How Did This Get Made? - Last Looks: 12 Pups of Christmas
Episode Date: December 16, 2022Jason joins Paul for a holiday-themed Just Chat where they decide the Elf on the Shelf is an EFFING NARC and tear apart the Santa Clause film/TV franchise. Plus, Paul shares deleted scenes from our 1...2 Pups of Christmas episode, digs into Corrections and Omissions, hears from listeners about horrible gifts, and announces next week's movie. Places people, it's time for Last Looks! Jason's Picks:Christmas with the CampbellsThe Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday SpecialThe Family StoneHoliday Gilmore Girls episodesElfLove ActuallyDie HardMixed Nuts Paul's Picks:The Binge 2: It's A Wonderful BingeBarbarianMistletoe MixupA Very Merry Toy StoreDear ChristmasFeliz NaviDADHome AloneChristmas VacationScroogedBuy Drop Dead Fred LIVE on Vinyl: https://hdtgm.bandcamp.com/Buy tix for June's pickleball tourney: https://www.janeclub.com/pickleballFollow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter
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Terrible Moms, Jingle Bell Rock, and I get into Tim Allen's The Santa Clause TV series.
All this and more people stand by for places it's time for Last Looks.
Hello my whispery canine therapist and my dumbass tech CEO Bros. I'm your host Paul Shearer and
welcome to How Did This Get Made, Last Looks, where you get to voice your issues on the 12
pups of Christmas, plus Jason and I chat about holiday movies, TV that we're currently watching,
and I get to really go to town on this one show that we will never discuss here,
but I do get to discuss with him. Plus, we will play some exclusive deleted scenes from our last
episode and reveal next week's movie. And most importantly, I will hear from you, our listeners
on Paul's Helpline. But first things first, a big shout out to Dan from Rochester for that amazing
opening song. We love these songs. If you have one for Last Looks, please send them to How Did
This Get Made at earwolf.com, but keep them short like 15 to 20 seconds is best. All right people,
let's get into it. I know we talk a lot about movies on the show, bad movies in particular,
but there are bigger things out there in the world. You got problems, let me solve them.
It is now time for Paul's Helpline.
Whoa, thank you. Teddy loves Supreme. Love that song. Last week, I asked you to call in and rant
about the awful gifts that you have received, and we got a ton of calls. I mean, it really
sounds like some of you have incredibly shitty family members like seriously listening to these
calls made me angry for you. So I might say some stuff here about your family members,
and I apologize in advance, but I don't like these people. Here are a few of the worst
calls that we got. The best calls, the worst gifts. Keenan from Michigan.
Hey Paul, Keenan from Michigan here. The worst gift I ever got, it's a little bit of a long story,
but my mother got me a gift and the entire month of December was sitting under the tree,
and every night I was allowed to have one guess so that I could try to narrow down and guess
what my gift was. One gift, one guess a night, and my parents are divorced at the time, so I was
only in my mom's half the time, but it really built up this excitement. I was like 10 or 11
years old at the time. I was so excited for this gift. I thought it was going to be like an N64
or game system or something, and Christmas Day came. I also took the gift and it was a toaster,
and it wasn't my toaster because we just put it in the kitchen and it stayed at my mom's house.
It was just a toaster because my mom knew I liked toast, so she just got her house a toaster
and gave it to me as a Christmas gift, and that was the worst gift I've ever gotten.
Let me know if it was a bad one. Thank you. Keenan, I know that I said I'm going to say
some terrible things about your loved ones, and I'm going to say one right now, so please brace
yourself. I know nothing about your mom, and I am sure she's a wonderful person, but fuck your mom.
Holy shit. That is terrible. That is like, I mean, this is like that scene from Scrooge,
a movie that I love. You'll hear more about that later, and you heard about it last week too,
like giving food to a kid and to make it torture like that. Like you like toast. This goes into
the whole sled argument. You don't get anyone a toaster. No one needs a toaster, an air fryer
maybe, okay? But aw, come on. It's not even yours. What I find interesting about this is it's cruel.
It is downright cruel. Of course, you thought it was an N64. We all did. A toaster? It's like she
knew she was fucking with you. Like that is truly next level. Like I am, I want to go back there,
and I'm thinking to myself like I've played games with my kids. I've done funny things with them,
but that is like, it wasn't like, and then you also have an N64. It's like, no, no, no,
you just have a toaster for half of the year. Fuck that. I'm sure your mom is great. All right,
let's listen to Kelsey's call. Hi, Paul. My name is Kelsey. I wanted to call you to tell you about
the one of the worst gifts I've ever gotten, which was from my mom a few years ago. I'm an adult woman
and my mom is a baby boomer. And what she gave me, in fact, it was after years of just not
giving me any gifts at all because like I have kids of my own and she gets some gifts, but she
just one Christmas decided that I needed a gift certificate for teeth whitening.
And that was out of the blue and quite a message I got from my mom. Okay, bye.
Oh, Kelsey, that, that's rough. That is a rough one, honestly, because I mean,
yeah, yeah, I don't even know. We all know why it's rough.
