How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Congo w/ Nick Wiger

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Giant talking gorillas, lasers, and volcanoes are all a part of the insanity that is Congo. Nick Wiger (Doughboys) joins Paul, June, and Jason (via computer magic) to ask important questions such as: What are communication lasers? What’s the deal with Dr. Peter’s strangely erotic relationship with Amy the gorilla? And why is Tim Curry’s character even there? Grab yourself a piece of sesame cake and tune in! (Originally released 10/09/2013)For more Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/c/PaulScheerGo to www.hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, and more.Follow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

A touching movie about a father trying to find his lost son in the jungle. No, it has nothing to do about that. This is giant talking gorillas, lasers, and volcanoes. We saw Congo, so you know what that means. Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made. I am joined as always by June Diane Rayfield. How are you June? I'm great Paul. How are you? Welcome back to the studio after a missed absence from you. I missed being here. And also by Jason Manzuchus who is remote in New York. How are you Jason? I'm good. How are you? Very good. And we have a very special guest today,

hilariously funny guy. He writes a funny or die, wrote on NTSF, produced on NTSF, and even acted on NTSF. Please welcome Nick Weiger. Hi guys, happy to be here. All right, so Congo, let's talk about this movie. This movie is a great, I think it's a great example of having a lot of money and not really knowing, like it, it's all there. They didn't have any struggle here. This is, you know, but I don't think that they, they kind of got everything but the plot. Like I don't know why this movie is not engaging. It came out a year after Jurassic Park. It was a huge, huge, huge hit. The movie cost $50 million to make. And I think it made like $150 million. So it was a giant hit. But I think it was because people were like,

ah, Jurassic Park with monkeys. But then when you think about that, it's not that interesting. I think when you pull it back, it's just like, I don't think it's as scary. Yeah, it's boring. It's just, it's just like suit. It's like, it's a movie. It's about modes of transportation, I feel like. Yeah, it's like planes. It's like planes to trucks to planes to. To wrap. I did, I did track something. So the movie basically, the whole movie is getting to this one remote part of Central Africa where, where this killer group of monkeys is. Now the movie is 148 minutes. They finally get to that location at one hour and 12 minutes. So basically the movie has from 112 to 148 to get to the show. Like that's like Indiana Jones. Like it makes no

sense that that's the whole movie is like in 20 minutes. Yes. And I also think there's something, there's something tricky to me. And I didn't totally understand it, but they're going to King Solomon, the ancient city that King Solomon had where there are diamonds. There's a diamond reserve there. Sure, of course. Now what Laura Linney and her, and the company she works for, are looking to do with the diamonds is use them for communication. It's so yeah. So weapons, weapons. But it was, wait, but. Communication lasers though, right? But they kept on saying this is going to change communication in a major way. I agree with you, Jason, they did use them as weapons, but they kept on saying that it would be using communication.

Yeah, yeah. It's so like, it's such a complicated premise. And it's also like, as a companion piece for Jurassic Park, where they took so much time like explaining how the DNA was extracted and was merged with frog DNA is like incubated. Here they're just like, yeah, yeah, diamonds make lasers work for satellites. There you go. And then they just go for it. And it's so it's never really explained. I guess that's what, that is what the end game was. I see Mike, my feeling, Jason, is that they happen to use them as weapons, but that that's not, that's not what they were in the market for. I don't think that's the kind of, I don't think that's the same kind of laser. I think weapon lasers are one thing and communicate. I mean,

like, I, okay, this is what I'm. What are communication lasers? Yeah, exactly. I figured the guy, what's the guy's name at the golf club? Cause all bad guys carry golf. Oh my gosh. Who is that? That is, um, oh my gosh, he's a great, he's a John Doe Baker. Isn't that John Doe Baker? Okay. Yeah, you might be right. So he's like the guy, the big bad guy. And I feel like he was being that whatever his job, whatever his business was had dried up and he needed a new cash cow. That's what I got. I thought his cash, his new cash cow was going to be like weapon lasers. Well, here's what I'm looking at. He works for communications. Well, he works for a travel calm, which like there's a few different things that play. He works.

And she worked for the CIA at one point used to work for the CIA. So now this is what it says on Wikipedia. The John Doe Baker is exploring the Congo because he wants to find a rare blue diamond that's found at a volcanic site and that will help expand his communication technologies. What does that mean? Like my question is like, what, what do they envision the world like? Like, how will, how will this change things? Because at the end she puts that diamond in a laser and then shoots it into space and it blows up a satellite. It's like the iron cannon from Empire Strikes Back. It like can destroy something in orbit and they haven't explained that before and they've just said, yeah, it makes, it makes communications work. My, my biggest problem with

this, but this bad guy, this John, oh, go ahead. Yeah. Oh, I was just gonna say, I want everybody to know who's listening that this movie is so fucking bananas that we have yet to mention the talking monkey. There is a talking monkey. Yeah. This is, this is nothing compared to the talking monkey. And there's so many things to unpack here. I do want to just talk about one thing in particular. The whole movie is based on the fact that Laura, like the bad guy, John Dobaker, who walks around the golf club, you know, basically when he finds out that the, the expedition he's sent there has been compromised. And by the way, he's sent his own son there. Yes. He sent his own son there. And when he finds out it went wrong, he basically says like,

my diamonds. Like he gets mad and then like, and he smashes a TV with his golf club. And then Laura Linney is like, Hey, we're going to go there and find it. But I want to make sure that you're not sending me there to find a diamond. You're sending me there to like find out what happened to your son. He's like, Oh, yes, yes. But it's like the, it's the worst lie of all time. The man just hit a TV screaming about diamonds. And then it's just a crazy, I have to say, that was really to me kind of unacceptable that he had not a second remorse for his own child. I've just never seen an evil guy like that. I mean, it was truly, he must be the most evil character. And when he's revealed the end, at the end of the movie, when they're like,

