I Don't Know About That - Saudi Arabi with Professor Bernard Haykel

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

In this episode, the team covers Saudi Arabia with the help of Professor Bernard Haykel.   Thanks to our sponsors Blue Chew (offer code Jim), Shipstation (offer code Jim), Manscaped (offer code IDontKnow) and Babbel (offer code Jim).   Follow Us:   Jim Jefferies Website: www.jimjefferies.com Jim Jefferies Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies/?hl=en Jim Jefferies Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies/ Jim Jefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Forrest Shaw Website: www.forrestshaw.net Forrest Shaw Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forrestshaw/ Forrest Shaw Twitter: https://twitter.com/forrestshaw Kelly Blackheart Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellyblackheart/   Jack Hackett Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Jack_hackett/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to Jim Jefferies' I Don't Know About That. Hi, I'm Jim Jefferies. Welcome to I Don't Know About That. I'm here with Kelly Zabinski. One of these days you'll get me, right? How am I saying it wrong? You're adding an N. It's Zabilski. Ah, Zabilski. Yeah.

What is that? Croatian or something? Polish. Polish? Yeah. I just watched Sophie's Choice. Oh, good. I did. She was Polish.

I've never seen it. The choice at the end, she had to pick which kid went to the concentration camp. It was quite the dilemma. But there was nothing really happened. Is that what the movie's about? Yeah. I've never seen it. I thought it was like a love story.

Yeah, well, there's a bit of a love story. And there's Kevin Kline's characters in there. And he's like this sort of obsessive, sort of weird, mental patient guy. And Meryl Streep, she's doing very good very good actress that woman yeah she should keep it up keep it up she does a very good Polish woman I'm here with Forrest Shaw hi Jim you're a Croat aren't you I'm Croatian oh like a quarter I'm like a bunch of stuff but that part of my family is from what is Croatian now Yugoslavia then oh see now I know about that. Yeah.

Let's make sure we get a recording of this episode to Meryl Streep, though, just in case she's thinking about quitting acting. Oh, Meryl. She did a good Australian accent in the old Dingo Stole My Baby, that movie. She was good in that. Never seen it. I've never seen anyone else do a good Australian accent.

I've seen that. Even Australians. What's the name of that movie? It's called Evil Angels. Oh. Everyone calls it a dingo ate my baby. A dingo. find that weird that like in seinfeld elaine says that at one stage didn't a dingo steal your baby and an american scene yell that out at me when i'm on stage did a dingo steal your baby a dingo stole a baby and fucking ate it it's not it's too soon to joke it's not

it's not to be joked about i know but i thought that it was a question of whether she killed her baby or the ding there's a lot of people there's the debate out whether she did it lindy chamberlain did it or whether the dingo did it but now it's pretty much believed that the dingo did it but my mother still believed till her deathbed that lindy chamberlain did it so that's what like casey anthony needed more like dingo well casey anthony did it i'm not gonna i'm not gonna say allegedly that woman fucking did it that would have been awesome in her trial she would have been like it was a dingo everybody knows the dingo drowned your baby okay so welcome to the show if you're watching this on youtube we've all got black masks now mine's more ill-fitting i feel

like like a little tight yeah i feel like mine was bought from a bra that was like an a cup and they just cut it in half the difference though is mine's a little loose so every time i breathe in i like choke on it it's like going into my mouth i'm choking on it oh these masks are a wonderful way to find out about your breath how people deal with me on a regular basis is beyond me this is horrendous in here. You do. I've been learning a lot about my breath. There are days when it's fine, and there's other days I put it on,

and then I'm just like, whoa, okay, sorry. And then I just think about days that I've had bad breath and probably people didn't tell me. I think that's a new thing coming out of this, is tell people they have bad breath. You eat garlic and you're like, can't leave the house today. I'll be smelling myself all day. Imagine people with like halitosis though, for real. Like they're probably not leaving the house at all.

I wouldn't want to put a mask on. Yeah. I think you get used to your own smell a bit though. Really? I don't know. I've been smelling very ripe. I got it. I got to give a shout out to Manscaping.

The machine. Using the product. If you looked at my dick right now, you'd be pleasantly surprised. One of our sponsors i liked it so much that i i clippered my balls and me dick and me shaft you know the ones at the end the shaft hairs they're no good right no what what there can't be a god who puts shaft hairs on there but i enjoyed the clipper so much because the other clippers when you put the little bracket on top of it, the hairs bunch up and you have to clean it out. This one's the hairs just fly off.

I enjoyed it so much that after I did my dick and balls, I did my face today. With the same clippers? With the Manscaped clippers. It's the best clipper I've ever had. Who's cleaning up after you? You've got to do that in reverse order. So now if there's warts on my face,

you'll know where they came from. All right. So any announcements? Every time we do this, any live events coming up? I have a comedy special on Netflix coming out this summer is all I'm allowed to say. You're not allowed to say the name even? No, the special's called, what's it called?

I thought it was called. Oh, it's called Intolerant. Yeah. It's called Intolerant. I recorded it. Great self-promotion. Thereant Yeah It's called Intolerant I recorded it Great self promotion There's a bit on the special Which I have to mention

I talk about germaphobes On the special And I rip into them a bit And now it seems A little dated Nah it's okay The material's not aging well Is it

It hasn't even aired And I'm like These fucking germaphobes Gotta wear gloves Everywhere I go You fucking pussies yeah washing my hands and now i've got a little bit of egg on my face well it smells like that anyway i think you're okay i know the joke it's not like you're not like it doesn't really apply it

applies to people that are it's the whole special is just a long story it's a really big story yeah i think you're fine it's like a 50 minute story and a bit of material at the beginning that's all the specialists if you haven't already and that would be weird if you're like no maybe not just subscribe to our podcast um and anywhere that you listen to podcasts but specifically youtube apple podcast spotify but anyway that you listen to it also like our instagram page it's idkat podcast that's the handle for I Don't Know About That, IDKATpodcast. Please like that or follow that on Instagram and DM us with any topics that you'd like us to talk about. Do you have any shaft hairs?

Yeah. Yeah, I do, but I have a manscaper. I've got one shaft hair that's way up halfway. It's just a rogue hair that grows up near the top of me dick. You should name it. No good. You got to keep that one. I pluck him.

He gets kicked out, that one. Okay. Let's introduce our guest for today. I'm going to give you one clue because Professor Bernard Haeckel, just so you know, we don't tell him what your field of expertise is yet. He's going to try and guess that based on some yes or no questions. So I just gave you a clue by saying professor. Professor.

So meet Professor Bernard Haeckel. Thank you for being here. Hello, Bernard. Hi, sir. Hi. Okay, so I'm looking at you. You're a professor. Yes or no questions. Does your profession involve science?

No. Does it involve religion? Yes. Okay. So he's a professor of religion. That's your final answer? That's my final answer. He didn't even need three.

I mean. What do you mean professor of? I'm going to give it. It involves religion and he's a professor. He can tell you whether... Oh, it's about economics. He can tell you whether he agrees or not, but Bernard Haykul is a professor of Near Eastern Studies

and the director of the Institute for Transregional... Oh, for the Transregional Study of Contemporary Middle East, North Africa, and Central Asia at Princeton University. Oh, that's good. We're pro-trans here, so happy to have you. Today we're going to be talking about Saudi Arabia and also Prince Mohammed bin Salam. Prince Mohammed bin Salam?

