I Don't Know About That - Pirates

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

In this episode, the team discusses pirates with historian of piracy and author of "Why We Love Pirates: The Hunt for Captain Kidd and How He Changed Piracy Forever", Dr. Rebecca Simon. Follow Dr. Reb...ecca Simon on Twitter @beckalex To learn more, go to Rebecca-Simon.com! Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 The holidays aren't sleigh bells and mistletoe. They're also airports, shopping malls, and dining tables crowded with people, some you're glad to see only once a year. Give yourself the ultimate gift of a stress-free holiday with NextEvo Naturals fast-absorbing CBD products. NextEvo's stress CBD complex gummies and clinically proven to have four times better absorption than the standard CBD. No other CBD brand can promise that. I had some people over for the holidays,
Starting point is 00:00:30 bloody family and friends, which is normally pretty stressful, but I popped some Nextivo CBD gummies and before that, I just started to like the people. I started to like them. They go totally stress-free. Nexto smart absorb technology delivers cbd to your system in as little as 10 minutes unlike other cbd brands regular cbd oil works more slowly because of how our bodies process oil-based ingredients compared to water-soluble supplements and regular cbd only activates two to ten percent absorption so over 90 of what you're taking goes to the waste. Nothing. Smart Zorb upgrades CBD's natural absorbent power.
Starting point is 00:01:15 It's scientifically formulated to deliver more CBD fast. The only brand clinically proven to deliver 30 times better absorption in the first 30 minutes. Help fight holiday stress with NextEvo's natural stress CBD complex gummy featuring ashwagandha. Ashwagandha. Clinically proven to reduce stress by 70%. Ashwagandha.
Starting point is 00:01:40 And CBD worked together to target the source of rising stress hormones like cortisol. Next Evo is the only brand that combines a natural patented whole plant ashwagandha that's eight times more powerful than regular ashwagandha. Believe me, than regular ashwagandha, believe me, than regular ashwagandha, and they're 100% US hemp-driven, smart-sorbed CBD with four times absorption than standard CBD.
Starting point is 00:02:17 That's wild. Get smarter CBD from NextEvo Naturals and get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more at nextevo.com slash podcast. Promo code IDK. That's N-E-X-T-E-V-O dot com slash podcast promo code IDK. Dog toys. cat toys. Are they interchangeable? Can a cat play with a dog toy?
Starting point is 00:02:51 Can a dog play with a cat toy? You might find out. And I don't know about that with Jim Jefferies. Wow. I think it would depend on the toy. I don't think so because my cats, I'm looking at Arnie's toys here on the ground, and they're a bit more robust.
Starting point is 00:03:08 They're like really tearing things. And like all the cat toys we have are very flimsy things that flip up and down. So the cat sort of, it's like a feather on a bit of string is a cat toy. And then a dog toy is like a bit of rope that you're meant to swing the dog around with. He's got some softer ones.
Starting point is 00:03:24 I think cats could do. He's got like a little stuffed animal that he loves to sleep with. I'm just saying, look, I don't look, you know, look, if a dog wants to play with a cat toy and a cat wants to play with a dog
Starting point is 00:03:35 toy, I wouldn't force the toys on them. But if that's what they want to do, that's fine with me. I'm not dispersed. And if you, you know, I just don't think parents should make their dogs play with cat toys from birth.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Maybe give it a few years. That's true. I mean, we'll talk to our expert about it, but yeah, we'll find out. That's what we're talking about today, cat toys. Oh, good, good. What about cat nip? Oh. I think that does the job.
Starting point is 00:03:56 That seems dope. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I assume the cat. Anyway, so we've got shows coming up. Go to jimjeffries.com. The Moist Toy coming to a city near you extra shows
Starting point is 00:04:06 out in Los Angeles Minneapolis San Francisco San Francisco coming up very soon New York New York so great
Starting point is 00:04:14 they named it okay what are you oh yeah real quick I have August 18th which I believe is next week
Starting point is 00:04:21 this week I don't know when this podcast is coming out I have no idea but August 18th I'll be believe is next week. This week? I don't know when this podcast is coming out. I have no idea. But August 18th, I'll be in San Diego. Is this August? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:32 Okay, so the baby's not born yet. I was about to say that he's doing well. He might be. He might have come through. He is doing well. Yeah, he's doing fine. Regardless. Jack, what do you got for us? I got a new game for us today. All right. It's a who said doing fine. Okay. Jack, what do you got for us? I got a new game for us today. All right. It's a who said it game.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Okay. So I have a list of quotes. I know these games. They always end up tragic when someone was mean to me and they said this. No, no, no, no. It's not that. List of quotes by us? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:04:58 So you guys have to determine who said the quote. Hitler or Jack's mom. We already played this one time. It was like a sheriff. Well, that was just a name, but now it's who said it. So who said the quote? Ronald Reagan or Homer Simpson? All of these are either Ronald Reagan or Homer Simpson.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Yes. Okay. Did you make these up? No, I mean, the quotes are real. Did you make this game up? I did, yeah. It took a long time to put this together. Yeah, he was calling me last night.
Starting point is 00:05:23 I need a segment for tomorrow. I have nothing. All right. Quote number one. Facts are stupid things. Ooh, facts are stupid things. Reagan. Eh, well, facts are stupid things.
Starting point is 00:05:35 That's my Reagan. I'm going to say Reagan. It's Reagan. He was trying to quote John Adams, and his quote is facts are stubborn things. I didn't say who I thought it was. Too slow. Reagan.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Right. Good pick. Good. You're right. Yeah. It's Reagan. Good job. Next.
Starting point is 00:05:51 If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. Oh, that's Homer Simpson. Yeah. That seems like. I know. I know. I can pick the time he said it. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
Starting point is 00:06:04 I'm going to wait in here to answer. It's Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson. Wow. You're so good at this. Yeah, I'm really good at this. It's true. Hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance?
Starting point is 00:06:16 Wait, are we just, that's it? Okay. Homer Simpson. Homer, yeah. It's Ronald Reagan. Wait, say the quote again. It's true. Hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance? But that was from when Ronald Reagan was playing Homer say the quote again. It's true, hard work never killed anybody,
Starting point is 00:06:26 but I figure why take the chance? But that was from when Ronald Reagan was playing Homer Simpson in a movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. All right, next. The only problem with this game, and it's fine, but there's not a lot of conversation after it. You guys need to be,
Starting point is 00:06:38 this is for you to conversate. Hey, man, that was pretty cool that Ronald Reagan said that. I don't like the trees about you, or life jackets. Yeah. Really, because I get a lot of shit during those, so it doesn't feel like they go well. Yeah, that's pretty cool that Ronald Reagan said that. I don't like the tweets about you or life hackets. Really? Because I get a lot of shit during those. So it doesn't feel like they go well. I don't know. We like them though.
Starting point is 00:06:51 We like talking shit to you, Jack. I only hear bad things about it during the time. It's called tough love. I don't know if there's any love in there. You're getting stronger every day, Jack. Next quote. This game sucks, Jack. Oh, that's a bit, man.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Yeah, sorry. See, this is why innovation is important. Jack, I like it. I thought it was a great idea. He's putting some effort. They're not all going to be winners. He said last night,
Starting point is 00:07:14 he goes, and Jim loves to do his Homer impression. So I thought he was... I can't do it right now. I've got to be able to scratch his throat. Reagan's terrible.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Not your best work. No. Yeah, you're a good impressionist, but... Oh, well. No. That's not Reagan's terrible. Not your best work. No. Yeah, you're a good impressionist, but the Reagan. Oh, well. No. That's not Reagan. Well.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Nancy, I've lost my pants here. I like jelly beans. It's not good. You do really good impressions, but Reagan's not in your repertoire. Well, tear down this wall. Well, it's Gorbachev. Say Gorbachev. Yeah. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Well, it's Gorbachev. Say Gorbachev. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Is that one of the quotes? No. That'd be an easy one. That would be a really easy one. All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk. That's Homer Simpson.
