How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: I Know Who Killed Me (w/ Ken Marino)
Episode Date: October 14, 2024Is Aubrey a piano prodigy or a stripper? Is it all real or a piece of creative writing? Is this the worst movie Lindsay Lohan has ever been in or flat out the worst movie ever? These are just a few of... the questions I Know Who Killed Me left us with. Ken Marino is our victim this week and he helps Paul, June, and Jason piece together the plot, characters, and ridiculous symbols that make this horror thriller such a bomb. (Originally Released 10/18/2011) We're coming to NYC on Nov 15th & Philly on Nov 16th! Go to hdtgm.com for ticket info, merch, and for more on bad movies.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaFor extra content on Matinee Monday movies, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerTalk bad movies on the HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmPaul and Rob Huebel stream live on Twitch every Thursday 8-10pm EST: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social mediaGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.
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Discussion (0)
Lindsay Lohan's a good girl, or is she a bad girl missing her limbs?
It's David Lynch through the eyes of the Nickelodeon audience.
We saw I Know Who Killed Me, and now you know what that means.
How did this get made? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art.
Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question,
How did this get made?
Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to
How Did This Get Made?
The podcast where we try to make sense
of the movies that make no sense.
I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzoukas.
How are you, Paul?
Very good, and June Diane Raefiel.
Hi, Paul.
You know, thank you guys so much for listening to our last episode.
I know we probably have a lot more new listeners here,
and you probably are expecting us to have some sort of star, actor, or director.
That is a special thing.
We're not going to do that every week, but we're going to try to do it when we can.
But our normal format is where we just sit around and talk about the movies,
and ask the question, how did this get made?
And we always do it with a special guest,
and our special guest this week is the hilariously funny,
Ken Marino, you know him from the state
and Children's Hospital.
Hello. Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Hello.
Are you doing, I would love it if you just chose a character
to do this whole thing.
Hello.
You're British, you're British off camera.
Man oh man, this movie, I know it killed me.
I've heard about this movie forever, I've never seen it.
And there's so many things to talk about here.
Are there?
Are there so many things?
I just wanna say Robot Leg.
Robot Leg plays a crucial part of this film.
Robot Hand.
Robot Hand.
Yeah.
How about the guy who makes the robot hands?
Wait, who looks like that? Sneak Dog? No, it about the guy who makes the robot hands? Wait, Snoop Dogg?
Who looks like Snoop Dogg?
No, it's the guy from My Name is Earl.
Oh!
Oh!
The catfish man, right?
Yeah, the guy who delivers pizza or something.
I don't know, I really want to know.
I thought it was, oh my god,
I thought it was the guy who teaches
know me how to dance from Showgirls.
No.
No, it is the crawfish man or whatever.
The robot arm plays a pretty integral...
Oh my god, we just really jumped in straight to our bar.
We did, we got right in there.
But it plays an important part to the plot of this movie.
And one of my favorite parts is when Lindsay Lohan says, her character just says, oh god,
I keep on forgetting to plug this robot arm in.
What is she doing?
I forget to plug it in at night.
Yeah, what is she doing that she forgets to?
She is so blase about being a double amputee and being mistaken for the wrong person.
She's just like, ugh, I'm not Aubrey or whatever her name is.
Aubrey?
Aubrey.
Aubrey and Dakota.
I'm Dakota.
Yoinks.
Alright, so let's bring it back just a second.
So this movie is essentially about a good girl, Aubrey Moss, who is played by Lindsay Lohan.
Very good. Very solid performance.
This is right before the downfall, would you say?
No, no, no.
Right before it?
Are you insane?
This is deep into it.
One of my first comments watching it, like thoughts, was like, get get that woman a cigarette She clearly needs a cigarette. Yeah, everybody even like even the father the father by the way in this movie
He's been like a creepy guy in many things and now he's gonna be a likable like he looks like a killer the entire time
her dad
I'm gonna make done a very good in Captain America. You're supposed to think that he might be
Stage him like he's creeping behind the couch
during the mom's, you were kicking feet.
He shows up wherever she is and is like, I'm right here.
It's just me in the cemetery.
It's just me.
What?
How did you find her there?
Yeah, that's what I noticed.
And how did the parents get over to that house?
So basically, Aubrey Moss is a good girl,
doesn't want to have sex with her boyfriend.
She's a creative writer. But does want to have sex with the gardener
She wants it she wants this is one of the best scenes in the whole movie. Holy shit
Whoa pulls up to her house in her convertible looks in the rear-view mirror to see the gardener shirtless. No. No he takes off his shirt
Oh, take this in a tank top. Yes. I have a lot to talk about about the first appearance of Julia Arlon
But go ahead Paul. So she pulls up in her car. She looks at this garden gardener they kind of make eyes with each other he takes off his tank top. He is fat!
This guy is not in shape. He is not in shape. He's like kind of he's kind of in shape
but he's got like a like a donut. Yeah, so they keep shooting him either above his donut or like out of focus.
Why not hire a super ripped good looking guy?
It's not believable.
But he also has a really strange like chest tattoo.
Yeah, a nipple tattoo.
