Hollywood Handbook - Tom Scharpling and Julie Klausner, Our Close Friends
Episode Date: September 26, 2023The Boys chat with TOM SCHARPLING and JULIE KLAUSNER about joining the Hat Pack and their new Patreon (which you can join here). Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/TheFl...agrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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this is a head gum podcast
i'll just finish showing you guys around that's the cactus uh over there in the in the corner
um did you get a you see it tom what's that the that? The cactus? The cactus, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's very nice.
When someone's giving you a tour, it's just nice to...
Just acknowledge and go like, oh, gorgeous.
Oh, gorgeous.
Thank you.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That interesting story behind that, Mitch has gotten very shy.
Mm-hmm.
And so he will kind of...
Mitch is the cactus?
No, Mitch is...
Mitch from Doughboys.
Sorry.
Doughboys is part of the HeadGum family.
Averse.
Shows.
Yeah.
The HeadGum family averse.
And he'll sort of creep into the corner, you know,
like if a guest is like doing a...
Like kind of has a big energy, you know?
If he's dealing with an extrovert yes
then Mitch will sort of do a little creep
into that corner there
and sort of stand in the corner facing the corner
like um
Blair Witch Project
and he poses like the cactus
he gets right behind the cactus and does this
it's very similar to Blair Witch Project, except it is Blair Witch Project.
And Sean, is that your hat on the seat next to you?
Yeah.
Is that your seat's hat?
I mean, your hat seat?
This hat is here to honor Hayes.
This is for Hayes, who unfortunately was hoping to be present for the record and actually got sucked into the computer.
And I really appreciate you voluntarily entering the computer, Julie, to try to get him out.
You're on timeout.
I'm in timeout New York as 27 things to do this weekend.
Okay.
That's my Tony's.
That's my,
like when people talk about the Tony's.
Yeah.
It's the 27.
T-O-N-Y.
27 things to do in T-O-N-Y.
Time out New York, yeah.
Yeah.
Beautiful article.
And I've never managed to do all 27,
but it's a lot of fun to try.
Well, what you do is you do one an hour and then you do three more wow okay that makes sense i gotcha yeah now 27 addresses women in stem anyone
am i in the hollywood handbook rhythm tom i can't tell if we are i'm not sure what's in yeah i don't know you know
what i mean like there's like there's that uh you know time is what what is the barrier when you go
from earth to space and you have to the sound barrier that's where yeah i'm not sure if we're
yeah because in space no one can hear you laugh yeah to quote ed kotch how
am i doing how are we doing julie i have no idea they're doing that thing they do to us
where it's just they keep you off balance i refuse but that's why i came in today giving
you a tour of the studio no the couch is couch is lumpy. The water glass was filled weirdly 60%, which just spooked me out.
It was not a little bit of water, but not enough water either.
It was just a weird amount of water in the glass.
Right at the level where you're always afraid to take a sip because you're like, well, then I won't have enough.
Or is this somebody else's?
It gums up your head. That's? It gums up your head.
That's why it gums up the works.
Kevin always says when people come in, he goes,
can I get you anything?
Sorry, your free drink didn't meet your specifications.
Kevin says, can I get you some water?
Yeah.
But your shot is also a little weird.
It's not the Kubrick Center.
What is that called? Oh, yes. Kubrick Center. the Kubrick Center. What is that called?
Oh, yes.
The Kubrick Center.
I just want to fit in.
Julie,
there's, you know,
to this pair of pants I bought.
Oh, there it is.
Then I produce
the tiniest pair of pants yeah and you say is this prop comedy
and I say give me some props and we'll find
out yes Tom
I just want to say that we arranged a few
pre-rehearsed bits
yes
so we're not laying
a path to those bits
is that the issue? No no no Julie got one in
Julie's already doing one of the bits
Julie did get one in I've got eight to get to i got one leg in these pants yeah the water thing
was improv yeah that was not one of the written ones i know that was crowd work basically that
was basically crowd being the cup of water yeah yeah, yeah. Well, it was Crowder work.
Because if you know Steven Crowder, as I do very well, more than my mother, my sainted mother,
you know that he likes to drink beverages out of a mug and he goes, mugs up, right?
He loves his mugs so much.
And they've got a real murderer's row over there. Yes. When you look at the talent, whether it's a Brian Callen or Alex Jones.
Yeah.
It's just, who's going to make me laugh more today?
Or a Gilgo Beach Killer.
I'd like to talk about the Gilgo Beach Killer.
The Gilgo Beach Killer?
I gotta say.
