How Did This Get Made? - Dracula 2000 (Re-Release)

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

Do not hit skip on this week's very special HDTGM re-release of the Gerard Butler gothic-horror film, Dracula 2000 (or is it Drah-cool-ya?). Paul, June and Jason discuss all the religious symbolism, old timey booby traps, the incredible performance of Jennifer Esposito, and why references of the movie Minions: The Rise of Gru, will be important to understand from here on out.  And don't forget Den Of Thieves 2 is NOW PLAYING only in theaters. Reserve your seat: denofthieves.movie/tickets Don't forget to followIG: @denofthievesX: @den_of_thievesFB: @Den of ThievesTT: @lionsgate Tix for our Spring 2025 tour in Austin, Denver, Seattle, Boise, San Fran, Portland, & Los Angeles are on sale now at hdtgm.com.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaFor extra content on Matinee Monday movies, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerTalk bad movies on the HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmPaul and Rob Huebel stream live on Twitch every Thursday 8-10pm EST: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social mediaGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

Hello, people of Earth, and hello, Gerard Butler fans. Here on How Did This Get Made, we have spent a lot of time critiquing, looking at, analyzing Gerard Butler films. And there's one thing that we can say, the man never gives a bad performance. And guess what? This weekend, he might be giving one of his best performances of all time in a little movie called Den of Thieves 2. But don't take my word for it.

Listen to someone very close to the film. Hello, people of Earth. And what's up, Jax? It's me, Jerry Butler. So I heard you've been talking about me a lot on your little show. And I also heard that you're big fans of Dan of Thieves. Well if you like the first one you're gonna fucking love this one. It's the most exciting action you've ever seen. It is the biggest most brilliant heist you've ever ever ever seen and the best performances you're ever ever ever gonna see in all of human history especially.

It is surprisingly emotional. So if you wanna see a real good movie, make sure to check out Den of Thieves 2. Thank you, Gerard Butler. And you heard the man, get your tickets to Den of Thieves 2. You know I am. I mean, I'm first in line. Thank you, Gerard Butler for doing that. I can't believe that you did.

We love you and we promise we will not make fun of any more of your movies. You know, I cannot say that we won't do that. As a matter of fact, enjoy Dracula 2000. I'm a disc-a-dick. Today's show is sponsored by the Virgin Megastore. When Draculia wants songs that don't suck, he goes to Virgin. We saw Dracula 2000, so you know what that means.

Now it's time for How Did This Get Paid? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater. Cause you know you wonder, how did this get paid? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made. I am Paul Scheer, and today we are talking about Dracula 2000,

a film that you all picked. That's right, you voted for this film out of a list of 10 films on the Discord. We had no say We had no option. We gave it all to you We wanted to see how you would do if you could best our amazing producer Errol Halle who picks all of our films and you know what you brought some heat you gave us a gerard butler film That came out and you guessed it 2 000. And uh, what do you need to know? Dracula he's in New Orleans.

It's 2000, vitamin C is in it, the singer. All right, let's break it down and introduce my two co-hosts. Please welcome Jason Manzoukas and June Diane Rafeal. How are you both? Well, now I know who to blame. I didn't know they made us watch this. So that seems like punishment. They have been begging to pick a movie,

begging to pick a movie and we- And this is what they chose. This is it. Old school Jerry Butler action. By the way, Jerry Butler is Dracula. We love Gerard Butler on the show. And this does not look like the Gerard Butler that I know and love.

I mean, this is like... Can I just say something? I did not know it was Gerard Butler until about 45 seconds ago. Wait. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! And there were many points where I thought, God, he looks a lot like Gerard Butler.

And then I thought, I wonder who that guy is. And then I thought, wow, I wonder if that guy and Gerard Butler were coming up around the same time. And then Gerard Butler. And then I thought, I wonder who that guy is. And then I thought, wow, I wonder if that guy and Gerard Butler were coming up around the same time. And then Gerard Butler took off. In fact, they were. Took off. Yeah. I had so many, I mean, I was very much so with Gerard Butler

watching this movie, but was also like, who that's not is Gerard Butler. Like I, the physique. Yes, very different. He is like- The bone structure, just his body's like- Very lean and live. The skeletal structure, that's what I'm saying,

like Pilate's bod. He looks a little bit like James Franco meets like the cover of a romance novel, like the character that- Yeah. Yeah, like- To me he looks like... I feel like they modeled him after the dream in The Sandman,

in Neil Gaiman's The Sandman. I feel like they have him looking exactly like Dream, which is very weird and interesting. But I thought he looks great, and this is... I'm assuming, right? This is before 300? Is that right? Yes, this is 2000. This is before 300. Is that right? Yes, this is 2000. This is before 300.

He was actually doing a play on Broadway. Oh wow. And they gave him a break to come shoot this life-changing movie, this movie that was gonna change everything. I feel like 300, like, A, really broke Gerard Butler huge, but also broke him in a way that made us feel like

he's meant to be this big, beefy, muscular, that's the body type. I am so fascinated. And I have to say, after watching this, I'm like, not only does Gerard's, does Gerard's Butler, does Gerard Butler. How do you think Gerard's Butler, like, yeah. That's the t-shirt, Gerard's Butler.

It's his Alfred. He's like, I'm home, Alfred. I really was like, oh. That's the t-shirt Gerard's Butler. It's his Alfred. He's like, I'm home Alfred. I really was like, oh, it can't be him because of course it's his, I find him to be a bigger presence on screen always. Yes. Well, and that's one of the things that I wrote is I was like, they're giving him nothing.

They're giving him nothing to do, barely any lines. And the true disservice to him and everybody else who's a vampire is the fake vampire teeth are making the lines they do have sound weird. Really. I've got so much to say about those teeth. Oh, yeah? The teeth.

I have a lot to say about the teeth. I will also say that this movie starts off in a place that's very hard for me, which is a place I like to call accent confusion. There are so many accents coming in in that first speaking scene. I mean, we don't need this prologue of a ship at sea, but we have it. But then once people start speaking,

I'm like, Christopher Plummer, you're doing something. Jennifer Esposito, you're doing something. Johnny Lee Miller, you're doing something. And I'm like, my brain couldn't handle- George Butler's doing something. Oh Lee Miller, you're doing something. And I'm like, my brain couldn't handle it. George Butler's doing something. Oh yeah. But Mary in New Orleans is doing, none of their accents.

I thought she was Tatiana Maslany for a while. What? Yep. Tatiana Maslany from the year 2000? I know, you know, so much is going on. I like, she wasn't born then. No, but I mean, like I couldn't, nobody's accents made sense to where we were meeting them

also, you know? So you're like, here we are in London, Christopher Plummer in fact has a whatever is Van Helsing German or Austrian or what is Van Helsing? I don't know, but not like British. No, but he's doing a weird accent. He's doing like a German Austrian accent. Everyone, I feel like-

But it was also so British at points. Yes. Yes. It's kind of like the accent work in my favorite accent film. Oh, House of Gucci, baby. House of Gucci. Oh, mama mia. We so hot, house of Gucci.

I mean, House of Gucci, this is like House of Gucci level accent work because it's like, I'm in, I'm out. What is happening? I also just, the movie is confusing straight up because we start with Christopher Plummer working at this antiquities firm that seems like, wow, how are they making money? It is really what I wanted to get into.