I've never seen anything like that.
He has a nipple tattoo.
Which is like a scorpion or like, yeah.
And he's making eyes with her, she's making eyes with him.
And then he picks up a big like branch of wood,
a real rod and starts like jerking it off. Jerking off, branch of wood, a real rod, and starts like,
jerking off the rod of wood,
and looking at her, and she's kinda like, into it.
And meanwhile, the camera is panning her body
like it's a fucking pantyhose ad.
Yeah.
Like, it keeps going down to her legs,
up her butt, and then she gives him the finger,
and it's like, he's jerking off the tree branch,
and I'm like, this isn't even a movie guys know you're you're rolling right now, right?
This is being recorded this should have been on the blooper reel of this film because it was it's like if he's so like
sexual with this piece of wood that he's just like
Slowly jerking off, and he doesn't licking his lips to or he's like
I don't understand why she flipped him off seemed like she was into it. I thought so too
I thought they were gonna get it done.
She was flirting, but Aubrey won't do something like that.
She's just not gonna do that.
When it comes down to it.
Would Dakota do something like that?
Dakota would jump right into that.
That's right up Dakota's alley.
But I think there's a little Dakota in Aubrey.
Oh, shit.
Well, because Aubrey is a creative writer
who is writing a story about a girl with two personalities or
So Aubrey is a creative writer in high school. She's writing piano prodigy. Yes who won the
artist the next young artist competition
But that was a long time ago, but she's still training the most generic
Next young artists yeah, and, but she's still trying,
she's gonna try and win it again.
Yeah, she can win, yeah.
How could you be the next Young Artist twice?
Who knows?
That was really confusing.
So when did she had won it years back?
Okay, so she's-
As a piano prodigy.
So it's something where you can go every year
and give it a college try.
I don't think she was competing
for the next Young Artist competition again.
She just had won it and he believed in her so much that he just brought that up.
He's like, you won the Next Young Artist competition.
That's no small feat.
Yeah, you have to keep working at this. You're brilliant.
The very prestigious Next Young Artist competition, which they gave out a trophy.
You see the trophy later and it looks like the worst softball trophy.
It's like Intramural softball trophy.
Terrible.
Terrible.
And then she's like, I'm giving up piano.
I have to focus on my writing.
And I just got into Yale.
That's where I was like, wait, she's in high school?
She looks like literally an old woman.
When they pan around the classroom, she could be the teacher.
It's like to die for.
That scene.
Wait, there's a point.
Oh my God. I can't even.
This movie made me mental.
She is so amazing, but we've skipped over the first scene,
which is the strip club scene.
Oh my God.
Where she's stripping in like a gauzy dress,
then takes that off to reveal a corset.
She had like, she had more clothing on,
then it was like topless titty shots of all the other women.
Everyone's naked except her.
And she's wearing basically a snow suit. she and she's like crawling around really like slow. It's slow motion
It's the most not sexual
scene except for that one part where she like crawls over to the
Old guy and takes a cigarette and implies that she stuck it up her cooch
Yeah, and then and then and then they cut away and then she hands the cigarette back to him and he smells it
Yeah, yeah, oh that so that was that you thought that was sexy
That's where I started jerking off
That's where I started jerking off in this movie. I was like oh
His reaction shot she's addicted to cigarettes in her pussy
Her pussy wants that cigarette as much as she does.
We were jumping ahead to, so you establish her as a stripper, but then you realize she's
a good school girl.
That's an interesting thing.
And the stripper is bleeding in the beginning.
That's also interesting.
There's blood all over the pole, which is also, I was like, yoinks, this is crazy.
So Aubrey is abducted and then she's tortured.
Although we don't see that, but yes. Aubrey is abducted and then and she's tortured.
Although we don't see that, but yes.
Yes, and then she's tortured and and then they find her body on the side of the road and when she wakes up
she is no longer Aubrey. She is Dakota Moss and Dakota Moss is a stripper and everyone's like you're Aubrey.
She's like no, I'm Dakota Moss.
And they're like you've been through a trauma. You can't it and the police who are the worst yes are interrogate her like she
murdered herself
Basically like stop fucking with us
Just been like tortured for 18 days, and that's the other thing that she is missing half of an arm and half
It's implied, wait, guys, did everybody else hear this
or am I out of my mind?
The guy cut all her fingers off but then sewed them back on?
Yes!
What?
But then the hospital had to remove the whole hand.
Yes.
It's what I heard she did.
Oh, that was of the other hand?
No, it was the hand that he...
The hand she uses?
The hand that he put the dry ice on.
He puts dry ice on in like a vice,
and then that's why she was sewing on that finger later.
Here, let's listen to the interrogation scene.
We have a small clip here.
Aubrey, you have got to stop playing games with us.
Am I making myself clear?
We have to know the truth.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, you wanna know the truth?
Well, what about me? You think I don't?
How the fuck would you feel?
Fingers, leg, hand, gone.
I practically fucking died.
And now I'm locked up in the fucking hospital, like a goddamn prisoner.
That is it. There you go.
And now I'm locked up in the line.
Line? She doesn't remember a line.
