Hollywood Handbook - Nick Thune, Our Close Friend
Episode Date: February 24, 2014Sean and Hayes start out the show talking about how the Oscars are a really exciting time in Tinseltown. They share some great tips for scoring a date to the big night with an A-list celebrit...y. Then, cool guy NICK THUNE joins the guys to discuss movies, his personal injuries, how it's possible to do comedy and music at the same time, and jump into the popcorn gallery to discuss TV show failures and other fan questions.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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this is a head gum podcast
and people are like people start telling me about like diablo cody and stuff
like she's like an actor like a writer director or something and not our engineer Cody. Like, that's Diablo Cody.
Okay.
He's like not the devil, and he's like a Spanish guy.
So if we say he's Diablo Cody,
and then we put his name on some scripts as a joke.
Ugh, frustrating.
What up, what up?
What up, what up?
This is Hollywood Handbook,
an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names
in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
I'm Hayes. I'm here with Sean.
We live in Los Angeles and we work there in the entertainment industry.
And we talk about how to achieve your own success in that field on this podcast.
Best city in the world.
Well, it's Oscar season and they're going to start handing out those awards.
Now, we do know some people who are not invited to the ceremony.
Hayes and I kind of don't go sometimes because it's just so long.
It's gotten really long.
And I'm sick of giving speeches.
I'm going to go hoarse and not be able to shout action on the set.
But some people like going to the ceremony ceremony and they've asked us for tips on
how to get in and i would say if you're not invited because you made a hit movie or 10 hit movies like
me and hayes each at least minimum then you probably are going to want to be someone's oscar
date yes and what that is it's like someone takes you either as a friend or romantically to an engagement.
Oh, yes. For people who live in the Midwest and just marry the first person they see.
People out here will date sometimes before they get married and will take that date to a function.
that date to a function. When you would maybe go to a square dance or something,
we're going then to the Oscars. Or like the slop line. It would be like the equivalent of asking your neighbor, would you like to wait in the slop line with me?
Yeah. If they want to sit with you at the slop line and maybe share an apple core or something,
that's kind of, we'll take them to a restaurant, Movies Bistro, something
nice. Now, how do you get a date like that? Well, a lot of very glamorous women are going to the
Oscars and have to bring a date for fear of shame. But also a lot of people are sometimes afraid to ask them.
Yes.
You might think, oh, I could never ask Angelina Jolie.
I could never ask Anna Faris to go to this big event.
She won't want to take me. But you forget everyone's thinking that because everyone's so intimidated by these beautiful, fantastic women that they're nervous.
Everyone's so intimidated by these beautiful, fantastic women that they're nervous.
And they get those butterflies in their bread box and they aren't able to just get up the nerve and ask them.
So this segment we call Just Oscar Already.
It's O-S-K, combination of osk from Oscars and osk like talking to someone like when you ask someone in a question way yeah yeah uh and it's a her because this is a show for uh straight men and
lesbians so how do you like what's the first step how how do you go about asking one of these famous
actresses to this big to the the biggest party of the year?
Sure.
Easy for us to say.
Everyone wants to go with us.
Yes.
But for some people, they really got to get up the nerve to ask her.
So I would say one thing you may want to do is find out where Helen Mirren lives.
Go sabotage her car so that it swerves and smashes into something.
Now you're following behind.
Maybe it smashes, catches fire.
You're there with the extinguisher, and you let her out.
Now you saved her, and you go, hey, are you going to the Oscars with anyone,
or could I ask you right now?
She's going to be charmed.
The least she can do is to say yes to going with you,
and her husband died in the crash,
and so that's one date out of the way.
Yeah, I guess you need a date.
Suddenly she has an extra ticket.
And you might say, well, what if something really bad happens
and she doesn't survive the crash?
Right, well, if she doesn't survive the crash then,
now you're Helen Mirren.
So congratulations, because you got a bunch of dough, very respected, get to be in some movies, and you're going to the Oscars.
And now someone's going to have to ask you.
Well, one obvious way to get a date to the Oscars is marrying Amy Adams.
Well, what's a way to go about doing that?
I'd say a good first step would be to get in good with her mom.
She really trusts her mom a lot,
and her mom might mention you in conversation at some point
as someone who would be a good fit for Amy Adams.
Women listen to their moms.
The mother-daughter relationship is sacred,
and so you might want to give her mom a real good fucks in.
And if you pound her out just right, man, she ain't going to be able to keep her mouth shut about it.
She's going to owe you one big time.
Oh, yeah.
And she's going to be running her mouth all over town and don't think that Amy's not going to get jealous and want a little taste of what that was like.
And then at that point, when she comes up and says, like, can I get that?
You're going to want to Oscar to the Oscars.
First, just Oscar to marry you.
And then at the ceremony, you know, just sneak it into your vows.
So these are just some really good tips that you can use.
And we must have some more.
