I Don't Know About That - Massage Therapy

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

Bob Gallagher realigns the IDKAT gang's knowledge of massage therapy. Check out Bob's podcast Bank the Fire with Bob (@bankthefire) and her business Mahalo Massage NYC (@mahalomassagenyc) at www.mahahomassagenyc.com Jim's new special "High & Dry" is now available on Netflix! ADS: SHIPSTATION: Go to ShipStation.com and use code JIM today and sign up for your FREE 60-day trial.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and the elderly, we live in an increasingly automated world, but some things still require tedious manual work. Save time automating your shipping and returns in the ShipStation dashboard whilst keeping costs down with the industry-leading discounts. Spend more time growing your business when you automate shipping tasks with ShipStation. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code JIM today and sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's ShipStation.com, code JIM. Sticky tape. Ticker tape.

Why is sticky tape just called tape now? There's other tapes. How has it dominated the tape landscape you might find out and i don't know about that with jim jeffries yeah yeah yeah it's the only tape we still keep going yeah the tail of the tape they say that when they used to get those things that came out oh the baseball oh he just hit a home run wall street's crashing yeah yeah yeah but ticker tape's not really tape. None of it's... Video tape?

Video tape. And now we just say, yeah, sticky tape. You just say sticky tape. You just say, go get me some tape. You should bring back a fucking video tape

for that cunt if they're not going to name it appropriately. I don't know that you're wrapping a gift. Yeah, according to the dictionary. I mean, it was Christmas Eve, but still.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, it's a narrow strip of material used to hold or fasten something but then the second definition is a long, narrow, flexible material with magnetic properties used for recording sound and pictures. Wow. I don't think the ticker tape even exists anymore. It's the stuff that goes. Yeah, but they don't do that anymore. Yeah, but it still exists.

Historically, there's still some in a museum. Not in my mind. Damn. Yeah. To be do that anymore. Yeah, but it still exists. Historically, there's still some in a museum. Not in my mind. Damn. Yeah. To be in that mind. Yeah, not in Forre's mind. Of course not. There's no space there.

It's filled with such interesting knowledge. Like what? Like Ticker Tape's not around anymore. Yeah, Ticker Tape's not around anymore. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. I thought Ticker Tape was still thriving. It's sort of filled with my brain. Well, they do have ticker tape parades.

Yeah, exactly. But they're not using ticker tape. Yeah, just little cuts of streamers. Confetti. Yeah, bits of streamers. That's what ticker tape transformed into, confetti. And then sticky tape. Sticky tape's good.

So I don't think the magnetic thing. I think tape is just meant to be that shape. I guess so. Strips. But then you tape something. meant to be that shape. I guess so. Strips. But then you tape something. You never sticky tape something. No. I'm going to sticky tape this.

So tape is just a strip of material. We're taping our podcast right now, but you would never mistake it for sticky tape. No. But we're not really taping it. I know we're not really taping it. We're videotaping it. Yeah, we're not really in a pod either.

We are casting. Yeah, we're casting. Well, we're not fishing like a pot either yeah we are casting yeah we're casting yeah well we're not fishing like a cast that's true yeah yeah so so deep but we are a cast all right that was a good episode semantics uh so i'm um where am i you're on vacation all right All right. I'm doing that. Yeah, I'm surfing. What? I thought that was Batman.

No. Or Batman. It's close to Batman, but it's not. I'm like longboard surfing. Yeah. Me two boys are standing on the front of the board doing this. Wait, do you know how to surf? No.

Oh, I thought maybe you did. I would love to see that. I know the premise. I've seen people do it. You said something the other day that you had done that I never imagined you had done. I bodyboard, all right? I could skateboard back in the day a little bit. Skateboard.

Tap dance is still good. I could tap dance a little. I knew my time steps. Yeah, I knew my time steps. We've got to see this sometime. Tap dance on a longboard. Yeah, yeah, I could tap dance on a longboard as long as it's on solid ground. Yeah, you need time steps. We got to see this sometime. Tap dance on a longboard. Yeah, yeah, I could tap dance on a longboard as long as it's on solid ground. Yeah, fair.

I want to see you tap dance. I can't tap dance anymore. I studied musical theater at university. Never got away. You think that there isn't a tap section? Look, I'm not a triple threat or quadruple threat or anything like that, but I know how to do all those things. I'm a triple enthusiast.

I don't really like musicals, but I do like watching people tap dance, so there's something. I'll tell you who's an excellent tap dancer who never gets enough credit. Tony Danza. I thought it was going to be somebody we knew. Tony Danza's a very good tap dancer. Wait.

He hangs out at my kid's little league field. I should compliment him on his tap. I think he'd enjoy it. Hold on a second. How do you know he's a good tap dancer? I've seen him tap dance on TV many times. You've never seen Tony Danza tap dance? Where have you been living under a fucking rock?

I don't know. No, but as soon as I put in... His mind has no tape in it. There's not going to be any tap dancing. As soon as I put in Tony Danza tap dancing, there's a Wikipedia page, the Tony Danza tap dance extravaganza. Yeah, he was a boxer, then he was an actor,

then he took some tap dancing lessons, and now he goes down and sings in one of the clubs. He does old classics and stuff like that and tap dances a little bit. He's not just good at tap dance. He is tap dance. I want to see him tap dance. Where would we ever find it? No, no, in person I want to see it dance i want to see him tap dance where would we ever find it

no no in person i want to see it like i want to think about this club he's not at he's not at his peak anymore he's an old man now yeah he's still going to be better he'd be doing that little bit of a shuffle yeah um okay well tony i'd like to see him do it and just recite lines from who's the boss maybe we could get him as a tap dance expert. Why don't we write Taxi the Musical? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Called You Talking to Me.

I know it's a different thing, but that's, you know, we could. It's all right. It's a crossover. Now you did. It's close enough to Tommy's Hey, I'm Walking Here that I think we have a line producer already. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And we have like the Christopher Lloyd character.

We have Tony Danza. Danny DeVito. We have that redheaded woman who never ages. She always seems to be interviewed. She's right. Judd Hirsch. Mary Lou Heller. Heller, yeah.

And then I could do the... They used to think that was a joke. Kaufman. Thank you very much. And people would laugh. the, they used to think that was a joke. Kaufman. Thank you very much. And people would laugh. Oh, they'd laugh. And now if I say, I don't think that, well, that wasn't funny, was it? Was Latka funny?

I'm not Annie, Annie Kaufman. I think Annie Kaufman had some nice moments, but Latka wasn't funny. Did we all think it was funny? Was that an American thing? I don't know. I think so, but I was a kid. So I just thought it was funny that someone was going to be. Was that when like none of you ever traveled where you were like, that's how foreign people sound?

Probably. Thank you very much. No one even knows the nation he's from. He might as well be Mork. Nobody said he was from a certain nation. I think he was a made-up country. Yeah, I think he was Eastern European. Where's Balki Bartokomus from?

From the Balkans. Mepos. Mepos. And is he Greek? No, it's me places are made up kate place all right yeah so balky about talking was you can't get away with that sitcom now oh you probably could you probably could get away with a lot of things now a lot guys home country is never disclosed only referred to as lak's country or the old country. Laka Gravas, that's his name. Yeah, Laka Gravas sounds like he's Mediterranean.

He's a sweet-natured and lovable goofy mechanic from an unspecified nation. Yeah. Well, I guess you could get away with it then, because then you wouldn't be like, nah. Yeah, I said this the other day. When I was doing my voiceover reel, the accents I was allowed to do were

like southern American accents and any any Russian Eastern Bloc thing like I'm yeah like like anything that was like white like adjacent there you could be like we'll do a booking off we'll do they can do that and people are like yeah sure so that's what I could do my voiceover reel cuz there was other ones and she's like yeah you can't do that no you can do other white nations yeah yeah you can do you can do any russian or thing or european or something you can't even go into italian you can't even go a shade lighter darker in your skin yeah i think laka is from a white country yeah lucky lucky yeah lucky you could still do, but probably not with the war in Ukraine, right? Nah, I'm out on that too.

Yeah, so at the moment, you couldn't lucker it up right now. The Ukraine, look, okay. You don't like that war anymore? That war's over for you? I told you what happened. For you, the war is over. You know what happened to me on the casino gig we just did? Yeah.

