How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Godzilla (w/ Chris Gore)

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

SIZE DOES MATTER! Years before Godzilla x Kong, Chris Gore (Film Threat) joined Paul, Jason, and June to discuss the 1998 Roland Emmerich helmed monster flick Godzilla starring Matthew Broderick and Jean Reno. They get into NYC mayor Roger Ebert, the many boats that fall off Godzilla, Madison Square Garden becoming an egg nest, and so much more. Pop on your headphones and listen, as long as you're not scared of giant lizards sneaking up on you! (Originally Released 06/19/2012) UPCOMING TOUR DATES IN: Belfast, Dublin, Glasgow, & London! Go to hdtgm.com for tix and info.Pre-Order Paul’s book about his childhood, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, wherever books are soldFor extra Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerHDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

Size does matter, and in this case more than a script, characters, or good CGI. We saw Godzilla, so you know what that means. Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? The awkward tea of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzougas. How are you? Very good. And you and Diane Reifel.

How are you? Hello. We have a very special guest today on the show. You might know him as the creator of Film Threat Magazine. He is on G4's Attack of the Show, and he has a brand new podcast called Pod Crash. Please welcome Chris Gore. Thank you for having me.

I am so excited to be here. We are very excited to talk about Godzilla 1988. Oh my gosh, so. 1988? You mean 1998? Oh, sorry, 90s. I was just gonna, like, you almost just blew my mind. I was like, this is an amazing movie.

And I was gonna say, if that would explain why Matthew Broderick looked that young. And I wanna thank you for not having me on your heart beeps episode because it would have been a three parter, right? Three parter at least. Oh man, Andy Kaufman, right? That was heart beeps.

I just remember, this is a movie, personally, that I remember being so excited for in the theater. I saw it like opening day. Really? Got like an, like they were giving out free t-shirts on a line and it was like, size does matter. It was like, they only had XXLs. And you know like-

And at the time you were obese. I was huge. I was giant. Still fit pretty snug. Before I started eating Subway sandwiches. And I just remember like being so disappointed at this movie, cause it was like, such a bummer. The marketing was great.

I mean, those trailers, the teaser trailers that basically showed you nothing. Just people in New York in fear. Yeah. I was so pumped. I mean, those trailers, the teaser trailers that basically showed you nothing. People in New York in fear. I was so pumped. I was just like you. I couldn't wait for the toys. Yeah, everything was cool. I remember that even New York Post had a thing called Now You See Him, and the day before

the movie came out, they had printed stills of Godzilla. Everyone hates what this Godzilla looks like, because he doesn't look like Godzilla. He looks like a big lizard it basically is This is basically like a Jurassic Park grab. Oh my gosh. Yeah Basically just like how can we do a Jurassic Park movie without it being Jurassic Park? Well, what if we just make it Godzilla, but it still looks like a Tyrannosaurus Rex in New York City And I mean and then they even have their, I mean, Godzilla in the, you know, spoiler alert, has babies in this movie that are just raptors.

He has babies. Godzilla, a male reptile just has babies. All right, well let's- Babies having babies, guys. I think to talk to Jason's point, Matthew Broderick, this movie came out in 1988. It is- 98. 98. No, so why do I keep on doing that?

Wow. I'm reading it too. 98. He looks like he aged like three decades in this time. He looks like a young man. From then until now, he literally has like opposite Benjamin Button disease. It's very strange.

Yeah, yeah. Matthew Broderick. He still looks like Ferris Bueller in this movie. Yeah. Like in the beginning. He looks younger than Ferris Bueller. In the beginning, he still looks like Ferris Bueller in this movie. Yeah. He looks younger than Ferris Bueller. In the beginning, he's acting like Ferris Bueller. He's got his Walkman on and he's singing and he's ba-ba-ba.

That's what's so weird about the whole tone of the movie is it's not, there's no fear. There's just this sort of, especially with the fanciful music, like ding-ding-a-ling-ding, ding-ding. There's so much just dumb humor. While tens of thousands of people die. Right, right. And while a dinosaur is loose, a giant dinosaur is loose. That's the whole thing is like no one gives a shit.

There is a hole in the MetLife building, the old Pan Am building. Literally Godzilla went through it and the mayor's like, oh you made me evacuate this city for nothing? No! There's a fucking dinosaur running around like no one cares. The only time they get pissed is when they realize Madison Square Garden's under attack. That's the only time New Yorkers get pissed. And that mayor that you talked about is supposed to be Roger Ebert. Right he's his name is Ebert is right-hand man. It says gene I didn't catch that and the whole thing is is that like I remember when it came out even they hated it even though They're referenced in the movie. Yeah, it's obviously them well

You know I think the reason why they were referenced in the movie is because Ebert Cisco Ebert gave Independence Day a bad review right and so he wanted to like so he makes Ebert eat all the times Like he's like I want these snacks He's like oh Mr. Mayor you can't eat this candy until after the end And like all the billboards around town are like thumbs up for Mayor Ebert like I did feel that part though like I I Did when he was eating candy like I remember on 9-eleven I ate like five bagels within the first hour My response was just to eat everything I could find. You're like, let me carbo load right now. But it's bizarre because what's so funny

is it makes you miss the man in a rubber suit. Yes. This actually makes you go, you know what? These effects might be better, technically speaking, but I miss a guy in a rubber suit. And the whole thing is, in the old Godzilla movies, all those actors took it so deadly seriously. Yeah.

The generals, and they were all serious. In this, they're just sort of goofy. And the worst part is the one guy who's giving orders has a stutter. Yes! To make sure to shoot the missiles. That was awful. But by the way, I don't know if you noticed,

but by the end, when he sort of has his big moment, he loses the stutter. Oh. He has a baby arc of his own. That guy thought his career was going to explode out of it. Every one of those characters. I thought he was OK. But what happened to that?