Sure, absolutely. tips that you can use and we must have some more sure absolutely well another cool thing that you might want to do is you know you go down the list who gets the most oscars merlin streep
now you go down the list and it only really takes one for you to realize that merlin streep gets
all the oscars all the time and so that's the best date to have because you end up carrying the most stuff in
your car. So what you're going to want to do, you know, she's got a lot of Oscars.
But where'd all her polish go in her house? Exactly. Maybe somebody snuck in at night to take her Oscar polish away.
You're going to want to get a ring
with a very sharp diamond on it.
Cut a small hole in one of her windows
on the ground floor.
Then you get a suction cup attached to the window.
Pull that circle out.
It does pluck right out.
Reach in, unlock the window, lift it,
sneak in, tippy-toe into the polished closet.
Blow some dust into the air, and that'll expose the lasers.
Step around the lasers.
Step around the lasers, go under, over, and through any which way you can.
Go to the polished closet, combination is 6, 9, 4, 20.
Open it up, and just take all the polish that you can carry.
Yeah, and then once you get it out, then you follow her to the general store
where someone has bought all the polish just recently.
Maybe it's you.
She says, but I really need that polish today.
And you go, excuse me, miss.
I couldn't help but overhear in your predicament.
And then you ask her if she wants any of your polish,
and then you ask her to repay you by making you her date.
To the Oscars.
Thank you, the Oscars.
We've got a really great guest today.
Yes.
He's a multi-talented man.
And just a real comics comic.
He likes comics?
Yes, most of his stuff is about Dan Klaus.
Chris Ware.
His humor is about Chris Ware
or Frank Miller.
I call him a real graphic novels comic.
Yes, he's a graphic novels comic
and I'm a nerd.
I'm into a lot of that shit.
Alan Moore, have you heard about him?
He changed Batman.
Changed, yes.
And he changed the way we think about cartoon comics.
And Watchmen.
And Watchmen 2.
Oh, Nick Foon is here on Hollywood Handbook.
Hollywood Handbook.
Good.
So, I said the same thing you said.
Yeah.
I was like, you can elect me all you want.
It doesn't mean I'm going to actually be your senator for this garbage fucking state.
Right.
You know?
It's just a name they like, so they write it in, they write it in.
They don't realize that now I have paperwork to do.
Just because you live in California doesn't mean it's like you consider it your home.
Not at all.
Antigua.
That's for me.
Hey!
What up, what up?
What up, what up?
Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in
the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
Really exciting guest today.
Man, we really have a guest for sure with you for today.
And we're so fired up about having him and
we're going to talk to him and
now he's on the show.
Nick Thune is here.
He's a stand-up
comedian.
Well, what is it?
What does this say? Read this.
Cody!
Cody, get over here.
Cody, look at what you did.
Look at this note card.
What is that?
A guitar player and a stand-up comedian?
Which one is it?
Both.
Okay.
Nick, I'm so sorry about this.
Cody apparently thinks you could be both a guitar player and a stand-up
we all know that people
have to specialize
that's like saying that you're
friggin' Bo Jackson
actually that's funny
a lot of people do
hi by the way
hi Nick
we say what up what up here
oh okay
did the guests say that or is that just what you guys say?
No, just us.
We're just telling you what we say.
Don't be thrown when we don't say hi.
Yeah.
So it's funny you say Bo Jackson.
A lot of people actually call me the Bo Jackson of comedy.
Hmm.
Why?
Speak on that.
I play baseball and I play football.
Yeah.
Not professionally on the side.
But during comedy, because he played baseball and football,
and I play guitar and tell jokes, both professionally.
Nick, look at you.
Yeah.
When it was happening, I didn't even look.
I never thought, oh, I'm like Bo Jackson.
Right.
I'm a huge fan of cartoon football.
When I was younger, I played a lot of Tecmo Bowl.
I was a huge fan of Bo Jackson and Tecmo Bowl.
In fact, I go on record saying
probably one of the best cartoon football players out there.
Cartoon football today has gotten so...
You see these kids playing playing in Best Buy and stuff
and it almost looks like
real cartoons.
Yes, I think that
cartoon football
has gotten almost
too realistic
looking and too commercial
sort of for me and I wish I could go
back to the old days of
Bo Jackson cartoon football.
Yeah.
Well, they don't make them like they made Bo.
You know, that, and it's frustrating because when a guy goes down in his prime like that,
and, you know, Bo Jackson, the Bo Jackson, got injured.
Cartoon Bo Jackson, he's still playing as great as he was when he started.
He's still as good.
You've got to blow into the back of the cartridge. Cartoon Bo Jackson, he's still playing as great as he was when he started. He still is good.
You've got to blow into the back of the cartridge.
And you know he won, I think, was it three years ago?
This is an actual record, NFL Hall of Fame, best cartoon football player.
Yes.
I think that was just it.
It was best cartoon football player.
And so that, you know, he's good at it. For people who live in sort of the middle of the country who maybe don't know exactly what we mean, on the coast where we have advanced technology, they have almost these virtual reality machines where you can play cartoon sports on them.
Yes, almost close, but no cigar cartoon game inventors.
But yeah, we can play cartoon sports on those.