It feels to me like she was like,
I'm not saying what's in the script.
I'll just improvise.
That's what it seemed like to me.
There was a lot of parts that I felt that way.
No, no, no.
Fingers, hands, legs, gone!
I wanna fucking know what's going on here, too!
By the way, there were a lot of fucks in this movie,
and I feel like the director just said, like,
if you need to use that word, or if it comes up, just let it rip her rip. Also though she says it in a very unnerving way like her fucks felt abrasive to me
I didn't like her saying fuck especially when she was like does Aubrey fuck you like that? I was like
What oh do you remember I want to talk about this when she comes back to the house when she's in the house
They have a close-up on that dog that hairless
The first scene of Julia Ormond is after Aubrey has disappeared and Julia And Julia Ormond is being interviewed by the FBI lady and you only see her in the mirror and she's
Stoking a hairless cat and I was like this is straight out of like this is a dr
Evil Austin Powers joke and that cat has this weird
Bump coming out of his ass it looks like I don't know if there's balls or dick or it looks like yeah
It was his balls. It's really on cars really weird looking. It's like a little butt jutting out of his ass
It's really what was up with and the other this is where I started to be like oh boy here. We go because
In the scene prior to this was the scene where Aubrey's being tortured with all the pretend blue instruments
Yes!
Oh, blue!
Blue!
Blue!
More blue!
Sponsored by Blue Mangroves
Well this is what happened, it's the blue rose and then the blue instruments
and then when you see the Julia Armand stroking the cat, the cat's wearing a blue collar
and I was like, oh boy, this is gonna be a blue thing
But blue is everywhere, in the football game
the piano teachers ring, the Liberace
style ring, he would go, blue, blue, blue. Blue was so overblown.
The red of Dakota's world. The strip club is red. Raaah.
But here's my question. Why? Why blue? What the f-
Well, I'll tell you why. Because blue is the color of the ribbon of the young artists competition wait that was the whole thing
I think that's why no no no blue
Blue is the ribbon of any first place you could have sold that I would have believed that
But the blue it but I mean the blue is a we yeah, there's no reason for the blue
I mean even the serial killer who has like, He-Man style instruments.
What are they? Plastic something.
You know what this guy was like?
This guy was like, you know what I want this movie to be? It's a little bit Twin Peaks,
it's a little bit Cronenberg dead ringers, I'm gonna make my own instruments of torture.
You know, it's not like random scalpels and stuff, but they are like plastic looking weirdos.
It looks like a He-Man toy.
Yeah, it does.
And he buries his victims in a stained glass coffin.
And dresses them up like old timey.
They look like Little House on the Prairie
when she's in that little coffin there.
Oh, whoa, I wrote this down.
I don't remember it, but I think it's funny.
Don't ask me any more questions.
What was that?
Oh, that was when they find out that Jennifer Toland's dead.
The teacher finds out.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's first in class.
She finds out, and she, yeah. The class first in class.
She finds out and she turns to class and says,
Jennifer Toland's body's just been found.
Please don't ask me any questions because I don't have any details.
Then they cut to the football game and the announcer's like,
Jennifer Toland's body was found this week.
We're going to have a moment of silence.
And then it's like, all right, let's go.
And I was like, what?
Are you screaming about Jennifer Toland's dead?
I also like that they said her body was found not that she was that she's died
She passes like her body was found so terrible what just just going talking about that football game
Which I think was a junior college. I think she was actually in June now. Yes. I think she was in junior college
But so what wait that would blow my mind
If that's the case, I think I'm from junior college to Yale
The movie in junior college what are you talking about college football team has a fucking Mardi Gras celebration like
Everybody is like celebrating in that street. It was crazy
I think it was what's crazier is I genuinely believe it was high school and it was like every single person who was there
Every single person was there was in their 30s
Would be able to have that kind of a celebration. Oh, yes, but then they had a 20
Did you hear that they had a 21 and under curfew and then and then when she disappeared nobody was on the street
Yeah, nobody on the street except her two
friends and her boyfriend who are waiting for her to go to a movie and
she's nowhere to be seen the entire street front is empty and they're
screaming in front like oh and movie, what's it called?
He's in Heart Locker and then this movie. And he comes running up and he's like, where's
Aubrey? And they're like, oh no! And he's like, where did she park? And they go, you
know that street! And he's like, what? He's like, wait, no, what street? She goes, you
know, the street, that one over there! Like, what, it's like the craziest conversation.
If that was written in the script,
I would be like, this is preposterous.
And then she goes, you know, the street,
with the art gallery.
And he's like, I know.
And then they run there,
and it's apparently like a block away.
I turned to Eric, I was like,
was that page of dialogue necessary?
Like, what was that about?
And then there was a blue rose
that he gave her in her car,
which is unsure if she placed it there
or if the killer placed it there.
You know what?
The entire movie was threaded with misdirects
so that you would think everybody was the killer.
Yes.
So you would think because he gave her the blue rose
and blue is the color of the murderer, he's the murderer.
Because the cat has the collar, the mom is the murderer.
