I Don't Know About That - Pregnancy with Heidi Murkoff

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

In this episode, the team discusses pregnancy with author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", Heidi Murkoff.Follow Heidi on social media (@heidimurkoff) or go to her website at www.whattoexpect.comYou can also listen to her podcast "What to Expect" or download the What to Expec app on the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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On I Don't Know About That With Jim Jefferies I don't know I assume they weren't invented by a guy called Mask I'm going to guess now, yeah I assume What's a COVID mask? It's these ones.

This one. This one. I got to thank Whitney Cummings for this mask. She invited me over to her home and she had some autumn. Did she make those? Well, no, they were just sitting on the table. Were you supposed to take it? I don't know, but I've got it.

Those are her personal masks. It was like five or six of them. Me and my wife have been rocking around in the COVID pumpkin masks. That's been our big thing. You just outed yourself from stealing from her house. We just gave her a plug. Listen to Whitney Cummings' podcast. I've been on it a couple of times.

She's a lovely person. Listen to Whitney. There you go. It's a nice mask. It's a lovely person. Listen to Whitney. There you go. It's a nice mask. It's a lovely mask. Got room for a nose. Oh. Yeah, but that's what all masks have.

No, but this one's like really, this is fine craftsmanship. I'm telling you. It looks nice. It's like a tailored mask. I want to give a shout out to my friend Sam Morrell. Sam Morrell's got a new special coming out. What's it called, Forrest? He recorded all of them on a rooftop during COVID's already out it's on youtube he's a machine i don't i don't know if i've ever met a comedian who writes more

prolifically than sam morel i couldn't because he came out with a special in like may or something that was fantastic and then he had posted recently that he was coming out with a new one and i assumed he meant months down the road. And then it released last week. And I was like, what the hell? He's one of my favorites. He's so consistently good. He was featured in The Joker. He had a set in The Joker.

He had a set in The Joker. I just watched that. By the way, it's called Up on the Roof. And you can go to samoril.com. It's S-A-M-M-O-R-R-I-L.com. He's really funny. Trust me. If you like my comedy, he's better.

Sam was one of the first comics that I met when I came to America and I was doing a weekend at Caroline's and he was opening for me and we partied that weekend and we got along really well. Every time I'm in New York, I try to see Sam. And one time I was playing at my first big theatre show and it was either at the Beacon Theatre or it could have been Carnegie Hall, right? And it was my first big show in New York. And also Carnegie Hall was like a big moment for me.

It's not the biggest room. It's only like 2,800 seats, right, which is still very big, but the name Carnegie Hall, like this type of stuff. So I ring Sam up and I go, hey, Sam, can you come down to support me at Carnegie Hall? And he goes, sure, Jim. Yeah, I can do that if you like. Now, I didn't know that in Britain our opening acts are called support acts.

That's not the name. That's not the name in America. Yeah, you just say opening. They're called opening acts or open for you. The rest of the world, we call them support acts. He thought that I was ringing him up because I just needed a friend.

And he's like, sure, buddy. I'll come and support you. I'll laugh loud from the wings. He shows up at the gig and I'm like, are you nervous? You're doing so good. And he's like, why would I be nervous? What are you going on in five minutes? That's amazing.

He thought that I was an emotional wreck. That's amazing. So it's free of the special. It's on YouTube. It's called Up on the Roof and Sam Moran. And he's really funny. And you should check it out. So go check that out.

What segment do we got today, Jack? Comment World. Comment World. Give it to us. So go check that out. What segment do we got today, Jack? Comment World. Comment World. Give it to us. Oh, new song today. Hmm. Well, some people have opinions. Some people have the facts.

Some people listen to Jim Jeffries on I Don't Know About That. Some people think they know shit, whether they do or don't know about that some people think they know shit whether they do or don't some people write us emails and we read them on the show welcome to comment world it's good to

have you back welcome to comment world where listeners talk smack welcome to comment world now let's all listen to Welcome to Comet World, where listeners talk smack. Welcome to Comet World, now let's all listen to Jack. Can you hack it, Jack? I love that one, too. I didn't know Luis could write songs. That was lovely.

Your voice is fantastic. Is this the one I forwarded to? It is. It's by Michael Rostec. Yeah. Thank you, Michael. Our listeners are very talented. Very talented.

Dude, I had two versions of this on my computer, and for some reason, I had the other one I credited to Monty Rosebuff, and I don't know where I would have ever come up with that name. That's one of your Alabama sheriffs or fucking NASCAR driver names. Comet World. Comet World. Welcome to Comet World. world jack we got some reviews oh this one five stars the title is brilliant period first line poor jack line break i now

know why force is a stumpy grumpy bloke he's got east block blood curwa i don't know what that means i don't know i don't know that? I don't know if he's stumpy and grumpy. He's never the two at once. He's either one or the other. Croatian? Because I said I was Croatian or Yugoslavian.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's probably it. I'm wearing the grumpy hat today. You're a Croat, eh? You're a Croat. Croat. Croat. There's a lot of Croatians

in Australia. Yeah, Amos. Oh, yeah. Amos Gill's a Croatian. Yeah, yeah. We've talked about it. There's a club down in Long Beach that. Yeah, Amos. Oh, yeah, Amos Gill's a Croatian. Yeah, we've talked about it. There's a club down in Long Beach that he went to that I was supposed to go to with him where he ate sauerkraut and watched.

He ate pierogies and talked about how your football jersey looks like a tablecloth. It goes on, Kelly is astounding. I'm sure Jim said it once, that the best sounding voices are attached to some pretty ugly people. Kelly clearly is the exception to that rule. I don't know. I don't know if a voice is that great.

I hate my voice. No, you have a lovely radio voice. Oh, really? Thanks. Well, so wait, are you calling me ugly or a bad voice? No, no. I think you're attractive. Well, you're right.

I'm going to get in trouble. We'll just move on. Just move on. This company has no HR, Kelly. Yeah, that's right. So be careful. You don't have to worry about me being offended about Kelly. Yeah, that's right. So be careful. You don't have to worry about me being offended about things. I'm the person you have to report to.

Yeah. I think of anything, I'm the biggest sexual harasser out of anybody here. That's why I make it sit so far away. And that's why Forrest is always grumpy. It goes on to say, you're not too bad either, Jim. Keep it up, team. Thank you very much for five stars. We have a lot of people letting us know where they're listening from.

We have a lot of interesting ones. We got Latvia. Latvia, that's not a real place, is it? I don't think so. Yeah, it is. I just checked. Watching from a tier two city in India. Oh, some Indian people.

That's good. That's good to have you. There's only fucking a billion of you. We've got one listener. We got one from Malmo. We cracked that market. That's good. That's good to have you. There's only fucking a billion of you. We've got one listener. We've got one from Malmo. We cracked that market. It's baby steps. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got to talk about cricket any day now. There's got to be an episode on cricket. We all know there's got to be. There definitely will be an episode on cricket. Yeah, I know a bit about cricket. There will be, yeah. Malmo, Sweden? Malmo?

Yeah, Malmo. Yeah, it's the ski resort. Mm-hmm. I don't know. You've got one. I don't know. We have an Iranian grad student in Canada listening. Really?

Oh, okay. We have someone from Pennsylvania and they go Biden. No, someone from Pennsylvania. What? What? This is as exciting as the Indian fella. From Goa, India. Goa?

There are a few pyramid schemes here.biz i don't know yeah uh dutch greetings from holland the netherlands yeah we've talked about the netherlands some people got pissed at you about your description of holland i'll get to it in a second i've heard that everyone's very angry at me in australia because i got the tax years wrong oh yeah i'm sorry guess you haven't been back i haven't lived there for 20 years and when I did live there I didn't pay much tax I was 20 years old

you know what I mean they also say the school year's changed too nah the school year's nah nah nah January to December they're fucking wrong there they're wrong there

they haven't changed the bloody school year in Australia we got someone from Israel yeah we got someone from you're just naming cities. What is this?

What is this, Chuck? How lazy are you with this comment world? Well, there's... We got... Okay, someone's listening from Nairobi, Kenya. What did they say? We got somebody with a Q in their name. Did they leave a comment?

A lot of them just say, listening from here. And that was the comment you choose to pick? Yeah. Because I think it's interesting. We're getting listeners from all these interesting places around the world. It's an international podcast. That is so American that you think that, oh, these are different countries. Here's what you do.

Next time you go, we've got listeners from ba-ba-ba-bing-bung-bing-bing listed. Look, okay, I was listing them off, and you guys all had interesting things about each location I was naming. No, no, no. Jack's upset. You're baiting me to be racist. I know what you're doing. You're going to say a country, and I'll go,

let me tell you about those people. All right, last one, Turkey. We've upset Jack. Oh, yeah, the bloody Turks. Bloody Turks. We're not going to forget Gallipoli, what you did to our Australian soldiers in Gallipoli. That was a travesty.

Thank you for the bread. Here's what the person from the Netherlands said. They said, dear Jim, your comment about the Netherlands and Holland in the previous episode made me boar for a bit. Ah, boar. We brought back boar. Holland is one of the two Holland provinces. The Netherlands is the country.

We don't call your country Dakota either, do we? Keep up the great work and lots of love. Oh, what? So Holland is a state or a province inside the Netherlands? Holland is a region within the Netherlands. Well, I did not know about that, which is a different name. That's the other podcast I'm going to do. I did not know about that.

But I do now. People like your glasses. Oh, thanks. Jim giving Brian Henderson vibes with the glasses. Brian Henderson. There we go. Brian Henderson was the newsreader in Australia. He was our Walter Cronkite.