I liked that curly haired girl. Maria Petillo. Who is that? Maria Petillo. I checked out. She's not done much after this. Right? But I was like, this girl is cute.

What's her story? OK, but by the way, her whole, I love the fact that she felt that her hair was holding her back. Her hair, having that hair down, was holding her career back. Right, she was a newspaper researcher? She wanted to be a reporter, a journalist, but had fallen into being just Harry Shearer's assistant for years. Who then really bluntly says, like like I want to fuck you. Yeah Yeah, he's like, why don't we talk about you put the promotion at your house for dinner tonight?

Are you married? I feel like I missed about the 90s just blatant sexism like no questions about it We can bring it back. No, junior screenwriting. You could do it There are so many things in this movie that I was like like we haven't talked even We haven't even set up really like the nonsense of it. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, like, or Jean Reno or like there's like the fact that like there's a surreptitious French organization behind the scenes of almost the whole movie makes no sense.

Can someone explain that to me? I didn't, I never got to the bottom of that. Basically what happens is you don't know how Godzilla is created. Really you just see like this opening title sequence where there's a lizard and some nuclear testing. Then all of a sudden. All the lizards. It's like it's like two dozen lizards watching a nuclear explosion happen. They got good front row seats for it. And then one of them happened to I guess become Godzilla. It attacks a Japanese fishing boat. And then Gene Reed. Japanese fishing boat where the captain is just watching sumo and eating noodles.

Yes. Every insane. It's like in Speed 2 where the people were on the boat watching boat disaster movies. We need to just bring it. So yeah, so Godzilla attacks. And now it kind of Godzilla somehow goes all the way from the Pacific Ocean all the way to New York. Yeah.

He's made some kind of crazy. In no time at all. No time. But then also that French guy somehow gets into the doctor's room where this old... Holy shit, this scene is crazy. That was one of the craziest scenes in the movie. There's one survivor, there's one Japanese... Of the Japanese fishing boat. Sailor survivor, I think was craziest scenes in the movie. There's one survivor, there's one Japanese sailor survivor,

I think was the cook on the ship. Where all the knives fell around him and stuck into the floor. That was amazing! That was amazing! And the only good part is when he says the words, Gojira, Gojira. But what's crazy is, you and I are gonna say the same thing.

Go ahead, June. The French guy walks over to this sailor and says... Who's catatonic. Okay, yeah, okay, yes. Yeah, who's catatonic. He's staring straight ahead, nothing going on behind the eyes. And he goes... First he says to his translator, ask him what happened.

Ask him what happened. So the guy says in Japanese to the guy, what happened? The guy doesn't say anything. And then the French guy says to him, what? Wait, first what does he do? I don't know. First he lights a lighter. Oh, I don't remember this.

First he lights a lighter and waves the flame in front of his face. And then in English said, what did you see, old man? And then the non-English speaking Japanese man who did not answer in Japanese says, Gojira. Gojira. Gojira.

Okay, wait. So was he hypnotized? Who knows? Into speaking English? What are you talking about? And understanding English. What are you talking about? I just didn't understand how the flame played into it too.

It was like, all right, well, this takes people out of catatonia. What are you talking about? I just didn't understand how the flame played into it too. It was like, alright, well this takes people out of Catatonia. The best, the most insane part of that is then like 15 minutes later when the US military are reviewing footage, that scene of the lighter and the man saying, Gogeta, Gogeta, are in the clips package based on military hands. How did they get that? How did they get that? I don't know, but I'm starting to understand something.

Here's what I think. What I was really stuck on, more so than the flame, was the fact that the French guy was calling this guy Old Man to his face. Well, the guy was old. I know he was old. Wait, that's your takeaway? Well, yeah, because I thought it was really insulting

when he needed something from this man. Oh, man. But now what I'm realizing is the flame, I don't think that Japanese man hurt him at all. I think whatever he did with the flame made him just say, Godzilla, Godzilla. And that he actually, he actually didn't even hear

and didn't understand what he was saying. I think you're wrong. And that the Frenchman knew that he wasn't going to understand it. I have a bigger issue with the fact that the military got footage from this movie. Because that's all they did. They just replayed the scene from the movie. It wasn't like a security camera, it was just like a scene from the movie. And basically that posits the idea that the American military has access to Jean Reno's

French Secret Service footage. I'm assuming, because it's a close-up shot. It is the shot. It zooms in. It is the shot of the flame and the Japanese man. And the dumbest part is that Harry Shearer's character later mispronounces Gojira and says Godzilla. And then this is how we get the name of the movie.

Right there. To put a button on it. By the way, in my mind, when he said Godzilla, like, is this a world where Godzilla films exist? That's what's confusing is that, like, is there a lore to it when this movie starts? Yeah, sorry go ahead. I mean because the original name of Godzilla is like right? It's Gojira. Gojira right so like but I mean it was it's not like Giant Lizard I mean like by the way I don't even understand how he saw this giant lizard because basically his hand just kind of- he was in the

Galley. He was in the galley and had like a claw kind of game through like he didn't get a good shot It was in the middle of the night. I'm still surprised at how he even made it back to land. In the first 20 to 40 minutes of this movie, every 15 seconds, jump to a different part of the world. Yeah, it keeps on moving, moving. It would be like, pipette Tahiti. It would be like, Ukraine, Chernobyl, Ukraine,

and then New York City, the city that never sleeps. My favorite title. It doesn't say New York, it just like, the chiron says, the city that never sleeps. And by the way, it does take 24 solid minutes before it gets to New York City, before the actual movie kinda begins. And then when it gets to New York City, watch out.

