How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Cellular (w/ Ike Barinholtz & Erin Gibson)
Episode Date: September 11, 2023Ike Barinholtz and Erin Gibson join Paul and Jason to discuss the 2004 thriller Cellular starring Chris Evans, Kim Basinger, and Jason Statham. They talk about William H. Macy’s amazing performance,... Kim Basinger’s character naming her son Ricky Martin, and the makers of the movie not knowing how cellphones work. Plus, everyone has some fun with their new favorite character “Jason Statham Angeleno.” (Originally released 01/17/2019) For more Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/c/PaulScheerGo to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, and more.Follow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I wish we saw a movie about William H. Macy running a day spa, but instead, we saw Cellular,
so you know what that means.
the media criteria for art perhaps you'll find the answer to the question
how did this get made?
Hello people of earth and welcome to
how did this get made?
I'm your host Paul Sheer joined as always
by Jason Manzooka.
How are you Jason?
I'm good Paul.
How are you?
Very good.
Uh,
I
watch this movie didn't care for it.
Really? This wasn't like this is you don't think I mean, watch this movie didn't care for it.
Really?
This wasn't like this is, you don't think this is
like kind of like a successor.
A lost gem?
No, no, it's not.
Once again, you've made me watch something that is like,
something that was lost that deserves to be lost to time.
Oh, no, no, no.
This is like, this is like, eat a dick.
This is like speed.
This is like a better version of speed. This is like, eat a dick. This is like speed. This is like a better version of speed.
It's like, oh my god.
Oh my god.
It's actually how did this get made?
All star kind of day.
We have two returning guests on the show.
I guess I'm so excited to have our first guest,
you know him probably from the Mindy project,
or the hilarious film blockers.
He just wrote, directed, and produced,
and starring in a brand new movie.
It's called The Oath with Tiffany Haddish.
It's right now available on VOD.
Check it out, Mr. Ike Barron, I'll just walk away.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I've not been in it.
What, what, what?
Jason and I went to the night gathering
the drug aloes together last year.
Yeah. We talked to each other, we got to get him And I went to the night gathering the juggalos together last year.
We talked to each other, we got to get him.
We met up on the drug bridge.
My man was sucking down a strawberry fego.
It is asked out.
What?
What?
This is the premiere of this movie.
And I really enjoyed it.
Oh, sorry, did I-
No, go away.
Yeah, you could do take it.
Say something nice about the movie interrupted. Go ahead.
Oh, sorry.
I was at the premiere of this movie, Ike.
And it was great.
And you spoke very eloquently and passionately.
And the movie was fucking fantastic.
I talked good about the movie.
See you good, good time movie.
Ike.
Um.
Ha ha ha.
The movie is great.
I also saw it.
And it's, I think what I love about the movie is how funny it is,
but then it also is a very tense movie. You do a great job of bouncing comedy and tension really well.
First of all, thank you guys. It's basically like if Twitter were a movie where you look at a tweet
where it's like, is there a tweet of like a pig wearing a diaper?
And it was like, look at diaper pig.
Dipper pig's amazing.
I love him.
And then the next tweet is like,
I don't know, children being separated from the parents,
you start crying, you're scared.
That's what isly what I wanted to make.
Is diaper pig a real thing?
He is, he is real at UTA.
Wow.
And he does a bunch of different stuff.
He's a writer though.
That's why I think why they were like.
He was a YouTube celeb.
Oh, that's so cool.
He was part of Logan Paul's crew.
Oh, yeah.
He was a Jimmy Pauler.
He was hilarious.
So he's hilarious and a good person.
Oh, that's great.
We also have another special co-host joining us today.
She's also been on the pod.
She has her own amazing podcast called Throwing Shade
and a fantastic book which I read and love
that's called Feminasty.
Please welcome Aaron Gibson.
Hi y'all.
What a real, what a real third movie this was.
Yeah.
This, this is made you watch this.
I watched it last night after, well,
I'm kind of nervous about the election.
So I've been drinking almost a full bottle of wine every year.
Sure, of course.
So this was post bottle of wine,
I have to say, this is the way to do it.
I, you guys, you guys have me on this podcast
for my hot takes, right?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, yeah.
And your hot looks.
Thank you.
Here's my hot take.
This movie wasn't that bad.
Ooh.
In fact, I listened to, I listened to, I listened to, almost every episode of this
podcast, a long time listener, second time guest, like Baron Holtz. I think I know how this
got made. I don't know if that's happened before. I think I know how it got made.
Here's the thing, I agree with you. I think it exists as a film.
Like you can get, like,
you under a decent story.
Great actors in every time a new scene started.
I'm like, no, Emory, the guy from America,
I'm in.
He's a, and again, this is a young Chris Evans
who is playing like a real surfer dude.
It actually made me appreciate his body
for Captain America because I was like, whoa, but even in this where he's actually made me appreciate his body for Captain America. Because I was like, whoa, what?
What?
But his, even in this where he's much skinnier, his body's freaking dope.
Yeah, he was, he's like a straight up hunk.
He's a hunk.
He's a hunk and a half.
Um, but it's right, but they got him right between, uh, Johnny Flame.
Yes, fantastic.
Fantastic.
And, and Captain America, they got him in that, that, that spot, right?
His, his, his, his whole thing is he's an approachable hunk.
Like you don't think he's gonna like
put a date rape drug in the dark.
No, he's very charming.
Yeah, and he's a hunk that you like went to school with.
Like he's like the hunkiest guy in like regular high school.
But he's not like from another world hunkie.
Yeah, he's also like light on his feet and kind of nimble in some of the scenes. I mean, they were the character, it's not like from another world hunky. Yeah. He's also like light on his feet
and kind of nimble in some of the scenes.
I mean, the character, it's not like a great character.
It's just like this like surfer fuckboy.
Yeah, but everyone in this movie is doing their best job.
I mean, at doing this real shit ball screen.
Well, I will say this.
I'm not suggesting this is like Godfather Part 2, right?
You're not. I'm not. I want to be on the road. right? You're not. It's a, I'm not, I wanna be on the road.
Okay, God.
It's not a good movie, but it's not like so bad,
although the cold open was not,
it left me feeling cold.
Yeah, I'm like, this is not graphing me.
It looks like a Zales commercial or something.
I was like, at least, I was happy at least
that they started hard.
Like immediately She is grabbed
Taken thrown into a room sledgehamers the foes housekeeper murder house
Immediate and we fucking dark unanswered for that goes unanswered. Yeah, that woman just disappears
Yeah, she didn't even look like they cleaned her like they definitely cleaned her up in the house because she's not there when William H
Macy comes in later probably because they didn't want to pay they cleaned her, they definitely cleaned her up in the house because she's not there when William H. Macy comes in later,
probably because they didn't want to pay her
more than one day to work out.
I agree with Paul what you said in the beginning.
I wrote in my notes too.
I would have rather this was a procedural
starring William H. Macy,
but unfortunately this is one of those movies
that I feel like Hollywood decides they need to make
every 10 years, which is what if the whole movie
is a phone call?
Got, yeah. And it was written by whole movie is a phone call? Got you.
And it was written by the guy who wrote phone booths.
Right.
No, it was.
Yes, it was.
It was the same guy.
Oh my God.
He basically thought while he was trying to get phone booth made, he's like, you know what?
Why don't I do another one, which will be like kind of the book end to it?
Like, there's one where he's trapped on the phone.
He can't leave. This one, one where he's trapped on the phone. He can't leave.
This one, he can travel all over on the phone.
And all of his friends are like,
you just made the same movie.
Well, I mean, he had all started in 1997 with Beeper.
It's like, he just keeps on seeing 911 and help
reaching upside down.
I gotta find a paper.
It's like, I can call this in.
It is funny though, for a movie called Cellular,
written by a man who clearly is into phones.
It really, they don't understand
how cellular phones work.
Yes.
No, I mean, there's one point where the cellular
called jumps to another phone and is the craziest
in a movie.
It defies all fiber optic cellular cell tower logic.
It's madness.
Basically just to give you the idea of what the movie is
If you've not seen it
Chris Evans surfer bro gets a phone call from kidnap Kim basinger
Saying you got to help me. He's she's taken a smashed rotary dial telephone and is just like knocking wires together
Two style. Yeah, I like this I mean, like, get a connection.
She is literally a science teacher in this film.
And that makes her...
Sorry, Paul, she is a biologist.
A scientist biologist or something?
Okay, hold on, I wrote a text.
She had a very, a general title that allowed her to be good.
She's like a high school teacher, right?
Right.
Because she knows the human body,
he knows how to put together phones.
She's a very smart person,
but when it comes to descriptions, terrible.
She, they go, what does he look like?
And she just describes what he's wearing.
Yeah.
She said she's a science biology teacher.
Science biology teacher.