Anytime you get something, my mom was great at doing this, getting me the things that she
thought I wanted but they became insults like oh you wear fun sneakers so I got
you the ugliest sneakers imaginable because in that what you like ugly
sneakers and that even is a little bit light because this is like yo your teeth
they need to be cleaned if you talked about it it would be acceptable but to
give that out of the blue you don't give it you don't give a teeth whitening put
in a stocking stuff or maybe even that's insulting honestly fuck that fuck that
these moms what's going on with the moms a lot of a lot of aggression coming out
at the kids all right let's hear from Lindsay in Virginia
hi Paul this is Lindsay from Virginia I am calling in response to your prompt for
worst holiday gifts ever received and I don't know if I have the best one but I
think it's pretty high up there especially on the trauma meter a few years
after college I was with my now husband and my family unwrapping Christmas gifts
and I unwrapped my own middle school diary which I thought was kind of
strange my mom then noticed what I had opened and said you have to read it
it's hilarious I still can't believe that she found and read my middle school
diary even though I was an adult at this point and I also can't believe she
thought it was a great idea to wrap it for Christmas morning I don't know I
think it's pretty high up there for a bad gift hope you in June and Jason are
having a good holiday to take care what what you can't go into your kids room
after they're an adult and then wrap something and give it to them and she
read it and she ridiculed you for it wow that's that is just like more of like a
oof oof my goof like first of all terrible gift idea just wrapping
something that you already that is yours that you own and then the invasion of
privacy my god now there could be another version of it where you know
maybe your house had a fire or you thought it was lost and they found it
but no it seems like it was just in your room man oh man damn these moms damn
them to hell anyway we are always looking for more Paul's helpline voice
mails so if you need some advice or you want a second opinion about anything give
me a call at 619 PAUL ASK that's 619 Paul ask I am looking for what you are
excited to leave behind in 2022 as we go into the new year what do you want to
get out like what are you excited to be like and I'm done and I'm not going back
what are we leaving behind in 2022 call me tell me what we're leaving behind 619
PAUL ASK just a heads up people drop dead Fred on vinyl you can only order it
up until 12 21 that's right up until December 21st at hdtgm.bancamp.com
if you can't remember that just go to hdtgm.com this is a vinyl album of the
drop dead Fred episode remastered from the original episode lovingly remastered
it's a double album it has gatefolds all the good has gatefolds you know what I'm
talking about they have a side that you can display that's team sanity to Fred
we're so excited but once 12 21 comes you can't order it anymore this probably
will come in May or April depending we have a lot of orders so we're gonna make
a lot of albums but that's it one time that's it one printing and you got it
and if you want to give it to someone as a stocking stuff or a gift you get a
nice little PDF that you can basically print out and give to your loved ones
also if you are listening right now and it is this weekend I mean what weekend is
this I would say it's the weekend of December 16th and 17th Rob Hubel and I
are hosting a live show on twitch streaming to 1.5 million people it's
called celebrity yard sale and we are getting rid of celebrities junk they're
gonna come on the show they're gonna sell their shit and we are gonna give away
a brand new car that's right go to twitch.tv slash friendzone but you
know what you just go to the front page twitch because we will be there live
six to eight on Friday four to six on Saturday Caitlin Olson will be there
Nicole Byer Carl Tartt Jerry O'Connell Rob Riggle Camille Nanjiani David Wayne
June Diane Rayfield it is going to be a blast Ben Lee is gonna do a musical
performance people it's gonna be a big big show now before we get to your
corrections and omissions on the 12 pups of Christmas episode we thought we
would share a fun deleted scene from that very podcast you see I almost didn't
make it to San Francisco I came extremely close to missing my flight and
this is the story of how my life got turned done flipped upside down sit back
relax and hear the story of how I miss my flight from LAX I drove here Wow I
may have to go back with you because I forgot my license oh God and I had to
convince a frantic a frantic text from Paul Shear I'm driving I'm like doot doot
doot having a great time have you left yet I left my wallet at home and I was
like what he lives close enough to me I was like oh if you're a good LAX you
could probably just make a five-minute like loop out but you made it I made it
I was able to talk to the TSA agent I luckily remembered the last three
addresses I had one from 2000 which was a little tough to remember no way I
could never do it it was so hard and he's like you don't remember your address
I was like bro 2000 I was living with like eight people I don't even remember
22 years ago my guy that is a college junior and then he shook it remember
the specifics of a college junior come on man he literally shook his head and was
like zip code I was like never at least you'll get the zip code what from 22
years ago I don't know the zip code from the town I grew up he asked me my dad's
year of birth not just his birthday no luckily I have it in my phone this is
what amazing I have what an incredible series of questions yeah it was a real
hit it was there's another guy away who's like he was the conduit anyway I'm
here tomorrow getting home might be tricky all right so I wasn't gonna miss
this because that's right San Francisco we could have given up we could have
canceled the show and we said no Paul punched that TSA agent in the face ran
down got opened the door and I said you fly me to San Francisco don't ask any
questions I kept the pilot headlock I will be suffering a lot of charges for
but they let me out for the show that's how we roll and we got to get to San
Francisco that's right now ladies and gentlemen let me introduce somebody who
is part of the reason why we're doing this movie tonight a person who's gonna
have a lot to say my other co-host June Diane Raphael positively bounding
bounding onto the stage wow I just have to say Paul I did suggest that you Fedex
overnight your identification to get home tomorrow and you said nah now that I
know the address is I'm set exactly and I'm like are you like if I were gonna
come home we'll see we'll see do you live in San Francisco now he's a real
riseroni that San Francisco treat I need if I figured out if I was able to
crash on everybody's couch here one night I can live here for a couple years
well and I get on the flight and we are barely on that plane I mean they were
they came over they said we're closing the doors he barely got on the flight and
then both of us I want you to know if I showed up at the airport without my
license yeah they are not gonna ask me no what's your dad's birthday or what
zip code did you grow up in I would currently be in an LAX holding facility
that's right you'd be in a camp of some sort I'd be I'd be in a fortunately in a
an internment camp of some kind yes so we're kind of taking a breath but people
