Hollywood Handbook - Michael Showalter, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 2, 2013

Sean and Hayes help out Engineer Cody in another edition of Engineer My Career and reveal the truth on what really went on behind the scenes while filming The Godfather during Uncommon Commentary. Finally, MICHAEL SHOWALTER drops by to talk about joining the Earwolf family, recall how he had to kick Sean & Hayes out of The State, speak on the pressures of going in and out of the funny zone, share some of his favorite restaurants in town, and explain his decision to become Mr. Crystal Light.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It's not just sold to cleaning ladies or cleaning lady companies. I swear to God. No, the cleaning lady makes her own products. That's what I said too. Insane. Hey, what up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I'm Hayes Davenport. I'm here with Sean Clements. What up?

This is a podcast about Hollywoodwood the shiniest town in the whole seven seas yes we um part of what we like to do on this show we're making information free to the public yes so people can take advantage of it we like to take questions we like. The show is about helping people. We've always said, and the day it becomes something other than that is... Clip, clip, clip, clip, clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop, clip. That's our feat. That's our feat, yes.

We're walking. So one of our favorite segments... Walking away from the show. One of our favorite segments it's like a linoleum hallway and we've got on some kind of tap shoes buckle shoe or yeah one of our favorite segments is engineer my career where we let the engineer because they're doing this for free fellas they're not free but not free in exchange for in exchange for the knowledge a certain knowledge that has a certain monetary value that's well beyond what a the average podcast

engineer would make so engineer my career we have engineer cody here in the studio with us today and he's just going to lay a question on us and we're going to try to help him yeah tell us about first cody what are some of your what's your ambition because it helps us to know what you're hoping to do well after what you think you could do yeah well uh thanks for having me first of all i'm really glad to be here we know and there's also only a certain amount of time uh that we have for this segment it's a short opening segment it's not like one of our anchor okay i can i can speed it up i'll try to go quicker but i don't do this that we have for this segment. It's a short opening segment. It's not like one of our anchor segments. I can speed it up.

I'll try to go quicker, but I don't do this regularly or very often. You don't do what? T is soft and often. To talk into the microphone like this. Very unusual. Specify when you're talking about something that we don't know what it is. It helps that you specify what it when you're talking about something that we don't know what it is

it helps that you specify what it is you're talking about like voltage and stuff or are you more interested no i'm saying like when you say i don't do this often it's a lot there's a lot of things there's a lot of things you don't do often there's a lot of things you don't do often there's a lot of things you're doing at any given time that we don't know why you're doing them so so you have to be specific when you say that you don't do something. When you say, I do do this often, we know what that is. It's sleep. So you want me to be more detailed with my prepositions, what they're referring to?

Well, that's certainly not what a preposition is. But if we had all the time in the world, we'd get into whether or not what is a preposition. But unfortunately, we don't have that time. No, it's a mini seg, so we don't have that much time. We have 20 seconds. Well, essentially, I want to do that. Now, whatever that is. Okay, we're out of time.

Unfortunately, we are out of time. But I think he got a lot of great guidance, and I think we did engineer his career in the sense of at least knowing how to ask the right questions. How to ask a question, which is a very important part of getting to the next level. Can't be underestimated. Having a concise question prepared ahead of time and knowing the most basic parts of speech. So you're welcome, Engineer Cody. Let's get into the next segment. This is a very fun segment for us.

A little walk down memory lane for us. We watch these DVDs. We turn them on. They start playing. Just very quickly. Yes, thank you. DVD, it's a disc. It's a round disc.

It holds movies on it. Sometimes on the DVD, on one side it holds just the movies, and then the other side holds the movies with something, special features, like making a featurette or the original teaser that was in the theater. Yeah. Or commentary. In certain parts of the country, on the coasts and in parts of Chicago, you can go to this private club called Blockbuster

and you present them with your member's card and they will give you these DVDs. And, yes, like you were saying, a lot of these DVDs come with commentary where the filmmakers describe how they made the movies. And we thought, isn't that fun? And shouldn't we provide some commentary on some of the movies we've been involved in for our listeners? So you can hear what it was really like on the movie set. But this commentary is a little different. It's uncommon

commentary. This is uncommon commentary because a lot of what you hear on the more common commentaries is lies and... It's BS. And a bunch of... It's a bunch of hack bullshit artists telling you that they were involved in a movie that me and Hayes

really made. So I guess we'll just play the scene and we'll sort of pause it at intervals, and we'll commentate on what was actually going on behind the scenes. We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel, for help. I can't remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee. Now, he's petting that cat in this scene.