Yes. I can tell you're going to do good on this one because you don't even know who that is. So we're talking about the prince or we're talking about Saudi Arabia? But I just want to say, did I get that all right, Professor Bernard Haeckel? Is there anything you want to add to that as far as, is religion, you think, a correct answer?

I think he's partial credit, maybe. Yeah. I mean, I deal with religion because, you know, religion is important in Saudi Arabia and in the Middle East, especially religious political movements. And his name is Mohammed bin Salman. Salman. What did I say? So Forrest gets no points. I'm already wrong. He has the information. I have it in front of me and I messed it up. I'm sorry bin Salman. Salman. What did I say? So Forrest gets no points. I'm already wrong.

He has the information. I have it in front of me and I messed it up. I'm sorry. Salman. Okay. So we want to know about the prince? We want to know about Saudi Arabia? Here's what I want you to tell us, Jim.

Right now, what you're going to do and you're going to tell us. First of all, start. Just what do you know about the history of Saudi Arabia? I'll kind of prod you along. Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is a country. By the way, before we go on, after this,

we are going to rank him. Bernard, you are going to rank him on accuracy on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. I don't know why I have to say that. Would 10 ever be the lowest, the worst score? We did get a review where somebody left us a really nice review in words, but only gave us a

one star, and I'm like, I don't know if you know how this works. Go. So one through 10 in accuracy, you're going to rate him. Kelly's going to rate him one through 10 in confidence. I'm going to do one through 10 in believability. Please don't worry about hurting his feelings. Because we're considering you a 10 in this field, just so you know. So if you say 8.5, then you're diminishing your value.

What if I know more than him well then 11 but considering you didn't know the prince wasn't no no i know there's a prince i didn't know his name but isn't there a king as well there's a king who's still alive let's start right now okay so let's start with just a basic history of sa Arabia. Anything you know about the history? Okay, it's in the Middle East. It's... 10. I believe it's entirely Muslim. I believe that Muhammad was from Saudi Arabia, the Prophet Muhammad.

He's from Ohio. He visited the Mormons in Utah. Okay, keep going. I'm not going to interrupt you. So I believe that the Prophet Muhammad was from Saudi Arabia. I believe that Saudi Arabia is the main source of oil in the world and that's why America never tells them to fuck off because we can't because we're indebted to them because of oil.

I know it has a border with Iran. One of the borders with Iran. I think it may be the biggest country in the Arab countries. It might be the largest. I believe there's a king because I also believe that I have been to Saudi Arabia, but I'm not sure. Now, little thing, little story. I've been a drinker.

And there was a stage in my life in my early 30s when there was a war in Iraq and in Afghanistan, and I was sent out to entertain the troops all the time. And I believe at one stage, me and a comic called Tom Stade, who was also a heavy drinker, went and stayed in Saudi Arabia before we went to Iran or Iraq or Afghanistan. Or a little over or something like that. Just to stay there, like on an army base or whatever.

They put us in this fancy hotel with like a lazy river, and they gave us bottles of vodka, and me and Tom just got fucked up in Saudi Arabia, which you're not meant to do, because Saudi Arabia is a dry country. There's no drinking. Now, I also believe that Saudi Arabia has a lot of um human rights issues is that the polite way to say it yeah uh that women women have just been allowed into sporting stadiums two years ago

they've just been allowed to drive in the last year because i saw that on tv and i believe they've just been allowed into restaurants as well but i might be wrong on that but i believe they've just been allowed into restaurants as well, but I might be wrong on that, but I believe they were just allowed into restaurants, which what the fuck is that all about, right? Why wouldn't you let them into fucking restaurants? The only reason you go to restaurants is so you can have sex afterwards. Otherwise, they'll just use Postmates. Me and Forrest don't go out to dine unless we're on the road.

I never call Forrest over in LA and go, we must dine, but're on the road i never call forest over in la and go we must dine but without these pesky women bothering us with our erections and whatnot right so let me ask you a question what are the two holiest cities in saudi arabia uh um pajama bed and uh fucking uh uh pajama bed yeah he was right he got that right okay here's the thing about pajama beds. Saudi Arabia... There's another city. What's the second one?

I'm assuming you don't know the second one. Abu Dhabi. You didn't know the first one. Abu Dhabi or is that a country? That is an actual city but that is not right but it's a good guess.

Abu Dhabi. I'll go Abu Dhabi. Now, they love the pajamas. They love the pajamas in Saudi Arabia. They all wear the white outfit with the white thing with the headband. And the women, they wear the burqas. And I believe this.

I've heard this statistic as well, that lingerie sells through the fucking roof in burqa countries because the women like to feel sexy underneath for their husbands, whatever. So they wear a shit ton of lingerie. So Victoria's Secret crushes over there i may be wrong okay how about you mentioned the king about the royal family okay there's a king who's still alive but he's got a name no no name well what's the what's the son's name i don't know what was it i just saw something salmon with salmon or something that's almost what i said incorrectly but uhmon. King Salmon. That's the prince.

Okay, so the King Salmon. Okay, yeah. And you're not to mention him because I got told that when I went over there. I thought that was Thailand. No, that's the prince in Thailand. The King of Thailand. You don't mention him either. Okay.

But I was in Dubai and I got in trouble for doing jokes about some sheik. And I got in trouble for that and I got told to leave the country. Allegedly, because you're not sure if you were even in Saudi Arabia. No, no, but I think I went to Saudi Arabia. I could have been in Kuwait. I'm not sure, but I think I was in Saudi Arabia. Anyway, you can't drink that.

Now, the burqas, the pajamas. And how about this? Oh, here we go. I've got one for you. I know this because me and you watched this in Scotland when we were drunk drunk and there was nothing else on TV. I knew this would be something that you would mention. Number one sport.

I already know. Falcon flying. Racing. Falcon racing. You get a falcon. You put a cap over its head. You put it on your arm. And then there's some guy swings a chicken around his head like this

on a bit of rope. Does a helicopter of a chicken. You're almost right on this. And then the falcon flies out. And then they go, guy swings a chicken around his head like this on a bit of rope. Does a helicopter of a chicken. You're almost right on this. And then the falcon flies out and then they go, oh, that was good. And the falcons are so revered that they get their own commercial flight. Because we did this on the TV show where they all stand on the back of seats. Just hold off on the falcons because I think that's going to be. I think this is the meat of what happens over there.

I don't think they've had any political problems. I'm just going to tell you today's topic for that. I do know about that as Falcon racing. So why don't you just hold off on that? I was going to tie it in, but you're, you're almost right in that you're a little bit wrong. It's not actually,

I know that Falcon racing also is shown on Scottish TV from 2am to 4am for whatever fucking reason. That's what I watched. Back to Saudi Arabia. I got a couple more questions. Then we're going to let you in, Professor. And we're going to... Because I know...

I always look at the experts when Jim's answering this. He's looking happy, man. Yeah, he was laughing. But I think he's laughing at you. Okay. But... And then... They still stone people as well.