Cronkite? Cronkite. Cronkite. Cronkite. That sounds like a racist lurk. I'm still blown away by the Holland thing. All these Cronkites coming over here. I'm still looking at the Holland thing. That was amazing to me.

Western coast of the Netherlands. We never knew that. What's the other part called i don't know that's the rest unimportant other areas uh someone says with the glasses i can't tell which is jim and which is forest oh you got a grumpy head there you go you got a grumpy head croatian yeah yeah our glasses are similar they're very similar no not at all mine are blue and oh right yeah because people can tell that on camera. They're much smaller. No. I'm about to get some new ones, so you just wait and see what I get. I'm about to eat.

Yeah, he's going to go all Diamond or Every Jelton John on us. I'll wear my glasses next week. I might get some big old, you know, some, what is that guy, Harry Carey? Harry Carey glasses. Okay. Let's get some more runs. I'll tell you. How does that guy have a job in anything?

He's dead. He was great. I knew he did. He was like, and then he'd sing, take me out of the ball game. Well, he was a good baseball announcer. Yeah. That was his job. I don't know what you thought his job was.

I want to get some glasses like Vin Scully. I don't know what ones he wears, but I assume at 96 or whatever he has them. And I got myself my first glasses when I was in a brothel in Nairobi. I'm going to look them up. Yeah, but they don't define him like Harry Caray. Vin Scully never went to a brothel in Nairobi. I'm sorry to the Scully family. They'll have great names based on Harry Carey, Vin Scully.

It's never just like George Smith. There are no pictures of Vin Scully in glasses. Even like Joe Buck. Who's called Joe Buck? I did his podcast. He was all right, Joe Buck. Oh, really? It's funny with him because he's where all sports fans can come together

because people just hate him for some reason. I like Joe Buck. Why do people hate him? I don't know. Because he does everything and people aren't happy when you succeed in this world. They want to bring you down. Oh, he thinks he knows about hockey and baseball and football. I love Joe Buck.

Vince Scully. Bob Euchre. Bob Euchre's the guy out of Major League. Yeah, but the Brewers too. Yeah, he's still with the Brewers. Harry Carey. Phil Rizzuto. He's dead now. He used to be for the Yankees. guy out of Major League. Yeah, with the Brewers too. Yeah, he's still with the Brewers. Harry Carey. Phil Rizzuto. He's dead now.

He used to be for the Yankees. He used to have commercials. I'm Phil Rizzuto. Is that the Rizzuto from Billy Madison where he has to draw cursive on the board? And they're like, Rirudo? The big one in Australia for cricket was a guy called Richie Beno. Richie Beno. Beno.

Richie Beno, he's dead now. He played for Australia and he was very good. Beno. Benno. Richie Benno. Benno. Richie Benno, he's dead now. He played for Australia and he was very good. Benno. He got in trouble for saying a word that's acceptable in Australia but not acceptable in Britain. Oh, I know. I don't want to say it. I know what you're talking about.

It's like before you move. It's a short – Before you move, you have to – I can say it. Okay, so the word Pakistanis, Australia plays cricket against Pakistan and we say the word Paki

in the same way that you would say Aussie. Right. It's just a abbreviation. It's not offensive. It's not meant to be offensive. But the word in England is their N-word.

It's a big word in Britain because there's a lot of South Asian people and all that type of stuff. I think more importantly, how does it go over in Pakistan? Also, it's not South Asia. Well, I think in Australia, there's no problem.

It's not said with any bad intent. No, I know. But I'm just saying, yeah. But we would go, and the Pakis are coming out on the pitch now. We would say it. It makes sense that it's not bad intent in Australia because that's how you say every word. You go, bikies. Everything's in East.

It sounds like you're just saying it like you're an Australian. Like, oh, the bikies are here. Yeah. But in England, it's very... My wife is half Indian, so I don't say it around the house, obviously. I've learned to not say that word anymore. I've given up my Australian-ness of saying that word.

Because she's half Indian? Well, I lived in Britain for 10 years, so I learned very quickly in the first three days when I said the word. So she's a... Even though India and Pakistan traditionally don't get along. Yeah, no, no, but the word is for all people of that region. Got it. That's why it's

a racist slur because it's not just for the pakistanis it's for all indians and everything you can check with kamal nanjiani he's pakistani so i look i don't say the word anymore i'm just saying check with people i used to say the word i don't say the word i've traveled to all my pakistani friends I'm sorry. Going off of offensive words, you called Western Australians sand gropers? Correctamundo. Correctamundo.

This comment gave me all the other regions of Australia's nicknames. Yeah. It said Queenslanders were referred to as banana benders. Banana benders. Yeah, banana benders. That's also the name of my gay nightclub in West Hollywood. Banana benders banana benders yeah banana benders that's also the name of uh my gay nightclub in west olivia the banana benders new south welshmen were referred to as corn stalks no it's a lot of bullshit victorians were referred to as gum suckers tasmanians were referred to as jam eaters no no inbreds we call them south australians were referred to as crow eaters and of course western

australians were sand grop. I'm not sure how historically true this one is but it's been said that Northern Territorians are referred to as dust eaters. No bullshit. These names are fact. Yeah, no.

They sound all factual but I'm not sure. I don't know about the gum one. Why is Victoria? That's Melbourne, right? Gum eaters? Because of the gum trees. Gum suckers.

Gum trees or something. They'd be gum suckers. But I never heard that one about the New South Wales people. I never heard that one about the New South Wales people. I never heard that one. But the Sydneysiders. I'm a Sydneysider. You don't have a mean name?

Oh, the Sydney Rapists. Oh, wow. That one I think I can figure out the history for. That one's stuck. We were called that for years and years and years until they took it away from us. Kelly, there are two people who commented that say they're also descended from John Alden and Priscilla Mullen. Oh, what's up, family?

That's Scott Zabinski. Yeah, my brother's a big commenter. He's been waiting to get on CommentPool. Oh, he commented twice. Interesting. People were saying that your version of Baby Shark, which is Stillborn Shark, is still stuck in their heads. Oh, well, it's better than stuck in your womb. Stillborn Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark,

Stillborn Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Stillborn Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark, Shark's from, we did the recap. It was last week. I was like, yeah. If someone can make an actual recording of Stillborn Shark and fill in all the blanks in the lyrics and send it to us. Yeah, we'll split it 50-50 with you. It will be played on the episode. Someone said they should call the day after Thanksgiving Diarrhea Day. I don't know what they're eating. Yeah, I don't get diarrhea from Thanksgiving food.

It's a clogger day, if anything. There's not a lot of diarrhea. It's clogging you up, that meal. There's not a lot of fiber. Yeah, it's a pretty dense meal. Then someone said, Forrest, Brazil definitely doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. They did a lot of ha-ha-ha-ha-has.

Think about me. You fucking loser. Think about all the great Brazilian comedians throughout time. I said that. He was always joking around Pele. You never shut him up. I got a goal. Ha ha ha ha ha.

It says it was though, but I don't know. It doesn't matter. Ronaldinho. Ha ha ha't matter. Ron Aldino. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Get a goal. Ha, ha. It's a celibate gratitude to God.

Fete. Oh, there's a Thanksgiving in Brazil? He's saying there's not. This article says Thanksgiving in Brazil. It's on the internet, and it says iloveindia.com, and it's about Brazil. Hello. I don't want to alarm everybody

in this room. Rudy Giuliani's website. I don't want to alarm everybody in this room, but I feel like this segment is going nowhere and we should start the show. Oh, yeah. Okay. Is there a big one you want to drop on us or are we ready to take a break for some ads and then start? I guess there's two short ones.

Someone somehow noticed that Metallica was opening for ACDC on that ticket back there. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's somebody suing in on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That pitch is full of knowledge and coming and coming right now. And then people want us to vlog or record us driving to Arizona.

Oh, yeah. I saw some comments about that, too. Do you want to come to Arizona with us, Cole? I do maybe you will you can come if you want oh really we can go to space in the car we're having an airbnb if you want to hang for two days i might i think my room has bunk beds although i'm supposed to be like really locking down my my bubble before the holidays but i'll no no but the bubble won't it It still is this bubble. Yeah, that's true. It's still this bubble. I will definitely consider it. We're going to play golf one day, so you can just hang out and drink and play golf or play golf with us. You just ride around in a cart and just drink.

I'm pretty good at hitting a golf ball. I haven't done the whole course thing, but driving range. Well, maybe we'll do that. Maybe we'll record that, and then maybe we'd probably put that on the Patreon or something like that. Yeah. Okay, cool. Let's take a break for some ads. Still born.

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Blue Chew is better, cheaper choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast. And remember, when you support our sponsors, you help make this podcast possible. So please be sure to use the promo code Jim at Bluetooth.com. Okay, now it's time to introduce our guest. Please welcome to the show, Heidi Murkoff. Hello, Heidi.

Hey, how are you doing? Thank you for coming on the show. I'm doing well. Are you doing well? I am. Oh, good, good. Okay, so I don't know anything about Heidi, but I recognize Heidi. Yes, though. Yes, though. I recognize Heidi. Yes, though.

Yes, though. Yes, though. Yes, though. We have a song. Judging a book by its cover. All right. Okay, so judging a book by its cover. Now, Heidi has, she obviously has a child because she has child artwork behind her

or someone with a very small hand that makes pictures for her. because she has child artwork behind her or someone with a very small hand that makes pictures for her. I noticed behind you, you have a picture with a very tall lady as well who I believe is Michelle Obama. So you've met important people. There's another picture behind you of another... Wait, wait, wait. Is that Michelle Obama?