You remember that conversation? Oh, yes. I do. Well, this is, and we should let people know, this is Marlon Brando. Yes. That's the voice you hear. Not the voice he wanted you to hear. He wanted to be skinny and young

for this film. That's right. He was like, that's how people know me. That's most of my movies. He wanted to be skinny and young for this film. That's right. He was like, that's how people know me. Like, that's most of my movies. I'm skinny and I'm young. Yeah. And I speak pretty clearly. And that was the biggest fight.

So, like, yes. For example, when this guy asked him for a favor, he would say, gosh, I'd love to. Yeah. That was sort of the vibe he wanted her.

Sort of an intern vibe, yeah. Yes, exactly. Anything else i can do for you and so uh he yeah he wanted to play sort of this southern hick character um we said no we said you gotta be a heavy uh and he said well at least let me show that i love animals yeah by eating this cat. And so we went back and forth on that for a long time, and we tried a couple. There were a couple takes where he had a fork and knife, and he would be slicing up the cat and gobbling down chunks of it. And we found it so distracting.

Yeah. But it's so difficult for someone like him. If he decides that's what his character would do in this scene, it's very difficult to get him off it. So we said, do it before the scene. Eat a whole cat. Eat one before the scene and eat one after the scene. Yeah. So then your character just did that.

And he's getting ready. He's holding the cat in his lap. During the scene, you're preparing it you're sort of tenderizing it with your hand yes and you can see actually if you watch the scene he is smelling it a lot yeah and he's and he's sort of drooling and um it's funny because we did actually end up creating alf based on yes some of what brando was doing on the set. Even though my wife is godmother to your only child, but let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship,

and you were afraid to be my dad. I didn't want to get into trouble. I understand. He, as I watch this, I'm looking at his face. And remembering what he wanted to do? Yeah. Now, Brando wanted to wear Groucho glasses through the entire film. The kind with the little wind-up button inside the nose so that the eyebrows go up and down.

Go up and down, yeah. So he insisted, this guy's a big mafia man, he would say. He doesn't want to get recognized. He needs to hide his face. He's got to be in a funny disguise. Yeah. That's what he would say over and over again. What about the funny disguise?

So if you look, anytime there's an over-the-shoulder shot, you can actually see the shadow of the big novelty eyebrow and the glasses coming out. Because he did wear them for a lot of the takes, but we just lied to him about which side of the camera could see him. And you can hear the mechanism unwinding as the eyebrows go up and down. Yeah, we got a little bit out in post, but it also kind of helped the tone, I think. So yeah, to get him to not do Groucho glasses on the reverse was a big, big fight. And sometimes if that's what your actor needs to get into character, you just let him roll and you work with it like we did.

And we made a masterpiece. Now you come to me and you say, don't call me on the give me justice. But you don't ask for respect. peace. It was, there was like little misconception we had on the first day when he thought that he was actually supposed to be God's father. Yeah. That took some tap dancing. And it was clear why he would have thought that in the first place, just based on what the title of the movie is. And we went to Francis Ford and said, can we do something about this title? It kind of makes it seem like he is supposed to be God's father. But he'd already, he brought out this huge pallet of T-shirts.

And he's like, I'm underwater in these T-shirts. Like there's no. He was upside down on his T-shirt order. There's no sending these back. Yeah. And, you know, and the crew was very happy to have they were wearing that and so ultimately the t-shirt wound up being so popular it was worth the work we had to do on the a side convincing him because and he had a legitimate argument which is

a godfather is a kind of submarine sandwich yes that. That's another source of confusion. A godfather is a kind of submarine sandwich. God's father is a character I can play. And he sort of, he was like, that's like being Superman's father. And we said, well, you'll do that later. I think part of what made the t-shirts

in the movie so successful was that it was a little confusing and you had to go to sort of figure out. Well, you felt like you were in a special club. Yeah. Which is another type of submarine sandwich. You said you'd come into my house on the day my daughters to be married and you asked me to go murder. This was the biggest battle we had to pick. Yeah.

