I Don't Know About That - James Bond with Steven Jay Rubin

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

In this episode, the team discusses the James Bond movies with the help of author of "The Complete James Bond Movie Encyclopedia", Steven Jay Rubin.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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that I changed it up too much I didn't know how to do anything at the ending and then look at that Elton John Billy Joel can you tell the difference I doubt it yeah they both play the piano how could you tell the difference you have said I doubt it before which I think is a key to get out of it

no no I think you gotta say I doubt it to get out of there are you always gonna say I doubt it before, which I think is a key to get out of it. I know, that's one of the things. No, no, I think you've got to say I doubt it to get out of there. Are you always going to say I doubt it? I think so. All right, so next week, tune in. I will finish with I doubt it. I doubt it. Is Forrest a heterosexual? I doubt it.

Like that. I mean, I don't care. Will Jack ever have a date again? I doubt it. Speaking of Jack, it's time for Comment World. Comment World. Comment World. Comment World.

Comment World. Summer's come and you're going to hang out in Comment World. And you're here and there's different things to comment on. What do you think about that? Why don't you make a comment? It's the worst world. Comment World. All the rides are horrible. one starts off everyone everyone have you enjoyed the yelp coaster

everything just ends in low self-esteem what do you got for us jack yeah they all go up and then they always come down what's uh what's happened now it's a youtube comment section why the hell do they read this do you think you going to one day come to the comment section and you're going to win? Of course there are haters. That's what happens when anyone sticks their neck out. Love you guys. Oh, well, you're giving us a nice comment. That was nice. Yeah, that's nice of them.

Don't read this trash. Don't give that. We don't read it. Jack reads it for me. This is an interesting one. this username is axel rose gnr who commented on kelly's shirt once saying she like he liked kelly's uh guns and roses shirt but he says fun fact i was also at the party in axel rose's hotel room in vegas where jim was also at high on shrooms yeah i had wanted to go say hi but had noticed he looked like what i can best

describe as lost and confused yeah it was later i discovered he was on shrooms and someone replied to his comment and went i call bullshit no no i was lost and confused at that party i was i was wandering around until the sun came up that was the most wasted i've been in in that was ever we've told the story before but you taking pictures of people i'm sure this is one of my i should have enjoyed it more in the moment but i also was on drugs so i was like looking at jim going wow i can't believe i took i took mushrooms as soon as i got off stage and then i did a meet and greet with the entire audience and the audience also and other drugs and other drugs there was other drugs in my system and i and i did a meet

and greet with the entire audience and the mushrooms key and the meet and other drugs there was other drugs in my system and i and i did a meet and greet with the entire audience and the mushrooms and the meet and greet someone take an hour and about the 40 minute mark the meat and the mushrooms kicked in in a very solid way and people were grabbing at me and do photos and then i turned to sam who's our touring manager and i said sam i can't physically or mentally handle this right now and he dragged me away to people like booing and yelling i wasn't good to my fans but i just couldn't be it was free it wasn't like anyone it was free but at 40 minutes we were like standing on the side we were standing on a sidewalk because they kicked us out of the arena because they're getting ready for guns and roses i was i was so high that i i could no longer take photos you

don't remember this part but i was standing there with some water, and you're like, Forrest, I need water. And I handed it to you. I was like, remember Marco Rubio when he grabs the water from the side? That's what I was like. You went back to the line with water dripping. You're like, okay, more people want pictures. And you're trying to engage with people in a nice way.

Like, hey, thank you for coming to this show. But you're so wasted wasted you can't have a conversation once the shroom trip starts it's like impossible i could i could only be around other people in shrooms yeah do you remember when we were on the floor of the concert and we saw those women that was like okay so we had like all access passes of the guns this is after your show we're fucked up jj's lost somewhere it's me and you wandering around we wandered onto the floor because we had access everywhere and we're just so messed up and these four women had been at your show too and they just go they turn around like oh my gosh you get they were like really excited for

half a second I go holy shit you guys are wasted like it was like they stopped like mid-sentence at a Guns N' Roses concert where everybody's wasted. Be like, these two guys are fucked up. Do you need help? All right. So that's what happened there. Multiple people commented. How about a fun one? These are comments from the mushrooms episode. A lot of people were commenting on how wasted you appeared.

I wasn't wasted at all. We were pretty drunk. One commenter. We had a couple of drinks. We weren't wasted. One commenter goes, Jim, you are so fucked up. Love it. Five exclamation points.

Explosion, explosion, explosion, explosion. Aussie through and through. Morton Bay Bugs, all caps. Dude, dot, dot, dot. Shaking bait feet and then three tongues. I love Morton Bay Bugs. Morton Bay Bugs. I don't know what any of that means.

Was any of that English? A Morton Bay Bug or a Balmain Bug is like, if you Google them, they're like a lobster, but they're a little bit sort of more crabby meat than a lobster meat. But it's like their whole body is just the tail. There's nothing else going on. Morton Bay bugs. So what? Not shabby.

Maybe you referenced it? I don't know. I love Morton Bay bugs, man. Best meal of my life was a Penang Thai curry with Morton Bay bugs. Number one. Number one meal I've ever had. Where was that my life was a Penang Thai curry with Morton Bay Bugs. Number one. Number one meal I've ever had. Where was that at? Yeah, a Thai place in Sydney.

I went with my mate once for lunch. I still think about that meal every day. Every day? Every day. Every single day. That's a good meal. And I went back and the place was shut. And I try to go back there all the time.

And I've never found another person who does it. So if you can make me a Penang curry. Penang. Penang. Sorry, my phone was ringing. If you can make me a panang curry panang panang sorry my phone was ringing uh if you can make me a panang curry with morton bay bugs i will i will marry you and i i say that in with my fiancee upstairs uh someone commented on that same train of thought i can't imagine living in a country with no burger rings i know i know but you can just order them it's fucking not that hard well they're expensive yeah but it is if you if you've made the trip over here you've got enough money for the flight put enough money aside for burger rings

all right so this comment uh says forest used to be a real lardo see what i mean at the jim jeffrey show the bit about the abortions in scotland but look at him now he looks better now than he was years ago i tell you what if you haven't seen the me the the me doing the abortion clinic bit and it's really not a me doing it the majority of it's forest it's so funny we sent forest out to to uh waste a guy's time for a very long time in a car we even called him del griffin which was the name of john candy and i shaved i shaved my mustache to look like john candy's character in the movie and i wore the same pretty much the same sweater and stuff that he had on there i was i tried to look like him and a little easter egg if you do watch it because i'm

in the van basically wasting this anti-abortion uh irish guy's time and then fucking when i was in the van with him for two and a half hours. And so I have my wife call, my fake wife call, and I do this whole thing. And her name is Candy. But she's just Kaz in the front car. Yeah, it was Kaz, the producer, Kaz. But I named her Candy in the phone after John Candy.

That's a little Easter egg for her. Yeah, he played John Candy. It's one of the funniest things I think I've ever done is watching Fox. The bit where you pull the tuna sandwich out of your pocket and you tell i make it a sandwich i make it good uh i i run hot by my yeah he looks there in his pocket she's like they're warm i run hot i don't sweat anywhere else my feet i sweat my feet i don't know i don't sweat on my feet trying to make you wear our boots yeah mckinley showed me a rough cut of that and i was in tears laughing yeah i watched all of the raw

footage of that and i was like how are they going to cut this down because everything was fucking hilarious probably outcut set of great well there was i will say this we were in there for two and a half hours in the van and we were supposed to go to the wrong hotel at first but the driver was the bad driver. He didn't even go to a hotel. So we really, it really looked bad, but that was good at that point.

And then he couldn't find the hotel that we need to end up at. So for an hour, we're circling. And then at a point I just got mad and I was actually yelling at the driver, like we need to get to the fucking hotel right now. And then there are points like where we're just sitting there and they did use one of those cuts where we're just kind of both sitting there

like this, like just bored out of our minds which was actually happening but uh yeah i uh when he came in i said how was your trip with dell and he was like oh he's an interesting fella and i said oh well you know i like to get him to do jobs where he doesn't have to hang out with me he goes he goes oh i can see that oh and he's destroyed his phone too because we had to get out of the car eventually and run in the rain and we didn't have a camera going with us anymore at that point and he dropped his phone in a puddle so i was like wow piece of shit yeah i'm not really much of a prankster i hate wasting people's time but he

was really an asshole. This commenter said, poor Jack, why can we never see him? Someone replies, just a kid can't consent to being on camera the way I've heard it with famous people kids. I don't have any kids and Team Z has not an idea who I am, so I could be talking and put my ass. What?