You can still get stoned for doing shit wrong let's have a couple more what do you think the uh this is according to msn money what do you think the net worth of the saudi royal family is uh the net worth of the saudi royal family i'm gonna say is uh 40 billion 40 billion yeah billion okay um is that five bucks they're in debt what are you, billion? Yeah, billion. Okay. Five bucks, they're in debt. Why is that so fucking weird? If Bezos is- Because I know the answer and you're wrong. If Bezos is worth 150 billion,

Jeff Bezos, the owner of Amazon, then I would have to go on a limb and say the Saudi royal family is worth 50 billion. Yeah, yeah, okay. Because they're not selling everything. They're just selling oil. Just oil. But they're selling shit tons of it so okay and so let's talk about the prince

just briefly the prince muhammad bin salman right yes correct yeah sorry i mispronounced it before uh tell us everything you know about him um i know that he went on a on a like a world trip like a year ago just going, Saudi Arabia's all right. Am I right? That was what he did because we were going. That's his chief. What's his title in Saudi Arabia?

Prince. Now, what does he do for the country? Oh, he fucking nothing. He's a figurehead. Okay. I don't know. I don't know about that. Okay.

Okay. Okay. And anything else in general you want to talk about? Anything else with Saudi Arabia that comes to mind? America always treats them nice. That's all I know. Because definitely the Bush family thought they were awesome because they're oil barons as well. So they were always like, the Saudis are okay,

and they never heap shit on them. And then after 9-11 saudi arabia was sort of left exempt from any flack because of the oil and the relationship with the bushes am i right on that i think i might be well we'll talk to the prefer i think we're gonna let him in now because i think i think you've you're after pajama bod we should have just stopped it before before we grade him, let's take a quick break. If learning a new language is on your to-do list, Babbel makes it fun and easy to start having conversations en Española or whatever preferred language. That meant quickly.

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Babbel. Language for life. And we're back. Now, we were talking in the break, and I assume that the prince gets loads of pussy. Don't know. No, there would be loads of pussy. Let's grade you real quick,

and then we'll get into the loads of pussy thing. All women there have to wear burqas. Yeah, and you said that all the guys have to wear the white outfit. The white pajama outfit. Yeah. And even in the airports, the airports are separated. I know that because you were in a Saudi Arabia airport I was in Jeddah

and you rang me and you said oh man he goes people are looking at me weird well I was the only one dressed like this

but I was but I was just I was connecting there I'd never been that was my only experience in Saudi Arabia the men were looking at his face going

that's the most attractive woman I've ever seen I love her beard okay so here's how we're going to do it. We're going to, on a scale of one to 10 for each category. And here are the categories today, because we've had categories before I made, it was like a baby Einstein.

You complained about me having a category for baby Einstein. And there was some other categories on Instagram models. So for today's show, we're going to add them all up together. You can get a top score of 30, low score of zero, zero through six. If you get that, you will be a mouth breather.

Seven through 13, a flat earther. 14 through 20, a basic bitch. 21 through 26, teenage Einstein. Is that better? Yeah.

Okay. And 27 through 30, Alex Trebek. All right. So, and you guys can DM us if you have ideas. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How's Alex Trebek. All right. And you guys can DM us if you have ideas. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. How's Alex Trebek smart? He has the answers in front of him. No, he doesn't. He doesn't know them either. He just knows them all, doesn't he? Yeah, he just knows the answers. Yeah, that's the thing you don't know about that show.

My girlfriend has just discovered Jeopardy. She's just discovered Jeopardy in quarantine. And she thinks Alex Trebek is the nicest man on earth. She goes, he reinforces that the good people in the world she just loves alex trebek and then i went and he's dying and now she's i had to break the story you gotta look up the videos where people are telling their life stories and he thinks that they're fucking nerds and he's like all right good story like he just moves on it's so funny it's very funny gross people all people. All right, Professor Bernard Haeckel,

can you please give us a score from 0 to 10 on Jim's accuracy on the things he said? Be fair. He got maybe three or four things right, and the rest were wrong. So I don't know, maybe three, three out of 10. Three. Very generous.

Three things is all right. I'll take a three. Kelly, you have confidence. Yeah, so this is the first time I've ever that you've ever qualified like you've ever been like I believe this blah blah blah instead of saying it as fact

so I'm gonna go you're four on confidence this is why we'll never be peace in the middle east believability I'm gonna give you a one because you said pajama bod. And we all know that's wrong.

But that was confident when he said that. Pajama bod. So that is three for accuracy, a four for confidence, a one for believability. Gives you a total score of eight. Means you're a flat earther. Congratulations.

All right. You're in the same group as flat earthers. If the earth's not flat, then why isn't things, you know, why aren't we just spinning out of control? Why, why when I grew up in Australia, was all the blood not rushing? It's quite funny that you say he's a flat earther because for a long time, um, the chief religious official in Saudi Arabia actually literally believed that the earth was flat. And there's still a bunch of people there who believe that. Until what year was that?

Oh, well into like until the 80s. Oh boy. Oh wow, he was ahead of his time. We finally just started believing about that now. We're really jumping on the conspiracy theory train here. I don't want that to be the first question, but does he get loads of pussy, the prince? Jim wants to know. Jim, that was a burning

question. Yeah, I don't know. Jim, that was a burning question. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you know, his private life is like super difficult. He's very opaque, you know, as to what he does. Tell me this. He's married to one woman and he has, I think, four kids. Yeah, Jim, so stop blowing up his spot. I don't know anything. We don't know anything else about his life.

Is he allowed more women? Oh, yeah. I mean, all Muslim men, by the way, are allowed to marry four women. And how do we know that his wife isn't two short women on each other's shoulders underneath the burqa, like kids trying to get into a trench coat to get into an R.A. to movie? That wouldn't make sense, because you just said he's allowed four to marry four women.

I know, but he wants to give off this whole thing of, I've only got one bird, I've only got one chick. Does that mean he's like a really good guy? He has the option to marry four women and he's just with one? I don't know. Or he's just a wise person. I kind of have a crush on him now. Imagine if you had like four wives and then you still cheated.

Then you'd be like, I've got a problem. So let's start with some basic things. Does everybody wear a white outfit? And do all women wear burqas? And the holy... Can you speak to that? We'll start with that. Was that...

Yeah, I mean, so in Saudi, there is kind of a national dress. And yes, men typically wear the long white shirt that goes down to their ankles. But you do find them also wearing, you know, Western type outfits, especially let's say the engineers or people who are working in the oil fields or in the oil company. Yeah, you wouldn't want to work on your car in your white outfit,

would you? You wouldn't want your mechanic to rock up and just be like, hey, I'll fix it for you. But they do wear, I mean, they do wear white pants under the long rope and they can lift it up, you know, if they want to. And then the women, the women do dress. And there's an idea of modesty both for men and for women.

So women do dress and cover most of their skin. They show their faces. Some do, many don't. When you say there's an eye. But it's not enforced that's no longer enforced that's no longer enforced okay so i stand corrected i thought that was enforced okay but it was it was but it's changed recently until when i mean basically in the last year and a half things have changed pretty dramatically since they were allowed to drive oh yeah but you have you have uh used to have a

religious police that used to go around hitting people if they're if women weren't covered or they were wearing uh makeup or or uh so religious people they walked around with sticks correct they were going around with sticks and they would hit people that was all stopped now that's all been stopped how progressive the sporting events what was that was i correct about that two years ago the sporting events yeah you you're correct that they've allowed women into the sporting events and then the restaurants okay this is the way it worked before so every restaurant would have two sections there was a family section where women and their family members male family members could go and then there was the singles section which was only for men right now now they got rid of this and they're allowing

men and women to go in okay uh what was it what else did jim get right now we can just talk about other stuff so we can that was it it wasn't the was it the largest country was it was i correct about the largest country was i correct about it i mean it's the size of western europe so it's a very very large country i think i'm not absolutely sure, but I think the Sudan before it was split into the South and the North was perhaps bigger, but it is one of the very biggest countries. And is that why cars are called Sudans because they're bigger cars?