No, the other side. The other side of Heidi. Oh, that's Michelle Obama. That's Michelle Obama. She snuggled up to Michelle Obama there No, the other side. The other side of Heidi. Oh, that's Michelle Obama. Oh, that's Michelle Obama. She snuggled up to Michelle Obama there. That's Barack Obama. That's Barack Obama. Are you the Obama's child?

She's Malia. You know what? I am way too short to be an Obama child. Oh, okay. 5'1". I think they were 5'1 when maybe they were 10. Lucky for you, you're also too short to be a a child. Oh, okay. Five one. Five one. I think they were five one when maybe they were ten. Lucky for you, you're also too short to be a Trump child. Okay, so you've got the see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

Ask her some questions. No, I'm judging books and covers. Now, at risk of sounding silly, heidi's very good looking so i'm going to say that heidi you're an actress you've been an actress no in junior high in junior high all right we're onto something all right so i'll do i'll do this sleazy compliment so four years ago um that's so long ago that actually they used to, now they call it middle school, but back then they called it junior high.

Don't get me started on this middle school and sophomores and freshmen and all that. I still don't get it. I've lived in this country for 12 years. I have no idea what's going on. I put my kid in a school from K to 12. I don't have to worry about all these middle school things. I said, what's the most simple one for me to understand kindergarten to year 12 all right i've got it um okay so uh do

um do okay so you hang out with presidents you hug presidents wives um so no in i have to point out i hug everyone i am an equal opportunity hugger. Oh, so you're the mass spreader. You're the one who brought COVID to America. You know what? I feel like I actually once met, the first time I met Tom Frieden, who ran the CDC for a while, everybody said, don't hug him, don't hug him, no matter what you do, don't hug him, because't hug him because germs and whatnot. And they knew I was a hugger. But I went into

hug and hugging, I believe, is a lot less germ infested than handshaking. Well, I think that's probably true. Yeah. When I was hanging out with Howie Mandel for the first time, he wouldn't shake my hand. And I thought, well, this is awkward after sex. Guess what? You always shake someone's hand afterwards. Yeah, great job. My gynecologist is Howie Mandel.

Is he? There's a gynecologist, an OBGYN. Does he go, open the box and let me see what's in there? $200,000. Deal or no deal? Okay. His name is Howie Mandel. I'm sure there's never a joke that he makes about that.

That's why he puts the gloves on. Howie Mandel just gave me my annual pap smear. Shout out to Howie Mandel, the pap smearest. He examined my breasts. Because he's getting cancelled. The funny thing is he's an ear, nose and throat doctor.

Okay. Do you want some clues? Do you work in politics? On the side, I advocate. Okay, I need some clues. I've got no idea here um let's say i advocate for maternal health maternal health yeah that's a big clue advocate for maternal health you you have experience with this peripherally proliferally so it's something it's something to do with women but to do with a woman that i know has had something

so it's is it is do you deal with medicine you medical it's something that you have experience with but you're not you but someone you're close are you childbirth there you go you're an expert in childbirth pregnancy pregnancy and babies and babies of course yeah pregnancy and baby let me introduce heidi heidi murkoff is the author of what to expect when you're expecting we all know that book she's a big star that's the big one yeah in the pregnancy well that's the big one over 40 million copies in print published in 40 languages and it's the longest running book in the history of the new york times bestseller list other books in the series include What to Expect Before You're Expecting, What to Expect the First

Year, and her newest book, which just came out this fall, Eating Well When You're Expecting. What's that? There's a theme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The branding is strong. Creator of whattoexpect.com and whattoex to expect the app and you can find her on social media at heidi murkoff that's h-e-i-d-i-m-u-r-k-o-f-f and she's taking a break on twitter but answers every question on instagram and facebook do you write a book for men called that's not what i expected um and one more thing she also has a podcast. I bet you're never going to guess what it's called, Jim. Expect the podcast. What to Expect podcast produced by iHeartRadio.

So thanks for coming on the show, Heidi. Thanks, Heidi. All right. So you want me to tell you everything I know about babies? Well, pregnancy. We're going to talk about pregnancy. Small people. I mean, babies are going to be in there,

but we're going to talk about actual pregnancy. All right. Yeah, I've done this. So we're going to talk about actual pregnancy. All right, all right. Yeah, I've done this. So we're going to ask Jim everything he knows about pregnancy, and we're going to give him some questions and help him along. And then you're going to grade him on accuracy, ID 0 through 10, 10's the best, Kelly on confidence, and me on et cetera. I'll be gentle.

Please don't. Yeah. All right. Are you ready, Jim? I am. How does someone get pregnant? Through intercourse. The semen shoots out of the man's penis,

and it swims up through the vaginal canal, and then only one of the millions of sperm that gets shot out, I think it's millions, right, has to get in the egg, and then that gets in the egg and then it grows yeah over time and it takes about eight to nine months okay eight to nine you that you just reminded me of something on our call with height with our call with heidi yesterday you said what you were the first person to do something it's closer to nine months on tv yes um speaking of penises we were right yeah i said semen shoots out of a penis i wasn't really on the penis that's what i was in i was in the realm of penises i'm glad you weren't on the

penis um it's a family show but i was actually the first person to say penis on national television yeah pretty good pretty impressive yeah and what show what show is that? Good morning, America. I was on with Joan Lunden back in 1990. And she, we're, you know, it was, it wasn't like I did. It was not random. It was in context, like we were talking about sex during pregnancy. And I, I felt like that was the appropriate word to use. But when I got off the set, everybody was like, oh my God, you said penis.

Yeah, they were expecting you to say cock, right? And I said, what did you want me to call it, Mr. Johnson? Ding dong. What was the available words before that? It was like Johnson or a thing. Unit. Or a dong. I don't say ding dong.

I just say dong. Yeah. I do say dong a lot. There was a word in the late 80s in Australia, tockley, which I thought was a real good one. It was from Picture Magazine where men would send in pictures of their tockleys. Yeah, you used tockley on here.

We were trying to debate how do we subtitle this? What is this word? We had to do all this Googling. What the hell is a tockley? All right. We're going to keep going with the questions and when we're trying to debate how do we subtitle this what is this word we had to do all this googling what the hell is a talkly all right um we're gonna keep going with the questions and when we're done when we're done with them all we'll come back we'll come back to pain we'll get the correct answers so um we didn't we weren't quite sure if you would get all the things correct about how someone gets pregnant so kelly's prepared some fill in the blank just a couple of fill in the you gotta answer the fill in. Okay, so I'll say the whole sentence.

About two weeks after a woman has her period, she ovulates and her blank releases one mature blank. Her uterus produces an egg. Okay. The egg can be fertilized for 12 to 24 hours after it's released as it travels down the blank toward the uterus. Fallopian tubes. Wow. Holy shit. Mr. Gynecologist over here.

How are we going to tell that you? If an egg meets up with a sperm cell that has made its way into the fallopian tube, it combines into one cell, a process that's known as fertilization or blank. Fertilization or immunization. Not immunization, that's the wrong word. What's the word?

Fertilization or... You get pregnant and you don't get COVID. Infestation. I mean, it might not be the word I'm looking for, but it could be correct. It's a nation. Okay, here's could be correct. It's a nation. Okay. Here's some more questions.

What does a woman's body have to do in order to become pregnant? Be able to stand a man for two minutes. Two minutes. They need to get a wide on, and then the wide on makes it more open for the penile. I can't get over the fact that you call it a wide on and then the wide on makes it more open for the the penal i can't get over the fact it calls when women get aroused a white on that's it anyway so they what do you mean what their body need to do their body needs to be giving of the penis all right so it's all up to the man got it yeah uh i think that checks out can you get

better to give than to receive or what do you think yeah um better to give than uh yeah but you don't want to give them too many you don't want to get cocky yeah um well that's the point probably probably that'd have to be really bad at blowjobs to get pregnant because otherwise otherwise i'll just finish up there. Can you get pregnant from pre-ejaculate? Yes. Yeah? Yeah, they always tell you that in school.

Okay. I don't know why. It was a math class. Where does the egg get fertilized? In the uterus. Uterus. Yeah. Okay.

And then what is a fertilized egg called um uh mini baby micro baby i like micro baby micro baby you got a micro baby in it um uh the baby is carried inside the mother's blank. Here's another blank one. We could have put the... Uterus. Okay. The answer's always uterus. How do doctors determine the due date?

From the size of the sonogram, when they look at it, they can sort of tell, and they also can map it from the day that they missed their period. I'm shocked you didn't say count the rings around something. That's an answer you like, yeah. Pregnancy is split up into phases. Like, what are the phases called? Grumpy, sleepy, and hungry. That's probably accurate.

How many phases in this three? No, they're in trimesters. And so tri meaning three. I would say there's three um no they're in trimesters and so try meaning three i would say there's three phases okay and how long is the average pregnancy uh it's closer to nine months nine well the average because then you get people who have still not stillborns um premature babies and then you so i'll give it eight months with with with for the average but it a lot of women go close to nine okay and what are some typical side effects of the first trimester of pregnancy vomiting um uh complaining if i remember rightly um me doing everything me doing everything wrong. What's that, Heidi? Your server is complaining.