This is the comment you chose to read? They think I'm your child. That's what this commenter is. He doesn't fuck his own kid in the ass. Are you kidding me? This is the comment you chose to read? They think I'm your child. No, no, no. He doesn't fuck his own kid in the ass. Are you kidding me? That's illegal, I think. My child's got three dates lined up this week. I need tips from Hank.

Oh, yeah, there was one comment that I had three different drinks, but one was a glass of tequila, one was a White Claw, and one was the coffee I was desperately trying to finish before I got drunk off of the rest of the stuff. That is true. That is true. You told a story in the Shrooms podcast that you took shrooms one night and then our friend JJ left his fat sal sandwich behind and you ate it.

That was last week, yes. JJ commented on the... JJ did? ...commented and he said, For the record, I really wanted that fat south sandwich i freaking forgot it in the morning when i left damn yeah i ate it the next day wait why would jj comment on there and not just text us you're gonna have to ask he likes the attention he wants to be famous for getting a comment all right um jim you did mention last week that you had a story

that you really wanted to tell about chocolate we don't have enough time for that though all right jim you did mention last week that you had a story that you really wanted to tell about chocolate we don't have enough time for that though all right i guess we'll tell it next week then all right let's start the show so now it's time of the show where we're going to introduce our guest please welcome to the podcast steven j rudman good day steven good day jim how are you oh that's all right. You can't say g'day back. That's cultural appropriation. You have to say you're American. How about top of the morning? Top of the morning.

That's Irish cultural appropriation again. All you're allowed to say is you're American. You can be Irish. You can say you're American. Shalom. Hey there. All right. So Stephen's Jewish?

I said Stephen J. Rubin. Oh, like the sandwich. Exactly. I'm the smith of the were you were you named after the sandwich it was the sandwich named after you well we spell it differently um i was named after ruben ruben i've been thinking ah i it's funny because my uncle was called George sauerkraut. I like that. And he was named after the Reuben sandwich, but just anyway. Okay. So this is the time of the show.

We're called judging a book by its cover where Jim's going to try and guess what you're here to talk about at what you're an expert in. And he's only allowed to ask yes or no questions. I may give him some hints. So go ahead. Okay. Why don't I say judging a book by a cover? There's a lot of books in the background here with mr rubin and uh there's i think there's movie posters if i'm correct they look they look very movie is there's either the smallest fan

on earth or the largest bookshelf and books behind you know how i'm big into that yeah yeah um that's my thing uh there's there's the original cast of friends above his head stop describing what you see ask him some questions no no this is how i come to my questions no are you the original chandler from friends no okay all right well that narrows it down the five other friends it does narrow down okay i can tell that he knows how to read um are you a scientist no do you make movies yes you make movies fucking hell i've never asked a question that had an actual yes to it

Fucking hell, I've never asked a question that had an actual yes to it. You are a... Do you edit movies yourself? Are you an editor? No. Are you a director? No. You make movies.

You're a documentarian. One of my jobs is that, yes. I would say don't get wrapped up in does he make movies or not because he's not going to be talking about any movies that he has made. Let's put it that way. Do you really enjoy salad to a range where you have to talk about on the podcast? Are you a salad enthusiast? I am 80% vegetarian. Yes, I am.

80% vegetarian? Are you a pescatarian? You eat a bit of fish? I call myself a flexitarian I eat a little bit of everything but I'm 80% vegetarian just meat when he's drunk it's like how I'm a trisexual

I'll try anything once I've discovered a fondness for impossible burgers oh I love a Beyond Burger I like a Beyond Burger my I like a Beyond Burger. My big thing with Beyond Burger is I cook up a Beyond Burger and give it to someone and go, hey, is that good? And then they're like, no.

And I go, it's because it's Beyond Burger. But you couldn't tell it wasn't good because of that reason. We'll have to cancel their sponsorship now. No, I invested money in Beyond Burger really early on. And then they went through the roof. And then I rode that wave out wave out now they're broke um so okay so you're you're uh you're uh you're 80 vegetarian you make movies i would like a hint today um steve will be talking about, at some point, your dad. Ooh.

That's like, my hands. Your dad. Now you got to look at me, Jim. Your dad. So you're a serial killer. You're an avid Trump supporter. This is important. You're a prostitute enthusiast.

This part's important. Dad. Oh, so he's taking away the two other letters. You're talking about the letter A. You're quote unquote dad oh my quote uh george lazenby you're a james bond enthusiast yeah yes there you go i know but i give you the author of six books on the subject including the james bond movie encyclopedia which comes out this fall in its fourth edition yeah i was gonna say all that i was gonna say did you author screenwriter producer and documentary filmmaker stephen j rubin is the world's leading authority on the

james bond films he's the author of nine books including the upcoming fourth edition of the james bond movie encyclopedia we'll put that out there so um yeah did you know that george lazenby played my father in a sitcom? I learned that yesterday. That's another book you have to write. That's another edition. You have to write. Oh,

George. All right. We usually, George always talked about shag and women all the time. So me and Dan Bacadal and the set of legit used to do a game called all the James Bond movies as named by Georgeorge lazarby right so so there's the simple ones doctor no but she means yes octopussy he didn't change that one he was already happy with that one that's perfect on her majesty's tits that's another one um okay so uh here's what we're gonna do um steve we're gonna ask jim everything he thinks he knows

about james bond we're gonna talk about movies but it can be in james bond in general too um and i'm gonna prod along with some questions and at the end of that we're gonna grade him on how well he's done zero through ten ten being the best you're gonna grade him on accuracy uh kelly's gonna grade him on confidence i'm gonna grade him on accuracy. Kelly's going to grade them on confidence. I'm going to grade them on et cetera. Today, if your total score is 21 through 30, doctor, yes. 11 through 20, doctor, maybe. Zero through 10, doctor.

Okay, I think I know a little bit about James Bond. I'm not an avid James. I've seen all the movies. I'm not a crazy. I thought you were going to do well on this one. I'm not a crazy James Bond guy, but I think I've seen all the movies. Okay, who is James Bond?

James Bond is a spy for the British. He's a British spy. He was created by Ian Fleming. Okay. That's what I was going to ask you. So who created James Bond? Yeah. Ian Fleming created James Bond.

He wrote a lot of spy novels and stuff like that. There was a hint that when he left the military that he may have been a spy in some way himself, but I don't believe that's true. a hint that when he left the military that he may have been a spy in some way himself but i don't believe that's true he also was responsible for writing chitty chitty bang bang which is uh a movie that everyone thinks is a disney film but uh you know gadgets man it's got fucking gadgets in it and so that was written by ian fleming as well wow i was on a later question actually you already got that one um where did he when i jump in for a second um sure i just wanted to say that ian fleming actually was a naval intelligence officer and was a spy in his own right because he was a

spy master all right so i was right i'm killing it so 10 out of 10 so far yeah so i was gonna say where did he get his inspiration for the novel himself just himself yeah yeah just himself because he was in the military because he was in the military and he's a naval spy okay and then what was operation golden eye um it was i don't know it was someone who who i don't know i don't know i don't know what operation got i know in the movie what it was so where does it come from why is it yeah i don't know what it God. I know in the movie what it was. So where does it come from? Why is it? Yeah. I don't know what it was in real life, but in the movie, it was a thing that could make all the satellites move and stuff like that.

So I guess you don't know where GoldenEye is either. No, I don't know where GoldenEye is. Okay. What was significant? Do we want to know? No, no, no. What we're going to do, Steve, is we're going to let him answer everything

and we'll come back to you in like five minutes. Yeah, I'm writing everything down. Just wait till the end. The only person who interrupts is jay leno yeah the only person um yeah well just five with like five minutes and we'll be there what is significant about ian fleming's typewriter um uh he mixed uh the q and the a back to front because it was easier on his arthritis yeah you got it um is mi6 real yeah that's mi5 that's mi5 mi6 which one is james bonden i think i think james bond is in mi5 mi5 yeah that's real which is the british spy yeah it's

a real thing okay um what was the catalyst for bringing james bond into the world of pop culture like what what what made him popular james bond like um well the first movie was dr no and that did very well it was probably ursula andrews coming out of the ocean in that bikini was probably the thing that's the thing that made me pop up and look so women yeah women man how many stds is james bond got that's a good question i don't know i don't know if you like like you fuck that many fucking women you're gonna get something he probably has an antidote or something yeah where did ian fleming get the name james bond where did it come from oh um uh well the name james was already

a very popular name and and so he he had a friend called james and so he said james is good and then the name bond uh he lived on Bond Street in London, and that's where he got the name Bond from. I might be right on that. I know that you're wrong. One of the major streets in London is called Bond, so Bond Street near Oxford Street. Who did Ian Fleming base James Bond bond's traits on like the things that he

liked and stuff like that um uh um ethan hawke yeah that makes sense yeah why would i know that what do you mean he's his friend trevor he's i don't know i thought you might know about james bond no i don't know who you base the traits on here was a question you already got right did ian fleming write anything else that's significant besides James Bond? Yeah, you did get that right. What was the first James Bond novel? Like, what was it? And then how many novels were there total?

