Hollywood Handbook - Will Greenberg, Our Close Friend
Episode Date: January 9, 2017The boys Hayes and Sean open the Teaser Freezer and discover the teaser for "The Comedian" in there. Then WILL GREENBERG of TBS's "Wrecked" arrives to pick his desert island discs because Wre...cked is on a desert island. This episode is brought to you by MVMT Watches (www.mvmtwatches.com/hollywood) and Casper Mattresses (www.casper.com/handbook).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Jesse Bradford, chilling in the Hall of Mirrors, not haunted.
We are going through removing the scary elements as we
proceed.
Saying, you know, these bones,
fake bones, picking them up,
throwing them away.
What do you have on?
See, this is so interesting because
I guess a funny
thing to say would be that my clothes
was made of mirrors or something.
Oh, yeah.
But it was
just see now i'm wishing i had done that the clothes made of me clothes made of mirrors well
you still can okay okay yeah um yeah they were uh yeah it was made of mirrors. Okay, glad I asked.
And so I guess I'm sort of becoming the Hall of Mirrors in a way.
Anyway, we are practicing kissing our reflections.
And it gets to the, you know, the point where you've like practiced for a while, you start to get –
Horny.
Like really – well, yeah.
I was going to say really good, but yeah, sure.
Well, the same thing.
Mostly in your – yeah, you sort of – I was horny before as well.
Because that's what – it was like, can we go to the Hall of Mirrors right now?
It was kind of like that.
You know what I mean?
Can I tell you a funny story about mirrors?
Well, you're in the middle of your story.
No, I think it is over.
Really?
Oh, well.
It might be.
Okay, well.
Let's see.
When I was a kid, I used to think they were called me roars.
Oh.
Because what I always thought was, you know, I was pretending to be a lion a lot as a baby.
And I thought, this is the only place I get to see me roar.
It's like when I get in front of there and I just do a big lion sound.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I love stories.
Just as a child, just doing a big lion sound.
Everyone else gets to see it.
When do I get to see it?
And just only in front of the me roar.
and everyone else gets to see it.
When do I get to see it?
And just only in front of the mirror.
Well, and that's what is, I guess, interesting about the idea,
Katy Perry saying you're going to hear mirrors when actually what you are doing is seeing them.
And really, you're not seeing the mirror.
You're seeing me roar.
Yes.
Yeah. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. And it's how to get to kicking button dropping names on the red carpet linebacker always of
this industry we call showbiz uh quickly yes and we didn't prepare this and so we just need to go
really fast on this we need the teaser freezer theme song teaser theme song just go ahead and
play it just hit the pull it up google teaser freezer theme song uh andaser Freezer theme song. Just go ahead and play it. Just hit the beat. Pull it up. Google Teaser Freezer theme song.
And just zoom into it.
Just Teaser Freezer theme song and just play it.
Because we want to do the new one.
If you don't have the lyrics, you have the good one.
Yeah.
No, let's find it.
You sing it.
So Google Teaser Freezer.
This guy's name is Matt.
Teaser Freezer Matt.
I don't know.
Teaser Freezer Matt.
This is your thing. Matt Boogeyman Teaser Freezer Matt. This is your thing.
Matt Boogeyman or something.
I know.
This is your thing.
All these guys are friends with me now.
Matt Boogeyman.
Because we have to just play the.
Well, I was talking, but okay.
It's so cold.
It's so cold.
It's so cold It's so cold
In the taser freezer
It's so cold
It's so fucking cold
No, we didn't like this one.
There's a different one.
Stop it.
Too much swears.
Do the other one.
Search other one.
While he's doing this,
do you want to just
practice our lion sounds?
He was talking.
It's educational, we love it The teaser freezer is left
The teaser freezer is fun
It is for thinking and learning
And having fun with your friends
No cussing
And that's better.
Thank you, Matt.
So that song gives you a little bit of the idea,
but basically Hayes and I are going to
risk frostbite
by getting into the ice-cold
teaser freezer,
pulling out a fresh teaser,
and no one else has access to yet.
Unwrap it.
They don't have the key to the freezer.
Unwrap it like a popsicle.
Mm-hmm.
We have to unwrap it.
And just take it all the way down.
Just work it in and out of our mouth.
Take it all the way down.
Yep.
Slide it in, take it back out, and just to the hilt, all the way to the stick.
No chewing.
It has to melt.
It's going to melt deep down in our throat, and that is just the way we eat.
So this teaser is going to get...
Hang on. First, let me open the door.
...
...
...
...
...
Hello. Hi. Zing! Womomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomom door. It's like a birdhouse or something. It's the wrong door. Oh, oops. I now I got the new key, and now it's time to open the right door, I hope, this time.
Funk.
I'd punch him.
Okay, good. Thanks for punching him. Okay, good.
Thanks for punching him.
Oh, I'm going to throw up.
That guy punched me.
Okay, so it was, you know, it's cold.
It's the teaser freezer.
The Yeti lives in there, yeah.
The teaser today.
You were going to do it. I'll let you.
All right, so the teaser.
It's going to be for a movie. And this is what we do. We take it out. We take a movie. You haven't seen it. I'll let you. All right. So the teaser is going to be for a movie.
And this is what we do.
We take it out.
We take it out of the movie.
You haven't seen it.
For anybody who doesn't know, teaser is like a little commercial for a movie they put out.
Sometime they play before an actual movie in the theater.
Don't leave it at the end of the teaser.
It's just a sample.
This one is a sample for a movie.
And every time you go to the movies, my feeling is you're hoping to see your story on screen.
Yes.
Is that right, Hayes?
Yeah.
Sam, is this your desire as well that you go, hey, when are they going to tell my story?
Because I'm not a war guy.
I didn't do The Revenant.
For you, you're going, I'm not an army man.
You're going, I'm not a guy who a lot of times people in these movies are having sex.
You've never done that.
You are.
I am Sam.
Yeah, between this and Deadpool, the only times I want to see me, I'm up there.
Deadpool, you felt like was an accurate reflection of you, just of your humor.
I'm fast.
Yeah, you're so fast.
He's so quick with his jokes.
And we don't always get them all
on mic because he's sort of running
past the mic and it's always, he's sort of like
he sort of like dips his head
in to just be like,
oops, that came out wrong, you know, and like
just zooms by. And you are
sort of miming Katana moves
a lot.
Yeah.
But just the funniest fucking guy.
And so that shit rocks.
And this also is about a very funny guy who's maybe a little more funny in the way that Hayes and I are,
where it's very thoughtful and it's challenging you.
And so appropriately, this movie that is me and Hayes' story
and somewhat Sam's is called The Comedian.
And it stars Robert De Niro and it is the movie.
And it's the green part at first.