The dad is the murderer. Everybody everybody was possible but it made no sense because by sowing
those seeds in everyone it made like the real murder everything is red hands
they never called back the gardener yeah they did right before she disappeared
the gardener drives by with the head with his headlight is hanging off the
car no he's just he's just driving by and she sees him and you think oh she's
gonna go fuck him now right no I know he's there but did he have anything blue on him?
Um, he had blue balls from the earlier.
Yeah!
That lines up.
So can anyone answer why the police department's set up in a local church?
For no reason.
And every person who worked for the FBI just wore a black shirt that said FBI
I've never seen more t-shirts of people does it FBI and all organized like well
I've hoped this doesn't upset the church social I genuinely felt like all of those scenes
They just put out a casting call and just put homeless people in FBI
The Murray brother who is in the white beard he looked like the missing Murray brother. Oh my god
We just it looks like Ryan Doyle Murray but it's not. You wanna hear?
On the DVD there is a blooper reel
and that guy who looks like the missing Bill Murray brother
has a pretty hilarious blooper so let's listen to it.
There was enough speed left in Jennifer Tilly.
Oh, he's upset, he said Jennifer Tilly.
There was enough speed in Jennifer Tolan.
There was enough speed in Jennifer Tilly. There was enough speed in Jennifer Tilly.
What?
He keeps on saying Jennifer Tilly.
This guy does it.
No, he wasn't done with Jennifer Tilly.
So Brian Doyle Murray, the ambassador.
Who's not Brian Doyle? I don't want my line Brian Doyle Murray.
He's not Brian Doyle Murray.
He kept on saying Jennifer Tilly.
We're gonna get an email, it's like, hey guys, Brian Doyle Murray here. I do some good movies. I'm gonna keep on saying Jennifer Chilly. We're gonna get an email that's like, hey guys, Brian's over here. I do some good movies.
I'm in Groundhog Day.
That blooper reel made me laugh so hard.
The blooper reel is not a blooper reel, but that was the funniest part that he couldn't
remember Jennifer Toland versus Jennifer Chilly.
And he gets so upset, he's like, he closes his eyes.
He's like, damn it.
Yeah, he's not.
Really upset that he's not.
He doesn't laugh at all.
There's so much, there's literally, there's so much I want to talk about on an individual,
I can't tell if we should keep approaching it from the point of view of the plot or the
insanity.
There's a lot of different ways in.
Maybe, yeah.
So when she's in the hospital, when she wakes up in the hospital and she has no arm and
no leg, right?
Yes.
No, guys, I need to know.
Oh my god.
This is a stupid question.
Did Dakota's arm and leg disappear because Aubrey's were cut off?
Yes!
It's sympathetic twin shit, right?
It's non-religious stigmata.
Right?
Which we need to talk about.
The Leonard Nimoy-esque...
Art Bell, who was like a crazy conspiracy theory guy.
Oh my god.
Bleeding Wounds Unexplained is what she Googles.
Yes.
She...
No, she asks... First she writes Bleeding Wounds and then asks. Ask Jeeves. She goes to Ask Jeeves. Unexplained is what she googles yes
Yeah to ask the ask and type in bleeding wounds unexplained and up comes a movie that explains
Why she could have it in which non-religious internet guy on the thing who's explaining it scientifically is smoking
Yes, what cuz he's talking about he's trying to do like a rod-sirling but it looks so cheap. Oh it's the worst. Terrible and so basically what you're so the whole movie she's like I'm Dakota I'm Dakota I'm not Aubrey and I'm Dakota
because what's happening is we're twins and my twin is being hurt and that's
why my limbs are falling off which it explains why she was bleeding on the pole
in the beginning of the movie she's a stripper and that's why my limbs are falling off which explains why she was bleeding on the pole in the beginning of the movie
She's a stripper and that until everything stripping when her sister Aubrey was getting tortured
Yes, porn torture my fingers were falling off and the guy was dry icing her fingers off
Which by the way just how disgust like why why that torture?
I'll tell you why actually really upsetting so we're to understand that the piano teacher was cutting off their fingers
Because spoiler alert yes, it was a teacher was a piano guys. It's the piano
Yeah a teacher so we're to understand that he was cutting off limbs because the his students were quitting yes
Yes, okay, because he cut off their pedal foot and and that's why one of their hands
I see right he would torture them for not like remember in the beginning when he's like it's really simple cut off their petal foot and one of their hands.
I see.
Right.
He would torture them for not... Remember in the beginning when he's like, it's really
simple watch, and he does it with his right hand and he goes...
That was really good.
That was amazing.
And so he's burning off their fingers because they aren't using those parts of their bodies
to their potential.
So basically...
So he hasn't wanted them to have them at all.
That was really good. That's what I wanted to get. I And so he's angry about it. So he hasn't come to them to have them at all.
That was like really good.
That's what I want.
I like that a lot.
Really good.
And so then he gets his comeuppance at the end.
When she.
Get at it.
Should we?
Yeah, yeah, go for it.
She takes, so she gets to his house in the third act.
Dakota.
And Dakota.
With her robot arm and leg.
Right.
Although the leg's running out of battery.
Right, it's running out of battery.
