How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt 2 (w/ Doug Benson)
Episode Date: March 4, 2024Doug Benson (Doug Loves Movies) is back to help wrap up Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2! We cover everything from the CGI baby, numerous decapitations, and vampire stereotypes. We also talk about w...hy Jacob is literally the worst, how the movie becomes a pale version of X-Men, and the insane plot twist. Which part of the movie did Jason cry at? You’ll have to listen to find out! (Originally Released 11/27/2012) UPCOMING TOUR DATES IN: Belfast, Dublin, Glasgow, & London! Go to hdtgm.com for tix and info.Pre-Order Paul’s book about his childhood, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, wherever books are soldFor extra Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerHDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter
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Vampire stereotypes, ripping heads, and CGI babies. We saw Twilight breaking down part 2, so you know what that means.
Now it's time for How Did This Get Made?
We're gonna have a good time celebrating failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you wonder how did this get made?
Let's all win the mediocrity of subpar art.
Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made?
Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to
How Did This Get Made, a very special Twilight edition.
I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzuchus.
What's happening?
Unfortunately, June is not here today
because she is shooting Burning Love,
and she could not get out of that,
but you can watch that in January,
and it'll be all worth it. But we will have to try and make up for her loss by by espousing
Ardent feminist beliefs and believing the best of Bella
I know and that's the thing that I'm really bummed out about on the way over here
I was bummed out about it, but we did bring back as promised Doug Benson welcome Doug
Hey, everybody to talk about this movie and before we start recording
I'm very what's ahead?
We do we agree before we start talking about this movie if you have not seen it if you have any intention of seeing it
Stop this right now hold it on your iPod
See it and then listen to us talk about because we are gonna spoil it
We're gonna spoil yeah, even if you're gonna see it like as a joke
even if you're gonna go and laugh at it yeah, because that's what I kind of went for and I was pleasantly surprised that there were
plot twists that were actually interesting to me.
I would also say, I would also say, go back, I kind of did do, this is again, this is again
I cried at a movie that we are doing.
Oh my gosh.
And there's a moment I teared up at.
Oh my gosh.
Well tell us when we get to it. I will, I will. I would also. I didn't find it. Oh! That is a moment I teared up at. Oh my gosh. Moment I teared up at. Oh my gosh.
Well tell us when we get to it.
I will, I will.
I would also.
I didn't find it tear up a moment.
There was a moment where I was like, wait, what?
Oh God.
But I will say, you should also go back
and listen to our Twilight Breaking Dawn part one podcast.
Yes.
That also featured Doug on it.
So that you really get the full scope
of Twilight Breaking Dawn.
We have broken down these four hours.
We have broken down Breaking Dawn.
Breaking down, breaking down.
So yeah, let's just start off by basically saying,
I like that out of every Twilight movie I've seen,
which is only, I think, three of them,
I like this one the most.
Numero uno. Yeah.
And it makes me want to go back and pick up the pieces
that I've missed. No.
See, you are wrong.
They'll be bad, they'll be bad, but it's still,
it's like backstory to- Do you not remember part one in like
But like Bahamas fuckfest. I do remember
I'm as old part one of breaking part one of yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wherever they were where they were just like it was just about like hanging out in a vacation
I was a plane chess come on look. There's a lot of moments of slow times
I was happy to see that their love of chess vampires love chess apparently cuz they play chess
This time people are playing chess while other people are sitting around just watching them
Hey guys, did you notice that the final battle looks like a chess board?
Yes on white guys
I didn't even notice that
Vampires love a game
I was too busy going this is an awesome battle scene
Yeah, the battle scene was amazing
If in the first movie they'd say, they'd said five movies later there's going to be an awesome battle scene,
that you'll appreciate even more if you sit through the first four hours.
I might have been more enthusiastic about the first four movies.
Are you kidding? Those movies are terrible. The first half of this movie is literally garbage.
Oh, I enjoyed a lot of them.
It's really fun, Garbage.
I laughed out loud so much in the second half of this movie
But basically it's still I mean we're gonna just we're jumping into it so we can say let's just go
Yeah, we'll just go spoilers spoilers. There's a baby spoiler
Okay, this fucking rip off heads this baby in this movie is like a CGI baby. I don't understand why I thought it was like the
E-Trick baby. I think I figured out why okay, okay, cuz I was
I thought it was like the E-Tray baby. I think I figured out why.
Okay.
Okay, cause I was flummoxed.
I was like, why is the baby CGI?
I mean at every level, even as a newborn.
A newborn to toddler to,
it finally becomes a real baby
when she settles in at about seven years old, right?
Okay, what I think they did was they CGI'd.
It's finally a real baby when she's seven.
Yes, exactly.
It's a a real baby when she's- They CGI'd her. Yeah, it's a real actress.
They CGI'd her to look like that child actress.
So they CGI'd the baby and the toddler baby
to look like that little girl.
Well, now you see, I had that-
Which is bananas.
Because I had that thought and I thought,
do they have an actual baby on set
and they put like a little green bag over a baby's head?
I think they did.
Because they really had a baby.
No, they could have just held.
I mean, the whole thing could be fake.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Did they have real wolves on the set?
Yes.
I looked at it.
Rob Pattinson is holding a baby.
He's clearly holding a baby.
He's clearly got a baby's genitals in his hands.
He does.
In that scene where he walks in,
he introduces the baby to not quite Tom's carrot,
and he says, hey, not quite Tom's carrot,
here is our baby, and he's clearly holding a baby.
I was like, that's definitely a baby he's holding,
except that the face is CGI, which is creepy.
I'll tell you why it's CGI though.
Okay, oh, I...
Because the baby, like, they can't get that kind of acting
out of a baby.
And he wasn't doing anything. The baby wasn't doing anything. Okay, oh, I because the baby like they can't get that kind of acting out of a baby
Seriously, the baby is like very Intently staring at whatever whatever person it's dealing with okay, and then that weird thing it does and then she keeps doing it
We should say that we sound we we end the movie sound crazy already
Yeah, when you're a half half and half vampire half human baby
Apparently apparently you totally fucking Benjamin Button
and you age really quick.
Years and other, just talking about CGI.
I watched some stuff online last night.
This movie was a lot of porn.
I watched the B-Real footage of this movie
like on the Twilight page.
Wait, the B-Real?
The B, what is it called?
B-Real?
B-Roll, sorry. B-Real? The B, what is it called? B-Real? B-Roll, sorry.
B-Real isn't B-Real an act, a rapper.
Yeah, B-Real from Cypress Hill narrating clips from Twilight.
So watch B-Roll footage of Twilight.
Now this movie is arguably one of the most successful films, makes so much money.
The CGI looks so bad.
It's garbage.
Yeah, it's not good.
It's clearly a rush job.
I believe they are like, it does not matter.
These kids will come.
The director is not David Fincher.
But, yes.
Who is all about making it look amazing.
Yes, authenticity and seamlessness.
But then I started to realize on the B-roll footage that everything is CGI like when they're in the house
This is not a real house. It's yeah, the snow is CGI
Every like everything you even stood around on green screens. Yeah, everything everywhere is great is set is
between three and
14 people standing in front of green screen is what this entire movie if you look at this B-roll footage
You'll be like this is the most unimpressive, sad thing.
It looks like a community theater production
because the costume is way worse
in front of a green screen.
Everybody looks worse.
We should start a little bit from the top.
Do we need to recap?
We don't need to recap.
I just wanna talk about moments.
There's so many little amazing moments in the beginning.
Oh my God.
First of all, just the fact that they have to stand around
saying Renezme over and over again.
Renezme?
That's the kid's name.
I could not, I could not, I kept trying to make a note
of the kid's name and I was like, what are they saying?
I will never be able to say Renezme, I thought,
because it's a hard name to remember.
Why was it even named Renezme?
Why was it even named?
Because.
It isn't it, because a half human, half vampire, not real.
Because there's someone, I saw this in the end credits
Okay, which are awesome and credit. Oh my god
credits like
Opening tiles of a soap opera. It's slow motion shots of each character exactly all the way back to the first
I'm like a teller. I'm two lines a girl that never had a line. It was only in the last movie
It's featured in that part. You see the whole story.
It's like in Memoriam.
I was wishing the audience that we saw,
I saw it in the same theater with Paul,
but we sat away from each other.
Yes.
So we're not like, two guys going to see this together
with no women.
Three dudes all sitting by themselves
at Twilight Screenings on opening weekend.
Super creepy, and a notepad in front of me too.
Like a scribbling note.
Yeah, yeah, I'm scribbling down notes on a piece of paper.
I tried to get into the theater and it had already started
But and they and at the arc light they were like well, we don't really let people in I was like well
I'm reviewing it for a podcast
But I was like this is
Hilarious like I am now being like I am the single man trying to see a noon
Showing of twilight breaking Dawn and have to explain myself.
Oh my God.
That one we were at last night,
there was no young teenage girls to speak of.
No, but there was a lot of like.
You sound disappointed.
Where were the teenage girls I was promised?
There were a lot of women.
I agree to this.
I feel like the Sunday night screening
was a lot more of like 30 year old women.
Oh yeah.
A lot of the 20 year old moms.
Are you doing the ribbing each other the whole time?
Oh, a lot.
Because there were some good laughs in there.
Yeah, there were some good laughs.
I think I got a laugh,
because I laugh so hard at one point.
I laugh so hard at the end.
