Hollywood Handbook - Paul Rust, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: November 11, 2013

Sean and Hayes reveal the real next gen power players of the biz by going through their list of 15 Under 15 Hollywood Up and Comers. Then they educate listeners on what role each 10 Percentary brings to the table during 10 Percentary Elementary. Finally, PAUL RUST does us a solid by dropping by to reminisce about his famous flash mobs, tells us  how he stays connected to the world outside of his funny glasses, performs some of his KTLA 5 10 Second Movie Reviews, speaks on working with Quentin Tarankillam on Inglourious Bees, and shares an embarrassing Hollywood moment while answering hard hitting questions from the Popcorn Gallery.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I go down to the concierge. I get right in his fucking face, and I'm like, this pillow doesn't have my name on it. Oh, what did he say? He was like, it's on the other side. Nice. It ultimately was there. Hey! What up, what up? What up, what up?

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, and Insiders got to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I'm Hayes Davenport. I'm here with Sean Clements. We're both writer-actors. We want to give a quick shout-out to Hollywood Reporter, which is our favorite newspaper. Just the best journalism happening today is happening in THR. is happening in THR.

They break the most stories, and they break them with the best sense of humor and the greatest integrity. Also, when they're expressing an opinion, it's the right one. They released their annual 35 Under 35 recently. Yes, they're sort of Hollywood's next gen. Agents, executives, lawyers, like sort of the young people who are going to be making waves in this

industry in the near future. We are of course honored to be included. We appreciate you putting us on it, despite the fact that we aged out of it quite a few years ago. Keep telling you that. Hush, hush. Keep stum about that. But we also,

there's a list that we like to do of the real power players. The real next-gen power players. Because the 350035, sorry to say, a lot of these people are either past their prime that they're listing, and they're not going to do fucking jack shit. I think in a lot of those cases, if you're 35, you sniff that milk and it doesn't smell so good. It's time to throw out that milk. Yeah, you'd put that milk in the trash. You'd have to throw that milk in the trash.

Because it's spoiled. Now, what we like to do is go a little bit fresher with our milk, and we make a list that is the 15 under 15. And this is the Hollywood up-and-comers who you are going to be seeing them everywhere, hearing their names and watching their art that they make. For example, Grace Davenport, my daughter. Little Gracie, yeah. She's got a heck of a singing voice. She knows the computer inside and out.

She's doing stuff on the computer that just blows me away and great she's just great at talking to adults which i think is really important you've seen the way the way she when i have a conversation with her it's like you're just talking to one of your peers yes i feel like it's a peer and i say like who does she who did she learn that from i know it wasn't brooke you know like it it definitely wasn't for Brooke. It would, she, when she comes over, I'm just blown away by,

uh, by how grown up she is and what a, what a little beautiful little woman she's, uh, becoming. And she's, so she's number one, 15 under 15.

She's 10 years old. And I think that numbers two through five are the little Clem clan. Uh, my four boys who I just am so, so proud of, Cranston, Gilligan, Vince, and Brian. These little dudes are so rockin' cool. And the fashion choices they make. They have great style.

Yes, their style is outrageous. And it is next level. It is ahead of its time. And some of the music they listen to, I'm just like, these guys are making taste. Yes. And I'm just so proud of my little men, my little soldiers, because they are their own people, but they're also just like dad. But they're not all. We've only got five kids.

The list is not all our kids. Yeah. There are lots of other. We've got five kids who are on here. Yes. And then my daughters with Steffi are not going to be power players. There are some other young people in this industry we'd like to give a shout out to. How about that Bart Simpson? Holy cow, only 10 years old, and this guy comes out with one-liners?

Geez, he is Rodney Dangerfield or something. Springfield's favorite rap scallion has been terrorizing his way into our hearts for a number of years now. And people say like, oh, but the show's been on for more than 15 years. Yeah, it's my fucking job to know that. You know, like, of course I know that. Please don't talk down to me, you fucking idiot. What about the guy who does the voice of him? Huh? Did you ever think about that?

It's a girl who does the voice of him. Huh? Did you ever think about that? It's a girl who does the voice of him. Did you ever think that it was a girl? Yeah. And she's under 15, so it's fine. Yeah, she's under 15 and smart as a whip. And he also has had some hit singles. Sure. And I honestly cannot go to get a sandwich from a deli

without people doing the Bartman in line. As funny as I think it is, I sometimes don't think it's so funny when it happens to me, when people spray paint El Barto in your house. If I caught kids doing that, man, they'd be in big, big trouble, which is another one of his hit songs.