Football.
What else do they have?
I've seen, I think, almost every sport.
There's a hacky sack one where you hacky sack, you can surf.
And can you do a wicked jester when you're doing that hacky sack one?
Oh, yeah, you can come out both sides. And here's what I noticed about all these cartoon games.
When you start off, you're not good.
And then a day or two in, you get good.
And you see the player kind of grow.
And it's like a rookie season.
And I've never had a rookie in any of the games that would have won an award like rated rookie uh for don russ or um
rated rookie um or what was it in um what's that other award they give out the upper deck
or tops yeah like the tops player yeah yeah um i remember that i've never had that first year
player you know for me it's always second is second day kind of where they really kind of come out and they start learning the rules and which buttons to press and you know um i'm i'm
a huge fan of cartoon football but then i'm i also love like um rod tidwell you know rod tidwell
oh yeah yeah he was in a different kind of... A movie. A live action movie.
Movies football. Movies football.
And let's talk a little bit about movies football and even movies sports.
Because you were telling us that you attended the ceremony where I guess Mr. Cuba Gooding received an award for best movies football man.
Yeah, he actually won the best.
And you know the catch he did, the one right before he did the backflip?
Oh, yeah.
He caught that
on the sixth take so he's that good yeah and because you know movies football it's different
because you know they call it what they call training camp and and and getting what do they
call that in in football where you get um bought what do they, they elect you to be,
they,
I'm throwing words out.
Coaching or,
yeah. No,
no,
when you get drafted.
Oh,
okay,
right.
you know,
in movies football,
the auditions a lot,
you know,
they call drafting auditioning.
And you go out,
and you do your workouts,
and they check out your height,
and your weight,
and your vertical.
and Cuba fought out a lot of other really great wide receivers for that movie.
Now, I'm sorry to interrupt, but isn't it more impressive to do movies football
because you actually were just trying to probably do acting
and now you're being made play football?
Whereas in a football game,
everyone has been playing football.
Well, here's what happened.
So Jerry Maguire came out.
Cuba Gooding Jr. spun everybody's heads around.
They'd never seen a receiver work like that in a movie.
And so Oakland Raiders got on the phone
and they said,
we want to audition Cuba to be on our team.
And they sent him the sides.
He read the script for the season.
Yeah.
And I forgot who wrote the script that season.
I think it was – it could have been Scorsese.
It could have – it's hard to say who wrote the script that season for the Oakland Raiders.
They didn't make it all the way to the Super Bowl because the writer didn't think that that was right for those players
and for what their motivations were in the payoff.
Well, they would have gotten the right lesson.
Of movies you could get away with.
It didn't always have to be a happy ending like it does now
where every team always wins.
Yeah, and when Kuber read the script,
he saw first scene, first page, he gets paralyzed.
Okay. In the first game, first page read the script, he saw first scene, first page, he gets paralyzed. Okay.
In the first game, first page of the script.
And he just didn't know, maybe for the rest of my life I want to deal with some wheelchair, paying people to help me out.
Scorsese wrote The Raiders.
Yeah, and people will team up.
And like this last year.
Steve Zalian and Sorkin are getting together and they're writing with Quentin.
You know who wrote The Seahawks this year?
Oh, I can't wait for this scoop.
Who was it?
It's a ghostwriter.
Oh, okay.
They said, and this is one of those things where you hear it and you don't believe it.
They said Eddie Murphy wrote it.
And he's never really written a movie.
He comes in and gives notes and they change a lot.
But he ghost-wrote it.
Really?
I saw that.
That makes so much sense.
Because he's playing all the players.
That would explain why that was the case.
Well, that's why Cuba
him and Cuba
are old buds
and you know
have you heard the term
ghost writing the script
where you're writing a script
and you get out of it
you stand alongside the script
and you just run out
yeah
and that's what
you know
he just never got back in
and somebody else sat down
and wrote all of it
then he finally came back
and he sat back down
at the end
and wrote the last period
and wrote the end
yeah
mmm
Bo Jackson people call you Bo Jackson the Bo Jackson of comedy and he sat back down at the end and wrote the last period and wrote the end.
Bo Jackson,
people call you Bo Jackson.
The Bo Jackson of comedy.
Well, I made this documentary called Disarmed
and it really kind of
encapsulates this time in my life
where I broke my arm,
two places,
elbow, wrist.
I was carrying a pizza.
I was walking across
a cobblestone road.
I tripped on a trolley track.
You've heard the story. Yuck, yuck, yuck I tripped on a trolley track. You've heard the story.
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
I can't, I can't.
You've heard it.
My skin crawled.
Too scary.
You just can't.
And the doctor, you know, because I play guitar and I do tell jokes.
And, you know, I went in to the doctor and he said I was probably never going to play guitar again for about six weeks.
Okay.
And so it's called this armed because you could only use this arm during the...
Disarmed.
Walk me through that.
It's sort of an urban flavor to this arm.
Dissing armed robbers, dissing armed grocery stores.
Right.
