Hollywood Handbook - Langston Kerman, Our Podcast University Friend Again

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

The Boys welcome back LANGSTON KERMAN to discuss his new FX spinoff show. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hey guys, it's Heiz calling all Scoop Troop. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash the boys and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love. And I want to underline that part that says, so we can keep making content. This is kind of a different ad. Normally Kevin just sends us the ad copy, but this copy was actually delivered to my home by a burning crow. I don't really know how to say it,

but it was a crow that was on fire, but not being consumed by the flame. And it was like sobbing in pain like a human. And it came in an envelope that was from Rattamanthus. And that's all it said in the return address, just Rattamanthus. And I'd heard from other Headgum hosts kind of whispering about Rattamanthus. And I'd heard from other Hegem hosts kind of whispering about Rattamanthus, like they had a Zoom with him coming up or something.

And then I just never heard from those hosts again. And I had heard them kind of refer to him as the infernal judge. And they'd be like, oh, is it true that he's the infernal judge? And then I would just never see them around the office anymore and no one would ever talk about them. And I asked Jake and Amir about Redamantus and they both said he was their old friend from growing up. But they didn't grow up together.

So I don't understand how he could be both of their old friends. And when they said that, eyes were like really wet, their eyes would get so they'd be smiling but their eyes would be like so so wet. So I really want to do a good job on this ad. You know this, we know this there are ads on our podcast, we want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you our audience. The survey is a quick, easy and in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is a quick, easy, and free way to support this podcast. It'll take you two minutes and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it.

I really, really want to do well on this ad. I put a blanket over my head to record this. I have it over my head right now. And as soon as I put the blanket over my head, it felt like there was someone outside of the blanket watching me do this. And I have the blanket on right now, and I don't want to take it off. I don't want to take the blanket off. Go to gum.fm slash the boys to fill out our audience survey. That's gum.fm slash t-h-e-b-o-y-s. Please fill out the survey. Please fill out

the survey. Please. Please, please, please go to gum dot f-m slash the boys. Please. I just would go the other way. Okay. I'm going to take these up. I would go with the, I understand what you're saying, but I just, I kind of feel the exact opposite. I'm not trying to be combative. I don't, right, right now I don't understand where you, I can't really like fair where you could be coming from,

but I'm interested in being sort of walk through it. And I'm, I'm listening. Okay. Yeah. Great. Um, and I'm happy that this is how we hold these conversations now on like how it was before, or you scream and stomp your feet and shut down every

voice that was not your own. Um, I think every, I think every, I think every now on like how it was before, where you scream and stomp your feet and shut down every voice that was not your own. I think every, I think literally every show and movie should have a Spider-Man in it. That's like my, like I know you're saying that there's I guess too many for you, but I'm going, well, think about how many spiders there are.

Here's what I'm, You know what I mean? Yes, but here's what I'm willing to be walked through. Great, great, great, great. Is you saying, it can be, you said just a minute ago, it can be a little Spider-Man. And so that's what I'm curious, and by a little Spider-Man, what do you mean? Subtext, it does not have to be in the text.

The subtext can be that there's a little bit of Spider-Man, a Spider-Man you never see, we never mention. But there is a Spider-Man informing people's actions, informing people's decisions. Can you give me an example of a sequence? Pick a show, pick a show that you don't think should have. Lost. Lost, perfect.

Spider-Man was flying the plane. But give me an example of how that will be articulated in a way that nobody has ever spoken. Well, what if I told you that in the show, Spider-Man had been flying the plane? Okay, but who? The plane had a pilot, certainly. We don't meet the plane. Okay, but who? The plane had a pilot, certainly. We don't meet the pilot, we don't talk about the pilot.

The pilot does not exist within the show, but certainly some supernatural things are happening, some unusual things are happening, kind of like the things that happen around Spider-Man. I don't really think it's supernatural what's happening to Spider-Man. It's all very scientifically explained. Okay, okay.

Well, some might even say that about a lot of what happened in Lost. I mean, certainly anyone who worked for the Dharma project thought they were participating a scientific venture. Okay. All right. I guess this isn't the feel that was thinking I was gonna be engaging.

It's effectively, there's a multiverse happening in there. But no one says that Spider-Man was, no one says that Spider-Man was flying the plane. What I'm saying is that's a show where you would have a little Spider-Man, where it's not tech. So it's not articulated. Okay, I just. Sorry, do you have a, you?

I'll be honest, I'm sold. Now he wants to talk. I'm sort of sold on the Spider Man of it all. Now that he wants to disagree with me. Well, it's not personal. Meanwhile, on the front end of this, when I was actually really looking for some support. I wasn't sure.

You're like, I'm new here. I've never done a show in the studio before. I haven't, no. I'm ready to jump in on this stuff only when it's time to disagree with music. How does this couch work? I know you're on my side, but you were like weird about that.

Yeah, I don't know why you turned on me. So I don't, I just, I, I, I, I, I was a toxic person. Spider-Man on Lost felt like something to me. I've always, like, I've always felt like, doing only Zoom shows for us. That's its own beast. I think it's its own type of courage to do our show only on zoom.

Right. It's the only way I've known. But Kevin said something about in email, to like set up this record that like you were, you were ready to come into the studio, but first you had to deep piss your panties? That, yeah, so I, my eyes didn't even really perceive that part of the email.

Like now that you're saying it, I'm going, I did see it, but I think I just went right over it, like this is just a Kevin thing. Well, to be clear, I didn't reply all because I thought that was gonna remain between Kevin and I. I didn't expect this to become a sort of group discussion. And I feel like you're lashing out again because of the Spider-Man thing.