Like how is Carfax- Listen, well, I'll tell you, I worked at an antique shop in the Upper East Side for a year. So I do have, there's big money in antiques. Yeah, and he says we're turning a profit, aren't we? You know, like, yeah, they're trading in a lot of great stuff.

I mean, what are they trading in? Cause Johnny Lee Miller is like bringing him a crossbow. Like, and it's like you- All sorts of curiosities though. Yeah. Like all sorts of curiosities. And if it's not related to Van Helsing's previous work as a monster hunter, then I guess it gets sold at auction.

But the safe, the state of the art safe that he has, the vault is a true catacomb. Like the building is, yes, it's made out of stone and it's in this, and I don't know what that real building is in London, but it's a beautiful building. It's a stone building. There's a lot of cool visual stuff that is real, inside of this that I enjoyed.

But when they open up this safe, they go into an old school medieval Game of Thrones style dungeon, where it's like skulls are out, and things are being kept on shelves. And it's like, at this point, Van Helsing could have just upped. Cleaned up, upped it, put some nice security in.

Like his security even seems to be antiquated, like just old school spikes. It's easily beaten. It's easily, I mean, like there's a diehard level Nakatomi Plaza, like we're in, you know, just like hacking the computer and then it's over. We're, like, it's so easy for, what is, to me- Omar Epps?

Yeah, to me, it seems to me like this group is not like super sophisticated. They seem like they're just trying to come in and rob the place. They literally have a recreation of Van Helsing's eye, which is like, give me a prequel series. How crazy was that? I found them to be pretty sophisticated, so much so that I was like, who is behind this exactly? I think Omar Epps and Omar Epps... And Jennifer Esposito.

Yes. Because she's the one that's saying there's something if there's no, you don't have a vault. They don't know, that's the thing they don't know. I guess I'm just trying to understand. They, Jennifer Esposito and Omar Epps are, they own a private plane, it seems, a private jet. Yeah.

Or they get one. Yeah, they're like a private jet. Yeah. Or they get one. Yeah, they're like a thief team. They're like Oceans 11? I guess they're like Oceans 11. I'm just like, what's interesting about them, to me, is that they already must have so much money as just an organization of criminals. Well, but they're-

They already must have so much money that they have a private plane, that they've embedded her in this, they got all these people on the payroll to open up a safe where they don't know what's going to be there. That's my issue. Jennifer Esposito, if you are a master safecracker,

she's like, my gut tells me they got something good in here. Like that's it. You wouldn't mount this whole operation without knowing what you were stealing. You would never go to these lengths on a hunch. You know what I mean? Literally, I should hope not. They have antiquities.

They have things they could steal that are worth a lot of money. Now I kind of want there to be an Ocean's Eleven sequel. Oh, I wrote that down. We need a prequel. Where what they're stealing is Dracula. kind of want there to be an Ocean's Eleven sequel. Oh, I wrote that down. We need a prequel. Where what they're stealing is Dracula. OK, well.

They get everybody around and it's like that that snappy music. And then Clooney's like, OK, we know that Dracula is underneath the Wynn Hotel, the hotel and casino in Vegas. We're going to go in. We're going to soak it in blood and we're going to wake Dracula. Oh, and by the way, Oola, the way. Dracula. The way that they pronounce Drac-

Drac-cool-ia. The way, Drac-cool-ia. They are able to run off with what looks like an incredibly heavy coffin so quickly that Van Helsing, when he realizes that his shit's being broken into, doesn't even give chase, but it seems like they're in a sewer tunnel with a giant ass coffin.

There was no car. There was nothing. They would have gotten max 100 feet from where they were, you know, before he was like, oh, hey, stop. I believe it's broad daylight when they get in there. And they also exit through a hole in the wall. They have no idea where it's going. This was not their plan.

That wasn't part of the plan. They're just improvising. Again, if I were them. They're just improvising. Again, if I were them, I would just take whatever. Honestly, I would sell that private jet and I would put that money in a, you know, high yielding kind of IRA or something. By the way, a Roth?

Oh, okay. Just slip off the interest. Oh, that's a good one. You should definitely do a Roth IRA. Why are we doing this? This is investment talk with June. Why are we doing this? It just doesn't make sense.

How did this get financed? How did this get invested? I will say this. What I really love about the robbery scene is the constant justifications. Like, they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll definitely put skulls up to freak us out. Yeah, don't you get it?

Don't you get it? This is just to scare us away. What? No! We're in 2,000 people. By the What? No! We're in 2000 people. By the way. It's shocking throughout how much people, and I guess maybe this is just the thing,

is like in horror movies, how much people are willing to justify true warning signs as just absolutely normal. Major red flags. Omar Epps is doing back flips here to explain why they should be taking a coffin that's ingesting blood. We're here for money, Marcus. The skulls are to scare us. The crosses, the coffin, all of it. It's a grand spanking mind fuck to scare off thieves. If you make

a killing, why hide it in a safe? When you can hide it in a coffin. This look like an old wood box to you guys? The holy grail, the golden fleece, the crown fucking jewels, whatever it is, it's inside. Eddie Dax and Shade, you get your gear and you get this thing open. Oh, no, I am not touching that fucking car. You wanna get paid? Get it open! I mean, that scene to me is like, I don't follow this leader, I don't believe in this. Like, they are delusional.

I don't think they are good thieves. I feel like... Let me ask you this. They're, they're, they are, they seem to think they're robbing, obviously, a wealthy antiquities dealer who has a vault, a vault probably full of riches. Okay, got it. Do they know or do they not know

that his name is Van Helsing? Because Dracula does exist here in this world. They do know. And if they do know that, do they, is nobody from the Jennifer Esposito, Omar Epps, and even Johnny Lee Miller, frankly, even though he's not part of the robbers, he's still in Van Helsing's employing.

Nobody is ever like, hey, he's still in Van Helsing's employing. Nobody is ever like, hey, are you related to Van Helsing? Of the Van Helsing's Van Helsing? Like, it makes no, nobody speaks to it. Well, another question, you know, not to get back to their financial situation, but if I'm, if I have developed or have the ability to get the technology

to copy someone's retina and their hand prints. That's minority report level stuff. Like a movie that came out that's like future technology. That's fine if they know the Hope diamonds behind there. But what I cannot wrap my mind around is just, they have this, I mean, how much do you think that eyeball cost? That eyeball alone. The fuel.

I did think it was cool. $80,000. I did think it was cool, the eyeball, the closeup on the eyeball turning into the lock undoing on the vault. There was some cool visuals in there and I liked all that stuff, but I agree with you 100%. They must have invested tens of thousands,

if not hundreds of thousands of dollars into the pre-work for a robbery they did not know what it would yield. Okay, here's another thing I just wanna put out there about these robbers. It seems like it's quitting time when they pull off their first, you know, when, cause it's like, oh, I'm leaving for the day, goodbye, door closes,

you know, so let's say it's five or six o'clock, give or take, you know, in that zone, you know? So- I guess it's not broad daylight. You're right. It's the end of day. It's the end of business. It's the end of business.

E-O-B. And it's London, so it's gloomy and gray. Exactly. That's very true. Perfect setting for, you know- Here's my thought. Perfect robbing weather. Perfect jack weather.

And so here's my thought. They run down that sewer tunnel and they're like, okay, well, here's a manhole cover. And then, so in the middle of early evening rush hour traffic, they're popping open a manhole cover and then

lifting easily a 300 pound, like 200 pound pocket. I was gonna say 500 pounds. It's like, it's A, it has a corpse in it, and it is made of the heaviest metal. It like lead, it feels like. So they're just pushing that up. Again, get me a camera on this team.