So that means that she can put together a phone
like someone's hot wiring a car, two wires like,
tt, tt, tt, tt, tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt t She always starts with the pants. Yeah, she's like a dark jeans.
Yeah, dark jeans,
two pockets in the back, slightly apple bottom.
Probably Jake proves maybe the gap.
You know what she never mentions as a descriptor for this Los Angeles police detective, British.
Yeah, yeah, the police very clearly.
If I was her, they'd be like, who was it? Okay, bald man came in, he clearly is from England, but he was her they'd be like who was it okay?
Bald man came in he clearly streaming glim but he was trying to pretend he was
Schmele and he's actually one of the cops on our force. Jason Statham I guess
the director who said at one point like you know in this take just do some
fun kind of you know scare Kim a little bit and it was an improvised take when
he took out his belt and strangled her with his belt.
And that's not okay.
It's not acceptable.
Not at all acceptable.
And it was the only,
they only did it once and that's a take that's in the movie.
But to think about Kim basing her,
like she doesn't react in a way that's like,
if I was an actor,
I'd send someone took a belt around my neck.
I would be like,
oh, no, no, no, no, everybody.
I'll just, she's number one on that call sheet.
Yeah, and she took it,
but I just love that that's where Jason Steve's mind was.
I don't take off my belt and strangle over my belt.
It's a belter to this post.
I was like,
I'm in a sense.
Yeah, he also has to keep holding it behind the post.
Yeah.
So like it's a physically puts things
into the world way to strengthen someone.
I like he ties her up with it.
That would make sense.
Okay, I'll use my belt to restrain you over here
and while I'm like monologuing or whatever.
But no, he's just kind of having to actively hold her
with the belt while he's saying, where is he?
Where is he?
I sort of appreciate it now on hindsight
that we're talking about it because there were moments
when she first gets into this like whatever $4 million tear down that they're keeping her in.
Where she's like, it's a really nice house.
It's really awesome.
There would not be a spare bedroom in any house like that in LA now.
We'd be in Airbnb.
Yeah.
And by the way, the addict totally empty that addict is empty except for the phone.
That was that was my favorite thing.
Oh yeah, we all have an addict phone. I get to call my phone.
I get to call the attic.
But when they first throw her in there,
it's almost like she doesn't care.
Yeah.
I didn't feel like she was worried at all
or she was just like,
no, I'm an attic.
She kind of makes herself at home very quickly.
How did this go?
How did this go?
I was obsessed with Jason State.
I'm a legit Jason State fan of the same, right?
But the accent was so crazy.
It was just like, I kept doing this bit to my well,
first of all, my wife was, we don't get to watch a lot
of movies anymore.
We have little kids traveling.
And I was like, hey, we're gonna watch a movie tonight.
She's like, oh, great.
I wanna see the Mr. Rogers movie.
Is this where you're announcing your divorce?
How about cellular?
She goes, what?
You sure?
The 2004 classic?
She was like, why?
I go, oh, because Paul and June Jason are doing a podcast.
She's like, well, can you watch that on your own time?
I go, no, we have to watch it now.
So anyways, I kept doing this bit because Statham's accent is so bad.
He's like, yeah, from LA.
I was born in LA.
I went to Crossroads, didn't I? doing this bit because Statham's accent is so bad. He's like, yeah, from LA, I was born in LA.
I went to Crossroads, didn't I?
I got a girl, I'm going to the Clippers game.
Life long season ticket.
Hold down.
I'll see you at Langer's mother, fuck up.
No!
No!
It's so funny because we talk about this all the time.
Like, you get these bad guys that are,
or good guys like Schwarzenegger,
that have these defined accents that you have to acknowledge.
Wait, so he's an LA police officer.
It's one line.
It's one line.
Well, when I moved here from England when I was 18,
I didn't like it.
Now I love it because I'm a cop.
Instead it's like, sorry, I'm late.
I was on the 405.
I got off at Centinilla and there was a lot of chat swear to me.
Was it trying to hide it?
He was trying to.
No, I can't.
He can't and it's just sort of a muted stave.
I feel like he's got more bite when he's doing his full on British accent.
Here he just seems a little bit more muted.
You meet me at Pete's coffee on Lodgemont tomorrow on my fucka.
I'm the one who keeps coffee bean is better than Starbucks.
It's definitely the powder that you use a malt and it don't day.
But I also feel like that's why he was so angry.
That's why he's whipping up the belt.
That's why he's using a sledgehammer to bash a phone.
By the way, he takes a sledgehammer to like a beam that clearly like a load bearing beam.
I love bearing beam.
I'm like middle of the room.
It's the only beam in the middle of the room.
I would love it if he hit that thing,
the roof caved in and credits rolled.
And the movie was literally over.
So would my wife.
This movie is also a movie where I realize and watching it,
where no one is really doing scenes with anybody else.
Everyone's talking to someone.
Yeah, it's like everyone's just doing a day.
It's like, you can hear like the scripty off camera just going,
no, I need to get there now.
The script supervisor was working overtime.
Also, why is there so much dialogue where someone has to describe
to Kim Bessinger what just happened that we just saw?
Yes, his movie is just explaining exactly what we just saw.
Also, also also hey great
Combations you got an outside line someone's trying to help you you don't have to talk the whole she's talking at full voice
Yeah, there was a lot of four three to four bad guys in the house. She's talking like what's going on now Ryan?
Describe him to me. Where are you Ryan Ryan?
And you like like what's going on now Ryan describe him to me where are you Ryan Ryan Ryan and you're like lady you're supposed to be alone in the attic whisper can we
talk about the worst joke of the whole thing please which is when she tells
him Chris Evans what her son's name is oh yes I have I have a little clip of you want to hear it real quick.
Here we go.
Okay, which is the name?
Ricky.
Ricky what?
Ricky Martin.
Ricky Martin.
You mean your child Ricky Martin?
He was before this.
Whatever, whatever, what does he look like?
He's 11 years old.
Blonde hair.
He's really small for his age.
Ricky Martin! Was that the bell?
Ricky, hurry, hurry, how good are the pants?
Of course, it's the bell, the eating.
It's a legit good joke.
I'm not gonna, like, it's a legit joke,
like she said, that was before the song came out.
If that was, that's not a joke,
it was in Talladegan Night's,
it would be a good fight.
I need the music to drop out for just a second.
Like, I need it to drop out for just a second.
Like I needed the drop all the premise of the movie
and just do that joke full out.
But that to me is like, if you were to really pinpoint the problem with the movie,
it's two different films.
Because that movie is like intense music, Ricky Martin.
And you're hearing, like,
I mean they're just doing jokes about Ricky Martin.
Even the one in the first scene is so terrifying,
they're killing a,
yeah, the Tastic Worker.
And then it cuts to Chris Evans' intro,
and it's like a Mountain Dew Code Red ad,
where it's like really bad, like,
boom, boom.
And he's with his buddy,
he's with his buddy,
who is Eric Christian Olson.
Olson, who they make out to be a super purve,
he is videotaping on his phone like,
girls' asses.
And then refers to one woman as just nipples.
Which was her name in the casting call in the script?
Hold on, real quick.
I'm gonna just, you're the PC police.
Whatever Christian name was nipples.
And it was like, her name is like Lisa nipples, okay guys.
And not everything. I, I, I Nipples, okay guys, and not everything.
I, I, I, I only think the only thing
that I will take back on it, it was like,
I'm like, he's creepy, but is it less, well, no,
it's, I was gonna say, it's credibly creepy
that he calls it to her, to her face.
And behind his back.
What's up, sheer?
And then I say like, I, so sheer there today,
I'll see David later on.
So I don't know, I think it's her last name.
I feel like here's the thing.
I believe in their future together as a couple.
So I feel like it's gonna be part of their playful
nicknames for each other.
And on the altar, he's gonna say,
nipples.
When we first met,
that audience is gonna know you were the one.
There were three female characters in this movie.
One of them is a nameless Jessica Beale.
Yes, yes. I don't
know Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Nipples. And then K
messenger who's referred to as bitch more times than her real name. Yeah.
The bitch has more kick in her. He does call her as bitch a lot.
She can call the bitch twice in like the span of 10 seconds
by a guy she murders.
She doesn't even have an hour at the end.
But there was a really like,
I was like, there was a moment when she's killing
the main bad guy in the car at the end
with her in her handcuffs and the husband's back.
He's like, don't look, don't look.
I was like, you felt like she was like,
she finally, enough is enough, really.
She was a bad ass though, because like when she slices, I can't help it enough, really. She was a bad asshole,
because when she slices the guy in the one-
That was a great, that was a great move.
She kills two people.
She, Kim Basinger takes two lives in this movie.
She claims two human souls from-
And Chris Evans no lives.
Chris Evans no lives.
