Hollywood Handbook - Max Silvestri, Our Close Friend Again

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

The Boys welcome back MAX SILVESTRI to discuss his podcast Past Your Bedtime. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You guys know how much we love water on this show. We talk about it literally every single episode and about the water that we have been trying to make ourselves. We basically have- Not trying to make. We've been making. We've been making it.

We've been making it. We've been trying to perfect it. And it's not presently drinkable. Yes. So we have here, I'm really excited about basically like in a quite higher situation where like we have, we have a partnership now with Fiji Water. This is the number one.

It's gonna get us so much closer. Premium imported bottled water brand in the US. And they had basically come to this is like kind of the water that we were trying to first imitate and then top in success. So funny. We were coming for them and they must have felt us breathing down their neck and just said like, you know what, let's work together. We're more powerful as a team than as combatants.

And I agree actually, because their water is drinkable. It has a 7.7 pH, perfectly balanced. Yes. And you know, I'm not. Ours has a 700.700 pH. Yeah, so we were a bit higher. And then, you know, unlike the other two premium bottled water brands,

whose names I will not mention, the two top ones, but you think, you probably know who I mean. And one of them's us. And one of them is us and we, their electrolytes are 100% naturally occurring. Ours were 100% unnaturally supernatural. Ours were summoned inside of a pentagram, basically. These ones are from the earth.

They have more than double the electrolytes of the other two top premium water bottle brands, giving it the signature soft, smooth taste. It's like velvet. And we're can, we are being allowed to continue developing. PG one. There's not a non-compete or anything. It's not PG 13 and we've explained this obviously.

Yeah. But like, it's not, it doesn't have that kind of edge, but it's not G either. That's, yeah. It's a little bit, it's kids can have it, but you should be around them when they do. Yes. Fiji water is bottled at the source and untouched by man until you unscrew the cap. Their bottles are made from a hundred percent recycled plastic and they continue to lead the top preview bottle water competition on launching a hundred percent recycled plastic bottles earth's

finest water and Fiji water and I have a tagline for them that you probably haven't heard and that they haven't heard and it is a feed me feed you big speech. RIP the queen. When did you see that? The queen actually just just just bit it just a couple minutes ago. Respectfully. Good. Yeah. With all due respect.

She is the queen of the underworld now. I guess she's the queen of Hades because she respectfully bit it and is no longer of this earthly plane. And we're still gonna do this? You don't read the news and stuff? Did you not, do you not read Ain't It Cool News? I set my phone to work focus mode.

Harry Knowles. For sure. Harry Knowles is what he's talking about. I know him socially. You set your what? Drew McQueeny foot. But the queen is no more. She drew Moriarty.

He drew Moriarty down beneath the. Down beneath the. Moriarty. Yeah, he's one of the writers. Yes. On AICN. They shouldn't let Moriarty. Yeah, he's one of the writers. Yes. On AICN. They shouldn't let Moriarty do that. Yeah, I think we need less ER.

After what he pulled? It's fine, like, it's just odd to me that they can't use it to track his location somehow. This guy is just allowed to work. I've been a vocal. vocal opponent of cancel culture, obviously, for as long as the term has existed. Of course. As soon as it started bubbling up,

you got mad about it. With exceptions, there are cases, of course, where we do need to say, okay, as a society, I do need to say, okay, as a society, Moriarty's behavior, I'm not saying the guy needs to go live in a ditch. I'm saying we can't give him one of the most prominent and sought after jobs, distributing information, right? To our most influential readers,

people who then go on podcasts and repeat what is said, because if at any time he decides to just turn that dial and start, start making up lies about me, then it's gonna be too late, because he's already got this stuff in. So if he were to go on there and say that like, I was crying in the parking lot before I came in,

because I dropped my popsicle, I was crying in the parking lot before I came in because I dropped my popsicle. How are we gonna combat that? Because we've given this guy the platform now. You know what I mean? We've said the scoops are worth the behavior. We've basically said that we're willing to put up with. The scoops and this idea that Scotland Yard

is gonna be able to use the clues that he's leaving behind in his reviews to tip them to the heist that he's about to perpetrate. Yeah. You're not gonna solve the clues. You've had plenty of opportunities. Well, even if you put them together, my suspicion is as you're realizing what he has planned,

we would be able to simultaneously cut from you figuring it out to him actually pulling it off and getting away with it. So it's like, oh, he's going to, and he already did. Yeah, he saw this all happening. That's an issue. And I wasn't crying. No, you explained it was allergies

when you came in with red eyes. Yes, and this time of year, they're so nasty. He's allergic to popsicles. Yes. Then this time of year, especially it's summer, so like that's honestly the worst time of year for a popsicle. Yeah. Everywhere. The popsicle falling on ground count right now is super high.

I check my weather app every morning. That's fucking sick, man. And like- It's actually more dangerous to start a popsicle and not finish it than to have no popsicle. You know, like they're the right amount. Thank you. So if you don't get the whole thing,

it's all frozen off. It's actually really dangerous. Blood sugar wise. If you don't finish it off, yes. Yeah, if you stop halfway through, it can build up. You can actually get really dangerous. Blood sugar wise. If you don't finish it off, yes. Yeah, if you stop halfway through, you can actually get really hurt. Or if you're stopped by gravity or slippery hands or wet fingers.