How come nobody ever sees Godzilla? My favorite guy was the guy with the headphones working on the dock, just like doing stuff. This is a fucking giant monster that's destroying the South Street Seaport over there. This guy's like, doesn't even look up at all. How loud is that music? That was like a very mid-90s conceit

that if you had headphones on, you were detached from everything that was going on. Living in a vacuum. You would not feel the giant footprints crashing down, the shaking of your... Because you're listening to your music. Yeah. Man, this Metallica album's really good.

But the thing is, how they integrated the... I mean, it's more about this disaster with all the stuff falling on people, this constantly stuff falling on people. The digital effects just looked, to be honest, it looked really bad. Oh, really bad. I mean, the whole movie shot in the dark

and in the rain to cover up the bad special effects. Exactly. Yeah, it's always nighttime. And they justify it one time to go, like Hank Kazari is talking about his news stories, like, oh, what are we gonna do? Another lead story on how it keeps on raining all the time? Like, it's likeari is talking about his news story, he's like, oh what are we going to do, another lead story on how it keeps on raining all the time?

Like it's like, yeah, yeah, it's raining, we're in a rainy season. Why does somebody say initially, in one of the first shots when they realize that Godzilla is in New York, somebody, the mayor, someone says, well Godzilla can easily hide in Manhattan. Oh, yeah, how? Yes, yeah, how? How? Yes. How? Where? I want to actually play that clip. Can we play that clip?

This is our clip one here. This is great. I don't understand. How could something so big just disappear? Well, we're not sure. But we'll just get it here right now. He probably returned to the river. Well, I don't think so.

I mean, look at it. It's perfect. An island, water on all sides. Uh-oh. But like no other island in the world, this is a place where he can easily hide. Not really. He's in there. Not one bit.

None of that is true. A million, three million people are there. They can see him at any given time. He's like a seven-story dinosaur. He's a hundred feet tall, and he's tall, and he's constantly evading people. It's a giant fucking lizard that'd be like, oh, yeah, I don't know where he went. He kind of just, he'd just snuck up on. What do you mean we lost him?

We lost a seven story dinosaur in Manhattan. By the way, I also love, this is another dumb conceded movies, a lot of Black Hawk helicopters flying in through the streets Like they're all flying in a narrow like that's not happening Godzilla the other thing that was gonna say is when Godzilla comes in He comes in like off the out of the water and he attacks the South Street Seaport and all this other stuff For like the first five minutes. Oh, he also comes in attacks Wall Street

Yeah, you know for the first five minutes every minute or also comes in a text, Wall Street kind of, you know. For the first five minutes, every minute or so, a boat falls off of Godzilla and crashes to the ground. He's covered in boats. He's covered in boats? He's half eaten boats. It's just like, it's like, just a- Like ticks. There's one that happens so late in the movie

that I was like, wait a minute, there's no way that boat has been on Godzilla this whole time. That is craziness. It got caught in Godzilla's beard. Yeah. With a little bit of boat. I didn't know how that happened. My favorite line too is like Godzilla is attacking and the city is like shaking like,

Bwuh-bwuh-bwuh-bwuh. And someone goes, ugh, not another parade. Yeah. Like, I've lived in New York. Parades have never shook the ground. This movie is like a stunning 9-11. This movie is like a stunning 9-11. This movie is like a stunning 9-11. Pre-9, I mean obviously it's pre-9-11, but like,

Pre-9, I mean obviously it's pre-9-11, but like, the specifics are so 9-11 that it's crazy. Well they even say, oh you're gonna say the thing? Well they even say, oh you're gonna say the thing? Oh, no go ahead. Or they even say that thing where they go, this is the greatest disaster in New York since the World Trade Centers were attacked. But the first, the 93 World Trade Center attack, yeah.

And to me, I was like, they're treating, and it's so interesting to watch it now because buildings are falling to the ground, people are like, it's like chaos on Wall Street, all this kind of stuff that we recognize as the kind of hallmarks of September 11th, but everybody is so glib and so not taking it seriously that you can't help but be like, but this isn't how it then happened in 2001, you crazy people.

Well people are like, people are like, yeah, it was ridiculous. I also love one of the news, like they're so glib that the news is literally, I wrote down one of these lines, is like, the city has been been destroyed the Warner Brothers and Disney stores are being looted. Yeah Is that what we're leading with that's the lead story that the Warner Brothers Being that must have been a Sony note. That's what I think yeah stick it to yeah The other thing that I was obsessed with was like it's obviously chaos the city is being evacuated but like Matthew Broderick later in the movie can like walk up to like a really small mom and pop pharmacy

and buy out all their pregnancy tests. And I was like, and she's like, well, we only have these ones. And I'm like, why isn't he screaming, get out of the city? We're very close to a murderous giant lizard. You stopped selling ibuprofen. What's going on? The mayor was constantly upset. Like, guys, if you lost a lizard, we could just bring

people back in. It's an election month. An election month. Like, you are going to lose everyone that's going to be voting for you. And then also, everyone uses the subway, which was another, like another head to the subway No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like just yeah, that was so my fate Oh my god, my favorite one of my favorite things So so Broderick at a certain point there because they've lost Godzilla in the city, right? Yeah, totally. They don't know where he's and Broderick's got an idea. He's like, well, no, we have to figure we can go find him We have to figure out what does he want? So they make a giant pile of fish No, we have to figure, we don't go find him, we have to figure out what does he want?