No, Chris Evans is responsible
for dozens of civilian deaths. Yeah, multiple car pile-ups like a car
Explodes because he leaves it in the middle of the street to be on a
Highway pile-up so like at least 12 people are dead. I will say it like I thought the car scenes were legitimately well-directed
Well-shot. Yes, I was like, wow, they were kind of cool.
I don't know, the time when they started using those weird,
or not weird, but the cameras that faced the driver
that were on the hood.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
That was like the beginning of that.
Well, just to, you know, the reason why I think it was directed
so well was the director is like a stuntman.
So basically, it's like 77 stunt credits going back to 1976
and also has directed like sinks on the plane
final destination, Shark Night 3D.
But the part of the script was written by
the Fast and Furious guy Chris Morgan, he wrote.
Yeah, so this is kind of like his entry point
into that kind of world.
They did a good job of making LA traffic
one of the best villains.
Oh yeah.
I love LA traffic and random LA street construction.
I do love a movie where you're running through LA.
I'm like, oh, that school that he goes to,
that's by my house.
I was like, I know that school.
That's perfect.
Oh, by the way.
LA Center Studios.
Yeah, LA Center, shout out to John Anis.
He's the security guard at school.
Who has a gun?
He has a fucking gun.
And this is a commentary school.
And it's like a very private elementary school.
And then oddly, his car is parked outside,
but yet he was patrolling the hallways.
Didn't look like he was coming in to get Chris Evans.
Hey, can I make a statement of fact?
Sure.
The movie gets 54% better the second William H. Macy shows up.
Oh, great.
William H. Macy is,
mwah.
He is so fucking good in this movie.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, like not a bad moment for this.
I mean, this is the first time we hear him
and I just will play this clip too,
because this is a great,
this is how you're introduced to him.
I'm gonna come and have been for 27 years.
So let's just cut the bullshit out because I've heard it all. is a refund.
That line could be for my knowledge.
Oh, yeah.
No, he, and that's what I kind of love about this movie
is that like Noah Emmerick, like I mentioned,
he's in it too and they're great together.
Like, I don't even, I feel like they're all just
playing different movies.
Like they're like, there's a movie where it's like,
way of HFACI is the, I just need to retire
and open my day's spot, but he's also doing comedy when he's getting like the green face mask.
hilarious hilarious comedy.
He's I liked the idea of like a cop a procedural where the cop is just kind of,
he's not a super bad ass.
No.
He's just kind of like going about his day, doing his thing, getting ready to retire.
Yeah.
And then just kind of has a like a nagging feeling about this one.
I want that movie.
I want to follow him on the phone.
When I used to live in an apartment in Hollywood
and...
Bragg.
Whatever, a big deal.
I'll tell you the street.
How many bedrooms is that thing?
Two, baby.
How many bedrooms?
How many bedrooms?
It's an office one and a half.
What about a path?
Will you be crazy?
Owned the building across the street.
And he would come by and like inspect it
while they were building.
And every time he came by, it would derail my writing
because I'd be with Dave Stassen writing.
And then for the next three hours,
we would just talk like, well, Yamage Macy's, yeah, no!
This is my deal!
No, no, no!
Shut, shut, like for hours!
That's my William H. Macy story.
Did you ever go out and talk to him?
No, no, no, I don't want to bother the man.
He's a busy man. Macy story. Did you ever go out and talk to him? No, no, no, I don't want to bother the man. He's a busy man.
I was a loser.
He's outside.
He clearly wants to be spoken.
He does.
This is false true.
William H. Macy, just like I feel like you believe everything.
Someone was talking to me last night.
They're like, it's so you can, you know, you're watching a good or bad movie when you
believe the cop in the movie.
And I believe William H. Macy as this cop,
one million percent.
One million percent.
Yes.
I wanted so much more of him.
He was so good.
Every scene he was in was funny and cool.
And look at Emoryk as well.
Yeah, no Emoryk.
No Emoryk.
They're kind of banter back and forth in the precinct.
I was like, yes, I would like this cop movie,
not the Jason Statham and his rogue's gallery
of bad guys cops.
That precinct scene was crazy.
Remember the gang fight?
The gang fight breaks out.
And then Chris Evans can't bring the phone upstairs
because he might lose signal,
but that's not how it works again.
But it's so odd, it's in this time where,
this is the time when they were making movies
when technology's kind of on the costumes.
It's like, how does the internet work?
What is cracking?
What is cell phones?
When they're doing that thing about,
wow, the cell phone could take video.
They show this Nokia that there's no way.
You were playing that snake on that.
It's like Tetra.
Yeah, there's no way that you're getting crystal clear
of TV level video, but that was like the future that they predicted
But then when he goes into a tunnel is like oh
But yet he like makes a real big turn into the tunnel like yeah, I'm not necessarily a big turn
Also this movie would have been five minutes long if people just believed women
No, I mean everyone is
Okay, oh yeah, oh you're a lady. You mean kidnap
All my friends pranking me with their kid. I mean that's the thing is like why are you like?
Why would that be the first go-to like oh?
Yeah, you got me again. Hey Jerry get this. He says a woman's been
Hey, Jerry get this he says a woman's been kidnapped
Get out of here. Yeah go upstairs to the robbery department like he's so cavalier about it like and like I've also been to a police Precinct they did just said you wander around like no, yeah, why you just make your way make your way up there, but and then other weird
Moment of that guy he being be like are you a homicide detective? No, I'm a victim. Yeah
be like, are you a homicide detective? No, I'm a victim.
Yeah.
Okay.
The idea?
Yeah, that's it.
He's just wandering in the precinct,
and while nobody is, is he,
in the police precinct when the fight breaks out
on the first floor,
every available policeman goes to that fight.
And he's like, what, what happened?
I was following a report.
But that's, this is a comment,
like these comedy pops,
which I go back and forth between loving and hating.
I kind of love the lawyer who was so aggressive.
I hated him at first, but then in the end I was like,
I love this man.
I mean he's just working, he's just pitching a million jokes.
He's throwing a lot of shit at the wall
and some of it's sticking.
I gotta tell you it is, I'm like, all right, I'm down.
He's just at one point to Sherry Shepard,
he's like, Sherry Shepard's running the deep,
like the infanity, yeah. And he's like, I got a well, a Sherry Shepherd's running the deep, like the infanity. Yeah.
And he's like, I got a car jack.
That's when a jack off takes your car.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
And his license plate is like, I will sue you.
And I loved that he's talking to his mom about how he got the Porsche.
The partners gave him a Porsche and it goes zero to 60
and whatever, three seconds, and it drops the panties
in like four seconds. And then he's like, okay
He goes, okay, mom, I got to call you back. That's good. I think that is good
That was the best trick for me in the movie. The joke that I liked was I was like I get that guy
I also talked to my mom about like getting that push also everyone knows girls love nothing more than a car
I'm about like getting that pus also everyone knows girls left nothing more than a car
For like obsessed with cars. Oh, yeah, but wait. I didn't even think it was that like cool of a car It's like a bluish
Like the port yeah, and there were so many porches in this movie. Yeah, I love
Like that poor so much. He had to go steal it back
He steal the car
It's like what a crazy plot to us.
Now you gotta go to the end.
To steal it so you can get the cell phone?
Yeah, all because he sees a tow truck with the,
and he, it's so crazy.
He's not black back back back.
He has to back it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remember, remember, remember,
he is on the phone with Kim base, your life and death.
Somehow, it's very rare, but the lines did get crossed.
Literally crossed.
Literally crossed, like they're on a switchboard
in 19th of like it's fucking Lily Tomlin pulling shit, okay.
And he's like, I'll have Chelsea 4 or 5, now I'm pleased.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
And the lawyer is so ear to his, hey,
get the fuck off my life.
I'm talking to my fucking mom about pussy over here.
Hey guys, wait, okay, so let's just say
the lines do get crossed, okay.
He drives past this lawyer,
and by telling he's on the scene, he's on the phone,
he can tell that that is the person
whose lines he's crossed with, the odds are in the trillium,
I mean, for as long, no, there's no odds,
the odds are zero, it's impossible.
But if it was, the fact that you would drive past this,
every movie gets one miracle, this is like. It's impossible. But if it was, the fact that you would drive past this, every movie gets one miracle.
This is like, it's impossible.
It, for a movie that should make a lot of sense,
it doesn't make a lot of sense.
It should be a very clean story.
Yes, but it doesn't.
No, because no one is telling anyone where to go,
what to do, like the cops are doing,
no one is doing their job well.
So you have to like, like, well, the cops didn't work,
so now you get back in a car.
I gotta find a place.
Like go to another police precinct.
Stop a cop anywhere.
Anywhere.
Anywhere.
There are so many opportunities to intercede
in this life or death situation.
And instead, Chris Evans commits multiple crimes,
points at gun at people, steals cars, causes huge car pileups.
