I Don't Know About That - Manatees
Episode Date: July 13, 2021In this episode, the team discusses manatees with former marine biologist and manager of the Miami-Dade County Manatee Protection Program, Forrest Shaw. Follow Forrest on Instagram and Twitter @Forres...tShaw. Go to SaveTheManatee.org to donate or to learn more. Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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Windows that can't open
air purified
microwaves
and little fridges
did you have them
for quarantine
I don't know about that
I don't know if the timing was good, but it had to work.
It's a home run.
I liked it a lot.
People will like it.
People will enjoy it.
All right.
Where are you at, Jim?
I'll show you around quarantine.
Jim is in Sydney quarantining.
All right.
Here we go.
Hold on.
How do I reverse that camera?
There we go.
Now you have a reverse.
The
it's a motorway.
I can look at all day.
It's an exercise bike.
Your fingers in front of the camera,
fingers in front of the camera. Fingers in front of the camera.
It's an exercise bike.
I've got a bit more of a curtain here.
Oh, wow.
Why do you have so many trinkets in the window?
Here's a picture of my friend Mick Malloy's shirtless.
Have you used the exercise bike yet?
I have used it.
I've tripped over it more than I've used it.
A couple of plants
some Australian Kelly
air humidifier
it's quite good
we get a 12 rating
well that might be
12% left
I don't know
I won't show my wife
because she doesn't want
to get shown it on camera
because it's early in the morning
but we have another bit
yeah
that's a nice hotel
there's a tip
of my wife's head
and then
and then that's that's we're't have to leave this room for two weeks.
You're almost done, right?
There's some plants in there.
Yeah, we bought plants.
That's nice.
We bought plants for clean air.
Extra oxygen.
Yeah.
Air for oxygen.
Yep.
And I'll get back into bed.
Jim's doing this episode from bed.
Yes, if you're just a listener.
What's the other options?
I'm going to spew or wish you were in bed as well.
I do.
Do it from the exercise bike.
I can do it from the exercise bike.
Oh, there we go. Wow. Yeah. there we go.
Wow.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Let's see if we can.
I'm feeling stronger
today.
I was weaker
yesterday.
He's on the exercise
bike there.
For those of you
listening at home,
it's worth YouTube.
Yes, definitely.
It's just that.
Jack, you got
something for us?
We're going to do
comment world today.
Yeah.
Jim has just woken up for everybody.
Yeah, it's 8 a.m. in Australia.
8 a.m. Tuesday, and we're doing this, whatever, 3 p.m.
No theme song today because Jim will not be able to hear it.
Correct.
So we'll start off with 88 liters.
A lot of people were shocked and some people were going
I don't think it's that much.
What are you setting on fire? Why are you lighting a match?
Did you shit your pants on the bike?
You're lighting a candle.
This is how I keep things smelling good.
You didn't blow it up?
Blow the match up.
I thought he threw the match after he thought he blew it.
I was like, your room will be on fire.
That's one way to leave it.
That's a visual comedy.
That's how you get out of quarantine.
Burn the place.
All right, we're in the comment world now.
So what did you say?
88 leaders a week.
People were commenting on the 88 leaders.
There's a few people who have gone, wait, that's like two bottles a week.
That doesn't seem that bad to me.
What? Two bottles of whiskey a week? It is a lot, right? that's like two bottles a week. That doesn't seem that bad to me. What?
Two bottles of whiskey a week?
It is a lot, right?
That's a lot of whiskey.
Yeah, that's a lot of whiskey.
That's a lot.
And that's just the average.
That wasn't the heavy drinkers.
That was just the social drinkers doing the idea.
Yeah, that was the casuals.
Yeah, doctors were okay with that.
And also, if you go, that's two bottles.
That's not that bad a week. You got a drinking problem. You don't okay with that. And also, if you go, that's two bottles. That's not that bad.
A week.
You got a drinking problem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're doing the bike.
Yeah, he's really doing it.
Yeah.
Or you're just walking back and forth.
One of the two.
Those fucking pajamas.
Did you get those pajamas from Dr. Seuss?
I was going to say he's a group of elves. All right. Those fucking pajamas. Did you get those pajamas from Dr. Seuss? He took the little bill.
You borrowed those from your son.
What other comments are there, Jeff?
Someone commented on the credit score episode.
They said, my credit score went from
like 750 to 798 since I
watched this. I have two cards focused on keeping
that balance to zero
and chipping away at the second one.
They followed her advice? They followed the advice.
And then they...
Tiffany. Tiffany. Tiffany Aliche.
They got in one last Dave Grohl joke.
They said he looks like Dave Grohl if Dave Grohl was a
fry cook. One last one? You think that's it?
No. If Dave Grohl was
a fry... I don't get that one. I don't either.
I guess... Picture him
frying something and that's me,
I guess.
A fry cook's renowned
for being virgins
or something.
What's the thing?
I'm not sure.
Like if you're a fry cook
right now,
you're at work
hearing this podcast
and you're like,
what the fuck?
Yeah,
I don't get the fry cook either.
Try to have an honest living.
I work hard.
This is the shit I get.
I get compared to Jack.
Fuck me.
This person confirmed one of your points.
They go, as a former bouncer,
I totally agree that British and Irish
are uniquely fond of a bar fight.
The only two nationalities
that if you're going to have a fight,
just throw a punch.
No need to have a chat first. Those two
Americans will talk about having to
fight for ages before anything happens.
So yeah,
that's how all the wars just started.
And I
if anybody
I guess I what's up?
I am. That was a lot of exercise. I must be
on that box for minutes.
I'm sure you guys have figured it out,
but we didn't really explain that Jim is in quarantine.
This is the first episode we've done when you're not here.
You're in Zoomed In.
So if you haven't figured it out, Jim's in quarantine in Australia.
I think this episode comes out after I get back from Australia.
So the tour went great.
The tour went really good.
There's new shows on sale for the American tour.
There's an extra one out in New York and I assume somewhere else.
Yeah.
And everything's gone good.
Because this podcast is so far in the future,
I'm just going to go whatever crime they're accusing me of,
I didn't do it.
Oh, no. Okay.
Let's cover my bases.
Someone said, and then, of course, I don't look up the validity
to these comments, but they said the X in Dallas
where JFK was shot, they said the city doesn't paint it.
Nobody really knows who paints it.
Cool if it's true.
In the middle of the road, you can pick up on it pretty quick.
There's not like a mystery on top of a fucking mountain.
It's on an expressway.
Late at night.
Yeah, just leave a camera on it.
You'll figure it out. Someone said, shout out to Kelly and her box of extra
toasty Cheez-Its that's what's up
I'm not sure what episode
they're commenting on but
they're not here now
I think that's from the unsolicited
I ate those on our other podcast
so maybe they're confused about which podcast
they're watching
I've officially set Kelly going
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
from fuck
I didn't take a screenshot of what episode it's from
but I think it's from the gun episode
and I have the
poll right here
you're not explaining this very well
oh sorry as the ringtone
for their phone
Kelly's yeah yeah yeah, yeah as their ringtone
now. And it sounds like this.
He's pulling for a second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean like that.
Everyone's in there though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's his new ringtone. That's great.
Bye, Jim.
We lost Jim.
You know, there was a comment that said
someone else skips the first 20 minutes of this episode
I guess he is too
he's like I love not being seen
how would they know to send this in the comment world then
if they skip the first 20 minutes
they just know it's going to hurt me
also
while we're at this
I'm filming a documentary
you know about this but I'm filming a documentary. You know about this, but I'm filming a documentary about my travels.
And so I have to document a small part of my day.
So this is me talking to you to talk to the documentary to talk about different things.
This is like a Russian doll of information right now.
Wait, are we supposed to pretend like we don't know the documentary is being filmed?
No, you can very clearly see that I'm filming. like we don't know the documentary is being filmed? No, you can very clearly see that
I'm filming. No, you know that the documentary is being
filmed. I don't know whether I'm meant to tell
the world what it's being filmed for
because you guys can tell people a thing.
It doesn't matter. If you're
watching the documentary right now,
then you already know what it's about.
So you'll be fine.
I don't think this will make the cut.
I don't think this is making the cut. I don't think this is making the cut.
But, oh, hey, Jim, we're doing the podcast.
I'm on a documentary.
Good to see you.
Wow.
What is this for?
Hold on.
Hold on.
Stop.
He wasn't recording.
I've got to press record.
Don't worry.
We'll just pull this footage.
I do a podcast, and I'm in quarantine right now,
and I'm still working from
quarantine. Hardest man, working man in show business. I reckon that was James Brown.
Then me. I don't think James Brown was the hardest working person in show business.
It seemed like he was always strung out and drugs and causing mischief.
Ryan Seacrest. I think it is. Yeah.
Ryan Seacrest is the hardest working man.
Or Wayne Brady. He's everywhere too.
Yeah. Wayne Brady's hard working. I'macrest is the hardest working man. Or Wayne Brady. He's everywhere too. Yeah.
Wayne Brady's hard working.
I'm the laziest successful man in show business.
Good title.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
That's a new special.
Good night, Australia.
All right.
So there you go.
We got the documentary.
