I Don't Know About That - Cocaine Trafficking

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

In this episode, the team discusses cocaine trafficking with war correspondent, documentary filmmaker, and author of "Kilo: Inside the Deadliest Cocaine Cartels - From the Jungles to the Streets", Toby Muse. Follow Toby Muse on Twitter @ tobymuseSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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podcast where you don't learn anything. You see, on this podcast, you learn things. We'll just be shooting the shit with other comedians like every other podcast that has ever been made by a comedian. What we did was to make this podcast is we tried to make it informative and interesting. And it turns out that people don't like that. People like it. No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

People want the other thing too. If you only want to hear the bullshit, you can go to patreon.com slash idcat. The wheelbarrow. The car. What was invented first? There's no way to find out. Or is there?

You might find out, and I don't know about About That with Jim Jefferies. Hello, welcome to I Don't Know About That with me, Jim Jefferies. I'm here with Kelly, Forrest, and Jack. That one was weak. It was weak, yeah. Which one was an event at first? You go to that too much. You got to come up with some new ones. You do. Next week, Forrest is doing it. Yeah. Next week, yeah. In the style of Joe. Being grumpy. Being happy.

Being happy. Is there a difference? I don't think so. Which one came first? Also, baseballs. Jack has a segment for us, a new segment. What's it called Jack? Forrest is going to introduce it today oh yeah I forgot about that

how was I going to introduce it? the prep here is incredible it was something you know people last week in comment world people had commented and sent tweets saying that we were bullying you and I said you should get back at us you should have a roast of the I Don't Know About That podcast.

I'm going to name it. It's called You Don't Know Jack Shit. Yeah, there you go. I dressed up for the occasion. Yeah, yeah, put a blazer on. That'll stop you getting bullied. I'm going to stand up like they do in the other roast. I've got my podium.

You're hunched over now. Well, this is how they do it. I feel like everyone's hunched over at the podium. Terrible posture is always the best way to start. I am, but we tested it out. You did a hunch. You came in early for this. No wonder you were standing like that when I watched it.

He's written jokes down. He's got a lot of clipboard. So Jack's going to roast us, which is a form of bullying. I'm the only person who employs you in the room, by the way. I understand. That's why yours are the longest. I try to get you laid, though, so keep that in mind.

How hard have you tried? Have you fucked him? There's an extra step you could go. Yeah, you got us almost kicked out of Jones on 3rd or whatever. Okay. Were you trying to get laid on Jones on 3rd? I was helping him flirt with a girl. No, John's Hollywood.

John's Hollywood. Really messed up. You were like, hey, you tried the roast beef sandwich? I like spicy mustard. Hold on, I'm supposed to be doing the roast beef. Do you want a song for the roast? Hey, welcome to the first annual. I don't know about that roast don't do that here's your host

hey everybody it's me uh oh well kelly's here tonight uh with all of her tattoos on display i mean geez kelly's got more ink than a fountain pen i feel like i could kill an afternoon with just one of your arms and a ball of silly putty. Oh. Wait, explain. You got so much ink like newspapers and silly putty. Oh, you can pick the ink up.

Damn, I'm never going to lay that down. Just kidding. Thanks for coming out. You're a good sport. Kelly's got more tattoos than a cave. What's his voice? It's my roast voice. I'm from a friar's roast.

Hey, Forrest is also here. He just rescued a dog, and he has to teach it how to be less aggressive towards people, which can't be going very well. Forrest teaching how to be nice? What's next? Forrest teaching portion control? That's a good one.

I can hear down some pounds. Give me those vegan candy bars. He had a vegan candy bar. It was a protein bar. It's pretty good. Pretty good. It's not great. It's not as good as a real candy bar, and it a protein bar. He was like, it's pretty good. Pretty good. It's not great. It's not as good as a real candy bar,

and it's pretty good. It's dense. Yeah. And finally, the man of the hour, Jim James. One joke each? You got to get two in there. Okay. Okay. That was a good one.

It was better than Kelly's. You know, it's been great getting to know you over the past few years, but Jim, I got to say it say it you're a baby and I mean that in the technical sense because like a baby you spill food on yourself you throw tantrums and every time someone shows me a picture of you I have to pretend you're cute and not a whiny blob that shits itself it was hard coming up with a roast for you because I didn't want to offend you. You got such thin skin.

And to be honest, I don't know what's thinner, your skin or your hair. Oh, wow. That was a lead. That was very hurtful. That was very hurtful. I'm kidding. Whatever you're doing is working.

You're a bald, thin-skinned person. How did that really hurt? Someone needs to bully Jack. Okay, whatever you're doing is working. You're a bald, thin-skinned person. Jeez. That really hurts. Someone needs to bully Jack. God, let's read an ad. Do you need to pick me up this Valentine's Day? It's my birthday. Free stuff is the best.

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Now it's time for... Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a book by its cover. Judging a book by its cover. It's not even common that we got it right.

I didn't even mention it. We just mentioned you got it right. Oh, shit. Ruined everything. Jack and I are both doing thumbs ups. Crushed it. We have a theme song to this segment called Judging a Book by Its Cover, and we've never done the intro right.

We just did it right there, and then Jim mentioned it, so it's still wrong. That's how you know you're professional, when you have to point out the times you do it right. We finally did it correctly. Okay, so Toby's here. Ask away. Ask any questions, yes or no? All right, just from looking at Toby's room,

he has a hat on the top of his bookshelf there that I assume you never wear because how can you get to it? There was one stage you walked in and you were like, ah, fuck that today, and you threw your hat and it landed up in the shelf. It's been up there for a couple of years. Am I right, Toby? That's absolutely correct. All right.

So he has a temper. Toby, he's a book reader. He's got a lot of books. Okay, so I'm going to say that you're an intellectual, so I'll say do you work at a university? No, no, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Not since the inquiry. Okay. Is your field of expertise something involving the human body? No. I wouldn't say that. Do you involve history? No, not really. Oh, okay.

Is it something, you don't know me, but is it something that a fellow like me would do on the regular? Oh, mate. Yeah, I don't know. It's serial killers. Not in such an extreme way. You wouldn't, okay, what we're actually talking about, you wouldn't do, but you are interested in it and it has affected your life in a,

in a way. Oh, you're an expert on women. I'm going to give you a hint. Okay. It's two words. What we're talking about today. Right.

And LA has a lot of both of these. One of the things, one of the things people don don't like and one of the things people do like, the words. Oh, dog shit. No, no. People hate shit. They love dogs in this town. That's true.

Yeah, that's right. Okay, something else that there's a lot. We should do an episode on dog shit, though. Yeah. It used to be everywhere, wasn't it? It was everywhere. It used to step on the regular and then people started picking it up. It's hard to find these days.

Come to my neighborhood. Okay, one thing that there's a lot. Both of these, there's a lot of in LA. One thing a lot of people like and one thing a lot of people don't like. What is there a lot of in LA? Vegans. No. Movies.

No. When you get the right word, I'll tell you. No. Oh, thanks for you. There's a lot of people hate this. What a good system When you get the right word, I'll tell you. Nope. Oh, thanks for you. There's a lot of people hate this. What a good system when you get the right word. What's one of the biggest complaints about L.A.? Traffic.

Okay, that's one of the words. Yeah. Now, the other thing, there's a lot of- Human traffic. No, people like this. No, no, no. Very close, though. It's trafficking.