Some of the other... Don't! Now you can't go to the boat show! Sorry, I just love that part of Big Big Trouble where he goes, Don't! Now you can't go to the boat show! And that is a lyric that you're going to hear more and more, I think. Other 15 Under 15s? Yeah, more of the 15 Under 15. Twitter! Hello? hear more and more i think other 15 yeah more of the 15 under 15 twitter hello twitter's only been around for about 10 years and it's really changing the way the industry takes shape uh and pretty

soon our prediction is that you are gonna be starting to watch movies on there yeah i think that twitter's twitter and movies is about to be one in the same. And I wouldn't be surprised if by right now, it's November, I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of November that you're watching movies on Twitter

and that you no longer have to have a TV. As vines get longer and longer, it'll be, you'll watch a two hour vine and then it'll just start right back over again, and you'll be able to watch it again. The industry's changing, I think. Hey, that'd be nice for our royalties. Because they just watch it again right away. Oh, because every time they would watch it, we'd get a little chunk of change.

They don't even realize they're just watching it again. Oh, that's right. It's on a loop, so they're watching it maybe six times, where right now a lot of people only watch our movies one and a half times. But go ahead. You were talking about social media. I was talking about how social media and the different ways we watch movies now is changing. And screens are getting smaller at the same time the ideas are getting bigger, I think.

And in a couple years twitter is just going to be a big movie i agree and i think the other character who uh really stormed onto the 15 under 15 this year who had not made the list before was calling things epic calling things epic yes wow that's only that's uh just starting to walk calling things epic, yes. Wow. That's only, that's just starting to walk, calling things epic. It's just a toddler now. But it's so interesting that calling things epic has itself become epic. Yes. Yes.

And that's what's blown me away. And I only just first heard the term a week ago. And I've heard- In the context of someone saying that one of your parking jobs was an epic win. That's exactly right, yeah. And it was true. There was not a lot of space to parallel. And I was in the big car.

Yes, the big car. Yeah, it's a Murcielaga. Yes, it's a Murcielaga. Also on the 15 Under 15, how about these kids doing charity car washes? Every time I go by these kids, they want to go on a basketball trip or they're trying to raise money for a new basketball

court or something. I always pull in, whether or not my car, sometimes my car is pretty clean. I like to keep it in pretty good shape. But I'm still going through that charity car wash and I'll get it done at a real car wash afterwards to get all the scum off it that they put on. Which car are you driving these days? I'm still going through that charity car wash. And I'll get it done at a real car wash afterwards to get all the scum off it that they put on. Which car are you driving these days? I'm driving the big one.

Okay. The Lamborghini. Mm-hmm. I guess the only other member on 15 Under 15. And we didn't do a whole 15 because not enough people earned it this year. Yeah. Work a little harder next time. Yeah.

It's a real wake-up call that we only have about 10 of the 15 that a lot of these young ones could be putting the elbow grease in. Everyone gets a trophy now. You know what I mean? Yeah. Kids grow up today and everything they do, their parents say they're doing a good job because they don't want to hurt their feelings. They don't want to hurt their kids' feelings.

God forbid your kid should ever cry. Yeah, everyone gets a trophy. When Hayes and I were growing up, it wasn't like that. We had to actually outright win everything we stepped up to the plate to do to get a trophy. And believe me, the case is full. There were no trophies for best effort, for good try, all these good try trophies you see these days.

I feel like every kid I see on the street now is holding some kind of trophy. It's literally become an epidemic. It has literally become an epidemic. Literally become an epidemic, and it's literally one of the worst things in our country. I agree. But anyway, the last 15 under 15 is trophies.

Yeah, it's trophies themselves. It's not the trophies' fault is what we're trying to say here. We get very mad. Yeah, we don't want to take it out on the trophies themselves. We love trophies. The trophies themselves are actually very nicely made and very nice to look at. And they look beautiful on a shelf. And just because these parents are giving them out to every kid they see

throwing trophies at them, doesn't mean that the trophies themselves are not a value, shouldn't be appreciated, don't deserve a little attention every now and then. And so there, so that's the last one on the list. And also Hayes wrote this week's trophy wife, go ahead and tune in And also, Hazel wrote this week's Trophy Wife. Go ahead and tune in.

Yes, I did write this week's Trophy Wife. You have the young Asian kid saying some pretty good quips, huh? Yes. This week, the Trophy Wife takes the kids to the zoo. Okay. How does that go? Well, she doesn't know what any of the animals are. And so they're asking her, Trophy Wife, what's that?

And she has a little radio in her ear so that her friend can tell her what the animals are as she's going through it. But surprise, surprise, she gets shot with a water gun and the radio malfunctions and her friend fell asleep. And so she's having to, she's going through the zoo blind, no idea what any of the animals are. But then at the end, she realizes that she doesn't need to know what animals are for... To be a good mom. To be a good mom. And to be sexy. That's not all it is. Yeah.

Being sexy is not always about... About knowing what animals are what. Great. Well... That was great. We're going to be right back. Oh, we have a very good guest today. Paul Rust.