And the piano teacher, we don't know if it's a piano teacher
because he's dressed like Blue Man Group.
Yeah, he has like a blue face mask on.
Yeah, big like rubber blue thing on his face.
And he reaches through a door to get her
and she takes this big plastic thing
and starts gnawing his arm off and he doesn't pull it back.
No!
And she takes a good 30...
Oh yeah, it's been a while to get it.
She's really cut through the whole thing. And so then at the end, he's sitting at the piano.
Yeah. And he can't play that beautiful thing he played in the beginning.
Oh boy. But now also, that doesn't explain the
fact that in his basement, he just had mannequin legs hanging from the ceiling.
No, I thought those were human legs. They weren't?
No, they were prosthetic. No, they were mannequin legs.
Oh, OK.
And he kept on kissing them when he went down.
So he loves the petal foot that much in Vienna
that he needs them around?
I don't know what that meant.
Did you guys notice, by the way?
And now I think it's be- now, OK.
I'm going to amend what I thought
was going on in the beginning, because now it really
was about him cutting off people's legs.
But there were so many shots of feet in this movie that I was like,
Oh, the person that made this movie is straight up a foot fetishist.
Because there are so many shots of everybody's feet, it was crazy.
And I joked off.
Um, but what about- this is a movie that is so full, so full of sex,
but no nudity from Lindsay Lohan.
Like, she has like a hardcore sex scene with Brian Garrity,
she's stripping,
everyone around her is naked except for her, and by the way-
She strips while her fingers are falling off and acts like it's no big deal.
No big deal.
She is literally like, is actually so blasé about wounds opening on her body, her fingers
falling off, and is just like, ah, whatever, I cut my hand up some glass.
I was having a drink my cup I cut my hand
Some glass your finger fell off. She's like she's like hospitals are for rich people
That was the best line and this is the other best line Julia Ramon comes Well do like her reaction to was to sew it back on yeah, she that was that was her thing a hospital retreat
But I'll just drink a little booze go home
But I'm gonna take the bus home bus home, and there's a guy who's like people get cut
She's like bleeding and like she's flirting with the guy on the bus her fucking fingers off
And she's dressed like the gate great Gatsby or something like that
and she's dressed like the great Gatsby or something like that. It's like this flapper hat on her.
Oh my god.
Julia Armand comes into the hospital when she wakes up
and is trying to remind Dakota, quote unquote,
that she is Aubrey and has like a teddy bear.
And she goes, she goes,
I brought some things from home for you.
And she's clearly nervous and she's like,
Justine, you know, because people in comas sometimes respond to stuff,
she goes, do I look like I'm in
A fucking coma and then she goes this it's just a little kid teddy bear goes this is mr. Jervis
I was like holy shit. This is the this is the scariest part of this movie
How about the part where Dakota's talking about her mother
and she goes, I always knew my mother
because she'd come around on payday.
But then she didn't come around on one payday
and went over to her house.
She goes over to her house to find her dead mother
who is mummified.
Like she's not dead for a day.
She's dead for...
You can't have a flashback for a character that's not real.
At that point I'm like, wait,
what are we looking at right now?
But she is real. No, she is real,, but that moment is when you're like oh well
This is now real this has to be right person because otherwise
Why would you show me a flashback of a protect are you ready so mess?
Are you ready to hear what the alternate ending was oh my god? Yes?
Yeah, let me take my pants off
Aubrey wrote the whole thing wait what?
Aubrey wrote this this is her creative writing story.
That's what I thought it was in the beginning. What does that mean? Well, what's her name? Finds the story Dakota on Aubrey's computer.
No, no, no, no, no. This is all made up. This is her creative writing that she wrote. I'm glad they went this way.
They shot it. They showed it to a test audience. What? Test audiences reacted so negatively to it that they just cut out the
final scene of the movie. That's when the movie ends kind of so abruptly, like they
just lay in the ditch when they finally meet. Like there's no real conclusion pass. So yeah,
the alternate ending was that it's all in her head. So the whole movie was shot with
that as the idea. The goal was that. Oh God. So it was like a real like rug puller at the end. Yes.
Wow. One of my favorite things was like when, who plays the female FBI detective? The woman who was on
ER I think, right? Wasn't she on ER for a while? I don't know. But anyway, she finds on the computer
the story Dakota and is like, look at this. It's a story and blah blah blah and blah blah. And then it
flashes back to Aubrey reading the story, because she's seductively
sitting on the teacher's desk,
reading her story out loud to the class,
and then she looks up and goes, to be continued.
And I was like, you don't write to be continued
in your short story class, you fucking assholes.
Again, a little improv, probably,
a little improv in there.
To be continued.
To be continued.
Fuck you. Assholes again a little improv probably a little improv in there To be continued To be continued
Fuck you
Um did you did you like the fact that she used the robot hand to help break through things like she goes like she has to get into a coffin to save Aubrey who was buried alive in a prairie dress and she looks at her hand and she's like she just closes it like Iron Man and just like and smashes through a
coffin to be able to save her. You see her make that decision she's like I
dug up with a shovel which I could have easily broken the glass with I dug up a hole
and now I've cleared everything away so you can perfectly see the glass that my
sister is behind and buried under and now I'm gonna decide to use this hand
because if I didn't have a hand how would I break the glass? It'd be impossible! By the way I thought it was really lame that we didn't get to see any of the
amputations during the sex scene with Brian Garr, actually. You wanted to see some stump sucking.
