I Don't Know About That - Autopsies

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

In this episode, the team discusses autopsies with forensic pathologist specialist and author of "The Handbook of Zombie Forensics and Medicine", Dr. Darin Wolfe. Follow Dr. Darin Wolfe on Tiktok @the_dead_letter and on Instagram @anatomy_and_the_dead ! Make sure to check out Dr. Darin Wolfe's podcast "Knife After Death" on Youtube, Facebook, and wherever you listen to podcasts! Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

new year's eve hogmanay chinese new year's why is everyone so fucking difficult we might find out and i don't know about that but jim jeffries i figured this episode would come out on new year's yeah yeah it comes out the week uh tuesday before i can't hear anything on my headphones at all. We're coming live, live, live from the world famous Hollywood Improv. I'm joined by everyone, all the usual people here. You're going to do anything for New Year's in the middle of Omicron? Yeah, I'm supposed to go to a wedding, but we'll see if that's still happening.

Oh, I'm going to do nothing. I'm going to do nothing. That'll be me. I'm going be in las vegas at the comedy cellar all right i think as long as it stays open i'll be there december 27th through january 2nd i'll be in kansas city uh columbus ohio and somewhere else you're gonna be in pittsburgh and pittsburgh and um and columbus Pittsburgh and Columbus in January. And Kansas. I'm with you. So I should know January 14th and 15th I believe. January 20th I'll be in Philadelphia at the Philly Punchline. Thank you for

everyone who came out in San Francisco and Arizona. The gigs are awesome. 20th, January. Punchline Philly. People saw me open for you in Philadelphia. They said they were going to buy tickets. I hope they are. Let's see if that pays off. Yeah, we'll see. If that marketing, what do they call it, that guerrilla marketing you're doing.

Guerrilla. Because you're saying I look like a guerrilla? No, no, it's like guerrilla warfare. You just jump out and go, come to my show. You don't do it through the normal outlets. I didn't do it like that. I hung out in the lobby and people came up to me. It's guerrilla marketing.

I don't think guerrilla marketing is a bad thing. No, it's fine. It's good. It's guerrilla marketing. I don't think guerrilla marketing is a bad thing. No, it's fine. It's good. It's great for grassroots. Of course, you didn't jump out. I was thinking this the other day. Forrest, do you think, and I'm saying this about myself, I'm not saying this about you, but you're the person similar to my age

in the room right now. Do you think you can run like 100 meters at full belt anymore? Can I do it? yes, what will happen afterwards? who knows I know I can jog and I ran after my kid the other day but I sprinted for about 10 meters and I went ooh

that's not going to happen anymore your muscles? do you think you can sprint? I can run but I'll run it. I used to run, you know, I'd run the way you would look normal running, but now I do a shuffle run. Do you think you can break 15 seconds? 15 seconds.

If I stretched? I really want you guys to race. Wait, what's a good time? What's an Olympic time? Olympic time is under 10 seconds. Is under 10 seconds. Nine point something. So you're saying 15 seconds?

I don't think so. Usain Bolt doesn't break nine seconds. He's in the low nine seconds. So you thought Forrest had a chance at any point of getting 15 seconds? When I was in high school, I ran it in 13. I'm giving myself an extra two 15 seconds. I was like, yeah, I'm going to say if I get under 15 seconds. He's asking now if you could do 15 seconds.

Six seconds off the Usain Bolt. Yeah, six seconds is a lot of time. That's a lot of time. I want to see it. We'd be at 30 meters and he'd be fucking at 100. I could do under 17. All right. We're going to do this for the Patreon.

I reckon I would be about 18 seconds for 100 meters. Do I get to work out a little bit? We can race each other. Can we set a date? Yeah, let's set a date. We'll do a video for Patreon. It's not a race against each other. It's a race against what we think is a reasonable time.

What date are we going to say, I agree to this? I can do it right now if you want. We can just go to Melrose and give it a go let's do end of January end of January yeah so you got a month to prepare okay

we'll set it up we'll set up the racetrack okay first don't worry about your own time do you think you'll beat me um I'm not gonna be fast

yeah maybe I've seen you run you run weird I do run weird yeah yeah I do run weird. You run like you're doing it comedically, but you're not. No, I don't mean to. People say I run like a frill-necked lizard.

You ever watch a frill-necked lizard with their legs out the side and they go like that? It's like Forrest Gump with the stilt still on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you wearing a mask, Jack? I was producing a music video over the weekend, so I'm just being safe for you guys. Oh, I thought it was in.

Oh, it's in there where the mask? A little bit now. I'm clocking this over at 18. It might be embarrassing. It might be like 20. I can't wait. Yeah, okay. Well, end of January. We'll do it. We'll film it. It's going to be a hoot.

Should we do it at a park so we have soft ground? Jack has to do it too. Yeah, we should definitely not just do it on a sidewalk. I think Beeman's good. It's going to be a hoot. Should we do it at a park so we have soft ground? Jack has to do it too. Yeah, we should definitely not just do it on a sidewalk. I think Beeman's good. It's got those dirt tracks. What's Beeman? Beeman Park in Shared City.

It's got the dirt tracks. It's where Hal was speed walking in Malcolm in the Middle. It actually has a whole track? Yeah. Because then you can mark the 100 meters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I will do that. Unless it's soft. Yeah, it's soft. All right. And then your other shows, by the way, is Pittsburgh and Des Moines. I believe that's January. I'll be there. JimJeffries.com.

You want to sell tickets. JimJeffries.com. January 28th and 29th. They make very good New Year's Eve ticket present if you're one of those families. Is that such a thing? No. New Year's Eve present? I mean, you know.

All my best New Year's Eve's I've ever spent in my life, I really can't tell anyone about. They're right before Groundhog Day. You could do a Groundhog Day present. Ooh, Groundhog Day. Yeah, it's the week before. I'll get the same present I got you last year. What was that? Nothing, but it's Groundhog Day.

It was a joke. I got it. Now, also shoes, we have to do it in work boots. No. I'm going joke. I got it. Also, shoes. We have to do it in work boots. I'm going to get injured already probably. You know I don't have the proper shoes for this. That'll make you out to sprint me. Get some shoes. Jack, do you want to be involved in the

sprint, in the running race? Yeah. You should smoke us though. Maybe. You can do the second one. I've never seen Jack do anything athletic. True. Can you run the 100 meters. Me and Forrest. I've never seen Jack do anything athletic. True. Can you run the 100 meters? What would you run it in school?

I don't even know. I'll say 15, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I have no concept of really what 100 meters is. All right, Jack. So what are you looking at? I have no concept of what 100 meters is.

Or how fast I could even go on it? I have no idea. You know what a football field looks like? Yeah. It's a little bit longer than that, than just the yardage, 100 yards. I feel like it would take me a long time to get over there. I don't know.

Maybe 20, 30 seconds. I don't know. Yeah, but 15 seconds is longer than you think. How many is that? Two. 100 of those. Three. I don't know how far I can take to go one meter.

Football field's a long way. What do you got for us today, Jack? Eight. Well, this is a segment. It's about 3.2 feet. 11. 12. 13. This podcast saved a life. Really? We're saving lives out here, people.

I regret doing it now. Well, it's not something because of what you said. It's something that Kelly said on the podcast that saved someone's life. Really? What did Kelly said on the podcast to save someone's life. Really? What did Kelly say? I'll let Kelly tell the story. Oh, I was not prepared. This is your segment?