If it goes flying. And by the way, it's like, so the next thing you know, Moriarty's gonna have some article about how I got down on all fours and was sucking on the dirty popsicle off the ground like a dog, and then I got a bee in my mouth. And that's now the news all of a sudden. It's like this is supposed to be where I go

to find out if the queen's alive. And what's that even a clue, what heist is that even a clue to that like you're down on all fours like sucking out a popsicle and you got a bee in your mouth. A bee, Jake Ben. Like I'm just trying to read this news site.

Oh, he's gonna steal Big Ben. He's gonna steal. Okay. And I just came to this news site to find out if the new Salma Hayek movie made one of these journalists squirt metaphorically. And suddenly I'm getting out. And it can be really dangerous

to go into a Salma Hayek movie and not squirt. Or not know if you're gonna squirt. Yes. You know? So that's why you need to. It's called service journalism. It's like which pants and how many underwear called service journalism. You need to find out. It's like which pants and how many underwear

should I wear to Desperado's car. Kevin, I got a little stuck. Can you like help me out? I'm a little stuck over here. Sure. Thank you. Hayes is a little stuck. So.

I tried to move forward and I got you. So small technical difficulty. Kevin is gonna help Hayes get unstuck. Okay, thank you. Imagine what the inside out emotions inside Hayes' head were doing just then. Can you think about that? Like when he's stuck, it's like, have you peeped this? Fear is going like, I'm scared I'm going to be stuck forever. And then like,

anxiety is going like, I'm like, oh, I'm scared too. And then like, shame is going like, I'm so embarrassed to be stuck like that, you know? But Amy Poehler's like, it's so cool to be stuck. This is so fun. Yeah, I don't know, like, I understand you know a lot of the performers behind this. I don't really think of them as like a named actor. It's more enjoyable for me

to actually think of them like as the- To lose yourself. The movie wants you to do that. The movie does want you to do that. And so I try to honor the artist's intention and not go like, oh, I'm friends with this actor, whatever the thing is that you're... But I try to just go like, oh my gosh, what a magical journey.

And look at the anger is going, I hate, I'm so mad, I'm stuck, you nincompoop. He's getting pissed. But kind of out of loyalty, you didn't even want to watch the new one because your friends, I know you guys are friends with Bill and Mindy and when they stepped away, you were like, we cannot.

It's not for the show. The fact is people bring a certain amount of value and that value should be recognized. And I- Pay the two of them what they're worth. Oh, well, it's pretty easy. I think you made out okay on the first one. I think you actually did pretty well.

So when we come back and we wanna run it back, maybe this time we wanna just have a little bit of respect, especially for what has been going on for them individually in the time since that movie happened. So you're not talking to the same people, you're talking to Titans. And I just don't know why that wasn't recognized. And I don't want to talk about it on the show. But if I could meet the business affairs lawyer who tendered that that initial offer, I would spit a big hawking loogie at their entire fucking dough.

Chicken tendered it more like what they did. Yeah, Hawk Tooie, that's the new thing. Hawk Tooie, Hawk Tooie. Yeah, Hawk Tooie. Be my new Cuspidore and I need one. You should see what I've done to this Cuspidore. He's gotta get another one. Like they kinda make it seem like when they sell it to you

they kinda make it seem like it's. A Cuspidore. Well just, or just. Well they do, they do present it that way. Yeah. He's not wrong. Yes. It's not really a Cuspidore.

That's not, when you get it home you kinda find out that you've been misled, right? It's not really a Cuspidore. It's mesh, first of all. Yeah. And so, like, I guess that's how they get you to, like, get the lining, where it's very sheer. Yeah, so like the lining is separate.

And so you have to, like, now you're going back to separate. And so you like, you have to like, now you're going back to the dealer and saying like, and you built the whole room around this, you know what I mean? The entire room has been, it's like the central design element in the room. Cause it's in the middle of the room. You need to be able to see to it. You need to be able to get to it fast.

Well, and you've had a lot of conversation with your wife telling your wife, wait till you see the Cuspidora room. Yes. Like just like, just this is the one room in the house, hands off, this one's mine. Yes. And it's gonna be the show piece.

And when we give the tour of the home, people are gonna know. Yes. This is where Hayes made his mark. And instead what happens is what you have, yeah. Well, I mean, and this is gross, but like in the time, you're taking a long time to like pick the Cuspidora.

Meanwhile, everything is just gathering in your cheeks. You know what I mean? You have nowhere to put it. Sure. And it's just kind of like drooping further and further and down and it's getting like really logged in there. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And then when you get it, the release is like so, once it feels amazing, but like, to realize that you're releasing into a mesh Cuspidor. Yeah. But you can't throw it in the wash. You know, it's like made out of old water bottles. I've seen these Cuspidors online,

I get Instagram ads for them. The idea is that you just throw it in the wash. You can throw it in the wash, yes. Can, but it's also, then the wash gets nasty as well. Because it's, well, I mean, you can talk about your wash, but Hayes' wash is also mesh. I mean, it's not, you know, it's not perfect. I got a washer on one of these Instagram things.

Like the way, and they have like. They take forever to come, the tracking number. You gotta download a different app to be able to follow the track. And they have like the equivalent, I forget her name, but it's like basically the equivalent of Brooke Williamson from like two time Top Chef winner,

but for the Bravo show where they do laundry. Like they have her on there being like, I use this below dryer. Below dryer. Yeah. That's where the washer. And it sounds to the untrained ear. Kevin, it sounds like maybe that's like a hair salon blow dryer. So but there is an E, yeah. But it's blow dryer.

Blow dryer. Which is where they, when you stack them, that's where the washer is. 100%, yeah. Yes. Well, what's interesting is that you're saying the equivalent of Brooke Williamson, but it is Sandra Hewler.