You can't make a murderer's row without this murderer, the Gilgo Beach Killer? You can't make a murder without this murderer,
the Gilgo Beach Killer.
I was under the impression that this was... I heard Hollywood Handbook got a new network.
I said, terrific.
I said, is it one of those murder networks?
Yeah, finally, we're going to be dealing with
what we've been dancing around for a long time,
which is talking about the Gilgo Beach killer.
Yeah, yeah.
This guy, you know, for all the things he's done that are bad,
he has absolutely put Gilgo Beach on the map.
There's just no question about it.
None of us were talking about it two weeks ago.
No.
Literally, we were not speaking about it,
or whenever he started well
it's been called gil stop beach you just have to type in gilgo even at this point and gilgo beach
killer completes it autocomplete yeah no the internet is aflame with news of this killer who
and we're saying a lot of what was done was bad. We're actually saying we
hate that. We don't know yet.
Too soon. But we can see
All we know is the cops
did a great job because
everybody likes it when a show goes
on for a really long time. And what's
the strike about? More episodes,
right? We want bigger rooms, more episodes.
These wonderful
policemen
well you watch these documentaries you know uh uh and and they're eight episodes you go this is
only four episodes worth of stuff yeah oh and somebody had the presence of mind to say what if
we let so much happen that we could occupy the full eight so that you're not
dealing with filler and repetition in the same way like when tom and i play jazz at smalls yeah
sometimes tom will take out his trumpet and i'll be like let him go yeah let him go Let's see where this solo goes. Benernit.
Tom, if you could use a hat pack hat as your... I know you've been looking for a new trumpet.
Mute.
Sure.
Look, I'd be willing to try one.
Can I see that hat for a second?
Yeah.
So you mean when I'm like...
Yeah, when you put it on the end. Yeah. so you mean when I'm like yeah
when you put it on the end
yeah
it almost looks like you're fanning
not a bad mute
it almost is like you're fanning off your axe
because it's so hot
yeah
look with these documentaries
this Gilgo killer didn't use an axe sorry go ahead I was, with these documentaries, sometimes... This Gilgo Killer didn't use an axe.
Sorry, go ahead.
I was just saying, these documentaries,
sometimes there's...
Transylvania doesn't have so much vamping and stuff.
That's one of my eight.
That's one of my eight.
Speaking of which, with these vampires, right?
Yeah.
These daywalkers.
Anybody tired of these daywalkers?
I'm sick of them. their strengths none of their weaknesses
what's up with that who's who's uh bright idea was this yeah uh who's bright sun that doesn't
make you burn and these day walkers I see on the picket line
got their complicated
rhythm sections and so
forth.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yes?
So the Gilgo Beach Killer is like
he posts to
IG, he posts like a nice fit to
IG and you could caption
if you wanted to comment on that, you could
say Gilgo Gaggins.
Yeah.
You could.
Yeah. Gilgo
Gaggins. Yeah.
What about like
Fit Go
Killer?
Girl? Fit Go Killer.
Just like the Fit Go killer yes the fit go killer
i'm gonna need you to say that like four or five more times in order for me to like
know how i feel about it fit go killer more like the killer what about the oOTD killer? Like the outfit of the day killer.
The OOTD killer.
Or what about like the get ready with me killer?
Well, Gilgo OTD.
Days like that.
Look at his.
Get ready with the Gilgo Beach killer. Yeah.
The TLDR killer.
Just standing motionless in front of the mirror.
This guy.
First of all, I think it's fun to have a serial killer named Rex.
I'll put that out there.
That's his name?
Yes.
I think this might be a dog.
Well, they're like, we found the bones.
They're buried in different parts of the yard.
The cops yelled to the other cops, Murphy, you're out of line.
I mean, it's going gonna be a great doc series it's gonna be 1100
episodes yeah because they really did draw it out yeah they made a movie about it before they
caught him and then they caught him and they were like uh you know like uh chris farley and adam
sandler in that gay beer commercial they were like thank you gay beer
I think I'm gonna like it here
I think I'm gonna like it here
what's the best picket line
sighting you've had celebrity wise
I think I can beat
anybody
fellas you wanna go first
are you asking me
it's like poker now this is like
writer strike poker isn't it yeah i don't want to show my hand until i know what the other guys
listen one of the things we're marching for is transparency
yes well i mean i i guess the most fired up i got the entire time was
when i saw the queen bee herself.
On the picket line.
Fran D.
You saw Fran?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's so funny you said that because my answer was going to be Duncan Crabtree, Ireland.
