Hollywood Handbook - Two Birthday Boys, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: October 6, 2014

Hayes and Sean have a discussion with Engineer Cody about refreshments before addressing an interesting new cultural phenomenon they're getting into. Then the guys issue a challenge to their ...listeners to help them become the second-least popular podcast on Earwolf. Finally, MIKE HANFORD and DAVE FERGUSON show up to discuss Alfred E. Neuman books, the history of the lo mein sketch, and answer questions about names from the Chip Gallery.​See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 this is a head gum podcast so i'm at the video store going back and forth saying that's not what i want that's not what i want that's not what i want and i just don't understand what's going on and then i finally say oh i'm looking for looking for comedy in the Muslim world I'm not looking for a comedy in the Muslim world have you had that?
Starting point is 00:00:33 no I've had that exact same experience at the same video store I believe so they should have been prepared and I was parked in the middle of the street I was trying to get out of there but that's why well there's no parking around there you have to leave your the street. I was trying to get out of there. But that's why. Well, there's no parking around there. You have to leave your car, right?
Starting point is 00:00:47 And like I try to get the one set of tires on each of the yellow lines. Yes. You think like I'll just run in, get my movie, and run out. And you would think whichever one of us this happened to first, they would have. Well, and it's got to have happened to a lot of people because that's a very popular rental sure people certainly know what we're talking about right now yeah there's not a single listener who's not aware of the very popular video rental looking for comedy in the muslim world hey welcome to hollywood handbook an insider's guide to kicking button dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz what up what up
Starting point is 00:01:29 code man can we get a water bottle in here i noticed when sam's engineer there's like a bottle of water in here and he's refilling it he's constantly refilling he's leaning over filling the glass yes but i noticed that there is a water bottle in here, but where is it, Cody? He just gets confused. Cody, where is the one water bottle that's in here? Answer the question I asked you. He's also a bartender on the side. Cody, don't answer the old question.
Starting point is 00:01:54 I think he's confused about his jobs. There's one. Cody should worry about Cody and not necessarily worry about Sam. There's one water bottle in this room, and where is it? I'm drinking it, actually. That's right. It's in Cody's hand. Drinking straight out of the bottle, and where is it? I'm drinking it, actually. That's right. It's in Cody's hand. Drinking straight out of the bottle, yes.
Starting point is 00:02:08 So it's impossible to share. It's in Cody's hand, isn't it? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, you like the water. Mm-hmm. Well, and it's interesting. Maybe some other people would like the water that's in Cody's hand.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Cody doesn't have to talk and strain his voice and dry out his throat during the podcast in fact he should never be talking when he's in this room so he shouldn't really need the water i'll tell you what i usually don't until you guys come around and i and i have to because we always make you talk you always make me talk but why do we do that Because we're supposed to have water. Because we are supposed to have water. Do you want some of mine? No. No, because I've seen you.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Cody, there's a little thing going around right now. I don't know if you've heard of it, but don't share glasses. That's all I have to say. And for people who can't see also, Cody's got a big fat dip in. And every time he takes a sip of water he back washes the tobacco spit and then he sips out of that again and so what he just offered us is just a glass of tar essentially
Starting point is 00:03:13 and so no we wouldn't like some of your water but we would like some water in a clean bottle we have something we want to talk about this week it's a new thing sort of something we want to talk about this week. Mike off. It's a, a new thing. It's sort of something we've been listening to.
Starting point is 00:03:29 We try and stay up on stuff. And, um, well, um, being at the forefront of entertainment means not limiting yourself to what you're already comfortable with. That's yes.
Starting point is 00:03:42 To that end, we like to sort of test our boundaries. We take in all kinds of new content and try to anticipate what the next thing is. And a year ago, we watched some skateboarding videos. And if you'll notice now, people are doing that stuff. And this week, we listened to something that we actually thought was very interesting. And we sort of wanted to talk about that and explore that on the show. And I hesitate to describe it as music because I don't think the verdict is in yet. But it's something like music, and I think it's not a fad.
Starting point is 00:04:19 I think it's here to stay because of how powerful what we listened to is now it's something called hip-hop or rap this hip-hop music it has a beat it does have a beat to it and it does make you tap your foot a little bit people say it's got no instruments a drum is is an instrument. Mm-hmm. And there is a drum style beat behind it. And it's almost like you're using your voice as an instrument, not like a, like a. Well, it's not. You can do that, though. You can do that. And it's also not necessarily singing.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah. Which is an instrument of voice. Mm-hmm. But it is using your voice almost like a rhythm like a drum your voice is like a drum and not making drum sounds but making words you know what it reminds me of is the blues and not necessarily in terms of the music itself but in terms of the attitude and like some of the stuff it sounds like they're trying to get across uh it sounds like some of them do sort of have the blues but it's like an angry like with an angrier edge it does feel like some of what the blues was and also
Starting point is 00:05:39 some of the old old the older spiritual yes that's right a similar yes and i don't know what it is threading through except for the attitude to it vocally they're trying to tell us something they're all trying to tell us the same thing and they have some kind of message and i'm not even sure they know what it is no uh but they're i i in fact would guarantee that they don't. But they're trying to get something across to us, and watching them try is so compelling to me. And I keep listening, and I keep listening, and I don't even know if I like it. And for people who haven't heard it, look it up. It's almost a street poetry. Yes, it is something like a street poetry.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Somebody who's trying to write poetry, but they don't necessarily have the vocabulary. The formal training isn't there. And so they'll use all kinds, you know, some of the word choice is not ideal. But sometimes it sounds like this is all I know and I'm trying to say this, but the words just aren't coming out right. But I'm so angry. Yes. Angry or proud. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:06:48 And both those things. So, I mean, this segment obviously is called Rip, Dip, Tip of the Week. And the title is inspired by some of the music that we are talking about where they do sort of rhyme and use these crazy languages so rip dip tip of the week and that tip is go check out hip-hop or rap music and it's on computers and it's in the um tv and it's and it's around and we'd love to have a conversation about it on the forums actually if anybody has yes if anybody has any information as to what's going on with it or how it's you know doing uh we're gonna get to our guest in just one second but before we do that we want to announce a little change uh to the program going forward
Starting point is 00:07:39 yes um and that change is we would like to ask you guys guys to help us with a little project we're doing. Now, we've never asked you for anything, and that's intentional. We don't want anything from you. We don't want anything, and we kind of like to pretend that you guys aren't even out there. This is just me talking to Hayes and some of our friends normally. Because that's what's fun for us. But it became less about fun when we, for the first time, made an enemy. We're part of this Earwolf podcast network.
