belly of a toy? I don't know. He's okay. I think he's okay.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Yeah, I just love him so much. I love him too. He's the most lovable guy. We could do a TikTok. Did you hear that idea? I did, yeah. Did you? I didn't know exactly how to deal with it.
Starting point is 00:56:22 What do you think, Sean? About the TikTok idea? Well, I think it's bad. No, about... I think it's not even close... To? To something that could sustain even a pitch of what we might do for an episode of the show. And we've done almost nothing for every episode.
Starting point is 00:56:46 And I think TikTok's not enough. You're shooting it down. No. I'm happy to hear more. What's the TikTok about? Is it a cursed TikTok? I've never seen a TikTok. Is it a cursed TikTok?
Starting point is 00:56:58 I had a feeling and I didn't want to accuse you of that. But when you pitched doing a TikTok, I did think maybe you'd never seen one. Never seen one. What is it? A vine? It is. Okay, then let's move on. Jeez Louise.
Starting point is 00:57:13 Both of you in unison. It is. And then they. We could do a vine. Bring vine back. That's an idea. Yeah. That doesn't upset you that he just said that tiktoks and vines are the
Starting point is 00:57:27 same thing right and then he pitched doing a thing that he just said is the same thing as what you pitched yeah but it doesn't bother me because i'm happy he's participating to be back. It's good to have you back. Devin, what's up, buddy? What's up, dude? What's going on? What's up? How's it going? Devin, DevDog. What's your freaky flicks? Okay, well I guess I'm not fucking here anymore, so I guess
Starting point is 00:57:59 I'll just go open a friggin' vein. Jeez, I'll just go drain my veingin vein. Jeez. I'll just go drain my vein. My blood vein. The main vein. It's not the main vein. Trey the main vein.
Starting point is 00:58:15 It's my jugular. Well. Archie's friend. I feel like. She's Fran. I feel like... Devin, say your... He's going to say his favorite Feige flex. Ben, you can riff off that.
Starting point is 00:58:33 You love riffing. Devin, Julie. Yeah. Count jugular. What about the juggies from The Man Show? Yes. Can there be like a scary... Juggies on trampolines.
Starting point is 00:58:43 Imagine the fembots. Can there be like a scary Juggies movie? Yeah, that's good. The guys are like, send in the Juggies. And then the fembots come out and they're like, wait a second, you guys look different. Freaking bullets from their jumblies. Right? Right.
Starting point is 00:58:59 That's scary. Did you guys see the Joker trailer? We did see that one. Yeah. Did you notice they were Joker trailer? We did see that one. Yeah. Did you notice they were playing Send in the Clowns by Stephen Sondheim in the trailer? Yes. Did you think that was cool or fucked up or interesting? Why are you scared to hear Devin's favorite freaky flicks?
Starting point is 00:59:31 Yeah. Because I'm just scared that they're going to be... Better than some of your suggestions. No. No. You should be. A little too triggering. What Devin says.
Starting point is 00:59:44 Yeah. Okay. The first one that comes to mind, the descent. Oh, God! She's triggered, man. Are you triggered? Did I trigger you? Did I trigger you? Do I make you triggered, baby?
Starting point is 01:00:02 You're mental! You're mental! Do I make you triggered, baby? You're mental. Do I make you triggered, baby? Have I offended you? Do I make you triggered, baby snowflake? It's Austin Powers. Yeah, this will be good, this episode. So I am going to split.
Starting point is 01:00:27 This is the first time we haven't even spoken about what we were going to talk about before we started talking. Do you think it's better or worse? Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.

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