Okay, the first novel was Casino Royale, but the first movie was Dr. No. Okay. And I'm going to say there was... I'll have a guess. I'm going to say there were 16 novels. Okay, 16 novels. And then who was Albert Broccoli?

Albert Broccoli was the guy who produced the James Bond movie. And it's a falsity that he believes that his family invented broccoli. So you think that's false? Yeah, there's a lot of back and forth about this. His family claimed to have been the person who engineered broccoli, which was cauliflower and spinach or something meshed together. It was a hybrid vegetable. His family claimed to have done it,

but there's a lot of conjecture that his family didn't actually do it. Did he produce all the James Bond movies? Until he died. And then I think his daughter still is involved with him okay his daughter oh barbara barbara brockley i'm giving you that one there uh let's see um who portrayed the first james bond and how many actors have portrayed james bond this is portrayed him in general okay it doesn't have to be movies but just everything judas was the first person to betray him yeah okay okay uh the first one now i'm i believe i'm going to be wrong in saying this

because of the way that you asked the question but i'm going to say sean connery was the first james bond but then the second james bond was george lazenby and then sean connery came back to do another james bond and then there was roger moore and then there was timothy dalton and there was pierce bronson and then there was what's his fucking name the guy we got at the moment right now you don't remember yeah what's his bloody name i know i know you know who i'm talking about him jimmy crackhorn squid squidgy face and i and i believe i believe what's his fucking name the current one well you know if i don't the current one's the easy one so it's not that easy

daniel craig daniel craig okay there you go it's daniel craig and then i believe that peter sellers played james bond in a movie in like a casino royale type film which was like a like a minor type of thing so peter sellers okay um when was the first uh james bond movie you already said who played it what was it and how many movies have been made i believe there's been 21 or 22 james movies. The first James Bond movie was Dr. No. Dr. No. You think there's been 21? But she means yes.

And what is James Bond's code number and why is it that? 007. But why is it 007? Well, I do a joke about this because I'm a bad reader. When I read books, they're never as good as the movie because I've got shit actors in my head and I'm not very good. And so I'd be like, my name is Bond, James Bond. Ooh, seven.

So he's code number seven because he was probably the seventh spy in that rotation because there's 006 and the 005 and the 005. But what does it mean? Does the numbers have any significance? No, they're just codes numbers. Just codes, okay. Yeah.

Who wrote the James Bond theme music? Do you know it? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun don't know uh so i guess you don't have any controversy if you are if you ask me the artist i reckon i can name 12 artists i was gonna ask this who have sung the actual thing and we'll do that later we'll do i'll ask you the movie and see if you can get the song okay the artist we'll do it later we'll do it later. Okay. Okay. And this is another song I want. How many songs were nominated from the movies, were nominated for Academy Awards, and how many won? Well, Goldfingering, which was the porn parody.

It had to be nominated for an Oscar. And how many won? How many were nominated and how many won? I don't want you to ask me. I'm going to say four and two. Four and two. Okay. What was the original gun James Bond carried carried and what was it switched to uh he probably had like okay if they switched it i'm gonna say

the first gun he had was like a ruger which is like a german gun so then they went oh don't do that anymore and they switched it to um a british gun uh a penfold you don't know it i don't know they say in every movie so do you and do you know what the significance about the last type of so you don't know either okay the type of gun he carries now there's a significant i don't know i've never thought about the guns though okay um do you know any james bond catchphrases uh I'll have a martini shaken, not stirred. Yeah. You might want to get yourself a test love. We didn't use a condom.

That one's never on screen. That one's never on screen. Just a catchphrase. My name is Bond, James Bond, which is right up there with the Johnny Cash catchphrase. So you might want to get a test love i wasn't wearing a condom um uh another one of his ones was i i demand a dna check that was that was another one and uh uh money penny come on you want. Moneypenny, he sexually harassed the fuck out of Moneypenny. Every time he went in there, hey, Moneypenny, hey, hey, hey.

Well, the thing is, he's meant to be an English spy, and we've had a Scottish, we've had a Scottish, and then an Australian, and then we've had an English, then we've had a Welsh in Timothy Dalton, and then an Irish, a Northern Irish, I believe. Or maybe just a General Irish in Pierce Bronson. And then back to English. So we've only had two English James Bonds.

And the rest of them have all been foreign, but they've all played English. Give me extra points for that. You wouldn't have even asked that. Extra points. Give him extra points, dude. Bonus points. Yeah yeah you didn't know that timothy dalton was welsh i fucking knew he was welsh man uh how much money has the james bond franchise made oh i'm in the billions um so star wars worth seven billion dollars people go

to see the james bond people they walk through the turnstile. They buy their tickets. Adding it up. Of course he's adding. I'm going to say $48 billion. $48 billion. Wow. It's really good. A lot of tickets, man.

You're not going to know this one, so I won't ask that. No, I'm going to take it down to $28 billion. Okay. You're not going to know this one either. That's crazy. So I'm not going to know this one. I'm going to take it down to $28 billion. You're not going to know this one either. I'm not going to ask that. I'll mention it. You don't know what the significance of 9,007 James Bond is? 9,700 James Bond movies. That's how many movies we've watched at this time.

With guns and hookers and different spies we're shooting why why were the producers of the spy who loved me forbidden to use the original fleming novel as the basis for the film uh because um uh because the original movie um the the spy was a nazi and uh it wasn't a rusky like it was a russian in the film in the original movie in the original novel it was it was a nazi and we were at a stage in our society where you didn't want to love nazis i'm so glad we moved past that good confidence on that one i don't know if you're right but the confidence that's a good guess right i don't know anything about james bond and i would believe that okay a couple more questions and we're gonna bring steven here what what james bond movie plot was based on a dream by producer albert broccoli

i'd say octopussy that would be the dream that you wake up maybe maybe Thunderballs. Thunderbolts? I know it's Thunderball, but he had two of them. Okay. Oh, here's one more thing. Which film was so bad that the producers were thinking of showing it is now considered to be arguably the best film in the series? Okay.

Whenever you see the top 20 rankings of the james bond movies on her majesty's secret service is right fucking up there it's either two or two or three it's either two or three now i know from talking to lazenby that he was drunk during the whole recording and uh they wanted out of the contract with him and he showed up on the red carpet with a beard and and he was like, oh, fucking hell, fucking, ooh, you squares wearing a suit and things. This is the 70s, man. And they went, do you want out of here?

He goes, oh, do you want out of the contract? He went, sure, and they couldn't get the paperwork to him fast enough. Right? So I'm going to say on Her Majesty's Secret Service. Okay. That's a tactic Jim does, by the way. He takes information he definitely has

throws it in the end he's like he knows a lot because that all that was true about george lezenby but i don't know about the movie so all right let's go back so you're that's wrong obviously so the worst one i tell you the word i thought it was gonna be the worst i tell you i tell you the worst one in my opinion yeah is licensed to kill licensed to kill he's just out in his own he doesn't really have a mission. Because Living Daylights, everybody has their favorite Bond. My favorite Bond was Timothy Dalton because when I was a kid and I went to the cinema for the first time,

it was Living Daylights, which is a tremendous film. As the Aston Martin going through and shooting the cabins in the snow. A lot of people think he's the worst. Yeah, a lot of people think he's the worst, but I have such fond memories as a kid. But his second film, License to Kill, is a piece of dog shit living day lats is still a good movie and the song was sung

by duran duran that's a view to a kill isn't it it's interesting you should mention that living day no no no it's i think that's we'll get to that no no i know who it is but i think you're wrong living may i make a comment sure sure i was just gonna say that jim uh uh kind of confirms my theory that you love the bond you grew up with yes your first bond you see is timothy dalton not a surprise that he's your favorite he's my favorite i watched i started showing uh bond movies to my son the other day, and I started with Octopussy. I'm so childish. And so I started with Octopussy. And Roger Moore is – because Roger Moore was actually older than Sean Connery.