Starting point is 00:08:17 It's a whole group of podcasts. And there's another podcast on the network called the wolf den uh and we got into a sort of head-butting match uh over studio scheduling and engineers and they actually stole engineer brett during this recording session so we do have to work with cody and they were sort of bragging and boasting to us about being the second least popular podcast on the Earwolf Network, one spot ahead of the two of us. Yes, the least popular podcast, I guess, numbers wise, probably because we don't care. Yeah, and that doesn't even count some of the internet. And the numbers are actually kind of weird because maybe for Earwolf podcasts,
Starting point is 00:09:08 but that doesn't actually count some of the other ways like phones. Yes, and they can't have any way to track that yet because the satellites aren't fully trackable. So even though we know we are not actually the least popular show in all of the Earwolf family, the numbers aren't bearing that out. So, what we would like to ask is, let's get Wolfden. We're coming for you, Wolfden. We're going to become the second least, we're gunning for that number I guess 12 spot right above 13 because if there's 13
Starting point is 00:09:49 total we're gunning for that one and what we would ask is that you listen more and harder tell your friends tell your friends they have to please don't tell them about Wolf Den don't tell them about this challenge because that might make them listen to Wulff Den at the same time.
Starting point is 00:10:07 And listen, Wulff Den is a show about the business of podcasting. This is not going to be easy. So nobody knows more about the business of podcasting than this show. And so we really are kind of out of our element. What we know about is movies and tv and people yes we can make a popular movie or tv and we can even make popular people yes and to that last point since you are people listen up listen up listen up to the show i'm sorry i'm just noticing there's a coffee cup on the table and it has headphones.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Because it has headphones around it. Yes, it has headphones around it. And it looks like the coffee is listening to headphones. Yes, Cody, please take a picture of that.
Starting point is 00:10:57 And the coffee sort of has a wide open mouth like it's laughing. Did you get that? Cody? You did get it? You got the photo? You got the headphones and the coffee cup? Yeah. Okay, are you going to, will you put it up?
Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah. Okay, because I wish, like. And that's just. For them to see it, you know? Yes, but it's just lucky. Because I just, like, you know. I want to share it. Talking about, you have to see it and just, like, be talking about it.
Starting point is 00:11:22 It really does look like it's listening to the headphones. But anyway, coffee listening to headphones aside, we know that some other shows in the past have said, take your friend's phones, subscribe to the podcast on their phone, or if anyone leaves their computer open, go in their iTunes and subscribe to the podcast for them until they sniff it out and get rid of it buy a bunch of computers and subscribe on all those uh yes other people
Starting point is 00:11:52 go into everybody's if you go to hollywood handbook soundcloud and just click on every episode just you don't have to listen to the whole thing it'll count it even if you just click it once that's a trick that you can do subscribe and then just do a bunch more reviews uh maybe make multiple accounts but now here come our guests because today our guests are dave ferguson and mike hanford two of the birthday boys their new show is coming out october 17th so and they're coming on our show right now on Hollywood Handbook. So I'm there with Finch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Fincher. Dave Fincher. Yeah. And you know how Finch is, right? He's a little bit of a hound dog. Yeah. And we're watching her ride the mechanical bull. And he goes, it kind of look like she's having sex.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Finch? Finch. Or fixed. Fictioner. Fixner? Fictioner? Or fincher? Finch.
Starting point is 00:13:03 Finchner. Finchner? Finchner. Finchner? Finchner. What's his first name? I say it's David Finchner. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We have two very exciting guests today.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Sometimes we have guests on the show who have a tv show of their own and this is a two guys who are on a tv show and they're part of a group called the birthday boys and that's the name of the show as well and it's a mike hanford and dave ferguson are here today hey guys thank you guys so much for coming on the show oh thank you it's our pleasure i remember when uh when you guys first sort of showed up in town we were hearing about these kids and they came and they wanted to do sketch comedy do you remember that i yes he's asking me uh yes i remember when that happened and i remember being pretty pissed off. And I said, if you recall this, I said, well, they better be getting some big laughs. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:11 And I remember hearing that you guys had gotten together with Bob Odenkirk. That's right. And that he was, he promised you that he was in charge of mad tv and that he was putting you on mad tv and he was tricking you into thinking that you were on are you that show are you thinking of al oh alfred alfred e newman bob had no affiliation with mad tv the only person i can think of that did at that time would have been Alfred E. Newman. Were you working with Alfred at all? No, we had no interaction.
Starting point is 00:14:50 That's why I'm trying to clear up, did you think Bob Odenkirk was Alfred E. Newman? Well, he has that funny smile. That's a fair conclusion. And I do want to clear up, we love all of Alfred E. Newman's books. You know, his little magazines.
Starting point is 00:15:05 We love them. We have subscriptions. We flip pages and laugh throughout. Of course, we just haven't had the pleasure. What's some of the biggest laughs you've gotten out of an Alfred E. Newman book? Well, I'm a spy by
Starting point is 00:15:21 spy by spy. I'm never going to fall out. Yes, I'm a spy by spy by spy. I'm nervous as hell. Yes, I'm a spy by spy by spy. Spy by, what would that be? Imagine what that would be like. I love the spy by spy series. Yeah, they're just working together. And I really like when the gray spy comes in.
Starting point is 00:15:39 Because you don't know, oh, here's an X factor. Well, it introduces a thing. It's like, it's a metaphor for the world. Not everything is black and white or black or white, as Michael Jackson would say. Right. Sometimes it's gray. Gray spy.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Black and white and gray in these particular spy by spies. Right. Well, for me, I don't know that I've ever topped my laugh factor beyond the front cover. Oh, there's so much. When you see that split tooth, that gap there. That's right. And how you can fold them in and connect them
Starting point is 00:16:09 so it makes like a regular mouth. Yeah, the front cover. The front does that. Yeah, you cover up that. That's gross. Yes, the mad folder. You don't want to see that funny tooth. You fold his teeth together.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Yeah, a lot of people think that's correct. And then instead of mad, it says MD. Yeah, like doctors. And it's sort of like, oh, is this a medical journal? That was how they came up with Doogie Howser. I don't know if you knew that. It was just an idea that was born. Because a lot of people don't realize,
Starting point is 00:16:32 you can fold any page of a mad magazine publication. You can fold any page of a book. A lot of people don't realize that either. Right. Mike has copies stacked under his bed that just look like origami. So you fold them not even just in the middle. You foldami. You know, because they've just folded them. Oh, so you fold them not even just in the middle. You fold them in any direction, and it'll make something funny.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Make a goose. Yeah, absolutely. Make a goose. And so in those early days with Bob, I know that you guys were doing sketch comedy with him, and he was also having you pick pockets sometimes. Yeah. Well, this was pre-Breaking Bad. So this was before the influx of cashola, of green, before he went boffo.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Yes. Because now he's boffo at the BO. He's extremely boffo. At the time, he was culty. He was indie. He was hot. He was something. He was something for tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:17:23 You know what's nice about Bob is his initials are B.O. So B.O. B.O. B.O. the B.O. is, I think that works so nicely. And that's one of those perfect examples of a thing that when you're little is a nightmare. B.O. body odor immediately. Yes. But you grow up, you go through puberty. And you can use that pain. Right.