Starting point is 00:08:00 That's Reagan. It's gotta be Reagan. Next one is, guarantee you lick that cum up off the floor. That is the next one. Yes, it was Ronald Reagan. Yeah, because I'm sure It's got to be Reagan. The next one is Nancy licked that cum up off the floor. Yes, it was Ronald Reagan. Yeah, because I'm sure he's trying to justify having a nuclear. Ronald Reagan got married next door. Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Now you're letting people know where we live. But you don't know which side. Well. Yeah, you don't know which side. Well. Yeah. It's kind of down the street. It was meant to be a shotgun wedding.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Oh, like. Yeah, like what happened was you'd been dating Nancy for a while. Nancy's stomach was getting a bit bigger, and then they got married very quickly, and then all of a sudden the baby came early. Get the fuck out of here. How many kids are there? Well, he had a kid from a previous marriage,
Starting point is 00:08:43 Ronald Reagan Jr. And then I watched the documentary. I was like, why do you know that? And I think, I don't know if they had a couple more with Nancy, but yeah, with Nancy. There you go. They probably lived in the valley because they were here making movies. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:03 The Gipper. Wow. Wow. Wow. Next quote. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Homer Simpson. Reagan. I'm waiting for the answer. Homer Simpson. Yep, that's it. You're right.
Starting point is 00:09:22 That one did sound like Reagan to me. It was a little too wordy for Homer I can hear him saying I thought bankruptcy was the cool law the one that says don't worry about it I got this yeah it's Homer Reagan Homer it's close I know it's tricky
Starting point is 00:09:37 you gotta say it in Homer's voice though I don't know I've moved on to impersonating can you do Nancy Reagan I don't know. I've moved on to impersonating. Can you do Nancy Reagan? Say no to drugs. Say no to drugs. Ronnie.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Ronnie, this comes a bit tangy. That's uncanny. I don't even know what Nancy Reagan sounds like. You just heard it. She called him Ronnie all the time. And she was like this. Just say no. That's a good one. What about this one?
Starting point is 00:10:12 Who said this? I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. Yeah, that's got to be Reagan. It's got to be Reagan, but you're going to pull out Homer Simpson. No, it's Reagan, but that's a stupid-ass quote. Yeah, but I don't think Homer ever talks about the deficit. Yeah, you never know.
Starting point is 00:10:28 He's smart sometimes. No, I know. That was a bit easy. Next quote. As the Bible says, screw that. Homer Simpson. Homer. Homer.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Next one. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay. Oh, that's Homer Simpson. I don't know. I don't remember the episode. It is Homer. Yep, Homer.
Starting point is 00:10:55 So my brother would do that. Thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay. I tried it on my brother last night. He's like, it's not Homer. He would never say Paraguay. He would never say Paraguay. What? Why is your brother so anti that?
Starting point is 00:11:06 yeah yeah yeah he's not anti it that's why that was his reasoning for Reagan did you and your brother ever like get to fisty cuffs you ever punch each other?
Starting point is 00:11:16 it'd be like one punch in the arm that'd be it oh no no no me and my that's not a fight me and my brother that's what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:11:21 me and my brother we never punched in the face and then we crossed over when I was about 11 or something like that, and then it was all face. Just fucking punching. Wait, which brother? All your brothers?
Starting point is 00:11:30 Scott, no. I had dreams of beating up Danny for years because I still do. And he was bigger when you were little too, right? This is the thing is I'm the shortest out of me and my brothers. I've got two brothers. But at every stage, like I was a bigger five-year-old. I was a bigger eight-year-old. I was a bigger 10-year-old.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I was a bigger 13-year-old. And mum was always like, well, you better not pick on your little brother because he's going to be bigger than you. And then I just stopped at like 15. And then they kept growing. And then I was never bigger than Danny. And so I still have dreams of beating him up. But what I used to do is I used to find little moments.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Like, so I'd wait till he was asleep and I dropped like a dumbbell on his stomach once where he was breathing inwards. So he was winded. Fucking asshole. That's like what a snake would do. That's what they constrict. No, I wasn't doing it out of nowhere. No, but they constrict when they breathe in.
Starting point is 00:12:23 That's why it's like they can suffocate something quickly. Kelly thinks I'm an arsehole, but you've got to understand, there was a preamble before that. I get it. I get there was a reasoning for it. I was getting beaten up and I was a small bird. And then other times, I remember going up and punching him while he was asleep because Dad was waiting in the front driveway
Starting point is 00:12:42 to take me to McDonald's, right? So I punched him, got him winded while he was sleeping, then I ran out and I got in the car because I had to get away and I figured I'd be at my five-hour shift so by then he would calm down. And another one is I figured out that when he was sitting in the toilet, that if he was doing a shit, I began to realize what his movements were when he was going to be doing a shit and when he was going to do a wee. If he didn't lock the door, if he was dumb enough not to lock the door,
Starting point is 00:13:09 I would open the door and swing it as fast as I can, and that would smash into his knee, right, because his knee was just at the clip of it. Yeah. But he would wake me up every day by grabbing me by the shirt and just bouncing me up and down on the bed, like two feet above the bed. It was fucking like whiplash every day. It was horrendous.
Starting point is 00:13:24 My brother, he cracked my toes every fucking day. He was a violent cunt, he was. Well, my brother, Scott, used to pin us down and tell us that he could spit a loogie down and then suck it all the way back up. And then he couldn't suck it back up. He couldn't suck it back up. Oof. He fell.
Starting point is 00:13:41 So I'm going to beat the shit out of him someday. Me and Scott went sort of round for round, but I was a lot younger than him. But I used to beat him sometimes. Sometimes he used to beat me. But we turned to weapons. Scott would get golf clubs and stuff and, like, chase after you. And one time he smashed, like, holes in Danny's door. And then Dad decided that Scott wasn't responsible enough for a door
Starting point is 00:14:02 and took his door away. For two years he had no door. It was like the best punishment ever. And it was at the height of his masturbating. He was like 14 to 16, and he was doorless just in his room. I think our guest is here. All right. Do you have a couple more?
Starting point is 00:14:18 I have two left. All right. Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Oh, that was Homer Simpson. That's when Homer Simpson got famous. He does too many quotes. All right, last quote. A tree is a tree.
Starting point is 00:14:33 How many more do you need to look at? That's Jim Jeffries. That's me, but I'd say it's Ronald Reagan. That's Ronald Reagan. That's him opposing the expansion of the Redwood National Park. Yeah, you don't need that many trees. I thought that was too stupid to put in that Ronald Reagan said was
Starting point is 00:14:51 he said, well, I learned a lot. I went down to Latin America to find out from them and learn their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries. All right, Ronnie. Let's read some ads. We're ready for some ads and then we're going to podcast. Summer's here and the living ain't easy if you've got the swampy ass.
Starting point is 00:15:10 You don't want swampy ass. How do you stay on top of your sweaty bottom? I imagine it'd be some type of yoga pose. Try a refreshing spray from a Hello Tushy bidet. Keep your sweaty crack clean all summer long with the brand new Hello Tushy 3.0 bidet attachment. It's a stylish, eco-friendly, refreshing little shower for your ass. Hello Tushy 3.0.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Is that how it's written? Yeah. Is that how it's written? Yeah. Tushy's the best. I just like to let it go and experience it. Halo Tushy 3.0 cleans soggy butts like a champ. Like a champ.
Starting point is 00:15:49 But it doesn't stop there. It cleans itself. It does more than I do in society. Like a champ. With the new Smart Spray Automatic Self-Cleaning Nozzle. No one wants to work up a sweat and hunt 100 degrees. That's why the Halo Tushy bidet attaches to your existing toilet with no electricity or plumbing needed.
Starting point is 00:16:08 And Hello Tushy cuts toilet paper down by 80%. This can't be right. Surely you wouldn't save 80%. It says it here. 80% less toilet paper. Fuck, you know. Oh, it was 80% less toilet paper. I thought it was 80% off.