are very aware because I've been talking in the flight attendants Paul is bit
running on the flight attendants are talking he got on so we're sort of it
we're a spectacle on the flight people notice us you know and the first thing
we do now Paul sitting directly in front of me before we take off is each of us
opened up our computer and turned on 12 pups of Christmas thinking about those
other passengers like what a show what a show they're watching this show of like
whoa the chaotic energy of the two last people who are freaking out oh no she
was there like 40 minutes before I was comfortably I was there but I'm talking
to flight attendants getting an ETA and when those doors are closing saying he
just passed their security he's running please is there any way you can hold it
please please please 12 minutes okay and she said really just 10 and I told you
I told you 12 yeah so I was lying to him you know a lot was going on I want you
to give up 10 would have felt like I couldn't have done I know and I knew that
that's why I gave you two more you needed those extra two psychologically you
needed those extra to June is like the pet therapist in this movie you knew Aaron
June is Aaron I couldn't believe it I mean really I have this little I don't
know it's a Merse or whatever it's a I call it a bandolier it's a fanny pack
that I don't wear as a fanny pack and that thing I leave it too many places
because I forget about it anyway God damn it the worst anyway last week we
talked at length about the 12 pups of Christmas we had questions and we thought
that we answered everything but clearly we missed a few things here is your
chance to set us straight fact check us if you will it is time for corrections
and omissions
thank you Joe Foster for that great theme let's go to the discord J dubs
writes the company's product a GPS collar was inspired to stop dog napping
if you were dog napping a dog wouldn't the first thing you do just remove the
collar J dubs fuck yeah especially if it was as large as like a like a like a
computer battery from the 1980s yeah you would just take that right off great
point can't believe we missed that I guess because there were so many other
implausibilities that we just didn't even catch that one ASG 1982 writes if
your company was in the verge of bankruptcy how would you feel about
giving some dog therapist who has just hired a penthouse at a hotel in New
York for multiple nights this is after she was given a first-class plane ticket
all for a meeting that was completely unrelated to her job yeah where are the
board of investors who is behind this company this company will fail even with
proper tech dr. guts 1003 writes Martin says the investor meeting is on
Christmas Eve which means that Martin then makes all of his employees come to
his house on Christmas day to tell him that daddy bailed him out I know Carly
said the employees of dog on were a family but I think these people would
rather be with their actual families on Christmas day now Scott actually pointed
out producer Scott that coincidentally this week's Matt in a Monday movie the
spirit of Christmas also features an office Christmas party thrown on
Christmas Eve I mean honestly that seems like every movie has a Christmas Eve
Christmas party I've never been invited to a Christmas Eve Christmas party I've
never gone to one why because I have loving people in my life and
especially I'm not going to fucking work one anyway made for TV holiday movie
bosses and I'm gonna say actually even movie bosses need to get their shit
together and let their employees spend Christmas and Christmas Eve at home this
is not fucking Scrooge here Christmas Carol style Salvador Dolly Parton love
that name writes I was glad that you talked about the cult mid-summer vibes
but did anyone else get the fairness the dropout vibes oh yeah we did my
question is who would you rather go on a double date with Aaron or Martin or
Elizabeth Holmes and sunny Balwani circa 2014 oh wow Aaron or Martin for me
Aaron or Martin for me because I think that they're weirder oddly which is a
weird thing to say anyway I think Elizabeth Holmes kept her shit tight
like you didn't know how crazy she was until later I think in retrospect she's
crazy who knows anyway let's go to the phone all right our first caller is Todd
from Portland what he got Todd hi Paul this is Todd from Portland I had a
question about 12 puffs of Christmas when I watched it well actually I
accidentally watched 12 dogs of Christmas before the podcast which is
another terrible 90s kids movie involving dogs but I realized I watched the wrong
movie when I started the podcast and then I had to go watch this movie but in 12
pups of Christmas there's a scene where the main character Aaron is rushing off
to work and she's surrounded by the chaos all the dogs in the house and her
friend Taylor shows up to the door to apologize for taking Aaron's fiancee
and so Aaron punishes Taylor by making Taylor take care of all the dogs and
she rushes off the door to work and saying oh that dog needs to go to the
bathroom already better watch out so my question is what weren't Aaron's plans
before Taylor showed up she had all of those dogs in the house and she was
rushing off to work she doesn't cancel any dog sitters when Taylor shows up or
change any plans she just leaves so what was she gonna do with all those dogs
just let them crap and pee all over the house thanks Paul keep up the good work
good point again we don't know I'm guessing the family would take care of
it or maybe a kennel or maybe she was content with letting those puppies pee on
the floor I mean at that point you're not training them so maybe she would just
put down doggie pads it felt like it again we know that Aaron is vindictive
and wants to hurt people so I think that she gave her ex best friend a really
hard job not because she was gonna do it just because she knew it would be hard
like it was like oh you know what while you're here why don't you fix the
garbage disposal you know it's like I wasn't gonna do it anyway but now you're
here gonna I'm gonna give you some manual labor so I think that was like a
fuck you punishment that just kind of happened in the moment I don't think it
was a as thought out as she actually had responsibilities I think that Aaron
doesn't care about dogs as we stated and was gonna leave them to just waddle in
their own piss and shit Jenny calling next what he got hi Paul I'm Jenny I
was at the San Francisco show to see the 12 the 12 pups of Christmas it was a
lot of fun I really admired your tech skills and action basically I noticed
something weird about the movie like not like everything was super weird in that
movie but Taylor had a really easy time just finding where Aaron was staying in
the belly and then when Aaron was in New York Travis also found her quite easily
at the hotel she was staying at I was wondering do you think that Aaron had a
tracker on her just wondering thank you so much you're great and I love the
show bye oh goddamn right you know you know that Aaron is being tracked I think
this is where the sisters come in and I think the sisters like you know what
I've done on my research on her I want to figure it all out I think that she knew
and this is where we're getting into the nitty-gritty of it like Aaron did
accept this job before she broke up with her fiance or he broke up with her so
maybe it was spoken about and then she went there and then talked to that woman