What I do is that I'm meant to film something every day for the documentary while I'm in
quarantine.
And Lisa Vanderpump calls us and we record those conversations.
So it looks like, yeah.
Those will make the cut.
Those will make the cut.
I think they will.
She rings up and she goes, how are you doing, darling?
You having a good time in quarantine?
And I go, oh, I'm having a terrible time, Lisa.
And I moan to her.
She talks me through it. She puts her dog up to the camera and I go, oh, I'm having a terrible time, Lisa. I moan to her. She talks me through it.
She puts her dog up to the camera and I go, oh, that'll cheer me up.
That's basically how we work.
All right.
Lisa Vanderpump's really like your fairy godmother now.
Yeah, she's a wonderful woman, Lisa Vanderpump.
I won't hear a bad word said against her.
Wonderful lady.
What else we got, Jack?
I'm back to cycling.
Someone commented on the gun control episode.
They go, funnily enough, I watch a bit of NBC6 news in the morning.
Dot, dot, dot.
Gun violence.
Dot, dot, dot.
Gun violence.
Gun violence.
Bat attack.
What?
No, it was not an attack of a flying bat, but a dude standing in front of a fire engine
smashing the windscreen with a baseball bat.
What an effed up crazy country.
True.
Yeah. There were definitely some
comments from people. Oh, sorry.
Go ahead. So staying in
Australia, you forget how mundane
the rest of the world's news is.
And it's just the Australian news
is just, oh,
woman falls over.
You know what I mean?
Whoa, is she okay?
Like the big thing at the moment is someone's invented a tiny capsule
that you eat and then it expands in your stomach so you lose like 20 kilos.
Right?
I don't know whether I'm watching an infomercial or an actual miracle thing,
but that's the big news story in Australia right now, expanding capsules.
You got that news in America?
No,
but I remember those things.
I remember those things from before.
The problem is how does it unexpand?
So it goes to your intestines.
Yeah.
Look,
I'm not saying it's going to fix the world.
It requires,
it requires no anesthesia,
sedation or endoscopy
so look I'm not making it up
it's here
there you go
so it goes down like that
it's into your stomach
anyway I don't want to give the whole
storyline away
I'm just saying the news in Australia is very basic.
Is that bike
from 1984, by the way?
It doesn't look like a very...
It's one of the ones that the pregnant can sit on.
So you sit back.
You put your hands by your side, you do that.
It'd be good for a guy
that was paralyzed from the waist up.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
No, but you...
I thought you could be.
From the waist up only?
Only your legs work?
I don't know.
But I bet there's people who's just...
Is walking around like all frozen on top.
I wonder.
Yeah, I don't wonder.
I don't think that's a thing.
Okay, I'm going to look it up later.
I don't think it's a thing.
I've seen a bloke who has no arms in the pub
who does the thing where he picks up his beer
with his two feet and sits in the corner
and all that type of stuff.
And I'm like, that guy really wants a beer.
Anything else, Jack?
Yeah, look, I'm going to be honest with you.
Most of the comments have been horrible
because there's just people complaining about guns in the comments.
Yeah, a lot of people thought a blonde
woman wouldn't know about gun laws.
Yeah, they're like, she doesn't know anything.
A lot of upset people. Sorry.
Get over it.
But a question that come up that I've seen
people debate online before, they go
does the bow tie go at the top
or the bottom of the giraffe's neck?
So if a giraffe has to get dressed up, where do you put the tie?
Top.
You put it just about two inches underneath his chin like we do.
You know what I mean?
You don't want it like right up above his chin.
You put it up the top.
You don't put it down the bottom.
The shirt should cover a bit more of his neck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The turtleneck.
I don't know.
I think it would go at the base.
Would you be wrong?
Yeah, it should be called a draft neck, those sweaters.
I don't know what I think of turtlenecks.
Either way you do it, it's animal cruelty.
Like,
the animal
hasn't requested a bow tie
at any stage. This is all for our pleasure.
I think
a bow tie up top makes sense. What about just like a normal
like necktie?
That up top looks weird to me.
I can't picture that.
You need a very long necktie.
What if you wore them low like Trump does?
You know how Trump wears his neckties over his dick?
He goes real low on them.
Oh yeah.
There wouldn't be enough fabric.
No, definitely not.
I like that Jack thinks there's some way that a giraffe
could wear a necktie that would look normal
yeah I know he's like it would just look weird like that
well that's why we're talking about it
yeah like
Jack's like how am I going to sneak this giraffe
into the prom if he won't wear his necktie
they're not going to buy their my girlfriend
she lives in Africa
she just flew in
is that it for Common World?
that's it for Common World
wow that person
won't have to wait
20 minutes this week
that's good for them
yeah that's good
only 18
alright
should we do some ads?
yeah
let's do it
alright ladies and gentlemen
before we get to the ads
obviously
on the back of the huge success
of the Australian tour
yeah but you haven't said that yet in this episode no but at the beginning of the huge success of the Australian tour.
Yeah, but you haven't said that yet.
In this episode.
No, but at the beginning of the podcast,
we would have talked about it. No.
Oh.
No, no.
You said it went great.
Yeah, no, I'm going to keep up with this story.
It went great.
The best reviews I've ever had in Australia.
Not a single negative review.
It was a good tour, I tell you.
You can't do better than that. Not a single one
star. They were all positive.
In the moist
tour, the moist tour, Jim Jefferies, the
moist tour, new shows. The US tour.
You got some bits. In the US? Oh, they'll never get
cancelled, the US tour.
Oh, the shows are in Florida.
Yeah, okay.
So I added a new
show to the Beacon Theatre, which will be right around now, I think, if we're coming. We added an extra night. No, okay. So I added a new show to the Beacon Theater,
which will be right around now, I think, if we're coming in.
We added an extra night.
No, it's in September.
Yeah?
Yeah.
When is this podcast coming out?
Tomorrow.
Oh, okay.
Well.
Did you think we were pre-recording September?
Why don't you see me at the Beacon Theater?
I've added an extra show at the Beacon Theater in September.
Los Angeles, I have added an extra show to the Ace Theatre.
That's Sunday, November the 7th.
I think you get that at access tickets.
Minneapolis, Sunday, November 20th, extra show added.
Saturday.
Saturday, November 20th, extra show added in Minneapolis.
Extra show in December, if you're looking for something to do
around Christmas, in San Francisco, Sunday, December 18th.
19th.
Well, it's very small print, 19th.
December 19th.
Go under the fucking thing.
If you're in San Francisco, figure it out, people.
Where can they find the dates?
JimJeffries.com.
Yeah, maybe they should just go there.
Go to JimJeffries.com for all your Jim Jeffries needs.
So it's New York.
I talked Jack into coming to Chicago for your Chicago show.
We're both going to be there.
Oh, my kind of town.
So it's New York, Minneapolis, San Francisco, and L.A., extra shows.
Extra shows.
All those other shows, the original shows, are sold out.
Wow.
Going great guns.
Now, there are some shows on the tour that aren't selling as good.
Fort Myers, don't worry. you'll be able to get tickets.
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All right.
Time to introduce our guest for today. Please welcome
to the show, Forrest Shaw.
Hey!
How you doing?
Big fan of the podcast.
Oh, oh, oh.
The topic today is
where are the bodies hidden?
Correct.
Correct.
I think you probably know what the topic is
There's a bloke that's like
I used to live in Florida, now I relocated
Are you done with the impression of me Kelly?
No, sorry
Yeah
It's so hard to do
Jack is Kelly
Yeah, he's getting high
Waving a dildo around.
You're just throwing stuff.
All right.
Well, I guess I see how you feel about that. Your dog's about to chew on that dildo.
What's that?
The dog's about to chew on the dildo.
Hold on.
Let me get that.
Dang it, Kelly.
Arnie was just peacefully taking a nap
and you threw a dildo at him
I would never do that to him
alright so it's still judging a book by its
well you go Kelly
so why don't you ask him a few questions
see what he's here to talk about
have I written any books
does your specialty subject
involve manatees
yes Specially subject involve manatees.
Yes.
Wow, he got it on the first try.
There's a first time for everything.
I just want to say that I, well, you can introduce me.
Okay, Forrest Shies, a former marine biologist. For seven years, he was a manager of the Miami-Dade County Manatee Protection Program.
He is also the co-host of the I Don't Know About That podcast with Jim Jeffries,
SaveTheManatees.org.
I was going to say SaveTheManatees.org.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, well.
So, I'm not saying I'm the best expert on manatees,
but I think I remember enough about manatees,
and I won't get anything wrong.
I know that.
So I can't wait for people to correct me.
I did this for many years, and I think I can answer all these questions
that we got. But I will
say, if you do want to support manatees,
savethemanatee.org is the website to go to.
They're based in Florida,
and they have a bunch of different things
that you can donate on there. You can adopt a manatee.
Comes live in your house with you.
No, I'm kidding.
Swimming pool.
Well, as you guys may know, Jim is going to try to tell us everything he thinks he knows about manatees.
I will prod him along with questions.
And we will be scoring him.
So, Forrest, you'll be grading him on accuracy.
I will grade him on, or Jack will grade him on confidence.
