How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: The Master of Disguise LIVE!

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Live from the Beacon Theatre in New York City, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 2002 comedy The Master of Disguise. They talk all things Pistachio Disguisey including the Turtle Club, constant farts, Italian accents, and what it means to be a master of disguise. (Originally Released 01/16/2020) We're coming to NYC on Nov 15th & Philly on Nov 16th! Go to hdtgm.com for ticket info, merch, and for more on bad movies.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaFor extra content on Matinee Monday movies, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerTalk bad movies on the HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmPaul and Rob Huebel stream live on Twitch every Thursday 8-10pm EST: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social mediaGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

Little pistachio disguise-y Going to save his mother, father, and the world? I don't think so. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM

How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? Now it's time for HBTGM How did this get from me? A-G-E-G-E-T-G-A-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R- We are thrilled to be back in New York at the Beacon Theater and a special thanks to MSG Live and the Beacon Theater for having us. We are so excited to be here.

I am tall John Shear. And we have a movie for you. The movie is Master of Disguise. It's a movie that has been requested so much since we have started this podcast and now I understand why. If If you take away the credits, it's a mere hour and eight minutes. What do you need to know? Data from Star Trek Next Generation is stealing all the world's most prized possessions? Question mark? And a fucking imbecile has to stop him. That's the overall premise.

We'll get into all the other stuff in a little bit. I'm speechless. I'm absolutely speechless. And you know what? To help me regain that speech, I must introduce my co-host. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas! Oh! What's up, Jarks? How we doing, New York City?

What's up, Beacon Theatre? What's up, Balcony? That's right. Those are my people. These are the animals that come to the Late Show. This city is horny. I've been walking around for two days. This city is horny I've been walking around for two days this city is

horny Wowie and wowie Paul this movie is horny this movie I didn't know some of you you were like oh yeah for sure I didn't know I Some of you, you were like, oh yeah, for sure. I didn't know. I put this on today and I was like, hang on man, this seems nuts. This whole thing is out of control. Every beat of this movie is, undeniably,

when faced with an option, takes the exact wrong choice Every it's consistent Every time it chooses the absolute wrong way to go Jason I would argue if this movie was in a room with two doors It wouldn't be picking the wrong door. It would start a hole Yes doors, it wouldn't be picking the wrong door. It would drill a hole. Yeah, it would drill a hole into it and start fucking a hole

in the wall. That, no. You know why it wouldn't? No. It wouldn't because the movie doesn't have a dick. Oh, I mean, I'm not saying the movie is sexual. I'm just saying it makes a choice that you couldn't even fathom.

You're like, wait, maybe they dig. Maybe they'd open a door. No, no, they're gonna drill a hole and fuck the wall. I'm not lying when I say I could spend, I could spend the next five hours only talking about the turtle club. Only. Only, only talking about what is contained in those minutes.

Because it's, honest to God, fucked up. Well Jason, there's someone out here. She is my other amazing co-host. Please welcome June Diane Raphael How are you June? I'm okay, Paul. How are you? I'm well. June, first thoughts. Wow! So, I honestly, I don't know where to begin, my first thought is I have never heard of this movie. I've never seen a poster for it.

I don't know if it was banned or what happened to it. If it wasn't, I would support it being banned. No, no, no. This needs to be out there. We need to know the depths that we can go. I mean, this movie is challenging. So here's what I will say. I want to start with the positive. Great. I would love to.

Yeah. Here are the positives for me. I enjoy Dana Carvey. Love. Love. Love. I find him to be so sweet and so silly and so boyish and charming. I really am into him. Yes. I am.

And actually watching this movie, I felt yearning for these insane movies of the late 90s and these comedies were where people were really going for Something right, you know Like if they're going for a certain type of comedy and big characters And I don't see that many comedians doing that anymore and I tip my hat to it. So there was something about that that I loved and that's period. I will fully back you and say this, for me, Dana Carvey is like truly beloved.

Like he was one of my favorite, like as a young person watching SNL, one of my favorite cast members. When he did the Dana Carvey sketch show, many of the, some of the people involved in that are in this, Dino Stantamatop Santa Metropolis I'm looking at you there are there those are those if you haven't seen there's a Hulu documentary about the making of the Dana Carvey sketch show that is fantastic because it's a

writers room that has some of the you know it's like Correll and Colbert and Dino and Charlie Kaufman and a lot of crazy people it's really a great room. It was a primetime sketch show that was truly like should have been on like after Conan O'Brien. It pushed the limits, it followed home improvement and like the opening sketch was like... Bill Clinton opens his shirt, and he has teats like a... like a... that are lactating, like a dog, and they hand him puppies, and the puppies suckle from his teats.

That's the opening sketch of an 830 p.m. sketch show. It was amazing. If you can imagine, they lost all sponsors. Immediately. I was at the live taping of one of those shows. That's how big of a fan I was of Dana Carvey. And still am. He's fantastically funny when he's on Howard Stern,

when he's on his Netflix special. And in this movie, he is, I had some, I will say it right now, openly and honestly and vulnerably, I had some laughs watching him in this movie. I truly did. Every, every time, every single time Data farted, I laughed. Every time, it was funny.

Guys, I'm here to say, farts are funny. It was one of those jokes, data farting, that really was like, did they just do that? Well, they do it again. Like, I really was happy. And it played out quite beautifully. It really did. His farts were so bad. I mean, he clearly has some sort of digestive tract problem. But it's related to him laughing.

The laughing forces the farts out. Is that happening to you guys? Maybe he is so loose, his body is so loose, he's so at peace and joy that his asshole is finally, like, released. No, I think that absolutely happens. It's like when people laugh so hard, they have to pee too. Like my mother had a real problem where if she... Where's this going?

Well, it was actually specific to one movie, What About Bob, which was my mom's favorite movie. And we would rent it all the time and she would laugh so hard that we would have to put towels underneath her what what by the way don't watch the movie no no where a diaper no well let's back it up I mean obviously person raised their hand that That person was like, are you really wearing a diaper? People have medical conditions.

You've had children, so you're wearing some sort of protection? You know what? Don't say, listen. Don't start with, listen. Yeah. I understand that. Postpartum, women should be wearing diapers, yeah. And they should be- I wasn't saying that. I mean, that's just true.

Hey, listen, here's what I'm gonna say. Even if you haven't had children, ladies, throw a diaper on. What I'm saying- Balcony knows what I'm talking about. Balcony's living that diaper life. The idea that their name is the Disguiseys. The idea, the concept that they all have an Italian accent. The idea that Dana Carvey in the movie appears to be a 50 year old man

playing a 23 year old? And by the way, 23 seems older than how, like, Pistachio is... Pistachio Disguisey! Yes. Who does not know that he has a talent for disguises, even though his last name is Disguisey, does not seem like a well human being. He seems like someone who might have been kicked in the head by a horse or maybe hit by a train. He's, he's very stupid.

This is, I mean, this is obviously, this is, I'm assuming, is this a riff on Inspector Gadget? Oh, Jason's. Right? No. I don't think it's. Wait a minute, hear me out, because he's the master of disguise, who is good at disguises,

but terrible at actual investigative work, because Jennifer Esposito does all of the actual investigative work. She is Penny. She's getting shit done. There's a dog. This movie is Inspector Gadget. No.