The script called for it to be his daughter's wedding day, which is what you see on the screen. Brando really felt that it should be his daughter's quinceañera. His argument holds water. A girl only has one quinceañera. It's her most special day. A lot of people these days get married. They get divorced.

They don't get married. They have kids. It doesn't matter. You can go get married at a courthouse. So wedding day is not as important. The institution of marriage as we know it is sort of falling apart. It's eroding. There are elements in society that are changing the definition of

what it used to mean something and it's no longer it doesn't really mean anything anymore thank you obama and so the point we kept making was i think it's pretty important that this guy's italian yes and it turned out we were talking about the same thing because marlin thought that being hispanic and italian was the same thing and so he didn't realize there's two kinds of people so he he came in his sombrero with his mexican jumping beans and he's like all right i'm ready to to do this part and it just you know it was a lesson learned it just became like one of those things where you realize you are on you've been on the same page all along mother i ask you for justice that is not justice your daughter is still alive

living to suffer then as she suffers. We remember directing him because he was so scared of this guy. Yeah. Brando was so scared of the other guy in the room. He looks like he's going to punch me. Yeah, he was really worried about getting punched. And we were like, well, you're supposed to command

a sort of authoritative, like he's supposed to be scared of you, but you like with your teeth chattering like that and like sort of hiding under the desk and shivering, that's not really coming through as much. And he had his lines down. He was like getting all his lines, but he was doing most of them from under the desk. Yeah. And so the audio that you hear is all from him being under the desk. And then when you see him, we actually had to get that guy out of the room. And bring his mom in. And bring his mommy in.

So he's sitting up looking at his mommy in a lot of the visual parts of the film where he's on camera. And then when he's speaking, he's nailing it. I think he nails the lines, the vocal performance. But it's all from under the desk. Yes, because when he's talking to his mom, the vocal performance wasn't really working because he was speaking very sweetly.

Yes. He was doing a little bit of this. But, Mommy, your daughter's still alive. That's not justice. Yeah, it was a lot like that. And then, I think at this point, the movie

ended because he wandered off. And the shoot was basically over at that point, and we were able to patch it together from stuff from his other movies. But Brando got lost. Yeah, there was, I guess, an open sewer grate. He got one foot caught in, and then he reached his head and hands in to get that foot free and wound up getting his whole body in there. And he lived down there for a while.

It wasn't until we were filming The Godfather 3, actually, that we saw him again. And he built a life for himself down there. But he also adjusted back to society pretty well, I think. He had put on a lot of weight. When he came back up, he was much heavier from eating goldfish and hamsters and household pets. Crocodiles. Yeah, eating a bunch of crocodiles, yes. That's uncommon commentary.

Now you know. Now when you watch the movie again, you have a little more... A feel for what was going on on set. Yes. We have a very good guest today, I think. That's right. Michael Showalter is here from the Stellas, from the States. Some of the greatest comedy troops to ever do it.

We have a great conversation with him coming up on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, these guys are all coming up to me and I'm like, just because you own me in your fantasy podcasting league doesn't mean you own me. I'm not accountable to you. You know? I'm going to do what I'm going to do

to, like, to succeed in podcasting and, like, this is something that I'm going to do what I'm going to do to succeed in podcasting. And this is something that I'm not even aware of. You know, I appreciate it. I love that you're fans, but that's not my focus. It's so hard to educate them. What up, what up? What up, what up?

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Heck of a guest. Heck of a guest. Heck of a guest today. Really big guest today. A really close friend of ours. Michael Showalter's here. Michael Showalter.

It's great to be here. Sometimes we like to help out. This is sort of an anchor podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Okay. What does that mean? this is sort of an anchor podcast Hollywood Handbook and when Earwolf the other podcasts on this network are loss leaders

and there's the one podcast that sort of it's the case with Nerdist and that podcast and all the others there's one podcast that kind of funds the rest of the network so it's like you guys are like Big Bang Theory on CBS. Yes, I'm like the Big Bang Theory.

