I Don't Know About That - Edwin Booth & Boston Corbett
Episode Date: September 12, 2023Comedian/Author Jesse Joyce (@jessejoyce1) educates us on John Wilkes Booth's forgotten celebrity brother Edwin and Boston Corbett, the man who hunted John down. Check out Jesse's book on the subject,... “Killing The Guys Who Killed The Guy Who Killed Lincoln: A Nutty Story About Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett”, at Scribd.com: https://try.scribd.com/jessejoyce/ ADS: HELIX: Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/IDKAT and use code HELIXPARTNER20. NETSUITE: Right now, download NetSuite’s popular KPI Checklist, designed to give you consistently excellent performance - absolutely free, at NetSuite.com/IDK. FACTOR: Head to FactorMeals.com/IDKAT50 and use code IDKAT50 to get 50% off.
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Shania Twain.
Mark Twain.
Who's more quotable?
That's a good one.
You don't impress me much.
I don't know about that.
That don't impress me much?
Yeah, that don't impress me much.
So you're Brad Pitt, that don't impress me much.
How I impress Shania.
Fuck you, Shania.
I'm not impressed by you.
I'm going to do a song called I'm not impressed atania. Fuck you, Shania. I'm not impressed by you. Oh. Yeah.
I'm not impressed at all.
Not even a little bit, not much.
No.
Okay, sorry.
We recorded a live podcast.
It went well.
Yeah.
So much fun.
It was really good.
It was.
It was a lot more fun.
It reminded me that I was funny
because you forget that you're funny
when you people are just staring at me.
What? We at me We laugh
Yeah, but not like them
They really laughed
They really enjoyed my company
And then you people are just like, fuck
I always turn to Jack
If Jack's laughing, I know I've made a good joke
And if I'm not laughing
But even then, even if Jack's not laughing
I know it's pretty good
I just have confidence
I just forced myself
to laugh there
see so
yeah
I could tell
because you went
wait that was a fake laugh
yeah that was your fake laugh
I laugh like that
sometimes for real
I don't know
I don't know
if I've ever really seen
the real you
do a fake laugh
ha ha ha
oh yeah
that one's real
that one's real
what's your fake laugh
I just did it
what's real
if you remember our guitar expert
Eugene Edwards he listens to every episode
and he says I like
hearing Jack's real laugh you can hear it because it's the high
pitched one you can't control it he tries to get me to do the high I like hearing Jack's real life you can hear because it's the high-pitched one yeah I control it so you try to tackle he
tries to get me to do the high-pitched cackle in real life all right what's
your fake laughs I don't know something lower I guess that was gross yeah make
me real laugh Jim you got some dates coming up you're in Canada a bunch I
mean Canada a lot of a lot of the shows we added second shows
so there's a lot of
for other shows
yeah
yes there's like one Montreal
there was one Thunder Bay
there was one this one that
and we've added second ones
and there's lots of tickets
I believe this week
there's tickets for the
second shows
I believe this week
is when you're in
Thunder Bay
or
no
yeah I'm sorry
coming up Montreal
Montreal
the second show
Sudbury
Sudbury.
Sudbury, I don't know how that's saying.
Kingston, Canada.
Come out to Kingston.
Ottawa, Canada.
Ottawa, we're playing great big rooms.
Come out.
We've got a good show for you.
Thousand Oaks, California. Some of the best stuff.
Thousand Oaks, California.
Don't come if you're a person who's a bit sensitive.
To where?
To my shows.
I don't want you there.
I've tried to win you over
for too many years.
Go fuck yourself.
Yeah, Thousand Oaks
which is basically LA almost.
Yeah, Thousand Oaks.
Oakland?
Oaktown?
Yeah, O-K-Town.
That's what I call it.
Anaheim?
Ah, Anaheim.
Always a good time in Anaheim.
Ah, yeah.
Anaheim.
There's two shows there, right?
There's like a girl called Anna
that still hasn't lost her virginity.
Cincinnati?
Anna Heim.
Jesus.
How's Cincinnati doing?
Cincinnati, there's still tickets for Cincinnati.
Chicago?
Chicago, a second show.
The second show, you've got to get going into that.
So the second one, second New York, second Chicago.
You know, there's still. So the second one, second New York, second Chicago.
There's still tickets for the second shows.
And then you've got Galway, Tel Aviv.
Galway.
Galway, I'm doing like three shows, and they're all like 80% sold.
So get your tickets now.
New York City. That'll be sold out before.
New York City, one show's sold, and the other one isn't.
Hershey, Pennsylvania.
You're going to go to the Hershey factory?
I'm going to the motherland.
I'm going to Hershey.
Gee, you chocolate shit, but come and see me.
I don't think we can do the tour after the Lindt chocolate factory.
There's no way Hershey's going to be.
I will go around the Hershey one and just complain.
After that Lindt tour, it's all downhill.
They can't improve.
And then Austin, Dallas, and Tulsa, Oklahoma.
All those ones way out there.
There's still tickets available.
It's miles away.
There you go.
And then go to IDCat Podcast.
I'm not one of these comics who put the tour on sale
and they all go in 10 minutes.
I'm not one of them.
I'm a slow burn.
Not with that attitude.
Sometimes, every now and again, I do all right.
You're doing okay.
I'm doing okay.
This is one of...
I'm having a lot of fun on the road at the moment.
I was getting a bit jaded about the road, and I'm having a lot of fun on the road at the moment. I was getting a bit jaded about the road,
and I'm having a lot of fun at the moment.
All right.
Well, we got a good podcast today.
Who wants to hear some ads?
Nope.
We don't call those.
No, no, no.
What I was saying is we got a good podcast today.
Let's meet our guest.
Okay.
Please welcome our guest, Jesse Joyce.
Hey.
G'day, Jesse.
Well, I know you, Jesse.
Yeah, but that's okay.
You can still welcome me. All right. Well, now it's time. G'day, Jesse. Well, I know Jesse. Yeah, but that's okay. You can still welcome him.
All right, well, now it's time to play...
Yes, no.
Yes, no.
Yes, no.
Yes, no.
Judging a book by its cover.
Well, I've known Jesse for years now, probably since about 2010.
You don't know the topic, though.
That's for sure.
I know, but Jesse's a comedy writer and comedian.
He used to be always the writer that was assigned to me at midnight.
Yeah.
He used to have to come in.
I was always very happy.
It was either him or Vanessa Ramos.
Wait a second.
He was your wrangler.
You didn't write all those yourself?
No, no, no.
That was the quality that was coming out.
He did.
You did.
I would help you cobble.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would help you shape.
Yeah, I'd always throw in a few.
He knows what he's doing. I was doing better than actors who come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would help you with your shape. Yeah, I'd always throw in a few. He knows what he's doing.
I was doing better than actors who come in short.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, I was doing better than them.
Right.
But yeah, so is it not comedy based?
A little, but not really.
I mean, it's funny, but it's not.
It's historical.
Oh, okay.
You're not going to guess it, but just go ahead and just pick around,
and then I'm going to give you some hints.
So it's funny, but it's not.
There's no way you're going to guess it.
I'm just going to eventually tell you.
So it's not like a genocide or anything like that.
Nothing like that.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
I mean, it's dark.
Yeah, it's dark, right?
It's funny because it's dark.
You're saying like it's dark.
Okay, but it's the Dark Ages?
No.
No.
They were very dark.
It was constantly dark.
Is it a historical thing?
Is it American history? Yes. It was constantly dark. Is it an historical thing? Is it American history?
Yes.
Okay, American history.
Okay, so I'm trying to think of funny, dark American history.
Yeah, you're not going to get it.
Is it the moon landing?
No.
No.
Because it was dark on one side of the moon.
We did that.
How do you do this until I decide to tell you what it is?
Because there's no way you're going to get it.
All right, tell me.
He might.
No, go again.
All right.
Ask some more questions. So it's got to do with history way you're going to get it. All right, tell me. He might. No, go again. All right, good. Ask some more questions.
So it's only going to do with history.
Is it going to do with war?
Kind of, yeah.
Is it within the last 100 years?
No.
Is it in the last 200 years?
Yes.
Okay, well, America's only about 200 and fucking...
I was going to run out of...
So is it the Civil War?
Yeah.
Well, it's more specific than that.
Gone with the Wind?
No.
All right, let me tell you what it is.
No, no, I've got it.
The Civil War.
Okay, I'm glad that you keep going.
Is it gout?
Some sort of gout.
Is it gout in the Civil War?
No.
Well, that's pretty specific.
It's president adjacent.
All right, is it the assassination of Lincoln?
Okay, look, I'm going to give you some credit there, right?
Yeah.
Almost.
It's very close.
It is centered around that.
That's close enough for me to give you what it is.
John Wilkes Booth's driver, the history of.
Wow.
Very close.
Honestly, very close.
The subject is two people, Edwin Booth andoston corbett yeah i'm not gonna know i
i i know that the ford theater that lincoln was shot by john wilkes booth and there's edwin booth
though must be his brother all right well we'll see what happens um jesse joyce let me introduce
jesse joyce is a stand-up comic and an Emmy-nominated and WGA-winning writer.
That's Writer's Guild Award.
Jesse is currently a writer.
Well, I guess not currently.
Currently on strike.
Currently on strike.
Enjoying the air conditioning, Jesse?
It's nice to be inside, yeah.
He's currently a writer on Jimmy Kimmel Live and has also written for At Midnight,
The Comedy Central Roast, the Academy Awards,
the Emmys,
the Tonys,
Broadway Musical.
I did.
Is it in here?
Yeah.
And now his first-
You write a Broadway musical?
Yeah, a shitty one.
Yeah.
Like a really shitty one.
All of them are that.
Yeah, yeah, no,
but this was even shittier than it.
But it did get a Critics' Choice Award
or whatever.
What was it called?
It was a fucking short.
It was,
it's embarrassing.
You're cursing
so you already know. It's a short musical. It's embarrassing. You're cursing, so you already know.
