How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Join Paul, June, and Jason as they dive headfirst into the BAYos that is Michael Bay’s 2009 film Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Jason and June play a game where they try to guess the plot and ...Paul reveals that he auditioned for this movie! Plus, the crew discusses if robots can get stabbed without internal organs and ask if Transformers is a Biblical allegory?!(Originally released 09/20/2020) For more Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/c/PaulScheerGo to www.hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, and more.Follow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

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Starting point is 00:00:00 We were intimidated, cajoled, and battered until we finally relented. We saw Transformers revenge of the Fallen. So you know what that means. Now it's time for How Did This Get Made? We're gonna have a good time Celebrate some failure, not just be a hater Cause you know you wonder How Did This Get Made? Let's all win the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question How Did This Get Made?
Starting point is 00:00:14 Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex.
Starting point is 00:00:22 I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex. Alex. I'm Alex.
Starting point is 00:00:30 I'm Alex. I am They've shown up at live shows. We would be in the lobby of theaters and people would be dressed up as transformers. They left gifts for us on stage. They transferred DVDs to VHSs. They went above and beyond to get our attention
Starting point is 00:01:12 to do this movie and we are doing it for them. And I wanna say very cleanly and clearly, just because they did it doesn't mean that we'll ever do this again. I just really enjoyed these two gentlemen and how they took something that could be creepy and made it actually really fun. And so that's why we're here.
Starting point is 00:01:31 I didn't wanna be here. I saw this movie in the theater and I did not wanna watch it again. But here to help me break down this entirely confounding film is my co-host, Mr. Jason Manzukis. Welcome, Jason. Oh, eesh, eesh, eesh, eesh, eesh, eesh, eesh.
Starting point is 00:01:47 That's my transforming sound. Transforming into my human self, my podcast host self. I'm okay, Paul. I will say last night when I put this movie on to watch it and I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna, I'm gonna fucking blast this out. Yeah. You know, this is gonna be great.
Starting point is 00:02:06 Nope. I turned it on, HBO Max, two and a half hour runtime. Yep. I almost, again, the quarantine is wreaking havoc with my emotional well-being. I almost started to cry. I was devastated to find that this movie was gonna be the majority of my night
Starting point is 00:02:25 was gonna be spent. And then because I kept having to pause because it was so bad, it took me, I'm gonna say four hours to watch this movie. We watched it in one chunk and I'm really appreciative of that. I offered to June to watch it over two nights and she smartly said, no, we'll do it one night.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Well, it's interesting because I was, on Sunday night, Paul said, we have to watch the movie tonight. And I said, well, but aren't we recording on Tuesday? I kinda wanna keep it fresh. And he said, no, we're gonna need, believe me, we're gonna need two nights. And I was like, I don't think that's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:03:02 I think it'll actually be harder to do it in Tuesday. I would rather end the podcast. Exactly. It's like, I just don't think that's gonna work. So I said, now listen to what we had to do. I had to call in reinforcements and have Paul's mom come over and watch the children because I was so nervous that if we were to put it
Starting point is 00:03:24 on at night that I would, in revolt, just fall asleep. So I knew, do you know what I mean? I thought you meant that you might just like leave the house and never come back. No, no, I knew that this movie had the potential to put June to sleep. By the way, please welcome June. Oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:03:39 No, how are you, June? I'm great, how are you? Very good. Can I say one more thing, Paul? Yeah, please continue. So I then had to have, I had to pick up Paul's mother and say, and she said, I said, we have to work. And she said, oh, okay, thank you so much for coming over
Starting point is 00:03:57 in the middle of the day to watch the kids. And it was so strange to have to explain to her, we are watching, we have to go upstairs and watch a two and a half hour movie and cannot be interrupted because if we are, we'll never come back to this. We will never. You know that your mother-in-law 100%
Starting point is 00:04:16 thinks you guys had some sort of afternoon sex. No, I know. It's nothing more clear to her than like, oh, I guess this is what's happening. I know. That is, we have to go upstairs and watch a movie. Don't let the kids come in. We cannot be interrupted.
Starting point is 00:04:32 We can't be interrupted for this Transformers movie we have to watch, is that right, Paul? Yeah, it's rough. June, can you also just let Jason know, June was asking me before we watched it, she's like, what is this movie that we're watching? And whenever June asked me that, I like to just say, wait for it.
Starting point is 00:04:49 And what was your first reaction? Do you remember? I think it was when you saw Hasbro pop up on the screen. Oh, so when I saw Hasbro, because I remember Hasbro from, I mean, I think Hasbro also made Barbie dolls on all sorts of different toys. And I said, wait, Hasbro, so is this,
Starting point is 00:05:09 did the toys come first and then they built a world around these toys? Or was there a world and a series that then the toys came from? Well, I mean, oh, that's interesting. So June, are you, okay, oh, wow. So June, are you not aware of the kids Transformers cartoon from our childhood?
Starting point is 00:05:30 I think I must have, I, which is kind of familiar, but. Yeah, okay. So yeah, Transformers was a toy line when I was a kid even, you know, and was a kid's like Saturday morning type cartoon a la G.I. Joe or Voltron or any of those similarly timed shows. There was a Transformers cartoon that was on for years.
Starting point is 00:05:56 That many of the Transformer characters in this movie appear in, but none of the human characters do. Basically, it was a toy that became a comic book and the comic book became a cartoon. So it did start off as a toy. Yes, this was in the part of the 80s where they would try to launch, you know,
Starting point is 00:06:21 a universe around a toy. So then you would go back and buy more toys. I mean, they still do that. We did Masters of the Universe on this show and that is similarly they created toys, He-Man and all those characters. They created the toys first and then reverse engineered a cartoon
Starting point is 00:06:40 to sell those toys. It's sort of like what happened like in the early 2000s with like Twitter handles. Like shit, my dad says when they were trying to create like full TV shows. Yeah, yeah, okay. I will also say that Transformers has a big, you know, pop culture lore.
Starting point is 00:06:57 They made a movie about it. People love Transformers. And then Michael Bay came in and Michael Bay was like, I'm going to do it the Michael Bay way. And I will tell you all this. There are, wasn't it originally supposed to be Steven Spielberg making these movies? Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:13 That is true. And then I think that was a development process. Didn't quite work. And then Michael Bay took over. But then there is like a great quote from Michael Bay, which I really love. I was going to say this to the end, but basically Michael Bay like showed it
Starting point is 00:07:27 to Steven Spielberg and Steven Spielberg, this movie in particular. And Steven Spielberg said, this is fucking awesome. And Michael Bay is so proud of the fact that he could make Steven Spielberg curse. Wow. So Spielberg was all in on this film. Now, I will tell you who else has been all in on this film.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Me, Mr. Paul Scheer. There are six Transformers films, five in the franchise, and one being Bumblebee, a spinoff. How many have I seen in the theater? Anyone want to take a guess? Anyone want to take a guess of the? My guess is all of them.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Yeah, all six. Five. Seen five of the six. What? In the theater. Which one did you not see? I didn't see the one with the dinosaurs, the age of extinction.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Oh, the Dinobots? The Dinobots. I did not see the Dinobots movie. I will tell you why I fall victim to this all the fucking time. I'm like, you know what? They figured it out. I'm going back in.
