How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Vampire Academy

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Aisling Bea (This Way Up) and Michael Showalter (Search Party) join Paul and Jason to discuss the 2017 Zoey Deutch teen horror-comedy Vampire Academy. They cover the out of place mall montage, the cafeteria blood machines, the orgasmic vampire bites, and much more. It’s not as sexy as Twilight, not as dangerous as The Hunger Games, and not as childlike as Harry Potter. (Originally released 09/30/2016) For more Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/c/PaulScheerHDTGM is going back on tour! For tickets and info check out www.hdtgm.com Follow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/ HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm Paul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to Find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is Not on Twitter

It's a classic story about Dampeers and Moroes and Strigoys and Strungovsky syndrome, you know, real high school stuff. We saw Vampire Academy, so you know what that means. Hello people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made. I am Paul Shear, and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Jason Manzuchus. What is up, Paul? How are you? I am very well. We still are missing out on June Diane, who is in maternity leave still. She'll be back soon, eventually, for the next episode. I mean, she missed a real winner here. June is, by the way, winning across the board right now that she did not have to watch the movie. She is so far a missed stealth Vampire Academy. She's missed some good classic.

Her life is amazing. I worry she may never come back because she's going to be like, oh, I just realized, without hours and hours of terrible movies in my life, my life is immeasurable better. Her life is getting better. She's going to leave me and take our children. Hey, what? Oh, what are you saying? Is this an announcement? Yes. Is this an exclusive? She's going to find a man who watches good movies and then leave. Well, we have two guests today, two amazing guests, joining us to talk about Vampire Academy, a film that is destined to go down as a vampire movie. That's what it's destined to go down as. It is destined to go down as a vampire movie.

About vampires. That's probably the one thing that you can inarguably say about this movie. Yep. Oh, you can definitely say that. It is a movie in which there is vampires. Our first guest, a super funny comedian, writer, director. He has a brand new show coming up on TBS called Search Party this November. Please welcome Michael Showalter. It's an honor to be here. This is now, this is my second, my second go round. Oh, yes, you're right. We did Jim Cotta. Yeah, one of the greats.

I forgot about that. Yes, one of the best. And you know, Jim Cotta, still no one's taken a bite out of the remake of that. I actually, it's funny because I don't even remember. Oh, no, now I do. I do remember. Village of the Crazies. Do you remember Village of the Crazies? And he's like a spy and his, and he's being trained how to fight bad people with gymnastics. Exactly. It's like a pretty, pretty fantastic episode. Yes, yes. And a great movie. A great movie that still works. We are also joined by a hilarious stand up comic who is appearing on the new season of the fall,

which is airing right now in the UK. Please welcome Ashlyn B. Hello. Hello, hello. Hooray. I sort of wish I could get pregnant so I could go on maternity leave and then I wouldn't have had to have watched Vampire Academy. Before we break down the movie, let me just give you a brief overview of what's going on. It's a movie about a school for vampires that's not as sexy as Twilight,

not as dangerous as the Hunger Games, and not as childlike as Harry Potter. And it's all things confusing. Well, Vampire Academy, to me, I'm excited that you both are here because there's a lot to unpack in this movie. Do you think? I really didn't know what it was going to be about. It was like Vampire Academy. I was like, I wonder what this will be about. It's trying so much to be all things at all times.

There's like 25 storylines happening. Every line of dialogue is an exposition line of just plot. I feel like just even before we even start talking about it, to play this clip of, this is how the movie starts with exposition, exposition, exposition right at the top. Like, and this is the level that you're going for minute one. My best friend, Lissa Dragomir, is a royal member of a magical ancient race, the Maroi. The Maroi don't wear black capes, turn into bats, or sleep in coffins. Daylight annoys yet doesn't kill them, and they don't sparkle either.

But yes, like most creatures with fangs, the Maroi live off blood, but they don't live forever. That's why they need us. My name is Rose Hathaway, and like these other guys, I'm a dumpier. We are the protectors, the guardians. Still going. Maroi, I can eat a bacon cheeseburger or whatever else I want. Yeah. Dumpier lives are dedicated to protecting the Maroi.

We live by one simple expression, they come first. And then there's group number three. Oh, it's still going. In case you're wondering, the whole movie sounds like this. Even when people are in dialogue with each other, it's this weirdly, uh, expositional. I love that as a tool, though, in movies. What? You're saying that XYZ moved by XYZ over to ABC to get D? That sounds a little bit crazy to me.

It's not crazy. It's what happened. There's a line of dialogue right after this, in the beginning, where one of the, where the princess vampire says to her guardian, do you realize it's been a year since we left the academy, since the accident? Like, yeah, you were the only two people who it happened to. So she would it be uniquely positioned to know it's been a year. It is so clearly a book that has been trans like, you know, translated to film. And they were like, I think it's a bunch of books.

It is. How are we going to do this? Yeah, we have to get a lot because what you just said, you're, you're skipping over that at the beginning of the movie, they have escaped from the academy. Like we're meeting them after a whole movies, like several stories have already occurred. And the characters are already established and the relationships are established. So you really, it's been, the movie begins with a car accident. Well, in a major event has occurred, which is that something,

people died and now they've, they've been living in a hotel or something. Correct. Like the movie, there's a car accident in the beginning, then it jumps a year into the future. And in my mind, I was like, oh, well, they'll spend the rest of the movie kind of explaining the year that has been or why they spent the, none of that. How did we get here? How did we get here?

Like, you know, I was like, oh, that's an interesting piece of story telling, like now jump ahead and, and you'll populate the past as you go. Nope. See, I think you're quite unfair because maybe nothing happened. Maybe every day that it's got up, got on with their week on it. No, but I mean, I want to know, I want to know what happened to like lead up to the car crash. Why were the parents killed? And I guess at the end, it's like a drunk driver killed them.

It was random, but it's also like, I love that it was a drunk driver as well, because it's just another message for the people back home. You have to drink and drive. It's well, they also have this thing that is crazy because the movie is called Vampire Academy and the poster is like these two girls and like these like Catholic school girl outfits to, you know, for all intents and purposes. And the movie starts off with like this song like live fast die. You know, it's like, oh, it's going to be like a cool like, and then thanks so much.

Oh, thanks. So, you know, do you still have that record deal? I'm working on the studio has pushed it back a long way. Oh, really? Well, cook me out of the studio. 2057 wasn't it? Yeah, they're pushing. We're talking about some stuff.

You don't want to rush that though. You don't want to rush art. Take my time. Because look what happens when people did rush art. Exactly. Vampire Academy. You want your album to be better than this. I'm like, Brian Wilson over here, you know, and I'm going to get it out eventually. I feel a little bit bad for them though, because I do think in our industry,

one must reward effort. And there's so much effort here. There really is so much effort. People are trying. They're so trying, so I felt a bit like, you know, if your mother goes right, we're all going to go to and see your uncle's amdram play. Nobody's allowed to have a comment afterwards. Nobody's allowed to say anything.

But your uncle never got to go to drama school when he was a kid. He had to look after the farm. Wait, is this the real story? And now he's in a play, maybe. But and then you all have to go to your uncle's play and it's awful. But God loves a trier. You know who's not trying in this movie is whoever did Gabriel Burns' makeup. Oh my God, Gabriel Burns' makeup.