And ultimately disarmed, that arm, it doesn't...
You've sort of realized it didn't really matter.
What a strong lesson.
Speaking of lessons, if you could teach someone out there who's listening who wants to do stand-up comedy,
if you could give them sort of a starter kit of tools to take with them on this long journey,
what would you say would be the most important thing to start with?
I'd say the first thing you got to do is you got to pick one out.
You know, you go out, you pick one out.
And you don't have to take lessons, but you do have to learn how to read music.
What do you look for when you're choosing one for funniness?
I go with wood.
That's funny.
You know, I like wood.
I like there to be a strap on it.
Oh, okay.
I'm liking this.
All right.
I think that's about as far as we go on that.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't need to go too deep into it.
And then it's really about
how you progress the progression you know and and for me it's like uh gcd or what you would call
145 which is just you're taking the element of um the structure yeah you know and and you're
really creating what the beatles created and you're creating what Richard Pryor, who they call the Beatles of black comedy.
What you're doing is you're creating an ambiance and an environment for people to be able to open up and be somebody that they aren't and listen.
And it's hard to explain this because it's something you feel.
Well, for instance, Bo Jackson, when he was in eighth grade, he dunked a stick.
He picked up a stick and he dunked it.
Because that's all they had.
That's what they used for pencils and paints.
Yeah.
This was in the 70s.
And he dunked it through another stick.
We're talking no iPhones.
That's what they had to do back then.
No iPhones, no headphones.
They sure weren't playing cartoon football.
No phones except really home phones.
If that.
So you look at Bo and you see the dunking the stick
and you hear that he killed a pig with a rock
when he was eight years old just by throwing it at it, you know.
He caught him sliding into home.
Well, you know, back then if you wanted to play a pickup baseball game and you, you know, you grab a few pigs, you throw them out there.
Yeah, if you were a man short, you throw a pig out there, you put him on home plate, you know.
Pig's your catcher.
Yeah.
I mean, ideally you want him at third oh well i was thinking of a
really big pig yes if you've got a if you've got a pig that's in shape that can move yeah you put
him at third base just because he's going to have better instincts for that position yeah yeah we
don't want to get too bogged down and which pig goes where i've seen some coaches put the guy at
short and it's just like
I want to pull him aside
and say,
hey,
I know I'm not a coach.
I know I don't know you.
You've got to put him at third.
It's the new...
He's a great shortstop.
He's an all pro
third baseman
is what he is.
Are you like a
sabermetric guy?
It sounds like you are.
Yeah.
I really love
that sabermetric system.
It's all the money game stuff.
Like, just how sports is new.
Speak on that.
Sports, okay, they're new.
And you think that means they're fresh.
That means that they're clean.
And that's not what new means in this sense.
No.
New in this sense is dirty.
Like, when my son was born, he was fucking filthy, guys.
I mean, just the mouth on this
kid you know and yes he uh he was new though he wasn't clean you know and and then you start
taking care of the sport and and you clean it off yourself or you hire a couple guys to come in and
do it on a weekly basis tuesday mornings maybe they come around 11 sometimes 11 30 depending on
you know they're coming from over marina del re you're, you know, but, um, and, and that's baseball and that's soccer.
Right.
And you apply, yeah.
So the saber, the sabermetrics you're applying to your son and he's kind of baseball for
you.
And yes.
And, and he pooped in the womb and that's still on him.
And that's still on him.
That stuff doesn't come off.
No.
womb and that's still on them and that's still on that stuff doesn't come off no would you like to give us a quick rundown on how we have a stand-up comedy machine here if you want to do like a
oh what do you guys have a quick tutorial and like how to yeah what machine you guys have um
i don't know i just i got it at a premiere they just kind of we're handing them out yeah you know uh okay that
machine yeah you know this one it seems funny i just don't know like like yeah see now i've never
personally worked with this specific one um let me see if it i know on mine if i you know and
people say they're all the same but they're not yeah you know like I know on mine, if I... People say they're all the same, but they're not.
Yeah.
I know on mine, this sounds like...
This is probably one of the coolest things you could play.
And on this one, it doesn't sound right.
Ah.
No.
I got to try all different...
Ah.
Ah.
Yeah.
Ah.
And so, let's talk about opening, right?
You want to open strong.
And so for me, what I like to do, this is one of the opening ones I do.
Okay.
You know.
All right.
I like this guy.
You know, I'm ready to laugh.
I feel like he's my friend.
And here's the thing is, if that works, you don't want to know what's coming next.
Okay. Rel relatable much?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And that's when people are like, okay, this is something I can apply to my life.
Yes.
You know, this isn't just this guy talking about being rich and talking about, you know, what it's like to have servants.
It's like this guy is actually talking about the blue-collar guy.
Yes.
And is it maybe questioning authority a little bit
in a way that feels a little dangerous?
What, in a way that the authority wouldn't even recognize
that they were being questioned?
Yeah, and let me go back to the blue-collar guy for a second
because here's the thing, is if you're wearing blue paint
and then you put your shirt on, your collar's going to get blue.