This is my segment. This is your segment is to throw to Kelly that she's not prepared for it. Forrest, you called me about this and you knew exactly what was coming. No, but you cheated. Kelly didn't and you just threw it to her. I told her.

I told her on the podcast. That segment is a surprise for Kelly. Merry Christmas. So during our terrorism episode, we talked about like ways to deter people. And I was saying that I had heard if you're being attacked, what you should do is, you know, stay calm and talk about, you know,

facts about your life. Like say your name. If you have kids, you know, kind of do those things. So that hopefully they'll fucking back off and i had a girl write in and she said that she was being attacked and did that and it worked and she said uh he let her go and now our podcast is officially in a police report wow what because

jack was the guy how else do you think we got the scoop on the story? Jack's wearing a mask to cover the scratches. I think she might be in Australia. But yeah, that was, I mean, I got chills when she sent the message. It's really fucking cool. So glad she's alive. I thought it was going to be like, oh, I was really depressed. And your podcast cheered me up. No, no.

But actually something real. Yeah, she was being attacked and used that. And he let her go. And didn't you say she wasn't even a podcast fan? She listened to the episode. Yeah, so she hadn't been, she wasn't a listener of our podcast. I guess her cousin was. And so her cousin had been listening to it one time when she was in the car. And so she just happened to hear that part of the episode and it saved her life.

Wow. Well, that's very cool. Hopefully she's subscribed now. Yeah, she said she's a convert. She's in. I also had someone write to me. I believe they saved their life. They were eating a lot of cheese and they did not eat the rind.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. You know, not all things you save the lives is right away. Slow burn.

Somebody wrote to me cause they were about to have sex with a manatee. And then they remembered how big their penis was. They saw a video of me have sex with a manatee. And then they remembered how big their penis was. They saw a video of me having sex with a manatee. It made them throw up. They pulled off the road. And then there was a big pileup of cars. I don't remember what it was. Wow.

Amazing. I told the pirate story to those girls at the party the other day. And it sobered them up. Maybe you stopped them from having an accident on the way home. That's very nice of you. This podcast does not stop helping. Yeah. Tell us if we've saved your life.

Just email us at idcatwjj at gmail.com. All right. Oh, and follow us on Instagram, idcatpodcast. And we're going to be relaunching Patreon in the new year. And also, we've got merch coming in the next few weeks. And all this witty banner will probably be on the Patreon. Hell yeah. This will be, imagine this.

You gotta pay for it. Imagine this, but for an hour, just me, one episode, I'll be challenging Forrest to a run. Another one, me and Jack will be eating as many double doubles as we can. I think it would actually be fun if people sent in challenges for us. Like, do you guys remember the cinnamon challenge? Yeah. I've always wanted to do that. Not me. You've got to make sure

you have water ready to go. The double double one will definitely do. I think I can do ten. Me and Jack do we eat fat sows when we come home from the improv. That's our secret. We go in by ourselves and what we do is we get a fat cherry because they're big sandwiches and we get half they cut them down the middle yep so you get half a

fat jerry so we always get the sandwich we like both half that j is the best one the best one question no question they i think they should put two eggs on it they put one we can request an extra egg next time yeah so what they do with the fat jerry is we split that and we all go oh this is the best one why do we ever get anything else and then for our other sandwich we get another one and we go through all the fats this is the best one. Why do we ever get anything else? And then for our other sandwich, we get another one and we go through all the fats, all the different fat options. Sometimes they have specials, like the fat pilgrim going. Yeah, yeah, that's just your turkey dinner.

Anyway, it's gotten to the stage where my brother Danny also has the piggery gene that me and Jack have. And so I was on a plane. I was just looking at all the different fat sandwiches ranked and I sent it to Jack. And I said, Jack, I found out how they're all ranked. We should go through the ranking, things like that, right? And then Jack wrote back to me, fat Jerry's at four.

This person doesn't know what they're fucking talking about. Jack was really upset with this guy's list. Anyway, I sent it to Danny. I said, this is the restaurant i ate at yesterday because in australia i don't have anything like fat sows right and he goes he goes the best one there's fat jerry and i was like good on you danny you know what you're doing he just saw the pictures and he knew what the right sandwich it starts with a philly cheesesteak they put an egg they put chicken fingers they put mozzarella sticks sticks. French fries. French fries.

It's a fucking thing to be doing. Please welcome our guest today, Dr. Darren Wolf. It's a doctor. But now it's time to play. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no.

Judging a book by its cover. So Dr. Darren Wolf. Darren Wolf sounds like a bounty hunter. Has anyone ever told you that your name sounds very... I haven't heard that, but that's probably cooler than what I do. Or a porn star. Your slogan could be, you can't hide from the wolf. Oh, I've never heard that.

You can't hide from the wolf. Darren Wolf could be a porn star as well. Look, I already know you're a doctor. I was about to say there's a degree behind you from Indiana University. Very good. Wow. That's right. Indiana University.

So you specialize in corn. Is it corn? You know, pretty much. Yeah. I'm surrounded by it. Do you specialize in the birthplace of Michael Jackson? That's right. Have you got a doctorate in that?

He has a doctorate in locations. Gary, Indiana. That's right. Gary, Indiana. We went, we visited it. It's a small house. I'd beat my kids too. You know what I mean?

You wouldn't get any peace and quiet in that baby. I'll tell you that much. All right. So, Darren, okay, are you a doctor of medicine? Yes. Yes. Okay. Is our subject we're about to talk about involve the human body? Yes. Okay. Does it involve the head? It can involve the head. Oh, okay. Can involve the head. So, it's not structurally the head. It always involves the head

but not necessarily limited to the head. So it's not structurally the head. It always involves the head, but not necessarily limited to the head. Oh, um, uh, accident trauma. Is it accident trauma? I see it. Sort of. I do see that. Oh, concussions. No, but when people have accidents, then a lot of times in the end, if the accidents are severe, then Darren will see them. Oh,

do you deal with quads and, and, and Paris? No, even more severe than that. Even more severe than vegetables. Is that the wrong term? No longer living. Oh,

the dead. You're a doctor of the dead. That must be good. I am a doctor of the dead. That's right. Not very malpractice suits there. What do you mean? Doctor of the dead. Like must be good. I am a doctor of the dead. That's right. Not very malpractice suits there. What do you mean doctor of the dead? Like he's a mortician.

He's one of those guys in CSI that goes around and goes, there's been a laceration here. There you go. A thing. A coroner. Coroner, coroner, coroner. We're going to be talking about autopsies. Autopsy set.

I once auditioned to be an autopsy doctor on the second season of True Detectives. Oh, God. And what was your line? What was your line? Oh, well, in the end, they gave it to a short Indian fellow, which they said opened to all ethnicities, so we didn't know what it was. But I had to walk around and go,

he has a lubotobin fracture of the tricopter. Yeah, it's shocking that they gave it to somebody else. It was all this type of stuff, right? And they were like, and you can't show the script to anyone else. If you show the script to anyone else, you're in a lot of trouble like that. And I remember just trying to do it. I couldn't read the words. And I had to wander around the body.

I think I was pointing at the wrong end. Yeah. We'll definitely talk about that. I was holding his foot going, can you see the temple rupture here? I think we're definitely going to talk about how autopsies are portrayed in the media because I think that's a big gripe. All right. So let me introduce him. Dr. Darren Wolf is a nationally known forensic pathologist, expert witness, and author is best known for teaching medicine, anatomy, and forensics through various social media outlets.