Paul Rust is here. He was in Inglourious Bees. I Love You, Best Cooper. He wrote for this most recent season of Arrested Development. Oh, wow. That's great for him. That's exactly what he should be doing. Very soon on Hollywood Handbook.

Hollywood Handbook. So I started screaming, and I go, well, excuse me, but my dad just got stung by a bee on his head. So if that's not an emergency, you tell me what is.

They came over right away. Is he okay? I don't know. Hollywood Handbook. What up, what up? They came over right away. Is she okay? I don't know. Hollywood Handbook. What up, what up? We're back on Hollywood Handbook. What's up?

This is a segment that we really enjoy doing. I think it's sort of an important segment. There's this idea in Hollywood that the writer the writer performers run the show yeah i think people believe that once you're a big deal writer performer that you sort of you're doing all the moves right in some cases that is true yes but i can think of two cases where it's true yes i don't want to name any names but there are a couple of examples where where that is the case but not to do a little myth busting the truth about hollywood is it's run mostly by 10 percenters. The 10 percenters, for people who don't know... These are like representatives. Yeah, they...

Yes, they represent the actors and the writers. They submit them for jobs. They have relationships with the studios and the networks. And a lot of young actors go, well, how do I get a 10 percenter on my side? And which 10 percenter is the right one for me? Strong actors go, well, how do I get a 10%-ery on my side? And which 10%-ery is the right one for me? And a specific person who's assigned to your career who works at a 10%-ery is called a 10%-erist.

And people wonder when they first make it out to L.A., that's sort of the first step. Get a 10%-erist on your side. As a quick Ari on Entourage. Yes. Was Vince's 10%-er. Probably the most famous 10%-er. Probably the most famous 10%-er. Yes. Just so you have a picture in your head.

Yes. So this segment is called 10%-ery Elementary. It's where we school you. We take you to elementary school. And we educate you. We take you to elementary school. And we educate you. And we educate you on what each 10 percentary, what role each of them plays. What they bring to the table. We like to think of these 10 percentaries as having their own personality.

Sort of like they're a bunch of people at a high school party. Yes. And so we sort of identify them like that. Each one has, you know, fits in a certain archetype. Sort of a clique. And hopefully we'll clarify for you which one is right for you when it comes time for you to choose between them and just say, okay, this is my 10%. Right.

As far as we're concerned, and I think as far as everyone concerned, and I think the fact is that there are three 10%-eries in Hollywood. There are three that I know of. There may be some independent sort of people, fleecing people outside of that. But for our money, there's three of them. The first one I feel like is the easiest to picture and this is CAA. Yeah. And these guys at the high school party, these are kind of the jocks, aren't they, Hayes? Yes. Those are the guys you'd find tossing a football around. Varsity sweater on. Yeah, sort of a big muscular

build, always a pretty cheerleader by their side. Yeah, real hot shots. And they leave you thinking, oh, this is going to be some bully jerk. Right. But when you actually get to talk to them, they're really nice. And it turns out they get straight A's, too. They get straight A's and they actually do take advanced classes. Like what makes them so good at sports is how hardworking they are.

Yeah, and they're in AP classes. That translates into the classroom. And they don't, just because they are popular doesn't mean they discriminate against anyone else at the school. Yeah, a lot of times they're friends with like a kid in a wheelchair. Yeah, they have a lot of different kinds of friends. Yeah. And they sort of have their pick of, they get into a lot of really good colleges.

Yeah, so that's CAA. And what does CAA stand for? Cool as anything. Now, on the other side of the coin, you have UTA. Now, people have probably heard of UTA. They rep Johnny Depp. And that's a good example of they're sort of these guys you walk in, they're in the corner. They're not quite goth,

they're not quite hippie, but it's like some sort of artistic alternative vibe you feel. They're wearing sometimes black clothes. sort of all they're wearing uh sometimes black clothes yeah and so you go oh this guy's a loner this guy's a weirdo but if you talk to him or even just watch for a few minutes you find out tons of friends yeah and really funny and smart and they actually have like great taste in music but just because you don't know about something doesn't mean that they think less of you like they just want to share their their good taste it's just something they're really genuinely excited yeah they introduce you to cool bands like the cure or whatever and actually even though they're into all that stuff if you ever want to go out and shoot hoops with them sure they're actually very athletic it's surprising how good they are at sports yes

and at the same time while they project an image of not caring that much about school and the establishment they get into all the best schools they get into all the best schools and they get very good grades and they actually think applying yourself is is really important they you know that's it's your future is sort of their attitude uh and and you only get one. And what does UTA stand for? UTA stands for under the awning, like the awning says success in Hollywood. And coolness. Yeah. So they sort of, it's like they fall under the awning

of success and coolness is sort of what that alludes to. Now those both sound like good people to talk to at a party, but let's talk about the other guy. Yeah. WME. WME. If you went to certain kinds of schools, you might be familiar with a clique called The Preps.