It's short music.
It's genuinely embarrassing.
You know the guys who won American Idol,
Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard?
Yeah.
They wanted to do a Christmas Broadway show.
And I just got hired to write it.
So I wrote their Broadway Christmas thing.
So it was only on for like one season.
That's all right.
What's funny is if you just said that straight,
nobody would ever go look it up.
But because you're so embarrassed by it,
I bet people will go watch it.
It's bad.
Are you still staying in touch with Clay Aiken?
No.
It's not his fault entirely,
but I kind of got fucked over by the whole production.
I did do the writing of it,
and then I had to sue
him to get paid. It was a big thing.
Anyway.
He's written and all that stuff, but
most currently, he has just
written his first book and it's called
Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy
Who Killed Lincoln.
That just told me a lot.
Yeah, it did. You might see if you can remember that
when I ask you a question. A nutty story about Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett.
That's who we're talking about today.
And this book is, well, tell us a little bit more about the book and where people can find it.
It is on Scribd, which is like the Netflix of books is what they call it.
You know Scribd?
Yeah.
So it's a Scribd original.
And so it's an e-book and an audio book.
And you can go and you subscribe and then you have access to their entire library.
And you can read mine for free for 60 days.
I have like a code that you guys can look up.
Jesse brings by far the best gift of any of our guests ever because not only do you get his book for free, you get Scribd free for two months.
And I'm obsessed.
It's in my top five apps.
Oh, great.
Literally.
I use it every single day.
It is great.
There's like tons of stuff. There's all kinds of cool like audio books and there's even magazines and e apps. Oh, great. Literally. Oh, cool. I use it every single day. It is great. There's like tons of stuff.
There's all kinds of cool like audio books and there's even magazines and e-books you
can read.
Anyway, it's try.scribd, S-C-R-I-B-D.
There's no E at the end.
Try.scribd slash Jesse.
Try.scribd.com slash Jesse Joyce.
We'll put it in the description.
Try.scribd.com.
We'll put that on the screen.
We'll put it in the copy for all the audio stuff.
And we'll mention that again.
And we're going to talk about it the whole time, too.
So, all right, Jim.
I'm going to ask you some questions.
I don't know any of them.
There might be a few in here.
There's a couple.
I wouldn't know anything about this, but there's a couple I would maybe know the answer to.
You know the broad strokes of the Lincoln assassination?
I do.
I just watched a thing the other day.
It was one of those shows where it's like with Lucille Ball
and all that type of stuff
where they ask like
yes or no questions
to a person.
Oh, the old guy?
It's just basically
this TV show.
Yeah, there's an old bloke.
It's this podcast.
But there was an old bloke
who was on it
who saw the Lincoln assassination.
He was in the theater
and he was five.
And then he was like
98 years old.
He comes on the show and Lucille Ball,
everyone's smoking on the show.
And the show's like sponsored by like Parliament cigarettes
or something like that.
And then they're like, this guy's like 98
and he's got a black eye
because he fell down some stairs on the way here,
but he still wanted to be on the show.
This guy is fucking old, right?
And he's just like, and Lucille Ball's like,
has it got something to do with the president? Like that, right? Anyway, so just like, and Lucille Ball's like, has it got something to do with the president?
Like that, right?
Anyway, so these guys, at the end they go,
now obviously, I'll call him Walter, they go,
obviously our friend here, Walter,
we offered him a carton of Parliament cigarettes,
but he said he does not
smoke cigarettes. And I'm like, of course, he lived
to 98 years old.
He smokes a pipe, so here we
are, we're gonna give him just tobacco, a big fucking tin of tobacco like this. to 98 years old. Yeah. And they go, he smokes a pipe, so here we are.
We're going to give him just tobacco,
a big, like,
fucking tin of tobacco
like this.
Why would he smoke cigarettes?
He's not pregnant.
All right.
So I'm going to ask Jim
a series of questions
about Edwin Booth
and Boston Corbett,
but some other things in there
that not necessarily,
like, specifically
about those people.
But I'm just saying because you might be able to get some of them, or at least a good guess. And at the end of me and Corbett, but some other things in there that's not necessarily specifically about those people.
I'm just saying because you might be able to get some of them, or at least
a good guess. And at the end of me asking these
questions, Jesse, you're going to grade Gemini's
accuracy 0 through 10, 10 being the best.
Kelly's going to grade him on confidence 0 through 10,
my grade him on etc. We'll add all those scores
together. If you score 21 through 30,
you're a Booth sleuth. Get it?
I didn't know what to do for this topic, guys.
11 through 20, Corbett orbit,
and then zero through 10,
Edwin is a hard word to rhyme something with.
Maybe Edwin Bedwin, question mark.
Okay, good times.
Wow, barely worked.
Let's just edit that out.
All right.
No, I like that a lot, honestly.
So I'm grading him on your guesses.
Yeah, I'm gonna ask all the questions at once,
and he's gonna answer them. You just sit back. You're on at once, and he's going to answer them.
You just sit back and relax right now.
You're training him on accuracy.
I'll repeat his answers, and I think we know what the score is going to be.
He's going to crush this.
Okay, Jim, who were the biggest celebrities in the 19th century?
In the 19th century, so that's like I always get fooled up by this.
1800s. Yeah, it means 1800s. I always get fooled up by this 1800s
yeah it means 1800s
you always get done
by that right
yeah
so in the 1800s
who was the biggest
celebrities
would have been
the president
Lincoln
yeah
his wife Mary
she would have been one
like I'd say
entertainment
entertainment
let's start with that
there's always vaudeville
yeah that's the answer to every fucking question with that. There's always vaudeville.
That's the answer to every fucking question in history.
It's an old vaudeville trick.
It's something they used to do in vaudeville.
If you say that in any historical entertainment fucking guise,
you could get away with it.
So vaudeville stars.
Well, I'll tell you this.
I've said two names already.
They're on this list.
Do you remember the names?
Connie Booth. Connie Booth remember the names? Connie Booth.
Connie Booth.
Connie Booth played... Connie Booth was John Cleese's wife.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He played Polly on Fawlty Towers.
You can do the thing when you don't know.
Just say Booth.
Booth.
Booth.
And because John Wilkes Booth was an actor.
So maybe that was in the whole thing he and his brother used to do vaudeville and who's on first and all that type of
stuff yeah and uh so so his brother i like that you say vaudeville yeah vaudeville
it doesn't exist anymore so what difference is it that's true yeah it's an old vaudeville
vaudeville none of this stuff exists that we're talking about.
We still don't pronounce it right.
So, yeah.
So he would have been an actor.
He would have been a very famous actor.
And he was the cousin or brother of John Wilkes Booth.
And then there was another name I said, but you don't remember.
Yeah.
What was the other name?
And they were famous as well.
And maybe Chaplin was...
No, he wouldn't have been.
He would have been at the end of the 1800s.
And he was a big vaudeville act, and he came from England, you know.
And he came over and really lit things up,
back when this was just fucking orange fields,
as far as the eye could see.
Orange fields?
Yeah, you know where his studio is?
It's now the Muppets one, and they have, like,
the frog there.
Yeah, but they wouldn't have had orange fields here in the 1800s.
Yeah, it was fucking fields, man.
That studio was sitting down there. the 1800s. Yeah, it was fucking fields, man.
That studio was sitting down.
Not 1800s.
Why not?
Because it's not native oranges.
They planted them here.
Yeah, it was all farmland. That's another podcast.
Watch the movie Chaplin.
It's like that whole street was just fields and shit
where they put a bit of material that went like this
and everyone acted like they were running.
I think he's being a stickler of about 30 years, 40 years.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would have been a lot.
1915.
Forrest is never a stickler.
Tell me everything you know about Edwin Booth.
His name is Edwin from the Greek for Edward.
And Booth from the Greek for telephone box.
I thought you were going to say diner. Edwin Booth from the Greek for telephone box I thought you were going to say diner
Edwin Booth
he was an actor
not a comical actor
but people
he could do comedy and drama
there wasn't anything he couldn't do
and do you know who
Junius Brutus Booth is?
ah
A.T. Brutus
A.T.
Julius Brutus Booth would be their father.
Great with Len.
John Wilkes Booth and the other Booth's dad.
Okay.
And do you know anything significant?
The Booths.
Okay.
They all came out on stage.
We've got the traveling Booths.
Yeah.
Boom.
It's like the Marx Brothers.
Yeah, yeah. Booth boys. Junius Bo-da-da-da-da-da. Boom. It's like the Marx Brothers. Yeah, yeah.
Booth boys.
Junius Booth would spend time in jail from time to time.
What was significant about...
Her time in jail?
His time in jail.
His time in jail?
Of an event.
He wasn't as raped as much as you think.
Like, it wasn't a lot,
but he came out,
he was like,
I wasn't all bad.
What important historic event...
Get three square meals a day.
He came back jacked.
What important historic...
I guess they didn't do that back then.
They didn't go in the jail and I'm ripped.
What important historic event happened the same week the American Civil War ended?
The murder of... The assassination of Lincolnincoln you're piecing this together pretty
good assassination of lincoln who killed abraham lincoln john wilkes booth where and how in the
ford theater okay up in the booth i always call them the lincoln booths when i see him when i'm
on stage there's a lincoln booth and he's like i need I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head or something like that.
And then John Wilkes Booth jumped from the balcony onto the stage.
Yeah.
And then he ran, and he ran for a while, and he ran down the street,
and they found him in some other building, but he escaped.
He evaded for a bit.
That's what I was going to ask you.
What eventually happened to John Wilkes Booth?
They caught him in the end.
Do you know who or where or anything?
Ah, a couple of cops caught him.
Okay.
Now did,
did Edwin Booth,
his brother continue acting after his brother killed Lincoln?
Um,
he didn't do the Lincoln impersonation anymore out of respect.
Cause he thought that was,
you know,
that was poor taste.
See,
okay.
So I reckon he would have tried to act,
but people would have been like, boo, your brother killed the president.