He was older than Sean Connery. Now, Roger Moore in that movie is so – it was one of his later Bonds. He's like crooked and stiff running around like pew, pew, and he does like the karate chop roger moore looks close to death in those in those late films and and as a kid we were like oh he's oh he's a master spy the only reason they did that like austin powers judo chop where he just falls down is because roger moore couldn't do big fight scenes anymore he was just like sit down you gotta work some lunch through.

Okay, so Steve, based on what you heard, 0 through 10, 10 being the best, how well did Jim do in his knowledge of James Bond? I would say I'd give him a very strong 4. You definitely thought you did better. Yeah, you did. Could you give me a 004?

I absolutely will give you a 004, but I think your enthusiasm level was good, though. What did I get wrong? That was all good stuff. A new category of enthusiasm. That was all good stuff. What do you give him, Kelly, on confidence?

I mean, his confidence was there. I'm giving him a 007. 007, all right. All right, thanks, Kelly B. I'm giving him a 00. Double 007. All right. All right. Thanks, Kelly B. I'm giving him a double O. Double. No. A double O-1-0.

What? What? A 10. A 10. He got losing for 10. And et cetera. So you got a 21. You're a doctor.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Let's start off here at the beginning. So you said, who is James Bond and who created him? Is it British by an Ian Fleming? That should be worth a point right there. He was great.

I'm going to add up my fucking points, man. That's how it works. I'm going to get to four very quickly. We don't only have 10 questions. It's not like you get one. The quality of the answer. And he said that he's based on himself in the military to some degree. Like basically, who created James Bond?

Where did Ian Fleming get his inspiration ideas from and so on? So how did he do that? Well, I think that to be, I'll give Jim a little credit because it was somewhat based on the fact that he was a spymaster. But he based the adventures on the spies he basically ran into the field because i don't think ian actually went into the field to be a field agent so uh and he was not technically can you say military if it's navy is it navy yeah it's a little military okay, because he was naval intelligence, and a lot of the things that were going on in Europe against the Nazis were spy things that he knew about.

Yeah, and I asked Jim what Goldeneye is. He said it was a movie, correctly, but Goldeneye is an actual place. It's the name given to Fleming's home in Jamaica, which he purchased in 1952. He wrote all of his Bond novels at GoldenEye. It's on the North Coast. Oh, Jamaica, where the movie Live and Let Die was filmed. Yes.

Yes. He's trying to get another point. He's trying to get another point from you. The scoring portion is over, Jim. With the theme song sung by paul mccartney just trying to get more points so you guys fucked us up because you didn't ask me the questions that i knew and um and you live in let dar was filming jamaica and uh and it was named after operation golden eye that was what i read something like that the name of it you know

actually i wasn't sure about that uh because i i didn't recognize operation golden i just knew the name from the home okay i got some hemorrhoids removed was operation brown eye is that what your doctor called it yeah operation brown eye just as i went under there um what was significant about his typewriter? Jim said that. We had an ashtray on the side of it. The A and the Q keys were changed? Because it was better for his arthritis.

You've got to do this one for us. I don't know. No, I just was reading stuff, and they said it's gold. He has a gold typewriter, so. He probably didn't get that until after. Gold typewriter, dear, dear. so he probably didn't get that until after. Gold-typed do-do-do. He's the man with the alphabet at his hands.

It's going to be a lot of singing. He did not stand at his typewriter. You're a regular Leslie Brickus. Sure. Who's Leslie Brickus? I don't know who that is. I don't know. Who is Leslie Brickus. Sure. Who's Leslie Brickus? I don't know. I don't know. Who is Leslie Brickus?

Leslie Brickus was Ian Fleming's male lover that he kept quiet. Leslie Brickus is the lyricist who did all the Bond songs. You know, Diamonds Are Forever, those kinds of things. This is why you got a four. Yeah. Jim said that James Bond is an MI5.

Was that correct? MI6. MI6.6 i was one out give me half a point i thought it was mi5 no that one you should get a point taken away because he said is mi6 real and then you went so far as to say mi5 i told you mi6 and then you go i was thinking of mission impossible 5 the movie well here's something funny in the first movie dr no m and m is talking about that he says something like uh since i've been ahead of mi7 it's the only time in the whole series he says that then they went back to six in the next one so what were the other mi1 2 3 4 5 5 you know uh that's a good question i don't know they probably have the same assignments as the seal team it's still team six everything's MI1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6? You know, that's a good question. I don't know. They probably have the same assignments as the SEAL team.

It's SEAL Team 6. Everything's 6. MI1, catering. SEAL Team 6. MI1's catering. Yeah, obviously. MI2 is British people correcting people on their grammar. MI3 is John Oliver. MI4.

John Oliver got in there. And then MI6 is real. Is MI6 real? MI6 is real is mi6 real mi6 is real yeah it's a real thing yeah yeah that's the spy agency for uh britain yeah but i thought like maybe they didn't recognize it until no no no it's it's an acknowledging it's i think they talk about it in the mission impossible no i think they recognize it now but i think like they didn't recognize it uh but you think you think they nicked it off the james bond no no no no i think ian fleming knew about it because he was in the military you're one of the fucking computer man i know i'm looking it up right now as i said in in this is what i think ian fleming knew about it

because he was in the military and he wrote into the books but they didn't yeah they didn't actually it's right here until 1989 right right you think that i was talking about it before 1989? No, 1994. No, but I'm saying the general public didn't know, but they still had James Bond movies where they said MI6. Oh, everyone knew about MI6. It was the worst kept secret ever. Shut up. Okay.

Okay. I've been pointed, I've been scored way too low in this. What do you mean you got that wrong no I got the MI bit I told it to you and then I said yes he said no MI5 you think that MI6 doesn't exist now

I'm telling you it does when I tell you about Area 51 it's going to blow your fucking mind James Bond I said what brought James Bond into the world of pop culture and you said I can't even read this. You said Ursula Andrews coming out of the ocean made Jim pop up. Ursula Andrews coming out of the ocean. That's what made her popular?

There's a famous story. I'm going to tell a famous story. Now, I don't know if this story is true or not. This is just a story that I love to hear. And I heard this from a BBC executive when I was living in England. Back in the day, many, many years ago, before Sean Connery was booked to do the voiceover for the Earth show, the animal planet where he's like, the Earth has been turning. He was booked to do that.

They went and had a golf. To get him to do it um they went and had a uh gulp they they to get him to do it they played around a golf with him up in st andrews in scotland right and then as they hit the uh the 19th hole they sit down there and they they're having a meal and that type of stuff and boys being boys they all sat around and started talking about the different women they'd had sex with right they're also in different women they had sex with. And one of them went like this. One of them went, hey, Sean, Sean, you must have fucked a few women in your day. Well, you got any stories?

And Sean went, and then he stood up and went to the bathroom. And the other BBC executive turned to the other one and went, are you fucking kidding me? That's Sean fucking Connery. He's been married for 40 fucking years. How fucking dare you bring that up in front of him? He'll never work for us, you moron. And then Sean comes back from the bathroom and goes, sorry about that.

Indejection. Indigestion. Ursula Andrews in the ass. You've never heard that story? I've been told that by several people at the BBC. That's like a classic Sean Connery story. Do you want to half a point for that? Yeah.

I'm going to give him more than a point. He's up to a five. I asked James. So what's the actual reason what was the oh yeah sorry into the world of pop culture john f kennedy's reading list was published by a correspondent life mag uh look magazine in 1961 from russia with love was listed as number nine on the list so what did they make all the other eight things into films no but nobody knew who james bond was in 1961 it was a year and a half before uh dr knows so so the books weren't selling that well and because kennedy read one

then they they had a little bump yeah it's funny it's kind of funny because and also and also the book uh marilyn monroe's ass how good is it also went up in the charts it's funny because last year obama put out like his summer playlist or something and like all those songs got a bump too like it was like 20 songs that he's listening to last summer i mean it's like anything like oprah's book of them i had some hot sauce in my in my in my cupboard that because it was oprah's top things oprah's what do you call a multiple of oprah's oprah's oprah's oprah's oprah's well her her name doesn't end in an s have you ever met another i met another oprah once

one time i was out and there's girl and she was a black girl right i don't know if it adds or distracts from the story and i go hey how are you what's your name And she was a black girl, right? I don't know if it adds or distracts from the story. And I go, hey, how are you? What's your name? And she was working in a theater. And she goes, my name's Oprah. And I went, come on. And she went, yeah, yeah, my mom really liked it.