I will grade him on et cetera. If you him on confidence. I will grade him on etc.
If you get a 0 through 10,
you are a blubbery bitch.
11 through 20, Hugh
Manatee.
21 through 30, Hugh Jack Manatee.
Yep.
What's the Hugh?
Like
humanity.
Hugh Manatee. What's the hue? Like humanity. Oh, humanity.
Hugh Manatee.
Hugh Jack Manatee.
All right, let's start.
What is a manatee?
It's an American dolphin.
That's the only difference.
When you get the lovely dolphins in other countries,
they're slim and they're sleek and they can swim.
The diet over here is terrible, the American dolphin.
They're like a fat fuck of the sea.
They look like they should be in smaller bodies, but they're overeat. ovary and they sort of that'd be related to to walruses
and
seals would be what they'd close
it's like if a walrus
fucked a seal and
then there was like
some Marvel comic
sort of radioactive thing
that happened, bang, manatee
alright
is a manatee a reptile, mammal,
amphibian, or a fish?
It's
a mammal.
I believe they have blowholes in them.
Okay.
I don't think it's amphibian. I've never seen one walking
around the high street.
I've never seen one in a Miami nightclub
like, hey, they don't let us people in
you know maybe
you know how many other amphibians
do you see at Miami nightclubs
I've got a chat
with a turtle
that's a reptile
what is another name for a manatee
aside from the fat
fuck of the sea
American dolphin
Fat fuck of the sea is a good name though
Manatee
Super porpoise
Super porpoise
How many types of manatees are there
Or species
Seven Manatees are there or species?
Seven.
Okay.
Are dugongs manatees?
Sure.
Wait, do you know what a dugong is?
No, it's a manatee.
Shut up, Marcy.
They're in Australia. That's what I thought of it.
Okay, sorry, sorry.
He's Jay Leno-ing it.
What is a Stellar's sea cow?
Stellar's sea cow.
That's where manatees get their hamburgers.
Okay.
Tell me.
It's a shop.
All right.
How large is a full grown Florida manatee?
What in weight or length or both?
You want both?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Give me what you know.
They grow to be nine feet long and they weigh 900 pounds.
All right.
How large is a baby manatee when they are born?
See, this could be a trick.
It could be a fucking tadpole.
I want to say that they shoot, they get out.
I'd say the size of, it'd be three feet long,
90 pounds.
Okay.
No, 150 pounds.
All right.
How long can they hold their breath for?
It'd be something like
20 minutes or something like that.
It'd be like 20 minutes.
Okay.
They have a hole.
That's why I'm saying they're a mammal that they've got a breathing hole.
They have to come out and sleep. So I know that dolphins can sleep
with half their brain can be asleep and then the other half of their brain can be asleep because they have
to remember to swim up to give air and all that type of stuff.
So it'll be a while.
What's unique about their teeth?
Uh, they're, they're made out of Skittles.
Hmm.
I didn't think you were going to say that one.
Starburst.
Okay.
Made out of Starburst.
Um, what do they eat and how do they eat?
Um, well up until about 10 years ago, um, their, their main diet was Forrest Gump.
Wow.
That's keeping you alive.
It was the only thing that wouldn't rot the scarburst.
What do they eat?
They eat plankton.
They eat plankton And they eat other fish
They eat smaller fish than them
Okay
A manatee has prehensile lips
What does that mean?
It's like the Kardashians
Like in season 5
The two younger ones
Before they became hot they had the lips.
So hensile means fillers.
It was pre-fillers?
Pre-fillers, yeah.
Pre-fillers.
All right.
Is a manatee a ruminant or a non-ruminant?
I've heard Farah say this word, so I'm going to say that it is a ruminant.
The rumor is that it's a ruminant.
Do you have any idea what that means?
I don't need to be fucking
pride for questions
from you.
Just stick to the fucking manatees.
You already got it wrong.
You know what that is.
I got it right or I didn't.
No, you got it wrong.
I don't know what that is.
When do they reach sexual maturity? I got it right or I didn't. No, you got it wrong. No, I don't know what that is.
When do they reach sexual maturity?
I guess they must have been for a while.
I assume it's the same as the humans. So 45, we're hoping.
What is their gestation period?
How long are they pregnant for?
Yeah.
Uh,
Oh,
I'm going to say four months,
four months.
All right.
We'll get two or three more in here.
Um,
can they communicate with each other?
If so,
how,
uh,
yes,
they'd have,
uh,
they'd have a bit of soda on them.
Okay.
And through winking gestures.
All right.
What are the threats to the Florida manatee?
Okay, so it wouldn't be raising sea level.
That's just giving
them more hope
they like climate change
it's just giving them more space
I would say
rednecks should be their number one threshold
rednecks number one
it's pretty good
how many are left?
I've seen two and that was in a space of that much water and there was more
water around. I want, I want to say,
I want to say they're in danger, but not too endangered.
So I'm going to go, there's still a million of them.
All right.
All right, Forrest, how did he do on a scale of 0 to 10 on accuracy?
I was hoping to give him a 0 because no one's ever given him a 0.
But he got a couple sort of right by accident.
But I'm going to give him a 1.
1.
All right.
Jack, how do you do on confidence?
Man, shitty.
I'm going to give him a five
on confidence because of that meltdown at one
point where he goes, I don't need to hide from you.
Okay.
You're new to this, Jack.
I'm going to give him a three on et cetera
for his pajama pants.
That's a nine and you are a
blubbery bitch.
am a pants. That's a nine and you are a blubbery
bitch.
Look, I've never
said I know a lot about manatees.
I'll tell you what I do know.
I like how he thinks we're accusing him
of like, why the fuck didn't you study
for this?
I think
Forrest took me out to see some once.
That was a day.
I usually take people to see manatees when I'm in Florida if they haven't seen them.
Winter's the best time.
I've never heard of them.
I don't think we have them in Australia.
I do think they're the fat bucks of the sea.
I hope I got my one point for that.
I feel like they are
American dolphins that just sort of
are fat and fucking lazy.
Not that Americans are lazy.
Well, you have an animal that's very closely related to manatees in Australia.
It's called a dugong.
That's why I thought you'd heard of it.
Oh, dugong.
Never heard of them either.
Also, I love that you said not that Americans are lazy.
You're a new American citizen doing an interview from bed in your pajama pants.
Oh, no.
I'm bringing down the average for America.
I'm not helping the American workforce.
Why are you stretching the imagination?
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slash IDK. All right, let's go through these questions all right forest um
what is a manatee jim said it's an american dolphin other countries have sleek dolphins
fat fuck of the sea they look like they should be in smaller bodies but they overeat
close to walruses or seals yeah um that was wrong uh but so. So when you say American dolphin,
there is an animal in Australia called a dugong
that is closely related to a manatee.
They're in the same family called Sirenia.
And so the dugong's branched off on one side
and the manatee's branched off on the other side,
but they're very closely related.
And the difference is a dugong looks just like a manatee,
except its tail looks like a dolphin tail.
Whereas a manatee's tail, the different types of manatees have like a paddle round shaped tail so the the fat dolphin would be more accurate for the australian version which is the dugong so
in your face yeah i gotta tell you that everything you said then sounded more complicated than when we were doing the Lord of the Rings.
If you took that out and put it in the Lord of the Rings documentary and went, the Dugan sees the manatee and the thing and their tail.
It sounded very mythical to me.
I said Sirenia, the family Sirenia.
But just the answers that I think
would have been good. I think you're a little bit more combative
with me as a guest. I also think part of it
might be that you're watching TV
at the same time.
I should turn that up.
I didn't fucking understand
any of that.
I'm watching more things about you in your stomach.
Except the animal name.
Like, things
to say a man to be would be a marine mammal
would be good. An herbivore.
They live
in an aquatic environment. Totally would have been
acceptable. Any of those. Not Fat
Fuck of the Sea. That's why I didn't give you
Fat Fuck of the Sea implies that they live in an
aquatic environment.
And they're fat. But you did get mammal right and but the problem with you saying that they you think they're a mammal
is that afterwards you said that there might be a tadpole at the beginning which would imply
they're amphibian you said something about a turtle which would be like yeah so you were all
i i agree with science i understand that dolphins and stuff are mammals.
We've had this argument before.
I still think they're closer related to fish than they are to us just because
that have a better conversation.
Yeah.
We've heard about the dolphin.
If a man and he started chatting to a fish,
it would have way more to talk about than to talk to us.
If it could talk. Okay. If it couldn't talk.
Okay.
Well,
the conversation might be like this.
The fish would come up and be like,
what are you doing?
And then the manatee is nursing.
It's young under its flipper where the mammary gland would be like,
I'm feeding this baby milk.
You don't do that.
And the fish were like,
what the fuck are you talking about?
We don't need milk.
And then he'd be like,
what's that on your body hair.
And be like,
yeah,
I have hair.
And then you seem to think, what's that on your body? Hair? And be like, yeah, I have hair. You seem to think all the fish are going to get together and body shame each other.
That's not what they chat about.
That's not what they chat about.
What fucking shit society is the fish world where they're all just going, what's that on your body?
That looks gross.
No, they come up.