Yeah, there's a bit from both sides. There's a lot of yelling, you did this to me. The sentence, we can't afford this. Okay. What things are generally not safe to do while pregnant? You shouldn't drink alcohol. You shouldn't smoke cigarettes. You should stay away

from uh raw fish and shellfish um you should also limit you don't have to take it out completely but limit your caffeine intake uh boxing you should give up your boxing career um i'm gonna go as far as all contact sports so write these down rugby rugby got it ice hockey these are all bad whilst pregnant um cocaine heroin yeah we got it i don't know if marijuana is bad i don't know but i i know that i know that when you first get pregnant because because women like like the baby doesn't attach it's still floating around it doesn't attach for a matter of weeks or maybe two weeks or something like that because whenever like like i've spoken to different women i know who've gotten pregnant and also my ex who got pregnant it's like when the doctor goes you're pregnant and you go i've been drinking for weeks and they go it's all. It doesn't matter because it's not attached yet. Did that happen to you, Heidi?

That was me. Six weeks of drinking. And then you go, I better stop that now. You put away your mirror and your razor blade and move on. The funny thing was everything tasted like shit. The alcohol tasted terrible, but I was still drinking it. And then I found out I was pregnant. My ex said that she said that when she drank alcohol,

because she had like maybe two glasses of wine as well while she was pregnant, just like, you know, whatever. And she said she couldn't even taste it. It tasted just like poison. So your body obviously knows to reject that when you're pregnant. But she had a craving for donuts, which was off. And I've never seen her eat a donut since or before. She went fucking crazy for donuts. And she would lie about her donuts.

And I never got into her. I never got into her. She'd be on set. We were doing legit. She'd be on set. And she'd have a plate of donuts, like nine donuts. And she goes, I got these for everyone. And we're like, the craft service is over there.

We don't need you to deliver them five feet to this couch for everyone. And then at gas stations, we were touring Europe, she would hide in the bathroom and eat like two Krispy Kremes and then bring another two Krispy Kremes back to the vehicle to say that she got these. And I had another friend who his wife's kink was, well, her craving was she wanted to lick red bricks. Huh?

And they had like a... Yeah. That actually is a sign of a nutritional deficiency called pica. So if you have a craving for something that's not a food, like some women crave mud tar laundry detergent that means you're low on iron most likely so check with your doctor well i think the baby was had about seven years ago i hope it's doing well too late for that one um okay a couple more questions and we'll uh we'll get red brick but you know the funny thing about red brick when i say

red brick you've never licked one, but you know what it tastes like, right? Yeah. You have an idea what that taste is. Yeah. And I can see how someone could crave it. And even different from a brown brick. It would have a bit more-

I don't know if I can differentiate color. Cherry flavor. Not cherry flavor, but that gritty concrete-y smell with rock and all that type of stuff. But yeah. Brick. Yeah, and good English bricks. They're from England, but yeah. But, yeah. Brick. Yeah, good English bricks. They're from England, but, yeah.

Ah, here we go. Can't have those American bricks. No. Filled with too many carbs and preservatives. Yeah, too much sugar and there's trans fats in your American bricks. Okay, a couple more questions here. What's the amniotic sac? That's the thing that goes around the baby,

and it comes out with the placenta. What's the placenta? The placenta is all nutrients and blood and goop, and there's some chunks in there of different things. And there's some people who eat it afterwards because they say it's packed with nutrition. I know a friend of a friend who made a lasagna placenta lasagna placenta lasagna just for themselves or do they serve it they

the mother thought it was i had another friend who kept on showing me videos of his wife giving birth like and then people come out i've got the birth here and we're like what the fuck are you doing man okay but you can't say this disgusts me because you gotta go oh it's beautiful whatever but it's like and one time she was sitting i saw it like four times and i just was like yeah i get it man i get it that's so bizarre all right two more questions there when is a c-section necessary well um my son was born by a c-section because he did not turn around. Not turn around. They tried and tried and tried to turn him around,

and he was going at feet first, which is a more dangerous, not impossible birth, but a far more dangerous birth. And at what week are you considered overdue? Okay, so eight times four times by eight. Eight times four. I'm going to say like week 42. 42, okay. All right.

How are you doing, Heidi? On a scale of zero to ten, ten's the best. How do you think Jim did on his knowledge of pregnancy? I mean, there were times when he shined i'm not gonna lie thanks times when so close just so close but not quite there quite at it but i would say seven and a half seven and a half all Seven and a half. All right. All right. That's two and a bit trimesters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grade it on that curve.

All right. I thought you were very confident and you sounded competent. Yeah, Kelly does confidence. I'm going to give you an eight. Eight on confidence. I do et cetera. So right now you're. I'm going to say eight and a half then

she thought she thought it was more knowledgeable than confident well yeah trust me sometimes his confidence is a 10 but his actual knowledge is a two you know it just all balances out yeah yeah so i do etc and you're at 16 and a half right now so we don't want you to be prematurely born. So I'm going to add 25. All right. Just make sure you're somewhere. I'm a teenage baby. Yeah. Well, no, but I think you're 41 and a half weeks, so you're a little late maybe.

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My son may have been conceived on mushrooms. As you said... He's not like he's a crack baby. I'm just saying there may have been mushrooms. It's over the period of pregnancy if you're using drugs or if you're drinking. Like, if you quit drinking, if you didn't realize you were, obviously if you're planning for pregnancy, my first pregnancy was a complete oops, like didn't see that coming. So I guess I should have, but if you're planning for pregnancy,

give up alcohol ahead of time, but you were actually, you were really good on the caffeine because you don't have to give it up. Well, if someone wants to get pregnant, what, how do they do it? You were really good on the caffeine because you don't have to give it up. Yeah. It's cool. There you go. Well, if someone wants to get pregnant, how do they do it, Heidi? Well, should I draw you a picture? Yeah. Yeah, you can use your fingers.

You can use your fingers. Yeah. Thumb, wow. Usually I do this on cocktail napkins, but we can't, you know, obviously bars are not open. she's saying cock she's all over it you can get pregnant anytime anywhere um but you have certain days of the month when you are more likely to become pregnant um the egg lasts 20 12 to 24 hours so the sperm on the other hand they can hang around and wait for the egg for up to

five, six days. No one told me that. What? What? I didn't know about that. Wait, you know, you were talking about weed. And the thing about weed is that sperm who are impacted by THC become slacker sperm. So they start out with a bang and then they kind of like, they fizzle, they start looking at the couch and, you know, they're kind of like. Do they stick around for longer than six days? No, I'm saying they don't get to their destination.

Oh, okay. They just walk it up the vaginal canal. They're just like the creepy dudes at the bar waiting for the one hot girl to show up. They're like, hey, man, there's a big egg over there, okay. They just walk it up the vaginal canal. The sperm are just like the creepy dudes at the bar waiting for the one hot girl to show up. They're like, hey, man, there's a big egg over there, man. Go talk to her. You think she'd talk to me, man? So you're saying the sperm can wait around five or six days,

so if the egg was not ready to be fertilized, but the sperm happened maybe like five days before. Exactly. So your best, because you're once you ovulate, fertilized, but the sperm happened maybe like five days before. Yeah, exactly. So your best because you're you're once you ovulate, you only have a short time period, the egg is going to be gone in 12 to 24 hours. So you want to have sex. Well, you want to have sex, hopefully before you ovulate and on the day

of ovulation, but if you do it like two days after ovulation, not likely. Okay. I've never understood this. My wife says this and other women I've dated over the years have all said, oh, I'm ovulating today. What is the feeling? Is there a different feeling going on? You can track your cycle.

I know, but they sort of like. different feeling going on you can track your cycle i know but they said it like is it you can't i mean actually if you want to get up close and personal you can check your cervical mucus i'm just saying because when you're ovulating your cervical mucus is stretchy it's like um egg white so you can right right right stick your hands in there and play with the mucus and see if you're likely to get pregnant. It's like egg white. Is it white? And that's because that's more hospitable.

It's not white, is it? It's not white. No, it's not white. So that was probably me then. And you might have a crampy feeling in your lower back or your lower abdomen when you're ovulating. And so, okay, so it's only one egg a month, right? And if it's twin, the eggs split?

Well, so here's the thing. If it's fraternal twins, that means two eggs fertilized. So that would mean you'd have to release two eggs right if you are having my husband's an identical twin and i i just call him a freak of nature because that that just means one egg splits after it's fertilized yeah okay okay and so when somebody releases two eggs in a month that's just like by chance that's just kind of a freak thing it but it's by chance it's by genetic predisposition and it's also by age so if you're older than 35 you're more likely to release more than one egg oh they're having

clearance sale everything must go and that's why withinro, they put so many eggs up there at once, and that's why they get common to get triplets and stuff within vitro, where it's very uncommon to get triplets normally, right? Well, it can happen, but actually they're not doing as many implantations of multiple embryos anymore because of the risks of having twins and triplets. So they'll generally just put one fertilized. Yeah, I know a couple of people who had triplets. I have egg donation twins.

You have from your eggs? Mm-hmm. And are they genetically your children? Yep. Wow. They're like 11 or 12 years old now. Do you ever think about that, seeing them or something? I've met them.

Have you? Yeah. Are they tall as fuck? I haven't seen them since they were probably four or five. Okay, so they're normal height. But they were definitely tall kids. Yeah, man. That's cool.

Anyway, moving on. Does that bum you out if you don't mind me asking? No, not at all. I made sure I was psychologically prepared for the idea of having kids out there before I did it. Right, right, right. Okay. But now you have to be very careful when you have a child. I don't want kids.