we got the diamonds, like diamonds, like he's so excited about these diamonds. And then she's like, wait a second, mind these diamonds are for a communications company. Like that's basically like, like Rupert Murdoch or Ted Turner, like screaming about diamonds. It's a single minded, yet like baffling, like, like desire he has. He's just so focused on diamonds for some unexplained reason. For communications. And that scene is amazing because he really does scream like diamonds. Like you would never, you would, that would be like in a parody movie. But here, like, and now to get into the maybe more of the chunk of the movie, I would say, here's the big problem. Why not just make the movie about going to rescue the sun, like the sun's camp, like this diamond

plot line seems like a real way, like a waste of time and space. Like, why not, why not send the expedition there to look for the sun just to look good? Yeah, like look good. And then when they're there and they're like, oh, he's dead, be like, Hey, oh, I'm super bummed. But like maybe look around for some diamonds. Because you're there. You're there. Because you guys are there. We solve the central mystery and you guys still think I'm a cool bro. He's not a good liar. Also, it's, it's Laura Linney. I believe it's her ex fiance they established, which is an interesting detail that isn't doesn't really pay off. And I wanted to know what happened. Yeah. But she seems to really like this ex fiance because it was like an ex, but she's really still emotionally invested

in him. And I thought we were headed toward a love story between her and yes, what's his face that just was aborted halfway through? I mean, well, he has his own love story with Amy the gorilla. So I guess there is a love story again, we have yet to attend their love story between a grown man and a talking gorilla. Yeah, it is huge and makes no sense. And he is bizarrely erotic. I actually have I have an issue with the fact that he keeps on telling and everybody's like responding to the fact that the grill is talking. The grill is not talking. The gorilla has learned sign language and gorillas, I think we all know can learn sign language. Like that's not, I guess what I have a problem with is the movie treats discoveries that have already been made

as though they're brand new. Well, I think the bet the new thing in this movie was that this gorilla had a Nintendo power glove that would interpret her sign language. Right. But I guess I actually think this movie is very hateful toward animals. Oh, why would you think that? Why would you think I just felt like everybody was so excited that the gorilla could use that we could understand English words. It's like, well, he's already understood sign language. It's like it's actually incumbent upon us to learn sign language to understand him. They liked it because it cut those. Here's the thing about that they have a lecture in the beginning where they're kind of showing off this gorilla. And this is my favorite. This movie is full of people

that you're like, oh, that guy, that guy, that guy, and Stuart Pankin is kind of like the poor man's Newman in this movie. He's sitting in the audience with Ferris Bueller's mom and they're watching this presentation and he's like, ooh, now this got interesting. But we never visit that character again. That's it. Like you cast a major actor and he's like, ooh, that's it. Like, I feel like that was a huge plot line cut out of this movie too. Like, what was that about? Why was he like, he was set up as an evil guy? Just the way they treated like at one point, what's the actor's name who plays the Amys owner and that is, of course, that is. I think Peter was his name. Okay, so when Peter discovers or starts to realize that Amy might want to go home, Amy the gorilla,

because she's been painting pictures of the jungle, he treats it as though it's this like unbelievable idea that a gorilla might want to go back to their habitat. He's like so confounded by it and only then like sets out together. This is a man who works with a gorilla primarily. I would say he's like a gorilla expert. You would argue that he was probably the most familiar with gorilla. This is a man who is making this gorilla as close to his girlfriend as he possibly can. And when questioned about it, it mixed it readily. He goes, why did you treat this gorilla, why did you give this gorilla the gift of sign language? He has some sort of quote like about loneliness being, oh, he quoted a famous person, a famous poet. Yeah, and so basically he's like,

I needed a friend, like he needed a friend. There is something even more fucked up because at one point like he gives Amy the gorilla a little doll and she's signs out, mother, I'm a mother or something like that. But then later on, she's referring to herself as his mom. Yes. Yeah, and that ties in with like a perverse jealousy she has of other human females, like she's like always like batting them away and being a girl. Ugly girl, she calls her mini ugly girl. What she has done is she has like imprinted, he is imprinted upon her or whatever that is. And that's a real thing. No, that is a real thing because I went to a monkey like conservation. Oh, look at this June now. And it's a very serious thing that happens a lot

of times with female monkeys and gorillas where they will, they were really attached to them, to their male handlers and they won't mate with other animals because they want to mate with... It's like that monkey on animal practice. We have a friend who had worked on that show and the trainer's like, yeah, this monkey wants to fuck me, but I'm not gonna fuck that monkey, you know, but he's really into me. Yeah. And then they try to mate them with actual like gorillas and monkeys and they won't do it. Well, here's my issue. Again, to talk to about Dr. Peter, the monkey expert, he's not a very good doctor either. Oh, he's terrible. He lets the monkey drink a martini. Yeah, that's the weirdest thing on the plane. Smokes a cigar? Yeah. Smokes a cigar

and drinks a martini and does it and does both. Not like this is the first time I am doing it. The martini, the monkey calls for like, I need the green drink, the green drink. And obviously he likes olives, like he likes a dirty martini. This is really reckless because most gorillas, when they're, you know, basically humanized over many, many years and taken care of, they cannot survive in the wild. So for him to just drop this gorilla off like that is irreprehensible. Irresponsible? Would you say it's irresponsible? It truly is irresponsible. We're all in agreement. He's 100% fucking this monkey, right? I think there's a want. I think there is a want. I think he hasn't found the right one. No, there is a crazy scene between them.