Gabriel Byrne is a Vincent, I believe, in this movie. Yeah. And he is an old man. He's a very, Victor, sorry, a very old man. Who clearly worked at most two days on this movie. Easily. Yeah, I mean, at most. He's fulfilling the old man in the YA.

He is the, he is the Donald Sutherland. He is the Jeremy Irons, like the old man in, who's the bad guy. But it's also clearly like we have Jeremy from four to six. Yeah. Is that a name, Sharon? No. No, no. It's Gabriel.

We have Gabriel from four to six. Let's make sure that like all the sets are close together so that we can just move him from one set to the next. Sorry, Mike, Gabriel's running late, so we won't have much time to do his makeup. Just get him on set, get him on set, we need him on my set. The prosthetics went out the door. I feel like he also was like halfway through the prosthetics.

Like, you know what, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I, can I just, let me just shoot this thing and I just go out, I have dinner at 7.30. But I mean, there was so much, like there was so much to look forward to. Jolie Richardson, Gabriel Byrne.

Who didn't even work, didn't even make it. She worked breakfast to lunch. Jolie, she was, oh, she didn't even get lunch. She was in her car by 12. She was out of there before lunch. Yeah, that's true. And it was her own outfit from home, from Halloween that she was wearing.

Jolie plays like the evil queen head Vampiresse. Yes, and she basically, yeah, she showed up for about an hour. I mean, that was it. But she does bring a bit of gravitas to it. I thought, you know what, Jolie's knocking this out of the park. I feel like everyone is trying, but I don't know what is wrong, but something feels so irksome to me throughout the whole thing. I'm like, it feels like static or dead in.

Well, it's that nobody is actually having conversations. They are all just saying plot points to each other. I really, yeah. They're all just, there's no like, there's no naturalistic dialogue. But it's a movie that clearly is a sort of laboratory. This whole thing is very lab created, because it's very much a combination in every,

in a very scientific way. It's a combination of Harry Potter, the vampire, the popular vampire, and Game of Thrones. Not Game of Thrones. The one with Jennifer. Oh, Hunger Games. It's those three movies, because they're training, there's like fight training, then there's the whole sort of like

medieval feeling prep school vibe. And yeah, all that. Where they like, it's kind of funny and there's clicks and that. It's trying to be like a high school movie, like a straight up high school movie too. Yes, like they're always saying like, oh, I hate high school. Like all of the tropes of like a classic high school movie mixed with Hogwarts mixed with.

Well, and there was a big clueless. There was even a big clueless thing running through it, with the dorky girl who turns into da-da-da. And I also feel like it takes away all the fun of vampires to put them in a school for like, it's like, well now, not only your vampires, we got to go to school. Like, you know, so. And it's like, I could just see them being like,

you don't understand. It's going to be amazing. It's vampire school, so it happens at night. So like the middle. Oh my God, John, get that down. Lunch is at 2 a.m., it's wild. And I could see like, studios being like, yes. The cafeteria is like humans.

What are those people? That's one sentence I loved. Who are those people? Do you remember the line? Yeah, and it was basically trying to fit it in. It was kind of like, and so now we have the classic cafeteria scene in there. Yes, oh, they say that all the time.

They say like, every high school movie has a cafeteria scene, but it's humans plugged up to blood machines and they're just sucking on what's going on in there. It's humans that like vampire stories that then are plucked from their life for a year to be blood donors to vampires, and then their mind is erased after that. But within that scene, they give a little nod.

They go, I mean, it's kind of people who've watched too much Twilight. This isn't Twilight. This is real life. And you're like, ah. But if you get bit via vampire, don't you become a vampire? No, because this movie throws away everything that you know about vampire.

They kind of try and explain it in the VO, but it's like, there's so much coming at you in this movie. There's so many rules. There's so much nonsense that it's impossible to track. Only, okay. There's three things that we have. The three things that you need to know is there's a dampere, which are basically vampires,

but they're good. Yes. They can die. I think that's what the princess is. Yes. And they're all English, which I thought was interesting. Then there's the mori, but the mori are like, they're like, like, if Buffy has Giles,

that's what the mori are. They're watchers. They're called guardians, but they are basically watchers. Yes. And then there's the stragoi, which are the vampires that we all know and love. Yes. And ferocious bloodsucking, you know.

But dampers can become stragoi. If they murder, if they commit murder, you become a stragoi, something like that. Or if they, like, let themselves go or put on waste or eat glitch glitches, like that. If you get fat, you become stragoi. Who's the guy with the long hair? Who's he?

Oh, that's Dimitri. Oh. Which one of the classifications? He's a guardian. He's a guardian. Wait, the main girl, like... The good-looking Russian guy that does... Yeah, he does tai chi at the end.

He was a dust scene at the end when he said tai chi is bananas. At the very end, we're like, oh, he does tai chi. Yeah. Oh, man. He's so chill. He's trying, like, he has, like, a Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse kind of vibe. Like, you know, he's peaceful, but he speaks very slowly.

Yes. And I think, like what Mike was saying, there's loads of moments in the movie where you wonder about the outside production of it. And at the start of this movie, he's a Russian gymnast clearly brought in to do some backflips, and they thought they might teach him to act and speak English along the journey.

No, but see, I think if you're talking about... But at the start, he talks like these when you're reading. But if you're talking about when he's on the rings? Yes, yes. But I think that was a body double. I think so, too. I don't think so. I don't think that was you.

Here's my reason. He took off his shirt. He was a little bit more... He didn't seem like... He's a little bit chubby. Oh, I think that was... No, I think... He is chubby.

Oh, Mike. He's chubby. He's chubby. He's chubby. I'm chubby, I'm just saying it's... That doesn't give you an excuse to fashame him. I'm just saying, I don't think he... Just call him a chub-chub. When he took off his shirt, I was like,

he was morbidly obese. Well, here's the thing. At the start of the movie, he has a scene where he's talking to the girl, and you know if you're to give someone who doesn't have any English something to read phonetically, and they just read it off a page, that's what happened with him and goes, when you know we have to look after all the vampires, we got to be careful, have no life.

And you're like, that doesn't make sense. Then towards the end of the movie, maybe this is when he started letting himself go. He actually starts speaking English a bit better, and it comes out a bit more naturally. He's like, I love you. It's just a bit more... Let's hear a little bit of Dimitri's voice here from the movie.

Here we go. I thought we'd practice out here. Where from there? Dimitri, I know you must have heard some rumors. All that high school, Dimoste is back there. Not here. This is life and death. It's like time was over from the worst.

She's learning English. We were warned him. Some people go to ESL or courses, and he just took a movie. Yeah, exactly. This was to get his visa. And so, but now the main premise of this movie is also a little bit weird, because he is older and is her teacher, and they are in love. How much older is he then?

He's like 17,000 years older, and I'm not trying to even be sarcastic. This is the one bit I have a problem with in the movie, that the love, the meet-cute between them is she's a 17-year-old, classic, cute and sexy, and he's 16,000 years old and has never died. Wait, is he really that old? Yeah, he's like, I'm a lot older than him. You're concerned about high school and dates. I have been this and that.