The one thing I want to point out in the beginning is,
obviously Bella, when we last left her,
was turned into a vampire.
So now we're seeing her and she looks beautiful and, you know, she's right there and, you know,
she's like, has this power, super hugs. She can give really strong hugs.
Yeah, she, did you, you see, I missed the couple minutes.
I missed drawing hugs.
Yeah, yeah. So she goes to hug Robert Padsden and it does that woomp noise they do whenever they move around fast.
Yeah.
It does the woomp noise and then he's like, oh, you're stronger than me now, Bella, please let go. It's such a, it does the whoop noise and then he's like all you stronger than me now Bella, please let go
Finally you know in control
It's terrible that June isn't here. I would love that. I love that impression because it's basically Edward as droopy dog
We can't let you hold Renez, mate.
But I do.
You'll squeeze her to death.
Ha ha ha!
I just love that that's how her first moment of power
is just power hugs.
Uh-oh.
She, and when she tries to sit in the chair,
they're like, why don't you just go sit in the chair?
And she speeds over and knocks the chair down.
And it's like, boom.
Does everyone in this movie?
These people, these vampires are running 90.
But they slowly walk across the snow.
By the way.
They have to take airplane flights
and they have to drive cars.
Like they could have made, they could have done so,
if they just ran to Brazil, ran to Alaska,
they drive and fly everywhere
that they simply don't need to.
They can go so quickly.
And also my big issue is, why are they needing,
like Edward is wearing like at one point,
like a winter jacket and like a turtleneck.
Yeah, they always have tons of clothes on.
Why do you have to wear all these clothes?
They try to imply that Alice is a real,
you know, fashionista.
Well, I buy it for her at least.
Yeah, but they like push it on everybody
because they're all quite fashionable.
Edward is wearing, you know, is wearing a pea coat
and a turtleneck.
They always look natty.
They are fantastically dressed.
I'll be honest, like, I would take the entire wardrobe from the, um, Alistair character,
or the guy that stands up in the tree.
Yes, yes.
Like the guy who's like, you guys are fucked, basically.
Yes.
Who then disappears and never comes back.
Yeah, Alistair does the only one.
I thought he was gonna Han Solo that.
Nope, nope.
I thought he was gonna like, he leaves like you guys are fucked, he walks away and I
full blown expected he was going to arrive Han Solo and save the day.
Nope, never heard from him.
That's the good thing about this movie.
People aren't disposable.
People aren't disposable.
But they don't need a Han Solo.
They don't.
With the plot twist that occurs.
Oh, I love this plot twist.
We'll get to it.
The other thing I wanted to talk about at the beginning, which you might have missed,
Jason, too, was literally her, as I said, literally already broke it.
Basically, Bella and Edward...
I've said it literally already like five times.
Oh, good.
Bella and Edward are hugging and she's like, oh, you're a vampire.
We're vampires.
And he goes, oh, now we got to get your thirst under control.
And as if on cue, she touches her throat and she's like, oh yeah, yeah.
It reminds me, I am thirsty for blood.
It was crazy.
I was thirsty for hugs.
And now I've quickly transitioned into thirsty for blood.
And so she goes running out into the forest, right?
Yes.
And with him in her stead, he comes with her.
And now I don't understand why they need to like
Stock animals. They're fucking super fast. Just fucking speed over yeah kill a deer
But they're like hunting like hunters on a discovery channel show like they're like creeping around rocks and looking at the deer
Come on man. Just fucking if power. I firmly believe that if they
Did everything in this movie
as fast as they are capable of doing things,
the movie would be 40 minutes long.
It would be so over.
The movie would be instantaneously over
because there is so much slow walking across the snowy field.
Totally, totally.
There is a scene.
It just cruise across.
It's so slow.
There's a scene where she drives to Seattle
to meet Bunk from the Wire.
The Wire, the Wire. To meet Bunk from the Wire.
To meet Bunk from the Wire.
That is, there's nothing that happens in this scene.
She has to drive, walk, sit, drive again.
Like they're making a meal out of the littlest things
just to pad this movie.
And it's so funny though when Bunk, he has that one scene
and then when he shows up in the end titles,
it's the weirdest like, oh, there's one black guy
in the entire Twilight series,
and he had one scene in the last movie.
Don't forget about the two African,
the tribesmen, the vampire, the two girls.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
The tribal girls in like Amazonian garb.
The wardrobing for all, it's basically United Colors of Benetton as a Twilight movie.
It's like every minority is represented, every country and culture is represented in the most stereotypical fashion.
Yes, in the most stereotypical garb for whatever country they're from.
Like when they are Amazonian princesses show up, they are in crazy fucking native garb.
Native American? and princesses show up, they are in crazy fucking native garb, native American tricking.
Loincloth fucking classic style.
He does the Han Solo at the end.
Oh, he does do it, yeah.
But he's in the most, he's wearing nothing
and he's walking across the snow.
Yes, why?
What the fuck is happening?
Can't they all just wear nothing? Or shorts and t-shirts?
They just love wearing pants and jackets.
Oh my god.
Talking about pants and jackets and things that are useless.
It's a no-
Kellen Lutz.
Who is Kellen Lutz?
I know that people talk about him.
Who is he playing with?
He's the big bulky guy.
That's him with dark hair?
Yes, that's Kellen Lutz.
Yeah, there's that commercial.
Oh, different.
There's a commercial where they're trying to outdo
each other two guys and they keep getting things
for this girl to impress her.
And the one guy gets her, Kellen Lutz,
and then he moves in on it.
And that's the gag at the end of the commercial,
is Kellen Lutz is gonna score with his lady now.
And every time I saw that commercial,
I was like, oh, he must be some athlete or something.
Nope, Twilight. No, he's in the Twilight movies. I had no idea. Yeah. I like how man
Bella when she's now that she's a vampire is super crazy strong and can beat him
Oh, yeah, can be an arm wrestling on a rock and then she smashes the rock
That's what I was gonna ask was there something you have to have big muscles
Was there something in the beginning that I'd missed,
which is why she is so much instantly stronger
than everybody?
You know what?
Because she's new.
She's new.
So she still has all the height of her power.
Is that why she and Edward have a bone zone?
Okay, let's talk about this part.
A sex marathon.
They have this sex marathon.
She says they finally are both able to really have sex.
Let loose.
It is the most slow-paced sex scene that you will ever see.
It's not two people that are capable of tearing each other limb for limb.
It's just tender and three-max style.
They rip each other's shirts, but then it is tender love.
He rips her shirt in the back.
He rips her shirt in the back.
Because that's what dudes do.
I can't wait to get to that back.
I can't wait to get my hands on her naked back.
I want to see her.
I want to rip her clothes open for a part of her body
that I cannot see.
He can't see.
He couldn't see it even if there was a mirror in the room.
Exactly.
What she could use.
They're vampire.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Mirror is very relevant.
Are there any mirrors in the house?
No.
Why would there be there any vampires?
The fuckhouse? Why have couches in beds? Let's even go back to second. They don't have to It doesn't matter. Are there any mirrors in the house? No. Why would there be there no tires? The fuckhouse?
Why have couches in beds?
Let's even go back to second.
They don't have to sleep or sit down.
That's what she says.
She says, why do we need to have bedrooms?
It's not for sleeping.
It's for fucking while our baby's in the other room.
Exactly.
And basically, they go on, like, they basically talk about how vampires will fuck for days,
even decades.
Yeah.
They will just fuck.
And then she's like, I knew you were holding back.
It's like, really?
It looked like the slow, it was slow and steady.
What I thought was really fascinating about,
I felt like in order to have their crazy sex scene,
they had to, and again, Bella is like 18 years old.
Sure.
You know, Bella is in this narrative,
like an 18 year old person.
19-ish, yeah, yeah.
So, they have to. She turned 18 in the last movie,
so this is now 19, because you had a heart attack.
They have to constantly show,
like every fifth shot in the sex scene
is of them and their wedding rings.
Is their hands intertwined with their wedding rings?
So they're constantly, while they're showing you sex,
they're saying, but it's marriage, it's in marriage.
Like, there's such a weird,
you know, like the books are Super Mormon and Christian.
By the way, did you know that the first public sighting
of Mitt Romney was at the Twilight screening this weekend?
Really?
Yeah, someone caught him and his wife.
Why would he go see that?
Why would they go see that?
In LA, he was in LA seeing Twilight.
What?
It was on TMZ.
That would be the best celebrity sighting ever.
Mitt Romney at the Twilight.
No secret service anymore.
None.
Sorry, we don't have to go sit through you
shitty-tasting movies.
That's what he wants to see.
He's been, he could have seen Argo,
he could have seen Skyfall, he's on Twilight.
Maybe he heard how wholesome it was,
but that's what's amazing to me,
is that it got the PG-13, obviously.
So the sex scene is like, there's no nudity.
And you see in talk shows,
Kristen Stewart and what's his blood and you see in talk shows Kristen Stewart and
What's his name?
Patinson our pets they complain about like, you know, we would have been we would have gone for but it's got to be PG
13 so you got a position everything just right they have those kind of hard core fuck movie
Yeah, but it's amazing that that they go to all that trouble to get the PG 13 on that front
But then on the violence front you can have a gazillion decapitation.
You can have this movie, the violence on this movie
are amazing.
Upwards of 15 people's heads get ripped off.
Maybe Mitt Romney heard that part of it.
Maybe he heard how violent it was
because I was digging how violent it is.