at the front desk who seems to be giving out information willy-nilly to
everybody I'm just gonna guess that that's actually just really bad corporate
structure there that they give out people's personal information to whoever
asks all right back to the discord Aaron Renee writes omission that had me
yelling at my phone like a lunatic you played clips of the cult party where
Aaron was welcome into a new family the music playing was jingle bells Aaron
hears it and loudly says I know this song yeah as do most preschoolers shit I
didn't even get that I didn't even get that you are blow everybody's
observations are spot on I love it I know that song geez this is great
Shawna and Reese are right right before Martin heads to jail he tells Aaron I
trust you and you got this assuring her that he thinks that she can save the
company but immediately after she gets out of jail and a tearful Aaron explains
that what happened Martin doesn't give a fuck why doesn't Martin care because he
found a different investor while she was failing implying that he didn't think
she could do it I mean he must have thought to himself on the way to jail
well now we're fucked I better find another investor because she's
definitely gonna screw things up well that or he was double-dipping he was
like well look I'll give you a chance to invest if this other thing falls through
you want to be number two I mean not the best thing to say to somebody
investing in your company but maybe again this guy got ahead by you know
limited supply you know and that gives you high demand is that what is that a
thing I don't know Cameron H writes one of the weirdest things to me about this
film was that it seemed to posit that you cannot own a dog unless one is
presented to you we get a little bit of backstory of the people that are gifted
puppies and they're all suitably thankful but there was never anything
stopping these people from simply going to a shelter and getting a dog yet they
all act like they never even considered it before as if the idea of getting a
dog themselves or ownership of a dog is beyond human comprehension well guess
what I brought that up I talked about that when they gift that that puppy to
the parents who can't have kids like why were we presenting this as if well we
don't know where to get a dog I think I did talk about that Cameron unless Scott
edited it out but I don't think he did because it was a salient point anyway we
have one more deleted scene this is actually really fun we had an audience
member who had a correction an additional piece of information from the
Great Wall episode with Matt Damon now she waited to present this until we were
in San Francisco she came so if you remember Great Wall of China it was a
movie with Matt Damon doing an accent that changed from scene to scene and
Jackie Chan it was about defending the Great Wall of China from these like
Cloverfield monsters the toy tie and we made some fun of it it was a little
weird we didn't understand all about it but we did have an actual Chinese art
historian show up in San Fran and she gave us the facts take a listen all
right so you said to me I have some information about the Matt Damon movie
the Great Wall it will be worth it so I'm not putting you in the main show I'm
putting you here is it worth come come to me come to me here we go is it worth
it is it worth it what do you know and again reminder we may not all remember
this movie so set us up the best way you can with this information okay the
monsters from the Great Wall of China movie with Matt Damon yes these monsters
like these green creatures yeah they're called the Tautier which you called
Tauti okay Tauti okay so okay they're a real thing these monsters are real no I
was confused when you said it was a real thing okay once they're a real ancient
Chinese art history motif found on every single ancient bronze in China since
1000 BCE perfect and being on bronzes bronzes they have now gotten a patina
which means they're all green okay so they were bronze now they're green and
that's why they're green but back then they would be bronze yes okay so the
monsters themselves are like the Tautier where they have big eyes on the side
tusks that go like this and horns but they're not a real monster they're just
an ancient motif that no one understands so they're just like a velvet Elvis or
something like that they're just alright so they were an imagination alright so
this is okay that was was it worth it I got a tattoo recently because I'm I am a
Chinese art historian you are Chinese are well look at this as it's a whoa
beautiful I can't I don't have a camera like I was like David Copperfield they
can't show it up there but it's beautiful the microphone does not work
like that but all right it was worth it that was good we love Chinese art
history majors coming in setting us straight that is amazing I'm so happy
she came I'm so happy that we got some old fact checks if you come to the show
and you have a fact check like that I'll take them before the show because if
they're good we'll put them in the show so many great corrections and omissions
this week there can only be one that is the absolute best and I gotta tell you
should I give it to the person who actually waited on their great wall
information for a long time maybe but honestly the one that got me the one
that really opened my eyes was from Aaron Renee who brought up that Aaron was
so excited that she knew the lyrics to Jingle Bells Aaron a you win this week's
best correction and omission and you get this amazing song from Hill Baker hit
it all right if you want to chime in with your own thoughts about the latest
episode hit up the discord at discord.gg slash HDTGM or call us at 619 PAUL
ASK coming up Jason and I chat about all the holiday TV and movies that we are
currently watching will be right back you might have noticed on the how to
just get made feed that every Monday we have been pulling old episodes out of
the vault and rereleasing them into the rotation you get to listen to these
classics and last week's matinee Monday was the spirit of Christmas a great
episode with Jessica Sinclair next week will be reindeer games which is I mean if
you don't know the revelation about reindeer games get ready check it out
every Monday old episodes back into the stream and reindeer games with Howard
Kramer is one of my favorite episodes okay we have spent a lot of time hearing
from you but now no one has asked me about me what's on my mind Jason and I
are gonna break into some big Christmas talk so if you're in the car with some
kids I would say maybe stop listening now because there are some spoilers we
talk about a lot of things about Christmas so you know what little ears
shouldn't hear the secrets that we know anyway just want to let all the parents
out there know that's your warning and now Tom McWaters hit us with a theme
Jason holidays are upon us I love the holidays because it gives me a chance to
catch up on all these things that I've been wanting to watch it's like it's the
only time of year I feel like I can just not be responsible for anything but just
to watch the things I've been excited to watch oh yeah just catch up indulge it's
great wake up watch tar yeah eat lunch watch tar all day tar holiday that's
your family's new tradition right is that kids love it yeah every night of
Hanukkah is tar and every and Christmas Eve is Tarsmas Eve oh we love Tarsmas
Eve it's so I mean it's real I mean it's intense very intense at the house but
the kids really they have a great time your kids don't believe in Santa Claus