For years and years. Like, he is about 16,000 years old. So there's a slight pedophilic quality to which I don't think ever gets flanked up. Well, and it's like, they do make out a little bit sweet sassy-molassy. Oh, but under a love spell. Under a love spell, yeah. But it is a weird driving force. Which is also a Harry Potter thing.

There's also spells and all this magic. There's a lot of magic. They put magic into the world of vampires that doesn't exist. It's a gumbo of plot because it's sort of like, every vampire also has to pick their magic. And some are good at water. Some are good at water. His favorite. New Orleans.

They get the gold. No, they gotta get it. Oh, gotta get the magic. Can we talk about that scene, though, where that sweet sassy-molassy? So basically, in this scene, there's a couple of things wrong with it. In this scene, our sassy protagonist, 17, arrives at her teacher, 16,000 years of age, door, to basically get some help from him. And she has had a necklace put on her by the local trickster, Gabriel Byrne.

What, a $12,000 necklace when they go, and by the way, there is a mall shopping montage in a movie that is so oddly out of place. But also, they haven't paid enough people to be extras. So in the background, you can see local members of the British public. There's a clearly shot in England going, oh, my God, is that? Are they making a movie? Oh, Trish, get in the background. Oh, see, I watched this movie, and I'm like, they made this in Romania.

Are you serious? I feel like this movie was made in a very remote place. With a bit of cardboard. Just to save money, you know? Well, then they probably just had people walking around in the mall when they were shooting it. Oh, without a doubt, because you can see them in the background like leaning in. But they can't ever figure out whether the movie is like a high school teen girl movie, or whether it is like big magic kind of like fighting evil.

Because she is saying like every high school movie has a cafeteria. Oh, yeah. Oh, hold on. Very commenting. There's a lot of commenting going on, a lot of winks to the audience, a lot of that stuff. And I would argue, and I think that, again, I often don't come down on performances, but I almost think that Zoe was too dry, because sometimes I'm like, are these, they are jokes, but it was also played in such a way that you're like...

She was trying her best. She made this movie work as much as it worked. I wrote down, I was like, she carries the entire movie on her back, because she delivers everything with confidence. But when it's often in scenes with very wooden people. Oh, 100%. It's like she was given the wrong backpack, though. So she's running along, and until she got to the top of the hail,

and she goes, finally, I can finish. I got to the top of the hail, and she opens her back. And there's a dead cat in it. And a dead cat. There's a dead cat in it. And I go, no poo in a dead cat. These are the worst things. It's like you feel like that idea that, like, yeah, she's just like...

Oh, so when she discovers the backpack with her dead cat in it, okay? Now we're jumping around. But basically, the protagonist of the movie is Zoe Deutsch, who is trying to protect the princess, okay? Who is a vampire. Zoe Deutsch, not a vampire. She's a guardian. Okay, at a certain point, the princess comes across...

In the middle of the movie, her backpack is in the middle of the school courtyard, in the middle of the night, so it's the middle of the day. And she's like, what's my backpack doing there? And there's cameras all over it? And she goes, and she picks up the backpack, and her cat is dead inside. What were the cameras for? Well, because they're prank videos. Where did the prank videos go?

Early in the movie, when they're coming to school, like, someone gets water in their face, and they cut to a kid with a video camera, with that girl who kind of looks like the princess, the other blonde girl, the other girlfriend, the jealous girl, Mia. Mia. And then they go like, Mia loves making prank videos. Like, they say something like...

So that was a prank video. But then, that makes sense. And the prank is, I killed your cat? It's like they had, you know, when you play that game where... Oh no, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt. That was not Mia who killed the cat. That was, well, I'm just spoiling it. It was Sarah Highland from Modern Fan.

Yes, and Gabriel Byrne. Got it. They're not supposed to have any technology, because remember, there's a big joke that they kind of parachute in, where it's like, yeah, let's have sex now. Oh, by the way, you've been out in the world. Hey, what's a hashtag? What's an iPhone?

Yeah, it was an iPhone. Yeah, she's like, buy iPhone 5, because in here, there's none of that. They dated that movie, maybe with that reference, didn't they? No, definitely. They're never going to want to make another iPhone. I know, that wasn't real.

I was like, why say 5? Why not just a good iPhone? 5 will definitely be the last one they make. I'm pretty sure they're not too ambitious. Goodbye, Zune. I was looking on Bebo, and I love the photos. But yeah, so in there, they have a video camera, then later on, they say they're not allowed.

And it leads me to think there are 27 writers on this movie, and no one is allowed to email each other about what was going on. It was like, you write five pages, you write five pages, and then they keep passing them along. It's an exclusive corpse as a script. Yeah, like one of those kind of English writing course projects. And correct me if I'm wrong, Paul. It is based on a series of books, right?

Yes, and so I felt like in the movie, each 10 minutes had enough information to have been one entire book. I feel like. What I think happened here was, and this is what I'm putting together, is that this was a bunch of books that were not incredibly popular,

but they had a following. To a point where when Twilight and Harry Potter and the Hunger Games came out, someone was like, what do we got? Yeah, Vampire Academy, get it in here. And then there are like six of them, Vampire Academy, Frostbite, Shadow Kiss, Blood Promise, Spirit Bound, and Last Sacrifice.

Those are all the Vampire Academy novels. And by the way, all of those things are in this movie. All of them are in this movie. Shadow Kiss, Blood, Blood, what is it? Blood Promise, Spirit Bound, Last Sacrifice, and then it goes into another spin-off series. But they set up a sequel. They do.

They do set up a sequel. I think that they were trying to build a giant franchise, but they also were trying to... It's like Harry Potter, it's kind of fun because it's a character that we can understand, a kid going into this world who has no conception of what that world is. Here it's people who have been in this world

have escaped it, and then they're just going back in. This whole movie is like catch up. This whole movie is like catch up to where we are. Where we are, by the way, is insane. Like previously in Vampire Academy. Everything that you know about Vampires, we're going to get rid of that. And then we're also going to give you a bunch of new information.

What was the other Vampire High School movie? That's problematic. That's problematic. That's problematic. That we did. The Covenant or the... Yeah, that's it. I feel like I want to mash up of...

I want those two schools to be rivals. Yeah, we watched a movie where... Well, that, and at least in that movie, and I wouldn't say that was a saving grace, but it was three witches, male witches, who just happened to be going to a normal school. Yes. But this is...

Well, and I also have a problem with this movie, and I guess it's part of the whole idea, but the ugly people in this movie are very attractive, and I was even having a hard time. The perceived ugly people, like the nerds and the dorks are beautiful people. Are beautiful people. And I'm like, is that boy like the girl,

the boy that she doesn't like, that she's kind of like... Well, she actually calls him Ducky. Yes. Yeah, from, yeah. That blew my mind. But is that his name? That's not his name. No, no, she's referencing Pretty in Pink.

She's referencing Pretty in Pink. I feel like no one has seen her. She literally says like, I don't want to deal with your emotions, Ducky. Yeah. And when she said that, I had to look at the cast list to see, is his name Ducky in the movie, but it's not.