I was laughing because I felt so joyous.
It's like, I haven't seen a movie this violent
and forever, it's so callous.
Crazy violence.
But they're all monsters.
Yes, yes.
They're all not people.
They were people.
Except for when they kill people.
Except for when they kill people.
And you're like, these are our,
like Lee Pace is introduced as like one of the good guys.
He is introduced while he is killing a human.
Yeah, he's just killing a dude for whistling a British song.
Exactly.
He's just like, I hated the British invasion
And then they're like hey you got to come help us with this with these other bad vampires
He's like I will help you but first let me finish my meal and then he eats that fucking guy
Can I just I want to go? He's a good guy good guy. He's a gay look. He's a vampire. He doesn't have his thirst under control
Here's the one thing I do want to talk about
Bella and Edward are waiting at their house and then all of a sudden all the vampires come walking
and they are, oh finally. And now am I to believe that these vampires built them a
fuckhouse? Like I mean they built them a house. They have a house that they
immediately, as soon as they get the house, that's full of, the closet is full of
clothes. Yes. That's for the teenage girls.
Yeah, those are clothes, horns.
Oh yeah.
The books though, the books pay off.
The books do pay off.
But I mean, they build that house?
I mean, I don't understand.
They built that house.
We got you a house out here in the woods
that looks beautiful and it's right near where
everybody else lives.
And then, but now here's the thing
that I was most confused about.
They go there, they have their fuck session,
they come back the next day and they go,
okay, so we're leaving town. Yeah, we gotta get out of town. Wait, why did they build that house then? They confused about it. They go there, they have their fuck session, they come back the next day and they go, okay, so we're leaving town.
Yeah, we gotta get out of town.
Wait, why did they build that house then?
They basically built it for one night stand.
Just give them one of the rooms in that house
you already have.
Get my hotel room.
But that's what's one of the crazy things
about this movie is they're like,
okay, so we gotta get an attendee
because we have to tell everybody that Bella's dead.
And then Jacob is just like, all right,
leaves the house, goes to not quite Tom scarrett and it's like hey
Bella's still alive blah blah blah. There's a daughter
This is just just before we get into it the the last time we saw Taylor Lautner's character,
he imprinted with Renezme,
and which basically means he has to be with her 24 seven.
He's like a bodyguard.
He basically, the baby like belongs to him in some weird way.
So he is now in this weird, weird way.
Why aren't all the other wolves in the movie?
Why don't they have some child that they're near all the time,
or person that they're near all the time
They may have imprinted in another you can print and then part time and print or I think that he just imprinted with the wrong person
He should have been printed with an animal. He accidentally imprinted with a baby
But I don't want to distract us from this
So in order to not have Bella have to leave yes
This is such a bitch move that he pulls.
Oh yes. Taylor Lautner.
I hate his character.
Oh my God, he's the worst.
Taylor Lautner rides his, he is literally the worst.
He is a pile of garbage in this movie.
Yes. Every step of the way,
he's always saying something snotty or smirky or bitchy.
Vampire.
Or like, what are we doing? We're sitting around telling battle stories. Yeah. I was like, you'vety, or smirky, or bitchy, or vampire. Or like, what are we doing?
We're sitting around telling battle stories.
I was like, you've never been in battle,
you dumb dildo, like what are you talking about?
But how great was it when Bella just beat the shit out of him?
Oh yeah, that was good.
But I found out he had a kind of wolf out.
He's like, they treat him like he's the comedic voice
of the movie.
Like he's got all the fucking hollips.
And it's just like, shut up!
You don't even belong here!
Like, okay, say this part, because I got more later than. And it's just like shut up you don't even belong here like
Okay, say this part because I got more
Later that he he's like it because they're gonna tell not Tom Scare it that Bella is Bella's dad Yeah, they're gonna say Bella's dad because Tom Scare it knew not Tom Scare it knew
That she was sick from breaking down part. He doesn't understand what like she's pretty doesn't know anything about vampires
It doesn't know anything he doesn't know shit. He doesn't understand what she's, he doesn't know anything about vampires, he doesn't know anything.
He doesn't know shit.
He doesn't know jack shit.
He doesn't even know that she was pregnant.
And Jacob's like,
doesn't want her to leave town.
Right, so Jacob goes to her,
goes to Tom Skerritt and says,
listen, Bella's fine, but she had to change
in order to be fine.
And Tom Skerritt's like, I don't know what you mean.
And he's like, you don't understand
the world you're living in.
At which point, Jacob starts to disrobe
I wrote down that exact sense you don't understand the world you're living in because I lost my mind
He's taking his clothes off
Slowly takes off his shirt everyone in the theater goes nuts because you guys see those abs
Oh, and and he's like and then and then at first not Tom Skerrick's like, whoa, hey, hey.
What's happening here, man?
The only assumption is that something gay is happening.
Like the only way not Tom Skerrick can process
this series of events is, oh, Jacob,
who I've known since he was a boy,
is about to try and have sex with me.
Wait a second, I have to say that Jacob did not do a good job
of like saying, hey, I'm not gonna rape you now, Tom Scarey.
He kind of was seductive at taking off his clothes.
I got something for you, buddy.
That you were gonna really like.
And then he pulls down his pants and he's like,
here's the thing, he turns into a wolf
when he's wearing pants all the time.
Yes, why does he have to get completely naked this time?
The one time, the rest of the movie,
whenever he switches clothes are gone instantly.
And this time he pulls the pants down to his ankles
and there's not a wolf with pants around his ankles
when he turns into the wolf.
It's a wolf.
He's no pants.
He's still gonna rip those pants.
I'm gonna say that, I'm gonna still say that
not Tom Skerritt, at first is a God, come on.
Billy Burke is amazing.
Billy Burke, he's a come on man, come on man. He'll always be not Tom Skerritt. At first he's like, come on. Billy Burke is amazing. Billy Burke, he's like, come on, man.
Come on, man.
He'll always be not Tom Skerritt to me.
He's like, come on, man.
Don't, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
And then he stops protesting a little bit,
and he's like, all right, what do you got?
Where's this going?
Like he was, and I'm in.
Like, wait a second.
Like, he stopped protesting pretty early on
when the pants came down.
He's like, all right, well, I'm in for this.
I'm in to see.
And then Jacob turns into a wolf in front of him,
and he is, to say, not really that impret,
like, not, he's scared, he's down on the ground.
But then they cut immediately to Jacob,
back with Bella and Edward going,
yeah, I just told him you were different now.
Yeah, and he's coming over.
That's the explanation.
And he'll be here in 10 minutes.
And he'll be here in 10 minutes.
She, you know, may or may not have had a baby.
And by the way, what was his plan?
His plan was she's different.
She's not like me.
I'm a werewolf, but she's different.
She's another thing that you don't have to worry yourself about.
Yeah.
Don't be concerned at all for another waking moment
of your goddamn life.
About your 18-year-old daughter.
About your 18 year old daughter,
who just married a pale weirdo,
and like vanished for a little while,
and you thought she might be dead.
And when the guy, and when Jacob shows up,
he's like, oh no, this is it,
he's coming to tell me that he's dead,
and then he starts taking his pants off
without having told him what's going on with his daughter.
But then he turns into a wolf.
Yes. Wait, guys, he then...
Okay, the minute Tom Scarrett is like...
The minute not Tom Scarrett is like, okay, my daughter's okay.
Everything should be trumped by the fact that that kid just turned into a wolf. At that point your world is
destroyed.
What are you talking about? They turned into a wolf!
He goes on a fishing trip.
The rest of the movie is like, there's something up with all these other people.
He's not overly concerned.
I feel like there's a scene cut out where like,
he turned into a wolf. They had to be.
They had that thing and then they tell a lot and him have coffee.
He's like, what the fuck?
Later on in the movie, when the girl is,
when the daughter is rapidly aging,
they bring her over to visit
and he doesn't even say the typical thing that a grandfather would say like,
oh you're growing so fast or anything.
He's just like, well, looks like she aged a few years in a couple of days.
He doesn't even comment on it.
There's got to be missing scenes.
There has to be.
No, you know what it is.
It's all covered.
I think it's all covered by her saying Bella saying there are things you don't know
You I'll tell you what you need to know
Yeah, he kind of has a couple of
I guess I don't need to know about this about why the girls eyes look like Bella's eyes
It's a crazy special effects, baby. I feel like Billy Bush should just turn to the camera and just go
All right, like he kind of does
camera and just go, eh, all right. Like he just like-
He kinda does.
Billy Berkman.
Billy Berkman.
I wouldn't like it if it was Billy Bush.
Oh, by the way, I do wanna say that he,
I think he's just a bad father in general.
Oh boy.
Because at one point-
Taking him to task.
I'm gonna take him to task because they go,
your father's worried about you.
He's been calling twice a day.
Yeah.
If your daughter was missing for arguably like,
oh, over two weeks and you're the sheriff of the
town just two folk well all those weirdos again how about drive there I'm gonna
give him a call in the morning and call it and I just check it is I find the the
I find it so strange the sheriff of the town and his daughter's missing he just
makes a couple calls just just a couple to a day. I find it so strange to me that he so easily allows
for her to not just be taken away from him.
She's 18.
Like she is legitimately subsumed into this family
and he is cut out.
Like the lessons of this movie are so bizarre
and anti-family while being so pro-family
about like the Cullens and the Vampire family.
But it is about the destruction of the nuclear family essentially.