Starting point is 00:17:42 And then it becomes something different. And all of a sudden your quirks, your eccentricities, they pop on the screen. And bango. I know that Hayes got some teasing in the locker room as a young man, and I think it made him funnier. Hayes, like... Purple Hayes. Well, like a foggy day.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Well, that's the worst. I can't think of anything worse to be compared to than a foggy day. Well, that's the worst. I can't think of anything worse to be compared to. Are you okay, man? No, I'm fine now. I'm fine now, but at the time... Yeah. Well, you two together even probably got the old
Starting point is 00:18:18 Will and Grace treatment. I don't know if you knew each other. Hey, that's right. Hayes Shoneman. No, Sean Hayes was on Will and Grace. I don't know who Hayes Shoneman was. I don't know if you knew each other. Hey, that's right. Hayes Shoneman. No, or Sean Hayes was on Will's show. I don't know who Hayes Shoneman was on. I don't know who that is. No, his pilot season did not go well last year. Well, that was a big part of the pitch for this show. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:34 They thought they were maybe getting someone else. Well, it is a podcast with Sean Hayes. We never lied. And that's important to remember. Sean Hayes. We never lied. Right. And that's important to remember. But maybe some of the stuff we wrote could be interpreted more than one way.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Hey, we just talked about gray areas. I think it's a perfect example. Gray spy. Yes, we are the gray spy in a lot of ways. Yes. Did you guys get made fun of for stuff? I don't know that I did. I was on a hockey team where an older player, an older, I was going to say an older gentleman, but what he did was not gentlemanly.
Starting point is 00:19:16 He took me aside. One day we were at a mall. We were at a tournament. And between games, we went to a mall to eat. And the parents were eating. The boys went off into the mall. I was pulled aside by this fellow, taller than me, and said, you know you're a shithead, right? Well, that sounds like a jest.
Starting point is 00:19:36 What did I do other than nod? Well, you showed him, I guess, then. No, I showed myself that if someone's taller than me, I'm going to let them walk on me for a bit. At least you were able to have your shame in the privacy of an exchange with one other person. Imagine my horror. I want to take you back to the 90s. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Okay, I'm picturing. It's windy outside. Bright colors. We're listening to the voice of the one and only Don Pardo, God rest his soul. Okay, alright. We know what night it is, don't we everyone? That's right.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Saturday night rerun. Saturday night. I'm watching my... Sometimes they show that show on E. That's true. That's a good point. This was not a rerun. Was E around in the 90s? E was very around, but they were doing Was E around in the 90s? Were you watching E in the 90s?
Starting point is 00:20:25 E was very around, but they were doing like the hot bodies of the beach kind of stuff. And then got even into the Hollywood story. Anyway, I'm watching NBC. Okay, and we're painting that picture. Yes, the bird. And I'm live from New York. It's Saturday night.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Right? Don Pardo. Don Pardo. Holy shit. Okay. Thank you. Impressions sometimes. My favorite spoof comes on.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Celebjippity. Okay. That's right. Okay. Yes. Okay. So for people at home, this is based on an actual game show
Starting point is 00:21:04 that you can watch. Right. And the game show does have celebrities, so they really opened the door. Right, because you might have a real one mixed in. Yes. Yes. I never put that together. Yeah, it's based off of the real Jeopardy.
Starting point is 00:21:18 No, they really do it. Because they do both have questions. They both have questions. They both have questions. And, Michael, go one step further. You probably know Trebek. Yeah, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Well, instead of having Alex Trebek on, which they could do. They are Saturday Night Live. Of course. They could get a guy, yeah. One phone call. They get Anchorman himself. Yeah. Okay, Scott Anchorman.
Starting point is 00:21:39 No, I'm sorry. Yeah. William Farrell. Yes. But Scott Anchorman, very funny guy, coming up, improv olympic guy. Oh, yes. That guy's great. To be Alex Trebek.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Anyway, I'm loving it. I am just eating it up. I'm laughing my little head off. Yeah, I don't see how this is going to get you hazed at all. This is a good story. Two words. Turd Ferguson. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:22:05 The shot heard round the Ferguson household. My dad's crying. My mom's crying. My brothers are crying. And you're in love with it. No, Mike. It was devastating. I knew that when I showed up to school the next day, Mrs. Bergman's class,
Starting point is 00:22:20 everybody from the biggest dweeb in the class to the coolest jocko, would be calling me Turd Ferguson. And you know what? One guy did. Just the one. Just the one. And the next day, I don't remember ever hearing the name again. But to take something like that that you loved and was giving you so much joy
Starting point is 00:22:41 and to turn it into something painful. And did it make you funny, Dave? Is that why you're so funny today? You know, ironically, thank you. First of all, that's very flattering. Ironically, yes, it motivated me to enter a career in sketch comedy so that one day I could be on that very program and make my own Turd Ferguson.
Starting point is 00:22:59 And sort of weaponize your pain and try to make other people get made fun of. Yeah. Because that is the type of soul healing, you know, reciprocation that we all seek. Revenge. And I'm excited to announce that starting next season, I will still not be on Saturday Night Live. Wow. But is this just as good, pretty much?
Starting point is 00:23:21 Oh, you mean being on this podcast? Yeah. Yeah, I'd say this is as good As being on one of the most Important comedy shows Of our time And Is there a last name maybe
Starting point is 00:23:31 That you want to add A swear word in front of So that anybody With that last name Is going to have to really Take a real beating Okay At school
Starting point is 00:23:40 Okay How about this? How about this? I hope you don't mind That's fine This isn't directed at you. This is directed at your nephew. Okay. How old is your nephew? Now he's five.
Starting point is 00:23:50 He's doing great. He's a swimmer. Hey kids, try out this character around him. Butt Hanford. Okay. Now you just made another funny guy. If he's only five, then, you know, 20-something years from now, that guy's going to be being funny.
Starting point is 00:24:06 You mentioned swearing just moments ago. Hey, are we swearing on this show? Can we, if it comes up, do we avoid swearing? Shouldn't we? It's a last resort.
