I Don't Know About That - Photography

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Jim may have a photographic memory, but he doesn't have much memory about photography. Our expert Jesse DeFlorio (@jessedeflorio) helps him out. ADS: TRADE COFFEE: Right now through February 14th, Trade is offering $10 off gift subscriptions when you go to drinktrade.com/IDKAT and use code ‘IDKAT10’ at checkout.

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code idacat10 Farts both anal and pussy which one smells better you might find out and I don't know about that. Wow.

With Jim Jefferies. And the answer is, whatever one has the most shit in it smells the worst. Yeah. It's no pussy. Logical. Terrible. Terrible. Beginning of the show today.

We have a fun show, ladies and gentlemen. Strap in. You're in for a fun show. We've actually recorded this intro after we recorded the episode. And I can tell you something. You're going to have a good time. And that fart joke is indicative of what you're going to hear for the rest of the show.

It kind of is. I'm joined with my co-host, the beautiful, the stunning Jack Hackett. Hello, Jack. Hello, Jim. The funny and humorous and horrible Forrest Shaw. Hello, Forrest. Hello. Forrest the Horrible.

Hi. Forrest, I believe you're traveling to Australia soon. Tell me more about it. April. April 24th and April 26th, I will be at the Factory Theatre in Sydney, Australia. That means you had to cancel your show at Coachella. That is true.

I can do a second weekend. But I will be there at two shows, 24th and 26th, same location, Factory Theatre. There are tickets available through my website, 4shaw.net, or you can go straight to the website there at the Factory Theatre. And please come on out,

buy some tickets. It's going to be fun. The show is called comedian destroys heckler. That's what I decided to call it. I'm not going to destroy any hecklers or stop. I sell tickets. I had to name the show. You got to name shows in Australia.

And that was part of, I think it's part of the name shows here as well. It's part of the Sydney comedy festival, I believe is like, is part of it, but, uh, I'm happy to be doing that. I also

will probably be doing, it sounds like I'm going to be doing shows in Melbourne at the Comics Lounge. I don't have those dates yet, but I will announce those when I get those. So please come on out. Foreshaw.net. Just go there and check it out. Where am I? Jim Jeffries is going to be next. You're going to be at March 8th and March 9th. You're going to be in

Las Vegas at the Mirage. You love that. Fun times. They treat you good. We love it. March 22nd, Des Moines at the Des Moines Civic Center in Iowa. March 23rd, the Midland Theater at Kansas City, Missouri. Then you're going to be going to South Africa April 12th and 13th. And then back in the States.

You've got dates in Spokane, Washington, Denver, Colorado, two shows. Charleston, South Carolina, Fort Lauderdale, San Francisco. More Vegas shows. LAeston, South Carolina. Fort Lauderdale. San Francisco. More Vegas shows. L.A. All sorts of shows coming up. Go to jimjeffries.com for all that. And then please follow us on IDCat Podcast on, what do you call it, Instagram.

Follow all of us. Follow Jim. Follow me. Follow Jack. Follow IDCat Podcast. Do it all. I'm going to tell you when my L.A. show is. I'm going to find it for you. And listen to my other podcast, the MermAT Podcast. Do it all. I'm going to tell you when my LA show is. I'm going to find it for you.

And listen to my other podcast, the Merman Podcast. Oh, yeah. Listen to that one. It's a fun one. That one would be... How's that going? Pretty good. We're number one podcast in the world.

Number one? Great. We passed this one. Oh, man. I don't even know why I'm asking people to listen to it. Can you plug us? Yeah, you don't even have to. Can you plug us on your podcast?

Hey, this is Forrest Shaw from the Mermen Podcast. You're listening to IDCAT. I don't know about that with Jim Javis. Here we go. The Ace Hotel. This gig has just been announced. The Ace Hotel in Los Angeles. I will be performing there on the 1st of June.

I think that's the old one. That's what it's always been. That's the old one. Maybe it never moved. Edit, edit, edit. It's a different date. It's on the website. It's online, but it's not that's the old one. That's what it's always been. That's the old one. Maybe it never moved. Edit, edit. It's a different date. It's on the website, it's online, but it's not that anymore, I guess.

I don't know. Who knows what's going on. We'll promote it next time. We'll figure it out. Alright, keep talking. Let's go. What do you mean, keep talking? We've got a funny podcast. Let's get into that bit. Okay. Please welcome our guest, Jesse DeFlorio. welcome our guest, Jesse DeFlorio. G'day, Jesse DeFlorio.

Now it's time to play... Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a book by its cover. Once again, we've had several podcasts where the people insist on coming in. It makes it very difficult to be able to tell what the fuck they're up to.

Although... I love how you guess it when they up to. Although less technical glitches. Yeah, that's true. Mouth is moving at the same speed as words. He's got a notepad with a pen and a bandana. It's got something inside it. Something inside it. That's probably when you do it in person.

You can touch the gas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you didn't want to be touched, you should have stayed at home. And I know what i signed up for um is it the history of bandanas no history of red bandanas wouldn't it be just a more specific version it's a jeopardy if we accept that answer no okay so uh you're an italian american yes. Would it be the history of this? No. What do you call that? I don't know.

That's what we learn. We've got to find that. I know, but everyone listening at home, it's the thing where you go... Hand gestures. Gabba-gool. Yeah, yeah. Gabba-gool.

Geez, Faris, a bit much, isn't it? I don't know how to do it. I didn't know how to do it for the listeners. It's very modern day. I did, and everyone laughed and then Forrest was like hey, a budapoodle it was hurtful to me

and to Italians Americans is it Italian American is it Italian based no so we haven't done pizza but someone get onto that Jesse is on our show because Jack knew him. I don't know if that's

going to help you, but it helps. Is it music? Adjacent. Oh, is it Christian music? It's not music, but, you know, musicians and comedians

would maybe hire Jesse at times. Hand jumps and alleyways. Exactly. Not maybe, definitely. Musicians and comedians at some point are going to have to hire a person like Jesse. You've probably paid a lot of money for someone to do what I do. Yeah. I get hired to do it sometimes.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. The things I've made Jack do. I'm going through my Rolodex. I don't even think. Oh, like when you have a television show. Is it dress like me and tell me I'm handsome? Yes.

When you have a television show, you have to do this and you don't like it. Oh. Learn things. At the very beginning have a television show, you have to do this and you don't like it. Oh, um... The beginning. Learn things. At the very beginning, they're like, all right, we gotta... Warm up.

No, we gotta do... Even before that. The show gets greenlit and they're like, okay, we're gonna have to take you out to the desert. Oh, um, line producer.

Desert? I'm even giving you a hand with a camel. Dry leg bed. Oh, photos taken. Yeah. I'm even giving you a hint. With a camel. Dry Lake Bay. Oh, photos taken. Yeah. I am a photographer. I hate that.

Photography is what we're talking about. I hate that. There's about fucking 10 good photos of me on Earth, and it's taken thousands to get to that. We're talking about photography. Jesse DeFlorio is a photographer and director from New Jersey. He lives in Los Angeles and has spent the last 20 years photographing in 22 countries and all 50 states. He's been on the road with rock and roll bands

since he was 16 years old, documenting the ins and outs of daily touring life. His work has appeared on album covers for songs by Beyonce, Eminem, and his lifelong inspiration, Bruce Springsteen. He has a degree in fine art photography from Loyola University of Maryland and has wrote his thesis on Richard Avedon's seminal work in the American West.

You can find him on Instagram at Jesse DeFlorio. That's D-E-F-L-O-R-I-O. And he recently photographed and directed a 30-minute short film with recording artist Matt Mason for Atlantic Records called Never Had to Leave. And we have that link, the YouTube link, so check that out. Thanks for being here, Jesse. Yeah, thanks for having me.

That's the resume of people and your lifelong hero? Yeah, well, if you had opened this, you would have learned I'm from New Jersey and that gives away that Bruce Springsteen

is, of course, my hero. That doesn't mean... He's from Asbury Park, which is where he's from. That doesn't mean that he's your hero. In New Jersey... I think you're from New Jersey, you're kind of the champion.

There's plenty of people from Sydney who don't like me. If you opened the other bandana behind you, that's where the camera was. You didn't even see this misdirection. And Beyonce, was she a fun person to shoot? Yeah, so for that one, that was a photo that was purchased from me, and it's a song by Eminem and Beyonce. So I actually knew it was an Eminem single cover.