And it's a little about the Spider-Man thing. Actually, I'm trying to give you who can I promise. Yeah, this doesn't feel like you're helping me. Because I just got fucking thumped on my own damn show. You got whooped. And now you want me to be embarrassed about depissing my panties and I won't be.

Now, yes, I did send that to Kevin, but no, I'm not a shit. I mean, he's fresh as a daisy. He's here on the couch. Took him a minute to figure out how it worked. What is that process, Like what's involved in? Cause Kevin said it would take five to seven days. Sure. Okay. So first of all, you can't just ring them out and throw them back on.

First of all, you gotta piss your panties. Okay. You can't be pissed before you piss. You can't, you can't be pissed panties. You can't be pissed panties before you've pissed your panties. And so you're going to want to piss your panties. Okay. You're going to want to dry those things out, but that doesn't get the piss out.

Dry them first. Dry them first. Okay. You want, you want them to be essentially, uh, more pissed. Yeah, this is interesting because if you do, uh, like out to dryers, like, I mean, there are options. I think, I think obviously the, the tumble dry version of it is more. You're putting them in the dryer.

There's more odor with them, certainly. Hang them out to dry. You wanna hang them out if you wanna. Yeah, you put them on the old clothes line. On the clothes line. Between two buildings. Quagmire. Quagmire always has access to your panties

when they're out in the open like that. Well, yeah, that's a hazard. I was gonna say, if you try to, it's interesting, if you try to just wash them right away while they're still wet, there's no way to differentiate between the warm water you're cleaning them with and the piss itself. That's why you wanna dry them.

Yeah. It makes sense to me to dry them first. You gotta know how pissed they actually were, and so you dry them. Yeah. It makes sense to me to dry them first. You gotta know how pissed they actually were, and so you dry them first, and then you wash, and you repeat. You repeat until you get them back to normal. So that's all it is, is washing it dry. But it is five to seven days.

There's no step that's at all surprising in there. I guess a slight order change maybe from what I would have expected. It's longer, it's happening more than I thought it would. Well, you're doing- Pretty much it's just laundry. You're doing laundry in between too. It is laundry, yeah.

You don't just- In between. It sounds like laundry. In between. Okay. You gotta do your whites, then you do your panties. Right. You know.

Okay, so your panties are not white is what we've established. No, come on, I'm not a monster. Just from that. Okay know. Okay. So yours are, your panties are not white is what we've established. Just for Matt. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Well, it's wonderful to have you here in the studio. It is such an exciting time. And for you to be here in person, it's like finally.

In the Langston business, we have a TV show. We have a special. Come on. We have your TV show. We have a special. Come on. We have your podcast tour. Podcast tour. Podcast. Podcast tour. Podcast tour.

There's still no way for us to do it, yeah? Sorry fellas, we haven't opened it up yet. Okay, all right. But just keep me in mind. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, absolutely. You'll be in there. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, absolutely, you'll be in there.

Okay. How open, how opened up will it have to be before we should start looking at like putting ourselves out there? That's a great question because there are- It seems like there's a couple layers before you get to me, huh? Yeah, there are some other white people I think

that even if we opened it up would be more obvious. Ahead of the, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Which that's no fault of your own. There's nothing you can do about that. You can't change and you shouldn't change. Okay, all right. But yeah.

Yeah, cause I was about to start taking drastic actions. People are like, they're like, there's no upside there. All right. Where are we going? Oh, we're no upside there. All right. Where are we going? Oh, we're hitting the mall. Chicago, Detroit, DC, Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, Austin, the rest, Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, New York.

That's crazy. Yeah, I'm missing some, but you know the deal. Cities. Denver. Wow. That's right. Wow. Mile high. And but you know the deal. Cities, Denver. Wow. Whoa! That's right. Wow. Mile high. And are you gonna do kind of like a, I'm in town,

like what's up? Oh, you got it, you got it. What's up in town? You got it. A little post. I'm just trying to figure out where to eat. What's the nightlife like? Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are the sex clubs, The illegal sex clubs, right? You gotta say to the city that you'll be inside it. Yeah. That shit is fucking devilish. Because it's technically, you're just not saying anything. I love stuff like this, where I can get away with being so nasty.

But it's like, when you try to pin me down. This is like, you know, it's, um, it's, uh, sort of like negative gatekeeping, but it's more of like a erotic kind of fishing. Almost. It's like a, it's a Trojan horse or something, you know? It's tricky. Worst case scenario, people tell you like, what food is good and stuff. Yeah, no, you either get- That can be nice on its own.

You're getting great tapas or you're getting a sex club. You're eating tapas with obviously like a huge bone on. You didn't. You get hard either way. You're trying tapas with obviously like a huge bone on. Like you didn't. You get hard either way. You were trying to get off. Hey, it's either tapas or topless. There it is. I don't know.

I might've bumped you up a spot on getting on the bucket. Yeah, I gotta get myself in there and just like, I know you got your process, but I would like to be on the list. Well, like we're saying, there's a lot going on in your world right now. You're a recurring regular, what are we looking at for English teacher?

I'm recurring, I'm not a regular. Okay, not a regular. Okay, which episodes? I've seen you in both of them. Which episode did you sub out on? Yeah, when they bench you. I think around three, five-ish. Okay, so coming up quick.

Coming up. All right. We're gonna skip me a few times, but I come back and then I have a couple big ones. Closing lineup. Yeah, oh, I'm in the closer big ones. Closing line up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm in the closer.

Okay. I make the, I make the clothes. Well, they tease us a little bit, huh? Yeah. You just get a little taste. They, they take me away and you're like, I wonder if that guy's coming back. I don't know if he'll be here anymore, but I'm back. Bring that back.