I posted a picture of it. I thought you did better than you thought you did. War is over. You know what happened to me on the casino gig we just did? Yeah. I posted a picture of it. I thought you did better than you thought you did. It was all Ukrainians and they were booing. Now, that guy that called me a homophobic slur because I was wearing a Pink Floyd shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone called you a boosty. Yeah, a boosty, which is Greek, but then I found out is all that Eastern European is like a homophobic,

it's like the F word, homophobic, sorry. That's like the, yeah. Yeah, and I was walking by, I'm walking by the guy, and he like makes eye contact with me, says it, I'm like, probably not. And it was early in the morning, I was going to get breakfast, there was nobody in the casino.

This was in the morning? Yeah, 7.15 in the morning. He only knows this because me and Amos sometimes play to, it's very similar to Jonah from Tonga, but sometimes when we're in cars, we do play to Greek teenage boys who hassle each other at school. The whole European tour.

So they go, pusty, pusty. And I go, oh no, he's a pusty. Because I was going to say, I'm like, how did you know this story? Oh, here's what happened. Amos, Amos, do you like that guy? He does. He's a pusty.

Oh no, he admitted it. Oh, that's what he's into. So I'm walking by, and the guy says it to me. And I'm like, what? And I only know this word because of the European tour. I go, what? And then he locks eye contact with me again and says it. I'm like, nah.

And I walk by. And I just turn around. And he's turned around looking at me. And he says it twice. Busty, busty. Like that. I go, the fuck? Like, why is he saying that to me? And I look down, and I have the pink looking at me. And he says that twice. Pushti, Pushti. Like that, I go, the fuck? Like, why is he saying that to me?

And I look down and I have the pink Floyd shirt on with a dark side of the moon. Pushti. Things. Where the light comes through the prism and then there's a rainbow that shoots out. And I'm like, oh, he thinks this is a gay pride shirt. And I started laughing. And then I was like, fuck that guy. I was like, what does he should be saying?

So I go up to the security, like, little kiosk thing. And I go, hey, this guy's's yelling homophobic slurs at me, but I'm not gay, but I have this shirt on, and he thinks I'm gay, but I support gays. And so he goes, all right, we'll go over there. And I walk over there with the security guard, and now he's sitting there with his mom playing this slot machine.

You went up to the security guard, you said that, and the security guard went, whoo! All right. All right, love is tip, is it? As soon as I showed up, the guy's face was like, oh, shit, you know. And he goes, well, what's going on here? And I go, tell him what you called me.

He goes, no, I said this is good game. And I go, you said that's what you said, that's what you think that word means, good game. And he's playing the most, he's not playing Game of Thrones or Wheel of Fame. He's playing that one with just the cards. It's the most basic. He was telling me that he was telling me to play that game. Look, you should come play a game, it's a good game.

And I go, nah, what does Pusty mean? He goes, maybe you should learn my language. I go, what does Pusty mean? He goes, it means good game. Then I go, nah. And then his mom's like, my kid is cookie, please don't buy. Then it's like this whole thing. I'm picturing a nine year old because he's with his mom

and it's just for his tattletale. He's like 55 years old easily. And then. I didn't know that. I thought it was a bloke in his 30s. So you're getting upset about the elderly being homophobic. First of all, he's five years older than me. He's not an elderly.

That's the things I've heard you say. Early bird dinner starts at 55 years old. You get a discount. He can move into a retirement home. The sister living there. Then he goes, ask my brother. And then his brother walks around the corner with a peppy frog hat on. You're out to no good.

This guy is who you're bringing in the court. Yes, he's good. And I go, fuck off, bro. And they're like, well, we could kick him out. Is that yours? Yeah, yeah. And I go, fuck off, bro. And they're like, well, we could kick him out because we did. Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

And I go, all right, dude. And he goes, I don't know why you pick on me. I'm Ukraine refugee. I go, fuck you and your dumb fucking face right now. I don't think you're from Ukraine. And even if you are, it doesn't mean you're a good person. Show me your refugee. Like, fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Show me your papers. We know what the Eastern Europeans, the homosexuality, abandoning Russia and all that stuff. They're not the most, when it comes to the gays. Yeah, don't go, but I'm Ukraine.

Friendliest people of all. I don't think he was, though, because his mom sounded Greek. Like, I don't know, whatever. I don't know, locker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why Forrest hates the Ukraine. Did I tell you this story, though?

I was with Slav, who, the Polish security who I don't really need security anymore because I'm not going out drinking so therefore

I don't get myself in dangerous situations anymore but after shows but I it's because I just go back to my hotel room but anyway

so Slav the security he we were sitting there having a coffee or something like that and there was these two teenage

girls and they ran up to each other with tears in their eyes speaking to each other in their language like this and I turned to him and I went bloody teenage girls get over it just go in and have your gelato

it was like an ice cream place or something like that. I go, they act like they've never bloody seen each other. Turns out they were two Ukrainian refugees who they just found out each other was alive. Oh, God. Like, get over it. He's Polish, and he's like, no, they're both from Ukraine. And they have not seen each other.

They are surprised because they had lost contact and everything like that they are surprised she is saying now I thought I would never see you again I support them and I'm like

these bloody women they carry on I support them alright well you have shows coming up you can go to jimjeffries.com

the shows are starting again in August you're over in Hartford and Rhode Island and then you're going to jimjeffries.com the show's starting again in August you're over in Hartford and Rhode Island and then you're going to Canada and New York City and Texas and all over the place so go to jimjeffries.com

and also follow us on Instagram idcatpodcast I think is what it is how do you not know I don't know and we got our first live show August 29th at Flappers so come out to that How do you not know? I don't know. Yeah, I don't follow. And we got our first live show August 29th at Flappers. So come out to that.

Flappers. Yeah. Come out there and see us live. See what it's all about. August 29th. Yeah, okay. Should be fine. What?

They've moved me forward to go to Australia. No, no, you're good. It's after the shows in Harvard. No, no, no, no, no. They've moved me forward to go to Australia. No, no, you're good. It's after the shows in Hartford. No, no, no, no, no. They've moved me forward to go to Australia. No, I know that. But you still have to come back for the Hartford, Rhode Island shows, right? When are they? It's before the Flapper show.

Yeah, yeah, but I might be leaving the day of the Flapper show. Oh, so you're going to miss those shows in Hartford and Rhode Island that I just advertised. No. No, the Hartford and Rhode Island shows are before, right? 24th and 25th. Yeah. And you're going to miss those shows in Hartford and Rhode Island that I just advertised? No. No, the Hartford and Rhode Island shows are before, right? 24th and 25th. Yeah. And you're going back to Australia.

Yeah, I'm going to Australia. I might be going to Australia on the 29th of August to go film the game show. I think you're going to be back. I thought you were going to be back in July. Oh, I've just come back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're returning. Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, I'll be there. I was like, oh man, my calendar is... You guys just got an inside look at the stress of scheduling this podcast. I'll be back. I think you just edit that out. I think it's fun. Full inside baseball. That's after the game show in Australia.

But he's doing a second season of the game show in Australia. Sign up. They've added a couple of episodes. We're doing 12 episodes this time. So, woo, yeah. Well, we've got to guess. But he's doing a second season of the Game Show in Australia. Sign up. That's pretty cool. They've added a couple of episodes. We're doing 12 episodes this time. So, woo, woo. More reading. And with the population of Australia and the amount of episodes they want to do, I think I'm going to get to speak to every single Australian.

Eventually, if you do enough episodes. Yeah, every single one of them are going to come through, and I'll get to say hello to each one. Please welcome our guest, Bob Gallagher. Hello, Bob. Now it's time to play. Yes, though. Yes, though. Yes, though.

Yes, though. Judging a book by its cover. Bang. Good luck. Okay. Well, okay. It's a very underscript room there seems to be

a bit of Pilates type of stuff in the corner there maybe or a climbing thing I think you're

in a garage or a basement or something you have tattoos I think maybe one on your shoulder might

be the islands of Hawaii is that right I'm gonna say we're talking about Hawaii not quite at all.

I love Hawaii though. We could mention Hawaii. Jim's probably in Hawaii right now. Is it a medical thing? Is it a medical thing? Yes. Is it part of the human condition in the sense that it's a real thing?

It's not fiction. It's not an act of fiction. Oh, wow. That's really, oh, hold on. That's philosophical. Is it part of the human condition? Yes. It is part of the human condition.