Starting point is 00:08:20 One, I did see for charity. One I saw for charity. One, the one with Anthony. What do you mean you saw for charity? For Anthony Hopkins, there's the Anthony Hopkins episode, or the movie. And for Slashfilm, they raised money for the L.A.'s Children's Hospital.
Starting point is 00:08:35 So I watched it to talk about it on their podcast, which was raising money for the L.A. Children's Hospital. And then Bumblebee is actually great. Bumblebee is great. I've seen Bumblebee. Hailey Steinfeld in that movie is terrific. And it is like that is, to me, a version of these movies that I understand.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Yes. It makes sense. Because it's primarily like a story about her and her kind of awkward high school years. And then Bumblebee plays like a part in it, right? Yeah. Versus this nonsense. Who's Bumblebee?
Starting point is 00:09:08 Bumblebee is a car. Bumblebee is a yellow car. Oh, okay. Bumblebee is the yellow car. Who in the Bumblebee movie, it's just a better setup for success. It's smaller, it's smaller. Yeah, I mean, this is insane.
Starting point is 00:09:21 And I'll also give you another big reveal right at the top. I auditioned to be Shia's roommate in this film and wanted it really badly. Yes. So Jonah Hill was supposed to be the roommate. And then he dropped out of the movie. Like they had already offered it to him. He was going to do it.
Starting point is 00:09:40 He dropped out. And then they were looking for a comedy guy to play off of Shia in this film. And at this point, I'm already a balding man. This is only in 2009. So it's 10 years ago. And they're like, you'll be his college roommate. And I remember saying to my agent,
Starting point is 00:09:59 well, there's no way. I mean, like, how? And they're like, no, they want you to go in. I had two or maybe even three auditions for this. I came slightly. I mean, I couldn't have. I'm really remembering this. Were we together at this point?
Starting point is 00:10:14 We were together at this point. We, and so, were we together? June, we've been together for like. It's casting probably 2008. Yeah. I would guess. Yeah, and it was like, I was so excited about it. And they let me improvise.
Starting point is 00:10:29 And there was all this sort of stuff. And I was just, I couldn't wrap my head around it. And I was like, what? What is going on? But yeah. You had to do to play a freshman in college. Yep. I mean, it didn't make any sense.
Starting point is 00:10:41 And I was like, somehow that never happens to me. I'm like, if anything, I was 30 years old. If anything, I'm like, wait, why am I auditioning to play the character who's 59? Oh, please, me too. I've been like playing the mother of like an 18-year-old for, you know, since I was 22. So anyway, I was very excited about this movie.
Starting point is 00:11:00 And I was very upset to see who they did cast because they didn't go with comedy at all. Oh, are you kidding? Are you kidding? So I'm going to say, I thought he did a good job. I actually, so listen, there's so much that's so baffling about this movie. And we talked a bit about it in the interview,
Starting point is 00:11:17 but I'll say it again. This movie just makes me wonder, are men okay? Are they okay? Are they doing all right? Are the men okay? Because this is such a strange tale. But, and so sort of ridiculous. But I did think that the performances in this movie
Starting point is 00:11:41 were energized and fun. I will say this. I agree with you wholeheartedly, June, especially I will say Shia LaBeouf, who I think is a fantastic actor. I think without Shia LaBeouf, and then even more importantly, without Julie White and Kevin Dunn,
Starting point is 00:12:01 who played the pair, they are keeping this movie alive and grounded emotionally in a way that has it kind of, at least touch the base of what is going on. Tracking any, I'm like, when it looks like Shia is going to die or when he's going to go off and do the mission alone, his parents emotional reaction is, they are shattered.
Starting point is 00:12:27 They are devastated. And you read that off of them in a way that none of the actors are belying any emotional import to the stakes of what they're doing, the choices that they're making. And Julie White and Kevin Dunn are there every step of the way to give the audience emotional cues to understand there are emotions at play.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Okay, when Julie White has the little baby shoes wrapped around her neck like a necklace, I was crying. She is hilarious in this movie. Oh, when she gets stoned? Oh, it's so perfect. When she gets stoned, it's a masterclass of physical comedy.
Starting point is 00:13:08 All I'm going to say is this, this is why I saw five out of six in the theater, because there are elements. I'm going to say a big thing. I love Michael Bay movies. I don't love Transformers movies at all. Like I saw five out of six. I don't like them, except for Bumblebee.
Starting point is 00:13:23 And I learned that lesson five times. But I will say this, man, oh, fucking man. I think Michael Bay knows comedy on some level. When you look at his people in, here's what I'll say. When you look at the people that he had in his movies, Michael Bay knows, because when you look at the people that he has in his movies, they're always like, whether it's Gerard Carmichael, whether it's Cordray,
Starting point is 00:13:48 whether it's Julie White and Kevin Dunn, like he does cast really funny people. Like he does let them do their own thing. And that to me is really kind of surprising. I agree with you both in the sense that like, they cast towards people who can sell comedy, but who are also good actors. All the people you mentioned are terrific actors.
Starting point is 00:14:09 And these movies reach for, and whether they land or not, jokes. Like there are, there is attempts at physical comedy. There's attempts at, you know, like even like, and I think I've only seen one other Transformers movie and it was the first one, right? And which has the physical comedy beat of Bumblebee trying to hide behind things, a giant building size robot
Starting point is 00:14:36 trying to hide behind small things. And it's a funny like comedy bit. Like there's, I understand that he's, and here's my full disclosure, Paul you auditioned for this movie. I didn't, for this movie, but I did a day of comedy punch-up on Whoa!
Starting point is 00:14:52 Transformers, Mark Wahlberg, Transformers. So Paul, you say Michael Bay knows comedy. You didn't know that it was actually Jason Monsoukis and Michael Bay know comedy. But by the way, I'm gonna say that Michael Bay knows Jason Monsoukis. So I'm feeling like he is putting together. No, listen, I have not been asked to take part
Starting point is 00:15:13 either as an actress, either as a writer in any Michael Bay movies. And that's my main critique of, well, I don't really know all of them, but Transformers, there are no women in these movies. I mean, I kept on looking at all of those military people who were all white men. There's Julie White and there's Megan Fox
Starting point is 00:15:32 and that other... Baby Megan Fox. Yes, that is it. And it's so shocking because it's like, there's not even any other, there are tons of other characters. There's not a single other woman in the movie who has a line.
Starting point is 00:15:50 It's crazy. And sometimes I will say, and I like Megan Fox in this film as well, like Megan Fox is just standing there for a lot of group scenes. Like there's, one time I was like, wow, I don't think she's spoken in three scenes in a row. She's just her body, she, her body is there.