Starting point is 00:24:17 If you, if there's really no other way to say something, sure. Uh, or if you're referring to a specific important quote or something like that then you can use it you guys treat swearing the way
Starting point is 00:24:31 MacGyver or MacGruber would use a piece of floss it's just if you have to right in a pinch we know what it is and we know how it works but for us we try not to talk about going to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:24:48 All right. Good to know. Or, you know, doing with a – Intercourt. Yes. Well, yes. I'm sorry. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:24:56 I hear I am pooping all over the place. No, that is actually a very nice way to say a very ugly act. Hideous act. You know, there's a lot of politics in Hollywood, isn't there? That's right. Obama was in town just the other day. I, you know, backed up, traffic's backed up a mile, mile and a half, two, three, four, five miles, and I'm leaning out my window my car screaming i find out it's barack
Starting point is 00:25:26 obama yeah politics in hollywood can be a bit not fun yeah and the traffic is really crazy when the politics are in hollywood that's how that's how la got its rep yep and i guess something that i want to talk about and i don't know how comfortable you guys are with this. Being part of the independent film channel, you did have to become registered independents, and a lot of you guys were only – some of you, you lost some members, right? Because you did have some people who weren't willing to do that maybe.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Yes, split the group in half. We were 14 deep. Yes, which is group in half. We were 14 deep. Yes. Which is an appropriate size for a sketch comedy group. A bit on the small side. Yes, yes, yes. In terms of, yes, being able to do what you want to do. It was originally 14 white guys.
Starting point is 00:26:17 And Condoleezza Rice. It was 14 white guys and Condoleezza Rice. And, you know, she's a staunch conservative. Yeah, sure. So we lost her. You know, she was kind of our Maya Rudolph. Jack of all trades, can sing. Just in the sense that she was a jack of all trades?
Starting point is 00:26:33 Yes. Okay. In no other way. Okay. But God, yeah, that hurt. Yeah, because I wasn't seeing a comparison between her and Maya Rudolph because I couldn't really find anything in common. But now that you say that, yes, they are sort of both jacks of all trades.
Starting point is 00:26:46 They're both jacks of all trades, yeah. That's one thing in common. Condoleezza recently, I know, and I miss her. She was a dear friend, and I hate, like I said, it was one of the hardest days of our lives when we said, get out of here, jack. But she's doing something with a sports thing now. I don't know what it is. She did something with sports. What is it?'s doing something with a sports thing now i don't know what it is she's she's doing something with sports with it isn't it she does like it's something she's gonna be a uh yeah yeah she's doing i think that's what she's doing some of the sports um yeah but yeah
Starting point is 00:27:18 you know so we we declared our our independence in a way um and uh it been fun. It's hard to vote because, you know. Well, I've never been much of a voter. I'm terrified of going in this little room with a curtain. Yeah, what if it doesn't open up again? Sure, open up. Or what if the lever snaps and you get a piece of skin in your hand caught? I'm not ready to. Yeah, that's one of those shivers up your spine.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Mike, I used to have that same concern. And you know how sometimes people will picture an audience in their underwear to relax them? You haven't heard that one? Okay, well, there's a thing you can do where you imagine an easier scenario. I'm glad it came to mind. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what I like to do is, in addition to picturing the lever snapping off and hurting me,
Starting point is 00:28:09 I also picture the lever pulling like a jackpot on a casino pole. Right. And I think, oh, 50-50 chance. Could die. Could get a million dollars. Could get a big jackpot, yeah. And then you end up somewhere in between.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Now, do you guys mess around with casino poles? I know that it can be pretty dangerous, addictive behavior. They're called one-armed bandits sometimes. Oh, God. And if you could speak on that a little bit. Yeah. Well, no, it's relevant to the Hollywood. I mean, how many friends many friends Dear friends have we lost
Starting point is 00:28:45 Just this year To casino pole addictions I mean you could fill An Emmy tribute Video with just that And just one more Pull they say Just one more and then it's another one
Starting point is 00:29:02 And another one But jokes on you if you want to say to these people, you can't fall into that behavior because they pull one and hit the jackpot. You look like an idiot. Yeah. You look like an idiot. Okay, yes, and that is the rare instance that does keep some of them going, and some of our biggest, brightest stars are made entirely just by one casino pull.
Starting point is 00:29:19 The DP for All in the Family passed that way. Yes, he died that way. And the sad thing is, and I don't want to take it to a dark area or a filthy area, but when they do run out of money to do the pulls on the pole, but they won't let go and they do start having sex with themselves with the pole. Right. Yeah, that can get ugly. And I know we said we didn't want to talk about that kind of behavior.
Starting point is 00:29:43 But when it's something, when it's an important thing that someone could maybe learn from, then I think it is okay. It's okay if you're bringing it up in the most disparaging way. Yes. To say that that is an ugly act. Right. And to be doing it with a casino pole in front of people and using it to have sex with yourself. That's unnatural.
Starting point is 00:30:01 And the viewer, the listener at home can't see this, but Sean is furrowing his brow with every word, which I think puts the right attitude in what he's talking about. Like if you were smiling your way through it,
Starting point is 00:30:13 getting all excited, that'd be disgusting. Oh, gosh. Just you describing me doing that is making me feel ashamed. Great.
Starting point is 00:30:22 And isn't that a good tip that every time you get an urge to do a casino poll, just go vote. And isn't that a good tip? That every time you get an urge to do a casino poll, just go vote. And it's the same feeling, and you can trick yourself into it. Yeah, they've got the same polls open 24 hours a day around here. Year-round.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Stack up your votes. Vote for something. It's the same high. It really is a very similar experience. Is there an M&M vote coming up? New colors, are they settling on? I know some of the chip flavors are getting voted on. Yes.
Starting point is 00:30:49 And let me tell you something about those cappuccino-flavored potato chips. Okay, here we go. I don't think so. No, sir. Wow. You better not come with that weak, weird stuff. Not to my door. Oh, boy, whoever came up with that.
Starting point is 00:31:08 American who wanted to participate in a contest. If I ever find you on a street, boy, oh, you better run the other way. I want to add one thing about the Sriracha chip. You know about the new Sriracha chip? Okay, yeah. That's not real Sriracha. Hey, hey, hey. If you've ever had real sriracha and you try that chip and you know that that's not the real sriracha.
Starting point is 00:31:33 And I just know the little twerp that came up with the cappuccino chip is out there so smug. Ooh, let me sip my potato chip. I don't think so, you little brat. First of all, I just want to say thanks for doing the line. When Mike and I got booked on this show, what was the first thing we said? We hope he does the line. I don't think so. I don't know if your
Starting point is 00:31:56 audience can see, but I'm wearing my I don't think so t-shirt. I made it. What camera do we show this to? Hold on. It's fun. I made it myself with just a white shirt and a black marker. Right. It's a fun shirt, but it was tough to get done.