Do we all experience it? Ideally, yes. And sometimes in Hawaii. You've experienced it. And sometimes in Hawaii. Ideally. But mostly in Manhattan. Is it love?

Are we talking about love? Oh. You've experienced love. I think I have. It is about nurturing the inner child. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Is it... We all experience... Is it the joy of parenthood? No. Okay. I predict... Okay, because that's not fun. I predict that Jim will be on vacation in Hawaii probably when this airs.

I'm not sure. But I predict you will do this at least once when you're in Hawaii and when you're in Australia, and you'll do it back when you're here home. Oh, he does it a lot? You've done it many times. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Sometimes in the airport you do it.

Question my wife's cooking. No, you've done it in the airport if we have enough time. You're like, oh. Oh, complain about the lounge. Is it complaining about lounges? Do we have enough time for a complaint? Is it comparing lounges

from other different countries and going, why can't they fucking get it right here? They should just have a sandwich toaster. Everyone likes that. All it is is bread, meat, cheese, and a toaster. You get to make your own sandwich. You missed your profession.

You missed your calling. You should be designing airplane lounges. Or just a professional complainer. I'm not far off. Technically, you are. Now, you'll be like, oh, my gosh, how much time do we have before the flight? And I'll say, this time. Oh, I have a massage in a chair.

There you go. Yes. In front of everybody. Oh, not in a chair, but yes. Massage therapy, I have a massage in a chair. There you go. Yes. In front of everybody. No, not in a chair, but yes. Massage therapy. I love a massage. I have a massage on the regular. So, we'll

be talking about massage therapy with Bob Gallagher. I don't like men doing it unless they're elderly. Okay, we'll talk about it. Bob Gallagher has been massaging her whole life, but was formally educated at the Swedish Institute in New York City. Her business is Mahalo Massage NYC. It's in Union Square, New York, and you can visit it,

or you can find out more about it at Mahalo. I was right about that. Yeah. Mahalomassagenyc.com. And she also has a podcast called Bank the Fire, where she interviews CEOs and entrepreneurs to discuss what drives and motivates them, their definition of success, and what they do to keep themselves going. Can you tell us a little bit more, Bob, about how you got into massage therapy?

So massaging my entire life. My mom, I grew up with a mom who had handicaps, physical disabilities, and so she experienced chronic pain. And then so she was asking everyone who was available to massage her all the time. And then I experienced back pain myself as a tween. And I just became fascinated with the body mechanics and how people move. And yeah, it was just like this massage was just one medium by which to explore that. I just had a terrible flashback. My mother would buy, any time there was a new vibrating massaging machine that could be run over a back with fingers

that go like this or something like that, it had come to the house. And then as a child, you're like, come over here and I'm just on my shoulder. Oh, that's the stuff. Well, there you go. If she didn't make the noises, I would have been fine and kept me dick in my pants.

But she did, and here we are. All right. So when you get massaged, do you make the noises and traumatize yourself? No, no, I don't make the noises out of respect for others. I keep it to myself. But I have a thing with massages, right? I like a nice, firm massage, except for for me legs where i like it a lot lighter but i can never give that information over properly because if i say lighter on the legs

than they did lighter on the whole body they don't seem to understand that i have sections well we'll talk about all that so i'm going to ask you some questions there's something about like if my thighs if you get a thumb into my thigh, buddy, it hurts for me. I can't handle it. I'm no good. But me back, you can have 10 people walk on it, no problem. Yeah. Or maybe you need to be massaged more in those areas where it hurts. And I love a head massage.

Yeah. Oh, geez, I love it. I bought a machine that goes on top of your head that makes you look like you're a starfighter pilot that just sits there and it massages over your eyes and over your head and you sit there it's all good it's a winner all right i'm gonna ask jim some questions about massage at the end of him answering those questions bob you're gonna grade him on his accuracy not as keen on a foot massage yeah i like those you're gonna grade him on his accuracy

zero through 10 10 is the best because i'm gonna grade him on his confidence i'm gonna grade him on etc we'll add those all together if jim scores 21 through 30, yeah, that's the right spot right there. And then 11 through 20, a little bit lower to the left, zero through 10, stop touching me. All right. Jim, what is... That's an unhappy ending. What is massage? What do you think it is? Massage. Massage is the rubbing of muscles and body parts to soothe, repair, and invigorate. Sounded pretty good. That was really good.

Might have been your best answer ever on this one, I guess. So professional. What is the origin of the word massage? The word message is like, because when you get one, I got that. I got the message. Message to your muscles? A message to your muscles would be an answer. A message to your muscles.

Yeah, that would be one of your famous things. When and where did massage begin? Normally they start with your feet and they work up the body. In time. They never start with your head. Always with your feet. We should start with your head and end with your feet. When did it start?

What country and all that type of stuff? Just in time yeah sure country whatever you want just whatever information you want i believe it'd probably be see the swedes i don't know why they get any credit the swedish massage i like it i like a thai mixture massage where they're walking on your back a bit and then they do the thing too much i don't like too much oil um where and when did it start so i'm gonna going to say it would have started in Japan in the 800s. When did massage start to become popular in the United States? In the 900s.

Okay. It became popular in the United States. It would have been around the time of the California gold rush after the miners went down and the ferociously digging and then the pan having to crouch by the creek like that. That's not good for your lower lumber. And so they had a lot of Japanese and Chinese people came over for the gold rush. Yeah.

And they introduced massage during the Californian gold rush. That was fun to watch you come up with that bullshit. That was pretty good. Tell you what, there's probably some fucking truth to that. Maybe, I don't know. How does a person become a massage therapist? There'd be a course you have to take, but I don't know if you're, oh, God,

you'd probably go in for an interview. There'd be someone, give me a massage. They'd be like, oh, that feels good. You got the job a bit, you know what I mean? But, you know, there's an app that I used to use when I came over to your house, which was a good one. You know what I mean? I think it's called Soothe.

It was a good app. Anyway, I stopped doing it during COVID, and I haven't picked it back up. But they would have to. You'd have to have some type of course that you've done or something like that. Name some benefits to massage. Blood flow is a big benefit. Relaxation can't be underestimated. Soundness of mind is also a good thing.

Also, relieves tensions, gets rid of knots, stretches out the body. It helps with weight loss. It helps with mind. Is there anything you can't do? I can't cook. Okay. Is massage necessary?

Massage is not necessary, but is eating good food necessary? You know, it's not necessary. You can live without it, but maybe not as long. So it is necessary if you want pain relief and you want it to be fixed and you want to – if you have a problem area, it's – look, it won't kill you if you don't have it, but I would argue that, yes, it is necessary. I'll ask this later here. All right, difference the difference you know happiness necessary how about this I'm gonna skip here to

this one difference between a body worker the masseur a masseuse or a massage therapist you know is there difference between any of those no none thanks for asking okay how many massages does a massage therapist perform in a week to be considered full-time? What's the average? I'd probably say 20 a week would be like a full-time employee, but like 25, five a day with breaks in between, hour-long massages, get lunch.

You'd have to go up and upsell that shitty things in the airport, the counters, like you'll need this rolling thing, this thing that goes over your head. But the actual massage time? I'd say 20 hours a week to be a 20 massages a week to be full time. Are there any parts of the body that should not be massaged in massage therapy? The testicles. The testicles and the labia

should not be massaged and the tongue yeah good point I've never but I tell you what I love it when they

shove their fingers in your ears and they go like that and then they pull on your ear lobes I'm a big fan of that I don't know that one

oh yeah ear massages are so good oh yeah oh yeah I like that should you get naked for a massage I'm a big fan of that. I don't know that one. Oh, yeah. Ear massages are so good. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I like that. Should you get naked for a massage? I believe you should, yes. Look, I believe you should.

Be respectful. Always ask. Look, I don't think you should be, like, laying butt out. Like, I think you should have a towel over you when they come into the room, but you should always ask if they have those places that have the underwear that you want. But the reason why you don't keep your regular underwear on is your glutes, your butt cheeks, you dig a thumb into that and stretch your leg out. That's like a big part of the massage.

That runs all the way up your body and down your leg and all that type of stuff. That's like a pivotal part of the human body to be massaged. Okay. And also, you know, nice to be free. I'm going to ask a couple of other questions. There's a lot of questions there, but I think that... But I think you should be respectful of the person who does it. Like, you don't just assume, but I think you should be naked.