He is actually terrible at this.
He's having a crime spree and there's a certain point where they say, we need to bring
him along because he will recognize him.
Like, oh, just put on the TV because he's already been like all over the news.
Well, this Macy just recognized him on television.
Yes, I saw him on the news.
Yeah, there's plenty of footage of this guy
who was a straight up villain
and then they had to do a thing,
at least the news media would assume he's a villain
and they had to have like this, like, report a go,
but he seemed to be doing something good.
Like, it was like- He paid for his charger.
Oh, yeah.
He paid for the charger,
which you don't really even see in that scene
when he goes into the TV cellular fucking store sketch.
Tell you about that.
I think I saw me in Frank Hallien knowing the backroom.
It's so crazy.
He walks into the store.
It's so crowded.
And then he goes, the only thing I can do to get this thing is bring him my gun and threaten
everyone in the story
He he also shoots a thing on a post rather yes rather than
Perfect grab a grab one and run out rather than steal he goes he gets a gun
He shoots the gun at the take a number counter thing. Yeah, which means a bullet is being fired at like chest level in
Store yeah, then he pays for it for a man who's never shot a gun which means a bullet is being fired at like chest level in the store. And a crowd is sore.
Yeah.
Then he pays for it.
For a man who's never shot a gun.
I mean, that's the other thing, dude.
It's a bullet truck.
Bro $20 on the counter, take the thing and walk out.
That's it.
Is it even his phone?
Isn't it his friend's phone?
It's his friend's phone.
Oh, no, I think it's his phone that his friend was in.
Oh yeah, it's really worth it.
At the tech knowledge.
By the way, why didn't Eric Christian Olsen come in at the end?
I felt like that would have been a great, like, little dress
as the fucking way of the way of the way of the way of the way.
Heal the bay.
And that's always a good move that girls appreciate.
When you dressed as a blue whale and you tell them how
blue whale has an 11 foot penis.
That's how I met my wife.
Oh, I like it when a dick goes right through my mouth.
I like to blow a dick goes right through my mouth.
I like to blow a guy two rooms over.
I think the women are turned down by a man and a big mask got costumated. Oh, this guy's going somewhere.
Oh, yeah, well, we know because the Philly Phanatic is
dripping in a pussy. Hey, I say my two favorite cameos,
not cameos, but just small parts.
One is Mikey Palmesee from the sopranos.
Oh, wait, he was, fuck, I can't remember,
I was really stoned when I watched this.
He was in it, but at the end,
that fan, what, that fan is in there.
He was the caricature.
He's the caricature.
What?
Yeah, that's like that.
He's in it like four times.
Yes.
Dad fan, the original winner of like,
last comic, last comic standing,
Contra Real Estate Choice for him to win
because there was a lot of ways.
He funny, is he not?
I didn't realize that that was dad fan.
His name is dad fan.
Oh wow.
And that phone call was also so crazy
because he picks up a pay phone as if someone forced
him to pick up the pay phone.
He's doing caricatures and he's like, I'm losing money.
I'm losing money now.
No one made you go over to the pay phone.
There is.
There is more.
I'm on this phone call.
It's one kid that is not being drawn on a skateboard.
There is no need.
There is no need.
Attention paid. that is not being drawn on a skateboard. They're even understand. They're attention paid to dad fans, caricatureist career on the boardwalk in Venice, then William
H. Macy's Day Spa plans and go into retirement.
There's something that really, truly bothered me so deeply in this movie.
And it's when Chris Evans is running away from somebody and they started playing a Nina Simone song.
Yeah.
And I thought, I can't believe they have the gall to put this song in here and then I realized
it was a soul cycle remix.
Yes.
And then I was like, well, now it makes sense.
They did some of how made this amazing song.
Bull, bull, so should it.
Bull choice to take the song that ends famously the Thomas Crown affair.
That's like very, I think, a famous scene from a big movie.
It's like, we're just kind of fucking doing remax.
Oh, yeah.
And last interesting.
I mean, that's what I think this movie is.
That's what this movie is.
Yeah, this movie is.
Let's take a bunch of good things and make them sh**tier.
Yeah.
I was just kidding.
There was a line that I really liked and I don't remember the full line
But like Jason Statham gives like Kim basing her couple choices and a was shut up
Shut up keep your mouth shut just like Fernanda valence way laughter
He left the dodges and gave a shitty interview to build plan in LA times
Which I read every week just for and gave a shitty interview to Bill Platt in the LA Times, which I fucking subscribe to,
which I read every week just for Jonathan Gold's review.
He's a sangabriel valley,
Chinese restaurant.
He's amazing,
he's an eating sum is my favorite thing.
There was a thing going for a hike in Griffith Park,
I am.
We're going to Chang-Doo Palace afterwards.
You're gonna love it.
They got fucking lobsters right under tank.
Oh, did you guys?
Wonder what was gonna happen.
What was gonna happen?
Jason stayed them in Jolino.
I remember when Maroon 5 was called Katie's Flowers,
and they were just abandoned high school.
Let's finish this up. I got to and they were just a band in high school. Let's finish yourself
I got to see dank cook to a set at Dublin tonight fucking rock story is
Do you guys like with with his character?
I was surprised I thought they were gonna maybe go for the fact that Kim Basinger was gonna be the bad
Person or she knew more than she was letting on
Right, and then I was what is it? What is it?
And then she didn't and then I thought oh her husband's gonna be really bad
Yeah, and he isn't he was just filming a home you might buy
He's a real estate agent who is like oh, I like who does my favorite thing like he basically catches cops on camera
Killing somebody In broad fucking daily.
Broad daily.
And not even hidden.
Like, so he's out in front of LA Center Studios, which is a place where people shoot things
down here.
And he-
And the movie drive, famously.
And every season of 24, inception as well.
And he has a camera and he goes, hi, this is Bill Peters here.
Are you narrating it?
But he introduces himself.
This is Ricky Martin, senior. and he goes, hi, this is Bill Peters here. Are you like narrating it, but he introduces himself.
This is Ricky Martin Senior.
And this is a beautiful apartment building.
I would love it if his name was Ricky Martin Senior.
That would have been such a hell.
Oh, he's so weird in his own video.
That would be amazing.
This is Ricky Martin Senior for for Ricky Martin, senior.
We got you Ricky Martin's on the beach out here.
What, take a shot, take a shot.
It's a fully operational like class C building.
Oh, it's a big, it's a big, big building,
and he's taping it, and then he just kind of hear something.
And the camera pans, I would say, five feet to the right.
They're next, they're in front of the building.
He's looking at the beautiful building.
They're in a bunch of Latino men in broad daylight.
They're in the lobby of a building.
And by the way, how many fucking cops are there?
It was like nine cops.
They're all forced.
Yes, it was everybody.
It was like, you know what they were like?
They were like, you know what?
The shield is good.
But what if there were twice as many people?
And some of them were from England.
What's the implication that they were taking their drugs
and their money?
Yes, yes, yes.
Because they did put a big devil bag in the car,
but it was hilarious because I think what you could have done
is kept the twist that Noah Emmerick was bad until the end,
but he's there too.
Yeah, he's like, yeah, yeah.
But everyone's there.
That should've been the last thing,
is him being like, no, no one will know.
I'm Noah Emmerick, and then no, it's like he's just there. That should've been the last thing as him being like, no, no one will know. I'm Noah Emmerick and then no,
it's like he's just there.
And then why did they even put that one cop
in Kim Basinger's house, like the Lady Cop?
Yeah, why was the Lady Cop in the house?
Do you see like, what did she need to do?
I assume in case the husband came back
or somebody came nosing around her under her.
But she did hit the answering machine.
Yeah, the answering machine was, the answering machine was part of that.
You know, I feel like they had her there just to see.
But also didn't Kim say, Kim, we're on first name basis.
Yeah.
Didn't KB say something at some point where she said, someone's going to call the cops
because I didn't show up for work.
Yes.
Yes.
Never looked into it.
Never looked into it. Never looked into it.
Apparently everybody had a substitute science teacher that day.
Well, I mean, she didn't seem like she was even going to school.
She was like, Mrs. Ricky Martin hasn't showed up today.
Oh, is she on tour with the Ricky Martin?
Which one is teachers?
It's just savagely mocking her.
Which one is Ricky Martin?
No, he's not the Lord of the Rings backpack. Which clearly this movie was produced by the same people who made Lord the
Like cinema yeah, you like it because it wasn't even a cool Lord of the Rings backpack
It was just like the logo on a backpack like no cube would be like attracted to the logo of Lord of the
Imagine like the production coordinator call or like whoever called yeah, studio. It's like hey
Can we get one with Gandalf on it? Yeah, yeah?
They're like no and they're like well how Gandalf on it? And they're like, no.
And they're like, well, how about one with Sam?