Yep.
They always do that.
Here he is.
The city.
My famous brother, Jackie Burke.
How old are the kids?
Kid.
We have one kid.
She's an adult now.
She's getting married.
I thought she was a dyke.
You say lesbian.
It was his brother.
And he says, it's my brother.
And Robert De Niro says, how are the kids?
But they only have one kid
and she's an adult now.
Yeah.
And then he says,
she's getting married
and he says,
I thought she was a dyke.
And instead of saying,
well, first of all,
dykes could get married as well.
So that's not irrational.
But this is just how,
you know,
and Hayes and I,
when we talk to our brothers,
are always kind of using this language that's not necessarily PC because that's just how we fucking talk, you piece of shit.
It's family.
I'm not always watching my language with my family.
My brother looks like Danny DeVito too.
And I'm going like, you know, hey, it's me.
Hey, I thought your kid was a fucking dyke, you piece of shit.
And he's got to go like, the appropriate term is lesbian
because he's trying to be like, let's follow the rules.
And so this is some of the comedy that we like, that Sean and I like,
which is the real New York, like the cellar.
The pure New York, you get in the cellar and you just challenge people and you go like,
oh, are you comfy in your safe space?
I'll put you six feet underground.
It's pretty safe down there.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You like being in your little safe space, Mr. Millennial?
I don't know.
I got a box for you six feet underground, pretty safe down there.
They will kill you.
I will murder you if you say you need a safe space. I will murder that. And how's that for safe? Pretty safe down there. They will kill you. I will murder you if you say you need to save me.
I will murder.
And how's that for safe?
Pretty safe down there, six feet under, you piece of shit.
What do I have to do to chill this birthday party?
Do you want a job or do you want to be an ass?
Do I have to choose?
And I'm always giving it to you.
Yeah, and that's Edie Falbo, and he wants to get a job,
and she's the manager and so what you
also heard was the very beginning of billy crystal wait wait wait wait no that's okay billy crystal's
in the elevator it's closing and he said what a shh and so we're just gonna hear the uck
yeah just a little but before billy crystal it's like even with his manager in this professional
relationship she's going you want a job you want to be an ass and you think he doesn't have a line but before Billy Crystal, it's like, even with his manager in this professional relationship,
she's going,
you want a job?
You want to be an ass.
And you think he doesn't have a line for that.
He's like me and Hayes.
We got a line for everything.
So even when you try to stick it to us,
we get you back twice as hard and we'll put you six feet under grab.
Wait,
wait,
wait,
Billy Crystal.
Interestingly,
this is a little interesting Hollywood context.
Billy Crystal was the comedians.
And so what happened in this scene probably is Robert De Niro is coming up and saying,
Hey, so it's my now, baby.
Yeah.
I'm taking the comedian.
He just fucking pisses on his forehead, basically.
And Billy Crystal has to be like, what a schmuck.
And he's talking about himself, I think, because Robert De Niro showed him up.
Let's talk about the supportion of a town you live in.
Hicksville!
You getting this, Amy?
What are you doing?
You taping me?
Give me that.
Okay, pause it.
So, yes.
Okay.
No cameras at the shows!
Nobody try to videotape my show.
And also, you know, fuck all you people who are like oversensitive and stuff.
And also, don't videotape my show.
Your town's an abortion.
That's a joke.
Even better than saying dumpster fire, I think, is to call a thing an abortion because it's such an ugly act.
I think is to call a thing an abortion because it's such an ugly act.
And then to also then go Hicksville on top of that.
So it's like a Hick abortion.
That's my kind of humor.
And then when the guy who's maybe 30 years his junior and looks to be sort of like a strong steel worker or something, is videotaping his show.
Yeah.
I love that it hurts his feelings that he's being taped.
Yes, I like comedian.
This is the kind of comedian I like.
The kind that if you get upset by their comedy,
you're a pussy and you want to be at a safe space and you're weak.
But if you record their show, they will write about it online.
And they're mad and they're like, somebody was out of line.
They were videotaping my show and it was all out of context when I was saying abortion.
And then when they're taping it, what I do generally, if it's someone who's 30 years my junior who looks to be some sort of strong steel worker, is I knock their fucking ass out.
Which is exactly what Bobby DeNirobo did.
The experience of watching the teaser and I imagine going to the movie
is you are genuinely terrified
that first of all,
you will be roasted from the screen.
Oh yeah.
And that is my understanding
is that is what will happen occasionally
is certain people in the audience
will be burned to a crisp
by Jackie Burke on the screen.
Oh, he puts you right on the bunsen burner.
And he could come out of the screen and punch you
in sort of like a Ron Artest, like a movie version of Ron Artest.
He will come out of there and he will roast you.
Miles at the Palace.
I've been running the theater.
How many hours did you get?
Jazz music. I love jazz music.
My dad used to love your TV show.
We've watched every episode.
Always nice to meet a fan.
Well, we just had the one TV.
Wow.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Has he met his match?
Now, I've never seen someone get the upper hand on this guy in a battle of words.
Right.
It's kind of like me, where I always am the one who has the final line in the
last word and i'm rarely left going oh like i just got got bad i could take it right i could dish it
out and i can take it now you're not taping me and it's the worst roast because they used to
watch the show she used to she and her dad used to watch but they. She used to watch this show. Her dad used to watch every episode of this show.
But they only had one TV.
They only had one TV.
Which is why.
Now, I got this joke right away.
I didn't have to think about it for a little while.
But I know that not everyone's sort of schooled in comedy the way I am.
I know.
And so we can move on.
Let's explain it to everyone else.
So let's say, for instance, I go to Hayes.
You know, me and my I go to Hayes.
Me and my sister used to listen to every episode of your podcast.
Yeah, and I say, thank you.
And I go, we only had the one speaker.
Right.
And what I'm saying is she, I guess, was choosing what we listened to. She was in charge of what we listened to.
And so if I had been able to choose, I wouldn't have heard every episode.
And so.
Is maybe what I'm saying.
I guess
it's nice that
your dad liked it so much.
And now you say, ooh. Oh, right.
Okay, ooh. Okay, well,
now maybe we're gonna fuck. Ooh, thank
you? Yeah, yeah.
She dropped the peas.
She dropped the peas
and made her cry. They're volunteering
doing community service. That's how they met
Let's see if he tries to charm her
Okay
This is at the cellar
Okay so this comedian's on stage.
He's taking her to see,
and this is what I do when I'm in New York.
I show ladies my New York.
And maybe you've seen the one up above
with the M&M store and everything,
but what you haven't seen is underground.
Underground.
And this is not the same kind of underground
where the saves business.
Where comedians don't follow the rules.