What should a person do or not do before massage to prepare for massage? I always cover myself in the oil so they can save money. I come in greased up, I do. What kind of oil? Yeah, I come in like a fucking chimichanga that they didn't turn the fucking oil on. They just threw the burrito in there and it got soaked and then they had to pull it out with a scoop up brush.

But what they should do is, I know that masseuses are very big on afterwards, make sure you drink a lot of water because you might die if you don't. If you don't drink water straight afterwards after having this, you've been laying down for two hours, make sure you're hydrated. What are clients encouraged? She's laughing, Bob's laughing. I wish I could have all the boring stuff I have to do on a daily basis

just completely automated, my grocery shopping, cleaning, all of it. Luckily for e-commerce business owners, shipping is no longer a manual task thanks to ShipStation. Save time automating your shipping returns with ShipStation dashboard whilst keeping costs down with industry leading discounts. If you're worried about not knowing where to start or have been on the fence, ShipStation's setup is increasingly easy and best of all, there's a free trial. If your business requires shipping at all, you would be doing yourself a huge disservice

by not checking out the rates on ShipStation. ShipStation makes it easy to automate shipping tasks for orders from every marketplace in one dashboard. There is effortless integration everywhere you sell online, including Amazon, Etsy, eBay, Shopify, and more. Manage every order from one simple dashboard, print shipping labels, easily compare rates and delivery times to optimize every shipment, and automate delivery notifications.

And with enterprise solutions that make warehouse optimization easy, ShipStation scales when you do. With industry-leading discounts, you'll never worry about overpaying for shipping. Get up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. And if that's not enough, use the promo code JIM to try ShipStation free for two months.

Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce businesses with ShipStation and 98% of companies that stick with ShipStation for a year become customers for life. Spend more time growing your business when you automate shipping tasks with ShipStation. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code Jim today and sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's ShipStation.com. Code Jim.

What are clients encouraged to refrain from during a massage? I would say talking would be a thing. Like, I've had a couple of masseuses that have a chat with me, and I'm like, eh. Eh. Yeah. Paul McCartney told a story when I last saw him in concert that he had a massage come to his room,

and the lady was massaging him and then she started going, yesterday. Oh no. Oh no. Oh that's the worst. Wow. Why is massaging ourselves with our own hands not as effective as someone else doing it?

Because you know what's coming, there's no element of surprise. That's why I always meant it like. The surprise is the thing? No it is, of course it is. Of course it is. Of course it is. You're right. I don't know.

Because your brain is telling you that my finger's about to move here, so your body adjusts to know that it's about to happen here. Do you know what I'm saying? It's the same reason why every man goes, if I could suck my own dick, I would. And then you'd be like, no, you wouldn't. You wouldn't enjoy it because you'd be like, and the tongue twirls. That's what I was expecting. You know what I mean?

I'm calling all these moves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never make myself come. I know myself too well. What is a happy ending rub and tug, and how are these viewed in the massage world? Well, it depends. Everyone knows what a happy ending is, where you get a handjob at the end of the massage. Can women get them?

I'm sure they can. But in Australia, they call them rub and tug parlors. Yeah, rub and tug. And look, I don't... How would someone like that guy, a massage therapist... At the risk of being racist, it's more synonymous with Asian masseuse parlor type of thing in America. But in Australia, it's not.

In Australia, it's just like, you know, you get a shittier massage, but you get a hand job at the end. You know what I mean? But how's it used in like massage therapy world? Oh, no, no. A professional masseuse, it must be a pain in the fucking neck for them. I do a joke about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a professional masseuse who's just trying to get on with their day doing a professional fucking service, and you do a joke if you'd like to say the joke right at the end of it i say it's it's the only profession that you have to specify whether you're jerking somebody off or not massage therapy that's the joke because i i walked in and this woman said no happy ending and i'm like no i'm here for legitimate yeah yeah like if a mechanic would never like and i fixed your thing and now let's pay the bill and then he's raking you off in the auto body. You know what I mean?

So no, of course you'd be frowned upon. And also it must make life very difficult because you're trying to do a job and then you've got people who are kind of wink-winking about the whole thing. And, you know, so I've been into the ones where there's signs up like this is just a masseuse place. And I find it funny when it's like there's one that I go to that my favorite place is a Thai place. And all the beds are on the ground because it's a lot of like getting on their knees on the back.

And you're dressed in pajamas. They dress you up in pajamas. And they have a sign saying no happy ending. So, first of all, you've put me in pajamas. I'm laying on the floor. So, I'm not even at bench height to be wanked off, right? But also, all the separate masseuse areas, I've only got curtains in between them.

And we're all just laying on with curtains in between us. I'm like, how bold do you think I am? I'm too shy to even do this here. Okay, let me ask you one more question we'll start talking about. What is the proper way for a person to communicate what they need in a massage? This is what you're talking about.

Hands up. No, no, no, no. You were talking about. Hand job. No, no, no, no. You were talking about your legs lighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're saying you can't do it. I mean, that one's pretty clear. I envision him in a tar pad, like, hand job. Hello.

You tell him, you say. It's not working for you. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah. Okay. Because I've said before, I said, oh, that's a little bit, oh, it's ah, ah, ah. Okay. Because I've said before, I said, oh, that's a little bit, oh, it's a bit firm, bit firm. I had one woman just laugh at me.

Yeah. She's just like, ah, pussy. She's dug in more. And then like, this is the thing about massage. It's the same with sex or anything that's got physical contact, right? Anything that's got physical contact, anytime someone's touching you in this world,

you know when you're getting a good massage within the first 30 seconds. You're like, bang, this is going to be a good hour of your life. I'm over the moon about this. I'm going to feel relaxed. I'm going to be this, I'm going to be that. But you also know,

oh, God, this is going to take for fucking ever. And I'll tell you the worst type of masseuse is the person who thinks, it's like the same as anyone, someone who thinks they're good at sex or someone thinks they're good at whatever. Someone thinks they're good at sport and they're not. You know what I mean?

The masseuse that thinks they're wonderful and they're dog shit. And they're like this, oh, you've got a lot of knots here. You see this one? I'll work that. You must feel a lot better now. And you're like, that was fucking just your thumb rubbing underneath the shoulder. That was my spinal cord. Yeah, that did nothing. Go away. but i'm always polite i've never told

him a series i never got i didn't enjoy that i'm always like that was the best thing ever thank you i'm very polite so you fake your orgasms essentially yeah that's a bit crude bob all right bob um how did jim do on his knowledge of massage therapy zero through ten ten is the best he did so much better jim you did so much better than i thought you were going to i would say let's give you a seven all right really great yeah you did you had good answers yeah how do you know confidence i i did enjoy the journey on a lot of the answers so i'm gonna give him an eight and a half all right i'll give you a 55 and etc so right on a lot of the answers, so I'm going to give him an eight and a half. I'll give you a 55, et cetera. The age of the guy who bullied him at the casino.

Casino bully. Pick up my t-shirt. Jim said massages, the rubbing of muscles and body parts to soothe, repair, and invigorate. Is that what massage is, Bob, or is that? As a basic answer answer yes that is it's most technical what's it what's a technical answer then no that is the technical answer you're rubbing and kneading of muscles but the philosophical answer is the more esoteric

answer is the laying of hands and uh touching with intention it's not enough for me to like just get in there and i mean yeah i guess that's part of touching with the. It's not enough for me to, like, just get in there and, I mean, yeah, I guess that's part of touching with the intention. I can, like, for the bad massage therapist who thinks they're really good, like, I'm just going to wail on you. And that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for something a little bit more soothing. You're looking for a connection, yeah?

And so, yeah, that's the… There's a few gimmicks in the massage world. The rocks. Piss off with the rocks. I don't like the rocks. What rocks? Oh, the heated rocks? I like those.

You like the heated rocks? I don't like the heated rocks. I like those, yeah. I'm not good with heat. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Even the warm towel, you come in, you're flapped around, and you're going to get the oil off me.

Give it an extra beat for me. I'm a bit sensitive with the heat. Do you use stones, Bob? I don't. I'm pretty basic. It beat for me. I'm a bit sensitive with the heat. Do you use stones, Bob? I don't. I'm pretty basic. Bob knows where it's at, man. Yeah, I don't need – it's like all that other stuff is nice, but it's fluffy and it's just extra to deal with.