Okay. Those are the guys with a pastel sweater tied around their shoulders, like shorts with little whales on them. And for me, WME is the guy, the first time I see him, he's got these big thick glasses on, and I go, oh, this nerd burger is not going to be cool enough to talk to.

Right, so they're sort of a combination of preps and nerds. And nerds. But then he takes his glasses off. Yeah. And he goes, I don't need these to see. Right. I was having a goof.

And I go, that's funny. Uh-huh. And cool and smart. Yeah. And then I realize, oh, this guy actually is great at sports. And I realize, oh, this guy actually is great at sports. He actually listens to, like, top 40 music, but he knows which songs are good and which songs are trash.

Right. And just because he's rich doesn't mean that he's weird about money or anything. No. He's totally grounded and not spoiled at all. Ton of poor friends. And his girlfriend is very attractive, but also really nice. Yeah. Sweetheart. Does like volunteer stuff.

So that's sort of a breakdown. You get an idea of it just like in high school, you know, not everyone's the same. And so, you know, what clique are you in right are you with the cool funny smart athletic yeah popular agency or like the really smart nice good at sports or like just sort of the all-around yeah the like well-rounded one right then that's wme which stands for um wonderful men every day and so yes and so when you move here knock on the door that makes the most sense to you and people sometimes ask like well when i was in high school there were like some guys like a bunch of like bullies and like poor kids and guys that like got bad like burnouts and druggies and stuff

this isn't your high school pal this is actually a good school this is a this is a very selective and also even if it was they're in the school they're not invited to the party that we're at yeah exactly this this kind of party is for a certain class of student as it were you won't find ugly people stupid people people without a certain amount of money or if you don't have that much money like you still know how to dress well you know yeah you can disguise the fact maybe that you don't have that much money yes people at this party drink and do drugs but like at a reasonable like it's fucking they do it responsibly the way they do it like adults uh this isn't whatever experience you think you've had that relates to this i mean unless you are in it, you don't know.

So don't ask questions like that. It's a bad question and it's not a good use of our time. And that's the last we'll say about it. That's the school bell. Recess time. That's where we listen to an advertisement. And we'll be right back with our guest on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook.

Hollywood Handbook. So I clink my glass to do a toast, right? Yeah. And I just go, I'm sorry, but Buster Keaton's not funny. And this whole dinner is a sham. Yeah. And I felt so brave. And I think that they knew that.

What did Fallon say? He just spit his water at me. Hey, what up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We're here with the homie Paul Rust. We've got a heck of a guest, heck of a guest today. Big one today. Paul Rust is here. Hey guys, how's it going? Good to be here. Huge fan. biz we're here with the homie paul we've got a heck of a guest heck of a guest today big one today paul rust is hey guys how's it going good to be here huge fan really good yeah it's nice

to be here right here in the heart of hollywood right the belly of the beast it's not van nye's handbook we say you know it's not certainly not west hollywood handbook if you know what I mean. Oh. Let me. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, yeah. No, not, no. Not our style. Not for us. Love pussy. Feels so good. Not that there's

anything wrong with it. I'm a big, I love Seinfeld and I'm a big fan of the show. Jerry Seinfeld. Huge inspiration. Jerry Seinfeld.

Hayes wrote for them. I did, right, back when, or when it was going to be called Mr. Seinfeld. The Mr. Seinfeld. Huge inspiration. Jerry Seinfeld. Hayes wrote for them. I did, right? Back when it was going to be called Mr. Seinfeld. The Mr. Seinfeld Chronicles. Yeah, Mr. Seinfeld Chronicles. And I said, drop the Mr. That was you? It's cleaner.

Yeah. Yeah. Paul, we met you a long time ago. That's right. I think it was at one of your famous flash mobs. You used to organize these really fun flash mobs in crowded spaces. You'd sort of bring a little levity into the everyday experience. I feel like in the comedy scene, comedians are just social creatures.

They just constantly want to get together and have fun and hang out. And for me, I guess it's just like trying to come up with events to get some wild, wild madmen together, you know, just to laugh and the flash mob was it. Yeah. And that's where I met you too. When we loved doing them, it was nice to sort of bring it down to the people. It was so awesome to get back, first of all, to my roots as a dancer, because I never get to do that anymore. I never get to flex those muscles.

Yeah. And also just to feel like I was collaborating. Because so much of this business is just being locked in your room. Yes. You know, just click clacking away on the typewriter all night. It can get a little hairy. Yeah, it's just a very solitary career sometimes. So when you can get, you know, just three great brains in the room,

like now or something, you know, brain jamming. It's great because, you know, I feel like a lot of those flash mobs, a lot of great ideas came out of them, you know. A lot of great shows. Just from people having conversations. A lot of the most popular programs that are on now were birthed right in those flash mobs. The Middle was birthed as a

flash mob originally. The Bates Hotel movie. Or a TV show. That was the higher end version of Bates Motel, I think, when we were like make it a little more posh. Right. You know?