And this woman who he brought with him
who's 45 years his junior
is standing next to him
and he's showing her
what's going on
and the comedian goes like,
calls her a hooker right away.
Goes,
isn't it nice
when they bring their hooker?
And she throws her head back
and laughs
because at the end of the day,
women want to be called hookers.
After everything I've done for you, I was there for you when you were starting out as a young man.
Okay.
And once again, you don't want to get into a battle with me or Hayes with jokes because
if you call my friend a hooker, I'm going to call you the gender that you're not,
and that you cannot recover from.
Yes, and it's not the same thing as saying that someone is a woman
but is gay like he did to his niece before.
I thought she was a fucking dyke.
It's different.
It's saying that she was a boy.
You are a fucking man.
That was amazing.
I feel like I'm high. Do you come up with
all that on the spot? Sometimes,
yeah. That was good.
Not that time.
It's implied that that time
that was pre-written.
Yes, you come up with all that
on the spot. So,
what we've seen is jokes that
feel extremely prepared
and pre-written
and old.
And also barely
jokes.
Yes.
That's what we've been
able to see.
But what the teaser
is promising me
is in the movie
there's going to be
something that could
be confused
for being improvised.
And it's being improvised
by a guy who
when asked if he comes up
with stuff on the spot,
goes, eh, sometimes.
So we know he's quick on his feet.
Let's keep watching.
Thank you.
Are you free on Sunday?
I have a wedding to go to, my niece's wedding.
You can be my wingman.
We have a few laughs.
Uncle Jackie, you're going to get up and say a few words.
No, we don't want it to become a thing.
It's an honor being here
to celebrate Brittany and Frankie's wedding.
Can I address the 800-pound gorilla in the room?
Flo.
She is not.
So this is what's so interesting.
It's actually okay because she is not.
She's not heavyset at all.
So he said that she's barely overweight.
800-pound gorilla in the room, and it's a woman who is of a slender figure,
who is his brother's wife.
For her age?
For her age?
She looks quite good.
And she says she doesn't want it to become a thing,
so she doesn't want her famous comedian brother-in-law
to have the microphone at any point, even though her daughter does want that.
And, of course, when he gets the mic he uh starts
insulting her calling her 800 pounds and i think also danny debito is going to be in his crosshairs
a little bit you know at least by association let's go ahead and watch this line again flow
what have you done to my poor little brother?
He was six feet tall when you got married.
And he's so small.
Became small.
And what he's saying is, you're so fucking fat, you smushed him.
Just, this is, okay, the comedy code, okay?
I'm going to say this once.
I will never repeat it again.
This is all you need keep your
ears peeled gay wrong gender fat short and hooker oh that's right and one likes to be called a
hooker although this is an insult to make her mad the hooker insult is when you want to make a woman
laugh a life brother of yours i don't know why you're yelling at him.
Who are you?
With your no-wonder-wear dress.
Don't comment on my dress.
Now she is starting to absorb a little bit of this New York thing.
She's, don't comment on my dress.
Don't comment on my dress.
And we see she's got a little fire in her.
She's becoming a little bit of Jackie Burke,
and I think it is
maybe the twist that they are the same person and jackie burke yes met his match and i think it's a
fight club situation i want to know what your expectations are here my expectations when you
look at my daughter and the way she's looking at you i'm not looking at him what are you talking
about what a beautiful sort of homage to the taxi driving saying when he was like,
what are you looking at?
When you look at my daughter the way you look at my daughter,
I'm not looking at him, and it's all sort of dancing around.
And now he's getting to watch this being like, oh, now I get to see it for once.
And to see Harvey Keitel on screen with De Niro,
Harvey Keitel being a man 27 years his junior,
on screen with De Niro, Harvey Keitel being a man 27 years his junior,
playing the father of De Niro's romantic interest and saying, like, I've got my eye on you,
and the way you're looking, you know, is a good scene for a movie.
We have three offers for appearances.
What's it going to be?
Go out there, big shot.
They want you.
Now this isn't your...
He's in an old people house.
Yes, you're about to hear some jokes at an old people house.
His girlfriend is saying, this is not your crowd, the very young woman.
Her dad...
The girlfriend is basically saying, this does not happen.
She should be saying, this has never ever happened that like a comedian is booked.
Famous comedian is booked at an old folks home and that it is owned somehow by her father.
So you saw his manager say you have three gigs to choose from.
One of the gigs is at an old folks home in Florida who's owned by the father of the girl who you're dating in New York,
who you were just eating dinner with in New York in the scene before this.
Right.
You know what I think she's saying when she's saying, this is not your crowd?
This is not happening.
You are.
This isn't a crowd.
This isn't a scenario that could occur.
And also, it's very strange that my father owns this old folks home and is booking a comedian for it, and you chose this above the other two offers that you had.
None of this is real.
You're a dancer?
Yeah.
Come sit on my lap.
I'll spin you around like a draven.
Okay.
Yeah, and that's a variation on the hooker rule.
Yeah, and it's a fun thing to do where you do the woman's own thing against her.
They always like it.
If she says she's a dancer, you can do anything they say.
It's like, oh, you're a cook.
I got a meal for you.
Get down in my lap.
I'll spin you around like a dreidel.
And if she's a dancer or if she says I'm an accountant, you go like, I'll crunch some numbers on you.
Get in my lap.
I'll spin you around like a dreidel.
And so he's kind of teaching you.
I'm sorry.
I almost stepped on the best line in the book.
Well, also we should point – we forgot that when he just fucking laid out that steelworker ass out, he went viral.
But I guess it was – he was bad.
It wasn't bad for him.
It was off screen.
He went bad viral for beating up a steel worker.
And he got in trouble, and then people didn't want to enjoy him and his comedy anymore.
We can only infer that, but the trailer might actually literally tell us that
because we're going to hear right now from his manager, I think, after the joke.
Come sit on my lap.
I'll spin you around like a draven.
You're viral again.
You're viral again. You're viral again.
And how many times have we gotten that call, Hayes,
from a representative?
Hayes, you're viral again.
I, yes.
Twice in a month, you've gone viral.
Yes.
This time the opposite way.
The viral call, you're always hoping,
when you see that it's your agent or whatever,
you're always hoping that like, oh, I your agent or whatever, you're always hoping that
this is a good viral. When you call
an old woman a whore and
it's at an old folks
home where you're performing stand-up comedy
for a place owned by your
girlfriend's dad,
you are hoping to
go viral. You're saying, please
let someone have taped it on an iPad.
And not just taped it.
To have auto-tuned it like auto-tune the news.
Because this is what's important about this viral video.
It is not just footage of his appearance.
It is very heavily edited in a sort of auto-tune the news,
Tim and Eric alt-style thing.
And it's viral again.
And this has gone viral.