And they're like, fuck, no, to get the generic logo
or fuck off.
You know what I mean?
We read your script.
You only get the logo.
You get the logo, that's it.
This came out in 2004.
I wonder if Lord of the Rings was even in production.
They maybe just had the logo at that point.
They're like, we gotta see this in.
First one already had come out.
It might have, yeah. They also had a weird amount of office depot
Product placement at the beginning. I don't know if you remember see
Which he was like trying to say like can you help me with he's like I'll do anything
Well, how about you pass out these flyers?
Right right it was in a massive office depot box and then on top of it she said I got these made it office depot
Yeah, and she says like, she goes like those shirts are sitting at office Depot.
I don't even know that office Depot made the one.
The one I'm parking and back, it's actually easy.
And just, yeah, that's it.
I mean, that's, yeah, I always go there.
Lots of tender greens if you get hungry.
Which, it's exactly what Jason Statham would know.
It was like, whatever I'm at the Ork like, having a movie, I'll go to a me but but first I'll get a little bit of
I love to get old David Jason's criteria collections of the e-peas
I remember when there used to be a boarders bookstore across the street. I'm gonna try to watch
I'll just do mommy burger 10 you guys get to go to ground wicks get me coffee
What's all this you mommy burger then?
Oh, I love madem too, so's right then.
What I do is I got map two shows.
Rip, please have a cocktail, mousse on Frank's and then I'll stop it and warm me burger.
Oh, for me.
This guy's chicken from the moment.
Jan Tanners.
Oh, school Los Angeles.
First we'll stop at the taco, truck my it's over by that CVS in Echo Ball. Her Dimitri's leaving sunset browser. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh my god, where he would die instantly into a soft pile of garbage.
Yeah, there's never been soft garbage by the way.
There's a hard stuff always in the
you know, by the way, that was like it was a garbage can full of blankets.
Okay, and like discarded carpet.
It was so weird.
It was like, why is there so much?
It's like a cotton candy house.
Yeah.
Like kid rate. My kids have been in the
corner bounce castles than that.
Oh my God.
That was a crazy.
A crazy one, but he went down.
It was fun.
Oh, I would definitely do it.
But then he went down there to examine
the phone, which fell off the 15th.
He's like, ah, yeah, it is broken.
No shit, man.
It's a lot of pieces.
You need to run, man.
It is is broken. No shit man. It's a lot of pieces. You need to run, man.
It is indeed broken.
He looks at the motherboard like as if maybe it still works.
He looks at it like he looks at it like.
Like he's gonna say like hello into it.
According to the logic of the movie, he could make it.
He didn't try hard enough to make that work.
He could just take two other pieces and knock them together. And theoretically it'll start working again. Another cameo I noticed. The bank teller.
Oh who's the bank teller? She's the woman from Total Recall who goes two weeks. Oh my god.
This is a cast of thousands. Also was there a woman in a car playing loud music that was also the lady from something
about Mary?
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
By the way, that was another great moment where her music is so loud that it's coming
through his cell phone.
It's crazy.
I'm telling you, the guy who wrote the movie cellular didn't, just a quick Google search on
cellular and how it works and what it means.
And like when he was trying desperately to find find the mute button like you could see him opening
up multiple screens to find the mute button that really pleased me i like that a
lot there was a what did i write that oh when we get to the uh... when we get to
the end
and like everyone's on the pier
but i want to make a call out to our our amazing listeners uh... you did it for
us from uh... for escape from l.a. you actually mapped out on google maps
what how long it take to get around because this movie they are there at l.a.a.
x-t and they're running the beach there everywhere this is a very
they park and they're always able to park right next to
wherever they're going right in front of and the car is waiting for them when they get out.
There's not a police officer screaming at them immediately.
I have been to the Santa Monica pier 10 times.
I have parked no closer than two miles.
Oh, you can't.
You get some parking.
You just can leave it seven in the morning to get down there.
What I do is I park it to Femont and then I get validated at Shokies.
Oh, you've got to do is buy free things. I buy a pack of gum, a pint.
You always want a pint lady and of course I need my fish tacos.
He loves fish tacos.
Not as good as Jones Beach, but out to.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
May and the fam are going up to Dana point this week.
Go, Dodges.
Um, the newscasters at one point.
So, I'll get a Dodger dog.
What are the newscasters?
I saw bloody Larry King there last week.
I said, how are you, mate?
The best, the best bagels in LA. I've definitely Brooklyn water bagels, Larry King, part owner.
That's crazy, I'm actually bagel broke a guy.
I'll get there early, if you don't have to eat, don't bother.
Fuck it.
I bought a place in that one, It tripled its price in three years.
I'm sleeping houses in glass-held park.
Iron-pawks in New York's spot.
Have you been to triple beam pizza?
Oh, it's the all the way, baby.
Not to bullshit one on vine.
Yeah, yeah.
The old school wanted, oh, by the cemetery.
Yeah, well, I bring my kids and get the head cut
to the little munchkins.
We're just naming things I do in our lives.
There's a newscaster at one point also said this,
and I didn't know if this is, I'm not an LA person,
but I've never heard this term.
It was a gangland slam, which I didn't know,
like, it's not like an order at Denny's.
Like, well, like, it was like, is that like,
there's so much gangland violence that they have, like, this is named, it's not like an order at Denny's. Like, is that like, is that like,
there's so much ganglion of violence that they have,
this is name, it's a ganglion slam.
Like, I don't know even what that is trying to tell me.
It's also strange to put this like, really dark,
LA confidential style, B story or whatever of cops,
murdering and stealing from gangs and gangs
getting almost the blame for it and then ignore it completely.
Yeah, no, it's that's that's the least interesting part in this movie then this movie the most interesting part is
cellular phones
Driving and
more more more more more joke yelling at another person for being on their self. Yeah. Yeah
By the way, he he gives up. He gives up the coolest car right away.
He's in that cool Jeep in the beginning.
And he downgrades almost every time, yeah.
Until he goes back to steal the car for a second time.
To work out something that I don't even quite understand.
It was like, oh, when he's explaining technology,
this is a great little moment.
When he explains technology, this is Jason Statham
and Chris Evans explaining technology.
How did you get this number?
Well, modern technology is amazing.
You know my phone remembers the last 50 incoming calls?
What do you want?
I want the woman and their family.
Okay, now let me tell you what I want.
I want you to tell me where you are right now.
The bad things are going to happen to this little family.
Sorry, it doesn't work that way.
You're playing with fire, kid.
Yeah, and you know what? you're lucky I'm still talking
to you, sorry, S, all right?
From here on out, you do as I say.
Exactly, as I say, or I slap this picture
on Nightland and call it a day, okay?
That's the intensity you're getting at all times.
By the way, I really am used to say them
as accent there too.
But like, I like it, but that's like the big reveal,
like this phone holds 50 in my last thought.
Yeah, there's no, like, producer on that.
Yeah, like, I make sure remember you tell them holds 50 in my last thought. Yeah, there's no clue. Like I produced it on the, yeah.
Like I make sure remember you tell them the 50 calls.
Yeah, really plug it and we, and the video,
the video was great.
I mean, Nokia is psych, because they,
at the end when it's revealed that he used his phone
to tape the footage on the handicap,
to then show it to the cops, the footage is amazing.
Amazing.
But he also, I had this big question at the end,
he dives into a large body of water with a phone on him
and then takes that phone out at the end
and then shows the video.
You know what, waterproof, no key, it's waterproof,
don't worry.
But he doesn't take it out of the bag,
he doesn't do anything, he jumps into the ocean with the phone
and then pulls out and like, here's the video.
Click, perfect.
My iPhone 8 was like in a light ring and like, explode it.
I went on a log flume and I was in my pocket
and protected and it stopped working.
When I saw Chris Evans in a,
in a ear, blue tooth, whatever they're called.
A jawbone.
Yeah. I retroactively lost all attraction to him.
And Captain America, all moving.
I couldn't deal with it.
Because he's on the beach under cover.
He's wearing like a gray hood.
Because actually he looks more like,
you can see him more because he's only got
wearing like a full outfit.
Like everyone's like shirts off on their phone.
Ready for Portland in December.
And he's just longingly staring off into the beach.
He's a terrible ending, too, this plan of like,
what is the plan?
Because he doesn't have any help.
So what is his plan?
To hide in a boat house, which has never
in the history of anywhere in Los Angeles existed.
I know one in the Venice Canal, actually, my friends got one.
We head down there, we stop and I have a Kenny and get coffee,
and then we go down here.
You guys like past juices?
Yeah.
The one good thing that I know.
Good boy, Jalena.
We never nice.
Meal before we hit the...
Creation was long as you don't mind waiting in we hit the creation. It's long time.
Waitin' in a long, for two minutes.
Yeah.
Plotton pizza.