Yes. Like that is who's won that show. Yes, and that's where she kind of like came, I guess over there. Because it was like out of nowhere, right? Like it was like, wait, she's all of a sudden all over stuff. It was kind of like Mike White being on Survivor where you're like, I think I've seen a movie or two

you've been in, but she was like on season two, not really addressing that. She was the queen of Central European cinema. And that's a pathway there, I guess, that we haven't we don't have now here. Same with their like panel shows and stuff. I wish we had that shows. Yeah, I wish we had that. Why can't that take hold over here?

Just that vibe, you know, just the pleasant sort of like this conversational, just like teasing each other and the game shows, the recurring people. Why don't we have that? We need to have that here. And when? They have it there. And when is it off? They have it. I wish we did.

We need to have it too. Why can't that get going here? It's so nice there. We don't want to watch that necessarily. We don't want to watch theirs, but why can't we have ours? It's a different, it must be something different about us or our stars, but there's, I don't know what it is,

but I want to have it ours here because I see them having it. And it's so nice. You have after midnight. We have after midnight, yes. We have that. We have that. As Yes We have we have that There's there's more structure there Exactly what we're talking about

Where like we like they're not getting points They're becoming less famous as they go on like the way after midnight. It's kind of like an upside-down British panel show and that I feel like it hurts the people on it. Oh They're now subtracting points kind of like an upside down British panel show and that I feel like it hurts the people on it. All of the- They're now subtracting points. Anytime you say anything on that show, you get points taken away. It's true, yes.

And the points come directly off of your IMDB star meter. Yes. Every time I see someone telling a good story, it's on one of these British chat shows, these panels, where they all just seem like they're just hanging out in someone's living room and oops, there's a camera there. And we can't seem to have that.

We've gotta gamify everything, yes? It's gotta be a competition. You can't just go and tell a funny story about having sex with a musician or whatever, getting a venereal disease from them. It's just like, you've gotta put on a blindfold and play beard pong or whatever it is. I just wish we could have it.

Graham used to be on Comedy Central, we remember that. Norton? That actually was, we didn't know what we had, it was gone. Yeah, Reggie Watts has been trying to tell us for a long time, do that, here, have it. He's on those shows, the Taskmasters,

which is like After Midnight, but a little less structured, very big over there. Yeah, the Taskmasters would be good. That's the thing about After Midnight, it's like too much structure. Let me do it, like let me go on there, let me do the show, let me be on the show, I wanna be on it.

Don't make me do all this stuff. Put me on the show, please. Let me be on the show. Anything to be on the show, I'd still be on the show. But then let me like, yeah, I'd love it. Let me come out from back there, you know? Let me come out from behind the thing.

Just a little bit. Well, let me sit down. Yeah. Let me come out in front of it and sit a little bit. Well, let me sit down. Yeah. Let me come out in front of it and sit down and hold the mic. Can I get out front and sit down with a couch? Let me sit down on the floor in front of the thing. Can I sit in front of the podium

so you can't see the number in case my score is not good? And then can I just hang out and just like, do I have to always be coming up with some joke for you? Because the thing is, these chat shows they have, are they funny? Yeah, hell yeah, I'm losing it. I'm fucking dying. You're always sending me the clips from the British shows.

You're like, their sitcoms are better. You're sending me links to weird torrent sites. Their shit. Dude, have you gotten those? I get the links for sure, but they definitely. Their shit is wild, man. It's loose and it feels real. It doesn't feel like this pre-packaged polished,

ooh, everyone, there's been nine, you know, different executives that invented this exact story. Because they use a bad camera. The camera they use is really bad looking and that's what real life looks like. Real life looks like shit. Not everybody has a great camera. Real life looks like Doctor Who.

Yes, yes. And their clothes are bad and they're much, much uglier. The set's made of cardboard. Everybody looks like shit. People didn't have time to get in shape. They got very short notice to appear on camera. Yes.

Came straight from a dinner. I have an observation about their teeth. They're a little different. You know, over there across the palm, ye old palm. We have an audible original coming out. It's starting now? Is it about to drop? I think it, well. It's starting now? Is it about to drop? I think it, well.

It's dropping? Yeah, it comes out in a couple of weeks. Boom. Okay. Set your watch. And just to say, when we're recording this, it's September of 2022. Yep.

The queen just died. Yeah. So it's, I don't know when you're gonna release it. There's a chance people might not be able to So it's, so I don't know when you're going to release it. There's a chance people might not be able to download it yet, but if you have one credit on your audible, you can add it, you can add it to your wishlist. I have a credit. I have a credit.

Oh, perfect. Then early November, 2023 this year. But I'm looking hard at Project Hail Mary. So I'm not saying anything about your project negative because obviously Project Hail Mary is a big project and your project is a big project. And I can only pick one because I only have one credit. So sell me because this will be good for other,

yeah, what's the name of your project? It's called Pass My Bedtime. And I'm just- Project Hail Maxie. Just remembering, and it's weird that I know this because it's 2022, you don't need a credit. It's free if you have a membership. So get your project Hail Mary

and then add Pass My Bedtime to the cart. I haven't decided I definitely want it yet. Okay, for sure. Don't burn the credit. Yeah. I'm interested, but I'm not like, oh, I have to have it. And when, until I feel like I have to have it, I'll keep the credit.