And that's why I'm saying, for the Blue Man Group,
clean off before you put your collared shirts on.
That's the simplest way to put it.
But I think that also applies politically
to what's going on right now in the working class.
And I don't mean to get political all the time.
It's not the place of this show normally.
I don't want to stop you.
You're welcome to keep going.
It's a platform for you.
We prefer to stay out of.
If you guys don't mind, I'd like to.
This is a political joke that has been crushing.
And when I say crushing, it's getting laughs, obviously,
but at the same time, it's people are getting their minds opened.
Oh.
He doesn't know.
I'm getting it.
I just want a free tune.
See, hear that? See, he's tuning for free. He has't know. I'm getting a... I just want a free tune. See, hear that?
See, he's tuning for free.
He has no idea
what my plan is.
That...
Look it up.
And that's the closer on that joke.
And it's not that you can't afford it.
I mean, you can afford it,
but why pay the money
when there's a sap?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
That's kind of like my relationship.
Oh, this guy, everything has been handed to him on a spoon.
Yes.
And, uh-oh, there's a dark time.
But then at the same time, what?
Okay. Oh, there's a dark time. But then at the same time, what? Okay.
Oh, there's the light at the end.
Yeah.
Always a silver lining.
And, you know, I'll do those ones sometimes.
Just one-liners like that?
Oh, and you know, like, have you heard of these kind of jokes?
Oh, that's that all-influence.
Yeah, and, you know, sometimes you've got to show them the bottom so they know there's a top.
Mm-hmm.
Because there is no bottom, there is no top.
And that's a fear, I think, that a lot of audiences have.
They don't know, is there a way out, is there a way in?
Now, Bo Jackson...
Did I walk here, or did they bring me here?
Bo Jackson, we've often said on this show that comedy is only surprises.
Speak on that.
Oh, comedy is only surprises.
Have you ever been to a surprise party i i yeah i i haven't you haven't no yeah yeah well i like to for me comedy is more like okay here's the the essence of a surprise party if you guys
haven't been to one or even heard about them which it seems like is what you do
is you find somebody
and it's not their birthday.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then you plan
a whole event.
You get a whole bunch
of people they don't know there
and then when they come in
thinking they're going
to a doctor's appointment
you've maybe,
you know,
messed with some paperwork
or medical.
And you're a doctor.
Medical paperwork.
And maybe they think they have cancer
and they think they've got two weeks to live.
And then when they come in,
surprise, these are all people
that are also dealing with cancer.
You say that.
He doesn't know all these people.
None of them have cancer.
Okay, I think I have been to one of these.
And then they really kind of talk about
how it's hurt them
and how there's no way out.
And then you really, what you do is then you start putting stuff in their shampoo, stuff that the hair is going to start falling out.
And so obviously this is what happens when you have cancer.
And then you really start getting into their diet.
And what you got to do is do some – they call them poison pills, but they're just these little pills you can buy.
And you start putting them in all their food.
And then it really starts to just affect their body in a really negative
way, in a way that cancer would.
And then right when they're about to die, you tell them all the stuff, and you say,
we can bring you back if you don't have cancer.
Surprise.
And that seems like a great way to deal with your own cancer at the same time, to have
someone else who's going through some of the same stuff.
It's scary alone.
And to deal with the pressure of being a doctor.
Yeah.
Now.
Yeah.
Giving yourself all those x-rays.
Can take its toll.
You said now.
Now, how do you feel about this sort of acapella comedy movement that's been happening i love it you know
and i think a lot of people are threatened by it and they're worried i don't get it this is the
new generation um you know these guys that are doing it without the guitar you know and they're
untraditional you know um and the audiences are bored.
And that's the thing.
You see the
Louis C.K.'s.
The people out there that are
kind of in the forefront of this acapella
stand-up. He's one of the main ones
that I don't really get
what he's doing. It's hard to.
Yeah.
When I listen to this stand-up,
I try to kind of sway,
and I don't know where to, which way to sway at what time.
I can't tell what tune he's doing, what the chords are.
My clapping is all off the beat.
It's not funny to me.
If we don't know what music is that's under it,
then how do we know that he's saying all that stuff in tune?
Yes.
And he's saying the right melody.
He's just making melodies up. Seems like a cheat.
But you like it, you said.
What?
Acapella comedy.
Oh, I do like it because it's actually, people
are seeing how great I am because of it.
Okay, that's what, that makes a lot more sense.
People look at it, they're threatened by it, and they go, it's a new thing. But once people watch
the second acapella comedian, they're like, we want to get back
to the real thing.
Yeah.
You know, a structure that we understand with progressions that make sense to us.
You ever jam with Weird Al?
You know, we've gotten together before.
You know, I'm a Northwest guy.
And so for me, I've never actually jammed before i've never you know
and it's this whole thing about getting fruits and then you crush them up and
you know and you're doing it together and and you're just kind of doing it where it takes you
oh are you thinking about like making preserves no oh i'm talking about dunking basketballs oh
oh basketball yeah oh we've never played basketball before. Oh, okay. Never jammed with him then.