Starting point is 00:16:07 But that's all because she is training a robot. But I agree with you, June. Like there's a couple of things here. There are, let me be very clear, there are wildly problematic things throughout this movie from front to back. Like, there is, tip to tail is, I'm certain by the way,
Starting point is 00:16:28 how Michael Bay shoots movies, start at the tip and at the tail. And it is, there is problematic stuff on a race level. There's problematic stuff. Gender-wise there's probably, I mean, there is stuff throughout this movie that is like Red Flag City. I wanna make sure that people know
Starting point is 00:16:43 that I'm not saying that Michael Bay knows comedy when I'm talking about skids and mudflap. The, those characters. Yeah, because I just think he has a good taste in actors. I do too. And I think he has a good sense of like pacing dialogue. There is a zippiness to the scenes. There's too many of them and it goes on forever.
Starting point is 00:17:06 But he does keep that pace up. It's the thing that makes, cause I also like Michael Bay. Let me be very clear. I like Michael Bay like inside of like, which is why these movies are so disappointing because it's oftentimes all about CGI, like transforming nonsense for kids
Starting point is 00:17:25 versus something like Bad Boys. Like the, like when it's Michael Bay, you know that Michael Bay's action is called Bayhem. Do you know this? It's like what they refer to his style as Bayhem. His style when you put Martin Lawrence and Will Smith at the center of it is, it's exciting to watch. Yep, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:17:48 But the other side of it is in when you put like that cast of Pearl Harbor together, it's a snore fest. Like in this movie kind of walks that middle, that middle road, which is like, it has elements of like a movie like The Rock, but it also has the drama that he wants to sometimes go after in like the movies like Pearl Harbor. But this is the interesting thing about like,
Starting point is 00:18:09 okay, so I did think Shia was incredible by the way. And you know, not to brag, but Paul and I did go to a gym that he frequented and worked out in jeans and boots and like sweaters and never seemed to, cowboy boots never seemed to change into workout gear. But so I thought he was wonderful. My understanding was that he was doing,
Starting point is 00:18:31 he was wearing workout gear in the real world and working out in real world, he was doing a reverse. It always looked like he was just like, happened to be driving by and like ran in to get a bit of work out. He's like, oh, fuck, I can get some reps in. But watching somebody push weights, like what, you know, I don't know what that thing is where you lay down.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Like when you're laying down on your back and you're using your legs to like push up a weight. Like a leg press. Like a leg press. To see somebody in cowboy boots doing that, it is one of the memories that has burnt into my head. Oh, I'll be with that one forever. Yeah, I mean, it really was a bizarre image.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Cowboy boots. I used to go to a gym in Brooklyn when I lived in Brooklyn that had posted signs above the treadmills that said, no work boots on treadmills. Which means it must have been happening enough. Yes, it was. It must have been happening often enough or it was for just one person and they were like,
Starting point is 00:19:26 let's try and make it seem like it happened more. No mustache greasing while on treadmills. Well, okay, so here's the thing. And by the way, will we ever go into gyms again? I don't think so. I hope not. Some people are, some people are. They have that like little like boy in the bubble gyms now
Starting point is 00:19:41 where you can go into like a little pod. Listen, I saw Jane Fonda post the other day that she was at a gym all by herself. What? Oh, Jason, don't get me started. What is she? It's insane. Tell her to call me, I'll talk her down.
Starting point is 00:19:52 By the way, our good friend Carl Tartt is at the gym. He's working out at the gym. What? Oh my God, guys, what are you doing? I mean, I don't love a gym. I don't love a gym in the best of times. There's no way I'm going in in the worst of times. You know the gym that I like to go to, June,
Starting point is 00:20:06 and you, I could never go there. That place is gonna be. The kissing gym? The kissing gym. Yeah, you have to lick the door to get into the, that's how the door opens. You're not talking about the gym. You're not talking about the gym by us.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Yeah, exactly. Which was basically like where coronavirus started. Yeah, that's a rough one. It's a, the gym by you is a lab in China? That is the, that's the epicenter. Oh God. Oh my God. Well, that gym is the worst.
Starting point is 00:20:32 So anyway, what I was gonna say about Shaya though, is, I thought his performance was incredible, but I didn't, I mean, I don't even know why we're talking about like, why I dare to talk about the narrative, but the whole, his journey of not being able to say, I love you, felt really off to me. He comes across in the beginning as a sweet, well-meaning, adjusted, excited college student
Starting point is 00:21:04 who should, should count as lucky stars that Megan Fox is giving him the time of day. And it just never felt like he would actually struggle to tell this woman he loves her. So you think you can make it for those East Coast winners without me? I think the best thing that ever happened to me. And?
Starting point is 00:21:23 And I'll join you for you. And? I think Sam's about to say the L word. Let's go kiddo. Nice timing, dad. I adore you. That's not the word that I wanna hear anything. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:21:37 It's the same word as the other word. It's not the same word. Look, if I say the other word now, you're forcing me to say I won't mean anything. Plus you haven't said it either, so don't get mad at me for not saying it. Yeah, but I haven't said it because guys always run when you say it first.
Starting point is 00:21:46 It was sort of girls, especially girls like you with options. So this is all part of your elaborate plans that keep me interested? Can be. I hate when it's working. Grab the kiss. We're gonna make it work, I promise.
Starting point is 00:22:02 So, again, he was holding it back because he wanted to keep her on the hook. But then he seems to go to that party with no sense of time. Like he's supposed to get on a- That frat party, the depiction of college in this movie. This is what I love about Michael Bay movies is what Michael Bay thinks college is like. What Michael Bay thinks,
Starting point is 00:22:25 like all of these normal things are like. When it's, the other thing is like, when Shia's roommate is like, you're poor, I'm poor, I've seen where Shia grew up. That doesn't look like he's poor. No, but like- Not at all. That frat party-
Starting point is 00:22:40 But to Michael Bay, that looks poor. That frat party was half, like a Miami club from Bad Boys, and then oddly like a birthday cake on a table in the middle. But like, why is there a birthday cake here? 25 grand of lighting. Yeah. It's so strange.
Starting point is 00:22:58 I mean, even before he goes to the frat party, when he's in his dorm room and gets pulled into that like tech den, I could not get over the pictures on the wall. So there are all these pictures of women young, like I guess they're working on a website called like the Hot Freshman or the Freshman 53 or something. Wasn't it like, fuck that, like FTJ, right?
Starting point is 00:23:21 It was, I forget what that stood for. Like he was- Fuel the jet. Yeah, Fuel the jet. That was his website. So I think it was like- Oh no, Fuel the jet was what he says to do. The website was-
Starting point is 00:23:32 The Freshman 50. Yeah, he's basically creating a website that will call through all the pictures. It's basically trying to do a Facebook riff. But okay, so the pictures themselves are all like headshots of women in the same background as though they all like went to Sears and got these shots together.
Starting point is 00:23:56 They don't look different enough on the wall. I've looked at this picture because Averill who also watched this movie begrudgingly sent that image. And when you look at that image, not only are you distracted by the giant mountain dew machine, which is in the film. Like this movie-
Starting point is 00:24:12 In the room. This movie- I'm sorry, the full size mountain dew machine is in their dorm room. By the way, it seems like Shia has like, that's the sweet part, like a sweet like S-U-I-T-E part of his room because they didn't seem to like go to another room.