Because the potential of having that credit in your account, and people know this, and imagining what it could be, is sometimes more thrilling even than listening to a book. Of course, because you're like, all the different ways this one credit could transform me to a better person. I could learn about an expedition to a planet. I could read a book on how to trick women. What are some things you could buy with this Max,

with this $5 bill? Maybe like a Kindle single, like a novella. Kindle single, okay, okay. Kindle single novella. Even a hard product like a, so. Like a small book. It's like a Bush One moment. I thought we were staying in the Amazon ecosphere.

Are we allowed to spend this money anywhere? Well yes, I mean you can buy $5 worth of fresh cherries. It's cherry season. It's legal tender, more like chicken tender. worth of fresh cherries. It's cherry season. It's legal tender. In September? More like chicken tender. You get your cherries in September? Oh yes, that's when they finally figured it out.

Yeah. Oh, okay. All summer they're kind of waffling around, do I wanna be sweet, do I wanna be hard? Sure. And then in September they finally decide, I wanna be hard and not sweet. So that's when we've got it.

And so you could buy $5 worth of cherries, you could buy, oh, maybe a fidget spinner or something. But all of these are things I can imagine eating the fresh cherries. I can imagine spinning a fidgeter. The things that the men in the park are making shoot up in the air so high. Oh my god, yeah, they go so high.

And every time I'm like, that's not coming back. And every single time it does. It lands basically near them. All right, that's too high. That one ain't coming back. Oh yeah, a bubble wand. But all of those things are amazing to think about. And actually, me imagining all the places

this money could go while I hold the money is the potential in all of that maybe tastes even better than fresh September cherries. And so that's the point I'm trying to make. And I'm gonna put this back for now. Sure. But if you're a good boy. Did you not have $15? Cause that's how much an Audible credit costs, $15.

You took out five and it's just- Well, I do have a one and a five. Okay. I do have a one and a five, so that is 15. Yeah. $15. Yeah, one is- $15.

$15, I have the exact change. One, five. And you had a co-wife around this, correct? Your wife. And you had a co-wifer on this correct your wife Yeah, the podcast is co-written and co-created by my wife Who's also a writer and a wife. And it's called past my bedtime? Called past my bedtime oral history of the fastest failure in late-night history and the boy grows up And oral history of the fastest failure in late-night history. You don't have any synonyms for history

Nope, the way that it kind of picks at someone like your brain was the point. That is fascinating. Because now it's bothering you. You're trolling my ass. No, I mean, I'm the same way, you know? You read a script. He's digging in there, man. Reusing words, why not use a different word?

No humans would ever use the same word twice. I'm a bloodhound for that stuff. You got there twice. Boat and boat. You know what I mean? Let's try ship. I'm doing that all day, every rewrite. That's all I'm doing.

That's your kind of position in the room. That's my role. I can see, and I don't know what it is, it's just like, I can see the matrix sort of, where I know if there's a word that is in two sentences near each other. And I just like, I can't abide it. No.

And uh. And he's replying to the challenges on Instagram and such of finding the mistake, and his reply, even though it's the same as a lot of other people's replies, because some other people do figure it out too, but people are liking his reply. The challenges on Instagram? You don't look at the challenges on Instagram.

You don't check the challenges on Instagram? Where it's like, what's the mistake, like find the mistake. Sometimes it's having you do maths. I think maybe you're telling on your puzzle specific algorithm. I'm not getting a lot of puzzles. It's just women that have wet t-shirts and they're holding up the top of their t-shirts

and then they drop them and it all sort of falls. And I am replying to that. They're holding up the top of their t-shirts and then they drop them and it all sort of falls. And I am replying to that. It's what? They're holding up the top of their t-shirt? They're holding up their t-shirt out from their body? No, it's tight to their body and they're pulling the t-shirt up and it's kind of bringing their body with it

and then they drop the t-shirt. That's the bottom. I know it makes it seem like it's the top for a minute because they pulled it up. Yeah. And I know that can be very tricky. No, because I go, this part of the t-shirt's up high,

that's the top. But what you're saying, I think, actually, is that they are holding the bottom. Yeah. They're pulling the bottom towards the top. But that doesn't make it the top. And then releasing it. And they call the whole thing a top sometimes.

They're so stupid. That shit is so fucking dumb. Another thing they don't do in Britain, you know what I mean? It's all, they just, they wouldn't use that terminology because like the chat shows and the sort of intelligent way that they conduct themselves there, you don't have this kind of confusion

and we ruined their language. No, they bastard. When they say bottom, they're referring to Nick bottom from Fars. Like it's very elevated. Well, they say front bottom and that's, they're referring to Nick Bottom from Fars. Like it's very elevated. Well, they say front bottom and that's what they- Bottom of a wet t-shirt. They say front bottom.

They do say front bottom. Also, they publish topless photos in their newspaper. Yes, I mean it's- They just have a different- But it's page six and you just go like, children are obviously like, everyone knows the child's mind is different and they have a lower sort of attention to it.

That's why Sesame Street has short segments. And what they are is they go through five pages and they say, well, nothing exciting here. And then left for mom and dad is on page six, as you said, there are- You said page six, I think it's page three. Page six is the gossip thing maybe. Is page six the gossip thing? Page three seems too early because I'm agreeing with your logic. Page six is the gossip thing, maybe. Is page six the gossip thing?