they believe in Kate Blanchett and and we have a little Kate on the shelf it's
like elf on the shelf but you got to hide Kate around she can sometimes it's
characters so sometimes it's Carol sometimes it's it's tar you know it's a
lot glad real it's weird the character from from the Amy Schumer movie too it
is a very sometimes he's very wait wait no that's Emma that's Emma Thompson how
dare you oh I'm sorry that was that's Tilda Swinton I'm sorry I've got I got
you know I got I kind of get confusing Kate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton they
have like a similar kind of from another world ethereal energy going yes
there's something about them that they are like they are unlike a human being
that we're used to they are they are they are they're glowing in a way I will
tell you by the way my kids right now are really quizzing us a lot about Santa
oh yeah from the shelf and and I feel like this might be the final year or in
the final years my youngest oddly really doesn't believe it more I thought when
did you because I feel like there's so yeah I feel like they're so young I feel
like I well and you know when I was a kid I mean I probably believed much
later than most just say you know it was I grew up in a small town I didn't have
any friends it was not much you know speculated on you know so I got to be
I'm gonna say I'm gonna maybe nine or ten okay well so my oldest is eight so you
know that then I guess that may and my youngest is six and my youngest keeps on
saying like but you put the present of the tree right you could just tell
me you could just tell me and and but yet they both don't question the elf on
the shelf like the elf on the shelf is moving around our house and the elf
makes total sense the Santa myth is rocky and I will tell you as a parent I'm
hating all these Christmas movies that really lead with I know no one believes
in Santa like literally the premise of all these movies about Santa but I guess
it's like trying to like it's trying to like circumnavigate it like and you feel
it so much more as a parent like an elf which I love and it's so fucking funny
like the premise of that movie is that like Santa's powers is dwindling because
no one doesn't believe yeah and it's like and I know that that has to come
back and believing it's coming back but it is like I always think that once you
put that in a kid's head like well why don't people believe yeah it starts a it
starts a domino effect like I think that's absolutely true yes no to have
that as to have that as even a possibility yeah that Santa is to not be
believed in even if you then provide a Santa Claus like it as near Santa Claus
it doesn't matter like you've set the you've set something in motion which is
like wait a minute as you get older you don't believe you know and then like we
have to jump like once I start asking questions and my only way to get through
it is by not answering them yeah like with like one person gave me a beautiful
piece of advice she's a child psychiatrist and she said to me you know we
were dealing with like the death of someone in our family and and what do
we say what do we do and the person told us she said tell you know tell the
truth but don't be too don't be too specific like just be like that person
is broad strokes yeah broad strokes broad strokes and don't get caught in the
weeds and that's how I treat Santa I don't tell the truth but they're like
how does Santa get down the chimney and do this I don't even know yeah like I
heard that the same way that if they asked you like how does somebody get an
operation done on their brain that you know like that you like I genuinely I
don't know how that job works that I'm like a complete idiot I'm not even I'm
not even gonna try to like figure it out because it confounds me yeah buddy and
that's you know listen it's a it's a listen I don't envy the guy's job you
know it's gotta be really tough stuff
oh man I don't think the guy's getting paid yeah I mean look in these elves I
mean like and then they're like well what if we like keep the elf here all
year I'm like oh I don't know I mean then the elf can't go I mean that's kind of
holding a hostage I don't need I just get frustrated by it the mythology around the elf that the elf
comes alive at night the mythology of the elf is that the elf is or at least
the way that I understand it is sent by Santa to provide him with a naughty or
nice yeah he's a fucking spy yeah he's a narc and the elf will hide in the house
or create little mischief in the house every morning now I will tell you I
didn't know there was a mischief oh well if you look on the parents of Instagram
that have a lot of time and by the way I would love to be one of those parents
and I admire what they do like I'm talking about like gumdrop shoes and you
know making snow angels like the the what the elves are up to like when you
look on the Instagram of it is it as a parent it hurts me because I'm like when
do you have the time to do this I'm barely I'm barely remembering to move the
elf and there's some nights I forget or did this year have been good but yeah so
the idea is that the elf is like always watching and narcing on you and and it's
like such a weird thing to to convince a child is real yes is like this doll yeah
this doll and if they at any other time of the year brought you a doll and said
I think this doll at night comes alive and is watching me and moves around and
move stuff you'd be like no way absolutely not but if they bring you the
elf doll and say I think this this doll is moving around and watching me and
causing mischief you're like yep that's what this one does yeah and this one is
special and it and it come it is sentient it comes it's watching you all
the time and it's and the idea is like it's not even a doll it is a human it is
a human elf like the mythology isn't like oh Santa put a special piece of
magic in your favorite doll it's like no no no this is an elf that looks like a
doll you can't touch it if you touch it it doesn't move and I think the idea of
not touching it so the kids don't play with it it's there's a lot going on and
I am dreading the day of like revealing it and I think that I would have to go
down together and we have our next-door neighbor is Jewish and he has been
poking a lot of holes in our in our in our fantasies and not even in a like
he's trying to he's just like yeah he's asking smart questions the questions you
would like a kid to investigate no my kids are buying a hook line and sicker
your kids are weaker as a result yeah they're like oh yeah yeah no I'm cool
with a thing that just watches me and record records my progress or my whatever
I'm cool with that I'm writing letters and trying to do things with my hand
writing at certain times so they can't imagine it as being that I'm like and it
is as a parent like I also like I've seen like you know other parents very
vocally back I'm not telling my kids about Santa because I don't want to lie
to them I do think that there's something really beautiful about this it's fun
we're just doing some fun it's not like it like it's not lying to yes you're
lying to them but it's like part of the fun of being a kid like I don't
understand like but also like parent it's also like and I would I'm wondering
like what if your kids were like would you would you you know like I remember
with my nieces they were into like making fairy houses for fairies in the
forest and and they would make high and it wasn't there wasn't any kind of like
