Hollywood Handbook - Matt Gourley, Our Close Friend Again

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

The Boys welcome back MATT GOURLEY to discuss his new podcast Keys to the Kingdom. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I do all the arrangements ahead of time to look at the eclipse. I get the glasses. I send my family to a hotel. I have my outfit. Go outside. Check, check, check, check. I mean, everything's sounding perfect right now.

And I take a heavy ass look at the eclipse for the entire window that i've set aside to do this for the entire length that the eclipse is you know i do my research and um somebody walks by catch me looking at it and they say hey do you want to look at the eclipse over here it just ended and i'm like what it just ended what was i looking at right stop and they said that's not the the eclipse that's an eclair oh wow so even further than a stop sign which was my first guess which i actually thought was is that even further i guess it sounds very similar i don't know that's further if you're spelling it i mean i'm looking at something that is actively telling me to stop i would feel dumber about that it's telling me to stop looking at it there's nothing written on the eclair that's like

my point is merely haze that my initial guess of stop sign to me was borderline comedic okay and i assumed that what you're looking at would be a different celestial body right or um something you know something in the sky at least but then when i hear an eclair i mean i i immediately picture it inside of a bakery sure under glass or something so it's like and i and i explicitly did say i well you said you went outside but i i'm going where was the location of it i you do look up at least at a stop sign the look the eclair was up high it was in the back seat of my car yep and so i you know i had to go outside to the car and open the car door and like be looking inside my car at the at the eclair just sitting okay sitting on the seat so yes so while again my guess was intentionally somewhat comedic. Okay.

I do think it was closer because in order to look at the eclair, although the word granted is more similar to eclipse, I don't think you would have needed to even know. And you didn't know. Someone told you. It wasn't it was eclair written on the eclair no okay because you seem to say before nothing was written on it so that's canon at this point so there's nothing written on it okay but i'm i'm i'm trying to find an avenue for you because it does start with ecl which to you made it closer to looking at a clips than looking at a stop sign would be my but it doesn't matter what it's called if you're looking at a fucking lump of dough and chocolate sitting in the back seat of a car this has come in handy in some at some times and it has been a hindrance at other times i have a natural autocomplete function i was born with it i've always done it well kind of like an ellipsis uh we will get to you matt i know and when you when you said that you and i

think you've gotten wait what do you said that i can't wait until we get you've actually gotten to me i can't take it anymore okay all right and so what's got me well we have a neutral party here is i wasn't even wearing the right glasses to be looking at that and so it can actually be really dangerous to look at the eclair look at the eclair without you had eclipse glasses and you're looking at the eclair yeah are we a little space a droplet of grace i think is called for at this time we haven't even introduced it's like you're playing football with a batting helmet on exactly it's like yeah you're wearing a helmet it's protective yeah yeah well talk about the commercial and we'll get to you matt you got her do you any idea how soon

i know it gets further away when you do your thing. Okay. All right. All right. I'll, I'll hang back. Uh, no,

I, you know, you're here, you have some sort of announcement or some new thing, some big money grab you're doing. And, uh, we always like to try to be supportive.

Um, when that comes up for you. So like, what's the angle this time? Rising tide. What's the, yeah, exactly. And then it will kill millions. Well, I mean, I just have a new podcast. The tsunami, right? Wipe out the entire coast with this thing and that is the only people

who listen to your podcast are the coastal elites that's right that's that's well i don't think that's true with this one actually i think this is gonna be different yeah yeah okay what's this one about what markets fucking what markets we're talking about i think we're talking about cheese burgers that's the fucking voice they're the only ones who got the middle of the country right well our podcast is cheeseburgers the fuck up don't even eat this stuff they don't eat the food they don't eat uh have you done it done what dough boys have you been on dough oh no no i see what you're saying you haven't done it no i haven't oh you haven't yeah That makes me feel better. We used to do it.

It's been about seven years. Yeah. They don't eat the food. They don't eat the food. You think they're going to eat it at fucking rallies or whatever? These are like... They don't ever eat the food, ever?

They're millionaires many times over. Yeah. They're not eating the food at rallies. Right. Yeah. No, they bring in like... they bring food in a rallies bag. They watch you eat the rallies. And then they're pulling out these like, what is it?