What are they going to talk about, TV?
Yeah, they don't have Instagrams. They don't know that they're not hot.
They go, have you seen the coral
over there? And you go, no, I haven't seen the coral.
Oh, it's pretty good. That's what they'd shout
about. Coral's their TV.
Coral's their TV.
All right.
Are dugongs manatees? He said
sure.
They're not. So that's what He said, sure. They're not.
So that's what I was saying before.
They're closely related.
They're closely related.
But I thought you would know them.
I thought in Australia you had seen a dugong or know them
because they'd definitely be in the Queensland area
because they'd be in the warmer waters.
They probably wouldn't be,
I don't know their whole range down there.
And there was another animal called a stellar sea cow
that we asked about.
That was also in the dugong side of the Sirenia family.
They're extinct now. They were
hunted to extinction. They live in the Bering Sea.
They couldn't dive was their big problem and they were massive
and they were killed for their
blubber
and probably their meat and stuff too.
So just to confirm, stellar sea cow is
not where manatees get their burgers?
No, it's not. So that was wrong as well.
Why is it called the Sirenia category?
Sirenia is the
family. So then from that you branch off
and I see this is the
trichetidae is the
I'm sorry
I might have the family in the order wrong.
See, this is why you shouldn't have me on.
The comments are going to be terrible.
Oh no, hold on.
Check your notes.
Let's keep that in there.
And then, so the manatees, there's three
different types of manatees. There's the West Indian
manatee, which is the kind you find in Florida.
There's two subspecies of that. The Florida
manatee and the Caribbean manatee. They're very, very,
very similar. They'd be hard to tell apart,
but that's the West Indian manatee.
There's an Amazonian manatee in South America
and there's a West African manatee
in Africa, of course.
How many was that? Five? I said seven.
There's three types
of manatees. There's one, the West Indian manatee
that technically
is divided into two species, so you could say
four, but yeah, you said seven. You're wrong on that.
What about the dugong?
That's very closely related to the manatee.
Yeah, but it's not a manatee, so you wouldn't call it a manatee. You'd call it the dugong that's very closely related yeah but it's not a manatee so you
wouldn't call it a manatee you call it a dugong how large is a full-grown florida manatee he said
nine feet long and yeah nine thousand nine hundred pounds yeah this is where you got your
points yeah the on average an adult manatee will be between nine and ten feet and they'll get to
around a thousand pounds so you're really close on that They can get as big as 13 feet and 3,500 pounds.
So that's when they get.
But most of those manatees are in the Midwest.
We only have corn.
Yeah, the manatees, the reason they're called the Florida manatee,
which I thought is like, I didn't realize this until we were putting this together,
the Florida man, Florida manatee,
is because that species lives primarily in florida they will they do math yeah
they will make their fun some of them have gone as far north as like chesapeake bay and they go
they'll go make their way all the way over to louisiana on the gulf coast side and some of
them got up the mississippi river and end up in like uh i think near st louis or something like
that but those ones have had to been helped
to get back to Florida because it gets too cold.
A couple of them had to be. I also hear that the
Florida manatee is a swing boater.
Can't decide which way it's going to go
right to the very end of the election.
Super anti-mask.
What,
let's see, how large is a baby manatee when they're born?
He said three feet long, 150 pounds.
Yeah, you were close at the beginning.
It's around three feet, but it's 60 to 70 pounds.
You changed it from 90 to 150.
Yeah, but the manatee got diabetes during pregnancy.
During pregnancy.
Gestational diabetes.
How long can they hold their breath? I was 10 and a half pounds, right?
Because my mom got diabetes during pregnancy.
And they didn't know
that in the 70s that diabetic people had
massive babies. So anyway,
little tidbit about me.
How long can they hold their breath for? He
says 20 minutes because they've got a blowhole.
They'd eventually have to come up. This is where you
got your other half point.
They can,
if they're resting, sleeping, they'll hold
their breath for 20 minutes. And they usually do this. They'll either float near the can, they'll, if they're resting, sleeping, they'll hold their breath for 20 minutes
and they usually do this. They'll either float near the surface or they'll go to the bottom of
where they're at. And they're always in shallow water. You won't, you won't find manatees.
They're generally in eight to 10 feet of water or shallower. Uh, the Florida manatees, we're
talking mostly about Florida manatees here at the end. So just so everyone knows, but, uh,
so 20 minutes of their resting, if they're active, they're swimming, they're, they're feeding or
any other activity, three to five minutes, they have to take a breath.
And they don't have a blowhole.
They breathe through their nostrils.
They have two nostrils right where you'd expect them on the front of their face there.
And they're like specially made so that they seal up so that no water can get in there.
And sometimes they don't even come all the way to the surface.
They'll just stick their nose above the surface, open their nostrils,
exchange air,
and then they'll go back down and hold their breath again.
So technically they have two blow holes.
No,
cause it's not a blow hole.
It's nostrils.
So it's a blowing and they blowing out,
out of it. Um,
they'll breathe in and out of it.
Yeah.
I call my nose a blow hole.
There you go.
Okay.
Give him a point.
Yeah. Give him another point. So you're still a blubbery bitch
so 20 minutes
was
right for when they're sleeping
a little bit different than dolphins
they'll sleep and then they'll have to
wake up come back up for a breath
and then go back to sleep again
if they're swimming really fast
you know or like their top speed,
which is at best 15 miles per hour.
Sometimes they're usually going slower than that.
They'll three to five minutes.
So there you go.
All right.
Top speed's 15 miles an hour.
In bursts, in short bursts.
Most of the time,
they're just lollygagging around.
They're just floating around
or they just flick their tail once or twice.
And, you know, they're very big
so they can propel themselves a few feet,
but they don't, yeah, 15 miles an hour how far would how far would a man travel in a day
like if it was if it was just doing a normal day worker call a mile they they sleep they sleep
almost half the day like on average i know that i say like some will say a more active one will
only sleep three or four hours a day but most of of them sleep closer to 10, 12 hours a day.
So half the day they're sleeping.
The rest of the day, they're pretty much just looking for food or fresh water or warm water if it's cold out because they can't be in cold water for too long.
So a manatee is basically Jim in quarantine.
Get up, ride a bike for three minutes, get back in bed, look for food, look for sex.
Exactly.
I do.
I'm a manatee.
One of the questions that we didn't get to was are they smart? So that kind of ties in
this and the answer is probably not.
Their brains, if you saw
their brains would be completely smooth.
You know, if you look at like
a human's brain or dolphins of the cortical
folds that are in there, that's like a sign of
intelligence. A manatee's brain is smooth, the cortical folds that are in there. That's like a sign of intelligence.
Manatee's brain is smooth, very smooth.
And it also has, you know, they measure the ratio of the weight of the brain to the weight of the animal.
And they look at that as a sign of intelligence too.
Manatees have the lowest of any mammal that is out there.
So, but they don't need to know a lot.
They don't have any natural predators.
They don't, all they need to know is like,
wake up, breathe, eat some food and, you know, fart a couple of times
and then have sex once in a while.
And that's it.
They don't need much of a brain.
So they're dumb animals.
Did they ever trick you at work?
We had trouble catching some sometimes.
We had some that were tagged,
like for, that were either injured or,
uh,
and they're rehabilitated.
And then you put like a radio tag on them to follow them and you'll go out
and you'll weigh them and see if they're doing okay.
I thought that you just spray painted the side of it when you're tagged.
And then trying to catch one isn't as easy as you'd think.
I don't know why you think it's easy.
Maybe you don't think it's easy.
What about the people that like,
how do you catch them?
Yeah.
Cause the people that put Trump on the back of one of the manatees, right, in Florida.
Yeah, that was written.
So because they're very slow animals and they don't move around a lot,
sometimes they'll just kind of hang out in one area for hours.
Stuff will grow on it like algae.
That's what's growing on the back.
So they're a nice gray color, but sometimes you'll see them browner or kind of greenish or something.
That's algae that's actually growing on their back.
So somebody,
when they wrote Trump in it,
they actually dug out,
it looked like the algae to me on that,
which still is not,
you don't want to be scraping any animal.
It's still,
it's still a terrible thing that,
and whoever did it,
if they were caught would be put in jail because it's a,
it's a,
it's a federal offense.
So that wasn't something they carved into their skin.
Thank God, you know, that was just something into the algae. But yeah, that, that's a, that's how that happened. So that wasn't something they carved into their skin, thank God.
That was just something into the algae.
But yeah, that's how that happened.
And then you said it's a lot harder to catch one than you'd think.
How would you go about catching one? Well, these ones had radio transmitters on them.
So you'd wait a couple months, and you'd want to catch one again,
this one that had been rehabilitated, for instance, and was released.
You wanted to make sure it was eating properly. so you wanted to make sure its weight was either
higher than you had been or at least at the same weight when you released it so there's a around
the bottom of their tail this little area we've mentioned this peduncle it's called where the base
of the tail narrows and then there's a big paddle on the back you'd tie there'd be a regular
transmitter that floats on the top of the service that you'd be able to get with the equipment that you had that you'd be able to identify that that's the manatee you're
looking for you take this capture boat that has an engine in the middle of the boat not on the
back so the propeller is not on the back so it's in the center of the boat so you're not cutting
anything you know the animal up in the back and then you basically find it and circle with the
boat around with a net and then get it in the net and pull it onto this boat and you're almost
sinking the boat to get on there and then the boat itself has a net, and then get it in the net and pull it onto this boat, and you're almost sinking the boat to get on there.