Um, the best use of the Nokia was the credits.
Oh, the credits themselves.
Oh my God.
What they do is they take like a scene from the movie where
someone's looking at the phone and then they pop a shot of
crew.
Yeah. So it looks like Chris Evans is like a muse
because he's looking at phone with these,
he's like editor, you know, Paul Jackson.
And they do it for about four minutes longer
than they should have.
Like, it takes a long time.
That's because they, they,
The screen is so small.
It's basically doubling the length of your credits
because you're not just showing a credit,
you're showing a character,
the movie reacting to this part.
Yeah, if you're, and showing this part to the movie that a character, the movie reacting to this part. Yeah, Fury.
And showing this part to the movie
that we've already seen and been explained to Kempassenger.
Yeah, and it's also a part of entertaining as the movie.
Like it has like the same like, wait.
Do you think that Jessica Beelon and him
are gonna be okay at the end?
Do you feel like they're gonna have a good release?
After what he's been through?
I think he's learned a couple things, my friend.
Right, I get really important. How is she gonna get over him saying I have no idea who this person is?
Oh, she's so upset. Call blood.
When the fucking like people who will go there about to kill him. She's like, you're embarrassed by me.
Like, no, get the fuck out of the way.
I read the room, Bill.
Yeah.
Read the room.
Um, I don't want to keep going back to this boat house. I really, for a long time, couldn't believe how it was
like the scene in jaws when you meet the shark hunter.
Yeah, quenching.
Yeah, it's like full Cape Cod, Harpoons,
shit that you never seen last day, and just like,
by the way, old nets.
And by the way, this movie is hypothesizing
Literally underneath the Santa Monica pier the most populated pier in LA like under a fucking Ferris wheel
It's like a fishing cottage. Yeah with like with like surfboards and boogie boards. I have had half bottle
Half drunk bottles of water stolen from the trunk of my car
That would never be intact
Second
valuable is this water
You drink half the bottle you put in the trunk
Park your car
That is a major.
It's a huge problem in all things.
And that's Jason's faith in those.
And by the way, it's a very anticlimactic fight scene.
Like this is your final fight scene.
It's like just people are kind of rolling around on the sand.
It's like, I don't know.
And happening over across octopus hooks.
I mean, what image basically does do that thing
in both scenes where he does that kind of like flying,
like, that you like.
Yeah, this is just traction.
Yeah, and he like, something else distracts the bad guy.
And he jumps out and spires.
Bill Macy's the wrong actor to do that.
Yeah, because he's so funny.
No, when he's sad, he's like, and you think of that
fucking bill from,
what the night's going like jumping with the,
yeah, you need Bill Macy to be like, the Bill Macy,
you need him to be like, original Bill Johnson at the end of die-hard. Yeah. need Bill Macy to be like the bill mace you need him to be like
Reginald Vell Johnson at the end of die. I'm like almost afraid to be like because he never held the gum
where you need to be like huh?
Yeah, cuz he's asley why I want to open a spa. Yeah, yes, and he says this is the first 27 years and I've never had to do this shit
Yeah, he murdered someone after he murdered after he murders a police officer and then murders more. Yeah, he's like,
God, she's Louise.
I couldn't quite tell what he was feeling
about the murder.
Like, did he seem like,
oh shit, it was a cop or oh shit, it was a person?
Like, there's a part where it felt like,
well, at least it was a cop that,
because we can deal with that on our side.
Like, that's still a human being that you kill.
No, I think he really was like,
what have I gotten myself into?
This is really wild.
And well, that EMT, and by the way,
I maybe I'm just like combining it
because that EMT was really bad
when he was checking him out and going,
oh, your skin is gangrene.
It's like, you can't leave.
You can't green.
That's a face mask.
And I'm like, this is a bad EMT.
Like, why do you think that?
Why did he say gangrene?
He's like gangrene.
He's like, you're, you're, you're tissue is gang? He said gangrene, he said your tissue is gangrene
and he goes, oh no, no, no, that's a face mask.
See, I'll do that.
You managed to contract gangrene in 30 seconds
for the 37th sense of that EMT.
Hey, Chad, I'm gonna need to talk to you over here
for a second.
Do you not know that gangrene has to set in over time?
Chad, what I tell you, wash off their skin
before you make assumptions about gangrene.
Chad, this is LA where everybody's got an avocado mask on all the time.
Someone's the LA, that's my home dad, which farmer's market you go to?
I go to studio surgery, actually.
I go by the dry bar, have them give me a blow out.
Every alleyway, you can count me at mr. Bones
I love that guy. I follow them to the valley the Griffith Park mr. Bones Bony Island
That's why I'm not found in he's the best way course town is
Can I ask you guys something is bros? Yeah, I don't want to yeah, you got the best bros in the business
Let me just do some pushups. I'm going to do the other side. I'm ready to go.
I'm going to punch.
When you when you're a Lakers fan, keep talking. Oh, right. Yeah.
Automatically with your other bros and tons of other bros. Yeah, yeah.
Go and buy a in Los Angeles, the hottest place on the planet.
A full long sleeve leather Lakers jacket.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
I got to support the team.
I would bloody rob anoree.
I would never wear a leather sleeved,
let him in style jacket for the Lakers.
I would wait to be gifted it from my bros.
By the way, that jacket, the ugliest jacket ever,
and two people wearing it.
The same jacket and 30 foot vicinity.
Remember how long we had to wait
to find out that it was the wrong white guy?
Oh yeah, he's in the bathroom.
I wanted to be in there.
I wanted the camera to follow in like, what? No, he's a, because he just comes out and goes, you got the wrong white guy. Oh yeah, he's freezing in the bathroom. I wanted to be in there. I wanted the camera to follow in like,
what?
Could he just come that goes?
You got the wrong guy.
Also,
He's the first person to answer my conversation.
Also, you would also love what's that conversation like?
That's what I wanted to see.
Yeah.
Give me a real report bathroom.
Have that conversation while you hear the worst shit.
Like,
I also like this thing.
The worst gas.
They are all ticket lists going through the security shit. Like, I also like this thing. The worst gas. They are all ticket lists going through the security check.
They had a boarding pass, but no I didn't.
No I didn't.
I'm off the hook.
What was his claim?
Chris Evans is good.
Mr. Clueso.
Mr. Shot.
Yes, shot.
We were.
Yes.
Wait, did this is a Jacques Clueso?
No, it was say Jacques Clusto?
No, yeah, well, it's an obvious nod to the panther. Yes, the spiritual sequel. Yeah, I think
He puts a security guard gun. He realizes he has it on him. So he puts it into Jason Statham's band smart move By the way, I thought yeah, yeah
to Jason Statham's band. Smart move, by the way, I thought.
Yeah, I love smart moves.
Smart move, smart device.
That didn't even pay off because he's like,
oh, I'm a cop.
Cops kids also still bring guns into their head.
Like, he learned he's a cop, right?
Oh, that's right.
But he didn't do it intentionally.
Like, it was all happening.
Yeah, it was just an accident.
There's a happy accident.
He happened to be there at the right time to catch it.
Put this gun on here, so it happens.
But everybody at the security checkpoint is like,
oh, okay, cool.
Yeah, oh, it's just a loose gun here.
That doesn't belong to any of you guys.
Well, I mean, look, there's a lot of bold choices in this movie.
I would also say that when Kim Basinger decided to drive
the car into, like through the edge of the garage,
like are you also a structural engineer
that you know that when you drive,
she drove through it a way that she clipped off a corner of it
that could collapse the entire garage.
It was very, really dangerous.
It could have killed the kid easily.
It could have killed the kid easily.
It could have killed the kid easily.
One of the kid drives through the front door.
Honey, hide behind the, the arm wall.
The rickety rotten arm wall.
Stand behind this lawn chair while I demolish
the structure you're in.
I wish that the ladies from Greg Gardens
were also in that house at the same time.
What's going on? Running around with a spark like that
The most unrealistic scene about the LAX security scene was no one stopped
Chris Evans said none of the TSA workers said where do I know you from?
It's a lot for what happens to me, which is I like your hair better in your picture. Oh
I'll thank you
Thank you for
Airshaming me. Thank you. It also made me really mad cuz clearly that wasn't LAX and even that version of LAX is nicer than
The remodel that's currently happening at LAX. Well, I mean, you know
I do like the seeming of left field the great LAX bar left field I got to say the theme the theme just a do like the theme of the left field, the great LAX bar, left field.
The guys left field.
The theme just.
Just a cage in the middle of an airport.
You guys don't go to left field in LAX lot?
You know what, you know what,
you know what I love?
I love rock and bruise,
which is owned by a member of KISS.
And one time, the...
What do you remember, Nell, is it in?
It's in four.
Four, yes.
Okay.