Yeah. It was going to be about a bellboy who worked at the Bates Hotel. And then they bumped it down to Bates Motel. And that's fine. That's fine. I think they were worried about it not being accessible. Pan Am was there. And Stargate Atlantis, I think, I remember, just said it.

It was an exclamation. I stubbed my toe doing a dance move, sort of one of those, that inverted Macarena thing you were teaching us. And I went, Stargate Atlantis! And I don't know where it came from. And I saw a guy scribble it down

and the next day it was on the air. That's how it works. That's how fast it can happen. What was that flash month? That was at Hollywood Highland? The Americana? Oh. Yeah, there was two mall ones.

So I get confused sometimes about the... The Americana one was the one where... Because we went by the... It was sort of like a comment on their fountains, right? Yes. It was a bit of a takedown of the fountain culture there. You choreograph the fountains to do things. We're going to choreograph ourselves to do things.

I think was sort of the... Well, we sort of were like, you're valuing fountains more than people, and we think people are what's important. And I stand by that. Oh, me too, man. Me too. It started with, I think, just you coming out of the crowd and sarcastically clapping at one of the fountains,

and then one by one, all the rest of us did. And then the clapping became sort of a dance. And then you stubbed your toe, right? I think you stubbed your toe at something. During that one, yeah. And I went, Stargate Atlantis! Oh, right. Yeah, we talked about this.

I'm sorry. Because it really hurt. But yeah, I've given up the flash mobs, though. They just got a little too out of hand. What's going on? What kinds of stuff have you been up to lately? Oh, you know, just pounding the pavement and being trapped in this guy here.

I pointed my brain. Yes. I don't know if you, but you know, just... We talk about that sometimes, sort of living in the funny zone. Because Sean and I have actually talked about this. We say, I think Paul might be spending a little too much time in the funny zone. Too much time in the funny zone. Funny zone.

See, I call them my funny glasses that I walk around the world with my funny glasses on. Oh. Looking for comedy, looking for things that are funny, and then having them go through the glasses into my eyes. Right. And then coming back out comedy. But I've never heard of it put as, you said the funny zone? The funny zone.

Yeah. And you, are you guys, you're concerned that I exist in that space? Well, when you're always in that space, you know, when you never come out, do you lose touch of what the world outside of the funny zone is like? No. Just worry about it. We're just thinking about you. I totally understand that. And to put it in terms you would understand,

I would almost say that maybe you're wearing your funny glasses too much. Does that make sense? Yeah, I have this term, funny glasses, so that actually does make sense to me. But yeah, I try to take the funny glasses off or get out of the funny zone. Because I recognize what you guys are saying. You can get too mired in it. So sometimes I'll just drive 30 miles out of L.A. and I'll go into a small town

and I'll just hang out with a mechanic for a day. Oh, wow. Salt of the earth. Yeah, just talk to him. I mean, it can be a crazy perspective sometimes. But I come back from L.A. and I have trunk loads of material. Just ideas because I went and I talked to a regular person.

To real people. And that's something that we lose sight of in this city is everyone starts jerking off the other artists, you know? Oh, yeah. And you're double fisting three artists at once, jerking them all off. But we're not making it for them necessarily. We're making entertainment for real Americans. And I'm amazed at how funny some of them are. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. They don't even know. And it makes me feel like a fraud. I mean, some of the funniest people I have met aren't in show business. Yes. Just dads or uncles or moms or cousins, you know? Yeah, all kinds of

family. If I could choose between hanging out in a room with Peter Sellers or he's a genius, don't get me wrong. He gets lost in his characters. But if I could have a choice between him

or, I don't know, my dad's best friend, I'd choose my dad's best friend because I'm probably going to laugh more. As genius as Sellers is, in a way, my dad's best friend is more brilliant. He's even more brilliant because he's not trying. Right.

And that was the thing about Peter Sellers. He was really trying very hard. But I love Strange Love. Strange Love is so funny. I just turn it on and I laugh and laugh. When Strange Love is on, okay, turn off my phone because I am laughing and laughing. I am going to be laughing all day. And even after it ends, I'm still laughing at what I saw when it was on.

And that's how funny. And I love Strangelove. But everything else he did is trash. He was trying too hard. Oh, yeah, definitely. Paul, one of the things that you've been doing that I've really enjoyed are your, when you go on KTLA 5 and do your 10-second movie reviews. Oh, yeah, it's been fun.

You've seen those. I have seen those. I really enjoy them a lot. Thank you. And I was wondering if you'd like to do a couple today. I don't know if that's... I don't know if KTLA owns those or if we can... They don't.

That was actually a long part of the negotiation process when I first started. Sure, but you can do them on podcasts. You know, a performer's work is the only thing you can really stand on. Yes. And if KTLA owns that, and I know how it is. They take my 10-second reviews, and they put them on a DVD, and then they sell the DVD, or they throw them up on Netflix, and then they get the money for that. I just like to own my stables.