DCI, baby. DCI, baby.
Nah, man.
I got a little eye for Andy.
That's awesome.
I got a friend who came for Christmas.
It was
something else, man.
You were
dreshed to kill.
All white everything.
Really?
Stunning.
It was powerful.
I got fucking fired up.
Yeah, good.
That's what she does.
That's the job.
What about you, Hayes?
I saw Fran as well.
Is Fran Tarkenton?
Yes.
Is that Greg Tarkenton's relative?
No, it's spelled differently.
I think it might have been a scheduling thing where everyone was really excited.
We got Fran at the picket today.
And it's Franan tarkington's i mean like i thought i did think it was going to be fran drescher still really exciting he gave a speech
that was like pretty quiet but still did like fire everyone everyone had to like get really
close but people still did get like really excited and it was about... Julie, you know who this is?
Nope.
He's a leatherhead, basically.
I know you're familiar with the leatherheads.
Is that old-timey football players?
Exactly.
You know the poster where they're all looking at the camera?
Yeah, that's fun.
I like that.
That's fun.
I'd watch the Super Bowl if it was that.
That's what happened at the time when they were leatherheads.
Yeah.
And he was wearing one of the leather helmets.
Yeah.
Looking like John Krasinski in the movie Leatherheads.
He's on the poster and he's making a face that's like, I'm about to be a
huge movie star.
And we're making a face
like, not yet, John.
Is it Leatherface who makes the winning
touchdown?
Leatherface
must technically be a leatherhead.
Yeah. If you're going to sit
here and tell me that the face is not part of the head,
you and I are going to go 15 rounds.
Mm-hmm.
Bare knuckle.
Forget it.
Right.
No holds barred.
Somebody tries to tell me the face isn't part of the head.
Oh, that's when I get very activated.
Yeah.
I'm not going to just sit and listen to that.
Who's your best picket line sighting?
Tommy, you're going to win this one.
I know it.
Uncle Leo from Seinfeld.
Wow.
Amazing.
Boom.
Casey, you might want a new mic cause Tom dropped this one
mic drop moment
when he said Uncle Leo from Seinfeld I was like
mic drop moment
and we can't drop them they're on these arms
they're mounted
they will fall off if you touch them at all
I could unmount the mic from the base
could undo all the screws and stuff
yeah
he did not know anything about the strike, to be fair.
Okay.
He was lining up.
He was like, is this the line for bagels?
He just saw people.
He still has the eyebrows that Elaine drew on him.
He still does, yes.
They couldn't get those.
She used a permanent marker.
He's still kind of mad about it but
he still kind of knows it's what a lot of people recognize for him so he has to kind of own it
i have two white whales with the with the pickets which is i've heard bill erwin is out and about
and i have also i've missed mandy patenkin but i I do think Mandy is overseas now rehearsing for his show in London,
so he might be a lost cause.
But those were the two people
I wanted to run into most.
Irwin, my favorite clown.
I was trying to remember
how Uncle Leo's eyebrows
got burnt off in the first place.
I don't know.
Kramer poured gasoline on his face.
I'm bad at this.
Jesus, that sounds like a dark
episode. That sounds like a true crime episode.
It was kind of a crazy episode.
It was a rough one.
Yeah.
Now, which episode was the Gilgo
killer in for
Seinfeld? Or was that a curve? Well, they think Kramer is gilgo killer in for sign or was that a curve well they think kramer
is the go-go killer kramer kramer gets mistaken for the go-go killer i mean his crimes went back
that far i will say that they did go back to the 90s and he's like oh i'm not the killer
right do your do your michael richards yeah do your Michael Richards, Sean.
Hang on, let me kind of work my way up
into the Michael Richards that I'm known
for doing.
Yeah.
Giddy up.
Giddy up.
Giddy up.
Could someone please giddy up giddy up could someone please giddy up excuse me
giddy up now
that was great Sean
yeah yeah yeah
I did that one for Lorne
that one
they say that the writers in the
audience at the like tests for snl don't laugh but
um i felt good although i did not end up being able to perform that job i felt good that i did
hear them losing it for my michael well some people like to laugh and some people like to
make other people laugh which leads me to my next question.
Did you guys ever hear the rumor that Marcy Klein was actually the person who's the subject of the documentary tickled?
I'm hearing the rumor for the first time now.
But here's the thing.
Very often they're like, we got the guy.