Massage is – all we need is this. Yeah, I tell you, the most basic sort of $50 massage in LA is better than the $200 massage where someone comes in with an essential oil and then puts it under your nose and goes, this will invigorate and move. I still enjoy the oil because I like a bit of production. I like a bit of production.

Want some fireballs? I tell you what I don't get, and my wife loves it, so I do it. My wife likes a couple massage. what's the fucking point of that like you better not talk to me you can't talk to each other you're both in the same room you know yeah you don't do a couple's massage we don't do it I have two separate rooms it's about the practitioner with the client and that's it I'm not a spa I'm a massage office like just no fluff no extra me and Forrest once got a couples massage we did in Mexico how was it? on the beach it was on the beach it was on the beach and I was high as a kite and we laid there or drunk I still

drink it back then yeah yeah and and so we laid on the beach, and it was good because you put your- Well, they had like a roof and like wispy like cheer curtains. You were in the shade. They had like a little tent roof there, but you looked down at Sandy. You could hear the waves. The waves were nice. You could hear the ocean all the time. It was a good day, but me and Forrest, we had a couple of massages. We held hands.

Before we were in underwear. And I think that's why people do couples massage, so you can hold hands. It's more about the experience. There's the experiential massage, which is what Jim was talking about in terms of like, here, smell the oil. And it's like $200 versus a therapeutic massage, which is like, hey, I need therapeutic work. Yeah. These are two different things.

What is the origin of the word massage? Jim said, I've got a message. Loud and clear, message to your muscles. is like hey I need therapeutic work yeah um what are two different things what is the origin of the word massage Jim said I've got a message well I'm clear message well close but no cigar massage is a French term but even further than that it has roots in maybe Latin for dough and through through the centuries it's been associated with the word to knead. The kneading of dough. Yeah. The kneading of dough. And then when and where did it begin? Jim said the Swedes get too much credit. The Swedes get too much credit. Started in Japan in the 800s is what he's thinking. Yeah it's true

that the Swedes get don't it's true that the Swedes get too much credit and earliest records that historically may be India in Ayurveda which is like one of the oldest if not the oldest life health medicine which is the translation of Ayurveda and then but that's a hard thing to say because people just touch people. So it's probably originating in all the different places around the same time. But anyway, India, China, Japan, Rome, Greece, Europe. You even massage yourself. Like you have a bit of tennis elbow, you go like that.

That does help a little bit. You know what I mean? That's the language that they were using in 5000 BCE. Massaging my tennis elbow. It's better than how I actually got it. I call it my wank bend. Yeah, that's why you need to go to the rub and tug places. Save your elbows.

Yeah, they're useful. Because you even put in here primates grooming each other in massage. That's probably massage. Yeah. So with massage, it's like there's the formal training and then there's just the stuff that we intuitively inherently do so uh yes i mentioned um primates grooming each other that's a form of massage you're moving those hair follicles you're manipulating the skin that's going to uh change the nature of the muscles

underneath so this is there's valid credentials now there's historical evidence but massage has been happening forever like a bear scratching its back on the tree what do you think it's doing how often do you change your setup like um well i mean i i there was there's a masseuse that i like in hollywood and uh she's very good and but then i i i went to a different masseuse for a while because it was the same routine every time. Very good routine. Oh, yes. But it's like, okay, so you start with the feet,

then you go to the calves, then you go to the legs, then you go to the thing, then you stretch out a thing, then you stretch out a thing, and you do it on the other side, do it on the other side. But occasionally, like, you reach over to get some oil, you fall over, and your elbow, like, hits in the side, and the guy's like, oh, that's brilliant. And you're like, oh, yeah yeah figured out a new move yeah so it depends on the client and depends on

what's going on um i mean the inspiration is george carlin to have new material every single year but also it's a it's challenging to navigate with body mechanics all the time after i've been doing this for 16 years now and so I do have a quote unquote routine if I know the client's just coming in for maintenance. But if there is some other, if I have a new client coming in or my client's developed some condition, then I will modify whatever I need to do

to accommodate the current issue. So, but after having done it for so long I've learned different modalities and so there's always something else I can incorporate that I don't typically do do men and women do they enjoy massage in a different way is there like the legs or something like that or more is there any difference there um I think that's uh that's not gender based i think that's more individual to individual this individual individual and what's a pregnancy one because i remember they always go oh we have a pregnancy massage what's that one do you massage and then just punch the stomach it's a it's called prenatal massage and it's a sideline oh yeah you didn't cover the question of how many

different kinds of name all the different kinds of massage out there i was gonna get to that but yeah i'll do it give it here there you go name all the different kinds of massage tie yeah swedish yeah nice prenatal yeah uh infant infant infant massage okay where the masseuse is an infant um. Kelly, did you just say what I think you just said? Nimble hands. They get in there. Tiny fingers. Thai Swedish.

Yeah, tiny fingers. Body slide. That's a good one. That's called a nuri or something. Nuru or something is the body to body. Are you done? I see a lot more on here.

Chinese. Just name your favorite foods. I'm sure it'll end up. Italian massage. I always leave that Italian massage feeling al dente. Yeah, you know, a rough massage. There's the Greek massage. They start it, they don't finish it. Just leave you in ruins. Yeah, it's a really good thing you didn't ask this question before I scored him. There's the Russian massage where they infiltrate the Ukraine.

The Ukraine's what I call my asshole. All right, next question. Maybe you can give us the correct answer. He said Thai Swedish. Australian massage is all down under. Thai and Swedish. What other kinds of massage do we have, Bob? Oh, man.

Every country. So you got the Thai. You got the Swedish. There's Lomi Lomi. There's the Hawaiian. Chinese massage is Tuna. What's the Hawaiian one? I've had massage in Hawaii. What's Hawaiian one?

The American. What's that? What's the Hawaiian massage? How does that differ? Lomi Lomi. It's more flowy. It could be two-handed or four-handed. It's just more flowy.

It's more like akin to effleurage, but primarily just effleurage versus Swedish massage, which is effleurage, petrissage. None of us know what effleurage is. I looked around the group to see if anyone was sparking at all. We started this podcast because we're stupid. Please help. Effleurage, you know, fancy words. Effleurage is like the long strokes that you get in a massage. All right, slow down, college guy.

Come on. Long strokes, Jim. Long strokes. All right, I've only ever had short strokes myself. All right, so there's Lomi Lomi and what other? Not by choice. Oh, gosh. Oh, there's the Teenage Song.

There's Mayan Abdominal Massage. There's more in the body work realm, which is Feldenkrais. And there's Alexander. Feldenkrais is an acting thing, though, isn't it? Feldenkrais was a breathing thing that actors are meant to do. No, Alexander. You're thinking alexander alexander i think was an actor or a singer um back when it was just a stage theater and no mics and he would constantly lose his voice oh no so then he figured out

through like micro adjustments of his um physiology he put himself into better alignment and was able to not lose his voice anymore. I got to check this. Check Feldenkrais acting therapy. I remember distinctly at university. Yeah, but I just liked that massage and it was what she was talking about. I know, but I believe there's a Feldenkrais with acting.

It's called Feldenkrais method. Feldenkrais method. It's Feldenkrais method. Yeah, yeah. It's a somatic practice that teaches students that movement is based on meaningful intention and awareness. Musical theater school. And when you study musical theater.

Yes, you probably did learn Feldenkrais. You do a course of Feldenkrais. I'm all Feldenkrais. You got to get that. Bob, you have on here blind massage. But I'm an atheist, so I just called it Felden. Blind massage is a thing. Blind massage is a.

Felden some guy. I don't. My experience with blind massage is that it's primarily done in South Asia and Thailand and Nepal and it gives blind people and a possibility for a vocation. Oh, so it's a blind person. Yeah, that's ideal. You don't need to have sight to be in a masseuse. Yeah, no. Also, I think with many clients, it would help.

Yeah. Well, I've been to a blind massage place in Thailand and no curtains. It's all open room. And I don't know if it's because it's like, you know, stupid foreigners, like whatever. They're just like all talking to each other while the tourists are getting massaged. So, it's a little distracting. Oh, yeah. The bloody blind people.

They're selfish, aren't they? Selfish. Selfish. Selfish how they do things, always with their chit-chat, you know. Going back here, it says, when did massage start to become popular in the United States? Jim said he had a gold rush theory. I don't know. You tell me the gold rush theory.