You're the money maker. We keep the doors open so the other podcasts can find their feet, hopefully. And they can experiment with passion projects and things like that because they always have us. The money's coming in. I get it. Well, that's great.

So we thought we'd have you on because you have your new podcast that you're doing on the Earwolf channel. Tell us about that. Speak on that. You're basically saying financed by you guys. Yes. No way, yeah. It's a podcast called Cat Matters because cats matter. That's great.

Yep. Cat Matters because cats matter. That's great. Yep. And we're going to have listeners call in and we're going to just take questions and people can tell stories about their cats and talk about their cats. And we're basically just going to have people call in and they're going to talk to me about their cats. Now, there was another Earwolf podcast called PodCats. Right.

This is a point of contention with you maybe because i don't think so that if i'm not mistaken was mark maron's actual cats talking talking to each other yeah i don't think that's the same i'm not too but how do you in the shadow of that podcast how do you carve out your own space when they sort of said all there was to say? I just am not familiar enough with it to even comment on it. I think that's a great attitude. Yeah. Yeah. Just pretend you don't know what it is.

Pretend it never existed. But I think that Mark's going to be the first guest on my show. Okay. He'll be here. Wow. Which I think is fitting because he is a very well-known cat-loving person. I would have gotten Mark Twain, but he's not alive. Oh, no.

Okay. That is wicked. Honestly, that is wicked. Sick. So maybe I'll talk to him about podcats when he and I chat. I don't want to be up inside that brain. Some weird twisted stuff. Some of the twisted stuff.

Now, Michael, you and I go a ways back, and I was recently thinking about an exchange we've had that comes up for me every so often just about this business, and we were outside the Fire and Ice charity ball, the paparazzo's clicking away, and I got frigging pissed. And I gave one of them a good shove, and I said, God, I hate this business sometimes.

And you put your arm around me, and you pointed at your brand new Ford F-150, and you said, yeah, but the toys are nice. I did say that, didn't I? Do you know what that meant to me? Speak on that. Speak on that. Speak on what that meant to me?

Speak on that thing you said and what it meant to Sean. Well, I'd really like to know what Sean, what did it mean to you? What did it mean to you, Sean? Well, it's just so easy to lose sight, I think, of what I got into this for. And when you're in the midst of network notes and your hands crammed up from signing autographs and you're just sick of it and you're just over it. Sometimes you've got to take a deep breath and go, but the toys are nice. But the toys are nice.

But the toys are nice. But the carvings, the shavings. Yes, the shavings. The shavings. The shavings. Thank you. It's like the work is the haircut. The process going through that is the haircut. But then after, you get to sweep it all up.

And you get a big bag of hair. And you get to keep it. You get to keep the hair. Yeah. Oh, and it's so true. It's so true, you guys. Well, I mean, no one knows it better than you guys, right? Because you're old pros.

Yeah, guilty. We were talking the other day about when you guys kicked us out of the state for cracking people's shit up too hard. Right. No one could get through a sketch. Yes. If you could speak on that, if you remember. I remember. I mean, i remember it um

it was the second season and we uh we we wanted to open it up and bring in some new people um we had we did some auditions and stuff if i'm remembering correctly you guys were meeting only and uh you guys you guys blew us away you brought in some characters you brought in some sketch ideas and um and then when we started doing it i do remember that you guys were literally just it was the material that you guys were doing it was too funny that was the actual feeling amongst the group was just that what you guys were bringing to the table was too funny. And you said, I remember, so it turns out there is such a thing. That's perfect. Yeah, I think that was during Hayes' jerk-off robot sketch.

He's the robot that says, why do you want so much jerk-off? And I think I remember that no one could keep their shit together. No, No. It was a laugh out loud funny moment. His catchphrase was hilarious. Why don't you say the catchphrase? Mm-hmm. Does not compute boner buffering buffering.