We'll edit that out. But, and then is it our main, is it the world's main source of oil? Because I know there is oil from lots of places. No, it's one of, actually, the three largest producers of oil in the world's main source of oil? Because I know there is oil from lots of places. No, it's one of actually the three largest producers of oil in the world today are the United States, Russia, and Saudi Arabia. But Saudi Arabia does have, as a country, the greatest amount of conventional reserves in the world.

About 23% of all the conventional reserves of oil are in Saudi Arabia. About 260 billion barrels of oil. in saudi arabia okay 260 billion barrels of oil so i've always wondered about this if america is one of the biggest you know manufacturers of oil or whatever you want to call it right my makers of oil how do you say that producer producer producers of oil why the fuck do we worry about everyone else's oil don't we have enough oil for us here is that we use the most is what i think maybe china or yeah china might be cashing up but i think we use the most because we drive do we have enough for just us i don't know i mean that's yeah so i mean do you want me to answer that it's a bit yeah yeah yeah please jump in and do it yeah yeah so so the world before the

covid crisis consumed about 100 million barrels of oil a day, and 20 million of those 100 million were consumed here in the United States. The thing about oil, though, is that it's a global commodity and it's traded globally, which means that the price here reflects also supply and demand elsewhere in the world. So if there's less of it in, let's say saudi arabia there's less of it everywhere so think of it as a bathtub full of water if there's less water in a corner of a bathtub there's less water everywhere so that's why the price here goes up and down even if we don't import any oil at all and we can produce as much as we need we'll still be linked to the

rest of the world when i was in dubai we were driving and like to fill a tank like in a four-wheel drive was like four bucks it was like mentally like really cheap right now so because of covid no one's using oil at the moment because cars aren't being driven is saudi arabia struggling right now is the whole country in a recession yeah all oil producers around the world are struggling because the decline in demand has been so dramatic. Some people are estimating up to 30% of decline in demand. So that's about 30 million barrels. It's probably a lot less, but still, that's a huge, the world has never seen a decline like we've seen now with COVID. How long until Saudi Arabia is out of oil?

It really depends on how much they produce. But if they produce, let's say, 10 million barrels of oil a day, which is roughly what they do, they can go on for 50, 60, 70 years. I mean, they have a lot of oil. Oh, that's good. I'll be dead then. I mean, I think also what people don't realize, not just about Saudi Arabia, but just about the world in general, that there's so much fossil fuel in the world, oil, coal, gas, that we would destroy the world many times over if we consumed it. There's just too much of the stuff. And so ecologically, we just cannot keep using it the way we do. Is Saudi Arabia just sand? Or do you have green bits?

do is it is saudi arabia just sand or do you have green bits like do you have a forest is there a forest you have you have large you have large plantations of uh date palms and the southwestern corner where you have mountains that they get rainfall there a lot of it actually and so you do have terrorist agriculture there and it looks greener you don't have like a big forest, like anything like you would imagine. Not like what we have. Big forest. That was a good joke. I'm pretty happy with it. I'm pretty happy with that gag. Now was Jim Wright as one of the holy cities being pajama bod?

That's the two of them. Okay. I thought he was wrong. That's pretty shameful really really because that's really like an important city all Muslims have to pray and face it oh Mecca Mecca Mecca Mecca I figured you'd get one of them I know fucking Mecca I thought Mecca was in one of the other countries

well it's not is the richest man in Saudi Arabia a flip-flop salesman oh like sandals sandals are going off there right yeah it's one guy one guy sells them one guy who goes i'm sandal joe and he fuck it he crushes it yeah Yeah. He's richer than the royal family, which, by the way, you said $40 billion. I have here $1.7 trillion is what they're worth. $1.7 trillion?

Yeah. Is that close? Then why do we say that Jeff Bezos is the richest man on earth? Because they're a family? Is there a trillion of them? I don't know. I don't know the answer. Well, yeah.

I mean, the royal family is large. So at least 7,000, maybe more. So they're poor. We can let it by 7,000. There are a lot of, yeah. And there are a lot of rich ones amongst them. We haven't had a connection from it. As a totality.

But, you know, the crown prince, the man we were talking about earlier, I mean, he controls the treasury in the country. Now, if there was a comic who wanted to retire someday, is there an elderly member of the royal family that he could lick the pussy of to get a bit of money? What? If there was a what? Sorry?

An elderly member of the royal family who would just like to be fingered really well. Like, how would one go about that? How do you meet them? Is there a dating app for this? Is there like... They all get stipends from the government. So, you know, they're all kind of receiving money.

All right. But yeah, Jim wants to get paid is what he's saying. I just want to go in there. He wants to be part of the family. Just date them for a year. He wants a Saudi sugar mama. Saudi sugar mama. That's all I want.

Why is that so much to ask? No, dream big, Jim. Thank you. I believe in you. Okay. And then Jim mentioned human, how did you put it? Human rights. Yeah, human rights issues in Saudi Arabia.

So it sounds like you're saying some of the things, and I guess maybe we can kind of shift and talk about the prince here because he's part of this, but it sounds like you're saying there's a lot of changes being made there in Saudi Arabia as far as the way that they at least view women and some things. But over time, that's the thing here in America that we think of as Saudi Arabia is we

think of, there's a lot of human rights. Yeah, no, there are definitely a lot of human rights issues and a lot of the dissidents and people who are criticizing the government are in prison. And that, that, that's wrong. What you see in Saudi Arabia is that there's a tremendous amount of social change. So, you know, you see more women in the streets, you see less covering, you see more women in the workforce, that sort of thing. But you don't see any political reform.

and make it more socially liberal, let's call it socially liberal, then you have to actually crush and repress the religious conservatives. And so that's the argument that he makes for repression. And so you do see some liberalization when it comes to the society, but not when it comes to politics and not really when it comes to economics. Are you allowed to become an atheist over there? Are you allowed to just call it a day and go, nah, not for me? Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I mean, I wouldn't openly, you can be an atheist privately, but I wouldn't come out in the open and say that. See this, I don't think I'd belong there. I think-

Now your whole plan of this- None of us were confused about what they thought. If I ran a country, And now your whole plan is this. None of us were confused. You know, if I ran a country, you know, I've said a few misogynistic jokes in me day, but I think it would probably be a bit more lenient than Saudi Arabia. They would be like, he's our hero. And they're like, I don't believe in God.

They're like, kill him. So, but who can tell you you have to believe in a God? The government? The government just tells you you have to believe in this? Yeah government the government just tells you you have to believe in yeah well the government officially the government there you know rules in accordance with islamic law right so islamic law um forbids apostasy i mean if you abandon religion publicly again it has to be like a public act like you got go out in the street and say you know i don't believe in god and you know and especially if you're a Muslim. Jim mentioned 9-11 and Saudi Arabia and that we didn't mess with them

afterwards because we had too many interests or is that accurate or. That was accurate first. Well, I'm not asking you. Yeah. I mean, what happened, 15 of the 19 hijackers on 9-11 were from Saudi Arabia, and the head of al-Qaeda, the group that led the attack and organized it, a man called bin Laden, Osama bin Laden. You've heard of him, I assume. He was also a Saudi. That's another episode.