Starting point is 00:24:28 It seems like, oh yeah, that's my computer layer. The college dorm room is arguably 3,600 square feet. Yes, I never had an apartment in New York City that was as big as their college dorm room. The footprint of that dorm room, it had four people living in it. A complete hackers rig in one room plus a mountain, a full size mountain dew machine.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I didn't get it. I couldn't make heads or tails of the layup at all. By the way, until 2011, this film held the record for the highest number of paid product placements at 47. 47. Wow. Well, they didn't really work
Starting point is 00:25:05 because the only thing I remember is that mountain dew machine. I mean, me too. I think a lot of the cars, that's probably a lot of cars in there. Oh, okay. What did Avril say about those photos, Paul? No, when you look at them
Starting point is 00:25:14 and you really look at them, they almost look like they're the same person. Woman. It's so strange. It looks like a myth. It looks like, did you say this to you? Like they're missing, like a missing poster? Yes, there's something very creepy about them.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Yeah. And at first I thought like, oh, he's walked into this strange, like sex trafficking ring. Yeah, it was very, very odd. So then they're starting a website called the Hot Freshman 55, but then they also have a website about aliens?
Starting point is 00:25:49 Right, cause he- They've got a website. Yeah, he has a website that basically kind of puts out, that felt to me like, you know, like puts out weird videos from the internet and tries to like push, like almost like, not like a TMZ, but like- But he's like the alien TMZ
Starting point is 00:26:06 because he was like, oh, damn, they scooped us again. Like they got us. Like we had this alien thing. By the way, the alien thing that happens in the beginning, which is all the Transformers takes place in Shanghai. And this is at that point in American cinema where every big blockbuster film had like, and now we're in Shanghai for a beat.
Starting point is 00:26:24 Like Iron Man goes to Shanghai for a couple minutes and you have a couple of actors in there that are from that country that are allowed to kind of be present. But yeah, that was so bizarre. It's all in Shanghai. They blow up the entire city. And how are they gonna keep that quiet?
Starting point is 00:26:39 Like how would they ever keep that quiet? The civilian deaths in this movie are staggering. When you look at how they are so, they are so casual in how much destruction and devastation the Transformers cause when they are, you know, like when in Captain America Civil War, when the Avengers square off against each other, it's in an empty airport, right?
Starting point is 00:27:05 They're doing stuff, but nobody gets hurt. In this movie, from the beginning, like when they sink, they sink an aircraft carrier just casually at one point. There's like 5,000 people on an aircraft carrier. Nothing makes sense in this movie as far as death because you don't even, you have no connection to it. Like just things are, randomly,
Starting point is 00:27:25 things are just blowing up. I would like to see a small family drama about people who are driving to like for a vacation with their hard one vacation. Transformer Battle takes place and they are somehow thrown off course and have to deal with the results. Like the resulting chaos of having been in and around any major, every continent in this movie
Starting point is 00:27:51 has a catastrophic Transformers event with a death toll of tens, if not hundreds of thousands. And everyone in the world would know about Transformers and this brings me to my first big point that I wanna bring up, which is this. We are introduced to Nest, right? Which is the Transformers. They are, they're fighting against Decepticons.
Starting point is 00:28:12 These are the Autobots fighting against Decepticons. But why don't we- This is the military. The military. So the movie is split, for most of the movie, the movie is structured like an improv Herald. You know, it's three disparate storylines. A family comedy with the Whit Wiki family
Starting point is 00:28:31 sending Sam off to college. That's all I liked. I liked that as well. A military movie starring Josh Dumel and Tyrese. Oh, thank you. And they're teamed up with the Autobots. And that little nerdy guy from the government. Now, how dare you, Optimus Prime?
Starting point is 00:28:50 By the way, when you get the crime up the staircase to yell at Optimus Prime, I'm sorry. Oh my God. And then, and then we also are inside of the alien drama unfolding, which is, that I could have done without. Oh my God. Then we have multiple scenes that are just about,
Starting point is 00:29:08 we go to Cybertron, we go to like, we go to the, we go to, we go to when fucking transformers meet prehistoric man. So there's a whole third storyline that is just transformers alone. I do think that that actually was better than 2001. That, I mean, I will say that, but when you look at it- The Stanley Kubrick movie?
Starting point is 00:29:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think this is a better telling of how man evolved? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, just cause it looked cooler. It looked a lot cooler. So for you, for you, you don't care about the monolith and its import in transforming prehistoric man into the human beings we are now.
Starting point is 00:29:45 For you, it's all about the fallen and what they did. Yeah. Look, that's just me, call me crazy. I mean, I was on, I was on board. Listen, imagine my surprise when I realized that these things were aliens. Yeah. Well, by the way, I didn't even understand like,
Starting point is 00:30:01 when he touches an all spark and then it goes through the floor, then the whole kitchen becomes transformers. That I didn't understand. And then they off guns. And also if the all spark goes through the floor, why does it stay on the kitchen island? Why does it just keep burning straight through the earth? But where did they get these bullets?
Starting point is 00:30:17 All of a sudden they're shooting machine guns in his house and then Julie White coming down to sleep. Yeah, what is the toaster, what is the toaster or the blender using as a projectile? You know, I didn't understand any of the, I didn't understand any of that. And I also don't understand, let's say for sake of argument
Starting point is 00:30:36 that Cybertron had not been destroyed and the transformers never left and they were living lives, content lives on Cybertron. Would Optimus Prime still be transforming into an 18 wheeler? Would he still be transforming into a car that was created on earth in the middle part of the last century? Like what is this?
Starting point is 00:30:59 I think that that's them blending in because, I mean, this is where I don't really know the mythology of the movie and I should because- Like what form did they take if they are not in these cars? Or can they only be if they are in a something that has like a power source to it? And if they are able to choose, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:20 Like if Optimus Prime is like, well, I need to blend in here on earth, I might as well be an 18 wheeler, fine. Could he also choose? I want to be a jet. Can he also choose? I want to be like, what are the rules? Which is also like I couldn't understand
Starting point is 00:31:34 what is there, because they play this over and over again because they kill so many transformers. What is their anatomy? If you stab a transformer, do you have to stab it in the engine? Do you have to stab it in the, what is the death? They do a face rip in the movie. Like they rip off a transformer's face.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Like, well, who cares? He's a robot. Does that hurt him? And like they stab, like at one point the transformers also have swords. They stab them through and it's like, well, that's like a, so they stab optimists through the stomach, but it's like,
Starting point is 00:32:01 he doesn't have like a stomach. He doesn't have guts. He doesn't have a, you know, like what's the, I don't understand, what's the harm in that? Well, which brings me back to my point of with Nest, like why does Nest even need military men around them? Just send the fucking robots in. Robots fighting fucking robots.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Like why do the military guys have to be like, I got to fire my gun too. Cause these guys are shooting blasts that are blowing up sides of buildings. Like what are these guys going to do? What, I mean, like the idea that guys are out there with like, like, I'm assuming standard issue, like machine guns shooting bullets at like,
Starting point is 00:32:36 robots from outer space is just, you just are asking for all of these guys to get wiped out. I don't get it. And also, why is it any- By the way, robots with guns, by the way, is funny to me. Like robots with guns and swords is making a lot of like, I'm not, I'm, yes, I am 80 feet tall and I am the size of two buildings,
Starting point is 00:32:53 but I do need a weapon equal to my size. Like, I don't know why I like, I was just watching this, like this is so silly, robots with guns. Well, that's the interesting thing about, and that's why I was saying when I was seeing this, this whole entire movie and franchise to me is just such a, it's just such a terrible testament to masculinity because the fact that humans are fighting
Starting point is 00:33:20 next to these robots and think that on any level, these men could be partners is so bananas. It's so, I mean, this movie also does something that I've never seen a movie do, which is you have a giant exposition dump at the top of the film. Like, this is the world that we are living in and this is the problem.