And it was a long catchphrase. It was a long catchphrase And it was a long catchphrase. It was a long catchphrase. It was a long catchphrase. It had a lot of pauses in it. The pause at the front, I think, is the most important one of that catchphrase. But I mean, we knew, yeah, the front pause was the best pause. But we knew when we heard does not compute buffering, buffering,

that we had something. We had the next church lady on our hands when we heard that. And for some of the group members, it was a little intimidating. There's a question from the popcorn gallery, sort of an old standard question that we like to ask. Yeah. We have a popcorn gallery whenever we have a Hollywood celebrity guest that a lot of our listeners don't have access to. We let them sort of pose questions on the web and then we'll ask them. And that's the popcorn gallery. That's what the popcorn gallery is. And it's sort of a twist on the traditional peanut gallery.

But at the movies, they serve popcorn. I see. And that question is... Do you want to reach into the popcorn gallery first? Well, yeah. Just let me finish saying. And that question is, and then you'll reach into it okay great and that question is oh yummy this is a question from bird rules uh how do you get into the funny zone like how you make that, how do you cross that space

from just being Michael Showalter to stepping inside the funny zone when you're on stage or when the cameras are on? Right, that's such a good question. It's, um... And he's just shaking his head. I'm just so wasn't ready for that.

I just wasn't ready to go that deep. He's starting to tear up a little bit. It's pretty hard. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't ready for that. I just so wasn't ready to go that deep. He's starting to tear up a little bit. It hits pretty hard. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't. I thought we were going to come here and have a few laughs. Sure. A lot of people say that. And then all of a sudden you hit me with a question like that.

First of all, let me say, there's no one right way to do it. Everyone has their process. Thank you. I'm a guy that likes to just, you know, get quiet. I just like to get quiet right before I'm about to go on stage. Just zone out all the noise, all the lights, and breathe. And then, boom. Let's do this.

It's showtime. You just open your eyes back up and you're there. Boom. I heard you even turn your phone off. Oh, sure. I'm amazed by that. I can't do it. Yeah.

I'm connected to the GD thing. It's part of my hand now, basically. I literally think it's an addiction. I literally think it should be classified as an addiction at this point, checking your phone. Yes, it should be. That's how extreme it's gotten. People should go to jail. Yeah.

Phone jail. One thing I like to say, if you look at your phone in front of me when I'm talking to you, that's like inviting another person into the conversation. You know what I mean? And that's rude. You should never do that. And would you do that? I don't think you always would. And so that's something to really think about. And so, you know, people should go to jail.

How do you get back out of the funny zone? Same way you got in. Same way you got in turn it off just take a get a quiet moment check in with yourself and boom now you're back in back down to reality from being up on on the top of the mountain yeah turn your phone back on i find it hurts sometimes going in and out it's like wolverine's claws, you know, every time it's like his superpower, you know, it's what it hurts him when he does it. It hurts him every single time he does it, but it takes something away from me. It's killing a little part of yourself every time you give that much.

Yes. Yeah, exactly. Because it doesn't, you know, you're giving it, you're taking it, but you're not you, you're, you're, you're everybody. It's basically, I'm going to be everybody. I'm going to give you the gift of me. I'm going to let you eat me alive. And it hurts.

It hurts me, but it helps you. Yes, because without the clock, how could you save the day? How could you become a superhero? Yeah, and this isn't meant to be offensive, but I think it struck me. You said, I'm going to let you eat me. I'm going to let you gobble me up. And so in a way, it's like what Jesus did, but only more so because we're doing it all the time.

It's even braver than maybe what Jesus said. That's exactly what Jesus did. And he just doing it all the time. Yes. It's even braver than maybe what Jesus said. That's exactly what Jesus did. Yeah. And he just did it the one time. He was like, gobble me up, and then he peaced out. Stepped away. Yeah. Yes. Because he probably knew what we know now, which is it really hurts.

Right. Whereas we've done, this is like our seventh or eighth episode of this thing. And him just doing one episode, basically, into like one podcast episode. You could say his life was one very good podcast. One very good podcast. An excellent podcast episode. A great premiere,

but if you don't follow it up, really, what is that? Now, Michael, we know you're a bit of a foodie. That's sort of your reputation around town. Yep. And you like to do of a foodie. That's sort of your reputation around town. Yep. And you like to do your famous restaurant reviews.