It's like shiny what they eat. Yeah, it's really shiny. I don't know what it is. It's not a food that the rest of us know about. No, it's not something that I've ever had access to. Some kind of like soylent green mochi dumpling or something like that. It's shinier. Mochi is actually one of the least shiny things.

Yeah. It's like covered in powder. It's like that there's the one detail that gave it that it was shiny. Sheen. I was referring to the sheen of the dumpling and the shape of the mochi. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Just going off the one piece of information i would just say that that's not but i but and but here i am i don't have well i truly don't know because they don't say your guess is as good as mine a little worse because you said moji but like or what but um yeah it's uh it's not that i'm certain but I also don't know what it is. So who am I to criticize, you know, your bad guess, you know, I didn't even make a bad guess.

Right. You didn't even try. No, you miss all the strikes that you don't hit, you know? Yeah. Football. That's right.

Football and a batting helmet. Football and a batting helmet, right? No, no, no. The show the show not safe the show is it's called keys to the kingdom keys to the kingdom okay yeah so we're going overseas no no all right this is as domestic as can get okay We're an international appeal. Song by song, Alicia Keys discography. Saudi Arabia. We are. I'll be back for that next year.

Okay. Mark my work. All right. I'll be back for that show. Okay. This is an eight part, highly produced docu-sereries about theme park workers. Okay. And all the stories that go on behind the scenes at your favorite major theme park attractions.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I was there, me too, at the theme park. That's right. Oh. I was there, me too, at the theme park. That's basically right.

Now that I think of it, that's basically what we've done. I have to go. and who's we me and my wife amanda lund who's been a guest on this show another reluctant guest on this show amanda yeah that was fun when she came on why do you say she not just i just remember enjoying making that episode. Okay. And she's not available today? No, she couldn't come. Couldn't make it.

Couldn't come. What's the, if you change one word in couldn't, and it's the first word, one of the letters. Well, the first word was she. It's wouldn't come. She wouldn't come. Yeah. Well, you said she couldn't come,

and then you said you change one word. Yeah, I messed up. And then you said it's the first word, so it's she. I meant to say the first letter, you got me. Uh-huh. You got me. The. Yeah.

The wouldn't come. The couldn't come. The first letter of couldn't. Right first letter yeah of couldn't right to wouldn't and i added another this is matt talking about his wife and the sentences he's working with are she couldn't come but he wants it to be clear no no she wouldn't come she couldn't come but he wants it to be clear no no she wouldn't come can't or won't oh she's here for the podcast yeah yeah yeah yeah no actually she's not here because someone has to watch our daughter aha and we drew straws as to who had to come. Right. So that's mutual because. Yeah.

Check it out. Keep talking, Matt. Okay. Okay. Well. Okay. She sends her regrets. From the kitchen.

Liquid IV packets. No, no, no, no, no. No? Salt. Zero sugar element. Oh, I think that's a competing brand. Grapefruit salt. Water salt watermelon salt and citrus salt yeah i know that's why i'm getting them the fuck out of here nobody allowed to have them

so that's a mutual decision we of course have a no babies policy on this show because of some of their views what problem have you had with baby's views they we are ideologically opposed because of some of their views on basically what it's okay to uh do and say to daddy yep i get that some baby seems to think it's okay to make a mess on daddy mm-hmm and this is a position oh by the way by the way by the way the God bless you you haven't dealt with this mm-hmm there are babies who feel it's okay to pull on daddy's beard yes oh i had a beard for a while happening it's happened to this is you had a beard for a while

until until baby pulled it off baby pulled it off hair by hair yeah and they'll do that yeah and we strongly disavow these beliefs of theirs and we will not be having them on on our show i can get on board with that i think no babies no babies we gotta get rid of it you know my baby said this morning what more bacon she's one of these epic bacon she said oh no wait a bacon brother or a bacon bro there's a big difference well okay which one did i say what you said or a different thing i brought into the conversation because that would be different oh okay i just wanted to clarify like i just wanted cool i just wanted to clarify it was what you said and not the thing that I introduced that was totally different.