Starting point is 00:33:45 And then, about an hour into the movie, another giant, like, if you thought that was the world, this is actually the world. And then he explains an even more complicated backstory. You see, in the beginning, there were seven crimes, our original leaders, and they set out into the universe
Starting point is 00:34:04 seeking distant sons to harvest. The crime set out with one rule, never destroy a planet with life until one of them tried to defy this rule and his name forevermore was the fallen. He despised the human race and he wanted to kill you all by turning on that machine. The reason it's two and a half hours long
Starting point is 00:34:30 is because basically the first act and the first half of the second act seek to tell independent storylines for every major character. So every major human character gets their own storyline only at the very end of the movie do they start collapsing onto each other such that they are in the same place and time.
Starting point is 00:34:51 Versus, for most of the movie, you're jumping all over the globe where with Josh Dumel and the military guys, they're fighting a Decepticon in Shanghai. Now we're sending Sam Witwicki off to college. Now he's at a frat party, but also we are with Megan Fox at her house because her dad just got out of prison
Starting point is 00:35:10 and now she's got a transformer. She's, oh yeah, also she also has a p... She also has a shard. Like... No, she got a shard from him. That was the same one. He gave her the shard. But there's also the shard.
Starting point is 00:35:22 There's also the shard that's in the thing that's called, that's so wonderfully monocled that I wrote it down and such that I kept writing it down. And I was like, I can't believe this thing is actually called this. It's so insane. It's called the matrix of leadership. Oh my gosh.
Starting point is 00:35:40 I need to find the matrix of leadership. That's fucking crazy. And then at the end, it's like, well, you... Well, when Shia dies, he goes to robot heaven. Oh. Right? Yes. He goes to robot heaven and then the robots come
Starting point is 00:35:57 and say, hey, guess what? You're worthy to be one of us. So now we can make you whole again. Hey, it's basically like the king's cross scene from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows where he dies, confronts Dumbledore and decides he's going to go back and not, he's not going to move on, he's going to go back.
Starting point is 00:36:17 But the robots brought him into this world, but the robots can't repair human tissue, but I guess the matrix of leadership can. And meanwhile, John Turturro's fucking climbing pyramid. Turturro is fucking crushing it in this movie. Oh, he gets crazier in the next films. Oh, really? He's got a line that I recorded on my phone
Starting point is 00:36:40 because it made me laugh so hard. Oh, I can't wait for this. Let's not get episodic, okay? Oldtimer, beginning, middle, end. Facts, details, condensed, plot, tell it. That's, his line is, his line says what he, what the movie needs at that time. Does it, fact, let's not get episodic.
Starting point is 00:37:02 It's so crazy, beginning, middle, end. Facts, details, condensed, plot, tell it. These are notes to the movie, inside of the movie. Like, I feel like somebody wrote those notes in the script. Like, we got to trim this, we got to condense, we got to, fact, and John Turturro was like, you know what? I'm just going to say that. How did this get me?
Starting point is 00:37:23 How did this get me? Just so you know, this movie was written in three weeks because of the writer strike, and they handed it in at midnight of the writer strike. So, there is some issues with, yeah. So, I mean, for three weeks, not that. It's a great movie. A great movie for three weeks.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Surprised I got it to be as long as they did. John Turturro and the jockstrap. That is a piece of comedy in the movie that I wasn't expecting. And was Megan Fox changing his pants for him? Oh, I hope not. She seems to, when he gets pantsed up afterwards, she seems to have been helping.
Starting point is 00:38:01 I don't like that. By the way, but Megan Fox also wearing, changing also at weird times too. Like she gets changed into like a brides outfit early on in the film. Megan likes to change midway through. I couldn't understand why she wore, like changed into a brides outfit with a bouquet.
Starting point is 00:38:19 And like as if sending him off to college was like their wedding. I couldn't figure that out. She wanted some sort of a commitment and wanted to dress for that. But that was so strange because she didn't seem like that type of gal. Agree.
Starting point is 00:38:35 She didn't seem like a girl that wanted to settle down and get married at however old she is, which I'm imagining the movie says that she's like 19. I mean, the movie is just so, and is she not going to college? That's not even in the cards. No, she's staying home and working at the garage because her dad just got out of prison
Starting point is 00:38:54 and she's keeping an eye on him. Okay. And this whole thing started because that little thing fell out of Shia's sweatshirt. Yes, which is so clumsily written. Which is from the first movie. It is, it is so, like, he's on the phone. Which is from the first movie
Starting point is 00:39:10 because that's the sweatshirt he's wearing in the first movie. I got that. I mean, but that, but it's such a crazy, weird thing. Like, oh yeah, let me look at the old sweatshirt. Oh, and this piece got on me from the first movie. And like, it's so like, I was like, this is, you're really reaching for some, I mean, some sort of like, how do you get him back in the story?
Starting point is 00:39:30 Because it's, yeah. Oh gosh, yeah. I mean, there's so much that's so strange. I know we just touched on like how these, these machines and decepticons and automotons or whatever they're called, like how they get killed. And, but like, it is crazy because at one point Optimus says to Sam,
Starting point is 00:39:48 thank you so much for saving my life. And I was like, wait, you have a life? Like you have life to be saved? Yeah, it's bizarre. They have balls, they fart. Like, I mean, like- They can smell. They can smell.
Starting point is 00:40:04 I mean, they're really our special robots. You're mostly male again. You'd be hard to press. Oh yeah. They're all male. They're all male. Well, there was one purple one. And I thought it might, she might be a woman
Starting point is 00:40:15 because she, of course she was purple, but in the big fight scene at the end, she ran up to Cheyenne, Megan Fox instead, like one line and then got blown up. I think she was. Oh, you know what? That is actually, that's Gray Delisle playing Arcee. So yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:40:34 There is one female character, female transformer. I just Googled, are there female transformers? And that is, and Arcee is the one that came up. Okay. One, one. Yeah. I mean, it's just this movie is just, wow. And the other thing I learned is like,
Starting point is 00:40:53 Megan Fox must at all times be running like a few feet behind someone else and holding their hand. She's really, I mean, like Josh Demaldi, Megan Fox has shown herself in this film, in my opinion, to be incredibly capable. You know, not only is she a mechanic, she rides motorcycles. She defeats a fucking robot in Cheyenne's bedroom,
Starting point is 00:41:18 but yet when it comes to running, I mean, this movie loves running, loves walking, loves coming in, come jumping out. Everyone's walking in, walking out, falling down, getting up. But she, I mean, she seems incredibly capable. She's just gotta be guided. Even by like the freshman Leo, at one point he's guiding her, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:36 I guess people just wanted to touch her hand. And he seems really scared. And she, not for nothing. And again, this is no shade to Shia, but I believe because of her expertise as a mechanic, she is arguably the most prepared and the most capable of the human beings in this movie to understand the potential anatomy
Starting point is 00:42:02 or what is going on with all of these trucks, cars, and other things like she has the skill set. Listen, she's trained one of them. Well, what she says that she's been training him, when this all, this movie happens arguably in 36 hours, right, like from start to finish. I mean, it is a quick. No, listen, I also want to just call out quickly
Starting point is 00:42:24 a notable performance. And that was of Megan's dog in the, In the garage? In the garage. That was, I mean, I know I'm a little dog crazy right now, but that was a really cute dog. Yeah, that's a cute dog. Yeah, there was a bunch of cute dogs.