Something trafficking. Drug trafficking. Cocaine trafficking. Cocaine trafficking. All right. Toby Mews, cocaine trafficking. Cocaine trafficking. All right. Toby Mews is a war correspondent and documentary filmmaker. He spent 15 years living in Colombia, reporting on the civil war there, and getting to know the drug traffickers, assassins,

and their girlfriends who make up the cocaine trade. All that led to his highly reviewed book, Kilo, Inside the Deadliest Cocaine Cartels from the Jungles to the Streets. And why don't you tell us a little bit more about just your book and like kind of without giving away too much to jim but like just kind of like how you got to write the book and learn about all this stuff so so as a foreign correspondent i was living in colombia i was covering the civil war but everything kind of comes back to cocaine because it's such a big part unfortunately it's this affliction for Colombian society. And I ended up doing stories about these people. And you would start off with

saying, you know, I started off doing a story about a contract killer who's kind of for the cartels can be almost disposable, you know, these young men and women just ready to die for this drug. But I was kind of gaining confidence within the organization because they would see that I would never give up names. No one would go to prison for having participated with me in this story. And by the end, I kind of got to know this drug trafficker who basically just said, you know, he kind of enjoyed hanging out with me. And I just based this book around all of these people who I met and I wanted to tell

this story about the people that you don't know the people in outside of Colombia don't know about for instance the witches you know

there's witches involved in drug trafficking who cast spells don't say too much because I might guess witches in the next bit you're going to guess witches

so and that was it and I wanted to write this book really kind of showing the people involved in this trade because there's all of this human stories on the front lines of this drug war, you know, on the front lines of the cocaine war.

And that's why I wanted to, that's why I wanted to, sometimes too often we talk about drug trafficking using things about statistics and pie charts and graphs, whereas really cocaine revolves around the darkest, most intense human passions. Greed, lust, treachery. And that's the story I wanted to tell in my book, Kilo.

Oh, this is going to be interesting. Yeah, because I think if we just did cocaine, you might know some things. I know a little bit. I've seen it at a party. You smelled it. I once had a girlfriend maybe 15 years ago, went to a party, and I think she was trying to be cool and she was like, oh, I'll do some of this as well. And the cocaine was, I didn't know if she'd done it or not, whatever,

and she got the straw, put it in her nose, and then blew it all off the table onto the floor. And I was standing, I brought it to this party and I was like, what the fuck was that? And she goes, but it's called blow. And I'm like, oh no, oh no. You thought that would go up your nose through blowing. Maybe she thought you blow it on everybody else. Yeah, you stand close to it and you blow it in everyone's faces.

It's a communal drug. All right. So I'm going to ask Jim some questions about cocaine trafficking. See what, or he's going to tell us some stuff too and see how he does. And, uh, and when we're done,

uh, Toby, you're going to grade him zero through 10, 10 being the best on his accuracy. And Kelly's going to grade him on confidence. Should be very confident. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's very, yeah, yeah. He hasn't done any cocaine today. So it won't be that confident. I haven't done any in a very long time

it's a horrible drug if you're listening at home don't get involved with that drug it's a stupid selfish fucking drug it never ends well and then I'm gonna grade

my etc we'll add all the scores together 21 through 30 you're Pablo Escobar 11 through 20 Pablo Picasso 0 through 10

Pablo Pascal I don't think he's done coke Picasso might have I think I'm assuming he might have the drugs yeah who knows

Francisco Pablo Pablo Francisco I don't think the Mandalorian's done cocaine no I don't know I think he's done can't with the helmet can when he's all by himself

but no not in parties well this is let's start off easy. Like what countries does cocaine come from? South American countries. Name some.

Columbia. Yeah. Is the big one. I'm sure it comes from all the places down there where they can grow the plant. What plant? The cocaine plant. Cocaine plant. Okay.

Do you know what it's called um uh no confidence dropping so colombia is the only country you think i mean no i'm sure it's argentina and brazil and all that i'm sure i'm sure they all do it i i don't know if they make that much in europe or any they definitely don't make it in Australia. Fucking hell. I heard now that COVID, because Western Australia has a comedy festival on right now. I don't know if you're the comedians that are down there. And cocaine in Australia used to cost $250 a gram, right? Even in Australian money, it's like 180 American, right? And that was ridiculous because it's so hard to get into Australia. But now that

that's the only country that's opened up, but you can't, no one's coming in. The borders are shut off. Cocaine's bumped up to 400 bucks a gram. Well, here's a question. Most expensive gram in the world. Where is that? $400 Australia.

Australia is the most expensive. There'd be a prison somewhere where you'd have to pay more. I think on the, oh no, no, New Zealand would be 420. New Zealand? With the GST tax, with the taxes. Yeah, I was going to say New I know New Zealand would be 420. New Zealand? With GST tax, with the taxes. Yeah, I was going to say New Zealand.

New Zealand. Okay. What, like what is a cartel? It's, it's, it's when a car shuffles in its seat when it's playing cards. Wow,

you're really, it's, it's the people seat when it's playing cards. It's the people who run the whole drug business, from the people who, the families that organise it to the people who they get to employ to take it over the border and it reaches as far as the cities that it actually gets to where there's people working for the cartel over there and they sort of, they're a network of people who run the drugs. Okay. Network was a good word.

Yeah, sure. How does cocaine get to the US? What you do is you jump over the wall. No, it comes in planes. It comes by boat. It comes by people with condoms up their ass. It comes people just coming over the border up through Mexico. with condoms up their ass.

It comes people just coming over the border up through Mexico. If the movies have taught me anything, you fly over places and you drop bags of it in fucking swamplands and then people scurry out and get the bags and then in shipping containers, people are paid off on the border. You know, I watched the whole thing about crack, that documentary the other day about crack. So the Reagan administration, the FBI and all that were fully involved in the whole shipping of cocaine.

And then Nancy Reagan's going, just say no. And it's like they were pretty complicit in the whole thing. Yeah. Okay, so you said mules, right? Yeah, mules. I didn't say that, but mules. We are about drug mules, yeah. Yeah.

Like so. If you want to be a drug mule on a plane, what you do is you wrap all the- What's the average amount that they swallow the balloons? How many balls? Oh, I've watched a lot of Locked Up Abroad. So what would happen is it's a lot. It's like 20 parcels of the stuff that they have to poop out. 20 balls.

So how much does it come out to? I'd say there'd be four, eight balls to a thing they swallow and then four times 20, 20, 100, 88 balls is what they swallow. 88 balls. Okay. And then you were going to talk about drug mules? You can say something. Yeah, well, there's the people who fly it over and say drop it,

and then there's the people who just drive it over the border and they do things like they fill their spare tyre underneath the car or something like that. I reckon that most drugs probably get through. I've even saw things where the cartel want them to seize a little amount of drugs so a bigger amount gets through. So they send through a person and they ring forward going, catch this person.

They've got this bag full. So the other shipment can get all the way through. So the government can look very proud of itself when it shows the photo of the table of drugs they just found when there's a whole fucking shipping crate that's gone. Um, okay. So what are some,

okay. Yeah, you did that. Okay. Uh, how many people die per year due to cocaine trafficking or like like like oh i'm a lot i imagine ranging from people who just have the fucking condom explode in their fucking stomach to people who get shot coming over borders the

people who are fucking snitches who get killed and all that type of stuff so the actual figure how would i know that but i'm gonna say to say to drug trafficking, 2,000 people a year die. Do you know how cocaine's made and how long does it take to make it? Yeah, they crush everything up from the plant and they make it into- The cocaine plant? Yeah, the cocaine plant. They make it into this fucking white liquid and then they dry it out with heat lamps until it crystallizes and all that type of stuff,

and then they make it into the- How long does it take? I think it's a pretty big operation. You have to wear a gas mask in there. You can't have the fumes cracking off on you. Yeah. I'm going to say from farm to table, I'm going to say it takes uh eight days okay um do you know the name of the organization that deals with legal drugs in us is that the one that bloody fucking hank was involved

with in breaking bad what's it called um god i know the name i've forgotten it not ice ice is the immigration one fucking what's the one yeah i've forgotten okay can you name any famous drug cartels uh pablo escobar and his clan what was this cartel called um pablo and the fun boys that doesn't sound very scary at all pablo the the Pussycats. Pablo and the Pussycats. Okay, that's one. Great opening band. Any other cartels you can name? That's the most famous one. The guy I used to buy it from in London was called Dave.