But also, we all know that the Booth Boys, like, so Lincoln was a Republican, right?
Lincoln was a Republican, and they killed him, so they would have been Democrats.
They would have been a bunch of fucking lefty actors, wouldn't they?
Oh, you wouldn't want to use the wrong pronouns around the fucking booth boys.
They would have gotten
on you right away.
They would have been
a bunch of lefties.
All right.
Who was Boston Corbett?
You know anything about him?
He was in a stage production
of NCIS
before the invention of TV.
That was the original.
And so he'd come in like, dun, dun, dun, in the state of New. That was the original. And so he'd come in like,
dun, dun, dun, in the state of New York
or something like that.
And he'd come on and he'd go,
put your hands in the air, like that.
It would be a show.
Okay, these next questions are important
to the story that we're going to learn about.
What was a common medical condition
among hat makers or hatters?
They got mad, like the mad hatter, because of the, I want to say, mercury that was put
to stiffen up the brims.
Nice.
And that would make you go insane.
Doing better than you thought.
And like for Lincoln, it made him grow a beard and everything, because the hats he kept on
wearing.
Here's another question.
How did they-
No mustache, though, was a side effect.
Very Amish. It's an question. How did they... No moustache, though, was a side effect. Very Amish.
It's an absurd look.
The audacity.
Have you ever done it?
Like, just at home?
Like, just when I'm shaving it.
Yeah, it's just...
Yeah, like, I'll just leave it
and I'll get rid of that.
I'm always very open about,
like, I like to do Hitler
for a bit.
I always shave that bit last.
I shave around.
Just for a couple of days
if I'm not leaving the house
just to entertain.
Yeah. And then I'll do, like, a full mow. Sometimes'm not leaving the house. Just to entertain. And then I'll do like a full mow. Sometimes
I'll do the mow down to the bottom.
I once did it to shave the mustache.
It's a completely different face.
It's a bold choice.
That's what my beard does naturally. It's terrible.
This stops growing and this keeps going.
Right now...
You get the planet of the
ape's face.
Yikes. You know how they get the face in the ape's face. Yikes.
You know how they get the face in the middle
and they got the hair all around here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You get the Dr. Zaius.
At least I'm a doctor.
Now he's giggling.
Dr. Zaius.
Dr. Zaius.
Oh, wonderful film.
I love it.
Jim, how did they treat gonorrhea in men
during the 19th century? Forest? I don't know why I said it. Jim, how did they treat gonorrhea in men during the 19th century?
Forest?
Yeah.
I don't know why I said that.
As soon as I said your name, I'm like, why did I say that?
How did they treat gonorrhea in men during the 19th century?
Because it's different than how you were treated more recently.
Yeah, yeah.
I reckon sweat boxes.
Sweat it out.
Okay.
Sweat it out.
Bit of a sauna.
Let's get this pus out of you.
Let's squeeze a bit.
Let's squeeze it. Let's squeeze it. Use a bit of soap. From the bottom, it out. Bit of a sauna. Let's get this puss out of here. Let's squeeze a bit. Let's squeeze it.
Let's squeeze it.
Use a bit of soap.
From the bottom, like toothpaste.
Yeah, like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Roll it, roll it, roll it up.
Squeeze it all out.
Then sweat box, baby.
Good old-fashioned sweat box.
What was booze like in the 1800s?
Like, what was it made of?
Like this.
Booze.
Oh, booze.
Was there booze in it?
Was there other stuff?
Do you know anything about booze in the 1800s?
There was alcohol in the 1800s.
That was before Prohibition.
So they were drinking and they were dancing like this.
It's like the 20s.
Anything different though?
The young people.
Did anyone do cocaine in the 1800s?
Wait, did he answer that question?
Yeah.
That's the same.
1920s dance moves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
If so, whom?
The Booth Boys.
Okay.
Ironically, they did it in cubicles.
There's cubicles then, huh?
Yeah, they called them Booths.
Oh, wow.
They didn't actually invent cocaine until they invented screenplays.
Oh, really?
Because there was nothing to pitch to people when you were high.
I thought there was no cocaine until they invented the toilet seat
I thought it went the other way around
do you know what Andersonville is?
oh yeah
ok
no problems
how about this
were child soldiers used in the American Civil War?
yeah of course they were
what do you mean, of course?
Tell me about it.
They were fixing fucking chlamydia
through the squeeze method, mate.
You don't think they were bothered about...
Like, if you had some illiterate kid, right,
you'd, like, fucking send that one to war.
That one's not going to be any good.
They still have kids fighting in wars
in different continents around the world now.
Yeah, of course.
I've seen Gone with the Wind as well okay scarlet o'hara they back then okay so what's his name who
played the lead in gone with the wind what's his name but ret ret something what's his name clark
gable clark gable it was actually playing a 14 year old it's just that the diets were so bad
back then yeah and everyone was a smoker and Oh, wow. Smoky poppers.
And all the cocaine.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to reword this question.
Okay.
So Boston Corbett was castrated.
How did it happen?
Like, what was the procedure?
How did it happen?
I only know the joke about the guy who goes away.
He's a king.
And then he leaves.
And so he puts vaginas uh he puts
razor blades up his daughter's vagina so that no one will touch it that's a really funny joke i
like that you never heard that joke and so he comes home everyone wants to fuck his daughter
so he comes home and all of his employees have to drop his pants and they're all missing his
dick and he's like he's like you're all fired and he goes up to the last bloke he goes why don't
you fuck my daughter he goes i don oh no when you're a kid you
thought that when you're at 11 you thought that's a piece of gold anyways castrated like she's just
walking around with razor blades up her vagina like it's nothing yeah crazy it was crazy back
then yeah they had no autonomy in that he was. He was incarcerated because... Why would he be incarcerated?
Oh, because he gave birth to John Wilkes Booth.
And they were like, we can't have this...
It was Boston Corbett.
Oh.
The guy you didn't remember.
Did he try to shag Lincoln after he was dead or anything?
We'll see.
Okay, last question here.
And they did that so he couldn't impregnate dead Lincoln.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be terrible.
And which holder did he use?
The one in the head or?
Too soon?
Actually, there's a couple other questions here.
I'm not going to say more Boston Corbicks.
Because with the beard, it looked like a.
Okay.
What is the Players Club in New York City?
And how does that relate to what we're talking about?
The Players Club would be an improv acting troupe
that got...
Well, they were on strike.
They were unionizing.
And then they got radical, like a sleeper cell, right?
And so you got, like, the booth boys.
So you got the one booth guy who actually went through and shot it, wasn't the mastermind the other brother was the mastermind very similar to
that of the boston bombing you had the good-looking lad and then the older brother who was just a bit
of a dickhead the good-looking lad wasn't nothing to write home about either he was a bit of a prick
as well but i feel like the older brother was the the guy that was working it okay last question um
what was significant about the timing of Edwin Booth's death?
It was...
I should have said spoiler alert that Edwin Booth is dead.
Sorry.
He died from an abscessed tooth, and it was tooth-threatening.
Wow, that was right.
Pretty good.
I feel like you just have one of those old joke books.
You just recently took a dump because you really have several of those ancient jokes at the ready.
I've been doing a game show, and so we don't have a warm-up guy, really.
And so in between the ad breaks breaks and stuff I just make the contestants
tell jokes to each other
so I know so many pub jokes
now it's outrageous
I used to have like
two in my back pocket
I got like 15 of them now
you told me a good one
the other day
which one was that one
I don't remember
what's 6.9
yeah I know
what
a good thing
destroyed by a period
a good time
yeah yeah
that was it what's the difference between chickpea and lentil A good thing destroyed by a period.
What's the difference between chickpea and lentil?
I've never had lentils on my face.
Jesse, how did Jim do on his knowledge of Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett and all things adjacent to them?
Zero through ten, ten's the best.
Like a four and a half.
It's not that bad.
That's how I passed high school.
Then I don't, especially being from Australia.
None of this is required knowledge for you.
No, in Australia
we've never had a
prime minister assassinated. We had one that went
for a swim and never came back.
Really? While he was in office? Yeah, he was in office. prime minister assassinated we had one that went for a swim and never came back really yeah while
he was in office yeah he was in office uh-huh his name was harold now the joke is that every
hockey comedian's ever done is that we have a harold holt memorial swimming pool i think i
believe in melbourne which is true but but he went for like a swim at the beach with his like secret
service just sort of standing at the beach and he sort of swam out and then they never they never
found him again he was in office what yeah the prime minister just went at the beach and he sort of swam out and then they never found him again.
He was in office at the time.
The Prime Minister just went for a swim.
How did he just lose the Prime Minister?
This should be an episode.
Was this in your lifetime?
No, no, this is like
I believe it was like in the 1950s
or something.
It's not so long ago that it's like
we had helicopters,
methods to save people.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They could have been in a boat.
He was the most important bloke in the country,
went for a swim, and people were watching him,
and then they couldn't see him again.
Wow.
That's crazy.
How long did everybody collectively wait before you guys got a new prime minister?
I don't know, but there's some...
It's just like, you know how you can't report somebody missing
for like the first 40 hours? Okay, okay so his name his name was harold holt right
um and they go and one of the news reports after a week they go after all the investigations
the no the the the cop said in a press conference after all the investigations and after all the
searches we have come to a dead halt wow i fucked that up
wait a minute he didn't do that on purpose he had you want to hope he did okay it's pretty clever
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kelly uh his confidence started i mean before very very low and it kept growing and most of
the time unwarranted but i think he i think I think I'm gonna give him a seven on confidence.
We're up to 11 and a half.
So even if I give you a zero, you're Corbett Orbit.
Corbett Orbit.
I don't wanna say the other thing.
What an achievement to get in this category
that of course clunkily made up three seconds ago.
Edward Bedwood made me laugh.
That's one of my,
I'm usually a little more creative,
but the topics I know. That's one of me heckle put downs.
This is the only reason I...
Because whenever there's...