His TikTok is at the underscore dead underscore letter. And on YouTube and Facebook and his podcasts are all called knife after death. Good name. And his Instagram is anatomy underscore and underscore the underscore dead.

A lot of different handles. Very annoying. I know. Very annoying. On the TikTok, do you dance around dead bodies? Do you do the floss? Do you mouth the lyrics to other people's songs and then expect all the hits? What do you do? I think a lot of people expect that when they hear TikTok. I am more of a boring TikTok. See, the thing is, because I'm an expert witness, lawyers are always watching for something that they can use against me in court. So if I was dancing around a dead body in the morgue, that's probably going to show up in court and be used against me. So no, no dancing. Although I did say if I get a million

followers, I will dance. So I don't think this podcast is going to help your career. Being a specialist. I'm probably ending it, yeah. Dr. Darren Smith's book, The Handbook. Darren Wolf. I'm sorry, what did I say? Smith. Darren Smith? You just made up the last name. Yeah, not even close either. Old Joe Smith there. Samsonite, I was way off.

Dr. Darren Wolf. It's Derek. Fucking idiot. It's Darren. I was just saying. His book is The Handbook of Zombie Forensics and Medicine, A New Theory of Zombieology and Why Humans Will Probably Survive the Apocalypse. Is that, that's an, what is that? That's what you call a catchy name. What's a lot of zombies?

He knows how to sell the book. But I mean, what's that book about? You can talk a little bit about that. So that book is specifically about if an actual zombie apocalypse were to happen, how we would deal with it and how we would survive zombies. So I have a very different perception about zombies than what's portrayed on TV. Right, but we have people reading books about climate change and doing nothing and you expect us to get on the zombie boat? I'm just going to lie down and die.

So what's your idea of zombies? Well, I don't think that you're going to get something actually rising from the dead. It's going to be something in between. It's going to be a disease that's a little bit more like mad cow disease, which is that they're not dead, but it's more like an aggressive, like rabies type of disease.

And it won't transmit as fast. And so it's going to be a slow burn. The apocalypse is going to be a slow burn. You're not going to wake up one morning and everyone's going to be a zombie. It's going to take a while. up one morning and everyone's going to be a zombie it's going to take a while so um do you reckon it just looked like the dmv that type of a mood where people are there but they don't probably i like that it'll be a slow but you'll be like i heard there's a zombie down this just moved in exactly because neighborhood yeah yeah that girl i was seeing yeah she's uh started to

ghost me a little bit or zombie as it as it would be. We have sex, but she just says, food. I thought it was brains. Brain is their thing. Would the zombies eat brains? Would that be their thing? Would they shuffle walk? If they don't do these things, you're talking about a new thing. I'm telling you this is a great question. First of all, shuffle walk, yes, probably, because you're going to have damage to the brain.

Brain eating, no, because it's very difficult to get into a skull. I have to use a bone saw to get into a skull. But if they saw just like a brain laying on the side of the road after, say, an accident, would they pick that up and eat it? Yeah, probably. Okay, well, that's good. That's a start. Some consistency. But that's a rare thing to come by. So, yeah. And it'd be hard to test in experiments, wouldn't it?

You'd have to bring a zombie in, lay some brain on the floor, and then in the other room you lay some cheesecake and see what they go for first. Or you do that TikTok video where you put two brains down and you say, okay, you can have both of these brains when I come back, but I'm going to leave the room for a couple of minutes and you can't have them until I come back. They do that with kids. Exactly.

To test their willpower. And they can have one if they just eat it raw. They can have both of them if they wait until they come back. What if they just start without the parent there? They still have both of them. Then they get grounded. By what, this stranger who's just talked to them? I haven't thought it through yet, Jim. Here we go. We're going to ask some questions of Jim here.

Eat the candy, kids. Dr. Darren Wolf said we can call him Darren after. Not Darren Smith, though. Yeah, do not call him Darren Smith. That's a different person. Can I call you the Wolfman? I love it. All right. Let's do different person. Can I call you the wolf man? I love it. Let's do it. The wolf man. Alright, let's just get into the questions. How about Big Wolf Daddy? I'm going to ask him. Maybe not that.

We're not going to go to Big Wolf Daddy. I'm going to ask Jim. Big Daddy Wolf. How about that? That's a different one. Wolf Gang. That's him and his friends. I'm going to ask Jim these questions about autopsies, and you're going to listen to his answers, and at the end, rate them 0 through 10, 10 being the best, 0 is the worst on autopsies.

Kelly's going to grade them on confidence, I'm going to grade them on et cetera. Add them together, 0 through 10, autopsy. 11 through 20, ooh, autopsy. 21 through 30, oh, autopsy. And the first is autopsy turby. No, well, that's a good one, autopsy. And the first is autopsy turby. No, well, that's a good one. Autopsy turby.

Turby autopsy. Okay. What is someone who performs autopsies called? A coroner. Okay. An autopsiest. Which one? Coroner.

Not autopsiest? No. I think number two is pretty good. I'm the autopsiest in the world. What does the word autopsy mean? Auto and topsy. No, it's auto. Auto to see.

Auto. And then PSY, like the Korean pop culture. To see, to see, to see. Okay, yeah, yeah. It's to see is in there because you want to see what's going on. Yep. Good. And the auto is that I've been doing it for so long,

I don't even have to pay attention. Damn. It's when professionals do it. What is the purpose of an autopsy? Like, what are they looking for? Most of the time, they're trying to find out how the person died. You know, if they're dying in their sleep. I think I've seen enough of these crime things. 5% of dead bodies, they can't

I might need one. Cause of death is unknown for 5%. The rest of it, they can go, it's this drug, it's that drug. It might be blunt force trauma. They'll be able to decide how it went and that'll help out in crimes. And that'll also give closure to family members and whatnot, because people like to know this information. That was a question later on. I was like, can, can you always tell us someone died from an autopsy? I said, no, not always.

Not always 5% of the time you can't. Okay. I think that's right. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that is just talking to the Wolfman yesterday. Yeah. When would an autopsy be necessary? Like, is it always necessary or is it? I don't think they have to do an autopsy on like an old person who dies in their sleep at 99. I don't think they're too concerned,

but they probably still sort of just, you know, they just go natural causes then. I think definitely after a drug overdose, definitely after a murder you need an autopsy because you want to see when these things and what cuts were first and what cuts were second and what was the fatal blow and what wasn't. I think for most deaths you get an autopsy, but I think that they there'd be different brackets it's like a difference

between a foot massage and a full body you know what i mean there's some people is like there's a heroin needle there's a spoon just test if there's heroin in the blood there's heroin in the blood let's all go to lunch yeah right some they just poke with a stick yeah yeah check it check if there's any fentanyl ah fentanyl again right you must be writing that word all fucking day wolfman anyway so so uh so that's what they do and then with um you know things that are like more like a car accident or something they'll see if it's a blow from the head or whatever someone has a heart attack they do one because they want to test whether it was just clogged up arteries or it was something they digested it's enough examples thank. Thank you. When did they start? Oh, they start right when you die.

No. When was the first autopsy? Or, you know, around what time? Oh, this would be the first autopsy. I'm going to say they've been doing it for 500 years. What notable artists did their own dissections of the human body? Their own dissections of the human

body, what noticeable artists? Warhol. I guess you could say Van Gogh cut a portion of his ear off to have a look at it. Not dissections on their own body, but on other bodies. No, like on other bodies. What famous artists did that?