Pablo and Dave. So check on Dave, see what he's up to. They've started a video game enterprise now. Dave and Buster, sorry. Okay. What was the golden age of cocaine? Like, when was it used the most? The 80s were when it really, like, cracked off,

where people were like, this is all right, this, you know. The 80s was the golden age of cocaine. But I'm sure people- What are we in now? We're in the 20s. There's been, say, Goebbels, I believe, or was Himmler, one of the two was way into cocaine. And when Hitler was killing himself in the bunker,

I think it was Goebbels, it could have been Himmler, was like sitting in his castle going, oh, I'm not worried. Yeah, we've still got this war. We've still got this. Don't worry about it. Before he was caught, he was completely fucking coked up. But like people used to think that it was maybe like, you know, there was cocaine in Coca-Cola and there was the,

it's not the coca bean, it's the bloody whatever, the Coke formula. So I'm going to assume that when they invented Coca-Cola, people weren't sniffing it. Maybe they were taking it as a tablet or something for a thing to check your mood. It's like all drugs. We did a podcast on that.

We talked about it. It's like all drugs. It starts with a pharmacist going, oh, this does something different to you, right? And then a government comes in and goes, people are enjoying that too much. Stop it. Stop enjoying yourself, right?

But it's not a good drug. Don't take that. It's a lot of fun. And then who is the biggest consumer of cocaine? What country? I was going to say whites. Who is the biggest consumer of cocaine? What country?

I was going to say whites. I was going to say the biggest consumer of cocaine. I would say America. Is it per capita? I don't know. I'm going to say America because of the popularity. I've been to Asia. I didn't see anyone offer me coke.

And also those countries like in Asia and stuff, the penalties are so big. Like death, you get killed. I feel like it anyone offer me coke. And also those countries like in Asia and stuff, the penalties are so big. Like death, you get killed. I feel like it's probably less prevalent. And they also have opium over there. They were into the opium. They did the heroin. I feel like cocaine's a very white person thing.

Okay, a couple more questions. There's other stuff we'll talk about too, but we'll get into it. When was the war on drugs declared and which president declared it? Reagan declared the war on drugs, and so that would have been in the, you know, it's 84. 84, okay. And then, okay, so Pablo Escobar was in the Medellin cartel. Yeah, Medellin, Medellin, that's the one. Because they did that on Entourage. I don't even know why I'm asking this question.

I was going to ask you what cartel was dominant after the Medellin, but forget it. You didn't even know that. So we'll just go with that. It's the same way. Dave was dominant. My wife tries to show me animals being killed to stop me eating meat, right? I don't want to see other sausages made.

Back when I bought cocaine, I don't want to see how that got to my table. Okay, so a couple more questions here. How much does a farmer who grows the plant that makes cocaine, how much do they make? Every harvest, let's just do that. Every time they harvest, a hectare. Okay, I don't know, a hectare. but let's say if a gram's 50 bucks, I'm going to say that the farmer gets about $4 of that.

Okay, but each harvest that they make. How many grams is the harvest, man? How about put it this way? Put it this way. He's going to bring out his trusty counting system. Put it this way. Okay, let's ask this his trusty counting system. Put it this way. Okay, let's ask this first question. How many times a year can they harvest the crop?

I would say twice a year. Twice a year. Okay, so they have two crops a year. Yep. How much do they make off the two crops? $4 million a crop. The farmers? The farmers.

And then the cartel make billions. Okay. Okay, I'll give them $10 million. All right. And then one more question here, I'll give him 10 million. Alright. And then one more question here and then we'll just get to it. Name some famous people that have taken cocaine. How about that?

Oh, Dave. Love Dave. Famous people that have taken cocaine. Every actor you've ever seen on film. Name some people. Okay. Jim Jefferies. Okay. So Robert Plant.

Yeah, he died of a heart attack young. There was coke involved in that. The guy who used to do the Shamwell commercial, they found him fucking cocaine-y system. The one with the beard who was like, he was like, you've got to buy this stuff. He was always on the cocaine. I'm going to say.

Any US presidents? Donald Trump. You think Trump? I believe. I'm going to say. Any US presidents? Donald Trump. You think Trump? I believe. I don't want to get sued, but I believe Donald Trump is taking cocaine. I know Obama admitted to taking cocaine. Bill Clinton's fucking is taking cocaine, but he would never admit to it. He didn't admit to inhaling a fucking joint.

So he's not going to say it. And then I'll go back in the day. I reckon Washington. That's why you had to have the wooden teeth. The meth. He's like, get rid of these fucking redcoats. Okay. Oh, here's actually one more, two-part question I want to ask you.

Biggest consumer city in Europe? London. Okay. And what is the purity in London for the cocaine? Oh, not very good. I've had better cocaine outside of London. The best cocaine I've ever tried. Give me a purity in London for the cocaine? Oh, not very good. I've had better cocaine outside of London. The best cocaine I've ever tried. Give me a percentage in London for purity.

Montreal. Montreal, okay. There was one bag there that was stupid. And I had to perform and everything, and I thought, oh, I'm a bit tired, this will pick me up. And oh, my God, my face was dripping off my skull. Percentage purity in London? London, I'm going to say it's 20% pure.

20. All right, Toby. So on a scale of zero to 10, how do you think Jim did on his knowledge of cocaine trafficking production? Yeah, I would say between six and seven. You know, I scored a seven. I thought he did well. Even though he said cocaine plant?

As soon as you say it, I'm going to know what it is. Yeah, okay. Coca? Yeah. How do you do on confidence, Kelly? I'm giving him a four on confidence. Four. You weren't very good.

You should have done cocaine before you answered the question. Right now you got 11. I'm going to give you minus two so that you're the Mandalorian because you like that. Yay! Okay, so let's start with countries. Jim said Colombia. He said every country in South America.

Is that correct? No, really, cocaine's only ever really been made in three countries, Peru, Bolivia, and Colombia. They're kind of northern tip of the Andes. Now, there may be kind of this report of possibly in Central America. That's something new, but I don't think it's been confirmed yet. I've never heard of cocaine being used in Brazil nor Argentina.

That's funny because I had another drug dealer called Andy. I did. Is that just because the climate is perfect for it? Yeah, I mean the coca plant, I guess, is... I probably shouldn't have given it away. No, it's fine. We're doing the answer now. You can just say whatever you want.

Yeah. This is a coca plant. It's naturally occurring there and it's tied in with the indigenous as well there. So they have a long history of using the coca plant but not for cocaine and there's also that these are very unstable countries for a large-scale criminal operation you want an unstable country so the more stable the more law orderly the country obviously the less you're going to have some multi-billion dollar cocaine industry under your nose that's because you want to pay people off, et cetera, I assume.

People are corrupt. Yeah, but also in terms of a country like Colombia, it's just the central government just simply doesn't control large parts of the country. I mean, it's an amazing country. I do want to say this because I live there. Many people go there on holidays and have an amazing time. I'm talking about Colombia that's harder to get to.

And there are vast parts that there's just no, no one's in control. And that's what you need when you're kind of growing coca, you're producing cocaine. You need a place where the police are just not patrolling. They don't have the capacity. I never even thought about that. Yeah.

Yeah. So like out in the, the forest jungle, right. A forest, whatever. Yeah. So I just like that.