Starting point is 00:42:40 And Julie White and Kevin Dunn, the Witwickies have two cute dogs that hump each other. I didn't like this dog. One humps them. And then there was later a scene in which two robots are humping each other. Yeah, and then the robot humping Megan Fox. That's what it was.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Sorry, that's what it was. Not two robots. It was that robot humping Megan Fox. And I was like, did they do the dog thing just so they could have this joke later? I mean, I think, yeah. I think they just need to set up a world where humping is happening.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Yeah, this movie is, I will say this, this movie is in a way that a lot of Michael Bay movies are incredibly confusingly horny. Like horny in a way that I feel like almost like a teenager wrote. Like a horniness without understanding, I think. Listen, I was surprised because I thought Optimus Prime was a pretty sexy robot.
Starting point is 00:43:32 I wasn't expecting that, but he has a certain sex appeal for sure. More than Megatron. Oh, way more than Megatron. Which one's Megatron? Megatron? Is he like a Decepticon? He's the big bad guy.
Starting point is 00:43:44 He's the bad Decepticon, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no. But also like all the students are treating Rainn Wilson like he's Indiana Jones. Oh, that's crazy. All the female students are like wet for Rainn Wilson. That was crazy. And I'm like, what's happening?
Starting point is 00:43:58 And by the way, why is this going on? Is not giving a performance that is cool guy. It's like a guy wearing a scarf. It's a scarf guy. A scarf guy, and then like he's flirting with one of his students. And then like a minute later in that scene, he's like, how dare you embarrass me
Starting point is 00:44:17 when the dean of students is here? And it's like, wait, so you're fine about flirting with your students with the dean, but not this other thing. Like that was bizarre to me. And behind his head, E equals MC squared. That was on the board. Boom, that's the board pre-written day one,
Starting point is 00:44:36 E equals MC squared. It's crazy. Everything in here, there's such like it's everything to me feels like even like when Shia is having like flashbacks of what he understood from touching the shard. You know, now he knows the code or whatever. So that's that we have like a beautiful mind. He's writing on the walls, symbols,
Starting point is 00:45:00 all this kind of nonsense. It still looks terrible. It's still like it is, it is clunky and weird and like all of the, all of that stuff to get us. Everything is in service of getting us to these giant CG monster alien robot battles, rather, that are never worth it. Why are these action scenes so boring?
Starting point is 00:45:24 I wanted to ask you that because I, they literally because they have no weight to them. They're just massive robots that are, it's so much more focused on the transforming rather than like, they're always in motion. They're always like, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. You know, and like, it's like, what? Who cares?
Starting point is 00:45:44 You know, this is weird. Well, no, to me, again, I don't remember the TV show. I never saw the TV show. I think we might have some transformers in the house, Paul. Well, because of the people who've been operating us into doing this, literally has sent me transformers toys for the last two years. Yeah, but the most exciting thing about them
Starting point is 00:46:02 is watching them transform. Like, to me, seeing them fight after they're transformed is kind of neither here nor there. Right, that's a robot fight. Yeah, that's just two robots fighting each other. But to see, like, I wish I had a better understanding, and maybe this was in the first movie, of just like, what they're up to on a day-to-day, you know?
Starting point is 00:46:27 Well, they, yeah. Like, are they like, going out and getting takeout? They go into like, Jersey Mike? When they go to the nest base, at one point, when they go to the nest base, and Josh Dumel is like, and here's where the, this is the hangar where the Autobots hang out, and it's just a series of cars. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:41 And I'm like, when they're not working, they're just sitting as inactive cars. But yet, they seem to have such a life. I would think they would transform into their, like, their robot selves, so they could hang out and talk to each other. That's so confusing. Like, wouldn't they prefer to be their robot alien selves,
Starting point is 00:46:57 and then when they had to hide? Right, of course. You know, in the real world, go into their cars, yeah. Well, I wonder, I mean, I was thinking about this too, like, I do feel like these robots did have personalities, because Bumblebee clearly has a thing for Tom Hanks, because he references Tom Hanks clips, like, four times in the film,
Starting point is 00:47:16 like, from Forrest Gump and Apollo 13. Like, he only communicates through movie clips. And I believe that is even a real tweak, because the idea with Bumblebee is that he communicates through songs at the radio station. Like, that's his voice. Yeah, because, like, his vocal thing is broken. Yeah, so now they just kind of, like, said,
Starting point is 00:47:33 oh, fuck it, you'll just communicate in actual dialogue in, from other movies, which is piss me off so much, because I love that scene with the robot, who is the girl who was trying to seduce Shia, and the radio was doing like, she's a super freak, and that all that sort of stuff. But then why didn't that girl just attack him right there? Why did she have to seduce him?
Starting point is 00:47:56 I don't know. Maybe because Bumblebee was there? Oh, maybe. And she knew Bumblebee was, Bumblebee, maybe, and was like, oh, I'd rather get him alone? When that tale came out of her butt, I did not like that at all. But now, okay, so now that they keep,
Starting point is 00:48:11 this movie does this thing where they keep introducing new things. So now in this movie, there's a transformer that looks exactly like a human being. Okay, that's new information, right? In this movie, there's a transformer who can teleport. Yeah. That can teleport himself and everybody else
Starting point is 00:48:30 who's around him? Yeah. This movie, like, there are so many new things that they can voltron now. Now, multiple robots can connect to each other to form a giant mega robot. Like, they just are changing the rules constantly. I want to do something that we've never done on this show.
Starting point is 00:48:47 And I'm trying to figure out how to do it in a fair way. I would like Jason and June for you both to try to succinctly just tell what the plot is of this movie. Like, because I don't think I could do it. And I just want to see, like, what we walked away with. Like, if we could just do it quickly. Like, so maybe, Jason, you take off your headphones first. So you can't hear June.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Like, the audience will get to hear this the first way. And then, and then June. OK, and then June, I'm going to ask you to try it first, whatever you like. You'll take a shot? Sure. OK, so Jason, you can't hear this. Jason, can't hear it.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Here we go. The plot of this movie. So what's the full title of the movie? I'm just going to ask that. That's my only question. Yes, Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen. Revenge of the Fallen. OK, so I think there is something.
