Hollywood Handbook - Simon Rich, Our Writer Friend

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

The Boys help SIMON RICH juice the comments of his Broadway play announcement “All In: Comedy About Love.”Get tickets to see Hollywood Handbook live and live-streamed in LA Oct 4th HERE!Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. You know what I mean? It's just like, I wasn't there, but I go like, okay, so now you don't wanna listen to our podcast because Hayes gave a hug to a quarterback's wife. Here comes Hayes and Sean.

It just like doesn't, to me it's like, Hollywood hamper. We should keep those things separate. And Hayes hugs everyone. There's the art and then there's the artist and, but, but I think that got us as many people as it lost us or more. Well, that, well, and that's not why we do anything.

Like Hayes is a hug machine. That is why I was doing it. But, and that is why I have become such a hug machine is like. Well, years ago, by the way, we had a similar thing where you hugged Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Yeah. And everyone was saying like, oh, she's the bad one on The View or whatever. And it was like, there's no bad one.

We talked about this recently on a pro version, but I do wanna say, and we'll get to your stuff in a minute, shouldn't it be called The Views? Oh, wow. Can I get your help on another title thing? Can you get another title thing for him? Yeah. Sorry, I've been up all night. It implies they've reached a consensus. Right? They have not. Can I get your help on another title thing? Can you get another title thing for him? Sorry, I've been up all night.

It implies they've reached a consensus. Right. They have not. Well, they better not. Yeah. Or I'm not gonna watch. That's it. So we're gonna do another Beetlejuice.

Yeah. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, too long. People are busy. Plus then he's gonna show up. Threedlejuice, there's already a movie called that, it turns out. Yeah, oh really? Unfortunately. But we can't do Threedlejuice.

Pretty good flick too. I don't wanna end up getting compared to Threedlejuice in case we don't deliver and then it's just like, oh, this is the bad Threedlejuice. So. If I knew we could beat them, fine. Yeah. Here's what's on the table. Beetlejuice, no.

Like, sorry. Like you're supposed to say like, Beetlejuice, no! Yeah, okay. Like that. Yep. Beetlejuice, attack. Same kind of thing, like Beetlejuice, attack! Right.

Young Beetlejuice, which like, it's still going to be Mike, but they're just like, I think they're just retconning that like he is young, that he's like. It would just be set, the events would take place before, but he shouldn't really look. No, they're saying now that he, they're just establishing that he's been young the whole time. Oh, this is what he looks like young. This is what he looks like young. That's actually, I mean, that works a little bit with how twisted the world is. Sure, yeah.

Because it's like, if that's what a young Beetlejuice looks like, what's gonna happen as he gets older, you know? Which I guess he doesn't. That, the young bride of Beetlejuice has been coming up. Yep. Yeah. And Beetlejuice colon Beats Mode, B-E-E-T, like.

And that's a collaboration with the Beats company? We could not get off the one yard line on that. Okay, you said BEE that's because we can't say BEEA We can't say BEEA because because of business affairs Yeah, and we were willing to change the spelling of his original name right and acts like yeah Everyone else was wrong because that's all this Mandela effect stuff. That's all real, like we did change it. Can I pitch mine because he's here and I've been shot down, Hayes didn't like it,

but I just thought Beetlejuicey. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because it is- And Mike really liked it. That's just on the table. Yeah, that's just hanging out. Well, it's, yeah, well it will be hanging out

in the poster. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, it's really close to Juice, but I just think there's a whole audience that we could bring into this thing that feels under service. Mike is very high on Beatlejussie, and I don't know. Yeah, but I don't think he knows why he likes it.

That's the, I mean, that's the power of a good title. It's been my experience with Mike. Yes. You don't know. Mike's talented, I mean that's the power of a good title. It's been my experience with Mike. Yes. Mike's talented, I mean really good. Yeah. But any of those or anything like anything, is that sparking anything?

Cause you've worked on some big, I mean man, I mean you've done a lot of big stuff. In terms of titles? In terms, that's what I was saying. I think I said that. Yeah. I felt like I said it was titles, but yeah. Yeah, gosh, I mean.

Happy to repeat myself. I think you- He did start out saying, can I get your help with another title thing, if that was unclear. Well, I'm happy to say again, as many times as we need. I think they should reuse the same title again.

Because then people on the first one are gonna say, go back to the first Beetlejuice. Whatever the most popular one was, just call it the same thing. Well, that's interesting because box office numbers are warped, obviously. Yeah.

It's like, I guess, like McDonald's, McDonald's doesn't change its name every time they open a new McDonald's. Time they open a new McDonald's. It's just McDonald's again. Yeah. So, you know, if it ain't broke, is sort of what I'm saying.

Well, but they do, you do refer to them by like their location, but they get to say on the sign, for that one sign, they say billions and billions served just for that one McDonald's. Yeah. Because they are,

Right. They're counting all the other McDonald's and so we could count the first movies. What if we called it Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice? Yeah. And say, you know, millions served or however many people have been served. Have been served by it.