Well, yeah.
It's crazy how much Bella's mother and father are marginalized so she can be robbed of her
human soul and turned into an immortal monster by the people that we're supposed to be like,
that's a real family.
She, by the way, she doesn't have any care to tell her mom that she's changed either
I know her mom's in a different spot with her mom in this movie at all. No, okay. Yeah
Wow, she doesn't even mention the end credits. She's in the case. That's why I asked I was like was there a scene early on with the mom
No, no, no, no not Tim's Tom Scarec's, you know, he's shacked up with yeah with that other native American lady
Yes, not a wolf. Is lady. Who's not a wolf?
Is she a wolf or not a wolf?
I don't know, I can't remember.
Is not Tom Scarec with not a wolf?
I think women are not wolves in this world, right?
I can't believe not Tom Scarec's girlfriend
didn't tell him about the wolf thing.
Well, no, but I don't think that she knows.
But she at least knows that there's wolves in the neighborhood.
She must know that her, on the tribe's minimum.
Maybe she just explained it to him like, he's a wolf.
Don't worry about what Belle is, she looks fine. He's probably a vampire. What strong hugs now
Never by the way, Tom's not Tom's carrot is never told. She's a vampire. No never no
She's just something different and also they do a terrible job of storytelling in this movie because they're because Bella at one point
It's like if he knows then the Voltari will come for him and I was like oh I bet that's gonna happen nope nope
nope well they never come for you know why because they send them on a five-day
fishing trip they can't all right they can't figure it out they can't figure
out that he's on this five-day fishing trip hey get out of town when all the
vampires come here to go crazy um all right so this movie we're making it sound
even crazier because we're jumping around so much. No, it is this crazy
It is this crazy switching the order around
Don't mind can we talk about game of Thrones the game of Thrones baby that whole sequence where oh my god?
So Bella has this baby and and and the Voltari think that the book in the Voltari are the bad guys
They're not actually Voltaire and I think sorry
Voltroni be rolls and they think. Oh, Volturi, sorry. Voltrani, B-rolls.
And they think that this baby is immortal.
An immortal child.
Yeah, they just assume that he turned Bella first
and then had the child.
Even though this guy, Aero, can sit around
and know everything that's happening
with everybody's mind all over the world, he still has these misconceptions.
By the way, which can be cleared up with a phone call or a hand touch or anything.
I heard you guys, do you guys have an immortal child over there?
Nope, we don't.
Okay, great.
I was gonna kind of round up all the vampires and come and tell you.
Okay, we'll do this.
All right.
Okay, but the explanation of an immortal child is just a toddler that has turned into a vampire.
And because the toddler has no sense of anything,
it's just a baby.
It's just a toddler, it's just hungry for blood.
They are just killing machines.
Which basically blows out of the water
the whole Kristen Dunstan interview with a vampire thing.
Because remember, she was so young and lovely
and she was a vampire, but they're saying
the kids can't handle it.
Yeah, and so they have to.
She won an Academy Award for that no she did
No
She might have been nominee, but then she was nominated
Yeah, she didn't win that role because they never say you never see Academy Award
But uh, but then when this happens with the child for Anna Pack when
She won yeah, but wait for the piano if you saw in a movie, like when Fly Away Home came out, they probably said
Academy Award winner.
They take it away from you after you turn 20, because if you get it when you're a kid,
it doesn't count anymore.
Yeah, it reboots.
Yeah, you kind of fell into it.
Sorry, Doug, go ahead.
That's okay.
I don't know what I was talking about.
We're talking about the Game of Thrones, the baby.
Oh, yeah.
So when a baby is terrorizing its village, which that's a crazy awesome concept to me,
that the baby could terrorize the village, then they have to, they just have to destroy vampire babies.
What if the only blood scenes in the, under the only scenes that has blood in this movie,
is actually really effective, which is like a shot that cranes down on just fire and like bodies.
Yes.
In its medieval village.
It's a game of all the bodies this baby has killed. And then a baby, like a two year old comes into frame,
like a little blonde boy with big eyes
and blood around his mouth.
And I was like, ooh, that's great.
Yeah, and then they kill his mother.
And then they kill him.
They kill him.
They set him on fire.
But also, he's killed all these people,
but during the whole scene where they're arguing
about what to do with him, he's just being held by somebody in their arms by Dakota fanny and he's like just sitting there not doing anything
Like they're talking about killing him because he's not he doesn't know it
I'm with the baby. They just want oh, he's quite full. Yeah, he's full at that moment
I'm gonna attack the vampires. He's not gonna feed on vampires. That's true
You'd still be physically out of control and not easy to just stand around hold
Baiting his future when Bella smelt that hiker who was hiking up the mountain
Which you did not see Jason she went from going to attack a deer to running across the woods running up a mountain and almost
Killing this hiker and then she decides alright
I'm not yeah
So later in the movie when that chasm is suddenly created and the wolves and the vampires are falling into it,
they've set up that these are characters
that can leap and climb and fly.
And yet, oh no, we're falling into a hole.
We're falling into this chasm.
We can't get out of this.
I mean, when the rocks fell down on top,
that was like, okay, that could kill them, sure.
That's why, I mean, Jacob at least
was able to claw onto the side a little bit.
Yeah, I got to go. I also didn't understand why all, like in previous movies,
it's, you know, everybody's a vampire
or everybody's a werewolf and then
Ashley Green, what's her name, Alice?
Alice.
Alice has like, premonitions.
They all have to have extra power.
But now, like being a mortal and fast and strong-
In this movie, they are all superheroes. They all have. There's like a But now, being immortal and fast and strong, even if they are all superheroes,
there's like a girl who has electricity out of her hands.
There's a guy that has black fog.
This is like Stephanie Myers saw X-Men.
Yes, they were right before writing this last part.
It is totally pale X-Men.
That's exactly what it is.
I could not, I was like,
why do they all have superpowers now?
Oh, well, I mean, in some of the superpowers,
I almost want to jump to the end
because we're talking about superpowers.
Bella's superpower at the very, very end is scrapbooking.
Yeah.
Like, essentially, she can touch your hand
and do a little scrapbook.
Mental scrapbook or mental montage.
Yeah.
Which I love that that's her power, a mental montage.
And he goes, how did you do that?
And she goes, practice.
Yeah. What? I just took clips from each of mental mind. And he goes, how did you do that? And she goes, practice. Yeah. What?
I just took clips from each of the films.
I just.
I just.
She's like, it's Miss.
It's mostly Final Cut Pro.
But I'm glad to know that in the scene with the baby,
the toddler, I'm glad to know that you can tear the head off
of the toddler and set him on fire
and still get a PG-13.
Right?
A nice work motion picture association.
By the way, a baby's head is ripped off of the baby. This movie is PG-13, a nice work motion picture association. By the way, a baby's head is ripped off of the baby.
This movie is PG-13.
There is a six minute.
They throw him onto the pile of bodies of people
that he killed.
There is a shot where Bella is clearly orgasming
in this movie.
Yes.
Where she is orgasming and then, not 10 minutes later,
a baby's head is ripped off of its body.
PG-13.
Yeah, I have a problem with the second part much more than the first part.
The decapitation, I don't know if that was set up in the other movies, but holy shit,
they go to that well a million times.
So much so that at one point, when they're having one of their final fights, I won't
talk about it too much, but it's like they're really trying to pull that head off like,
ugh, this is a tough one.
Exactly.
Some heads are easier than others
pop right off but some you really have
to work at like there was literally
like Bella's on one guy's head and
Jacob's like kicking him in the stomach
get this head loose there are so many
and there's also that it's not just
decapitations they rip two guys rip the
arms off one person rips the head off
and then they light you on fire I also don't remember from past movies that just lighting a vampire on fire kills them
I think that they need to remove the head and
Okay, I would like to see someone please if you're out there in your head this get made fan take protect your neck the Wu Tang song
And then mash it up
Getting their heads ripped. That's really good. That's why I understand it now
up with the vampires getting their heads ripped up. That's pretty good.
That's why I understand it now.
When you think, oh, I've seen nine decapitations,
you know, is this next one, is there gonna be another one?
Yeah.
Then that one girl grabs the dude by inside his mouth
and just tears off the top part of his face.
It's so violent.
There is so violent.
But that guy's a monster, so you can do that to him.
So basically. That's why zombie movies
That's why zombies can be still. Yeah, well that's violent. Yeah. Um, just so you're just if you want to check in on plot
so basically
Basically, they have this immortal baby the bad guys are coming from them and Bella and Edward are basically want to kill the baby
Exactly and the bad guys are gonna come
It's been determined by I don't know why when the snow is sticky. Yes, it. And the bad guys are gonna come. It's been determined by, I don't know why,
when the snow is sticky.
Yes.
Is when they say they're gonna come.
And why would that be when they come?
Everybody seems to know exactly what day that is.
Why would it matter?
Well, because Penson and Arrow,
the good guy and the bad guy are both sort of,
you know, mentalists, so they both kind of know
what the other person's move is gonna be.
But is that what?
Again, again, another chest reference.
But is that true?
Is our pants like, what is his power?
He says at one point, he says, you know,
they're going to probably try to take me out first,
or he says something about how they're gonna know
that I'm gonna know what they're gonna do.
Oh, okay.
So they're gonna have to take me out first.
But here's the big issue that I have.
Michael Shannon, super powerful, super,
Sheen, Sheen.