But for some reason, this is good for him
well last time he was making an insulting joke right that was nasty and being sort of a out of
bounds comic and then taping him obviously he was mad and then went viral and got in trouble. Now he's making these sort of like raw jokes
that are sort of like, you know, not politically correct.
And they're taping him, so now he's going viral.
Right.
Three million views in eight hours, and it is still climbing.
You are on Kimmel.
You're on Fallon.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The comedian's dream, okay?
It's almost too good to be true.
For you to have an auto-tuned video
of you doing stand-up at an old person,
show up on Fallon.
And Kimmel.
Pack it in.
Oh, well, I mean, I can't.
I mean, that's movie magic that he got on both.
The video.
That's a little bit of movie magic.
He is not actually a big ass to appear,
but his video did appear.
His video's there, yeah.
On both of those.
And he's about to, I think, fuck this young woman because she's talking into a whiskey bottle.
Thank you, Bert.
The comedian.
Close it up.
So.
Close the freezer.
Cthunk. Will Greenberg. So. Close the freezer. Cthunk.
Will Greedberg.
Yep.
On Hollywood Handbook.
Hollywood Handbook.
So I'm there with Tony Tennille and Cartman.
Yeah.
And we're punching this white baby for,
it's like a civil rights thing.
And the baby starts crying, like screaming, crying.
Yeah, oh my God.
And it's like so immature, you know?
And there's all these cops around.
It's like the policeman's banquet, you know?
So I start to get a little shy, and I'm blushing.
Yeah.
And one of the cops comes over.
He goes, what's that noise?
And Tony, bless her heart, goes, it's a new song I'm working on.
And there's a keyboard near us, you know, because we're the band for the banquet.
And she just starts jamming.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
And Cartman grabs the mic too.
And what we came out with was really special and was Crocodile Rock.
Were you hoping?
Yes.
Go ahead.
That this would –
Yes.
That it would –
That it would become Crocodile Rock.
No, what are you going to say?
No, that you would get a positive reaction.
A positive from the –
At the banquet.
From punching the baby.
Yeah.
Well, because a lot of these cops, I don't know if you know, don't want you to punch anybody.
Yeah.
You know?
Right.
Especially them.
So you knew that going in.
Yeah, but it was a statement.
It was a secret statement, but it was a statement for civil rights.
But then you wanted to cover up that it was what you were doing.
Well, it was a secret because it's like, I don't want to get in trouble for it.
I want to make the statement.
You know, I know about it.
Tony knows about it.
You know about it now.
But I don't want to do it where people can see it
because I don't want to get in trouble.
Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insiders.
Guys are kicking butt and dropping names.
And the red carpet line back hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
Today is a little bit interesting. Today we're going to have an interesting day. Back carpet line, back hallways of this industry we call showbiz.
Today is a little bit interesting.
Today we're going to have an interesting day. Today is going to be a little unusual, I'd say.
I want to talk to Will Greenberg.
Will Greenberg.
Can I talk to Will Greenberg, please?
May I talk to Will?
Is Will there?
You can talk at him.
Okay.
Can you talk to him?
We'll see.
Okay.
All right.
Expand on that.
Yeah, what did you mean?
Because that's such an interesting thing to say to us.
As a first thing.
As a guy.
Right.
As a dude.
As a first thing you say.
You know, am I going to give you my attention?
Have you earned it?
Yeah.
We shall see.
So it's about your reception.
Because sometimes when people say, you know, you're talking at me.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
It's not about their response to it.
What they're saying is you're not really trying to communicate.
No, not at all.
Most of the time I'm not trying to communicate.
I'm just trying to judge.
Okay.
I screwed this up.
Okay.
to judge.
Okay.
I screwed this up.
Okay.
So I'm saying not you, but some people who say, hey, you're talking at me.
Oh, right.
They're saying, hey, you're not trying to communicate with me.
Yeah, I don't know them.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Well, these are like my cousins and stuff. I got bored.
Okay.
So what happened for you, Hayes, there?
Where'd you go when you got bored?
I forgot to listen.
And I was actually looking at that pimp snapback of yours.
Yeah, right.
And I was looking to see how many snaps deep you were on the size.
That's a good question.
And it looks like you have four snaps.
He snaps four of them.
I cannot quite do one.
And I have to just sort of hot glue the very tips together.
It's hot glued, but it's snapped, and I extended it to make it look like it was four, but it's really—
Oh, just the tips are hot glued because your head is also so big.
I have three snaps done on my snapback today.
Me and Will are wearing snapbacks today, and Hayes wasn't invited to the party, right?
Will Greenberg.
Wrecked.
Wrecked.
Oh, my God.
Wrecked.
So the show's called Wrecked.
My man's on TBS.
Is TBS still very funny?
Yes.
They don't want you to say that.
Okay.
But I don't know if it's, like, I think it's doing more of a, like,
very funny but smart.
Right?
Very funny but also a little smart.
Yes.
And whiter.
Yes.
I didn't want to bring it up.
At long last, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why it's not very funny anymore.
Right. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. That's why it's not very funny anymore. Right.
I get that.
Yeah.
So,
Wrecked is about
just getting fucked up
with all your friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's actually,
I got a funny story
about that word,
wrecked,
and that title,
wrecked.
When I was in high school,
back in Houston, Texas.
You ever been there?
Yeah, I was just there.
Well, we were driving to Austin to go par-tay.
Uh-oh.
And we dipped in a little early.
You packed a dip?
Yeah, I was lipping and dipping, spitting.
What is your brand?
Skull.
Wintergreen.
Which cut?
Grizzly cut.
Yeah.
Grizzly cut.
A grizzly cut of skull.
I'm Kodiak, man.
Go, Kodiak.
I used to go.
Feels like a Kodiak moment.
Did you?
Yeah, I would say that and then fucking pop, pop, pop.
Used to.
I used to say it.
I stopped because just that Kodak campaign is pretty old now, you know?
Yeah.
But I would say it's a Kodiak moment.
And then I'd fucking pop in a fat one.
Like he was snapping pictures, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Say cheese.
Say cheese, bitch.
Pop, pop, pop.
Yeah, and I'd be like, ooh.
I'd go, make love to the camera.
And I'd go, oh, what you're giving me is so good right now.
And then pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
And then I always swallow the first one.
And I'd go, oops.
I'd take a fat, chunky dip, and I'd put it in.
And then I'd go like, oops.
Wasn't supposed to do that.
And then I'd fucking put it in the second one.
I go, that's better.
Yeah, because now you're buzzing.
First, you're just quenching thirst with dip juice.
Sure, yeah, if I'm thirsty.
For me, it's about cracking up my friends.
Obviously.
Because that's why I got into dipping, and I had braces too.