So the past app comes by your group of five, but there's only like three of the items. And you go like, I wonder if we'll see that tray again. I wonder if I get some of those meatballs. And then you get some meatballs. Yeah, you'll get the meatballs. And the conversation we're having is what's next? What comes after this? We're just doing English teacher.

Well, especially, they made a fatal error in not locking you in as a regular. As a recurring, you have so much freedom to operate. And that's the key. That's why we hire our lawyers and our agents and all that. To preserve our freedom. To preserve our freedom. And so you basically now can move anywhere you want.

You're holding all the cards. And when they come back to you, they're gonna get the squee. Yeah. Big squee. They'll beg. They'll beg and I'll say. They will, won't they?

They will learn. Mr. Leverage. Mr. Leverage. Mr. Leverage is what they'll be calling me. Oh yeah. And the conversations we're having are about what, like, what, we're just kind of thrown into this with the English teacher. He's teaching and it's like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Like what happened?

You don't just start as an English teacher. Yes. Oh yeah. No, no, no. He starts with a hot shower and then he's teaching English. But what about like even before that? Like even before the shower? Before he took that shower? What was before he got that job? What was going on?

Oh, these are good questions. We're talking about the thing that's being bandied about is young English teacher. Oh, okay. And what I'm hearing is young English podcast university teacher. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, it's it's education.

We're already in the realm of education. First of all, the English teacher had to get a education degree somewhere. Right. Maybe when they were younger, maybe at Podcasts University. And the Podcasts University brand is insane right now.

Oh my God. It's been going nuts. It's the institutions that we set up together. Yeah. By the way, we're dealing with woke politics, which what other better venue is there for that than podcast? It's where it's thriving the most, I would say. Yeah.

It's in, our podcast university teacher is in our top 15 best sellers. And Kevin also, this is also an email that I got from Kevin about he is going to cut you in on the podcast. Cause you've been there for every episode we've done for podcasting. That's right. He is going to cut you in on the t-shirt. Oh, the Tony Hawk one touched on it a little. Okay.

Well, Tony has already been cut in. So now it's just, Oh, you guys got Tony's legs in his left. Tony got, Tony got a lot off the top. So we're just approaching the point where we would start to see some of the money from it and we are gonna share it with you. And Tony, it's mostly going to Tony at this point.

Tony, yeah, but that name and, you know. But Kevin gave me a date. I just saw a picture today of him skateboarding with his kid in the 90s. Oh. You ever get your algorithm says like, hey, remember this? Yeah, the sweetest doubt. You ever, you, you ever get your algorithm says like, Hey, remember this?

Yeah. Sweet nostalgia. Kevin says he's cutting you in the, it's going to be on the 20 never of never wary, which is right around the corner. So, is it never, I mean, it's like, it's almost never. It's never worry already. Yeah. That comes up on you. All right. Is it never every, I mean, it's like, it's almost never. It's never very already. Yeah. That comes up on you.

I'm gonna be honest, that sounds, that sounds shitty. That doesn't sound like I'm gonna get it. We can push it up to the never team. That's what I thought too, but then I go to CVS and they've already got the neverary stuff, like the neverary aisle is like already up there. Neverary camp. Yeah, they don't even wait for the season

to get whatever C. V. S. Look like that. You go to write a man. It looks like some looter came through. There's nothing on the damn shelves. I guess people just take whatever they want from writing. It's good to hear CVS still has their never worry decorations. Well, that is what a never worry decoration does. It's like an empty. It's the an empty shell. I guess we're saying the same thing. There's nothing there either. Oh that's a relief.

But that's because that's her neverary. But that, yeah, that's fucking sicko mode so you will be cut in on that shit and look forward to that check. And the other thing you're getting cut in on is like we're going to be doing this podcast university young English teacher at young podcast university. Yeah. Now what we have to figure out is how the young English teacher is played by someone who was already

in the show playing a different character. Right? Well, the first thing we know is they probably can't be a regular. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You're not locking me down on regular.

I'll be honest. How we're going to do a show where the main character in the title is recurring. It's going to be so big out for a couple episodes. We got to figure this out. Yeah. But we will. The young, we're imagining a la young Sheldon,

a la young Rock. Okay. That's interesting. I guess they have done that a couple times with shows, yeah, yeah. Well, hey, Young Sherlock Holmes. Okay. Yeah. Young Indiana Jones. They've done that, right? Holmes. Okay. Yeah.

Young Indiana Jones. They've done that, right? Yeah. Yes, they have done that a couple times. Or put junior at the end, like James Bond Jr., so English podcast university teacher, Jr. Okay. Or do both, young at the beginning.

Young Jr. Junior at the end. The young Irishman. Young Sheldon Jr. Remember, and then he got older. It should have been Young Sheldon Jr. Young Sheldon Junior. And then they pulled him, remember? And then he got older. It should have been Young Sheldon Junior. Young Sheldon Junior. Young Sheldon Junior.

So, let's get to episode one. We're just gonna knock it out right away, answer everyone's questions. Let's just jump in. It's, what's the English teacher's name? In the show. And this is my favorite thing to do The name of the character what is this one fuckers name I Frankly I haven't committed it to memory

Yeah, this is Evan Evan. That's right. It's his name. He got it. His name is Evan. Evan. What a great show. Mail. Yeah. Get in. So young Evan, uh, junior young Evan, junior, and it's you on screen. You're a child version of Evan. And are we doing this, the Irishman CGI or we?

We don't have access to that CGI. Okay. We do have a more affordable CGI. That's a little different. It, remember when they would, there would be a filter. You could put on a photo where it sort of looked like it was painted. It looks like that.