I mean, I think. I thought that was going to get a bigger response. I wrote it down like, this is going to crush. That's what's troubling about the sort of world that we're dropped into and that the lore of the Disguisey's because I Couldn't quite I Would like you to just say the name Pistachio Disguisey a lot

When I first heard his name Pistachio, I Again, I'll say it proudly I laughed this is it so wrong this movie is not afraid to go there oh like this oh is it does it ever it's here's the thing it lives there this movie doesn't go there it lives there Yeah, this movie never retreats look this movie is doing so this movie The idea that it's so it it gets there so quickly and the idea that James Brolin is Bo Derek at the beginning Do we believe? beginning. Does he as Bo Derek fuck Data from Star Trek? I feel like he must. I just want to back it up one more step before we even get into Bo Derek and just say when I think

of Italian I think of James Brolin. Like you can't get more Italian than James Brolin and Edie McClurg. Those are some real Italian accented people. I mean, literally, and Dana Carvey is also aggressively not Italian. Why would Dana Carvey have an Italian accent if he's born in America and raised in America not even knowing of his true heritage? Well, I'll tell you this much. When I first heard that Italian accent,

I thought, oh, no. We're in trouble. Oh, that's when you thought we're in trouble? That's when I thought we're in trouble. It that's when you thought we're in trouble? That's when I thought we're in trouble. If you... It grew on me. If Dana Carvey wants to do an Italian accent reverse engineer it so that he is Italian. Like that doesn't... it's... it's... it's weird. Well he is Italian. No no no I mean like from Italy Italian. Well he is from Italy Italian. No his dad was. His grandfather was, I guess James Broman is too. I mean by the way we're talking about this Italian accent as if

like Daniel Day Lewis did it. It's not like a spot-on Italian accent. We're not like oh it's great the Italian accent's great it's just weird casting oh, it's great. The Italian accent's great. It's just weird casting. No, it's like, hey, what the, hey, I'm Italian. It's like... It's like Mario and Luigi level Italian accent. Like, it's Italian accent 101. They all sound like they're doing Sandler's Italian accent. It feels to me like I've been transported into Tony and Tina's wedding like that

Level of like depth to Italian keep in mind when he is born He is born able to talk and slap the doctor and he talks as a baby In an Italian accent so he is born a newborn child who speaks English with an Italian accent so he is born a newborn child who speaks English With an Italian accent as if he's been raised in the little Italy of Toronto I would I Would say that the biggest mistake the movie makes in moment one of the hour and eight minute movie is, you know, you open up on Bo Derek, she's running, she's dressed like she was dressed in ten, you are watching this scene, but we never understand what she did, why she was there.

We don't understand any context to that opening scene whatsoever. Right? Well, like the grandfather's giving us voiceover about how this is, and this is, I laughed. There are, much like June is saying, and Paul too, I laughed a lot in this dumb fucking movie. And when it is like Bo Derek is running away from the house and he says this is

my son. I was like okay. Okay movie you got me. Bo Derek crushing it. She's great. She's the best person to rip off a face in a movie full of cameos, odd cameos. Very strange cameo. She really went for it. But I mean, we don't ever know what she did. We know that she put Data in jail. Yes. She's some sort... They are the Disguisey family. They're some sort of independent intelligence organization.

See, that's where I got really confused, because they keep on referring to being a master of disguise and being disguisees as though it's something we all know. Like, oh, I'm a magician. Or like, I'm James Bond. I'm a spy. By the way. But we have no, I mean, I didn't have any idea what does it mean to be a master of disguise.

Do you have powers? Do you figure things out? Do you just do impressions? That's fine. I just don't know. But here's the thing. First of all, it feels less of an Inspector Gadget movie and more of an Austin Powers ripoff without the backstory.

Because Austin Powers, at least as a secret agent so we understand the world in which he exists the disguises are also doing stuff but at certain points the disguises can be so good that they literally are the person yes and then sometimes so bad that they don't do any facial change at all. And then a majority of their characters are not people that they're impersonating, but just famous movie characters and characters, not actors.

Yes. That's very true. I mean, I think, here's my question. Here's my main question. There's a main question you've got. There's a main one, and then there's several other smaller subsets. The main one is if the disguisees hadn't been, if mama disguise and papa disguise hadn't

been. But mama disguise is not part of it, right? I know that. It's a patriarchal male lineage. Yes. Not passed over to the women. But okay, so. By the way, I okay, so by the way

I think she is like lucky her to not be to not be burdened by this nightmare but if they had not if Mama and Papa had not been kidnapped Would Dana would pistachio disguise he? Have ever been called to the art form and craft I think I feel safe in saying he would have spent the rest of his life being best friends with an eight-year-old child I did not like that relationship not you

mean a 50 year old man befriending a young boy on a skateboard? Did not like it. Who he then plies with gifts? And Shrek impressions? Oh, that Shrek impression was a straight-up, fuck you to Mike Myers. Yeah, what was happening there? You know what? He does the Shrek impression and the kid doesn't laugh.

That was an indictment. That's the joke is like, see, Shrek doesn't laugh. That was an indictment. The joke is like, see Shrek isn't funny. That was chilling. Oh yeah. And by the way, this movie is taking shots. And by the way as a father I know when my child falls down the best thing to do is not to physically comfort them but to do impressions of popular films. Because here's the thing sometimes you might not know to do is not to physically comfort them, but to do impressions of popular films. Because that- Well, here's the thing. Sometimes you might not know to do impressions of popular films. That's why it's great for a neighborhood guy to be like, hey, why don't you cheer him up by doing some of your weird voices? This set that they are on, this street set that seemingly everything happens on is so shitty. It's so shitty.

It's so, I don't even know what world it lives in, but here's the Shrek impression. I couldn't help but notice that you became acquainted with the sidewalk a moment ago. I'm not a sports kid. Pistachio, why don't you do one of your funny voices and cheer the kid up? What an excellent idea, Bernardo. Yes, yes.

I do for you now a scene from the hit-a-motion picture Shrek. You ready? Okay. Why don't you get away from me, Donkey? What you talking about get away from you? I'm making waffles. from you. I'm making waffles. This... By the way, that Eddie Murphy is bordering on offensive. This... I mean, I would say it almost...