You go, there's certain children around town you can't shake. I'm a cougar. I'm writing two names down for you. You're not allowed to date. Well, one's a boy, one's a girl, so that already narrows it down. You don't know what's happening. Your kid's drinking a mic. All right. Well, one's a boy, one's a girl, so that already narrows it down. You don't know what technique you're catching, Mike. All right.

Kelly asked, let's go over the multiple choice or the fill in the blank questions. How did Jim do there? What did he say? Kelly? Oh, sorry. You said, after two weeks, a woman has her period. She ovulates in her uterus, releases one mature egg. It's ovaries release one mature egg.

Oh, ovaries. They're the useless bloody things ovaries i'll tell you what i'll tell you what i i could live to be fucking a hundred god made those things all wrong about about 50 percent of women i meet have got cysts on their ovaries they're all getting fucking cysts on them they're just not a functional organ they're not doing a good job the ovaries overhaul them redesign the whole bloody thing you wouldn't be here without your mother's ovaries come on oh yeah they wouldn't have been a bloody good looking ovary i'll tell you i'll tell you my mother would have had some shabby looking ovaries well my my mother had uh

needed corrective surgery to have she had her uterus was like a figure eight it was twisted right so she had to have corrective surgery to have my brother right and then my brother's seven years older and then the doctor said look it's a bit of a car wreck down there after the surgery and the child if you're going to have another one do it quick right so she had my next brother right and then she went to get her tubes tied and the doctor said don't worry about it this thing's a fucking disaster this is doctor speak they go they go this thing's done this is Australia bedtime Australian doctors they go your bloody womb shot like so they go they

go you're never having another kid again and then four years later out i come i'm a miracle your birth from a train wreck so she had to have corrective surgery to have the first one there was no chance this goes against your point this is means ovaries are amazing okay and i want to tell tell some other horror stories that i haven't told about my childhood sorry heidi okay my mother was desperate for a daughter she had two sons my mother was desperate for a daughter. She had two sons. My mother was desperate for a daughter. When I was born and a penis came out, right, along with me, I was attached to it, right? When I was born and she saw the penis, she went into instant depression, right?

And she did not hold me for the first two weeks of my life. Did not hold me. And then after that it didn't unwrap the blanket to see the penis for a little while and there's reports that she used to dress me like a girl and take me down to the shopping center so i've got a lot of problems this explains so much no she was i think the christening dress was uh was a big one for her yeah christening dress was a big one she she wanted The christening dress was a big one. She wanted me to get christened so I could wear a dress.

But then my mum went mad and started collecting dolls. There was porcelain fucking dolls everywhere. And to this day, if I meet someone, it could be a Victoria's Secret model. Before I was married, I was like, if I went over to her house and she collected more than one doll, I'm fucking out. I'm not doing that. That's crazy time

doll collectors are bloody and she had doll collecting friends and they were all fucking nutso as well she had friends she went to doll collecting conventions and and traded dolls before the internet we had to drive miles to go to a doll fair oh christ this This is why Jim doesn't like ovaries. Yeah. Anyway, no, to get back to you. I get it. She had the corrective surgery to the figure eight. That's a thing, right? I'm not talking rubbish. No, I mean. Yeah, the figure eight, they have to twist it. She had a twisted ovary, a uterus. That's a thing. There you go. And the ovaries at the top. Are you asking Heidi? Is that a thing? Yeah, she said it's a thing. The ovaries at the top like this. Are you asking Heidi? Is that a thing?

Yeah, she said it's a thing. The ovaries at the top and the uterus is there and it looks like a cow's head when you look at it straight on in a picture where men's penises are always flaccid with one testicle. Like whenever you go to school and they give you that chart, you get the side on of the penis and you get the front on of the uterus. Yeah, you don't want the front on of the penis. Yeah. No, no, no.

That looks hideous. Death perception. You got this one right. The egg can be fertilized for 12 to 24 hours after it's released as it travels down the fallopian tubes

toward the uterus. Here's one. The fallopian tubes, who are they named after? Heidi, do you know? Bob Fallopian. No, I don't. Oh. I looked this up. Forrest and I were on the phone talking about this and I was like, it better not be named after a man. Bob Fallopian. No, I don't.

Forrest and I were on the phone talking about this, and I was like, it better not be named after a man. And I said, you know it's a man. All right, so they're named after a Catholic priest and anatomist known Gabriel Fallopio. Why did the priest, was he a doctor as well? He was an anatomist. I keep saying that word. He studied anatomy, and he has three parts named after him.

He has the fallopian tubes, which is like, you know, and then the fallopian canal, which is like a nerve canal kind of thing, and then the fallopian ligament, which is in the groin as well. You wouldn't believe what my grandpa clitoris was named. He named a few things. Femur. The leg was named after him. Fingers.

Because he was a legend. All right. I think Jim got the next one wrong. Yes. If an egg meets up with a sperm cell that has made its way into the fallopian tube, it combines into one cell, a process that's known as fertilization, or as you said infestation which not technically wrong but conception is the word we were looking for conceptions

but it is technically an infestation i know the word conception they named that after a madonna album yeah they did um insemination maybe that's where you were thinking insemination it was a non you were trying to say insemination i thought yeah yeah um heidi can can you get pregnant from pre-ejaculate no yes everyone knows that that's the bad one but that's the bad one that's sneaky it's sneaky it only takes one right Right. Yeah. One. Nice swim. Good swimmers. When is an egg fertilized?

When an egg is fertilized, what is this called? You said micro baby. Right, micro baby. It'd be called the, it'd be called the, God, what are they? Fetus. Not yet. No, first it's abort? Fetus. Not yet. No, first it's a pesto, then it's a blastocyte. Then it's an embryo.

Oh, embryo. I always thought the word fetus was too close to the word feces. Because I get those mixed up and you shouldn't. Under the Trump administration, they actually stopped allowing the word fetus to be used at the cdc so why because they just call it baby now so that they can be anti-abortion and and talk about killing babies when they're not considered another word that i've mixed up over the years is incense and incest yeah bad bad i i have walked into rooms going this place sure smells like incest are those churches that you're just just i used to live with a guy jason whitehead who's

been on the other show and it opens up for me a comic i used to live with and he was a bit hippie used to have dreadlocks and he was always burning incest and Incest. Incest. He said it again. You know, I was constantly getting it wrong. Oh, yeah. Buddy, my roommate's up there with his incest. He's like, I did have sex with my sister, but I thought we cleaned it up. I put some incense there to get rid of the smell of incest.

He's Canadian. That makes more sense now that I did that. Ed is a stoner all works out so it sort of went over the but what does a woman's body have to do in order to become pregnant or how does it get ready to be pregnant uh jim says be able to stand a man for two minutes um and have to be really bad at blowjobs i mean it can be more or less yeah it can be can be more. Look, back in the day, I was at 30 seconds, and now you'd be lucky if I came. There's no middle ground. I had about five days where I could time it perfectly,

where I was just like, oh, I've got control of this now. One thing you need to know, though, is that it's only once a day performances if you're trying to get pregnant. Don't do it more than once a day because the troops need a chance to, you know. So having sex several times with your partner to try to get them pregnant doesn't work, just once a day? Once a day is the best. But can you have a wank before?

No. No, okay. So if you don't want to get pregnant, have sex multiple times a day is the best. But can you have a wank before? No. No, okay. So if you don't want to get pregnant and have sex multiple times a day. Then I'm questioning whether my child's mine or not. Of course you can get pregnant even if you've had a wank or had sex a few times a day. But your odds are better if it's once a day. Right, right, right.

Got it. Okay. What if you save up your sperm for like three or four days is that even better or does it is does it have a maximum power rating it honestly it doesn't matter but you do want to have sex every day during that fertile period so you can save it up ahead of time if you feel like it. But is that beneficial? Is like five-day-old sperm like the good stuff, like wine? Well, sperm is made fresh daily anyway, so.

Oh, it's made fresh daily. Well, what happens if – It's a bakery. I think you'll like the sperm. It's a November 23rd. Yeah. Swish a little bit around in your mouth. November 23rd. Swish a little bit around in your mouth. It's got an asparagus flavor.

It's got some legs. I've left sperm in my balls for so long sometimes that it already has arms and legs. It comes out crawling around. It's like that fish crawling out of the water. Yeah. The first bit of evolution.

Well, sperm can live outside of the body, right? Well, yeah. So there you go. It has to live outside the body. Right. So you've got little... How long does it live outside the body, sperm? If I just...

Like, let's say it falls in a magazine or whatever. A computer screen. How long does it live? Is it crawling around the computer screen? I honestly don't know. You should put them in an aquarium or something and see what happens. Try to write a book about that. What to expect when you're a sperm.

What? All I know is I don't want to touch your computer screen. Yeah, definitely don't. A friend of mine, there's a comic. I can't remember. I apologize for the comic's name in Britain. I'm trying to remember who it is, but there's a comic that does a joke. I won't say it.

But the joke is you guys have got a screensaver. It's just a bit of cling film. I don't even know if this is right, actually, because I don't know. Where does the egg get fertilized? I think this is wrong. Jim said the uterus. Doesn't it get fertilized somewhere else or no in the uterus in the full queen's weeks then it goes to the uterus oh okay it's all but it's all this is the thing

about the female reproductive organs it sounds like you're gonna be very supportive yeah and all the vagina as well stop naming it so many parts just call it the hole in the bucket right you've got the bucket where the things are, the hole is where the things go in. I need to know about vulvas and tubes and clitorises. Did you say vulvos? Yeah, vulvas or whatever. I've got to know about all the different things.