Just a soft sort of brushing. Yeah, like a little more like. It could be lightly ossified. Okay, all right. And so you're showing up a light ossification. You're on campus. So tasteful, just to say. People at this point aren't saying,

okay, that's the young version of Evan the English teacher. No. But we do need them to get there. So someone's gonna have to yell your name. Right, because they're still remembering this character older and as a completely different.

Yeah. And I'll say this, not much older. No, I don't know what, you know, you've been using filters on zoom or something. I was thinking we were dealing with a very, very young, young man. Yes. Yeah. And while I think you're younger than sure BJA, we are going to, we are going to need to like really sell it. Like you're, you're like a kid. We need it to be. Yes. More youthful than what we are experiencing right now in this exact moment. Yeah.

And I think to make that juxtaposition really work, I have an idea because we are going into the past and we are kind of dealing with how education has changed. The school, obviously the English teacher is at, there's a lot of like modern kind of, you know, more rambunctious kids. But what if a crusty old headmaster, a very old, just to sell how you know school

Just so that when they say young man or when they say young Evan jr That it that it doesn't feel like he's why would he calm that he's not that much I like that because because the older your counterpart is the younger you are Yeah, yeah that'll really help. Yeah, my giant. I mean, it's my giant sure. are. That, yeah. That'll really help. Yeah. That's my giant. I mean, it's my giant. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Because Dumbledore was a hundred and like 48. And he made all those seem like little kids. And Snape. Yeah. As a result is young too, because Dumbledore is so old.

Yeah. Yeah. And now everyone's dead. Now they're all dead and they all died they went the way of Dobby hmm they all died dead Dobby's dead famously dead canonically so and so someone off-screen is like Evan jr. And You say yeah, we're gonna need you to be able to react and okay try that one more time then hey Evan jr. Huh? Okay, how what That was kind of an in-between version where it seemed like you heard it you heard it great Huge step forward that someone was

Could potentially you could have been reacting to someone talking to you Yeah, but with a little bit of confusion that I don't think exactly. I think it's actually hurting Oh, yeah, that it was a phrase that you had never heard before I need to be more solidly Evan Jr. Gotta be your name for this to work, I think. Okay, try that one more time. Hey, young Evan Jr. That's me.

That's good, that's good. And that was actually like a little kid as well. Yeah, dude. So, but you're right. I'm trying to say we do this stuff a lot when we try to like coach people through various scenarios and get a performance. I think that's the fastest anyone has ever

achieved a satisfying version of what we needed. Or I'll say it's either the first time or we never get there. It's never the second time like that. That was special. There's a reason I'm recurring, fellas. No kidding, man. But I think you're right that the person calling the name

should be the old headmaster. They gotta be fucking decrepit. And then we're sounding even younger when we get to that's me, right? Could be the cryptkeeper. Okay. Yeah. I'm just trying like the crypt keeper. Okay. Oh. Yeah.

I'm just trying to think of who's old, who reads as very old. Okay. And so is the crypt keeper delivering kind of a sexual? Like double-op? In UNO, some sort of zinger. Yes. Like that also incorporates horror elements.

Well, that's so the Crypt Keeper is still the Crypt Keeper. Well, it's hard because they're supposed to be the Dean of Young Podcasts University. I think the university should be young as well. So, it's like, wouldn't expect the Crypt Keeper to have that job. He's got a pretty demanding job already. Well, his show has been off the air for some time.

No, this is a long time ago, unfortunately. So he is actually at the top of his game. It is the peak of the Crib Keeper show. It's when they were like, this isn't just a TV show. This should be moved too. We gotta make movies out of this. Yeah, it was Bordello of Blood. It was Demon Knight.

So, canonically, he's the headmaster of Podcast University, but he is also one of the most famous people on Earth at this time. So, and he's the headmaster, okay. What did he sound like? Yeah, yeah, yeah All right, okay. Yeah. That's good.

Well. Young Evan Jr. Yeah. That's me. Ha ha ha ha ha. I gotta wait for him to finish laughing. Yeah, no. What would he say to Young Evan Jr.

He's not used to having a scene partner as well. So when we actually get into this. Crib Keeper films solo. He needs to get his shit off. Yeah. He's monologued for a long time. Yes. And you, you really feel that when you, when we're putting him in a situation where you have to act against him, he's going to be facing straight to camera. He's,

he's going to be acting like you aren't there. What scares me is that he also is gonna be that way on set. That's what I'm saying. Where he's gonna like talk to me privately and say, hey, you're stepping on my shit, and I've been doing this a long time. I'm the fucking crib keeper. You know, he'll grab me up and I won't know who to tell.

And with always with like a skeletal grin, like he's having fun even as he is belaboring you. Yeah. That can be the scariest part of being dressed down by the cryptkeeper. Yes. How do you get lunch after that, you know? Yeah.

Crafty gets a little more uncomfortable when you're worried you're going to bump into the cryptkeeper and he's going to yell at you again. Yes. And you find yourself avoiding some of the snacks altogether. Yes, that's exactly right. And you're tired, like, and you can see it on camera.

It's like, it's a spiral. It's crashing, I'm dying for a carrot stick, but the crypt keeper's always got his bony hands in that. He's yelling at me, he's grabbing me, and then the director's giving notes, and they're all feeling like they're stacking on top of one another. So the crypt keeper, as a headmaster, and then the director's giving notes and they're all feeling like they're stacking on top of one another.

So the Cryptkeeper as a headmaster scares me a little bit. Yeah, well, the Cryptkeeper's supposed to scare you. So that's actually a good thing. But I mean, we don't have anyone locked yet. That would be honestly a get for us. And we should have a contingency if there's someone else old. Sure.