So they make a giant pile of fish, right? Like a giant 12 dump trucks full of fish, they make a giant pile of fish as bait, okay? So, so, so, so, and now, so I get that, right? And they're all waiting, it's a waiting game, okay. Then they cut into like the computer center and there are guys who are looking at computer screens looking for is Godzilla coming is Godzilla coming In the middle of the computer screen is a giant fish

It's a giant computerized fish to tell you that's where the fish are This is as bad as Willem Dafoe's stupid speed to computer that was always like when should I activate and he and he would type In like now please It was like nonsense. It's like a giant floating blinking fish And well I also loved in the fish scene that like you know they're waiting for Godzilla and Matthew Broderick has some time to kill so he goes over to one of those camera vending machine Yeah, you know one of those very popular Yep

camera vending machines buys the cameras like one of those like disposable ones vending machines buys a camera, is like one of those like disposable ones, like, well, I'll take some pictures. And he's like, I don't know why he's documenting it on those pictures. And the crazy thing about that is like the size and scale and impact of Godzilla changes with each frame. It's like when he does come face to face with Godzilla. I mean, this dinosaur is enormous. No, no, no, no. Is enormous. Boats are falling off of him.

100 feet tall. Okay, Matthew Broderick, they lock eyes and have this crazy moment of eye contact. Meanwhile, Godzilla's eyes are on either side of his head. So it's impossible at all. So, and he's humanized for a moment, and Matthew Broderick takes a picture of him with his tiny throwaway camera.

Godzilla reacts as though he's been blinded by the flash. It's the tiniest flash in the world. Is that why Matthew Broderick has the idea later to flip on the high beams? Yes. What? Oh, okay. See, I didn't pick up on that. I just picked up on that because of what you just said. That flash must have been so small. The flash is insignificant. This is an disposable camera flash. Look at how huge she is. The animal is gigantic and it is focused on eating fish.

Matthew Broderick takes a picture with a paper disposable camera. The kind that people used to give out at weddings that you would then take and take pictures of your dick at. Cardboard, yes, they're cardboard. Cardboard garbage cameras. Takes that shitty picture and the animal, you're right, flips out like, what what is this come on?

He's momentarily blind be cool, man I also I'm also confused. I mean I guess this goes back to the original Godzilla movie, but it's a hundred foot tall Monster everyone's got their rifles trained like machine guns like this is gonna This is gonna really take it down like well There are so many scenes in this movie where they draw out Godzilla and find him and lure him to a place. They stare at him for about a minute and then everybody runs away. It's like that happens about five times in this movie. It's always these dumb last minute like, ehh, walking like that guy on the dock who was fishing.

Like, I'm waiting to see this big thing coming towards me. When you think you turn around and run immediately. Everybody waits. He waits till the dock starts exploding behind him. It's stupid. People love to wait in these action movies, wait until the last possible second. I did love that, I think in this movie,

Godzilla is amazing at ducking. Like everything, all he does is duck. Every time they shoot a missile, yeah. I can't wait for something of that size to be so incredibly agile. Very agile. And he's running in these narrow canyons, all these streets. But I just don't think that this lizard has the wherewithal to know a missile's coming at me, I'm going to duck this one out. But they miss him so many times. They have nuclear subs aiming at him. They have helicopters.

Meanwhile, we got a cut to a scene of the French Secret Service keeping tabs on everything. And guys, do they like our coffee? They hate our coffee. Not strong enough. I thought you said this is French roast. And the guy pulls up a can and says French roast. Like, ugh, more milk.

This is French roast. But I feel like they were just trying to throw that in to give the film an international appeal. Yes. Right? Oh, 100%. How can we get the French? Jean Reno.

Yeah, it was totally right. It was like, yeah, this is a world movie, cause he's, cause Jean Reno is the hero. And also at one point dressed like the professional when he's like waiting in that one room, like wearing the white undershirt and the suspenders But yeah, it was like but they make them so cheesy. He's like, oh what no croissant The one thing though that is good about this film and it's better than any of the previous Godzilla films

The one thing they got right was the lip sync. The lip sync on the film is perfect, which in previous Godzilla films has not been the case since they're all dubbed. The lip syncing is the only positive thing I can say about this film. I have to say about that female reporter, she doesn't have the chops to be a reporter. There are so many times in this movie where she's like, don't we have enough footage? Let's go. I'm like, I don't wanna go down there.

There are rats down here. So she is not capable. She doesn't have what it takes. And she does not have what it takes. Well, I mean, she, she's. So anti-feminist. I'm sorry, but it's like, we're watching her. She should not be promoted.

Why was she in her bedroom crying? She's crying hysterically at one point because. Why though? Because she feels like she sold him out by giving that tape, the VHS tape labeled top secret. Oh, yes. That's a chick thing. None of us would understand that.

But I appreciate you're here to translate that. She betrayed the man that she loved in college eight years ago. Right. He still has a thing for her because he puts his pictures in his toolbox. Yeah, he proposed to her and then she just bailed. That's weird. Would a chick do that? So he proposed and then she didn't say anything, didn't write back, didn't...

That's really weird. Is that what happened between the two of them? Yeah, I thought that was strange. She had broke his heart. And then she didn't say anything, didn't write back, didn't... Like that's really weird. That's what they... Yeah, that was... I thought that was strange. She had broke his heart. Then she stole his info. I also thought it was strange though to not have... You didn't say it was off the record.

To not have her and Matthew Broderick kind of trying to escape from Madison Square Garden together. Like she has... She spends probably about 15 minutes at the end of the movie with Animal. Yeah, with Azaria. Like how strange to not put your two love interests together for the end of the movie with animal yeah with his area like how strange to not put your two love interests together for the End of the movie completely are well because I think the true love story is between Jean Reno and Matthew Yeah, that's yeah

I do want to play the clip of her Her reason for apologizing like when she so basically she steals a tape labeled top secret For Matthew Broderick, and then that gets used on the news and then this is her reason of why she did it. There's something I have to tell you. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a reporter. It's raining.

When we broke up and I first came out to New York, I was so sure I'd make it, but I haven't. That's why I needed the story so bad. I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. And you thought that made it okay to steal my tapes? No, it was a terrible thing to do. I never should have done that. Good luck with your new career. Yeah! I think you have what it takes.