A bunch of their guys have been killed. And that's the other thing, they don't react at all. Two of their coh guys have been killed. And that's the other thing. They don't react at all. Two of their cohorts have been killed by antique booby traps. Yes. These guys are getting full blown speared with like, you know... That was horrible. And everybody's just like, whoa! Okay, come on, we gotta get this thing out of here. And they just, they move so quickly past their dead uh uh teammates that

i was like what there is i feel like the movie's problem is the movie's problem is it's not sure who the movie's about you know like if this movie was smart it would have been about it would have been oceans 11 it would have been about the robbers and they're they're they've got a tip they've got a lead they're gonna rob this place, but and then when they get there, uh-oh, it's Dracula. Right. Or the movie could have just been about Mary von Helsing, which I thought was interesting. I was like, oh, that's sort of a new way into Dracula.

Like someone who has part Dracula blood. Like that was fascinating. Or? It could have been about the guy that he hired to make all those contraptions. Like, all right, so I do need a coffin that, you know, the crucifix is going to turn and pop open. I do need, I do need like a lot of leeches. I need a helmet. Like, I think all that happened like a hundred years ago. Okay. So that's old technology. That's often old school. Alright, wow.

Yeah, that coffin and the switch underneath it, because also the booby traps seemed like they were like rusty spikes from a hundred years ago. Do you think those booby traps, like, do you think they're tested, like, you know, when you leave a car at a friend's house and then, like, you ask them to go start it every, you know, once a week, so it doesn't, I don't know. So it doesn't happen. Do you think they do dry runs?

Yeah, like just cause, just cause if those booby traps hadn't been used for hundreds of years, like wow. Well, and I will say this, and now I'm gonna amend what I said. All those booby traps were old, but there is also a modern security system, like a computer-based security system. So at some point, somebody would have had to have installed

all that and be healthy. You could have gone in there and cleaned up the skulls. I mean, by the way, the carelessness- By the way, Paul, you and I just had a conversation, not to talk about, I know I've gotten into a lot of trouble on this podcast with what I've said about locksmiths. Oh, boy. But I did want to say, you know, just talking about security systems,

because I actually, one of the ways they get in to the antiquities firm is one of the robbers says he's part of security and is checking on the security system. Well, and also they throw a Pokemon ball at one of the things. Whatever technology that is, Omar Epps throws an exploding ball at that guy's face.

That seems like it's just a stun thing, but I've never seen that. Again, pack that technology, sell it to the military, and live the rest of your lives in peace, alive. They don't want that. They love the juice of the heist. They should never have been in there. Anyway, what I was gonna say,

that was called you and I just went over last night, something that I had completely forgotten, which is a gentleman who installed our security system, this is way back when at an old apartment of ours, was incredibly creepy. And it was incredibly creepy. We did go over that, Jason. Just so you know, we went over that.

And I was like, God, you gotta look twice. Wait, you just did or at the time? We just did. No, no, no, that, Jason. Just so you know, we went over that. We did, we turned it over and I was like, God, you gotta look twice. Wait, you just did or at the time? No, last night. No, no, no, no, no. It was like, we'd never talked about it, this event that happened where this man said something so fucking strange to me

while we were both in the house and we were walking around showing him where we needed to protect ourselves. And he was like, straight up serial killer, straight up. Wow. Okay. And then we proceeded to pay him to install all of our alarms, but I...

I mean, once they're in your house, you've already, you have to, you gotta roll the dice. It's not an oral contract. You can go to someone else. Well, he's already in. He's already in, we already invited the vampire in. Basically that's the cold. You put the wrong one in.

That's the cold open to one of these movies. That's like, okay, you know, he says something creepy and then you're like, we're still gonna use you. And then, and then- Yeah, and I just feel like a consumer of security systems, you have no recourse with this, you know, with like the people who are installing. It's like, I have to assume at some point

I have to take a leap of faith here. Cut to Jerry Orbox walking around, surveying your bodies, being like, I don't know what happened. And then the rest of the Law and Order episode happens. How did this get made? How did this get made? We've already poked holes in the idea that thieves shouldn't go off of a gut check of wealth,

but their plan then is, let's take this giant ass coffin that we can't figure out how to open to the Cayman Islands, which is off the coast of Cuba, uh, you know, near Jamaica. They're coming from the UK and they land in a swamp in New Orleans, which if you try to put all of that together, it seemingly makes no sense. Well, remember, Dracula ties the pilot to his chair and I believe makes him take him to New Orleans.

And the only reason why he wants to go to New Orleans is because he feels. He can sense the blood of Mary is Van Helsing's daughter who passed some of Dracula's blood onto Mary, Christopher Plummer is Mary's father, he has Dracula's blood, so now Dracula can sense, I believe, this is the movie's logic, can sense Mary's presence in the world and has been dreaming about her.

Right, they see each other. They see each other in dreams, like Kylo Ren. Like Rey and Kylo Ren, I love that. I didn't even put that together. I was like, whoa. Are you saying, okay, so here's what I just didn't like quite pick up on. Before he's awakened by the robbers, Dracula, Dracula, does she have any sense of him or no?

She's dreaming about him. Before he wakes up? Yes, over her whole life. Because she says, yeah. Because like her roommates, like you're yelling again. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. whole life. Because she says, yeah. Cause like her roommate's like, you're yelling again. But it's getting worse. I think it's getting worse? Maybe?

Wait, who is vitamin C? You keep saying that. Vitamin C is Lucy Westerman. But I mean, I'm sorry, who is vitamin C? Oh, sorry, good question. So vitamin C was like, and I don't wanna use this term derogatorily, but a one hit wonder. like had a very popular song.

And I'm trying to remember the name of it. It was, it was graduation. Here, you can take a listen to that. This is how it feels. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.

And so who was Vitamin C in the movie? The roommate. the roommate. The roommate. Who works at Virgin Megastore and is in front of her own rack of CDs. So she- Oh, is that right? Oh, that's right.

Okay, so she created that graduation song? Yes, was singer of it. Is she singing in it? Yeah, that's her, yeah. Her name was vitamin C. And she was a singer. And she had- As we go on.

Okay, got it. Yeah, I mean, she released a lot of albums. I mean, we go on... Okay, got it. Yeah. She is in so many of our terrible, terrible movies and is so good at them. Always so fucking good. What is so good about her too is like, I feel like she gets it. Like she gets the movie that she's in. And there's a moment where she, at the end of the movie,

where she has a crossbow and she literally takes like a pose with it, like a chick chick and like a sexy, like, and now I'm gonna kill you pose, but she like can revel in all those moments and play awesome, awesome all around. Like I feel like she gets tones. She's having fun. She gets what's happening.

She gets what movie she's in. And actually a bunch of people do in this movie. I'm not, you know, but I think she's doing, vitamin C too, they're really, and Jerry Ryan, right? Yeah, Jerry Ryan. Jerry Ryan's great. Yeah, Jerry Ryan is. Seeing where Jerry Ryan gets killed is just so good.

I mean, she's just perfect. Jerry Ryan does say one thing that I took some offense to, which is when she's attacking John A. Lee Miller, she goes, you ever wanna do it with a TV star? And I was like, well, you're not really a TV star. You're a local news reporter. I mean, let's not elevate our, let's not elevate your position.