When you're
working on
a parody song,
are you only doing what's
currently on the radio, or would you ever go after
a classic? The combination of current radio
and current news, or do you take
sometimes old things that are in the news
and a new song? Yeah, maybe you do a Joey Buttafuoco thing on like the New Lord song.
Or would you do an Obama thing?
We'd love to hear that.
Well, here's like, I was doing this parody song today, actually.
You know, just hanging out with my son.
And I'll just go like,
Who's that little baby sitting over there? You know, just hanging out with my son. And I'll just go like, you know,
Who's that little baby sitting over there?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Can you sit in here alone?
Is that okay?
You know, and I'll just kind of say what I'm really thinking and say it to him.
And then talk about, you know, the burden of being a father.
And it's just like no free time anymore.
You know, and you kind of go through all that stuff.
And he loves it. He really does, you know. And you kind of go through all that stuff, and he loves it.
He really does.
He's getting into it, yeah.
And that was a parody of that old Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath song.
And I think we all remember that one.
And I remember thinking you couldn't parody it because it's already kind of funny.
Well, you're taking what people think they know about baths, and-hmm. And usually you're trying to keep the water in the tub.
You're not thinking about splishing and splashing.
Right.
And usually you're not taking a bath on a Saturday night.
Yeah, usually you exit the bathroom and you're in the privacy of your own home.
So they really took kind of the – they took bathing and flipped it.
Yes.
Is what they did.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And then they started having bathhouses
after that song came out that was kind of the big push for that um people want to take baths all the
time that movement in music would you say that was a big influence uh like bath music a lot of
people think that's what started the blues uh-huh when those bath songs came out. Specifically that one bath song.
Is that what gave white people the idea for the blues?
There's really no way to know where white people
get their ideas from.
You just gotta know that they got them and that it came from a place.
We'll take care of it.
Just trust us. We'll take care of it.
But I think
it might be time to dive into the popcorn gallery.
Is that right?
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
Do we want to?
Now, Nick.
We've never really been able to figure out how to get this across.
So the popcorn gallery is a segment on our show where a lot of the people who listen to this,
I don't know how they get their hands on it,
but they don't have access to all of the funny famous friends that Hayes and I know and so they'll ask
questions that they can't ask themselves now let's get into the name of the segment please
traditionally when you talk about uh like a sort of silent majority of a population that's like
still commenting you might refer to them as the peanut gallery. However, this is a podcast about the entertainment industry,
one subset of which is movies.
And at movies, one of the most popular snacks that they serve,
in our experience, is popcorn.
At the movies, yes.
He doesn't get it.
No, I've heard, I know that I've actually seen movies
where people are getting popcorn at a movie.
This is connecting to you that way?
Yeah.
Okay.
I've seen a lot of movies that way
where they get...
They're going to see a movie.
We're watching a movie
and they're going to a movie in the movie
and they do the thing that everybody does
in a movie when they get popcorn is...
In a movie when they go to a movie
is they get popcorn.
So there is still a popcorn movie connection to you through seeing movies.
From when I've seen movies.
Seeing movies about people eating popcorn at the movies.
Let's reach into the bag and pull out a question from the popcorn bag.
Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
You know, I'm actually, you you guys I hate to keep doing this
but um
what is that
uh
kettle corn
can we do this with kettle corn
okay
okay
see
so there's a certain class
of movie theater
that you
tend to patronize
I
I've
again I've never tried
kettle corn
okay
um
I've seen it talked about in movies.
I've seen it.
You want to fabricate the kettle corn experience in a safe way.
And I've never seen anybody in a movie get kettle corn when they were going to a movie.
But you don't really like to play by the rules, do you, Nick?
The two rules I live by are metallical rules and jaw rules.
Okay.
Well, kettle corn it is.
Come at me.
Here we come.
The question fell back
into the bag.
Let me get it.
Crunch, crunch, crunch,
crunch, crunch.
Mmm, a little sweet.
A little salty too, huh?
This is a question from
Octodactypus.
Nick, were you surprised when Comedy Central
stole your idea for Too Soon with Nick Thune
and turned it into the Jezelnik Offensive?
Or was that your plan all along?
When you go in and you pitch a show,
you think no one's ever going to hear about it,
but obviously people have they released
the tape of that pitch that mirror
the mirror is not that's what I heard they're doing
that's a big thing now it's two sided
they're doing just pitches that's cool
you know I wasn't bothered because
for me you know I love Anthony I want
him to succeed
and you know
too soon with Nick Thune that was an idea that
for me was not meant to be
on TV that was something that was just meant to be pitched
so just getting
in a room and pitching it was a success
we all have those projects
cannon fodder
let them shoot one down
so you can do the idea you really want
don't hate
don't hate the pitch hate the show
hate the show
and then it seems like they're always
like oh great let's we'd love to do it on tv and you're like oh my god you actually like this was
just a pitch yeah this is literally just oh my god this is just an idea that i like coming and
telling people about it's not something i want to take to another level it's not something i want
i can't because then if what imagine pitching a show that was already on the air you wouldn't
get to pitch it anymore. Yeah.