Newark Airport. He goes off to Newark Airport. He says Newark Airport, little does he know, Jean Reno, he happens to be driving this cab and is going to abduct him. And, by the way, Hank Azaria, who's been watching from down the block, goes, I'm gonna follow him. Why? Hank Azaria says, he says out loud to himself,

come on, man, something like that, hang on, man. Yeah, like, I gotta settle this. I guess Animal just wanted the scoop no I know you wanted you wanted to help you wanted to help out Audrey yeah but I got it I gotta say cuz Audrey's is his wife's friend if it wasn't for that if it wasn't for that newscast that she stole this top-figure tape you would never have my favorite line in the entire movie which is army generals sitting around the giant table, they're talking about what to do,

and then you hear the local news is like, and now with a special report on Godzilla, then one of the army generals is like, hey everyone, hold on, we should watch this. And they turn around and they watch the local news and then they go, hey, that was the top secret tape we gave you and get out of here, Matthew Broderick, you're fired.

Like it was, you're fired. Like it was, it was the, they're in the middle of a intense like how we defeat this creature. Hold on, the news, the news has a story. We got to check in. We got to see what Hank is there. The way she gets the tape is like Godzilla is literally rampaging New York City. Like again, thousands of people must be dying. It's crazy, right? And it's crazy right and he runs

into Audrey and he's like at that pharmacy cuz she's just walking walking by and she's like Nick and he's like Nick to top a list cuz he's Greek of course yes of course it's a topounces. That's another running gag. Everybody mispronounces his Greek name, which never happens. But he's like, Audrey? And she's like, yeah. And they have a meat cute while a dinosaur destroys the city. And then he goes, you want to get a cup of coffee? What?

Your job is to stop the giant dinosaur from rampaging the city. She sees him buying five pregnancy tests. And she's like, oh so you've got a harem back home? Oh my god. A dinosaur's out there. People are literally dying everywhere. You could easily say like over a hundred thousand people probably were killed, right?

Absolutely. There would be no way to evacuate the city. So yeah, that quickly. So yes, hundreds of thousands of people are dying. Here's the other thing. Godzilla, we find out he's pregnant and he's having all these babies. He does it in Madison Square Garden, but no one knows that he does it

in Madison Square Garden, which means like, I don't understand how he could just lay 200 eggs in Madison Square Garden without anyone going like, I think he might be in here. I think this might be in there. They have a manager there, like a night manager. I'm just gonna keep an eye on Madison Square Garden without anyone going like, I think he might be in here. Yeah. I think this might be in there. Do they have a manager there, like a night manager? Yeah. I'm just going to keep an eye on Madison Square Garden. Yeah.

What are these eggs doing here? Well, that's the thing. Nobody seems to have any mode of communication to say like, oh, there's that giant lizard. I'll call in. You know what I mean? Yeah. And by the way, there were cell phones at this time.

Oh, yeah. Harry Shearer's using one. Yeah, but they don't use them at a lot of times. They just kind of use them when they want to. But when they go into Madison Square Garden, they see the 200 eggs, and it becomes like a giant raptor seeing all these raptors are attacking. And all the eggs hatch pretty much simultaneously.

Simultaneously. Didn't you? Yeah, go ahead. And they go like, well, we need to get the word out. The incubation period must have been like four hours. Yeah. Like those eggs, like penguins need to get the word out. The incubation period must have been like four hours. Oh, yeah. Penguins sit on their eggs for months.

Godzilla lays eggs that hatch within hours. 200 eggs all around. Literally litters them all around. But this is like, yeah, exactly. Like alien, you mentioned that. But movie pregnancy is different, because things escalate quicker in movie pregnancies. Alien, Prometheus, all those things.

It's just like, it happens instantly. Yeah, right, yeah, she has a baby very quickly. We can't waste screen time with that. I did love, though, once those baby Godzilla's are hatched, they're all trying to escape Madison Square Garden, and at one point, I don't know if it's before or after Madison Square Garden's about to be blown up, but they're running away from them

and I think they shoot a gumball machine or something like a gumball machine. No, he knocks a gumball machine over. He knocks one over and all the baby Godzilla's run out and all slip and fall on those gumballs. It's like a Keystone Cops. And it was one of the most delightful things I've ever seen. Well, baby Godzilla's slipping.

I love that. Is it as cute as the baby Godzilla eating the popcorn, having his head stuck in a bag of popcorn? Here's what I, yeah, you know what I could not figure out for the life of me is I genuinely felt like the movie couldn't decide whether it wanted us to care about the giant misunderstood Godzilla and his babies and want to save them. Like which seemed to be the Matthew Broderick kind of character would naturally be like, no, you don't understand.

We have to say, he doesn't mean to harm or anything, but Matthew Broderick and everybody else is like, tell them to blow up Madison Square Garden and kill the babies. We have to kill the babies. This is my favorite part because they go, how can we get a word out? We can't use our cell phones for whatever reason let's go up to the booth because our our our news station covers all the Rangers games so we have a live like feed up there so they run up to this booth that's ready for you know all the great Ranger games reports yep and they you know the contact the guy who's at the

other news stations like you know Henry put us on put us on he goes there's no Ranger game tonight no no there is, like, you know, Henry, put us on, put us on. He goes, there's no ranger game tonight. No, no, there is no ranger game. You know why? Yeah. Cause there's a giant dinosaur rampaging the city, dummy. And he was like kind of reluctantly to put, like reluctant to like, I mean, I may get in trouble for putting you on,

like, no, no. We guarantee you're not gonna get in trouble. To your point, Jason, I think that's why they made the Godzilla he, and they kept on referring to Godzilla as he. So that it wouldn't be a mother? Yeah, because if it was a mother, I mean, that scene is already pretty painful when Godzilla comes back to life, I guess, after being blown up,