That's right. What are some of the hottest restaurants in town that you've been enjoying eating at lately? Yeah. There's an amazing new Tex-Mex place in WeHo called Colonel Billy's Wheelbag. Oh, wow. Okay, I've heard about this. I haven't been able to go and check it out. Colonel Billy's Wheelbag.

They make it tough to say on purpose. And it's Tex-Mex, and it's just some of the best darn barbecue you've ever had. Wow. And that's interesting, because I don't normally consider barbecue to be a Tex-Mex food. You don't? No. What is it? What genre of food would you classify barbecue as? Well, I think it could be considered a genre in itself.

Okay. And this is just me. I'm not coming from the same food background as you are. I go to culinary school. Wait, so you're saying that if you went to a city and you wanted to know where the good barbecue was, you would, because if it were me, I would just say, what's the good Tex-Mex? What's the good Tex-Mex? Where's the Tex-Mex

at? Where's the Tex-Mex at? Knowing that the answer to that question would lead me to the best barbecue. Are you saying you'd say, where can I get good barbecue in this town? And I sort of betray myself as a gringo. I get a lot of looks when I say, where's the best barbecue? And they know. They send me to

whatever, like the non-local place. If you're in San Antonio, Texas, which is known for its Tex-Mex. Have you been? I haven't been there. But if you go to San Antonio, Texas, right, and you go in there and you say, tell me where the good barbecue is, they're going to laugh at you.

They're going to laugh in your face. Sure. They'll send you to whatever. They'll send you to whatever chain barbecue place there is. Sure. You want to find the real place? Say where's the good Tex-Mex. So I'm telling you the best Tex-Mex in L.A. is in WeHo,

and it's called Captain Billy's Wheelbag. Yeah, and then the new place they open, Uncle Billy's Wheelbag, is right around the corner, and you're saying it's almost as good. It's almost as good. It's almost as good. It's a different vibe. It's a different vibe. Smaller tables. Smaller tables.

Smaller menu. Like a kind of a less dress-up-y. Captain Billy's is kind of dress-up-y. Yeah, and I love the less dress-up-y because it's like, get me out of this monkey suit. You want to eat and run. I'm just so sick of wearing this monkey suit. When I can take my work tux off after a long day, it's a nice feeling. And that's the truth.

I earned it. When's the last time you, do you remember the last time you paid for a meal in this town? Think back. It happens more often than you'd think Really? Because you have to treat everyone else? Well, that Or there are

Depending on You know Let's put it this way Sometimes I'm incognito Ah So the last time Michael Showalter paid for a meal Was a long time ago But maybe the last time Michael Showalter paid for a meal was a long time ago, but maybe the last time, uh, what is your-

Mickey, Mickey Shywalker. No, it's Steve Bronson. Steve Bronson. Yeah. Tough name. Yep. Tough name. Wouldn't want to mess with him.

And how do you, what sorts of disguises do you affect? And I spell Steve S-T-E-P-H. Oh. And do people say Steph and you correct them? They say Steph and I say it's actually pronounced Steve. Oh, wow. That's a good power play. Yes.

Because right away you're telling them, hey, you're wrong. So they go, table two, Steph Bronson. And I say, that's Steve Bronson. I'm not a dick about it. I understand why they pronounce it that way. It looks like it should be pronounced. I say the PH is actually pronounced V, Steve. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be on the other side of that, though.

Yeah. Disguises. Oftentimes, it's a beard, just a goatee, no mustache, just the bottom part, dark glasses and then the the wool hat the the ski hat

good and cause you famously don't have a beard and so they say yeah it's like it's a goatee it's a thick goatee just a goatee

and I look kind of like a beatnik you know like the oh cool yeah so I don't know

it's like I just sometimes I don't want to be bothered you know and so on those nights that I don't want to be bothered, you know, and so on those nights that I don't want to be bothered but I want to go out, I put on the costume and I'm Steve Bronson. And I pay. I'll pay. Michael, New York or L.A.?