He was someone who was stripped of his nationality. Anyway, so the argument has been made and continues to be made actually in the U.S. courts that the Saudi government was behind the attacks. The group that waged the attacks on the U.S. actually hate the Saudi government and want to topple the Saudi government. But the U.S. at the time, the Bush administration, made a calculation that Saudi Arabia was just simply politically and economically too important to so we went after we went after Afghanistan instead we just picked on someone else who who was a lot and was in Afghanistan where the Bush administration picked on someone else was in Iraq because Iraq had nothing to do with normal now that war was a mistake is that is that engine coming to get you? Because you've said something wrong. I'm in New York City, so there are a lot of fire engines there.

But with the, okay, so I watched Fahrenheit 9-11. Was that all true, that we flew Saudi people out of the country the next day when all the planes were landed? We flew people back to Saudi Arabia. Did that happen? Yeah, I think that was true. Oh, man, that's fucked. Yeah, because I think the way the Saudis argued it was they were afraid

that there would be retaliation against members of the royal family, so they wanted to get them out of the country. I wouldn't have. I would have dated one. Got me trillions. You only have 1.7 trillion. I only have one retirement plan. Okay, so Jim mentioned there is a king,

and then that also leads us to Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Now, let me get this correct. I was correct in that the king's still around, but the prince does most of the work, right? Or the king never doing anything. He just stepped down for his son. No, he didn't step down. There's still the king, and he he just he just stepped down for his son no he didn't step down he's still there's still the king and he delegated his authority to his right that's that's

what i mean and this king isn't this king is an absolute monarch so he's like a louis the 14th in france i don't know if you've ever seen uh you know um history of the world with mel brooks yeah uh yeah so he's like that kind of king you know he's a king who basically. And this king that's in power has been in power since 2015, right? Is that the current king? Yeah. That's right. He became the king in January 2015. Could I become the king?

What do you have to do? Okay. All right. I'm one of these American people now. When someone tells me no, I just put my mind to it I can achieve anything pull yourself up from your bootstraps I'm going to be the king of Saudi Arabia

you heard it here first people when your son says what do you want to be I want to be the king of Saudi Arabia you can be anything you want to be how about the king of Saudi Arabia well not anything was I right about the king of Saudi Arabia? Well, not anything. You can't be... Was I right about the lingerie? Apparently, yes.

They do a brisk business, not just in Saudi Arabia, but throughout the Middle East. The Middle East, yeah. They go crazy for the Victoria's Secret. Underneath, the women are willy-willy-woo-wah. Where does willy-willy-woo-wah come from? That's from Porat.

Oh, yeah, I know. But when you just said it, I couldn't place it. Why was I there? No, I'm not going to say it's one of my originals. I know, but when you don't say it with the accent, it's like Willy Willy Woo-Wah. It like threw me off. Okay, so if we can talk about Prince Mohammed bin Salman a little bit.

Like what does he do in the country? Jim said he's just a figurehead. I know that that's wrong. Like he actually has the king is the king is more like, you know, he's the he's the ruler, but he's delegated authority to his son. So Mohammed bin Salman is the actual de facto ruler. OK, and so what and what is he like? Why is he important? What has he been doing with the country? If you can just explain a little bit of that, like the modern is like bringing it into the modern.

Yeah. So he has an idea that, you know, Saudi Arabia needs to modernize. It needs to diversify away from its dependence on oil. It needs to build an economy. That's not dependent on oil. That he,

you know, you have to allow women, it has to become kind of a normal country rather than like a religious uh you know fundamentalist zone where people are uh you know have to shut down their stores for four times a day for prayer and all the stuff that they used to do they used to do before so he's trying to move it away from that now and uh and so that's his that's his plan you know uh that's what he's trying to and he calls it vision 2030 vision 20 what he wants to have it done by 2030 no he wants one eye good and one like 30 yeah it's by 2030 he wants the country to have diversified you know to have

built up industry and tourism and all kinds of other stuff. Right, but why as a tourist would you want to go there? Why? What has it got to offer? Because I'd be worried about getting arrested the whole time. You can't get drunk. So how is it a holiday? People go to Dubai and you can't get drunk. You can get drunk in Dubai.

Can? Yeah. In hotels, yeah. In hotels, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prostitutes are plenty in Dubai. Crazy. Just bars. Every bar is just prostitutes are plenty in Dubai. Crazy. Just bars. Every bar is just prostitutes.

If you couldn't tell, Jim's main two categories are prostitutes and alcohol. So he wants to know Saudi Arabia. He wants to drink, lick pussy, and make some money. That's how Jim tells you if a country is good. Have you been to the museums in France? Prostitutes suck. Can I be the king or not? Look, I've been to Holland 14 times.

It's true. I really have. Bit for work. So is he popular, the prince there in the country? Well, how do you know? Because if you say he's not, you get your head cut off. Do you get your head cut off? Not him.

I mean, no, you could get your head cut off for committing a crime and in the country certainly like drug if you were if you were drugged running or if you were peddling drugs yeah oh man i mean he seems to be popular with the youth because he's opened up the country and made it more um you know he's brought uh comedians he's brought concerts. He talks the talk of, like, let's open up the country and become normal. What comedians have gone over there? What comedians? What's the deal with the fucker? Maybe you'll get a gig there.

I seriously doubt that after this. Like, that woman has pretty eyes. What's the deal? Do we know what comedians have been there? I don't even know that. Yeah, they've had, and they've also had rappers go, like 50 Cent went there. Jim Gaffigan goes there and just talks about

hummus. That's really pretty. I imagine Gabriel Iglesias has been there probably. It doesn't seem to have to be clean comics. He's done the Middle East. Gabriel probably went. I don't know. I'm just looking. This just showed me Saudi Arabia comics from Saudi Arabia.

There's a comedy scene maybe. I don't know. Yeah, you could have like comedy clubs called. Don't do it. Don't, yeah. We should take a quick break actually. We got to take a break? Yeah.

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You could have the Chuckle Hut. It's got nothing. One of them's just called Coconuts. These are different comedy clubs in Afghanistan. What's the country again? Saudi Arabia. You have a good memory, Jim.

What? You said, what's the country we've Saudi Arabia. I have a good memory, Jim. What? What's the country we've been talking about for an hour? So was I correct when I said the Prophet Muhammad, he hung out there, that's where he was from. Was that right? Yes, he's from Arabia. I mean, it wasn't called Saudi Arabia at the time, but yes, he is from there.

He's from the city Mecca. And why did they change the name to Saudi Arabia? I could spell Arabia. It's named actually the family. The royal family is called the Al Saud. So the country is named after them. What language do they speak? The Arabic?

Arabic, yeah. Boom! Shaka laka. You didn't say that earlier. You might have gotten an extra point. You might have went from a 3 to a 4. They speak Arabic. Yeah. How would you have ever gotten that? Their number one TV show, I'm going to call it Big Bang Theory.

No. No? Beheadings. When did you mention beheadings? Do beheadings happen like regularly still there? Or is that like, is that like a penalty? They used to.

Yeah, they used to. I don't think, you know, I don't think they do them in public anymore. And when they execute, they have capital punishment. And I think they're number three or four in the world after China and Iran. I'm serious with this question. Is it televised?