Well, you could say that we've served millions. We could say we've served millions of people, the Beetlejuice. This whole like new title every time thing, I just don't. It is exhausting, isn't it? Because it's like- Mike, I just know Mike is gonna take this idea, which is strong, and say,

why don't we change the last two movies to Theedle just saying. Well he's also gonna say can we just call it The Founder? That's good. Just like he's like we're reusing a title, can we just call it The Founder? You're taking this McDonald's inspiration and you're saying like we use that name again. He's like why don't we use the name of that,

I was pretty good in that. I mean there's, he's talented but. There is an elegance to that. It's, yes. Just calling it the founder. It's not the lack of elegance that I'm responding to when I say that I don't wanna do it. It's that it doesn't really imply

that Beetlejuice will be in the movie to me. It's not founding anything. To me, I think it's better. Because he founded like a whorehouse inside the underworld. He's not found anything. This is his process. To me, I think it's better. I guess he founded like a whore house inside the underworld. Absolutely, not him. And so this is Mike's process

that I would prefer stay internal, but everyone- Sex worker house. Everyone- Sorry, I just don't wanna fucking get- Yeah, yeah. Railroaded by these fucking bitches out there. Listen to this show. Everybody's up my ass on every single,

it's like when I was growing up, that's just what it was called. And so give me a minute to adjust. Like I've corrected myself, so now everybody shut the fuck up. And they liked it as far as I knew at the time. It's like people would embrace that stuff. Look, I do the same thing, you know what I mean? There's like some would embrace that stuff look I do the same thing you know what I mean

There's like some nasty stuff people say to me, and I just fucking own it yeah Yeah, Mike's thing is that it's it's all that I'm a stupid asshole Right I mean I go I get on the show I go hey I'm just some stupid asshole you know what I mean, but like fucking Beetlejussie makes me laugh So let's do it. Sorry, you were talking. No, that's okay.

I'm gonna take a break. I just kind of feel like sometimes the more we talk, it's like they wouldn't. I gotta take a break. They wouldn't have noticed. They wouldn't have noticed. So I gotta underline every mistake, but it's like, but if they do notice,

you don't say anything, it's, you cannot win anymore on the internet. It's like you cannot win anymore on the internet. Let's- Simone Rich is here, right? We do that with some people. The dude is here. That's fine. The fucking big dude's here.

And it's- Big dude! I'm ready to be wowed, man. Blow me away. I was excited because I, you know, I always come to the show and I go like, I'm gonna have to do so much. And then this was a day where- I was excited because I always come to the show and I go like, I'm gonna have to do so much. And then this was a day where. I was excited too. Apparently I could just sit back

and I can watch you cook. That's it. And I was kind of like, as soon as I hear, so like Tommy Orange comes to us and he's like, hey, I got this guy to be on the show. He wants to feel like a big man, I guess. He's blowing me up. He bullied me last time he was here.

He's like power brok He bullied me last time he was here. Yeah. He's like power brokering this shit. Whatever he needs is fine. He's an intimidating dude. Tommy? Yeah. And he's just like, he's like.

Six eight. Yes. Strapping. Six eight. Yeah, strapping and strapped. Yeah. Yeah, he's, yeah, and he lays it right on the table. First thing, just puts it out there.

Yeah, and he goes, I have an ankle holster as well. Yeah. I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of times when I'm seeing him, I'm just trying to do a podcast. Right. You know?

Like get him to sign 50 books for me that I can sell. Right. Or it's Zoom and it's like, okay, like you have a gun over there is like not, what does that mean for me? Most you could do is hurt your camera. Right. You know?

Although one time he was on Zoom and I noticed that the background was changing and I started to realize that he was in my backyard zooming with me. Got it, yeah. But he's Mr. Books and we've had him on a couple times and then he, I guess, thought that was like licensed to suggest who else we have on.

He was like, you know, speaking of books. Imagine if literally any other guest. He's like, read Simon's book too and have Simon on. And I was like, okay, fine. Which by the way, congratulations, I don't get it. And it's not personal, it's not anything like, I'm some fucking stupid asshole, I don't know shit. But I'm looking at this thing. Explain it, maybe you can.

Yeah, I'd love to. Maybe you must get it. I'd love to be in on it. Because it feels like it's a lot of fun for the people who get it. I don't fucking get it. The book? Well, yeah, and there's a couple, no? Well, here's what I'll say about it.

I can't track it because it feels like it's starting over every time I fucking get like, well, every time I have my feet under me. Because you do different ones. You were saying the same. We call it the same. But they're all Every time enough for you. I guess you gotta do it every time I have my bearings and know where I am I go wait, this feels like a whole new thing I get that really eight or nine pages. Here's here's what I'll say about my most recent book

If you read it You will lose weight You will lose weight. Okay. Jesus. And that's guaranteed. A lot, a little, wear, a lot. A lot, I mean. Wear all over. 50 pounds.

Okay. 50 pounds. And so like if you're already, if you're under 50 pounds, you're dead. You're gone. You're gone. Yeah, okay. To begin with, yeah.