No. It's just, you know, it's a reference. But what that tells you is... It exists in our world, and it's real. Well, it tells you. It tells us it's real. Well, no, what it tells me is, is that it's almost like in the writing of it,

they were like, he's Ducky. And then she's like, you know, it's like in the room writing this script, I can imagine that one of the writers was like, she's like, you know, the equivalent of, literally would say, it's the equivalent of like, I don't want to deal with your emotions, Ducky. Yeah.

And then the writer was like, okay, let's just... We'll do that. We'll do that. We'll put a pin in it. It's a blaster for now. Put a pin in it, but the line that went into the script was, I don't want to deal with your emotions, Ducky. And then they never got around to changing his name

to what his name actually was in the movie. They were too busy doing Gabriel Burn's makeup because he only had two hours. Oh, by the way, I want to talk about Gabriel Burn when he is getting blood in the cafeteria. He is, like, so you know when you are in a hospital and you're hooked up to like a bloodbath? Sucking on it.

Yeah, so he's sucking on, like, so instead of it going in his arm, he's like, oh, sipping it out of a, almost like a straw. It was so weird. What's very weird is that also, like, there would be easier ways to give blood to vampires, but they have to like chomp down on people's arms to get blood.

Yes. You know what I mean? Like, they're not like, even though they're, okay, like, the princess goes to one of the feeders in the cafeteria for lunch. And when she sits down in, like, what looks like a medical, you know, like a hospital area, you know, cordoned off by curtains and so forth, she sits down

and she doesn't medically get blood from the person, like, it's coming out of their arm, into a tube, and into the, she just, like, is like, argh. And it chomps down on the woman's arm, and the woman's like, anyway, so, my husband and I are going on vacation, and like, she's just like, argh, argh, like, chomping on her arm.

But that's also in this movie, the weird thing is, like, the protector also serves that purpose for the vampire. I think that was supposed to be shocking, though. Oh, okay. That's why everybody was calling her a blood whore. So this is the bit where, when they're on their year that we never learn about.

Yes. Basically, the only thing that happened, other than, like, renting a movie one night in that whole year, was that. Yeah, they watched Pretty in Pink. Yeah. And they bought a Jimmy Carter poster. A Jimmy Carter poster.

Very weird and crazy. And again, the first scene in the movie, she's like, what's this? You got this Jimmy Carter poster up, and she's like, I'm trying to fit in. It's like, wait, wait, this is in the past or what? Fitting for who? And where did you get the Jimmy Carter?

Like, where are there? Who's selling posters of 1976 campaign posters for Jimmy Carter? In 2015. Do you know the more we talk about this, I'm kind of falling in love with the movie. I'm going to say, I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Pretty in Pink reference, which I missed the Jimmy Carter.

It's sort of weird and wonderful and a brilliant way. Maybe we're behind. It's an onslaught of information. Going back to the blood thing, though, it brought to mind two things in it. One of the things that's fun about a vampire movie for me is, is the rules. And you made a good point in saying

that they threw all the rules out. Like, they started with, like, our vampires don't have to abide by any of the pre-existing rules of what a vampire is. But the blood thing made me think of two. Well, first of all, I love the trope of that anytime someone gets bit by a vampire, it's orgasmic.

Yes. The orgasmic. It's very erotic. It's like, when a vampire sinks their teeth into you, you have an orc. Like, you have, like, this, like, you, you, you. And, and she didn't, and like, even when they were making out in that one scene,

the vampire wants to, like, kiss the protector, or, like, sink his teeth into it. They know. I'm not that type of girl. There's something very, um, penetrative about a vampire's bite. It's like, it's like, yeah. You say that with an ironing experience.

Yes, it's penetrative. Every time, like, the teeth pierce the skin, the, the bitey is like. It's like, it hurts so good. It hurts so good. Exactly. But there was an Ethan Hawke vampire movie I once saw where.

Ooh, boyhood. It's just the middle chunkies of the vampire. Can you imagine if they had done that, the boyhood of vampire, and it's, like, from 11 to, like, 2,000, 2,000 million years old. 2,000 million. It's like they filmed it over thousands of years. That'd be amazing.

The lick letters, the genius. And, no, but it was, it was an Ethan Hawke vampire movie, and it's, like, in a world where vampires have been assimilated into society, and they get kind of, like, shitty blood. Yep. It's pretty interesting. It's, like, it's, like, like, really good blood

is blood you, like, bite out of a living person's arm. Sure, but you can survive off of. But you can get, like, shitty blood. Oh, it's just like that. Yeah, it's cow blood. And I remember there's, like, another movie, too, like, another vampire movie where, like, he's, like, always sucking the blood out of rats

or something like that. Like, they're, like, it's, like. Well, that spike on, uh, spike on Buffy was when he's trying not to bite people in order to let Buffy love him. He is, like, feeding off rats and stuff. Can we go back to just this scene where she comes into his room for, uh,

what was it, sleazy molasses? What was it? Yeah, uh, sweet sassy molasses. Sweet sassy molasses. Which was her, her fuck charm. I can't imagine that she didn't approach the writers to be like, do I have to say sweet sassy molasses? Is there anything else?

She even cuts it, like, cuts, like, devalues it in the next scene. She's like, I would have never, I never would have said sweet sassy molasses if it wasn't for this charm that I had on my neck. But my favorite thing is it's just a very weird plot idea to have that one of the most powerful people in the world would give, put a charm on her

that she can very easily take off. Like, what if it didn't match her dress? So she puts on this love charm and it means that someone that she likes, she'll have, she'll all have sweet sassy molasses with. So she goes to this Russian 16,000-year-old man, she knocks at his door and she's like, please give me help.

And then she's like, bonchika wah wah. Because the love charm around her neck. And my favorite thing is when they enter the room, just to give him bit of character, this Russian actor who's come over to learn English. They have him in, like, corduroy pajamas and a headphone with no music. But like, even the headphones we're wearing now

doing this podcast, if someone slammed through the door and was like, quick, I need your help. He wouldn't be like, I don't hear anything. But then he uses his newfound acting to do a double take with the headphones on and go, wah wah what? And take some off. And all of a sudden he can see her for the first time.

And it's this odd little scene that's almost like, okay Vlad, we're gonna let you do some acting now. You can pick whatever props he wants in the room. And you can start your scene. Headphone, I take a notebook. Oh, I think my character would wear it in the night time like a Czech trousers, just like a normal guy.

Because he is a normal guy. And it's just this odd moment. And then it all happened, she kisses him. Take off my dress. Oh, god, that was a crook. Did you get that shot? Did you get that shot? Great, okay.

And now, ooh, the love thing's off and everything stops. Like, he took off the necklace very quickly. Well, he also, I want to just point out one thing that I did think was great in that scene where he threw his clothes or her clothes in the fire. In the fire. In the fire. The dress that she just bought at the mall.

He takes off and says, let's burn it and throws it into the fire. So that just begs the question, when she leaves his room, what is she wearing? Well, she put on that other outfit. Oh. But how did she get to her room? Where did she get that outfit?

Did she have to walk to her room like wearing one of his big Iron Heart vampire t-shirts? Black sweat. Yeah, maybe. Lots of black sweat suits for them all to borrow. But also that dress, when they're in the mall, just a couple of scenes before this, and they're like, my dad's going to buy you.