It's been late. There is that scene, Jason, where they're rolling around on the ground and he's like yelling at Amy. He's like, you like that. You like that. He's tickling her. It's uncomfortable. We also should just let the audience know if you've not seen Congo, which is on Netflix and you could easily watch it. There are no real gorillas in this movie. These are clearly people in costumes at all times, which again, following Jurassic Park must have been a giant letdown to the movie going audience to see just probably just dudes in gorillas suits. So then I kept on thinking, what's Peter's relationship with this dude in a gorilla suit? Or like a child in a gorilla suit. I mean, because I'm sorry, but those gorillas

were small. Yeah, they always are. I think child labor laws might not allow that. It could be a smaller person in there. Yeah, I would guess it's like it's a war with Davis. Let me, I know that the gorillas, we're only building to an introduction of another weird character, the Tim Curry character. Whoa. Let me just let me play you Tim Curry's introduction. Tim Curry's introduction is one of my favorite introductions because it appears that Dr. Peter is having a conversation, a private conversation at a table with the guy who's like the, not the Orwell Redenbacher guy, like the don't, I don't know, he's a, he was in a bunch of commercials when I was a kid, but he's having his conversation with this guy. And then all of a sudden Tim Curry

is at the foot of the table is like, I will pay for this exposition. It's like, were you just, were you walking? Were you standing? That was the most poorly planned. It wasn't like he, I just think it was so weird. It seemed like his, if he was standing at the front of the table, well, he was at the lecture, but then he was, but they seemed like a day had passed. And he just happened to be there. He just happened to be standing at the table. They were having this private conversation and waited for his line. But here's just to get a taste of what Tim Curry is like. Here's a listen to that. It's making you what, Dr. Doolittle. Now there isn't a foundation in motion that would fund an expedition with that objective. I will pay. That's Tim Curry. I will pay

for aiming to go home. And who are you, sir? Okay, guys, I have enough formally of Romania, free now of the chains of Chow Chescu, traveling the world, doing good. That is, that is a little bit of Tim Curry's character. One of the many characters that used their full name at all times. Yeah, Hercuma Hermolca, right? Yes. Wait, Jason, what did you say about the gorilla? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were still listening to the clip. Sorry about that. I can't hear it. A woman named Misty Roses is played Amy the gorilla. Thank God it was a woman. She's 4'9", guys. She's 4'9". Oh, brother. Because that love story now makes more sense, because I would, I'm fascinated by it.

Do you think that there was a relationship between a really hot, like, onset romance between Dylan Walsh and that woman? I think there would have to be something there, because they are so, if you were to cast this movie, it would be an actress. There is chemistry between them. Well, yeah, and it almost seemed like, I just, it was so confusing that there was no love story between Laura Linney and Dr. Peter. Yeah, that would have like, kind of like salvaged it a little bit, because you've been like, oh, his affections were misdirected, because he was lonely, but then he was just looking for the right woman, but it's like, no. No, no, no. And then, at the end, I mean, the most disturbing scene, spoiler alert, is when Guerrilla Amy is left in

the wilderness, and he's, he seems to want to take her back home, even though his main objective was to leave her there, but so he's about to get on the hot air balloon to get out of the hospital. Movie ends with them escaping in a hot air balloon. Okay, but when they're about to go, he's looking for Amy to get her, and she's with a silverback, and he looks so destroyed and so replaced, and so, there's so much going on in his eyes. Yes. And he's like, he basically says, like, oh, looks like a good looking guy. Yeah, he goes, oh, she found a silverback. I'm going to say Dylan Walsh acted the shit out of this part. I mean, you believe that he was in love with this Guerrilla? I mean, he did a very good job of really being sad, sad to go. And you

have a beautiful woman, Laura Linney. She's in the CIA. She knows how to work knives and guns. You should get interested in her. I would hope, I would think. But then there is a moment, obviously, Amy saves him. There's a climactic scene where these crazy Guerrillas, the gray Guerrillas, the bad, bad guy, well, we'll get to the bad guy. Although I wished I actually was hoping that Amy was going to sacrifice herself for his life. Like, I thought she was going to throw him. No, no, because she's so amazing, but she scares all these much bigger Guerrillas away. But that made no sense. That made no sense. Basically, they needed to cut to Ernie Hudson to be like, he doesn't, they don't understand here. Because it's like, why is this very small Guerrilla

with the Xbox power glove that just goes, Amy, thanks, you're ugly. Like all the girls are like, oh, get away from me. They've seen you. So what we're meant to believe is that Amy jumped down to protect Dr. Peter. And it's basically signing in English everything she needs to say. Yes. She can't just scare the other Guerrillas. She's trying. So because the Guerrillas don't speak English, I mean, like this is fucking mental. And by the way, her voice, her sort of human voice made by this computer is so girlish and not threatening. Actually, I have that scene. Let's hear that scene. I'll tell you when I'll tell you when the clips over, Jason. Here we go. That is the clip. Yeah, that's nothing. She basically says ugly go away. And the Guerrillas

back away with such like, oh, these are giant scary guerrillas that easily eat a lot of people, kill people, rip off their heads with no problem. By the way, when they do get to that cave in Grant Hesloff, who's gone on to a very big career as a writer, producer with George Clooney, when he runs in, he's like, oh, God, oh, God, I need help. I need help. And then the girl kind of tosses someone else's head. But who's head was that? That was one of the guys he was talking to about his name being gay. Got it. Okay. Yes. Still very strange. And by the way, that scene was odd. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what that was doing there. They have like a conversation. There was this other, there were a lot of like runners and storylines that were sort of set up, but then

like a boarded along the way. Like I think there was this story that was taking place a little bit of like, oh, these people in the Congo who are helping us are just like us. And we're just like them. And they sing California Dreaming. Oh my God. Oh my God. The California Dreaming. By the way, everyone in the Congo, everyone in the Congo speaks English well. And then this scene, they're like getting a raft together. And there's singing every one in the Congo singing California Dreaming. I didn't know what to make of that. Because that's also not a super, I mean, it's popular, but I can't imagine that's a song that translates continents. Like I feel like they must. And they just, don't they do it when they just literally had to jump out of a moving plane

while none of them had ever jumped out of a plane before? Yes. Yeah. They all parachute out of this plane. No one seems to give anyone like, like Ernie Hudson. Ernie explains how to parachute. Ernie Hudson carries the ape in a, like, jumps out of a plane with Amy the gorilla. Amy the gorilla is unconscious. So it's an unconscious animal. It's totally dead weight. What? The gorilla unconscious because of the banana. Yes, they put, yeah, they put that, the pill in the banana. So he has a almost a dead weight gorilla. But by the way, why did they do that? Did they know they were going to have to jump? Who knows? Those kind of people. Yeah. But again, in addition to giving the monkey or the gorilla alcohol and a cigar,