Joe Biden, I guess. But we could also stack the deck a little bit with like, we've got the headmaster, but on English teacher, he's got his friend too. Oh. So maybe he'd have like his friend, and's got his friend too. Oh. So maybe he had like his friend and what's the friend's name? In the show? Yeah.

That. From the show English teacher currently. He's got a lot of friends folks. Oh, okay. That's right. That's my fault for that. Markie. Markie. Yeah.

Markie's there. Yeah. I mean, we did have a very famous Markie. Sean Padden, who's great. Yeah. I know the human name. Is that the friend? Is the character not human on the show?

Because that would be actually a big breaking news for us. I mean, at the- We get out of the show and we're like, oh, I'm not going to be the character not human on the show? Cause that would be actually a big breaking news for us. We, I mean, at the get out ahead of that one at the time, the Cryptkeeper was very famous was like, we've had, we had multiple famous marquees at that time, that was one of the only times we've had two marquees. We were so rich with the game. We've seen like it would never end. Mark and post is what we were working with then.

So now it's really kind of like our choice except for only one of them is alive. So it is gonna have to be Mark Wahlberg. Back then we had Markie post, now we're post Markie. And it's true. Hello. Hollywood handbook. TD, Tutty, taking it to the house.

Whatever you call a touchdown, they matter more at Draft King Sportsbook and Official Sportsbook. I call it a tutti. Of the NFL. I call it a tutti. Sorry, just, I get to pick one of these, right? That, I mean, what you're supposed to do, what everyone is supposed to do, hearing it, is to pick.

Yes. Tutti. Everyone has their own and everyone gets one. Mine's touchdown. Ready to place your first NFL bet? Try betting on something simple, like a player to score a touchdown. Now I'll say we can't, we can bet on football, obviously. Sean and I ourselves are podcasters.

We can't bet on podcasts, but we can talk about some of our other favorite bets that we would make on podcasts if we were able to bet on podcasts, which we can't. Yeah. We're not allowed because we're part of the committee. Yes. And so it's things like, you know, obviously every episode of Adam Condo versus Factually, he either wins or he loses.

He's either right or wrong. So that would be exciting for me to bet on if I hear that he's covering, and I don't really know what he does on the show, but if he was telling you the truth about vegetables or something, I'd go, well, vegetables are gonna crush this guy. That was an amazing guess, it is vegetables.

There's no way he's gonna get this right. And I was passing the studio on the way in here and it was looking rough. We can't hear what people are saying, it's a podcast studio, soundproof, but we can see in. His hair was getting really low. It was getting so low and it was like, oh, vegetables are having

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so you can grow your savings. Hayes and I both love Rocket Money. It's an incredible service. And one thing we thought could be kind of fun to do today because we have been using it for a little while and we've been growing our savings is talk about what we're doing with the money that we saved. Where it used to be on unwanted subscriptions

and it was just getting sucked up by these pointless programs or apps or whatever that we'd forgotten ever even getting involved with. And now we can use that money for things that are really exciting to us. So, you know, I'll go first, and the hashtag, you can share how you're using your saved money.

The hashtag is gonna be thanks rocket money. And so I'll say hashtag thanks rocket money. And for me, they've canceled some stuff that I wasn't using and I got a little extra money in my pocket and I am buying a laser printer to print out pictures of my wife. And it's really exciting for me.

I have some pictures that are on my computer and I had no way to kind of get them out of there. And now I have these pictures. I've got a stack of them, my glove compartment and stuff when I'm at a red light or whatever, I'll pull it out and I'll look at a picture of my wife that I printed on there,

and she's waving to me, or sometimes she doesn't even, sometimes she's not really engaging, but I have all these pictures now and they're printed up, hashtag thanks Rocket Money. I've set a goal, since now I can dine out a little more, I have a little disposable income,

and I can enjoy myself a little more. I decided I am going to this year try every food, I can only eat it once, and once I eat it, I can never eat it again. And what I've learned from that is it seems like there's more foods than there are. There's like the, we think like, oh, hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza,

but when you can only have one of those one time and then never have it again. You pretty quickly are struggling. You sort of run out of food really fast and are really kind of searching, having to drive really far for a new kind of food. And broadening the definition of what can even be considered a food, I guess.

Yeah, I mean, once you, I mean, you can only drive so far also is what you learned. And they have a lot of the same foods in other places as they have here. So then we're getting into stuff that you didn't use to consider a food, but you did it. You drove so far, you might as well eat something. You didn't used to consider a food, but you did it. You drove so far, you might as well eat something.

And you made this deal in doing your prayers, and so you will go to hell if you eat any food twice. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them with a few taps. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts,

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Guys speak like a whole new you with Babble, the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking. Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors is the old school way of learning a new language, hundreds of dollars, I wish. So my plan is, all right, look at this mermaid from Splash. She didn't know how to do anything. And then all of a sudden, I remember, she's, she's speaking every, everything in the book.

She's speaking from TV. What I remember is, she was watching TV outside the store or something like that, a bunch of TVs stacked on top of each other. And then all of a sudden, she's speaking the King's English. Is that that movie? I actually don't remember for sure. I'm not allowed to watch it again.

I do remember somebody watching a TV through the window of a store. I'm not allowed to watch bra-centric movies anymore. No movie where it could even be argued that a bra... That a bra is a primary part of the plot. Yes. Which in splash, if I'm not mistaken, it's the entire story. I got away with a lot of bra movies and then my house had a meeting. Man, I used to be living it up with some of these bra movies. Yes. Gosh, you can't do that anymore.