You don't think that was commentary? You don't think that was commentary on her role as a TV star? You don't think that was a meta joke? Oh, I think this is before that, maybe. But maybe I'm wrong. I think Voyager is after this. Oh, I think this is before that maybe, but maybe I'm wrong. I think Voyager is after this. Oh, okay.

Oh, all right. But I'll say this, can we just listen to her, do her news report? I'm here in a swamp of death tonight for five doomed souls destined for points unknown. We have shocking footage of the presumed pilot. Sensitive viewers may want to turn away. He was bizarrely lashed to the yoke with radio cable

and bound in twisted pipe. The remaining four victims, as well as an antique silver coffin, were removed to nearby Clark, where a tiny town hall has been transformed into a morgue tonight. That is like some of the most unprofessional reporting. Like she's like, swamp of death, flight of death. And she's like, and the way that she describes five bodies, like it overcrowded the morgue. Really, five bodies? You gotta take it to a town hall?

Like this is New Orleans. I imagine people are dying. We just saw Lance Henriksen and Jean-Claude Van Damme rack up quite a lot of bodies. Yeah, no one's filling up quite a lot of bodies. Yeah. That's great. No one's filling up a county courthouse. By the way, I wanted them to bump into Lance Henriksen when they ran through that cemetery. It was like, perfect crossover here. What they needed was one of those rifles that shoots arrows, so that they could shoot

wooden stakes out of a rifle. That would have been amazing. So let me just ask, okay, not to jump to the end, but Mary Van Helsing is part human, part vampire. So because her dad is her dad had the blood in him from the spear that went through Dracula and then into Christopher Plummer. I mean, I like that capturing. Again, who's the man who invents these traps? That trap was pretty amazing. It was like, he's walking down an alley, but it was all mirrors. Then behind all the mirrors are guys with, like, you know, pointy sticks. And, you know, I guess they're sticks, but they're not.

Like that, like the contraptions are great. But yeah, so I guess Van Helsing at one point was like a capture Dracula. Now it's time for me to go get laid, have a life. And he does, but then disowns this daughter? Was this a cut scene that you saw? Now I need to go get laid? Not that he disowns his daughter.

It's that his wife finds out and she leaves him. Okay, but why is his wife worried? Probably because Dracula is in the basement. Is her husband a vampire? Yeah. No, I don't think Christopher Plummer's a vampire. I think he's... Well, what is he? He looks young because for his age.

But I think that's because he's injecting himself with Dracula's blood. Remember, he's in the morning himself with Dracula's blood He remember he's taking the leeches. I thought it is. Yes. Yeah. Oh, no, you're right Okay, so I thought the leeches were sucking out his blood to make him not full vampire That's what okay, so I thought he was using the leeches to suck vampires blood out of Dracula All right, cuz anything right because Dracula's covered with leeches. Then he's taking those leeches, sucking out the blood in a syringe,

putting it into his body to give him long life. Okay, so then, so then your theory would, going back to what June said earlier, is that he's down in that coffin quite a lot. Yeah, right. If he's getting the leeches off the body, like, so. Yeah, I don't know, like, you know, like, you know, like, how often do you refill a prescription? Well, I don't know, like, you know, like, you know, like how

often do you refill a prescription? Well, I mean, it looks like he had like four containers of leeches underneath that. He's got to call. He's got to call Rite Aid and be like, I need, I need another month of leeches. Your leeches are in. Please come to pick up your leeches.

Dial zero for pharmacy. I'm still confused about how he's able to take so much of that blood. Because I think he would be immortal. Like you take enough that he's able to live forever, but he doesn't actually become a vampire. Oh, I think what it is is this. He shared blood with Draculia. He shared blood with him, but his daughter is of the blood, the true mix. Like it's almost like somebody put a little bit of blood

in his blood, but then when he passed his blood to her, she is made of that blood. So like- I think they're getting benefits, but I, and maybe this is, people are probably screaming at their radios because we're getting Dracula radio. They're like, why am I listening to a podcast on my radio?

Yeah, exactly. They're getting their Dracula, we're getting Dracula. They're like, why am I listening to a podcast on my radio? Yeah, exactly. They're getting their Dracula, we're getting Dracula lore mixed up because I don't know if it makes you a vampire if you just get some of Dracula's blood inside you. Don't you have to be bitten? Yeah, of course. But that's what he's saying, she's been born.

Van Helsing is never bitten. She wasn't bitten, she was born. No, Van Helsing was never bitten either. No, but she, but the woman was bitten, but Mary Van Helsing was never bitten. She was born. No, Van Helsing was never bitten either. No, but she, but the woman was bit, but Mary Van Helsing was bitten by Dracula. Later, in the movie. And that's what makes her part Drac, part Helsing. This is our second Van Helsing with me.

No, because he says before, the reason why he's looking for her is because she's the only one like him who was not bitten bitten but born vampire. Well, no, no, but he was born as Judas. Surprise, surprise. Yeah, he was born as Judas Iscariot and is somehow upon betraying Christ and hanging himself, he is reborn as an immortal.

Can I ask a question about this? Yeah, because like… That, that I don't, yeah. Okay. So the idea being in my remembrance of Catholic school and going to church and all this sort of stuff, and June, I know that you have, you know, a similar background of church, so let's see if we can put it together. My thought was that Judas betrays Jesus, feels so guilty about it that he kills himself. In this movie, it posits, and then

he's like, fuck that, now I hate this guy. Like, it takes away the remorse element of Judas. So Judas is wanting forgiveness. He feels so badly that that's why he commits suicide. But then he comes back on like, oh, I hate the Bible and I hate gold because it reminds me of Jesus who betrayed me, it feels like. It's almost like Jesus did this. Yeah, no, I don't think it's that Jesus did this. I think that he is reborn to live in misery.

He's now suffering and he blames God and obviously Christ for his eons of suffering. So basically, Jesus was like, so in the movie, guys, what I'm saying is like, is the movie positing that God is watching over this and is like, you fucked over my son for 20 pieces of silver. So you know what? You're gonna become a motherfucking vampire. Like, and like it's like a vengeful god. Well, I remember at the beginning of the movie, Johnny Lee Miller comes in and he says,

Oh yeah, he reads that thing. Yeah, he reads a thing that says, you know, the, the, the crown, blah, blah, blah, falling off the blah, blah, blah. And Christopher Plummer corrects him and says, actually it's halo. And I think what it. And I think what we're meant to believe maybe is that this is a little bit of a fallen angel story. Which by the way, to my understanding,

and I'm sure so many people are screaming at their radios. I mean, some people are looking at their phonograph player and they're going like, oh. They've tuned us in on AM, on 10 10 winds where we air, where we simulcast. If we can look at our audience right now, their heads are all cocking like that dog going, look, where is that sound coming out of that megaphone on the top of that chronograph? I know you're listening to us on a wax cylinder.

That's the shirt. How did this get made Victrola symbol? As far as I know, and for all the families gathered around the radio right now, as far as I know, this is a brand new kind of take on how Dracula became Dracula. Yes, seems like it, yeah. Seems like it, right, okay, so thank you.

In the past we've understood him. As a warrior. I believe he has been Vlad the Impaler. Yes. So that's who we understand to be modern day Dracula is. So look, in Bram Stoker's novel. In Bam Margera's novel. What happens is Johnny Knoxville kicks him so hard

in the balls that he grows vampire teeth. Hey, it's me, Bam Stoker. I'm getting kicked in the balls by Dracula. by her teeth. Hey, it's me, Bam Stoker. I'm getting kicked in the balls by Dracula. Waeow naeow naeow. So in the novel, he used black magic to turn himself into a vampire. But he did it out of eternal love for his bride who he'd meet again when she was reincarnated.