and realizes that all of his babies have been murdered. That was a pretty dark scene, but if it hadn't been a woman of his babies have been murdered. That's a oh, that was a pretty dark The best shot of the movie was an aerial view of that one day dead baby Godzilla on the ground It's like just like a limp dead baby Godzilla like and then he was like, oh and that's when Godzilla gets mad You killed one of his 200 babies and then then all of a sudden once the final chase is going on And then, then all of a sudden, once the final chase is going on, Godzilla is getting stuck like a motherfucker. Like he doesn't, he can't get, like before he's running through buildings, burrowing tunnels under the city, now he gets like runs up to a building,

ugh, can't get in, ugh, like he's always getting stuck, like ugh, can't get down this hallway, ugh, can't get back to this fence, Godzilla is, for no reason, his tail rips through buildings but he gets caught ultimately in a couple of wires oh that's how they finally get the saddest ending go to the Brooklyn bridge where's the nearest suspension bid bridge at one point well here is the nearest suspension bridge oh and that's everything no one in the movie that everyone's like looking at maps of Manhattan like how do we figure it out? It's a grid. Yeah, Manhattan is a grid. That's it. You can figure it out really

Looks like 34th make a right like if you could have one They could have handled this situation with one helicopter in the sky. Yes. Being like, okay, I see the giant dinosaur. Exactly. It's at 34th and Lex. Okay, it's moving north. Yeah, there was, yeah. Just stay above it.

Just stay above it. Don't engage it. This is where Dean Devlin would have benefited from a writer's room. Because you would have needed just people to just say, hey, that's kind of dumb, this is stupid, people wouldn't act this way. Nope, just did it himself.

Exactly. Oh man, Dean Devlin, after this movie, really kind of went downhill for him. I guess he did. Well, it's true. The Patriot, oh, he just produced that, but as a writer, not much, not much. It's all producer after that. The last, oh, he did write, oh no,

I was gonna say Universal Soldier. He only got creator of the characters. Yeah, that was the last movie He wrote Godzilla I did love the scene though. I have to say when they're in the French guys taxi cab and They Godzilla eats the entire cab and they're in his mouth. Oh and Hank is there We're in his mouth I loved it. I laughed.

It was wonderful. By the way, it just felt like a universal ride. It felt like the Simpsons ride. Yeah, of course. It's like, whoa, he's eating us! Whoa, he's in the zone! Whoa! There is also a great when they see,

when the military guys see Godzilla for the first time, there's the dude who's I believe a husband on Desperate Housewives. Who's that guy? Who's like the military guy, handsome military guy? Oh yeah, I know who you're talking about. He's maybe not that, but you know, he's a guy who's still around that you see now.

And he goes. Kevin Dunn. Huh? Yes. Kevin Dunn. And he goes, ugh, we're gonna need bigger guns. And I was like, really? You're gonna pull a, we're gonna need a bigger, basically I was like, really? You're gonna pull a we're gonna need a bigger,

basically you're quoting Jaws at this point in your stupid Godzilla movie. I did like the French guy's arc though with, I mean he ultimately became a New Yorker at the end driving a taxicab. That's a cliche version of a New Yorker. What an Austrian thinks of a New Yorker, that's what it is. I love that that's your takeaway. Yorker. That's what it is.

I love that that's your takeaway. What's the movie Godzilla like? Well, it's basically a French man's transformation into a New Yorker. Well, I do love that at the end of the movie, you know, animal Hank Azaria's character has taped this entire thing on his Betamax camera. And then he goes... Then he cannot get the tape into. Oh, he can't get the tape into. And at the end, he's trying to take the tape out,

and the tape is gone. Then Gene Reno calls up Matthew Broderick, and he's like, I have the tape, I'm going to edit it, and then I give it back to you. Like, there's a few things on there you cannot see. What? What couldn't you see on that tape? We know about everything.

Everything is public knowledge at this point, right? The dinosaur destroyed Manhattan. And is dead on the Brooklyn Bridge. We've all seen it and lived through it. There's nothing to hide. And then the final scene of the movie. Final scene. Oh, wait, what happens?

Well, everything. The FNT is a sequel. Yeah. All of a sudden. But everything's already been blown up. Uh-uh. Because you go into Madison Square Garden. But they blew everything up, right? Well, no, no. That's the thing.

In the locker room. You know, he laid all of his eggs in the stadium seats. But he laid one egg in the Knicks locker room. Which, by the way, there is no way for him to fit into that locker room. In a closed locker room. It's almost like Godzilla was like, I'm going to lay all my eggs over here, and then I'm walking over, hey, what's that? Uh-oh. Well, there was one more egg.

And it fell into the locker room. It fell into the locker room. The locker room was not destroyed by the massive bombing of Madison Square Garden. Nope. And this is a good locker room. And then crack, crack, crack, baby Godzilla comes out. Which, to me, ultimately isn't super scary.

And a boat drops off of him. The end question mark. Oh man, let's take a quick commercial break. We'll come back with some Amazon reviews. All right, so obviously we had a pretty low opinion of this movie, but there are some people who had a very high opinion and now it is time for some second opinions. This is from of reviews cold from amazon.com. A dent Aragon writes, Godzilla is one of my favorite movies. The kind I watch when I'm exhausted and all I want to do is relax with a cocktail or a cup of cappuccino and

not worry about world peace or cosmic disasters. Sure, the Japanese Godzilla is an American movie after all, but I can't see why we don't have our own Godzilla the same way Japanese have their own baseball and rock and roll. What? Five stars. Amazing. Here's another one. This movie was good. It had all sorts of feelings in it. All sorts of feelings? Suspense, sadness, action. You know the feeling of action. You know when you get that feeling of action. Oh, you know it looks so good. I don't know. I feel a little

action. A little comedy here and there. Plus, it was physically possible. In other words, not fake. All in all, definitely worth a while movie. Five stars. Wait, is that person saying that this was a documentary? Are you correcting the grammar? Because those Amazon reviews are usually riddled with horrible grammar. Oh, oh, suspense is still... I did love, I did love, by the way, there's a line in the movie where the looters are looting the Disney store and one looter says to another, he goes, I got that feeling. That bad feeling.