So that was really stupid.
That's a rough combo.
Let me get this dip out.
Whoops, it's in the fucking braces.
To me, that's smart
because you're the only one
getting the real value out of that dip.
A lot of people just use it
until it's used up
then they spit it out
inside of their mouth forever.
But for you, it's there for
as long as you want.
And you're essentially sleeping with it
and you're still getting that buzz
in your sleep.
Living the buzz life.
But you were saying you were on your way to Hollywood.
I got to know.
I got to know what's going to happen.
Right back into this story, it's great, Hayes.
You're going to tell this tale for days to come to people that just don't listen to this show.
Yeah.
I'll play it for them.
Okay.
We're driving up to Austinin me and my bros and
my buddy's got a huge van and he's got benches in the back with a table in between and we're doing
doobies and dippins and uh dipping dots and so i'm blazed, man. I'm like 16, 17, right?
I got my snapback glued, and this bus full of kids pulls up next to us.
Okay, what's going to happen with the bus of kids?
Well, you got to tell me.
These jokers.
And they hold up a sign against their window, and it says,
My M-Y space Dixie D-I-X-I-E wrecked.
W-R-E-C-K-E-D.
Yeah.
And I'm looking at that sign.
I'm going, my Dixie wrecked. Like a Dixie cup.
My Dixie wrecked.
That doesn't mean anything.
That means nothing in the English language.
These kids are stupid.
Oh, yeah.
They made a bad sign, right?
They're dumbasses.
And my buddy just turns to me and he goes,
Will, my Dixie wrecked.
And I was like, yeah, it doesn't mean anything.
I don't know why these kids are fucking laughing.
It means nothing.
And everybody in the car, they're looking at me,
they're going, my Dixie wrecked.
I didn't get it.
And what did it mean?
They raped me.
It means your dick is erect.
And I didn't get it.
And the joke was on me.
And so was a lot of other things.
Anyway, it's a funny story.
And the show, now that's the show.
That's basically, yeah,
TBS is
wrecked.
We've got a second season coming out.
It's very exciting. We shoot it on the
beach. Yeah, I heard that.
Okay, yes, so that's true.
The beach is real.
Yeah, most of it is real.
But we green screen the ocean.
Have you heard so many jokes about like two Polacks on a beach or desert island or something?
Which one?
Oh, well, that's the thing.
I'm aware that they're out there.
And I think one of them—
I've been to the other one with a coconut or something.
I've been hunting these down.
Yeah.
I've been looking for them.
Two Polacks go to a beach.
They're either on a desert island or they're friends with somebody who works at the beach.
Maybe it's the jet ski guy.
And there is some kind of coconut bonking component.
Something happens with these guys.
And I've been desperate to figure it out.
Well, we do a lot of those jokes on Wrecked.
Oh, okay.
A lot of coconut bonking.
Yeah.
Yeah, because that's funny now.
What kind of sound does that make, Will?
Ba-doink. You know, Will? Ba-doink.
You know?
Okay.
Ba-doink.
And I'm tuning in, you know?
Right.
And I've got the remote in my hand.
Set your recorders.
I might have to, yeah, for hearing that.
Let's do something this I think is interesting.
Oh.
We were talking about Rekt.
Yeah.
My Dixie Rekt.
And we were saying, what if it would be so funny to do Desert Island discs?
Yeah, what's your Desert Island?
What's your Desert Island?
What's your Cuswrecked?
You can only bring one CD.
Yeah, this is tough.
Or is it three?
Do we do three?
I think you should be able to have three.
I think you get three discs, and that's it.
And one Iowa boombox with a three-disc changer.
And that's all you can bring, and it's got the different—
But I have power to plug in the boombox, or I have a—
The sand has electrical power.
The sand has enough power just for the boombox.
Okay.
The sand has enough power just for the boombox.
Okay.
Yeah.
The first thing pops in my head is ween.
Ween. God save.
Because that's a tropical.
And it's sort of like what a funny high school guy.
I mean, we established that you're like this guy.
Yeah.
I haven't progressed since high school.
Like a funny high school guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the vibe.
That's how I would vibe out on that CD changer.
And you and your history in high school of all these dicks and weens.
Yeah.
Why is it everything that you talk about from high school is about this? It's about dicks and weens. Yeah. Why is it everything that you talk about from high school is about this?
It's about dicks and weens, yeah.
That's something I don't want to get too far into.
Don't want to look too hard at it, huh?
Yeah, because –
And I'm sorry for saying hard.
I didn't mean to bring you right back there.
They call me weenie dick.
Oh, wow.
He has a weenie dick.
And that's why I was like, I'll show you.
And then you turned on your television and I did.
I fucking did.
Exactly.
Dill Weinberg.
Yep.
Yeah.
Grill Weinberg is what I, yeah.
That's my stage name.
Grill Weinberg.
I have a separate career.
Grill Weinberg.
And you put a grill in.
Yeah, it's a barbecue celebrity tour.
Well, I love that idea of that celebrity barbecue tour,
and I just don't know who I'm going to get to be the judge.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, so I'm doing a celebrity barbecue tour.
Okay, great. I'm doing A celebrity barbecue tour Okay great
I'm there
Yeah
Battle of the BBQ
Backyard Battle of the BBQ
Who's the best backyard chef
And it's obviously
Hosted by Grill Weinberg
Sure
The king of grill and weenies
And he shows up
And he goes like
So you think
Your neighbor
Is full of BS
When he says
He makes the best BBQ chicken
In the whole neighborhood
We need a Texas native Like you to do this First he said What's that smell? Mmm What's that smell? is full of BS when he says he makes the best BBQ chicken in the whole neighborhood.
We need a Texas native like you to do this. First he said, what's that smell?
Mmm.
What's that smell?
What's that smell?
It's like somebody's grilling Weenbergs.
Somebody's grilling Weenbergs and they're using bullseye brand BBQ sauce
because it's got to be sponsored.
And then you show up and you're getting in this guy's face
and you think he's full of BS and you think you grill a bitter bird. And then you grab up, and you're getting in this guy's face, and you think he's full BS, and you think you grill a better bird.
And then you grab dude, right?
And he goes like, I grill the best bird in three counties,
and then you face them off.
But here's the thing.
When it's time to take a bite of the chicken and see who grills the best bird,
I don't know who the judge is.
Because you can't be the judge.
No, because you're the host.
You're Grillienberg.
Look, you can have a vote.
Sure, I do.
I have the final vote.
Okay, well then you're Pat Miloszczyk.
You're Pat Miloszczyk.
But who's Colicchio?
What's that word?
But who's Colicchio?
Oh, I see.
Pat Miloszczyk.
But who's Colicchio?