Because I think that's different. So she said, lolzores epic baconzores? Yeah. Oh, man. And a lot of mornings, that's like all she says to me. Oh, no. Like, I'm trying to talk about like our life like what we're gonna make plans like what we're gonna be you know and it's like more bacon it's like so reductive

more bacon with wind sauce yes yes yes don't forget the wind sauce, daddy. What's wind sauce? I think it's syrup, which can actually be pretty. It is maple syrup. Can actually be epic. It is maple syrup, yeah. Okay. Real maple syrup?

Yeah. I'm sorry, have I offended you? Yeah. It's not offensive, I guess. Like, you're annoying me. I mean, we're not the dough boys, but like... I don't have to... Yeah, we could buy real maple syrup.

Yeah, okay. I mean, what kind of... This is what you want the show to be. What kind of syrup do you use, Matt? I guess maple syrup as well. Whatever's in the fridge, I don't know. I'm not that picky about it. Whatever's in the fridge.

Syrup-wise. Yeah. Someone who doesn't do his own grocery shopping. Daddy just comes home. Yeah. It's just a total surprise, whatever's in there today yeah just magically stock itself the fridge refills with its own syrup and i just use what's in there yeah that's about right nobody has to go and buy it nobody has to do anything uh starting to see what some of these babies are

talking about and i honestly never thought no exactly i'm starting to understand what you know why daddy has the reputation he seems to have oh no that's not true i get along very well with my child i don't think i don't think that that's what you're talking about that's not fair okay okay well the podcast isn't about being fair. The podcast is about being real as fuck. Opens the fridge. Classic daddy. Yeah. You guys seem like fine daddies. You know what?

I don't know what you mean by that. Oh, really? It feels a little loaded. Hmm. You don't want to just take me at my word like you kind of requested just a moment ago? Fine daddies. Fine daddies. You'll do. fine daddies this daddy will do this daddy will do my daughter's favorite book daddy does it yeah uh i guess we are fine daddies so um the show is uh what it's like people being like um mickey you know

pissed in his costume and like i had to clean it up or like what's going on far off crazy similar similar stories some of the mascot stuff okay they're not mascots. Yeah. They're characters. Amanda and I both worked at theme parks for a number of years, and we met at a theme park. And she was a princess. And so there's an episode on princesses. We interview a lot of princesses, some people that don't want to reveal their identity for fear of losing their job, that kind of thing. Uh-huh. We interview fuzzy characters, the union performers, guests, things like that. Are you concerned that the hosts of Podcast the Ride have already created,

their podcast has led to policy at these theme parks prohibiting anyone from speaking to a podcast host is that right just because of their just kind of like their whole thing that's kind of alienated the whole seat like has created essentially the relationship between theme parks and podcasts is irreparably damaged yes it's forever been changed yeah i don't think we're ever gonna this is not in any way something to mend the fences i mean we're going all in on this i mean we have some good that's even keeled we talk about some of the good that the parks do but we talk about some fun yeah yeah having fun and stuff right

it's gotta come up you must be a real enthusiast well i you know i'm no stranger to a little bit of fun now and then i don't i don't talk about it on the show so much but i do like to have and it is true that you call it like a theme park yeah but that is basically the theme fun i mean at some of these parks it's like show me the theme well some of these parks, it's like, show me the theme. Well, some of them aren't theme parks. Those are amusement parks. So, you know, Magic Mountain isn't really a theme park.

Okay, so you won't be talking about Magic Mountain? It comes up, but we're not. Okay, so you won't. No, no, no. I'm sorry. No, no, no. You're putting these parks. No, we mentioned it in terms of this is not, specifically to say this is not a theme park.

This is an amusement park. And that's fair. That's fair. Okay, so you just mentioned it just to clarify why you won't be speaking about it. You only mentioned it to say we don't talk about it on this podcast. There's one other time we mention it and it's because someone has- And it is to talk about it on the podcast. Someone has a story about-

It's to do the very thing that- Getting stuck on a roller coaster. Spits in the face of the only other time it gets mentioned and the premise of the show. I reject your premise. We can talk about any theme or amusement park we want to. We talk about hell houses. We talk about everything in this. It's anything that's related.

We'll do what we want to do. Is that a theme park? What, a hell house? Yeah. No. So what is a theme park? A theme park is a park with a theme. But name one.