It's got one foot over on the offensive side and one on the... I guess that's an impression. Well, let's be very clear. There's a lot of scenes in this movie that are... Problematic. Really problematic. For a movie that I believe came out in 2002. 2002. If you told me this came out in 1991,

I'd be like, okay, maybe. But this came out in 2002. If you told me this movie never came out and it was on Dana Carvey's shelf and he was embarrassed of it and it was only released after his death, I'd be like, yeah, sure, of course. The boy responds to the Shrek impression without any set up and goes, I never had a dad. Exposition, done. Like there was a checklist. Like he was coached off screen. Like, get in there and you drop that exposition

no matter what. Don't worry about what anyone else is saying. Just give the exposition. Got it, go, action. I never had a dad. Genuine question, for real. What's up? How old is Dana Carvey supposed to be he is 47 in

real life when he makes this movie okay I did the math because I had to yeah I think from what I'm looking at you guys are seeing the same thing that looks like a 15 year old character no I agree No. I agree. June, what? No. He's not. I think this movie. He gets married at the end. I think this movie was supposed to be,

I think this character was supposed to be a teenager. Oh, no, no, no. Sit with it, Paul. Sit with it. Like, I really want you to think about it. All of the characters, the character characters journey is being, he's discovering that he's been misled by his parents. He's basically like Harry Potter who's been told that he's just a normal kid and then later he gets a letter and is like, you are pistachio

disguisey. You are the heir to the Disguisee lives. You are a master of disguise. You're a wizard. And you have the ability, the natural ability already. You didn't even know it was there. Now let us help you get it. Gandalf, not Gandalf, Dumbledore shows up. Dumbledore shows up in the form of the grandfather and he's like, listen, I'm going to tell you what's up with the disguises.

We need to find the nest. So is he who should not be named Data? I don't know about that. I don't think it's a one-to-one, but I mean, I think... I know that Jennifer Esposito is definitely Hagrid. Wow. She has a line at one point that is literally, she says, I don't even know what to say about what happened back there. She had that line is spoken in the movie as if,

as if to knowingly wink at the fact that we know that's what you just said to your seatmate while watching the movie. She is us. Jennifer Esposito is a breath of fresh. And I just, yeah, I don't know what she's been up to and I'd like to find out because she is so compelling to watch. Absolutely.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It's always strange to me when someone's name in a movie is the same name as their own name in real life. Yes, her name is Jennifer Baker. Because I was like when she is Jen or Jenny or whatever in the movie, I was like, oh, this is so strange because there is, because she speaks for the audience, because she's the only normal person in a truly weird world, It seems to me as though I'm watching Jennifer Esposito

Be herself being like What is this? It felt like they don't feel safe It felt like they brought her in for a meeting to meet Dana Carvey about a project in there roll on it You know on it. they both fingered her hard your name is when she basically is like oh I didn't sign up to be like to have to have sex with people on behalf of you the book says she does the book that they have is like you gotta fuck the bad guy. Here's the thing that, well, even her character,

and I loved her, and I was so grateful she was there, but this idea that every disguisee has to have an assistant was strange, because we've seen James Brolin without one. Right. But he's retired. Well but even when he was, did he have an assistant when he was... I think, well the grandfather, maybe the assistant was driving the car.

Okay. I don't think it was established. It wasn't established. Look, the rules of the Disguisee, we can all agree, are not established at all. I mean, the only thing that we know about the disguise is is this title card which June you want to read that? Many centuries ago a remarkable family began to practice the magical art of Disguise Can we stop there for a second? Sure.

Okay. So the magical art of disguise. The magical art of disguise. The magical art of disguise? For me, the word art is a problem. I agree, because here's my issue, and there's only one. Dana Carvey, Pistachio Disguisey, he has these gifts.

It never gets old. His name is Pistachio. There are actors in this movie who have to enter a scene and say Pistachio! To Dana Carvey! This is why this movie walks this fine line of being one of the worst films ever made and one of the funniest films ever put on Zelluloid. Okay, so Pistachio Disguisey already has... He's already...

He's already gifted at doing voices, right? Well, yes, he has a talent to do characters. Whenever he gets upset, he kind of hones in on somebody. But all of them have to do with his underwear being on his head? No, Jason. His teacher. Oh my gosh. Someone in the audience has underwear on his head

and a shaving cream beard. We appreciate that. So right on. I'm nervous. So he has, I mean, we can all agree, he has a talent for doing voices and mimicking voices and doing accents. So here's the problem with the magical art of disguise.

He, once he's given that special pop-up book and the costumes, there's no real art to it all. He just has this gift and then does it with costumes on. Let's be clear. Only because within the context of this film, which is, I'm assuming, meant to start a franchise, he has not yet mastered the magical art of disguise. But what is magical about it that?

Already doing these voices the only thing he's doing which is a practical Experience is putting on a costume. No Another person become another person and her another person, and he then becomes, remember when he makes out with the cobra? First of all, stop screaming at me. Yeah, of course I do, but that, my point, of course I do, Jason, but my point is that those voices that he's doing there, to me,

were not very different from the voices we are doing now. I mean, I think that's a good point, but I think that's a good point, because I think that's a good point, because I think that's a my point, of course I do, Jason, but my point is that those voices that he's doing there, to me, were not very different from the voices we already saw him do. We've seen him already be able to, he has an incredible ear.

Well, I would argue that, but, I'm gonna give you that to say, but you have to say that to transform into a fully realized Bo Derek that's magical like that's just not costume work like he is see that it is costume work they just rip off a costume but energy go Derek like James Brolin is Bo Derek right when Bo Derek is flying because because I guess the disguises of the power of flight it is Bo Derek's body but it is James Brolin Barbara Streisand's husband it is is, it is, here's the thing. What the movie suggests is without being told these...

Wait a second. Barbara Streisand was at the premiere for this. She had to have gone to see Master of Disguise, I bet. I don't think they have it like that. No way. No. No way. No fucking way does Barbara Streisand go to the premiere. Produce a picture. no no no way no way no way no fucking way does Barbara Streisand

go in there? There's no way. Barbara Streisand is like you know James Berlin is like you know I've got that Dana Carvey premiere and she's like yeah no yeah no not doing it she's like I'll be in one of my stores in the basement I think that here's what it is so So he is naturally gifted at voices. Yes, you're right. Because he doesn't know that he's a dis- he knows obviously he's a disguisee, but he doesn't know that he's a master of disguise. When the grandfather comes in, he says, it's all well and good to be able to do voices or dress up or whatever when he's dressed up as the Indian man But he says in order to know what the person knows in order to have that to truly become this character

Become another have to work. You have to repeat the phrase become another person, but he doesn't become another person He does he starts he's loading specific knowledge that that person knows yes, that's Acting I do it every fucking day But he's not June you are saying that you are disguising Canoli disguise II The t-shirt that's the t-shirt. That's the t-shirt. June's face, Canoli Disguisey. That's the t-shirt. That is amazing. I would also pitch that we all

three have a Disguisey t-shirt. Each one of us. But Canoli Disguisey is great. And I'll be Pinoli Disguisey. Pinoli Disguisey. Pinoli Disguisey. But the idea that, first of all, if he just said energico, energico, energico, it's so much better than become another person, become another person, because it seems like, A, there's nothing Italian about that B It's it's just laying out what you want. It's so weird, but I think when he did that transformation to the turtle he became a turtle But here's my church so so hurtful

Turtle it did make me laugh. There's it made laugh. When he bit the man's nose off... ...then spit it back on as if they were playing the game I've Got Your Nose, I Put It Back. And I guess snapping turtles rip off people's noses. Yes, but you know what happens then? You see into the cartilage and the space in their nose, blood pours out of their face. You know what it's not? Smooth skin. Unless a turtle's bite is like a lightsaber and it cauterizes and does it all in one shot.