Because they show up on the order form like a normal movie. You know what I mean? Like, they don't look. Yeah, it doesn't say anything about bra. The title's not like, and this is a commercial I wanna get, but the title's not like, Butt Vixens. You know, it's just not.

It's something more like Splash or. Yes. Training day. It's tough to, like, the bra movies I'm watching are mostly adaptations of the Saw series, but that are just called Bra instead of Saw. And then the number. V-R-A-W.

Yes. And then the number afterwards for what movie they correspond to. That's, I guess, all they could think of for like what's a movie that rhymes with Bra, that has something that rhymes with Bra on the title. Babel's tips and tools are grounded in the real life stuff you'll actually need.

Everything is focused on conversation. You'll be ready to talk wherever you go. They have speech recognition technology. They help you improve your pronunciation, your accent. Don't just take my word for it. Studies from Yale, Michigan, and beyond, Michigan State University and beyond continue to prove Babel works.

One study found that using Babel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. With over 16 million subscriptions sold, Babel's 14 award-winning language courses are backed by a 20-day money-back guarantee, so no pressure. Buy Babel, we'll travel. Alt, have Babel, we'll travel.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash the boys spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash the boys rules and restrictions may apply. So it's Wahlberg. It's going to have to be, who is, who is your friend? Markey. Right.

Also at the, at the height of his powers in this famously easy to work with moment. Yes. Yes. Look, that'll be another, at least as far as the kindness radiating off. Yeah this will are you I I Don't know if we want to get into this. Are you currently prayed up? I Don't have the app

Okay, okay, but that's fine, but I'm aware of it and it is in my queue Okay. Yeah That's fine. But I'm aware of it and it is in my queue. OK, yeah. You've got plenty of time to download these days. I'm just going nuts in the store. Can you believe the friggin level of detail you go into to make an application? I want to get a prayed up app and I need to give them my grandma's Social Security number. It's tough. My uncle's bank account.

The the process now to get onto these apps. I need to give them my grandma's social security number, my uncle's bank account. The process now to get onto these apps, you need an app for everything. I'm not allowed to buy sneakers without 19 different passwords, and I gotta give them my sister's monthly cycle or something. I gotta give them my sister's monthly cycle or something. I mean, this stuff is insane. It is so invasive.

I mean, we used to have privacy. Yes, technology has made some things easier, but at what cost? Your sister's cycle, I would say. Yeah, and I don't know why I thought of that. The kids filter that parents are putting on these phones is getting impossible. I feel like I used to be ahead of the childproofing

that my parents were doing on my phone. They've gotten so damn good. You can't get past it. No, it's like I feel like freaking Indiana Jones. It's like another there's another Freaking thing I gotta do now. Yeah, it's fucking why easy dude and these apps there's so many apps Why why why why why do they still put in the filter on your On yours. I've been using my imagination to consider Why what? Why what? Why are they still putting the filter on your... Because I've been using my imagination

to consider more things porno that were traditionally considered porno. Okay. You were introduced to a palette of porno, and then you say, And then I was deintroduced to it with these filters. Course I managed to. They let you dry out a little bit.

Yes. But that actually just made my imagination more powerful. Basically, you figured out something new to become arousing, and then they're managing to sniff out at each time, you know, it's whack-a-mole with this guy, it's whack-a-something. And he will suddenly decide that like. And most now, that does count for me.

That's fine, you don't have to whack a mole. Totally gets a job done for me. That's how powerful my imagination has become. And they did this. I love the thing popping out of a hole, getting bopped, knocking back. I mean, Jesus. It can't be anything else to me now.

Don't get me off this couch too soon. Uh-uh, yeah. It's anything else to me. Don't get me off this couch too soon. Yeah, it's it's it's it's all titillating, isn't it? And so Marky Mark is there. Hey, Young Evan, Jr. That's me. Very good. Very good.

And so we'll we'll just kind of wheel the crib. The crib keeper obviously is only only from the midsection up. Oh, he's even in his height, he never is able to just walk on his own. That's all he is. He's just on a roll, you know, like the thing they used to roll the TV in at the school. He's just on top of one of those. So he's gonna still be going.

He's inside on top of one of those. So he's gonna still be going. He's inside a coffin regularly and I believe his backstory is that he wanted gender equality and magicians sawing people in half. Oh. And he was like, why's it always gotta be a chick? And so he, you know, really fought hard for the right to get sawed in half and something went wrong. So he is stuck like that.

And when you say something went wrong, is that what killed him? Or is that just how he became Hades? What killed him was then his fight over putting ramps basically everywhere. He actually went a little too far on requirements since he was just a torso, like really putting ramps all over the place.

So now being stationary is just no longer an option. Okay. Like it's pretty, like the school you're gonna be in is pretty much all ramp. Too many ramps. Yeah, so we're just gonna have to get him as he's, as he's kind of sailing. Every line is sort of downhill. Which is helpful because of the monologues, so we'll just hope we catch to get him as he's, he's kind of saved. Every line is sort of downhill.

Which is helpful because of the monologues. So we'll just hope we catch it when we get the. We may want to get Tony Hawk involved again to be the cameraman. Cause he can just kind of glide along. Okay. Yeah. Get a bit of a half pipe or something going. You can put a rope on Tony Hawk, tie it to the Crip Keepers cart.

Yes. And then he can do sort of straight down the barrel. Yeah, he would effectively be sketching. Sketching the Crip Keepers rolling coffin. Yeah. That's powerful. I'll be honest, this is very powerful. I feel like I'm watching the Cripkeeper

Like it's as much about young Evan. It's not young Evan Jr. I'm a Cripkeeper episode that Marky Mark is like yeah I don't think it'll be better, but man it looked fun seeing you try that young that Marky Mark voice I Think I'd also like to try it Hey I think I'd also like to try it. Hey. No, that's not right. No, I think that was better. It was breathier. Young Evan Jr. Yeah, that's good. You guys are good.