And then the boat itself has a scale and a whole bunch of stuff
that you can bring up and weigh the manatee.
They'll do a sonogram on it to see if its blubber thickness
is decreasing or increasing or staying the same,
and you just kind of assess the health.
Is there like an automated crane, or is it manual?
You've got a bunch of people pulling.
There's a crane on the boat.
No, because they're the thousand pounds minimum.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say pounds. How many fucking people would you need?
You'd need six or seven people to pull the animal onto the boat.
That you would do manually. And then once it's on there,
you get the net off and then you put straps
underneath it and there's an actual
structure on the boat that would lift it up
like a scale.
Why wouldn't you just leave him alone?
Just leave him alone.
Because if the animal is not doing well, if it had been rehabilitated, like let's say it was hit by a boat or something else had happened to it that caused it to stop eating.
Like it was stressed out from being in the cold too long because they can't take that for too long.
Once you're releasing it, you want to make sure it's doing okay.
So if two or three months afterwards, you've seen a significant amount of weight, you want to bring it back in that captivity and feed it again and try and rehabilitate it so it's strong enough to get in the wild.
That's why.
Now, this is a question for you, Forrest.
Thanks.
Did being an expert in manatees ever get you any pussy?
Was there manatee fans?
Were there girls in the bars in Miami where you're like, I deal with manatees, man. And they were like, yeah, this guy's cool.
I don't know.
People always seem more impressed that you're a marine biologist than you are a
comic.
Definitely. I think definitely people are more impressed that I was a marine
biologist, but I don't know if there was a direct,
like I've worked with manatees and then i'm hooking up but i i i think
that women it was a good end to talk to women like and first i would think i was bullshitting and then
you know i'd have a picture of me with a manatee on my phone like if i was lying what happened you
know that kind of yeah that's good as well and it's always good to have a picture with someone
fatter than you so you look true in the photo.
Did you have a choice to work with other
mammals of the sea and you chose that
just for the photo ops? Of course.
Yeah, everyone looks slimmer next to a manatee.
This is his online dating profile.
He's like, I'm on the right.
I once went
to the Great Barrier Reef with Forrest
and he got on a wetsuit and everything.
He goes, I'll take you out scuba diving.
And he was like a fucking graceful dolphin, he was.
All the Japanese and Chinese tourists
were losing their fucking shit looking at him.
He got more photos than the fish.
That was the most sincere you've ever been to this point in our entire
relationship.
When I got out of the water,
you're like,
you were like an angel.
You were very sincere.
You were like,
wow.
I was like,
yeah,
I did for many years in the water.
I knew,
I knew how to swim at the same time when I know how to walk.
I'd be swimming tentatively,
like with the oxygen,
just breathing, just don't die. Don'tatively with the oxygen, just breathing,
just don't die, don't die, swimming along, trying to breathe.
I always liken scuba diving to anal sex.
I can see why other people enjoy it.
And when I remembered to breathe, it wasn't that bad.
It's more receiving. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so I than giving. Yeah, yeah. Anyway.
So I was scuba diving and I was watching Forrest.
And Forrest wouldn't just, he was like a little mermaid.
He'd go, he'd be like doing signals to you, there's fish over here,
fish over here.
And then Forrest would wave at me like, come, come to this fish.
And I would sort of moonwalk over there, very, very gentle,
very, very gentle.
And Forrest, if he got to the spot where I was meant to be early,
to keep himself occupied, he'd swim around in figure eights and do backflips and shit.
Hey, Jim, hey, Jim, watch this.
Watch this.
It's like a child.
It's fun.
It was this rotating large man just in the water.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding about the Asian tourists.
I'm not saying the Asians and cameras or whatever like that.
It was Golden Week then.
There was a lot of China.
It was Golden Week.
What is that, China?
It was all Chinese tourists.
Golden Week.
Okay.
So I might remember
Golden Week wrong. I never knew about this.
What happens in
China is
that I think it might be a fifth,
20% of the population.
The Chinese
and they only tell you one
week out. One week out, they have
a lottery where 20% of the population
gets next week off.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I don't remember
if that's right.
Japanese.
Oh, it is?
Is it Japanese Golden Week?
Yeah.
And is it 20%?
It's...
I don't have that.
It says,
Golden Week is a collection
of four national holidays
within seven days
in combination
with well-placed weekends.
The Golden Week
becomes one of Japan's
three busiest holiday seasons
besides New Year and the Obon Week.
Yeah, because when we went out there,
we had to drive up from Townsville to Cairns,
which is four hours.
So we left early in the morning.
It was me, you, Kate, and Hank.
And then we drive there
and we almost missed the boat
and like ran in.
I was like, we got to get on the...
And I remember the captain came out.
He was holding some packages or whatever. And I guess he saw that it was you and he goes well
we're certainly not going to leave without jim jeffries and we're like ah and then we got on
there and every seat was taken up by these tourists and he just let us sit in the bridge
remember we sat on the bridge of the boat up there with the captain yeah we sat in the bridge
because all the japanese they get they get told the week out that they get the holiday
and then they all just, you know,
a lot of them nicked off to Australia for their vacation,
as they would.
You got a week off, why not, right?
And they were very, there's pictures of forests swimming
on people's mantles in Japan.
I don't know.
I don't know about that.
Okay, so what is unique about their teeth?
I assume not made out of Starburst.
No, no.
I'll have a real go at this.
They're hollow.
No.
They're all molars, and they never stop growing.
So they'll start growing at the back of their jaw, and then they'll move forward.
And as they get to a certain point forward, they'll just fall out.
And the reason is because, because it's another question here
is what they eat. They they're herbivores. They don't eat, they don't eat plankton. They don't
eat fish. They eat only plants and eating plants from the bottom of the, this, the, the floor,
they're going to have a lot of sand in and stuff. So imagine eating food with sand in it is going to
wear your teeth down pretty quick. So they're not like discriminatory. Like we got to get the sand
out or whatever. They're just chewing on vegetation. The sand wears down pretty quick. So they're not discriminatory, like we got to get the sand out or whatever. They're just chewing on vegetation.
The sand wears down their teeth, so they have this special
system where the teeth will keep falling out in the front
and they'll grow new ones. So yeah,
there you go. That's the answer to that.
Alright, we just talked about what they eat.
So it's not
forest cum. Not forest cum.
Well, maybe. Not plankton. I mean,
it could have happened. But vegetation
and it doesn't, they prefer seagrass, which grows on bottom of of the seafloor it's it's benthic as they call it on
the bottom and they prefer that that's their preferred food but they will eat food even out
of the water like if they're in a canal and there's like a tree hanging you can see them like
coming up out of the water grabbing some of the leaves they'll eat anything that's like some sort
of vegetation that they find they're not very picky but they prefer the seagrass and they eat, I think it's like between five and 15% of their
body weight a day in vegetation. So if they weigh a thousand pounds or that one's eating a hundred
or 150 pounds of vegetation a day, wet vegetation. So is there an argument that a vegan diet makes
you fat?
Well, I mean, I don't think that's ever been disputed.
I think that there's plenty of fat vegans.
I don't think any, you still have to eat sensible.
Like you could eat like, you know,
sugar is still vegan as far as I know, right?
So you could eat tons of sugar and you could just drink soda and eat potato chips
and that wouldn't be good.
So, but I, they're not, I wouldn't,
they're not as fat as you think.
I mean, they have a layer of blubber, but they have to stand.
They're big boned.
Yeah, they have, they are big boned.
Their bones are all solid.
All manatee bones are solid.
There's no bone marrow in them, which makes them very susceptible, you know, to getting damaged easily by a boat strike, which is what we'll talk about later.
I'll tell you what I know about manatees.
If there was a nightclub in the sea, they'd always be the
doorman.
But they're very gentle.
They're not aggressive animals.
You need to keep calm so fights don't break
out, but you need the size there.
You don't want a crazy guy
fucking on the door. You need someone with a steady
head. Most of the security guards I know
are actually giant teddy bears.
My friend Winston is 7 foot 1 he's like the sweetest guy ever
that was a bodyguard for like major celebrities.
He's just scary looking.
Yeah, I guess that checks out then.
Manatees would be the doorman of the sea.
Yeah, so anyways.
What are prehensile lips?
So anyways.
What are prehensile lips?
So anything that's prehensile on an animal is something that can grab something.
It's like think of an elephant's trunk as prehensile.
Certain monkeys have tails or they can curl them around trees and hang them.
So it's just kind of like something that could grasp her with a hand.
So manatees have that face.