That's disgusting.
It was all shot from the other side.
So Ken and I, we were having our separate conversations.
I love that this is just split into two different conversations about this movie.
We were talking about the sex scene with the comic relief that was going on,
which is Aubrey is upstairs banging a blanket.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the setup is the boyfriend comes back, that was going on, which is Aubrey is upstairs banging a blanket.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well the setup is the boyfriend comes back,
the football boyfriend comes back and is meeting
who he thinks is Aubrey for the first time,
I mean since her accident.
Right, yes.
But it's really Dakota.
And so he's like, I know you're Dakota,
and she's like, I know you're Aubrey,
and she's like, no I'm Dakota, I'm Dakota.
And he goes over and he kisses her
to try to kind of snap her back into it. Well she gets turned on. She's like, let's go upstairs and fuck in my parents house and Julia
I'm on she's like I only got one condom. Yeah, make it worth your while and it's really sunny
I'll ask where did that come from from?
Aubrey Aubrey. It's a safe girl
But I guess Dakota's done an inventory of Aubrey's everything. She's never been here before!
And is acting so cool, like this is my house.
By the way, just as a tangent for one second, why would they let the parents take her home if she's so delusional?
They wouldn't let her take her home. Anyway.
Sorry, Ken, go ahead.
Well, just the comedic scene is she brings her boyfriend upstairs and fucks him,
and there's like funny, silly comic music playing.
I have a clip of it right here if you want to hear it.
Yeah, and Julia Armand is downstairs washing, like washing the sink,
trying not to listen to them fucking upstairs.
And it's supposed to be like a funny scene in the middle of this like porno movie.
And the scene goes on for a long time, The sex scene and the scrubbing goes on.
But listen to the music that they underscore the sex scene
with.
Here you go.
["Furious Sex and Scrubbing"]
This is the music.
They're having hard day.
Let's do it all night.
And get.
It sounds like cameo.
It's like a Morris Day in the time song.
All right, so that's what's going on while there is furious sex and scrubbing going on.
My favorite thing is when she's talking to Julia Orman and she goes I know what's going
on I'm a twin.
It cut to Julia Orman showing her video of a sonogram when Julia Orman was pregnant.
I was like this was impossible. There is no way you have available to you a video of
This child in the whoo. They didn't have VCR. Maybe they just had VCR.
Was it ever explained though how she got that video since she did it?
No, no she well they the husband, her baby died.
The husband and the ludicrous plot is that yeah the baby got killed and then the husband
Bought a baby off a crack addict down the hall part of the way
By the way was sending that woman $11 like in an envelope
Years is pretty good. I mean that adds up my report was that Gregory?
It's in the guy who played the the vice president on 24 who's like the psychologist has an iPad at one point and they're trying to determine if Aubrey is lying
Oh my god, and they go was she lying goes
She is not lying
She's and then he starts writing on the iPad and the iPad writing comes up on the screen goes
Delusional and just comes up delusional
On the other side of the room he and goes, delusional, and it just comes up delusional over her face. On the other side of the room.
He doesn't say delusional.
He spells it out for everybody to see.
Crazy.
And it's in red.
I also loved when, I love, you know,
in that way she turns to the Neil McDonough character
when they're in the cemetery and goes, I know who killed me.
And I was like, oh my god, this movie
has a shitty titular line?
Yeah.
This is amazing.
I'm so excited right now.
I'm very excited that she said that.
Yeah, oh yeah, I like yelped.
When-
I yelped Thai restaurants,
cause I was hungry.
My favorite part too was when the doctor goes,
or Greg Aitzen again is interviewing her,
he goes, how did your mother die?
And she goes, oh D, duh.
Pitchy, oh D, duh. And she said, duh, duh.
It is, she is also the worst stripper in a movie
about strippers ever.
She's the worst stripper and the worst creative writer.
I mean, she's not excelling in anything.
Watch this movie just to hear her read her short stories
aloud to her class, which are, you know the writer of this movie was like fucking nailed it
I came down that day and and like the person's like significant other was like how was writing today?
Oh, I fucking nailed it
I'm doing the girl in my thing right short stories, and I just crushed it do you and Lindsay Lohan is gonna crush reading these stories
Do you think that...
Heh.
Do you think that, um, whatchamacallit,
that the piano teacher maybe be right then?
She's a bad stripper, she's a bad creative writer,
she should have stuck with the piano to do that.
Maybe he was right.
She was good on the piano.
Maybe right, yeah.
Obviously, we had some strong thoughts about this movie,
but now it is time for a second opinion.
These are second opinions.
From top to bottom, crazy movies are fun.
These are five star reviews of I Know Who Killed Me.
A Alexander writes, I watched this movie three times now.
I could watch it another eight times.
I have no idea why, but I like this movie.
Oh my god.
