I Don't Know About That - Surfing feat. Chad Kroeger

Episode Date: July 30, 2024

Chad is a world renowned activist and surfer. When he’s not fighting for the greater good, he’s usually out at El Porto getting shacked and talking shit to grind. He also does stand up. http://www.chadandjt.com for tour dates IG @chadgoesdeep Podcast: @goingdeepwithchadandjt Watch the music video for the Doohickeys' "Rein It In Cowboy": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDHf9alkjCI ADS: SHOPIFY: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at http://www.shopify.com/idk 

Thank you to our sponsor Shopify. Shopify makes it easy for you to shop exactly the way you want to. Customize your online store to your style with gorgeous flexible templates and powerful tools. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash IDK. All lowercase, that's Shopify. S-H-O-P-I-F-Y.com slash IDK. Now to grow your business no matter what stage you're at. Shopify.com slash IDK. Socks. Gloves.

What was invented first? And did the original socks have toes? You might find out, but I don't know about that, with Jim Jefferies. Wow. Well... You don't think socks were invented before gloves? Okay, I'll do it another way. Mittens. Do you reckon mittens got in before gloves? And have you owned a pair of mittens?

I have. They're fun, you feel like a crab. I enjoyed them. I would assume mittens came first. Have you seen the mittens where, obviously, some mum designed this. They got a bit of string that goes through your jacket, around your back, so the two mittens came first. Have you seen the Mittens? Where, obviously, some mum designed this. They got a bit of string that goes through your jacket, round your back, so the two Mittens stay together. Yeah.

Because you keep on losing your fucking Mittens. Don't come back from school without your fucking Mittens. I've attached a bit of string on between. But the other kids are picking on me. Well, until you learn to take care of your things, no more Mittens. Mittens was the name of their cat, and she just held it over a bucket like this. Our guest, it says gloves are invented first,

but our guest is, well we had him formally later, but Chad Kroger's here today. Yay! Chad's a comedian, Chad's a very funny comedian. Let's advertise our gigs, Chad's a comedian as well. You got any gigs to promote? I mean, this is coming out July 30th? Yeah.

I don't know my gigs yet, but you can go to ChadJT.com. Well, you haven't got gigs in July 30th? Yeah. I don't know my gigs yet, but you can go to ChadJT.com. Well, you haven't got gigs in July 30th ready to go? No. What? We're figuring out, we're taking July and August off. Oh, okay, so you're taking time off. We'll be back in the fall. Right, right, right, right, right.

But I think we'll be in Austin in North Carolina for sure. ChadJT.com, is that right? ChadJT.com, yeah. Yeah, we'll promote that later as well. What have I got coming up? You're about to start Australia tomorrow. Woohoo! You're about to start Australia tomorrow

You're in Australia as we speak You're gonna be in Perth tomorrow and you know the gigs there I'll be in Perth tomorrow It means that means like I've just finished filming the 1% club Perth Claremont happy to be there Adelaide Newcastle Melbourne Willa Gong will and Gong the Gong townsville townsville. Townsville the Town. See Charlie. Halifax. Oh, and then they're going to be back here and you're going to be with Jimmy Carr, the Charm Offensive Tour, starting September 5th,

6th, 7th, 8th. And let's plug those Mark Normand and Dan Soder gigs. September 13th, you're going to be in St. Louis, Missouri with Mark Normand and Dan Soder. Triple headliner. And September 14th in Atlanta, Georgia with Mark Normand and Dan Soder again. And then you've got a bunch of other dates in the States Detroit and Denver Milwaukee, Minneapolis

And then you're back if those if those triple headliner ones work out will do some more so come out to those We want to see people at go to Jim Jeffries dot com and then tonight I am at the San Francisco punchline. Yeah tonight July 30th and San Francisco punchline come out to that and tomorrow night I'm at the Sacramento punchline So if you're in those areas come out and then I'll be at the comedy nest in Montreal in August go to foreshaw net Go to ID cat podcast follow us on there. Look at cool shit on their clips Do we have merch by now? Probably. Probably.