It is like, and it's stuff that. It'll just evaporate. Like, have you heard of Ozempic? No, so talk about this because I've been seeing a little bit of the letters from it, but I haven't really known why. I watched some events. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't- So the way it works is- Everyone's talking about them. You lose weight, but it's really it's like you have Cuz I you have to put the injections you have to put right in into your heart Yeah, and that's what have you seen like they like it's in the movie the rock Yes, where he has to put it into his heart the classic heart injection So that's how that works in a lot of movies. Can you be more? Yeah more specific? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's the one where he plays a tooth fairy

and it's like this really, it's this really sweet movie, but then in the middle he takes off his shirt and injects something straight into his heart. They were smart to just call that The Rock. Yeah. Yeah. Just get the people what they need.

Well, again, we only got just the McDonald's thing. Yeah. It's like, hey, The Rock's out again. Yeah. That's what people are gonna call it. Millions, hundreds of millions served. That's it, yeah, just keep it the rock. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call it.

And so it's similar to this? No, I'm saying that's the alternative. You could do the Ozempics. Or you could just read a book. Just read my book, Glory Days. I think a lot of people will prefer to get a gigantic needle stuck in their heart than read a book. It sounds faster.

Yeah. Right? There aren't any words, it's just a flip book. Okay, that's pretty fast. That's a fast book. It's like, shh. Jesus, man. If you know how to do it, I'm getting really good.

One of the fastest books known to man. I'm getting crazy good. There's only one faster. I can almost get to all the way to the end. You can still eat anything you want. Like, Ozempic, it stops the cravings. Yeah. But this, with my weight loss book,

the cravings actually increase. Yeah. And it's, but it doesn't, it's like- You're suffering. It's like, yeah. You want the food. It's like, have you seen the movie, Thinner? Okay.

He's just eating fried chicken, and just eating, and pizza, and french fries, but the way, you you seen the movie, Thinner? Okay. He's just eating fried chicken and just eating and pizza and french fries, but the way he cannot keep the weight on. Someone taught me that we're all born thinners. So, I don't really need to see that movie. I read the one book I need to learn about that, but your book sounds good too. Hollywood Handbook.

So Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Hayes and I both love Rocket Money, it's an incredible service. And one thing we thought could be kind of fun to do today because we have been using it for a little while

and we've been growing our savings is talk about what we're doing with the money that we saved. Where it used to be on unwanted subscriptions and it was just getting sucked up by these pointless programs or apps or whatever that we'd forgotten ever even getting involved with. And now we can use that money for things that are really exciting to us.

So you know, I'll go first and we're and the hashtag you can share how you're using your save money. The hashtag is going to be thanks rocket money. And so I'll say hashtag thanks rocket money. And for me, they've canceled some stuff that I wasn't using and I got a little extra money in my pocket and I am buying a laser printer to print out pictures of my wife.

And it's really exciting for me. I have some pictures that are on my computer and I had no way to kind of get them out of there. And now I have these pictures. I've got a stack of them in my glove compartment and stuff when I'm at a red light or whatever, I'll pull it out and I'll look at a picture of my wife that I printed on there.

And she's waving to me or sometimes she doesn't even, you know, sometimes she's not really engaging, but I have all these pictures now and they're printed up. Hashtag thanks Rocket Money. I've set a goal since now I can dine out a little more, I have a little disposable income, and I can enjoy myself a little more. I decided I am going to this year try every food.

I can only eat it once, and once I eat it, I can never eat it again. And what I've learned from that is that it seems like there's more foods than there are. There's like the, we think like, oh, hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, but when you can only have one of those one time and then never have it again.

Like you pretty quickly are struggling. You sort of run out of food really fast and are really kind of searching, having to drive really far for a new kind of food. And broadening the definition of what can even be considered a new kind of food. And broadening the definition of what can even be considered a food, I guess. Yeah, I mean, once you, I mean, you can only drive so far

also is what you learned. And they have a lot of the same foods in other places as they have here. So then we're getting into stuff that you didn't use to consider a food, but you did it. You drove so far, you might as well eat something. And you made this deal in doing your prayers, and so you will go to hell if you eat any food twice.

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and cancel subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys, rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Thanks Rocket Money. Guys speak like a whole new you with Babble, the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking.

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She's speaking from TV. What I remember is she was watching TV outside the store or something like that, a bunch of TVs stacked on top of each other. And then all of a sudden she's speaking the King's English. Is that that movie? I actually don't remember for sure. I'm not allowed to watch it again.

I do remember somebody watching a TV through the window of a store. I'm not allowed to watch bra centric movies anymore. No movie where it could even be argued that a bra. That a bra is a primary part of the plot. Yes. Which in Splash, if I'm not mistaken, it's the entire story.

I got away with a lot of bra movies. And then my house had a meeting. Man, I used to be living it up with some of these bra movies. Yes, gosh, you can't do that anymore. Because they show up on the order form like a normal movie. You know what I mean? Like, they don't look-

Yeah, they don't say anything about bra. The title's not like, and this is a commercial I wanna get, but the title's not like, Butt Vixens. You know, it's just not. It's something more like Splash or... Yes. Training day.