The UTA was having some sort of like,
pre,
like go to Sundance party at Rock and Bruce,
and the guy from Kiss showed up to like.
Which one?
A scene?
Paul?
I got it.
No, it's, I'll tell you.
The other guy.
Yeah.
Rock and Bruce is owned by, let me see.
That's when you're like walking past it,
like 604 AM and you hear like,
you ain't seen nothing yet.
You're like, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But yeah, he was out there taking some portraits.
Let's feel also like if you're gonna give a fake bar restaurant
at an airport, they always have names like altitudes.
Paul Stanley.
Paul Stanley.
Yeah.
And they're actually our,
Gene Simmons is also part of, of course he is.
He's a piece of shit.
He's getting into everything.
He's awful.
I saw a, sorry, I don't follow sports.
Do we have the, are the Kings or hockey team?
Yes.
Okay, I saw an LA Kings celebration party
at the Southwest terminal at like 6 a.m.
I don't know if they have one.
The Kings weren't there, were they?
No, but they were the Stanley,
they went the Stanley Cup with two together. Yeah, yeah Stanley Cup went together twice. They had the Stanley Cup and they had.
Stanley Cup was in the Southwest. Yeah. At the Southwest terminal. And then there were
cheerleaders. And then there was a breast cancer awareness ribbon colored like arch that
you would walk under to get to your flight. Nothing was, and nothing like hand-fisting 8,000 different celebrities.
It's a cascade of emotions.
I feel like, and I don't want the hockey fans to come after me,
but I feel like the Stanley Cup gets passed to anyone for any event for that year.
It's like, can I quickly have it?
I just want to do this thing about press cancer and scrambled eggs and southwest.
Oh, yeah, keep it for two.
Oh, LAX is hell.
So it's a Southwest Airlines, the official airline of the Washington capitals.
Oh, and they help deliver the city's first Stanley Cup.
Oh, no, that's, yeah, that's no, okay.
Did you also read that this was made into a fictionalized novel?
No. Someone wrote it into a fictionalized novel.
Someone wrote it into a book after it came out.
Yeah, October 2014 is what I was.
Did this movie do well?
Okay, well, let's talk about it.
All right, so the budget for this movie,
do you guys wanna take a guess of what the budget was?
I'll say 25 million dollars.
I'll say 35 million dollars.
Yeah, I would say, I'm gonna go in the middle,
I'm gonna do it prices right,
so I'm gonna go 27.5.
I'm gonna go very exuberant time.
It was 25 million.
The opening weekend, it made 10 million.
Okay.
Domestic gross, 32 million worldwide gross, 56 million.
So this is an $80 million movie,
it made $80 million.
I look at that.
Is that a success?
I don't know, I don't understand that's a success. I don't know. I don't understand that success.
I don't know. I don't know. I bet at that time.
I bet at that time this was a success.
I bet so too because the standard was so much lower.
Yeah. As your e-birt gave this movie three and a half stars.
Whoa. What was what was the upside?
I just looked at a couple like reviews to see.
Yeah. It was really.
It was actually 55% on Rotten Tomatoes.
So it's a right, right there.
Yeah, and it's like, you know, a lot of the reviews said,
oh, it's just fun.
It's a fun, light-hearted, paper.
But it was not so light-hearted.
It wasn't light-hearted enough, I thought.
It's gonna be a light-hearted paper.
I need to have moments. i can't have moments in the
movie where i have to stop and think about why this is happening like what
right the logic is right no i mean it's it's perfectly stupid in a fun way
um i'll tell you two other facts and i'll read some of these uh... reviews
here uh... shanley and scott was going to be the lead
yes that would have been interesting to me to see shanley because he would have played up the comedy yeah yeah he would have he would
have seemed also more kind of hapless and harried which could have been funny yeah but
also he couldn't have been in the scene with Aaron Christian Olsen because they're the
same person I always but when he first came out when I see their face back oh that's
they don't know that's how they Well, obviously we had opinions about it,
but there are people out there with a different opinion.
It is now time for second opinions.
You're on day, you're on day, you're on day,
you're on day, you're on day, you're on day, you're on day, you're on day.
The movie was a piece of shit.
Yet this person recommends it.
Tell me what is the message
maybe that artist objective
i need to set it up in your
alright these are five star reviews call from amazon dot com that was john
lezwa singing our second opinion song
uh... alright so there are three are 339 reviews for this movie.
50% are five star.
And so here are some of these 50%.
Oh wow.
Yeah, this one is from Christy K. James titled,
I Love This Movie.
I don't know what it is about cellular,
but I watch it every couple of months
and I never get tired of it.
Without question, Chris Evans is adorable,
but he's also a really good actor.
And the predicament that he finds himself in,
well, let's just say he rises to the challenge
and becomes a hero, whether he wanted it
in the beginning or not.
The only problem I have is that after all the times I've watched it,
I'm still confused over how Chris Evans' character
was able to reconnect with the woman using the cell phone
belonging to the man whose car was hijacked for a second time.
All in all though, I couldn't be happy to recommend this movie to anyone.
Except for the moment of complete insanity which makes no sense and destroys the
reality we're living in, I thought it was fun.
This one was written in 2018 by Christine N. Jeff.
There are a couple as a couple reviewing a movie.
Another one of my favorite movies.
I've watched it over and over throughout the years.
By the way, this is going on in all these reviews.
This is like people is like, go to film.
Can't go wrong here.
It's got action, it's got emotion, it's got car chases,
all with great meaning.
I mean, what a stranger will really do for someone in need.
I mean, that's a great story.
And told everywhere in America where strangers come to the aides of others in trouble, only in need. I mean, that's a great story. And told everywhere in America where strangers come
to the aides of others in trouble, only in America. The true red, white, and blue.
Now white strangers, that should be said, white strangers will do something for other white
strangers. And this final one is from Arlene, which is, um, where she writes this, um, back
in the day, this is a great movie.
Still, compared to some of this stuff,
out now, it's a great movie.
Five stars.
Five stars.
What, I wonder what she's seen recently.
She's like, shit.
But back then, it was good, and now it was good.
I just imagine her watching, like, I don't know,
like deadpooling, like, I wish this was cellular.
The tagline of this movie, if the signal dies, so does she.
Oh, hey, good tagline.
Yeah, I'm like, I'm sorry.
This is a thing about this movie.
It's, I mean, we just talked about it for a long period of time.
There's a lot to unpack, but it's one of those movies
that like if it was on TBS, you're like, oh yeah.
No, watch it.
Also, if it was just like, if it was like 20% better, it would be like, good.
Oh, like there's choices that they make.
20, oh you're in the right thing,
if you just played this moment differently,
if you just had him say this,
if you, the tone was everything, it would actually be good.
20% better makes it like speed.
Like, you know, on that level, where you're like,
oh, I'm all in,
because speed is ultimately super stupid.
It's like a bust, it's a bomb. It's like a bust is a bomb.
It's like, if you were to, but it takes so clear.
This one is so like diffuse
because there's so many independent players
that they have to pay attention.
And it's also like she doesn't know where she is
so he can't get any.
All they can do is like, the movie is predicated
on the fact that the, the bad guys have to keep on going out
and running errands and he's got to intercept them at errands
They always are coming back to the house and be like all right, let's go. We're going
And they're going to the bank. I've never run more than two errands in Los Angeles in a day
Right aid I lost my beauty. I want to ground once got some fresh coffee
Got a new show
From Lodgemart wanted cheese and went to Wells Fargo all that one bleed naft-noon
It's me. I'm so been at the in and out on sunset for a double double animal style
Man is all
All right, so well I guess I go to the grove so I can watch Mario Lopez do excess Hollywood live
You can catch him just doing it
Sit there with some of the best names in Hollywood. Just state them tip get lunch at the farmers market because it's cheaper
And you get better culture of foods and if you get one of the restaurants inside the Grove proper
Then you can also get then you're also allowed to park in the grunt in the farmers markets parking lot. Oh, don't get it
It's tough to find spots there anytime between 11 and two you better also
The new lack of my is fantastic the rain room. I got fucking what was going on
It didn't rain on it. You've been to the bloody bro
You know what old tell you the furnace part of our collection in the world is at the bro
I love going to Pasadena play house. They have a lot of great stuff there. It's better than the homies and theater
Sometimes I'll go to Pasadena in the morning on a Sunday and I'll go to the big
Swat me to God and punch into God and I'll stay and watch a show that night
Controversial in a Sunday, you know, it's controversial. I like to Hamilton much more when it was playing at pantages theater
Then when it was playing a new yoke. It just is the lead. It the leaders. I got a good
What's the ad-kinder at Lago tonight?
I don't
Gryffrey at the door and maybe I see Fanny over there
I read a real comics comic and the kind that he is. Yes, he is.
So one thing I will say before we kind of decide whether we're going to recommend it, which
I don't know how that will go.