She was only like 25. She goes, yeah, my mom really liked Oprah. And I went, wow. That's bad. Yeah, there's stories you're ever told. My mom modeled on her show once. Have you ever met someone? Your mom modeled on a show? Give me a picture of your mom. She's hot. I'll show you later. Yeah, give me a picture. Yeah, there's two. My mom modeled on her show once. Have you ever met someone? Your mom modeled on a show?

Mm-hmm. Give me a picture of your mom. She's hot. I'll show you later. Yeah, give me a bit of the Zabinski mom. She listens to this. All right. Hey, Mrs. Zabinski.

I'd still do you. Wow. All right. Sorry, Mom. James Bond's name. You should be hoorayinging well done no i'm saying sorry that he would still do you you should say well done well done mom uh james bond's name ian fleming i want i asked you where ian fleming got james bond's name you said james common name bond street in london is that correct yeah that's pretty good answer uh that's not correct unfortunately uh he had a coffee table book on his desk at golden eye

uh james excuse me uh birds of the west indies by james bond wow it was a fucking bird watcher yeah it was a person with binoculars going, oh, that's the Twinted Finch. Yeah. The Twinted Finch. Look out for that one. There really was an ornithologist from Philadelphia named James Bond, and he became the namesake. Yeah, there's a very common name, James Bond.

Yeah, but sure, he got it because of an ornithologist, though. But does that guy ever know that he was named, that he was the guy? Oh, yeah, he got a signed copy of one of the Fleming books. That's it. I once have held a watch by Omega, which is the watch of the James Bonds. I once held a watch that only, however many Bonds there are, there was six or seven or whatever um george lazenby's watch they were made just one-offs just for the james bonds and i held it at the back of

it like you could see the figure and it looked through like the bullet eye at the beginning so there's a big there's a lot of conjecture so what are we looking at when we see someone shoot we looking at the barrel of the gun or are we looking at an eye socket i think we're looking through the barrel of the gun right yeah that's what i thought too i used to think but then why is the blood dripping down it well i think it's uh it's it's an effect i think i know it's an effect i know it's i know they didn't kill a person i didn't just shoot a person so we go oh good opening didn't work get me get me another possum right no the 50s there was no

way else to do it you just had to kill somebody because the thing is is it an eye socket and then the thing and then he comes out and they bang because you're seeing him from a distance or is it a person holding a gun looking at james bond this person gets shot and then the blood comes down he gets shot he gets shot he turns and shoots him james bond turns and shoots him and then that guy's like and that person's got blood. Yeah, and the blood runs on the front of the gun. All right. Squirting everywhere.

Your story checks out. Yeah. I used to think it was a camera when I was a kid, because it was a little thing. And I was like, why is it a camera? Because you know James Bond. James Bond hated the paparazzi. He was a spy. He was trying to keep secret.

And then he comes out have a nightclub and they're like mr bond mr bond i'm gonna have to shoot that gun you know my name tmz is like international spy james bond seen leaving nobu yeah with four women seven russian spies we have no idea what they were up to or as jill saint john says and diamond diamonds are forever after he kills the bad agent but puts his own wallet in the guy's pocket and she pulls out, oh, my God, you've just killed James Bond. They always knew who he was. They'd be in a casino and they'd be like, James Bond is here.

You're like, what the fuck? How do they always know he's here? Why did no one ever kill him quickly? Why in Goldfinger, the laser going up towards his testicles? That's where Austin Powers was built, on the whole idea that they couldn't just kill him right away. They had to have an elaborate ruse.

And that has become a trope now that we have in cinema. And then Batman took it over in the 1960s TV show, where all of a sudden they couldn't kill batman and robin they had to put them in an hourglass with sand falling down was there a reason for this or was it just was this the first thing to do it or was this something that happened in cinematic history before i think the answer to that question is simply that bond's a good guy and good guys survive to the next movie. It was the franchise, obviously. You can't kill James Bond.

Although, interestingly, they'd done it a couple of times. You think he's dead and you only live twice. Two guys come into the bedroom when he's with a little Chinese girl named Machine Gun and the bed and blood everywhere.

And it was a ruse to make the specter think that he's dead. I'm going gonna quiz you very quickly what was the first james bond movie where he got married the only james bond movie where he got married well actually there's been well really married is george's movie on her he's only written six books about that. Really, Mary. What was the one where he got herpes? Trick question.

All of them. He only got it once, though. Then he just kept giving it around. He kept giving it around. He was the one who brought fucking herpes to Russia. Before with Russia with love, they were herpes free, that whole country. They were like, down there we just grow potatoes. And then we pick the potatoes

from the bit from your scrotum and your thigh and we boil it down until we have vodka um i asked you uh okay so novels i said what was the first one you said casino royale first movie they made was dr no and there was 16 novels stand by yeah no i going to say you're right, but I was going to... Well, he stands by it. How the fuck did I get a four? You're kidding me, right? You've gotten so many wrong. What do you mean? I've got so many right.

No, the thing is you're forgetting that you haven't answered the questions properly. You just have other facts that you're sharing with us, and you think we should have known that to give you the higher score. You know? And what would you like to say? There's actually only 12 well i believe there's 12 and two collections of zero there's only 12 novels no no that is correct but you're not including the ones that i've written that's a good way okay so i'm sorry i thought he was right

on the 60 for some reason i didn't know no it's it's more like 12 and 2 collections of short stories. Okay. Are they out of novels written by Fleming? Are they out of novels? They've made all... For many years. In fact, the last movie that was based on an Ian Fleming novel, I think may have been...

Well, Octopussy was a short story. Four Year Eyes Only was a short story. So an actual Bond novel may have to go all the way back Well, Octopussy was a short story. Four Year Eyes Only was a short story. So an actual Bond novel may have to go all the way back to The Man with the Golden Gun, maybe. What about Casino Royale, though? They redid it. But Casino Royale was the first, you know, was, yes, but that was made, yeah, yeah, that was based on a novel.

You're right. They redid it. The Texas Hold'em scene in that too long isn't it too long it's funny i've actually watched the movie a dozen times now and i like it it's long it's an epic piece it's a long movie it's a good movie but that scene's a bit long it's like all right you're good at gambling son move on um i asked him about albert broccoli he said he was a producer which i know is correct but he he said it's false that that his family invented broccoli and i thought oh my true whether it's true or false our comment section now is about to lie about to light up yeah i

believed it was true i was then told it was false and i watched a documentary where they said there was a bit of conjecture about it. I believe it's false. Do you know anything about that? Well, I interviewed Mr. Broccoli. And he told me about his family. Did you interview Mr. Carrot and Mr. Peas at the same time? And his family, the Broccoli family, brought broccoli to New York.

And so I understand that the broccolis are from a long line of broccolis. And they indeed invented. You were correct, by the way, in saying that the vegetable is a hybrid. It's a cross between cauliflower. And I don't know how you pronounce it. R-A-B-E. Robbie or something like that. I would say rabe. I don't know. I think it's Rob. Rob. Isn't it Broccoli Rob? It's Broccoli Rob. I know how you pronounce it. R-A-B-E. Robbie or something like that. Oh, yeah. I would say rabe.

I don't know. I think it's Rob. Rob. Isn't it Broccoli Rob? It's Broccoli Rob. I know the word, though. I just never knew how to pronounce it either, to be honest. Right.

But see, just because he brought it over doesn't mean that he invented it. So, like, the car, we learned, like, is Mercedes-Benz, but it was only Benz who invented the car. Mercedes just was the person who sold it. I don't think he put personal credit for inventing broccoli, but he said his family was the one that brought it over to America. Why the fuck would they bring it over to America and ruin me all the time?

Good point. You don't like broccoli? No, broccoli's a fucking cunt's vegetable, broccoli. It's no good, man. It's no good. It's a little forest in front of you. Oh, thank you no sorry okay um i mentioned this to you yesterday when we were talking about the ted healy three stooges thing

did you read up on that because it said albert broccoli was like it seemed like his family maybe there was like some sort of organized crime connection or something like that i don't know it's an italian stereotype whatever but i read something, and Steve wasn't sure about it, but that Ted Healy, the creator of the Three Stooges, died because Broccoli and two other producers that were drunk at a nightclub beat him to death. He died because he didn't put his hand on the rack. And the thing is... I actually adjusted my hat for that show.