I'm looking up when the gold rush is, but Bob, why don't you tell us what you thought. So as an Asian person, I would say that uh asians came over to build the transcontinental railroad with the promise that they could bring their families over it wasn't actually for massage and the beginning businesses for asians in this country was laundry or chinese restaurants yeah so um as far as uh being a thing, the earliest known records in this country is from the 1700s. They were called rubbers. And they worked with surgeons and physicians to help with rehab post-surgery or for orthopedic purposes, muscle aches and things. Right, so this was a medical thing. But when did massage become like a just a I'm out having a nice time,

I want to feel good type of activity? And it's not like a doctor, I'm going to get you some therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good question. I mean, throughout the centuries there are different things, but during Victorian times it was called massage the power of the rest cure for basically rich society ladies that were depressed it's we did vibrate the other day was one of our topics and that was they were sold as massages yes and that was to

relieve hysteria yeah just a little side note to make you all know that i've been paying attention that's good that's good you're learning i am you're learning so but in recent history it's i would say the 70s when the exercise movement the exercise craze became a thing and um complementary alternative medicine is uh the category that massage falls under is when massage became a thing again because people are running and fucking themselves up, and so they need manual therapy. I would argue that the exercise revolution is why we're all fat

because before that in the 60s, everyone was thin. Then we start exercising, and then from there on, we're getting fatter and fatter, and they sell more exercise equipment now than they ever have. Yeah, it's hand-in-hand with the diet industry, which that's true. There's more gym memberships than they ever have. Exercise is what's making us fat. Prove me wrong.

Join the conversation. I would argue that it actually has more to do with replacing sugar with high fructose corn syrup. Well, we don't have to agree on everything. We don't have to agree on everything. You know about massage, and I know about how exercise makes us all fat yes yes if you want a reason to not exercise then yes that is the reason but the high fructose corn syrup is in fact harder to metabolize than sugar i'm trying i'm exercising every day i told you

my theory about why why we're fat well at least america why are we fat america because we keep making clothing that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. When we were in Europe, I tried to get a double XL shirt. They were like, fuck off. You're not getting one. I was like, I guess I have to lose weight.

I was like, in America, they're like, we'll make a bigger shirt for you. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I bought a t-shirt. Normally, I'm a large in America. I was an XXL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I tried to get into.

And they were like, I was like, no. Europe's like, we're not making the clothing. You got to lose weight or be naked. I don't know. Just a theory. How does a person become a massage therapist? Jim said this. You go on an interview, you give them a massage.

Is that a thing? Massage casting call on the couch. It depends if you want to work at some place legitimate. casting call on the couch? It depends if you want to work at someplace legitimate. It is a, it depends state to state and even some states, county to county. I believe in California, it's county to county. But in New York state, for example, where I am, it's a thousand hours of education and a state board. Yeah. So in many states, it's a licensed profession, proper education, testing with the state and uh getting a license and maintaining licensure and other places it's a certification or if you finish a school so a

thousand hours of uh of lessons and then you can be certified now when i was young my parents we didn't have any money or anything like that but also my parents would have done this if we were rich um my parents used to take us to where the hairdressing academy and you used to get a haircut for a dollar and i don't know how they did this but i it's the first contract they've ever signed i remember being like 11 and then them me signing yeah at the bottom like that means something as an 11 year and then the person would cut it was like the simpsons had an episode oh sir i've made a mistake that they'd make some mistake in the back of your And then the person would come. It was like The Simpsons had an episode. Oh, sir, I've made a mistake. They'd make some mistake in the back of your head.

Then a guy would come over and go, okay, you see what you've done wrong there? And then you go, question, if there's $1,000 of lessening, that means there must be people who are just like bodies that are there to help you learn how do I become one of those bodies?

I've gotten massages at massage schools a ton. That's how. Is that a thing? So the people come in there? Yeah, it's how we practice. In school we practice on each other and we practice on people who sign up to get massaged by students.

Yeah. So you're looking for the school's massage clinic. And that's cheaper, I'm assuming? Yeah, it's cheaper. And I've never had a bad massage from a massage clinic. I would hate for the teacher to be walking around like this. Yeah, look, you're a fat person. You have to do a different job.

Elf about you? Yeah. And then he'd just poke me like this. You see how there's no muscle tone right here? Well, that's kind of, you can get in deep there because i find whenever i'm at my fattest i i ask for a firm firm massage but whenever i lose like if i'm 20 pounds lighter than i am now i ask for a medium massage to thin people feel pain more than the fat and when it comes to massage that is person to person that is person to person i've had a person who was not skinny, let's say, and they wanted quote unquote firm pressure.

And in the end, I ended up just spreading oil on her skin because her idea of a firm pressure was more than like, nothing more than like 10 grams. Oh no way. So it's person to person. This is a much deeper conversation, but how sensitive a person feels in their body when they're touched, part of it has to do with disembodiment and or trauma.

I was telling her yesterday. The fatter I am, the further the push. If anyone wants to know anything about me. I was telling Bob yesterday, I need, the further the push. If anyone wants to know anything about me. I was talking to Bob yesterday. I need the softest massage. I have fibromyalgia, so I'm very sensitive to touch, but covered in tattoos, so I think people assume, oh, yeah, she'll be fine, and even just this hurts me.

Yeah, but it's also like what Jim is saying. like the bigger he is, the deeper of a session he wants. And I think there could be a misconception of what you want to because of the size you are, which is like just not true. You can't base. I can't determine the kind of touch a person can receive based on the way they look. You know what I don't like? I don't like when you're having a massage and you're naked and then they hold the blanket up like this for you to roll over. That's fine because they're giving you a bit of privacy

as you roll over. I get that, right? And they hold it up and go, okay, can you roll over now because they're going to do my face or my shoulders or underneath my neck or something like that. Yeah, I'm not a delicate rollover anymore because it's on a single thing. It's a bit clunky. Yeah, so I don a delicate rollover anymore. Because it's on a single thing.

It's a bit clunky. Yeah, so I don't just go flip. All right, let's go. It's like this. You take as long as you need. Yeah, it is your time, your money and your body. To go back to what you're saying about being able to communicate what it is you need in a massage. It's great that you know that you like more pressure on your back and you like lighter pressure on your legs,

and that is how specific you actually need to be. I just say that. I just say a lot of pressure on my back, not so much on my legs. And they still don't get it. I still don't. I don't know. I feel nervous to say that. I don't know why.

No. I don't know why. Because I feel like i've said it in the past and then it's like it's been light all over yeah and then i haven't gotten what i've wanted if it's light all over it could just be because the massage therapist didn't know what they were doing and don't know how to give pressure at all what do you think's the biggest hack move i don't i'm assuming like like like a move where you roll your eyes like, oh, this person does that thing where they lift up, they turn their head or they move the knee over or something. I don't know.

What's like a move where you – what's the most cliche thing? Oh, God. The cliche thing is – the cliche thing is when the table is too high and the person doesn't know how to use their body as leverage. Or they don't know how to leverage their body to give a massage that isn't so hard on their body. Right, right, right. That's a person. Yeah. And do you find that most people want to be massaged by the same sex as themselves?

That's personal choice yeah it's uh it's interesting that you only want to be massaged by old men because it's like is that uh i feel i feel he said women or old men yeah women women or old men yeah young men i'm not as into it but i don't know why look it's something it's my problem right like, I can't even put my finger on it. It's because they're skin smooth or something like that. But I like to have some bloke who I'm like, oh, this cunt's massaged a lot of people. He knows what the fuck he's doing.

He's going to get in there. His hands are slightly calloused. And I don't prefer to be massaged by a good-looking person versus an ugly person versus a whatever person versus different races versus different whatever. It's just old men or women. That's me preferences. You can come in any shape or size, but you've got to be an old man or a woman, no young men.

I am who I am. Yep, let's not analyze that. But let's cover the masseur, body work, masseuse, and massage therapist. Go for it. the masseur bodywork masseuse and massage therapist go for it so the masseur and masseuse are considered antiquated and tick you know the word they're too old the antiquated terms because they were affiliated with how massage parlors became a euphemism for prostitution or whorehouses in the 1950s. Right, right, right.