Sure. DVD sales are such a huge part of the money we make. It's becoming a whole new business. Yeah. That almost more people are watching movies at home. Yeah, DVD is growing. Yeah. Hollywood VD is...

Yeah, the last D in Hollywood is the beginning of DVD. The beginning of DVD. At this point, and in a a year it'll be even more so But would you, is there any classics? Are there any favorite movies? I enjoy, some of the recent ones I thought your Captain Phillips one was really good Oh yeah, well you know the secret to those two

is in order to make them 10 seconds I just make them 10 words because each word equals about a second. So I know if I just. I never noticed that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Captain Phillips, that's two, was a transformative. Now transformative actually takes one of the words.

So this is a niner. It's a nine one, yeah. Captain Phillips was a transformative experience at the movies. But my boss was upset with me because I didn't get the letter grade in or the amount of stars. I tried to do a letter grade and stars. You almost always run out of time, though. I don't think I've seen one where you did get a letter grade involved.

So your boss must always be kind of upset. If you listen when they come back from commercial, as the graphics are playing and the music, I try to whisper the grade very quietly underneath the bed of music. Captain Phillips was a C. Because he was on a C. Yeah, he's on the C, and also Captain starts with C. I get that.

There's an old throwback that was really good. Bridesmaids, that review sort of launched. Yeah, that was the one that did it for me. In the same way that I like to think Bridesmaids launched the career of Melissa McCarthy, my Bridesmaids review launched my career as a reviewer my Bridesmaids review launched my career as a reviewer. Bridesmaids was a

hilarious experience at the movies. Yeah, I remember hearing that one and I said, seeing it! And I did see it. And Bridesmaids was a B? Yes, it was a B.

B for Bridesmaids. Right. It's really difficult sometimes when I review a movie that doesn't start with an A, B, C, D, or F. That's been the toughest reviews I've had. You have to give them sort of an unconventional grade. Yeah, yeah. Like, um... The hours. The hours. an unconventional grade. Yeah, yeah, like the hours. Are there any?

The hours. Good. Yeah. I was struggling also to think of a movie that started with any other letter other than ABCD or F. Oh, yeah, I mean, you know, you think of Zorro, and then you go, is that even the movie? Yeah. Is that a movie? I know Mask of Zorro was.

You know who's really funny, though? Antonio Banderas. He is. Isn't he hilarious? Oh, so funny. Yes. So funny. When I watch him on screen, I feel like I'm hanging with my dad's friend.

My dad's best friend. Because that's how funny, yeah. Yeah, if I had a choice to be in a room with Banderas or my dad's best friend, I'd choose Banderas. Because he's so funny. Because he's famous and funny and he's a really great actor. And he would like the same foods I like because we both have a lot of money.

Paul, you've worked with a bunch of sort of heavy hitters in this town. Yes. Can you speak on the difference between preparing for a Quentin Tarrant Killam versus Christopher Columbine.

You were in Inglourious Bees with Quentin. Yeah, and Quentin Tarantellum. You know, he's a legend. You were Slimer in that, right? Yeah, I played... I was Slimer in a few scenes and a lot of the fans don't notice this but I was actually

pre-Slimer when he was in his flesh and bones body before he died and then in the background you see me die and then I come back as a Slimer you know the movie even though it was a big success it was a lower budgeted

independent movie. So there was problems. I know that we couldn't afford the hot dogs for Slimer's Mouth. That was an issue. We only could do four, and I think the script called for six. That's why you do indie filmmaking. You figure out a way to get those extra two hot dogs. in the filmmaking is just you figure out a way to get those extra two hot dogs.

Tell us a little about Quentin's direction and like, has it affected the way to sort of when you live your everyday life, will you ever think about some of the things he told you? Quentin was influenced a lot by the director Brian Levant, who did the Beethoven, I think the first Beethoven movie and the Flintstones movie, one of the Problem Child films, I think. And so he was constantly talking about Levant. Levant would do this. Levant would set up the shot. He read Levant on Levant, right?

Right. And, you know, after a while you're just kind of like, well, let's just get Brian Levant in here and make Inglorious Bees. You know, because if we're aping him so much, let's just get the real thing. Let's just get the guy, yeah. And that was a long conversation, I know, most mornings, was can we just get Levant in here?

But Quentin Turin killed him, put his foot down. Now, you have studied improv when you were younger. I love improv. Can you talk a little bit about how much of movies is a script? And how much of a movies is you just going off? And feel free to be honest about how it's really almost all just you going off. Yeah. Because, I mean, I think there's sort of this code that you claim, oh, we don't improvise much.