About 10 seconds earlier, I went, oh, now what am'm about to do. So, and the thing I read was it said, they said, there's no proof of it for real. And they said, ah, he died of alcoholism. But then in an interview, Broccoli said, ah, we did get in a fight. I punched him a few times. I helped him up and dusted him off and then left. And then in another interview, he said, nah, I punched him and kicked him a few times.

But he was alive when I left. So it just sounds like Bro broccoli might have killed this guy the three stooges guy was why i oughta whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa boom and his eyes got poked out and then he kicked him boom got bonked on the head uh i asked you if then broccoli left like this i invented vegetables i invented vegetables. I invented vegetables. I'm the mafia. I asked you if Albert Broccoli was responsible for producing all the Bond movies.

You said yes. Is that correct, Steve? Until he died. Technically not. Jack Schwartzman, a lawyer at Lorimar, got the rights to do a remake of Thunderball with Sean called Never Say Never Again. Also, Charles Feldman actually was the first one

to get the rights to Casino Royale. Actually, he's the second one. And he made, as you correctly pointed out, the spoofy 1967 Peter Sellers Casino Royale. Yeah, spoofy. You didn't know I knew that, did you? Well, I did because you said it. I reckon I could name James Bond movies.

I could just make up. They're so easy to name. Okay. Always Say Something. What? Okay. Always what? Yeah.

Always Say Something. Always Say Something. Is that a movie? No, he's saying he could be the person who names James Bond movies. Tomorrow's Never Yesterday. Fucking put that on a fucking poster. That's true. You're just using words from the movies that exist already.

Yeah, that's what they all do. That's what they all do. No, no, no. You're using ones from the words. These are already James Bond movies. Give me a bunch of words. I'll make a fucking James. Give me seven words.

I'll put them in order to make it sound James Bond-y. You're using words from James Bond movies that exist to make new titles. You've got to make a whole new title without the words from any James Bond movies. Okay. Silence Is It Now. That doesn't sound very good. You haven't seen it. Okay.

I'd watch it. Thanks, Jake. You're his assistant. You have to. We said I'm the hype man. There's a couple one word. There's like one, two, three, four, one all right here we go six one word movies give them what they want yeah give them a one word movie boom shakalaka boom shakalaka yeah yeah that boom

shakalaka is a great james bond movie all right i asked jim who was the first james bond booty cole yeah that's good actually give them what they want give them what they want yeah yeah give them what they give them what they want all right give them what they want that's the thing that they really want give them what they want give them what they want that's a james bond song at a point that was good all right um i asked james who the first i asked james uh james i asked jim who the first james bond uh was and he said sean connery who the first James Bond was. And he said Sean Connery.

Sean Connery. That's incorrect. In my book, the James Bond movie, Encyclopedia, fourth edition, coming out this fall. Me and you raise the same eyebrow, by the way. We do the one eyebrow the same. Get in. I pointed out that Barry Nelson played James Bond on CBS television in 1954.

That was the first James Bond movie. Who's Barry Nelson? First James Bond. He just said it. Yeah. Who is he? What does he look like? He looks like a hare.

Is he Asian? Is he tall? No, he's white. Right. That's an assumption if ever I've heard it. His biggest claim to fame, Jim, was he played the guy who hires jack nicholson in the shining to be the overlord of uh wow that guy i do know who that is now you're incorrect his biggest claim to fame was that he played james bond you're right he's right there yeah i know

the guy you're talking about in the shining now too that yeah he brings him in the office with no windows barry nelson good on him okay so he was the first one, and then Sean Connery? Is that how it worked? Sean Connery was the first one, exactly. The first movie theater Bond. Yeah. Who, incidentally, turned 90 this week. Give me a point.

He's alive? Yeah, yeah, he turned 90. He lives in Barbados. I think he turned 90 last week, and this is now two weeks going to be late. August 22nd. Like a month ago. Yeah, so he turned 90 this week. No, not this to be late like a month ago yeah so he turned 90 this week or also not this week we're a month ago it's it's it's worth viewing have you ever seen the

barbara walters uh interview where he he talks about his love for slapping women it's it's a real view he doubles down on it yeah sean connor it's barbara walter goes so you said somewhere that you think that women should be slapped. And he goes, I'm not starting to buy it. He goes, the thing with women is, he goes, you let them have the last word, but then it's not enough. It's like, all right, Sean. You know, but he's too old to be me too.

You just made a good James Bond title right there. It's not enough. It's not enough. And also too old to be me too. Too old to be me too there you just made a good james bond title right there it's not enough oh it's not enough and and also too old to be me too old to be me too women should be slapped these are all good films to be fair that's a good trilogy sean connery will come back and do all of them every time i tried to leave by the way when when the first James Bond movie was released in France, there was a little bit of a snicker when they called this Sean Connery because apparently in French, Sean Connery means without balls. I don't know if this is an urban myth or not,

and it's in one of the Asian countries. And there's two of them, two, three. So in one of the Asian countries, I'm going to there's two of them two three right so in one of the asian countries uh i'm gonna say japan for the sake of argument in japan um the one of the top 10 rated shows of all time was joni loves chachi right which was a spinoff from happy days and it was shown in the afternoon and the only reason is because in their language, the word chachi means cock. And everyone was like, 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Joanie loves cock.

I'm going to tune in. I believe it's Chinese. I believe chin chin means penis. Okay, so it's China, in China. Joanie loves cock was a big, big thing. It was before the internet where people could look at cock on the regular. And they went, oh, I might tune in to Jodie Love's cock. Yeah.

Well, don't you think after the first time they just would have been like. Oh, no, only the pilot. The rest of the episode. There were some people who stuck with the whole season because they thought it would pay off in the end. It gets coming any day. Asked him how many James Bond movies there have been. Jim said 21.

How's that? 27. Whoa. 25 official and then the Never Say Never Again remake I just mentioned, plus the Casino Royale spoof. Yeah. Well, I've only seen 21. Give him another point.

Man, you're at 10 already. I asked Jim what 007 is the code number for, and he said it's just because he's the seventh one. Does the numbers mean anything? According to one of the British newspapers, Ian Fleming used to ride to work on the 007 bus. So that's how the name came in. He just stole from everything, didn't he?

On the 007 bus that's a good one um last bit of public transport i came in my spy name is called the dodger stadium express the metro red line yeah hello agent dodger stadium Express we meet again oh Jack you just reset the joke Jack I just thought I liked it with the gun shooting Jack Jack's sad that wasn't Jack firing a gun

that was Jack sold the fighting hey double A's we meet again career I think you got catchphrases right you said well you said some that aren't probably shaken not stirred james james james bond might you might want to get a test love and dna test a lot of tests you might want to get a test are there any other catchphrases right shaken not stirred and my name is bond james. Is there anything else? Exactly. I always laugh in my book, The James Bond Movie Encyclopedia,

that Jimmy Stewart was at one time considered to play Bond. Can you imagine introducing himself? Oh, no. My name is Bond. Oh, you're a Russian spy. I'm going to put it in you. Wait, is that your Jimmy Stewart? That's my Jimmy Stewart. You were doing Christopher Walken at first. Oh, you're a Russian spy. I'm going to put it in you. Wait, is that your Jimmy Stewart? That's my Jimmy Stewart.

You were doing Christopher Walken at first. Oh, no. No, I'm going to get that moon. I'm going to bring it down. Oh, no. Put the golden eye on my ass. Oh, I'm going to tell you. I'm doing Woody Allen now.

My name is Bond. How old are you? You seem too young to be my wife. Oh, no, you aren't seven. You're eight. You're old enough. That was a good Christopher Walken idea. Christopher Walken doing Woody Allen impersonation.

Oh, yeah. And by the way, there is a Bond connection because Christopher Walken played the villain in A View to a Kill. He did play the villain. Do you know that Christopher Walken was a child star? No, what was he a child in? Did he Google it? He was.

He was a child star. Why do I have to do it? You brought it up. I was watching a documentary called Child Stars and then Christopher Walken was like, oh, they used to just bring me on the set. And I was like, oh, no. I don't know.