Oof. The eternal question. Rough. Oh. New York or L.A here i'm there when i'm there i'm here when i'm here i'm there that is so true what about you what about you guys geez i mean how many times have we had this conversation yeah i feel like i flip-flop every every freaking day i think the weather is better in la uh and i stand by that you've got the mountains it depends how you define better okay go ahead go ahead yeah you got the mountains and you've got the water but in New York, the energy, right? Sure.

The immediacy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I would go L.A. And I disagree with that because I think they're both great. And so that's what we fight about. He says L.A., and I just say that they're both great. And so we've gone back and forth on it a number of times.

I just think they're both really great cities. It's not a competition. Yeah, there's no, there doesn't need to be a winner. I throw San Francisco in there as another great city. Absolutely. Sure.

Vienna. Nolans. Vienna. Love Nolans. Vienna. The sausages in Vienna are incredible. The music scene in Vienna.

The vibrant, vibrant music scene. Because you're something of a raver, am I right? Oh, I mean, not as much as I used to be, I'll be honest. But yeah, I'm absolutely, at least once a week, once a year, I'm sorry, I will go out and rave. And you're still candy flipping.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Now, you obviously have said no to some lucrative commercial offers. Yes, yes. But at the same time, we understand that you're branching into advertising and actually becoming a spokesperson for a pretty big company. Scoop Troop, get your pens out.

Right. We're going to bust this wide open. Yes. You've decided to become mr crystal light and i want to hear from you what went into making that decision and uh why this campaign appealed to you uh when so many others didn't pass muster um crystal light was was i'll be honest with you they were willing to pony up the Benjamins sure

yeah refreshing to hear someone be I mean I like the product I like the product I'm not I would never endorse a product that I don't at its core like

I absolutely like it it's a good tasting drink it's refreshing it's I think it's delicious it's easy to use it's affordable it's i think it's delicious um it's easy to use um it's affordable it's healthy but at the end of the day you know yeah they put money in my pocket and i said yes

but as i said i endorse i think it's a good product and i'm not doing national i'm not on i don't i don't know if you if if you saw what did you get a press release or something what I think it's a good product. And I'm not doing national. I don't know if you saw. What did you get, a press release or something? How did you know about this? My assistant, Blenjamin, has a girl he used to date who works inside their marketing department. Okay, so I'm not on screen. Did they tell you that? I didn't get the details.

I'm not on screen. I'm not even in voice. It's an animated. The character is an animated version of me. Mr. Crystal Light is just a cartoon character that I helped them create. You put on the ping pong ball suit and move around and they sort of mimic your movement. Correct. But I don't do the voice and it doesn't look like me.

But I created the way the character moves. I created his attitude. I created his point of view. Who is doing the voice? You know, I don't know. I don't know. I know that they were out to, I want to say Tobey Maguire.

I don't know if he's doing it or not. I'm sorry, he can doing it or not that would be I'm sorry he can't do you that would be huge for him well he would be doing he wouldn't be doing me he would be doing

Mr. Crystal Light I'm just saying if the attitude was created by you and you're going to put Tobey in there it's going to I agree

there's a cognitive dissonance well he gives it a certain sincerity and earnestness that I can't do I'm too I'm intrinsically too sarcastic

and I know that they were looking for. I'm intrinsically too sarcastic. And I know that they were looking for Mr. Crystal Light to have a certain sincerity and earnestness about him. They liked the physicality that I gave them. They liked the whole take that I created for the character. But I don't think that when I did the voice, I actually don't think it tested well. That's the honest truth. It didn't test well.

I thought of a joke while you were talking. If they want earnestness, why don't they get Jim Varney? Speak on that joke, Michael. Me speak on it? Yeah, I'd love to hear you speak on it. Well, I feel like it's a reference to Ernest, the character of Ernest. Ernest P. Warhol, yeah.

Is that his name? Yeah. It just seems like a very funny joke. He took it. He's using. I guess it's a pun. Yeah. Big time.

I think it's hilarious what you just did. I think it's hilarious what you just did. Mutual admiration society here. Yeah. It's fun to see. What else? yeah it's fun to see what else so well I mean is there is there anything

while you have this platform that you wanted to plug or is there anything you have coming down the pike you're excited about something you've directed

something you're in a tour I am in an indie film that I'm very excited about it's an ensemble comedy edgy I am in an indie film that I'm very excited about. It's an ensemble comedy. Edgy.