I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, it's fine. It's not bloody all over the place. So, okay, and we'll move off of it. We don't need to spend all night on this. No, let's not move off of it ever. I mean, we've really only talked about the first 10 minutes of the movie. But he's not, I know. So then I guess I would argue that Josh Brolin

is really a master of disguise. Absolutely. And Dana Carvey is just really an apprentice. Yes. I thought the whole movie was gonna be revealed at the grandpa disguise. He was actually James Brolin I was a rip off your mask old man, and then it's like oh, I guess he's just an old man But I really was hoping wait really yeah, I thought that too why he's the narrator of the movie But you thought like you'd be like and the greatest disguise of all I'm Mike Myers

of the movie. But you thought like you'd be like, and the greatest disguise of all, I'm Mike Myers. Like you know it was gonna be like a real kind of a twist fun ending. I mean I don't know, I don't know what this movie is trying to do. It upsets me like why is he practicing with the teeth in an apple? Like to understand how to work fake teeth? How does he produce a boat out of thin air when he becomes Robert Shaw's character from Jaws? There are so many questions.

I mean, where are all these costumes living? When they go to that party, it seems like they're very far away from the Italian restaurant, but then he runs away in the cow shit suit, and it seems like he's right in front of the restaurant. How does he get the ghillie suit with a cow patty on it? Giant cow patty. Like what is like how big was that? I assume magic comes into play? Yeah where does he keep all

that stuff? I don't know. In his portable nest? Is it in all in that box like Mary Poppins style? Oh yeah, like what was that orb? The orb that he talks to at one point goes, you idiot, I'm a holographic recorded message. But then they have a conversation. Not unlike Superman 2, but I'm okay. But what was the orb? What was the suitcase?

The suitcase is like a miniature laboratory? I thought the suitcase was where all of his disguises came out of. Well, here's the thing. When they discover in the attic James Brolin's nest, I also didn't like that it was called a nest. That was gross. Unsettling. It was gross. I didn't like that. Because a nest is like, I don't know, dirty and like where you poop and stuff, I think. I thought that was weird. But this was called, the suitcase was called Nest in a Box. Right.

Or right? Something like that. Yeah. So it's a portable nest. So it has within it everything that's in the attic. And the Rube Goldberg machine To open the nest in the if you walked up to the attic and you were like well There's string over there with a candle under it. There's a bunch of stuff

You'd be like, oh there must be a way to do something here Like it's you wouldn't need all that can if this movie aimed at six-year-olds I wrote down is this a children's movie and I don't quite know Is this movie aimed at six-year-olds? I think this movie is for six-year-olds. I wrote down, is this a children's movie? And I don't quite know. Look, I know I probably speak out of both sides of my mouth here, but I love when Quentin Tarantino does revisionist history, like they kill Hitler

and you know, inglorious bastards. But when I see Abraham Lincoln dancing too I like to move it move it I'm like no that's not my Lincoln by the way they don't even make they don't even justify it he just dances too I like to move it move it Oh Dana Carvey plays that Abraham Lincoln. And by the way, that was a little inkling of what the Disguiseys did, which I liked. It was like, okay, so they come in and help out people. Are they a government force?

I would have liked that to be a through line, but it wasn't. There's no... That's my problem with the Disguiseys. They don't... They're not... I'm not clear on what they're motivated by beyond the joy of being in disguise. I mean, they're like the aid team. If you need a disguise, we got one.

No, that's not... Like, it just seems like they are frustrated actors, and I can understand that, but let's call it what it is. Sell... Sell everything in the nest and make an independent movie. A bunch of people in the house talking about how they don't love everybody and they're having a midlife crisis and it'd be great. Can you imagine a world in which there is the FBI, the CIA, MI5, you know, like, uh, Mossad, every intelligence agency in the world. And these fucking disguises are like, we operate independent and above all of you.

This, these morons are running around being like to do we got this we got You know what I'm realizing is that that six-year-old is probably going to be primed To become a disguise II. Well, I mean he's not he's not blood he gets adopted To be in the wedding Tony I believe he is given... He is... They are saying, will you take the... What's the phraseology? He becomes the son of Dana Carvey.

Dana Carvey really wants a child throughout this whole movie. He wants to become the father of... Well, he's pushing 50. He's pushing 50. So I get him wanting it. But... But the weird thing is... Jason's just going through a little something.

That really hit home. Wow, that really landed for me. By the way, what you're saying about the marriage is interesting, especially considering it's in the end credits, which has more footage than the film. There's so much happening. Characters we've never seen.

Scenes we've never seen. By the way, I pulled this just to show it to you. This is a deleted scene with Captain America and this is by the way understand this as this is a movie that is taking place in a post-9-eleven world and I think this is what the scene was trying to convey Oh, no! Please! Whoa! Cool!

It's all in a day's work for Capitan America. What's with the Italian accent, Capitan America? Well, you see, America is a big pot of melting people. Nice shield. You want to hold it? Now you'll excuse me. Oh, please, please! Don't slap me! You're my daddy! You're my daddy! You want to hold it? Now, you'll excuse me. Oh, please, please, don't slap me.

You're my daddy. You're my daddy. If you insist. Wow, that was awesome. And remember, kids, Oris stay in school. We will. It's OK. Bye.

Bye. He's pretty cool. Will you hit him with the claws of fist? or he stay in school. He will. Okay, bye. Bye. He's pretty cool. You hit him with the claws of fist. He didn't deserve his dignity, Papa. So that's the ending where the fart doesn't happen. I'll be honest. I just came.

Um, but he is... That was bizarre. Strange stuff. Also, who is that? It does not look like Dana Carvey. It's not Dana Carvey, but it's his voice, right? Oh, again, that's where the master of disguise comes into play. He sometimes does not look, but at the end when they go to like that resort and they're getting data,

James Brolin doesn't embody the other person, it's just James Brolin in makeup being the bodyguard. Remember that? And when George Bush- Oh, yeah, at the end, yes, yes, sorry. George Bush. Oh, it really is like a series of sketches. And that's what made me feel like,

oh, maybe this is just for children who will appreciate just silliness. But then I was like, no, because why would then it be that Dana Carvey is obsessed with women with big butts because that's what his mother has? And I was like, there's such a weird sexual component to the big butt stuff that I was like, what's this now?

And he, when they're interviewing Jennifer Esposito, Jennifer Esposito has a great sexual harassment case against both Dana Carvey and the grandfather just from the interview alone. The first question is, what are your measurements? And then they were upset with her butt being too small. But you know what? It just goes to show you how much shit women will put up with

to get good dental coverage. The fact they doubled down on that joke, that scene made me laugh. So about the dental, do you pay for it? Do I invoice you? She doesn't even know how insurance works. This is the other thing that I struggled with. No, she just wants dental work. She wants to get as much dental work done as quick as possible so she can quit. And she has great teeth, but it seems like she also wants to make sure

her son is covered. Maybe she wants to- Listen, as someone who had to get pretty extensive dental work done after the age of 18, it can be pretty pricey. Okay, so that's, you would put up with Pistachio and Grandpa? Well, I understand that she wants, she wants to get it done

for her son while he's still under her coverage. So here's a problem I have with the actual disguises or the art of disguise, the magical art of disguise. There's no, because I think what would have been cool, and of course not in this movie, this movie doesn't support it, would be seeing these craftsmen and craftswomen slip into disguise and really fully embody these characters.