I'm in a theater,
and there's a booth,
and someone heckles from the booth,
you go,
where's John Wilkes' booth
when you...
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That crushes every time.
Internationally, too?
No, no, no, no.
I've only been able to do it
like three times.
Okay, right.
Like, you actually have to have
the heckle from the thing.
Like, it's pretty obvious. You did it when that girl threw the beer at you. Yeah, Okay, right. Like you've actually had to have the head go from the thing. Like it's a pretty obvious.
You did it when that girl threw the beer at you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that was in the Lincoln Theater.
Yeah, yeah, in the Lincoln Theater.
Oh, wow.
In D.C., yeah.
When did this happen?
She was a plant.
Not in Ford's Theater, right?
Seven years ago?
No, no, no.
Oh, just a theater in D.C.
A woman just threw a full can like this.
From the side.
From the side.
And she was only elevated like two feet above.
You said something that upset her.
I said something misogynistic.
That's so unlucky.
This beer just went, whoom, like this.
It went, boom.
And then it was a full can, and then it hit so deep, like,
like onto the stage, like such a dull hit.
It didn't bounce, just dunk.
And then it just went glug, glug, glug, glug,
into a puddle of the thing.
And I just sort of looked at it, and then I went, well, glug glug glug into a puddle and I just sort of
looked at it
and then I went
you know you have to go
right
I didn't even like
go kick her out
or anything like that
I went
I go you know
right
you know what's happening
and she was like this
yeah I know
it was resolved
in a second
she's like yeah
the lack of
the lack of impulse
impulse control
is so funny
because you paid
for the ticket you paid for the ticket.
You paid for the beer that you didn't drink, and now you have to leave.
It's so stupid.
And her friends all stayed.
They were like, all right, Sandra, we'll see you later.
She's a bitch.
Sorry.
It was 10 minutes in the show.
I'm top.
It wasn't a big deal.
It was just someone had to clean the puddle.
Is that a record?
The fastest you got somebody riled up like that i
had a bloke i had the biggest gig i've ever done is uh the rod laver arena in um melbourne oh yeah
there was 14 000 people there was a bloke the heck i was talking to one of the security guys
and some bloke was like this oh fucking leave him alone he's trying to do his job like some like
don't take the piss i was being i was being mean to the working class but i was having a joke around with other security guys right i was getting into a story you know
they stay on the edge sometimes you talk to me you try to make them laugh and so so this guy
i said all right i dealt with him i did a i did some heckle put downs and stuff like that and then
i was like all right you got to go and then it's it is a weird thing with hecklers if you say you've
got to go and security show up,
if security doesn't,
security can't touch you.
If you just sit there like this,
no.
Yeah.
There's nothing.
It's a stalemate.
Right?
And so this guy just went,
no.
Right?
And then eventually they went,
come on, mate.
And then he just sort of reached in.
The guy just sort of slapped his hand away.
And then they're like,
game on.
As soon as they touched
they were just going
yeah yeah yeah
they got him on all fours
they can get very good
anyway so they got him
one person each limb
right
oh right
14,000 people
he's out there
like Paul Bearer style
yeah he's trying to
fucking get out
he had 14,000 people
all booing
it took a bit of shine
off the gig
because I wanted to
have a good gig that day
I didn't want to
fucking have people
that type of thing
but anyway it turned out later I'd met some people who were sitting next to him
he'd gotten engaged that night they they went to dinner got engaged and then like hey the top of
the night we're going to see a comedy show and so they had a few drinks and he was there with
his fiancee and then she was engaged for about two hours before he was being booed and lifted out by 14,000 people.
It was fucking quite a...
And she stayed.
She stayed.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
I feel like that'd be a reason to break up with somebody.
Yeah.
Who would do the breakup?
Would she break up with him?
Or would he be like, you have my back?
Yeah.
That would be such a massive red flag to me.
That's one of the things with being married is sort of like,
you just sort of, you're not breaking up.
Like, I know people do break up from being married,
but there's a feeling of you've got to put up with each other.
Yeah.
And it's like, I always like when there's like a couple in the crowd
and the bloke's like, the woman's like screaming and saying something
and the husband's just like this.
I'm 20 years in.
You can't change her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the same thing, some drunk guy gets fucking mouthy,
and then the wife has to walk out afterwards.
Sorry, everyone.
Those people aren't breaking up.
They just accept each other.
She's yelling at you for once.
Take some of the heat
off me for a minute.
You know what I remember
about that night
that woman threw the beer
at you two though
is,
do you remember
there was a guy
that said he was my cousin?
You were on stage though
and the row manager goes,
hey,
I think your cousin's
back here.
I'm like,
what?
I don't know.
And I went back
to the backstage door
and there's just a guy there
and I go,
that's not my cousin. He goes, oh, okay. And then he just walked away and I was like, did he think I was going to the backstage door, and there's just a guy there. And I go, that's not my cousin.
He goes, oh, okay.
And then he just walked away.
And I was like, did he think I was going to see him and be like, yeah.
I don't know what his end game was.
I was like, that is my cousin.
Come on in.
I was like, what the fuck kind of weird shit is happening?
That Melbourne gig as well, afterwards, I remember we had a big party.
We went out gambling.
My nephew was there, who we all know passed away recently and um we had uh we had uh a really good night with michael
godinski and all that stuff and michael godinski who's like the the head of entertainment for all
of australia like the guy there's a documentary just come out about him called ego which i'm very
excited about seeing a texas forest about it today. And Michael Gudinski,
who's like the most famous promoter in the country,
he was spraying champagne around backstage.
And me, as the artist, I went,
hey, hey, can you not do that?
Because they might come out of my deposit.
I was like, I'm a billionaire.
Yeah, I meant to be this rebellious comedian.
Hey, I have to pay for that, man.
All right, let's get into these questions.
I asked you who were the biggest celebrities in the 19th century.
I know there could be a lot of answers here.
You said Lincoln and Mary and vaudeville stars.
Vaudeville stars.
Vaudeville.
Taplin.
Yeah, there was a couple of porn stars.
So who are we talking about?
Well, talk about.
They weren't the talkies.
I guess, yeah. It would just be written boy i'm coming
let's let's talk about who the biggest like entertainment celebrity or uh yeah well uh
edwin the booth family was huge john was the least famous of all of them right he was like
a stephen baldwin exactly yeah that's the dynamic or one of the Hemsworth's we don't know about so he's only one of
them no okay well that one I've met him okay he's the oldest one he's the one
sensible Hemsworth he's the one who got the family into acting oh really he was
the first one he went through do all the course lots of stuff and then the
good-looking brothers like I might give it a go as well right well you know give
that guy's you're not getting so jaded that he
kills the prime minister he's still working luke hamers all right so okay so he so their dad was
a super famous actor like incredibly famous junius brutus booths he was the most famous shakespearean
actor he was a british guy came over to america toured all over amer, was huge, right? And then John's older brother, Edwin, kind of took over and then sort of a second generation
of actors, kind of a Kirk Douglas, Michael Douglas thing.
Sure.
And then John is Eric Douglas in that scenario.
Does everyone know the famous Eric Douglas story?
I didn't even know who Eric Douglas was.
Eric Douglas sadly committed suicide.
Yeah.
So, you know, I don't want to take- Oh, is this from the comedy club? Yeah, I don't want know who Eric Douglas is. Eric Douglas sadly committed suicide. Yeah. So, you know, I don't want to take...
Oh, is this from the Comedy Club?
Yeah, I don't want to take...
I believe there's footage of this, but in the Comedy Store in London,
this is a famous story,
Eric Douglas decided that he was going to do stand-up comedy.
Yeah, I know the story.
It's great.
Oh, okay.
Well, this is for the people at home, right?
It's worth it.
Yeah, so what happened is he was on stage.
The British, the greatest hecklers of all time.
Yeah. Kirk Douglas' son
yeah yeah
and so he was sort of
getting like
not much respect
from the crowd
and he gave a bit of
fuck you
do you know who I am
I'm Kirk Douglas' son
is what he said
and then someone stood up
and went
no I'm Kirk Douglas' son
and they did the whole
scene from Spartacus
one by one
audience members
popped up
and said
I'm Kirk Douglas' son.
And there was people who were doing it,
even though they didn't understand the reference.
They just went, oh, I assume this is funny,
and I have to be involved.
But I know several people who were in the room
for that actual incident.
Oh, really?
Oh, amazing.
Don Ward, who owned the comedy store,
has told me the story.
Oh, okay.
All right, because I've heard the story. No, no, no no it's a true story true story london comedy great
edwin booth yeah so edwin booth was then the most he was even more famous than his dad he was the
most famous actor in america and uh when the day when john wilkes booth killed lincoln like nobody
knew who john was john was like a shitty wannabe hangar on kind of actor and so the conversation basically people were like did you hear that Edwin Booth's brother
killed the president like that's how people talked about it you know so uh and then just
because of what John did nobody remembers I had no idea that I knew that John Wilkes Booth was
an actor but I didn't know that the family was famous yeah now that yeah. Now that you know it's a famous person doing it,
it's even fucking weirder.
Yeah, it would have been super weird at the time.
Because older people would have known the dad, too.
They'd be like, what?
Who fucking, Junius Booth's son killed the president?
So famous that he probably could have just get invited to the White House.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Could have gone to a correspondence dinner.
Well, Edwin Booth did it.
John Booth wasn't that famous.
Yeah, but he was close enough.
He'd go to his brother and go,
fucking give me in.
Edwin was like Lincoln's favorite actor.
Like, Lincoln would go and see Edwin,
saw him perform like six times.
Really?
At Ford's Theater.
Yeah.
And it was all Shakespearean.
It was all, did he do comedy
or was he a dramatic actor?
Comedies existed.
The play that Lincoln went to see was a comedy.
It's not funny.
What was the play?
It's called Our American Cousin.
It's just like the Beverly Hills Hillbillies.
They're like Crocodile.
It's a fish out of water story.
Like Crocodile Dundee or whatever.