Michael, he's super,
I would have loved it if it was Michael Shannon.
He would be great.
Can't wait for him to do this.
Sheen's pretty good.
Sheen is great.
Michael Sheen, rather, is great in this.
He's better than most Bob villains in this.
He's really good and he has like,
it's the perfect mix of like Darth Vader.
You know, there's a total Darth Vader element
and then like, but like, that beat
where they bring the daughter to him and he giggles?
Yeah. I can hear her strange heart beating. I know. But like that beat where they bring the daughter to him and he giggles? Yeah!
I can hear her strange heart beating.
I was like, ooh, that's creepy.
I felt like he was like, I'm gonna just do this and no one told me to do that and they
kept it.
I was so psyched for that.
I thought that was a great moment.
And then also when he was doing fast running, I go like that too.
I go like a fast, mech, whatever.
I thought he could have been a better fast runner in Midnight in Paris. I would have liked it
I liked where the one I think when the one guy went
Said you know vampires the werewolf said vampires are no werewolves werewolves are our mortal enemy
Yeah, and then and then Michael scene our arrow looks at him and kind of does like the you know thing with his finger
And his thumb or is this like
But it's almost like he's saying this isn't underworld
This is the twilight movies isn't rise of the lichens
Those movies they can't stop and talk to each other about their problems, but here we're gonna settle it with word This is also a very bad werewolf vampire franchise, but it's not underworld
Guys relax. We got it under control. We're gonna get a quick commercial bike. We'll be right back
All right, so what was that commercial for Mountain Dew? Yes. Oh mountain. I hope it's for my show
I was gonna say with Michael Shannon. Why need you oh sheen sorry Michael sheen
Why need just come right away the minute he found out about it. He could just run across the country and just
No, we'll do it when the snow is sticky because he had to give them time to
Assemble all over the world and assemble the United Colors of Benetton witnesses slash warriors
By the way, it's some of these people who are like hunger game rejects. Yes. Yes
Like I felt like they're like, oh, yeah
We gotta have like kids who look like Jennifer Lawrence from the Hunger Games get them in there
Yeah, we gotta have two and it's like two people from every country. Yes, two people from every color except for Asians
No
One guy
Quick yeah get rid of that Asian guy because we don't want Asians in our collective of
Warriors and the Russian dudes. Oh
Blew my mind.
I was like, those guys, I wrote down at one point,
Vladimir and Stefan, exclamation point.
I was so excited about them.
So excited, I love them.
And even at the end of the movie,
when it's a happy ending, they're just kind of like,
no, no, you guys, we still gotta fucking fight
these people someday.
And then they just run off into the woods.
But they also say, we'll go to fuck these people.
And then their voices are insane.
It's very funny every time they talk.
They are my favorite characters.
They are sketch characters.
I felt like those characters were being played by Bill Hader
and Kristen Wiig.
Like they might as well have been like SNL characters.
They were, oh, there I wrote down,
oh, I want to talk about the bunk when basically when
bunk goes up.
He's getting her passport so they can leave the country.
Again, don't really understand why I need those.
Yeah, yeah, just fly out of the country.
You crazy flying vampire.
I don't understand why a baby needs a passport either.
I don't know if that's a real thing.
Yeah, no babies need a passport.
There was a great thing, did you see that Jacob's fake name?
No.
Was Jacob Wolf?
No.
Yes.
No way is that.
Are his new passport?
The other thing was Jacob Wolf.
I feel like that was a prop master just going,
yeah, Jacob Wolf.
What are you talking about?
That is crazy.
Crazy was my favorite.
I was so excited to see that.
And Renesmee Crazy. Hybrid baby. I was so excited to see that and
Renesmee crazy hybrid baby crazy
CGI baby
She's CGI for oh, I mean she's we I know you're talking about an hour plus is a CGI child
And like even when she's playing the piano, it's like when are they gonna like just oh, yeah, why don't they just yeah?
Alright, I mean everybody the movie is
like
Peter fashion Ellie, what's his name? Yeah, yeah, Peter fashion Ellie I mean, everybody, the movie is like Peter Fashionelli,
what's his name?
Yeah, Peter Fashionelli.
Peter Fashionelli, whatever his name is.
He's the head of the Cullen Clan.
He's, yeah, yeah, yeah, Carlisle Cullen,
who's like the dad of the Cullen Clan.
He looks terrible.
No, yeah, this blonde is.
His hair is insane.
Why did these vampires?
Why did they make him blonde?
Every vampire decides to bleach their hair.
He is a handsome man.
Even in the Game of Thrones style era,
the all-dwych blonde.
Yeah, the girls are all blonde. I don't understand, he is a handsome man. Even in the Game of Thrones style era. Yeah, the girls are all blonde.
I don't understand. He is a handsome man.
Why does he need to have fake blonde hair?
Maybe he'd be too much handsome.
I don't know. I couldn't figure that out.
Because that's the thing. I remember I read
Twilight Book 1 and that was the thing
about the Collins is that they were so beautiful.
They were all like so beautiful.
Yeah, I think they were going for like a
on him like a kind of like, you know,
flash Gordon kind of look.
It doesn't look good on their skin.
It looks terrible.
It was.
It's pale too.
That's the thing is pale skin and blonde hair.
They give the fake blonde hair and fake pale skin
and they look like, they look pasty and terrible.
I like what they said about the little girl
that she, you know, they're speculating
that she can't be immortal because she has she has blood and she has yet Rosie
Yeah, Rosie cheeks and then the one
The one vampire screams artifice
I've never heard the word artifice spoken in anger before
It was awesome. Yeah, when Alice and the that guy that she hangs out with when they show up Julian Julian
When they show up at the the final battle yeah and by final battle we should say that it happens
halfway through the movie and is the rest of the move except for the montage
at the end which is great and and it's really cool really solid about but that
and that's the thing is like so basically what happens is just to get there
and you know like the the volt Voltaries coming. They're gonna kill Renez-Mang.
The Cullens assemble warriors from-
18 people.
Yeah, 18 vampires.
A Rattagang.
A Rattagang from all over the world.
The John Varvados Vampire is my favorite.
That's the New Orleans Vampire.
That's who's that guy.
Leapace?
Leapace.
Oh, Leapace is great.
My favorite.
I love Alistair What's-His-Name,
who's scruffy and has great clothes? Yes
Yes, they suddenly have all these great characters in the fifth movie. Yes. Oh, yeah
Why wait wait wait and why that last movie? Why was it so so intimate and boring?
You could have gotten to some of this shit in that movie. By the way, this is the end of that movie
Yeah, remember this is I know it's a two-parter. But they could have just made that movie
half an hour.
The first half hour of this movie
could have been the whole first.
Oh, we didn't need any of that.
So the last movie was so fucking stupid
because it was stalling for this.
Harry Potter worked here, did not.
So it becomes a, oh my God, I loved,
okay, let's not get into that.
So, oh my God, but that's the one point I wanted to make
was that Michael Sheen's left-hand man
is totally Draco Malfoy.
Like every bad guy needs a henchman
who is like bleached blonde and like.
He's the one that yells Artifice.
Yeah, he's the one that yells Artifice, yeah.
Anyway, so the whole movie is the lead up to this battle
where the Cullens have their 18 vampires,
they end all of the werewolves.
And they're gonna fight on this chess board,
on this expansive snow.
They're gonna fight the Voltaris who have come.
And for the first 10 minutes, it is just talking.
It's a lot of talking and there's a lot of like,
hey look, you think that she's this, let's communicate.
There's a lot of like,
this stuff should have been settled over the phone. By the way, this is just- And there's a lot of like, hey look, you think that she's this, let's communicate. There's a lot of like, this stuff should have been settled over the phone.
But by the way, there's a lot of wordless communication.
There's a lot of communicating done by between people by just touching each other.
Yes.
Oh by the way, that's what I wanted to say about the girl.
The girl, the Renezmee, Nessie or whatever her name is, she-
Oh you gave my daughter a nickname!
No, no, no, it's worse!
It's worse, you gave my daughter a nickname for No, no, no, it's worse. It's worse. You gave my daughter a nickname for the Loch Ness Monster?
Oh, yeah.
Which she immediately says the first time he says Nessa.
Like, that's what you jumped to when you gave her
the fucked up Renezme name to begin with.
Nessie is a little bit nicer.
I like Nessie.
But you named him after the Loch Ness Monster.
She screams at him.
You know what's weird is that the Cullen's mother
is named Esme.
Yeah, so that's why it's mother is named Esme.
Yeah, so that's why it's in there, I think.
So it's, uh, is this another?
I don't know, there's another character named Rene.
Like Renezme, like as, uh,
Renezme.
Like it's Esme again.
Renezme.
I was trying to figure that out.
I was like, this is, this is confounding.
I think it's just they named it.
Well, they keep on saying about sort of after her.
Well, they keep on saying with Renezme, they're're like this is how she communicates by touching someone in the face
And they see the images in her head. They see that she's not that what they see is they all go
She always to prove she's not an immortal. Yes, so like what is she showing them?
What I was gonna say is what is she doing?
And and also why don't we ever understand?
She ever say talk to the hand.
When Alice has a vision, when Alice has a vision,
we go in and we see Alice's vision.
She don't see what Renez only wants to see.
We did when?
When she touched Bella's face for the first time.
Oh, I missed that.
Oh, and she sees the first memory of Bella
giving birth to her.