Why do you say it like,
you say it as one.
What are you talking about?
Can you say it one more time?
Pat Miloszczyk.
Pat Miloszczyk.
No, Pat Miloszby.
Yeah.
She's wonderful.
Pat Miloszby.
We usually have Mark Paul Gosselaar, and then later on.
He's not BBQ Branded, baby.
No, he is.
Are you talking about that?
Well, they're the cable guy.
No, he is.
He'll come in here.
He's getting BBQ branded.
Oh.
His hyphen now has a little hot dog on it.
That's true.
It always had that.
What?
Yeah, that's when you meet him.
He's like, dude, I always had that hot dog hyphen.
And it's cooking on there.
Oh, this is sort of like the end of the usual suspects.
Where you sort of look back and realize, oh, the weenie was there all along.
Weenie was always there.
It's cooking on there.
It's a griddle.
It's cooking on.
That's a story Pat Miloshki has told, I don't know how many times.
Miloshmi.
Miloshmi.
Sorry, Pat Miloshmi.
It's okay.
And then.
It's okay, you didn't know.
Yeah.
So, okay.
So, I love this idea.
This battle of the backyard barbecue chefs, and these guys are finally facing off and
settling.
We could settle some family feuds. We could settle some family feuds.
We could settle some neighborhood feuds.
You're going from town to town.
Family feud is on at most of these events.
Oh, yeah.
They're always watching.
But you go in and you're settling these disputes about who's really the grill master.
Right.
Grill Weinberg settles the grill master.
See how that works.
Grilla warfare.
Grilla Warfare. Grilla Warfare.
That's a different.
That's the name of it, right?
And Grill Weinberg's the host.
But I'm just trying to figure out the judges.
Grilla Warfare colon Generation Grill.
Generation Grill.
Generation grill.
Generation grill.
Colin Powell has expressed interest.
Now, that's a judge.
Yeah.
You get Colin Powell.
He doesn't eat meat, though. You get Bill Engvall.
Oh, yeah.
And you get Meek Mill.
Yeah, I don't know if...
And they're chomping into some Red Hots.
Yeah, they're getting the Red Hots.
And why do you have to green screen the ocean for this is what I'm confused by.
You know, it's a cost.
It's a cost-effective way.
Because it's backyard.
Yeah, because it's hard to match up the ocean a lot of times with other shots of the ocean.
Okay.
So they were like, let's green screen it.
Oh, all right.
Oh, right.
It seems like the grass would mess it all up.
It's green as well.
They took it all out.
There's no grass inwrecked ever.
Oh, all right.
That's one of the funny things about it.
It's like when you're watching a show and you're like, where did these guys lay down?
Just grilling.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we've only got one desert island disc.
Paying attention to that.
We've only got one desert island disc so far.
We had Wayne, God, Satan.
That one's good.
I don't know if you need another one because that never gets old.
That's not it for all of us.
We said three.
We said three.
Yeah. no.
The second one is-
I'm not going to say Beach Boys.
I'm not going to say it.
I was about to say it, but I won't say it.
Go ahead, say it.
I'm going to say Tori Amos.
Okay.
Little Earthquakes.
Now I'm on the beach, and if I died today, I'd be the happy phantom.
Yes. You know, I used to love watching videos of Tori Am, I'd be the happy phantom. Yes.
You know, I used to love watching videos of Tori Amos because it looked like-
Can't do it.
Not part, just, you can't do it, just a CD.
Even if it's an enhanced CD, this is not part of it.
Yeah.
The iOS stereo doesn't have a hologram capability or any kind of screen on it to watch a CD.
It was just a story about what I used to like to do.
So when I listened to it- That is not what we are talking about. It was just a story about what I used to like to do. So when I listened to Zoddy.
That is not what we are talking about.
You can finish the story this time.
But if you ever do this again, Will,
Hayes is going to lose it on you.
He's already lost it.
And I can't stop him.
Now, you can finish the story about why you like to watch
Terry Amos videos, but please be as clear as possible.
This is not part of the Desert Island Discs competition. Please find a way to make it
relevant to what we are actually talking
about on my show.
I don't know if I want to do that.
Oh no. Hayes.
Oh no. I've never seen Hayes
this mad. You know what I mean?
Can we go over the rules one
more time? I've known Hayes for almost
a hundred years. The game is called Desert Island Discs. I mean, can we go over the rules one more time? I'm here to advertise my show.
The game is called Desert Island Discs.
It is a perfect advertisement show which is on a desert island.
Right.
You have one Iowa stereo with a three-disc changer.
The sand is electrical enough to power the stereo.
We've already gone over that.
Everybody knows that.
You have a grill. You have a grill.
You have a grill. You're settling
all the disputes in the backyard
of Barbecue Wars. I got a big old lip in.
Barbecue Wars.
We've got the three judges who each take a
bite and say who is the actual
king of the grill.
You and your high school friends are there and some kids on a bus.
Now,
shall we try again? Sure. Some high school friends are there and some kids on a bus. Now. Those rascals.
Shall we try again?
Sure.
What is your favorite CD to just listen to on a desert island?
Guns N' Roses, Lies, Lies, Lies.
Okay.
Yeah.
Why?
Patience.
Okay.
Because you're going to need it. Oh, wow.
You know what I'm saying?
Boom.
There you go. Patience. Okay. Because you're going to need it. Oh, wow. You know what I'm saying? Boom.
There you go.
You thought I was going to trip over my own Jansen, and I bring it down.
And then he got Hayes, and now I don't know who to trust.
Patience at night under the stars.
And it's me who should have been patient about waiting for the good answer.
For the answer.
I'm just a guest here, Hayes. I'm not going to tell you.
No, I know that.
I have a freaking life.
In Happy Phantom, she's talking about how Confucius does his crosswords with a pen,
Tori Amos.
Is he famous for knowing a lot of trivia?
I thought he's just a philosopher.
He just has sayings.
I don't even know.
Well, it just doesn't seem like a really good lyric.
It seems like you could pick somebody who just knows.
Like, it should be Ken Jennings does his crosswords with a pen.
That guy knows everything.
Yeah.
And Guns N' Roses and Tori Amos are who is going to win the grilling competition.
That's a good question.
Well, Axl Rose is known for his Kansas City BBQ.
Yeah.
And I'm from Texas, so I don't eat that shit.
And Tori Amos, she's known for her smoky mac and cheese.
So I would say...
She's grilling up some mac and cheese.
She puts it right on the grill.
You know, and we let her get away with it.
That's bold, baby.
She's a redhead.
You know what I mean?
It's almost like she grilled her hair.
Yeah, her hair is the color of fire.
Don't shake your head.
It is like that.
It's not like that.
Well, wait.
Yes, it is.