Don't worry about it. My dad's going to buy you a dress. And there's this moment where all the actors turn around and go, I've just found the dress of your dreams. And then everyone else turns around and go, I never thought I would see it before. And then we cut to her walking. It's a plain black dress.

Yeah, it's not. Like, there's nothing. It's kind of like she's working as a cocktail waitress. Yeah, it's, I would say, conservative. Yeah. Everything about it is conservative. And again, just so you know, the movie doesn't climax, but it builds towards the formula that's the prom.

Sometimes, yeah. And then it just continues. Climax is just like a bite into your neck. Just like the vampire's bite. There is something we have not discussed that is maybe one of the most important pieces of this movie, which is that the two main characters, the guard is Zoe Deutch's character and the princess,

have some sort of psychic connection where, like throughout the movie, Rose falls into a trance. Zoe Deutch's character is- Do you know what that, do you remember what that's called? The psychic connection? Shadow Kissed? The Bond. The Bond, yes.

They have the Bond. And not everyone has the Bond because she's embarrassed of the Bond. No, it's very rare. It's a thing that, it's a rare thing. And they have it, the Bond. They have the Bond. And sometimes- And so she sees life.

Okay, but this is what made me bananas because she sees life through the eyes of the princess. So she sees what the princess is up to. And she can be like, oh no, don't do that. The bro, show no. She's talking to this guy and she's in this place. But then she also sees, she sees first person point of view at the princess's eyes.

She sees master shots of where the princess is. She sees every camera point of view necessary. That's why it's so special. She can get jib shots. She can get dolly shots. She can do close-up. It's crazy. It's so bizarre.

I'm like, what are we still seeing? She can also give you an ultrasound if you want to. My favorite, like, and again, everyone's trying hard here, but my favorite moment in this movie talking about perspective of camera is when she gets put into the hospital and she's waking up and her eyelids are fluttering.

I was just good. And it's so clearly just a black piece of paper and then they cut to her. It's the weirdest piece of paper. None of it adds up. You've never seen a POV of someone while blinking. And so it is like, what? We're inside her face.

We're inside her face and it's blinking, but it's just one eye if you think about it. Yeah. It's just one eye and oh yeah. And for no real reason. Nope. You didn't need to. Well, you got to do the fade up from out of focus.

You got to do the fade up from out of focus into focus. She had been knocked unconscious, so now she's coming back. But it was still, it was nonsense. It was really unnerving as a... Oh, you know what we never found out? What? Whatever happened to that teacher,

they were trying to find out whatever happened to that teacher who was... No, she was at the end in the cave. Yeah, she's in the cave. Yeah, she's in the cave at the end. She's the sequel. But here's my question about, and going back to the vision,

the thing I was most confused about, because sometimes they have straight up flashbacks. Sometimes it's dreams. Yes. And then other times it's... Videos. It's like, it's weird. It's like, you don't, and like,

there was one moment in it where like, it was the... Well, it was a dream and then you're like, okay, well, like, there's no delineation of what you're seeing until after it's over. Like, because when they reveal the crazy woman who lives in the cave who's setting up the sequel,

she's like, okay, I'm brainwashing you now, and you won't remember this until next year when you need to remember this. And so you're saying, I was confused by like, is that a... Well, I guess it's not a dream, but it was very hard to delineate what was going on with that vision,

because that vision really opened up into nightmares, fantasies, real things. Basically, any method of putting... Visualizing plus. Yeah, exactly, is utilized here, clumsily. One point I had that was really sad really took me out of the movie, and this is why sometimes it's hard being an actor, guys.

Oh, boy, you were taking... The willing suspension of disbelief, you were taken out of it, and you knew you were watching a movie. For a second, I was brought out of my chair, and it was very disappointing, and it was when they saw the brother who died in the car accident,

the princess's brother, the prince, and he used to go out with the school bully, years ago, that's my friend Rory, and he's Irish, and I knew he wasn't an English vampire, and it was just him in pictures, and he's a very good actor, so I don't know why they got him to act in photos. Like, literally, they got an actor in to be in photos,

and I was like, what's Rory doing in this? I feel like he was cut out. I feel like there was a two and a half hour version of this movie that they're like... They included the princess's whole family pre-car accident. Oh, yeah, living fast and dying young. Yeah, that's what I would guess,

because that stuff seemed too important, but so jumped past that I'm like, oh, I bet there was more of this at some point. They justified all this stuff, and then just were like, no, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. We need to... And I think what they did do was just drive... Like, when you look at the marketing for this movie,

I remember, because this movie only came out in 2014. I bet book one ends with the car accident, and I bet book two is just them living away. Well, I can tell you what happens in the next couple of books. Whoa, let us watch the movies, though. Let us watch the movies. Is there a sequel happening? I want to talk to you guys about this,

because this is actually... Are you about to pitch us the sequel? That's what we're in. All right, well, let me... I will play one of the English bad boys. This is what happened. So the film did not do well financially. What?

Was it an expensive film to make? It was... Wait, let's guess. Yeah, it's okay, great. I'd love to see... I'd love to know what the most money went on. So I'd say if you take... I bet it was not as expensive as you think. I'm going to guess it was $35.

It came out... But that's pretty expensive, don't you think? $35 million. I think that's cheap for a movie... For, like, a special effects, you know... With a young, unknown cast. It didn't look like it. It didn't, but I think it probably still costs that much money.

I don't know. All right, so $35 million in 2014. Well, the director is a pretty big time director. Who is that? Yes, he is. Mark Waters, who directed... He did... Mean Girls.

Oh, okay. He also directed Mr. Poppers Pinglin's Ghosts of Girlfriends Pass. The Spider Wick Chronicles. And Bad Santa too. He's a pretty nice guy. He's good. He lanes the jokes. I bet you on him.

He's a pretty good big deal director. Well, it was written by the guy who wrote Heathers, but he also the guy... Whoa. Yes. But also the guy who wrote Hudson Hawk Batman Returns and Demolition Man. All of which we've done. Yes, and he is the first having to skit made three-time writer.

Oh, wow. So this is what happened. So this is what happened. Welcome to the pantheon. Four films that we've done this. You had two of the wrong genres mixing with each other. It's two people who are trying to get along and couldn't, because you had someone who wrote something like drama.

They're brothers? Yes. Mark Waters and Daniel Waters. They're brothers. Are you assuming that because they're both waters? Yeah, they're both waters. No, they are brothers. Get at us, Waters Brothers.

Waters Brothers. But I think what they were trying to do was to create this... I feel like there's a point of it would be like, oh, this is kind of cool to create like a meta twilight, you know? That's still kind of cool, but it's a high school movie, less of a vampire movie. Well, it's like Heathers. You know, like, Heathers is a movie that's commenting on the John Hughes movies.

That's, you know, while still... And I feel like they did have, like, it felt like in the powers that be, like, more Hunger Games, more of this. Yeah. But let's want to take a guess on the movie, the thing, and I'll tell you. The budget.

I feel like... I feel like somewhere between 25 and 35 sounds about right to me. 52 million. That's right. It is 30 million. 30 million. It grossed here in the United States seven. It did so bad that they pulled it out of theaters, which is something that they don't normally do.