Starting point is 00:49:40 There's some sort of a key to open up these fallen Transformers that have in, like, this high formation embedded themselves in this tomb in ancient Egypt. And in order to open that up, there's this sort of sphinx there. And Shia's codes have the coordinates to get what Shia's seeing with that little piece of whatever
Starting point is 00:50:09 that is that he gets in the beginning of the movie. That will lead him to that special tomb area. In that tomb, there's a sphinx, which I think is able to bring back the fallen Transformers to life and give them special powers to rise again. The other thing I think that's happening is the movie is also about how these Transformers and humans are working together to defend Earth.
Starting point is 00:50:47 June, that was really good. Really? Yeah, I mean, that was better than I could have possibly described it. So, Jason, you have your headphones back on. June did a really good job. I'm going to let her keep her headphones on now. She's not going to interrupt you at all.
Starting point is 00:51:03 What is the plot of this movie? OK, so the Transformers are from Cybertron. And in the beginning, in the opening scene, we see them arrive on Earth during prehistoric times. And what I think, OK, so I think this part of the story is that in order for the Transformers to run, they need like Energon, I think it's called, or something like that.
Starting point is 00:51:29 And they're running out of it on Cybertron. And so they have figured out a way to manufacture Energon, or something like it, is to find planets where they can basically mine it. And the way they do that is to destroy that planet's sun. They go to that planet and they all decide that the descendants of Optimus Prime, they're all the prime Transformers.
Starting point is 00:51:55 They're like the, it's a little bit like Prometheus in a weird way that I was like, oh, we're seeing the origin story of these things. And so there are, I think, seven primes. And they agree that they'll only destroy worlds that don't have life. And one of them, who is named the Fallen, decides he hates Earth.
Starting point is 00:52:20 He's on Earth. He hates humanity. He wants to kill all these people. And so he wants to do something. He's going to destroy a planet with life. And the other primes sacrifice their own lives to keep him from succeeding in that. So all the other primes die protecting
Starting point is 00:52:42 the matrix of leadership. And the Fallen is cast out. He is like made of pariah. OK, cut to present day times. Shia Lebov is going to, he's going to go to college. He touches the sliver of the shard. He touches the shard of the Allspark, which I remember is the MacGuffin of the first movie.
Starting point is 00:53:07 But I can't remember what it was meant to do. Sure, I think it is. It's like the Tesseract. It's the thing that they're all after, the alien artifact. He touches it. And it imbues in his mind how to mine Energon or how to find the leadership matrix or a matrix of leadership or whatever.
Starting point is 00:53:29 It gives him a map with all these symbols and stuff. OK, the Autobots and the Decepticons are basically on Earth because everybody keeps being like, why don't you just leave? Why don't you just leave? And I think the Decepticons are there because they're continuing to look for a way to unlock the machine that's in the pyramids of Giza.
Starting point is 00:53:51 So the pyramids of Giza, this movie does a lot of, you know, what aliens built, everything old. And you know what we're going to do, destroy it. Petra, the pyramids of Giza, like every notable archaeological site from that era is decimated and important in this story. So, OK, so, OK, so they're trying to find the shard or they realize once Shia has touched it, they need him so they can extract the information, find the machine,
Starting point is 00:54:28 find the matrix of leadership, plug the matrix into the machine. The machine will then destroy the sun and they will have Energon, which will allow them to reign supreme again. So the fallen will rise is what's like he is. He, the guy who blew it back in prehistoric times will now rule because he is going to find a new source for Energon. Boom.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Jason, I'm going to give you $150 million, make that movie. But by the way, that was actually really good. You both, Trump, I could never even get that far with the film. I think I gloss over so heavily in moments. But June, what did you think of that? Well, that was certainly really detailed and I think a much more comprehensive description. I, Jason put some some more language around kind of the
Starting point is 00:55:19 this, this sort of vibes that I was getting that I, and I, but I didn't really have any background information on these transformers. I think you both did a really, a really solid. I think we might have said the same thing. I think I believe that you guys were about on the same page. And I think what's what's a problem with the movie is that the tension that is created by the fact that
Starting point is 00:55:44 the most important plot line is for the robot. Yes, but the most important to the most interesting story to watch is the human beings. Like all I want is to watch Shia, Megan Fox, Kevin Dunn, Julie White, even Taturo to a degree. I want to watch that movie. And if the storytelling made better use of them, it would be interesting.
Starting point is 00:56:08 But the stakes are all inside of the robot CGI plot line, which is literally mind bogglingly boring to watch. I think you just nailed it down because that the robots are so hard to watch. And they're, and it's like, and who cares about this Baxter? Cause you're just hearing things like just to justify the next thing to blow up anyway. And the robots are also confusingly similar.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Oh, like it was in the battles in the, cause this movie has a lot of transformers, you know, of, of different sizes of, you know, this movie gets at. Animal transformers, you know, the transformers that are the household appliance transformers. Like this movie goes there in terms of like really giving you a broader sense of transformers, which I understand on Hasbro's side of it is like, let's sell more toys.
Starting point is 00:57:00 Let's sell more toys. Let's sell more toys. But it was deeply confusing to watch and be like, hey, that transformer robot dog, what does it turn into? What is that dog transform into? Does that dog transform into a bike? What is it? Like I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:57:19 I mean, why are robots even transforming into dinosaurs? But there are people out there that love this movie. We are not necessarily those people, but there are other people out there with a second opinion. It's now time for Second Opinions. These Second Opinions are great because this movie is a giant, giant ass blockbuster, right? Herb writes, I gave this movie five stars even though I watched
Starting point is 00:58:06 it only a few minutes of it because I think it's probably a great movie for young kids and I didn't think it was fair to slam it because I didn't like it. And there may be some adults who actually do. Bottom line, if you like transformers and you have young kids, buy it and enjoy it. Otherwise, skip it. Five stars.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Oh, God. This person wrote this. Alice McFadder writes, I enjoy watching all the characters. Could be the future, five stars. Could be the future. Could be the future. How? Todd Hansen writes, here's another one I re-bought because
Starting point is 00:58:45 someone walked off with it and ruined my collection. So I re-bought it because I liked it and it completes my collection, five stars. And it's titled, so I re-bought it because I liked it and it completes my collection. That's the title. And then we go to D. Cullen who writes, lots of action and clever effects.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Wish my car could transform five stars. What? These are really going out, going out. What would happen if you were inside of one of these things when it transformed? You would be crushed. Well, I mean, Bumblebee has to live with that all the time because Shy is inside of him and he knows in one second
Starting point is 00:59:24 that's vehicular manslaughter. Like, literally, that's a vehicle killing it. Do you think transformers would be held to, like, earth laws? I mean, I think, you know, these fucking pencil pusher politicians in the movie, you bet your ass. It blew my mind that they showed things like American flag draped military caskets in this movie. Their house, Shy's house blows up and the parents are like,
Starting point is 00:59:49 don't worry, insurance will take care of it. See you later. 10 minutes later, Julie White is hilariously stoned playing Frisbee. Talking to other students in the quad and then Shy being embarrassed, like, oh, they'll know that she's my mom, which makes no sense. Anyway, here's the final review that I really wanted to throw
Starting point is 01:00:05 down to the both of you. It's from Jay Jensen and Jay Jensen writes in 2009, the plot was more in depth than what people realize. It makes subliminal references to the greatest story ever told. The cube is a reference to the hand of God. The cube can take and give life. The cube, Shard in the second one represents the apples, the forbidden fruit.