Page three seems too early because I'm agreeing with your logic. Page three to me seems a little soon. We think about how this culture was founded. It was the Puritans decided to flee. Yeah, you're right. They decided to flee from England because they saw Bobos in the newspaper

and now they have to come all the way over here, and this is now in our blood, so we see that. We get our freak dad. They fled a world where unstructured chat formats make people famous, and they came here where unstructured chat formats like this don't help people. Are destroying lives, yes. No, it was like there's so much repression here still,

and it's genetic, that the fear of public snogging, is so restrictive and you just feel it when you walk around out there in the world, everyone's uptight and there's so much anxiety like an inside out, you know what I mean? I'd like anxiety like an inside out. You know what I mean? I'd like to see British inside out, the feelings inside those heads,

and it would be smartness, right? Yes. Freedom of thought. Yes. Yeah. Newspaper bobo enjoying, right? These would be the kind of things, and they're all sharing the controls in a civilized way.

Stiff lip-ness. That's their number one chat podcast, Smartness. Smartness, finally some smart ass for once. Yeah. They all know a lot. The smartness monster. Mm-hmm. Hollywood handbook.

Well, Rocket Money is saving my ass again. I very stupidly allowed my producer, Chef Kevin, to use my computer. He said he had to send an emergency email to his wife and something was wrong with his computer. I guess he spilled a full gingerade on it, which is he pours Canada dry ginger ale into a yellow Gatorade.

That's like what he's drinking most of the time. So anyway, he's like, I gotta let it dry. I gotta get the gingerade out. Can I just use yours? This email's gotta go out to my wife now. You're saving my marriage. Now, I'm a wife guy, I can't resist that pitch. The sick stuff this guy subscribed to.

Let me back up. Rocket Money's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Okay, great. So I get full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses.

I can see all my subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money helps me cancel it. So I've been using it and honestly, it had cleaned everything up so much, I was almost like, hmm, when am I gonna use Rocket Money again? And the answer is, as soon as Kevin gets his nasty,

gingerade mitts onto my computer, he subscribed me, but I don't wanna go through all of them. But there are a lot of, one is clouds that look exactly like you know what. And it has the thingies on them too. I couldn't believe this. And I got to say, I think the photos were doctored. There's no way those were natural clouds. Another one was zendononline.com.

I can't be too mad about that. Of course, he had this like songs that sound like chicks when they you know what. It's like, again, I think they did some kind of sweetening on the sound because it didn't sound like singing at all, it just sounded like you know what. So anyway, I'm paying through the nose for all these things. He subscribed to them on my computer,

I guess because he got blocked out of his. And then he's like, I guess gonna have to borrow it again so he can look at these things. But Rocket Money bailed me out. They have over 5 million users and I know why. They saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features.

I mean, I saved more than that this month because there were dozens of these things. I really don't know what his plan was. I gotta talk to him. Anyway, stop wasting money on things you don't use, his plan was. I gotta talk to him. Anyway, stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys, rocketmoney.com slash the boys. And you know what to do.

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whether I'm ordering a sandwich at a deli, whether I'm filling up at the gas station, or whether I am, you know, beginning a new job as a fireman at the firehouse, fingers crossed, I haven't passed the physical exam yet. When I enter, I just immediately say, hey, what are the power dynamics in here? Because the best way to succeed and kind of climb that ladder is to get a really clear

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They're really cool and I said to them when they said, like, we want to advertise on your show, I said, what exactly are the power dynamics at Babbel? And they let me know and I do look forward to running the company very soon. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now get 55% off your Babbel subscription but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash The Boys. Get 55% off at Babbel.com slash The Boys spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash The Boys. Oh and about the rules and restrictions, yeah, they may apply. Hey guys, stop going to the beach

every time you need some more cat litter. When my cat is healthy, he's happy. And that makes me happy. But since I'm not a mind reader, I don't always know when he is unwell. Helping me keep tabs on my cat's health is just one reason I use pretty litter, the other reason I don't wanna be going to the beach

this much. The traffic too and from the beach is so crazy. And really, most people are going there to do like a family activity thing. So when you show up with a big shovel and a bucket and a series of litter boxes. So that, you're still doing that. I'm just holding my cat out over the beach.

Okay, yeah. I'm bringing my litter box to the beach and then I'm filling it and then I'm putting my cat over that. And I'm finding either way, no one seems to be happy with any version of this. Oh no, I mean mean you'd be shocked at the way the police talked to me. Unbelievable. No wonder people are

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Prettylitter.com slash the boys. Code the boys. Terms and conditions apply, see safer details. Whoa. Hollywood ham. Here's a scenario I was chewing on earlier and it's finally coming into view. We'll spit you later. Be safe for details. Whoa. Hollywood ham. Here's a scenario I was chewing on earlier and it's finally coming into view. Well spit it out.

The boy comes of age to fully be able to engage with mommy and daddy and now we're negotiating about bedtime, right? And you say it's past your bedtime and the boy says, oh, so suddenly that's a problem? It seems like you wrote an entire book about it back when I was small. And I couldn't, cause you thought I couldn't read yet.

Uh-huh. And he's actually pinned your ass to the wall with logic and facts. Yes. I don't know if Lee and I will have kids. We're in, we haven't decided yet. Okay. You know, it just feels like with the strike coming,

Yeah, it might be a bad idea. With the looming strike, I hope they figure that out. We're eight months out from the deadline and I just, I'm worried. It would be irresponsible to have a kid now. Right. Especially having made a podcast about a child's penis. Smart of you to pivot before.

Yes. Right? Got way ahead of that. That TV shut down by doing the audio. Yeah, the expensive, slow audio scripted drama that requires a membership to a non-podcast website. We kind of just saw a way through and we took it. And then two years later, it's about to come out.