I knew that was coming out, and they didn't even tell me Beyonce was on the song until the song came out the next morning. Oh, so they're not in the photo. They're not in the photograph. It's a photograph of yours. Can we get that up for editing purposes? It's the song Walk on Water.

Oh. Yeah. I actually sold it to the record label twice. Ah, well, okay. Nice. Can you do that? Jesus would have. And so 16 years old, you started touring with bands?

Kind of like Almost Famous? Yeah, except I now have an Almost Famous tattoo, but growing up, my mom always told me to watch Almost Famous, and I did the classic, like mom you won't I don't this one you don't know what I like the one to the left of that that one that one that one but yeah it's it's turned out very Almost Famous in a way yeah I've always been a little I've always shit on photographers a little bit because like well you just point the camera and you just fucking do it.

But I shouldn't do that because I'm a terrible, I can't take photos to save me life. I can't take photos of my kids. I can't take photos of my wife. I try to do a selfie. I can't fucking do it. I never get the lighting right. I'm fucking terrible. So there must be skill to it.

There's got to be. Of course. Because I'm fucking hopeless at it. Buzz, you've never even used, like, well, we'll talk about the different kinds of, one of the questions. No, I don't know what I'm doing. All right, I'm going to ask Jim'll talk about the different kinds of, one of the questions. No, I don't know what I'm doing. Alright, I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions on photography at the end of it.

I'll tell you what has happened with photography over the years. Do you ever, you don't seem to be old enough for this. Were you always in the digital age? No. I started on film. I respect the guy with a dark room in the water, swishing around.

In the water. Yeah, swishing around the water and hanging it up on a clip. I respect that guy. Why's that? Because this whole idea that they go like that and they go, and then they go, see, that one's good. That one's good. Oh, you like what you're getting here?

They're like that. There was fear. They didn't know shit. They were just looking through it, hoping for the best. yeah oh you like what you're getting here like that there was fear they didn't know even just they were just looking through and hoping for the best and now it feels like i in my you wouldn't know this to look at me but i've i've dated some attractive women in my day and the attractive women there is a plethora of blokes like just an instagram this i'd love to shoot you sometime just on Instagram that says

I'd love to shoot you sometime that would be really cool if I could get some shooting and they're just fucking guys with cameras who are trying to get their dick sucked I'm not saying

you're that one you obviously got Eminem to suck your dick I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions on photography at the end of him

answering them you're going to grade them on his accuracy, 0 through 10. You're so beautiful, but the light shines on your face. Jack's going to grade them on his confidence, 0 through 10. I'm going to grade them on how hungry I am. It's the essence of women. Still got it. Still laughing. Still laughing.

That's good. That's good. Only one episode you didn't. All right, Jim, what is the definition of photography? Or what is photography? Photographs. From? From the...

Greek? No, from the Greek. Yeah. Trying to throw you off. No. Yeah. Photography, graphs, graphics, visions of sight, photo from the Israeli to catch,

vision of light to film. It's pictures, man. Pictures. All right, what is a camera obscura? I would say you. What what because you're fat oh i get it good one yeah anyone it's the person who jumps in the front of photos like this hey that's the first photo bomb oh yeah or or it's that it's or it's that fucking shiny disc that you make some cunt stand up to the side.

What is a photo? Whatever you're paying that bloke, too much. That person's the only one not getting paid most of the time. What is a photogram? Oh, it's where you send a photo as a message. When was the first photograph taken? Like, how? By whom?

Any information you have about it? Okay, so there was photographs in the 1800s. And I would like to think that the camera was invented in 18... So the oldest known picture of L.A. is from, like, 1860-something. L.A., okay. Yeah. Sure. The oldest city in the world. No, but it's the oldest known picture of LA is from like 1860 something. LA, okay. Yeah. Sure. The oldest city in the world. No, but it's the oldest.

Yeah, yeah. They would have taken photos. So I'm going to go 1823. Is it a person? Do you know how the process was? Yeah, how and whom? What did it look like? The camera?

Oh, it would have been a great big thing with a thing that went like that. Oh, I know what it was. It was a picture of a clock tower in Hill Valley. Yeah, got it. Got it. What is the collodion process? I think I'm saying that right. Collodion?

Collodion. Collodion. Thank you. Like Nickelodeon. What's the nickelodeon process yeah the nickelodeon process is um actually how you start a film it's it's putting pictures and running them against each other to give us movement who was george eastman uh how is he important george eastman was the father of modern day photography this is a new

thing you're doing you either say father or godfather. You said godmother last episode. That's for women. This is your new thing. I never got the mother. Whenever I say a name, it's just the godmother of godfather. The father of photography? The father of modern day photography.

He was the one. Because it used to be like you take fake photos. The reason that no one was smiling is because the photos took a long time to take. And so people had to stand still. So that's why all photos were fake. So why was George Eastman important? He was the one that no one was smiling is because the photos took a long time to take and so people had to stand still so that's why all photos why was george easeman important he was the one that let you smile what is he was the first guy to say cheese what is the kodak brownie um it was the first porno ever shot it was it was just a picture of a man's shot it was it was just a picture of a man's asshole when did color kodak's are bears brown bears i'll also say it's a brown bear and it was a photograph of the first animal photograph that's why we then have the brand kodak back of the brain

when did color photography come about color photography oh i? Color photography. Oh, I thought you put a D on the end of that. I was about to go, jeez, Forrest. Can't believe you said that. It's called black and white. Yeah, yeah. Jeez, Jack.

Color photography. Yeah, what about it? What year? When did it come out? Or when about did it come about? And how did it work? How did they get color the first the first colored photo is was from um there would have been about 1932 and 90 no no 1938 and it came out because hitler people were saying he was going gray and he goes i want to prove i'm not okay when was the first digital photograph taken

When was the first digital photograph taken? I remember this. Remember from what? I remember when digital cameras came in. Yeah, but the first, that was when they were available to us, probably a little bit further back. Yeah, so I'm going to say in the 90s. The 90s, okay.

Okay, and I'm going to say 92. What is depth of field that is so you know when you're looking at photos and the beginning will be smudgy wudge and the bit at the back is clear or you can make this clear and that's smudgy wudge okay what is shutter speed

it's how fast I cringe after I hear Jack here tell a joke wow it's how fast I cringe after I hear Jack here tell a joke. Wow. This is my last podcast. On anything, hopefully. Don't go off and do another one. Do you have a real answer?

Remember when I used to do the joke? It was a mean spirit of jokes, but back in the day I had a joke about how, like, if you get, like, someone who's really disabled and you get the photo just at the right time, they're, like, handsome, and then it's all about shutter speed. It's how quick the photographs can be taken.

Okay. What is forced perspective? It's what I told you about back and forth, blurry, blurry clear. And it's when you make it happen yourself, man. What is aperture? A picture is a singular picture. Aperture. Where are you looking?

You want to look at a picture? Aperture. Here's a picture? Aperture. Here's a picture. All right. What is an F-stop? Fitzgerald. F-stop Fitzgerald. He wrote The Great Gatsby.

His friends used to call him just stop. He was an arsehole So they added a fucking To the beginning of it Yeah Fucking stop Stop Fitzgerald I like how you

Reverse engineered that You go Fitzgerald F stop F stop Fitzgerald Do you want to answer Aperture or no again? I'm good with all these answers

He's answered all of them. What is white balance? Something they're trying to figure out in South Africa. Got a couple more questions. What does ISO stand for? ISO. In short order. Photography, that's what it is?

Yeah. Okay, what about DSLR? Don't slide. What's the it is? Yeah. Okay, what about DSLR? Don't slide. What's the other ones? LR. Long rod. Don't slide long rod. And that was to stop prostitution in the 1800s.

With photography. Yes. What is a safe light? They fix your windscreen um repair sleep like free place what is the rule of thirds all right you got it okay so you can't just go an irishman an englishman but you got out of scottsburg two more questions all right what is the difference between a hot shoe and a cold shoe Hot shoe and a cold shoe. Hot shoe and a cold shoe.

Oh, it's a blackjack term. Yeah, we're just all over the place on this one. So you've got one shoe you've been winning. That was a hot shoe. And then a cold shoe is one that doesn't win. That is true, though. Sure. You go, that's a hot shoe. Yeah.