Yeah. And body work is more encompassing than masseuse or masseur or massage therapist. It's, there's like, there's a modality called polarity or modality like Reiki or modality like a craniosacral therapy. And these are not necessarily like hands-on kneading and rubbing of muscles yeah or any energy work let's say uh can fall under the purview of body work so as a massage therapist um we that developed in i think the 50s to to get away from masseuse and masseur but also to be a little bit more gender neutral and and show that uh this was a profession a credentialed

profession okay yeah so preferably uh you're calling a licensed professional a massage therapist anonymous to some resort but all those places where you go where they like learn in the back room and they don't really know about anatomy and physiology like they probably don't care do you think phoebe from Friends was a good or bad masseuse? I am not sure because I didn't watch that show much. Actually, I would say a bad masseuse because she was about to engage in sexual activity with a client. In one episode, one episode.

Yeah, but, you know, it's the only one I watched. And she was super attracted to him. It wasn't a regular thing. The whole show wasn't about her massage practice, by the way. One time was probably enough for us. Wait a second. I didn't even know that was her profession. I didn't either.

Phoebe's a masseuse, yeah. But then, Jim, to your credit, you did say no massaging of tongues. And I believe she kissed that character. So that nullifies her. She must have been a good masseuse because she had an apartment in Manhattan. She was doing all right. She was doing good. How many massages?

Yeah, that was back in, like, the 90s, right? When it was, like, affordable. It was always expensive, wasn't it? Manhattan was never affordable. Yeah, relatively, yeah. How many massages does a massage therapist perform in a week to be considered full-time? Jim said 20 hours of hand time.

Jim, you were on point. It is 20 hours. All right. God, you're good. Yeah, so anything over that is just too much. It's on the massage therapist? Again, massage therapist to massage therapist. I've known people who are like, I don't want to do more than three massages in a week.

And it's like, wow, your biomechanics must really suck. And then there are people who are like, I've got a friend who's a single guy um no kids no girlfriend and he works like seven days a week so and then who depends who do you get massages from you must have to yeah you must that must be a weird thing yeah it must be yeah i who do i get massaged from that's a really good question I get massage from a friend of mine she's got a place she runs to another massage therapist I get massage from them but it is in fact this is a secret everyone should know about it's actually hard for me to get massaged because I'm technically working

when I'm getting massaged yeah it's the same reason I don't watch stand-up comedy anymore. Yeah. Probably. Yeah, just like that. It's like doctors. Doctors don't see doctors unless it's like a friend of theirs. Right.

Wow. They're sick. I always like, you know when you get like a hairdresser who's got a really good haircut, you don't want them to cut your hair. You want whoever cut their hair. Exactly.

So you're like, which one of the people cut your hair yeah so i do more alternative treatments i get like acupuncture and uh bio tuning and craniosapral i do more alternatives is acupuncture frowned upon in the massage community um not at all i don't think it's a it's a different professional altogether, different educational theory. I've never done it. I have a place that's incredible and has changed my life. I used to go to the chiropractor every single week because my ribs would pop out. I haven't been in two years.

Wait a minute. Community clinics are amazing. My ribs dislocate really easily. Dislocate? Your rib cage? How do you dislocate your ribs? I have a rib out right now, so I've got pain up here. What do you mean?

Aren't they all connected? Isn't the rib cage like one thing? My body is a bag of bones very lightly held together with tape. To bring it back to life. The magnetic tape? Are there any parts of the body that should not be massaged? Jim said testicles, labia, and the tongue. He's not wrong.

Oh, and nipples. Nipples? Nipples? I love it. What else did I put on there? I don't remember. Nipples, vaginas, penises, and scrotums you put. Even men's nipples.

You can't give it a little tweak. Yeah, it's considered a sexual touch. No, no, no. It's considered a sexual touch, but, no, no, it's considered a sexual touch, but you'll say it shouldn't be massaged. Because testicles, you don't want to massage. I know, but she's saying... There's no world where that's fun.

Yeah, but she's saying... No, it's more legality. Legality than... Should you get naked for a massage? Jim says yes. Be respectful, always ask, have a towel. Yeah, no, that was a really great answer it depends on the modality like Thai massage like I said they put

him in pajamas some modalities just don't require you to get naked but for a regular what I call a regular like Swedish or deep tissue or what I do called what I do I call intuitive massage because it's just a mix of all the things that I've ever learned then i would suggest getting um i suggest the clients to get as undressed as they are comfortable it's really up to personal preference like if they leave their clothes on then i'm just going to do a different kind of massage than if i were to use like a massage medium like oil or gel yeah so the client just needs to know that it's up to their comfort level and if they want to keep their clothes on,

then there's a risk I'm going to get massage medium on it. Just rule of thumb. For anyone who's getting naked at any time, it's up to everyone in the room's comfort level. Yes, it's a great rule to follow. At all times. It is a great rule to follow. If you're naked.

As a massage therapist, it's really up to the client. Yeah, if I want you to keep your underwear on, I will say, you know, please keep your underwear on. Because I do. I work on the pelvis, too. And it's just easier to tell a guy to keep his underwear on to, like, hold things out of the way. So I'm not accidentally massaging testicles. Yeah. Don't want that.

And then what should a person do or not do before or after a massage? Jim said he covers himself with oil to save the money and then also the drinking water thing he thinks is ridiculous but what do you think please shower before you get a massage it's like it's you don't have to shower like immediately before but i've been rolling around in before i go in what's that i've been smearing that's great i don't know i always take a i try to smell as nice No, no, no. Take a shit. That's awesome. I try to smell as nice as possible.

I try to smell as nice as possible wherever I go, really. Don't always pull it off. So shower before, go to the bathroom, and then... I've read something you're not supposed to shower after. Is that... Why aren't you supposed to shower after? I don't know. I just read something a long time ago that...

How long afterwards? I was like, don't do it. Did you have a massage like a week ago? Ever. Don't ever shower afterwards. Not like right after the massage. Yeah, no, that doesn't matter. I don't look showered.

It's like, if you want to get the oils off, get the oils off. Sometimes I can't get the oil off and I want the oil off and the oil seems to stick on me for bloody ever it does. It's a pain in the neck. This isn't a plug, but this isn't a plug. Go ahead and use Dawn dish soap. That really cuts the grease. Oh, Dawn works for everything.

That's what they do for the ducks. You can't just wipe talcum powder on it and absorb it all out. No, but remember, they get the oil off the ducks with the Dawn. Yeah. That's industrial propaganda. But anyway, the other option is to scrub yourself with like scrubby gloves. Yeah, it's unfortunate that you're, I don't know, are they putting too much oil on you?

I don't understand why it's sticking to your skin. No, it just sticks to my skin. Tim's clammy. I am, yeah. I've got large pores. Large pores. And is this why you don't like too much oil, to make sure you don't get too clammy-er?

I don't like too much oil? To make sure you don't get too clammy? I don't like too much oil. Perhaps only use the oil that they use and don't come pre-oil. Oil gives me also fills my pores in and gives me pimples. It's the same reason I don't like lube for a wank. I dry hand it because it's just... You don't want to get dick pimples?

I just get dick pimples if I get too much lube. I get like ingrown hairs and stuff like that. Yeah, so I'm a dry guy. Oh yeah, so something else really good to know. If you're going to work out after a massage, please let your massage therapist know because it just changes the nature of the work. If you're going to work out before a massage, then cool, you're warmed up. Everything's warmed up. It's easier to give you a deep tissue massage

or more of a flushing massage. But if you're going to work out after the massage, it has to be lighter and more fleshy. Those are the technical terms, lighter and fleshy. And then the drinking water thing, you were laughing when Jim was saying that, but is that, you should hydrate, you shouldn't. Make sure you drink enough water.

Yeah, I forget exactly what he said about the hydration, but yeah, you do. Oh yeah, I think it was the impression he was giving. Oh, make sure you drink water or. Yeah, I forget exactly what he said about the hydration. But yeah, you do. Oh, yeah, I think it was the impression he was giving. Oh, make sure you drink water or you'll die. With massage, a lot of one of the points that Jim was making is that it improves circulation. So a lot of stuff is moving around. You know, think of it as like a river. It's like some parts of the river flow better than others.