I'd assume we do. If we didn't at this point, I don't have to tell you. Buy merchandise out in Australia. There's a merchandise stand at the gigs in Australia with April 18th t-shirts and whatnot. Mittens. Mittens? No, not the Australian tour.

Maybe when me and Jimmy Carr do the Canadian tour, we'll sell mittens. One will have Jim and one will have Jimmy. Yeah. The left and the right Yeah, just a picture of you guys on there. They're just the name Jim and Jimmy. They'll be individually handmade We're gonna have old ladies working out the back of the erratus. Yeah, okay work on your mittens I think you got anything for the doohickeys coming up. Uh, go stream raining in cowboy on Spotify It's been out for a minute

And if you're in Los Angeles come see us play at the grand old echo at the echo in Los Angeles on How old is the grand old echo? Let me let me guess it's 50 years old. Echo Park. Mm-hmm It's it's like I think it's 15 years when it's 15 years old the grand old That's like a play on the ground into music back here in 2009 country music was invented. 2009, I remember it opened up and was like, ooh, it's so cool, electricity.

Grand Old Echo, fuck off. Anyway, go see it. It's a play on Grand Ole Opry, calm down. Grand Ole Opry can fuck off and all for the same name. No, I actually go perform at the Grand Ole Opry. Yeah, at the Ryman Theater. They're already good to me at the Ryman. Hello Ryman, hello people of Nashville.

See you soon. What? No, sooner. Eventually. Sooner than I'm gonna see people in Malaysia. Yeah, okay. Kuala Lumpur. I could, I did gigs out there.

I've been there with you. All right, just support our industry. I wanna know what's going on with this topic. Let's go. Let's welcome our guest, Chad Kroger. G'day Chad. Now it's time to play. Yes, no.

Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a look by its cover. That's a different recording. When did that one come in?

No, that's not the mono one. That's the stereo one. So it only came through like the left, that's not the mono one. That's the stereo one. So it only came through like the left speaker. I'll fix it later. I liked it. You liked it? All right, we'll leave it in. That's what the left side. It sounded the same to me.

That's what the left side of that song sounds like. It was missing layers. Oh yeah, the harmony. So Chad, I know Chad. Chad's a very funny comedian. Chad does a lot of stuff about being Californian and being like a surfer type of guy is he shtick? Is that right? Yeah. Might say cunts mine. We've all got our things. Should do that set on cunts.

The history of the word cunt. I'm gonna say the country of Chad in Africa. No. Were you named after that? Was your mama fan of the country of Chad? I wish. Oh yeah. I wish, yeah. Okay, so it's not that.

All right, so is it something to do with California? Something to do with sports? Yes. Is it baseball? No. Ah, damn, I love baseball. I don't know how you're not getting this. You're just...

Surfing. Yeah. You literally just said it. Yeah, I know, but I know. Look, from Australia, I know a bit about surfing. I don't think you do. Not really. I don't think you do.

But I come from a surfy area. I've seen people surf. Where are you from again? I'm from Sydney. Are you from Sydney? I'm sorry, I'm from the northern beaches of Sydney. So I'm up near Mona Vale and Narrabin and all that sort of stuff. Manly's Sydney. Oh, you're from Sydney, okay. I'm from the northern beaches of Sydney. So I'm up here, Mona Vale and Narrabin, and all that sort of stuff.

Manly's our most, have you been to Sydney? Briefly. Okay, so there's two big beaches, Manly and Bondi. Yeah. One's eastern suburbs, one's the northern suburbs. And Manly would be our big one. But I'm about to go out there and stay at Bondi, so we'll see how that goes.

We're going in the winter. Have you ever surfed? I have tried once, but I got a fungal thing from the bloody, the wetsuit that I rented. Which they said wouldn't be a problem. Don't even get me fucking started. Never again, never again. I'm not fucking doing it.