Starting point is 00:16:24 No, no, no, no, no. This isn't a discount. But it is a discount. It's a discount. Toilet paper. Fuck, you know. I thought it was 80% off. No, no, no. This isn't a discount. But it is a discount. It's a discount. Toilet paper is expensive. Toilet paper is expensive. Look, I haven't bought it in years. I send the women in my life out to get it.
Starting point is 00:16:34 But one day when I look at it, I'll go, ooh, that costs a bit too much. Plus, hello, Tushy. Got your ass covered with a 60-day risk-free guaranteed at 12-month warranty. Yes, look, I know when I said women in my life go out to get it, I'm married to the person and she does a bit more grocery shopping. Already got a Hello Tushy on the pot? Treat your ass with the new 3.0 model.
Starting point is 00:16:56 If you're new to the revolution, join millions of Happy Hello Tushy customers right now and have a clean butt with every flush. Defeat swamp ass. Go to hellotushy.com slash gym to get 10% off plus free shipping. Plus you'll also get the 80% less toilet paper. This is a special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com slash gym for 10% off. Hellotushy.com slash gym for 10% off. Hallotushy.com slash gym.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Dinner time. You know, I like it because I enjoy dinner time because I enjoy to eat. Oh, you're a dinner guy. My God, can it be chaotic. Yeah. But with Freshly, it's easy. Their chefs take care of your meals a few nights a week and take the pressure off you because there's always that.
Starting point is 00:17:50 So much pressure, yeah. You come home and they're like, what's for dinner? And you're like, I can't handle this anymore. Yeah. You look in your fridge. Freshly's going to help you out. Freshly offers chef-made, nutrition-packed, delicious meals delivered fresh to your door.
Starting point is 00:18:04 No cooking required. Ordering is easy. Visit Freshly.com and choose from over 30 delicious, satisfying, better-for-you meals like steak, peppercorn, sausage, baked penne, or their chicken pesto bowl. Freshly can fit your lifestyle and variety of plans and meals that work with your dietary needs, preferences, tastes, and your family size.
Starting point is 00:18:28 You might have a big fat family or a thin family, depending on your family size. I don't think that's what they mean. Oh, the amount of people. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, you could have a whole lot of fat people, a whole lot of thin people. And now our listeners can try Freshly for just $6, $616 per meal.
Starting point is 00:18:47 No, no, no, no. It's $6.16 a meal. But Kelly, that can't be right. No, it's, yeah. It's $616 would make sense. That's too cheap. Because it's delicious. Because the food's so good.
Starting point is 00:18:58 $616. I don't know the value of a dollar anymore, but it sounds like $616. It's a banana. How much could it cost? It's what people spend on meals, right? It couldn't be. No, no, no. but it sounds like $616 is what people spend on meals, right? It couldn't be. No, no, no. Freshly, just $616.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Just $616. How's it so good? Listen, magic. Before they change the price, stop searching the internet. Pause the podcast right now. Go to Freshly.com. Don't even listen to us anymore. You've got a new job. Stop searching the internet for healthy food near me. That takes up so much
Starting point is 00:19:31 of my day. Yeah. When your wife checks your Google searches. And start living freshly. Your meals are always delivered fresh, never frozen and are ready to heat and enjoy in just three minutes. Yeah. I enjoyed it. Like, if you don't have time but you want to eat something good, this is for you. I'm telling you. Great, great testimonial. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:53 With new meals added each week, Freshly brings convenience of chef-made, nutritionist-designed classics. Kitchen, right to your kitchen. Right now, Freshly, no one noticed. Do you have a stroke for a second? Wait, I want to give another testimonial. Stuff's really good. It's Forrest with the...
Starting point is 00:20:12 Yeah, that's it. This is a Forrest testimony. Eat it, yum yum, tummy feel good. That's a better one. Tummy feel good. I like. Easy to pass. Right now, Freshly is offering our listeners $40 for their first two orders
Starting point is 00:20:30 when you go to Freshly.com slash IDK. $40 off, but the meals are only $6.16 per week. Yeah, that's a lot of free meals. They're giving you a lot of free meals. Stop stressing about dinner. Sit down. Take a breath. Freshly's got you.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Go to freshly.com slash IDK for $40 off your first two orders. That's freshly.com slash IDK for $40 off your first two orders. Please welcome our guest today, Dr. Rebecca Simon. Hello, Dr. Simon. Thank you for being on the show. Now it's time to play. Yes, though. Yes, though. Yes, Dr. Rebecca Simon. Hello, Dr. Simon. Thank you for being on the show. Now it's time to play Yes, No. Yes, No. Yes, No.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Judging a book by its cover. Jack's back. That was much better than last week. Good to have you. Luis was fucking hopeless. That's all we need you for is to play the jingle. I thought if Jack dies of COVID, then we're really screwed. Welcome back, Jack. What do you think Dr. Simon is here to really screwed. Welcome back, Jack. All right. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:21:26 What do you think Dr. Simon is here to talk about? Lovely house, Dr. Simon. Thank you. Beautifully furnished. You have a bit of artwork there you haven't hung up yet. Probably you've got to fix that. But apart from that, lovely, lovely. Are you a medical doctor?
Starting point is 00:21:43 No. No? Okay. You're one of them. So do you ever, when you're in like a restaurant or a plane and they go, is there a doctor on board, put up your hand and go, I don't think I could be of help, but I've got the name. Do you ever do that?
Starting point is 00:21:58 You know, I honestly have never had the opportunity. I've never had someone ask for a doctor on a plane. Oh, I've been on plenty of planes where they've asked if there's a doctor on board. But you guys travel an excessive amount. I've had that happen about seven times. Oh, hell yeah. I'm going to one time just do that. Oh, philosophy.
Starting point is 00:22:15 I'm surprised they didn't do that on the movie Airplane. That's like something to do. Is there a doctor on board? And we're like, I'm a doctor of history. So are you a doctor of archaeology? No. What? Why'd you a doctor of archaeology? No. What? Why'd you give her that?
Starting point is 00:22:28 That's so specific. She could be a paleontologist like Ross Geller from this TV show, Friends. I'll give you a hint. It deals with history, her degree. Oh, your paleontology doesn't? You all mocked me. That does the history. But the history, mostly humans, I would say, right?
Starting point is 00:22:46 Yeah, do history regarding to people. Are you a doctor of history? Yes, a doctor of history. She's here to talk about the entire history of the world. Does you involve wars? Kind of. That's not a good answer. Not the major ones that you? Kind of. That's not a good answer. Not the major ones that you're thinking of.
Starting point is 00:23:09 I'll give you a hint, but I don't think this will help you. On September 19th, this is not an official holiday. Right. But do you know this one? September 19th? Okay. It's a holiday that is related to this topic on September 19th. It's not an official holiday recognized by the government.
Starting point is 00:23:25 It's one of these ones on the internet you'd see. Like, oh, today is... Oh, it's like Hamburger, National Hamburger Day. Well, it's like Talk Like Something Day. Oh, I don't know. It's a very popular Halloween costume. Yeah. Ghost?
Starting point is 00:23:41 Talk Like a Ghost Day on September 19th? She's a ghost historian. September 19th She's a ghost historian September 19th Is the annual Talk like a blank day I have no idea What you're talking about You dress up like
Starting point is 00:23:50 At Halloween A ghost He's got one Halloween costume Which Mermaid Elton John Mermaid's close
Starting point is 00:24:00 Mermaid Yeah you're getting there You're in the right area Of the world And the water. Talk like a fish. Yeah, do it. Talk like a fish.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Yeah, do it. Johnny Depp. Talk like Gilbert Grace. She has a degree in the history of Gilbert Grace. Look at her house. It's very nice down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pirates, pirates, pirates, pirates, pirates.
Starting point is 00:24:28 That's correct. I think I actually know a bit about pirates. Nice. We're talking about pirates. Dr. Rebecca Simon is a historian of piracy based in the Los Angeles area. She earned her PhD in history at King's College London in 2017, where she specialized in public executions of pirates in the British Atlantic world during the 17th and 18th century. Sorry, I just got lost in this thing.