We stick to the script, you know, to keep the nerds happy. But I would say, not just me, I would say most actors in any genre of movie, I'd say it's percentage 90, 95% improvised. Yeah. You say, I always like when you would say going into a shoot, like I love the,

the script is really important cause I got to throw out something. Right. I got to throw out five, 10% or 90. Right. What, what am I throwing out exactly? What's the percentage?

You would be throwing out 95%. Right. So I'm keeping the 5%. Yes. Keeping the 5. So you have a little bit of a template to work from. And also, you know what jokes you're not going to do. You have to strike a couple out right off the bat.

Yes. And go, well, somebody else thought of that. That helps narrow it down. And if it didn't come out of my bean. Yeah. Well, and I like a lot of times, I'll have the script sort of off to the side so when they call cut, I like to

roll up the script, kind of in a little you know, just roll it up and then I go over to the writer and I kind of pop him in the arm with the script and I go, you like what I just did there? And I think that makes him feel good about his job it's just a way to support a writer and encourage them yeah um but yeah i think um

um i i think of a script as just a template sure to build off or a blueprint to build my crazy buildings yes yeah yeah i i do i like to say uh of course that we are blueprint makers and golf course designers as writers because just go play yes right go play you know and you pick the club and you swing as hard as you want and it's just there's just sort of we've laid out this nice sort of fun nice looking golf course for you yeah and the actors can play on that here's the hole that's the act break just get it in there yeah and take your time and then we'll chop it up and it and it's a certain you know scripts serve a purpose because it's a great way to make a buttload of money when i'm not acting in movies.

And I think that is so important to this industry. If you're not acting and you're not making money or income, it's really nice to be able to continue making money with writing. Just to make sure that you constantly

have money. You can just do it right on your computer. Yeah, and it's a total fucking jerk-off. Now, Paul, you like to say that fame is just an illusion. Well, I like to say fame is just an illusion. I like to take a space. I'm sorry I stole that space from you, yeah. You just condensed it.

You sort of tightened it up. And it doesn't mean the same thing. Well, you're sort of like rock. You know, Chris Rock. Yes. Loves to make things concise and have no air. And I guess I'm sort of more of a Cosby. You know, I like to be.

Let it breathe. Let it breathe. But yeah, I have gotten in trouble before for saying that a lot of people don't like to hear it particularly illusionists or magicians hey that's our bag yeah they go magic is an illusion not fame and the fame we get from our magic that's not an illusion and um you know i i've had a falling out with a lot of the magician community because they kind of um there's a sort of an event diagram the comedy worlds and the magic world sort of cross um and not so much after wonderstone i think that's it's kind of made

things a little chillier and you weren't allowed to see now you see me is that right they wouldn't let you into the theater you put you paid for the ticket and then i said paul now you don't allowed to see Now You See Me, is that right? They wouldn't let you into the theater? You paid for the ticket, and then the door kept disappearing and moving when you tried to get in? Yeah, I would go up to the thing, and I'd go to grab the doorknob, and the doorknob would move up to the corner, and then I'd get a stool, and I'd get on top of the stool to reach the doorknob, and then it would move. Yeah, they kept a lot of magicians just outside the arc light just to keep people's eyes peeled

I wasn't the only one who was not getting in I mean I don't want to get anybody in trouble you were the main one the most famous one yeah there were some other comedians though who are I guess on the shit list of different magicians give us one scoop oh Marin

oh okay I think because Marin sounds like magician One scoop. Oh, Marin. Oh, okay. I think because Marin sounds like magician. It really does sound a lot like magician. It makes people competitive. Mark magician. I thought it might be fun to reach into the popcorn gallery. Oh, I would love to do that. Oh, yummy.

Some of our listeners have prepared some questions for you, Paul. Oh, great. I think sometimes the best questions come from people who aren't in the industry. That's how we feel, too. Because sometimes we don't even know what's interesting to ask because, to us, it's just sort of boring. Well, you're in it. Yes. Yeah, you're just so deep in it.

So here's a question from Clyde, listener Clyde. Clyde asks, What's the best social media for getting my projects to reach sky high? Well, you got a lot of choices. For me, I've just noticed, just in terms of sky highness yes i mean if that's what you're going for sky high um you know i just i feel like not a lot of people have said this but twitter is such a great way to have just an instant connection with your fans. Thank you. Yes.

Finally. That, you know, you can write a script and then it gets kicked up to the execs. They give their notes. They make their changes. And then by the time

your fans and your viewers are seeing it, it's a completely different animal. But with Twitter, I can say exactly what I want in any amount of characters I want.

Yeah. And reach the people I want to reach. Thank you. You guys feel the same way about Twitter? Because I've pissed off some people before when I've said that Twitter's a great way to have access to people. Well, you're not pissing us off, but we've run into the same meatheads who don't want to listen to Twitter is a great way to have direct access to your fans and really make them feel like they have a connection with you.