The characters that he's playing to try to figure out this mystery could not be drawing more attention to themselves. The characters that he's playing to try to figure out this mystery could not be drawing more attention to themselves. They are absurd. They are screaming. They are loud. And sometimes they show up multiple times to the same location to talk to the same people. Like, he comes to the front door of that house three separate times in the space of minutes. But here's what I'm saying. He gets nothing done.

Jennifer Esposito finds every clue, figures everything out, does the whole case. He's actually a problem. Well, what's... Jason, what is the case? You know that Data kidnapped his dad. Done. He doesn't though. They live next door to Data, apparently. And it's all happening within the space of a block. There's no conspiracy. There's no nothing. The clue, the clue is the cigar. Done, mystery solved. The clue, the cigar brings us to the turtle club. They show the guy the cigar and he's like, oh yeah, I made that cigar for data.

And they're like, got it, thank you. Every beat is like, boom, okay, thanks so much. We're off to the next. By the way, isn't it a better story to is like, boom, okay, thanks so much. We're off to the next. By the way, isn't it a better story to be like, this person is stealing all these amazing objects. We must stop him or we have to trick it or we have to get it back, but no, that's kind of running parallel.

He doesn't seem to care about any of the objects, ultimately, and also the objects are weird it's like the lunar module Darfee's ruby slippers and the Constitution? Give me like I'm trying like that that's an SAT question I'm like shit stuff I don't know what is stuff like I don't like I don't know. Do you think SATs work like Jeopardy? What is stuff? And your answer is what is stuff? I mean, well, when I took my SATs, it was me, Ken Jennings, and someone, a computer programmer.

Yeah, I did good. I mean, I did pretty good. I got to the second round. I mean, there are, throughout the movie, there aren't just moments of homage to other movies. There are indulgent homages to other movies. The exorcist, the Jaws, Robert Shaw stuff. The Scarface stuff is absolutely insane. But wait, this is what makes me, this is what I'm thinking. This movie was not meant to

be a kids movie. It was meant to be an adult movie. They got in the edit room, they're like, fuck. Switch it up. Because all the characters he's impersonating, like what six year old gets off on a scar face impression in 2002? What six-year-old likes a good Robert Shaw monologue? You know, like what are we doing? The joke of that one is how often he calls him chief. Right? And it's like, okay. I mean here is some of the scarface things Yes, that's great you have fun I'm gonna speak to someone Don't touch see that my friend. There's a rare shrunken head right there

He has a little friend who has a shrunken head. He is dressed like, and it, it, it, ah, ah. Can I ask you both a question? I need to ask you both a question. Do you think this is a Dana Carvey, like, passion project? He's like, oh, like, you know, Mike Myers, the whole idea was like, he was saying, oh, behave. And his wife was like, that's a great idea. And she helped him create this character

of like Austin Powers. Do you think that Pistachio Disguisey was like something Dana Carvey was like tooling around with and he's like, oh, my God, this amazing world and this is a thing? No. I feel like he was just, I feel like we're just trying to back into a movie in which

Dana Carvey can do a bunch of characters. Sketches. And that's fine. And I would see, I would see that movie. I have seen that movie. But I just saw that movie. You just did. Yeah.

But yeah, there was just nothing to hang it all on. It was originally written for Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey passed on it. Wow. It was written... This was written on a page? Yes. Um...

So, the guy... Did the person who wrote it write it during a fever? Or a flu? Well, let me lay some of his... Or under duress in any way. Let me lay down some of his credits. They are Deuce Bigelow, Male Gigolo. Without a paddle.

Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo. And a movie called Love Conquers Paul, which I didn't get to audition for, and I don't know why. Um, and it was directed by someone... Well, why would you audition for it, John? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and it was directed by a person who never directed anything but just was a production

designer. So that's that. Yeah, I mean, this, you know what this feels like to me? Like a bad attempt at the Pink Panther films, but those Peter Sellers, like, it's like, because Peter Sellers is dumb in those movies, he's not super dumb, but he had funny disguises, but this is rough. Well, no, I mean, like, I do think that's what they're trying to do, and I'm not kidding when I say Inspector Gadget, I think Inspector Gadget is an homage to Inspector Cluso. I think this is meant to be a, a not good, he's supposed to be bad, Iuso. I think this is meant to be a not good,

he's supposed to be bad, I think. I think he's not supposed to be bad. Bad. But the cherry pie costume was good. Yes, he is supposed to, he is supposed to be, he's not supposed to be good at this or a master yet. But the problem I have is,

when he shows up as a turtle, when he shows up as a turtle, when he knows he has to go to the turtle club and chooses to show up as a turtle. As a physical embodiment of a turtle. Turtle. Turtle. Turtle. Which this is where he struggle with the rules of the world. This? This, just and only this.

The rules of the world we've been dropped into without our consent. There's no way to, no matter how good of a disguise you can come up with. I understand EnerGico to work like this. Become another person, become another person. I am that other person. I don't think it's become another species. Well, I mean, yeah. let's watch a little of the turtle. But I will say, if a turtle were to morph into a person, then I think this is an accurate portrayal. Now, that being said, if a person turtle walked into the turtle club,

categorically, everybody's gonna lose their minds. Everybody there should be like, what the fuck? What the fuck is going on right there? But you know what I think people would think? It would be like when you would see like, you know, some sort of a mascot, like, you know, like Mr. Met walking around Shea Stadium. You'd be like, oh, clearly this person is affiliated.

This is not like a person that is just out to see a ball game. Like, they've done some sort of like fun thing at the theater tonight. And that's where I feel like they took a wrong turn with his character because he is lovable and goofy and not so bright. But once we enter into the turtle club, like this is not a man we're safe around. Locker. He's very specifically over and over

putting Jennifer Esposito, a single mom, in life-threatening danger. At one point, she is abducted from her home, and her child is left alone. And he has to wander the streets of wherever they live until he finds pistachio disguising. The good news is they only, they live in a world which is a city block. So it would take four hours max to search every world.

I do want to say that in the credits, they show the turtle producing an egg out of his mouth, a Pepto-Bismol bottle out of his mouth. So, yes, that's an art to produce an egg out of your mouth. Can I just play a little bit of Turtle? Of course, babe. Are you a member of the Turtle Club? Well, not exactly. Not exactly, but am I not turtley enough for the turtle club?

By the way, that's Kermit the Frog, right? That is not a turtle voice, that is a Kermit the Frog voice. Okay. He's fine. He's fine, turtle. Turtle. He's dreamt of this place ever since he was a child um I think we can go in for a moment we'll be out in five minutes please

all right is he wearing glasses because they're tortoiseshell? Maybe. I mean, because turtles don't wear glasses. So he's not embodying a turtle, or is he a turtle man? I don't know. The eyeline they have looking at this gentleman, though, makes it seem like he's 30 feet tall. He's so big. By the way, this...