Starting point is 00:24:53 She has appeared on the History Channel shows The Curse of Oak Island and Beyond Oak Island. Most recently, she was featured in the Netflix docuseries, The Lost Pirate Kingdom. And if you want to learn more about Dr. Rebecca Simon, you can go to her website, Rebecca-Simon.com. She's on Twitter, at Beck, I don't even know how to say it, Beckalex, I'm just going to spell it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. B-E-C-K-A-L-E-X, we'll put that up on the screen for you.
Starting point is 00:25:18 And her book, Why We Love Pirates, The Hunt for Captain Kidd and How He Changed Piracy Forever is available everywhere. And her new book coming out, Pirate Queens, The Lives of Anne Bonny and Mary Read is due out in 2022. How did Pirates, how did that happen? How did you get into that? I guess kind of a couple of ways. So when I was a kid growing up, being an LA native, I'd go to Disneyland every year.
Starting point is 00:25:41 And my favorite ride was Pirates of the Caribbean. And I love the ocean. I loved the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, saw it a few times in theaters, but it was just kind of like a very vague interest. But then in grad school, we read a book when I was doing my master's in history, we read a book called Villains of All Nations. And it was talking about how pirates were essentially viewed as terrorists. And so British authorities kind of use their own acts of terrorism against them to get rid of all pirates. And I kind authorities kind of use their own acts of terrorism against them to get rid of all pirates. And I kind of got curious. I was like, how did we go from
Starting point is 00:26:10 terrorists to Jack Sparrow? And so I decided I wanted to kind of keep exploring that because I found it so interesting. And I also just kind of like darker subjects in general, like crime, and I love the ocean. And it was just kind of a perfect way to really match all my interests. What were you going to ask Jen? No, no, no, no. I was, I, she, I didn't want her to say too much because I was getting too much information. She got it from Disney and that's the same reason that I have a doctorate in
Starting point is 00:26:38 the Matterhorn. Oh, wow. We should do an episode on that. Yeah. And an undergrad thing in teacups. An undergrad thing? Yeah. Get a thing.
Starting point is 00:26:50 All right, I'm going to ask Jim questions about pirates, and you're going to grade him on accuracy, Dr. Simon, zero through 10, 10 being the best when we're done with the questions. Kelly's going to grade him on confidence. I'm going to grade him on et cetera. We'll add all the scores together. 21 through 30, black beard. That might be an answer.
Starting point is 00:27:09 11 through 20, hipster beard. Zero through 10, There's Something in Your Beard. I like the movie Yellowbeard with Graham Chapman from Monty Python. It's not a very popular film, but it had Cheech and Chong in it. John Cleese was in it. It's worth a watch. This doesn't count towards your score. It's good fun, Yellowbeard. Okay. What is a pirate or piracy or what is a pirate? Pirate's a criminal that steals and pillages on the sea for the most part. But it doesn't always have to be on the sea because video piracy. It's just somebody who takes by getting-
Starting point is 00:27:41 We're going to be talking about the pirates that you're thinking of. Okay. They get on a boat. they get on a boat. They get on a boat. They come on. They take over your boat, and they take all the shit off your boat, and they go, I am the captain now.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Okay. That's all you have to say? Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you where pirates are from. Do you know where they're from? When did piracy start? You can say where they're from, yeah. They're from, okay.
Starting point is 00:28:01 So if you look at like Gilbert and Sutherland, they have like the musical, The Pirates of Penzance. And and down in penzance which is down in deep cornwall you have penzance and sedives and a few other places down there and they all speak with this cornish accent and that's where the and they still talk like that down there now and that's the pirate accent that we all know to this day, but we don't know it's really just an exaggerated Cornish accent. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:30 So that's where it started? That's where the stereotypical Captain Jack Sparrow pirate that we know, parrot on the shoulder, stump leg hook, that comes from Cornwall. Is that where it started, originated, I'm saying? I'm going to go shore, yeah. Okay. What is the golden age of piracy? Oh, that would have been when videos first came out, mid-'80s.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Before the FBI got involved. I'll say golden age of piracy would have been the, okay, so 1788, we had people coming off to Australia. I want to say the early 1700s. Oh, maybe the early 1600s. Can you name five famous pirates? Blackbeard. One-Eyed Willie.
Starting point is 00:29:21 From the Goonies? He's a fucking pirate. Like in real life. There were real pirates. You don't think the Goonies? It's a fucking pirate. Like in real life. There were real pirates. You don't think the Goonies is real life? Oh, okay. Okay, One-Eyed Willie. We'll put him there.
Starting point is 00:29:32 How did those kids stop those developers then? There would be a golf course there and there doesn't seem to be. Okay. Okay, three more. Yellow Beard. All the beards? Yellow Beard. Long John Silver.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Great Fried Fish. Yellowbeard A lot of beards Yellowbeard Long John Silver Great fried fish Long John Silver came from like Treasure Island or some shit He was in one of the books He wasn't just a fish guy Yeah You think that Long John Silver The fish company came before the pirate? I don't know
Starting point is 00:30:00 Evidently not And then Dave Matthews, which the band was named after. Oh, I didn't know that. What part of the world did most of the piracy take place in? Or does or did? Well, see, this is the thing. We're not going to really talk about mine.
Starting point is 00:30:18 We're not going to talk about the Captain Fox. What I'm going to say, those old ones, like, as I said, down near the south of England, all that type of stuff, and then it would be, you know, through Spain and all that type of area, like the waters in between and all that. This side of the world. But this side of the world, I'm going to think it's down in the Caribbean. The Caribbean.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Kokomo. As some of you people. Turns out Kokomo is not a real place, Forrest. Yeah. You sound foolish. It's in Indiana there. It's a real place. That's how much you know. Yeah, it's that song where they go and then the Florida keys
Starting point is 00:30:50 which they'd be very nice if we didn't make it so tacky. Do pirates have a code? If so, what is it? Yeah, pirates have a code. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. And that's what you've got to put into your keypad to get into your house. It's the pirate code.
Starting point is 00:31:06 What would they take? What would they take or steal? They would pillage. They would pillage. It was mostly gold coins and jewels and treasure is what they wanted. And then they would put their treasure away and they would write their map onto a bit of paper. And they would have that bit of paper and they'd keep that rolled up. And then I'll tell you a pirate joke.
Starting point is 00:31:29 You ready? No. So there's this pirate, right, and he's got one leg and he's got the fucking hook on his hand and he's got a patch on the eye and then, like, he's talking to this young kid who's swabbing the poop deck we'll talk more about the poop deck in a second and so so the the guy goes how did you get that stump on your leg mister and he goes oh well i was fighting i was in a big brawl where there was cannons going over the ships back and forth and a cannon blew out me leg and that's how i have the leg all right he
Starting point is 00:32:06 goes how'd you get the hand he goes i was sword fighting with a normal another pirate and he sliced me hand off and that's why i have the hook on me hand and he goes why have you got the patch over the eye he goes a bird shit on me face and i'd only had the hook for the day. Were there women pirates? Got it. Got it. Not ones that were happy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:33 There probably was female pirates. Guess you didn't pay attention to Dr. Simon's bio. Yeah, there was female pirates. In the same way that there's female rock bands. Like, we got the bangles, but primarily most rock bands are lads. But, you know, they'd be female. Here's a couple of quick questions. Did they really wear eye patches? Did they dress the way?
Starting point is 00:32:52 How did they dress? Did they wear earrings? This is the thing. Maybe one or two of them had an eye patch. I don't think the eye patch was a standard thing, but we have people who wear eye patches now. Why? Because they were missing an eye, you're saying, the pirates?
Starting point is 00:33:03 I just told you how. Okay, sorry. What about the earrings? Is that real? Yeah, they like jewelry, man. Okay, and they dress like Johnny Depp does in Pirates of the Caribbean? That's a cartoon version of it, but I reckon they did. I reckon they did. I reckon they had parrots because parrots, you don't want a dog when you're on a boat and they take up a lot of food and parrots just eat a bit of thing and they can company and they can fly off and come back and sit on your shoulder and they're low maintenance a fucking parrot what is a privateer um that's a bit on the boat for um the private
Starting point is 00:33:36 tier is where uh the good bit of the boat where you can hang out where all the hoochie mama pirates oh no one can see you okay what is the jolly roger the jolly roger was blackbeard's uh boat okay and you already told us where the accent came from you said it was south england did pirates have families it was all over the world none that they knew about am i right um are there good pirates uh this is going to be like the dark web thing again. Someone's going to tell me, oh, there's some that were actually like Robin Hood who were trying to help out. They were really good.