But meanwhile, they go, this is how she communicates.
Oh, that's supposed that's what they show.
Well, no, that still doesn't prove whether she's immortal or not.
No, yeah.
Well, to me, I feel like she also can speak.
She talks a lot.
She talks.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So that's not the way she communicates.
She's a real fucking chatterbox.
It's she's just showing people stuff.
All right, so they get the one other thing.
Like Zafrina takes Edward to Pandora at one point.
Oh, that was amazing. Oh my god.
The Avatar world.
But I love that the Volturi, they come out in March and all I want to talk about is that
they are in such a long line, I just wonder how long they were in that line.
Okay, so we're going to get to this field guys.
We need to look impressive.
So really spread out.
Really?
Like they did not come in a tight group.
They are so spread out. They are I would say like they're like three city
blocks long. It looks like there's four times as many of them when they're approaching and
when they're talking but then when the fighting starts it's kind of a one-on-one battle. It's not too hard.
There's never two people getting in up on one person for the most part. Maybe one of
there. Except for the good guys. The good guys are better at teaming up and making
shit happen. Yeah. Because like Stewart develops this... Shield power.
Shield power where she's like,
so she's individually shielding people,
instead of, she's the strongest person there.
She should be fighting, instead of standing,
they're staring at someone else, trying to keep them...
Intently staring at them,
so that she can protect them from...
It's so stupid.
Learning to do them both at the same time.
By the way, here's the other thing is like,
they set up all of these characters having
super powers that are pretty interesting, which never get used.
No.
Like Black Smoke guy never uses Black Smoke in the fight.
He starts to use the Black Smoke in it.
And Michael Sheen's like, no, no, no, no.
Not now.
Yeah.
And I don't even really know what that Black Smoke does to people anyway.
It blinds them in disorient.
They're like, they're blinded and they can't move or something.
And like, no, they introduce all of these people with great.
I like the coat of fannning.
Yes, I liked that.
Oh, which one was it?
I think it was Dakota.
It was Dakota.
Oh, Dakota.
She's like, pain.
Yeah, and that person experiences pain.
Yeah, I liked that too.
But I thought she said Bane.
Bane.
And then Robert Pattinson falls down.
Gotham will fall. Bane. Bane. Bane. And then Robert Pattinson falls down. You have it to me. Golf of World Fall.
You must fight the vampire.
Oh, I was going to say, when Allison, what's his name, show up to that battle scene.
Yes.
When they're all standing around, when they show up, it takes them like 30 seconds to walk across the snow.
We watched them walk so far.
Yes.
Why are they going to walk back?
That same character in a scene in the beginning of the movie goes boom to get to her yes across the living
room yeah but when they're that far away now let's walk it's like dramatic this
is like a real words we're coming out to make a real entrance by the way I this
is where I got really fed up with the movie because like are you kidding me I
feel like every movie I see it's like there's gonna be a battle there's gonna
be a battle and there's no battle yeah and I was like is this what's gonna happen, there's gonna be a battle, there's gonna be a battle, and there's no battle. And I was like, is this what's gonna happen?
There's not gonna be a battle.
They walk across a thing, they convince,
they convince the main bad guy, they go,
hey, guess what, you were wrong.
And he's like, okay, yeah, I was wrong.
And then, watch out, the battle that you've been waiting for
explodes and it starts with one of the best.
And it's better than any of the,
like, cause in the previous Twilight movies movies when things start to seem to get action
Yeah, they were always just like wolves running around and jumping really shot
And yeah, and nobody nobody's actually getting killed no and in this movie suddenly all of these characters are getting their heads
torn off first moment is you know Michael Sheen and
Peter fascinelli
Running at each other they jump in the air and then fucking Michael Sheen just rips his head off
Midstream yeah, oh no Michael does
My walking slowly
Yeah Michael Sheen lands yeah raises up and he's holding Peter Fastinelli's head and you're like
Heavy spoiler
Spoiler up the first one to go. Yep. Oh, yeah, and it's probably because he looks so weird with that blonde hair. I think his wife is
Distraught yes, well everyone's distraught because their leader is just being killed so now it's like all right
The gloves are off. Oh, but what we should say before that happens. Yes, cuz we're just gonna give everything away right?
Yeah, yeah, nothing before that happens that Alice does the long walk up with the other guy with Schmengie Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and see what's in their brains. To see what the future is in their brain. Yes, so she had seen something. See what's in her mind, in her mind it happens to be the future.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
So she goes up to him and she's like, let me prove to you that we do not need to fight
today, that everything's going to be cool, that this girl is not going to grow up and
be a problem.
And then she takes his hand and then they continue to talk for a little bit and then she like steps away
from him and she turns and looks at everybody and says, now, like she's like, you know,
decided that this will be a great moment to just everybody suddenly pouts.
Well, she says to him, you know, it doesn't care what you see, you're not going to change
your mind.
Oh yeah, you're not going to change your mind Oh yeah, you're not gonna change your mind anyway.
You're not gonna change your mind anyway.
Which is a badass move.
That move turns around and says now.
She kinda whisper mouth now.
You know, they're all standing really far away.
The other thing is people whisper to each other
from hundreds of yards away.
Well, they even have conversations
way across that field.
So far from each other.
Anyway, so then she does that, she says now,
and then she totally badass kicks Michael Sheen in the face.
Oh yes.
And he goes, I thought this was awesome.
It's really cool.
That was amazing.
It's really cool and it sets off this amazing battle sequence
where pretty much almost all the major characters,
except for Bella and Edward and Jacob,
Jacob the wolf by the way, as soon as they start the fight
or they're about to
runs off with as, as Renez may, on his back.
So he runs off.
That's the plan.
I don't understand this when the big battle sequence,
like when wolves are dying and stuff,
I'm like, I don't know who that is.
I have no connection.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know which one that's supposed to be.
I think he just sort of recruited a bunch of kids
that we don't know for the most part.
He did, but there was also Leah and Seth and like his friend Wolves were there.
I was even laughing because thinking about how, what's his name, the actor that plays Jacob,
Taylor Lautner, about how-
By the way, he's gotten better.
About, sure, but he's, the character's annoying.
It's not necessarily his fault, but he's always smiling in those super white teeth
and it's just like, what the fuck are you doing here and
Like what he shows up when hangs out with the Renes may at the dad's house Charlie's not like white
We don't need the fucking wolf man around the bane of their existence
They're like Bell and Edward are in love they have a child and they ought to be followed by this fucking dummy
and they ought to be followed by this fucking dummy. Because I rest in the ride.
Yeah, yeah, Edward's always just kind of shaking his head like,
uh, Jacob.
The presumption is, the presumption is,
that when Renezme is of age,
she will be his?
Well, is that the thing?
Because at the end, that kind of...
That seems to be what's happening at the end.
So, because he says to Jacob, he goes,
can I call you dad?
Yeah!
And he's like, no.
But basically, and then Alice's premonition is that,
Renezme is all grown up, and like she and Jacob and then Alice's premonition is that
Renezme is all grown up and like she and Jacob and Bella
and Edward are a foursome.
Yeah.
Like are a quartet and I was like, by the way,
Jacob is blasting this little girl.
And by the way, Jacob doesn't age.
Like Jacob and that flash forward is not older.
So this wolf not age, I don't know.
Well, it's not that long of a flash forward.
Cause she grew up to as big as she's gonna be in seven years within a couple years
Like in the end credits it says seven-year-old Renez may and it's played by some and that's some girl
They didn't go crazy with the CGI on that adult girl. She did look like the act like it creepily like
Some actress gets credit, okay, I thought it was a CGI
But it could be some actresses. It was just standing there and they't a CGI head, I thought that was a CGI head. I don't think so, some actress gets credit. Oh, okay, I thought it was a CGI head. But it could be, some actress,
it was just standing there and they put a CGI face on her.
But yeah, so anyway, it's a very impressive fight scene,
almost nothing really to make fun of.
No, it's fucking great.
In the fight itself, it's really well done.
You know, I mean, like we said,
I mean, head rips galore.
I mean, you think you're gonna get tired of it,
you don't get tired of it.
There's a chasm, people are following it.
I loved it.
And it perfectly liked it, and it is.
I mean, it really is a chess scene.
Because the pawns go first.
You know, obviously a big sacrifice with Carla Cullin,
but then the people that start getting killed
are pawns, are less bad people.
There's a point where Michael Sheen's just standing
with his main henchman just watching everything happen.
Like not even participating.
Exactly.
Like why wouldn't Edward or Bella run at that guy?
Let's kill that guy first.
That was kind of the issue.
It just seemed like, come on guys.
I liked it.
I liked that you had lots of little battles
with not that interesting people that were still cool.
And just violent.
And then real people started getting killed.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like whoa.
Dakota Fanning gets it pretty bad. By I was like whoa fanning gets it pretty bad
She just is so evil in this movie Oh, totally has like two words, too, and I like the cut that she's good
It's where this movie series came into its own now. Yeah, and the last in the last 30 minutes
It's like yes, I love to the guy because you also think like these guys have been alive for thousands and thousands of years
Yeah, I love to the one guy that they come they come and they kill the one guy who's like the older vampire
Yeah, and he goes he says something like at last like yeah
Yeah, yeah, take me apart wants to die so bad and he just can't be killed
Yeah, so they kill him and he's just as at last and then die. I was like that's great
He wanted to die because he's got as at last and then die. I was like, that's great.