Starting point is 00:32:13 I couldn't find a black marker. Well, the hard part was you were wearing the shirt as you did the freehand. Right. It's upside down. It's pretty hard. I don't think so. If you had taken it off, I think it would have been a pretty accurate tracing of my tattoo. That would have been the easiest way to do it. I should have put the shirt on you.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Or if you had just put down the ginger ale that was in your hand as well. In his right hand, mind you. Not an option. Not an option for me. I love this stuff. I'm addicted to it. That's fine, but I feel like you kept sort of,
Starting point is 00:32:38 it was washing off some of the marker because you would spill it because you were writing in the same hand that you were. And now you like it spicy, do you not? My ginger ale? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I haven't had sriracha. That sounds fun, but I do put a Tabasco sauce, I guess they're calling it.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Mike, try, you take one taste of sriracha and you will never go back. I promise you I put it on everything. Really? Can I share a story from set? I promised I wouldn't do this. Seth who? Set. We're working on our team show.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Set who? Set match. We're from tennis. Oh, God. What was I saying? Oh, my set story. I'm sorry. This feels like the only place where I can? Oh, my set story. Yes, yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This feels like the only place where I can let loose with a set story or two.
Starting point is 00:33:30 Can I tell them? You know what I'm going to tell them. I don't think so. Yeah. This guy. He mentioned the ginger ale. He shows up. We had probably a, you know, like a.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Oh, I know this. I showed up. I remember this story. This 8 a.m. call, this guy rolls out of bed, somehow finds his way to set. He probably gets an Uber because he's not driving himself. It's one of these don't talk to me until I've had my job. That's the line.
Starting point is 00:33:59 He gets to the makeup chair. Oh, God. He sits down and she says, can I apply your concealer? And he says, not until I get my ginger ale toots. I was calling everyone toots. Michael. And I'm ribbing her. And I'm ribbing her.
Starting point is 00:34:19 And I'm sorry because she's a sweet girl, Kate. She's the sweetest. But until he had had that ginger ale and Tabasco, I mean, it was hell on earth. Out of my way. And it's fun. Dave and I were laughing it up. And I remember Kate, the makeup artist, was saying to me and Dave, you stop laughing like that. I have work to do.
Starting point is 00:34:40 I need you guys to leave my work area. We are ribbing her. I hope she's not listening. Kate, if you're listening, we love you. We're sorry about everything. We hope you'll come back next season. We know we really undersold you on the union thing, and you deserve every penny, and we feel terrible,
Starting point is 00:34:54 and we know you're living in a halfway house and that you fell in some hard times with your husband, and gosh darn it, if we don't feel bad about all that stemming from just a little joke on set that now here I am telling it like it's just a fun little set story and gosh I just hope it all works out
Starting point is 00:35:16 and you turn things back around and you're back on our show and you know, we'd love to have you. That's my set story. Next year, the ginger ale's on me. That's a nice way to end that. Right. Because it is upsetting when somebody,
Starting point is 00:35:33 and these crews are part of your family almost. Right, and when you undersell them on the union. When you undersell them on the union stuff, and when they do wind up in a halfway house, which I'm always halfway to what? Right. Halfway to not a house. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Is what it really seems like. Next thing you know, you've got a jackpot addiction. You know, pull bars. And then next thing you know after that, it's paying off. And you're living not in a halfway house. You're living in a full house. Yes. And that's a good promotion.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Yes. And that is the positive side to casino pulls, is you could get a house. Now, what do you guys do sketches about? Ooh. Let's get the 10,000-pound rhinoceros out of the room. We do sketches about funny people who are having fun. Yeah, and good times that are feeling great and that are already funny.
Starting point is 00:36:28 We'll take a thing that's already funny. If I can back up a second just for the audience. So we like to say TV is like small movies. Yeah. And sketches can kind of feel like a little small movie too.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Yes. And you could also say it's small tv oh that's but it's not the same as commercial no but you can do a sketch that is a commercial yeah so to describe what the show is to people who maybe don't know what they're going to check out. It's like little tiny TV inside small movies. Right. With sometimes real commercials and sometimes commercials that is tiny TV. Yes, and that's a good clue because when you're watching the sketch, it's a small TV. And then sometimes they'll show a picture of you guys. And that's the clue.
Starting point is 00:37:23 And it says, now it's commercial. We call those clue images. Yes. We'll use maybe seven of those in an episode just as you said. Remind people that there's a clue here of what you're watching.
Starting point is 00:37:39 That's pretty much it. The rest pretty much explains itself. Yes, and you mentioned, stuff being funny. Oh, well, I was just going to give a little trade secret out. You know, if you want to do sketch comedy, tune in. You don't have to be. Tune in, Butt Hanford. All right, I'm going to let that go three more times.
Starting point is 00:38:00 You're going to need this knowledge when you get big. You don't have to be funny if you're doing sketches. If you do sketches about funny people, there you go. You're going to have a funny sketch. Our biggest hit of season one was our, well, you remember, it was our Johnny Carson sketch. Yeah. And what we did was we, that stuff's all in the public domain. All the Johnny Carson shows, they're all in the public domain.
Starting point is 00:38:27 All the Leno and Phil and stuff too. You can rip those and show them. Once it's one year old, I don't know if people – I should back up. Just let me start. A lot of people don't realize this, but public domain means that it's free. Anybody can use it. You can do whatever you want with it.
Starting point is 00:38:43 You can paint a picture of it um whatever but basically things go into public domain after a certain time and and right now in the united states of america after one year from its first inception not its first airing from the moment that the writer or um director came up with the idea. One year from that, anybody can steal that idea, steal the exact images. And make money off of it. Yeah, make profit. It's set for schools.
Starting point is 00:39:10 Schools and education outlets, no deal. You cannot touch it. So anyway, we took all the Johnny Carson footage, all his highlights from 40-odd years of work. And lowlights. Yeah. We compressed them down into a 25-minute highlight clip reel, and we broadcast that on IFC in our slot in boffo ratings.
Starting point is 00:39:31 Thank you for bringing up the lowlights, because a lot of stuff that Johnny Carson did is not funny at all. And I feel like people don't talk about that enough. Like, a lot of it's just... Do you mean things he did on the air or not on the air? I don't even care which one, because a lot of times... just... Do you mean things he did on the air or not on the air? I don't even care which one because a lot of times... It's honestly hard to tell. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:51 And thank you also for explaining what public domain is because one of my favorite sketches you guys do is the public lo-main sketch where you all can share the lo-main, everyone's allowed to eat it. We got that idea at a restaurant We were eating at It was an Italian restaurant Yeah And I said Hey these noodles
Starting point is 00:40:09 These spaghetti noodles Remind me of Lo mein Lo mein Bing bing Yep Bing bing bing bing bing And then I
Starting point is 00:40:15 Then we kind of Lost track of the idea Oh Sean has your question How How yeah Shape Color consistency Oh he's saying hi
Starting point is 00:40:23 Sorry you're Oh that's a Native American. He's one-if. I am one-if. That's my bad. Continue with your story, Mike. I just realized I never formally greeted you, but how to you, Mike Hanford, and how, Turdford. And a Koyana Scotsy to you.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yes, and to you and yours. The rest of that story is a long one. It is a boring one. It's tedious. So here we go. Well, no. Do not put that in the show. Now you have to.