Starting point is 00:34:14 No, they weren't good pirates. They were fucking pirates. Leave people alone on their fucking boats and stop thinking that you're meant to be the vigilante of the world to fix everything. Fuck off, pirate. All right, last question. Did pirates really bury treasure? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Sure. Okay. I bet you there's loots all over the world from different bits of piracy. Yeah. All right, Dr. Simon, on zero to ten, how did Jim do on his knowledge of pirates? I did really well, actually. I would give about 8 out of 10.
Starting point is 00:34:47 No way. Come on, fire, man. Yeah, 8 out of 10 I think is definitely solid. It was the Snives and Penzance thing that got you, wasn't it? Sure. You took points off. No, that was a good one. That was a really good one.
Starting point is 00:35:01 You're very nice, though. The Cornwall accent I was really impressed by. Not a lot of people know that. Yeah you go i've traveled kelly i feel like an eight is probably too high so i'm gonna give him a two to even it out yeah because i feel like every once in a while he'll get like one question right that really impresses somebody like oh this is so obscure and um you didn't you didn't know a lot about the rest of it people do feel badly for you man you didn't know the Cornwall thing
Starting point is 00:35:30 none of you fucking knew that's a 10.5 I'm going to give you a minus 5 because there's something in your beard for real no I'm just kidding he looked concerned keep on keeping on that's what I always say.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Whenever I'm down, I say, it doesn't matter how many times you fall down, it's about how much hair you keep on your head. You do say that all the time. Losing your hair, it can be stressful. Take it from a person. Well, I've never lost any of my hair. No, I haven't. I've kept it with Keeps.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Keeps offers a simple, stress-free way to keep your hair. Convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months. You don't have to leave your home, but you'll want to because you'll have a lovely head of hair. Treatments start at just $10 per month, and Keeps offers generic versions. Plus, they've got discreet packaging and proven results.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Results take a couple of months. So if you act now, you can have a good head of hair by fall. Ooh, that's good. Yeah, and gets what won't be falling out your hair. Nailed it. That you improv that, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's not in there.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Should be. That you improv that, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's not in there. Should be. If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com slash idk to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash idk to get your first month free. K-E-E-P-S.com slash IDK.
Starting point is 00:37:05 We always ask this question, and this one's like, what is a pirate? And he just says, they're on your boat, they take your shit. They say, I'm the captain now. So, yeah, that's actually pretty close to it. A pirate, legally defined, was someone who would rob and murder on the high seas. Sometimes a bit ambiguous, like they'd kind of bend that meaning to fit like an agenda but that's basically the meaning and you said that they were criminals
Starting point is 00:37:32 on at steel so basically correct wait can we just jump ahead one second so are there any good pirates i just um not not really um pretty much all pirates you know they were out stealing and plundering. There were some pirates that were a lot more violent than others. You have Charles Vane or Ed Lowe who would actively torture and maim their victims. Then you had Blackbeard who would fight brilliantly, but he actually very rarely killed anybody. And then you had some pirates who were genuinely forced into it and did not want to be there. I love how, I love how you say, are there any good points?
Starting point is 00:38:07 Well, there was Blackbeard. He very rarely killed anyone. He must pick himself up at dinner parties. Very rarely killed him. A lot of pillaging. It's all relative. All right.
Starting point is 00:38:20 When did piracy start? Jim refused to tell me when it started, but he said it started in. I said the early 1600s. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay. That was the golden age of piracy start jim refused to tell me when it started but he said it started in i said the early 1600s oh you did yeah okay that was the golden age of piracy oh yeah that was going yeah well yeah when did piracy start and where was that or yeah so piracy has pretty much existed since the beginning of human history when people have been able to figure out how to sail um so there were reports in ancient history such as as in the ancient world, the Sea Peoples who came over the Mediterranean over and over and destroyed all the Mesopotamian empires. A lot of people think that they may have been some form of pirates.
Starting point is 00:38:55 There are a lot of ancient Greek sources that reference a lot of very troublesome pirates throughout the Mediterranean that are very much disrupting trade. And there are also documents that actually, of course, praise pirates who are defeating shits of their enemies. So piracy basically existed since the ancient world. The general history, I mean, general history, the golden age of piracy, Jim, you were really close to that. The early 1700s is the time period we generally think of when we think of piracy. And that's very much the golden age of piracy. But it technically started around 1670 and ends around like 1730-ish with three distinct waves of piracy. I got that right.
Starting point is 00:39:34 I said 1730. But here's one for you. So if it's larceny and like so it's stealing on the high sea, what is the benefit of that? Is it because it's international waters or something like that? Because I wouldn't be a pirate. What I would do is I'd wait till the boat came to land and I'd be like, ah, I'm a bush, right? Because they have to come into land eventually to get food and supplies and whatnot. So what is the advantage to pillaging on the high sea? I had a lot of advantages. For one,
Starting point is 00:40:03 you have kind of more diverse choice of who to rob. So it could be an English ship, Spanish, French, Portuguese, and you have a whole bunch of diverse goods that you can steal, which was really desirable because the more diverse, the more money you'll make and the more you can replenish your supplies at sea. And also pirates kind of knew all the ins and outs in the ocean. So they knew exactly where to escape, where to hide, and which ports to go where they might get more support. If they kind of hung out on land, they were much more likely to immediately get caught by authorities.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Now, the majority of pirates were eventually caught, but they did run a little bit less of a risk on the high seas just because they were able to out sail a lot of the larger ships. But mostly it was because of diverse goods they could get. of a risk on the high seas just because they were able to out sail a lot of the larger ships but mostly it was because of diverse goods they could get and also mariners very much liked being on the water people who are pirates were attracted to being on the water in general and that's where they preferred to live overall in general it's weird that's called the golden age of piracy because it makes it sound like it was like this was the good times. But it was just like it was the worst times. Right. That was like when pirates were at their most active, I guess, or something.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Or is that just considered why is it called the golden age? Or that's like the ones we remember still in gold. It was great. You know, it's a great time for pirates. But, yeah, kind of a terrible time for officials and a lot of colonists. So there's three waves. There's about 1670 when there were a lot of fighting happening between the English and the Spanish in the Caribbean over who could control different plantation islands such as Jamaica. So during this time, you have loads of political instability and a lack of enforcement for
Starting point is 00:41:38 rules for things such as piracy. So you have a lot of French privateers, or I guess this is another question later, but French privateers who were people who had kind of contracts to rob specific enemy ships, but a lot of them would kind of go rogue. And while the British and Spanish were too busy fighting each other, they were kind of stealing amongst the different plantation colonies. And then the next phase is the 1690s. And this is a period of piracy in the East Indies, like the Indian Ocean. This is where you have the pirates such as Henry Avery, who disrupted a lot of trade with the Indian Mughals and
Starting point is 00:42:17 actually disappeared. He was never caught, but his entire crew was. And then you have Captain Kidd, who murdered actually a crew member and robbed the wrong ship and was tried for piracy. And kind of this whole manhunt went after him. That was kind of recorded live in newspapers as they began to explode. And then there's a pause from like 1701-ish until 1713 during the War of Spanish Succession, when a lot of pirates were hired to work as privateers during this war that mostly took place at sea. When the war ended, privateers were now out of work, and so they went back to piracy. And this is the time period from about 1713 until about 1725-ish, where you're seeing large fleets of organized pirates, such as Blackbeard, Charles Vane, Jack Rackham, Anne Bonny, Mary
Starting point is 00:43:05 Reid, all these really infamous pirates who all operate in and outside of Nassau in the Bahamas. Wow. Wait, so privateers are just a, it's still kind of a pirate? Kind of. They're legally sanctioned. They're like mercenaries, basically. They get a contract called a letter of mark. Let's say Britain are like, look, we're fighting sanctioned. They're like mercenaries, basically. They get a contract called a letter of marque.