Well, Disney has fantasy. Universal Studios has movies. Knott's Berry Farm has the Old West. Those are the themes. Knott's Berry Farm has the Old West. Those are the themes. Knott's Berry. It's all. Go ahead. Try to poke holes in this.

This is solid. Disney's is fantasy. Yeah. Magic fantasy. But Magic Mountain has like fricking like those big strong guys running around. Who? That doesn't count. Wrestlers?

Who? I don't know you think i'm gonna stick around and talk to these guys no man i see a guy that's strong i tell it out of there but there's no i was here for fun not to get tossed around there's no cohesive theme not at magic mountain but there is at disney yes but it's got all these but that's such a i mean that's such a broad theme i would then say that the magic mountain theme is also fantasy no it's thrill rides but that's not a theme well you just said that the theme well you said no i didn't i said yes you did you said it's thrill rides to me that's more specific actually than fantasy where it's like if why don't you go to magic mountain and the little mermaid are in the

same theme then the theme is just like stuff that's made up yeah okay so they also have the other one is like you're at a park like the theme is rides that's like that's more specific they also have thrill rides and a lot of the rides at Magic Mountain, they say, like, Joker invented this one to kill you. Mm-hmm. It's his ride. He owns it. I'm just saying generally.

Uh-huh. The categorization of theme park and amusement park, it varies. Does Legoland have a theme? It's like the Indiana Jones,ones like live show yeah and then like spectacular yeah and then like but that's a theme park that's based around movies splash mountain r.i.p but that's not in the same park uh okay what's the what's the live show at Disney then? There's not really any. There's like a...

There is. Country Bears? Well, you mean... No, there's like a theater and you sit and like attend. The Lion King musical there. And then there's, oh, the one at California Adventure. Yeah. It's either Aladdin or Frozen or something.

I'm not sure. Yeah. Yeah. i don't know you got to figure this out before you and then it's too late the podcast is done when does this come out the theme is movies you can always go back in there because it hasn't hit the uh the feed yet has it as it as it's recording now you got to know if it's a lot of two days two days i think this episode i think this episode should probably be the first episode of your new podcast where we just kind of go through and and figure out like what the rules are gonna know that would that would ruin it so much of the shit you're saying makes no fucking sense and i and i want to be able to enjoy the show you know because like but i have to have my feet like steadily on the ground what

more what don't you understand how can i clear this up for you i don't understand how somebody i'm such a huge fan of like blew it this bad because i've been like i've been rooting for you i've been fucking pumping you up behind the scenes like i am like your guy i'm a dog for you out in those streets man i am like fucking chief president leader mayor of the fan club and i am ashamed of myself that i have associated with a brand that is so confused and so like i'm sorry like here listen if you want but probably not because we don't know what it is like we don't know what we made we maybe don't know what the parks are. There's no shame in it either. Oh, my God.

In that kind of radical honesty, there is no shame in fucking up this badly. There's nothing to be shameful about. Well, I am ashamed. I am ashamed because I did say to basically anyone who would listen, your money's safe. Girlie don't miss. Yep, your money don't miss yep this is crazy you guys because and then you come on you go hey guys just so you know i missed no no no how many times have i been on this podcast three or four times each time i come on this thing and i'm familiar with

the podcast i don't know where the fuck i am or what's going on or who you people are a different room yeah pretty much every time not helpful for us either okay so and you're telling me here is and what you're hearing for me is accountability okay yeah I don't concept you might want to introduce yourself to you're hearing accountability every time we have you on the show, it's in a completely different building. I can help you, actually. The theme of the podcast is fantasy. Yeah.

No, no, no. No, that's passive-aggressivism. It's bitterness. It's cynicism. Frankly, it's unfriendly. Projection. Yeah, it's about projection. You'reion. Yeah, it's about projection. You're right.

Yeah, I am right. And guess who figured that out? I did. Yeah, by projecting. Uh-uh. Mm-hmm. Uh-uh. You're telling on yourself, sweetie.