And with relation to photography? Is someone taking a photo of you saying that? I haven't seen that. They know you're saying it. It's a photo of you saying that? What they know you're saying is this photo. No, because like this. You're pointing at the shoes. Got a stack of money or chips in front of you. If it's a good photo, you can tell. It says a thousand words, DK.

That's his whole thing. Last question. Name five famous or acclaimed photographers. Maybe I should have said three, maybe. Two? One. There was that guy who took the pictures of the Beatles. Famous or acclaimed photographers? Maybe, I should have said three, maybe. Yeah. Two? One. There was that guy who took the pictures of the Beatles early on, and he started with a W,

and he took all the pictures of the early Mersey beat type of music, type of like the early photos, and his photos still sell for a lot. W. Alan Polaroid. Yeah, Alan Polaroid. Yeah, Alan Polaroid. Yeah, you're killing it. Keep going.

The Kodak Bear. Kodak Bear comes back again. Yeah, yeah. I have all the answers written down. That's for me. I got Alan Polaroid. That's my hotel name.

Kodak Bear anymore? Kodak bear anymore Kodak bear and there was a flat chested lady who took photos what oh you're talking about there's a famous

famous landscape photographer very famous there was something something she was underdeveloped oh wow that's what you were going for this is why Famous landscape photographer, very famous. There was something, something she was underdeveloped. Oh, wow, that's what you were going for? This is why you really got to watch this on YouTube. If you can see him now, he's... He's looking.

He's very excited. Whatever you do, whatever you do, this is bad joke dance. That's very funny. It's how I sell a fancy lunch. It's like you have some spinal problem you're like underdeveloped

she was of age people a guy a worldly family he took pictures of like Yosemite you're not gonna know

what my Yosemite what about your Yosemite that was mine this is yours my my my my ex used to go it was very adorable my ex used to go to miami to visit a friend all the time and she always used to go to my son she goes all right you're going to stay with your dad i'm off to miami like this right and uh and then uh and my

son used to go to a mom are you going off to your am again? Oh, that's so good. I used to call it my Emmy. I forgot to do the categories, by the way. You're going to grade them 0 through 10 on how accurate you did. Did I do the categories? You said you were hungry. But I didn't do the categories. It's weird.

I'm having problems. 21 through 30, photograph. Yes. 11 through 20, photo. Zen diagram. Pie chart. Oh, yeah. But 0 through 10 is photo venn diagram but if we can do zen diagram if you want

venn diagram is the same right it's the way that crosses i think venn is the only one there is i don't think this is zen well who's the actress zen diagram then a gram Zendaya's Instagram photo of Zendaya Zendaya on a gram I'm not actually a fan of puns I think they're stupid comedy but I'm excellent at puns I have like a pun skill

you drop puns all the time at the gym yeah how do you not like them that's all you do is puns I don't mean to be punny great thanks Jake you're fast alright go on I'll do another pun for you great fast yeah okay no we're done there can't be everything we flew through him

cuz are you who invented the Polaroid Alan Alan yeah no no he had nothing to do with it just a coincidence let's get to that you can ask you some more questions if you want. We'll see. Jesse, how did Jim do on his knowledge of photography? Zero to ten. Ten's the best. Be honest. Be honest. Come on. Three and a half. Wow. It's not even close to that, I think.

How do you do on confidence? That was a nine. Yeah. Jim acted really well. He knew everything. Thanks. Twelve and a half. I'm going to give you minus five. I'm not that hungry. So you're a photo Zendaya. Wait a minute. This is the second podcast we recorded today, and you were hungry in the first one.

I ate. He ate in between. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're a photo. I just wanted to make you a photo Zendaya Venn diagram. You went to the toilet for ten minutes. I just wanted to make the photo Zendaya Venn diagram. He went to have a shit,

and he came back not hungry. Yeah. It's called self-displacement. I didn't hear a flush either. That's so weird. Recycling. Three of Jim's points come from one answer in my head. We'll get to which one it was. Okay.

So let's start with what is photography? He said visions of sight, photo from the Israeli to cat. Would no one ever in a spelling bee as urban? Can you give me from an Israeli origin? It's always Greek or Latin, I think. A lot of Israeli origins. To catch vision of light. I mean, it's a pretty general question,

but what would you say photography is? Well, it's the art and the process of taking photographs and making photographs, but it actually does come from the Greek. He did give you the correct answer. I was just guessing. It's Greek for light drawing. Oh, light drawing.

And some people think it takes your soul. I believe the American Indians don't like being photographed. Interesting. Okay. What is camera obscura? My dad watched a documentary on the American Indians, right? Classic Gary Nugent, right? Classic Gary.

My dad rings me up and he goes, I tell you what, they had a bloody terrible time. The Americans, they didn't treat them very well. A lot of bloody smallpox and things like that. A lot of horrible things happened. But bloody smashing looking women. My dad's all, Pocahontas is up. He goes, bloody Indian women, bloody,

oh, they're bloody good looking women, American Indian women. Bloody wonderful, wonderful. What is camera obscura? You said photobombs, and then you said the guy with a shiny desk. I don't think any of that's right. Yeah, it's neither of those. The camera obscura is essentially when a pinhole is poked

in a wall and it naturally lets light in and an upside down projection of the outdoors comes inside. They have them in museums nowadays. They recreate them. There's one at the Santa Monica beach. Yeah, so if like you could, if you have a completely dark room with just a pinhole facing the outside, it

will project the image of the outside inside, and then you can use that to photograph it. But why would it make it upside down for? That's well above my pay grade. Yeah, I don't know. I could look it up, but that's why then there's a mirror on cameras? Well, the mirror is just to where it is focusing. It comes into our eye upside down

and then something happens with the iris or the retina. The part of our eye flips it. Technically everything's upside down and backwards to our brain. It's getting... So we're all upside down. It says... It's weird cone stuff.

That's why lenses, they focus that light and put it in oh light travels in a straight line thus light from the top of the object after passing through the pinhole reaches the bottom of the screen and light from the bottom of the object passing through reaches the top of the screen this causes the inversion i know they're explaining it but i still don't understand it so anyways we'll just end with it's a natural phenomenon. It's a weird one. We've learned to harness it. Show your loved ones how much you love them with the gift of Trade Coffee this Valentine's season. Trade's gift

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The best part is you can personalize everything from the type of coffee you get to how often you get the coffee delivered. Now, my wife is what you call it, easy to get along with person. Not difficult for gifts, but she's mad for coffee. I got her a personalized coffee that she likes that deals with her vegan milks and almond butters

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That's IDAKAT10, I-D-K-A-T-10 to receive $10 off your gift subscriptions. Use code IDAKAT10. What is a photogram? It's when you send the photo as a message? Yeah, it's like Snapchat. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is.

Photogram is when you... Come on, expert. It's your moment. Photogram is when you take sensitized material, paper, or something, and then lay items on it, and the physical contact of the items is what creates the exposure. We call them paperweights. Yeah, paperweights.

But memorialized forever. Yeah, I used to have, there was this paper I had when I was a kid and you would, I forget what you did, you could put like leaves and things like outside and put it on there and it would make that image.

It is that. Ah, that was fun. It's used in the Van Dyke brown process and cyanotype process. Don't ask me what a Van Dyke is. Won't end up well I know but you're pointing at him

I wanted it I wanted him to know he knew the pun guy did he know Van Dyke Brown no come on this guy you heard his answer

she has a vein leave it there thoughts up um when was the first photograph taken was it 1823 that thing that goes to choom now there's a picture of a clock tower no none of the right he was he was very close i think it's 1826 or 27 it's kind

of what did i say 23 so incredibly close i knew i was right around there because i because i watch la in a minute and the guy had had the first ever picture of LA. Let's get into it. And it was 1830-something, and so I thought it would be a little bit before then. Yeah, but you said it was a clock tower in Hill Valley. Where the fuck do you think Hill Valley's from, man? Do we know what the picture was? What was the picture?

Yeah, so it was a view of, it was a camera obscure on the second floor of this photographer's house. His name's, I'm going to butcher it, it's French. It's Joseph Niesseford Nieps. He had a pinhole camera on the second floor of his home and he basically used naturally occurring asphalt, which I forgot that asphalt's a naturally occurring thing until I was looking at this. And he sensitized the asphalt

and when he wiped it away, he had the first ever recorded image. Wow. Can I see it? The first ever recorded image? I like how you said you butchered his name. I was like we're not gonna know. It also sounded like you were on a backward record. Yeah. It was Gerard Depardieu. He took a picture of a Spanish guy's nose. That's what I got from that sentence. That's all I'll remember. There you go. Okay so what's the photo? Oh it's the photo of the street. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. It's just a got from that sentence. That's all I'll remember. There you go. Okay, so what's the photo? Oh, it's the photo of the street. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. It's just a view from his window. That's pretty good.