they drug it twice. Yeah. They put that gorilla down the lot. So that they can jump out of an airplane holding it. And everybody, everyone is like, like when that doctor, you know, again, Dr. Peter has never jumped out of a plane. And no one says like, follow me or jump with me. Or like pull this. Pull this. Yeah, this is how you do it. Anything. They're just like, great. Hey, Grant Heslov and Dr. Peter, strap on parachutes. You'll figure it out. And Grant Heslov. I feel bad for Grant Heslov too, because that is the most underused character. Like basically Dr. Peter has a buddy who serves no purpose in the movie. I think he's kind of set up as like a comic relief, but that's not really his purpose.

He doesn't have a lot to do except that scene right before he gets killed. Yeah, which is just where he basically just goes, that's a weird name. And the guy's like, how would you know it's a weird name? You've never been to where I live. He's like, I want to go home and then is immediately killed. But that's like, that's it. That's like, that's all he he doesn't have any scientific knowledge. The gorilla doesn't seem to like him. He just is simply just a sounding board. He really is the body. I think he's just really a body that they needed to kill. Well, you know, talking about superfluous characters, I think ultimately Tim Curry's character, like what is he doing there? Because he volunteers to fund the mission.

And then immediately, like before they get on the plane, they're like, your credit didn't go through. He didn't have the money. So Laura Lenny has to join on. And that's why she gets involved. And then it turns, why is he still there? And then it's like, how is this not like, why does he need this gorilla? Apparently she's the one who knows where this legendary diamond mind is. If you're Dr. Peter and he can't fund this mission anymore, but like Dr. Peter can still get over there. And you know, in the back of your mind, he's looking for something else. And this isn't about getting Amy home. Why does he continue to bring him along? That's the kind of difference between this and Jurassic Park where Jurassic Park, everybody is

there under the same kind of general idea and purpose. Basically, even though they're all from disparate elements, every single person here is under different pretense to be in the jungle. And then none of them ever truly figure out what everybody else is fucking trying to do. And yeah, there's never any, there's never any comeuppance for any of these characters. Like they really, like, I mean, Tim Curry, also his reasoning for finding this lost city is that when he was on an expedition, he found a ring that has an eye on it. But the eye is not very specific. It's not unique at all. It's just like, it looks like any eye. And then the monkey, the girl has been drawing like pictures of the eye and they're like, it's the same eye. And then

they get to the temple and it's got just like a normal eye on it. They're like, look, it's the eye the girl has been drawing. What are you talking about? There is no like it was not a marking, it was just a yellow eye with a black slit in the middle. Now let's just bring this out to, obviously, June, I watched June react to it. I knew about this a little bit before. You know who wrote this movie? John Patrick Shanley, who is a incredibly well respected playwright, wrote Doubt. A million things and is and apparently I did a little bit of research and found out that they're like, hey, we want you to write this movie. And he's like, I don't want to read this book. He goes, let me just, let's just make it about them going to the Congo to find gorillas. Like,

okay, yeah, let's make it like he didn't read the book. He just pitched out one line. He pitched out one line, which was they're in San Francisco and they go to the Congo and he's like, and they greenlit the movie on that was the only part of the pitch. Like this is apparently this Michael Crichton book is apparently very good. But they didn't use the source material. They didn't use it. Like they have a book that is worthy of it that is very different than this movie and they didn't use any of it. This movie has a once in disrespect for human and animal life entirely. Like Laura Lenny's character is a cold-blooded murderer. Like the finale of the movie is basically her loading a diamond into the laser gun and just cutting giant monkeys in half. Oh, and this is,

this follows Ernie Hudson annihilating so many monkeys with a machine gun that he runs out of ammunition. He just like killed so many of this ancient species. I thought maybe that was some commentary on like, you know, colonialism. Well, because when they first, when they first go through customs or something at the airport, one of the guards says, you know, we don't ever want to be seen hurting gorillas in your American movies. But yeah, but that's, he basically makes it like, he's like, oh, you Americans ride us so much because we're always killing these gorillas. I guess we got to be on good behavior around you. We love killing gorillas, but you guys wrecked it. That was the sensibility that I got that they like, they do like killing gorillas, but we made

it back. I felt like he was making, I felt like he was making the point. It doesn't matter to you people that all everybody's killing each other and like presidents are being killed and all that kind of thing. In their Mercedes Benz cars. What's that? In their Mercedes Benz cars. Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. You only, you care, but you only care about like, if we heard a gorilla, that was, that was Delroy Lindo on one of the weirdest performances when he's, I thought it's, I actually really like, I really like this performance. I want to play that stop eating my sesame cake. So obviously they get caught at one point and Delroy Lindo is, I think gives the performance of the movie next to Ernie Hudson, who I wish this would be a franchise of like Ernie Hudson is Indiana

Jones. But here's Delroy Lindo yelling at Tim Curry, who they have a, they have a past, a past here. Here you go. Mr. Homo. Stop eating my sesame cake. Stop eating my sesame cake. And that is a, that is a clip there. Stop eating my sesame cake. One of the best moments to me also is when he gets the money, he gets the bribe money and a lot of it, he puts it in a paper bag and then staples it. Staples the bag over. Oh my God. How weird was that? Yeah. It was just such a weird, like great detail that I assume must have been his, all his own. I also like the fact that during that scene, there's like some perverted guards, like Laura Lenny's talking and the one guard just comes up and just starts stroking her hair and then she's