I see. So that, yeah. But then, yeah. So I don't know. Oh, so inside of the Dracula narrative, reincarnation exists. That's interesting as well. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of...

But this movie is the first time I've ever experienced the idea that Dracula is Judas. Yes. Who is meant to, I guess meant to live for all eternity in regret for the actions he did by killing God's son. It seems like if you come back as Dracula and you're just like, can control everything, you can make mist, do what you want,

every person that you're attracted to is like under your command. It seems like he's living a... You can turn into a wolf, you can turn into bats. It's pretty rad. Yeah. You're sexy AF. It's a great life.

You know, and it's also like very fluid sexually, you know? Yes. Women, men, men biting men, women biting women, it's all, you know, it's all happening. Are you, I'm curious, are you guys vampire? Like, were you, did you read the Anne Rice books? Were you like, or any of the kind of, because vampires have had multiple,

just in our lifetimes, multiple periods of incredible popularity, including Twilight and the rest. The only vampire movie I've ever seen is Leslie Nielsen's Dracula, Dead and Loving It. Of course. And that is really where I began and end. And nothing really tops it there as far as scary, fun, spooky, sexy.

I mean, yeah, I did enjoy the Twilight movie. We did it on the show, I liked them. Oh yeah, right. I was like, when did we watch them? Oh yeah, for the show. Apparently the Interview with a Vampire series that's happening right now is pretty good. That's supposed to be incredible. I can't wait to see it.

Yeah. So, I don't know. And I'm not a vampire or really a horror fan. You're not a vampire? I'm not a vampire. I was going to say a vampire fan, but I've heard from multiple people that that show is great. Here's where I was disappointed. I'm interested in the world and some of the themes, et cetera, I think are super interesting and the women, the sexuality, all of that. I'm like, yeah, the men, the sort of homosexuality piece of it, it's all...

I think it's a really cool world. I was so bummed that the teeth looked the way they did, because I'm like... And made people sound bad. It made people sound bad, but it's also just like, okay, like, this is... I honestly feel like if I went to the Halloween store right now, I could find something that was better and more visually interesting

than what they were wearing in this... As teeth, yeah. ...in this film. Yeah. No, I agree. It's like those little flippers, they were ridiculous. They were ridiculous, and because they were practical, they looked out of place. They looked like they were filling people's mouths. Their speech was all...

But it's also like, did vampires evolve? Because in the cave or safe, whatever you want to call it, safe tomb, whatever it is, they find some skulls, which Omar Epps immediately destroys, which is just a gross, you know, just a terrible way to just treat a dead body. But he, but all the vampire teeth were the front two teeth, almost like a bug's bunny.

They had different teeth. There were different ones in different places because of the different species. There's different species of vampires. I do know that from comics, you know? Some are like the Nosferatu, which Christopher Plummer says, which is the front two. Some are like the fangs, traditional, like spread,

whatever the canines or whatever these are. Yeah. Anyway, but yeah, no, and those, by the way, vampire skulls, you know how expensive, you know how valuable those would be? Come on. Honestly, run in there, take those and run. And like- That's the treasure, yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I kind of found these teeth to be...

Besides the fact that I am pretty positive Gerard Butler isn't completely dubbed the entire film because clearly whatever they got with those teeth in was not working or being sexy. Like, I feel like it really was crowding his mouth. I found them to be... That's a T-shirt, crowded mouth. Crowded mouth.

But the idea of, like, I don't know, they felt really sharp and, like, they felt like they were doing the job right. Like, it didn't, it felt like the teeth were there for the right reasons, not for show. But maybe you guys think, I mean, you guys don't like these teeth. I thought the right reasons not for show, but maybe you're wrong Maybe you guys think I mean you guys don't like these teeth I thought the teeth looked actually very like razor like like ooh that would really cut into me I felt like there's a lot of like

Slight, I don't know. I don't know. I felt like yeah boy I would have liked it if the teeth were and maybe this goes against the kind of inherent Sexiness of the movie or however you wanna look at it. But I felt like to June's point, like kind of too white and too big. And I was like, oh, there's something that would make it scarier to me if his teeth were like sharp and yellow and looked like-

Oh yeah, they're not yellow. They're like crest white strips. Yeah, they- You know, like, and I get it. He's, by sucking the blood out of the bad guys on the plane, he is, he goes from a withered husk of a man into youthful Gerard Butler. So I understand the reasoning, but it's just not as scary.

But he remains then super sexy, which I think is what the movie wants. Because everywhere he goes, everybody's like, oh my God, look at this hunk. But that's Dracula's mind trickery. Like that's what he has. Not always. Oh really? Not always. I don't think he tricks Lucy in the Virgin Megastore.

Oh, I think it's like he's exuding this like. You think he's, what is it called, glamoring? I think that, yeah, he sort of put her under his spell. Under his spell? I think anyone who comes in contact, I think he's almost exuding it like a bug zapper or like, you know, it's like, it's out. Like he can't, yeah. She seems like pretty with it. Like a bug z. Or like, you know, it's like, it's out. Like he can't, yeah.

She seems like pretty with it. Like a bug zapper? Like, you know, there's some energy. He's exuding it like a bug zapper? You know what, like a citronella candle. That's what I would say. A citronella candle's a better idea. He's exuding sexuality like a bug zapper.

Man, you ever look at a bug zapper and you're like, that's so hot. Well, if I'm a mosquito, I do. Cause I'm like, oh, I gotta get in there. I gotta get in there. Jennifer Esposito. Get me in there, yeah. You're actually right, Paul.

It is like a bug zapper. It draws you in, it draws you in, and you get zapped. That's it. The other thing about it though too was like, so did you understand what happened? And maybe this is a moment where Paul, you're not paying enough attention, but where our hero, Mary, goes to bite Johnny Lee Miller,

and then, like, she's tricking him, right, to get the upper hand. But then when they do the flashback, I got, okay, she's tricking him here. But then when they do the flashback to the scene that just happened two seconds before, I'm like, where did the blood come? She bit her own lip?

She bit her own lip. Yeah. You see her do one of these. Oh, okay. With her new fangs. Yeah, she bit her own lips. But wouldn't her lip be bleeding profusely at that point too? Well, I think there is blood on her.

Oh, got it. There's blood on her and on him because that's, and that's why it looks like she did do it. Okay, okay. It's a messy way to be, but I get it now. What I couldn't understand actually, and you might say, June, you weren't paying enough attention,

but I feel like a lot of the movie, we are instructed over and over and the rules are laid out on how these vampires can be killed. And we also know that Dracula cannot be killed. But the way that she kills him was that set up so he can be killed. He's pretty much hanging by the cross.

In the sun. She figures that. Oh, is that what it was? I think he lights on fire because the sun comes up and starts hitting him. Well, but I thought- So he's not killed by the wire she put around him when she jumps off, okay.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think, no, I think it's twofold. Because if it's just sunlight, then Christopher Plummer's a complete fucking idiot. Like, just put him in sunlight. That's it. Right? Like, I think it had to do with- If you created all that stuff in that room,. Like, just put him in sunlight. Right?