For starters, the cover box art is pretty awesome.
What?
Five stars. For starters.
For starters. Five stars.
That's it, that's it.
And that's it.
Why not start there?
That's worth watching 11 times.
Jack Spat writes,
this movie will challenge your mind and senses.
An amazing piece of art.
Lindsay Lohan's stripping scenes
are the best I've ever seen.
What?
For people who are intelligent and love
that which is unique,
this may become your favorite movie.
Wait, will you reread that sentence?
For people who are intelligent and love
that which is unique,
this may become your favorite movie.
P.S. I've never been to a strip club.
P.P.S. English is not my first language.
An amazing exciting piece of art.
You know what was really unsatisfying though,
is that you didn't even get the fun
of her figuring this thing out.
No.
Like it felt like all of a sudden she knew
all of this information, like there was no, it didn't unfold. You know what it had? This movie had a
straight-up Scooby-Doo ending. Oh yeah. This movie ended like a Scooby-Doo episode where
they went to the haunted house, they found the man in the mask, they pulled
the mask off, it was the piano teacher and he was like I would have gotten
away from it with it if it wasn't for you meddling twin and then they fucking
killed him. And by the way she went to the piano teacher's house, but every time they cut to an exterior
it was in the middle of the forest, like deep, I didn't understand the geography between
the cemetery and the forest and if we're even talking about, she has like act one, act two,
act three on her wall because she's a writer.
There's no act one, act two, act three in this movie.
I was like, it's not the June, I was like, I don't even understand where we're going
with this. It's a very, very this movie. I was like, it's at the June. I was like, I don't even understand where we're going with this. It's a very, very confusing movie.
And when they're driving to his house, she says, we really have to hurry up. We really have to hurry up.
Why? What's pending?
Wait, what I couldn't figure out-
Because she's losing her breath because she knows that her sister is buried or she knows that-
She's at the grave! She was already at the grave.
Dig your sister up now. Don't go to the guy's house. No, her sister wasn't at the graveyard.
She went to the graveyard and...
That was Jennifer Toland's body.
So her sister was alive.
Wait, her sister was under the owl.
Her sister was under the owl at the piano teacher's house.
Oh, got it. Sorry.
And he just buried her. He had just buried her.
Well, then why was... Then whose grave?
Jennifer Toland.
No, her name was on the grave.
But then it wiped away and it went back to Jennifer Tullin.
Delusion. Oh, okay. I missed that. I thought she was at Aubrey's grave and left.
So I'm sorry, last question. I don't know why they did that.
So was Aubrey alive at the end? Yes.
It was the first time the sisters met each other since they were born.
And they have to be alive because apparently they are so connected that anything that happens
to one happens to the other. it's a story as old as time
So I have a question. I have a question so does that mean?
When Brian Garrity made Dakota come when they were having sex in the coffin Aubrey came
Yeah, she came yeah, no no that must have been that was a very good
As we were a lot of different feeling you're gonna have some weird sex like I'm buried alive. Oh
On this final positive review, I just want to read this final one from C. Clottier as a traditional film
This is bad
It does not feature explosions or excessive nudity or toilet humor, but as an independent film
This is great. What? The trick is being patient and watching the film all the way through it starts off boring as
most independent films
But the trick is the creative script you have to get to the end in order to appreciate it
By the way the word trick is in quotation marks.
I love it!
The trick.
The trick.
Independent, as a traditional film.
Most independent films are very, very boring
for at least the first half.
You just have to apply the right judgment to it.
Only at the end should things become good.
If you're judging this based on a traditional movie,
oh, then you have every right to think it's bad.
But if you just apply your independent movie filter, this thing's pretty terrific
Oh my god, um, can we talk about the neck stab face when Dakota finally stabs the piano teacher in the neck
He holds his face like his face is like
Oh, the best thing ever
Like yeah, it looks like yeah
Yeah, it's like one side of his mouth is jutting to one side and the other is the other side, but he holds it for so long.
And then you think he's gonna fall, but then he doesn't.
Then they cut to this wide shot and he starts walking through the prosthetic legs for a
while.
And then he finally grabs two and he's like, and then he just drops out of frame in like
a kind of a comedic way.
He's just like, brr.
Yeah, yeah, okay, you're good there, Ben.
Just now, just go down on one knee. Oh no, your head's still in.
Come up again, go down all the way. Okay, we got it. Check the gate.
Moving on.
Did anyone talk about, well I guess we did talk a little bit about the, how did the father
get killed? I don't know how the father got killed, right? No one saw that.
The father was a red herring. You think the father is, he says he's going to go into the
house and get whoever's in the house who's the killer. Right. But we're supposed to
think it's the father. That's gonna be the twist. When she goes in, the guy in
the blue mask, he's still thinking maybe it's the dad. Yeah. But then she cuts the
hand off and then she walks over to this table and the dad, that killer, the
real killer, got the dad and started draining his blood. That was so weird, but he did it so quickly too.
He did it really quick.
And then the father gave this kind of heartfelt speech like,
I'm sorry as he's like dying.
Yeah, he figured out he shouldn't have bought a baby for $11 a month.