Starting point is 00:43:25 Let's say Britain are like, look, we're fighting the Spanish. We need you to attack Spanish ships. Here's a contract. You can only attack Spanish ships. And you're paid in whatever loot you can steal. You can keep it all for yourself and do whatever you want with it. And a lot of privateers liked this because it was actually very good pay. But then when the contract ran out, a lot of these privateers had no work.
Starting point is 00:43:46 And so they would kind of just continue, except this time on their own. And then they were pirates. They're like, that's all I know how to do, be a pirate. And so were there lady pirates? There were some. The two most famous ones were Anne Bonny and Mary Read, who actually sailed together with the pirate Jack Rackham in 1720, just for a couple of months between August and October of 1720. Anne Bonny was Jack Rackham's wife. Mary Read sailed with them. And they were known for fighting with their shirts open to expose their breasts to the victims to kind of intimidate them, swearing and fighting
Starting point is 00:44:23 louder than any of the men. But then, you know, of course they're caught after just two months, put on trial, but they both got, they were both found guilty and sentenced to be hanged. But then they got what was called a stay of execution. It was delayed because they were both, plot twist, pregnant. And then we actually don't quite know what happened to them. Mary Reid died. That's another podcast, but I'll tell you. Yeah. I just explained this to my son the other day, how these are made. I'm we actually don't quite know what happened to them mary reed died that's another podcast but i'll tell you yeah i just explained this to my son the other day how these are made i'm surprised you don't know you're a doctor um i'll tell you this though because you mentioned the pregnancy and the breasts and all that type of stuff do you know the number one porno of all time is a pirate based one from the early 2000s just a little bit of something how do you know
Starting point is 00:45:05 i didn't know that it was where's their ranking i did not know that no it was a big thing when dvds came out this sold like it's it's got uh jesse jane in it uh just put pirate based porno it'll be up there bloody it's called something um jesse jane pirates yeahates that's what it's called okay we cracked that I was like it can't be called Pirates it says pornographic
Starting point is 00:45:34 slash action two hours and nine minutes it's 2005 though yeah early 2000s yeah yeah 7.2 on IMDB 66% on Rotten Tomatoes
Starting point is 00:45:43 Jesse Jane it has a Rotten Tomatoes yeah I guess. It has Rotten Tomatoes, right? It's adapted from Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your number one porno of all time. Okay. Adapted.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Okay, I did not know that. That is funny, though. They were like, that's how they would distract them, just open up their shirts. Eh? Yeah, I had one of them cut off, and she just had a stump there. Oof. That is distracting.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Just a hook for a boob. Just a boob hook. When I was all the clothes. And then her friend had a boob hook as well, and they went to hug, and they couldn't separate. That's how Velcro was invented. All right. We've gone off the rails.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Sorry about this, Doctor. That was great I just learned something Really new Love it It'll be in the next book Yeah you didn't know That about pirates
Starting point is 00:46:32 Did you You didn't know The number one porno Was called pirates I did not know that You know But this is what's great About being a historian
Starting point is 00:46:38 You're always learning Something for a lecture For you I did mention When I was reading her bio That her next book Is Pirate Queens The Lies of Anne Bonny And Mary her bio that her next book is Pirate Queens, The Lies of Anne Bonny
Starting point is 00:46:46 and Mary Read, but you weren't there. I thought Pirate Queens. It was just like a couple of people like, I'm a pirate. Well, maybe.
Starting point is 00:46:55 And I'm fabulous. Are any of these pirates famous or real? Blackbird, One-Eyed Willie, Long John Silver, Dave Matthews, or Yellowbeard? Or Yellowbeard? The only one that's correct real blackbird one-eyed willie long john silver dave yellow beard or yellow beard um the only
Starting point is 00:47:08 one that's correct is blackbeard everybody else or dave matthews i've never encountered a pirate named dave matthews but hey it's oh he's really soft and gentle and a lot of people like him they don't know why he crashes into you a lot though. He's not a good. There you go. I don't know one Dave Matthews song. There's one called Crash. There's one called Crash. That's why. Dave Matthews is such an American fucking thing where the rest of the world are like, what are they up to over there?
Starting point is 00:47:37 There's a guy in a nondescript hat and a t-shirt who's selling at stadiums. What's going on? So, I mean, there's a lot of famous pirates or what are the ones besides Blackbeard? That's the one I always. Blackbeard's one of the most famous ones. A lot of it because of the way he looked. He literally had a very long black beard, long black hair, which very much went against the social norms of the day when men were generally clean shaven and had short hair. So he deliberately kind of went against that grain and he would put lit candles into his hair and beard during battles.
Starting point is 00:48:07 So smoke would rise from him. And then he died in battle by being beheaded. So super famous. Yellow beard wore candles in the movie, yellow beard in the last scene. Have you seen yellow beard? No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I actually, I actually, I know John Cleese a little bit, and I actually said to him, one of my favorite movies as a kid, I said, Yellow Beard's a good movie, and he looked at me like I was a moron. And he was in Yellow Beard. He was like, don't mention it again. And he's like, you like Yellow Beard?
Starting point is 00:48:38 I was like, yeah, I love Yellow Beard. Wait, but Candle's in the beard? In the hair. Yeah, there were reports of it to make it look like he was literally coming out of hell. And the reason he did this, honestly, is because pirates wanted to end battles very quickly. They wanted to get in and steal very fast and out and sail away. And that's because they didn't want to lose crew members because it would cause, you know, no one wants their crew members to die. If they did lose crew members, they take hostages and then this put them at higher risk. So Blackbeard tried to avoid
Starting point is 00:49:08 killing people as much as possible, but he was very frightening and he used this to his advantage. So this is what made him really infamous. And he only actually sailed for like a year, year and a half, but became one of the most famous pirates. And what's also funny, he actually wasn't even that successful. He didn't get that wealthy, but it was mostly his looks and his actions. Then you have Charles Vane, who was really notorious for his violence. He was known to beat people to a pulp, cut them up, maim them, no mercy. And Ed Lowe is also famous for that, but he would go beyond. He would actually cut off people's noses, ears, lips, and force them to eat them or force people to eat
Starting point is 00:49:47 candle wax as punishments. Or no, that was Sam Bellamy. Sam Bellamy did the candle wax. These all sound like alternative musicians. Ed Lowe, Sam Bellamy. These all sound like old sailors. On the coffee house on Sirius XM. Ed Lowe. NPR Tiny Desk
Starting point is 00:50:03 concert. I also like how they weren't trying to lose any crew members, so he nearly set himself on fire to do the fights. You also have Jack Rackham, who is known as Calico Jack because he liked to dress in really fancy clothing to show off. You have Anne Bonny and Mary Reid, who being women just made them automatically really famous because, oh my God, women doing this? What on earth? And and then you had Steed Bonnet who sailed with Blackbeard and I kind of have a little bit of love for Steed Bonnet because he was such a terrible pirate but
Starting point is 00:50:33 he tried so hard oh yeah like he was a rich guy who owned a plantation who decided I don't I want to just be a pirate I don't want to do this anymore abandons his wife and family buys a ship and hires people to be pirates with him. And so pirates were automatically just didn't respect him because they're like, pirates steal ships. We don't buy ships. And then he ends up teaming up with Blackbeard after he's injured in battle. And Blackbeard ultimately betrays Steve Bonnet because Blackbeard's like, Steve Bonnet's a terrible pirate and I don't want to be associated with him anymore. So I kind of have a... And then Steve Bonnet, of course, is eventually captured and publicly executed by hanging. And so yeah. So I kind of have a, and then Steve Bonnet of course is eventually captured and publicly executed by hanging. And so, yeah, so I always feel a little
Starting point is 00:51:08 bit of pity for little Steve Bonnet. Any of these people, like these sort of pirates are kind of sexy in the, in the world of, you know, Halloween and all that type of stuff. When any of these guys, good looking guys where you were like, Oh, he wasn't a, you know, I know yellow beard looked like a big scruff, but like you said, like one of them was dressed in really nice clothes and the other one was, you know what I mean? The clothes that we think of, the bandanas and the earrings and all that type of stuff, was that all bullshit? Were they like dapper guys with swords?