That feeling before something bad happens. By the way, you should have gotten that when the giant Godzilla attacked. It wasn't like, it wasn't like. Yesterday you should have had that feeling. Yeah, they were looting after the giant lizard was known to be an entity. Like that's the thing, it's like no one really communicated that there was a giant lizard in town nobody you never saw anybody say to another person Hey, isn't this fucking crazy? Yeah? No, it's a dinosaur like Jurassic Park They're like holy shit dinosaurs shouldn't be here. This is crazy

Everybody in this one is like we gotta get out of here just cause, but nobody pauses to be like, dude, crazy, right? There's a dinosaur? People are pissed they have to go to New Jersey. Yes. That's what it was. This is my favorite final Amazon review. To anyone who didn't like this movie, you must've got hit on the head with a coconut.

Five stars. Well, there's nothing to say. that. Now I went all out, I don't know if I get extra credit for this, I listened to the commentary on the DVD. Whoa! Well what do you have to share with us about that? Well there's only one interesting thing I learned. First of all, I learned who did what special effects. I mean, Roland Emmerich, the director, didn't do the commentary,

it was just these effects people. But the name of the guy who designed Godzilla, his last name is Tetopolis I heard that so Nick Totopolis' character came from and that guy is hated all over because the Japanese hate this version of Godzilla so much so that the next Godzilla movie they made with a guy in a rubber suit they kill a God's a lizard like character that looks like the Godzilla from the 1998 Roman-American film. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. So they're still making Man in a Rubber Suit Godzilla movies? Are you kidding? They come out at least once a year. There's been a ton of them, but this was Sony's attempt to, we're going to make Godzilla an international hit. We're going to get the big director of Independence Day and Ostrand, who is going to explain it to the world,

and it's just, but then of course they have to set it in New York, it makes no sense. I think also the lack of Asians is a big problem for me. I really feel like that's, and a fast moving Godzilla doesn't make, I love the idea of a looming, like something that large looming really, really slowly, like slow moving zombies. He swims super fast too.

Swims fast and he can burrow holes. This Godzilla can just burr. He's like a bo-weevil or something. He is exactly like a bo-weevil. Yeah, but they've done a ton of Godzilla movies since. He's just wreaking havoc on our cotton. And they killed the Godzilla from the 1990s. I love that they killed him. As an FU. And they also killed Matthew Broderick's career. They killed his career, they did! Would you guys recommend this movie? No.

I personally would not, I don't think it's worth watching. No, it's not bad enough to be good, I think. It's long, the thing is it's long. It's two hours and 20 minutes long. It's a very long movie, but I enjoyed some of it. It's not a good bad movie. Yeah, it's not. Which is a real thing.

Yeah, it's a bad bad movie, and it's upsetting on more levels than one. It makes you want to see movies with worse special effects. Just because those original Godzilla movies, there's something kind of fanciful, because in my mind as a kid, I always imagined Godzilla would come and destroy my school. The idea that it's like,

ugh, he's destroying a train set, he's getting to play with these toys. That was always kind of fun, that you could see. You could tell it was fake. Yeah, I didn't feel like he really got to destroy much. He just kind of was always running. The military destroyed more than Godzilla did. Oh my god, that was the thing, like, remember?

Like, oh, we didn't talk about, like, when the military, like, they're kind of, they're always trying to shoot him down, and like, they literally blow up the Chrysler building. Yes. Like, the military blows up the Chrysler building. Chrysler building destroyed. They're like storm troopers. They can't, can't hitler building. Yes. Like the military blows up the Chrysler building. Chrysler building destroyed. They're like storm troopers. They can't hit their targets.

Yeah, they're terrible. I guess when Godzilla was hiding in Manhattan, he was just always in Madison Square Garden. Or he was burrowing under the ground. Yeah, he went into the subway tunnels, I guess. And to eat fish. That's all. I mean, that was the other thing.

I was like, really? All Godzilla wants to do is eat fish? Hey, guess what, buddy? Stay in the goddamn ocean. Yeah, by the way, I was like really all Godzilla wants to do is eat fish hey guess what buddy stay in the goddamn ocean yeah by the way I guess what the ocean is full of fucking fish and by the way why was that island perfect that was the clip we heard it's a perfect island no the island that he was on where they first found his footprint in the beginning movie that's the perfect island it's empty and he can do whatever he wants this is an island where people

are shooting at him and they're building and And there's giant, by the way, to go from where he was in the Pacific to New York City, he's passing through where there's like whales, where there's huge, he could have lived a great life. There is no, what they do a terrible job of, there is literally no reason he comes to Manhattan. Well, except for the nest of Madison Square Garden. Wait, so he came because he heard about Madison Square Garden

was a great nest? Well, it's a big round, like, protected nest. I mean, that is crazy. But it's something. Earlier, you were talking about this movie kind of sidelined Dean Devlin's career. Also, Roland Emmerich, too. I mean, the biggest thing he's done since, really, is 2012.

Oh, yeah, which is also a huge flop, right? That was a huge flop. And then also, just look at the Godzilla sort of as a career, you know what I mean? Like they've tried to make Godzilla an international thing. They're actually developing a new Godzilla at Warner Brothers right now. Oh really? Yeah, trying to bring it back. Broderick, I hope, is still in it. Yeah, who knows? I mean, I think that like, you know, we're in this world of like these Cloverfield monsters now and stuff like that, and it's like, just bring back the dumb Godzilla we all love.