He wanted to die because he had a real Michael Bolton thing
going on and probably people teased him all the time.
What happened to those other, the vampires
we like the weird ethnic ones where they're like,
they just kind of went catatonic in their castle
for a long time.
Is that what they said they go?
Who?
The two, you know, the fricking frack of the vampires.
So you've got the names of?
Vladimir and Stephan? Yeah. Vladimir and Stephan.
Yeah, Vladimir and Stephan.
Those two were like, we just hung out in our castles in a catatonic state until they burnt
our castles down like that.
Oh, I don't remember.
Yeah, yeah.
And they said, and they said...
They said very still, I don't know.
And they said they probably did us a favor.
Yeah, they were prisoners in their castles and then their castles were set on fire.
And they're like, they probably did us a favor because that's what motivated us to come now
and try to kill them.
Yeah, yeah.
They go, we're gonna return the favor.
And it's like, well, that's not returning.
It wasn't a favor and why would you return it?
So stupid.
They should have said something about paying it forward.
There is that fight scene.
The fight scene is amazing.
And I'm laughing, I'm psyched.
Everything is going great.
It's like the beach of Normandy in the beginning
of the Save and Burn in Ryan.
It is fucking intense.
I love it, I love it.
It's really entertaining.
And then, and then, and then, and then, guess what?
Guess what, Johnny?
It's so great and such a burn at the same time.
I was elated and fucking angry.
I was furious.
I was at this happen.
But it was pretty cool the way it tricked you.
Yes, at the point where literally everybody is dead,
and Michael Sheen is killed.
They rip off his head, they burn him alive.
Bella and Edward kill him.
The last shot of the battle is a close-up of his face seeing.
In his eyes, we can see the torch coming to burn his decapitated head. It's great. It's like a chicken probably you're probably alive for a few
seconds after you get your head torn off. And then you it pulls out really quick
and we are revealed to be. Go ahead. That it is all just in that moment where they
held hands. Where was her name? Alice. Alice and Michael Sheen were holding hands.
She's still holding his hand
So if she showed him what would have happened if he decided to have the fight the entire battle is her
Premonition of what would happen?
Really happen and you're and everyone's alive who shot J
Oh, I'm amazing premonition to show the guy every different possible angle of the fire
Yeah, every every peep Every person that got killed.
Like why not just show them,
oh you're gonna get your head ripped off
if you do this right now.
I will say that as much as it is like a crazy twist
and that I kind of liked it in the sense
it's like it's what you want.
Like you get to see everyone in the movie killed
and everybody do-
I was pretty happy that they were all getting killed.
I was like this is some heavy fucking shit. I was blown away. Like I was kind of bummed that they were all getting killed. I was like, this is some heavy fucking shit.
I was blown away.
Like I was kind of bummed that they're now,
oh now they're not really dead.
Exactly.
Except for the one girl that they killed
before the fighting began.
Maggie Grace.
Maggie Grace.
Maggie Grace.
Is she ever gonna be in anything where she isn't killed
or kidnapped or are they gonna attempt a great race?
Maggie Grace cannot catch a break.
Maggie Grace fucked up.
She fucked up because she just saw something on a cliff
and she deserved the death.
Wait, did she jump in the ocean?
Yeah.
And she swam back.
Yeah, why?
She can also fly away.
To me though, this is the most flawed thing about the movie.
She's wearing great clothes.
Why not just run home?
The most flawed thing about this movie is simply that
Maggie Grace sees Renezmay catch like a you know a piece of snow a snow
She flies up into the air and gets a snow exactly and she makes the assumption without any knowledge whatsoever
That this is a you know an immortal child or what a bad kid and then runs back tells Michael Sheen Michael Sheen
Okay, let's go kill him. Yeah, she doesn't even tell him She just shows up and he like touches her hand and goes okay. We got it. We got to go take care of this now
Meanwhile, all of this could have been averted if she just hung around and said hey is that an immortal kid?
If anybody in this movie would just have a conversation. They even yell to her. They're like Irina
Hey, yeah, come on. Let us explain. Oh, who is that? I think it's our cousin Irina
Yeah, they have this super eyesight, but they're standing there going, look at that bee.
By the way, I mean, being a vampire,
when you get to experience it firsthand
when Bella's first turn in the beginning,
you miss the station, it just seems kind of annoying.
Everything just zooms in like really intense.
Like you look at a bed and it's like boom, boom, boom,
and you see like the threat.
Oh God.
You look at the floor and boom, boom, boom, boom,
you see like every like, it's like,
I don't want that.
That seems a little bit too much.
No, thank you.
Yeah, and that's how she could find
when the clue was in the book. That's how she found that particular book so fast
Like I was like there's books everywhere in this house
I was she gonna like I couldn't believe how many books there were at first. I was thinking why would they need so many books?
And I thought oh they are immortal so it's probably a good hobby to read it
But the book is what I thought there's that yeah Alice leaves a clue and a book and it's okay
It's not important. It's kind of a cute little.
But it's all a flash, a flash forward. Everyone leaves alive and everyone goes off to have a very happy life.
I wanted to tell the listeners that because if anyone's thinking because we're
talking about how great the battle sequence is, if anyone's started thinking,
oh, wow, they, they really did it.
I'm going to go see a good Twilight movie.
No, you're going to still see the same crazy stuff
for the most part that you've avoided through the last four.
And this one, you may be just livid
when you find out that all these characters
didn't actually die.
I thought I got to tell you that they were dying.
I loved it too.
I was like, this is bad ass.
They are killing everybody.
They are fucking killing all these people.
But don't you like, I felt like I left the theater more psyched. I went home. I was like, yeah
How long do you think they pull off that in the the last book? Oh, I can only imagine you can you do
It's page after page after page of all these people getting killed this amazing battle and then and turns out she was still holding
Ends with arrow. I feel like that would be in a book form
It would be more of a fuck you because I feel like there's more
Oh my god. Yes, where is this like because you I mean I felt it when Peter Fastenality
Fasteneligate his head ripped off. I was like, oh, no, not him. Oh, yeah. Wait, when did you cry? Oh
Yeah, I
cried in the battle sequence
When who somebody died or somebody was watching somebody die and I got like choked up for a second I was I can't remember what it was. Oh Alice was watching somebody die. And I got choked up for a second.
I can't remember what it was.
Oh, Alice was watching.
Alice watches Julie and die.
Yeah.
Right? But no, then she's trying to go after...
Oh, fuck, what was it?
It was when people were falling into the crevice
that ethnic guy creates when he touches the earth.
The guy that can control the elements. Control the elements.
And people were falling into that thing
and I got like choked up when,
who fell in and somebody was watching,
somebody was watching somebody they love.
When the wolf was falling backwards and was going,
oh!
I did, I was like, oh!
That was sad, I got sad.
It would make it 10 times better
if we knew who that wolf was.
I don't know, I just...
Which wolf was it? I don't know who the wolf was, but that is when I got that oh yeah make it but ten times better if we knew who that wolf was I don't know Which was it? I don't know who the wolf was but that is when I got like emotional was during that sequence of the fight
Yeah, when people are falling into the thing and people were watching the people they loved die
Yeah, you know it was like it was yeah
Her watching Julian die and then somebody else watching someone else they loved die. I was like whoa
I got I got I got bummed.
I did like that, I mean, yeah.
I guess, yeah, look, wife, real fragile, real fragile.
Super fragile.
I did like that.
That's fragile, guys.
That's fragile.
And when I alluded to it earlier,
it was Michael Sheen's head that was really hard to rip off.
I mean, they really struggled with that head.
That was a, uh, real fragile.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna get this thing.
Real ranger. Is it righty-tidy, lefty, loosey? I mean, they really struggled with that head. That was a, uh, real rage. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna get this thing.
Is it righty-tidy, lefty-loosey?
I, uh, for people that are thinking,
that still haven't seen it, listen to all of this,
and are still thinking about going,
just to let you know how easy it'll go down.
The opening titles are three minutes long,
and the ending titles are 15 minutes long.
Yes, it's a thing.
If you get up and leave as soon as the end titles start,
although you'll miss a funny thing,
they go back and show Anna Kendrick from...
And she's telling the guy next to her he's got something on his lip. It doesn't fit.
It's like such a comedic little grace note in the middle of this very serious in-memoria
montage.
Telling Ovella.
Yeah. So the total credits on the movie, 18 minutes of the movie is devoted to credits
and the movie is less than two hours long
Yes, by a few minutes. So you're basically watching I mean you're really just watching about an hour
You just have to watch some silly setup. It's got some interesting moments come late like Jason did
Part though I did miss I did miss the power hug
Almost eating a hiker is worth it. I wish she when she the power hug guy. I'm almost eating a hiker. It is worth it. I was entertained.
When she pounces on a cougar, I was gonna say this.
I love that they got.
Like a sexy older lady.
I love that they got PETA off their back.
Oh yeah.
Because she's looking at a deer
and thinking about eating that
because she's got her blood thirst.
And then a cougar comes out of nowhere
and is about to get the deer.
Is this Samantha from Sex and the City?
Ah.
Oh baby.
So she saves the deer by pouncing on and eating the cougar.
Oh yeah.
But it's pretty sweet seeing Keith Kristen Stewart just
dive on a cougar and start macking on its neck.
While it's going, hrrrr, it's like clearly.
And like a tight, balloon dress.
She even kind of does like a take.
For a second she's like, can I really do this?