Like, I think it had to do with- You created all that stuff in that room? Put a fucking sunroof in there. Yeah, well, I think the idea was, he needed to be hung again. Because in this movie, the court snapped. That's what I think is right. Right? So he was saved.

Now Jesus on that neon cross is holding him. I mean, because she did say we take the body back. She took the body back. The last thing the movie- The ashes, the ashes, right? She has the ashes. How did she collect the ashes? I mean, that was on a high up building.

She's going around. It's ludicrous. It's New Orleans. But doesn't the end of the movie doesn't the end of the movie suggest that he's kind of- Back? She's back.

Because she's seeing him. She's seeing him trapped in the coffin like always. Okay, okay. So I think the movie would have you believe he isn't dead. He can't be killed. He will somehow reconstitute in a sequel. Well, yes. Well, there were two direct to DVD sequels.

What? Oh yeah, yeah. There were two. It was, let's see. Is one of them called Never Fuck With An Antiques Dealer 2? No, it was like, you know, Dracula 2000 was followed by two direct to video sequels, Ascension in 2003 and Legacy in 2005.

Same team co-wrote all three films and created a plot to a fourth film and discussed releasing it theatrically, but no film has been produced. Now, I say that because I also want to say that the people that are responsible for this film are Patrick Lussier and Joel Swanson. Now, the movie is called, Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000. Does not seem that Wes Craven is involved in this in any way.

Oh wow. This was a dimensions film, a Weinstein brothers production. And this is the, this is the thing that I love about this. Clearly they made scream. So they have a relationship with Wes Craven and I'm sure they gave him a shitload of money to say, pop your name on this. Just to give us something, because this is Scott Derrickson, who just did Black Phone.

He- Didn't he do Doctor Strange? The first Doctor Strange? Did the first one, yeah. Okay, yeah. So he said that he got a call, and they're like, hey, I just bought this script called Dracula 2000. And he goes, oh yeah, is it good?

And he goes, and Weinstein replies, no, it stinks. And he goes, well, why did you buy it? And he goes, because it's called Dracula 2000. Wow. And that was the... And then Scott Derrickson said, I'm in? That was, and so he wrote it, then Aaron Krueger rewrote it. And then these guys came on and then they took and they, and then they took it home.

So, I mean, it's, it's interesting that they just liked, huh, 2000. The title. Yeah. Like that title isn't even worth that much. Um, but here's what I'll say about his, at the ending. So I guess what they're saying is he asks for forgiveness to God. So that is, I think, how he could get killed. If he asks for forgiveness, then he can be destroyed.

Why does he do it in this moment, I wonder? Because I don't particular, nothing happened at the end of the movie that made me feel as though I was watching Judas reckon with the now thousands of years of what he's done and feel as though he needs to make things right with God. Well, as you know, Molly was saying in the chat, Judas betrays Jesus for silver. You don't ever get the sense that Dracula in this version is greedy or wrestling with like the greed that Judas wrestled with.

So it's these things are so disconnected. Yeah. It felt to me like, wouldn't it be cool? Wouldn't it be cool if we made him Judas instead of it being this, you know, the traditional kind of Vlad the Impaler. What if we made, what if we went all the way back and made him, when they cut to the last supper, I was like, what?

Oh, and they're cutting to the last supper the way that you would do it. They're cutting to the last supper. The way that you would do it at a high school play. Like when he is hanging on that tree, it's like red lights, lone tree. It was like, he's staring at Jesus up on the cross. It is a wild.

Oh, it's nonsense. Yeah, because when I realized he's Judas, it was really quite a moment, you guys. Well, I mean, yeah. Quite a moment. Judas iscariot. The cross, the silver, all the things you came to despise. It was my destiny to betray you, because you needed me.

Now, I drink the blood of your children, but I give them more than just eternal life. I give them what they crave most. All the pleasure you would deny them. Forever. That wasn't, and just to see Gerard Butler in that time, I mean, that's where I was like, this movie is going for it, but do we need any of this? They quote the, they quote it, and Molly just put it in the chat as well,

but the line that they quote is, blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, which is the, you know, what you say on the, when you're eating and drinking. The communion wafer. Yeah, exactly. When you're getting communion, when you're receiving communion. Yeah. Yes, but the idea is not that Jesus actually made them drink His blood. It's that He turned. This is like actually a part of where the church splits is people who believe that they were drinking something

that was the actual blood and body and eating the body of Christ and something that just was a stand-in for. Well, I know where I fall. Yeah, yeah, it's all blood, baby. All blood. Gotta get that blood. Gotta get that blood, that blood. I want get that blood. Give me that blood, blood, blood.

I want the real stuff. Give me that savior's blood. Oh my God. By the way, what did you think the conversation was like? Virgin Megastore, we got a great tie in here. Oh my God. Because there's so much- That actually, more than anything about this time period,

it was actually so great to see it, because I was like, oh man, it was a return. To see the space and layout of it. I was like, whoa. I remember like the Union Square. I'll never forget it. There was a Virgin in Union Square that you could- And you could go in there and listen to CDs.

Cause you could put on the headphones and play the album, just sit there. And I was like, I remember waiting for the strokes. And you could waste so much time, yeah. Oh my God, it was just, it was such a scene. Do you think that they chose the Virgin Megastore because it suggested virginity and that that is like, that's a big thing in vampire

kind of lore? Well, you know what? I'm gonna say that I think you're right because this movie is full of like hidden Easter eggs. Like the name of Van Helsing's antique business is Carfax Abbey, which is the name of the house that Dracula moves into. Wait, Carfax? Carfax.com?

Carfax.com. Wait, isn't that a Marcus Lemonas company? I don't think Carfax is. Oh, it's one of the other ones? But maybe it's like, but Carfax, if you bring us a antique arrow, we'll tell you how much it costs. I don't spill to door all of Marcus Lemonis' companies. They should all really advertise on this podcast.

I mean, by the way, he's asked to be on the show and we'd love to have him on the show. We haven't figured it out. Peepsweet treats, all of it. The metal letters hanging on the wall at the top of Mary's house are L-R-U-C-E, which if you rearrange them, spell cruel. And when Dr. Seward says the line, I never drink coffee.

There's a lot of Easter eggs here in this movie about going back to the roots of the original story. So there's a lot to unpack, but I do think that like, this movie feels like everyone was like, this is cool. Uh, you know, so that, you know, that there's a lot, there's a lot to unpack, but I do think that like Virgin, like this movie feels like everyone was like, this is cool. Like so much so that the title Dracula 2000, they were racing to get it out because they needed to come out in 2000 and like they just like they started too late. They started in the summer. So they only had a couple of months to get the whole thing done. So like, but this movie oddly, even though it's called Dracula 2000, Virgin Megastore is the only detail

that really lines it up with, oh, this is an older movie. Everything else is- A moment in time. Yeah, nothing else in it is dated. Yeah, there is, there's no other product placement, there's no other, but Virgin is, the word Virgin is constantly appearing because they're wearing T-shirts that say Virgin. They're like, it's very prominent in that regard.