I thought it was going to be like great. Well, it's not. You thought it was going to look like an Etch-A-Sketch. I don't know what I thought it was going to look like. Yeah. And what is the collodion process? Collodion? Yeah, collodion process? Collodion? Yeah, collodion.

Yeah. Jim said, I don't know what you said. How you start filming. Oh, you thought. You tried to give a real answer on this, where you said it's like you put it around a circle. That's a zoetrope. Yeah. Yeah, no.

What's that called? Zoetrope. Zoetrope. I learned something. Yeah. The collodion process was a quicker way of photographing than like the camera obscure the pinhole where they took uh silver coated plates or glass with it and you kind of had about a 15 minute window you could sensitize these plates run them outside take a photograph bring

it back in develop it and that's kind of like the beginning of the the mass appeal of photography where where people could go get a photo taken of them. That is why when they're sitting there, they're so still because it was still like not that sensitive of a process to light. So, you know, they had to sit there for minutes at a time in order for it to expose. A lot of the early photography,

they would use corpses while they were figuring this out. They would like photograph corpses because they wouldn't move in the photo. Give me the first recorded photo of a human. Yeah. It might have been a corpse. Could have been. I think they take photos of people when

they died. So it's all propped up corpses. So these people are all dead. Dude, that first guy there, you'd be happy to look like him now. Yeah, he looks pretty good. I'd be all over looking like that cunt. He's fashionable by today's standards. Well, maybe they dressed him up for the photo.

No, he just had a cool haircut. Yeah, his hair looks good. Yeah, he must have styled it up. And who was George Eastman? It was the father of modern-day photography. He let you smile in photos. What? He kind of, that's kind of the right answer.

Yeah, that's why he gets away. In an indirect way. That's why he got three points for that answer. And the fact that I was like two years off from the first photo, I have a fucking three points, my fucking ass. I thought I was doomed when you got that close, to be honest. I'm a photography whiz or doy-in. Doy-in.

He said that a couple different podcasts now, Doyen. Yeah, I'm a Doyen of many. Yeah, George Eastman kind of, he is that. He took the wet plate collodion process and they turned it into something called the dry plate collodion. He created a machine that was able to like coat these plates and kind of mass market these things. But the big thing was when he invented the film roll like the same film roll that we use today in a camera that's him like he owns the patent to that and he started kodak it

was originally the eastman kodak company and that's a word he just made up kodak made up completely he just liked the way it sounded because i've heard of eastman kodak i know that's where it was but i just thought it was somebody's name or something is their base called the kodak? Made up, completely. He just liked the way it sounded. Because I've heard of Eastman Kodak. I know that's where it was, but I just thought it was somebody's name or something. Isn't their base called the Kodak Bay? Kodiak. Kodiak. And that word's different how?

One letter. There's a letter in there. It's close, though. I made it up. Yeah. George Eastman basically. I'll make a word up for you right now. Telephone.

Okay. Wait. That's not one letter. Just made it up, bro. That's not one letter just made it up right that's not one letter different it's he just took off the at the end that that'll be telephone phone phone I think telephone is actually how you say it in Welsh yeah tell us telephone telephone me that's other well she Would say it I thought you were Jamaican For a second No My Welsh can sound like Indian Can sound like So it's a lovely day

Welsh I can't really do it That sounds like The Welsh German The Welsh Did I tell you about Did I tell you about

I saw a Geordie Talking to an American No A what? A Geordie A person from Newcastle, England It's called a Geordie A Geordie Oh yeah we went? No. A what? A Geordie. A person from Newcastle, England. It's called a Geordie. A Geordie.

Oh, yeah. We went over that in a Patreon, I think. No. Well, this happened recently. This happened over Christmas. No, I mean just the term Geordie. Oh, the Geordie. And so there's people from Newcastle.

Like, these are people who speak like this. Like my mate Dave Johns. Dave Johns speaks like this. I like these guys. Yeah. I know the Geordie though. It's the accent that you have when you're watching Big Brother. It's meant to be the most accent that is the most reliable and friendly in all the UK.

So like day four in the Big Brother house, Terry's not happy with Alan. Let's see what happens. I'm not perfect at the accent, right? But the English people that live on the border of Scotland, they have this very unique accent called Geordie from Newcastle, England. Anyway, I saw one of them was on holiday. It was a lady. She was on holiday in Sherman Oaks Mall, and she'd bought something,

and she was speaking to a lady whose Spanish would have been her first language, and they were both speaking English of sorts, right? And I had to interrupt and interpret the two people speaking English to each other. I said, I'm sorry. I've lived in England for a long time. I'll help you out. I'm sorry about this. Because the lady went up like this. She goes, I need to. I've lived in England for a long time. I'll help you out. I'm sorry. Like this.

Because the lady went up like this. She goes, I need to take this back to the makeup counter. I need to get a refund. And the lady's like this. I need to. And the Spanish lady's like, excuse me. You want to. What do you want?

What are you trying to do? I need to take this. Back to the makeup counter. counter for a refund like. I said, I was just, I mean, she's purchased this in the store and she needs to go back to the make-up counter to get a refund. Oh, she doesn't have to go to the make-up counter. She can get the refund from anywhere. Okay.

You can get the refund. No. Okay. You can get the refund. No. No, but I did help. I did help out. I just love the idea of holidaying at the Sherman Oaks Mall. Well, that's where you've got to buy your Christmas presents. They're Christmas present buying. They weren't like, they weren't.

I thought you said she was on holiday at the Sherman Oaks Mall. She was on vacation. She was on vacation in America. She was on vacation in America. She was spending time in America. Because I knew that she must have been here for a short amount of time because she did not soften the accent one little tiny bit. I need to go make up. That's great.

I'm not close. Yeah, I'm terrible at accents too. I need to tip this buck. What is the Kodak Brownie? Jim said first ever porno shoot, picture of a man's asshole, brown bear, first animal photograph. That's why we have the brand Kodak. Boom, mind blown because he thought it was a Kodiak. Not the first porno.

Yeah. But it was the first camera marketed to children. Debatable. It was marketed to children. It was Kodak's even further mass marketing of cameras. It was $1 when it came out originally, which was about like $35 nowadays. Was it a disposable?

No, it was just a square brown box called the Kodak Brownie, and you could load the film rolls in it and do that. And that could take photos to take home. So it's just easy to use for kids. It kind of made the idea of a snapshot possible, where you could kind of just always have a camera as opposed to having to be a professional like the idea of a snapshot possible like where you could kind of just always have a camera as opposed to um like having to be a professional or have like a medical or scientific reason to own a

camera it just further let like amateur photographers family photographers like you could just photograph your life now with this really cheap affordable camera how much later did the x-ray happen because the x-ray is just photos i don't know when do we when was the x-ray invented x-ray let's look it up well you're the expert come on not an x When was the x-ray invented? X-ray. Let's look it up. Well, you were the expert. Come on. Not an x-ray. Yeah, x-ray is different. They're all photos. They're all going to hang them up on a thing. Like that. 1895? 1895. 60 years later. When did color photography come about?

Jim said 1938 because Hitler was going gray. And he wanted to prove that he wasn't. Yeah, no. That's the one that I had to write the year down for. What did I do that for? Okay. What year did Jim say? 1938.

All right. So this one's a little weird. It was written by a scientist theoretically in 1855 who had the theory of how to do this it wasn't until 61 that they were able to figure out how to actually do it which was to photograph the red green and blue spectrum the color spectrums and put that together kind of project all three at the same time and get color photography now they these scientists did it as a performance almost like at a speaking seminar and proved that they could do it people have gone back and tried to replicate it with the

same materials and realized they actually did it wrong they thought that they had nailed red green blue but they were doing something completely different they were using some ultraviolet spectrums they were using different things so they kind of got the right answer by doing it wrong. And so the guy in 1855. So when was the first time then? 61. 1961. 1861.

What? The first color photo was in 1861. I've got all these fucking black and white photos of the Beatles from 1961. Well, it wasn't readily available. Evidently not. The Wizard of Oz, they had to shoot it on three different film rolls and then put them all together later. It was a hell of a process.