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They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their

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I mean, you're talking about Hollywood memorabilia. You're talking about, like, ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys Hollywood Hamburg. Did you talk to Amanda at all about like what makes a good like experience you know like how to be on the show

in a way where everyone is like because they you know they come on the show and like they're they're Hi Hi They come on the show and we have fun yeah we yeah we touched by accident and like

you know we're like they're they get nasty and like you know we spar a little bit but it's all fun right you know it's all oh believe me they give as good as they get and everyone leaves feeling like they had they said their piece. She did not want to come here today. Of course not. I had to come. Of course not. She's already done it successfully.

It's checked off. You need to keep returning again and again. And so we're obviously, this episode's not going to be the one, but we'd like to figure it out for next time so that we can kind of have a really positive experience for everybody. I don't think there's going to be a next time. I think this might be it.

You think you're going to pull it out and then we only got, we're over the hump. We can't do it that long. Win, lose, or draw, I don't think I'm coming back. I think this is it for me. I think I've had it.

Well, it's going to be, keep in mind that it's going to be in a new building next time. You're not. Well, it's going to be, keep in mind that it's going to be in a new building next time. Yeah. So you're not even curious what it's going to look like next time you're here? Yeah, you don't want to see where we are?

No. What's the building like? What's the story there? How come you guys are in a new building? This is already pretty new. How come we will be next time? Yeah. Fuck if I know.

Yeah, Jesus Christ, man. No, we'd like to just find a nice little home, settle down, and make the show. But Lord knows something is going to happen. And I'm not going to know it was my fault until a couple of years later.

The part that's in our control is just making the show. And that part's not really in our control. Okay. So when you ask me like, why did it move or where will it be? I just have to say like, hey man, you're asking the wrong guy. Okay. You need to ask the big man. Who's thatvin kevin yeah yeah okay kevin he's the only one i feel like is friendly here is nice you know i wouldn't yeah i wouldn't be offending you a lot the whole time he's been

jumping in and like saying like no no no don't treat matt this way. Oh, no, wait. He's been laughing his fucking ass off behind the fucking desk. You know what I mean? Go ahead, Kevin. What do you want to say? Speaking of jumping in. Speaking of jumping in. Great. We have some special messages from someone.

Who is speaking of jumping in? You guys. Did I say that? Speaking of jumping in, we actually have special messages from someone who couldn't be here this morning. Let's see how this sounds. Boys, boys, boys. It's Amanda here.

I'm so sorry I can't be on the show today. And thank you so much for generously accepting the appearance of my husband, Matt Gorley, in my proxy. I had quite an intense healing session with my Reiki master yesterday, and she suggested I isolate for the next 48 hours in order to avoid any people with toxic energy that might be able to penetrate my now very open pores. But anyway, I am so excited to be promoting Keys to the Kingdom. And I know that, you know, Sean and Hayes have been following my career very closely. But for everyone else who doesn't know, when I was 16 years old, I got a job playing a princess at Disneyland. years old, I got a job playing a princess at Disneyland

and I played Cinderella, Aurora, or Sleeping Beauty or Briar Rose. That's all one character, you know. And Ariel, the Little Mermaid at Disneyland Resort. And I also worked

at Tokyo Disney playing Mary Poppins in Cinderella. And oh, the stories I have. But, you know, if you want to hear them, you're going to have to check out Keys to the Kingdom. You know, just off the top of my head, there was... Oh, well, I don't have any off the top of my head. Okay, so sue me.

But I hope the interview is going well, and I'm going to check back in in a little bit. And back to you, honey. Okay. Well, what do you have to say about that? Okay, so you didn't think she was talking about you when she said, honey? Yeah, when she said, back to you, honey. Are you supposed to talk that?

And then you turned to me and said, so. You think she's talking about John? I just didn't feel like it was my place. And then you turned to me and said, so you think she's talking about shot? I guess my name really can't just flew off to take, to take the lead off that. It's not my show, you know? Well, it is hers to an extent. She is, you know, she has a pretty large, massive financial stake in it. So I, and that actually makes me wonder what what's the hat pack scenario with with her and maria has anything been carved out there because my first instinct is like don't fucking don't

lay a finger on it don't tell them yeah but now i'm also thinking we might be a little overexposed on this yeah on this thing and we and we could maybe use it might protect us i don't understand some additional partners so she doesn't involve you with that it's like the fridge i guess huh yeah yeah there's just pull up the bank account and hey girly do me a favor it's not it's gory it's not girly okay okay i'm getting charged hey do me a favor yeah when there's something you don't understand you don't need to chime in and tell us it'll be more interesting to me when you do understand that'll be when you can really help us out i understand what you're saying how's that love Love it, man.