Yeah, she literally sleeps in her work shirt as a pajama shirt. It's not like she fell asleep in her work shirt. She's like, well, it's so comfortable at work, I'll wear it at home. And then the Virgin, yeah, Richard Branson's like, I love that, I love that kind. It's surprising that Richard Branson

didn't have like a bug zapper off with Dracula the Virgin, Richard Branson's like, I love that, I love that kind. It's surprising that Richard Branson didn't have like a bug zapper off with Dracula. Like they both get there and like, oh, you're sexy, you're sexy. And they high five and Branson walks out. What's kind of crazy in this whole movie is that, like even though the movie takes, the second half of the movie takes place

in incredibly crowded Mardi Gras, New Orleans, the first half in London, and yet, and the murders are, they're racking up so many murders throughout, there is no law enforcement presence. That's seemingly some hard target. New Orleans doesn't care about those dead bodies. Well not so many murders though, Jason. Most of those people do end up becoming vampires. That's true. That's true.

That's true. Okay. But I'm just thinking about the local cops and stuff. Where are the police who are like, where are all the bodies that we put in that place? That's true. Well, the morgue is so full.

The morgue is full of bodies. These cops have, I mean, we saw it happen in Heart Target. They're thrilled to not deal with it. There's a lot of, they're on strike again. The cops are on strike, I think. The same strike, it ties the movie. It's the same strike.

Also, nobody's reporting on the fact that local news superstar, Jerry Ryan, has gone missing. And what happened to her cameraman? He got chomped. She's still doing news. That's the thing. She's still showing up to her shifts. It would be amazing if she was broadcasting. If she did a standing piece on the street as a vampire, that would have been amazing.

By the way, I said I was upset when she said a TV star and Jason you actually were right Voyager Ended in 2001. So she was a TV star, but I do think she was like breaking news. You're dead You know, like that would have been great. I would have liked right like that, you know, let's play it to the character Well, clearly we had opinions about this movie the people out there that had different opinions than our time for second opinions. These are five star reviews pulled from Amazon. 62% of reviews are five stars. 62%? Really?

Yes. Well, what do you say, Jen? Well, no, I was going to say, like, I did find this movie to be very watchable. I think a large part of that was because of Jennifer Esposito and just, like, wanting to watch her on screen. And also, like, I just think it's watchable. It's not very good, but I thought it went down pretty smoothly. I feel like people, and maybe this is just because of the world, I think people are a lot more forgiving of horror movies. Yes. Oh, very much so. In terms of like, oh, maybe the plot doesn't add up

or whatever, but it was fun or scary or thrilling or it had the, you know, whatever, you know, whatever people want from these movies, I think if they get it a little bit, they're like, great, I loved it. But this is my issue with this movie on a base level. I think the performances are good. I think there's some really fun ideas in here,

but it's not scary. It's like the Minions, the new Minions movie, Rise of Gru, like the other Minions movies are funny. This one is like, oh. This is like the Minions, this is a comparison I was not expecting. I mean, I'm bug-zapping in Minions. We've only seen it about maybe a million times.

I guess it feels adjacent to, like the Minions Rise of Gru feels like, oh yeah, this is trying, like it's not even trying it. It's like, oh yeah, that's a comedy. Now I just feel like it's promoting the movie. Well, you have to know it's adjacent. So Minions Rise of Gru is on our... So much, so much.

We watch it. In our car, on our Chrysler Pacific minivan, Pacific minivan, and you know, the kids are watching it almost every time we get in the car. So from here on out, everything is going to be in relation to Minions Rise of Gru. Like it's either like Minions Rise of Gru or not like Minions Rise of Gru,

but it will constantly, it's our North Star now. What I find about Minions Rise of Gru is it truly is. It's the way to kill vampires is through showing the Minions Rise of Gru. But the thing that I think about when I listen to that movie every day is... I've... It's not bad, but it's not funny. It's kind of has a plot, but nothing that I really care about. And what's the story? Not much.

And it's like, that's what this movie is. Like, there's no real scares. It's like no jump scares. The horror is like... I had a couple jump scares when he first popped out. A couple. The leech in the face? They're not, it's really, and it's not a, um... It's not scary. It's more, maybe it's more of a,

I guess it's a monster-y, thrillery movie than it is. No, I think it's a horror movie, but it's like... I guess. It's light. It's light. It is light. To me, the thing that I, what I was most intrigued by in June, you didn't even get to really experience it the way I did,

which is like going, is that Gerard Butler? How is that Gerard Butler? Let me look at this. That was the spookiest part. Talk about spooky season. I was like, every time I came close to thinking it was Gerard Butler, I was then confident it wasn't. It was like he was edging us the entire movie.

It really was. It was like he was edging us the entire movie. It really was. It was a crazy experience. All right. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it's not, yeah, it's tough. But I will say it is very slick to Jude's point of it going down smooth. It's very slick and it's not like, you know, they shot clearly during Mardi Gras.

Like there's a ton of like visual stimuli in the movie that is pretty good. You know, like, it's well done in that regard. But it's like, I couldn't make heads or tails of who am I rooting for, whose story is this, do it when, are we getting closer or further from the goal of any protagonist? And I didn't know. There's a couple of very blunt exposition dumps that come very late in the movie. So even then, you're like, you spend the first 50 minutes of the movie being like, who is everybody and what is their relationship?

I also love the idea that you're from their apartment, from Mary's apartment, like the idea that if you live in New Orleans, you automatically have Mardi Gras masks up. Like she had several in that bedroom. Well, you never know when it's gonna happen. You gotta come run down. It's like an umbrella if you live in London, you need it by the door. And then when like everybody who actually lives

in New Orleans seems to just like detest Mardi Gras. Oh yeah, to be like, we gotta get out of town. Or practice it in a totally different way than like what tourists do there. Yes, yeah. It's not there just to get fucked up. The thing I think about this movie, to your point about it being slick is, I like a movie like this where I watch it,

I was like, oh, this is fun, and it's, you know, and they've got some weird stuff, but I enjoyed it, and then when you leave, it all falls apart. That to me is a trick that I'm like, oh, yeah, this doesn't really make sense if you think about it, but good editing, and this director was a former editor it all falls apart. That to me is a trick that I'm like, oh yeah, this doesn't really make sense if you think about it.

But good editing, and this director was a former editor, edited all the screen movies, the first three. Like, I think that there is a pacing to it. It's like, don't worry about it. Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And it's enough that you know, it's like... You're right. They don't let you, nothing sticks, no scenes linger too long.

Nothing sticks around long enough for you to start to poke holes in it. They're just like, onto the next visual, overwhelming visual stimuli, onto the next, you know, boom, boom, boom. And you- I'm just sort of like trying to figure out the Judas piece. Do we love this movie?

And then all of a sudden, he's like hanging off of a crucifix. I mean- I loved the part where they're, Johnny Lee Miller and Mary Van Helsing find themselves in a, is it a church library? Where are they? And then he's got a giant Bible that he tries to threaten Dracula with. And then he uses the Bible like a gun where he opens it wide

and it shoots pages out. Like a fire bullet. It's like what, like the Bible is- Like the pages of the Bible are bullets of fire to Dracula. I was like, well, how does Johnny, keep in mind, Johnny Lee Miller, he starts as the assistant antiquities dealer, the antiquities buyer. Yeah. He's not a Van Helsing.

He's not a monster hunter. He's not a monster guy. All of, maybe the movie should be from his point of view. What the fuck is this world I just stumbled into? But it's not. He literally goes from, hey, this is a world with vampires, and shit's going down to like killing immediately. And then being like, now I'm just on this tear.

Now I'm like, now I'm a fucking full on assassin. He doesn't seem to have any background of killing or anything. Although he handles that. Well, he also gets beat up savagely, repeatedly, and never has a mark on him, never has a limp. Very strong Dracula, Gerard Butler, Omar Epps, once he's a vampire, multiple vampires with full strength toss him around like a ragdoll, and he is fine. I mean, look, they toss Christopher Plummer around too.