Oh, I would believe Michelangelo would have done that because he was very in on the human form and how veins ran down and all that stuff. He was right into it. So I'm going to say Michelangelo. Which organs are removed? Well, the organs that are removed are the organs, if you sign off as an organ donor,

you can have almost most of your organs removed. I think I mean in an autopsy, do they take organs out? If they do, which ones? I think they take out organs that are vital to what they think the cause of death might be. I think the human brain would be taken out. I think that the heart would definitely be taken out. The liver would be taken out to see what had happened from whatever substance. I think they're the big ones. I think the heart, liver, and brain.

How is time of death established? Well, it starts with Greenwich Mean Time and then you move into different time zones around the world. But time of death is established from, if someone was in the room when the person died, they can give it to you. I think I was 245, right? And then the person died, they can give it to you. It was 2.45, right? And then with other people, they can start, they would say when the brain stops getting blood, when the heart stopped beating would be when the time of death is.

And they could probably figure that out through looking at the body, not on the dot, not on the second, on the minute, but they could get to a good half hour range of when they think this person died. Okay. Going back to the organs, what happens to the organs after an autopsy? Well, you can donate your organs. And I think here in America, you have to sign off to donate your organs. And I think in other countries, I think, believe in Australia now,

you don't have to sign off to give your organs, but you can sign off to say you don't want them donated, but otherwise you've just said you will do it um and so they can go into they go i don't think they freeze them i think they keep them on ice they keep them as cold and as good as possible i think freezing wouldn't be the right way to go maybe i'm wrong okay they rush it off to a person they put it in the other person how long should you wait after death to perform an autopsy? I think it should happen in the first week or so,

but I believe you can do one anytime you want as long as the body is still there, but maybe the results diminish with time. Who was one of the first recorded autopsies? Here's a hint, Kelly, 23 puncture wounds. 23 puncture wounds? 23 um what's his name uh caesar caesar yeah actually i'll go back the autopsy 500 years blow that out the fucking we know the egyptians were mummifying people thousands of years ago so i think it's thousands and thousands of years old okay what are maggots roles in aut autopsies? Maggots what? Maggots. How do they factor into autopsies? I don't know, but they can eat away at flesh and open wounds and stuff like that. They can clean an area, and maybe that's how they cleaned an area back in the day.

They can eat through all the pus and stuff, and then you can scrape them off and go, glad I brought the bag of maggots. Okay. All right, those are all the questions I'm going to ask you. What about a Y incision? Oh, yeah. What is a Y incision? That's when you do one on'm gonna ask about a y incision oh yeah what what is a y incision that's when you do one on a person who's still alive and they go what

i think you just got two points for that yeah yeah that was a good one okay um dr darren wolf how did jim do on his knowledge of autopsy zero through ten ten being the best honestly i think he did a great job i'd say 7.5 to 8 wow yeah i feel like you knew a lot of that stuff because uh got rid of a lot of buddies man yeah you weren't being as silly and it was like you've watched a lot of crime shows um how do you do in confidence yeah i felt like his confidence was a nine yeah he was on it today pretty good good. That's 16.5. I'm going to give you 10, 26.5.

Yeah, right. Autopsy. Yeah, man. Oh, pretty proud of that. Except this first one. All right, let's see the first question. What is someone who performs autopsies called? Jim's at a corner or an autopsiest?

Right. No, that's wrong. That's the first one. Forensic pathologist is the proper term, but also medical examiner can be used to describe that. A coroner typically is an elected position and doesn't necessarily have to have medical background. So they're kind of the legal entity that signs off on cases. coroners if they're trained can perform autopsies but in this day and age you have to be a medical doctor to do so and coroners

aren't necessarily medical doctors okay that doesn't affect it at all to have somebody that can like double check the work well what do you mean well if you're saying they don't have like the medical licensing or whatever like i don't know i guess that would just worry me that somebody's signing off on something where they don't have the the coroner is the person who says to get the autopsy and then gets the information and it's the coroner's report the other person does it but they put all the report stuff like that i thought you were saying that they're like yep that's like saying that's like saying a lawyer can't say something's against the law

because they're not a police officer. Gotcha. Yeah. What were you saying, Darren? I was saying it's not like there's routine disagreements. Like I determined that there's a gunshot wound

and then the foreigner says, no, no, this is a natural. It's pretty much a formality. They're just kind of like certifying the death. Gotcha. OK, thanks for clearing that up. Like the electoral college.

We know all that works perfect. OK. What does the word autopsy mean? Jim says to see, I've been doing it so long. I don't even have to pay attention as the auto part. I was actually kind of impressed by you breaking this down. He did a great job on the etymology, but it means to see self, to see one's self, but it means to see self, to see one's self because auto is self. So, and of course, op, O-P is to see. So by looking inside, you're seeing the human form yourself. So the auto barn is the self barn?

That's for cars. Yeah, but this is like my self road, self barn. Well, there's an automobile, but I think when you're breaking down the i think that's one's mode of transportation the automobile i think auto probably has different interpretations in this case aut i don't think that's an ancient latin word yeah but if you say like autonomous that's like oh yeah yeah auto erotic erotic yeah yeah that one that's your song yeah there we go you know we see those deaths sometimes yeah yeah i'm sure it is hanging around unfortunately get about we get about one a year damn well you find one a year there's about 50 of them still hitting in the wardrobe it's going to be the new coming out of

the closet what is the what is the purpose of an autopsy and what are they looking for jim says why someone died um he also said five percent cause of death is unknown and they're looking for blunt force trauma helps and crimes give closure to families so so he was he was pretty close there the purpose of an autopsy is to find the cause of death and the manner of death the cause of death is the specific cause so that would be like gunshot wound blunt force trauma due to motor vehicle accident stroke then the manner of death is the category so that would be suicide, accident, homicide, and natural. And then the fifth manner of death is undetermined, which he correctly stated was 5% of all cases, 1 to 5% of all cases are going to be undetermined. We can't determine the cause of death.

How'd you know that, Jim? I watch a lot of HLN late at night, forensic files. Okay. She left a hair on the floor. This was not a regular hair. The murderer had left the scene. All that. I watch all that shit.

What do you think of our forensic files? Is that a good show? Uh, actually, yeah, that's, that's a very good show. Um, a lot of the forensic shows are inaccurate, but they, they do well on that one because they usually consult a forensic pathologist for every one of those episodes. So that's pretty accurate. I also want to add that the other reasons to do a cause of death is if there's any kind of legal implication. So, for instance, health insurance or life insurance if you die at work.

So there's like workman's comp. And then, of course, course in general anything involving any kind of legal aspect if we even think there's a 0.1 chance that something may go to court that needs to be autopsied because if you don't have the evidence from the body that's going to hurt your your ability to win in court here's a question um so so i remember in the 90s and stuff like that then when people died of aids it would be uh they died of pneumonia because of aids complications right so now you're you must be dealing with we've had almost a million people in america die of covid what how would you how would you do an autopsy and go it was covid not, not a, what would be the telling signs for you?