And it turns out they didn't because people young men are still being kidnapped and they're still being forcibly bound and tickled right yeah i i mean just food for thought on your next audition
well and it has to be someone powerful right they've got to have they've got to have a big network behind them and there's there any bigger network than nbc no no um what's your favorite
uh peacock feature mine is the funny peacock um thing that is like who's watching and it's a
peacock that looks like whatever oh yeah the
peacock who looks like it's been like shot in the stomach and like it's like just realizing that like
this just the moment in between like actually experiencing the horrible physical trauma and
just kind of seeing that there's a hole in it and it's got this face like, like, did this really just happen?
And then, yeah, it's kind of going like,
who's watching?
That's me, that's me, that's, yeah.
Yeah, that one's yours.
I guess I like the sort of peeping Tom, curious George.
He's got binoculars
and he's got this sort of sly grin on his face.
And like his hand is down his pants.
Yeah, it just seems like there's no way
that what he's looking at is something like a wild liper.
He's been invited to view.
Yes, exactly.
I mean, he's a mischievous character.
All the different guys they have running around in the menu,
of all of those, I like Joshua Jackson as Dr. Death.
And the thing he has where he's chasing the peacock.
That's like the road rudder.
Dr. Death is trying to kill the peacock.
Amber Ruffin is trying to save the peacock.
It's a lot of running around for like an app menu.
It's active.
More than any of the others.
But like it's a show.
Like it's a show.
It's a Peacock original.
I saw Dr. Death about an infection I had in my fingy, my finger.
I was a finger infection and he told me uh
to take some pills but he like made quote fingers around the pills and then he like started giggling
dr giggles yeah pretty much that may have been good unfortunately you may have been talking to
dr giggles i may have been talking to dr giggles i may have
been talking to dr giggles so i should have taken the pills they were just regular antibiotics and
now i have staff were they boy i wish i had a staff i'll tell you that oh yeah but at this
point you probably wouldn't be keeping the staff on just because the strikes have gone for so long
well if all of us united and did a podcast so that we could pay them, I'm sure that would work.
Strike force four.
Odd force four.
Yep.
I'm telling you.
Wouldn't that be an idea if the four of us all united to do a podcast to pay ourselves?
Mm-hmm.
What I like is how they have embraced the name of strike force five and it does appear
that they are being forced to do it yeah that energy yeah one of them found an exit strategy
for the strike force five yeah they are being forced. And I also like the 5 part of it
because if it were as many
women or people of color
it would just be called Strike Force 0.
And that's not as fun.
Because I like ice cream places
that are below 0. You know those places?
Yeah, I don't know.
No, I don't know.
Tom will agree with me on this i hope i
hope i hope you could call ice cream store shit shack supreme and i'd be lining up yeah yeah put
it directly into my mouth all i would say is like but it is ice cream right yeah and then they'd be
like yeah it is oh cool let's yeah let's do it yeah ice cum cone there you go okay but it is ice cream
that's ice cream right that was blue yeah it's ice cream right that was as
it was as blue as they want you to come into the store it's no shit shack supreme
wait almost red grover's blue grover's blue cookie monster cookie monster's
blue a lot of blue options yeah there's plenty of blue out there bluey is blue who's bluey
from blue's clues or is he the no blue is from blue bluey is a different blue dog who's bluey
tell me you don't know who bluey is without telling me you don't know who Bluey is.
Somebody hasn't been looking at the branded Target merch.
He said without telling him that.
Don't tell me that.
I don't want to hear that.
Well, if you use the magic word.
You had one job, Julie.
You had one word and it was please and you didn't use it.
Julie.
You had one word and it was please.
And you didn't use it.
That's one of the big ones with Julie.
It's manners.
It's the magic word.
Close your eyes and get a surprise. Or whatever the hell we tell children these days.
You know who's in Doctor Death?
Is Alex Baldwin.
Wonderful.
That was nice.
I know you don't want to get it.
I listened to the episode you guys did
where you said, okay, he's had enough.
And then we've changed gears.
We've had a lot of fun here,
but he's been through a lot.
He's still just one man.
And then we waved that.
Well, we were nice
because we thought he was going to change
after that horrible thing
that happened, but then not only did he not
change, he... He just went and did it again.
Well, I don't know about that.
Yeah.
I don't know about that. He just keeps doing it.
He drove down to Gilgo Beach to do it again.
He does live in the Hamptons.
It's pretty close. He does live in the Hamptons. It's pretty close.
He does have the taste for it now.
That guy was back on social media.
You know what people say?
I'm going to take a break from social media.
It's sabbatical.
They're back immediately.
It's for the foundation.