If you've ever seen it, they have like two big flaps on their shirt. Oh yeah, I have a manatee
on today, but they have these two big flaps here
and they actually can use them
like hands. So when they're in the sand looking
for vegetation, they can actually manipulate and grab
seagrass or any other
vegetation with those lips and then move it into their
mouth. And they use their flippers as well too, but
they're very specialized lips, so they're prehensile
lips. I still stand by my answer i've seen a kardashian close
the garage door with everything you could be right actually i mean i'll give you i'll give
you another point for that so manatees would be so good at oral if they could do it yeah well i
think i think they could yeah 69ing manatees. All right.
Is a manatee a ruminant or a
non-ruminant, and what the fuck is
ruminant?
What did Jim say?
He said, yes, ruminant.
And then he said, don't fucking ask me all these
questions. I don't know. Yeah. Manatees are
non-ruminants. So ruminant is
like a cow where they will
chew some food, and. So ruminant is like a cow where they will chew some food and they have that.
Basically, a ruminant has multiple stomachs that they'll digest their food in.
And a lot of times they'll chew, put in their stomach, regurgitate it, chew it again, put in another.
And so that's what a ruminant is. A non-ruminant will digest only in one stomach.
And so that's a trick question.
I'll tell you all the things I know about manatees.
They're non-humans. They're non manatees. They're non-human.
They're non-cats.
They're non-cows.
They're probably cows.
That was one of the questions we didn't answer. They're called sea cows.
They're called sea cows.
There's another name for manatees. I forget what you said.
Fat fuck or something like that.
They're not related to cows.
They're not related to cows. They're just dopey.
No one wants to eat them.
You said no natural predators.
There's a lot of alligators down there.
An alligator wouldn't take a chunk out of one.
Now, well, okay.
So they're, they're not related to cows, but their babies are called calves.
I should have said that when they're born.
So when you, you know, each animal has a certain name.
So they're called calves when they're born. So, and they are called sea cows,
even though they aren't related to cows.
But they, so that name was put on them.
I don't know when that name was put on,
but that's just what stuck with them.
Even though their stomach system is different,
they're more closely related to elephants than cows.
That's, so they have the prehensile lips,
like a trunk of an elephant.
They have the nails and their flippers,
that's similar to elephants.
They have some skeletal structure that's similar to elephants.
When I'm going back to Sirenian, what I said before, that is very closely related to where elephants branched off in the evolutionary scale.
So they're not closely related to cows, even though that's the name. Now, alligator.
So manatees can go in salt and fresh water and brackish water.
So they could be in water where an alligator is.
However, in alligators, American alligators don't generally get bigger than manatees.
Like for an alligator to come up and get onto the side, it wouldn't even really, they don't really mess with them because they're as big in them and they wouldn't attack something that big. Now, if there's a calf, a small manatee, a baby manatee, that's when there
might be an issue, but the mother will
protect it from the alligator.
They're very slow animals, but they're
still very strong. They weigh
1,000 pounds or more when they're adults
and they're going to protect
their calves from
any predators like that, but it isn't a natural
predator. An alligator isn't inclined to
eat a manatee. An alligator is going to eat fish, bird, turtle, things like that, but it isn't a natural predator. Like an alligator isn't inclined to eat a manatee.
An alligator is going to eat fish, bird, turtle, things like that.
There are saltwater crocodiles.
The only time I've ever seen a manatee being messed around with another,
eaten by another animal, I should say, was already dead.
And it was a dead baby manatee.
It was on a golf course and some crocodiles were fighting over it,
but it already had passed away.
So it wasn't like they killed it.
So they are amphibious.
It was on a golf course. It was dead. It was a dead baby. It was a baby.
It was a calf. It was a calf man. And I was called to pick it up.
So, because anytime a manatee dies in, in Florida,
the state has to do a necropsy on it.
An angel gets its wings.
Why would that happen?
Every time a manatee dies.
In Florida.
In Florida.
Yeah, it's a Florida manatee.
And when it dies, they have to form necropsy.
They have to determine what the cause of death was.
Golf, obviously.
By the time I had gotten there.
Well, that's what happened.
The golf course called.
A wicked slice.
There's some gators. There's some crocodiles fighting over a baby manatee. By the time I had gotten there, well, that's what happened. The golf course called and said, there's some gators,
there's some crocodiles fighting over a baby manatee. By the time I had gotten there,
they had done fighting. They didn't eat it, so they just
left it there.
Did you used to have a beeper?
I did have a beeper.
Yeah, when I had this job, I had a beeper, a pager, yeah.
Oh, okay.
You'd be talking to some bird in a bar
and some Cuban chick in a bar in miami
you'd be like oh yeah i love cuban food oh yeah yeah i'd love to meet your family
oh there's a baby manatee on a golf course i gotta go i gotta take this
um yeah we didn't get any 911 calls at night for manatees.
It would usually wait until the next day.
Is there any footage of you on the news going,
the manatee population has decreased over the last decade due to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
No, I don't think there's any footage of me saying something like that.
But there were some manatees that made their way up into a culvert,
a pipe system, a stormwater drainage system,
and they ended up like a half a mile near the nearest water source,
and they were in the parking lot of a hospital, but in the storm drain.
During that news story, Forrest was in the background on bath salts.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah, you could see me on bath salts.
I was there for that.
I don't remember if I made the news there for that,
but I don't remember ever being on the news for it.
But I was heavily involved in Manatee Protection Day County.
I was the guy you would call for a while.
He was like those blokes in the background of Good Morning America
that hold a sign going, we've come from Kansas.
Let's see.
When do they reach sexual maturity?
He said, same as humans, so 45?
Yeah, I know.
I mean, they're lucky to live that long in the wild, 45, because, you know, there's a lot of threats to them.
But females, I think it's like three to five years.
And then the males is a little bit longer.
I think it's five to seven is when I reached sexual maturity.
And then, so the females could start, you know, around three, four years could.
Yeah, but are they being forced by like a family member or something?
Yeah.
Honestly, the way that they mate, they call them mating herds or something like that.
Cavorting was a term that we'd use when we were doing manatee surveys if we saw the behavior.
And it's generally one female trying to get away from
about eight or seven males, you know, manatee gang bang.
Yeah, basically.
It's all, it's all ripe in their culture, right? They're all, they're not good.
It's not a, yeah. And that male manatees are not very discriminant.
The one time we would call the police sometimes if we had a dead manatee and
we'd have to pull it in somewhere to get it out of the water and so this police were
pulling a big manatee it was probably like
11-12 feet it weighed probably
2,000 pounds
and it was a female manatee
and it was dead and they were dragging it behind the boat
they tie a rope to it
and there was
four or five male manatees following
it trying to have sex with the dead
manatee and they were pulling have sex with a dead manatee
and they were pulling it up to a boat ramp and all these kids
were out there on their bikes and like what's it doing
and there's a giant manatee penis
out like trying to penetrate
this dead female manatee and they're like
ah they're just playing kids
that was the float that got nixed from
the Macy's Thanksgiving party
I was
fascinated by these animals.
Do they ever...
Oh, hold on about the stage.
Oh.
Hey.
Oh, fuck.
Do they ever partner up?
Not really.
There it is.
Move the camera angle.
Not generally.
I mean, you can see a group of manatees together,
but they're not generally sticking together.
The mother, when she gives birth, and that's a question coming up.
So the gestation period is 13 months, not four months.
So it's over a year.
And she gives birth, and she won't have another calf
for another two or three years.
So it's a very slow process to build the population up.
When that calf is born, the calf will stick with the mother for about two years and then it'll be
large enough and on its own after that. Sometimes they'll stick around a little bit longer than that.
But so you'll see a mother and a calf together a lot of times. And sometimes you'll see another
mother and a calf and they might stick together. And they'll sometimes congregate in areas where
there's warm water because in the winter when it's very cold, they can't be exposed to cold for too long.
So they'll find these warm sources and you'll see tons of manatees grouped together in these areas.
But they're not generally in a herd, as you would say like that.
They tend to be more rogue, you know, like on their own.
Quick question. Are there any are there any homosexual manatees? Do they exist?
humanities? Do they exist?
I don't know, but I would say yes, because every animal
that I've ever...
I haven't
seen any evidence
to suggest the contrary, because there's
homosexuality in almost every
animal that's in the animal kingdom.
They've shown evidence.
What about trans humanities?
I don't know about that.
I'm not sure.
I just know a good one-woman play, womanies. about trans manatees? I don't know about that. I'm not sure.
I just know a good one woman play womanities.
Womanities?
Womanities.
And it would start like, I wasn't like all the other
manatees. It would just be a single manatee
in a chair in the middle of the stage. It would be a great play.
Something to think about.
Could a female manatee use Jim as a dildo?
Sure. But I don't know. They use other close elephants. something to think about. Could a female manatee use Jim as a dildo? Sure, but
I don't know.
They're close to elephants.
That's true. And we've already decided that Jim
is an elephant dildo. Not as big as elephants
though. Jim couldn't crawl into the
womb of a manatee.
You would get stuck halfway.
How big is a manatee's dick?
I don't...
I've seen them.
And so.
Just on your internet.
About two foot.
Two foot.
Why don't you put a ruler in your mouth?
Pretty girthy.
Pretty girthy.
That was a good one.
What is the just?
I feel like this is not how you treat other guests.