There's too many parts working for it. The penis, you just go cock and balls. The penis also has a bunch of different technical names. I know, but I don't know them. I don't know the names. I just think all medicine should be symbolized. Symbolized? Yeah.

Simplified? Symbolized. You've got a sore head, you've got a headache, you go brain hurt. What's wrong with headache? Yeah, headache is exactly what you're doing. That one wasn't a good one. Angina can be called,

angina is a heart attack, isn't it? Heart attack's a good, clear one. I know what's going on, your heart's attacking you. Seems like they've got it under control. Pregnancy is split up into phases. Jim said grumpy, sleepy, and hungry. I'm pretty sure that was wrong, Heidi. I know hungry is not one of the dwarfs.

Heidi, what are the phases? I'm hungry in the first trimester. So actually, you're grumpy. You can be grumpy throughout. What's emotional and crying a lot, though? It feels like the emotions are very high and they they start crying at like adverts on tv where some grandpa gets a scratchy ticket from the next door neighbor left under his doorstep and they start crying i do that not

pregnant yeah it's like pms on on steroids it's really amped up yeah mood swings are definitely real right and and what is the purpose what is the biological purpose of that are they trying to push the man away out of the house or what's going on there there could be something to that i don't know you know the thing is that males also go through hormonal changes during pregnancy I don't know if you were aware of that. No. So you might also be moody. You experience a surge in estrogen and a drop in testosterone. It's not enough to grow breasts or anything, but it is enough so that you can experience some pregnancy-like symptoms. This is a serious question.

If I have a heightened estrogen and a drop in testosterone do i keep more hair during the pregnancy because testosterone is the thing pushing it all out yeah i'm glad this is what you got from this she's like i'm just pregnant i'm just saying i've tried everything with my hair i'll just have a girl constantly pregnant soon. Yeah, I'm going to have to look into that. But, yeah, you could have cravings. You could have nausea. You could have mood swings all due to not just sympathy but also to those hormones.

You know my favorite thing? My favorite thing hands down when my ex was pregnant, my favorite thing hands down was you always have a designated driver i love that i was getting wasted the whole time and then the pregnant supportive partner pregnant would drive you home that was bloody brilliant sister the pregnant i loved her so much the pregnant would drive me home i get fucking wasted jim's like i'm keeping my hair. I got a designated driver. She's miserable. So the men, I think that's really interesting. Men experience hormonal changes as well,

even if they're not aware of them experiencing it. It's happening. Yeah, and it actually happens throughout the animal kingdom. Not calling you an animal. No, no, we're all animals. Well, yeah, animals, because it's nature's way of bringing out the nurture in the male of the species.

So that's why they experience the drop in testosterone, which is the aggressive hormone. And also you might experience a drop in libido. You might, you might not. It's not required. Does this happen to all men that are around the pregnant woman or does the man know that it's his baby or does it just have to be conceived? Yeah, it's a biological.

Right. But it's not like, you know how like if there's women who nurse a baby, they'll start lactating, you know what I mean? Even if it's not their baby, if they're nursing it all the time, not always, but that can happen, right? They let down the reflex and they start dripping yeah yeah that's that's the one um do you think men lactate no no we don't no we don't we don't try to trick me up with a stupid question like that

we can get we can get breast cancer yes yeah really yeah we can get breast cancer we can get we can get breast cancer yes really yeah we can get breast cancer we can get lumps yeah i had a lump under one of my nipples and i had to check but i didn't know i know that we can get breast cancer because what was that there was a talk show i think it was ronda i don't remember what it was named but my friend and i were in new york city and we got really high and we thought we'd go to one of these talk shows like we're like usually they just have like trashy people and they yelled each other and we sat down in the audience, they separated us two, we did not know the topic, and then she goes, today's a serious episode, it's about breast cancer.

And we were like, motherfucker. You wanted to see Trailer Park Crash punching each other. Yeah, we wanted to see people punching each other, and we just sat there, and then she kept saying, and men can get breast cancer, that was the whole thing. And we were one of only four men in the thing, so they don't look at us like oh we're like we're really high how you doing really um okay so uh and uh sex so jim the libido you mentioned that sex during pregnancy this is just something i i find pregnant women to be quite sexy.

I don't go there in the porn world because I think that's a baby in there. Poor thing. But I think there's some primeval thing in me. Whenever I'm on stage and there's a woman in the front row who's pregnant, I'm always like, oh, she's all right. Bloody hell, I can't. My brain always fakes. And I think it's because I'm a child.

I think my brain's going like this. Oh, she definitely fucks. She doesn't use a condom or nothing. She's well up for it. I assume because men's biological instinct is to find somebody who's fertile. So you see somebody who's pregnant and that's confirmation of that. Why women are more attractive, their features are more attractive when they're ovulating. And how is their features more attractive?

What, their breasts enlarge? Well, they're just, there's something about them that becomes more attractive. It's like a glow. Really? Oh, I never. What about when a woman's pregnant? That's what I meant before Jim talked about

that he wants to fuck pregnant women. I was like, how do women... Don't do it. I I've only had sex with one pregnant woman in my whole life. How about women, though, during pregnancy? How is sex for women in pregnancy and is it safe? Every woman in every pregnancy is different. But what what happens during early pregnancies, there's a lot of blood flow down to where the embryo is getting all situated. So that blood flow can be experienced as everything gets all tingly. Like I was, we got to the point where Eric, my husband, ran screaming from the room every time he saw me because he knew I wanted it again.

Not again, not again, not again. Yeah, I don't want to be rude, Heidi, but there's something wrong with that, Eric. Who runs away from you, Heidi? Bloody hell. Eric, I hope he even checked out. Does he have an assistant who's always around? The thing is, for some women, you know, you're throwing up. I didn't get sick. So you're throwing up. You're like so tired. And the other thing is your breasts are getting huge.

You might have noticed when your wife was pregnant. Yeah. And they look amazing, but they hurt like a mother. Yeah, you can't touch the bloody things and they look good. What a cruel trick that is. It's like being in a museum. Look at these fantastic things. Don't touch them. No flash photography.

And then afterwards, they still hurt afterwards when they're lactating and stuff like that. They still have a thing. With the babies, with the milk, right? I was, maybe this isn't your part of the deal. I was only bottle fed. I was never breastfed because they reckon in like 1977 that the formula was better and so do we just have a generation of people born in my year that are complete fucking idiots because we missed out on some nutrient or something

no oh good no there was a whole generation that wasn't breastfed um i happened to have been but um and i breastfed both my kids but my my daughter couldn't breastfeed. I happened to have been, and I breastfed both my kids. But my daughter couldn't breastfeed, and her kids are amazing. It's very sweet, the breast milk. It's like sugary, I remember. It's natural. When you were a kid, you remember?

No, I remember. Everyone tastes it when you have the baby. I taste it. You know what I mean? She was always freezing it and pumping it. It was always in a little cup. I wasn't sucking up on the breast or anything, but it's in a little cup on the bench you tell me you're not gonna drink it of course i wouldn't even feel weird to me if you did that's her

and we used to freeze it and then like if he if he got sick or something like when he was two we had some still left in the freezer and it seemed to like clear him straight up if you had a little cold or something cares a lot of things like infant acne, cradle cap. But, yeah, when a baby's teething, if you put some – like a breast milk sickle and you put it in a little feeder and they can suck on it, then it's super soothing. Yeah, I just saw something recently in this group I'm in on Facebook. Somebody was saying that their kid had pink eye,

and then somebody's like, oh, use breast milk on it, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, what the fuck? It's like a miracle cure for everything. Yeah, breast milk works. It's crazy. By the way, they just remind me, I forget about this one. I've had sex with a pregnant woman before.

I do not have a kid, just to be clear. But I had a friend in college and she got pregnant and then the guy just wasn't in the picture and he had left the town or whatever. And she called me one day. It was Miami, by the way. No, no. That matters.

He acts like there's one village and no other man in the town would step up. No, no, no. It was Ithaca, New York. It was when I went to college. Oh, okay. Ithaca. It was a much smaller city. But no, I was friends with her.

And then she just called me and said, I'm really horny. Will you come have sex with me? And I was like, in college, I was like, sure. I'll have sex with a pregnant girl. Wow, that woman must have been in a real desperate need. Yeah. Twice. We had sex twice.

But it was like she was – it was not very central at all. She was just using me as a tool, basically. She was like, get over. She was like, all right, get out. I was like, all right, see you later so heidi is is that common having having sex with someone who's pregnant that you don't know that just you just know if the guy's out of the picture and you just go i know a bloke he'll have sex with me i mean i wouldn't recommend that because there's always a chance of sexually transmitted infections.

And that can be very bad. Like chlamydia and something why a woman's pregnant can be horrendous, right? What are you guys trying to say? I'm just saying I would have picked someone else. I'm just saying. But no, the being horny part is, yeah, that's real. And in fact, some women have orgasms for the first time or have more than one for the first time.

Sometimes it can be to the point where you can never actually feel satisfied, like you feel full. That's the blood, the excess blood. You feel like you just can't make it fully. Now, what would Darwin say? Because what's the point of being horny if you're already pregnant is what's the biological reason for the horniness or is it just a lucky coincidence the blood flow she was saying yeah but the blood flow but there's always a reason there's always a reason that our body's doing something it's like like how the there actually

isn't because like for instance you get uh all your mucous membranes swell when you're pregnant that includes the ones in your nose so you get bloody noses, you get all your mucous membranes swell when you're pregnant. That includes the ones in your nose. So you get bloody noses and you get congestion, maybe even start snoring for the first time. Right. That's nothing to do with you're not going to give birth through your nose. So it's just like a side effect. So, I mean, everything doesn't work out for exactly the right reason. It just happens because the body doesn't discriminate between different kinds of mucus membranes.