If I had to listen to my mother tell me, oh, it was amazing when she stepped out and the world was all colourful. It was like a whole new world on the screen. I had diabetes. I had polio as a small child. Yeah. What's that got to do with it, man? I thought it was worth mentioning.

It is funny because, I mean, it is cool to have color TV, color film stuff, but the world was still in color. It's just when you're watching TV, it was in black and white. Yeah, but they were amazed. Yeah, yeah. They couldn't get over the fucking color. Yeah, got it. When was the first digital photograph taken

1992 jim says it's got to be earlier in there it's earlier than that uh 75 was the first time that someone made a digital camera like a portable handheld digital camera it was a engineer named steven sasson and he worked at eastman kodak and how long did it take for him to download those into his laptop it was 0.1 megapixel at the time. So I think the iPhone now is 48 megapixels. I remember that was a thing. When digital cameras first became, you were like, how many megapixels?

It was always that. You were like, shut up. I don't know. The original phones that I had was like 2 megapixels or something. It's the equivalent of when people tell me that I must own a really nice camera. They're trying to be nice, but it couldn't be more of like a stab in the gut.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What, you don't own a very nice camera? No, no, no, I don't own a very nice camera. Why not? No, it's about the art versus the artist, I guess, or the tool versus the artist. You should get a nice camera. Maybe after this. We're not playing yet.

No, I'll just cheat myself on the way home. Oh, okay. Oh, so you've been serious? You don't have a nice camera? No, no, no, no. the way home. Wait, have you been serious? You don't have a nice camera? No, no, no, no. I guess it's more of a philosophical thing about how it's the photographer that makes the image, not the camera. I got a decent one. You can borrow it.

It's a Canon. Jesse has a nice one. Is your industry just flooded now, though? It feels like it's flooded with fucking idiots. It is. It completely is. There's a lot of people in it for the wrong reasons. I'm sure we could say that about most. Because the way that the light hits your face,

it just speaks to me. I can see beauty in unusual places. You know what it is? It's like, sometimes you'll meet somebody and they'll be like, yeah, I'm a comedian too. And they just tell you that. People can just tell you they're a photographer.

But it's not until you see their work where you make the judgment because i know people have told me i'm a photographer and you check my stuff out and you see you're like oh you don't that doesn't look like you know what you're doing i can take those pictures like yeah i don't know it's getting tougher and tougher with how accessible it is i'll tell you who's the best photographer. Anyone who takes photos of McDonald's burgers. Whoever does those photos is a fucking wizard. You know that stuff's all fake? Like it's not the real food, right?

Yeah, it's not real meat or anything. I've eaten it. Horrible sugary buns. But isn't that like a whole field just taking pictures of food? Oh, yeah. It's a complete thing. You can see like they get a bit of sauce to drop and a thing. Some places is real food.

And then you go to that restaurant. Yeah, the local, the independent. The independent one where the guy's had to crack himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, no. Yeah. It's hindering your business. Because now, I reckon that's big money.

With Postmates and Uber Eats, you've got to have photos of the food now right you can't just go up and so so i feel like now like people are putting real effort into that because the in the infancy of those apps some of those photos were fairly dodged yeah they're just like iphone photos yeah there was somewhere i was driving somewhere it's like a rest stop type place and it was just like somebody had burritos and they're like it's like we're here we don't need to fit like it was the picture of that like that is terrible that's part of the reason that this will be honest that's part of the reason i know that i'm a bad photographer you know i think we were doing this across europe a little bit we'd go to like a michelin star restaurant yeah and then and amos would always take photos of his food and i was like hey people take photos of the food just eat your fucking food right that's right and then he's like no i take good ones

and we had a contest. Me and you, we all had a contest. Yeah, we all had a contest. And mine all looked like slop. Yeah, in the middle of it, you're like, I'm stopping right now. But you have to take it

before you eat it. No, you got it. We did. I just took a picture of my shit. Of course we took it before you ate it. I know.

There's a whole olive in a chip in it. There's a whole bit about people saying the camera eats first and it drives me up a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a friend, and when I'm hanging out with her,

it's always like, okay, don't touch anything. It's like, shut up. I'm so hungry. Yeah, hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why I said that. I'm having a stroke. Sorry, first.

What is depth of field? It's the bit in the back, smudgy wudge, and the front isn't. He's pretty right. He's pretty right about that. It controls how much is in focus, whether you want a shallow depth of field or a deep depth of field. It's the bit in the back, smudgy wudge, and the front isn't. He's pretty right. He's pretty right about that. It controls how much is in focus, whether you want a shallow depth of field or a deep depth of field. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Why?

He was outstanding in his field. All right. Thanks for being here, DC. Should I make that a clip? End of the podcast. Jack jack can you drive me home that's a good joke that's a that's it did you write that no yeah i know it's like a it's like a cracker joke wait that's better that part's better uh uh what is shutter speed how fast jim cringer jack tells a joke the chicky chicky of a camera how quick the photo can be taken

yeah i didn't know it's it's the reaction to jack telling a joke that's what shutter speed is Jim Cringer with Jack Tells a Joke, the chicky chicky of a camera. How quick the photo can be taken? Yeah, I didn't know. It's the reaction to Jack telling a joke. That's what Shutter Speed is. It's because he was good at his job, plus his scarecrow has to sit out in his field. For anyone in the car that didn't get it. I'll take my jacket. Yeah, Shutter Speed is how long the camera closes the shutter for,

so it controls how much light gets let in. That that is the noise you're hearing you are hearing the shutter why does that matter how much light gets in or like uh it's it's how you capture an exposure properly okay like that's one of the there's many there's three variables and you go through them in the next questions you can jump to that you can go yeah the main variables are always your uh your aperture shutter speed, and your ISO. Those are the first three things you gotta learn to figure out how to commit a photograph the way you intend to commit it. And what's aperture?

Because Jim didn't know. Yeah, what was his? Oh, that's the f-stop Fitzgerald. That's great. Aperture is the actual physical... The word aperture is just like opening. It's the physical amount that the blades of the camera are open. Oh, for the light to come in.

Yeah, and then the f-stop is the measurement of that. So you see those numbers like two, eight, four, five, six, that's aperture on the lens. And then what does ISO stand for then? So ISO actually is, it's a measure of light sensitivity, but ISO itself is just like the international standardization organization so it's just a an organization that does standards for scientific measurements and things like that and and we've adopted it as just meaning our light

sensitivity and so this is where like a person that's why you wouldn't be able to take good pictures now because you have to do do like all combination of these three to yeah so we're now past like just auto auto like an iPhone would be or a point and shoot camera would be this is when you start getting into the nuance of it and making decisions yourself but how do you know is the iPhone camera

good it's such a tough question because like if people hand me iPhones at like weddings and ask me they're like oh let's have the professional take a photo and I can't do it like I can't get a good photo on an iPhone not with ugly people no I can't get a good photo is it the phone it's the photographer there's two types of people in this world ones that need closure Wow another winner i'm going to put a compilation of that one what happened there you need closure there are two times people in this world yeah

one that ones that need closure yeah yeah but how okay so getting back to this how do you determine like what the aperture is how do you determine the aperture the shutter speed or the how do you figure like how are you determining that if you're a photographer like uh if you're if you're trained you're using a light meter that'll tell you all jim is doing right now is trying to think of another pun. Yeah, I'm sorry. The last one wasn't a pun. That was a stripe. Neither of them are puns.

What are you talking about? Outstanding in his field? He's a movie star. He was the scarecrow. He was the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, mate. Oh. I didn't know it was that guy. Could you see how he danced down that fucking street

And he acted like he was all flippy floppy Outstanding and he spilled that bed So How do we use all You start with the ISO So like you see ISO It's normally like 100 to 3200 That's how sensitive it is to light

So I start there I pick that Lower the number the darker it is Lower the number the less sensitive to light it is so let's go with let's just use film because it's less variable than that like you put film in your camera it's either 100 speed 400 speed 800 speed so if i'm shooting a rock and roll concert i need like 3200 because there's there's no light if i'm shooting comedian same sort of thing if i'm out standing in a field like the scarecrow on at iso 100 and then you make your decisions based off that yeah so like since there's so much sun outside on a normal sunny day you uh you do 100 and then you um you need a really uh small like opening so that's your aperture so So you're at like F16, so now it's going in the opposite direction.