Starting point is 00:51:37 It really just depended. Like some pirates really like to show off wealth and power. So people like Calico Jack Rackham and other major captains. Captain Kidd for the time was probably, you know, at the very least decent looking based on some of his portraits. And this is because he had been gainfully employed as a privateer for quite some time before turning to piracy. Blackbeard was very charismatic. And it is said that he possibly had 14 wives, kind of one in every port, literally. And I think for the most part, for the most part, pirates were generally a little healthier looking than most sailors
Starting point is 00:52:10 because they were able to replenish their stores more often by robbing ships. But in general, sailors were very thin. Their skin was very weathered because of all the time and sun exposure and all the hard work. Yeah. They would, um, scurvy was always a constant risk. Pirates didn't get it as often because they could replenish stores through robbery. But I would say, you know, for the time, maybe some of the pirate captains who are more successful kind of would have been good looking.
Starting point is 00:52:36 But I would say for the most part, they all looked just very tough and very weathered. And that pirate look that we all think of, is that close? A lot of that pirate look really is inspired by the book Treasure Island. The vast majority of the image of pirates we have comes from that book. The idea of, you know, the eye patches and the peg leg and kind of the bandanas and everything like that. A lot of the imagery is there, but sailors in general did actually wear bandanas to help keep the sun off their face. They would have just kind of long flowing clothes that could withstand the weather
Starting point is 00:53:14 and also allow for more freedom of movement. They kind of would wear whatever clothes they could. Some wore wool coats as many captains did, like dress like respected captains. But for the most part, sailors wore your standard kind of flowing shirts, flowing pants, oftentimes painted with some tar to help keep the sun off of them. So that way they wouldn't get as quite as sunburned. But in terms of the eyepatch, that was, I don't really believe in the eyepatch theory that pirates wore an eyepatch they could see in the dark better when they went below deck. I don't really believe in the eye patch theory that pirates wore an eye patch they could see in the dark better when they went below deck i don't i don't think that was actually i don't know that i didn't know that was the theory yeah it's a big thing a lot of people
Starting point is 00:53:55 asked me that they were like isn't it true that pirates wore an eye patch so that way when they went below deck they had one eye adjusted to the dark there's no evidence to suggest that i don't really buy into that i think it would actually make personally, I know Mythbusters said it might, it kind of works to me. I feel like it would give me a headache, but the eye patch was actually inspired by Civil War veterans when the author of Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson, toured America after the American Civil War. And a lot of people were missing limbs and missing eyes and had to wear eye patches. And he borrowed that kind of look and used it as inspiration for Long John Silver, who is the
Starting point is 00:54:30 pirate that we all kind of think of. Every single thing we see about pirates, for the most part, is based on Long John Silver. And especially Robert Newton's portrayal of him in the 1950 film of Treasure Island, who uses his Cornwall accent to do the whole R and everything like that, which is also where we get a lot of the pirate speech. I used to work with this comedian who is a Canadian comedian who worked in England, who is a bit of a fighty sort of fellow, a bit of a pub brawly type of guy. And he always used to say, you know, you get into too many fights when he's like that. Yeah. If you're, if you're ever in a fight, he goes, what you you do is if someone goes i'll meet you at the car park he goes make sure you shut one eye on the way out so that you'll adjust to the light faster than he will and you're like you've been in
Starting point is 00:55:14 too many fights dude that you're thinking about that you're like you're like all right one eye um so eye patches what about earrings did they wear earrings because that's always a stereotypical yeah possibly um i'm sure there were plenty, a lot of pirates, you know, if they were able to steal some sort of wealth in that sense, like, yeah, they'd like to show it off because it kind of showed off their own success. And it was in a way it would also intimidate victims because they're like, oh, God, you know, these pirates are all, you know, have all these adornments. It means they've been very successful. And if you were successful in a fight and able to steal someone's jewelry of some sense, yeah, you're going to want to wear it as a
Starting point is 00:55:51 token. So yeah, earrings, some pirates were known to wear them, particularly people like Jack Rackham and Blackbeard who loved to dress up. Steed Bonnet was known as the gentleman pirate because he was also quite wealthy and educated and had lots of adornments. So yeah, I don't think it was uncommon. So the Cornwall accent thing, was that just because of that one person like you mentioned, or were there a lot of pirates from there? There were a lot of pirates from Cornwall. Yes. Cornwall has a very substantial piece of pirate history, but I think the Cornwall accent kind of to exaggerate also very much kind of depicts kind of an idea of a very working class, kind of hardened, but adventurous individual to kind of really play a stereotype of these kind of, you know, working class, but tough Englishmen who'd be on the sea. And that was, it could easily kind of represent the way they sounded, very distinctive, kind of like intimidating, also kind of amusing, very memorable.
Starting point is 00:56:47 When the reality is pirates on ships were for, were from all different backgrounds, English, American colonists, colonialists. Was there ever an Australian? Was there like, I know we weren't really discovered till 1788, white colonization of Australia. I'm not positive about Australian pirates, but since Australia was colonized in the later 1780s,
Starting point is 00:57:09 I think possibly there would have been Australian pirates with Pacific pirates and going into the 1800s. That's kind of outside my area of specialty though. So I don't know any specifics, but I think Captain Cook was considered to be a pirate to many different types of people because he kind of went in colonizing or at least exploring places like hawaii and then australia when he wasn't really ordered to do so so he would get in trouble for that so i think that's kind of for me that's like the one person that comes to my mind i'd like to have an australian pirate give us your
Starting point is 00:57:42 boat cunt you know what I mean? What the fuck are you doing? Get off your fucking boat and give us your fucking boat. You're doing my head in, man. Do pirates have a code? If so, what is it? Jim said yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. Yo-ho-ho.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Were they singing all the fucking time? There were pirates. You know, all sailors would sing. It was a form of entertainment on ship. You know, sea shanties and pirates did too. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum is from Treasure Island. And Disney is what put it to that popular tune with the ride in the 1950s. But in terms of a pirate code, it's debated.
Starting point is 00:58:24 There are some who say no, and there are some who say yes. Ed Lowe was said to have had a list of pirate codes, also known as articles, which were kind of agreements that pirates had to sign to be on a pirate ship. And there are many, many reports of people who are captured and forced to sign these articles, which would make them an official pirate. And these articles listed out rules that were kind of basic, you know, for to keep order on a ship. I before E except before C. Kind of like, you know, here's how we distribute the goods that we steal, kind of evenly distribute them. No gambling, no drinking on Edlo's ship just to maintain order and prevent that sort of chaos.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Don't snap your guns in the holds. Don't light matches down in the holds because it could ignite gunpowder. Don't bring no women on board ships to prevent those sorts of complications. And there were several different pirates who were said to have very similar articles to this. So yeah, a code of rules did exist. The one a lot of people think of is from the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, Curse of the Black Pearl, where there's the code that says
Starting point is 00:59:30 he who falls behind is left behind. That was not a pirate code, but I think that was some maritime mythology that was used for the actual film itself. I was actually going to ask, is the Pirates of the Caribbean series, is that based on a real story or a real character, or is that just all made up stuff? Not as far as I know. I think it's pretty much made up.