Right after that horrible thing happened,
he immediately interviewed Woody Allen on Instagram Live.
Oh, you would rather that the foundation just wither away.
Yes.
The foundation atrophy.
He got into some pretty public fights around his wife.
He did always stick up for classical music, though, which I appreciate.
He really picks his battles well and knows where the fight should be.
Let's make sure classical music doesn't go away.
Yeah, so what was that fight?
I missed that one.
He's keeping classical music around.
He's making sure that it's the arts.
The foundation was about the arts.
Yes, yes, of course.
So he's making sure classical music.
Oh, the AB Foundation.
Yes.
That's where that money goes to
that I do like an automatic payment to every month.
Yeah, that $100 a month is for the...
It presses one Mozart vinyl.
Can we get Julia a hat pack hat?
It's a funky colored vinyl.
This is a 180 gram vinyl.
Julie wears a hat now.
This one has a little kitty on it.
See?
You got a little kitty.
So what is Hat Pack?
What is Hat Pack?
It's such an interesting question.
It's almost like you can't just define it as one thing.
It's a movement.
Let's talk about our Patreon.
It's a movement of like minded people
like our Patreon?
it's a community of artists
and creatives
I mean you brought up women in STEM
and I feel like that is also the hat pack
oh no I said women with STEM
I was talking about long sexy
gams
legs that actually go all the way
down to the floor.
And through into the basement.
Yeah, that's Aaron Sorkin's fantasy.
Isn't it weird that you'd call them getaway sticks?
That makes it seem like you're attacking them.
Ah, look at those getaway sticks from behind.
Here's what I know about the legs.
They are used to get away from me.
That is what I really notice them. Here's what I know about the legs. They are used to get away from me.
That is what I really notice them as. They are moving
when I'm around. You got quite a pair of getaway
sticks on you. I can barely catch you.
They are used to get away from people
who call them getaway sticks.
Yes.
Yeah, anyone who uses that
term, it is accurate for them when they
use it. Mine are, I call
them more settling ham hocks
hi everyone as you know this is normally where i promote our patreon the flagrant ones but
with this special episode with tom and julie i wanted to plug uh their incredible patreon for
their show double threat so if you're a fan of Double Threat with Julie Klausner and Tom Sharpling,
and you better be, then you're going to love the Double Threat Patreon.
It has a lot of great stuff on there.
Full video episodes, weekly bonus episodes,
monthly interactive live streams with Tom and Julie,
monthly movie watch-alongs, merch discount codes,
and a lot more.
The Double Threat Patreon is the only place to get the full
Double Threat experience. I love their podcast too. It's so funny. All three of them, Brett,
Tom, and Julie. Wow, seeing the producer first, pretty in a slip. The three of them are so amazing
and you should definitely check out this Patreon. So to do that, go to patreon.com
slash doublethreatpod. That to patreon.com slash double threat pod
that's patreon.com slash double threat pod thank you and enjoy the rest of the show
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Hollywood ham.
Julie asked a good question.
What is this hat thing all about?
What is this hat thing all about?
Well, every 20 years, Hollywood requires the emergence of a new pack.
Of course, in the swinging 60s. It's the pack-rifice.
We had the rat pack.
Every 20 years, a human pack-rifice.
There's a human pack-rifice that must be offered up to the entertainment gods.
The rat pack.
The brat pack in the 80s the frat pack in the
2000s which tom you were i was adjacent yes i was he did pledge he did name some of the members
again so i can just remember what it was like to try to get in was uh entourage type of people yeah grenier grenier uh um grenier grenier green year
there were different ones adrian
there go ahead there were different chapters like stiller joe seth rogan jonah hill and like that crew of course there was also i mean
like the pussy posse was also a frat pack of a different kind you know like there were different
ones there were different chapters all over the that's what being part of the frat people and
yes you know like that was a group of people in hollywood famous for loving to have sex
you know like that was a group of people in hollywood famous for loving to have sex if you if you remember they like the way it felt and and yes and i you know while that has not been
my experience it is not for me to sort of like dictate to them what you know what they can and
can't enjoy but that my understanding from the research i've done is that they did love the feeling of doing sex.
And it became, they became so known for enjoying that, that Hollywood said like, okay, we have to come up with a name for these guys who like having sex. Yeah.
And I think particularly what they like the, and I don't want to be accused of being bluey again, but the squishiness of it.
Who's bluey?
Just tell me.
He's an Australian dog.
He's an Australian blue healer. Oh, I like a blue healer.
So this is the hat pack.
We are the hat pack now.
Everyone who buys a hat and wears it is part of this.