Starting point is 00:40:50 You have to. Okay. Do it. We went back to the office after this Italian meal, large Italian meal, and we all got a little sleepy. A la carte. Right. You pick it.
Starting point is 00:41:01 I said a la carte, but it was a la carte as well. When you're here, you're hungry. You know what I mean? When you're here, right. You pick it. I said a la carte, but it was a la carte as well. When you're here, you're hungry. You know what I mean? When you're here, yeah. When you're not leaving hungry. While you're here, you're hungry. When you leave your phone. I don't have my headphones on, and I'm not looking at anyone in this room,
Starting point is 00:41:20 so I'm not reading their lips. That's why I can't hear anything. Anyway, your story. The story. Yeah, so as it goes, get back to the office. I sit down after a nap to write up this Lomaine idea. I can't find my computer. Then I do find it and I open it up.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Then final draft. He warned you. I hear you giggling. He warned you. It's not working. I have to go to Dave. I can't find Dave. He has left for the day. I call Dave.
Starting point is 00:41:54 40 minutes later, after a conversation about baseball, I get to the point of my phone call, which is my typing device. My computer is not working. Right. So we go to the Mac store together. God. So we go to the Mac store together. God, so we go to the... Was it your car or my car? It was mine. That's the
Starting point is 00:42:12 funniest detail yet. We get in your car. We go to the Mac store. We go to the genius bar. They say, this isn't a Mac machine. Right. And they say, furthermore, you need an appointment. Some genius. And I say, furthermore to that, I'm not making an appointment. Right.
Starting point is 00:42:26 I shouldn't have to. And so we explained to him the low main idea. He had a little chuckle. Yeah, he did not like it. We'll leave the details. He didn't like us, I think, was the problem. Maybe that's what it was. So we leave there.
Starting point is 00:42:37 We go to the Dell store. And at the Dell store, that guy loves the low main idea, but he says, I can't help with your computer. He sends us over to the Geek Squad. Right. You know, this is the Best Buy. And where your computer. He sends us over to the geek squad. Right. You know, this is the best buy. And where's the geek squad? That's a best buy two miles down the road.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Who's in town? Yeah. This is the Barack Obama day, I was telling you. Oh, no. Traffic backed up for a while. We're not getting there for a while. Right. And that's pretty much the story.
Starting point is 00:43:01 But, Mike, thanks for not withholding that one. No, you're welcome. But Mike, thanks for not withholding that one No, you're welcome I think the problem with the story that you told Is that you include a lot of details that you don't need And then you leave out some of the funny stuff Like the fact that you took Mike's car is so funny Because his car is so funny
Starting point is 00:43:17 Right And it does, it looks like a big shoe that you're driving Yes And so, and it's very hard to see out of. Yeah. You know? And meanwhile, Dave has a very nice car that you could have taken. Sure.
Starting point is 00:43:33 It looks like it. Which would be safer. Gets good mileage. Yeah. Yep. But instead you drove the shoe, and I feel like that part would be good. Well, also, Hanford. Wow.
Starting point is 00:43:42 I disagree, but anyway. Hanford, you have a famous riff about the Genius Bar. Right, well. And it is like. To mention the Genius Bar, for you to mention the Genius Bar. And not go into, you know, is this the most pretentious name for a bar? I disagree, personally. And I'm not leaving a tip.
Starting point is 00:44:05 I know, yeah, that is a good bit. I know. I do retire stand-up, that's a stand-up joke of mine. I do retire them after the service. When they go in the public domain. Right. Once I put them in the public domain, they're not mine, you guys can have them. And I don't know if we needed necessarily to know the stuff about, like, I was looking for Dave and Dave wasn't there.
Starting point is 00:44:32 That is the setup, I think. Yes. Okay. I think. You know, when you watch Forrest Gump, you don't just see him running across the nation back and forth two or three times. Yes, I do. Well, you do when you get there. But you want to see him grow up.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Mike, he does do that in the movie. You do see that. You don't see it immediately. No, but he does do it. And I'll say this about Forrest Gump, too. He doesn't retire his box of chocolate stuff. No. That's the good stuff.
Starting point is 00:45:00 I guess that's true. Yes, he does the box of chocolates in the movie. In the movie, even when you're watching it. I'm a little confused. Are you saying that all the stuff in Vietnam is nothing but set up for the shot where he's running across the country? Forrest Gump, to me, has always been a story, sometimes complicated, but a story about a man who wanted to run across the nation two or three times. And that was his soul goal.
Starting point is 00:45:24 And that's what the trailer should have been. That is what the posters ought to have been. Him in his shoes, running shoes. I don't know why they wasted so much time with him growing up. And money. And money. Oh, welcome to Hollywood. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Movies cost money. Hurry up and wait. Yeah. Yes. Thank you, Sean, for putting the perfect point, sharp point on that whole run hurry up and wait that sums it all up oh my god it's a popcorn gallery
Starting point is 00:45:52 song well I'll tell you what the song means it's time for a segment where Sean and Hayes are going to ask our guest the birthday boys the questions about movies. Well, this says movies, but it actually is TV.
Starting point is 00:46:11 I'll turn that off. It's supposed to be TV. Should have been TV for this one. And it probably shouldn't have been popcorn. No. You don't really do popcorn during TV. TV dinner. TV dinner.
Starting point is 00:46:25 No, just TV dinner. No, just TV dinner. Yeah, just TV dinner. Yeah. Well, I sometimes eat chips. Okay. But I'll tell you what I don't eat. I don't eat those cappuccino-flavored potato chips because I'm not some hoity-toity beatnik.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Do the line. Do the line. And if you think I'm going to be pouring those in a bowl and having them with some biscotti on the side, I've got something to tell you. I seriously doubt it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Wait a second. The line changed. That was a different line. People don't care. They don't know the difference. All they want is for people to talk. That's why we tune in. Let's reach into the chip bag.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Yes. We'll pull out a question for Mike and Dave. Ooh, grande frappe latte mocha. Just give me a cup of coffee. Nice. This question is from MWN. And the question is, birthday boys, is Wesley Snipes underrated? And that question, that is not a name I'm familiar with.