The drugs organic for your health forest, whatever. Yeah. I just like that the drug's organic. For your health. Is cocaine organic? In its purest form, yeah. No, it's zero organic. No, no, no. And in fact, there are some people, I mean, God bless the scammers. They're trying to sell like, I think eco-friendly cocaine. The least eco-friendly thing on the planet is cocaine. I mean, do you want me to get into the ingredients? Sure. So the process of making cocaine is you take the coca leaf, you take about one ton. Hold on, go get me a pen.

That's going to produce you one kilo of coca paste. But you put all of the leaves on the floor. You pour ammonia on it. You pour like cement powder. They stomp up and down on top of it, these farmers, these small farmers. They turn it into mulch. They then add gasoline to this. They let that sit for a few days. The gasoline's drained off, and it's this coca gasoline solution. And then it dried out. The farmer sells that thing called coca paste to the cartels who have their own laboratories. They add sulfuric acid, they add hydrochloric acid, and then that's when they

dry out this brick in these dozens and dozens of microwaves they have. That's where you get your block that's 98%, 99% pure cocaine. And it's very rustic, the whole thing. If you're thinking of Breaking Bad with this German designed kind of laboratories, everything shiny. No, this is in the middle of the jungle, in the mountains, everything's wooden, and they're easily replaceable. If the army strikes at midnight and raids your camp, you build another one in one week's time. Right.

So it's more like moonshine. Hilberley's maker stuff. Yeah, totally underground. Also, who was the first cunt to figure that out? You had the plan and you went, if I had some pneumonia, some gasoline, some siderophilic acid, and then we all stamp on top of it, I think we're onto something. Like, how is that a lucky accident? And it. I think we're onto something. How is that a lucky accident?

It's kind of crazy that you will leave in certain parts of the country. You'll get on these canoes that take you deeper into the jungle. These farmers, these 60-year-old farmers are carrying entire cases of sulfuric acid. One of them spilled on me as he was making his way down the canoe, which is like a bus. And I see this spot on my jean opening up. Acid is burning through like I've seen an alien or something. I've got to rip my jeans off before it burns in the skin. But that's what they're carrying around to make the cocaine. Wow.

Yeah, well... Could you smoke on that canoe? Might as well. So the coca leaves, though, I worked with a guy that was coming in and he brought us a coca leaf. And I remember him telling us, like, if you chew on it, it will numb your gums a little bit. So that's how they, I guess they knew, like, okay, there's some factor. There's something.

It would have been pharmacists. Because, like, isn't codeine is a derivative of coke, right? The painkiller. No, I don't believe so believe so okay stop sniffing that it's a liquid don't do that so the indigenous for thousands of years have been using the coca leaf and they knew the properties were it kills your appetite it allows give you a bunch of energy so when you're walking in the andes and this could be like a month-long trip to get to another clan you need this to keep walking,

and it kind of gives you this kind of mild euphoria the way they use it. They consider it a sacred plant, and they think it's sacrilege what non-Indigenous do by turning the coca plant into cocaine. They oppose it. They've been using this for thousands of years. European investigators in the 19th century noticed the effects it has on the indigenous population when they start munching it and they start analyzing it. But they don't really know what they've got. So you've got Sigmund Freud is a huge fan. He literally writes one paper called Uber Coca and he says it gives you euphoria. It kills your appetite. It makes you want to work without any hangover. He thinks of it at the time that it can help with one of his patients. He's trying to get off morphine addiction. So this poor morphine addict is

given a version of cocaine by Sigmund Freud. The man ends up addicted to morphine and cocaine and shortly dies thereafter. This Sigmund Freud massively swings against cocaine. There is another investigator who makes the breakthrough and it's cocaine as an anesthetic. That's when it becomes widespread in its use. Not recreationally, obviously, but doctors across. And at the same time, there's someone selling something called coca wine, which is mixing coca leaves and wine and, again, promising a mild euphoria, kind of, you know, giving you energy. And so that's around the turn of the 19th century. Wow.

All right, so the Indigenous people in the tribe, when they used to eat it and they suppressed the appetite, they could walk for miles. I imagine they found that tribe and at night they were really cool and in the morning everyone was sad. In the morning it took a long time to get that village up and running. Up at night they're like, I've got to solve the worst problem. The restaurant had like the 2pm breakfast.

So you said it takes a ton of the coca plant to make one kilo? Is that what you said? Yeah, a of the coca plant to make one kilo. Is that what you said? Yeah, a ton of coca leaves as well. And the leaves were picked by coca pickers who were hired by the farmer. Now, when you say a ton of leaves, like a leaf is a very light thing. Physically, how much does it look like? Is this room a ton of leaves? Yeah, I mean, imagine just that big corner where all of you are are sitting like pushed into the corner and a kind of pile of leaves it's not that impressive

a ton of leaves right so it's basically like spinach yeah you get out of a bag and then you put it down you go i don't think i'm eating much vegetables here at all yeah exactly yeah i mean it's not that impressive it's a big mound like, yeah, they're tiny leaves as well, so they don't take up that much. Are all the leaves just as effective or does it have like a marijuana type feel to it where, oh, you got your leaves from up in this mountain, that's where the good stuff is, or is it pretty much the same thing? No, there are different strains of coca,

and that's been important in the cocaine industry because they're constantly evolving. So they're looking for the most efficient one that gives the best output. And there are different strains of coca. And they focused in on that in recent years. Okay. And then so I asked him like the farmers, how much they make. He said they do two harvests a year and then they'll make $4 million from that. How, how'd that go? Yeah, no,

you're a little bit off on that one. There's four harvests a year and each harvest to make a kilo of cocaine, which is the roughly what they make each harvest. They make $200 per kilo of cocaine. Such bullshit. That doesn't feel like it's fair at all. So much labor and like risking your life for this and they're like, here's $200.

And you're contributing to killing people. Yeah. Morally, it's bad. They aren't and they're just making it. They don't have the way to get it to the United States or Europe or anything like that so they're just like, that's why. I know, but like $ bucks, it seems like so much

fuck it is. Well, you can't negotiate with Pablo and the fun guys. That's true. You can negotiate with Dave. Not fun. And I should say why they do it. You constantly hear this when you're in the parts of the country. They say when they're talking about the farmers, no one's ever getting rich off this. They're surviving. And that's

really, they're doing it because no other crop makes any sense. You know, I was talking earlier about the minimum of law and order. These people are living in places where there's no bridges, but you know, there's no highways. Forget about that. I mean, I traveled one part to get to this coca zone. It took me six hours. That was a little bit along the highway and a little bit on a boat, an hour on a motorbike. When I checked Google Maps at the end, we had traveled 30 kilometers, six hours of travel. And so you think about him growing a ton of pineapple and trying to get that

to market, it doesn't make any sense. I've done that in LA though, 30 kilometers. I've done that in a car, mate. Yeah, do an audition. And you did it for free. Where are we at there so how's cocaine what is a cartel jim said you had a kind of wandering answer there yeah i think you had some facts in there i don't know essentially the network of people who are in charge of people who traffic the drugs yeah and and the family and that's kind of what it is exactly. I mean, specifically, I think it's, yeah,

a criminal organization dedicated to trafficking drugs. I thought you got that right. And like, so how many different cartels are there in South America? I mean, there's not countless, but it's not like gangs, but really cartels is, I think, a step up from a gang. You know, a gang can be citywide or even countrywide. A cartel is an international organization. In Colombia, you're probably looking at two. In Venezuela, well, there's reported to be one big one in Venezuela. You look at Mexico, there's probably, I'm not an

expert on Mexico, but maybe four or five large cartels. But yeah, the cartel really has a stranglehold on the business. The word would cease to have a meaning if you had a country of 10 different cartels in it. They eat up the smaller ones. Do all the cartels hate each other or some of them get along and some of them don't or are they all at war? It's strange. If you take a city like Medellin,

which is where Pablo Escobar was from, this phenomenal city, very artistic, but it's had this history of a crime, there are three cartels in that city, and they have this kind of uneasy relationship. They have spurred up war in the past, and right now they have this truce. But people keep wondering how long will the truce go? Because cocaine in the end wants a single king, a single, a single queen, because it becomes more efficient. And when they're battling each other, they're not being efficient. You know, the market's losing out because they're wasting time on violence. So Medellin cartel after they, after they, which is Pablo and the fun boys. That's our other, or what did you call them? Pablo and the pussycats. Pablo and the pussycats.