Yeah. That's interesting stuff. This is forward progress. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry about the name thing, dude. That's all right. Fucking somebody told me the opposite before. Might have been Kevin.

Hey, Gorley, try this on for a size. Just toss a hatless. Fungal the bag. He edited the video so he catches it. I don't want it to seem like the hat's hard to catch. So this is your hat. You make this hat. You manufacture this. This is our hat. We make this hat.

We manufacture this. And we have gone a little out over our skis with the production, some of the quantity. We're a little overstocked. Really? It's a great hat.

It looks awesome. Fits like a glove. It looks badass. What? Can I adjust the size for you? No, it fits perfectly. Fits perfectly. Some people are wearing it like that.

There's an adjustable element, and I would like to see if it was a little larger. I tried. I put it on my setting. This is my setting, and this is how it lies. Other hats, they fit. They go on when I put it on my... I know the number of little nubs.

Wearing a hat very high on your head like this. What's your nubber? If there's. My sleep nubber? If there's people who are trying to assassinate you, which I can't imagine they aren't in this case. Wearing the hat really high up. Bullet goes straight through the hat. Will cause the bullet, knife, it is to to just go straight they

think you've got all this extra head up there but it's just hat part of why they hate you yeah so i think that's why they miss me and that's why i keep on keep it on that is so they so they do miss so smart i didn't know you knew that i was involved in the clandestine world of espionage. Yeah. No, I thought that people would just try to make you shut up. So, when it comes to their involvement, maybe we can figure something out, because I'm getting like, we're never going to gonna unload all this shit how many of these you got we're underwater uh and that's scientifically

accurate apparently that the number of hats that kevin and his gf have created is technically a it's a minor ocean kevin and his he's asked us to start referring to her as his boo thing on the show which I don't it's spooky season yeah I know I hope these don't break off sometimes these things break really easily

be gentle with it you have to be gentle with this app? it's not robust you have to be gentle with it the way you're cranking to be gentle with it the way you're auto breaking on it cranking and going like a tough workman i hope they don't i hope they don't break off well they don't break off easily they don't break off easily you've got to be a real clumsy jackass to fucking break okay so and i hope that doesn't happen to you i hope i hope that's not it's like

just sort of stiff it's it just it's brand new it's yeah but it's brand new it's not you. It's like just sort of stiff. It just. It's brand new. Yeah, but it's not. It's brand new. It's not very comfortable. No, no, no, no. It's actually. It's chafing. It's not broken in. It's not.

It shouldn't chafe. Still, I know. That's possibly your skincare routine coming home to roost. It's your hair cut and your skin care. No, I know trucker caps. It's whatever you use in your hair and it's your dry flaky skin that you don't take care of. And it's time, daddy, to start going to the grocery store, buying some of your own syrup. And also let's have a talk about washing our face at night, right? about using some kind of lotion or product to try to give back to our body and our skin

that has given so much to us and not just take, take, take, take, take, take, take, and then blame a hat later. But even that might not be enough. It's not going to help, but Jesus Christ, let's get out of the fucking show without him burying the hat. Nature and nurture at this point. It's a stifling hat.

No, genetically, it's fucked stifling genetically he's fucked but like let's just like let's not bring that up while we're trying to make the show once he gets once he leaves the studio i don't care what happens to this guy's face but for now it's like make it clear it's not the hat it's not the hat man it's something else it's something wrong with you let's check out the next voice memo because it's a lot longer well thanks for that i really appreciate the compliment okay so i wanted to come and do a little fun something here where i go ahead and cast you boys in the Disney character roles you would play if you worked at Disneyland. So let me take a look.

I've got your Google pictures up here. Okay, I'm looking at Sean and Hayes here. This is a picture, I think, of the Earwolf Studios. It's a pretty good representation of your faces. Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and say we're not looking at any prince charmings here and that's not a bad thing it's just prince charming tends to be a little bit darker um hair wise but i am seeing prince-like qualities and here i'm seeing Sean and Hayes on a step and repeat at some sort of vulture festival. And I just Google image searched Hollywood handbook.