It's crazy. Yeah, that's powerful. But do you want to talk a little bit about what might happen on the show so I can sort of get a feel for if I'm gonna like this? Absolutely, because I don't want you to burn no credit. I don't want you to keep a membership. It's not a credit, but my time ultimately is a credit

because I hate to take out the $5 bill again. But there's a way in which your time is money. Well, this is money too. So if I think of this and all the potential could be you remember the fresh cherries? So there's other things that are like money, one of them's time. And time is something that you can spend

doing different things. And I might imagine. So that could be five time, if you think about it like the same way. Think about it like it's time. So picture this as time and I go, okay, my five time. Well, I could spend my five time watching a movie, yes, talking to my friend Hayes, okay.

I could be listening to your show. You could also be making five, Derek that. Right. Yeah, I mean yeah. Because time is time. Mm-hmm. Time is time. I could be listening to your show, that's one option.

Or I could be maybe working on a project of my own and I do have some things in the hopper that I'm excited about. But ultimately what I've found is, just like with the money, the idea of imagining how the time could be spent is actually the best use of it. You're right.

So that's why I probably rather than listen to your thing, what I'll do is sit on a couch just like this and wonder whether I should listen to that or whether I should do something else. And all that time wasted, which is money and also time that you've wasted, you could have just been listening to our thing. Cause I'll say, and this is, I think our thing-

I don't see it as wasted. I don't see it that to I don't do that way Good And so that's where you're starting. This is the level that you're starting Yeah, so now you see like if you can get there That'll be a real achievement if you can like get him to flip on this I I like to think that you can listen to our show while you're doing other things like you in the show I have a small part while you're doing other things. You in the show?

I have a small part. Okay. But our, Okay, I could fuck with that. Let's say you have laundry and you're like, I have to cut up this laundry into little pieces. Yeah. You could be listening to our show.

And these Instagram washers, this is the other thing. Well, first they make you do a puzzle, then the next thing you're wearing a washer that makes you cut your laundry into pieces to fit it inside. And the pitch of like, you can carry this around in your pocket is like, that's cool. That's great, because when I'm out

and I get a stain or something, I'm always like, oh, I wish I had my washer in my pocket. Yes, and it has a little plug attached to it. It's like a little, a glade plug in basically, except it does all your wash for you. Like that honestly fucking kicks ass, but the fact that you have to cut up your laundry into tiny little pieces,

only wash one little piece at a time. Yeah. Which honestly, a lot of times, if I only have a small stain, it makes sense, like where I go like, oh, okay. Just wash the dirty part, yeah. Let me just wash the stain, but then later putting it back becomes a real challenge.

Do you have a solution for that? Or I know you've been working on some different stuff. I have basically been buying so many of these and trying to sort of, this is so far not working, but cutting the shirt like a puzzle and then arranging basically a wall of tiny little washers and putting each piece in to recreate the shape of the shirt. Oh, so, oh, that's smart. So it comes out almost done.

It comes out at least like arranged in a, so I kinda know where everything should go, but then putting it back together is like, I'm not so far able to, it's not like a puzzle in that way. I do think our show is good sewing your clothes back together content. You know, like something to do while you sew your clothes back together. This is the big thing for me,

I'm just like, this is so boring. Was that your pitch? Was that why you brought you sew your clothes together. This is the big thing for me. I'm just like, this is so boring. Was that your pitch? Was that why you brought up cutting your clothes up? Was just to say that it's a good thing to do while you do it? Yeah, yeah, I was like, I wasn't gonna do it. I just wanted to know where you're going. I didn't know.

I was just gonna do the front half of it, but I kind of didn't get to finish that. So I just figured I would. No, I know, I know. So I'm letting you finish it now. So what were you gonna say? No, I said it. Okay, all right.

Okay, cool. I could fuck with that. Yeah. Yeah. What kind of stuff is happening in the show? And this is relevant for you actually because you can't really, the way you use your imagination, you can't really do it and have a task as well.

You know what I mean? It is a very, you do have to kind of like, it's basically the equivalent of jacking into the matrix You know about these like fantastic beasts or whatever. Yes. I Don't I yes, that has to come out. Well that hasn't come out yet, but it's yeah No, but just like but just saying yeah, you know about these. Yeah Don't talk to me about them Because the second that that idea,

just like of a fantastic beast, and I'm doing it to myself right now, is introduced, my imagination is so strong, it's pretty much in the room with me. Yeah, that's spooky. And good luck having a talk with me, and good luck having me feel safe listening to the book. And you can't like jack into the matrix

and like do, you know, like cut into the matrix and like do You know like cut vegetables or whatever, you know You're kind of like like you're you're when you're in there you're in there And if he dies in his imagination, he can die for real. Oh, that's true, but you can cut vegetables and stuff in the matrix That's what most of the people are here cutting matrix vegetables. Yeah, you're just like it's a little your In your real human body is not sitting that you can't be like, oh, just like while I'm in the matrix, I'll just like do other stuff. Remember the movie Surrogate? I'll catch up on paperwork. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw it in the theater. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not a contest. But like. Friends and family. Yeah.

You know, it wasn't a race to see it, right? I mean, I know the Winter Olympics are about to happen, but And I know we've all got racing on the on the on the brain, but that's not that's not rain That's actually not in the Winter Olympics seeing surrogates first No, they they they took that event out I mean, I know it's not a race. It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. It's a race It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. that's not actually, that's actually not in the Winter Olympics, seeing surrogates first. No, they took that event out. And I'll go a step further, it never even was.