Which, of course, they don't. That's ridiculous. But it makes them feel that way, and that feels nice. Well, it's another illusion. It's another illusion. Sorry, Mark Magicians. It's tough in this business. There's so many times that I just go, what is real?

I think my connection to my fans is real. This money feels real in my hand. But have you ever thought about how money is just it symbolizes uh what a heap of gold somewhere well ever since fiat currency was put in place and the gold standard was we have a lot of opinions on this and we talk about it on the podcast a lot yeah so we shouldn't go too far down this road well like most comedians were libertarians and yes but the government that's in place right now in this country is a sham, and they certainly don't represent us.

He is not my president. They don't represent anyone. They don't even represent what they say they represent, which is a big part of why it's all some huge fucking shadow conspiracy bullshit. And I'll tell you, the second I can start making movies in Italy, I'm so out of here. Once that paperwork goes through. And guess who's holding it up?

Obama. Yeah, yeah. Uncle Obama and his little red war. Here's a question. Let's dip back in the popcorn bag. This one's from Hunter. Dude, I think I got the munchies. That's a cool sound clip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hunter asks, Paul, have you ever done something embarrassing by accident in a Hollywood situation, for example, on a movies or television set, on a stage, or in a very important meeting? If so, how did you handle it? Well, I don't think I'm going to be surprising anybody when I admit, you know, I have a, doctors call it a queefing syndrome. And so I've been in some situations where, well, I met Helen Mirren, and I like to say, I queefed

in front of the queen. Wow. It was at the queen premiere, and I'm a huge Mirren maniac. Yeah. And it was at the after party, and I went over to her, and I was just like, Ms. Mirren. It was embarrassing. I almost called her Ms. Marin.

Yeah. Sure. Mark was there too. And I went over to her and I, and she, I shook her hand and I guess she squeezed it just a little harder than I expected. I queefed.

Thank God she queefed at the same time to put you at ease. Yeah. She's just, she's a pro. You know, she could tell that I was in this business for that long. there's a lot of celebrities i'll be honest who would have just let me queef and be embarrassed about it and kind of have that power yeah trip of like i know you did i've never queefed but how when she did and um her husband was there the the director, Taylor Hackford, is that his name?

And he went, oh, baby, that stinks. I guess that wasn't so much of an embarrassing situation. Yeah, I wondered why you sounded like you were sort of dodging the question a little bit there. I also, my pants dropped accidentally once in front of Les Moonves, the head of CBS. Yeah. Was that a play on his name you were trying to do? Yeah. I said, Les Moonves, how about more moon-ing right now? And he said, what?

I don't get that. And you give him a little press i booked it i booked it guys and at the end of the day that's all that matters and they can't deny talent just you got to be so good they can't ignore you were saying something earlier about money i mean when you book something i i think that's part of the thrill is like you know you're gonna get money it's you know that it's cash in your pocket yeah and that is so good that's the most satisfying feeling it's the most satisfying feeling that you can have and I don't think there's any art left mm-hmm but I know there's money left mm--mm. And I'll take it. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And as long as you've already, I mean, I said that out loud practically, you know, as I was driving into LA, the first time I drove into LA, I was like, I know this isn't for art. This is for money and I'm okay with that. And with the hope, you know, in a few years, I know we all say this, guys, but I just love to retire and take my money

and just get a ranch and just start writing the stuff I want to write. That Hollywood money goes pretty far out in flyover country, we've found. Yeah, you can stretch it. Remember that feeling first driving into L.A. and seeing the city just kind of rise up before you and just

open its arms to sort of welcome you in open its legs well well that's there is a sexual element to the city you're right Sean there is there hey thank you I mean well that's very gross we're gonna dance around it what's gross I just don't think that that's... But you don't, I mean, to some extent, don't you think sex sells in this industry? Well, whether or not that's true, I don't think it's something that we should be endorsing, like implying that it's okay. Okay, you've never bought a ticket to a film just because there was a sexual element, perhaps an attractive woman, maybe like a... I mean, I don't want to give away too much of your type,

but maybe there's like a Whoopi Goldberg in it, or there's someone that you really admire. But what is it? And you kind of are going in there, yes, to see a good film, but also to get off a little bit in your downstairs area. This is a podcast, you know? Yeah, but we're supposed to be telling the truth about this town.

And I mean, I know we're getting a little bit into our lives here, but sometimes I think showbiz is our lives, is showbiz, is our lives. You know, it's just one loop. And when you talk about, I know when I'm talking about my life, I feel like, should this be a headline in Variety? Should I contact Nikki Fink? But Hayes, if you want to sit here and pretend you didn't get a high hard one during the help, then you go ahead and do it.

But I was sitting next to you and I know what I saw. Brett, I'm ending the show. Brett, end the show. End it. Thank you. Thanks, end the show. End it. Thank you. Thanks for listening, guys. Rate us on iTunes. What do we have in the pro version this week?

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