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The- I piggybacked on that, obviously. Yeah. And I went one step further to say they're not businesses and they're not even that small. The button stands that our listeners are setting up outside their house where they sell buttons to people passing by. That is small.

I, I, I just to apologize for my side of it first. That is small. I just to apologize for my side of it. First, that is small. The bucket is big. Yeah. But the, the button bucket is big, but the business itself is small. And the idea that they're like, well, it's hot outside. Everyone could use an ice cold button. Yeah.

Yeah, which, uh, you know, uh, I did not, um, understand. I still don't. That, but well, I, I have been educated, uh, by a lot of very compassionate people in the community. And apparently an ice cold button is the perfect solution to beat the heat. Designed in the community. And apparently an ice cold button is the perfect solution to beat the heat. Designed for small businesses and solo entrepreneurs, Found is in my opinion, the only financial tool you need.

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Apparently, like. Well, cause you're paying like the ice charge and you're paying for the button itself. And then there's like a, some sort of offset, like, payment plan you get into to fund the graphic designer who came up with the letters on the button, but they look normal to me.

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Whoa. Hollywood ham. We go through. Say the name of the book. The guy's here. It's like what is fucking book. He said it already. What's it called?

It's called Glory Days. Okay. I didn't even get that. Now Bruce is sick. Now's our chance, right? Now's our chance to pick up his scraps. Now I'm gonna own this. Boy, yeah, you threw a speed ball by him, all right.

Man, oh man, glory days, huh? Guess it's yours now. Well, good, good, I'm glad you did it. That's not even the main thing I think you wanna talk about. That's not even the main thing, and this is something that happens a lot when people reach out to- What happens in it?

Hmm. Glory days, what happens in it? Well, you're just, the pounds are just melting off. Yeah, but like- They're just melting, it's like- Oh, and it's just a flipbook, okay. And you're just peeing out, you're peeing out your own fat. But flipbooks still has stuff that happens. There's usually an event of flip book. Okay. And you're just peeing out your own fat. But flip book still has stuff that happens.

There's usually an event of some kind. Yeah. Is it an image of me getting thinner that I'm flipping through? It's like you, your body, it's like you flip it, it's like your brain shuts down and you kind of like convulse a little bit, but it's not like painful or it's only a little bit painful and when you're done with that cycle you've lost. Is it maybe that the flip book,

I mean like the flip book is like metal. Yeah. And so you do have to work like really hard to get the stuff to flip and like you gotta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this an idea because flip books kill my hand. Is there any kind of tool we can make, like a metal clip that you put on the edge

and then as you bend it, it flips the flip book for you? Because you're saying you can't get to the end. I can barely get through anything before I'm laid up in a hospital bed. Just kind of like a pneumatic thumb. Well what is it? I mean this seems like a better business than books, which my friends are fucking over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, flip, yeah. You would need a really good name for it. What are you into now? You're into books and live theater. So, and this is the other. Fucking guy. This is the other thing.

People reach out to do the show. They're like, hey, I wanna be on Hollywood Handbook. It's very innocent, always. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. Hey, I'm a fan of, hey, I wanna be on Hollywood Handbook. It's very innocent, always. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. Hey, I'm a fan of the podcast, I wanna go talk to you guys. Great, that's what we wanna do is just talk and hang out.

And then it's like, okay, here it comes. Then like a few days later, the fucking deadline article drops. And like, of course, they always know it's coming. They feel like they're springing it on us. They wanna rub it in our fucking face. I had this thing recently. Yes. Yeah. like they're springing it on us. They wanna rub it in our fucking face. I had this thing recently.

Yes. Yeah. And they wanna like come on the show and have us like scream and cry like, oh, like why, another opportunity for someone else and not for us. And I'll do, I'll put on a little show, like oh, like pour me, like I'm, you know,

stuck here on my fucking shitty podcast. Make you feel like a big man, like pour me. Like I, you know, stuck here on my fucking shitty podcast. Make you feel like a big man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just doing a podcast and you're doing a whole book and a whole live theater show. But so of course the deadline article drops

three days ago that the Broadway show is coming out. But don't you think Deadline is taking their cues from you? Like, But don't you think Deadline is taking their cues from you? Like, when you book somebody, Deadline's like, oh, what's, holy shit, what's going on there? That feels good, that Deadline has a personal vendetta. They wanna make me scream and cry.

Yeah. And stop my feet and kinda like lie down and start kicking my legs out. I wonder who could be leaking the guest info info to Deadline. Who's the mole? Who's the mole? So that they can get out in front of it. Yeah. Well, there's only one other person here.