no that's not real right there are no fairies if you see lights out there it's
just you know fireflies you're dumb yeah you know you're participating in a bit
of of magic and a bit of like fantasy for them to live inside of which is great
which I think is like helpful for their imagination but it's like but man oh man
as they get older it's harder and harder because before they didn't really ask
questions now they get they they want to know I think the ideal the ideal way of
doing it is that they stop caring about Santa but they also still like all like
all the things in the hall it's like it's not like you're ripping the rug out
like and then this year you get no gifts you want to transition it into these
are the traditions of our family even if you don't necessarily believe in Santa
Claus by the way how many people are listening to this in the car with their
kids being like sorry we must give a warning I'll give a warning before can
I tell you the thing that my mom did that really started to make me question the
Easter Bunny my mom was a big Easter Bunny yeah person and she cut out
footprints for the Easter Bunny so when I woke up in the morning there were paper
footprints like like Easter Bunny footprints around the house and in my
child like mine I never was like well why would he be leaving paper yeah
footprints like it like but I remember it so fondly I don't remember when oh yeah
it we talked about there is no Santa there is no this but that like it's so
funny what you were logic just goes out the window oh yeah yeah my parents I
remember when I was a kid they they got like jingle bell bells you know like
sleigh bells and would sneak up into the attic and like late at night when they
knew we were still staying awake they would kind of stomp around and do the
bells oh I love which was like oh my god Santa that is Santa is here oh my god
well do you know that there is my friend lives in the Netherlands and one of the
traditions he is open to this year was that I guess like about three or four
days ago there's a tradition where Santa practices his run it's like before
Christmas Eve I'm gonna do it so what you do is you tell your neighbor to bang on
the walls and make a lot of noise like your Santa so like the house feels like
oh my gosh something's going on yeah and it's like this I again a further idea
like Santa is like you've got a yeah you know if this is it oh that I love that
idea and my friend said it like also scared the shit out of his kids well
yeah because you know like on a non-magic if you're if you're participating
in magical the magical thinking of it and you're on board everything seems
incredible yes but then when you if you apply even the smallest amount of real
world logic to it which kids are at a certain age constantly living inside of
a logical world and inside of a fantasy world but when you start to apply
logic to it you're like wait a minute there is a stranger who has access to my
house like everything about this is I'm told very wrong you know by the way I
you know look we talk a lot about bad movies and things like that and I don't
want to shit on anything unnecessarily because that would be unlike anything I
do but Jason the Santa the Santa Claus series the Tim Allen oh yes yes okay I've
never seen them but I'm aware I've never seen the movies yep but I put on the
series whoa like wolf in the idea that it's weird because obviously Tim Allen
brings with him some baggage some baggage as a human being that I don't
think he necessarily had that much when he was home improvement Tim Allen yeah
which is when he shot these original movies I was gonna say the movies are
from that era right yes these are from like 20 plus years ago yes and then this
series is a brand new series it just was shot now oh and I will tell you that
this is one of the scenes Santa is sitting down with his elves to make his
naughty and nice list and everything's like all right well that person's naughty
and now it's like we don't like to use that term and like it's all these like
weird microaggressions and wokeness but like Santa is oddly on the side of
wokeness but being like oh can you believe this like he holds up like a
sweater that says Santa sit on my lap he's like can you believe that people
are wearing this this is not the spirit of Christmas like it's it's and he's so
upset that he can't like call kids naughty it's so weird and are we sure
this is in an adaptation of like the Bill O'Reilly book killing Santa I mean
it really does feel like there are and so the whole premise of the movie or the
the mini series I should say is that Santa is like because if the premise of
the Santa Claus is that Tim Allen's a normal dude he goes out on on his front
lawn on Christmas Eve to see what was on the roof it's Santa but he scares Santa
I believe this is what it is and Santa then slips on the roof falls down and
breaks his neck and he kills Santa yes yes and so Santa has to like step in and
fill his shoes well yes because the Santa Claus is that anyone who kills
Santa has to take his place the claws like a okay the movie the whole movie
series is about Tim Allen murdering Santa yeah so that so that of itself is
shocking yeah it's it's rough and you know yeah it and so that like that's the
premise like normal guy becomes Santa Claus that's like I guess where it
starts and now this is like normal guy has been Santa Claus is like I'm tired
of doing it now I need to retire so it's like Santa wants to retire and he's
trying to recruit Cal Penn who's like an Elon Musk slash Jeff Bezos like
entrepreneur billionaire who I mean it and wait is he is Tim Allen that I know
this is not the case but boy what I love it if it is Tim Allen trying to get
someone to kill him so that there is a Santa Claus Claus oh yes where he
can and again June was so angry with the Santa Claus miniseries that she was
like turn it off but my kids oddly love it so what do we know it's weird it's
like oh and also there are two kids in the movie that play elves but they're
kids right there yeah and but they're married so it's watching like two kids
that come here skate sweetie give me a kiss and she's like not it while we're
at work but it's like it's weird to see if they're playing by kids but they're
supposed to be adults yeah because they're old elves right yes but they're
like come on give me a smooch here honey and she's like I can't not get
with you at work and it's like oh it's weird it's weird to see all this sort of
stuff weird ass series of things to put in a kids like a kid series oh and then
you know Casey Wilson is in the series as well and I and for one little scene in
the opening but even this is like her she plays it really great it's a funny
scene but the idea is that Santa's like I'm not feeling magical anymore I'm
losing my powers I don't want to do this like I'm losing the lust for life here I
need to go back to like Michigan where I'm from and like live my normal life
again with my wife yeah he's like I know will cheer me up I'm gonna go visit this
kid that I loved is she always believed in Santa and it's Casey Wilson but Casey
Wilson is living on her parents couch she's unemployed and like it's
supremely depressed because her life hasn't worked out great because she's
still believes in Santa no just because she's living a life that was not not
okay that did not turn out the way that she wanted and like so kids hate to see
that can you see that that's a path of life is going on like what is going on