Yeah. Nice. Well, I was inspired by him. For mine, he was a little younger. He wasn't quite as windy as he might be now. Not the happening more the Marky Mark era. Yes, not the happening more when he was out. Basketball diaries, yeah.

Yeah. So we were rounding out our cast. There's, I mean, there's a female character. There is a female character, that's right. We've got to get that name. What is the, uh, Stephanie plays a wonderful character on the show. A wonderful character.

Gwen. Gwen. Gwen. Gwen. Gwen character. Gwen. Gwen. Gwen, no. Gwen. Gwen Robinson. Gwen, okay. Well, it does seem like this could be an opportunity to get a little Spider-Man.

Well, yes, I mean, Gwen's already here. Gwen Stacy. Gwen is here. Gwen Stacy is a Spider-Man. Yep. So, but maybe, Gwen Stacy. Famously teenaged. Yeah. But now, oh well she's a friend and she's young. She's a friend. She's young. And so she can be a young podcast university English teacher. Can you not act surprised when the parts of the

show work? Just as we move forward through this, like there's a lot of kind of gaps to fill in still, and I just think we can't be like shocked every time a part of it works. Let's assume it can work. Yeah, okay, I got you. Yeah, thank you. And this will also, I'll just say,

speaking of things working, this is a good opportunity to put our campus to work because we negotiate a thing where the studio is paying location fees for the campus. They have to dig it out because right now it's the muck. Someone's gotta dig this muck out. No, we really need, I mean, just. At some point.

I think we need a helicopter to drop a whole load of kitty litter on time. Something. Something to absorb what's happening muck wise. At this point, everything we've been saying about the muck is going to stop rising. Yeah. We gotta throw that whole idea out the window. the muck is going to stop rising. Yeah. We got to throw that whole idea out the window.

This is happening that the muck is going to keep rising. Yeah. Okay. When the school pond was empty, I thought, okay, the campus is too dry, but it had somehow gotten into the dry parts to just make it all muck everywhere. Oops. All muck is what we're doing. Yeah.

Yeah. Most schools barely have any muck. It's not even like the cereal where like there's some of the little berries in there. Most schools like you can't even find muck if you're looking for it. It's never, for the schools that I've been to, it's never been a selling point of.

And I'll take some ownership of obviously I was the one who went no foundation on the buildings because I just thought you're never using that. That yeah. It doesn't even come up. Yeah but but it well and and it's not they're not going to come up because they're going down. Yeah the buildings have been sinking into the muck.

So whatever it's. It ate those things like that and that things. And that's a blessing. And I do find myself missing when we had, there were boars. They were like, yeah, some kind of there's like a goat type hybrid creature. Yeah. Yeah, there were a lot of wild animals.

Creatures, yeah. Yeah, animals have been fat. Not really what they look like Creatures, yeah. Yeah, animals have been fair. Not really what they looked like. They got eated. Yeah, no. And it wasn't that they just got submerged or whatever. It ate them. It full on ate them.

Yeah, because I was like, oh, these things, just seeing how adaptable they were prior, because some of them had become aquatic already. Right. So they were in the pond. So I was like, well, they're just gonna grow gills and become kind of muck monsters. But it was a relief to hear how painful it was

for them to be absorbed into the muck and that they really got their bones crunched up by a living muck. Or it's like a bunch. This is what I can't really figure out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not just like one muck. You know what I mean?

It's like a bunch of, it's like a lot of things mucked together. A multitude of mucks. Right, right. I guess so. It's a muck nest monster. Yeah, that's right. Muck nest monster. And none of that, like we put the, this is what sucks.

We could get FX to fucking clean up the muck. If we could get them to dig it out or dump some kitty litter on it. Because we put the animal on the t-shirt. And t-shirt's just gonna be muck. You can't even render this on a t-shirt. Yeah, muck doesn't show up and certainly not live muck. How do you communicate living muck?

No, I mean you can make the shirt sort of camo colored, which I guess the muck is. Camo colored? We tried like a gradient where it's camo colored from like... You don't, we're not West Point. What are we doing? Yeah, I feel like West Point probably kicked my happy male ass up and down Main Street for that one. Yeah, can't do it. There was like, we tried like, from the belly button down, it's kind of muck color, but number one,

it's like a different color every time you look at it. You can't get this thing to sit still color-wise. Yeah, make up your mind muck. And number two, that was people were trying to rescue each other. It's bringing out the best in our students, I'll say that. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, it's like look to the helpers,

like the people running towards the muck. I haven't, I admittedly haven't been checking in, obviously, as much as I should. We know. And I'm sorry about that. And that was fine from a revenue, the revenue on the t-shirts perspective, that was working for Kevin, at least.

Kevin was like, let's lean into this. What he done now, Lor? But it will hurt us. So the muck is eating the students. Just about anything. Done, yeah. Like all past tense. It ate everything.

Bikes. Oh boy. Yes. My bike. Your bike. Yeah. Fuck. Muck food.

Goddamn muck food. And the only up to this point solution that we've landed on is kitty litter. Helicopter kitty litter, yeah. Ideally pretty litter to tie in with our sponsorship. Okay, sure. We do ads for pretty litter. That would be huge.