They were like, get it out. Let's go. I'd love to know what Gabriel Burns' fee was. High. High. Oh, yeah. I'm sure he got a million. The height of that 30 million.

I feel like he got a million. I'm worried, Joey Richardson. No. Half a million. Okay. I think half a million. I think half a million. All right.

Now, this is the thing that I wanted to tell you guys about. So the movie did not do well financially. Seven million. And the director wanted to do a sequel. So the studio that made the movie said they would fund the film on the condition that the fans raised $1.5 million as a show of support. So it was like, if you... You can kickstart.

Kickstart $1.5 million. We will make a sequel. The Indiegogo campaign was started. It ran for one month and made $254,000. Oh. So they canceled the sequel. Oh. That's a bummer.

Yeah. That's a bummer. So, and then they said during the last days of the Indiegogo campaign, all the characters' costumes started appearing on eBay auctions. Oh. So that was... Here's an interesting thing. That's even a sadder thing that your...

The fans didn't even rally. That's a bummer. What was the thing when the guy was like sucking on her face or something? Was he like blowing on her face or something? Oh, yeah. That is a... Okay. So vampires in this world are also have the ability to...

What is it? Compulsion? What do they call it? Oh, yes. What's it called in normal vampire world? Glimmering. Glamoring. So, yes.

Glimmering. I think it's one of them. And it's the ability to hypnotize or make people suggestible to your will. Confined? Confined? Was it not? Very much in that sort of these aren't the droids you're looking for. Correct.

Yes. But apparently the person has to be able... You need to be able to make eye contact with the person because he's like... We're bringing in a blind vampire so your compulsion or whatever won't work on him. And also he can... The thing in...

The vampires in this world have control over the elements. Water, fire, earth, and air. For some reason. And so he... And he's like... He is very adept at controlling air. So he is sucking all of the oxygen out of her body. I think in making...

He's torturing her. He's torturing her. No, that's... He is suffocating her like water... And it's not death eaters, guys. So it's torturing her. The death eaters are the followers of Voldemort. Okay, sorry, sorry.

The guys that guard Azkaban. Voldemort is Harry Potter, right? Voldemort is Harry Potter? Right, that's a Harry Potter. Voldemort is the bad guy in Harry Potter. I think I'm thinking of Gargamel. There's Gargamel. Gargamel, that is Smurfs.

And his cat Azrael. And then Mixoplick. Mr. Mixoplick is one of Superman's villains. Really? I don't know if you say it backwards, but that's Mixoplick. And he who must not be named is Lord Voldemort. But we just said his name.

Can we beep that eye to the other time? No, you know he who is not shall be named as Esposo writing for president. Whoa! That is he who shall not be named. That is he who shall not be named. Taking shots! The nonpartisan podcast.

You heard it, sorry. We've had Donald Trump on the show. He talked about the Garbichail Kid movie. He was hilarious. I just said this. Bozo running for president. He who shall not be named. But there's another guy running for president.

Oh yeah, definitely. By the way, take a moment to say that if anyone has any connection with Bill Clinton and wants to have him come on to talk about the police academy movies which he is now voiced his love for, we'd love to have him come on. We'll make a generous donation to the Clinton Foundation if you want to come on and pick anyone.

We'll make a generous donation to Moscow, Operation Palm Beach, whatever. On Mikes at Gender Related. I've made plenty of donations to Clinton. Hope I get my money. Like you're seeding out. Every day I give them $100. A plus on Charity Watch.

Go ahead. Could on Mikes Gender Point, can I say some positives and some negatives as I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to tell you this guys, I'm not sure if you could work it out, but I love it, I love it all. Well, I didn't get much support there

from the rest of the men in the room, but anyways, I'll continue, thank you. But you didn't mean it, I could tell you. I didn't mean to set it under his breath. Okay, here are some good points. Two female lead roles. Positive. Sassy.

Positive. And this movie passes the big test. Because they're never talking about guys, they're always talking about blood sucking instead. Running away and killing people. Running away and the old Ma teacher. So they have a lot of other subjects. So it passed the best test.

They also have two interesting moments, which I feel is when the female writers stepped in. One where they're talking about consent and another one where they say, nobody should ever be slut shamed. They have these two weird moments where... Well, the queen comes in, and is basically slut shaming the princess

in front of everybody. And then later on she's like, I'm not having it. What's Rose's... Rose. She's talking to the weirdo prince that the blonde girl ends up with. The handsome oddball. Extremely handsome.

And actually not a bad actor, as I watched him. The one who is his parents, Mr. Goy. He's like the black sheep of the school. Please don't judge him because of that. Because he is his own past. He is not his parents. When the princess gives the speech at the end

my friend is Sebastian and his parents were Mr. Goy. I was like, what do you tell, what is this? Well, that speech at the end, which I'd like to play right now. There's also a lot of church. There's a lot of religious. It's a very weirdly religious movie. I thought vampires weren't allowed in churches

because they burned. But they have their own church. They have a vampire church. I don't think they were. Are you a vampire? The man with the hat looked like an orthodox. And also at one point instead of saying,

oh god, they go by Vlad. Which was quite an interesting exclamation. So it is like a Vlad the Impaler based religion? Yeah, there's some kind of like but there's a Catholic vibe to it. They definitely are religious and like you're saying it's Catholic girl school looking uniform. Yeah, they definitely are playing up that angle.

But then the two bits I did, so I kind of thought well, they're having a go at consent when she's talking to that handsome guy. And she's like, when a girl says no big teeth in your mind. Yeah, she's like, don't disrespect me. She's like, don't disrespect me. Or that's degrading.

But then two things that I absolutely hate in movies and that drive me up the bloody wall and this has become endemic in most TV as well is perfectly curled hair at all times. And I hate all times. I don't have a problem with that.

Actually Jason, I feel really bad now because Jason has perfectly curled hair. No, no, totally. Don't worry about it. It's so lovely and I'm sure you make an effort when you come in. Because this isn't TV, this is a podcast. Before you came in here, Jason was

here for four hours in hair and makeup. You literally do have the most perfect baby curls. But they have them throughout. And you see on TV as well, people wake up in the middle of the night and they're like, quick, we gotta get out of here. And they have perfectly curled hair. Sarah Hyland in this movie, her hair after she's been beaten

and her hair stays perfect. The exact same. People are stepping in too much on this movie but not enough to help get people in space. The movie had a very CW TV show feel to it. It clearly was not shot on film. It's shot on video.

And it feels like it's shot on sets. It doesn't feel like they're on real locations. There's clearly a lot of green screen work. There's a lot of CGI effects. It's a very cheap-ish, no offense to the director. But he had a budget he had to fulfill that budget. I think 35 million is a big old budget.

I feel like it is. But the actors are all very really good looking. They don't look like real people. What's so great about Harry Potter is that those characters really feel like real people. There's like a... That's what I'm saying. It's confusing.

When they're like... The outcast is not... The Ducky. The Ducky is handsome as fuck. But that's what reminded me about Clueless is that the Sarah Highland character reminds me of the... Brittany Murphy.