here oh if you don't do it right kids you could end up like this and he like
gives her a Polly Pocket which I guess to like this you know person in their
30s that are living in their parents house and miserable because they've
fallen asleep on the couch and hold like it like it's like there's a lot of
questions I'm having but anyway I love it I love it I didn't mean to derail us
with the Santa Claus's and and you know and it continues I've watched the first
four you're like this is like your favorite show well you know I was kind
of like I gotta let me watch a little bit more look well that's what else is
happening let me just see where it goes and it's rough it's rough stuff it's
rough because also like it is weird to be like Santa's like oh the perfect
replacement for me is is this tech billionaire like you know who delivers a
lot of the answer to everything like it's like oh well Amazon delivers a lot of
shit like so the tech billionaire can and and then he does interview like was
it Drew Brees the quarterback like he's like your breeze you deliver packages
even though but you're he's like oh but I see that you only have a 60% rate of
completion that's not good enough it's like what the fuck am I watching I love
it and I loved it you make it sound absolutely absurd of course yeah I'm
sure is but that your kids are like nope we love it we're just on unabashedly
on board yeah and I think it's because you know I think it's because also
them this is like oh Santa and this is fun and I'm looking at some stuff and
it's like they're not reading it's like maybe it's working on it's working
enough for them yes it's working enough for them and these Santa stories are
few and far between except for this time of year so I guess they'll take what
they can get well I mean again not so few and far between anymore as it feels
like everyone's got a Christmas oh my god that's so true I'm in one I'm in a
Christmas movie this year what are you I'm in a this movie called the binge to
it's a wonderful binge which is on Hulu right now but it's an adult yes it the
binge one is the binge one is about a world in the future where drinking and
drugs are illegal except for one day where everyone get stoned and drunk
and there's like the purge the binge is like the purge 100% got it so that was
so successful they made a second one but they're like can you make it a
Christmas movie so they just changed the binge to Christmas Eve oh and but I
will say I have a very small part in it it's fun Jordan Vandina directed it who
did the fast nine reading member we did that fast yeah he wrote that so so long
story short the binges on Christmas Eve but Tim Meadows and Caitlyn Olsen are in
this movie and I think it's my favorite Tim Meadows performance I've seen it's
so funny Danny Trejo funny yeah Tim Tim Meadows is great he played with us a
dinosaur and he's just like just no activity with him yeah CBS all access
and he was fantastic and he's just really he's one of my favorite recurring
Brooklyn 99 character oh yeah he's just like he in like he's this low-key solid
in everything he does oh yeah oh yeah incredible and and a great dude oh that's
cool I like that I watched the the Justin Long Christmas movie that's like
R-rated oh which is that Christmas with the Campbell's is what it's called okay
that's an adult one it's an adult when it's basically it's it's it's almost a
spoof okay you know it's almost a spoof of a Hallmark Christmas movie okay it has
all of the tropes and all of the archetypes of one of those movies except
it's an overtly a comedy okay Julia Duffy and George Wendt are the parents
and Justin Long and Alex Moffitt from SNL are the kind of dudes and then
Britney Snow is at the center of it just doing the best like like everybody's
acting like a lunatic and then they cut to her giving like a wait a second what's
going on look she's doing takes that are so funny and so small in the face of
just gigantic nonsense I don't know I not what I was expecting and I was
delighted by oh I'm very excited to see that I will say and we don't get into
R-rated like it is full-blown like you know I saw this poster and it looked to
me like a a straight-up like Hallmark movie so I went and it's like shot like
one it's and everybody's doing performances like they think they're in
one it's very it's it's it's it's not like it's not like bulletproof but it
they do a good job you know they do a good job I think of of sending up those
kind of movies while also doing one okay I'm very excited to watch this and I
will say that I'm in a little bit of a Justin Long renaissance because I mean
you know maybe there's another episode talk about this but Barbarian his
performance I haven't watched it yet yeah wow no I know performance is like I don't
want to like oversell it but I will just say it's a goddamn masterpiece only
because wow he is primarily by himself oh wow and and it is all things it and
I won't say I won't say more than that great great I heard performance is good
and it just like I think what really impressed me was it is very good but
he's also by himself in a majority of the movie huh and it's really fun to watch
him kind of to chip away all right yeah I like it really for that is there any
like like you have a Christmas traditional would you like a movie that
you have one you go to a bunch you know I will watch I'm trying to think I you
know I'm always happy to watch an elf or a love actually or a family stone
these are all Christmas movies that I really like I've never seen family
stone fantastic get involved with family stone all right I'm gonna get to good
ones oh yeah love actually you know I just I really love I also find this time
of year I want to rewatch like winter and holiday episodes of Gilmore girls or
like all of those things that are similarly vibes wise but like for example I
don't watch like Miracle on 34th no or it's a wonderful life I don't I don't
rewatch any of those older Christmas movies but those those newer ones I
for sure do I've been saving Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special because I
want to get a little closer to the holiday to go I want to get there I
want it in there I had a great time I'm very excited for that I will yeah I
was there good no no go ahead I was gonna say do you similarly like are there
any like that you either have had as a tradition from your youth or that you
guys now do with your kids I will say that Home Alone has really risen to the
top oh and die hard and die hard I just watched die hard last night and Home
Alone is a very high on our list I will also say that Christmas vacation is a
lot and my personal favorite which I'm realizing not everyone agrees with me
about and even Bill Murray doesn't agree with me is is scrooged I love
school yeah and that's one I haven't watched in a very long time on June's
recommendation yeah last year I watched Mixed Nuts for the first time the last
just chat that June said in for she gave a very full-throated endorsement of
mixed oh yeah what was your what was your okay I really enjoyed it it wasn't it
was like it's a little rocky at times but I mean great I absolutely adored it
it was and it was it's also like it's a movie having never seen it that is you
know it's it's Lee F. Schreiber it's Steve Barton it's Rita Wilson it's you
know everybody it's oh it's I mean the best the greatest what's your name from
young Frankenstein oh I'm Madeline Conn Madeline Conn like I mean give it to me
forever you know it really has a great cast it's an it's an odd tone that I