We see what color it turns, even if the muck just eats the litter, we can see what changes color and find out if it's like, muck has too much alkaline in it Something is this is this nasty muck or is this healthy muck? Oh, yeah, I mean I gotta guess but still be good Get some information And if we could get

the whichever the studio FEMA Whatever if we get them to use the code, use our code, the boys, when they buy, is that a government contract? Yeah, it'd be a massive. With pretty litter. Yeah, the Department of Defense or whatever. That's what makes these deals so complicated.

Subscribing to pretty litter, yes. Is that you don't know what they're allowed, are they allowed to use the code or not? It wears where do they enter the code? The boys on this giant government contract Could be really fucking cool that that would be huge for you guys. Yeah. Yeah Thanks for saying it's just talk about this muck is getting me so bummed out Yeah, it really does seem like maybe the cryptkeeper

is the only person who can survive there. Oh, gosh. You know insurance doesn't cover muck? Like, that's not seen as anything under their policy. It's not like. Because it's not an as anything under their policy. It's not like a... Because it's not an act of God. Yes, it's not, and it's not really like a natural disaster either. May I ask, where did the muck come from, if not God?

Oh, wow. So the insurance company... Are you sure you're not on that Prayed Up app? I actually think you're spitting right now. Yes Apparently us like something we did you know is what they say. Mm-hmm Mm-hmm. I think I would be pretty normal around campus We would be pretty normal around campus. We, so. I did like one experiment, like.

I think we talked, maybe we talked about this in the last episode, I forget exactly, but there was an effort to do funny lunches at Podcast University. Right. And we talked about, on Wednesdays, we can have Marin-era sauce. Yes.

When you are in the school, you're entering your Marin-era. And something, the rest of, we were like, we don't just wanna have it just be like, blah, tomatoes, and like, old base, like put an onion in there. Or whatever. Like, we want this shit to like really pop off.

It's got the Marin sort of signature. Yes, exactly. Something that's got a little. A little caustic, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Just has a little bit of edge. Maybe some loose cat. Yes, but also that you can keep coming back to

every week for multiple decades. That's what we wanted to get from this sauce. We needed the sauce to lock the gates. Yes, yes. And effectively that is what happened. I mean, there were a few steps in between. It ate the gates, yeah. We make the sauce and the gates had to be locked

before they were consumed like everything else. That was, and we had to lock locked before they were consumed like everything else that was when we had to lock everything alive inside. Well this is progress. We know the exact source now. This isn't just the exact sauce. The sauce sounded like you said something else. My pronunciation is not always English is in my first language But the recipe we didn't we didn't write it down. We got it. So buffalo bill from silence of the lambs ordering sauce. I Want the exact source

We got the recipe from some book that had a big blinking eye of the Yeah, and this is this was a fleshy eye? This is? A fleshy eye. Fleshy eye. Let me think. I guess it was pretty fleshy. Yeah, as I look back,

the whole rest of the cover was flesh. Yeah. And so in that sense, the eye was the least fleshy thing. The eye itself was actually the only non-flesh item, although I guess that is a fleshy eye, isn't it? Right, yeah. I try, obviously, to support,

we're in business together, I try to support you guys as much as possible. Thank you, yes, thank you. That's what you find looks like, okay. I think maybe that was a mistake. Okay, okay. To use a mistake. Okay. Use a recipe. Okay. From a fleshy, from a fresh fleshy book with a non fleshy eye feels like,

okay, Langston go off a cliff. I just think that, okay, go off that cliff. I just think that maybe that's not the way to solve a basic problem like making Marin Aerosauce. Yeah, but you, so you would just want the regular tomatoes and there's no edge to it or whatever, or what would you do? Just like add like chili powder or something? Yeah, I think he's a...

Wow, that could have been good chili powder and Marin Aerosauce. Damn. It's pretty good. And this coming from the guy whose family called me just before the show to say, hey, why don't you keep him a little longer so he doesn't make dinner tonight? Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho us. It wasn't whatever you do, it was more of a why don't you. Like hey, we don't really know each other.

If the episode runs a little bit long, so Langston can't make dinner, you'll hear no complaints from us here at home, his family. Every family member says it. So they called you individually. You got notes on our recipe, but it's like maybe you could have used a fleshy eye on some of the meals, yeah, because then, at least then, I don't know.

They would have died in the muck. Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't wanna say that. I like the defend our version. I'm not gonna say, yeah, I'm not gonna say, I don't want anyone else to die in the muck. We're just both wrong. I think that's right. I think like you're sitting here and you're throwing stones. Yeah.

What we're here to inform you of is your house happens to be glass, sir. Wow. All right. Well, I, let me be the first to apologize. I'm going to beat the shit out of my family. Know that when I get home, everybody's getting hit in the face. I'm gonna hit them because of what you just told me. And I'm sorry to you two children.

Maybe that was why they wanted us to keep you here. Okay, yeah. Longer. Yeah, maybe I'm inventing the dinner part of it. Now that I part of it. I think I might have just filled in, oh, because they don't want me to make dinner. Yeah. I had just filled that in.

Yeah, that was an assumption. Oh, he must be a bad cook. But I'm going, oh, that's a pretty big leap actually to make. Yeah, that doesn't make sense anymore now. Yeah. Well. What's the first show on the tour? DC, we're going to DC first and foremost.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And... Our nation's capital. And what's the venue? Oh, boy. Bye.

What do you want me to remember stuff? Hello. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, guys. I'm Ega Wolfe. I'm a fan of yours. I'm a fan of yours. I'm a Hollywood handbook. That was a Head Gum podcast. Hi guys. I'm Ago Wodim.

Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on Head Gum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And, spoiler, I don't think I'm ever going to have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay. Because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen,

and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad, like how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball.

Oh my gosh. Maybe, maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.