I want to see it.
It's like an American hick goes to England.
I like Crocodile Dundee.
I like Crocodile Dundee.
You know what it's exactly like?
I did that for his benefit.
Actually, you know what it's exactly like Remember that movie King Ralph
I love King Ralph
I reference King Ralph
Our American cousin
I reference King Ralph
About once a week
Yeah
Our American cousin
Is like King Ralph
King Ralph
Yeah
Is just the best premise
For any movie ever
Yeah so
All the royal family
Die at once
And you have to make it hilarious
You can't make it like a plane accident
Or something like sad
Yeah Right They all get electrocuted Standing on a Fucking All the royal family die at once and you have to make it hilarious. You can't make it like a plane accident or something like sad, right?
They all get electrocuted
standing on a fucking raked stand.
It's a fucking tremendous movie
and then John Goodman becomes the king
and some people in Britain get behind it.
Fantastic.
Fuck, it's a good movie.
Because the reality is
you would just shut down the royal family
and go, oh, we're done.
Finally, it's over.
Yeah, we're going to get
a singer from New Orleans
or whatever the fuck he was.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He was like a club promoter
or something.
He was a club singer
because afterwards
he brings out an album
over the credits.
Right, he's wearing sunglasses.
And he's sort of dressed
like Mozart or some shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was the name
of the play again? It's called Our American cousin all right there you go our american cousin but
it does not a movie of this like hold up like the the specific the specific like the premise does
that's why they should remake it it's like the only remake movies that are bad why did anyone
remake movies that are already good so you don't remake charlie and the chocolate factory because
chocolate factory is fucking great right oceans 11 Ocean's Eleven, the original Ocean's Eleven sucks. The premise was
good, so you made that. So remake our
American cousin. That's a really good point. Give it another shot.
We know what went wrong the first time. Let's try it a hundred times. Then send Biden
to see it in the cinema. Just see what happens.
They basically do.
Just fish out of water.
The premise just keeps
getting regurgitated.
But so Lincoln gets killed.
John knew the play, obviously,
because Edwin's girlfriend
wrote it, right?
And she was the lead actress
on stage that night.
Was she a good sort?
Yeah.
So yeah, she was huge.
She was so big.
She toured Australia, actually,
back then.
Her name was Laura Keane.
She was like the most famous actress.
Wait, so she toured Australia in the 1800s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Edwin went with her.
Modern day Australia started in 1788.
Yeah.
Right?
So this is in like the 1850s.
Right.
So we're talking about a 60, 70 year old country.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It wouldn't have been much there to tour.
And you said Edwin Booth went with her?
Yeah, Edwin went with her.
And they broke up there because he was such a drunk
that he like embarrassed her in Australia.
Yeah, but who's going to find out?
Well, yeah, that's kind of...
She's a matronly looking woman.
But like sometimes I find like history looks changed
like what we think.
Oh, totally.
I mean, everybody says that John Wilkes Booth
was like the handsomest man
in the 19th century
like every time
that he's mentioned
it's about how like
gorgeous he was
right
but like
ew
I just looked him up
I told my son
we were watching
National Lampoon's Vacation
I went
here comes Christy Brinkley
they never made him
better than this
this is the hottest girl
that ever lived
and my son's like
eh she's a
what are you not seeing?
He's grown up in this fat-ass generation of Kardashians and all that type of stuff.
And he can't see the beauty of a Brinkley.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It totally changes.
But yeah, you've got to also recall that by 19th century standards, as long as you hadn't been kicked in the face by a horse, you were the handsomest person alive.
She had a pronounced face. Let's have a look at booth yeah this is so anyway that's john wilkes john knew the play
because his brother's girlfriend had written it and he hung around the theater all the time and
whatever and so he knew he killed he shot lincoln during the big laugh line in the play like the
funniest joke in the whole play. That's not enough.
Right, which is incredibly stupid.
It doesn't work.
It's, I know enough to turn you inside out,
you sock-dologizing old man trap,
and the crowd fucking exploded.
They thought it was the funniest shit in the world.
That stupid ass, whatever the fuck that means.
They thought it was so goddamn funny.
It was like swearing
it was like
sock-dologizing
old man crap
it's like when you see
you see a movie
with no swearing
and then the old woman
goes you cunt
yeah yeah yeah
right right
and everyone laughs
so everybody laughs
and then that's when
he pulls the trigger
and to like you know
because it's a good
moment to do it
because then it was
everybody just confused
and that's when he
jumps off the balcony
breaks his leg
and then goes running like crashing out the theater door he gives us he
gives a little speech to why why the stage why did the booth boys not like lincoln what happened
well edwin did like edwin was a union guy like he was very pro-union they all were like all the
booths uh junius was like a super liberal like really uh and by the way just so you know this
distinction between democrat and republic literally did a 180.
Republicans were the more lefties.
It did a total 180.
And that sort of changed around Nixon-y type of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With the Dixiecrats and all those guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyway, so long story short.
So Edwin was like a big Lincoln supporter.
And so what, but here's the thing.
He was like very protective of his, it's kind of ironic that John, he was like very protective of supporter. And so, but here's the thing. He was like very protective of his,
it's kind of ironic that John,
he was like very protective of like the family name
and John sucked
and he didn't want John like dicking up the family business.
You know what I mean?
Like, so, cause his dad,
he inherited the Booth name and theater from his dad, right?
So like, it was a big deal that Edwin Booth.
Did I own the theater?
What's that?
Did I own the full theater?
No, no, but he owned the Booth, which is a theater in New York that Booth. Did I own the theater? What's that? Did I own the full theater? No, no.
But he owned the booth, which is a theater in New York that still plays, like, you know,
Broadway shows, the booth.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So, but anyway, so what was I going to say?
Oh, yeah.
So.
You know when I'm mucking up the family?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, basically, what happened was is that Edwin, who was the more established actor, when John
wanted to get into the business, was like, he tried to talk him out of it.
And the whole family tried to talk John out of it because he was dumb and shitty, right?
But he insisted.
And so Edwin was like, all right, well, here's what we're going to do.
This is in the 1850s.
He's like, I'm going to do all the cool northern cities like New York and Philadelphia and
Boston and Chicago.
And you can do all the southern places
like just these like you know undeveloped like mobile and you know whatever so he's he like kind
of banished John to the south in the late 1850s right before the civil war so like John basically
then ended up just only hanging around after shows with these like you know uh chip on their
shoulder angry southerners who were constantly
bitching about the north and how everybody in the north's trying to keep us down and all that stuff
and it was like oh yeah so it was my brother so he basically fell down the rabbit hole he like got
radicalized like q anon style by yeah by southerners in dirt right before the civil war so that's how
john got because technically it's fault exactly because he was raised in a family that would have
been like you been pretty liberal.
But then Thanksgiving and stuff,
they're like, oh, fucking John.
Totally.
Just steer the conversation away from Bollard.
Absolutely.
He's all right.
Just try to keep it to fucking syphilis and sport.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did ask,
because you had so many interesting, weird facts in there,
and I just asked a question about Junius Broodutus, Booth, and his time in jail.
Oh, going to jail?
Yeah.
But, I mean, you can...
So, I think this is super funny.
This is like a goofy, funny story.
So, the book's funny, by the way.
Like, it's a comedic retelling of these two guys' lives.
So, one of the times Junius, who was like a crazy...
Sorry, which one was Junius?
The dad.
The dad.
The dad.
So, like, you know, John was like raised by this fucking lunatic right so um he uh uh would go to jail all the
time for like public drunkenness or public nudity or whatever like starting to fight with people
a lot of times when he would perform like richard the third or whatever he would just decide on
stage that he didn't want to lose the sword fight this time and would really fight the other actor like out into the
lobby with a
fucking toy like a wooden sword you know
and they'd have to pull him off him and they'd arrest him
you know like yeah it's like
it's historically documented that Richard
gets killed
he commits yeah but so yeah so he was
like that kind of just temperamental lunatic
so he gets thrown in jail for something and
the guy who's his cellmate is just some like yokel dude named fontaine that's all we know his name is fontaine
and fontaine was a horse thief and back then that was an executable event you'd get like executed
if you stole horses right so this dude is gonna get executed the next day but suddenly just
struggle luck he's in a prison cell with like the most famous guy in the world.
And he's like, holy shit.
So he's like kind of like star fucking Junius Booth in prison, right?
Not literally fucking, but he's just, right?
So the next day he goes to the gallows and he makes a request.
He's like, can you guys give my skull to Mr. Booth so he can use it in his shows?
So the Yurek skull, the one that like they would perform Hamlet with,
and then he passed it down
to Edwin
and you can still see it.
It still exists to this day.
Is like his cellmate,
this real dude's human head.
So like when Junius sobers up
and like they hand him back
his keys and his cell phone
and whatever,
they also hand him
this dude's like fresh skull.
Like they wanted you to have this.
So then they just carried it around
with them all over the country.
It's still around?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can go see it.
Yeah.
So it's in the Players Club.
Oh, the last boy.
Yeah.
The Yorick.
I knew him.
Yeah.
So.
Okay.
And then I asked Jim what the important historic event happened the same week as the American
Civil War ended.
Assassination of Lincoln.
Yeah.
Which is super fucked up because it was like literally they had just won.
Lincoln had just won the Civil War and everybody was partying and it was like a week of celebrations.
And then on the fifth day, like Lincoln was like,
fuck it, I'm going to go see a play.
War's over.
And then that's the day that he gets killed.
So let's say six months earlier they assassinate Lincoln.
Do we have a different end to the Civil War?
I mean, possibly, yeah.
I mean, they were on the ropes kind of by that point,
but still, like, yeah, that could have absolutely rallied,
you know, turned stuff around, you know?
So he was just radicalized.
So he was there.
His sister-in-law was on stage.
His brother was in the play?
They weren't married, so it wasn't his sister-in-law.
It's his brother's ex-girlfriend.
His brother's ex-girlfriend.