Well, okay. So I have done COVID autopsies. I do them about every week now. And the, uh, first of all, the lungs look very different than any other kind of thing I've seen. We know, we know as soon as we take the chest plate off, it looks like COVID. The lungs are like bright red and purple. Normally the lungs are kind of a bubble gum pink color. They're are like bright red and purple. Normally, the lungs are kind of a bubblegum pink color. They're kind of bright red and purple. Then the texture, a lung has a texture like an extremely soft sponge. A COVID lung has a texture. It's very firm. You can't even hardly squeeze it. It's full of fluid and it's full of foam. So we have that. And then usually what we have is the scene. Scene exam is somebody at home. They're surrounded by cold medications. They're

surrounded by tissues and clearly have been sick. And then all of that together, plus we'll take a swab and send it for the PCR. And if the PCR comes back COVID positive, then we can sign it out as complications of COVID-19. That was something when I was doing the outline that I thought was interesting. Something said like a lot of people think of the lungs as balloons, but they're more like sponges. And that was so surprising to me. So that's one of the misconceptions is that the lungs are open air balloons

because when we're in eighth grade health, they show demonstrations that make it look like that. The lung is actually a very fine sponge, except to soak up, not soaking up liquid, we're soaking up oxygen from the air. Does vaping kill you faster than cigarettes? That's a big question. You know, that's a good question. I get that question like every day. And I think they affect you in different ways. I don't think that vaping kills you as fast, but we also don't know a lot about it because it's a relatively new phenomenon

compared to 100 years of cigarette use. But both of them are bad, right? Both of them are bad. Yeah, actually both of them are bad. I've seen some young people in their 20s who have died not necessarily from vaping but their long-term 5-10 years of vaping and

their lungs look pretty bad. So it definitely does damage. I think we're going to see some problems in the next 10 or 20 years. What about tons of weed smoking? Again, another good question. Wolfman, don't hurt me here. Can you take too many tums? No. I don't know. You might take too many times? No, I don't know. You might, you might take too many. What about huffing gasoline? The second, probably the second most common question I get is if you smoke a lot of marijuana, how does that compare to somebody who just smokes tobacco?

And the answer is there's no marijuana lung. I don't look at the lung and say aha pot smoker pot kills no i don't do that um it basically it's hard to discern that because a lot of people who smoke marijuana also smoke cigarettes or have smoked cigarettes in the past so it you can't really compare a marijuana lung versus a smoker's lung because it's hard to find one person that does it has hard to find one person that does. It has hard to find a number of people that do only one of those things. Do you think smoking still worse than vaping?

If you had to be pushed, you know, I think, but I don't know what the, the extreme long-term effects of vaping are, but I know that smoking, they're not good. They're not good.

What did you want? Dr. Will, he wants you to be like, effects of vaping are, but I know that smoking... So they're not good. All right, they're not good. I wanted to die. I'm just saying. What did you want Dr. Wolf to do? Multiple cancers. He wants you to be like, vaping's the best. This is what I want from cigarettes. I want cigarettes to cost like $1,000 a packet and for them to find out that they're good for you. And then you just be the bloke at the party with a cigarette and women will be like, oh,

he's healthy and got money. what a world yeah so things have to go right i'm just waiting for that to come around um all right uh when would an autopsy be necessary um jim said not always an old person died of natural causes definitely after after drug overdose is murder. Most deaths, the foot massage versus full body. I don't remember what that meant, but that's in there. He's he's right. You know, if it's an unexpected death, that's when you're going to want an autopsy. So an unexpected death, someone who's 99 and dies in their sleep, usually they have some kind of medical history and that's not an unexpected death. usually they have some kind of medical history and that's not an unexpected death so um we generally try not to autopsy people too much past 70 unless there's a crime somebody has

been murdered or something like that so all unexpected deaths um all unexpected children deaths which are very unfortunate cases and um anything that involves a legal aspect that's when you do an on-tap. Does this ever play on your mind, having to cut up bodies and stuff like that, or are you just used to it? So, yeah, common question. It doesn't really bother me. You can't really do this job if that sort of thing is going to bother you

because you just can't persist in the field very long because you see all sorts of horrible things. So I'm a person who is able to separate myself from the case. And what I do is I just, well, I just know that I'm trying to get information to help the family get closure. And so I kind of approach it scientifically and it hasn't really affected me mentally. I've been doing autopsy since 2004. So, yeah. Yeah. Like they have to go to like they have to go to they have to go to med school and all that so you said schooling was 13 years and all that stuff so

i assume at some point it just becomes one of those things that you what school is 13 years yeah you'd go to med school right med school is six years become a doctor so no college for four years med school for four years, residency for four years, and then a year of forensic pathology training. So 13. Fuck, you'll die of vaping before then. Wow. Okay. He told me yesterday that if he's hungry,

he'll get hungry during an autopsy. Not to eat the brains. You just put the sandwich on top of the head yeah i knew she was gonna bring that up yeah i said i said that sometimes you become so kind of desensitized from the process your regular thoughts and bodily functions are are intact while you're working like i yeah sometimes if i'm hungry and i'm doing work and i don't lose my appetite doing an autopsy still better than getting an erection man yeah i suppose you're right you know what i'm hungry for ribs it's weird uh uh so uh when did autopsies start and

jim said it was the first autopsy was thousands of years ago and um yeah the egyptians did it right egyptians exactly and that and he he did great on the backtrack see he was going to get a six out of ten and then he got seven out of ten when he backtracked so that was really good um yeah so if you look if you just google it it says that it was caesar's death was the first kind of recorded autopsy that was the 23 puncture wounds yeah that was the 23 puncture wounds that was 44 uh bce and uh but if you look deeper into it human dissection has been going on for like he said thousands of years um all over the world egyptians china india um there's even a technique described in india where they would uh put the dead body

into a bag and they would kind of boil it with water and so that the flesh would come off the bones and then they would describe the bones so that was considered kind of the first autopsy well they do that in restaurants now yeah off the bone yeah oh yeah it's that that what is that that new kind of diffusion cooking? The French call it cooking in a bag. They call it sous vide. Oh, sous vide. Yeah.

And then what notable artist did their own dissections of the human body? Jim said Van Gogh. They said Michelangelo, which I thought was correct. That is correct. And Leonardo da Vinci is the other. Yeah, because I read um it was a like a biography of michelangelo and he i guess he snuck in he had to sneak into the

to the crypts or something and because obviously that dissecting bodies wasn't right from the very from about zero uh ad uh all the way through about 1500, autopsies were not being done routinely. In fact, in many places, they were illegal. And so everything they knew about autopsies was from a guy named Galen back in, I don't know what year it was, but it was like in the first century. And he dissected apes and pigs. And so he extrapolated that to say, this is what humans must look like on the inside. And so then it became illegal to dissect the human until around the mid 1500s, early 1500s to mid 1500s. Do you know what the catalyst was for that becoming more prevalent? You know, basically there was, there's a lot of people that say that the Catholic Church had banned dissection for many ofed or guillotined and then they would

dissect those the doctors were able and the anatomists were able to dissect those to learn about human anatomy so in the early to mid 1500s that's when our kind of modern knowledge of the body kind of took off all right i was watching is it john john um wilson how to with john wilson how to with john wilson i love that show. So it's the new, it's the new Nathan Field. I love that. I love that show. But he interviewed a bloke who lost his leg.

The guy who lost his leg said something that I thought was quite interesting. Once you lose a limb, it's no longer yours anymore. Right? So your leg falls off, your leg sitting there, your leg's sitting there. The government takes it and fucking does whatever they want with it because you might mail it to the president or some shit.

You might go, I've lost my hand. Oh, if I give it away, man. No, but you're not allowed to have it in your house because it's a rotting- So if your leg fell off in a car accident and some guy just ran up and took it- You're not allowed to have rotting human flesh in your house. The government's quite, you know what I mean? You're not allowed to have rotting human flesh in your house. The government's quite, you know what I mean? You're not allowed to have human flesh that's not attached to people. Right.