You're a lot more considerate you're pulling these huge manatees
out of the water what do you do with a dead
manatee do you have a funeral
well first it's called a necropsy
an autopsy is performed on a human if it's an animal
it's called necropsy so the state
the fish and wildlife conservation commission
have people that will show up with a specialized
trailer it's like half of a pipe and it,
and you sink that into the water,
you tie it to the,
the,
and he's still,
you crank it in,
you pull the trailer out.
If it's really decomposed,
like it's been out in the water for a long time and it's decomposed,
we'll do it on site because it's already kind of just turned in the mush.
If not,
they would trailer it to wherever they were to St.
Petersburg,
Florida.
Um, I think, yeah, it's South of saint petersburg there's a their lab there and then they're going to determine what caused the death because they want to keep a database of that this year all
right there is a huge die off of manatees and in 2021 i think the number as of june 5th so this
has been a while ago was already at 77070, I'd want to say. And the record
for any year was, I want to say, 826
or 825, and that was 2018.
So they're going to surpass that. We're in June
right now. This comes out in July, this podcast.
That's because the maladies don't socially distance
properly. I don't know.
Yeah, I think it's COVID.
It's mainly due because they're all starving
this year. The food sources
aren't where they used.
They're,
they're not there anymore.
The seagrass is up because most of it is because of water quality
pollution.
The seagrass isn't growing.
You know,
there are people that will blame the manatees.
There's a lot of people that don't like manatees a lot.
You'd think that everyone loves manatees or the gentle giant or the,
the,
the,
the basically the mascot of Florida and stuff like,
you know,
and the,
and people come there to see them, but there are people that don't like them because
there are restrictions put in place to protect manatees, speed zones for boats. Um, they limit
how like, like, uh, development can to, to, uh, be done, you know, that because it'll,
you know, take away their habitat, let's say. And so people don't think that manatees are taking away their livelihood.
And so there is an argument that I'm sure people would make, oh, the manatees ate all
the grass and all the vegetation.
That's why it's gone.
That's not what's going on.
They've shown that there's been studies done.
It's well documented that there's pollution.
There's a lot of people that live in Florida and there's a lot of runoff.
There's nitrogen and phosphorus.
And then that makes algal blooms and that chokes off all the oxygen in the water. The plants die and there's a lot of runoff. There's nitrogen and phosphorus, and then that makes algal blooms, and that chokes off all the oxygen in the water.
The plants die, and there's nothing for them to eat. So this year,
they're seeing all these emaciated
starving manatees, and the number
is going to easily get above what the record
was. So I don't want to jump
in ahead, but you said there's a million
of them? A million.
Now, in Florida, they estimate
there was around 7,700,
7,800 on last count.
Wow.
And almost 800 have died this year already.
By the time this comes out, it could be closer to 900.
So you're talking about over 10% of the population is gone already this year.
That number is going to get higher.
So you're going to get closer to 15% probably.
And if you remember, 13-month gestation period, they have to wait two to three years to have another calve so they don't repopulate rapidly and there's other you know
that the next year there's going to be more that die as well because they're dying from boat strikes
as well boats that are hitting them all the time that kill them as well because people are going
fast in areas they shouldn't um so they have a lot of threats and there's not that many they are not
endangered anymore because during the trump administration, the, the,
all the,
the environment,
the,
the department of the interior said,
Hey,
they're doing great.
Their numbers are skyrocketing.
Even they're only 7,800.
So they,
because they don't know what the historical number was,
but 7,800 still seems low.
They took them off the endangered list,
made them threatened,
which is the next step down,
but we'll see what happens with their numbers.
Now they might get put back on the endangered list.
And that's just the Florida manatee.
The Florida manatee.
Yeah.
Which is the manatee,
you know,
is that because Trump is,
you know,
you always see with these government things that like there's some
construction problem because there's an endangered bird that lives in the
air or something like that.
Do you reckon it's got something to do with Mar-a-Lago?
I'm being serious about this.
I don't know if it's something to do with Mar-a-Lago,
but I mean,
it could,
because I don't know what the water's like right off Mar-a-Lago, but I'm sure there's seagrass there and stuff.
But it is always development versus the environment.
That's how it always works.
And manatees live in shallow water.
Like I was saying, they generally are in eight to 10 feet water or shallower, which is near where the houses are in Florida and everyone that builds on their seawalls and their docks.
Houses are in Florida and everyone that builds on their seawalls and their docks.
So if you want to build a really long dock because you have a mega yacht and you want to pull it up to your house, you have to get that permitted and you have to get it.
Whatever environmental department is overseeing that area has to come out and do a survey. And if they see a certain amount of seagrass or habitat that not only is good for a manatee, but it's good for fish or shellfish or anything like that, then they will not sometimes give that permit.
And then people will be like, ah, fucking manatees, you know,
or whatever animal they want to rail against.
They're saying they're stopping me from doing what I want to do.
I want to go fast on my boat.
I want to build here or develop here.
And they're not allowed to.
So they look at these animals as like a problem in their lives, you know?
So I'm not saying it's specifically Trump did that
because of Mar-a-Lago but I'm sure he had
some maybe there's some friends that
wanted to build their dock somewhere they
wanted to do this or they wanted to ease up restrictions
they want to go fast on their speedboats
in areas where they make them go slow
Trump boat parades yeah
yeah so it's
I years ago was at a
at like a boat show
and we had a booth set up
with some pictures
of manatees behind me
and it was just educational.
And these drunk guys
came up with
imaginary shotguns.
They were pretending
they had shotguns
and they were pretending
to shoot the manatees.
And then they wiped clean
all the literature
I had off the table.
And they told me,
I shoot the manatees once
and then I shoot them twice to make sure they're dead.
And there was like,
no one did anything to help me. There was just drunk
guys. I was like, alright guys, thanks. And we started cleaning up the
literature and stuff. And it's like, they believe
Oh, one of the guys told me
that manatees killed
his friend because his friend committed
suicide because he lost his job because of manatees.
It was like,
he was making a correlation because he works in a boat yard and he lost his
job because manatees were restricting boat use.
And I was like, it's hard not to laugh.
Even though he said his friend committed suicide.
I was like, manatees did it?
So Jim was correct in saying that rednecks are the number one threat to
manatees.
Yeah, yeah.
Loss of habitat.
I'm pretty much all right, right?
No, no, no.
Yeah.
I'll give you another
point for that because i said you're i should have given you another point there yeah rednecks
um it's boat strikes because you know they they're like i said they they're in shallow water
they have to come to the surface to breathe and there's areas that they congregate in where
there's food sources or warm water and they the the state government and and federally mandated
has made these um um, like,
uh,
manatee zones where you have to go slow,
especially in the winter. Cause when it's colder,
they congregate in certain areas where it's warmer and people are supposed to
go idle speed with their boats.
But some people still fly through there because if,
you know,
manatees coming to breathe to the surface or it's in shallow water and a
boat hits it,
um,
it doesn't always kill it.
If a boat runs over it and just hits it with his propeller,
it might leave scars, but
they could live through that.
What really injures them is the blunt force trauma from the hull of a boat going 40 miles
an hour, hitting a manatee.
Because remember I was telling you their bones aren't hollow like ours, they're solid.
And that's so that they have ballast when they're like filling up their lungs so they
can sink.
And it's kind of like a scuba diver has a buoyancy compensator.
They do the same thing.
So their bones help to keep them submerged below the water.
But it makes them very brittle when they're not hollow.
And they'll just shatter.
And then they'll have internal bleeding.
And then they'll bleed out internally and die and stuff.
So that's how they die a lot.
If a manatee gets run over by a boat and the propeller hits it, they often live.
Even though they'll be in a lot of pain, they will heal.
often live, even though they'll be in a lot of pain, they will heal. And almost every manatee that is out there in the wild can be identified by scars from boat propellers. Like there's a
whole catalog where you can be like, that's this manatee because it has the scar. And when it
initially gets hit by, struck by a boat with a propeller, it'll be red. Like you'll see a red
wound, but then it heals white, but it doesn't ever go away. So it'll be like this white scarring.
And if you ever go to Florida and you see manatees,
let's see all this white scarring on them.
It's all from boat strikes,
boat propellers and stuff like that.
And they had this incredible ability to heal.
There was one manatee and I got,
I want to say his name was Scarface or an M,
but it might not be,
but it had got hit by a boat on its head
and part of its head was exposed.
And I think one of its eyes and its whole head,
and they were trying to capture it so they could bring it in to rehabilitate
it.
And when they said they were never able to capture it,
they couldn't get to it.
Cause it was really,
it was just difficult.
And the next season when it came back,
it came back and it was alive and it healed its whole head up.
Like they have this amazing,
amazing ability to heal themselves.
Uh,
unless you know that blunt force trauma is what really ends up killing them a lot.
And they also can die in like
pipes that are outfalls, stormwater outfalls.
They'll get stuck in there sometimes, but a lot of those have been
graded up over the years, you know, so they can't get in there anymore.
They used to get crushed in the locks a lot,
the salinity control structures where they open up
you know, water to prevent flooding and stuff.