The world needs a new pack now more than ever.
And with the strike going on, it's like we have to.
So who's in it?
Is it exclusive or is it just whoever buys the hat?
Much like the frat pack, there are
different chapters. Kevin, say the name of
someone who's in it. Jake Johnson.
No, someone who
we know, but like someone who
bought it so they can feel like, oh, I'm
famous. Oh, wow. And other people
who haven't bought it will go, I should buy it.
That's probably less appealing to me and
Tom if you are recruiting us, but I don't know if you're speaking to us or if you're speaking to the
audience who what do you want oh what do you want isn't it that's the listen it's almost the high
holidays boy do rabbis love questions you know yeah because here's what i'll say like okay what
you want you might think of what you want and then decide like,
Oh,
I'm not going to get that.
But what I can tell you is you can move towards it.
Well,
but,
or you,
you know that be careful what you wish for.
You might get it.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wishes come true,
not free.
That's scary.
That just scared me a lot.
Kevin, did you find anyone who's in the hat pack?
Your friends, Claudio Doherty is in it.
Kevin!
Adam!
Find someone who bought it!
This is making the hat more attractive to me.
Kevin, why can't you find the name of a single person who bought it?
This is making me feel more included.
Adam. First member more included. Adam.
First member.
Adam.
Adam has it.
The dude.
The one who ruined everything?
No, he cannot wear a hat.
He has to wear a stovepipe hat like Abraham Lincoln
in order to accommodate the height of his hair.
Quick question about the word stovepipe.
Yeah.
Just one.
There's like it's like there's just like a pipe behind like that big black pipe behind the stove.
Right.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
You're so close.
With you.
With you.
This isn't even a question yet.
You put a lid under that thing like a pot lid
that's a lincoln hat that's all you need to do um i'm gonna say no what else do you have to do
go to see a play
two for my american cousin please hey and that and this is what happened hey down in front
you think you took that off that's my famous hat we'll see about that yeah you think
the first shot was through the hat there's like there's like jfk conspiracies but then there's
also like lincoln conspiracies like the first shot went right through that stovepipe.
He was sitting in front of John Wilkes Booth's wife.
And she was like, I can't see my husband.
I don't think John Wilkes Booth was in the play.
Yes, I did call him in.
He was in it.
He was on stage.
He was like an audience member who was a plant.
And then goes goes i have a
problem with this show it's a thing and yeah excuse me that's not how it happened at all let
me show you how it happened fine sir i've been among us can really be called an american cousin or no
and then someone who's in the audience the plant says tell him katherine So that was John Wilkes.
The booth was added later.
That was later.
Correct.
It's John Wilkes.
I thought the Ford Theater had like a UCB thing where if you were like taking classes, you could go to like a show.
So like most of the people. Oh, you had to or else you wouldn't pass your level.
And so most of the people at the Ford Theater, it's like he's an actor, like in quotes, but really he's just like, you know, he's taking time.
Either way, he missed his cue that night.
He goes home.
Yeah, the weed out level.
He goes home and his parents are like, he's an actor.
Like he does plays.
Mr. and Mrs. Wilkeskes he performed in los angeles
this big show so he he gets to do a show every week yes because lincoln was murdered in los
angeles filled with students yeah he was out here in la he was on cielo draw everyone knows
that the cielo drive theater it was yeah a popular... Anyway, he missed his cue that night.
And Catherine was sitting there
with her friggin' dick in her hand.
So she says,
who among us can call...
I don't remember the line.
I know I've been in it many times, but...
And she goes,
who among us can call themselves
an American cousin or no?
Right.
Who can truly call themselves an American cousin or no? Right.
Who can truly call themselves an American cousin or no?
Thank you, Hayes. A fellow thespian and appreciator of the theater.
I know you know Batboy the musical very well.
Yes, I do.
Now, John missed his cue.
Catherine is on stage with her freaking dick in her hand.
Good thing she knows how to what?
We just referenced it.
Improvise.
Improvise.
Yes.
Ad-living.
She starts singing a song about how good.
More vamping than thank you.
More vamping than transphobia.
What's up with these vampires?
Can somebody tell me?
Daywalkers?
What's going on with that?
So Catherine improvises a song about corn it's now been adapted there's a show called neither here nor there neither we're talking about shock that's unrelated okay
it is related yeah you said it's neither here nor there well it's both i lied it's both here and there yeah
that's that's crazy so what's it gonna take for us to get in this hat
well much like um you might expect that you know that it would take as much as $30.
You look at this hat.