I mean, and he gets up a couple of times because it gives me, yeah, he's running. But you see, why is he running out of Dracula blood? Because he just shot himself up that night. He seems like he got on a plane the next day and he's like automatically super old. I don't know how much he has to, I don't know what his habit is.

Okay, that's smart. Okay, well, we'll check that. I don't know what his dosage is. I don't know what the doctor recommended. Which then goes down to the fact that he's down in there getting those leeches off him a lot. All right, so these are five-star reviews. There's not many great ones,

but they are kind of picked out here, and I will read you this one from Rick. I forgot how awesome this movie was. It's a new take on Dracula. I only wish it wasn't called Dracula, because I enjoyed the humor, action, and characters. Five stars. So your slam is you don't like that you like the Dracula movie,

but don't like that it's called Dracula. Because OK, all right, Mardi Gras party time. I don't know what it should be called. Like uninvited guests. Like I don't know. Oh, uninvited guests. I like that. Although they did maintain the idea

that he needed to be invited in to Vitamin C's house. Oh, right. They did have that. Okay, that's good. I forgot about that. And then this one is from Rachel. She writes, I'm taking a college English class on Dracula and we had to watch this for class.

This is my favorite depiction of Dracula that I've seen so far. Really interesting movie to watch, especially if you've read the book. Five stars, read Bram Stoker's novel for the first time for a better experience. So this person's saying, this is the most accurate representation of Dracula.

This is hashtag this person's Dracula. And then Susie Herring writes, I like this movie too. A good vampire movie to watch because many of us wanted to be a vampire or dress like a vampire on Halloween. But I love vampires a lot. Five stars, title, Vampire Bite.

And then this is the one I want to end. I love the admission of like many of us wanted to be a vampire. Like people seeking out all the vampire movies just because they so badly want to be a vampire. They just need it. And this one right here was one that I thought was really special.

It should have been a five-star review, but something went terribly wrong from CyberGhost 13. This is a great movie, but I only rate it one star because it's not in the original aspect ratio. One star. How do they know that? So that whatever transfer or whatever version they watched. Yep.

And then, and then this is a true One Star review, which no, from Arlene, the title of the review is, should never have ordered this, written on January 2nd, 2021. I am a born again Christian. Not an appropriate movie, period. One star. That's it?

What led to this person getting a renting and watch it? I'm also just like, it's called Dracula. The other guy's issue of it being called Dracula 2000 would maybe like as a born again Christian, you might, oh, I guess because of the Judas, maybe that's what it is, I don't know. Maybe it's the Judas dying. Maybe they didn't, maybe they were okay

watching a Dracula movie, but because it became a blasphemous, maybe because of the, that it turned into a blasphemous story. Judas is too sexy. I know we've already kind of talked about it, but would we recommend this movie? Would you recommend this movie?

Or did the Discord do a good job at picking us a good movie? I don't think so, Discord. I think you blew it. Not that, you know, it was totally fine. You know, but it's, I think if it's up to you, if it's up to you, the Discord, and you have the kind of power to make us watch literally anything,

especially inside of this, the spookiest of seasons, this, like, this this, the spookiest of seasons. This, like, this is, I would say, pretty benign in terms of a, you know, it's fine, it's got some of our favorites in it, which I love. Love that. But was it, like, was I like, oh, I can't wait to talk about this?

Not exactly, it was just kind of like, it was good, you know, it was fine. Some stuff, but nothing, I don't know. I think the best... I think that... I challenge the Discord. Raise your game, Discord, come on. Yeah, Discord, do better. You know, I was fine actually watching this movie, and I thought this was a fine choice for us.

But now that I know that this movie was nominated by the Discord community, I'm like, oh, I'm a little disappointed in retrospect. Like, this is the best you got? Is this the best you got? Wow, that is a direct challenge from June to the Discord. I mean, you guys are, our Discord is amazing. Come to next October

and we're watching all of the human centipedes. I think that was on the list as a matter of fact. I'll never do it. Look, I think Discord understands that we love Gerard Butler. Yes of fact. I'll never do it. God. Look, I think Discord understands that we love Gerard Butler. Yes, that I wish I had known it was him. And Jennifer Esposito. Yes, they delivered a package to us

that in all, that makes sense. It checks all the boxes, but again. I feel like the Discord is pandering to us. Oh wow. By giving us Gerard Butler. Wow, well I will tell you. You know, like don't try to figure out our algorithm, Discord. the Discord is pandering to us. Oh wow. By giving us Gerard Butler. Wow, well I will tell you. You know what, Gerard Butler.

Don't try to figure out our algorithm, Discord. Yeah, don't try, you know what, Discord, have an identity of your own. Yeah, and it's like, you can't like put an equation together and try to come up with the answer to what we're gonna like. Wow, they're gonna take this hard. Yeah, because I don't wanna log on to YouTube

to look at the Discord and figure out what they're saying. I mean, look. Is that how Discord works? I mean, you kind of. I mean, you know, and I'll tell you this much. I'll tell you this much. The one that came in second place

was a movie that Averill had shot down, and I felt, oh, if that movie wins, if the second place movie wins, I'm gonna have to do it to respect the Discord, but I would have to go against Averill and her. And I gotta say, she's got good instincts. She never leads us astray. As much as Detroit would like to tell us

that she is by cooking oopie loves. But there we go. And by the way, what was the second place movie? I believe it was called Phantom of the Paradise, which I always think is, which is a movie that we actually have some connection to. It's a 1974 film and it's a rock musical comedy

directed by Brian De Palma, which Averill said, the problem with it is it's too in on its own joke. But anyway, all that being said, head to our Discord, get in there, you know, mix it up, change the algorithm on us. And if you want, make sure you check us out on tour. We're going to be all around, all around you. Go to HDTGM.com to find out how to get tickets and what movies we are watching and all that good stuff. All right. So anyone have anything that they want to plug or talk about? I mean, I'll shout out season six of Big Mouth is about to start in a couple of weeks. And then, and then also Star Trek Prodigy, which is up right now.

The new season just came out and it's fantastic. Very excited to check that out. Lower Decks is on Paramount Plus. And so funny because I'm part of Paramount Plus. I also plug that I was on The Good Fight with Christine Baranski and Andre Brower. And it was- That's like your favorite show.

It is. So I was very excited to be on there. It was really fun. Oh, that's so cool. I play a lawyer who defends a fetus. Very cool. Yeah. Very interesting.

Who plays the fetus? Well, we never meet. I only ask because I audition for it. Well, I don't want to only ask because I audition for it. Well, I don't want to get into it, but yeah, it was a lot of... It was Johnny Lee Miller. Johnny Lee Miller? A lot of politics that went into that, Jason.

I'm sure. June, anything? Nope. All right. Well, listen to the deep dive. And a big thank you to our Discord for being so active, but a giant thank you to our producers. And I am talking about Cody Fisher, our brand new producer, Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds,

our engineer Devin, and our publisher, July Diaz. You can check out all of our amazing merch. We got tons of it at teepublic.com slash stores slash HDTGM, but make sure you go to the How This Made store, not the ripoff stores on there. But thank you everybody for listening. We will see you next to the How to Discard Made store, not the ripoff stores on there. But thank you everybody for listening. We will see you next week and continue to discuss this and so much more on Last Looks. Anyway, bye for now.