It's called vulture festival. Okay, I'm going to start with Sean. And I'm not remembering your height exactly, but I think you might be around six foot tall. Six, six. I'm thinking Sean would play the prince. And now that is Snow White's prince prince and he is just called the prince he doesn't have a name beyond that or a personality eyes on haze here um it's pretty clear to me that haze is a prince philip

so that would be sleeping beauty's prince and i think that's where you two would land as far as face characters. There might be some roles for you in the lesser known movie of Treasure Island, but those characters aren't very popular and they're not represented in the park on a regular basis. But I think, yes, you both could play the princes. And then additionally, I believe you could be double cast as also a merlin now don't take offense i know you're thinking merlin he's got some long gray hair the long gray beard but in fact merlin because of the physicality of the role was always played by a younger man um a slim man a sinewy man a man who can sort of hop and bounce around and kick up his legs

so i think you guys could also definitely go for some merlin in the parade and then as far as fuzzy characters i'm not sure of your heights exactly haze is appearing quite tall to me which could put him in the goofy height realm but you have to be you know six one six two so that might not be realistic. I'm thinking maybe you guys would be closer to a Tigger height. So anyway, I'll let my husband sort of finesse that. Oh, and then also Kevin, of course,

Prince Charming. Alright, good luck. TTFN. Honey? I just want to say say we've got these notebooks sitting out here composition books that i guess are props we've mentioned them before they put i don't like it's like you and the syrup they just show up and you know i just i just do my thing but i say, for the first time, I think you should be picking those up and taking notes. Yeah, I think you're going to need them. What happened in that voice memo,

not even being in the room, full premise, introduced. Engage with the hosts, like brought herself into it, her own ideas, get a pen for him. And it actually made me think, and this is where I learned from her even as a host, where you mentioned that she was a princess, but you also said that you both worked at theme parks. So did you like clean the grease traps with your face or something? Like, what did you do? I did a series of improv comedic improv shows ah

and among other things yeah yeah a fellow comedic performer uh i'm hesitant to say that you and i are fellow anything but yeah i think so so that's i i'm getting you know you say you worked at a theme park uh-huh i've done some improvisos myself oh yeah not necessary i mean you know you see you worked at a theme park uh-huh i've done some improvisos myself not necessarily i mean you know you can buy a ticket and then you just like go in and and work right you know like you're working not compensated and in a traditional way yeah but that's improv you know like oh yeah no improv everywhere yeah oh no i wasn't improv everywhere no this was improv specifically somewhere specifically somewhere yeah the theme park yeah could be everywhere just the like just the seamless uh transition into taking what we were talking about turning it into like a bit a substantial bit

and like it got us talking we're not even in the room i'm still talking about it you know i mean and and then you know and by the way it's flattering to have someone sort of vaguely think about your height that's the kind of thing that as a guest you know it makes the host feel like oh okay it's not all me even though she undersold said 6162 that might be a stretch no this is a stretch right here yeah i was you're looking at stretch you're looking at the goddamn escalade but. But that's the... Like, I know she knows, you know? Yeah, she knows. But she throws it out there.

That's how we spar. She didn't even remember your name. But that's how we... That's how it works, Matt. You can hear the keyboard typing. She pretends to hesitate. That's the sizzling banter. So, like, we create this false antagonism.

She knows. She's our business partner. Come on. No, we all did physicals with each other before we actually got it what do you mean when you when you engage in a substantial financial contract like this you all get in the same room and a doctor gives you physicals and he shouts out the numbers that he's getting forever what's's everyone knows. Okay. This person is healthy. I am not going to be, you know,

uh, tied up in this, like with all of my money, uh, associated with someone who is in the case of Hayes, you know, under six, three.

It's like, no, this guy's six, three. Then he says about Amanda, like, okay, heart beat strong.

And he'll shout that at me. Then he comes over me. He goes, okay, like, okay, heart beat strong. And he'll shout that at me. Then he comes over to me. He goes, okay, 6'1". You know, you could probably tell people 6'2 if you want, but just at 6'1", you know. And then, you know, he goes over to whoever else. Was Maria there? Yeah. And he goes like, okay, hair, like thick, lustrous hair, you know.