And I can hear you asking and saying,
God, what's this going to be, $35?
I guess the basement's $30, yeah.
Of $30 or above.
Okay.
In fact, no, it does not cost $30.
It costs less.
Oh.
$29. $29. Bargains. Yeah, it costs less. Oh. $29.
Bargains.
Yeah, it's super affordable.
29 things to do in New York.
In Denver when you're dead.
So the question asked in the play
that you've been referencing,
the American cousin.
My American cousin.
It's similar to the question you asked earlier yes uh about what
is the hat pack where it's who among us can say we are american cousin or no it's like
what is the hat pack it's like there is nothing that truly defines you know an american there's
no one type of way to think about what an american is. And there's no single way to look at what
the hat pack is. Gotcha.
You have to buy it.
I'm out.
We were going to send you
one. To come on here wearing
a hat and it's not the hat pack hat.
Does that hurt your feelings? It really can't happen
again. That ain't it, kid.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it, kid.
You know a chorus line or just bad boy?
This ain't it, chief.
This ain't it, chief.
This ain't it, master chief.
I don't think so, chief.
Yes, Tom?
Hey, I have a pitch.
Wait, let Tom finish.
No, no, no.
Let Ace go.
It's his show.
Let Ace go. Let's his show. Let Ace go.
Let's have Tom talk now.
These Chiefs, football Chiefs, this stuff they're doing,
we can't be doing this stuff anymore.
Where they do what's disrespectful, right?
They do the chant and the chop and all this.
They should become the Kansas City Master Chiefs. They do the chant and the chop and all this.
They should become the Kansas City Master Chiefs.
Master Chief from Halo.
Oh, wow.
And if the helmet had a halo on it?
If the helmet had just a halo?
Yes.
Master Chief in a leather head.
Same type of helmet, but it's leather leather same one as the one that he traditionally
wears julie look i'm you didn't know what this you don't know what he's talking about i'm a sports
junkie and i have no idea what he's talking about well he's actually both a sports junkie and
a gamer junkie and it is sports How did this get played by him?
It stands for electronic sports. You ever heard of it?
It's in the game.
That's what esports means.
Electronic sports.
I didn't know that.
Electro sports.
I didn't know that. I didn't know it was bluey.
I like learning things.
Master Chief is a
super soldier.
I'm not ashamed to ask questions. I like learning things. You've asked. Master Chief is a super soldier. To ask what I don't.
I'm not ashamed to ask questions.
Now, Julie, they have their hat thing.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
We got to get our thing.
We've got something else, though.
We've got something good. I've been meaning to ask, what are y'alls going to launch?
Especially with the strike and everything.
We've got the hat thing, as Tom
pointed out. But
what about y'alls?
And what are we up to lately?
How about that? How about that?
Okay.
Giddy up.
You're doing your Michael Richards again.
Is that Kramer again?
Kramer just came in. now we're very busy me and
julie are very busy yeah i've noticed we do we launched a patreon for our show double threat
and it's great and it's so exciting and it's doing so doing so well, and we're so happy to be doing more stuff together.
Yes.
They got you all floating around on the landing page?
I have no idea.
I just show up every week, and I do the show,
and then we started doing extra shows.
All I do is this.
Show up every damn week.
And do the show.
Pretty much.
That's all I do.
You know what, Sean?
Thank you.
Because I do feel like that is a bigger deal than people give it credit for.
We are not just consistent.
You're just doing the show.
No, this is what i do i show up every
we are consistently terrific oh boy okay so i'm just looking at the damn landing page again
we gotta get together on this with patreon they got i see us up here floating around on the landing page they show different
you know shows that they offer on patreon that's great excited about that well hold up just as you
go as you go mandela effect much did they take the y out of patreon isn't the whole thing that you pay for it there was definitely a why before
there was definitely a why before
there was a why and who's Trion
I subscribe to the
Manzoukas effect which is
Trion is the electronic
cashier
who lives inside
inside the website
no I'm gonna talk first no now I'm talking I'm going to talk first.
No, now I'm talking.
You can't talk because I'm talking.
I'm the main one who's talking.
I'm making an important point.
I show up every day.
Funny, funny, funny.
I don't talk over anybody.
You talk over me.
Go ahead.
I want to clear out the paint
for the Manzuka's effect.
Yes, I subscribe to the Manzoukas effect,
which is when you thought that the Mucindex monster
was always Jason Manzoukas.
You never remember that it was ever TJ Miller.
Yeah.
It's similar, honestly.