Yeah. You must, okay, the human body's badly designed. Giving birth, not comfortable. You get hemorrhoids, things like that. There must be a better way. And why haven't we invented it? Take it up with the guy upstairs. Yeah, yeah, I can't argue with it

is is is uh childbirth really as bad as women go on about is that really a thing don't listen to the horror stories because you know they get embellished every time someone tells them yeah so that's one one thing. But every labor and delivery is different. Like mine, you know, I didn't even realize I was in, I mean, I was kind of doubting myself because I was rolling around on the bedroom floor writhing in pain, but my contractions weren't regular. So I thought I wasn't in labor.

So long story short, Eric like finally looks at me and says, I don't know, I've never seen labor before but i gotta say this looks a lot like what labor would look like to me and he got me into the he got me in a cab got to the hospital and i was 10 centimeters so i was already ready to push oh wow that every of course it took three and a half hours to push her big, fat, giant head out of me. Right. Still, still, some labours are short, some are long. I know moms who gave birth in the Lincoln Tunnel. I mean, it happens.

Oh, that's not a nice euphemism for it. Yeah. I was at the birth of my son, and C-section is, okay, so she's numb. She's awake from just the head down. She's like basically like a quadriplegic. She can just feel her head, right? She might have been like from the waist down. I think it was the head down.

You feel something. You feel a tugging, like a unzipping. Yeah. So I was back next to her head because her stomach was being cut open. And the doctor, he was like this, he was like this, oh, comedian, eh? Yeah, must be hard trying to make people laugh these days. And he was just going on and on about stand-up comedy.

And he was like, you got any jokes about doctors? No, I don't, I don't. I was really stressed out. I was really stressed out. But the whole thing took from the time the incision happened, I reckon three minutes. It's really fast. Yeah, it was really, really fast. My friend had a C-section yesterday.

Went very, very quickly and very well. Yeah, it was three minutes. And the greatest time in my – the happiest I think I've ever been was we had a – because it takes a couple of weeks to even get up out of bed after a C-section. They cut through like four layers of muscle or something. Correct me if I'm wrong, Heidi. Am I close on that?

Four layers of muscle? Anyway, so – Uterus. The uterus. Yeah, it's like that. Yeah. It's a whole thing, right? So we had a nurse living in the house.

And this nurse, she dressed like a nurse and it was recommended to us like this uh this woman was the nurse for all of adam sandler's children and i was like oh celebrity nurse she'll stick around too long telling jokes And so she used to come and the baby was in the nursery. Me and Kate were in the bedroom. We were just watching telly the whole time because she could hardly move. The nurse would bring the baby to Kate for breastfeeding. Then she'd go off and make me a sandwich. She would change the babies. It was the best two weeks of my life.

Why did you ever get rid of her? Well, I had this new toy of the baby, and I was like, what are people complaining about? Being a parent is so easy. And I just laid with Kate the whole time, just fucking watching telly, having a few drinks, eating sandwiches, looking at the baby going, and then when it would cry, I'd go, nurse!

And I'd go, it's shit itself, nurse! And she'd take it away and come back with a sandwich. I was just thinking that. Yeah, I hadn't unwrapped the blanket for the first two weeks. What happened when she left? What's that? She left after two weeks, and I remember being like, you can stay. It was very expensive because she was living with us.

It wasn't cheap. And it was two weeks. And then I was like, all right, we have to do this now. That was very scary. Vacation was over. Yeah. The hospital wasn't anything like I remember. The hospital, like they didn't have that window where you look at all the babies like out of the movies.

We all just had a baby in our own room. That's sort of a fallacy, that whole baby behind the window thing they call it rooming in now so the baby stays with you unless the baby needs extra care yeah i think but they used to do that though they used to put them all in the same room right yeah yeah still doing the movies but no it's not it's not how it's done you know i used to like because kate was getting up and having very short walks while she was in the hospital, like 20 meters with a walking frame. Like this is the day one and day two after the birth. And so I would go for walks with her and the nurse would look after the baby and I'd walk around just the ward with Kate where she was shuffling around.

And you'd hear, like, our baby was very well behaved. It didn't cry or anything. It just sort of sat in its cot. And then there was this one baby who walked past for the two days. Oh, that was a shit baby. That baby was no good. That baby would not fucking shut up. Non-stop.

My brother Scott, my mother always used to say that to him. She'd go like this, you're a terrible baby. You cried so much they had to move you out of the room into a different room because you're upsetting the other babies. She'd remind him of that like it was his fault like he could remember doing that to piss her off what what are some typical side effects of the first trimester pregnancy jim said vomiting complaining crying yeah put crying there's some too like there's also a lot of women get that metallic taste in their mouth. It's like you've been sucking on loose change.

Yeah. Sort of fun. You get, like I said, runny noses. You're super tired because you're making a placenta. It's basically COVID, being pregnant. Bad case of COVID. Don't laugh because there are similarities in symptoms, which is, I mean, especially if you're late in pregnancy

and you're breathless anyway, or you're crying at night because you have, the post-nasal drip is common in pregnancy. Wait, in the later trimesters, you get short of breath? Yeah. But last trimester, you might be short of breath because your uterus is so gigantic and is crowding out your diaphragm. And your ankles swell up?

That's a bad one. Yeah. Yeah, because that looks uncomfortable, the swollen ankles. So that is, I mean, for current times, that is crazy. Like, obviously, if you were pregnant during COVID times, I'd imagine you just don't leave the house if you don't have to. Yeah, there are. I mean, the risks aren't aren't that much higher for pregnant women because pregnant women are still young. But the immune system is suppressed by the fetus.

Yeah. And that's the body doesn't reject the fetus. So the body suppresses a mom's immune system that's why she's more likely to get colds and sinus infections also the swollen mucous membrane i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you something maybe my ex will be very very unhappy with me for telling this story but we're we're good friends so i don't know if she's. Okay, so I was on the road when my ex was pregnant, and I got, no, it's not an STD or anything. I got scabies. I do meet and greets with people.

Now, scabies are little bugs. You can get it from just shaking someone's hand or bed shit, like bed bugs or whatever. And I used to do meet and greets with, like, literally 500 people after every show. And your fans are disgusting. And I remember one of the – Thanks for listening, guys.

I remember one guy that didn't look like he was covered in fleas, right? And I put my arm around – anyway, so at night they would come out. They crawl under your skin, and then at night they come out, and they crawl around you. And you don't – they're so small you can't see them, but you can under like a magnifying glass. so i was covered in scabies came back gave them to my pregnant girlfriend right we've both got scabies right and so i go to the doctor i go to the the how late in the pregnancy was she oh about six seven months oh she was right in there she's right in there

anyway so i go to the dermatologist, and the dermatologist goes, okay, let's have a look here, and gets like a magnifying glass and then like backs away from me like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, you've got scabies. They started like roping off the area and spraying around me, and I'm like, oh, fuck. Right? So I go back, and I tell Kate, and I go, I've got the scabies.

I've got it all over me. Anyway, so they give me a cream, a steroid cream, where I just wipe it over my head to toe, the whole cream over my whole body. And the steroids go in there, kill the thing. I'm better the next day. Clean all the sheets. I think I'm better in like three hours.

The scabies are gone, right? I've got the cure. But you can't give that to a pregnant woman because of the steroid that's involved in the thing. So the only remedy, I know this now, the only remedy for a pregnant woman with scabies is covering them head to toe in Vaseline for three days until the scabies suffocate. Oh, you want to hear, you want to see someone who's angry with you? A seven month pregnant woman covered in Vaseline laying on a bed like this.

I hate you. You're very slippery. And pregnant women are prone to falling and dropping things anyway because, well, they fall because they can't see their feet at that point in pregnancy. So if you're an accident prone...

So Vaseline doesn't help, is what you're saying makes you very slippery you made her a human oh yeah i was just sliding her into the living room bowling that is that is interesting what you said though about like there's your immune system is suppressed because so it doesn't reject the baby i never really thought about that though that is is there is there a thing my sister-in-law used to use a term when she was pregnant called pregnancy brain, where she said she was more forgetful and stuff like that. Is that an old wives' tale or is that a real thing? Yeah, that's our dinner party fact, I think.

But we can say it now. Can you explain what that is? Yeah. So actually, in fact, the pregnant brain, according to some research, shrinks 8%. 8%. So it's like this is your brain, this is your brain on pregnancy hormone. Right, right, right. And it shrinks.

So the good news is it's not cumulative. So if you're on like your fourth baby, it's not 32%. Oh, it doesn't bounce back afterwards it does bounce back it does oh it does it's not cumulative and it plumps up after delivery so um it's called people call placenta brain pregnancy brain mom brain baby brain um and you can forget like where you left your car keys where you left your car i have moms you left your car. I have moms tell me they put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the refrigerator, that kind of thing. Pour orange juice in their coffee instead of milk. It's pervasive.

And also, do women actually nest? Is that a real thing? Because I've heard this theory as well, that women start moving the furniture around like an animal to get it ready for the new cub to join the the pride you know what i mean like is that a real thing and i don't hear a lot of moms like shredding newspaper but the you know the kind of in in a human home they do they you know they some get really intense about it like they will alphabetize the uh you know medicine cabinet or um you know color coordinate everybody's clothes you know clean everything with a toothbrush and all the grout um it's probably not the best idea to overdo it just when you're almost due but it hits some moms

harder than others yeah my my my friend said his wife every time he'd come home, she'd be moving a different bit of furniture. And she was heavily pregnant. He's like, just sit down. And she just couldn't help herself. She had to rearrange everything while she was pregnant. So there you go. Here's a couple of questions that we asked him just to make sure we cover everything. The doctors determined the due date, he said, from the size of the sonogram.