The smaller number's there. Let more light in. And then your shutter speed's going to go higher and higher. Shutter speeds are insanely fast. When it says 250, that's one 250th of a second. That's how long it's opening. It's really how fast this little device exposes the film to the light coming through.

So this is where some of the, obviously, the scale that comes in where you have to determine what's going to look best. This is where you have the ability to start making creative choices in your field. Whether you want shallow depth of field, not a shallow depth of field. Or if I want it to be overexposed, underexposed, wishy-washy like that. Fudgy-wudgy. Fudgy-wudgy. I'm doing it now with my eyes. Fudgy-wudgy. Fudgy-wudgy. I'm doing it now with my eyes. Fudgy-wudgy.

Are you closing one eye right now? He's got both of them. He's focusing from one hand to the other. You can get one hand. This one's clear right now. I'm having it now. They're both clear. That one's blue.

That one's clear. This one's blue. You're a photographer now. You're a photographer now. Is forced perspective the same thing as? I'm literally a visionary. Forced perspective is a little different. So if you want to think about Lord of the Rings,

if you want to think of the film Lord of the Rings. That was fun. He did think about it. Forced perspective is how they make the hobbits look small and Gandalf look big or the ring look big. So like that ring if the ring's in the foreground of an image and it needs to look like yeah if it was just a ring you wouldn't see it so they make a huge one they put it in the front of the frame i have a mate you won't mind me saying this his name's andrew he's got a large head all right you know andrew yeah i know andrew's got a large head yeah and his wife does not have

a large head yeah so to take nice couple photos they do that he's not there he stands is that true he stands yeah he stands way back that's forced perspective yeah so they look they look you know normal in photos i didn't know that has he admitted this to you or did you just catch on oh i've seen it you've seen his head you've seen it happen he told you about the photos You've seen it happen? Did he tell you about the photos? No, no, no. He told me. He told me. That's amazing.

We figured out how to take good photos. I just stand way back. Now you can tell him it's called forced perspective. Oh, he knows. No, no, the term. Oh, no, he's not forced to do it. He just does it if he's going to. What is white balance?

Something they're trying to figure out in South Africa? I don't think that. I don't need to put these answers out anymore. It's not the right. Just, I'm not wrong. What? something they're trying to figure out in South Africa? I don't think that. I don't need to put these answers out anymore. I'm not wrong. What? You want to answer again? White balance? It's something they're trying to do in South Africa.

I thought you heard me the first time. Yeah. All right. White balance is a Kelvin scale of color temperature. Ah, the Kelvins. Kelvins. Yeah, they knew the F stops as well. They grew up together. The Kelvins. Sovins. Yeah, they knew the F-stops as well. They grew up together.

The Kelvins. So that's what's happening with all the lights right now. You know, whether you have warm light, which is higher on the spectrum towards like the 5600 Kelvin or cooler down towards like 3000. It's just the measure of what makes white properly white in a photograph. Have you ever taken one of your iPhone photos and everything's just yellow?

Yeah, it was of my genitals. Oh, yeah. I would have said piss. I meant to say piss. Have you ever taken an iPhone photo? I don't have like a yellow dick or anything, if anyone's wondering. You said it. I meant to say my urine is yellow. I've never taken a photo and everything's yellow.

Yeah, or like... I only had a Coldplay concert. It was all yellow. Oh, we got it. That one's good in the compilation. That would be your white balance being off. If something's looking yellow, something's looking too blue. Jack's writing down the buttons. I'm going to make a compilation.

Is that going to be the supercut? Yeah, the supercut's just that angle of Jim. I thought the subject was photography. What does DSLR stand for? Is that going to be the super cut? Yeah, the super cut's just that angle of Jim. I thought the subject was photography. What does DSLR stand for? Don't slide long, Rob, to stop prostitution in the 18... Why am I rereading these? Because they're great. They're great.

They're good. It's digital single lens reflex, which is, you know, I've probably never actually said it out loud in full like that. That's what, if you're picturing like a Canon camera, that's what you're picturing. Fancy camera. Fancy camera. It means that you can take the lens off, interchange it.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I know what that is. What is a safe light? We know what Jim's answer was. Safe light repair, safe light replace. Do you know that company is It's called Auto Auto Glass It's called Auto Glass In the UK

And they just have the same theme song They still sing They just sing Auto Glass repair Auto Glass replace What? It's the same thing Why would they

Safe Flight Safe Flight sounds like The British version to me Honestly It might be Auto Glass Safe Flight It might be theoglass Safe Flight. It might be the whole name. I used to hate that.

So in Australia, we have Australia's Funniest Home Videos, and we have the same theme song but with different words. And when I came to America, it was like finding out Santa wasn't real. And kids, if you're listening in the car, he's real. Don't worry about it. But, yeah, so you remember the song? How does the theme song from funny song video goes oh i don't remember i don't remember rack your brain stories from the friends back home you never told to catch her all that girl you're the red white, white and blue. The funny things you do.

America, America, this is you. And then the Australian song goes like this. You're a dinky dye true blue. The funny things that you do. Australia, Australia, this is you. Oh, wow. So it's terrible when you find out

there's a lot of Australians right now going get the fuck out of here anyway auto glass repair auto glass replace Jesse what's a safe light? a safe light is

so in Jim's the photographers that Jim likes when he's picturing them hanging the film in the dark room and everything the safe light is

it's not usually red. The blue light, red light, use different ones for different purposes, but it's what won't sensitize the film or the paper. Because if natural light comes in, the photo goes and they go, oh, we've lost it. I've seen enough movies. That was the

evidence I needed. Seen enough movies. To save my life. The scarecrow was in his field. Okay, next question. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Well, I know one thing. He probably whined.

That was it. Nothing. It just let out a little whine. That was it. It was a good one. Never hurt. Never hurt. Jess, you want to talk about focal length? I don't think that's on here. That was it. It was a good one. Never hurt. Never hurt. Jess, you want to talk about focal length?

I don't think that's on here. Oh, wait. Focal length? Oh, I was going to ask rule of thirds. I don't think we have focal length on here. Give me any pun joke. I'll be able to finish it for you. Oh, wait.

We can ask what the focal length is. Jim's got a pun queued up. What's the focal length, Jim? The focal length? Yeah. It's a depth perception thing that I make my dick look bigger from a distance. I thought you were going to say something to folks. What I do is instead of getting like a full-size snicker, putting it next to it, I put a fun-size snicker.

That's forced perspective. I always walk into any sexual situation with a fun-size snicker next to me. It's taped. I'm a giant uh focal length yeah focal focal length so that's uh if we let's go with iphone terms for this i'm looking at jared focal length yeah jared focal length you don't want to know hopefully it was short and didn't hurt anyone focal length is how wide or tight in it and you a lens can can get how far it goes so on the iphone you know we've got if you hit that 0.5 and it zooms out that's a wider focal length

that's like a 24 millimeter focal length on a normal camera and but if you're a sports photographer you need to or a bird photographer you need a 400 millimeter photographers they have a lens don't they have you have you seen those up close? I've been to the basketball and seen them. Those things are massive. Or the paparazzi that get people from a distance. Ooh, they love a lens, don't they? Yeah.

They love a lens. Yeah, that's like a... Sports is like a 400, 600, 800mm lens. Did you ever do sports? Yeah, that's what I did in college. That's how I paid the bills while I was in college. I was like the basketball team's photographer. Oh. Yeah, nice how I paid the bills While I was in college I was like the Teams The basketball teams Photographer Oh

Yeah nice What is the rule of thirds? Stop that Stop that Is there an incident? Rock and roll is cooler Rock and roll Rock and roll is cooler

Who's your favorite artist To take photos of? I did A lot of touring With the All American Rejects We had a lot of fun Every single night They

That was just the um they that was just the most yeah that was the most fun i've ever had on the road when it comes to on the bus with them on the planes with them everything um i really love photographing them yeah that'd be fun i don't like people photographing my shows i always get a little bit like all right there's always like we have an in-house photographer and they're going to take a few photos if it doesn't bother you and it's like because comedy likes stillness yeah we like the audience no distraction you pure focus where where music likes well no but like music's a big misdirection at all times yeah well the guitar is like whatever face making is cool and comics is always like yeah i can tell that every,

every photographer I've ever taken, has ever taken a photo of me. If I do the eyebrow early on in the shoot, I'm doing it all fucking day. Yeah. Oh, they get their juices flowing. Yeah.