No. No, but they used to do it in the public square. Oh, that's nice. That seems way more sinister to do it in the public square oh that's nice that seems way more sinister to do it in private like i understand the idea of a public beheading as like an example like here's an example of what could happen to you but to do it in private it's like that seems so much more fucking evil now no do women still get stoned it's like it's like i mean it's capital punishment it's like you know it's it's like the electric chair you Do women still get stoned? Is there stonings?

I mean, on the books, maybe, yes. But no, I haven't heard of a stoning there. Okay, so let's say I just get upset with Kelly and then I just go, she fucked like five guys last week. Can I get her stoned or is that how it works can it be like the crucible

can it be like the Salem witch hunts can I just say something about someone and they get in trouble or okay you can get in trouble for saying it because to prove that she committed adultery or she slept with someone you need four male witnesses to the act

well there was five guys there's actually five guys and she did it in five guys the restaurant yeah i love their track and if they're if they're willing to come out and admit to it then they would all be executed so adultery is illegal yes it's illegal fuck i can't go to this country you're done how could you go on holidays there you can't sleep around you can't get drunk what can you do is there a beach you can go

yes there are beaches there are beautiful beaches by the way you can go ride a camel ride horses hunt with falcons this may be a stupid question but are tourists subject to the same rules like when it comes to adultery and stuff like that, it's like that wouldn't be your problem, would it be? No, I think you're under the rules of the country that you're in. It doesn't make a difference if you're a tourist.

I know this for a fact. When I went to Dubai, when they were building the city up, it was nothing. And they put all these seven star hotels and they built the whole place up. What would happen is this is in the early 2000s if you went over there and they were being fancy restaurants say you're a chef right and you came over and you went i'm gonna earn a lot of money work here for a couple years and then go home to britain or whatever you would get a hiv test when you got there if you tested, you would be thrown into prison. So that's a bad day.

Yeah. You've got the HIV and you're in prison. Yeah, that's awful. And you've lost your job. That's a terrible day. I tell you, get your HIV test before you go over there. That's me lonely planet tip for the day. Okay, so I want to just get back to Saudi Arabia and some of the investment and stuff that the country has,

because Jim touched on it about us maybe being beholden to them because there's investments or money that's invested in this country. So one of the interesting things that I read, and I don't know where I read it, I was trying to look it up, is that they are going to build the largest solar array or they've invested all this money into solar power. That sounded to like the oil was good like you said there's a lot of oil left but to me when saudi arabia is investing i was like well that's a bad sign right for oil right that they're investing no because think about actually think about it you know if you could

generate electricity from the solar and they have a lot of sun there right sure uh it liberates a lot of oil to be exported so you can sell more oil rather than burning it to produce electricity. So it makes a lot of sense for them to actually turn to solar and to wind. Well, what other companies do they have big investments in? In solar? No, what other companies that the Saudi fund has invested in? What's your main expert? So you've got the solar, you've got the oil, you've got the flip-flops.

What else have you got? They've invested in a lot of Western companies. Like the Prince is like... Uber, for instance, Life Nation, Carnival Cruise Lines recently. Lots and lots of companies. I work for one of those companies, so I would like to retract a few of my statements. Twitter, I think, says Twitter too.

I was just looking this up right now. That's why it's DoorDash. What's the main food there? They're all meat eaters, I assume. No pork. The pig's just running wild? No pork. No, they don't have pigs.

I've never seen a pig. That's because you can't pull the burger off. What we're going to do is we're going to gonna ask you some questions we do this at the end uh i asked jim a bunch of questions uh like quick questions see if you can answer them correctly i have a feeling he's not going to be able to uh and then if you know the answer you can tell us maybe maybe and if you don't some of the stuff i looked up. Let's see here. What prominent American's phone was the prince, MBS, as he's shortened, accused of hacking?

Hugh Grant. He's British. Prominent American's. Why would it be? Why would he hack Hugh Grant's phone? Miley Cyrus. And you can let me know if this is true or not. This is what we have here. It was reported on January 22nd of this year

that it was the hacking of Jeff Bezos' cell phone. That makes a lot more sense than Miley Cyrus. Jeff Bezos. Did they say what he was looking for? Is that when they found the naked pictures and all that type of stuff? They found some dick pics on Bezos' phone? It just says here that the Saudis also have been suspected of tracking Saudis' phones in four countries.

One Middle East expert, Andrew Miller, former member of Barack Obama's National Security Council, said surveillance was part of the kingdom's modus operandi, and I think they're surveilling not only those they know are dissidents, but those they fear may deviate from Saudi leadership. So they do a lot of phone hacking. So that's a human right that they're not allowed. Are they allowed to hack your phone?

I don't think anyone's allowed that. I don't know what the rules on hacking phones are with governments, especially if you're in another country. I think that's completely illogical, obviously. But in your own country, if it's in Saudi Arabia, I guess they can do whatever they want, right? but in your own country, if it's in Saudi Arabia, I guess they can do whatever they want, right? Yeah, I mean, surely if they suspect you of being either a dissident

or a terrorist or whatever, yeah, they could. But I just want to tell you that the U.S. does this all the time. Even Angela Merkel's phone was hacked by the U.S. Oh, don't be silly. The American government's never done it. Look, look, look. We have no human rights violations. Saudi Arabia has some human rights issues.

America's history is clean, as is Australia and Britain, if you're listening. We've all really done nothing wrong historically. The problem with Saudi Arabia is you're just fixing it now. If we did a podcast just after slavery, we'd have a lot more to talk about. You know what I mean? Australians are always like, yeah, but we haven't done anything

to the Aboriginals in a while. The British are always like, the British people listening right now are going, what have we done wrong? You ran the whole fucking world. You took over India and hit them all with cricket bats and taught them cricket. Now they're very good.

No one really does a great job. Here's another one. Saudi Arabia is the largest country in the world without a... Page three model. They might have that. They don't have page three models without a porn star. It's a river. They're the largest country in the world

without a river. Yeah, but my answer's right. They don't have... You can't Chris Cleaven this. There's no Saudi Arabia porn stars. It's the largest country without a porn star. Okay, let's go one more. This is another article I found. Saudi Arabia, this is a few years back,

but they were thinking of stopping public beheadings due to a shortage of what? Swords. Close. Swordsmen. They didn't have the people to behead.'s yeah that's what it would have to be like like how do you get that job one day you're just chopping wood and you think yourself fucking hell i went through that quick my son cuts heads better than anyone you've ever seen they just like or you're just a terrible

hairdresser yeah you're just a terrible hairdresser. Yeah. You're just the worst hairdresser, and you're going, maybe I should shift my skill set. Just down to one foot. Saudi Arabia, here you go, Jim, takes witchcraft so seriously that the country has banned what books? Harry Potter.