Sort of in the vein of a, like, Drinking Buddies or something, that kind of a thing. Yes. Kind of an edgy generational. We know him. And it's called Hands of Meat. Ooh. All right. Hands of Meat. What an interesting title.

And M-E-A-T. And the main character, I don't play the main character, but the main character is a guy who has hands that are made out of meat. Now, did they find someone with meat hands, or did they? No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. It's all special effects. Yeah.

So that's actually Elijah Wood plays that character. Wow. And he's really, really good. I could see him really disappearing into a part like that. And it's a really cool cast. I'm in it and a bunch of other great people. God, but you had to work around Wilfred. Nightmare scheduling.

To work around Wilfred? God. I mean, that show. To put a juggernaut like that on pause and to go and make a meat hands movie. I mean, I get it. It's an independent film.

It's art. He's really dedicated. Well, it had a good budget. It's an independent film, but that term is, you know, it had a good budget. What does that even mean anymore what does it even i mean we we were over 12 million on the budget it's a big i mean it was it was it felt like a studio movie but it's technically called independent even for 12 mil um but he's he's great and the main hands are very realistic what What was the process for it? Like put some green gloves?

It's turkey. Oh, it's just turkey. It's turkey meat. Wow. I could see. So they just had real turkey. I mean, it's not even a special effect. They literally just had.

Wow. Every day they'd have new turkey hands. It's a special effect only in that it's like unusual and good. The special effect is mostly just some touch-ups in post. But it's just turkey. So one last thing on the movie, I guess. You had some love scenes with Taylor Momsen, and I understand they're not simulated.

And I just want to talk about, is that uncomfortable for you? Is it old hat at this point? Very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Yeah. She's not attractive enough for you. We were, well, we are, it is simulated. We're wearing nude underwear.

So there's no, it is totally simulated. Okay. That's a rumor. No, that's a rumor. That is a rumor. I'm married, happily married. No, we're wearing nude underwear in all of those scenes. Well, it's very realistic.

It is, no, and the director did a great job. And Taylor was great and very, like, we had a good time shooting the scenes, but it's not, it's all acting. Does your wife like to be on set for stuff like that? Or does she like to let you do your job and then when you come home, you're her husband again? Yes. We keep work and our home life very separate. So she does her thing.

I do mine. And she'll see the movie. Sure. When we have a premiere, she'll come see it and everything. She read the script and all that stuff. So she knows all about it. But no, she wouldn't have been comfortable watching those scenes. Pretty intense.

And I was uncomfortable. I'll be honest. It's not easy doing a sex scene. It's not easy and it's uncomfortable.'ll be honest it's not easy doing doing a sex scene it's not easy and it's uncomfortable we had to close the set so it was just me her

and the director and the and the that was it something good I've heard about sex scenes that Denzel Washington said

and then Joseph Gordon-Levitt said that he said it was and I just in terms of talking about getting an erection during them is to say to the female I apologize if I do and I apologize if I don't

and when Joseph Gordon-Levitt said that Denzel said that I thought man what a line can you explain that what that means to people who might not understand i i get it i understand what it means but if people don't i would love to hear like what what that is talking about

yeah absolutely no yeah i'm sorry thick-headed of me to think that people would just get it. If you're built in the way that Michael and I and Hayes as well are built, and you become aroused during a scene like that. Totally. It's obvious. People are going to know it. Yes. And it can be a little uncomfortable, a little uncomfy, but it can also be flattering for a woman to know that she is aroused you like that

although that's right although dirty secret it's never really about her um but it can be offensive uncomfortable so uh so what they're saying is all my bases are covered. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt said that Denzel said that, that he apologizes if he does or he apologizes if he doesn't. So you can't really be mad. You can't lose either way. That's right. Then that's what that means. Yeah.

That's definitely right. Michael, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks to you guys. Review us on iTunes. Talk to us on the forums. Buy the pro version. Buy the pro version. That's it.

Bye. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.