Okay. And so it is, it is a weird thing when you lose your leg, the government goes, and that's ours now. Is that true? That's a little out of my wheelhouse. I'm not really sure I know about the legalities of amputations and whether or not you can keep human flesh. I would guess you probably shouldn't keep human flesh in your house. Yeah.

Look, if I transitioned and became a woman and I had the surgery done, you know, maybe this is why I shouldn't become a woman. I'd want to keep me dick in a jar. Yeah. And do what with it? Just to look at it, to show people when they come over. Yes. It's a centerpiece.

Just to, oh, memories? But maybe these people hate their dick so much they get rid of that, throw that thing away. You can put it in one of those like Beauty and the Beast things and until it like completely decomposes. Yeah, Christmas dinner. The spell is broken. You know what you do?

You put it in your refrigerator next to the other condiments you put in. You prank on people. Yeah. You'll get the pickles. That's my dick. I get a taxidermist to make it go back to its glory. Oh, stuff your dick.

Yeah, really good. And then I'd hang it off the wall like a fucking tiger's head or something. Put a little googly eye in there. Just saying, it's my dick. What is a Y incision? Jim said it's when you do it on a person who's alive and they scream why not bad not a bad he missed that one he missed that one yeah i thought it was pretty obvious especially for a guy who had done a uh audition for to become

a psychologist there uh the y incision goes from each shoulder to the middle of the chest and then down through the abdomen so it forms a Y on the chest and the app. That's how you open the body. Yeah. Cause I see those on all the CSI shows always, there's always a body line or a slab and that's how you got a Y cut. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that one. Give me a point. Um, which organs are removed? Um, Jim said, if you sign up as an organ donor, they take them all. But I think in autopsies,

do you guys remove organs and put them back in or what happens after they you know jim said you can donate them as well like what what goes on okay so if if you've gone to the part of autopsy you can't really donate organs that i'm dissecting you can have uh organ donation can take stuff beforehand but once it comes to autopsy they generally can't unless it's skin or corneas or something like that. But to your question, the answer is we take out the brain, the neck, so that'd be the larynx and the thyroid, the heart, the lungs, the liver, the pancreas, the spleen, the intestines.

The spleen is the most useless thing in the human body. I've had about five people. Every time a kid's in a car accident, they remove their spleen because it's bleeding or something like that. I see the cunt 20 years later, spleenless. No problem. The spleen is fucking dead weight of the human body. Opinion.

Is he correct? Oh, you want my opinion on that? I wouldn't say it's worthless, but you can live without it. It's not as worthless as the appendix, okay? Yeah, look, it doesn't get into the top 10. It's not like the heart. No. I lost my heart. I'm still feeling all right. You can live without it. No difference. The spleen, whenever you ask someone to explain the spleen, they go, well, it helps the other organs. Doing what?

What does the spleen do? Give us the defined answer. The spleen has two functions, two main functions. One is it's an immune organ. So it's part of your immune system. That's why if you get mono or something like that, the spleen will enlarge. If you get lymphoma, sometimes the spleen will enlarge. So it's part of the immune system. That's why if you get mono or something like that, the spleen will enlarge. If you get lymphoma, sometimes the spleen will enlarge. So it's part of the immune system,

but also it gets rid of red blood cells. So your red blood cells last about 120 days. Your bone marrow makes red blood cells. They last 120 days. And then the spleen takes care of them at the end of 120 days or give or take a few days. We had a episode on anatomy and I'm pretty sure Jim did the same thing on spleens and railed against it i'll explain she explained it so so what do you do with the organ so you remove them all from the body all those organs so yeah finishing my paragraph from earlier you also take the kidneys and the adrenal glands and then you take up it's a woman you take the e-cigarettes right right right and where do you sell them

and how can I buy them oh yeah yeah exactly that's my side I was like wait what's going on with you guys we want adrenal glands

we want adrenal glands we're Hollywood elite that's what we do how do they taste I've got some people that I've got to contact and give the adrenal glands to have you ever drank

an adrenal gland yeah people always ask me how did you make it in america adrenal gland supplier yeah okay sorry we interrupted you take all the organs that's okay that's okay i knew someone would believe i just said that yeah so basically take the organs out i examine each organ and i look for any pathologic changes so a heart i'm going to look for heart attack, lungs. I'm going to look for COPD or pulmonary embolism. I could go on and on. I take sections of those little pieces of tissue and I save those and I'll get those processed and look under the

microscope. The organs themselves will then be put in a bag, like a biohazard bag. And then they usually put that back in the body cap. It's like a turkey. A little bit. And then, right, that goes to the mortician and then they'll put the embalming fluid in there so it doesn't continue to decompose. Like a turd. You make stuffing out of it. When you eat a turkey, you get the bag of all the stuff. You make stuffing out of it.

Anyone who gets buried is a right cunt. You just fucking get burnt and leave the earth. Stop taking up space after you're fucking gone we're already over fucking if we keep going with burials the whole planet will be covered in buried people there won't be any more real estate left yeah yeah you step on this earth you live for a bit you die you dust the end okay yeah how is time of death established jim said if someone was in the room with a person

died they can give it to you when the brain stops getting blood the heart stops beating not exact but a range no i loved his answer i thought it was great because the the process of determining time of death is an imprecise science unless it's witnessed so if somebody's standing there and drops dead, you know, if they're not able to be revived at the time that they're called and the EMS is there, you're able to get the exact minute. But if I'm brought in with a body of somebody who was found in their house, nobody had heard from them for two days, we have to use like rigor mortis, like stiffening of the muscles, we have to we have a range of when that can happen.

We have the settling of the blood and whether that blood uh that settles by gravity is fixed or if it still moves around in the blood vessels we have the temperature of the body uh so we have the anatomical stuff and then we have uh circumstantial stuff like let's say their mail is piling up at the door when was the last day the mail was delivered oh yeah that's the way they do it. Yeah, if they sent a text message, when was that text message sent? So usually we try to narrow it down to a few hours. When was the last time Netflix said, do you want to continue watching? That's a good one. Yeah, it's not bad, is it?

They say it to you every three hours, right? So you know it's in a three-hour window. There you go. Of that moment there. It's before that. You can take that and use that, Wolfman. I'm going to do it. No, that's not a bad one, Wolfman. I'm telling you, the Netflix, you wish

to continue. Yeah, because on TV shows, they're always like 12, 32 p.m. No. No, that's one of those misconceptions. It's really hard to narrow it down to he said a half an

hour, even a half an hour would be rough. We usually kind of do it by a few hours, you know, I just always say Wednesday, this is a Wednesday body. Yeah. Um, how long should you wait? And after the death of a woman, I guess the question is kind of like, how long can you wait maybe, or how long is, or is it? So, yeah, I i took that both ways i'll just answer both questions uh the answer is if you find a skeleton technically you can bring that in for an autopsy but we like to have soft tissue so some skin some organs uh that's really helpful and like he said the longer it goes the less value it is um so you can i've autopsy bodies that were buried under the ground for many, many months and still, they still had soft tissue.

They even still had some liquid blood in there. So you can go many, many months, but it depends on the environment that you're in. If you die in a cold environment, it's like you're being in a, you're in a refrigerator, but if you die in South Florida out in the open, you're going to be decomposed pretty quickly. south florida out in the open you're going to be decomposed pretty quickly now if the question is how soon after death can you do an autopsy um i have done one about an hour after someone died i wouldn't do it any closer to that just just superstitious i guess but uh you don't want to get caught uh you know autopsying somebody that maybe was just shallow breathing, but that doesn't really happen in the United States.