Like that, right? He does that when he was a kid, too. Yeah. Christopher was a child star. Who wanted to have that freaky fucking kid on this? Walken was known as Ronnie and started his career as a child actor in the 1950s with the regular appearances on NBC's The Colgate Comedy Hour. All right.

Yeah. What did I tell you? Pop photo. I like Google. It is the best thing to say after lying about something. When you say Google it, people just believe you. Christopher Walken is the only actor who gets impressions anymore. There's only one actor in the business who gets impressions.

Oh, I can do them all. You ready? Ask me for any impersonation. I'm taking the hats off. All right, Steve, you can ask him. Do you want to see Robert De Niro? No, no. What was I going to say?

You got to do De Niro. Crushed. I missed my name. My name is Bond. James Bond. How good is that one? Oh, you're new match, James Bond. Okay, all right.

I got it. I'll do all impersonations. My name is Bond. Oh, my name is Bond. James Bond. Oh, sweet Bond. Okay. Cliff Clavin. Well, you're doing impressions you know you can do. James Bond. Oh, sweet Bond. Cliff Clavin. Well, you're doing impressions you know you can do.

My name is Bond. Little known fact that the word Bond comes from bonding two things together. Alright, Johnny Depp. My name is Bond. I didn't slap you. Stop telling everyone I did. Gilbert Godfrey. My name is Bond. I didn't slap you. Stop telling everyone I did. Gilbert Gottfried. My name is...

My name is Bond. Why are you yelling? You sound like Rodney right now. James Bond. That's Gilbert Gottfried. That was Rodney from your show. That did sound like Rodney, yeah. How about,

I don't know, Julia Roberts. Oh, I can't do women. How about Donald Trump? Mark Wahlberg. I can only do what's his name's impersonation of Donald Trump. I can do Trevor Noah's impersonation of Donald Trump, right?

Ooh, my name is Bond. What about Crocodile Dundee as James Bond? My name is Bond, James Bond. Same accent. All right. I can do Al Pacino. Oh, my name is Bond. James Bond.

That was a good one. Yeah. Okay. How about, who else? Gary Busey. Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage. good one. Yeah. Okay. How about... Who else do we... Gary Busey. Nicolas Cage. Nicolas Cage.

I can't do Nicolas Cage. Yeah, well, that's fine. What's happening? Oh, my name is Bond. Are you a ghost now? Seinfeld. Do Seinfeld. Oh, yeah.

You can do Seinfeld. My name is Bond. What's the deal with being Bond? Either you're James or you you're bond who says their second name before their first name what's all that about i'll have the martini but don't tell the rest of the people that i uh okay stallone you do michael caine oh oh oh please, please. My name is Bond. James Bond. That wasn't bad.

All right. You want Michael Caine, I can give him to you, but only for a short amount of time. What do you mean? Well, I can't do long sentences. I can only do Michael Caine at the end of his career i can't do some you told me to blow the bloody doors i can't do that anymore i can just do the bit that goes master wayne some people want to see the world burn my name is bond okay all right getting back to the questions um i asked you i get paid to be a comedian did you believe it

by the way i've now pumped him up to a seven a seven what a great honor thank you so much for the seven. Thank you. This is the Michael Caine podcast. If you would like to tune in and hear about different things. First, let's talk about the movie Alfie. I was in the movie Alfie. We're going to stop here.

It's not a good podcast. I asked Jim what the first gun that James Bond used. He said a Ruger and then he switched to a British Penfold. Penfold is a type of golf ball. So we know that. Not a type of wine. The first gun he carries in Dr. No is an Italian Beretta. Beretta.

That was what I made by Penfold. That's the first one. The first one. A Ruger. And it was replaced by the Walther PPK. PPK Walther. Why was it replaced, though? The way M, excuse me, the way

the Q describes it as the Beretta is light, belongs in a lady's handbag, has no stopping power, and then he hands him the Walther, and the equipment officer says,

has an effect like a brick through a plate glass window. The CIA swear by them. So let's get back to Q for a second. Q was always my favorite character. So you had Q, and he was probably the longest running actor that was in all of the James B bonds then he was replaced by john cleese who played r and then john cleese was replaced by someone in the last i assume is playing s um i don't know no he's still he's back to q um ben wishaw is this wonderful british actor who

now plays the boyish Q in the last three films oh yeah right so you had like John Cleese did two three yeah I think he did two um interestingly um Desmond Llewellyn who's the one you're talking about who was in all those bonds he's not in live and let die live and let die has no queue is yeah because living is he dead that guy would he be dead by now he has to be in a traffic accident very sad what he killed in a traffic accident at 100 like he was must have been very old right he'd have some sort of gadget yeah oh well that's sad that he was killing a traffic accident i made a joke about it too i just did it it's funny if you do it in a Michael Caine voice. Forrest, I've never seen you

do an impersonation. I'm not good at them. Any of the ones that I did, what one do you think you could do the best? I can't do any of them. I can't do any impressions. Forrest,

Jack can do you. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Shut up, Jim. No. We're not questions now. Get back on Jack. Shut the fuck up.

No, do Forrest as James Bond uh no I can do it that's exactly what Forrest would do I can do it hey what's your name Bond why would you ask

do you want anything to drink sir tequila on the rocks Why would you ask? Do you want anything to drink, sir? Tequila on the rocks. Shake it, stir it. I don't give a fuck. That's pretty good. That's really good. Okay, I asked you, why were the producers of The Spy Who Loved Me

forbidden to use the original Fleming novel as the basis for the film? And you said something about Nazis and Ruskies. Yeah, man. How was he right there, Steve? No, unfortunately, he was incorrect. The original novel, The Spy Who Loved Me, is not really a James Bond novel at all.

It's about a young woman being attacked by hoodlums in a motel on the east coast of the United States. And at the last two chapters, she's saved by James Bond. Right. That is a Bond book, though though he just comes in at the end yeah it was a different book he just happened to be walking by oh so that's like like in the quran when jesus is in there like when superheroes cross over or something like that is that what you're saying like it was a book where like somebody wrote it and then they got stuck and

they're like i got it james bond comes in and saves them they're a good idea yeah that's what it was i guess you would call that kind of a twist um and then what james bond plot movie plot was based on a dream by producer albert broccoli you said octopus or thunder balls yeah diamonds are forever what who has a dream about that albert broccoli had a dream one night. Apparently early in his career, he worked for Howard Hughes. So he was walking past his office in Las Vegas in his dream, and he saw Howard Hughes in the window. And then when Howard Hughes turned around, it wasn't Howard Hughes.

So the plot of Diamonds Are Forever is that Blofeld, the great specter villain, takes on the persona of Howard Hughes. Who is your favorite henchman? Oddjob, Jaws, Blofeld. Who is your favorite henchman? Oddjob. Absolutely. Oddjob's a good one, isn't he?

He's just a bloke with a hat, just hanging around. Henry says, manner's oddjob job i thought you always took your hat off to a lady yeah i liked okay because i i liked i liked i this is seeing it through my brother's eyes so when i was young and saw uh living daylights my brother was young and he saw moonraker and so my brother would watch moonraker so I have a very soft spot for the movie Moonraker, or as George Lazenby called it, Moonraper. Anyway, Moonraker. And that is regarded as one of the worst films, but I still like it.

And that film was one of the films where they just decided that every single woman who was in any scene at any given time was going to be a 10. Am I correct in that they just went so like even the assistants that were working like at the scientific lab were supermodels everyone was a supermodel there's no normal looking people uh and so that's why i enjoyed that film that's because drax was creating a super race that was going to repopulate the earth after he destroyed it oh no there's going to be a super race my my first one

i saw was never say never again which was the remake and i remember and even as a young kid when he isn't that the one where he just starts massaging the woman like he takes over and starts massaging her sean connery and i remember even as a kid i was like yeah i don't think you should just be touching that woman like that like yeah you got brought up by a mother who you respected i i love i love when there's gadgets there's gadgets what was the movie where he gets a message come out it's like a label maker out of his phone out of his watch like a digga digga digga digga and it prints out like a label like come back to mi6 you're in trouble and you're like with text messages and stuff like we couldn't even foresee that he could just see it on the screen where they went on like there was how many inventions did did did james bond have that could get him me too like the magnet that he pulled a woman's

zipper down like this like everything was like a bit sketchy by the the way, Roger Moore talks about that scene in his diary. That was the opening scene in Live and Let Die where if you actually saw the when they were shooting it, there was a grip pulling the dress down right underneath her and another person was

working the zipper. It was very complicated. It's not as romantic as you might think another bloke just lying on the floor for continuity um okay then this was the last question we asked you it was uh which film was so bad the producers were thinking shelving it is now considered to be arguably the best film in the series um you said her majesty's secret service what steve and it's goldfinger why would they think that Goldfinger was so bad? Well, apparently, if you think about it, and Goldfinger is my favorite,

when Bond gets almost zapped on the laser beam table, he's shot with a tranquilizer dart. He spends the next half hour doing nothing until, of course, the final attack on Fort Knox. And they were very afraid that bond as a do nothing hero wouldn't work so they went back and they did a lot of interesting cuts and splices and peter hunt the editor told me that they really got it back in shape but it was the most troubled of the bonds really am i right in saying that Majesty's Secret Service is in the top five of all the Bond movies? on You Only Live Twice, it was his directing debut. So he really poured himself into that movie.