I do one. Do that again. Oh, if you're in a, doing a studio, like you do a shoot in key art for something, like you can't let that out too early

yeah yeah that's all they're gonna want yeah I have a couple eyebrow photos on here I was gonna I was gonna bring this up cause Jack knows about this but like

in rock and roll and in music when I'm photographing bands if I'm not working for the band I would only be able to photograph the first three songs of the set

so that they still look good they're not sweaty they're not thinking about it too much. Do you hear, are you 40 minutes into your set and you can hear the photographer? His rules, first five minutes.

Yeah, off and I go, you're done now. Yeah, you don't need that. There's no other photos to be good. And also, I fuck around with my hair a lot on stage. I'm pushing it down and then doing things.

You know what I mean? Like, I look like a piece, I like to walk out looking nice and then by the end of it, I look like a piece of shit because I've been roughing myself up. I mean, not as much as musicians, but you still sweat up there,

and your hair will start to flop a little. I sweat all right. But no, Jim brings up a really interesting point of how the stillness and the room itself is part of what you do. I can run around on a stage in an arena, and you'll never see me because there's eight other things to look at.

Yeah. Yeah. The rule of third. Yeah, speakers. Microphones. I'd never get to you. A security guy in a yellow jacket. A bit of gaffer tape on that curtain.

Oh, no, that's Jesse. What is the rule of thirds? You can't just say Irishman in English from walking to a bar. You've got to have a Scotsman. That was the other half a point. I gave Jim half a point for technical for that. That was incredible. Well, no, because metaphorically,

the rule of thirds is to help you make a more interesting composition, and that's what your bit does by adding the third guy. So when you take a photograph, again, you can see it on your phones there's a grid that pops up sometimes you ever see that grid pop up when you're taking a photo so if you wait towards those corners it creates a more interesting composition than just where it intersects exactly the intersects so instead of waiting it where i'm right now just taking a photo of jim like centered that's not that interesting. But if you start arranging it with the rule of thirds where everything's kind of weighted equally in thirds,

you can create more interesting compositions. It's like the end of The Fablemans. Did you see that movie? Let's say yes, but no. That's the best scene. The movie's well made. Was that the Spielberg, his love of film? That last bit's the best bit.

It's well made, but it's a little bit long. But last bit is he meets what's the director he meets john ford john ford and he's gonna try and get a job with him and he goes look at that photo he goes where's the horizon yeah yeah yeah but it's all about how that would be the rule of thirds though i think that maybe that's part of it i don't know kind of yeah it's in there it's a great scene the the most important thing you need you need to know to Yeah. He just teaches them how to direct in like two minutes. He's like, get out of my office. Yeah.

Learn the rule of thirds. And you're good. Maybe it's not rule of thirds, but I don't know. It's like where you put the horizon line. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to spoil it,

but yeah. No spoilers. Yeah. Tell me after there, there's tricks to all of this, but like learning the rule of thirds. And then like with what I do, like I've,

I photograph when I was on, I was on tour for five, six years straight of my life with different bands. I didn't change the settings on my camera once. Like I just had my ISO dialed into one thing, aperture to one thing, shutter speed to one thing. And I just woke up at hungover every day and took photos. That like all looks the same.

So it's good. Yeah. And if you make it black and white, no one can even tell if it's in focus. So that's even better. Wow. Stop telling everyone your tricks yeah i'm not getting paid for it you're gonna lose some work what what is the difference between a hot shoe and a cold shoe uh blackjack term uh it's when someone takes a photo of you saying that

blackjack term you got it no it's when you're like this no but i said when really photography okay someone takes a photo of you saying this. Okay, just look at me. Photo, a thousand words. Yeah. I'm going to, there's a shoe, right? I'm gambling. Like cards, yeah.

Yeah, okay. What's going on now? I'm not doing too well. Oh! Cold shoe. Cold shoe. Yeah. Hot dealer.

Yeah. Hot shoe. Hot shoe is the shoe. Yeah. Hot dealer. Yeah. Hot shoe. Hot shoe is the... I'm being kicked out. Grabbing a boo. So in photography, what's a hot shoe? In photography, a hot shoe is when a dealer is... No.

It's the top... On the top of the camera, there's a hot shoe. That's a little electronical contact that... You've seen them people put a flash up there and they're popping the flash right at you like paparazzi flash that goes into the hot shoe hot shoe means that it has like an electronic connection to the camera and

they're communicating between one another cold shoe is just that same mount but there's no electronical passing of information between one another yeah that's like the old school ones I guess I was connected yeah that's connected a Yeah. That's like the old school ones. I guess that was connected. Yeah, that's connected a different way.

That's like an old PC port that fires that. That was your thing, Jim. You said, pfft. Five famous photographers. Alan Polaroid. Wait, who invented the Polaroid? Do we know who invented the Polaroid? Yeah, I actually don't know who invented the Polaroid.

Oh, yeah. Maybe it was Alan Polaroid. I'll look it up. Yeah. If it's Alan, that's going to be tremendous.im said the five famous photographers are alan potter right the kodak bear and a flat-chested lady who took photos well she was underdeveloped i'm very good you should just do all the tour puns not tell anybody just sell tickets like normal just come

out like, all right, everybody. You just never get into the set? Have a couch out there and just sit in it. What's the name of the bloody... There's a guy... Photographer?

There's a guy in Britain who just does puns. I thought you were doing photography. I don't know, but you've got to see this guy, Tim. What's his fucking name? Minchin?

No, not Minchin. Minchin does music. But this guy just does hours of puns where you're like, he must do 400 jokes in a set. Yeah,

something like that. He goes, he goes, I got a job at a bowling alley. Not full time. Ten pin. Do photographers try to do jokes to you?

Milton Jones? During photo shoots? Milton Jones does a lot of puns. Tim Vine? Tim Vine! Check it. If you want to see some puns, there's no one that does longer or more or as many as Tim Vine. I have 55 of Tim Vine's most ingenious jokes in one-liners.

All right. Give me this. This is just off the track. But even Jack can tell them. They'll work. Ready? I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.

That's not your best one. Yeah. The advantages of easy origami are twofold. The advantages of easy origami are twofold. I didn't think that one was going to get me. No, that was really easy origami. that one got you I'm too full I didn't think that one was gonna get me that one was that's really easy origami

oh I hate puns it seems like you do you were asking if any photographers are funny well I'm asking if like people try to relate to Jim

on these one on one things my first headshots I ever took, I'm not good at taking photos. I wasn't being loose enough or whatever. And the photographer handed me an old ventriloquist dummy

with the jaw dislocated. And I go, what's this? And he goes, just hold on to it for a while. And then I just started making jokes with it. And I made him laugh. I laughed. And then he took a bunch of photos with it.

Anyways, I must have put it on, this is way back when. You've been a double activist since, I must have put it on, like, this is way back when. You've been a double activist. I must have put it online somewhere. I didn't know. It was online somewhere. And one of the first headline shows ever, it was in Atlanta at Punchline, like, at a good club. And I was featuring the whole weekend, but the first night, they're like, we're going to come in.

You're going to headline this charity event. I go, all right, cool. And I'm sitting at the bar, and the owner comes up to me, and he goes, Hey, where's your ventriloquist on me? I go, well, I don't have a ventriloquist on me. And then he goes, he shows me their website. It's a picture of me with the ventriloquist on me with the jaw dose located. He goes, we told them you were a ventriloquist act and the show's going on. Like there are these people that are waiting for revenge. And I was like, I don't do at all. I can't do this at all. And he goes, well, you shouldn't have that online.

I go, I didn't even know it was online. Or he goes, well, we hired you as a French cook. And he goes, you've got to be clean, too, on top of it. I was like, I can't do any of these things. For whatever reason. If you had the dummy, he can be dirty. That's what I've learned about ventriloquists. Hey, don't say that.

Hey, what about, where are you from in the front row? Oh, you got nice. Oh, please. The woman that was organizing the event was pretty drunk and she kept getting up to speak in between like there was two other comics, three other comics. And then by the time they got to me, like, we only need you to do 10 minutes. Just go up there and just do stand up. No one's going to.

I was like, that's all I was going to do anyways. I wasn't going to like produce. Anyways. Yeah. That's amazing. It's out there somewhere. Can you find it? There's some photographer that fucked you over. Yeah, he's dead now.