like elbows him in the, like the deck and he's like, oh, very good. You caught him by surprise. But it's such a weird, it's so weird. And also there's an undercurrent throughout the whole movie that Tim Curry's character is a racist. He's almost getting caught in racist things. Like, because you're a bad dude. He's always like being slightly racist around these in Africa. Did anybody else think at some point, Tim Curry was going to drop the accent and be like, oh, revealed to just be a normal, like British gentleman who was impersonating a Romanian character? Because I was like, this accent is preposterous. Huracan Marihordlede. And he's always saying, from Romania, you know, whatever, like where

he's a chuchescu and all this kind of stuff that I was like, at a certain point, he's going to be revealed as a sham. Well, I, no, never. No, not of course. No, because that's a good acting choice. Now, there was also like, there's also a lot of scenes in this movie that were odd. Like, there's a scene where they're in the jungle, because again, the majority of the movie is just travel. It is a lot of travel. And they say stuff like, I wrote down this one thing where he was like, not a good day to be in central Africa, odd thing. Like, you would never say like, not a good day, like to be in a just a general re like it wasn't, I don't know if that's a general like, like Zaire is a good thing to say. I feel like this is John Patrick Stanley's version of

Apocalypse Now, you know, kind of the Joseph Conrad kind of like, this is his like, we're going to get them from here to there up, you know, up into the jungle and blah, blah, blah, but it's like the worst, dumbest version of that story. And do they ever comment on the fact? Because even when Laura Lenny back at the communications firm is watching the first expedition on satellite on the video, there's major rumblings around that city, like major rumblings. And there's major rump, major rump. And there's no like, Oh, this volcano must something's going to happen. Yeah, like nobody ever refers to that again. And then what was the volcano somehow like hide to, I don't know, diamonds. No, like people were messing with, like,

like, no, I see that's the thing. If they made some sort of point to say like, Oh, you've disrupted it, the volcano just happens to go off. It is. It happened with or without that. It's like, it's like, it kind of feels like if they done the last crusade, like that final set piece, but without without the night to explain everything. Yeah. So you just like, they just take a cup and like the ground starts shaking. You're like, what is happening? You know, it's so like they start gathering diamonds and then just lava comes in after gorillas have been killing them. And also kills so many of the bad gorillas. It was the gorillas were committing suicide by jumping into the lava. By the way, same producer as Indiana Jones in the last crusade

if maybe he learned his lesson after he saw this. We need that. We need that night to come in there. The version that it would be as if in this movie, rather as if in last crusade, when they got to where the Holy Grail is rather than explaining it, the night attacked them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also, no one seemed to really know what they were doing. Like there was no leader in the bunch, the closest leader. And again, we haven't really gotten into him yet is Ernie Hudson, who you might know from Ghostbusters as the one that's not the three Ghostbusters. The fourth Ghostbuster, he I think is an inspired performance, but he was great. He was really good. But he also doesn't seem to be like too much of a guide. Like he kind of like he gets it.

Is he being paid by Laura Linney's company? Yes. Joe Pantiliano hooked him up. Like Joe Pantiliano, Joey Pants is like, Hey, you got this guy. He's going to be your leader. He'll get you around. So really, Laura Linney did everything. Yes. And then why is still why is Tim Curry there? They never just like kick him out of the of the tour group? Well, yeah, because Tim Curry had no money to finance it. So but yet he still was able to come. But they still take him a law. Yes. Even though he contributed nothing to this expedition. And then. He's just now a character that they want there. Why is he there? And then they can't they can't want him to like throw out with no work.

By the way, he's offering very little just in terms of like a person to hang out with. There's weird moments in this movie where there's like signs of danger, but it never really happens. Like they're going through the jungle on this. Like one of the the Congo guides comes up against a snake in the snake. He gets really close to his face. He just stabs the snake and the snake dies. It's like, OK, done. Keep on moving. But was it like there was it was not a main character? It wasn't really a life or death situation. It's like, and there's like, I just felt like it was weird big. Oh, yeah. And snakes. I know we're working with that. That wasn't a big deal. Like because I felt like, oh, he'll kill that one snake.

Then a bigger snake will come out and like, you know, I also thought that the ghost tribe was going to come back somehow in the last. Oh, yeah, they set that up. Yeah, they never. The ghost tribe. The ghost tribe is a tribe of people who live in in the jungles. They have no idea of like Western ideas, but yet they understand racism like because like he like they ask him like, who's in charge and Ernie Hudson's like, oh, I'm in charge. He's like, you're in charge when you're a black guy. You can't be in charge of white people. But I thought that was a very heady concept for a people that are literally caked in white mud to be understand like race like to get that they really got the specifics of race out of it. I

thought that was odd. Well, I did appreciate the fact that they brought John Huck back from the dead only to then scream and die again. Well, he saw the monkey. See, I actually think yes, he was scared to death and it seemed to almost a few people were scared to death by the bad gorillas. Like even when what's his face, the sidekick Dr. Peter sidekick runs in. He doesn't seem that hurt. No, he doesn't seems like he's frightened to death. Well, that's the thing. Like his cuts are almost like some scrapes. It didn't look like he was he wasn't his head wasn't like his body wasn't gouged out. Like he wasn't missing a limb. He looked like he just stumbled down that step and maybe took a hard hit on that last stoop. But yeah, he did. He was not

physically hurt. But that's like the same moment where the head comes flying. Yes, it's kind of like again, you know, to compare to Jurassic Park, which holds up so well. By contrast, you know, like the the moment where Sam Jackson's characters, you know, he gets their arm on his shoulder and he's like, oh, you know, whatever the line is, I'm glad you're safe. And they reveal it's just the arm and it's so awesome and so scary. It's like the same sort of emotional moment of that. But like such a clumsy execution of it. Well, like one guy is just like, this guy is just fine. But here's some other guy's head that's just going to be flung from off camera. And where it should have been, it should have been Grant Hezloff's head. Yeah, it should have landed their feet.