So I would like to know in terms of like, if I did listen, let's say I can calm my imagination. What happened? With a little bit of a. The little mystery. Oh yes, right, sure. Rumpelmuth, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, what you have on you, but yeah. So let's say I'm able to do that and actually quiet some of the voices in there. For sure. Anybody in this show, I know you said you got a small part, but. So let's say I'm able to do that and actually quiet some of the voices in there for sure Anybody in this show? I know you said you got a small part, but the small anybody in there Girls in it. I think there's a couple great. There's friend of the show Darcy Carden is in it. Okay, there's girls in it Jenny slate Okay, not a friend of the show Lenin par not a friend of the show Len a park Lenin parm is a friend of the Lenin's a friend of the show, Lennon Parham. Not a friend of the show. Lennon Parham is a friend of the show. Lennon's a friend of the show, old friend,

hasn't been in touch as much recently. Jenny never even sniffed being a friend of the show. Enemy of the show. One of our biggest rivals. Bob Balaban, big flagrant ones fan. Yes, he's been on Flavor One's many times. Yeah, his name is as similar, his last name is as similar to basketball

as you're gonna find among celebrities. Sure. You know, there's no one, and it's not like- Well, you could call him B-ball and you wouldn't be wrong. No, you're absolutely right. Bob Balaban, B-ball. And it's not, and I'm not saying it's that close, but among celebrities, it is the closest

named to basketball. Unlike the surrogate stuff, that was an Olympic sport, and he won it. Having a name that's closest to basketball. Yeah, as a celebrity. Yeah, as a celebrity. We all agree that there's, I'm sure, some civilian out there named Nascatball or whatever.

But yeah, they started doing it like the dream team thing where it's no longer about like who's best for actual like Olympic basketball. It's like, oh, who are just like the famous, we're trying to grow the sport of having a name similar to basketball. Yeah, it's just, it's the name recognition is a big part of it, which is like unfortunate

because it is really just supposed to be about the name. Yeah, be given the name. Yeah. A family name. You're only gonna get a name you already know. Zach Galifianakis, David Harbour. They competed. Yeah, and they didn't make it, but.

Zach Galifianakis was sort of weirdly in the area. It kinda was, but we couldn't quite figure out why. Yeah. It feels right. But it felt closer, but we couldn't quite figure out why. Yeah. It feels right. But it felt closer. Well, we knew it was closer than David Harbor. And so from right there, you know, it's all a scale. Okay, Darcy, Jenny.

Tim Robinson, he feels like he would be a friend of the show. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't it? Yes, it sure does. Doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't it?

Yes, it sure does. Doesn't it? We have just not been able to crack that nut so far. Hey, you got any tips? Yeah, please. I think he's the sort of guy that, because he likes the quality of the material, he says yes.

Okay, all right. His team brings all the asks to him and he just kind of the material, he says yes. Okay, all right. His team brings all the asks to him and he just kinda just goes. It's obviously not about money or status, he's not getting that from the Audible podcast but if he thinks the people behind it and the material is good, he's an easy yes. He's happy to make the time, is what I was told.

You sent him the whole thing or just his sides? Did he get the script or just his sides? I think I wrote him a letter. And so that's the quality of the material you're talking about. Yeah, I like quoted some parts of the letter. Yeah, how good you are at writing letters. What sort of letters are you guys writing

when you try to reach out to someone like Tim? Kevin? I use magazine clippings. News magazine clippings? Dang it. Like Newsweek and stuff? Like which? People.

I mean, we're all people. So it's sort of scrapbooked into a kind of collage. Do you wanna pull up, wait, don't you have some email exchanges with Tim Robinson or his team? Yeah, or his team. Let's get those up here. I gotta say, guys, I wouldn't have expected

my producer to just reach out for this podcast and for that to get anything on the board. I think it's kinda, I think it would mean a lot to come from you, the two of you together, and to say how important it was to you. What we like to do is, like, just first of all, make clear that we have someone working for us.

Obviously you need, you know, that this isn't. It's a professional operation, yeah. But if you're saying that you think I should have texted him directly, I did. Do you guys want the one of February from last year or June of last year? Last year, 2021?

Yeah. Yes. All right, we'll start with the February one. This will be quick, no response. Let's move over to the June one. Wait, what did you write? Hi, reaching out to see if Tim Robinson would be interested and available to guests on the comedy podcast, Hollywood Handbook.

We'd love to have him on. And then- Wait, so this isn't directly to Tim Robinson? This is to his team. Look, I'm not gonna tell you how to run a podcast that takes four years to make. I'm not finished, Max! Some previous guests on the show include Donald Glover, Padden Oswalt, Will Forte, Ellie Kemper,

and 45 more names. I write, and 45 more names. That's funny. Thanks. No response there. Here's a different one, no response. And a follow-up, no response. I know there are- What's the different ones? Just like, a follow-up. No response. I know what's a different one say just like what's the like

You know the contours of the follow-up obviously have to change a little bit Yeah, you're putting your foot on the gas between February and June. Yeah, you know, they were pretty different if I remember Okay, and there was deep. Well, good a lot of time. Let's read up Okay, let's see the February one, I'm reaching out to see if Tim Robinson would be interested. Didn't we just read that one? Oh, you know what? They look very similar.

Let me read the one to Netflix that actually got some traction. Okay. I think you should leave, team. I got looped in with Netflix. Someone says, hi, I was hoping to put you in touch with Kevin Bartelt who produces the very funny and popular podcast, Why Hollywood Handbook.