I look up Forrest Chauvin Triloquist. Or just, yeah. So what are five famous, acclaimed, or just any photographer? Well, you were going for Ansel Adams. That's what we were trying to see if he knew that. Yeah, Ansel Adams. From the family.

No. No. No. I don't know. Who's the guy that took care of the Beatles, that picture of John Lennon holding a flower over his eye? I always see him in art galleries and stuff. I don't know the flower over the eye one. Show me that image.

Annie Leibovitz? John Lennon. Yeah, Leibovitz. Okay. John Lennon, flower over eye photo. Ann Leibovitz. Is it colored? Are they colored, Jim?

They're like green. Oh, that's Richard Avdon. That's who I wrote my thesis on. Oh, that's who we mentioned in your bio. Yeah, so Avdon's my favorite photographer of all time. What's he called? Is that Avdon? I think this one's...

No, this is the one I'm talking about. Oh, this one I don't know. Robert Whitaker? Robert Whitaker. Okay. That oh this one I don't know Robert Whittaker Robert Whittaker okay that was me when I was gonna say Robert Whittaker

I tried to buy one of his photos once it was too expensive Robert Whittaker you know anyone else anyone else Jim no okay

no the guy who took like almost all your key art for Comedy Central is huge Art Stryber does like

everybody yeah there was a bloke who did the best photos of me and he does like Rolling Stone which photos were was a bloke who did the best photos of me and he does like Rolling Stone. Which photos were those? The ones they still use? You were in the desert?

Yeah. Any image you see of him was art. Yeah. All right, cool. So, oh wait, did we do all the famous? No. I'll just name like five that I love. So we talked about Ansel Adams.

He's the most well-known. He's who I feel you're most likely to walk into any random place and see his work in a coffee table book. He's like the master of black and white. Master of black and white. He's got the feel you're most likely to walk into any random place and see his work in a coffee table book. He's like the master of black and white. Master of black and white. Yosemite is his most famous subject of all time. He just would photograph Yosemite and he's kind of the godfather of like his black and white prints are unprecedented. Like everyone who's learned from him wanted to learn from him.

He used to do workshops like until the day he died, he'd teach people how to do everything he knew how to do Annie Leibovitz one of the biggest ones like you know her Vanity Fair work the one that does the babies on top of pumpkins yeah that's her most her I think her single most famous photograph is that last photo of Johnny. Here's the lady that does the babies on pumpkins. Ann Geddes. Ann Geddes. Why do you know that, Aaron? I'd pay good money.

My mom used to buy those. Can she photograph Jim? It's always a baby with a cabbage on top of it. Ann Geddes. Who else? There's a, one of my favorite photographers, a guy named Gregory Crudson. Have you heard that name? No.

He doesn't even, come on. I don't know anybody. Come on. He kind of, his big revolution in photography is that he basically creates movie sets, but just for a still image he creates these huge sets in a in a town a lot a lot of mr beast like just like mr beast yeah yeah he's like the mr beast of photography i've just gotten into mr beast he's all right i want some documentary on mr beast i've done this is the thing is i've done a few

big gestures in my life with money where i bought a car for me, donated some money. I bought a whole lot of layaway stuff. I always found it like somewhat people, you always think they're going to lose their shit a bit. The people who lose their shit the most when you do a kind gesture is when you tip $200, $300 and they're like, I needed that money. Thank you so much, right? That's the big, if you buy something big big you buy someone a wheelchair or something like that

you won't get much you'll get a bit of a and what next right for whatever reason that happens but mr beast he found the secret you film it filmed altruism yeah people are going to be happy it's a huge trend online like there's all these he's not the only one there's other people that are just like hey man what do you, like he goes, you got, this guy, I forget what his name is, but he goes, you got a dollar? I need a dollar to get a piece of pizza. And they're like, don't worry about it. Or they buy it for him or whatever. And he goes, just for doing that, here's

like five grand. You ever been to a Lakers game? I was like, what? And then they're like on court. I'm like, come on. How's that a thing? How's that a career? Yeah, it's very pandering. But that Mr. Beast, he has some fun stunts. I know, but he produces. Yeah, his is like a production.

Yeah, yeah, his is a fun stunt. I just saw one where he had like half a million dollars that you had to protect from tanks. He said, we're going to have tanks attack it. And you've got so much money to spend to protect your money from tanks. He did a Squid Game one. He's like, if you win, you get this island. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you guys see the grocery store one? Yeah. Yeah, where you had to give away 10 grand's worth of, sell 10 grand's. And the guy lived in the grocery store. He got $1,000 a day, I think. No, $10,000 a day. $10,000 a day. Did he make it 40 days?

Wait, and what did he have to do? He got $10,000 a day, but he had to sell. He bought the whole supermarket. And he said, you have to sell $10,000 worth day, but he had to sell. He bought the whole supermarket, and he said, you have to sell $10,000 worth of stuff each day. To who? So just back to them to get the cash, and you had to live in there. So it's easy.

You give away all the gift cards. There was a whole lot of TVs in one corner. There's all things. And he had to live there and eat off the food and live off the fucking thing and all that type of stuff. And he lasted 40 days, and he lived in there and found himself somewhere to sleep inside the toilet rolls or whatever. And he won like what? 400,

some odd grand. 400, but then in the end, he was just like, ah, I gotta go. He thought he was gonna be there for a million dollars

and he just got a bit bored. Yeah, of course. That's the big one is they make you stay forever. You think you can do it and then once it comes, you're like,

His solitude one where he was just in a white padded room. There was one where he was buried underground in a coffin for seven days. Yeah. But he had like, Seven minutes would be terrible in a coffin underground yeah yeah but there was one that was just he was just in a room where he didn't know what time it was he couldn't speak to anybody he was just in a padded room and he went slightly mad that one was kind of

interesting um but my son's into mr beast and we've been watching mr beast over the weekend he's all right he's all right fun There's some good ones. Fun telly. It's time for our dinner party fan. Hang on, we didn't answer the last question. I cut him off with Mr. Beast. No, we did. So what is a camera? Time for dinner party facts. We asked our expert to give us a fact. Something obscure, interesting that can use to impress people, our audience.

What do you got first, Jesse? I kind of want to pose this as a question to jim i feel like you might have a shot at this one sure do we think i'm down no what what's the most viewed photograph of all time most viewed photograph of all time uh i know the most purchased photograph from the White House is Elvis and Nixon. So I'm going to put that into the pool. But I imagine there'd be more viewed. Yeah, I'm not counting. There's no monetary value connected to this. Just people having a look at it. The most seen. Yeah, they see it. Empire State Building. Stretching on camera. Marilynroe trying to hold a skirt down

that's the longest feud i'm gonna say uh adriana to check bukkake number four that's it that's definitely the one i've seen the most it is the default background for windows xp computers wow that photograph has a name it's called bliss oh that green field yes oh it's a photo it's an actual photograph it's an actual photograph it's it's a film photograph shot on a mimeo rz67 it it's believed to have been viewed billions of times simply because of how many times Microsoft sold that. Not more than Baby Shark. Who took it?

I think it's Charles O'Rear. Oh, that one with the green hill. Oh, yeah, of course. I've seen that. I don't even have a Windows thing. That's purported to be the most viewed photograph of all time. It was in Sonoma Valley. You have that with Nicolas Cage coming over there.

That's in Sonoma Valley. It's in Sonoma Valley, and if you have that with Nicholas Cage coming over there. Yeah. That's in Sonoma Valley. It's in Sonoma Valley. And if you go there now, it's just a vineyard on that hill. People just go there and take pictures. Of the dead vineyard. Yeah. That's it. All right.

Thanks a lot for being here, Jesse. As I said before, you can find Jesse on Instagram at Jesse DeFlorio and check out his 30 minute short film that he recently photographed and directed for recording artist Matt Mason am I saying that right? Mason. Yeah. It's called Never Had to Leave. We have the YouTube link in the copy

for these episodes and thanks for being here. Thanks guys. What's the difference between chickpea and lentil? Never had a lentil PMA before. Ipea and lentil? Never had a lentil pee on me before. You've ruined it. I've never had lentil on my face. Oh yeah, I forget how to do it.

The pee's in the fucking... I've never... You know when it goes, I've never had a chickpea pee on me. Pee. I had it right. I had to get it right. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a party and someone comes up to you and goes, photography, the most seen photo is a picture of my balls, go, I don't know about that,

and walk away over a green hill.