Brittany Murphy character from Clueless who's ugly but so clearly is not ugly at all. She takes off her glasses. Literally the only thing about the character that makes them ugly is that they have glass. And the glasses are mocked. In a way, it felt like a 1950s movie.

Hey, four eyes. They're like coca-cola. They're really thick like coca-cola blends. But it's also like... In that world where we're making fun of people wearing glasses. But I would say... Like kick sand on the skinny guy.

A big problem in the Harry Potter movies was in the movies Emma Watson's character Hermione is a tubbier, really long teeth and mad hair. And all they do to Emma Watson is... So the boys have been passed... Yeah, in the books. Hermione is like not a looker

at all. So in the movies, they've cast these really interesting old male kids. But with her character, and no offense Emma Watson, but they didn't exactly make it like this is just like a normal girl. She had really long teeth and in the second book

there's a spell that they do where her teeth go and they get rid of her. But she's supposed to have proper bunny teeth the whole movie. She's never supposed to be sexy. She's supposed to be sexy when Victor Crumb shows up and chooses her to go to the dance with. The point is that she wasn't supposed to be sexy

that Victor Crumb picked her because of her heart and her mind. And her intelligence. I understand. Not just the hairs out of place. But like unbrushed hair does not spell ugliness. But the other thing they do which drives me also, bananas like you Jason, was when people run away in high shoes.

They drooned Jurassic, the second Jurassic part with this. What's the actress, Bryce? Bryce Dalshoward, yeah. A bright outfit and high shoes which would, if you were running for a bus you'd die in. Never mind running from a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

And it ruined any gravitas of the movie or for the character. Considering in the original Jurassic Park there was a woman in... She was more, yeah, she was a... She was just as sexy and she had her hair in a ponytail. In this, there's at the very start when they're running away from the whatever

comes and gets them. We're talking about the movie we just saw. We were, and now I'm bringing it back. Like, I'm like the vampire Academy in that I'm doing a lot of... You're hitting a lot of exposition. A lot of exposition. And then in this, when there were...

That's not me going for a wee, that is Mike pouring water. If anyone wants to use some sort of stock sound effects for any movies down the line. Just doing some foley work. Wait, I'm just going to stir my tea now. For those, for the American listeners

I think going for a wee, that would be going to pee. It would be pee-pee, yeah. Oh yeah, pee-pee. That's what you say. Like in stealth. Can I just also say that Jason has used his headphones to push back his beauty curls. Now I push back my curls.

Because I got self-conscious. I wanted to talk about... They perfect shoes, they run away in these high shoes and they're supposed to be doing physical work and instead they're doing them in high boots. So I think the fashion was a big deal in this and keeping them nice. Lots of deal.

The thing that, if I was to isolate one thing that really bugged me about this movie is that the whole movie culminates in this vampire showdown. So now you have your old vampire has become young, the princess is kidnapped,

the protector has to stand up for the first time because after in the beginning she was shut down by the Strigoi. Werewolves? The werewolves, there's things going on. What do they do? They're Psywolves. They are Psywolves. They're not werewolves. Do you think beside werewolves is like a little

copyright thing so nobody was allowed to say it? That really made me laugh. The movie just devolves into gunplay. They just pull out guns and start shooting people. It's like, wait, wait. It's a fucking vampire movie. You have all this strength. Like, give me some...

Literally the guy, and the guy says this line, he's like... I forget how he says it. So-and-so, and good thing I got a big gun. And then he pulls out a relatively small gun and fires it. And then at the end, the old vampire is Gabriel Burns walking.

He's like, bang, bang. You're fucking vampire. You're going to have a silver bullet. Can't you kill vampires with silver bullets? I think that's actually werewolves. But it just felt like... And not Psywolves. For a movie that explores the supernatural

100%. Like, it's a real gun. And they cuff them? Then they literally cuff Gabriel Burns. With zip ties. And it's like... And then they put him in a prison. And then you're like, all right, get some movies over. She goes to visit him in prison.

And he's like... And by the way, he is like... She goes to visit him in prison. And he immediately walks out of the jail cell. And then there's another dumb fight. Also, the prison, I think, looked like the same set where the cafeteria was. 100% was.

Guys, we've got to turn this over after lunch. Get rid of these... It's going to be easy. We want to... There was like, hey, can we get... Can we get Grace before lunch? Because we want to do the turnaround after lunch. Oh, it's so stupid.

Oh, how about my favorite was the scene in which they go and they confront the stragoi in a house. And there's a big fight. And Rose, Zoe Dwayche's character jumps on one of the vampires and headbutts him

conservatively 15 times in a row. Just like, all headbutts. And they're going sideways, straight on. I was like, this is crazy. I feel like the stuntwoman was like, I could do headbutts. And they were like, great, let's see what you got. You know what it was?

Because I felt they went overboard with the stunt people. It was kind of lackluster. There's one scene where there's a bunch of minions, not the yellow ones that are so cute and fun. But the vampire minions, they're walking in the house and then a door comes in and hits one on the head. It's an anticlimactic...

The door is kicked in. It would look how a door looks when it's kicked in. It's not impressive. And she could only do a couple of things. So anytime they could get a distant shot, it was a lot of moves. But normally, it was just like, in the dance floor, she was like, just punching the face.

But it's like, when they're doing stunts, it's not... it's a little lackluster. But they're only actors. They're only actors. I often feel like we get such a bad rap. People expect the world from us. We can only deliver so much. I want to play this end speech

because the end speech here is kind of great because it starts to cover up... it covers so many topics. I'm like, wait, is that what this movie is about? So take a listen. I finally declared a magic and it's called spirit.

Have we been waiting for that? I have a bunch of wise men in robes to help me out. And yes, that was not a mirage you saw on the dance floor. My boyfriend is Christian Azera and his parents were Sugoi. Get over it.

Blood is what connects us all. Blood is sustenance. Blood is family. Blood is pain. And blood... is death. Unfortunately, you can't all have a rose hathaway.

I'm very lucky that she's mine. But if you don't have a soulmate, by Vlad the least you deserve is kindness and dignity. And something more original. Vlad is like the oldest vampire. There is such shaming. Let's prove that Maroi blood

is worth protecting. What do you say, everyone? Is this movie no more bad blood? Is it about such shaming? Is it about... Is the relationship... You should all be so lucky to have a rose like I do. Is rose her slave?

Does rose belong to... She calls her her soulmate in that moment. There's a lot of language that is like... To me, it reminds me of the relationship of let the right one in. That's what it feels like. For your whole life,

you are saddled with this person. You have to just protect them. I would have liked to have seen a couple that don't get along. So one of the... Like a bickering couple? Like a person who goes, this old whack of life,

someone who's really annoying, gets stuck to them. Like another little couple. I would have liked that. Sounds like you're angling for a part to play. Oh, let me jump in front of you, princess. Wait, are you playing a much older person? Why is your character in the teen drama have an old person rose?

I have a cast that gives you 14 in this time. I'll have you know. Obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. These are five-star reviews called from Amazon, Real People, Real Reviews, Real Enthusiastic.

These movies can be broken, or these reviews can be broken down into a couple categories. First, a lot of reviewers want you to know this is nothing like Twilight. And then just as many reviewers want you to know this movie is exactly like Twilight. And both of them are giving it five stars?