And it's really exquisitely produced. It also went 60 or 70 days over schedule. It was a nightmare. But George, you know, everybody has their opinions about George Lazenby. I thought he was terrific. I think George is great in the film. For all the mockery and stuff, I have a lot of love for George.

I have a lot of love. I tease George a bit but but i have a lot of love for george i want to kick him i want to kick him because if he had stuck with it we would have never got roger right you don't like roger roger's just too funny yeah the eyebrow and the whole thing i think george had a couple more films than him but i think at that stage he was just you know look george lazenby was a male model in the 1960s the number one male model in the world right and he was hanging out with the beatles and shagging every woman in the swinging 60s and all that type of stuff and i don't think his head was in the right place at that time to be a movie star just from just from chatting with him well peter hunt told me and he was the director he said that he had no idea that george had no acting

experience oh no no no he said he was making movies in like bolivia and shit like that googling i wanted to see his model what happened with george was george had told him this before imdb that he had acted in Spain and Bolivia and all this other stuff and then there was no way back then to check on it right it was so so Peter freaks out realized he's got a complete neophyte and so he did something very interesting in the filmmaking he stayed away from George he kind of stayed away so much that he kind of pissed George off and he didn't he didn't you know how you have that director-actor relationship? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, they bring you in, you're part of the family. Well, it was so, it was the opposite. And thus, I think the experience of making the film was not as good and friendly as he could have been. And he just, and then he got the world's worst advice from an agent who said that Bond is over. Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, he said, yeah. Get out of this franchise.

George has said, like, this is the 70s are coming. agent who said that bond is over yeah yeah no yeah he said yeah get out of the franchise george has said like this is the 70s are coming long hair free love no one wants to see a stuffy person that's involved with the government wearing a suit and also if you look at like austin powers that outfit was based off the george lazenby outfit with the frilly neck and all that type of stuff correct correct that's when he was impersonating hillary bray of the college of arms if we were doing it on george lazenby we got a 10 oh yeah yeah all right um this is a part of the show where we ask the guests for a dinner party fact where you tell us one fact obscure interesting that the audience can use to impress people if the subject comes up at some

point we would like one dinner party fact of you please uh lorenzo sample jr who was a screenwriter wrote some classic spy movies like the three days of the condor uh who also wrote never never say never again he told me that when he was in the 1950s he knew gregory rat off now gregory ratff was this actor under contract of Fox, a character actor. He was the first man to ever acquire rights to a Bond novel. He acquired Casino Royale, the first James Bond novel. And it was being developed as a vehicle for Susan Hayward, an actress under contract at Fox. So James Bond was originally going to be a woman. I have one question.

There's this character i remember watching some of the james bond movies is like this american sheriff named jw pepper and he just appears randomly in the movies and james bond just crosses paths with him why does this guy exist what's his name jw pepper it's jw pepper for us oh yeah what's your fucking dr pepper's brother he's introduced in live and let die as a county sheriff when james bond's racing motorboat boats all over the louisiana bios so it's it's his turf and the only other time we meet him is in the man with a golden gun the next film because he's vacationing there with his wife and the producers got some good marks. The Roger Moore films, they have a different kind of thing because Jaws is kind of ridiculous.

He's like Frankenstein, unstoppable. You would never accept him in a Sean Connery movie, but the Roger Moore films were so lighthearted that he's fine. So a J.W. Pepper was brought back for the comic relief. I always liked George. I like, and if people, younger people, people who don't.

Jaws, yeah. He played the tall bloke out of Happy Gilmore with a golf ball glanted on his foot. It was the only other turn that I can really think of him ever being in. Mr. Gilmore. Yeah, and I always loved that guy. I feel like he was a bloke

that may have been in the NFL or something stupid like that and then turned to, like he was a giant man i might be in the nfl i might be wrong but he was one of those type of people that he only had those couple of acting gigs yeah one of his first claims to fame was he was in a classic twilight zone episode called to serve man oh i love that movie to serve man and then they found out it was a menu oh i love that twilight zone episode is he alive still he must be he died in 2014 oh he did he was such a how tall was he seven foot two yeah he was a monster of a man yeah monster of a man uh you remember him from happy gilmore now right yeah no yeah i know who he

yeah because i named him all right um well that's it that's it for the podcast thank you all right okay before you go before you go this is your top three bond women that's a good question number one is always claudine auger the french girl from thunderball all right i gotta watch that again i haven't seen that film at all i haven't seen that film in a while since my libido has stepped up a gear uh I have to put Shirley Eaton in there, the Goldfinger girl. And the third would also be in Goldfinger. I love little Margaret Nolan who played Dink, the masseuse, at the beginning of the movie. Yes.

So I like, okay, because I was really coming into my sexual prime. When I say sexual prime, I was coming into my thinking about sex a lot. Was when Denise Richards played Christmas. Christmas in like the second or third James Bond movie. And then like he's in the air bubble with him. He bounces down and he goes, oh, maybe Christmas does come twice a year. Like that. What's your,

what's your most hokey scene in Bond history? I'm sorry. I'm so fascinated by this. And this one, my most hokey one is when Pierce Bronson was kite surfing. Ah, yeah. On the ice sheets.

Yeah. That one was the one where you went, I'll get the fuck out of here. And also Pierce Bronson when the BMW, because they went off Aston Martin for a while, the BMW, the BMW was invisible. Oh, that's horrible. That was horrible.

That was a jumping the shark moment. I think the fire truck chase through San Francisco on the hook and ladder with James Bond being chased or chasing the bad guys was out of a I would say out of a Keystone Cops 1920s movie so that's a view to a kill that was just horrible yeah I remember that one okay well it's funny because yesterday I said I know Jim likes James Bond, and he said, oh, maybe he's read one of my books. I go, nah, Jim doesn't read books.

No, no, I haven't read any books. But his books are very interesting because they're like pictures and stuff. If I was going to read a book, you'd be on the list. No, there's a lot of pictures in his book, Jim. Do you still have the book handy? It looks very cool. We're in his gymnasium. He's got an elliptical and a trampoline.

By the way, since I know people are going to comment, we know it's Pierce Brosnan. This is the 1990 edition. The new edition is not as big. Oh, that's a good one. I'd like that book. I have a big bookshelf. I would like it.

Yeah, there's some pictures in it. I would like a James Bond encyclopedia. In all honesty, I'm going to buy one of those. That's on my list. I'm going to get that. I'm going to buy that book. Well, everybody else should too. Steve J. Rubin, if you're into James Bond,

the fourth edition of the James Bond movie encyclopedia is coming out later this year. And you can find Steve J. Rubin's other books. Anything else you'd like to say, Steve? It's been an absolute pleasure. I loved your impressions. I thought that because of that, I'd like to bring you an eight. All the way up to 008.

Wow, geez. Thank you so much for the eight. Ooh, sweet eight. I'll be thinking about your Michael Caine forever. Thank you. Thank you. All right, Jay. Thanks, guys.

See you, mate mate bye-bye thanks brother i appreciate that oh you got to take us out you got to finish the podcast where are you right now no you got to finish the podcast i'm doing it i'm doing it oh okay where are you right now sorry turn to the person next year ask them a difficult question if you think they answered it correctly say well i don't know about that then spit in their face and walk away wow well good night new zealand everybody jason ellis here from the jason ellis show podcast reminding you that my podcast, new episodes every Wednesday, downloadable where all podcasts are available. Come see my friends, Michael and Kevin, as we talk to you about what's awesome, what sucks, fitness, fighting, parenting, life,

spin kicks, LGBTQ community, how to defend yourself against a shark if it attacks you out of nowhere, and much, much more. So come join us.