And they're like, oh, oh, like, but like, because there was no real reason for him to come in because it's like, help, help. It was the head of the guy he had just been having a conversation with. The guy who kind of said, you don't know anything about where I'm from Zimbabwe. Also, I was right. Were you going to speak English? Yeah. And I assumed that Dr. Peter, because he had that moment with the guerrillas, a bunch of the guerrillas, where he sort of like had a guerrilla whisperer moment with them. I assumed that was going to come back. And he was going to at least try to tame the bad ones. Yeah, you never, because he has the moment where the alpha like the silver back is confronting him

and like Ernie Hudson's whispering like, don't move or whatever. Right. And, and you know, he's holding still. And then, and then, you know, like the girl confronts him and then backs away. And then you reveal everyone else ran away. But he was the one guy who like stood up to him, sort of like, okay. So yeah, he is the guy who's like, you know, he understands the mindset of guerrillas. But yeah, no, once those evil guerrillas come into the picture, like, I guess there's no reasoning with them. They're just insane. I don't know. I guess the only way to resolve that is with violence is right. Well, we don't understand that they're insane because they were trained by the by King Solomon's like the mind garters or something. What like, I didn't get anything like

this whole like lost city like that. It was very like shady information because again, no one really knew that much. Like everyone knew a little piece of it. And it was like kind of told like, like oral tradition, like someone's like, Oh, I heard this. And while I heard this, but I guess this is that they were used as slaves. The monkeys were used as slaves. And they revolted against their masters. And now they just live there hating humans. No, that's not it. They weren't slaves. They were. Yeah, that's what they had those pictures. They were owned by them. Yes. But they were, they started breeding them so that their violent traits were like more dominant. And so they were becoming more and more aggressive. Why would you do that?

Because they wanted them to protect, I assume the diamond resource. So they would be on the outskirts. Do you mean the diamonds that just sit on top of the sand? This doesn't need to be mined at all. Scattered around willy nilly. Scattered on the, scattered on the ground. Also, I don't know. I don't know much about diamonds. Ground diamonds. I don't know much about diamonds. Do you know diamonds that grow out of the sand on the ground? Yeah. I don't know much about diamonds, but I didn't think that they come in long sticks. Like supermans, like fortresses, solitude. Like they're just like these long, like they're easily like placed and they like put them in that gun with no problem. It's like, oh good, we have this perfect compartment

for a perfect diamond fit in there. Like shove it in. It's like when you go to the orchard to pick apples and it's late in the season and apples have already fallen onto the ground. That's, that's what this is like except the diamonds. And I'm pretty, like they call it, it's like a diamond mine or something, but there's no mining involved. No, no mining at all. These diamonds are fresh for the taking. Tim, Tim Curry just picks them up like rotten apples and tries to run out with them. By the way, Tim Curry picks up water. He's like, I'm rich, I'm rich. Yeah, and his plan is to simply, which I found amazing after all this trouble, was to simply just like pack as many diamonds as he could into like pockets and shirts and just run out. And then they're surrounded by

the big gray monkeys. The big gray monkeys are like the protectors of the diamonds or whatever. And then in, and they have their monkey Amy, who's with them. They then proceed to shoot with guns and lasers and it's like oozy and crazy. All of the big gray gorillas, while their gorilla just watches. Yeah, their gorilla doesn't. Well, their gorilla knows that they're bad. Like that's the other thing too. It's like, I mean, I guess. They don't seem bad to be honest. They don't. They are the heroes of the movie. It's like the whole movie is like, you could see, okay, this is going to be like an indictment of colonialism or out of control capitalism. It kind of feels like what they're setting up. But then there's no moment of like, we should study

these gorillas or we should like, you know, preserve this endangered species. They just start massacring them instantly. Anyone would feel that way. It would be Dr. Peter. Yeah, who doesn't at all. No, because he never, he never said, he never says we are coming into their world. Again, again, right. And they're just, they're being animals. He should be the, you know, why, you know, why, because, because he's afraid these good, these gorillas are going to stone cold bone his girlfriend. That's what he's doing. And then like, I mean, but he like, Jeff Goldblum basically spends all of Jurassic Park going like, we're messing with science. This is not good. Even, and then even the scientists, the archeologists they bring in Sam Neill is like,

we're messing. This is not, we're on their land. Like, no one in this movie ever goes, we're on their territory. Even though they have been altered, they're not natural gorillas. And they've been, you know, bred this way. That was by human hands. So it's like, one should feel for them no matter what way you cut it. Instead, we get like Laura Linney running out, getting a, putting a perfect diamond into her laser, which is for communications or, or I guess it's a weapon also. And then she runs in, she gives some like pithy one liner. I know what it is. I know what it is. It says, what are you doing? And she goes, I'm putting them on the endangered species list. That's them in a half

with a laser. It's the most violent dismemberment and like a bit that you could do in a PG 13 movie. She's like severing gorilla limbs with this laser that I just felt like they just like, oh, we got, it's like our version of a lightsaber. Like, yeah, it's like, but it is a violent end. I mean, this end scene, by the way, too, um, and no, no offense to the director of this movie. Everyone has to figure out how to direct like action for a scary creature when you don't want to see them. But his, his scary action was, um, blurry cam. Like the cameras are shaking. It's almost like first person perspective. Like that was, and then they, and then they reveal the monkeys fine after that. Like that first time it seems so scary. I never thought the monkeys,

when you do see a close-up of their face, they weren't that scary. No. They weren't really that scary. Just cause, you know, when you, when you wait to reveal the way something looks for that long, I mean, I guess it always might be a disappointment, but boy was it. They just seemed like innocent monkeys to me. Like they were the, they were the good guys. And these guys came in and fucking like risked them apart. By the way, especially during, yes. And during that lava scene, when they were throwing themselves in the lava, it's like these, these monkeys don't know which way is up. They're, you know what I mean? These monkeys, I love that. These monkeys don't know which way is up. They're jumping into lava.