Pablo and the fun boys. So after they, so after Pablo Escobar dies, another cartel takes over, correct? That's correct. Another cartel really becomes dominant and that's the Cali cartel. And what's really interesting about them is that you have Pablo Escobar who valued violence, always do business with the threat of violence. The Cali cartel said, we're going to be much more low profile. We want to bribe our way to success. So they cut back on the violence, but the bribery of politicians, of police officers, and that's their mark on the cocaine industry. And then the next cartel that comes after the Cali cartel is something called the Northern Valley cartel. And what's interesting about them is I interviewed one of their traffickers. He said, we took the violence of Pablo Escobar, the bribery and cunning of the Cali cartel, and we put them together and we were the atomic bomb of cartels.

Northern Valley. That's who's there now? No, they're gone because they ended up when they were on top of the world, as often happens, they had it all, they start to fight amongst each other. So the three leaders of that cartel go to this deadly war that takes two, three, four years and it tears up

different parts of Colombia and they just sold themselves. They did a Three Stooges movie about it. I want a wow, wow, wow, wow. So how, this is the way, I said a long-winded answer. What is the most popular way to get cocaine into America? Well, I thought you'd give a good answer. I mean, because you touched on the drug mules, you knew about the bait and switch, which is this really sad part,

when as you correctly said, they will send people, they'll phone up the authorities because the bigger fish is moving. That happened. You talked about the containers. That's also happening. The other thing I would say that you didn't mention is the submarines, which is a popular way of doing it. They're building their own submarines. Well, they're technically called- Is that how they get under the wall? submarines, which is a popular way of doing it. They're building their own submarines. Well, they're technically called… Is that how they get under the wall? But these are going across the Caribbean and the Pacific Ocean. These can carry eight, nine, 10 tons of cocaine, pure cocaine. All they have is these little pipes above the

surface to expel the engine smoke and bringing oxygen. And these, I've interviewed a man who did that trip and he described it like a journey through hell. 10 days under the water, any moment you think the thing could sink and if it sinks, forget it, you're done. Whales will nudge them because they're investigating what they are. And that's what you're doing constantly under the fear that the US Coast Guard is going to arrest you at any moment. Everyone's just going mad on the exhaust fumes. You're eating crackers and tuna from a can. You've got a bucket is in the corner. That's for the four men. This is maximized to move cocaine. It's not for your comfort. You are sleeping. He said you're sleeping on bales of cocaine.

And there's no extra space in that thing. It's gasoline, you, and the cocaine. Now, is it like the mobs and all that type of stuff where you don't… The people in the cartel, are they on cocaine as well, or do they not… They don't eat their own product or take their own product? Well, this is something really interesting because they used to be, a huge part of the cocaine industry is the parties.

This is where the traffickers bring their girlfriends and they all kind of get together in the nightclubs or they'll host their parties. And yeah, they used to do cocaine. What's really taken over is this drug called 2C-B. Now, I've never heard of it outside of the company. Right. So that is top amongst traffickers right now. It's even called pink cocaine.

And they love that. And what's funny is it started off with their girlfriends, and their girlfriends were the ones who got the traffickers on that job. The girls love pink, don't they? It just was this thing that these models just loved the 2CB. And they would say, hey, why don't you try this? And one drug trafficker I interviewed ended up with a serious addiction problem to 2C-B. So what's the difference between that and regular cocaine? Well, it's a synthetic drug.

Again, it's not pink cocaine. That's a kind of slang term. It's not a variant of cocaine. It's kind of like, imagine mixing ec a variant of cocaine it's kind of like imagine mixing ecstasy with cocaine a mild hallucinogen i've done it damn that sounds like a fun time i've done 2cb you've done it really i did it probably 20 years ago or something like a long time ago i did it at a club in miami beach was it good it was very fun yeah it was a good time but uh but it was it's like you like you said since the set i'm like

made in a lab or something like that yeah it's like it's uh and it was one time someone just said this is 2cb and i remember watching face off that movie and when they're on drugs in that one flat and i just assumed that's what they were doing that's how they were acting did the guy did the guy in the submarine take any coke i reckon that would make the time go faster so he did tell me he was a kind of interesting guy because, again, what they look for, cocaine, when they're looking for the people to take the biggest risks, they're always looking for people who are in trouble. So he told me I had a debt. He was in the party scene. Everybody knew he had a debt. And to get through it, he would nibble on pills of MDMA. He said that

was the only way he could get through it. And he said his captain was an absolute lunatic. People were literally kind of heart of darkness losing their mind down there. Because no sunshine for 10 days. Even the Coast Guard of the Colombian Navy, whose job it is to hunt them down, tell me they feel sorry for those guys. But it's good money in Colombia. You get $20,000

if you make it successfully. You always get upfront $10,000 because the risk is so high. You're either going to die, you're going to sink to the bottom of the Pacific, or you will get captured. So your family at least will have something. How close was I on the drug meals and the condoms or whatever they wrap it up in? Yeah, you're absolutely correct. That's a very common thing. The other thing is that they get it into these little balls and they swallow it. I didn't really understand what do you think in terms of kilos how much do you think an average drug mule carries?

I think they could get um i don't think i don't think you get a kilo in them i think half a kilo so you're close it's a usually a kilo to a kilo and a half a kilo and a half is the higher end remember the drug trafficker has to make his money back her money back so he's no point just sending someone who's not carrying a lot. Right. And so can men carry more than women because we're larger or has that got nothing to do with it? I think really they're just looking at people when they care. If they actually care about you, they're trying to see

I'm not going to call attention to yourself. That's what they're looking for, I think, instead of like male or female. And how common is – every time I went locked up abroad, there's always like a thing that bursts. Because I remember a guy used to sell drugs and it used to be like a really tightly wrapped cellophane thing and then they burn off the edges. And I think this drug dealer used to keep them like that,

like so that if the cops ever came towards him and he just swallowed the drugs himself. You know what I mean? Like, what was I talking about? Drug mules? Yeah, I had a question was I talking about drug mules yeah I had a question I think you were asking how common it is

how common is it for it to break to break because that's always it definitely happens in my book there's a case of because you'll pick up

the news article there was a there was a Japanese tourist who was flying back from Colombia I don't know where he was on his way to they had to make

a medical emergency stop because he was feeling bad by the. They had to make a medical emergency stop because he was feeling bad. By the time they touched down in Mexico, he's dead. And the autopsy revealed he was carrying all of this cocaine in his stomach.

I mean, have you ever had sex and a condom breaks? I mean, let's think about that. I don't think it's one condom. I think you wrap it a bit better than that. I don't think it's just one condom. Maybe they don't. I don't know. Yeah, I's think about that. I don't think it's one condom. I think you wrap it a bit better than that. I don't think it's just one condom.

Maybe they don't. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. Okay, so prices and stuff. How much does a brick of cocaine cost in Colombia? What did you say? Around $1,000? What did you say, Jim?

I don't even know. He said, I don't think we asked him that question. Okay, I'll tell you right now. A brick, what, a kilo? I don't know. Is a brick a kilo? I'm not even sure. A brick's a kilo. So how many grams are in a kilo?