So grilling hair is like red hot grilled charcoal.
Red hot.
Yeah, it's like charcoals.
It's like grilled charcoals on her.
It's like Kingsford charcoal coming out of her head.
I am a judge of a very respected.
No, you're not.
You're the host, Grill Ween.
I am.
You're the host.
No, but technically, I had the last vote.
Sure, you had the last vote if there's a tie, but there's only three judges.
Just like Pat Machaken.
Malark Me.
Pat Malark Me.
Malark Me.
We all know how to say the name.
Will, would you please stop swigging out of that flask?
Because I feel like it's... I feel like what it's doing is it's making you miss.
It's making me have a good time, finally.
I know, and that's what you said when you came in.
I got shit to do, guys.
I got to prepare for the second season of Wrecked on TBS.
Very funny.
And it smells like Kansas City barbecue sauce up there.
And I know you said you didn't.
That's strike two.
You understand?
I already told you I don't eat this, Will.
Yeah, I know what your thing is, but it definitely smells like Kansas City barbecue sauce.
That's good medicine.
Okay.
It's all over you.
I don't care.
I have beer drough, too.
Because I'm stroking my beer.
Growing it long.
Because I've been on that island for too long.
Right, yeah.
What do you mean?
No.
You guys, with your show and your funny bits and stuff,
you don't know what it's like to be on the island.
I go there mentally every season.
And now that we're having the second season,
I'm about to go there again.
Yeah, so you go there every season.
And now that you're having the second season.
Yeah.
Okay, well, I understand.
You've got to get mentally ready for the island,
and so I'm not going to take your flask away from you.
And I'm not going to criticize the beard length, which is obscene.
It's a little rabbinical, but hair and makeup, they trim it up.
But what I will ask is.
Go ahead.
Do we do a fourth Desert Island disc?
Well, we've actually only done three.
Oh, right, and we're supposed to do nine.
I mean, I'm sorry, we've only done two.
That's not true.
No, it is true because one of them was voided.
I really do not want to go through this again.
Wow.
I think we should go through it again.
From the top.
Your selection was voided for being purely visual.
Your explanation for why you liked the CD was that you liked to look at it,
which you cannot do on the island.
But I got a real burning desire for Tori Amos.
Yeah, burning.
Yes.
So this comes back to what I was talking about,
which is it looks like her hair was burnt on a grill.
That is why.
Which was a really strong observation.
If I had one of those coconuts
you were making the boinks with earlier,
I'd boink you right on your dumb head right now.
You'd get bedoinked.
Let's finish.
Let's please just do
our last Desert Island disc, please.
Something funny, please.
Yeah.
Well, I was going to get there.
It was going to be funny.
And now you're like, do something funny.
Like a funny.
Well, because your other ones are like serious songs.
So now let's do a funny one.
serious songs.
So now let's do a funny one.
I'm going to do any
Les Miserables
cast recording.
Because that to me is funny.
How anybody can look at that
and be like,
that's a serious
French revolutionary.
I mean, the history in that show is outrageous.
It's fake.
It's fake, right?
They're pranked and everybody when they do that songs.
And they are doing a trick that's pretty big on the whole theater.
So I like that.
It's sort of like, Limitless Rob's almost original punked.
Yeah.
And it's a funny album. You wanted it funny, so I gave you one. It's sort of Les Miserables almost original punked. Yeah. And it's a funny album.
You wanted it funny.
So I gave you one. It's funny, yeah.
Master of the House, fucking great charm song.
So
one thing I
would like to say as long as we're in
the neighborhood of this Les Miserables
and the sort of theatrical, and we have
Will Greenberg, the actor
here.
Present.
Probably my Desert Island disc would be the L.A. TheatreWorks production of Lobby Hero by Kenneth Lonergan.
Yeah, that's an excellent recording.
Yeah.
It was in my brain, banging around, wanting to come out.
But Les Miserables, you know, it's funnier.
Who was in that one?
Let's see.
Do you want to snort of this?
Okay.
It's dip spit.
It's dip spit and scotch.
That's good.
Oh, yeah.
It is good. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Stimspit and scotch. Oh, that's good. Oh, God.
It is good.
Really good.
Oh, God.
Huh.
Huh.
Ace?
Tate Donovan was in that.
Okay.
He's a good guy.
This is our youth had Ruffalo.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Do you want to play a little bit?
Why don't you play some of the This is Our Youth?
Yeah.
Sure, sure.
Recording.
That was $15,000 in there.
I took it from my dad.
Well, I just don't know if I really agree with that assessment, you know?
And is he on the phone for that?
Like, what is that part?
Yeah, he's on the phone. How is that a conversation?
Oh, okay.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just fast-forwarding to his lines.
Did you want to hear Josh Hamilton's lines in between?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Sure, yeah.
There's $15,000 in there.
Are you fucking crazy? You took $15,000 in there. Are you fucking crazy?
You took $15,000 from your fucking dad.
He's going to fucking kill us.
He's going to fucking show up here and fucking kill us.
What are you thinking,
Warren?
Oh,
I just don't know if I really agree with that assessment,
you know?
Okay.
And then at that time he didn't say I took it for my dad,
you know?
Oh yeah. Well, cause that would you know oh yeah well cause that was
from a different part
oh that was from
a different part
okay so
live theater
jumping around
that's right
you never know
it's without a net
yeah
yeah
no net
yeah
that is a great album
that's a great recording
that's one of the ones
I would have
I mean I would obviously
have both those
LA Theatre Works
productions
yeah and then I need a third That's one of the ones I would have. I mean, I would obviously have both those. Yeah. LA Theater Works productions. Yeah.
And then I need a third disc.
That was one.
Yeah, that's just one.
No, this is our use in Lobby Hero.
Oh, okay.
I'm bringing two kind of lotto compositions.
I had forgotten, too.
Wow.
Want me to do one?
Yeah, while I come up with a third.
Mine's ESPN.
Oh, right. And you can kind of keep up with. ES well, I come up with a third. Mine's ESPN. Oh, right.
And you can kind of keep up with.
ESPN, because you can do box sets.
Oh, yeah.
Mine's ESPN, the box set.
The complete ESPN.
Is that with?
Hang on.
I'm doing a funny picture for Kevin.
Oh, here we go.
He's singing.
That's wild.
I can't wait to see that.
It's good, huh?
I don't want to see it.
I think it'll be funny.
No, it'll be online.
It's going viral.
It's going viral, Grill.
It's got to.
It does have to.
When you really look at, yeah, for survival comedy,
when you really look at the state of comedy in 2017, and the fact that kind of the only way to fight back against a Grim Reaper
is to just laugh in his face.
Yeah.
He hates it.
We need pictures like this to go viral.