Starting point is 00:59:54 It is inspired by Treasure Island because the Pirates of the Caribbean ride was very much based on that book in some ways. Jack Sparrow is an invention for the film. There was a pirate captain named Captain Barbarossa. And so that might have been sort of an inspiration for Captain Barbossa, even though the name's a bit different. But they do include lots of realistic elements, at least in the first film, which is the one I really enjoy because they include lots of maritime lore, maritime suspicions, such as, you know, women are bad luck on ships. That was a big superstition about how they were hanging around Port Royal, Jamaica. That was a pirate stronghold until 1692 when an earthquake destroyed a lot of Port Royal and then the Royal Navy swoops in, which we do see in the Pirates of the Caribbean film, how the Navy operates out of Port Royal
Starting point is 01:00:44 and it's quite a civilized place, but there are some pirates coming in like Jack Sparrow to dock. So yeah, I think they included lots of really good elements, but it wasn't based on any one in particular. Who is Davy Jones? Davy Jones is again, maritime superstition, kind of a figure representing being drowned and kind of sinking to the bottom of the sea. And so they refer to the bottom of the ocean as Davy Jones's locker. No one quite knows where
Starting point is 01:01:12 the name Davy Jones comes from. Some think it might have a Dutch origin to it. I forget exactly what that origin is. But it was really the name used for the bottom of the ocean. And what would they take? Jim said gold coins, treasure. Sometimes ships would take gold coins and things like jewels. If they found that on ships, usually if they found something like that on ships, it was not a great amount.
Starting point is 01:01:37 There was one case of a Spanish ship that crashed off the coast of Florida with thousands of gold coins and pirates. I forget the name of the ship. It might have been, I want to say Urca de Lima, but I don't know if that's just from the show Black Sails or not. When I was a kid, they were looking for treasure on this thing called the Atosha in the Keys, and Mel Fisher, and they found all these silver coins. It might have been around there.
Starting point is 01:01:59 I'm really terrible with ship names and things like that. But for the most part, though, they were after goods that they could sell. So things like textiles, really fine cotton and silks. They were very much after rum and sugar and really expensive wines like Portuguese Madeira wine. And sometimes they would also take enslaved people off of ships and sell those as commodity. So anything that they could sell and
Starting point is 01:02:25 get wealthy and also goods to just simply replenish their own stores, medicines, supplies, and that sort of thing. But a lot of pirates didn't really take very much mass quantities of gold. If they were lucky, they would find a few hundred pounds or maybe like a thousand pieces of eight, which was Jamaican currency. But not as much as we think. Gold and jewels would actually weigh down a ship and slow things down. And the word treasure in the 1700s actually just meant valuable.
Starting point is 01:02:53 Very different meaning than what we think of today. That wouldn't be as good a movie if they were like fighting. They're like, I've got the cotton. And then they just jump over to the... Look at the silk. All right. What is the jolly roger jim says blackbeard's boat no so the jolly roger is the black flag with the skull and crossbones that is real um and they
Starting point is 01:03:18 very first one i think was said to have been designed by Ed Lowe, but it's very debated. Perhaps also Bartholomew Roberts, another pirate. And the first one is a picture of a devil holding a trident, and there's a heart with a bloody arrow going through it. And that was printed on usually either on black fabric or red fabric. And that was the original Jolly Roger. Again, we're not quite sure where the name comes from. Some people think it comes from the French Jolie Rouge, but we're not quite sure. But pirates were known to raise what they referred to as the black flag for the most part, but the skull and crossbows. And that's how people knew that a pirate was
Starting point is 01:03:55 about to attack them. Blackbeard's ship was called the Queen Anne's Revenge. How did they get, you were saying that a lot of these crews like were caught. How did they get caught? I mean, I assume at the time there probably weren't authorities on the sea. So is it always just coming into port? So a few different ways. So it was a little complicated because pirates couldn't be captured on land because there were two legal powers. There was one for land and then there was the Admiralty Court, which was in charge of enforcing everything on the water, the ocean, different seas, lakes, streams, rivers, etc.
Starting point is 01:04:32 And they were specifically charged to go after pirates in the 1700s. And so they would try to capture pirates in battle, like a large Navy ship or a large ship called a man, a war. They would also try to corner pirates in certain off the coast of certain keys, such as Jack Rackham was captured just off the coast of Jamaica at Negril point in battle. So it was usually that they would get caught in battle, usually because they lost a fight, they were overpowered, or honestly, sometimes something as simple as a stupid mistake, such as just getting too drunk to fight back. There was a case of a pirate ship where all the pirates stole a load of wine. They drank it all. They got drunk, passed out, crashed onto some rocks just off the coast of, I want to say the Carolinas or maybe Virginia. And then they woke
Starting point is 01:05:23 up and found themselves arrested by members of the Admiralty. So lots of different ways. Okay. We've answered all these other questions. The last one was did pirates really bury treasure? So that I think is the greatest myth of all of piracy. And that's what they want you to believe. They buried treasure. It's just that you haven't found it, man. We get the idea of buried treasure, again, from Treasure Island.
Starting point is 01:05:50 Oh, Treasure Island. Smart book. It is. It is. It's funny. I was asked to consult on something a few years ago, and my response to everything was Treasure Island. And at one point, one of them got annoyed and said, all she's going to say is Treasure Island. I was like, well, yeah. So that's where we get kind of the idea.
Starting point is 01:06:08 But the reason why people think there's buried treasure is because the pirate Captain his friend, who was the governor of both New York and Massachusetts, saying, I've got thousands of dollars, thousands of pounds worth of gold and jewels that I buried off the coast of New York on Gardner's Island. He wrote one single letter describing this. Somehow, people got wind of it. People went to look and found nothing. So people have been searching for Captain's Kids lost treasure for centuries but it's never ever been found um the most recent discovery was a shipwreck off the coast of madagascar where he did stop for a while and they said they found silver bars um called ingots with captain kids seal stamped on them and i was like no that's not true he had no seal and he didn't still steal any silver that was quite the ride we just went on but the thing is pirates had no reason to bury treasure they want they
Starting point is 01:07:10 mostly sailed near the coasts of different islands around the caribbean and up and down the north american coast or off the coast of africa or near india they weren't really sailing out on the massive high seas for the most part um so they had no reason to really stop and bury anything. They would get on land and they would sell it as fast as they can. So if someone ever finds buried treasure, I'll be the first to change my mind. But until then, no. I wouldn't be telling you.
Starting point is 01:07:39 This is a part of our show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our guests to give our listeners something obscure, interesting that they can use to impress people that they, when they're talking about pirates. All right. God, I just had something and then I just forgot it so much. Um, so there's a couple little things that I always kind of like to tell. I mean, the one I just gave away is the buried treasure thing.
Starting point is 01:08:02 No buried treasure. But, um, there was a pirate named Bartholomew Roberts, who is said to be, who isn't very well known. Like some people have heard of him. He's also referred to as Black Bart. He commanded fleets of thousands of ships, and he ended up being probably the wealthiest pirate who ever lived. And in fact, one of the wealthiest people in history. In today's currency, he amassed several billion dollars worth of money and goods. But yet we don't know quite as much about him because I don't think he engaged
Starting point is 01:08:34 in very many amounts of battles and he also sailed for a short amount of time. But there's another pirate who comes later that I am really fascinated by off the coast of China named Madame Cheng from the 1800s. And she and her husband actually co-ruled a fleet of hundreds, maybe even a thousand ships. He died and then she ruled herself. She was captain of all these ships.
Starting point is 01:09:00 She had very strict rules. She allowed women to sail. If men were caught either abusing them or raping them, they were thrown overboard automatically. And she amassed, she terrorized all of the ships coming out of China, all their trading ships. And it got to the point where Chinese authorities just couldn't do anything to stop her. So they actually paid her to retire. Yes, they paid her. So she decided to take the money and she retired from piracy.
Starting point is 01:09:31 And then she went and opened up a series of brothels in China and lived out happily for the rest of her life. I think I've been in one of those. Do we have any idea what the payment was? I don't know what the actual payment was. It had to have been massive. Yeah, I think it was, but I'm not quite sure. Thank you, doctor, for being on the show.
Starting point is 01:09:50 Let me just say, website is Rebecca-Simon.com. B-E-C-K-A-L-E-X on Twitter, Becca Lex. And Why We Love Pirates, The Hunt for Captain Kidd and How He Changed the Piracy Forever. Look for that everywhere. Thank you very much for being on the show. Yeah, thank you. You're welcome.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for being on. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a party and someone says there's no female pirates go, well, I don't know about that. And then walk away. Good night, Australia.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.