I think that would be, that would make, I would enjoy this movie even more. A big campy Godzilla movie would be fun. Yeah, that would be actually a really great idea. Because the whole thing is that, actually the fun part of those old movies is, they took it so seriously, and that's what made it dumb and fun.

But in this, they do not take it seriously at all, and that just makes you hate everyone in the movie. It's just another Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think that just makes you hate everyone in the movie. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, well, I think they just don't know what the movie is. Well, alright, so that is our Godzilla Who's that French guy? Okay? Jean Ranelle No, I know the actor's name. I mean who was he?

Oh, he will basically the French did some nuclear testing in the French Foreign Legion. No, no, no the French Secret Service Yeah, that's what he basically says. I'm very, he gives Matthew Broderick, you look so angry, June. I'm really upset. He gives Matthew Broderick a speech, he says, I'm very patriotic. In our past, my country has not done some great things because they were the French who were responsible for the nuclear testing that created Godzilla, and so their opinion was that it was their job to clean it up. So he felt like it was France's responsibility to get rid of Godzilla.

Can we go to Amazon France and see if there are any 5-star French reviews? This is the last thing I'll ask. So then at the end when he has the tape, and I know we've already gone over this, I'm circling back, but when he has the tape at the end, what is he planning on doing from that point forward? Jerking off. Okay, thank you. I just want to point out something right here.

Like Dean Rollin Emmerich, who directed this, right? After Godzilla, he's just made some really bad movies. He made 10,000 BC, which you haven't seen it. Holy shit. Oh, I saw it. Oh, I saw it. So bad. Holy shit, that movie's bad.

2012, really bad. The day after tomorrow, bad. Holy shit, that movie's bad. 2012, really bad. The day after tomorrow, bad. And now he's attached. That's another Destroy Manhattan movie. What's this guy up to? I don't know, I think that Roland Emmerich, Roland Emmerich actually saved the world, and I'll explain why.

All right. Dead seriously. I went to the junket for 2012, which they had, 2012 of course is about, it's December 21st, the Mayans, Nostradamus, everyone predicts it's the end of the world. So I went there and there were a whole bunch of 2012 experts, they did one of those weekends where they wanted to educate the junket attending media.

Forget about the movie, get into the, yeah. So there was all these 2012 experts there explaining their theories about what it is, it's gonna be a spiritual reawakening, they're gonna be solar flares The world's gonna end whatever I raised my hand said look I said is it possible that in the mind's eye of the Mayans in Nostradamus they might have actually foreseen the trailer for the movie 2012 Yeah, and in their brains they saw they just saw a movie trailer

All right, because the movie trailer comes out right and it says 2012 so they're thinking these ancient cultures 2012 is the end of the world and it's like no it was just a movie you didn't see the end of the world I mentioned this to Roland Emmerich and then the 2012 experts I kind of blew right I they were just aghast and annoyed one of the guys was like that's a very interesting theory that's actually said that I had a valid theory. That they saw in the future to the movie. They saw in the future a movie that came out called 2012 about the end of the world. And so I mentioned this to Em. And thought that was the reality. And Roland, I said, you may have saved the world by making this film. Yeah.

Because that's what the ancient cultures foresaw. That, what, how did he react? He thought it was funny. He were escorted from the building. They had me expelled from this kind of thing. He had a good sense of humor about himself. Now, right now, he's directing a big movie with Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, and Maggie Gyllenhaal about the President White House down. It's basically Air Force One, but in the White House. Because the White House is, as everybody knows, an airplane.

Yeah, of course. I wonder if Channing Tatum will take his shirt off. Oh, he has to, at a certain point. We have t-shirts. They are our traditional brand new Crank2 inspired t-shirts. They are awesome. By laying on them. They're pretty good.

Plugs. So Chris, you do your podcast called Podcrash. Yeah, the premise is I'm too lazy to do a podcast, so I just go on other people's podcasts. And then I run the highlights on my show. So... And where can you find it? It's on iTunes, Pod Crash, with that, Chris Gore,

and you can get more at chrisgore.com. And thank you for having me. This is one of my favorites. We're so excited. It's just, I love that you guys have the same view. I love bad movies. And sometimes, in this case, it's, like, not a fun bad movie. Right.

But being here and just watching guys do this live and just being a part of it is a blast. We love having you. And June, you have your new web series out right now. Burning Love on yahoo.com. I'm not sure when we're airing this, but the It'll be on. So you go to burninglove.com, right?

Burninglove.com or if you go to Yahoo. But burninglove.com is easier. Or Yahoo. Stop plugging Yahoo. Jason, and you're still in The Dictator. I'm still in The Dictator. They have not. Since it's been released.

That's fantastic. Since it's been released, I have not been excised from the movie. So if it's still in theaters by the time this comes out, please go see it. I am in Piranha 3DD. If you're one of the lucky people to be near the 70 theaters that it's playing in.

It's on VOD. You can download it. You can download it as well. The first week out, Piranha 3DD made a whopping $135,000. On 70 screens? On 70 screens. So if we continue this average in about 30 years, if we continue this kind of thing, we'll make Avengers opening gross weekend. That's pretty great. It's pretty exciting. We're on Twitter. I am at Paul shear at miss June day. I'm not on Twitter guys. You got to get on Twitter

I'm at that Chris gore and that is it Thank you very much to our engineer Cody Caroline who does all the stuff on our website and Dave Steffy who pulls all of our Clips remember if you have a friend who has been in one of these films And you want to and you think they'll have a good sense of humor tell us about it because then we'll bring them on the show as well thank you so much bye bye Outro Outro Outro

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