Oh, Christ. I'd say a brick just on the from the wholesalers from the thing before it's all cut up and before it's all moved. I'd say a brick costs $80,000.

Toby? No, a'd say a brick costs $80,000. Toby? No, a brick, a kilo of cocaine in Colombia sells for around $1,600. What the fuck? I knew that that was going to be a response. What the fuck? And how much is it worth in America, a kilo? A kilo, well, there's different prices. So a kilo in Miami is $25,000.

A kilo in New York is roughly $40,000. A kilo in Mexico is around $10,000. Yeah, big markup. The idea, this hasn't been cut yet. I'd love this on Shark Tank. This would be really good. Actually, I got my fingers way out there. But yeah, okay. So $25,000 is pretty good, really. Yeah this on Shark Tank. This would be really good. Actually, I got my figures way out there. But yeah, okay.

So $25,000 is pretty good, really. Yeah, on Shark Tank, this would be great. Be like, what's your markup? You'd be like, whoa. Also, what are these lazy New York people? Just drive down to Miami. Save yourself 15 grand. Yeah, just throw a bunch of kilos in the trunk.

No problem. I don't think anyone pulls you up driving from Miami to New York. But I've gotten pulled over many times. You look shady. Jack does it. No one's pulling Jack up. No, no, no. I don't want to get involved.

Okay. And then the most expensive gram in the world. Jim got that right, I think, right? Absolutely. Yeah. And he even updated the price because my prices were, it's New Zealand. And it's exactly as you say, it's the hardest part. Of the countries that report that details, there are countries that don't report.

So some countries in Asia do not give this information out. But of the countries who do report, it's Australia and New Zealand, the highest. And as you say, I was given a price of around 230 grams before the whole COVID thing. Now, as you say, I mean, you say 420, as you say easily. I think it's Western Australia. They're not even letting people in from New South Wales. It's only Western Australia and South Australia are locked off, right? So you're not even getting the cocaine from Sydney and Melbourne, right?

No one's flying into Perth. There is a shipping out there maybe. But like Perth is so isolated, that city, and now that's opened up and they've got a comedy festival and they've got all these people, and if you want to get cocaine, it's pretty scarce there right now, so people are paying through the nose, pun.

I'm sure it's terrible. Oh yeah, it's not good, no. I haven't been there, I don't know. Yeah, and then the largest consumer of cocaine, I think Jim got right as well, right? Got right. The United States, followed by Europe. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, and so London, I know it was the largest consumer in Europe, but the purity in London. I was right in London as well. What's this fucking foreign? You said cocaine plan and Pablo and the Pussycats. I know, Coco. Pablo and the Pussycats was a funny one.

I know it was Pablo and the Pussycats. I know Coco. Pablo and the Pussycats was a funny one. I know it was Pablo and the Fun Boys. The purity in London, though, is usually around... Between 30 and 40%. Yeah, at the moment, it's gone up. I mean, to his credit, though, in the past, it was lower.

So those are kind of seem to be the latest figures. Why has it gone up in value? Is it Brexit? No, not gone up in value, gone up in purity. In purity. Has the purity gone up because of Brexit? Is it like, this is British cocaine.

We're none of these Europeans. We have our sovereignty and our cocaine. We will fight them in the trenches. We will sniff them on the beaches. Yeah, I don't know don't know it's actually related to another answer should i just hear it yeah yeah yeah yeah so there's there's historic amounts of cocaine around right now there's never been more cocaine as there is right now this is the golden age of yeah what a time for me to give up So why has there never been more than now?

Like the 80s, I would think the 80s is right, what Jim said in answer. Like that just seemed like the bit, but why is now the golden, like? It's just more being produced in a place like Colombia. They had this peace process in 2016 and the government was supposed to take over all of this large parts of the country.

In the end, the government just failed. It didn't get to these parts. And so these illegal militias turned up and they increased the amount of coca being grown. And so now we have more cocaine being produced than ever before. Has the legalization of marijuana lowered cocaine use? Because people have found a different vice? Like in the States, California, Colorado? I don't know if the overlap there, but interestingly, when I was interviewing this drug trafficker in Columbia, one day we were

having lunch and he just out of nowhere said, hey, this legalization of marijuana, is that irreversible? And I said, yeah, I think so. And he got angry. He said, why do they keep fucking around? Just leave the things as it is. The rules are good as they stand now. The drug lords don't want legalization of cocaine, because if they legalize cocaine, they go out of business. They make that fantastic profit because it's a black market, and they get to buy a kilo for $1,600 and sell it for $10,000 because of the black market. If you legalize it, you regulate it. You don't have those fantastic profits. So they oppose legalization.

What countries is cocaine legal? I know Portugal has legalized all drugs. And anywhere else? I don't know. Well, they've decriminalized, right? Decriminalized, yes, sorry. Exactly, which is different. So legalized, I think, would be you would go to the store on the corner and you could buy cocaine.

That would be full legalization. I don't know of anyone that's done that. Decriminalized is if they catch you with it, you know, they're not going to do anything. I think it's only in Portugal at the moment. But, you know, more people are looking at it because we ain't winning the drug war, you know. If anything, we keep losing every single day. So if it got legalized, would they sell it at like Target?

So right now, if you're doing cocaine, you're supporting a small business and then it would turn into corporations only. If you want to buy the tacky cocaine, I get my Beverly Hills or a day of dry cocaine. You got the Cartier Coke. Support the mom and pop operations. We've asked this

question in our first podcast ever. When was the war on drugs declared and which president? I got it wrong both times? Yeah.

All right. It's Richard Nixon 1971, so we're celebrating 50 years of the war on drugs. And we spent so much money and to know nothing.

It's gotten nowhere. It's gotten nowhere. Just say no, kids. Yeah, I just feel like we could spend that money other places. Like, you know, buying drugs. Okay, so maybe we could talk about, I didn't ask this question, actually, who asked to be made by, I think you know this, who asked to be made by said president

a special agent of the dea elvis presley richard nixon he went to see richard nixon while he was high on every other fucking prescription pill you could take he's like i'm worried about the youth of america and they're taking these crazy drugs and the beatles with their stupid haircuts and you know and then he went and he said to nixon he goes he wanted a police he was obsessed with getting different police badges and shit elvis and he used to wear, he goes, he wanted a police. He was obsessed with getting different police badges and shit, Elvis. And he used to wear them around. There's a lot of conspiracy theories that he was a secret agent

and that's why he wore the big belt buckles because it had tape recorders in them. I read that one. That seems to be a real thing. I don't think Elvis ever did cocaine. I don't think he ever did illegal drugs. It wasn't ever his bag. It was prescription drugs from Dr. Nick and they used to – I bought a couple of things from an Elvis estate sale.

I got some cufflinks and stuff like that. And I was going to buy one of his prescription bottles that said Elvis Presley on it and like the thing, it was only like a hundred bucks, but like, yeah, there's a little yellow. What did you do with that? I just thought it'd be a cool thing to have on the side of me bed. Keep your own pills in there. Yeah, keep my own pills in there and say Elvis Presley or anything.

And my dad went, that's bad mojo, mate. That's bad. He died, that man. He died. Don't do that. So my dad took me out of buying that. Do you keep it by the side of your bed? Yeah, like, you know, I have like.

Yeah, where everybody keeps their prescription pills. I have a couple of bits of medication on the side of my bed that I need. You'd have to tell people to be like, hey, go look on the side of my bed. Like otherwise. Me? Who are you talking to? like, hey, go look on the side of my bed. Like otherwise. Me? Who are you talking to? I'd bring you up to the room and show you. You wouldn't just stumble across it.

As soon as you got in my house, I'd be like, come and have a look at the Elvis bottle. Remember, you thought your cufflinks had gotten stolen. Yeah, I found them in the back of a thing. They were behind a drawer. Yeah. I have a question. I'm a moron when it comes to drugs.