It has happened in other countries. But yeah, the body is warm at that time. They still feel warm and you can do an autopsy, you know, technically very shortly, a few minutes after death, if you wanted, but I usually wait at least an hour. And usually for me, it's one to two days. I used to work with a bloke who murdered his girlfriend what do you mean i'd work like you didn't know he murdered his girlfriend till after no i wasn't

part of it or anything like that i told you it was one of the most horrific murders in la history it was one of the most oh yeah i remember this worked with him and then years later years later years later it wasn't like he didn't come in on the Wednesday. It was years. He worked as an intern on Legit, just sort of running around because he wanted to be a comedy writer. And he just worked as like an intern getting coffees and stuff. And I always thought he was a shady fucking fellow.

And everyone's like, what do you pick on Blake for? And then as soon as he killed that girl, I was like, ha ha. I knew I was right. Thank God this has happened so I can, you know. No, he scalped the girl. Have you ever seen anything horrific like that? They reckon by the time they found the body, there was a teaspoon of blood in her body.

Yeah, we do see. Unfortunately, I have seen horrific things like that. Decapitations and smashed heads and, yeah and yeah this guy he scalped her and let her drip out so she was her heart was still pumping to make the blood leave out like it's like a three-day death or something yeah yeah and then they found him he was like covered in blood and the body was in the bathroom like this woman's dead he's like he's canadian he's like yeah you better find out who did it, eh? Jesus Christ. Awesome. I'm just sort of bringing everything down, you know.

Well, we're talking about death, so maggots, rolls, and autopsies. Jim said they can eat through all the pus and gross shit. They're there to clean. Yeah, yeah. So that's more for living people, but for the actual autopsy process, first of all, we don't see maggots unless the person

is actually actively decomposing you don't die and six hours later there's maggots on the body if you're dead in your home for instance um so what we do is if we do see maggots you can if you know the type of fly uh in the type of maggot you know that it takes a certain amount of time to develop so you can trace back how long it was that that maggot had been laid there as an egg from a fly. And that depends on the species, but that's all temperature dependent. So if you're in a cool environment, it takes longer for them to grow. If you're in a hot environment, they can grow very rapidly. The second thing is different species of flies exist in different parts of the the country the state

the world and so you can know um rarely they've used uh maggots to determine whether or not a body was moved from one area to the another to another like across state lines or something all right here maybe you'll be able to help me so i was i was living with my mate andrew uh in university and we lived in aust. It was about 40 degrees Celsius. We were living in an un-air-conditioned apartment in Perth. I'd been away for a couple of days, maybe doing some gigs or something with the university. I came back, I got into a big fight.

I'm not the cleanest person in the world, right, so I'm not pointing fingers. But we had a pile of plates there and I lifted up one plate and underneath it was all maggots, right? It had been sitting in the sink for so long how long have those plates been in the sink gotta be at

least a few days I don't think that can be more specific oh no okay yeah I thought that was weeks of just a few days in that heat alright I was a bit hard on him then you want to call mom and apologize. I was a bit hard on him then. You would have called him up and apologized? Yeah. I was like,

these have been here for a fucking month. For fucking maggots. All right. Well, you have a phone call after this. And I'm a messy guy. We were both not great, but I,

you know, now he knows the story. He knows. Does he listen to the podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're still best buds, man.

I met him. Yeah. I know. Okay. Matt, why are people so grossed out by maggots anyways? he knows does he listen to the podcast yeah yeah yeah we're still best buds man i met him yeah i know okay um matt why are people so grossed out by maggots anyways they're just like little baby flies they're not cute no they're just like the plate is all fucking festering around they're pretty cute they're fucking great mike i'll tell you this my wife has a raccoon that keeps visiting the backyard and it comes up to the window and it's cute as anything. It stands up against the glass and the cats look at it.

Yeah. And I'm like, we have to get rid of this cunt, man. Yeah. He's fucking digging up stuff. He could have rabies and all that type of stuff. My wife being British thinks he's adorable and she encourages the raccoon. What do I do? That raccoon, and I'm not kidding, could drown your cats in the swimming pool. It's happened many. My grandmother's cat was drowned in a palm by a raccoon and i'm not kidding could drown your cats in the swimming pool it's happened

many my my grandmother's cat was drowned in a pond by a raccoon it is a common occurrence of raccoons to drown another one of my friend's cats was drowned by a raccoon that's all you need to tell daisy we have to do an episode on raccoon yeah yeah yeah they're gonna drown i heard this they're gonna drown animals but he's a baby, the baby's not hanging out in the backyard by itself, wandering around for the raccoon. What if the cats let him in the house? No. He's got hands.

The baby's just going to be in that swimming pool. I don't care. Maybe he just takes a bath. It's good. It's a fence-swing pool. Oh, it is. I don't think Dr. Darren Wolf has the answer. Yeah, I don't think so.

But what are you writing about? Have you seen any raccoon-related deaths? That's how you get things back. No,? Have you seen any raccoon-related deaths? That's how you get things back. No, I have not seen a raccoon-related death. I've seen a snake-related death, dog-related deaths, but no raccoons. Okay, just for once, and I know none of these things are funny. Yeah, we're done with the questions. You can ask it if there's a story.

These are someone's life. But what's the funniest death you've seen? Oh, geez. I don't know that I can say that I found anything particularly funny. Again, lawyers are watching this. You know, it's not funny. It's definitely. How many old fellas with erections?

No. Well, we have the autoerotic asphyxia death, so I'm not going to get into that. But one of the craziest ones was a woman that was with a snake. She had a boa constrictor, and she was putting it around her neck and kind of dancing around with it, posting on Facebook and kind of, I don't know, trying to show off with this snake and then nobody heard from her. And, uh, as it turned out, the snake was in some sort of aggressive state, like mating type state, and it actually wrapped around her neck and, and it strangled her. So she had a, uh, it was not a bow constrictor. It was a reticulated Python,

I think. And it would actually strangled her. So not funny necessarily, but definitely a preventable death that we weren't expecting. Well, I can't say it's funny. If you want to say it's funny, that's fine. How often does a body die and the dog eats the owner? You know, I've seen it a few times. Some people will say that dogs remain loyal and they won't touch their owner and stuff. That's actually not true true there was one case we had where a man hadn't been heard from for I think three weeks he got a well check police came to the door broke the door open and the dog actually had his head in his mouth and he had eaten the ribs and he had eaten the fingers and he had eaten the forearms and everything and they get hungry and so they got to do what they got to do, I guess.

How long do you have to turn in a human body from your house when someone dies before it's illegal to keep it around the house? I'm saying this, I know a person and I'm not going to say she's, but I know a person who laid next to her husband for about four or five days after he died before because she didn't want to let go of him. So she, and I'll tell you afterwards who it is, but she, she didn't leave the house. So, I mean, is that, is that cool? I don't think that's,

I think the idea is you're supposed to report it as soon as you know somebody's dead, but I don't necessarily think it would be a crime in that sense. But that's the whole thing. Casey Anthony, she, she got away with it with the child was in the trunk of her car she she you know and then she blamed it on other people and said it was swimming a lot of stuff and she got away with that crime i truly believe she did that crime but i'm not a jury so what yeah but but there were but it was undeniable that she kept the body for several days. Why wasn't she arrested for at least that? You're not a cop, though.