Right, yeah. It wasn't as satisfying like a mole hunt as I was kind of hoping for. It was quick. It kind of resolved in my head. Immediately. Really fast. Yeah, there is that, but then as I think a little deeper,

and I hate to get like galaxy- Kevin goes by Mike Fleming Senior, and I never really knew what that meant until now. Mike Fleming Jr., of course, a very famous deadline article writer. Yeah. But there's just no way that anyone, if that is a publication that is real,

which I know it is, there's no way anyone there is willingly communicating with Kevin on a regular basis. So he must actually be deadlocked. Maybe he is. You know what I mean? How often do you think the people who work there make jokes about something being due by a certain,

you know, the dead, by the way, don't forget, 6 p.m. is your deadline for your article. And that's not just the name of your job. Like how often do you think they go to that well? You think they're in like an office together? I'm gonna go back. Yeah, in the skyscraper where there are newspapers. I've decided to go back to Mike Fleming Sr.

Kevin, I thought based on his behavior was spelling it M-I-C-P-H-L-E-G-M-I-N-G, senior. Cause that's basically what he's doing on like, it's like it's his job, it is his job. Fleming up mics. Let's pull this thing up. But how often do I think they make those deadline jokes? Yeah.

I think they must have done it at least once. John Mulaney sets Broadway return and Simon Rich's just announced all in comedy about love. This is already going on forever, sorry. Joins Fred Armisen, Renee Elise Goldsberry, Chloe Feynman and Richard Kind. But I also think you should mention the advertisement that popped up, which, well, first it was

a wrongful death lawyer. And now, as I started speaking, it's shifted to vaginal cancer. Advanced vaginal cancer. And now it's... So that's, So so that's Yeah, that's interesting. That's who goes to see your shit. Yeah You think oh you think it's the the algorithm is is a well, come on man. They know what article they're under It's a picture of John Mulaney under it it just says courtesy Which in this case normally they say courtesy like a person

who submitted the photo. In this case, that's just the name of the photo and that's kind of the vibe he's giving off. That's the title that the photographer gave it? Yes. Yeah. The world premiere of Simon Rich's all in, colon, comedy about love, will launch a limited

Broadway run this December. Why is it so limited? Yeah. Why is it so limited? Why are we putting limits on ourselves? Yeah, I don't know. Why are we ever putting ourselves in a box like that? I gotta talk to that.

Simon, all you've achieved. I gotta talk to that photographer about that. And now suddenly we've decided to limit our own Broadway run. Is it not that the run itself is limited, but the show is limited in some way? Yeah, no, don't worry. They're not talking about like how many weeks.

It's gonna run for a really long time. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna run for 10 years. The show will go forever. But the content has been very limited by the creator. It's like, yeah, it's more about that. What elements did you choose to limit? Just by the creator. It's like, yeah, it's more about that. What elements did you choose to limit? Just like the ambition. Yes, okay.

Some of these shows, it's like, Jesus, man. Yeah, just like the basic. Relax. Da da da da da da da. Yeah. Just tone it down. It's not that deep, like. Tone it down. It's just the chorus line.

That's it. It's not that fucking deep, fam. It's not high down. It's just a chorus line. That's it. It's not that fucking deep, fam. It's not high stakes. It's just chill out. Bunch of dancers. Jesus. You don't even know what play they're trying to be in. I know, it makes me sick.

So none of that in this. No, no, no, this is, yeah. Just people looking at their phones on stage. Going for a single. And this is Ichiro. Ichiro in batting practice could fucking yoke dingers like whenever he wanted. But that's not how you actually play the game.

You slap it. You get guys on. That's it. You gotta get on base for the next show. That's it. Then it drives you in. The play will be, and then there's some other stuff. Well, let me say this,

because it says rotating cast to include John Mulaney in his first Broadway production since 2016's Oh Hello. Does that have anything to do with you? Well, no, but I'm trying to see whether the drug below. I just feel like it's paragraph one of your play announcement. Ask your doctor about Keytruda. Yeah, this is true. That's still the vagina cancer.

That's the same word, it's the same medication. And it is brought to you by Merck, which the first ad was for like a wrongful death thing, which is really somebody being Merck'd. Yep. A new treatment for adults with certain types of advanced endometrial cancer. Mm-hmm.

Endometrial cancer. You know, okay. So the new rich play, see this is coming right off, since 2016's oh hello, the new rich play, but that one right off since 2016 so hello the new rich play But that one wasn't yours. No, you just think it's weird that it's like paragraph one. They're talking about this other show. I mean Did you? Yeah, are you involved in this like that one? I mean The structure of it is strange to me when the photographer

Titles their picture, you know, it's, they also get to kind of contextualize. It's like, so she put the titles, courtesy, and you know, it's the juxtaposition of the photograph with the cancer ad. It's all of a piece. Mm-hmm. It's like its own little... It's all of a piece. But I'm talking about the announcement itself and the structure of it is strange to me. It's surprising to me. And what's interesting to me also,

go to the headline. Yeah. It's, in Simon Rich's just announced all in comedy about love, it's like you're announcing it. Yeah. So I guess that is true. It was just like.

It is the announcement. It is the announcement, right? Oh, you know, how, well, I, you know how, well I, you know. My wife did this. I'm trying to remember. She was like, in regards to the just announced I'm leaving you, I said, this is how I find out? Hey, back up.