They shouldn't have said lie. Kevin, I'll let you take it from there. So hi, thanks so much. Nice to meet everyone. Yes, we'd love to have Tim as a guest on Hollywood Handbook if he's available. The hosts are big fans, we'd love to prenote the, dang it, that might have been it.

You said pronote and then you corrected yourself to say pronote again? So is a double pronote. Would love to pronote. Sometimes a great pronotion. Pronote, pronote, the new season of I Think You Should Leave. Not the size of the ship,

it's the pronosion of the ocean. Thank you, happy to send this request to Tim. Alright, they say full disclosure, he's not doing much press, but we'll take the offer to his team. Oh, don't disclose that to me. Let me just like live in ignorance for even a second before you just tell me in the email that it's not happening. Yeah.

Let me live with the idea what the $5 could be, you know? The potential. Wow, I do a follow-up two years later. That's a cool move. Okay, that is sick. That sounds like me. I say, hi, Sarah and the other person. Hope you're both.

I shouldn't have said that either. Why are you protecting the other person and exposing Sarah? So Sarah's ass is getting hung out to dry and then there's some crony of yours throwing your arms around to make sure that Sarah gets the full brunt of the grenade. No, I said, hi Sarah and the other person.

Maybe it's the wrong names because none of the names that Kevin gave are also in your in the show. In the thing, right? So who had signed on when you reached out to Tim and were and were like using them to like dangle, you know, like hey, this is actually like coming together. This is shaping up to be starting back. David Harbor was the first person. He's a voice in yours too? He's the main voice. He's the primary voice.

He had to do the most work. Everybody else only had to work for two hours, which was a big part of that. We don't have Harbor. And you didn't float Darcy. I don't think we had Darcy yet. You didn't have Darcy. I do horror. I don't think we had Darcy yet. I didn't have Darcy yet. Holy shit.

Any of the girls on the show getting freaky in there? No, no. The young boy character kind of gets freaky. That's sort of the central plot device. Okay, gets freaky, okay. And so it's a scripted drama, and it's audio only. So while he's getting freaky, is it just a long part where it's just like totally silent,

we just hear nothing? Because if you're real, like, and like we don't like to get into this stuff too much, but if you're like, if you're really like doing it, if you're real, like, and like we don't like to get into this stuff too much, but if you're like- No, we never do. If you're really like doing it, if you're like hitting it right, it should be completely silent in there.

Yeah. Yeah, nothing. If you're actually stroking, it should be more quiet, yes? Yeah. And a snowstorm. more quiet, yes? And a snowstorm. And what I'm saying a snowstorm, I mean,

you're under the snow. And it should be. But it's not that heavy a snowstorm. It's sort of like a light sort of a dusting What's the quietest one you can think of? Yeah, okay, I think nothing happening at all What about that? Let's do this. That's very quiet. Let's do that when I visit my mom. I Always have sex with my wife with the door of the bedroom open.

Because that's how good we both are at it. That's how good you're doing it. Yeah. And so mom is in the other room hearing nothing, being like, oh shit. She comes upstairs to check both our pulses. Well the door's open. So I know that there's nothing inappropriate

happening in my house, because they would have to close the door to actually get freaky. She doesn't know how skilled you are. And so, and you both are. All respect, obviously, to our wives as well, who have to participate in the silence to really make it work.

Yeah, it's a lot of equity in our relationship. That's what makes it cook. That's what made it work. Writing this together, you know, is a big challenge to work. Have you have you ever done anything creative with either of your wives? I mean, I was kind of just talking about. Yeah, we were just describing it. Something creative. I can get her so quiet

Max name is celebrated and I'll tell you if they passed or didn't respond Zach Galifianakis he's in our our show Did he I think that's in our show. Did he? I think that's beyond our aspirations even. Yeah, I don't think we would even ask. That was in your Wolf-ask. Your Wolf-ask. Way back in the day.

He sold buds with Scott. And we choose to go to the moon, not because it's easy, but because it's hard. But like some stuff is really hard sure You know Some stuff is like that's too hard. How about me? Yeah, we didn't choose to go to Mars Exactly yeah, we choose to go to the moon not because he's because it's hard But we choose not to go to Mars because it's not used to go to the moon not because it's easy

But because it's hard, but also because it's not that far yeah, because it's achievable Yes because it's easy, but because it's hard, but also because it's not that hard. Yeah, because it's achievable. Yes. And we're just like not, you know, eyes bigger than your stomach here. If this is interesting to you, you're gonna love Project Artemis, or whatever. Hail Mary. That's kinda what that's about.

What do you say if he just does the same thing over and over again, that guy? Because he, like, is the thing you're, are you slagging off some of the other I love Project Hail Mary. Competition on Audible? No, spend the thing you're, are you slagging off some of the other- I love Project Hail Mary. Competition on Audible. No, spend the credit on that. Because he also wrote Artemis, and you're like-

No, Hail Mary is great, and one of the great audio books, genuinely. Okay. But yes, that guy likes to write about science fiction problem solving, and that's fine, but it's really good. Okay. And I think Sean should spend his 14.99,

which he has, we know. It's a credit, yeah. Yeah. I don't think of it as a dollar amount when it's a credit. You know? Doesn't do anyone any good. Cause then you see a book and you go, it's on sale. You go, well, fuck, do I not use my fucking credit

because it's like on sale? But it's like, well, but I have money in there. And then it's like, well, now I gotta find the most expensive book now to use my credit on to feel like I'm getting a deal. It's like, just forget, just put it out of your mind. The credits are credits. They're magic beans.

Bye. Whoa. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast. magic beans. Bye. That was a head gum podcast.