Starting point is 01:00:24 It is a temptation of all knowledge of an entire species that is too overwhelming, even to a human, even someone like Sam. Optimus Prime is a science fiction reference to Jesus. He faces adversity from everyone that he's trusted. He died for Sam's poor decision not to assist him to guiding humanity to the right path, but his followers and Sam realized the errors of their ways and played a key role
Starting point is 01:00:46 in the resurrection of the greatest developed science fiction character of all time. Sam is your lost person. He does not have any fixed path to follow, but with the assistance of the Autobots, he was able to see past the errors of his way and stay with the girl he loves and be able to set focused goals. This film also has other great messages embedded in the
Starting point is 01:01:05 deep and interwoven plot. For example, respect to the elderly. When it comes to jet fire, he shows how our culture has lost respect for assistance from the elderly. How no matter how old and brittle someone is, they can still be the most valuable person to help you overcome any obstacle. This movie is phenomenal and the special features are
Starting point is 01:01:25 cool too. It's in the top 10 of the greatest movies ever made. If anyone says different, do not believe them. When everything is said and done, it is a movie based on toys. So great for that. Five stars, title, fantastic film. Wow.
Starting point is 01:01:44 There you go. Wow. I mean, like, that's a real, like, I mean, like, looking at it through the religious lens. I mean, Optimus Prime as Jesus Christ is really interesting. So that, I guess that makes the fallen Judas because he betrays the order.
Starting point is 01:01:58 And the rest of the primes are the rest of the apostles. Although, here, okay, so here's my question. Because they basically say Optimus Prime is a descendant of those original primes because only a prime can kill the fallen, which is why they have to resurrect Optimus Prime from death so that he can kill the fallen. We didn't even touch on that. But regardless, it made me think, how do they reproduce?
Starting point is 01:02:28 How is Optimus Prime a descendant of...? I think the all spark is part of that thing. Because whenever the all spark touches anything, it automatically makes them, it turns into life. But oh, oh. So everything is, like, immaculately conceived around the all spark. But I think because the all spark is destroyed,
Starting point is 01:02:44 what's left is what's left. So then why is the little transformer humping Megan Fox's leg? Like, it describes a horniness to the transformer. Like, here's my question. Here's my question. Do Transformers fuck? That's what I want to know.
Starting point is 01:03:01 They've basically downloaded their consciousness from the internet, as I read it from somebody who was interviewed for this film. So they are able to take on all the attributes of people. For example, the defense when this movie came out about skids and mudflaps being incredibly offensive, which they are, was, no, no, no, my robot saw a video of Kevin Federline.
Starting point is 01:03:23 And I'm just doing Kevin Federline. Oh, no. So, but everybody else, including the writers and Shia LaBeouf, have all basically said, we agree, those are racist. It was weird. That was not good. So only that one voice actor was saying
Starting point is 01:03:39 that he was doing Kevin Federline. Yeah, no, like I said, wall to wall red flags in this movie. Yeah. This movie made the budget of the movie $200 million, opening weekend $108 million, worldwide gross $838 million. The top movies of that year were Avatar, Harry Potter, and the Half-Blood Prince, and Ice Age, Dawn of the Dinosaurs. This movie came in fourth out of all the movies released
Starting point is 01:04:07 in that year. And it beat Twilight, New Moon, Fast and Furious, the fourth one, Old Dogs, Underworld, Gamer, Crankhive Voltage, and Gooby. The tagline of this movie is only one team will transform your summer. And then this other one was they have returned to finish what they started.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Jason June, would you recommend this movie? Would you tell other people to go and sit down and watch it on HBO Max for two and a half hours? I, you know, I really wouldn't just because it's so long. I mean, if any of this piqued your interest, I would certainly scan through for the, for all of the Shia family stuff. Anything with Kevin Dunn and Julie White.
Starting point is 01:04:50 I think the college stuff is fun. I really think you can fast forward robot battles, unless it really does it for you. But I found them, I found them confusing. I found them geographically confusing. I found them how they were staged confusing. I found a look of them to be confusing. Like all of that stuff didn't, I didn't enjoy it all.
Starting point is 01:05:10 But all, like I said, all of the human stuff, I found mostly based on performances, to be honest. Very compelling. John Tertura, when he shows up, delightful. Wait, was this number two in the series? Yes, number two. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I don't, and I like I said, I think I saw one,
Starting point is 01:05:28 but I don't remember it. So, and I know John Tertura was in it, but it doesn't, it didn't help me to have seen that, but he was fun when he showed up. But again, he shows up like, like he shows up 90 minutes into the movie. He becomes, he becomes the Shia, because Shia stops doing the movies,
Starting point is 01:05:44 and then John is now a big part of them, and he's getting crazier and crazier. Oh, really? Oh yeah. He's, I mean, this is a tempered performance based on where he goes. Oh, I thought Mark Wahlberg became the Shia. Well, I mean, yeah, technically,
Starting point is 01:05:56 but Mark has never come back to do another one yet. I don't think. Oh, okay. He may have just done one, or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Mark Wahlberg's in the one with Anthony Hopkins. I can't remember. I don't know. It is a fever dream of nonsense.
Starting point is 01:06:11 It really is. It's too long. I didn't enjoy it. I'm mad. I was made to watch it. But, you know, I do. I find Shia LaBeouf like ridiculously charismatic to watch on screen.
Starting point is 01:06:21 I agree. June, what do you think? Pass or watch? Pass, pass. By the way, I will say that if you've not seen Honey Boy with Shia LaBeouf, it's great. That's the movie that he recently made.
Starting point is 01:06:39 I think it should have been. It's an autobiographic. Yeah. It should have been nominated, I think, for more things. He's in it. And yeah, he's great. We really, we've said it all. We really have said it all.
Starting point is 01:06:50 There's so much. Thank you all for listening to this. But I wanted to give a special shout out to everyone who helped put this together. And I think the first shout out is to M. Bay and Michael Bay, who have spent the last two years of their time corralling this. And their want was always kind of pure
Starting point is 01:07:10 to do a big charity show. So we have all made that possible. And a big thank you to Molly for figuring out who these people were and getting them here. And we could actually talk to them because it was been very elusive. I said it earlier in the episode, but our producer Cody, who had to go on the front line
Starting point is 01:07:30 of this, open up these packages every week when we didn't know that these, or at that point, this one person wasn't incredibly insane. So thank you, Cody. Amazing producer. Our brilliant engineer, Devin, who's put this whole thing together. Also, Avril Halley for picking all of our films,
Starting point is 01:07:48 does a great job. She's our film picking producer. And then Nick Kiley for doing all this research and so much research, if you can hear it for this movie. He did a lot. And I appreciated all of that. Everybody at Ear Wolf, we will see you on our regularly scheduled feed
Starting point is 01:08:04 whenever you're listening to this, because I don't know when you're listening to this. So thank you again for donating some money for a really good cause. We're not keeping a single dime of it. We will see you next time. Bye for now.

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