That worked out badly.
Fuck that guy, he should die.
Actually though, that didn't work out badly.
It really didn't actually.
It saved his daughter.
I guess so.
If he didn't, we would have never found.
I fucking can't wait for the sequel.
And how did Dakota Moss end up on the side of the road missing her limbs?
She was on a bus the last time we saw her,
but then she was all of a sudden on the side of the road, right?
Oh, who knows.
Because she should have been at home.
And where did her limbs go? Yeah.
I mean where did it when Aubrey's limbs were cut off presumably the murderer did
something with them but was like if Dakota was in the supermarket when it
happened did her leg just fall off next to her like why didn't any of that get
explained? None of it. Where's her goddamn leg? what happened just a guy that she met on the just I'm
The dream sequence that guy on the bus then is making love to her yeah, and he takes a shirt off
And yeah, he's got a tattoo on his shirt
I mean his chest and then it starts moving and then an eye pops out of it of his chest
And then it goes and then blue. That's what I'm saying. It was like David Lynch for dummies
It was sort of like here here's some weird shit.
Like even the madam.
Oh, my favorite character in the movie.
They shoot her with a fish lens and she's like, I don't care.
Your ID says you're 21, you're 21.
Dance.
Yeah, she had a dance.
Dakota's finger has fallen off.
She's passed out on the floor.
And she's like, go dance.
Like she's a very abrasive woman.
We asked you, the audience, to come up with a drinking game for this movie
We felt that that may be the only way to watch it. So here's it's time for some viewer mail
Okay, here we go Dan in Toronto says every time this movie rips off David Lynch drink all the liquor in your cabinet
Then kill yourself
Ethan Poe
cabinet then kill yourself. Ethan Poe. Then kill yourself. Ethan Poe writes, here's a color change challenge. Every time you see a scene
with a blue filter, do a shot of Johnny Walker blue. Every time you see a red
filtered scene, Johnny Walker red. That's one. And then... By the way, there was yellow in the
movie too. Brian Garrity and all things related to him were yellow. That made...
none of that made any sense. And're welcome. And then Liam Senior said,
drink once for every time you wish you were dead so you wouldn't have to sit
through this awful movie and repeat. Amazing. Thank you guys for sending
those in. You get nothing. Everybody knows you don't do shots of scotch. Yeah,
you have to sip that. You gotta sip that shit. That's a sipping drink. By the way,
not to... Can't you do shots of blue and red scotch?
Not to rip on this, but watching that football scene, and I know it killed me, made me appreciate
how great the football scene in Friday Night Lights is shot.
Oh my god.
It was the most boring football game I've ever seen.
It was terrible.
It was terrible.
And the crowd going nuts at the discovery of Jennifer Tilly's body, not Jennifer Tilly,
but now that's all I can think of.
I love that there is legitimately on the DVD,
which I did not know, a blooper reel.
There's an alternate ending and an alternate beginning.
The alternate beginning is just cityscape shots.
Instead of her slowly non-stripping?
Yes, so they made a good choice there.
Instead of her bumping her hips against a pole
and then bleeding, then having her period on a stripper pole.
Sexy, really sexy.
This company, I researched this company,
they made some great movies, like the remake of April Fool's Day.
The remake of it?
Yes.
What is that?
April Fool's Day was like a movie, like in the 80s, like this horror movie.
I love that movie.
Yeah, they did the remake of that.
They've made four movies since, and they've all been like, direct to DVD films.
Oh my god, can they call us please?
We need to talk to you guys.
This was a big disappointment for Lindsay Lohan's career, apparently, this movie.
Wait, it was?
They said that this is right after she was hospitalized during the majority of this film.
Oh god.
And so she was very sick.
Although it's funny, the blooper reels though,
because she does, it does look like she's in the thick of it when watching her performance,
but when watching the blooper reel,
she seems like she's having a great time.
You know, she comes to set with it where they're a game.
She's a pro.
She's a pros pro.
You know, the pros sit around and they talk about her.
Any final thoughts, anybody?
I think, anything?
Anything we didn't cover?
All right guys, that was it.
This is a pretty great one.
This is an amazing one.
I highly recommend you watch it.
Big thanks to Ken Marino. Ken, do you have anything coming up?
You have a Twitter, at Ken Marino.
Yeah.
That people can follow you on.
Yeah.
Anything you want to...
It's like burning love.
Do you hate your Twitter?
No, no, I'm fine with the Twitter.
I just don't know how to promote the Twitter.
I know you don't have it at all.
You're on Twitter and that's enough.
We're at Children's Hospital, we're going to do a thing Burning Love soon, but we'll
talk about it. It's not completed. And then Children's Hospital and I don't know what
else. You know, other things.
All right, great.
I mean, I don't know what to say.
You got Wanderlust coming out too.
Oh yeah, Wanderlust is coming out the 24th of February.
Hilarious movie. You're fantastic in it.
Thanks.
Awesome. And I'm on Twitter at Paul Scheer.
At Miss June Diane.
I'm not on Twitter.
And check us out on our Facebook page at How Did This Get Made.
Thank you guys so much, we'll see you next time.