And before we do an hour more of Stephen, you and Alex.
We're in the podcast guys.
Stephen Minnele.
What about this final line where Kim Basinger comes up to him and it's like this moment
where she's like, look, you know, she touches his face and it's like this.
And she's like, well, if I could ever do anything for you, you know, he's like, never call
me again.
Never call me again, bitch.
But yeah, that's your name, right, bitch?
That's what he referred to you as the whole time.
But like, I call you Mrs. Ricky Martin or bitch
But like to me like that's a moment that we're the this is that that moment like some of the movie to me where it's like
It should have been like a laugh line. Yeah, but it's delivered to series. It's like he's like yeah
Never fucking call me again
Yeah, I look at him. I would shake her and say how I would play. Yeah, I look at her and go. Yeah Never call me again. I was looking at it, I was shaker and I was like, how I would play it. I was looking at it and go, yeah.
Never call me again.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Everyone just like, okay.
The first time they've ever been in a room together too.
Yeah, like, my God, you're a lot.
Thank you God for saving my life, whatever it is.
We've been through it.
Imagine co-starring in a movie, something,
and you have literally, you do shoot 10 minutes together
and that's it.
Never fucking call me again.
And I didn't like the fact that Chris Evans had to save her at the end.
Like, let her have that one kill.
Yeah.
Let her have the, she was, she was fine.
Meanwhile, that guy who, when he was dead in the car seat, he's like,
he looks like a guy, like when you pretend to sleep right.
Like, he looks a little fake asleep.
And then he woke up like a zombie.
Yeah.
Must kill gun.
I have one thing I just looked up from Pat Kattingen,
who is the author of Cellular of the Book.
I just want to say a couple of things.
Shout out to her.
She does look like Bet Middler in Focus.
Oh my god.
She apparently was the queen of cyberpunk in the 90s,
and also used to work for hallmark cards,
writing greeting cards.
So I think that pretty much sums it all up.
And by the way, if you wanna just keep on going down
the cellular rabbit hole in 2008,
a Chinese remake was made and it was called connected.
So we can really go, you can read it,
you can see the different versions.
I could recommend this movie.
To watch it for the way that we watched it.
It's a tough one, it's a tough one.
I'm gonna say, for the purposes of this show,
if you're a fan of this show,
I'm not gonna recommend it.
Okay, I'm not.
I think like the last time I was on,
we did it on the line.
Yes. I recommend on the line because it's so bonkers and off.
Every mistake you can make in a movie they make.
And you can really get stolen and drunk,
turn your sandwich, God bless.
And, but this one, I think you will find yourself
in this weird in-between thing where you're like,
I wanna laugh at this because it's so bad,
but William H. Macy won't let me.
And I know the performance is kind of bring you back and even Chris Evans is good.
He's good. He's good.
Oh, yeah. There's no digs on anything but just the way it's all presented.
Yeah, so yeah, so I would I would not recommend it.
Aaron.
I'm gonna say what made me angry about this movie is that it isn't bad enough to earn
the fact that I then couldn't sleep afterwards
because I was so amped up over suspense
that was not deserved.
My husband was making fun of me.
He fell right to sleep and I was like,
I feel like I watched an action movie that I didn't even like.
So for that reason, I would say no.
Do not watch it, especially if you're like me
and you can't handle any suspense.
It will not go to bed till 2 a.m. like I did.
Oh my God.
I love that it can,
can you go on the edge of your seat?
Jason?
No, I agree.
It's not, it's not,
it never kind of tips into being very fun.
The performances I agree are good,
but it's just not,
there's, it's so little,
it's so thin and so diffuse
because they're spreading it all around.
That it's not fun.
You never kind of get lost in it.
You're just kind of like, oh, I guess now we're going to do this.
And I agree, there's a couple of ways that you're like,
oh, if you would just made this more about William H. Macy
doing his thing, it would be a better movie.
Or if they had just done a little less, I don't know.
It just felt like an episodic in a way
that was never settled into a movie I wanted to be watching.
I feel like I watch this on an airplane
and I really, you know, airplane travel and movies,
really I can forgive so much stuff.
And I just, I think I enjoyed it.
I think we watched so much kind of hard to get through
like, Drek, you know, that sometimes, like, when it's lighten area,
like this, I'm like, oh, there's enough fun stuff in it.
But yes, it's not something that would go out of my way
to be like, you gotta see it, because this scene is crazy.
It's fun for this.
I think you're gonna get just as much out of hearing us watch it.
We've watched it for you.
We've taken the boat here.
We don't have to watch this.
Yeah, you're welcome.
But I'll tell you this much, you asked about, was it successful?
It came in, it was the 87th film of the year.
So that's where it came in,
out of all the movies made in 2007.
The top three of 2004 Shrek 2,
Spider-Man 2 in Passion of the Christ.
This movie was beaten by the movies
that we did on this podcast, Van Helsing, Catwoman,
and Sky Captain in the world of tomorrow.
So that is what it takes.
Passion of the Christ has the same Ricky Martin joke though.
But they do it better.
They do it because they take the music out and they do a little bit of the same.
They give the joke the appropriate gravity.
Because it's punch, it's pilot, sane.
Yeah.
What's your name, Ricky Martin?
Kill him.
Since we last had you on the show, you've become a gigantic movie star.
You've made your own movies.
This is exciting to have you back.
Tell, all right, so we've talked a little bit about the oath,
which will be available on video on demand.
You can find it there.
Yes, Apple, Amazon, whatever, whatever your preference.
Do you want to give a short pitch for what the movie is?
Do you know how everything sucks now?
Yeah.
I wanted to make a movie that was basically that, and really encapsulate a family falling apart
during the holidays and fighting about politics.
But it's funny.
Yes, very funny.
Fucking scary.
It's uncomfortable.
You want to talk about attention movie.
You'll be annoyed with me when you watch it
But it's everything I've been feeling in the past three years in a 90 minute movie and I
St. Cast oh my god Tiffany had his John show Billy Magnus and Kerry Brownstein so many great people and I think it's something different that you'll really enjoy
I love it. All right, so the oath check it out on video on demand right now. Aaron, your book
is fantastic. Your podcast is fantastic. I do cellular for feminist essentially. Talk about hard
things. You guys have been on the road all the time. People can find you on the road through
your website where people can find you. Yeah, throwingshade.com and feministy.com.
Okay. Now, did you read the audiobook of your book?
Yeah.
I have not, was that an interesting experience?
It was four to five hours a day of just talking
and I had the flu.
So what was crazy is I had this oregano spray
that I had to use.
And it was like, have you ever taken
a oregano roll pill?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There they burn.
So I had to like burn that,
I was just like constantly trying to open my nasal passages. So it was fun
You can't hear them sick, but I was super sick. Okay. Tell us what the book is about our guard
You're like Ellen the picture of the book. It's a it's a it's a feminist manifesto slash comedic essay book for women
Who are either currently mad or don't understand why they're mad.
I'm kind of distilling every way we're marginalized
in like funny little essays and some depressing facts.
Yeah, there's some depressing facts.
I look at this throwing shaped podcast,
look at this, can you hear this?
Subscribe.
Oh wow, in, it's such a good podcast.
I'm gonna listen to it in my way, help.
It's so good.
Well, I'm so glad to have you both here. Jason, thank you so such a good podcast. I'm gonna listen to my wife. It's so good.
Well, I'm so glad to have you both here.
Jason, thank you so much.
Bye dudes.
People want to also, you know,
that Grayson Frankie is hitting Netflix right now.
A brand new season just dropped today.
That's right, catch June and all the episodes.
It's another great season.
RuPaul is in it this season.
Yeah, RuPaul and June together in a scene.
It's amazing.
Have you ever heard our episode of What's the Tea?
It's pretty insane.
Also, my brand new show, Black Monday,
premieres on Sunday on Showtime.
For the next 10 weeks, we'll be airing its me,
Don Chito, Andrew Reynolds, Regina Hall.
I think you'll really like this show.
It's funny, it's crazy.
It's got some really dramatic moments in it.
It's something that's very, very different,
co-created by David Casp, who created Happy Endings.
And Jordan Kahan, I think you will like the show.
I have a smaller part in the pilot,
but grow as the season goes on.
It's really, really fun.
And a big thanks to Kelly Alto for all of our help here
putting together this episode.
Averyl Halley for pulling off our great clips.
Nate Kiley for doing all of our research.
Devon, engineering the shit out of it.
Everybody here at Earwolf, especially Cody.
And we thank you all.
We will see you next week for a mini episode.
If there is something that we didn't talk about in this show,
give us a call.
And we will talk about it there.
Or if you just want to ask me a life of ice,
we can do that there as well.
We will see you next week on How To Just Get Made,
a mini episode. How To Just Get Made, a mini episode.