You know what I mean? I think we need to do away with this format for announcements. And so what I'm noticing with this article is this is from September 9th. It's already fallen off trending. Yep. Scroll down. It's not on any, you know, It's not even on, yeah, it's gone.

Right-hand column, it's completely, you know, Shannon Sharp, he has sex one time and that makes it on here ahead. Beetlejuice stuff, like, on here had Beetlejuice stuff. We gotta get this back on the right-hand column. Absolutely. Harvey Weinstein almost dies and he gets on ahead of a Broadway show for people with cancer.

Just announced. But there is some fine print above that. If you go up a little bit, there is fine print. Maybe that's about the show. go up a little bit, there was fine print. Maybe that's about the show. Go up a little bit more. Breakthrough immunotherapy. No, this is the cancer treatment as well. Oh, I was hoping that would be more about it.

The Broadway show. Let's keep going. I think we gotta juice the comments here a little bit. Can I say this too? Go up to, I wanna see one more thing, go up, okay, the play will be performed by a rotating cast of four actors in 10 weeks, additional casting through the rest of the run will be announced soon. Just to say it, you gotta get me in this show, Simon.

Oh yeah, well I don't, you gotta. How much is it rotating, like is it like, is it like really rotating? Yeah. Pretty hard? You're gonna make me nauseous? Yeah, it's too fast. It's one of those astronaut things. It's like you're just,

you have to really go to Houston and prep for a long time. First comment, anonymous. I love John Mulaney. Go ahead and put your name on that. What we want is to cultivate an environment where people are willing to share that they love John Mulaney, the star of your show, while identifying themselves.

We aren't there yet. Somebody was really frightened of that position. Yes, yes. To admit. Well, and this is the culture we live in. We talked about this, you know what I mean? I can't even say whorehouse on my own podcast. September 8th, 10th, there's somebody, yeah,

on a Monday or Tuesday morning, I forget what, they had this thought that they love John Mulaney, but they were like, I- Found somewhere to put it. But they, yeah, exactly, but they just, ah. It's the worst of both worlds because- What did people find out? You got someone who's too afraid to put their name and then underneath

Corey Levi is comfortable being associated with this. Which is driving traffic away from him. Corey Levi wrote the first comment at 9 50 a.m. on September 9th and salted the earth for the entire comment section. Yep. And Corey wrote, no! Broadway is not the place to work out lost SNL skits. There are far more deserving stage actors and musicians whom could truly benefit from a limited run production beyond a vanity slash post rehab project. Can you look up Corey Levi for me, Kevin?

So Corey, and look, you're lost in SNL skits. What else are you going to do with them? You lost them. They couldn't be on the show at the time because you, they were missing. Yeah. Now you're not on the show anymore. I found them. You found them.

Where else are you going to, of course you're going to put them on the show anymore. I found them. You found them? Where else are you gonna, of course you're gonna put them on Broadway. Yeah, yeah. Like where else do you want them to go? You're gonna not work them out? Ooh, we found, oh, E.T.R.S.S. That's not him, that's a different spelling. Are you sure? C-O-R-Y, we need C-O-R-E-Y.

Oh, the Korlev legal. Korlev legal might be Corey Levi. 10,0, 15 followers. I'm just pushing something bigger. This looks like our man. This looks like our man. Montreal, Canada. Quebecois businessman.

Yep. Okay. Yeah. Seems to be the type, right? I mean, it's like. Who would be so jealous? Yeah. And also my SNL sketches are like famously anti-Saparatist.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's kind of just the whole gestalt of all of them, even if it's not literally. You had that funny opening where you changed the lyrics of Oh Canada to be No Canada. Exactly, yeah. Reoccurring sketch. Yeah, I was surprised when they did it again.

Yeah. That really surprised me to see it again. But it's one of those things where it's like, Tom Hanks is like, I want to be on, I love that, I want to do it. Mick Jagger, like, I want to do, everyone wants to do it. Yeah.

So you have to kind of do it to like give the host one. And be a part of that. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin, let's get into these comments. So, we have to do a bunch of these. We have to overwhelm Corey's influence here.

Can I actually just bring up something? So Simon, you're kind of famous for these short stories. Kind of famous. Shout, what's your, what are your advanced stats for shouts? What's your win rate? How many shouts versus how many murmurs? Versus murmurs, yeah.

What are we stacking up? I go for an even mix. Even mix, okay. That's the goal, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like what are we, what are we stacking up? I go for an even mix. Even mix. Yeah. Okay. That's the goal, yeah. 50, 50, 50. 50 shouts and 50 murmurs. Yes.

Okay, wow. That's so many. Yeah. And then he's limits his own Broadway production. I know, I know. I mean, but, you know. Volume shooter when it comes to shouts and murmurs. But you do these short stories.

Yeah. You're kind of famous for them. And what I'm noticing is, the size of the comment box. Yeah. Is there any greater place in our society for a short story than the comments under a deadline article? I mean, that is the modern day short story.