We need it.
That's not ESPN.
No, but it's on the disc.
They explain that on the disc.
What's your favorite Weinberg to grill?
My favorite Weinberg to put on a hot BBQ.
Turkey Weinbergs.
It's got to be a...
Vegetable Weinbergs?
Yeah, no, it's a venison.
It's a lean venison Weinberg.
Yeah, venison.
And you lay that on the grill just 30 seconds,
and it's not going to be cooked,
but it's going to be grilled a little bit.
That's interesting to me, and let me tell you why.
Go ahead.
You notice if you change one letter in venison Weinberg, it spells penis on Weinberg.
That's not funny.
That's not funny.
I know.
Yeah, I know.
Is that something people are saying behind my back?
I just wonder what this thing is with all these, you know.
That it seems to be a fixation.
It seems to be a fixation for you.
What did you say?
Penison green.
Penison.
No, penis on weenberg.
Penis on weenberg.
I can't keep up.
I've seen one weenberg in this one store made of rattlesnakes.
Yeah, rattlesnake makes a good weenberg.
Okay, yeah.
Well, also a rattlesnake is shaped like a penis on Weinberg.
Yeah, I was about to get there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Penis.
It's an animal that looks like a penis.
Is a snake an animal?
Well, I hate that.
I can just feel the criticism of some of what we're talking about here that people are going to say, oh, it's immature.
Really?
They're talking about a penis or whatever.
But actually,
that's rated for mature audiences only
when you have that kind of stuff.
So I just don't like,
I just want to cut it off at the pass,
people coming in and going like,
these guys are being kids.
It's for babies or something.
Little babies.
Actually, it's for 14-year-olds and over.
Actually, it's for 14 and up.
Or if you have a parent in the room with you.
I hope the kids that were on that bus with that sign.
Which no parents allowed, by the way.
I won't tell.
My parents don't know how to listen to a podcast.
Yeah.
Okay.
So if we could get your friend to put it on a CD for them.
No, see, this is what I'm trying to explain.
What do you mean?
There's no parents allowed.
It's not about whether they...
Is that a rating now?
No parents allowed, yeah.
They can't listen.
Oh, speaking of penis on Weenbergs.
Yeah.
We forgot to do something.
Oh.
Fuck.
Grill Weenberg has never been on an Earwolf show before.
Aha.
This is going to be nice.
Now here's what we do.
So you're going to love this one.
Everybody else,
the time now for you
is to get down and suck on these.
Sam, play the song, baby.
Just do one.
Just play us. Any song? No. No, the song. just do one just play any song no no something that would be appropriate for everyone getting
down everyone has to get down and suck on these because all the other shows they haven't had a
good guest like girl weenberg wow here we go and the lyrics do please and then the do the lyrics
do the lyrics do the lyrics i don't have the lyrics sam do the sam do the come. Do the lyrics. Do the lyrics. I don't have the lyrics. Sam, do the lyrics.
Come on, Sam. Sam, do it.
Do it!
Is it racist if it is sucka
knees?
If it's not sucka knees?
And it comes back up, cause sucka knees.
Yes!
Do it again, but surprise me.
Dude, yeah.
I don't even want to know what's happening.
Surprise Suck-a-Mees.
Great.
Wow.
Who should we do?
Katie Couric, I don't think so.
She has a show, but I don't think we should.
No.
She's actually kind of above us in a way.
A lot of other people that are at this station are below us.
She's expressed interest in wanting to judge barbecue.
Oh, sure.
But not at my event.
Whose?
Well, it's
in honor of James Gandolfini.
Wow.
James grilled the weenie.
Yeah, that's
the event.
Why would you say it like that?
Jimmy grilled the weenie.
It's funny. It's not funny.
He passed.
Yeah. James grilled the weenie. Like it's funny. It's not funny. It's not. He passed.
It's not.
Yeah.
So James grilled the weenie. He passed on doing this podcast.
Isn't?
Well, yeah.
We went out to him, but he passed.
And that's what killed him.
In this town, it will.
Now, who should suck on these?
I think probably Hard Nation.
Right.
It's almost like Bear.
I think they want it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. They're begging for it. I think it's like, You know what I mean? Yeah, they're begging for it.
I think it's like, oh, if they talk about us sucking on these people,
we'll be like, oh, maybe we won't listen to that show.
I don't know.
So you don't want to tell?
David Gregory, I don't think he would.
I mean, he doesn't really do comedy stuff.
I don't think he would appreciate it.
But you could tell Hard Nation to do some hard fellation.
I know.
That's what I'm saying.
It's very – It's so obvious
that they actually
named their show
hoping they'd eventually be told to suck on these.
Give them hard fellation on these.
Give them my stuff. Give them my information.
I'll go there.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
I can drink on their show too.
You've been drinking so much out of it.
There's no way that it's still full unless you're just spitting back into it.
And you keep spilling.
Which I know you are.
There we go.
You keep spilling.
Please don't.
Please don't drain the swamp in here.
That was a long sip. It's a deep flask, guys. Please don't drain the swamp in here.
That was a long sip.
It's a deep flask, guys.
Okay?
Fill with wonders.
He peed into the flask.
I might have done things you'll never know.
He's talking to himself and peeing into the flask.
He drained the Weenberg.
He's draining the Weenberg.
I'm the guy with the Weenberg juice.
Aren't I? Yummy. He's draining the Weinberg. I'm the guy with the Weinberg juice. Aren't I?
Yummy.
Okay.
Makes me feel good.
Well, this has been such a good...
And that is actually Desert Island stuff you have to do.
Drink your piss.
Did you...
Okay, and you picked ESPN.
Most of the second season.
Mine is the complete ESPN, correct.
Mm-hmm.
It's not a musical disc.
The Sabres, they have Buffalo Sabres
on there.
The whole
franchise?
Just every time they were on ESPN.
Oh, I guess my third
would be
Defunct New Hampshire Jam Band
Percy Hill's second album,
Straight On Till Morning.
Never heard of it.
Yeah.
Well.
What's one of their hits?
Off that?
Yeah.
Like big hit.
Big hit?
Well, I mean, Ammonium Maze would probably be a bigger hit for them,
which was Off Color and Bloom.
Yeah, or like Soggy Witherskunk or something.
That really was their album.
Ammonia Haze?
No, Ammonia Maze.
Ammonia Maze?
Okay.
Straight Until Morning didn't have as many hits.
It was a little tortured, but that's what, it's like what Grill Weinberg is experiencing
because he is drunk off seemingly his own drinking.
This alcohol is very ammonia-based.
That is in my flask.
Like Jasper was a song on Straight Out Till Morning,
but that's like not a hit, you know?
Bye. Bye. That was a hate gun podcast.