But is his brother in the play as well?
No, he wasn't in that play.
He was performing in Boston that night, ironically.
And what was John just dicking around the theater?
Yeah, because he was a wannabe actor.
And would have Lincoln, if he sees him, gone,
Ah, it's fucking Edwin's brother.
I've met him.
What's his bloody name?
Exactly.
And in fact, Lincoln saw John perform one time a couple months before
and was reportedly very unimpressed with John.
He was like, Oh, this is Edwin's brother?
That kind of thing.
And apparently, this is, I thought, fascinating.
John was the bad guy in the play,
and every time he had a menacing line to deliver,
he would deliver it at Lincoln.
He would glare at him and do
the bad guy lines, you know?
And to the point where Lincoln's
secretary leaned over and was like,
this guy's like
doing all these lines to you. And Lincoln
actually reportedly said, hey, he does look pretty sharply at me or whatever.
Is there any recording of Lincoln's voice?
I used to do a routine about this.
Do not think that there is.
Those wax recordings did exist, but not that early.
But there is a recording of Edwin.
There's a recording of Edwin's voice.
Who played Lincoln in the movie?
Daniel Day-Lewis movie Daniel Day-Lewis
that's the best depiction of Lincoln
oh yeah that he was all squeaky
how the fuck does anyone know
well four score and seven years ago
he could have been
as campers
a row of tents
four score seven years ago gathering everyone
there is like
yeah as a history dork like there are certain things row of teds yeah to me like four score seven years ago gathering everyone there is like like like
yeah there's no there's no as a history dork like there are certain things where it's like okay that
might be a little bit more but you don't need the just don't make them sound like that you
know it's like in that one with matt damon the you know that the the uh good ben affleck no no
the one about the the last duel or whatever the oh I haven't seen that one. You know what I'm talking about?
I know of the movie.
Yeah.
It was really spot, right?
Yeah.
Absurd mullets.
Because like, yeah, all right, technically, sure, you can find tapestries of people with
that haircut, but you don't actually need to give Matt Damon that fucking ridiculous
absurd haircut.
You know what I mean?
So anyway, whatever.
Yeah.
So John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln, and then what happened to him? He ran for a run. Yeah. He said he broke his leg. Yeah. Yeah. He ran. Yeah. So John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln, and then what happened to him?
He ran for a run.
Yeah.
He said he broke his leg.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He ran.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Jim said eventually he was caught and killed.
I always think about people who assassinate people, and then they go for it.
Like the two guys, the Boston bombing type of thing, right?
I watched that documentary.
Yeah.
You're going to get caught eventually.
Like, your photo's all over the fucking place.
It never ends well for you,
assassinating or doing a mass murder.
But this is the 1860s.
You would think you stood a pretty decent chance
of getting away with it.
Oh, yeah, it's true.
He's not going to get on the news or anything.
No cameras.
Yeah.
No cameras, yeah.
And realistically, all he had to do, in theory,
was get to the South,
and they would have protected him or hidden him or whatever.
So he thought.
That was what his logic was.
Didn't he break his leg, too, or something?
Yeah, yeah.
He broke his leg jumping off the balcony.
Snapped it or just sprained an ankle?
No, he really broke it.
Then how did he run away?
Well, he hopped off stage and got on a horse.
There was a guy waiting out back who had a horse.
Who was that guy?
Just a guy who worked in the theater who got dragged into this shit. And that guy knew john and john was like hey hold my horse so that's why
this all worked out because they were all because they all knew that john had every reason to be
there you know it was like he's like an open micer at the at the theater more or less right so people
kind of knew like oh john's here again so it was so like nobody thought that was weird so um so but that guy the the guy who
was supposed to hold the horse gets dragged into the whole trial later and like he gets acquitted
he's the only one who gets acquitted because they realize like oh he just worked at the theater and
had nothing to do with it but the newspaper i think this is funny the newspaper reporters
like just eviscerated all the conspirators right just like that all their articles are just about
like what a dope they look like
and everything like that, you know?
And this guy who ends up not having, but they said,
his name was Edmund Spangler and they said,
Spangler has an Italian look.
Like they meant that as like the worst insult you could possibly,
like that is such a sick burn by 1860s standards.
Forrest, you have an Italian look.
Yeah.
No, he doesn't.
Anyway.
What were the conspiracy theories of the time, and do any of them still exist?
Yeah.
Well, that John wasn't that shitty an actor.
All that stuff has been...
There's a whole bunch of shit that has been rewritten by Southern sympathizers,
specifically the Daughters of the Confederacy,
who's this like group
of like chubby karens that still exist that try to rewrite oh i love it i love a nice southern girl
they're the ones who like are protecting the confederate statues and shit like all of them
in their sweet tea and they make juleps yeah them exactly so they uh rewrote this thing that was
like john was like this famous actor which he he was, like he's a shitty actor.
He's like an open mic-er compared to his brother.
And then also that it was about states' rights, all those things.
Like that's all like part of that.
Did he ever do stuff with his brother?
Did they ever act in the same?
Yeah, one time.
Yeah.
There were three.
There was another guy named June.
Junius Jr., basically, who was like 10 years older than them.
So he doesn't really factor into the story too, too much. Like he kind of does he went out to san francisco and became an actor out there
but one night they the three of them did a show together they did uh julius caesar like six months
before they killed lincoln or before john killed lincoln and john wanted to play brutus the assassin
and but edwin was the famous one so he was like fuck you i'm playing burtis so and it was like just one more you know like fuck you to john kind of thing and they did it to raise
money to build a statue to william shakespeare which is in central park like you can go see it
right now like wow so that statue was there because the three booth brothers did a benefit
show to build that statue and did did edwin booth continue acting after his brother killed lincoln
talking about Confederate statues jim said he did continue acting after his brother killed Lincoln? Talking about Confederate statues.
Jim said he did continue acting,
but he didn't do the Lincoln impersonation
anymore in respect.
Which is a good joke.
That's the theory.
There was a comic, right,
who used to impersonate Kennedy,
and he was on all the tonight shows.
Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And everyone loved him.
And he had other impersonations,
but his career went in the toilet
as soon as Kennedy,
because everyone thought of Kennedy
when they watched him.
Yeah.
Well, this is even more fucked up.
It's similar to that.
So Edwin quits acting, right?
And he quits in the New York Times.
He writes a big letter to the readers of the New York Times saying, I'm done with acting because of what my brother did, basically.
And then he sits around his house for like six months and then goes, I'm back.
He just comes back to acting.
I got another skill.
Exactly. six months and then goes i'm back like he just comes back to acting exactly and uh the first
thing he does is he puts on our american cousin which is like super fucking ballsy like it's in
the same year that lincoln was killed during this comedy and so now he goes and puts that play on
it's the king ralph of our time yeah yeah yeah he says you dune bug shovel shift up yeah and
everyone laughs so like he was like real insecure the rest of his life after that knew that nobody
was going to remember him and all that shit which ended up being true but uh but he's more remembered
now because of that no one would remember him now it would be over if his brother didn't assassinate
lincoln well yeah i mean like in another 80 years nobody's gonna remember charlie chaplin i guess
you could argue that, if he
was just known for being famous. But there's footage of
Charlie Chaplin. Yeah, but like 20...
The people who didn't have footage. But 15
years, right after he died, people
probably didn't remember him. They were like, Edwin Booth? Oh, he's the
brother of John Wilkes. Yeah, exactly. That's how he became. The narrative
shit switched, where suddenly he's the brother of John
Wilkes. But, uh,
yeah, he switched. He mostly played bad guys
after that. And, like, Yago in Othello, or whatever, or Macbeth, he switched. He mostly played bad guys after that.
And like Yago in Othello or whatever,
or Macbeth or whatever,
he played bad guys.
And that worked.
And he was like,
actually ended up being like,
like super popular doing that.
Was the dad still alive?
No, the dad was dead.
The dad drank just festering river water and then shit himself to death.
So, because like he couldn't be by himself
they needed a reality show so bad edwin was like his babysitter on the road and then they had a
fight when edwin turned 18 it was like go fuck yourself and his dad went off on his own and
immediately drank river water and died so um but uh yeah the theory is and i think this is really
interesting is that people were like really more interested in seeing edwin play bad guys after because they looked similar john and edwin and so people would go
and sit in a theater and see the guy who see the face of the guy like the the biggest villain in
america yeah yeah you know like scheming to kill king hamlet you know what i mean like so it had
this like holy fuck like that fuck. It had kind of an
appeal to it. More menacing. Yeah.
So now, who was Boston Corbett?
Oh, okay. So Boston Corbett's the guy
who chases John Wilkes Booth
down and kills him. Oh, right.
Shoots him in the back of the head in the same spot that Lincoln was killed,
interestingly enough. But he was a mad
hatter who, you got that right,
it was liquid mercury, which I think
is kind of interesting. They used steam hats in in human piss like that's how they did it so like any picture you
see naturally any picture you see if i wash my clothes this day wearing a hat that was absolutely
just soaked in in the guy who made its piss but then they realized and i think this is such a
weird detail that hat makers who made syphilis
made better hats, right?
Wait, that had syphilis?
Yeah, if the hatter had syphilis.
Because they pissed on it.
Well, because they used to treat syphilis with liquid mercury, right?
And so their piss was full of mercury, and that made better hats.
There was really bad rationalization.
I got logistical, like, and therefore we use mercury now.
Yeah, well, so that, but it was true.
So they realized that it wasn't the piss, so they stopped pissing on hats and started steaming them
in mercury but what that meant is then you were in a closed room breathing in mercury vapor for
like eight hours a day and that's what made hatters crazy and so boston was one of those guys
and so he uh just was a lunatic and then his wife died and he became an alcoholic and he became
homeless and then he was living on the street and became a street preacher and while he was a street preacher two prostitutes came up to talk
to him and he got really horny and he got really mad at himself for being horny and he went back
to his apartment and he read that part of the bible about how if your eye is offending you cut
it out or whatever if your hand cut it off you know and he cuts his balls off with a pair of
scissors yeah that was a castration and then he should have just cut his eyes out yeah he cut his
balls off and then he joined the Union Army
and then became like a super soldier,
and then he tracks Booth down and kills him.