Why shoot him from below like this? Which is to say, I think they're actually trying to convince us Dana Carvey is the height of a turtle. I also think that this guy looks exactly like Jennifer Esposito's boyfriend. Very much, yes. This guy is also dressed like the, like, he's in Double Dragon

and is the red guy from Double Dragon. Oh, man, do you think that Jennifer Esposito is better off with Pistachio over the other guy? Oh, yes. Yes. Of course, Paul. Pistachio has a lovely... I'm asking questions, I'm not making judgments. I didn't know if anyone had a hot take on it, I don't know.

I mean, maybe, you know, do you think that their sex life is gonna be good? Pistachio and Jennifer Esposito? Do you think that he knows what she wants? I don't know if it's gonna live up to the sexual attraction he feels for his mom's big butt. I mean, there were a couple fleeting moments where I found myself attracted to Dana Carvey. What?

Fleeting. I said fleeting. When? I said fleeting. The scene where Jennifer Esposito basically seduces him, I was like, ugh, this is, this must be tough. That's the moment where I said, give her every award you could possibly find. Give her an EGOT on the spot.

Just deliver all four. You done did it. You did it. I will say this. I think Jennifer Esposito is best off with data What? Guys before we go to the audience, I know we're running a little long I just want to say the cameos Michael Johnson. They got Michael Johnson in this movie What were they going for with these weird cameos? All right, so every major

artifact was given to a really weird celebrity. It's like, all right, so it was Jesse Ventura. Jesse Ventura, who clearly only agreed if they would advertise his action figure, which was real. Yeah. They turn it out to the camera. Jessica Simpson is given the lunar module. You can keep it, Jessica. But they play her song, right? And then, oh, right. And then Michael Johnson was like,

Sure, I'll do it. Michael Johnson is here. For real question, is Michael Johnson here? And then Jennifer Esposito finds all those pictures of comedians. Of other Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, everybody for comic relief. Yeah. Those are all the pictures that I guess Data took of James Brolin disguised before he went on and did his missions. So those are the missions we didn't see.

But why photograph him like that? Who knows? Who knows? Yank Bank? Who knows? Honest to God, who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows why this movie... This movie happened to us. This movie happened to us.

Wow, those lights just came on real hot. All right, we're gonna go out to the audience and see what they think. Sir, in your best, uh, in your best, uh, Italian accent, please tell me your name and then use your last name, Disguisey. Okay, here we go. Peter Disguisey. Amazing. All right, now Peter is wearing a Gish and Gertz shirt, I love. Ladies of the 80s made it on his own. Do we make that or did you make it? No. He made it. It's amazing. Gish and Gertz. Can we send

you one of those? Gish and Gertz? I love that. I would like that too. Sir, your name. Sorry, I got it. Sir, your question. So I do research, typed in master disguise and then on Google it was like seven deep. Turtle scene was shot on September 11th. Yes I knew this and I literally said that Jason in June I don't know if I want to bring this up at the live show but it's worth mentioning and I'm glad you did. This is for you New York. This is for you. Never forget that the Turtle Club scene was shot on September 11th. Yipes. That's a straight up yipes. That whole day, can you imagine? Can you imagine, can you imagine shooting this while September 11th is happening? New York.

Well, you know what? That will bring me to this clip and that's why I played the Captain America clip because at one point they go like, why are you Captain America but have an Italian accent? It's like, well, we all are different in America and that's good. But here is a clip of Dana Carvey talking about the importance of this movie post-9-11. By the way, the fact that that man did not bring up that I read in my research was the cast and crew

took a moment of silence. A moment. Just a brief moment. Guys, go to that. One of the... Sorry, Jason. Was Dana Carvey in the turtle costume during that moment of silence?

He was in the turtle costume when Building 7 fell. And his head went down. Alright, here, here he is. Too soon? Yes. New York? Yes. Alright, here we go. This is Dana Carvey kind of roughly talking around that.

Now that you know it, it will have a greater meaning to you. I said I just want to do a lot of different people. I don't care what they say. They said you play yourself and you do a drama. Oh yes it's the Robin Williams from Insomnia. One hour photo. Oh yes I'm not a serial killer I'm just a writer in a cabin. You're wrong. You know people say you're nervous about a movie and I say it's just a freaking movie you know it's post-911 we've got the world and lots of problems we've got warnings and all sorts of things and it's post 9-eleven we've got to work on a lot of problems we've got warnings and all sorts of things that's a silly movie sit down get some

popcorn put your feet up you know if you're not bored for 80 minutes you know the world of your loss it's cool that they got Paul McCartney to promote who that's so weird to reference the movie as a post-9-11 movie also kind of creeps me out. Okay, let's go back to the crowd after that moment here. Ma'am, I'm coming back to you. Your name in the best disguise-y voice and your question. A may a disguise-y. Great.

Okay, so to honor the horniness, I guess, of New York City, what should we be yelling out as we fuck and cum from the movie? Did not expect this question from this woman. Wow. This, this girl gets it. She understands what this is about. She understands what the late show is about

Because she knows she's fucking tonight That's what New York's about This city's getting laid And you should just probably be like turtle Turtle turtle You should probably like when you're coming go like turtle turtle turtle. Turtle, turtle. You should probably, like, when you're coming, go like, turtle, turtle.

Or, like, stare deep into your lover's eyes and say, become another person. Become another person. Become another person. Become another person. Become another person. I would please Please tweet us if you do that to your lover tonight

Deep while you're like don't do it initially like fuck for a while Then right as you're in it be go go just look and be like become another person Your name and the best disguise voice in your question. Brian Disguisey. That was pretty good. I was wondering, in Kevin Nealon's scene at the end, he's asking if the master of disguise can turn into Barbra Streisand.

Is he assuming that the genitalia is gonna change? And also, he asks if the Olsen twins, and they're 15 at the time when they make this fucking- Yes, yes. So you're saying, you're saying, so yes, when it dis- I'm assuming that when a disguisee changes gender, that the genitals change with them. Like, Bo Derek seems to be Bo Derek. Right? Ah. I mean...

Okay, first of all, if we're asking about genitals, let's just talk about the sex of the person and not their gender. But, so... They're asking about genitals, let's just talk about the sex of the person and not their gender. But so, because they're putting on a costume, let us not forget that. They are putting on a costume. There is no magic involved here. There is, in fact, the magical- There's no magic.

There's no magic. There's no magic here. There is no magic in this. There is no magic in this. In fact, the magical art of disguise. There is no magic in this movie. Jason. Now, here's what I'll say, Paul. That costume might have a vagina.

I'm listening. But James Brolin doesn't have a vagina as far as I know. Prove it. I can't. You're absolutely right. I can't. Jason, June, I'm in the balcony. Be careful, Paul.

But I want to respond to that because I was kind of against what June was saying early on, but then as I was running up these three flights of stairs, I had a vision. They're always dressed in like a black turtleneck and black pants. So they're never in the body. Like, like the way that I would see it is they would rip off their face and they would still be like in the Bo Derek from the the neck down. So are they creating full latex like clump-esque body suits? Are they Eddie Murphy-ing this thing?