Yeah, absolutely. Is like, this is where we're actually experiencing these things. Whether it be a Quebecois businessman, you know, sort of railing against the evils of lost SNL skits being worked out in a venue where true actors could be performing. Yeah. Or whether it be, you know, someone expressing their love for a comedian, secretly. You could say that this is our town square, our acropolis. It's our acropolis.

Our acorah, yes. Right. Yes, yes, yes. Our globe theater. Yes. This is yes. This is. Our commedia dell'art.

So let's write a story in here. Okay. Kevin, start, just start it with. Interior. Do not. Interior. Interior. How do you, do you start all your stories interior?

I guess exterior if you're. Usually interior. Yeah. Yeah. Just to try to keep my Shouts of Armor scripts really talky. Interior. Sort of an indoor kid. Like finish this out here. Cause you're like. Interior. Sort of an indoor kid. Like, finish this out here,

because you're like, you're like. You got my number. I know, I mean. You always got my number. You're the scene heading guy. Everyone like knows around town, like, gotta get Simon in here. Simon is the scene heading killer.

Okay, interior gynecological cancer research facility. Okay, yeah. On call, yeah. An interior gynecological cancer research facility. Okay, yeah. On call, yeah. Okay. Gynoncology. And then hyphen Quebec. Kevin, when it comes to spelling this. Interior slash exterior.

Kevin is not really a speller of it. Kevin says he can do anything else gynecological except spell it. But this is a dialogue line. That's the only thing he has. This is not a subject. Somebody is saying this. Someone is saying, oh, okay.

And it's off screen. Okay. So Kevin, it shouldn't be all caps. It should not be all caps. It should be in quotes because someone's saying it. It should be, we don't know who's saying it. I mean, it shouldn't be all caps. It should not be all caps. It should be in quotes, because someone's saying it. And it should be, it should be, we don't know who's saying it. I mean, we, as the authors know

that it's going to be our friend Levi. Okay. But for now, it's just, it's just, So we, so put Corey- High-pitched voice man. Yeah, high, yeah. So put Corey Levi in the name again as well. But that's like, that's who he is.

High-pitched voice man. Parenthetical jealous. Jealous, off screen. And then he just blurs out this bizarre thing. Kevin likes to say, gynecological, I don't care what you call it, just don't call me late for dinner. That's what he says about this specifically. Corey Levi.

It's also important that this all has to be in French. Yes. So just make sure to translate it before we publish. You can do that. I just saw a thing where the phone was doing that. Yeah. But it's like they speak a very specific kind of French in Quebec. It's not, you know. They get all pissed if you do the wrong.

If you're wrong by even just a hair. Yeah. You know, so Corey Levi, this is the real Corey Levi is saying dialogue. This is the real Corey Levi. You got somewhere to be. I just got a bill for $17,000. Too much. What for? Landscaping.

Mm-hmm. And this is what, that's what Kevin calls this. Got it. Personal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hygiene. That's cute. Yeah.

Doc Talk, deadline, Doc Talk, listen now. Doc Talk. There's an dr. Dr. Talk to plus Cory Levi, this is the real Cory Levi speaking Mm-hmm You just sweet to Quebec that's right Uh-huh, just sweet Quebec just sweet just sweet Quebec just sweet, Quebec Just Swede, Quebec. Just Swede, Quebec. Just Swede, Quebec.

Uh... The below... Cory Levi... Is... Now what's like a good... Le Impostor. La Grenouille. I took French until...

G-R-E-M. Oh. Do it, dog. Good. I hurt my back doing that. Yeah, the couches aren't set up for us to connect. They're not right. It's not.

I, the real Corey Levi, think that Broadway is the perfect place to work out lost SNL sketches. Got a little something going on over here. That's fine, I'll just do the show. Well, maybe this is the show. Oh, I'm used to it, no, it's fine. To work out lost SNL sketches.

And what else did he say? Well, he said that there's much more deserving. And there are no more deserving. No more deserving. And it's not 9 50 AM. It's the middle of the night. Yes. Performers.

It's the middle of the. And it's the middle of the night. And this is the perfect post rehab project I Wonder if you mentioned that there are also no there are no more deserving Yes, yes, we said there are says that there are no more no more to get a form. I make sure and it's the middle of the night I Had heard that this was like your writers room.

I had never like seen, we've never worked together and never like seen you in action. But like your technique, people are like, he does this amazing thing where it'll be like, did we say this? There'll be something on screen and you'll go, did we remember to put this up? Did we say that?

Yeah, and it's all, all is somebody has already done it. And it's like a magic touch you have where like, it was already written out. It's such a confidence builder to be like, okay, we did check that out. Yes, it's so affirming. Like it's just like, oh, that must be the right thing.

It's so easy to focus on what still needs to be done and to not take a moment to kind of pat yourself on the back for it. Hey, we got this sentence in there. Yeah. And so I do think it's a huge morale boost. So Henry Ford would go and shake hands with every single person in the factory every day

from the lowest, just most disgusting lowest of the low. Yeah, just scum. Gross scum. Filthy scum. Just covered in grime. He would go in with his gloved hand and shake their disgusting hand. Mm-hmm, and throw out the pair of gloves,

put on a fresh pair of gloves for every single person. Straight to the next person, yeah. And to see if they- Cuke. Incredible leadership. If they hurt their hands or something too, because if their hands got messed up or something, then they gotta get the fuck out of here. That guy's out.