What does purity mean? How can you have something that's 20% pure and it still works? Because they cut it with other things. Now, there's a lot of, this is something that interests me, Toby. When they say, they go, oh, it's cut with rat poison. Isn't it easier just to cut it with crushed up Panadol or just fucking generic shitty drugs? Now they're going, it's cut with fentanyl.

Why would they bother cutting it with things that can kill people? The drug dealers don't want to kill you. They want to keep a business up and running. So is this a myth or is this something that, what happens there? To start off, I don't really follow heroin as much, and I know there's a big overlap on fentanyl and heroin. But when it comes to cutting cocaine, the main one is baby laxative. Yeah, baby laxative.

And so people who use a lot of cocaine will talk about the fact of they end up going to the bathroom. I mean, that's part of the thing because they're being fed this laxative. Your drug dealer does not want to kill you. As you say, I mean, you are a steady client. Why would they want to kill you? They don't want to do that. As you say, I mean, you are a steady client, right? Why would they want to kill you? They don't want to do that. So, yeah, rat poison is just – I think these are the kind of stories that the feds come up with to kind of spook out children,

kind of get them all worried and stuff. I don't think that's very good. But people have been dying from the cocaine with the fentanyl in it. That has been a thing that's happened of late. I think the ex-boyfriend – I don't want to speak, allegedly died. Yeah, allegedly died of ariane granulosex. Mac Miller. Yeah, and they said it was fentanyl in it.

That might be just a rumour. I don't know. But, yeah, so there has been fentanyl in coke, or is that just a wives' tale? Is that? No, it could be. I mean, again, yeah, I just don't know why someone would add another drug unless the drug is substantially cheaper and they were thinking,

well, it will mimic the high of cocaine. Right. I know in London they mix it with a lot of speed, for instance, which is a much cheaper drug. Speed's the drug of choice in Australia for most people because it's going to be made in a laboratory so we can have our homegrown speed and all the bikey gangs, they all have the labs and all that type of stuff,

and speed's the thing. Speed and heroin are the big things in Australia that are more affordable drugs because cocaine's only for the extremely rich. So there you go. Yeah. Anyway, to answer your question, Jack, it's like purity is 100% pure, is 100% cocaine. Then they just mix shit in. And they cut it. And what happens is they cut it from, so the first bag of

cocaine that you buy for 25 grand in the brick, it gets cut by the people who distribute it off into the quarters of the bricks to sell to those little drug dealers. And then it gets cut again, cut again, cut again. cut by the people who distribute it off into the quarters of the bricks to sell to those little drug dealers. And then it gets cut again, cut again, cut again. So by the time it reaches you, as you said, it's about 30%, 40%. I think I've only ever had 100% once where I went, oh, this is a completely different thing. Oh, really?

Yeah. Where this is like- In Montreal? Montreal one time, yeah. I'll tell you the story. If I tell you the story, everyone will know who the guy is that gave it to me. Cause it's,

it's very exact. Wow. What? Carrot top? No, no. I'll say one word and you'll go, you got it off him.

Right. So I'm not, I'm not gonna. Off camera. Yeah. Off camera. I'll tell you. Okay.

All right. Um, the, uh, oh, famous, uh, famous people that have taken cocaine.

You said, uh, by by the way if my son's listening to this podcast in 10 years time i will fucking kill you if you even touch this shit you the effects of the drugs won't get to you before i fucking will so don't you touch it bloody shit it is it's bad for you any kids listening in the car as well say no well before we get that so just since you're saying that anyways and i maybe i don't know if you know this or not because you were talking about statistics and stuff that you you might not but people that die due to trafficking each year like is there like a number that i mean jim said to the 2000 but which would definitely definitely be more than that i

mean it's impossible so much of this is impossible because obviously it's an underworld yeah but when you look in the violence in colombia the violence in Central America, these are the most dangerous countries on the world, El Salvador, Honduras, Guatemala, then the violence in Mexico, and then let alone street violence between rival gangs in America. I would say we're running into tens of thousands of people dying because of cocaine use. How many people die from cocaine use?

It's got to be massive because the heart attacks, whenever you hear a person had a heart attack young, likelihood is that's what's going on. Sometimes people have heart attacks that were drug addicts and they've been off drugs, but they did so much damage to their heart. That's like, you know, but. Good to know.

The numbers are not comparable. When you look at heroin overdoses and cocaine fatalities, heroin kills so much more people than cocaine i mean there's a worrying trend of it getting higher because there's more cocaine out there but it's not yeah it's not it's not anywhere near what you see with heroin and nothing beats alcohol right alcohol kills more people and cigarettes kills more again but that's but the violence with cocaine is one of the arguments people use to tell people not to do it because there's not as much violence anymore in the alcohol industry. I'm telling you.

Weed. Way of the future. Yeah. Way of the future. Yeah, way of the future. Weed, man. You're completely converted. I'm a fucking pothead.

It saved me from every other thing. Every other vice I have. Alcohol, cigarettes, everything else gone. Weed. Weed. Yep. Weed still standing. Yeah, and it's legalized now. Yeah, and it makes me eat like I ate six lobster rolls on Monday.

Six. I had two pounds of lobster. It was the most solid shits I've ever done. They were coming out pink. Right? I remember on Monday you're like, do I have anything on tomorrow? No. We're getting high tonight. I said, I'm getting high tonight, and I called up Cousin's Main Lobster. I remember on Monday, you're like, do I have anything on tomorrow? No, we're getting high tonight.

I said, I'm getting high tonight. And I called up Cousin's Main Lobster. I bought the kits. I love Cousin's Main Lobster. And I bought the kit. And I thought, and then I bought an extra pound of lobster because I like to really fill me rolls.

And I ate $175 worth of lobster rolls all by me in one sitting. I kept going back and cooking them. And I've never seen my shits. They're so solid. I'm dying on the toilet at the moment. So much protein. So that's what weed will do to you, kids.

It's not safe either. Don't do anything. Stab drugs. It's best just to sit in a house and just watch your telly and just move your legs a bit. That's how you're going to live a long life. Stand up every hour. Famous people, Jim said, Robert Plant.

I don't know. Probably did. The ShamWow commercial guy, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, Obama, and George Washington. No, there's plenty. You name your celebrity, I'll tell you whether they did or didn't. Pablo Pascal. Did. Yeah.

It's probably safe to say that any celebrity has done it. I'll tell you one that haven't. I don't reckon Dolly Parton's ever been on it. Yeah. Maybe not. She seemed pure. Just two folks. Yeah.

Oh, no, no. Actually, Dolly probably had some fucking party with someone sniffing it off her tits. You seem skeptical of the Donald Trump thing, but it's rumored that he's been taking, because that's why he like shits his pants and has to wear a diaper, but it's rumored that he's been taking because that's why he shits his pants and has to wear

a diaper now. It's been rumored that he's been at parties and stuff like that. I'll tell you why he sounds like a cocaine guy. I've known of a couple of pretty girls in my life who have said to me that they were offered money to go to Donald Trump's house not to be a prostitute or anything like that

because Donald just wanted pretty girls at the party. Right? So if you start like paying, you know, I need 50 hot girls at my party. Right? What do you, you got to keep them entertained. Yeah. You can't just go, just come and hang out with me and I'll sort of, sort of go, oh, big massive.