I can't tell you how many pitches I have to end with being like, I was fucking joking, you idiot, when they try to make it into a TV show.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's what's so wrong with this business right now
is that everything's got to be on TV.
Well, it's a bunch of fucking yes men that want to make
every other fucking thing you say.
Yeah.
And it's like, some of them are just being said to be said.
Is there another question in that popcorn bag?
I don't know. Let's check.
Salty and sweet and salty as well.
Yeah, it comes right in at the end.
This is a question from Chanson.
Nick, you worked at the Boys and. This is a question from Chanson.
Nick, you worked at the Boys and Girls Club
at Emily Dickinson
Elementary School.
I came there
from Einstein Elementary
almost every day
in sixth grade.
I remember you.
Honestly,
and here he says
something a little mean.
He's a little rude sometimes.
We'll skip over that part.
But I'm super excited
that you've done well
in Hollywood.
Do you stay in touch
with Pinky? I want to hear the rude part rude part no we don't have to do we're having
fun we're just trying to have it's a nice vibe do i do i still stay in touch with pinky i um
you know i had he's he's referring to it i i collected ants um and uh i actually just have
gotten out of the game totally you You know, I don't.
And thanks for asking, Chanson.
But, yeah, you know, it's one of those things like when your dog dies and you don't want to talk about it anymore.
And Pinky, I don't think, died.
I don't know how long ants live.
I hear 100 years or so.
But I'm just, you know, I got out of farming.
So you used to stay in touch with some of these ants.
Yeah.
And they were ants.
You know, I didn't go buy these ants at a store.
They were ants that I literally just found outside, you know, and it didn't seem like they had a home.
Yeah, you're taking them in.
And ants can, this is kind of cool, but ants can live for, I think, 10 times their own
body weight.
So he probably is still alive.
I don't want to, if he was a big fat guy,
I don't want to live with this thing, Jansen said.
I'm just going to carry this around.
Yeah, no, I know.
You have to say what he said.
It's not fair to me.
Here's another thing you have to realize about kids like Jansen
is they don't know what's mean.
No.
They don't know what compliments are.
They don't understand what people consider
when people say things, you know,
and how long it could last and what the words mean.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
He said he thought you had a goofy face.
That's fine.
What was your face?
What was going on with your face back then?
Yeah, back then, because I'm looking at it.
It looks nice.
Oh, thank you.
You know, a lot of kids used to
say stuff like, you look like the hyena from The Lion King.
Which one?
Whoopi. Okay.
I see that.
And that sits with you, you know?
And Chanson's probably one of those
haters out there. And
for me, it's not bad to look like a wildlife
or, you know, even wildlife
that's considered ugly and odd-looking. It doesn't bother me. And even if it's not bad to look like a wildlife or even wildlife that's considered ugly and odd looking.
It doesn't bother me.
And even if it's voiced by a character who has predator hair, it's hard to, you know.
I don't want to pinpoint.
But no, and Chance, and thank you.
I'm glad that you thought I had a weird face.
Goofy.
Goofy, yeah.
Well, and growing up, one of my favorite Disney characters, Goofy.
See?
See? Mm-hmm. But he wasn't saying you look like Goofy, yeah. Well, and growing up, one of my favorite Disney characters, Goofy. See? See?
Mm-hmm.
But he wasn't saying you look like Goofy.
I think he was saying you have a goofy face.
It's a lowercase g.
I should have said that.
That's my fault.
It's a lowercase g.
He's talking about that, like, it looks unusual.
I thought he was, you know, playful and fun, like Goofy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's that the way he phrases the question, too, is like, honestly, I thought you had
a goofy face.
And then he goes, but I'm glad you found success in the entertainment industry.
I don't think he would say, honestly, I thought you had a fun, playful face.
But, I mean, this is what we didn't want to say initially.
Did he text you guys directly or is this a Twitter?
This was on our forums.
On the Earwolf forums, yeah.
Oh, wow.
So he's into hip things.
Good for him.
Yeah.
I'd like to take a look at his face.
It's out there.
Let me take a look at it.
Sure, yeah, let's pull it up.
I think I can get it.
No, I got it right here.
Okay, great.
I almost just drank this special juice.
Please don't drink your dip spit that you've been spitting into a juice bottle.
Okay, I got it right here.
Ready?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just going to give you a really quick look.
Oh, Jansen.
You break my heart what happened to that little kid yeah he uh he grew up that's what he did i'm proud of you chanson you grew up buddy
and i'm proud that you found um success in the podcast forum commentary.
That's good. You made it onto a podcast, man.
I want to know if Chanson's ever thought of
something as groundbreaking as
scented Wi-Fi, which is something I thought
about that I'm working on.
Oh, okay.