Out of there. Yeah, some people he obviously wouldn't do it with. Yeah. Yeah. For the website, copy the URL for the article and put it in the website field. So it's like, this is the real article. This is actually like, not only is this a real Corey Levi, this article is my website.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And yeah. Like I'm really like posting up it like this is like, I'm claiming this shit. You know what I mean? And for the email, Simon, give me your email real quick. Yeah, it is just that deadline.

The email is your email as well. Which is a coincidence. Got it. Okay. And put for email at the end, just be like, I go through Tommy Orange, I guess. I don't do my own booking. Yeah, ask Tommy.

Post. Post. Post the comment. And so this is, and then Deadline just publishes this as an article? Yes, this is how, I always wonder- This becomes the real article. That's how Greg Evans, whoever this guy,

I've never heard of this guy, he gets to write this article? No, he just like posts a thing. Where the hell is it? Wait, I don like posts a thing. Where the hell is it? Wait, we just. Where the hell is it? What happens? It's got a, you know, like like like you like you said, like they're very they're very busy.

I guess their offices are pretty far away. Yeah. And the skyscraper is very tall. It's got to like shoot up the pneumatic. Yeah, right. When this hit, they're mad at coded episode. When this hits their desk though, when they run it in, they're in the middle of a board meeting. Oh my God.

They're gonna start shitting bricks. They know, we fucked up. We posted the fake Corey Levi's comments. Corey Levi is fucked. Jeez. Let's do another one. How do you start, how do you come up with your ideas? Hmm.

You're cause you do write these crazy stories and they'll be about like truly like weirdo stuff. Yeah. And, and, and I, I find myself wondering where,, this sick fuck, how did he, you know, what the fuck is going on upstairs? And so I'd like to start one, I'd like to have a comment. Are these new comments? Did they not let you do another one on this one, Kevin?

We could do another. I don't know if it will post, but we can try. Well, the first one's not gonna post. New comment. The first one didn't post. It's not gonna post. Why isn't it post? This is Richard Kind. Mmm.

I'm pulling out of the project. Oh, no. What if he reads this and thinks that he wrote it? But. He might actually not do the project. If you are Richard Kind reading this, this is you. Stand by. This is you for real.

Oh no. I still want the show to succeed. Oh okay. This is getting better. We need someone to replace me who can replicate my unique physicality and comedy style. Sean. This is a powerful comment. This is, Sean is doing the show and this is the real article. Whoa.

The other article was lying. This makes me nervous. Why? I just kind of what are you scared of? The reality shifting under your feet. Oh, the mainstream media can actually be lying. What's the worst that could happen? I'm in the show. That actually sounds like a very positive outcome. Maybe we could. Richard's a little overexposed. We could put it all in like quotes. So it's like sarcastic. That's right, cause Richard Kind's saying it.

Yep. Put it all in quotes. And put Richard Kind at the beginning, colon. Maybe like a LOL at the end. So people know it's not real. I'm just worried people are gonna think this is real. The other article was lying LOL Parentheses lying out loud. Oh, no lying online lying online lying online Prentice

And I hope you have good lawyers. The other article is lying, parentheses, lying online. Yeah, and we didn't put LOL, but I think that that part we didn't need. No, we don't need that. Lying, parentheses, lying online. And they have good lawyers and I don't. So don't even bother if you're reading this and you're me. Lower A1. What's the, now we're getting an ad for jar dance.

Yeah. Which is for, which cancer is that for? Well, this is for reducing something. So this is actually not, this is is they want you to reduce something it's gotta be inflammation. Am I crazy? I mean, what else would it be? Who else is in this show?

Renee. I'm here with Renee as well. She's out. Yeah. Change the second E to a G. She's about to renege on her, on her commitments. Gosh. The.

And change Goldsberry to Oldsberry and change Barry to News. Olds News. Reneg Olds News. news. Reneg Olds news. Both of us need to be paid out in full. Oh no. And Sean will be securing the bag as well. We know you've got it. So I didn't realize with these comment boxes that there's more space. You can't keep going. Because I usually when there's like a box it implies like the edges of the box are the limit. I thought we were just going to run into the end of the box.

But this is like the same thing you did with your Broadway run. And you didn't pose these limits. That's what that's yeah because. Because that's how books work right? Like there's the book and like you're done, you're done. Yeah, when you write a book, they give you the book and the pages are blank. And they say, so you know, okay, fill the pages.

Yeah, this is how many pages your book is. With your flip book, yeah. But with a comment box, I guess it's- Some of yours, you must go like, oh, it's only this many pages, can I even still call this a book? Right. And they're going like, yeah, dude.

Yeah, man. Just like, we're the fucking book company, do whatever you want. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've literally had that conversation. Bye. Oh! Hollywood handbook.