We talk about playing the Joker,
the effect that has on people.
Wait a minute tj the
joker the joker miller is yeah playing the joker meaning oh like when you're the actor and has
and like how jared leto like went insane like that kind of thing did jared leto play the joker
am i losing my mind he did he did but you are having a Mandela
moment
because of his performance likely both
if you've seen his performance you probably are losing
your mind it sometimes takes a little while
but witnessing
his commitment to the
deranged mentality
that is the Joker
what happened to Cesar Romero
oh he wouldn't even bother to shave his mustache
so in other words like they just had the makeup over it yeah so he was never like fully
you know what tom maybe that was maybe that was self-care in the 60s where he's like if i shave
my mustache i might go insane he might that might have been the one thing keeping him from
mustache, I might go insane.
That might have been the one thing keeping him from truly
losing it was that mustache.
He's the only one who came
out unscathed.
Whatever the showrunner
said in response, whatever.
Everyone else got chewed up by
that part. Oh yeah, made Jack
Nicholson like the Lakers.
And for
Cesar Romero, it stabilized him.
Yes.
It had the opposite effect.
I like a Cesar salad with a little Romero on it.
So looking at this landing page,
we're here, we're a couple over.
I'm not being competitive about this personally
I'm just putting that out there
I don't even know what that would look like
before we get you on here
we're going to have to have a conversation
because the Try Guys are there
great wonderful love the Try Guys
had a couple of them on our show
really close friends
Try Guy Ned is still in the logo for this yeah oh he's the one that
had that situation with that lady he situation ship yes yes and he said do not try do infidelity
is not welcome in the podcasting community i don't know how many times i have to say it
we know i know We have one value here.
Fidelity.
We'll tolerate a lot.
We asked you to do one thing.
Well, you're asking your fans to be loyal to you.
Can you not in return be loyal to your family unit?
So we will have to have a conversation about Try Guy Med.
Can't wait.
With the folks over at the page.
The Try Guys are up there.
Yeah.
Who else is popping out for you?
Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald.
Matrion.
Why isn't it Matrion?
That's what Jamie Loftus is called.
Her Patreon.
What is?
Matrion.
Yeah.
Her Patreon is called Matrion.
She got it.
That's good.
That was cool how Sean was doing something funny, and then Kevin immediately put weights on it and brought it down to earth and grounded it in reality.
Well, he let me know that I was stealing.
He comes in almost musically with kind of like a, well.
Tom and I try not to have someone throw a fire blanket on us sometimes when we're really cooking.
Oh, yeah.
What if, Julie, we started making the cigarillo holders flammable?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Uh-huh. That's the joker would do we could and it
seems like it would be dangerous but it's all so far away yeah but like you know as long as
it's happening way over there at the end of the stick yeah pinocchio style
to talk about pinocchio style you've been saying it a lot like prior to the recording you said
you said it a handful of times it means that when you lie you're like somehow getting bigger
yeah and then you did it you did a dance like you're riding a horse which I associate
more with Gangnam style and you also don't say Pinocchio style particularly
musically I'm working.
Sounds funny.
The premise is funny.
What's the question, Hayes?
What's the question?
I'm not working with Psy on this one.
I'm working with the dude in the yellow jumpsuit who dances next to Psy.
Curious George's boss?
George was the guy and then the owner of George.
Well, he can't even own an office.
This is boss.
Curious George has a job anyone who gives you bananas is your boss yeah yeah sad truth about
capitalism i have a new character what's that sy abelman i like it i like that sy abelman. I like it. I like that. Cy Abelman.
But it's spelled P-S-Y.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I did. It's beat for beat.
Everything we know about Cy Abelman, the cucker of...
Mm-hmm.
Larry Gopnik.
Of Larry Gopnik, yes.
But he is
dressed like
the performer Psy.
I recorded a song
called Openheimer Style
and nobody wants it.
That's what SoundCloud is for,
my friend.
It's called D dumping ground openheimer style
hey harry truman stop stop stop stop stop yeah i focused on the final third of the movie with
my song though about how he's fighting to get a security pass so he's gonna be denied the security pass
which but whether you know whether he there was any wrongdoing or not like the implication will
be yeah if i was doing that movie i might have put the bomb part later in the movie and
move the security pass stuff maybe out of the movie i didn't see it what is it like spy versus spy
it's like spies like us
dan akroyd little spy versus spy chevy shade it's spy versus spy coded for sure
mm-hmm definitely some gilko style gilko style hey sexy lady don't meet up with rex he's bad news
bye
that was a hate gum podcast