Yeah, I figure you might get that. Of course they're going to ban Harry Potter. Now, I did read, though, that because Under the Prince now, he's opening up cinemas for the first time, or they have been open in the first time in 35 years and you didn't have cinemas they are yeah he doesn't he's in new york he's in new york city right now but he knows about it but i'm just saying they i guess they have cinemas now or he was they're they're going to open them

and now they were and i read that they are going to allow harry potter to be seen in the movies because they were like saying in the context of the movie, people should understand that it's not real. But there is a committee for the promotion of virtue and the prevention of vice called the CPV. And they said witchcraft is illegal. Is this correct? Or am I like way off? It is correct that witchcraft is, you know, punished there, according to the religious law, the particular religious law that they followed and there were cinemas there in the in the 60s and 70s and they shut them down and now they've reopened them yeah right so the number one movie still a hard day's night i don't think so um uh i think that's all oh there's one last one last one. See if you notice. Saudi Arabia accidentally printed a textbook

showing what fictional character sitting next to the king. This is years ago. This is, I think, the previous game. Okay. Oh, witchcraft. Oh, they've come, everyone. Oh, that was the ghost of Christmas past. They have Christmas.

I'm going to go out and limb and say they don't have Christmas. Give me an extra point. The king was in the UN. Oh. You like this character. Oh, I like this character. Fictional character. Fictional character.

Superman. Yoda. Look, you can see the picture right there. So apparently there was an artist that was from Saudi Arabia, and it wasn't meant to be disrespectful. He was putting Star Wars characters in famous historical... Or his

wife just took her outfit off. He was putting Star Wars characters in famous historical events like from Saudi Arabia and this was when the king was at the UN and he put Yoda there because he was wise and he was a good speaker

but apparently somebody just grabbed a picture really quick and said king at the UN and they threw it in a textbook so I don't know if you know that one. Yeah, representing Dagobah. Have you heard of that? Was that the Yoda thing? I remember seeing the story at the time yeah it's pretty awesome. Is Star Wars banned

over there? No, I don't think so. No, Jedi's aren't illegal, just witchcraft. Well, there's witchcraft. There's people moving things with their hands. You think Star Wars... The reason I'm asking is if Star Wars is banned, if you live in Saudi Arabia and you saw that picture and you have no reference to Yoda,

that must have really fucking spat around. Obviously, that's the delegate from, I'm going to say, Spain. All right. I think that's all for the questions. What's happened, Forrest? Forrest just had a stroke, everyone. He's just had his computer hacked. And all of a sudden, it just says, Saudi's okay.

He's just had his computer hacked, but all of a sudden it just says Saudi's okay. So we've talked a little bit about a bunch of things about Saudi Arabia, but also about the Prince. We have a thing called Dinner Party Facts, a segment where we want to give our listeners something, because I know as Jim explained the show, it's a lot of times we want to give our listeners something where they can say something at a dinner party or a bar or whatever.

And it's like a fact that's obscure, or maybe a lot of people don't know, or it's a story, but at least they'll have some knowledge that they think other people might not have. I just, I'm having problems, but I think that was like 55 words. Have you got a fun fact about Saudi Arabia? That people might not know. You know, they have a thing that happens

once a year, which is called the Hajj, which is the big pilgrimage to Mecca. And they manage, and it's a pretty small place, in a small valley kind of area. And they manage to get three million people into that place. And they have to move around in a small valley kind of area. And they managed to get 3 million people into that place. And they have to move around like in a very particular circuit,

according to different rituals. And they managed to pull that off. And it's a pretty amazing, amazing kind of feat. So it's basically Coachella, but everyone's listening to the music. Not this year, probably, with COVID. That's one, not with COVID. Now they're thinking of actually stopping Not this year, probably, with COVID. That's one. Not with COVID. Now they're thinking of actually stopping it this year.

Do they have social distancing over there at the moment? Yeah, they do. And they have a curfew in the evenings and at night. They've taken it very, very seriously. And they've also given free medical treatment to everyone, foreign or national. I always like to hear this about countries. Do they have free health care?

Yes, they do. The government pays for it, yes. Free education. No taxation. No one gets taxed. Wait a second. It's already turned around. I don't need to drive. Wait a minute. Why no taxes?

They just don't, because they have so much money? I mean, they have minimal taxation. Basically, it's because it's a state that redistributes the oil wealth to the people. 70% of the working population works for the government, receives a salary. And you said a lot of the oil comes from the United States, too, so they could do that here. They could redistribute oil wealth in the United States if they wanted to. They do that actually in Alaska. Everyone in Alaska

gets a check when times are good and oil is... Is their military good? Do they have a large military? They're building up their military. It's, you know, so-so. Right. Right. Just one guy with a sword

i think that's a great that's a great fact that there's no taxes so if they don't have a big military why are we always why this is my sensitivity why doesn't america just rock in there and take it all uh well that nearly happened in 1973- 74, when there was an oil embargo and Saudis decided that America was supporting Israel and that was not good. And so they decided not to sell oil to the United States, and the U.S. threatened to invade and to take over the oil fields. And an interesting fact that very few people know is that once that crisis blew over and then the Americans and the Saudis hugged and kissed and everything went back to normal, the Saudis then went

and built, with the help of a Swiss company, a system of explosive devices and tunnels and so on to destroy all the oil fields should there ever be an attempt to take over the field because that's the thing they're ready to blow the whole thing up if they want if you don't know about switzerland switzerland is the most paranoid country in the world and it is is landlocked with mountains and you can get in there by tunnels and everything's ready to be shut down at a push of a button the swiss that's why they're always neutral they can shut the place down just with explosives ready to go and all the explosives did with their blow fields all the explosives are in this compact little thing and there's also a spyglass and a toothpick and okay okay so uh i haven't asked this yet jim because you've scored

pretty well but what did you learn today because usually i don't ask you that because you kind of knew a lot of this stuff i learned give us a few things you learned today what did i learn today i learned that uh the prince is very popular there's more human rights happening now in saudi arabia that they don't have a big military and that we could take them over this is what you just said right now yeah that's what okay that's all i ever remember in the last two minutes and and that if donald trump is listening to us i might have given him an idea so sorry saudis if if uhis. You might be done after this. I've also learned that, I don't know what else I learned.

I think I knew most of it. What is one of the holy cities? Let's just go with that. Mecca. All right. I knew the holy city of Mecca. Everyone walks there one day or goes on camels or whatever. And yeah.

Do you remember the prince's name now? Salman Rushdie. prince salman rushty definitely not that oh fuck i fucked it up you said salman just say so prince prince a lot of people call muhammad mbs mbs which is i think a bank in australia it's korean pop band yeah there you go korean pop band what's the number one band. Yeah, there you go, Korean pop band. What's the number one band over there? What do people listen to music-wise?

I mean, they have their own musicians, you know, Saudi musicians. Right. But you have a lot of new groups coming up, and they're big on Korean stuff too, Korean pop. I think they had Mariah Carey go over there as well, so they love Western music. I tell you, the Saudi outfit is the best outfit to dance gangen style. You can really kick your legs up and have a good time in that.

Breathable. Moves well. I imagine everyone's genitals smell ultra good over there because they're free-balling all the time. Well, they also use Manscaped. Ah, yeah, Manscaped. It's also very hot. Wonderful product. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to shift gears right now to what we do all the time. Well, they also use Manscaped. Ah, yeah, Manscaped. It's also very hot. Wonderful product.

Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to shift gears right now to what we do at the end of this, just so you know, because you have never been here, Bernard, before we do a little segment called I Do Know About That. This is some stuff that Jim has told us that he thinks he knows some facts about. I ask him three questions just to see if he does know it, and so far he's done terribly. Okay.