I'm not a cop, nor am I a lawyer, but it does seem that that would be a crime to have a dead child in your trunk. It turns out it's not. Yeah. Oh, well, good for me. A bit much for us. Television shows, you mentioned Forensic F files is a good sorry wolf man he he goes off the rails the forensic files are good ones are there are the rest of them do you just

look at them and you're like well forensic files is good because forensic files that's what the whole episode is they only show crimes that were solved by forensics right yeah so that's called the forensic file other ones are just like then the murderer came in here and then the blood splattered there do you get upset watching like CSI and that kind of stuff NCIS well first of all I don't watch a ton of those shows but when I do yeah the depictions aren't exactly accurate you know that usually it's the autopsy

is occurring in a dark room now you couldn't see what you were doing you would cut yourself if you had to do autopsies in dark rooms like that they're sequencing DNA in the lab there at you know next to the body none of that happens autopsies are pretty you know i can do it pretty quickly i mean i think we can do one in under an hour pretty easily but the whole process itself is not nearly as i don't think it's nearly as exciting as depicted on television. Sorry.

All right. You want to get to. No, there's one more thing I wanted to ask about the autopsies. About the thing. Oh, Dexter. You're loving the new season of Dexter. How accurate is Dexter? I have not seen the new season of Dexter.

Dexter is a blood spatter. He was a blood. Yeah, but he was a blood. Yeah, but he also cuts into people and all that type of stuff. He does a lot of stuff with the body. He lays them on the table with the plastic. I feel like the Wolfman would enjoy an episode of Dexter. Or is it?

I've had a lot of people ask me to review Dexter, even old episodes for accuracy. And I haven't gotten around to doing it, but yeah, it's the same reason I don't watch Hacks. I don't want to watch stand-up comedy on TV and everyone keeps on suggesting it to me and I'm sure it's fine but I don't want to watch it. I'm not sure you'd

be into it. No. So now this is a part of our show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our expert to give us a fact or something interesting or obscure about the topic of autopsy this week. Uh,

you have one or two of these or what? And you can tell us the ones that are not HR approved. Oh yeah. That's right. Oh yeah. So dinner party facts. Uh, Kelly asked me to provide some,

and I said, we'll do some that are sort of, you know, interesting, but not any controversy. They're not going to get you in trouble at work. And then we'll do, uh,

you know, boobs on a woman. You go, those are definitely fake. And then you go, Ooh, real. Yeah. I think that's happened before. All right. Let's, let's let, uh, Dr. That'd be a good dinner party fact sometimes. So, so here's, here's first dinner party fact. Myth. Hair and nails grow after death.

That is not true. What happens is after death, as you continue to decompose and dehydrate, you become mummified. When that happens, the soft tissue will retract around the ends of the fingers and even on the head. And what it does is it gives the illusion that nails have grown or that the hair is longer, but it's actually that soft tissue has retracted. So hair and nails after death growth, that is. I knew that one. And if you really think about it, it has to be the case. Otherwise when you open up a coffin after 10 years,

it'd just be all nails. Just curly up there, just hair and nails. It just never stopped. Next one. This is, you can get goose bumps after death. Okay? So there's a little muscle in your skin with each hair follicle

and it's called the erector pili muscle. And so what happens is when you die and you go into rigor mortis and you're stiff, those tiny, tiny little muscles on each hair follicle will actually cause the goose flesh, as they

say, or that sort of thing. After death, you can actually have that after death. Like the little lumps on your scrotum. Little goosebumps. Yeah, exactly. My dad used to say that as a kid, make sure you go and wash yourself properly. Make sure you go on, get in the shower, wash yourself properly, make sure you wash your chicken skin. Which is your scrotum. Wow.

Yeah. And so, like, and then, okay, so now we're going to get into a couple, and just going to do two here. One is the myth, people really believe this, that when you die, no matter what the manner of death is, no matter what the cause of death is, you soil yourself, you, you pee, or you, you, you know, you soil yourself, you, you poop, whatever that does. That is not true.

I autopsy people all the time that have a completely full bladder, you know? And so I know that that is one of the things that people think is automatic. You die and you just, everything just empties out. Not true. Here's one for you. Is it true that with suicide, that women mostly take drugs to kill themselves and men mostly shoot themselves in the face? And is that reason because women want to leave a nice looking face? That's what I've heard. So that, when I went to med school many, many years ago and we took we went through

psychiatry we were told that and that is in in the books like we would read the textbooks and they would say men to do more lethal uh methods like gunshots and women are more likely to overdose in my experience that is absolutely not true um i'd say women use guns just as often as men do to kill themselves. That's fake. I took like 75 Tylenol, but it wasn't to look pretty. It was because gunshot... You just had a big headache, right?

I just feel like with my luck, I would live through it, which I did, and I'd have a gunshot wound to the face, or I'd have jumped out of a building and all my bones were broken and I'd be in pain. So, you know,

well, at least I got one more for you. I know Jim's going to like this. So, uh, I don't, you probably know this. I have a feeling he's going to know this.

Um, you can, you can, a corpse can actually ejaculate after death. Why would I know that? I don't know. This is a comedy podcast. Not a female one.

They can't ejaculate in life. Yeah. So what happens is the muscle in the seminal vesicles, which is where the semen is stored there, what happens is they go into rigor mortis, the same process as what I talked about earlier with the goosebumps, and actually will cause the semen to extrude out. Okay.

So is rigor mortis how you meant this? I've said rigor mortis my whole life. I had an audition the other day, didn't I Jack? And it had rigor mortis in there. And I was going, no, it's rigor mortis. Is that an Australian pronunciation rigor mortis and Americans rigor or is rigor the medical? This is tomato, tomato. It's, it doesn't matter. I call it rigor mortis. Everyone else can call it rigor mortis. Some people use rigor.

Some people use rigor. It's just a different pronunciation. But yeah, no, you're doing fine calling it rigor mortis. That's a good part of the song. You say rigor mortis. I say rigor mortis. At least then that's a real thing. Potato, potato.

No one's ever said potato. Just a follow-up question. How often does a corpse ejaculate, then, that you see? Just the words. Okay. This is another hot corpse. It's not like it's dead every day. How bad is it?

No, you see it not that often. I mean, you see it probably on, let's say, 10%, 20% of the autopsies I do. And it's, like, low pressure that's not like you have really often dude that's one in five times there's cum on the stomach of the person who died that's how bad they died and you're just like it's not that common yeah that's really common man i guess we have different ideas of what might be common 20 is really common, man. I guess we have different ideas of what might be common. 20% is really common. Yeah, well, you know.

You get used to it. You would have less bald people that you do autopsies on than you would ones covered in cum. It's not covered. They're not covered in cum. He said it's very low pressure. Yeah, it's very low pressure. They're not Peter Northen. It's a dribble.

Dr. Darren Wolf. You can find him on TikTok at the underscore dead underscore letter. YouTube, Facebook, and his podcast is called Knife After Death. Instagram, anatomy underscore and underscore the underscore dead. And the book is The Handbook of

Zombie Forensics and Medicine. A New Theory of Zombiology and Why Humans Will Probably Survive the Apocalypse. Thank you for being here. underscore dead and the book is the handbook of zombie forensics and medicine a new theory of zombieology and why humans will probably survive the apocalypse thank you for being here yes thank you so much thanks for enjoying it thanks wolf man look if you're ever at a party and someone comes in here and you're like you're like i'm gonna kill the person who did that and someone goes they might already be dead i don, I don't know about that, and walk away. It was a bit of a long walk that way. There you go. Good night, Australia.