And that's kind of the beginning of the story.
Why his balls, though?
It's not like his balls get hard.
No, if you don't have the balls, you wouldn't be right.
I think he realized, well, maybe I might have to go back
to peeing on hats at some point, so I can't cut my dick off.
Oh, yeah, he did.
Also, you need to urinate. That's what to peeing on hats at some point so I can't cut my dick off So you need to urinate mm-hmm now what I mean on hands yeah, why why is this question in here?
I forget how did they treat gonorrhea and men during the oh yeah entry because with mercury no that was that syphilis
Oh Edwin had gonorrhea, and that's how he killed his first wife actually he gave her gonorrhea, and she died because
She had complications of childbirth and died from gonorrhea and she died uh because she had
complications in childbirth and died from gonorrhea but he like fun apparently back
where the fuck is it with bloody stds what a fucking pain in the neck they are yeah right
if there is a god why do you why that yeah you put your dick in someone we die like fuck it
when i was a kid aids was all the rage. Yeah. Yeah. It was very popular. And fucking every time you...
Magic Johnson got it.
Yeah.
The week I was about to lose my virginity, Magic Johnson got fucking AIDS.
Oh, no.
Like, thanks, Magic.
That would give you pot.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks.
Brilliant.
Thanks, mate.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's like something I wanted to do more than anything in the world.
I wanted to have sex more than anything in the world with the full knowledge it'll probably
kill you.
Yeah.
So, yeah. I wanted to have sex more than anything in the world with the full knowledge. It'll probably kill you Yeah back then in the 1800s like it was like a badge of honor for young guys to have gonorrhea because it meant you
Fucked a lot right so Edwin would like brag about having gonorrhea, but then it's worse for women and it killed his wife so
But this is really interesting the way they treated it back then is, I guess there'd be episodes where it would, like, swell up or whatever the hell.
The way to get the swelling down,
you would take a giant book and put it on a table
and smash it with the book.
And the biggest book back then was the Bible.
And so, fascinatingly, both of the guys in this book
had their dick disfigured by the Bible.
You know what I mean?
Because that's why Boston cut his balls off. He cut his balls off. Because of that guys in this book had their dick disfigured by the Bible. You know what I mean? Because that's why Boston cut his balls off.
He cut his balls off.
Because of that verse in Matthew.
And then Edwin was walking around with a pancake dick.
So religion is bad?
How did you learn this?
This wouldn't have been passed down at school, would it?
I've read a bunch.
I've read a bunch of books about both of these guys.
There's not many books about Boston Corbett,
but a lot of what's known about Boston Corbett publicly
is that he cut his balls off and then killed Booth.
But Edwin is like a well-documented,
there's tons of books about Edwin
because he was a famous guy.
They need to make a movie of your book now.
I'm throwing it out there for you.
I can see it too, making it comedic.
Have they made movies
of John Wilkes Booth
of course they must
not Edwin Booth
and Boston Corbett
like you could tie it
all together
I don't think he's ever
like the main character
in a movie
I think it's probably
happened but you know
John Wilkes Booth
shows up in a lot of
movies around
like the conspirator
that one Robert Redford
did
like he's a character
in it
the Booth boys
yeah
and also Edwin
make a movie about
all them,
all the actors and stuff.
Yeah.
Make the assassination
just something that happens at the end.
And then you have this,
but you have,
no,
but you can have this
Boston Corbett character
come in too
because he's,
he's got all this crazy shit
that happens to them.
Oh yeah,
yeah.
So then he,
they,
he kills Booth
and he gets in big trouble for that
because they were supposed to arrest them
and have a big trial.
But he killed, so they arrest Booth, they arrest Boston Corbett, which he did because God told supposed to arrest them and have a big trial. So they arrest Booth.
They arrest Boz and Corbett, which he did because God told him to kill him, by the way.
So how long was it until Tommy escaped?
12 days.
Booth ran for 12 days.
And he got to Virginia.
And they tracked him down to a barn.
And he tracked him.
This crazy guy tracked Corbett.
That's impressive.
Well, he and his unit.
There was like 18 or 19 guys that did it.
And so is there Jack Ruby shit going on where they thought that it was going to happen?
Well, they didn't think that Boston was in on the conspiracy,
but there's a big conspiracy that started later, which I think is fun.
So he goes back to DC to be court-martialed, but he gets there,
and there's like a Super Bowl parade for Boston Corbett
because he's a hero because he's the guy who killed John Wilkes Booth.
So, like, he's such a big celebrity now that they can't kick him out of the army
or arrest him.
So they, like, make him a hero, and Matthew Brady,
the guy who takes all the pictures in the Civil War, takes his picture,
and that becomes like a trading card,
and everybody wants Boston Corbett's baseball card, right?
And then he goes on tour and starts touring around america reenacting the killing of john
wooks booth like in theaters and shit so like right while edwin is no longer able to go and
perform because he quit acting because his brother didn't and he's like a mess suddenly boston corbett
fills that void and becomes like did he have a high-pitched voice because he cut the nuts
no in fact i happen to know he has like a real low voice like he had a booming low voice is how somebody described him
so one of the guys in his unit or whatever but um what happened to him in the end yeah so he uh
he keeps he goes back to making hats because he doesn't know what so he keeps mercury poisoning
himself and uh he then gets so crazy so then part of that conspiratorial like rewriting of history, the South starts saying that John isn't really dead.
Like QAnon shit again.
Right.
And that Boston killed the wrong guy.
And he gets really mad about that.
And he pulled guns on anybody who said that about him.
But then he starts to actually kind of believe it.
And somebody sends him a death threat from John Wilkes Booth.
Like some troll. Right. Just sends him a death threat from John Wilkes Booth.
Like some troll, right?
Just sends him to his mailbox a letter that says,
I'm going to get you from John Wilkes Booth.
And he totally believes it.
And he freaks the fuck out
because John Wilkes Booth is coming.
The guy he killed 12 years earlier
is now coming to kill him
because he's mad at him for killing him.
Right?
You're sort of fucking crazy.
So he picks up and just takes off and gets all the way to Kansas and digs a gigantic
hole in the ground and then lives in the hole with guns pointed at the entrance to the hole
waiting for John Wilkes Booth to show up to come get him.
And he lives like that for a while.
No, John Wilkes Booth never showed up.
There's questions about booze in the 1800s and cocaine in the 1800s.
Oh, yeah. You would have done 1800s and cocaine in the 1800s. Oh, yeah.
You would have done a lot of cocaine in that hall.
Well, they were both total drunks, both Boston and Edwin, and they both got sober.
But back then, there was no – they didn't regulate alcohol until Teddy Roosevelt shit, like 50 years later.
So booze that you would get, if you were rich, you were fine.
But for just working class class regular people uh it was
usually made by the bar like the bar would make the booze and like you know you'd have to trust
that they were reputable but a lot of times they like were the most concerned with like getting the
color right so they would just put turpentine in it or like strychnine because strychnine killed the
river uh parasites that killed Junius Booth.
So they put, like, just fucking poison in it.
And then they would throw rust and or tobacco juice in to make it look brown.
To make it look like whiskey.
Right, to make it look like whiskey.
So that's, like, what these guys were drinking.
Well, boss was.
Edwin was rich.
And then everybody did cocaine, too.
So the brand was just between the mercury and the alcohol.
And cocaine was legal back then.
Yeah, and you saw, like, you've probably seen,
like, you'll show up on the internet or wherever.
Like, they used to give it to babies, right?
They would have, like, you know, like,
Dr. Magooses' baby-teething cocaine droplets.
And they would literally just put it all over their,
for babies who were teething.
Yeah, make gums numb.
Yeah, and they would put it in Coca-Cola, hence the name. You in coca-cola hence the name right so like on cocaine though yeah oh yeah
yeah exactly hey give me the tit come on yeah is he not sleeping through the night no
he slept in three days there's a lot of ideas though he's written a screenplay yeah
days. He has a lot of ideas though. He's written
a screenplay. Yeah.
He wrote King Ralph
actually. It's pretty good.
Child soldiers
in the Civil War. Oh yeah.
Of course, 100%. Yeah, but
mostly the South, right? Because they were just like
rebelling, right? So they would just get
whoever was willing or whatever.
They didn't have an age limit or something. So there was this group
of like guerrilla fighter terrorists called Mosby's Raiders.
And a lot of them were made up of children.
Right.
And Mosby was an adult, but he specifically recruited children because they didn't have wives.
Right.
So that so there was like in the South, though, they might have.
So, yeah.
So there was like.
Yeah.
Right.
So maybe that was the plan with the cousin right he thought
you would fall in love with him immediately backstage so uh yeah so uh these child soldiers
were just going out and like you know just committing assassinations and things like that
and boston the whole unit gets captured by these child soldiers except boston he's the only one
who's willing to fight them and he he fights off 60 suicidal cutthroat children
in a field for hours.
They're fighting all the kids on the playground.
Until he runs out of ammo,
and then the children are going to murder him.
And then Mosby steps in and is like,
you know what, this guy's a hell of a fighter.
And so they didn't kill him.
And they sent him to Andersonville Prison.
This is Boston Corp, by the way.
He looks insane. Oh, he the way. He looks insane.
Oh, he looks tough.
Yeah.
He looks insane.
Yeah.
He looks kind of like Tom Hardy sort of like when he's playing, I don't know.
Yeah.
He had no balls in that photo.
But that's after the fact.
So angry.
Also street preaching.
Has that ever worked for anyone?
No.
He just would shout at people about God.
But even to this day, you always look at him, are you getting anyone?
Yeah.
Has anyone walked by and gone, God is the truth?
It got Boston.
That's what happened.
Like, Boston was a drunk.
And he then became, like, a fan of street preachers.