So we might retitle it to I Might Know About That. ask him three questions just to see if he does know it. And so far, he's done terribly. Okay. So he hasn't. So we might retitle it to I Might Know About That. That was Kelly's suggestion because I think that's more accurate. But we chose Falcon Racing today. Now, you didn't put that on the list, but it is true. We were in a hotel in Scotland, of all places, and we saw Falcon Racing coming on. Yeah, and where we were watching, that was in the UAE.

That was probably outside of dubai or something like that were we drunk or just high i mean we were on stuff something yes but we watched a couple hours of falcon racing we got yeah we weren't sober we watched hours of it yeah it's no secret i'm in the falcon racing now but um so uh i'm gonna ask you three questions about falcon racing so you know so now one of the, when we watched the falcon racing, how did they make sure that the falcon flies in the correct direction? Because they have a bit of meat on a rope with a guy swinging over the top of his head.

Yeah. Pretty close. It's a dead pigeon on the rope. They swing it around and then the falcon will see that and, and go after it or race over there yeah yeah so um and there's two types of falcons that uses a gyro falcon and a peregrine falcon that they use mostly for the racing um the peregrine falcon the racing bird is the fastest in the world fastest bird in the world what is the fastest recorded speed of a peregrine falcon uh mock uh no i would say i would say it would go uh 80 miles an hour there's been one recorded at 240 miles per hour when it was diving like when it's diving now when

it's flying horizontally no but when they dive they're the fastest birds in the world when they fly horizontally you didn't ask if it was diving that's's just gravity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can fall at 200 miles an hour. I'm not fast enough. Oh, Jim jumped out of a plane. He's the fastest bird on earth. Jim can only run horizontally three miles per hour regularly, but he can fall from the air at 240 miles per hour. Fun fact, I run slower than I walk.

You do. I was thinking you were running. So horizontally, they only fly 40 to 55 miles per hour. You know what the fastest bird that flies horizontally? You do. A pigeon. There you go. Last week's I do know about that.

Yeah, the pigeon. Okay, last question. Which of these is true? Okay. The first one A in the UAE Falcons are issued their own passports B Qatar

Airlines allows Falcons in the cabin with a limit of six Falcons per flight C Abu Dhabi Falcon Hospital has 200 individual air conditioned rooms just for Falcons C maybe all of them they all sound yeah all of them. That's the correct answer. All of them.

All of them. It was a trick. Yeah, all of them. Falcons have passports. All Falcons have passports in the UAE. I have friends that don't have passports. Guitar Airlines allows them the cabin. They say six per flight, but some people get special.

Do you pronounce it guitar? I pronounce it cutter. Cutter? Is it cutter? I think it might be cutter. It might cutter is it cutter i think it's cutter it might be cutter and i said it wrong and there is a there's many falcon hospitals but there is an abu dhabi falcon hospital that's 200 rooms just for falcons and there's a couple not enough respirators or masks they have them but they're just for the falcons like this falcon it's covid

i'm sorry you're gonna have to that But we have... There's pictures of... Like, there's a Falcon passport right there. You can see it right there. Look, it's got a little passport. Oh, yeah, it's a Falcon passport. We'll put it up on the screen so people can see. They don't have a picture of the bird in there, though. Yeah, they do.

They have a picture of the bird and they have a little band on the right talon. Yeah, do they ask them all the stupid questions? What's your reason for coming to this country? Ah, racing? Oh, and it checks out. Are you bringing in any fruit? Yeah. Fuck. Ask him all his stupid questions. What's your reason for coming to this country? Racing? Oh, and it checks out. Are you bringing in any fruit?

Yeah. We're going to have to pay you. What's under your wing there? Oh, fuck. He's got a bag of Coke. And then we have some pictures that we put up there, too. There's like one that's a commercial airline, and it's just tons of falcons in there. You sent that to me, and I was like, what the fuck is going on? Shitting everywhere.

They're just shitting on the plane. They have plastic. And then there's just people sitting next to them like it's normal. There's like 50 falcons in there. You said that to me and I was like what the fuck is going on? Shitting everywhere. They have plastic. And then there's just people sitting next to them like it's normal. There's like 50 falcons on this plane. Yeah, imagine if you're sitting next to a falcon and they come around and they ask you what meal you want. And you go, I'll have the vegetarian option, please.

Or just I'll have the raw lamb. Yes, and if you could put it on my forehead. But I don't think you can afford a racing falcon jim i was looking at well you could afford it but it would be a lot it'd be it'd be all me money jim's homeless i'm walking around with a falcon well some of the racing falcons generally cost around like 50 60 000 but then some falcons and these are just like hunting falcons they're the i think the highest price was equal to a million us dollars for just a falcon yeah i wouldn't get the best falcon yeah you get like a 10 grand okay like i get like a tesla worth of

falcon yeah yeah just wanted to hang out in your backyard all right just say that when my son's playing up i'll just look at him and i'll take the fucking helmet off the falcon if you don't step in line don't make me take this helmet off the Falcon. Don't make me throw a dead pigeon at you right now. Hank, go right out in the yard with this pigeon. Go further! Further! He's like flying a kite with his dead pigeon.

Here's the crazy thing, is you got two out of three right in the Falcons. That was the one I thought you were... The other ones you said you knew about, you didn't get right. I know. That was a trick question. The last one. You even got that one right. But you did earlier when you were talking about

Saudi Arabia, you were saying falcon racing. I don't know, Professor, maybe you can tell us, but everything that I read in the UAE and Dubai is where falcon racing is pretty big. But in Saudi Arabia, they still have trained falcons that they use for hunting and stuff, but I'm not sure if that's... That's right. That's right. I mean, you know, the rich, you have

to be rich to be able to do that. Yeah. Yes. There is falcon hunting. There's no dollar store for falcons. And they don't just hunt in Saudi. They also go to other countries like Pakistan and Sudan. Is there people like, you know, when someone hots up a car because they can't afford an

expensive car, does anyone ever get like a fucking pigeon and just paint it? The Honda Civic falcon. And just paint it? The Honda Civic Falcon. And just paint it a bit different color. There's a funny skit with some young Saudi men who are making fun of the princes. And instead of holding falcons on their arms, they held chickens. And, you know, like making fun of the whole.

The falcon. Yeah, that's from the sketch group monty falcon that's a good one all right uh that's our show um thank you professor bernard uh i'm sorry jesus christ i just lost it bernard hakel for being here um is there anything you'd like to promote or tell us that not um i'm glad you did this show i really am i'm glad that you you know, I hope your viewers kind of get more interested in the Middle East. It's an important part of the world and it's in a mess right now.

And there's a lot of suffering. My fan base is fascinated. People should study it. I'll have it here. I found it. Your book, Saudi Arabia in Transition, Insights on Social, Political, Economic, and Religious Change is available on Amazon.

Well, thank you very much for being on the show, sir. Thank you very much. That was an interesting chat. And join us next week for another episode of I Don't Know About That. That's not how you end the show normally. Oh, if someone comes up to you and they say something and you want to win the argument but you know nothing,

just say, I don't know about that and walk away. There you go. Hey, everybody. Jason Ellis here from the Jason Ellis Show podcast, reminding you that my podcast, new episodes every Wednesday, downloadable where all podcasts are available. Come see my friends, Michael and Kevin, as we talk to you about what's awesome, what sucks, fitness, fighting, parenting, life, spin kicks, LGBTQ community,

how to defend yourself against a shark if it attacks you out of nowhere, and much, much more. So come join us.