Is that correct? Well, yes. I mean, the first early ultrasound is better at dating than later ultrasound. So, yes, an early ultrasound is best for targeting the due date. However, they usually date it if you know what the day of your last period was, which you mentioned. So you did get that correct. Here's one for you.

My ex, who's a comedian as well in the UK, very nice person, right? This is several exes ago, but she was born, right? What's that sound? I'm sorry. She was born and her mother did not know she was pregnant. She just went to the hospital with stomach. And she had a period the entire time through the whole thing. And she wasn't like a super large woman or anything like that.

There was no – and she was like a 6'5", 6-pound baby, a small baby, but nothing alarming. There's a whole TV show about that. TLC has I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. And it's like, I went to go take a big shit and then there was a baby. And I that tlc has i didn't know i was pregnant and it's like i went to go take a big shit and then there was a baby and i'm like what the fuck yeah actually that's how you push properly like a lot of mom women are worried about pooping you know in the birthing bed but actually you kind of have to go there because if you

try to hold back my daughter tried to hold back because she didn't want her husband to see her poop. This is one that I. It's the last thing on my mind, but if you're trying to push effectively, then you need to push like you're taking, like you said, the biggest shit of your life. Wait, so you can shit and have a baby at the same time? Yeah, it happens

follow through yeah it's normally hank hank shot on the way out my son was being pulled out of the thing and he was all like that purple type of bluey color right and he took a shit on the way out he was covered in his own shit everywhere and i was like he's beautiful what a beautiful child yeah it's actually better that he did it on the way out instead of inside because that can cause- Oh, I think some of it got in there. I don't know. What are you?

They got a vacuum. They cleaned it up. It was all over the doctor's hands. And he wasn't crying right away. They had to give him oxygen just straight away because I'd seen, I'd been watching documentaries on what they have to do, so I was all prepped up in that day. So there you go.

Jim said things that are not safe to do while pregnant. I think he's right. I think drink, smoke, no raw fish, caffeine, boxing, rugby, anything else that's not safe that was your cocaine. Skydiving is probably out. Skydiving, okay. Would that only be bad if you landed into the ground or does the actual act of skydiving?

Yeah. No, because the harnesses, when you skydive, I've done it a couple of times, I always get bruises up on my thighs. Yeah, that's true. I'm sure you get used to it if you skydive a lot, but I get bruises on my armpits and bruises on my thighs. I didn't bruise.

I'm sure that the purpose, yeah, but I'm soft. I'm like a peach. I'm sure the harnesses aren't made for the bigger belly. Probably. Yeah. At what week are you considered overdue? Jim said week 42. It's called post term.

But yeah, they might induce earlier depending on how the baby's doing. They do lots of tests on the baby to see how they're doing. You've got an eight and a half. And what's a placenta? Nutrients, blood, and goop and chunks. Some people eat it. It's like you've got vanilla ice cream, and then you've got that Ben and Jerry stuff where they put a load of shit in.

The Jerry Jubilee. Just I'm giving you a visual. Yeah. No, it also delivers the oxygen and the nutrients in the blood and then it disposes of waste products oh so now am i correct in saying that when you have a vaginal birth that you lose the weight faster because your stomach sucks back in because your body is gone it releases the chemical that goes uh I've shown it. If you have a C-section, your body doesn't know it's given birth

and you retain a lot more stuff and then it takes a lot longer to go down. Is that true? You can oxidize your body no matter how you get birth. And then you're probably going to retain more fluid if you have a C-section or even an epidural at all

because they pump you full of fluids. So you might expect to go home and not be puppy anymore you know women expect to go home not looking pregnant you look really really pregnant like seven months usually we leave the hospital so yeah what for seven months after you leave the hospital you still look pregnant no you don't look do you what's going on you still look seven months pregnant when you leave the hospital. Oh, okay. But there's always those women that brag and they go, oh, I left the hospital wearing my jeans. Yeah.

I have a friend from high school that both of her pregnancies, she didn't even make it to the hospital room. She gave birth like in the hallway of the hospital because it was that easy for her. And then she like posts a picture and she's like in a tank top and jeans like looking like a size zero and you're like fuck you shout out another one yeah wearing that giant like diaper yeah yeah no you can't wear a tight tee well so there's waste product in the placenta as well it's all waste product so when people are eating it who's eating this why are they they plant trees with it people put in their garden who's eating this? Why are they? They plant trees with it. People put it in their garden and plant trees. And then there's people who eat it. In different cultures, they do different things with it.

When we were in, I think it was South Sudan, maybe Sierra Leone, somewhere in Africa, where they bury it. And it's very important to them. And that's where you get blood diamonds. Others burn it, others eat it. A lot of women now try, you know, making it into capsules that they take because they say that it's, you know,

it's purported to improve your mood, prevent postpartum depression, increase your milk supply. There's no evidence of any of that. And there's a risk of bacterial contamination because placenta, once it comes out and you cut it, it is a piece of, you know, essentially it's an organ that is not living anymore and that can have bacteria. Okay.

I've got three questions. This is some stuff you sent us. I'm going to ask Jim real quick and see what he gets. Lightning crotch, Jim, what's that? Lightning crotch? Yeah. it's the quick fire round um when you have sex now it's time for lightning crotch lightning crotch it would be some type of itchy vagina it'd be an itchy vagina whilst having pregnancy a lot of static electricity yeah lightning crotch is actually pretty common in the last trimester.

And it's basically a shooting sharp pain in your vagina. I get it. And some people describe it like being stabbed in their vagina. Right. That happens. It's only momentary, but it can really knock you off your feet. It's extremely painful. Oh, now I know. In Australia, we call it stabby feet. It's extremely painful. Oh, now I know.

In Australia, we call it Stubby Vag. It's a different thing. We don't call it Lightning Vagina. Honestly, we can't. Australia is different words. What percentage of babies arrive on their due date, Jim? Oh, on the actual date? Yes.

Yeah, 15%. Five. Five percent. I went low, though. I went i went low okay and here's the last one that when when a woman's water has broken what is that water that's the water around the sack and everything like that that's it's keeping the sack the embryonic stack amniotic that's the one and it's the water around it that the baby's floating and all type of stuff it breaks that means the baby's ready to come out now but how could you tell that the difference let's say how could you tell that if if water is broken let's say how could you tell the difference between whether it was pee or was actually the amniotic fluid because pee doesn't come out like

this well okay so first of all you can tell the difference like my daughter um texted me i peed my bed and i said emma smell your sheets she was like 34 weeks pregnant i said your sheets and does it smell like pee and she said no because amniotic fluid smells sweet and pee smells like ammonia maybe she's just been peeing her bed every night and got news to it. And when you're pregnant, if you didn't do your Kegels, chances are you're going to lose a little of that capacity to hold the pee in. However, if you're lying down in bed, it's going to come like a gush. If you're standing up and your water breaks,

then the baby's head acts like a cork. Oh! It's going to be a trickle. Oh! So it can be a trickle. Oh, there you go. I never knew that. Do you know what Kegels are? Because movies always have someone walking along and then boom on the floor, so that's a load of rubbish.

Yeah. Well, I didn't know about that. Do you know what Kegels are? Kegels are the things where you tense your vagina up to make it tight again. I've been doing the same thing with my arsehole for years unsuccessfully. That's how you got the hemorrhoids. Yeah, that's how been doing the same thing with my asshole for years unsuccessfully. That's how you got the hemorrhoids.

Too many kegels. It's like they're like pelvic floor exercises. I didn't think I'd say that so eloquently, did you? Pelvic floor. Very impressive. I'm doing them right now. Actually, you should do them. Me too.

It's reflexive. As soon as I say the word kegel, I'm reminded that I should be doing them. But pregnant women should definitely do them throughout pregnancy. And as soon as you deliver, you might not feel them afterwards, but you should do them anyway. Because perineal muscles are something you don't miss until you don't have them anymore.

And do them during sex. Do them anytime, anywhere. Yeah, I've never seen that machine at the gym. The Kegel 9000. It's like a stair stepper. Okay, so we would ask the dinner party fact, but you already said the pregnant brain. That was your dinner party fact.

So I think that is it, unless you have any other questions. Heidi, I know everything I ever need to know about pregnancy now thank you so much for being on the show is there um i i want to say once again you can find heidi at um uh what uh what to expect.com and also her app what to expect the app she's the host of what to expect podcast produced by our heart radio Radio. And her handle is Heidi Markoff, H-E-I-D-I-M-U-R-K-O-F-F. Anything, last words, Heidi, for us? I had fun. Oh, good, good. We're glad you had fun. All right. Well, to wrap up this episode,

if you're ever at a party and someone walks up to you and water splashes on the ground, my water just broke. Go, well, I don't know about that. See you next week. Hey, everybody. Jason Ellis here from the Jason Ellis Show podcast, reminding you that my podcast, new episodes every Wednesday, downloadable where all podcasts are available

come see my friends Michael and Kevin as we talk to you about what's awesome what sucks fitness fighting parenting life spin kicks lgbtq community how to defend yourself against the shark if it attacks you out of nowhere and much much more so come join us