Let's do this. Just for audience vote, do you think that when a disguisee transforms into whoever they are disguising themselves as, there is magic that is involved that makes them actually become that person, yes? Now, how many of you believe that is not the case and it is just dress up? So you think when they say the magical, you don't think

energico is a real thing. No, if anything, here's what it feels like. The disguisees for many years have been dressing up in costume for generations and generations. As a joke, someone said, yeah, it's the magical art of disguise. So wait a second. When James Brolin looks like Bo Derek,

how do you differenti... How do you account for the difference in physical size? How do you account for the difference in physical weight? How do you account for... He is Bo Derek. When the grandfather is the sh... the maid, when he comes in, when Dana Carvey comes in and the grandfather is the maid dusting up, how is that possible? That's magic. The problem I have with it is if they transformed, if when standing there as the maid, there were like twinkles and lights and sort of hazy transformation back into the grandfather, then I'd say, yeah, that looks like magic. What I see is him pulling off a latex costume.

And you know what? I'm on June's side because here's the thing that really now pulls it all together for me I'm up in the balcony if you want to have eye contact Jason They have him try on the suit that blows up with air So if he was transforming into the shape and size of somebody they would never have a suit that like has helium in it How is James Brolin Bo Derrick? I got it. I got it. I got it. It's crumbling around you, Jason.

It's almost as if they did a bad job writing the movie. Jason, how dare you? It's almost dead if the movie is structurally unsound. When you have an hour and eight minute movie written by the guy who wrote Deuce Bigelow, Jigelow, and Deuce Bigelow, European Jigelow, you know that this plot should work like clockwork. I mean, it really should. Sir, your name, your question. Teddy Disguisey. My question is about the person in the fighting dummy in the post credits. Was he an employee of the Disguiseys? Does he get dental? Just what's going on? The grandpa grandpa knows him has he been there this entire time?

Just is there a line of employees of people in the fighting coming amazing question Jason June tackle that What was there a person in that thing? Yes, Jason? I miss that very there was a little person Wow, oh was it in the who was in... Oh, I missed it. Wow. Oh, was it in the post-credit thing? Oh, was it? Oh, that's why. I stopped watching this movie as quickly as I could. I see. The minute there was a single credit,

I was like, and off, and tried to forget what I just watched. There was a little person who ran out, There was a little person who ran out and then sort of became a part of the credit sequence and spoke to camera with Dana Carvey and when the credit sequence was over you heard that little person request to get a proper goodbye and send off. Is that what happened or am I I have I lost my mind? It was insane I didn't watch any of that and I'm glad You didn't watch the 10-minute credit sequence. I did not shockingly. I did not um

We've talked about a lot. We've talked about it being offensive. We've talked about the cameos. I mean, I also want to say that I didn't think that the movie was well researched. And, um, they kept on talking about going to Palermo prison. And I was like, that can't be a place. And it's not. Um, there's a real place. It place it's a Pagliarelli prison that's where they would have gone and I just want that for all the people out there who really like to know the nitty-gritty details. That's the prison where Data would have been incarcerated and there it is it's a small prison.

Paul are you okay? I thought there was a moment that I thought was very funny, which is Dana Carvey and his grandfather, I believe it's like the training montage type of setup. And they think Dana Carvey's obsessed with women with big butts, okay? That's part of it. This we know.

And then they see a woman crossing the street with a big butt, and they're like, ooh la la, right? It's amazing. Then it turns around and it's a man, right? And they are so shocked that they take the ice cream cones they have and jam them straight into their mouths. It is such a shocking juxtaposition of images to be like, sexy lady, uh-oh, man.

Shove that cone in like a dick. When Dana Carvey, before he starts learning the art of magical disguise, when he's a waiter and drops that spaghetti onto that table, the reactions of those people, they all have spaghetti over their heads and a lot of it. They don't move as though they've been killed. They're literally lifeless, motionless. And they are what I would believe to be suffocating.

There is so much pasta over their faces, they must be suffocating under it. Well, and then they say a very odd line. They go, I told you we should have gone to Burger King. Was that the option? Burger King or this nice Italian restaurant? Or should we go to Disguisey's tonight? Well, of course we had an opinion about this movie,

but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. I'm gonna log right on to Amazon I'm gonna write second opinions I'm gonna log right on to Amazon I'm gonna write second opinions I got the master of disguise and dressed like cherry pies and brolin's in the back cashing checks and slapping slap pistachio's his name, big butts are his game, active kind of wacky, no two scenes sound the same. Givin' it five stars. Givin' it five stars. I'm gonna rock right on to Amazon I'm gonna write second opinions

Give it up for Jeremy! These are five star reviews cold from amazon.com there are 58% of these reviews are five star yeah and and again I say it to all of you listeners out there stop tanking the system people keep on writing reviews under the five-star logo for us. They're like, Paul, Jason, June, why did you make me watch this? I feel violated. That's why we did it. Don't mess up the ecosystem.

This is something that is scientifically based here. All right. This one's from Kat. She writes, we love this movie. I am the oldest of five, and now that we're all adults, we are busy. When we were younger, we loved watching this together. No joke.

As adults, this movie gets us all in the same room. We actually set up hangout dates just to watch it. Now my kids watch it, too. Five stars. Wow. Wow. This one is from... That's like their family. Yeah. The family movie is master of disguise. They can only hang out when this is on and you're gonna notice as these reviews go on there is a theme of community of

Love around this film Sam candor writes I grew up watching this movie, and I cannot stress Enough how good it is. I mean if you just looked up this movie title. We're gonna be friends five stars I mean, if you just looked up this movie title, we're gonna be friends. Five stars. Oh. Then this one from Loretta. My family does not like to watch very many movies. But this one rates the highest.

We all laugh at the same part, and afterward, we sound like the movie for weeks. Our friends always know when we've watched it again. Thanks for sharing. We have watched this movie several times. Five stars. And then we go to... Wait, our friends know when we've watched it?

Because... That's a scathing indictment. Yeah. Turtle. Turtle, they're doing that. Or when they come over like, Excuse me, I don't know if I have it. Just doing like Italian weirdos.

I bet you that's true. Cable writes this. The title of the review is Great in the Right Situation. And I'm gonna jump in in the middle. I do admit the segment on the little robot named Orca was pretty funny. But maybe that's because I'd recently seen Jaws on cable so it was fresh in my mind. This is also a great getaway movie.

Had a bad day, week, feeling run down, like just shutting off and shutting out the world. This is one of those movies to watch over and over. It makes a great comfort. Forget it all. Getaway movie in every way, in my opinion. And that is when it can truly be appreciated for what it offers. Other reviews give more details about the movie, but I recommend one watch

in those who need to escape a certain situation. Five stars. I had to pull a couple of these because they're so great. That one is haunting. Yeah. Yeah, I feel someone has been murdered. Like that, I feel like, is that person talking about September 11th? It's a great getaway movie when you're, hey look. Like when you need to just shut out the world and like indulge in just the magical art of

disguise. Literally, that person is saying that the remedy that you need when you are feeling down is exactly the remedy that Dana Carvey gives to the kid who falls on the skateboard. Imagine if you will, all of us are here, right? We all must have those movies that when we're in a bad mood cheer us all finger Munich really both finger Munich these are the two movies they Both finger is one of my favorite movies, but that oh, that's fine. I was joking about muting.