And then he goes back over to haze and so it's all like you get like i i see you getting like territorial a little bit but like it's just we're all in the same room none of like nothing between the four of us it's just the doctor doesn't wash his hands of course between each physical who did he start what was the order of people? He's, honestly, it was so crazy. He's wearing a blindfold. What was crazy? Why was it crazy? It seems like it should be pretty ordered.

It was just like being inside a pinball machine. Yeah. Fuck me. You could have been involved. I mean, you absolutely could have been a part of the venture. I wouldn't put a dime of my money in this dog and pony show. Okay, so I wonder if this is another wouldn't, couldn't. Today we've already established that we don't,

that we kind of use the words that are changeably. Uh-huh. So. Yeah, I couldn't either. I couldn't or I wouldn't and I shouldn't. What's the first episode? What is it? It's called Operation Petticoat.

Okay. It's about princesses. Uh-huh. So they've, you know, through the years had many interesting stories about being a princess at Disneyland. We talked to some that tell about some, you know, guests. What theme park has an improv show? Well, Disney had a few comedy shows somewhere improv. That's under fantasy?

Who's fantasy? Fucking guy. It's your fantasy to get paid to do improv. you have a fair question there yeah that's a fair question jesus christ are there any other uh i got a voice memo for you what do you want more bacon this is wow this is what I'm dealing with. This is what I, this is supposed to be my escape, this podcast. Uh-huh. But you've behaved effectively to me like some sort of epic bacon bro this entire time.

Me? I'm a bacon bro? I don't know what a bacon bro is other than a bacon brother. Is that what you're referring to the band the bacon brothers no matt those are by your own admission very different what's a bacon bro if you can't spot the bacon bro at the podcast recording, it's you. You're it, pal. Okay, maybe I am, but can you tell me what a bacon bro is? It's not good.

If you have to ask, you can't afford it. That's a sad fact, brother. Here's one more voice memo from Amanda. Well, I'm going to have to get my lawyer on that. I'm not touching that. Well, it's time for me to go, but this has been a really fun chat and I just wanted to leave you with a

little something, a little tummy teaser, as you will, as we're going into Halloween season. It's getting kind of spooky out there. We have an entire episode in Keys to the Kingdom all about the Scarectors, which as you probably are guessing

are the characters who scare you at one of the fright fests that you can attend at the various theme parks. And I know that Sean and Hayes are really, really into Halloween. And so I think they'll really enjoy that episode. Another little fun thing that we have is a story. We talked to a Wall Street Journal reporter who wrote an entire article about how common it is for people to spread their loved one's ashes at Disneyland and Disney World. And we go

well into that and hear some pretty insane stories. Here's just a little tidbit for you. When the janitorial staff calls it in, they get on their little mics and they go, we've got a code grandma over at the Haunted Mansion. These are the sorts of insider trade secrets of the theme park world you're going to get when you listen to Keys to the Kingdom. over at the Haunted Mansion. These are the sorts of insider trade secrets of the theme park world you're going to get when you listen to Keys to the Kingdom. And on that, I must get into my bubble bath that I've had running.

I like to run it really hot and then wait until it gets quite tepid. I will see you boys at home. Okay, now that was... Wait a minute. What? What? What am I... home okay now that was wait a minute what what what am i what don't i know what don't i know i think you did know on some level i mean she's talking about she said sue me in the first clip she said talk about her lawyers in the third one this

she has legal action on the brain like talking about spreading a loved one's ashes buddy if you can't both spot the code grandma at the podcast you're it oh my god something i also say arguably more devastating that she had no concern that you would have talked about any of this no you're so right she knew that so right it was all gonna be let me cover all the like exciting promotional information for the show i mean we're 48 minutes in it's october 14th yeah oh my god there was no discussion from you about any characters anyook yellow weeds no you're so right Kevin desperately

doing a soft shoe over there talking about spooky season trying to bringing up his boo thing every other sentence I don't know Matt I don't know I'm mostly embarrassed for myself such a champion of yours i have to sneeze bye

that was a hate gum podcast