Starting point is 00:47:44 And I wonder if he means Snidely Whiplash. God, you would think so. You're referring to the second AD? Was it second AD on the, was it the American Dad? Yes. Snidely Whiplash. Well, it could be. I mean, I guess it's your game.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Which one would you like us to reply? Are we assuming it's Wesley Snipes or Snidely? Do you know what Wesley Snipes is? Do I know what he is? Human. I assume he's human. Is that something you guys do? Is that a character? Is he referencing something from your show? Is it from your show? We've been
Starting point is 00:48:21 meaning to check it out and we've heard really good things. Wesley Snipes, well, he did. He was in an early draft of that Lomaine piece we were talking about. He played a sniper. It was a sniper character named Wesley Snipes. You know, that's something a lot of times if we're naming a character, because the beauty of comedy is you get to create these character names. Wally Peanuts, you know, a guy who likes peanuts. Wally Peanuts. What might he sound like? Oh, it's me, Wally Peanuts a guy who likes peanuts Wally Peanuts
Starting point is 00:48:45 what might he sound like? it's me Wally Peanuts where have the nuts gone I see shells everywhere my boy they're right here in my back pocket well it certainly won't do I was hoping Oliver Questionington would show up
Starting point is 00:49:02 he's never far you know it's funny you create these characters I was hoping Oliver Questionington would show up. Yes, he's never far. He's never far. You know, it's funny. You create these characters, excuse me, and you never think they're going to seep into the ear of a listener or the eye of a viewer the way that they've seeped into your soul the moment that they were birthed within you from your loins.
Starting point is 00:49:27 And then you come on a podcast like this, and Sean, for you to recognize something from season one, episode two, minute 20, second 35, frame 15, is just, God. It's God awful. God, it makes me sick. There's no reverence when you're talking about it. You said it just like a nothing thing. I thought it was a positive experience. From the whole way that you described it.
Starting point is 00:49:56 I thought it was going to be a positive experience. See, how does that feel? If I just, I don't think so. Well, I mean, you're talking about me. You're not talking about those chips, right? Yeah, I'm talking about you. Oh, well, then I don't like it. Well, then I don't think so. Well, I mean, you're talking about me. You're not talking about those chips, right? Yeah, I'm talking about you. Oh, well, then I don't like it. Well, then I don't like it.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Let's reach into the chip bag. Okay. I think we thoroughly answered that. Let's listen. Good morning. I'm fancy or something. I mean, seriously, with these chips. And Mark is?
Starting point is 00:50:32 I think, yeah, some of my friend Mark from high school records these sound drops for us. I think he's upset about the chips. And I think everyone should be pretty P.O.'d when they see that somebody entered in this contest with the flavor of potato chips that me and Mark don't think is a good idea. Have you talked to him about it? I haven't spoken to him directly, but he sent me a couple of very long emails. One of his rants. How long are we talking?
Starting point is 00:51:03 Well, emails don't really give you a page count, but I'll say this. My hand cramped up from scrolling down. Whoa. Here's a question. And I've got strong hands. From Valerie Bryant. Dear Birthday Boys, in Rolling Stone magazine, you reveal that you view comedy as a side project and your real passion is your babysitter's club.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Talk about this. Hey, Valerie, thanks for the question. Yeah, I'm hung up on something. Is Valerie, can it only be a girl's name? See, that's interesting because I've sort of been wondering the same thing and I wonder if you and I have had the same experience. I assume we have.
Starting point is 00:51:41 What happened to you? I think I've heard that name as a male's name once Sure Yeah I think we must have just met the same guy That's a very specific shared experience Right, when you think you may have heard that name as a male's name Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:55 You may have heard something You think Both of you How crazy is it that there is a chance that in this room We have one, two, three, four, five people in this room That two people Well, Sean hasn't, five people in this room, that two people... Well, Sean hasn't actually weighed in on this yet. That's true.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Do you think you may have heard that? Oh, I know that I haven't. He knows that he hasn't, so... I know that I certainly haven't. Have you? No, no. I'm positive. One thousand percent.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Two confident answers. So, yes. positive so two confident answers so yes no i i would remember something like that as it would shake me to my bones right well i mean there's i would be questioning everything i don't know if you had everybody out there listening um when we walked in um the song that uh beloved johnny cash song a boy named suit came on. You vomited. Yes, I did have. And that was partially the song, and that was also partially. I am a bulimic.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Oh, my God. And I don't like to talk about it, but I do definitely. But you will. Bring it out. You'll try and cover it up sometimes where you will throw up because you're a bulimic but then you'll say like ew gross like as if you saw something yes I'll make it I'll put it on the other person that they said something that I go oh this is so distasteful to me that I have to throw up they were talking about intercourse or, yeah. Oh, my God. The question with this girl, I think, is, is it Valerie or Bryant? Because that would change.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Bryant, Valerie. That would change everything. That would change everything. Are you guys able to email correspond with the questioners? Is this kind of one of those, like Snapchat, where they just. Well, and then there's the issue of them having our email address. Because you can't just do it once. Right.
Starting point is 00:53:47 That's the thing. Once you do it, they have your email address forever. Right. Then they can sign you up for all kinds of things. I'm not a bulimic. That was a bit? No, it wasn't a bit. I just wanted some attention.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Well, you got it. You sure did. You got it in spades, my friend. And the truth to why I was throwing up is because I have Ebola. Oh, God. Hey, if I could just lighten the mood, Ebola what? But no, that's terrible. Mike, thank you for lightening the mood.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Yeah, that is better. I was scared for a second that I had Ebola. And I haven't been able to laugh about it, but now I'm thinking of a bowl of something. Right. How long have you had it? Six and a half years now or something. Oh, okay. Barack Ebola. Thanks for adding that small joke at the end of No, I think he's saying that he has
Starting point is 00:54:45 been afflicted with six and a half years is how long Obama's been in office, so you're saying that it's a political snide comment. You're nodding. Is that not coming through
Starting point is 00:55:02 on mic? That's awful because now you can never be in our program. Now that I know your political beliefs. Unless that's not as loaded as it sounds. It sounds like you're maybe Tea Party? Am I going too far? I want to be in the program, but I don't want to back off my political beliefs. See?
Starting point is 00:55:22 It's okay. It's not too late. If you right now profess your staunch political independence, you could be in the program. Just let him think for a second. I'm a Green Party
Starting point is 00:55:32 and I want to be... I'm trying to vote for that Mary Carey porno woman that won you. Let me think. Who do I say? Yeah, you've been trying to vote
Starting point is 00:55:43 for her for a long time. He's pacing all over the room here. See these guys. He's ringing his head. There he goes under the table. I'm having a little bit of trouble here. Okay, they can't see me down here, so I can really figure this thing out. No comment.
Starting point is 00:56:00 Let's reach into the chip bag. I hope that answers your question, Val. Yeah, thanks for the question, Val. Ooh, I guess I'll eat these with a soda. Wait, I can't. It makes no sense because it already tastes like a drink with caffeine. Here's a question from Andrew. Dear birthday boys.