Yes. There's a lot of love for the character Dimitri and the Russian actor that plays him. Pretty much everyone's like, after I saw him, I researched his movies, I watched all of his movies. And then 50% of the reviewers think that you need to have read the books to enjoy the movie. And the other 50% think the movie works great,

even if you haven't read the books. So a lot of dissent in the things, in the reviews. But I'm going to read some of the ones that were my favorite. This is from Linda Novak. She wrote, and I think she may have gotten the wrong message here, but it's really cool. I love watching teenagers and seeing what they're into.

What? What they think about and where their life is heading. Good direction or bad. I have two grandchildren and they're really good kids and I'm proud of them. Five stars. She's using Amazon.com to tell people that she's proud of her grandchildren.

But she's also watching this movie like, oh, this is what kids are talking about, sucking blood and having protectors. I like the idea that she's talking to her grandchildren and it's like, Timothy, do you know any blood whores at school? Is that what you kids are talking about? I know about all your blood whores

and your spirit magic. You have shadow-kissing anyone lately? Have you declared a magic? Sweetie, have you declared a magic at school yet? Can you blow out that candle from across the room for Grandma, please? Do you have any tragoys you're going steady with? This is from Deep Star.

I am a reader of the Vampire Academy series. For people who have not read the series, the beginning of the movie is confusing, but it gets clarified. Do not walk out of the movie within the first 15 minutes. The few opening scenes will seem strange and will misguide you into thinking

it's some kind of YA thriller movie, but it's how the author wrote the book. After that, it keeps to the environment and style that it's trying to portray. Five stars. You would be watching after 15 minutes like, I'm out. I mean, in its defense, what is art?

And I also think that after I, in general, I don't believe in ghosts until about 9 o'clock at night, especially when I'm on my own, until about 3 p.m. What happens at 3 p.m.? At 3 a.m. in the morning, I'm like, ah, that was mad, Ashley, come on now, put the hammer away. But between, and I started watching this movie probably around, you know, 8...

Sure. Which one do you use? 8.30? 8.30. And as the kind of movie went on, there were a few jumpy points where I did stop it. There were? Yeah. I didn't jump.

There's a few jump points, and the bit where the fox is dripping, I did. And also when she comes in and werewolves, even though it's misspelled, it's a little bit scary. Cywolves. CGI cywolves, which, by the way, they've used real dogs, and then they're like, these doesn't look so good, and they replaced them at the last second

with a drawing that the author did of them. Really? Amazing. But I actually have to say, I did go around on last night, there's another night before, and checked my, just checked the windows in case any of them flew in. Well, they can't fly in unless you invite them.

Right? Well, that's who knows. Not in these? This movie has blown wide open everything I did believe about vampires previously. This review here, I just, I wanted to read it because it seems like there's something going on with this couple.

The title is Great Funny Movie, and it goes, Great movie for me and my wife. Movie are a must for me and my wife. It was bought digitally, so it was an instant movie night for me and the wife. Nothing but great things to say, quick and easy, five stars.

I just love it. By the way, that guy, single. Absolutely, single. There's no wife there. And the wife, she's probably a blow up doll. And then finally, I'll end on Loretta's five star review, which is titled, This movie was okay.

It took me a couple of dot, dot, dots. And here we go, the review star says, This movie was okay. It took me a couple of times watching it before I really got the jest of it. Five stars. The jest of it. But it also is, this movie was okay.

Do you ever watch a movie that's okay? And go, I guess I should watch it again to see what. The jest of it is. I guess I should like five star it if it was okay. If I've watched the movie five times and I can think it's okay, five stars are not used the right way. Oh, I do that with Uber though.

Every time I get out of my eye. That's because they're giving you stars. That's because you know they're rating you. They don't see what you do. So no, not at all. I mean, they'll probably know of an accumulation of rides. Someone gave them four stars. But if you do it later on that night,

which I normally do, I always give them five stars no matter what they do because they've bothered to get out there. And that's why I feel about Vampire Academy. Someone's bothered to make a movie. And from my point of view, five stars. Wow. That's the first showed up.

You made the movie. I wanted to also, Averill who cuts all of our clips from the movie did something that I thought was really great and I won't play it for you right here. It's a super cut of every time they say Maroy, Strigoya, Dampier. Strigoya-dampier, Maroy, Strigoy, Dampier, Maroy, Strigoy, Dampier, Maroy, Strigoy, Gori Visitation Film,

And the movie is a hundred and four minutes. That's amazing. That is amazing You could follow more of what April's doing over at movie bitches and that probably be up on YouTube at amazing Before we go, I want to ask a couple questions first I want to just acknowledge that there was a guy dressed like Dracula being the DJ Oh, yeah, the vampire Academy party. Yes, and I like that. That's his thing like Tiesto or something like he's like I dress up like the classic little Yeah, you dress up like the gig that you're playing, you know, oh, you think that's what it was I think it's like, you know, and when he goes to like a regular high school party where it's like regular cool clothes

But a vampire Academy like you dress like so if it wasn't a vampire, I don't know I thought it was a vampire who's kind of like his thing was That was David Guetta doing it Where was this movie sesh just out of interest you think was in England or America like at the start when they run away Do they run away to Portland, Oregon? Yeah, they're in Oregon, but they run back to England in a car How do they get? No, don't they say they're in Montana at one point. Why so many English people in Montana a lot of British people Are they this is what would the vampire Academy would leave me to believe when they pull back

They're definitely in the middle of the mountains or something because they they do a shot where like the camera They're pulling back from the castle castle into like Yeah, yeah, I wonder did they put this money English actors in just to give it a bit of class. Yes. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah Yeah, I said like you have to have a checklist of all vampire movies And I think when you put a British Vampire and it just it steps it up because they have the older history like that like they they You know that their history goes back the castles. Yeah, it's like get us some cheeky British vampires No, oh Montana. The answer is Montana. Okay, like what could be it's like an old English like castle

That is the Academy to Venice in Montana. Yeah, but it has very Like the lawns and stuff are very like the preppy. Well and and fake. Yes. Yeah class It's the grass seems very Shot it in like Romania in the middle. It's like artificial turf. Yeah, it doesn't it's no real anyway It's not a great sign when like that's what you're noticing. Like I hope I never make a movie where people notice a grass artificial Yeah, it's like I was looking at that turf and I don't know if it's artificial or not Well, let's go around. I think we know where you stand on it The you would like to see you would recommend that would you recommend people to watch this movie?

We know that you believe yes, right? I I yes like I I'm gonna give it what I gave and John Mayuber driver on the way here five stars For effort Michael do you would you know, I can't recommend the movie? I mean, I I will say that I think everyone's seems like they're having a good time. It seems it's not a It's not a movie. You feel bad about yourself when you watch. No, or you don't feel bad about the world when you watch it You can tell that that these are Talented but is it fun? Is it a fun bad movie night movie? That's I think the question I think so too

It's fun. It's fun like I laughed a lot. Yeah, it was totally fine. I recommended in that it's not I definitely know It's a good. It's good. It is a good bad. I think so. It is a very good That's what that's and that's what we are and so we all agree unanimous around the around the world horn We love it. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time