Do we want, do we, I mean, you would think that they would know how to avoid lava because they live in a volcano. Again, it seems like that would be something they are familiar with, like nature and nurture, like they understand that. Also, by the way, sorry to interrupt, Paul, but they get in a hot air balloon to get the F out of there. Now their plane was almost shot down. Another plane that was flying over this area was almost shot down. It was shot down. It was shot down and everybody was killed. Yes. So brutally. That's where the hot air balloon came from, was from the downed plane. Oh, okay. Right, because they went in there and they knew that there was going to be a hot air balloon. It's impossible remotely that they would get out of

there alive. Oh, I fucking wish there was a post-credits scene where they're like, we're finally getting out of here and like a rocket launcher goes off and they explode in mid-air. Instead, we are left with this amazing clip. Here's the last line of the movie just in case you want to hear it, which is... There's a wind. I hope it blows us someplace good. Me too. And that is the clip. That is, I hope it blows us someplace good. Me too. That's it. They're not even hoping to go home. Just someplace good. And then I start another adventure. Like, it has like that kind of like James Bond, Indiana Jones thing. Like, oh, we'll see you next time. Like, these are not three people that are going to have another adventure to get. One's an XCIA agent.

One's like this hunter. And another man is a scientist. This is not a good group. This is not a fun group. Yeah. And we talked about it earlier, but this is the aftermath of, you know, they escaped the gorillas before they get in the hot air balloon. Laura Linney has a conversation with Bruce Campbell's father, Bruce Campbell being the guy who was killed in the first scene. And his father being the industrialist, wielding the golf club. And they have this moment of like, you know, where he screams for the diamonds. And then he, you know, makes it very clear that he doesn't care about his son. He only cares about the diamonds. Doesn't give a fuck about his son. And so she puts her, she puts the laser on her shoulder, aims it at the sky and like,

I guess blows up his communication satellite with the laser. Which is going to cost him a lot of money because he's, I mean, he's already, he's having a hard time because satellite technology has only gone downhill since 94. I mean, it's really been a failing business. I wonder if he was on the brink of like creating the internet or something. He needs these diamonds to fuel the internet. We need these diamonds. Guys, what if there had been a plane in the sky? But by the way, just think about this. She shoots the laser into low orbit and assume not that she's not going to hit anything else. Like, what the fuck? Well, by the way, she has amazing aim as does Ernie Hudson. Well, no, it locked on. It locked on to the thing. She's able

to plug the coordinates in, but I will stay. Okay. So you think of a person and the, the energy and effort it takes to shoot a grenade launcher or an air to ground missile. There's like a little bit of something, a kickback. This is a laser. Again, I can't, you know, can't say it enough. It goes through the atmosphere into space and destroys the satellite in outer space. And it's like, boop, done, did it. Like, that's, I mean, well, I don't even know what he would have done with that, that thing. And it would, did he only need one diamond? That was the other thing too. Did he only need one? Yes, because they were a special type of diamond, right? They were blue diamonds or they were, they were not your average diamond. I thought it was, they were

unusually big. Oh, I don't, I don't know. Well, here's an interesting fact. But how can a diamond, like a diamond is pure carbon crystal with little impurities. The gems such as manufactured rubies are used in mediums like lasers because they have impurities. So that's just a technical thing that this movie is based in nothing. So just, you know, if there you thought any research happened here, no, diamonds and lasers never work together. So dumb. Can I just, is it worth talking any bit all about how hard it was to get across the border? They really, they talk about that a lot throughout the movie. It's not like the Civil War was going to come back to at some point or there was going to be some sort of wrap up. Well, that's, yeah, well, that's, that's kind of surprising

is they spend so much time setting up the political kind of Civil War element of where they are. And then all the movie is, is about getting to a secret temple in a volcano. And then there, what was the weird thing too? And I didn't really understand this. Like they were, these monkeys would kill humans and then clean up their mess. Like they would have like a crazy murder scene. And then they're like, well, we're all the bodies. What did they do? And then there was a pit where they had, okay, that was really weird because that pit was actually of guerrilla, like normal guerrillas. Right. But then they had another pit where they found Bruce Campbell. But then not all the other people, because the other people had disappeared.

Right. But were we to understand that the guerrilla, the bad guerrillas were actually killing guerrillas that weren't, they did set that up, but there seem to be like normal guerrillas in ample supply in the jungle. They're like everywhere. Wait, so these are Hitler guerrillas. They're like creating a genocide for non gray guerrillas. Yeah. They say at some point, like those are the bones of the good guerrillas. Yeah. That's a skull of a good guerrilla, which how he could tell that one glance. There's a lot of like, oh, you're a scientist. Oh, you're a scientist too. Okay. We're scientists. I will be remiss if I didn't bring out the fact that Jimmy Buffett played a role in this movie. If you didn't see him as a 727 pilot,

he was a pilot in the movie, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett always playing a pilot, also a pilot on Hawaii 50. And I feel like that's like a rich person's thing. Like Frank Marshall was like, I hung out with Jimmy Buffett in Hawaii. I'm going to put him in my movie. Like, like it's weird. Like, we're having fun. Come on. You'll be the pilot. Everyone will laugh. Obviously we have an opinion about the movie, but there are other people who think differently. So now it's time for a second opinion. These are five star reviews cold from Amazon. Let's begin. This first one is called the myth of the killer ape. It's by Dustin Holmes. He writes, I really liked this movie. And I thought it was a great adventure film in a way. It's kind of like the

movie Anaconda only with killer gorillas instead of snakes. Five stars. That's kind of true in a way. Yeah, they are similar. Like with Tim Curry being the John Boyd or John Boyd, like badly accented character. Yeah, well, this is I want to ask a question about accents in a second. This is from Zaina. She goes, after years and years of filthy language and bare boobs and bottoms, it's refreshing for someone like myself to find a traditional adventure movie that's not insulting to my sensibilities and is fun to watch. Too bad these types of films are scarce. Most scriptwriters can't write a line without the F word in it. And love can't be conveyed with them without nudity. But this movie was a treat. Really? That was written in 2001. I don't think that that's,