OK.
She eats it. I would say that I've I really do this? Okay. She needs it.
Oh wow.
I was saying that I've never really found Kristen Stewart
to be like super sexy.
I found in this movie she really like stepped it up a notch.
They kind of like really like wham!
Well the thing is, I always been cute.
And we've talked about this.
She's also 18 is maybe why you don't.
Yeah, we've also talked about this in the past.
Like Bella in the previous movies
has been absolutely powerless to the man in her life.
Like they dominate her and in this movie.
This is her Snow White in the Huntsman.
It really is and you know what's so creepy about it?
Is that it is like the story is basically
once you get married and give yourself to a man sexually
and he turns you into a vampire,
then you can be a strong woman.
Yeah.
Before that, no.
Before that, no.
Do whatever the men are telling you to do,
but once you get married, you are a strong woman.
Stronger.
Stronger than all the men.
Yeah, stronger than all the men.
She's physically stronger than all the men.
She beats Kellen Mutz.
She's mentally stronger.
She's like, she always knows what to do and why to do it.
When she does do that arm wrestling thing, which is such a funny, like over the top weird
moment.
Literally over the top.
Literally over the top.
I just love that she's like, like you said this, like she starts beating up that rock
like yeah, and she's like, it's just jackhammering a rock.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, like so weird.
She's very, very excited about her powers in this.
And of course, there's no, you don't have to sit through the credits, because since there's no more movies, theoretically, I think
there will be more movies. When they're saying that it's definitely over, even if
what's her name doesn't want to write them, Stephanie Meyer, they could just still make,
there's so many characters in that movie that would be a great movie to follow.
I bet they do a TV series that something so that they don't have to have
Christian Stewart or
Another movie it could be Renez may who's a hot young girl
Hire some actress to play her
Yeah, great, but there's so there's no love, you know
There was two wacky scenes at the end of the last yes
The last one that you had to sit through the credits to see.
But in this case, you could just get up and leave after you see Anna Kendrick is what
I think. Or stay until you see Kristen Stewart.
It's like watching the bows at the end of a really long play.
It was kind of fun to watch everybody get out.
I wish the audience would have clapped for the ones they liked. The crowd we saw it with
was kind of stiff on that. But they should have done, at the very end,
just a scene of not,
not what's his name, not Tom Scarrett,
on a boat catching a trout.
That would have been amazing.
What if they catch a trout going,
we're having so much fun,
I wonder what they're doing right now.
It would even be better if he catches a trout
and then Michael Sheen just flies in and rips off his head
and then flies out.
That would have been awesome too.
That would have been a great twist.
Maybe that's a spin off.
I did think there was gonna be a...
Billy Burke and his Native American wife on fishing trips.
Just, that's just it.
That's it.
The woman knows her trout, he says.
Oh yeah.
Oh, the movie.
Jacob made Renezme a friendship bracelet too.
I thought that was really beautiful and sweet.
In the fli...
Okay, so that's the thing.
At the end of the movie
Everybody's okay, and Alice has a vision
We see Alice's vision of the future and it's Edward and Bella who are gonna be together forever
They say yeah, and then it's a grown Renezmay and Jacob and the presumption is that he is
Just stoneld bone zoning
this little bird.
I don't know if that's there, but I appreciate it.
They're just hanging out.
No, no, no, cause he said, can I call you dad?
And then Jacob goes, no.
Like, cause he's like, he's gonna eventually be married to him.
That's why I think it was so creepy
when he imprinted on the kid.
No, isn't that like a weird, now listen, this is gonna be,
I might say something very inflammatory right now. Is this like a weird, now listen, this is gonna be, I might say something very inflammatory
right now, is this like a weird Mormon like kind of like you are betrothed to someone,
is this like a Mormon thing that is being appropriated for this mythology, or is this
truly just craziness?
I think it was in a way to keep these people together because-
He could still be just watching over her, he has to watch over her for the rest of his
life. Why would you fuck?
Why would you call Jacob dad?
Just because he's making a stupid joke.
You know, like we're all family now.
You know what I mean? Like you guys are the parents.
Guys, hit up the ear-wool forums and let us know.
Let us know what you think about this.
I'm sure people are going to write really long
explanations.
I feel like Twilight people must know.
I kind of getting weird about maybe wanting to read the books.
Because that was also an interesting art.
I bet they are, but they're probably simple and easy
for someone like me to read.
They're so easy to read.
But I think that.
I read the first two.
I liked the way they worked in pages of the book at the end.
Yeah, I did like that too.
And little passages, and especially like the very last line
from the books appears on the screen.
I like that too.
Like you know that little girls or anyone when grown women who love those books
Cream their good ending yeah, I like I was the same way about Dark Knight Rises
You know, I didn't love it all the way through but I was I found that ending very
Emotionally satisfying it was wait wait wait wait wait wait the Michael Cain in the restaurant. Yeah, even, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Cafe egg like they're not an old fucking man who's glad to not be a butler for a
People say but that was his vision. It was not a real moment. What do you mean? Yeah, people argue That's just what he was kind of imagining. He was seeing like that man is really dead. No, that's that's nonsense
That goes against every spoiler alert on Batman the Dark Knight rights
That's crazy. I think we, spoiler alert on Batman the Dark Knight Rise. That's crazy.
I think we're late enough on that one.
Yes.
No one should be mad at us.
By the way, I will say this.
If you want to read books, read The Hunger Games books
because those books are great.
They're so bad after the first...
Book three is not great, but it is still...
Book three is awful.
All three books of Hunger Games are a billion times better
than the Twilight books.
Okay, well, well, that's a that might be true.
But the best of all of these are the Hunger Games movies.
The Hunger Games movies can only get better from the first agree.
The first one didn't really get it done.
I didn't think the plots get wonky.
They get really wonky.
I think that I feel like that I feel the guy they got to do the first one wasn't.
I agree.
Wasn't the man.
Actually, the director of this, Bill Condon or whatever, did a great job.
That fight scene was one of the best.
Because again, they cheap out on action.
It was cool, but they do a lot. It's a weird movie.
I mean, he did direct the fact that there were all these weird scenes with the weird melodramatic music in the background.
There's so much CGI.
And they didn't go outside to shoot this movie at all.
There's so many moments in this movie that you're just sort of like,
there doesn't even need to be CGI.
No!
Watch that Be Real footage.
Watch that Be Real.
And, but the...
I love stuff like when the group of vampires that are coming to visit,
and they're all happy, they all come flying down the,
you know, they come shooting in from the woods really fast,
and then they go to regular speed and then walk like the last, you know, they come shooting in from the woods really fast. And then they go to regular speed and then walk like the last, you know,
why are they super speeding all the way to their destination?
Like, why do they do that?
Also thought that they, you were talking about incorporating the book.
They do incorporate the book and sometimes poorly, like they just take like
obviously a passage from the book where Bella's talking about what she's
thinking and stuff, and they just kind of drop it in as
Oh, Vio, Vio, but it's not like Vio that you're used to in a movie. It's like yeah, cuz it doesn't it doesn't start at the beginning
Yeah, it's just like it's like
Somebody said we got explain what's going on here. We have this is confusing we had friends come from all over
The hell wait a second when there's Vio in the middle, it really is just a moment, one moment in the movie
where there's a V.O. for no reason.
Yeah, no, there's two, there's two,
and I noticed that there's two moments of V.O. that are like,
and by the way, you didn't need them.
You didn't need them at all.
Because she's explaining stuff we just saw happen.
The best line of them all might have been
when she says to Jacob,
you think you have some sort of moronic wolfy claim on her? She was so angry at Jacob.
But I thought they made...
Because he's annoying, but she should have been angry at him in every other movie.
Like, go away.
Like, I'm with this other guy.
But the thing that's weird is that Jacob now isn't interested in Bella at all
because he only wants to bones on the baby.
He's just watching out for her.
He's like, you understand why Bella was attracted to him in the last movie
because it was Renezme kind of like
getting her junk stimulated.
Yeah, yeah, there was a moment when she was treating him
like, yeah, like he was the father.
Well guys, I think we did it.
I think we did.
Sad not to have June here, I'm sure.
I feel like June needs to like come in
for like a mini episode.
I almost feel like-
Just to like talk about this.
I feel like-
Talk about what we said about it. I wanna have, I was actually thinking about that last night. I was like, Talk about what we said about it.
I wanna have, I was actually thinking about that last night.
I was like, I wanna have her just watch it
and then come in and just record.
And Addis has an addendum.
So maybe that will.
But we all said the bell is very strong in this one.
And finally does things that she should have been doing
all along. She really stepped up in this one.
And I just wanna say that I'm very excited to,
if you're in the Los Angeles area,
I am
definitely gonna do a Benson movie interruption. Oh great. Yeah, because I've
seen it again. You should do it for the first one and two. I've seen it again anyway.
You should do a four hour. We already did one back in the day.
Because it comes, you know, last year's came out at Thanksgiving also, so then in
January, because you know, essentially with the big movies, we have to kind of
wait for them to be like hit second-run theaters
And then we can rent it from the studio for a reasonable price and then sit there and make fun of it
So if you're in LA got it, you can maybe you can maybe you can maybe wait you can maybe wait for that's a good call
And see it that way. That's not bad. It's gonna be a lot of fun. I'll try to get you guys to
See it again. All right, that is our episode.
We will see you all soon.
All right, bye.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.
I'm just gonna be.