feel they do nail but you're right it's a little rocky but then you get invested
in it like Anthony La Poglia is great it's like it is it is odd that it's like
June's favorite one because it doesn't really like I mean I think California
Christmas is a tough thing to do anyway like it's very hard yeah because it
looks like LA story and the only thing that lets you know that it's Christmas is
just like the Santa suit yeah like somebody's wearing a Santa suit and two
people are trying to get a tree yeah like it's it's very not Christmassy in
that way but it is a very fun movie yeah okay well I'm glad they see there we go
so there's more recommendations of that I yeah I love just kind of I mean I also
am in the zone where I will pop on and maybe this is not up your alley but I
will pop on a Melissa Joan Hart like I watched one with her and that the dude
like that that young kid who was like the he was on Blossom the brother of
Joey Lawrence they do a handful of them together and there's one where Joey
Lawrence and his brother we did the Money Plane movie last year they do a
holiday one where she falls in love with both brothers at the same time and they
both invite her home for the holidays and she picks one but then the other one
is like oh that's my brother and there is she doesn't know she's dating brothers
no amazing it's great and there's one moment where they're having a very tense
meal but it's like one of these cheapo movies and they're all eating turkey
subs the entire table is that he subs on plates and it is yeah so I that I will
occasionally dive into a really like not even for the show just like you
finding 12 pups of Christmas oh my god just did which I'm recommending watched
it last year I love it it's yeah those are like those are really fun for me
because it gives me like the spirit of Christmas but it also I get very enjoying
like she did one called a very merry toy store where she runs a toy store she
did one called like dear dear dear Christmas which is a guy named Chris
miss like you know it's like there's so many there's one called broadcasting
Christmas which I think is on my docket for this year I got a lot of yeah she's
like she literally has made a like she has a full lineup of Christmas movies
like that's all it seems did you watch the Lindsay Lohan one no cuz Averill said
it wasn't good enough okay yeah okay but cuz you could it could have been I
saw I don't know I saw the I saw the thumbnail for it the other day on it's
it on Hulu or yeah one of them and I was like oh this looks like something we
would cover immediately by the way I just want to say that one of the movies
she produced Jason is a Mario Lopez movie called Felice Navidad dad Felice
Navidad amazing amazing I want to watch that Felice Navidad I need it I need it
but yeah I think she produces like one or two a year well Jason I know she's
like a different kind of just chat but it was lovely to just chat with you I
love to just chatting all right now that we got 12 pups of Christmas out of the
way let's talk about next week's movie you're gonna want to forget about the
ghosts of Christmas past present and future because this year we are
celebrating the holidays with the ghost in the machine that's right next week
we are watching the 1993 sci-fi thriller ghost in the machine here's a short
breakdown of the plot an electrical surge causes a serial killer soul to end
up in a computer system boom you don't need anything more than that this movie
is rated 11% on rotten tomatoes and Mark Savlov from the Austin Chronicle says
jumbled messy and inconsistent with its in-film logic ghost and machines
Cardinal sin is in its complete lack of backstory to wit who are these people and
why should we care wow I perfect how did this get made review anyway let's
stick a listen to the ghost in the machine trailer from the director of
Freddy's dead you can rent ghost and machine on Amazon
Apple TV or YouTube I encourage you to also check out hoopla or canopy which
are digital media services offered by your local public library that allow you
to borrow movies books audiobooks e-books comics and TV shows on your
computer tablet or phone for free all right that is it please remember to rate
and review the show and if you listen on Apple podcast make sure you are
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much more sign up for such a premium for a free one-month trial use the code
bonkers a big thank you to our producers Scott Sonny Molly Reynolds our movie
picking producer Aval Halle and our publisher July DS and a very extra
special thank you and a bittersweet goodbye to our engineer and friend
Devon Bryant this will sadly be Devon's last recording we gave him a hero send
off in San Francisco but truly the reason why the show sounds so damn good
the live shows especially the remastered drop dead Fred Apple is all because of
Devon Devon really upgraded our game and not only upgraded our game from an
audio level he upgraded our game as just being an amazing collaborator on the
show a person that got what we were doing and always was incredibly additive
we are so sorry to see him go and this is not as sincere as I would be if I was
talking to Devon he knows I feel this way and I spoke to him so much so give
him a lot of love follow him at bafflegabs on Twitter you can also follow
him in painkiller the pigeon on Instagram and you'll see what he is up to
where he's going he's doing some really exciting stuff we ready Devon how you
feeling you're good all right great Devon's in the way back tricky for him
he's recording the show can't see a thing but that's how good he is amazing
producer amazing editor they put him backstage all right doing a blindfold
all right here we go also keep on listening for a special message from
June Diane Rayfield all right that's it people we'll see next week how did this
get made listeners June Diane Rayfield here I have a wild announcement to make
so hold on to your hats folks on February 12th of 2023 the podcast the
deep dive and bitch sesh will be coming together to host a pickleball tournament
you heard that right the gallantines day pickleball tournament will be hosted by
me Jessica Sinclair who I know you all know quite well Casey Wilson fucking
team Saturday I hate even saying that and Danielle Schneider so it is a real
who's who of the podcasting world and we are going to be hosting a wonderful
day a celebration of of pickleball yes of pickleball and friendship on Sunday
February 12th in Los Angeles California if you head to Jane Club comm slash
pickleball you can get your tickets the tickets I'm not gonna lie they're going
fast because they're limited we only have so much space but there's several
tiers of tickets and please know that a portion of each ticket sold will be
donated to play like a girl if you've never heard of play like a girl they
leverage the transferable skills middle school girls gained from sport to give
them a competitive edge in the classroom and ultimately propel them into
competitive male-dominated careers in STEM so it's gonna be all around a
wonderful day head to Jane Club comm slash pickleball for your tickets and
yes at a certain ticket level you can enter a pool to play on a team with me
or Jessica or Danielle or Casey so if you're a husband a partner a boyfriend a
girlfriend and you have someone special in your life who listens to these
podcasts and loves them I think this is a wonderful gift for the holidays so
again Jane Club comm slash pickleball hope to see you there