I mean, there are plenty of PG movies without the F word in it. And finally, my favorite review here is Kids Review. It says Amy, Amy, good movie like Cup, Drink, Amy, Amy Scared, Ernie Hudson, Apple Banana Cup, Juice Drink, Amy Star, DVD, Easter Egg, Hidden Cup. Five stars. That was written by Amy. I like that one. That was written by Amy herself. All right, so I have a couple questions here. First of all, Nick, you saw this in the theater. Do you remember seeing this? I was so hyped for this movie as a kid. I was super hyped. And I remember, as I was watching it, I hadn't seen it since I saw it in the theaters. But as I was rewatching it, there was a moment where they show like a, they kind of do a Terminator 2 style where you see

like kind of a subway they're eating, you know, as the cops are having that scene. They see a bunch of Taco Bell that they've been eating as the scientists have been working late. And I was like, oh yeah, they had like this Taco Bell promotion. And then I remembered like, I had like a Kongo Taco Bell watch. I like wore to school. I did too. I had that too. And I was like really into this like Kongo watch. And I was so hyped for this movie and I went and I saw it in theaters and it was just garbage, just like so like terrible. And afterwards I went out outside of the theater and I sat down and I sat in gum. I legitimately think this, like to this day, that was like the worst day of my life. It's like the low point for me.

And then my other question is, this was kind of your life, September 11. My other question is this, the accents, do you think that it was at the table read that everyone just started to outdo each other with the accents? Because everyone is bringing, I mean, Laura Lenny does a fine job, but like all the other side characters like, I got an accent for you. I got an accent for you. They all kind of throw on some and no one directed them to lower it down. They're all pretty big. Here's a clip of Ernie Hudson talking about what he knows about gorillas and this you get the chance to hear his accent as well. What is that? What is that? Full moon. Colobus monkeys. That's monkeys. Mating season.

There's a moon like that every monkey for 200 miles thinks he's Elvis Presley. And that is neither here nor there. That is, that is the clip of it. More of like an affectation. I like that affectation. I really do like Ernie, Ernie Hudson, like really, like I, he read a thing in The Weird Rolls articles that they do in Onion and he loves this part. I don't know. I really like him. I would love to make a movie with Ernie Hudson as this character. Oh my God. Any final thoughts, anything that we didn't cover that anyone feels like we should bring up? Anything? Nothing? We'll talk about it all. Would you recommend it? See, it is startling to me. It is startling to me how much this movie is just about regular,

pretty much regular gorillas, one of whom happens to have a robotic English voice. And we like, I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to get around to the idea that like, even in this show, we barely talked about the fact that there was an animal that talked for most of it. I know. And there's one point, I know. There's one point where Dr. Peter says, because there's really no reason under the circumstances where Amy's voice thing should be on. I mean, you know, she shouldn't really have the robotic arm on, you know, because they're, they're really like running for their lives once they hit the Congo. And there is one scene where Dr. Peter just lowers the volume and goes, oh, I should lower this.

And you know, this actually brings up a very good point. Like she is wearing that backpack throughout the entire movie. And I'm like, oh, what is it inside there? It's just a big old speaker. It's like he's carrying like a Bose bookshelf speaker on his back. It seemed like that was not, it was too big of a device if it was just a speaker. Well, I guess my point too is, and this is what I keep on coming back to is that Dr. Peter can understand her sign language because he taught her sign language. So the voice box is for everyone else who needs to know what Amy's saying for some reason. Yeah. And then why did they need to bring that with them? And also if they're dropping her back off

in the jungle, why does she need it at all? And it should be a part of her transition process that that voice box is, you know, well, if she goes to be with that guy, she's not wearing it. No, but I don't remember when it was taken off. But she clearly puts it on herself for the final scene because she's not wearing it right before the silverback scene, but then she is wearing it in the final battle scene. So clearly at one point she's like, oh, I better strap this on. I gotta tell you, I gotta talk English to these girls and freak them out. Oh, so stupid. So would you guys recommend seeing it on, it's on Netflix. Would you tell people to watch it?

Absolutely. Oh, yeah. No, it's a wonderful mess. The hippo scene is great, which we didn't touch on. Yeah, the hippo scene is actually, I wish the movie was actually more like that in a way, like, like just because that seemed like more like jungly or something. It just seemed like there's a lot of like, that seemed like more of an adventure moment or something. But yeah, it's a pretty, it's a pretty great movie. It is. It's really dumb. No, yeah, yes, very dumb. But John Patrick's Shanley, I would say this and then doubt. Probably. This is a man who won the Pulitzer. That is mind-blowing. He won the Pulitzer and won an Academy Award for writing Moonstruck. This guy has had the craziest, the craziest thing. He's written, he wrote

Joe versus the Volcano. It's a very interesting movie career. Okay, so that is that before we wrap up June. Want to talk about your movie? Yes, Ask Backwards is out on VOD on iTunes right now, and it'll be in theaters November 8th. I have a quick announcement to make that to listen to the mini-episode because we have an extra from the Lindsay Lohan movie, I Know Killed Me, wrote in and gave a very detailed experience of what it was like to be on that set, and we're going to play that on our mini-episode. Nick, what do you got? You can follow me on Twitter at Nick Weigher, N-A-C-K-W-I-G-E-R, and look for my videos on Funnier Day. Perfect. Jason? I don't know. I got nothing. Well, we thank you guys all for listening. We have

a Twitter. It is HDGTM. It's at HDGTM. You can follow us there. It's our official Twitter. You can write us on our Facebook page. Thank you guys so much, and thank you to everybody here at Ear Wolf for keeping this show running. Our amazing engineer, Frank Capello, our amazing clip-puller, Avril Haley. Did I pronounce that wrong, Avril? I am sorry. I think I did. I'm sorry, butchered your name. Katie Dyer, Liana Waldron, Nathan Kiley, Sonia Weiser, all these people keep our show running so smooth. Nathan with the research, Sonia with the mini-episode help, Leanne, Liana with all the amazing art, and Katie just rocking it on the social media side. We love you all. Thank you so much. All right. See you next week.