You've got to do something because otherwise they're just going to stay for the two hours and fuck off. Right. you gotta do something because otherwise they're just gonna stay for the two hours and fuck off right Jim is just Jack has just texted me something that an error that I've made the entire podcast what

the guy that plays the Mandalorian I've been calling him Pablo Pascal his name is Pedro Pascal did Luis send that to you Jack and then it got to you no I thought

we're gonna beat the comments to this one I call him that We're 100% not because you know somebody's already commented before getting to the end of the episode

Hey if you listen this far delete it or I will We should bleep over that Pascal he played the Mandalorian I didn't know who you were talking about I didn't know

who you guys were talking about I thought you were talking about Pablo Francisco No the guy that plays the Mandalorian his name is Pedro Pascal not Pablo So what happened to Pablo? I don't know who you guys are talking about. I think you're talking about Pablo Francisco. No, the guy that plays Amanda Lorne, his name is Pedro Pascal, not Pablo. So what happened to Pablo? I don't know. That's a guy. Maybe it's his brother.

He's done cocaine for sure. He died from cocaine. Oh, fuck me. But Obama admitted to doing cocaine. I never knew that. Yeah, he admitted to trying it in college. Okay. I believe. Do you agree with that, he admitted to trying it in college okay i believe

is that did you agree with that toby yeah that's it's in his autobiography and it's to his credit you know like as you say like bill clinton had this thing i didn't inhale and everyone's like we know you're lying obama just took it said yes i did this and once he just owned it and was so honest his enemies couldn't use it against him he just just said, yeah, I did it then. Move on. What more is there to say? Look, I heard he smokes Marlboro Reds. Anyone who smokes Marlboro Reds has tried the hard stuff. Does he really?

Well, that's what he smoked back in the day was Marlboro Reds. Yeah, that's the real hard cigarettes. Billy Joel said that the – Billy Joel, because, you know, you watch Piano Man, he's got like a cigarette on the thing and then – but Billy Joel's like an alcoholic. I'm going to get sued by so many people today. Just say allegedly and we're good. Allegedly, Billy Joel's a guy who drinks a bit.

Yeah. And he used to smoke, but he still sings, drinking and singing. But his voice is so solid. He does so many concerts and he still sounds the same, even his age, Billy Joel. But he did give up cigarettes. And he said that the last cigarette he had was when he had to go to the White House to play

a party or something like that, and then Obama said, hey, you want to come out and have a cigarette? He hadn't smoked in 10 years, and he's like, ah, it's fucking Obama, I'll have a cigarette. I think I've had a Marlboro Red once in my life, and I threw up almost immediately. It was just so harsh. You've got to be a cowboy. It's so gross.

My mom smoked Marlboro Ritz. Alright, so this is a part of the show, Toby. By the way, let's just say the name of the book again if you're interested in reading more about this. Fascinating stuff. The access you had, too, was amazing. It's called Kilo, Inside the Deadliest Cocaine Cartels from the Jungles to the

Streets. I'm looking at it on BarnesandNo Noble.com, but I'm sure it's available everywhere. So this is part of the show called Dinner Party Facts, where we give our listeners or viewers some sort of interesting fact or like tidbit that they probably don't know about this subject. So what do you have for us? So in the 80s, Pablo Escobar, the height of his power, this is when he's rolling, he's on top of the world.

He builds himself this huge hacienda, this huge farm estate, right? And it's called Hacienda Napoles. And in it, he builds a theme park. And he invites people from his city. He says, you know, the public areas, you can come. As part of this, he builds a zoo. can come. As part of this, he builds a zoo. Now, these men would just thrive on being bandits and just whenever they can, they enjoy breaking the law. It's a point of principle for them. So he starts bringing in illegally these animals from Africa. He brings in zebras and he paints them brown to make them look like donkeys. And he brings in four hippopotamuses. They take to this lake in the middle of this Hacienda Napoles, the estate, and they thrive there. Pablo Escobar's killed in 1993. He's hunted down like a dog. He dies famously on that roof. He's shot down. entire state of Naples falls into disrepair. I mean, literally like some sort of abandoned Ozymandias kind of thing, right? You wander around, the houses are half-destroyed. The hippos are thriving. They are just continuing. They mate and mate. Now, after what, like 40 years, they think there could be up to 80 or possibly 100 hippos. It's the largest wild population of hippos outside of Africa.

And they're all inbred as well. They're all just like, I'm a hippo. They're very dangerous, those hippos. Yeah, they kill more people than any other animal, the hippo. Exactly. But now, because they're territorial, what's happened is a bunch of them, like the original, I don't know what you call them, the original. The OGs.

Exactly. They're still there. And because Colombia is such a lush environment, anything thrives there. But they don't have any natural predators. They've been imported. So they're taking over this, but the males would fight in the lake and then they would then go off taking some females when they lost the fight, they would then move on. So they've taken over parts of Colombia's largest river, the Magdalena River, and the fishermen now know to have to look out for them. And every month you'll see another fisherman with a cell phone video of some enraged hippo charging his canoe. And the communists don't know what to do about it because it's a question of time before one of these hippos kills somebody. They sent a hunter about 12 years ago. They had a hunter pay a license to track these hippos. But at the time, the hippos weren't such a problem. So the hunter

would speak to the fisherman and say, hey, look, looking for it i just want to investigate the fisherman said oh yeah pepe we've named him pepe he lives down there the hunter went and killed him and the fishermen were outraged but now there's a huge problem and yeah the population is just going to keep growing also they're so enraged they're like inbred cocaine-fueled hippos. The most dangerous kind. It says here, adult hippos don't really have any predators, but when they're younger, nile crocodiles, lions, and hyenas. That's about it. So there's nothing that's taking down a hippo.

Well, you could have a few hippos in Australia. The crocs would get them. What was the theme park? There's a theme park theme like rides and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Like before Jurassic Park, he builds this huge life size statues of dinosaurs.

He had the zoo. He had like water slides. And then he would invite people like Pablo Escobar's relationship with especially the poor. It's interesting. He came out of them and he built, remember an entire neighborhood in Medellin. loved him didn't they they thought he was wonderful a lot of poor people really did and when you speak to them they say during the time of pablo those who didn't want if you didn't have a job it's because you didn't want to work there was

money everywhere like in honest work i mean like being a plumber, being a driver, because there was so much narco money. And today, the old timers, you sit and have a coffee with them and they'll tell you, man, during Pablo, everyone had a job. And now I struggle. I can't. So it's this kind of, there is a duality to that image of Pablo Escobar. Some people think he's the worst. Other people think he's kind of-

But is that the old people romancing the situation? Because you're from London, right? So you know about the Cray twins, right? Yeah. So I have a Cockney mate who's a comedian. And we came outside after a gig and it was pouring with rain. And he said this sentence. He goes, this wouldn't be happening if the twins were still around, right?

Which, you know, says to me that they romanced like, oh, yeah, they used to keep the law and order, didn't they? It was better when they were around. So was it really that good when Pablo was around? No, but I think it tells you more about how brutal life is today and how struggling people are and the lack of jobs and the bad wages. You're right, because during the 18s, those wars, when they got into it, the Medellin cartel and the Cali cartel, there were car bombs everywhere. The fight against the police, Pablo Escobar would put a price on the policeman's head. He said, for every person who kills a police officer, just bring me any sort of evidence, I'll pay you $1,000. The police from that time will talk about having a knock,

hearing a knock on their front door, looking through the top window with the lights off and seeing their fellow policemen knocking on the door, coming through. They cause chaos in that city. So I think you're right. It is romanticizing a very dark, violent era.

Well, thank you. Thank you for being on the part. Is there anything else? No, I'm just going to say, the book is called Kilo, Inside the Deadliest Cocaine Cartels from the Jungle to the Streets by Toby Mews.

Is there any social media handles that you like to use or anything like that? Yeah, I'm on Twitter at Toby Mews, T-O-B-Y M-U-S-E. Okay, great. If you ever had a party, ladies and gentlemen, and someone comes up to you and goes, there's only wild hippos in Africa. i don't know

about that good night australia