Starting point is 00:56:17 I do recognize the sex of Andrew, my man. Here we go. That's right brother Andrew says Dear birthday boys Who contributes the least to the group That would be me sir I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:56:36 Here comes the character Our favorite character Gregory least contributor I don't exactly know where that script went. I had it here a minute ago. Oh, Gregory. Yeah, I may have just left it on the boat. Oh, Gregory, not the boat again.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Yeah. Well, Gregory, just go back to your boat, find the script, and come back and we'll make the sketch for these nice people. The thing about the boat is I sort of put a hole in it. Oh, geez, Gregory. How the heck did you put a hole in the boat? So that's just a taste of this Gregory character. But it's based off of me.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I do no work in the group. I come in late. Truth and comedy. China. That Lomaine sketch, that took a long time. That's the only thing I contributed. Yeah, you started that. I think you had that idea in high school.
Starting point is 00:57:30 We scripted it this year. We wrote it. You dictated and we jotted it down on a legal pad and then handed it off to our 80-year-old assistant, Rose, and she typed it up. And then I got nasty with it. Remember that? I said, this is my life. This is my idea. This is my property. Do you think this is your life? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:57:49 You're going to screw everything up. This is my ticket, man. This little main sketch is my ticket. She was right. I'm going to look at you now. This all could have been part of the first story you told, which was so long and seemed to be about the inception of the sketch. There's a lot of drama in this story.
Starting point is 00:58:06 Yes, this seems more like a story. I think we're, I think we, if I had to think about it, if I had to really, if I got cornered, I think we're at our funniest when the cameras are off. You know, when we're just a couple gals chatting. And I think maybe you just got a little taste in that. A couple of gals named Val. Cody, I noticed you were resting your cheek on your hand while you were supposed to be recording the show. If you could just sit up.
Starting point is 00:58:40 And it's over now. Should we repeat everything we said for the last 20 seconds? No, the show's over. Over because of this. It gives the impression that you're not having a good time. Okay? Just have some back pain, you know? No, you don't have back pain.
Starting point is 00:58:56 For what? I saw you skateboarding. I saw you skateboarding. I saw you skateboarding. You don't have back pain. We all know that skateboarders don't have back pain. But that helps my back. It's the exercise.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Cody, the idea that skateboarding helps you get back is absurd. Just sitting up and being engaged, okay? Participating in the show. Acting like you're listening and you're having a good time. Answering questions. Speaking up involuntarily. That's all good. Yes, participating in the show. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:31 Just sitting there, bump on a log style. There's a real thing with Cody that he thinks lying is funny. And I think he's making a joke when he does these lies. Skateboarding helps my back? You're lying to me. You honestly could get arrested for that. Citizens arrest right now. You take care of your back or you're under arrest.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Yeah. Because it's going to become a burden on the public, you know, health people if you actually do have a hurt back in your skateboarding. But I don't think you do. Hmm. Yeah. You're going to end up in the ultimate lie zone, jail. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:12 And there you really have to lie. Sounds like fun. No, it doesn't. Cody, you don't think that jail sounds like fun. It's punishment. Cody, no, it doesn't sound like fun. Sean, don't drop him. Don't drop him off that cliff.
Starting point is 01:00:29 If you drop him off that ledge, you take back what you said. You can't undo this, Sean. What are you doing? You want to be spaghetti on the pavement? You want to be public low-main? Oh, is that a low-main job? He's taking shots at our skin. Hayes, help me! Okay, alright. Now, Cody, you did. You were being shots at our skin. Hayes, help me! Okay, all right, all right.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Now, Cody, you did. You were being very disengaged. Hayes, you're implicit in this. If you guys both take a hold of his collar like that and you let go and he's flat. Hayes maybe has the power to call me off, but no one else does. My hand, I have hand pain. Guys, guys, you. Okay, Cody, that's a taste of your medicine.
Starting point is 01:01:03 He's saying he can't do it because he has a physical ailment that's not real. Sean, this is a bad idea, man. Do not drop him. I'm slipping. I'm slipping. I don't know if I can hold him anymore. Sean, I just watched Batman Returns last night where Max Schreck drops Michelle Pfeiffer's character out the window. This is not going to end well for you, man.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Hanford, Hanford, why are you holding me over this balcony? Because you let me. Stop copying me, Hanford. Hanford, look, if you let me go, there's no more Wally Peanuts, man. What do you think I've been gunning for this whole time? I knew you wanted that character from me. I got news for you, buddy.
Starting point is 01:01:43 I came up with Gregory. He was my idea. No! I got news for you, buddy. I came up with Gregory. He was my idea. No! I deserve him. Oh, Jesus. Okay, I'm going to put Cody down while you guys deal with this. Cody, you got to calm down. This seems more longstanding.
Starting point is 01:01:54 This Cody thing was sort of a flash in the pan. Now Hayes has got me, man. Oh, my God. Look, Hayes. I'm holding both guys. Listen to me, Hayes. If you drop Hanford, I go with him, man. Okay, I'm going to hold myself out the window because I'm feeling kind of left out.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Sean, Sean. I'm just kind of hanging here. Just take my hand, Sean. I'll hold you. I'll hold you up, and as long as Hayes doesn't let go of Hanford and I don't let go of you, we all stay up here, okay? Wait, guys. It's Cody.
Starting point is 01:02:22 He's lifting us all up. He's not even touching us Hugging us Oh some back pain Cody You lift us all up All four of us Your back must really hurt Four adult guys
Starting point is 01:02:38 And I can't think of another word right now So fuck you Cody I use the power of Christ Oh my god Fuck you was the good button for it One more thing fuck you Cody I use the power of Christ oh my god that fuck you was the good button for it cause we talked about swearing before
Starting point is 01:02:48 oh one more thing ugh yeah Cody's gonna put the button on it the power of Christ god damn it Cody thanks for coming in guys
Starting point is 01:02:58 yeah thanks and I'm sorry this could've been better and thanks for providing a really great button on the show lights out boom I'm sorry Cody yes I use the power of Christ god And thanks for providing a really great button on the show. Sure, lights out. Boom.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Yes. I use the power of Christ. God, what a lame thing. What a fucking loser. Rate us on iTunes. Give us a fucking one. Yeah, that's what we deserve. As long as Cody's still involved, give us ones on iTunes.
Starting point is 01:03:22 Unlike us on Facebook. Go to the friggin' forums and just tell us how much we suck. Tell us we're a piece of shit. Yeah, flush us down the toilet. And nobody listen, nobody subscribe. But please do buy the pro version of our podcast.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Oh yes, that money goes right in our pocket. There's a lot of great stuff on offer this week. A lot of little signed objects from the studio. I don't want to give anything away, but some fun stuff this week. And Dancing for Powerful Men bought the Pro version. Bought the Pro version this week. And as a prize is going to get a character created by the Birthday Boys.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Jim Proversion Purchaseer is the new character brought to you by the... I'm Jim. Yes, that sounds... Yes, that's Jim. So you're welcome, Dancing for Powerful Men. That's you. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman.
Starting point is 01:04:27 For more information, visit Earwolf.com. Earwolf Radio. Boom. Dot. Com. Oh, oh, oh. The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.