Since that time, they've installed
sensors in almost all of those
similar elevators, so if something's in there, it'll bounce back up and it won't crush them and stuff since that time they've installed sensors and almost all of those similar elevators
so if something's in there it'll bounce back up and it won't crush them and stuff but jim called
him a super porpoise before so they are like superpowers yeah regenerative superpowers yeah
they're pretty incredible do they do they ever take down a boat though do they have a sinker boat
no it wouldn't it i mean because boats even the smallest boat i mean unless it's a little skiff
you know that might you know but uh um even the smallest boat, I mean, unless it's a little skiff, you know, that might, you know, but even the smallest boat, you know, weighs usually like a thousand, two thousand pounds.
So that going 40 miles an hour hitting it, it's going to it would you'd feel it if you'd hit it.
People would know. I'm sure people have hit and kept going, because if you do that and you're in a zone where you're supposed to be on a slow, you'll be put in jail.
You know, so if you hit a manatee and you're going to the proper speed will they be fine or the way will they still be injured if you're going
idle speed they call it which is you're throwing no wake you're going around five miles per hour
they'll they'll see the boats there and they'll get out of the they'll hear it they'll see it
and they'll swim out of the way you know they'll you'll sometimes you're going that speed and you'll
see just this kind of rush of water come up and you'll see you know know, their footprint, which is like little circles kind of going away.
And then you'll see, oh, there's some manatees there or whatever.
And then they, they'll avoid you.
But when you're going 40 or 50 miles per hour and they're near the surface,
taking a breath, it's like, it's done, you know?
All right. Last question to go over.
Why did you choose manatees over all the other animals you could have studied?
What drew you to manatees?
I didn't study manatees.
I worked for,
I haven't been looking at the camera the whole time,
by the way,
I'm not used to looking,
but I worked for Miami-Dade County's
Department of Environmental Resources Management,
DERM, otherwise,
and it had a lot of functions at department,
but the department,
the section I worked in
was called Restoration Enhancement.
And we were concerned with water quality
in Biscayne Bay and the Everglades tributaries that fed Biscayne Bay.
Coral reefs and seagrass monitoring and stuff like that.
But the manatee protection portion of in this department had a person that was in charge of it had been reassigned to something else.
And it kind of was floating around and people were taking care of some of the
duties that needed to be done, but no one was really assigned to it.
And I started to show an interest in manatees when we were out there,
like spotting them or, or doing some of the surveys or something.
And so because I showed an interest,
I was asked if I wanted to help take over or like spearhead like this program
that already existed. So I took over as the point person for i guess it was about seven years in day county
as the person that was in charge of the manatee protection program in this department so it wasn't
something i said you save any did you did your actions save any manatees are you responsible for
saved manatees personally um you mean like what one that was injured or something
like that or yeah like did you did you find some place where a family of manatees were
endangered and relocated them or something like that like or did you now i never relocate them
i mean i i don't know if i saved a a single man oh there was one time there was a guy trying to
catch a manatee with like a grappling hook i saved that one i think but uh because people like grappling hook like he was trying
to swing it when you're in a video act you want to pick up a fluffy toy like what are you talking
about yeah like a like a like one that you climb a wall with you throw it you know but they have
like oh yeah he was throwing it at a manatee and we pulled up and our boat is marked government
like it has government symbols on the side and we're like like, Hey, what are you doing? He goes,
he was,
he was,
he didn't speak much English.
And he was telling us that he was trying to catch it to eat it because they eat manatees
in this country,
you know?
And we're like,
well,
not here.
That's an offense,
whatever.
And he goes,
ah,
okay.
And then he just wandered off that,
but,
uh,
which,
you know,
I don't think he would have caught the manatee.
If the grappling hook got into the manatee, it would have pulled him in the water. They're very strong. But, um, but, which, you know, I don't think he would have caught the manatee. If the grappling hook got into the manatee, it would have pulled him in the water.
They're very strong.
But, um, but, uh, you know, I don't know if I specifically helped a single manatee, but
I felt like what I was doing as far as like, we would do the surveys to count them.
Um, I would respond to ones that were in distress.
Sometimes they were trapped behind the, you call them salinity control.
Uh, they're like, uh, these barriers that they, that they put around construction sites and then they kind of hang down like a curtain underwater and sometimes they would
get stuck behind there so you know i guess you could say some of those i helped get out but i
think they would have probably been okay but i don't know the ones that were stuck in the um
in the parking lot i didn't make the call some lady saw them there but you know i helped
the process to get them out of a parking lot and back into the ocean. So you could say those two,
I guess,
you know,
you never pulled a plastic straw out of one of their noses.
No,
I never saw a plastic straw on a manatee's nose,
but there was a lot of entanglement.
Like they get entangled in like crab trap ropes or monofilament and stuff
like that.
But so I guess there was a couple like that,
but it wasn't me.
It's always a team effort with a manatee.
There's like thousands of pounds.
You're not just waiting in there and like, okay.
Did a manatee ever
remember you?
I don't think so, no. Not the one you took the picture with?
There was one that was like,
oh, first you do.
I don't think,
I don't know what their memories are like.
I don't know what their memories are like.
Exactly.
Hi Forrest, I hope you find your dad.
Shit, it's a lot more inappropriate now that I think about it.
Can they communicate with each other and how?
He says yes, they sonar and winking gestures.
Not sonar.
That's dolphins.
They communicate.
They have vocalizations that have been recorded,
and that's very common with a mother and a calf.
They'll communicate.
And they have vocalizations that you could probably identify as like maybe that's that calf's quote unquote name.
You know, that's like the sound that they're known by.
Also, pheromones in the water.
When a female is ready to be mated with, they release pheromones.
And that's why the herd of males know that and go after them.
That's a form of communication.
And also, not as common
but they will eat each other's poop sometimes.
Like they'll actually eat it and that way they can tell
like a lot of information the same way a dog
would sniff a book.
Alright, well this is the part of the show
where we talk about dinner party facts.
Oh, what's that? If you could give
us a fact that
somebody could
tell their friends at a bar or a party or to impress someone, give us something good.
I think people might know this, but I'm not sure.
Did you guys know that they were mistaken for mermaids?
No.
Okay, good.
Dinner party fact.
All right.
Remember earlier I was saying dugongs and manatees are all in the Sirenia
and that's sirens
like for sirens which if you go back to like
the sirens were the
supposedly half
human
half fish creatures that lured
the sailors into the sea
with Elmick first and then Hugh
granted it and Elmick first is topless
in a few scenes
so that's
why they get that name. That's why the Latin
name for
where it comes from because
they were
they believe that they were mistaken for
mermaids and Christopher Columbus specifically
in his journal said
that he saw these mermaids
that he had heard so much about
off of the coast of Africa,
which would be the West Coast, the West African manatees.
And also when he got to the New World in the Caribbean and near Florida, that would be the West Indian manatee.
And he said, here's a quote.
What did he say?
He goes, he goes, he described them as not as beautiful as they are painted,
since in some ways they have a face like a man. That's what he said.
So that's almost certainly what he thought he was seeing
were these manatees.
And that's like this, you know,
it's been proven that that's what he was talking about.
So manatees, that's how bad it was on ships
when you were going across the sea for months,
drinking rum, whatever you shot at me,
like, yeah, I'd fuck that manatee.
That's pretty bad.
Yeah, so there you go. Manatees were mistaken for
mermaids back in the days of Columbus.
That guy had his grappling hook. Yeah, Columbus
wasn't a good person either.
He's a fucking liar. He's trying to eat mermaids.
They're very tasty.
The grappling hook guy is like this.
In my culture, we eat
manatees.
Probably, yeah, exactly.
And I would just say, if you
are interested in helping to protect manatees,
go to savethemanatee.org
and there's a lot of good resources on there as far
as stuff you can donate to or help.
And you can learn more about them on there so you can see if
I was wrong. I think I was pretty close on
everything. You're still going to get shit in the comments.
Yeah, I forgot family
order, all that stuff. I don't know. I don't do science anymore.
The rest of it, it seemed pretty right in my head.
Sounds good to me, man.
You're only allowed to shit talk in the
comments if you also have a picture
at the bottom of the water with a manatee.
Oh yeah, I'll send those to Louise.
I have pictures of me and manatees just to prove
I was around a manatee. Alright, because I'm
not in the room, Kelly, Jack, who wants
to do the outstatement?
I think Jack would like to do it.
Well, if you think
catching a manatee
with a grappling hook is a good idea. No, no, no, if you're ever at a
bar. Oh, if you're ever at a bar and you think, hey,
there's a manatee over there, I'm going to catch it
with a grappling hook. I don't know about that.
Wow. That's not how it's done. there's a manatee over there I'm going to catch it with a grappling hook I don't know about that wow
that's not how it's done
no
someone says to you
I reckon I can capture
that manatee
with a grappling hook
go well I don't know
about that
and walk away
and then you say
goodbye to Australia
yeah try it again
try it with a different one
than the grappling hook
if you're ever in a bar
and someone says to you
if you're ever in a bar
and someone says to you
hey does that look like
a mermaid over there
and you go no it looks like a someone says to you, hey, does that look like a mermaid over there? And you go, no, it looks like
a manatee. I don't know about that.
Get out,
Australia.
Terrible.