And when you get massaged, the parts of the river flow better than others. And when you get massaged, the parts that don't flow so well get moved up and shaken up. And ideally, you're flushing that out. You're giving your kidneys and your liver extra stuff to process. Yeah, you need water to take care of that. Why is massaging ourselves with our own hands not as effective as someone else doing it? Jim says, because you know it's coming. No element of surprise.

Yeah, that's not too far off um all right good job i forget when this was uh discovered or figured out but uh our uh the nerves and our fingertips and our hands uh take up more brain space than um the rest of the body a really good model of people on look this up is the sensory homunculus that gives you an idea of how much more brain space the parts of the body take up than the rest of the body so the the hands are huge the the lips are huge the sex organs are huge and so when you massage yourself what you're basically feeling is what's happening in your hands and not necessarily what's happening in the part of your body where as to what it is that you're basically feeling is what's happening in your hands and not necessarily what's happening in the part of your body as to what it is that you're massaging. But it's not even just the hands. It's like if you ever had that, you know that thing with the claw that you put over your head?

Yeah. It's got all the spikes coming out. That's one of the best feeling things that man has ever invented, right? Yeah, I like that. If someone else administers it to you if you just get the thing and do it yourself it feels nice enough but it's one tenth of what it feels when someone else does it

and it's like it's the element of surprise in the same way when Kelly touched me in the arm I can't do that and scare myself yeah but that does make sense because it's taking up so much your brain space

yeah that makes sense the way you put it yeah um what is a happy ending rub and tug and how are these viewed in the massage world uh jim said happy endings when you get hand job professor masseuse must be a pain in the neck for them he said masseuse yeah so uh i don't i can't speak for, I can't. So as a massage therapist, I massage muscles. I massage skin. I don't massage sex organs. So, yeah, it's really fucking annoying when my business gets called and it's like, hey, what kind of girls do you have? And it's like, it doesn't matter.

What kind of girls are you looking for? Because they're probably not here. Yeah? So you get those calls. Because I'm looking at your website and it's like. Some people still don't know the difference. Yeah. I would look at this and you've got lots of muscles.

Anything that has to do with touch must be sexual. Yeah. Well, I've also had the other way where, you know, look, I'm not going to lie to you and say I've never had a rub and tug. I grew up in Australia where it was legal and it was a thing, so I'm not going to lie. But I've also had the other way where, oh, no, I just want a massage. Yeah. And so it's even annoying for customers in that.

Like, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe that sex trade should be legal, so it is clear where you can go to get that versus what I do, I believe that sex trade should be legal. So it is clear where you can go to get that versus what I do, which is a therapeutic massage. 100%. There we go. I think we skipped this, and this is the basic thing. Benefits to massage, blood flow, relaxation, soundness of mind,

believes tension, gets rid of knots, stretches out the body, and then is massage necessary? Yeah, maybe you can just speak on that yeah so one of the benefits of massage is that promotes natural healing yeah as jim was saying you can't massage yourself because it's too predictable and so when someone a massage therapist is able to massage someone within with clear intent of uh soothing and relaxation and and being able to calm the nervous system or stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and digest, then shit. I forgot what I was saying.

You checked out there for 45 minutes. It stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. Being touched promotes internal healing. Like people tend to call me a healer and it's like, I'm just, we can't, I can't do any of this without a person on my table for me to work with. Yeah. So being able to touch someone, the necessity, I believe the necessity massage is necessary because it promotes self-healing and also takes clients out of their own sense of relativity. Yeah. So you're living in your normal all the time. And then all of a sudden someone touches you and it's like, oh my God, I didn't realize I was sore there.

Who is the Michael Jordan of massage? Like who is like like who's written the book that everyone references or something like that is there oh that's a good question I don't know if there is one yeah no there isn't one okay there isn't one well then you should yeah but as far as like getting a mantle and run person person like once you find your person like hold on to your god hold on to your dear life but also um keep exploring yeah like you were saying you saw somebody else because you kept getting the same routine over and over which i think is unfortunate um oh i still yeah i still was very keen on on on the the other masseuse who gave me the same routine all the time but massage therapist jim oh yeah fucking all right yeah it's just an old

term i mean it's not that it's wrong it's just a really old term it's just an old term. I mean, it's not that it's wrong. It's just a really old term, and it's just associated with massage parlors and prostitution. Right, right, right. But I don't know what it's like in California. I believe some counties are certifications and some counties are licensure. It's like it's weird in California. So what do I have to say again? I don't say masseuse. I say massage therapist.

Massage therapist, body worker. Massage therapist. Okay. No, massage therapist. A massage therapist. I'm wrong again. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, it depends on what the person does. Yeah yeah and we discussed this proper way to people to communicate you just basically should be telling them right is that yes as much as you can and again it's your time your money and your body if you don't like the work that the person's doing or if you don't feel comfortable you have the right to tell them to stop and either they can adjust or just forego the experience if they don't get it. Oh, I was in a masseuse base. One of the ones where there was curtains in between all the things, right? So you could hear the people, which I don't mind hearing a little bit,

but there was this girl. She was like a California spoiled brat. And she's like, you are not getting in there deep enough. Oh God. Oh, I can't even feel this. And the woman was like, she just stormed out.

Like, I can't, I can't with this person. I'm going as deep as I can. I can't even imagine. I'm such a people pleaser that I will sit in pain for an hour and a half because I don't want to hurt their feelings that they're going to. Like,

I am getting over that. I've done a lot of work on that in the past few years. If it means anything, you've never pleased me. Still trying. I haven't seen the evidence of this disease you've got. Yeah. You'll know. In my opinion, the whole purpose of massage is to be able to chill out

and rest. It should be restful or invigorating. It should not be painful and something you have to recover from in a negative way. My clients will be sore after our session sometimes for like two or three days. God, heaven forbid you're sore for up to a week. But yeah, the session should be what you want it to be. That is what you were paying for. Okay, this is the part of our show called Dinner Party Facts.

We ask our guests to do it. Oh, wait, hold on. How often to get massaged? Or are we short on time? Oh, no, no, no. Did I miss that one? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, we missed that.

We were skipping around and I was going through them, but I'm sorry. Yeah, how often should a person get a massage? What did I say? So actually, I get this question quite a bit. Oh, Jim, do you want to answer that question? I don't think I can answer it. I will say a person, well, I get one about once every two weeks and I think that's enough. So, once every two weeks.

Yeah. Cool. So, when I get asked this question, the thing, the factors to consider are the person's stress level, their activity level, and time and finances. Like how often can they come in without putting stress on their schedule? And how often do they actually need to come? So to get massaged. And yeah, it could be anywhere from once a week, if you can, if it's not stressful time or finances, but and for stress levels. But yeah, for people who are really active, ideally it's once a week, but people who are generally healthy and want maintenance,

every two to four weeks is great. Yeah, so you're not active, Jim, so there you go. I'm working out of the moment. You watch this space, boyo. I tell you what. I've got one month before I have to be on a game show.

I've never not made weight and I don't intend on missing out this time. I'm rooting for you. Dinner party facts. I ask our expert to give us some fact obscure interesting about this topic that the audience can use to impress people. What do you have for us, Bob?

Massage and its ability to improve or stimulate circulation. If one has been drinking and is maybe a little tipsy it can push them over into being drunk because it's speeding up the metabolism of the alcohol likewise we're being sick if someone has a cold and gets massaged they can feel um worse after the massage sick what about being high because i always get them high oh that's it um actually getting them high is dangerous because of the your sense of depth is altered.

And so if someone's going too deep on you, you may not be able to tell. Oh, yeah, I do it with my regular girl. I've got a regular girl. Yeah, you got a regular girl and they know you and they know what your body feels like, and you're comfortable speaking up, then that's great. But if you're like going to someplace you've never been before, like like forget the paranoia that comes with the high um but as being high is not ideal because the the feedback is skewed and if and if one was to be on cocaine good luck staying on the table yeah we're not talking your therapist's ear off i once did it on viagra and i couldn't roll over or you kept rolling over uh bob gallagher bob gallagher thanks for being here

if you're in new york city make an appointment and you need a massage go make an appointment at mahalo massage nyc.com and uh also listen to her podcast, Bank the Fire, and check that out as well. Thank you so much, Bob. Thanks, Bob. Thank you. If you're ever at a party and someone comes up to you and goes, hey, I'm going to beat you high and get a massage,

go, well, I don't know about that, and then walk away. Kelly wouldn't do anything. She's constantly pleasing people. Good night, Australia.