Okay, but there are those movies, right, that just... that give you something, that bolster your mood, that buoy your... whatever it is. And for that person, it's this movie. That's... wow. That's wild. Oof. That's a straight up oof-ma-goof. When I first watched this movie a couple years ago I thought I'd miss something. It was a relatively entertaining family movie but I would have struggled to recount what

it was about. Seeing it again recently totally cracked me up. It's up there with Drop Dead Fred. I love the dichotomy of an utterly earnest character with such a ridiculous accent. The dichotomy of the extreme... They don't know how to use dichotomy. The dichotomy of the extreme earnestness and ridiculous behavior coming from Carver's character is similar to that of Tom Green's performance in Freddy Got Fingered. The use of such a non-contemporary concept is another vital part of the film's appeal. The historical fantasy of

the family history adds another enchanting backdrop to the ridiculous proceedings. He thinks your name is Pistachios? That is my name. It does have a strong narrative, but I don't think that that's something that detracts from what this movie is. It seems like this movie probably disappointed the largest number of viewers of any movie in the 2000s, and I don't know what to make of that. But if you go into this movie expecting something typical or realistic, you'll be disappointed. But if you're open-minded to take it on its own terms, it will grow on you. I even liked it more watching it the third time.

Five stars. Remember when he's disguised as a cherry pie? And violently shoots cherries out of his mouth like a machine gun. So many cherries that it's impossible. It's... Like we said, the film came out in 2002. The budget of this movie, $16 million! Where is that money? It's costumes. It's in the turtle costume.

Jeez. But guess how much money it made worldwide? $43 million. Wow. It made $40 million in the United States. Really? The opening weekend was $12 million. The top three movies of 2002, Spider-Man, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, 40 million in the United States. The opening weekend was 12 million.

The top three movies of 2002, Spider-Man, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, a Star Wars episode two. This movie came in 63rd out of all the movies made in 2002. It was beaten by XXX. And this movie beat Crossroads, The Country Bears, and Jason X. That's like, that's not nothing.

You know what I mean? That's it. This movie was successful. Yes. Well not that. Did you have heard of this movie before? Yes. I had to.

Yeah, I had never seen it, but I'd heard of, I remember when this came, I remember this being a, I thought, I genuinely am only now hearing that. I thought of this as Some sort of spectacular flop my understanding was it was like a real misstep and it was perhaps creatively But it was now I'm hearing success. I remember watching it in 9-eleven support groups

The tagline is a lot of 9 9-11 tonight, New York. A lot of 9-11 tonight. I love this tagline. Disguise the limit. By the way, I'm not, not into it. Like, there's a bunch of funny word play in here. There's a bunch of dumb jokes, silliness. Like the movie is overtly silly.

And that plays into it. I do. Would you recommend this film? I mean, I think we've danced around it a lot. Would you recommend it Jason June? You know, here's what I'll say. I wish I had been stoned watching it. Because I actually think it would have been

a great movie to watch a little bit stoned. Here's what I'll say, June, about watching this movie stoned. Allegedly. It is terrifying. Really? Yeah I watched this movie today and I was like what is this? What's going on? It was it's no no I think it is pretty fun it is actually a little bit fun stone but it is there was stuff that happened in this movie like there's the jokes where he looks straight down the lens

and is like, it's such a bad idea. Such a crazy idea just might work. It just might work. And I just giggled, like, this is funny. I giggled a lot. When he, I can't even remember what the scene was, but there was one scene where he walked, oh, it was when he walked into his house,

this is so dumb, but he walked into his house after it had been ransacked and his parents were gone, and just listening to him process it, and he says, everything is different. I laughed so hard at that dumb line. So for just those small moments there's another moment where he says something like, what word did you think we were talking about? And she says master and his grandfather says disguise and he says of or whatever that moment

was. I'm butchering it, but it made me laugh so hard. I had some laughs. And for that, I would recommend this movie. Oh! Look, June, I'm on the same page. I normally regret that I have an iTunes movie collection full of garbage. By the way, I bought this movie too. So we both separately on our own accounts.

In our household, we own two copies of this movie. We are on a list. And there was a moment today where I was like, maybe I should show this to our oldest. I think he might like it. What? Paul. What? No.

You don't think this would appeal to him? I don't think he's old enough for this movie. For Pistachio Disguisey? I've seen Paw Patrol episodes that had more of a... Let me ask you this. How often are you willing to have him watch this? He's gonna watch it more than once. Then it's one of his favorite movies.

Then you are living with someone who's doing an Italian accent all the time. Is putting shaving cream beards on, wearing underwear on his head. I sent one of my kids to school with underwear on his head. It was crazy hat day. Underwear is not a hat. That was the joke. And it was a huge hit.

Is that why you asked for a pair of my underwear? Yes. But to this point, I regret it all. I actually like this movie. I'd like to revisit this film. And to Jason's point in the beginning about this movie making the exact wrong choice, I think it could be really summed up very early on that when they are doing something, they reference Ask Jeeves.

Which I think even in 2002 was not a thing anymore. There's a lot of very current references. The movie is full of references, both classic movies, Dana Carvey's work, like George Bush, all this stuff, but then there's also like Ask Jeeves or the Dummies book or all this kind of just like throw away reference stuff that is just like messing up the movie in a weird way. And oddly, Kenan Thompson is like fourth build and he has a line in a montage

bidding on priceless artifacts and reveal at the end end he's playing himself. Really? Yeah. Amazing. Do you think when Scarlett Johansson just recently said that she should be able to play any character regardless of race and gender etc that she was referencing Master of Disguise? Well, with that, I will say there is a prominent rumor in Hollywood that the Black Widow movie is a backdoor master of disguise sequel. The MCU is bringing in the disguises. You heard it here first. Ladies and gentlemen, that's our show. Thank you. New York City. You are amazing. Live from the Beacon Theater. Holy shit, the Beacon Theater. That was a fun, fun show. If you know

anything about the show, you know that we are making t-shirts as we went on the road every night. We made a special t-shirt. You can go to teapublic.com slash store slash HDTGM to check out our shirt. You are gonna love it. A big thank you to Avril Halle, our producer who picks all of our films. I mean, she does an amazing job. Also a big shout out to Devon who traveled on the road

with us. He's our engineer, killing it on the road. Cody, our producer holding it down in Los Angeles and Nate Kiley doing all that research. A big shout out to the ghost of Craig T. Nelson for these amazing designs that have been popping up on our Instagram. That's right, you can follow us on Instagram at HDTGM,

not the one with all the underscores. That's not us. Follow the one that actually updates all the time. That is us. Or you can follow me on Instagram or on Twitter or whatever you wanna do. June is on Grace and Frankie still. She's killing it on there all the time. do. June is on Grace and Frankie still.

She's killing it on there all the time. And Long Shot is on VOD right now, which June and I are both in. Check it out. And we will see you next week for a mini episode where you can bring up any issue that you would like to bring up. And you can give me a call at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K.

That's 619-Paul-ASK. You can ask me about your life. You can ask me about your love. you can ask me about your love, you can ask me about your job. I will answer all those questions on the mini episode and we will see you next week for a How Did This Get Made mini episode where you are the star. How Did This Get Made?

How did this get made? How did this get made? Earwax.