And he was, like, super annoying to them.
Like, apparently this is what happened, is he would shout, like, loud, like, encouragement to the street preachers to the point where they were like he was like heckling them kind of requests yeah exactly psalms 316
and so they all got together and they were like you know what like this fucking guy right and
they called him the glory to god man because that's what he would do he would shout glory to
god all the time at them right and so they all sat down they sat him down one day and they're
like you know what you would make a great street preacher so why don't you go do it over there yeah yeah that's what they did so they
like moved him yeah yeah um what is the players club uh jim says an improv acting troupe they
were on strike unionizing yeah yeah close pretty close yeah pretty close so they they're like it's
a club that edwin founded like a gentleman's club and it still exists today and it's in his old
mansion in new york city in gramercy you ever been to gramercy park no okay well it's over there in gramercy there's a mansion
and it's uh it's for uh like actors and just anybody who's like a successful person or whatever
so over the years like it was started by mark twain and uh edwin booth and william tecumseh
sherman the guy who understood that i don't want a private bar or something like that or something
but i never understood clubs.
Well, you probably know people who are now.
So then Humphrey Bogart was in it and Ernest Hemingway.
Now Tommy Lee Jones and Ethan Hawke and Jimmy Fallon are in it and stuff.
Maybe Russell Crowe.
It's just a club in New York City.
Maybe Crowe's in it.
But they had this one in Australia that was like,
they didn't let women into it. Yeah.
It's just men.
And it had like three ex-prime ministers in it.
Yeah.
And they had a vote.
This is like two years ago.
And so the super famous Australians were walking out like this
and they voted nah.
Two years ago they voted no.
Still not letting women in.
And I'm like, all right, now you're up to no good.
Yeah.
That's fucked up.
That's some pedophile shit or something.
If you don't want women in there, why don't you want women?
There's definitely cheating on wives or something's going on in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they're touching dicks in that building.
So the players club still exists.
That's where the skull is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Edwin's apartment is still upstairs and they kept it the same.
So you can go up if you're a member and see the club,
or if you're a guest of a member and check it out and see his apartment or whatever.
So he does live on to some degree then.
Yeah.
But they did.
It was a men's only thing.
They let women in, in the book, I say, in the third season of ALF.
That's when they finally decided to allow women to get in, to give you an idea.
So it's been around forever.
Oh, yeah.
So in the 80s, they let in women.
And speaking of pedophiles, so this guy, the guy who designed it.
Don't point at me when you say that.
Sorry.
You were the one who brought it up.
The guy who designed it, this is like another just random thread I pulled in researching history.
His name is Stanford White.
He was like the most famous architect back then in New York in that time.
And he looks absurd.
He has this crazy fucking goatee beard thingy.
And he was super famous.
And he designed the Washington Square Arch,
you know, which is in every movie and stuff.
Anyway, that guy was a reviled pedophile rapist.
Like a Bill Cosby level.
Right, right, right.
And one of the guys whose wives he raped,
that guy was going,
Stanford White went to see a play
and he came and shot him in the head in the theater.
The same as Lincoln.
And that was like the trial of the century.
Why don't you shoot him?
That's new material.
Why don't you just shoot him
like getting out of his carriage,
walking to the theater on the street?
Like why in the...
I think it's a good place.
Like it's, you know, it's in the dark.
Yeah, the backstair.
You can get up right behind him.
And then he jumped into the light. He jumped onto the stage. Like you go boom, and then. It's in the dark. Yeah, the backstair. You can get up right behind him. He jumped into the light.
He jumped onto the stage.
Yeah.
Like you go, boom, and then just walk out on stage.
You don't have to do any jumping.
Right.
You did it with a big laugh.
Right.
And then this last questionnaire, what was significant about the timing of Edwin Booth's
death?
Oh, yeah.
I thought this was interesting, too.
I learned it.
On the day, because he was super bummed that his brother, more or less, nobody was going
to remember him, and all they were going to remember is the shitty thing his brother did.
And on the day of, they were burying him, on the day of his funeral, Ford's Theater
collapsed.
And so everybody wrote articles about, oh, remember Ford's Theater?
Remember John Wilkes Booth killed, and his obituary got bumped to like page eight yeah so yeah so so the theater where his brother yeah
yeah exactly right so so all the theater going after he like no like they didn't sell on the
lincoln after facking kennedy was shot they just reopened it like in our lifetime like yeah when i
was when i was in junior high school i saw like like godspell or something yeah yeah so now it's a theater again but like the the guy john
ford tried to start doing plays again and the go and the us government was like get the out
of here you're not allowed to do like and so they like bought it and made it a thing and they turned
it into like a government office building and they put a bunch of heavy desks in it and then i think you should put like an animatronic lincoln in there for the shows with a little yeah it's really
neat if you ever go it's like a cool museum they have like everything they have like lincoln's
bloody clothes and they have the gun that killed him and all kinds of stuff in the basement of
fort's theater yeah when i was we were like in junior high we went on a trip to dc and then
i remember just like staring at the box all the time i was like man that's where we were shot i
don't know any of this shit.
I was just like, I can't stop.
But yeah, it was a God spell, which I couldn't even tell you what it is.
All right, this is part of the show called Dinner Party Facts.
We ask our guests to give us some fact that's interesting or obscure
that our guests can use to impress people about this subject.
What do you got?
All right, so do you know what the Donner Party was?
You ever heard of that?
No.
A lot of girls called Donna?
No.
It's a good guess, though.
I've always found Donnas to be good-looking girls.
I know the Donner Party, but yeah.
I've never met a girl named Donner.
Yeah?
Oh.
Donner.
You know what?
Not Donna.
Donner.
Donner.
D-O-N-N-E-R. But I see what's happening here. I like Donner. It's. Donna. Donner. D-O-N-N-E-R.
But I see what's happening here.
It's an accent thing.
Doner.
I'm not saying donut either.
I'm saying Donner.
Donner.
Donner.
Like a donor.
Like an organ donor.
D-O-N-O-R.
That's a girl's name?
Yeah, it's Donner.
No, you're saying Donner.
He's saying D-O-N-N-E-R.
I'm saying D-O-N-N-A.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
Right, but it sounds like you're adding an R to the end of it.
Continue on, Justin.
It's fine.
I'm sorry.
This is a cultural.
We're having a cultural breakdown here.
It's bigotry what you people do to me.
I'm sorry.
So it's the most famous incident of cannibalism in America, right?
This entire wagon train was, it's kind of a known whatever.
There was a movie called Wagons East with John Candy.
It was the last movie John candy made where he was a
wagon train guy who was like get we're getting the fuck back we're going back the other way right
because yeah i've seen that one yeah so well that's why he's haunted john candy in that movie
he was the one of the guys who was part of the donner party right so that's like the his character
so anyway the donner party they like are heading west through the sierra nevadas like where lake
tahoe is.
And there's Donner Pass.
If you drive to Lake Tahoe, you'll see it. And they got stuck in a blizzard, and they all ate each other.
So kind of like the soccer players or whatever that time.
So anyway, Lincoln was supposed to be in the Donner Party.
It left from his hometown in Springfield, Illinois,
and he was buddies with all those guys and he was a war buddy like he served in the army and this guy
james reed was like the one of the two guys george donner and james reed were the two put the party
together the the wagon train and they were like come on hey come with us so he was like oh man
i'd love to that'd be fun and then but his mary todd just had a baby and so uh she was like get
the fuck out of here.
We're not taking a baby into the mountains in winter.
People did it.
They always did it in those cases.
So she didn't let him.
And she was like, no, you're not going.
They could have eaten the baby and survived.
Of course.
Yeah.
Lincoln would have been first to go.
Yeah, Lincoln was very tall.
Why would Lincoln have been first to go?
He was so tall.
He had a lot of meat on him.
6'4".
He had a lot of meat on that dude.
Yeah, that's why he could beat up the other people.
Eat the smaller folk first.
So she then is like, no.
Women and children first when it comes to eating.
So she's like, you can't go.
And you know what you should do?
Why don't you just fucking run for office?
So that sort of really changed the trajectory.
So while he was getting, he'd won that Senate seat,
and as he was getting sworn in in D.C.
for his very first time in office,
was exactly when all his buddies were eating each other.
Eating each other.
Yeah, so.
Okay, if we were all, who would we eat first?
Why?
He's staring at Forrest.
Why is he staring at you?
It's a lot of fat.
Wouldn't break that kind of check.
I don't want to eat Forrest.
What a nice lean
kind of young meat.
Did you say if we were all starving?
I would just eat Forrest regardless of the circumstances.
We don't need to be that hungry.
It's like here at the studios. We would easily go get Burger King.
You'd have to slow cook Forrest.
I'm right here.
Low and slow.
He can't hear us. Yeah. Yeah. I'm right here. Low and slow. What do you keep saying? Yeah. I'm right here.
Yeah.
He can't hear us.
Like a brisket.
Like I said, they should make your book into a movie.
I've been reading all your notes and stuff.
There's a million other things in the story that you haven't even talked about.
And the book, again, is called Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy Who Killed Lincoln,
a nutty story about Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett and it's available on scribd yeah and we will put the code down there but it's try dot scribd dot com slash jesse joyce super easy but again we'll write all that stuff
down there and then and also social media if people want to find you i'd even say it's all
at jesse joyce right yeah well no the instagram is jesse joyce one because somebody else got there
Jesse Joyce right yeah well no the
Instagram's Jesse
Joyce one
but um thank you
again for being here
oh man thanks
so I hope you
found this interesting
it was a great
seeing you
yeah either way
it was it was
an enjoyable
I've got stuff
I'm a big history
director like I'm
leaving and I'm
gonna go look up
this Prime Minister
who drowned
because I think
it's Harold Holt
that really like
stuck in my brain
like I'm super interested in that kind of shit so uh all right ladies and
gentlemen if you ever had a party and someone comes up to you and goes john wilkes booth was
a good act they go well i don't know about that good night australia