I want to know if Chanson,
you know, does he do director's commentary
on his texts when he does
voicemails? I mean, because, you know, when I buy a commentary on his texts on when he does voicemails i mean
because you know i i when i buy a dvd package if there's no director's commentary and i don't want
it if i get a text i want to hear what was behind the text i want to know you know went into it yeah
so you're not you're saying you're not just a goofy face and people with the thing that you have
actually have something to say and And they need to be heard.
Which can be frustrating if you're dealing with people that are hearing impaired.
You just want to shake them sometimes.
You know, just the way you do your baby. It's just making it worse.
Yeah.
That's how they got that way in the first place.
Poke them right in the gut.
Let them know where you are.
Did we have another question?
Sure.
Okay.
Not that good.
It's not very good?
We can do it anyway.
Let's do it, and then we'll cut it later.
Getting the notes of sweetness.
This question is from Thelonious.
And there's the salty.
Nice.
This question is from Thelonious Junk.
It's like
he's a jazz musician
forget it
is there a guitar you are partial to when joke slaying
no one ever asked that question
like I said
not very good
it's
is there a guitar that I prefer
for me it's the opposite does the guitar want to work with me Is there a guitar that I prefer?
For me, it's the opposite.
Does the guitar want to work with me?
Is that the opposite?
That's a self-centered thing to think,
I can pick whatever guitar.
I walk into a store and say,
who thinks they can handle me?
That's first off.
And six of them are going to walk away right there or you know the employees are going to come over
and move them out
but
and then you just
kind of
you walk around
you're around the guitars
who's looking at you
are they interested
are you flirting at all
is this somebody
that you're attracted to
guitar wise
yeah
yes
have they been with
a ton of other players
have they
do they get your sense
of humor
and if they've been with a ton of other
players that's damaged goods right yeah oh sometimes yeah also sometimes experience is
important yeah experience can be a great thing but sometimes you want to get that freshy you know
something that feels great feels really good you're gonna bust that guitar's cherry wide open
well and and but you also want to respect it.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, respectfully bust
the cherry open.
So you're saying the guitar you're most partial
to is your wife.
Yeah.
And I want to
double back quickly. Yes, that
is the opposite. Well, we know a lot of people
double back if they're trying to throw the scent off okay well then i well i don't want to be accused of that
i'm kind of in a pickle here i want to double back a little more when you said you were a
northwest guy what if he was talking about northwest? The baby? The baby.
No, that's what if.
Oh, wow, that would, yeah.
I thought you were going to say,
what if he was talking about Washington and Oregon?
That region, yeah.
I was talking about the baby Northwest.
Oh.
Should we just do the whole thing again?
We might want to start from the top,
so we're going to scrap this one.
Cody put a note next to the file that it's garbage.
We'll do a quick sign-off just for funzos.
Nick, do you have any projects coming up that you'd like to plug?
What's up?
Movies?
Should we even plug in at the top of this maybe?
Nick plugging his new special.
Isn't that out right now?
Yeah, special on Netflix.
Nick Thune, that's me. Fol't that out right now? Yeah. Special on Netflix. Nick Thune.
That's me.
Folk Hero is the name of it.
And that's just there.
It's streaming.
It's there forever.
You can have it.
You can show it to someone.
Very generous.
Yeah.
For me, it's not always about owning things.
It's about giving it up, giving it away, letting them have it.
And if you can make a shitload of money and be really successful and respected, then why not?
What else do you recommend on Netflix?
Well, I would – somebody brought this up yesterday.
Lance Bangs actually pitched this idea that the best way to actually enjoy House of Cards is to watch five minutes of an episode, watch a minute of my stand-up, go back.
And then once you've seen the full thing, just kind of have it playing while you're doing it.
And, of course, each time you've got to click the five-star rating because that's how you can watch it again.
And it also takes you to a different level.
People don't know that.
That's a little –
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
people don't know that that's a little
okay
so
because I watched
Nick Thune
Folk Hero
you'd recommend
watching one minute
of House of Cards
why not
yeah
okay
um
that
adds up to me
well
rate us on iTunes rate us on iTunes like us on itunes rate us on itunes like us on facebook please uh comment on the forums and just
talk to us and if you know a celebrity from your childhood maybe you were like a poor child and uh
some kind of aid program where you just needed you want to take a pot shot at some guy who's doing pretty well right now.
Who was kind enough to talk to you when you want to fire off at him
and bring up a painful memory of a pet that he lost, basically.
Go ahead.
That's what we're here for.
Buy the pro version.
What's the prize?
We must have a prize in the forums.
Oh, Nick Thune's going to play a tasty riff for you
if you bought this pro version.
And who bought it last week?
I think Tim Treece bought it.
Tim Treece, go to Tim's vlog, bought the pro version,
so he's going to get just a real tasty riff.
Should I do that right now?
We can wait.
We can do it
another time you
know.
Yeah that's fine.
Bye.
Bye.
This has been an
Earwolf Media
production.
Executive
producers Jeff
Ulrich and Scott
Aukerman.
For more
information visit
Earwolf.com.
Earwolf.com.
EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.
That was a HateGum Podcast.