Where was the fungus? You don't wanna know. I do, that's why I asked. No, you don't wanna know. All right, well Jack Groger is a world renowned activist and surfer. When he's not fighting for the greater good He's usually out at El Porto getting shacked and talking shit to the grind

To grind start he also does stand up and if you want to see where his tour is heading Go to Chad and JT comm for tour dates His Instagram is at Chad goes deep and the podcast is at going deep with Chad and JT and that Netflix show I didn't even mention do you oh, yeah, yeah Chad and JT go deep, which is awesome. Just all very Yeah, you watch it. Oh, thanks. Oh man. It's so funny. Oh, thank you really funny. Yeah So yeah, have you surfed your whole life? No, I started at 13. So that means whole life. Most of it. I don't know how old you are.

I don't think it's something you can take up really late in life because the standing up on the board is very difficult because you know how it's hard to stand up after you've laid down for too quickly? You know the bends you get for us when you stand up too quickly? Imagine that on water on a board. I surfed before. Not now. I'm terrible. I can't do it

I mean I don't anyways we can alright so I'm as he was like a dolphin. I'm as Jim. I'm serious He's so elegant under the sea only time he's been here with me. It's like it's like watching a circus of a show in a tank Where shamoos happy We're in it I was a marine biologist. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I dove. We went to the Great Barrier Reef. And then off he went. Do you dive?

I have dived. The guy holding on to him. Yeah, but I still was doing the breathing. You did, I'm telling you, because we stood on that grating, which was about chest-eye water, and you had to go under and hold your breath You know not with your breath breathe and for the first time you're doing it you did amazing Because usually people panic they come up and they freak out but you were that you did it and then the next time I went

Back and we did a field piece you went there. Yeah, I remember I saw the footage on yeah But I swam all by myself then it was only about 10 meters under the water. It wasn't far No, no, you could still get All sorts of problems there. Yes, 30. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can still get decompression sickness You can get an embolism you get the bends you can say it all That's like with your hold your breath and then like a bubble an air bubble would enter your airstream go to your brain kill you Or that would have been fun forest used to sleep under the water. And I was hungover. But he was hungover. He used to dive under and leave his mask under and have a nap on the fucking sea bed. On the push garden.

Nice sand flat there. He just wait for the other coworkers and weren't done. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. All right. Was the only reason to take a nap underwater is because you were tired and you weren't supposed to be tired. I was doing hopefully nobody. My statute of limitations.

I was possibly doing drugs and drinking for two days on the weekend and then showed up to work on Monday and was tired. Okay. And now he sleeps with the fishes. But I did my job and no one died. Someone almost died actually when I started working there, but that wasn't my fault. You saved a life once. Did you? Sort of. I was a part of the team. Did you do CPR?

Uh, we, you know what, we, in the water, when he got picked up... He's got a sapificate. team. Did you do CPR? You know what, in the water when he got picked up... He's got a certificate. When he got picked up... He does. The Heimlich maneuver which at the time they didn't say that. Wow, really? Now it helps to get water out of the lungs and then... Oh, okay. We had oxygen on the boat because we as a government organization, I worked for us, we had all this safety equipment in first aid and stuff, so we actually were applying oxygen to him because his heart was still beating and giving him oxygen is way better

than doing mouth to mouth and then he came to and spit up and when a Coast Guard cutter So we actually were applying oxygen to him because his heart was still beating and giving him oxygen is way better than you know Doing mouth-to-mouth and then he came to and spit up and when a coast guard cutter came and wow Helicopter matter there. That's cool. Yeah far straight back to bed Yeah, I don't know where my commendation is for my mayor for the mayor somewhere. You said it's above your toilet. It was, but I don't know where it is now. Everything's in storage. Don't lose that. All right. So I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions on surfing and at the end of him

answering his questions. It's the first thing Jack Shittle podcasts. Don't lose that. You make sure that that's OK. At the end of him answering the questions about surfing, Chad, you're going to grade him on his accuracy Accuracy zero through ten. Okay, and then Jackson grade him on his confidence. I'm gonna grade him on how hungry I am We'll add all those scores together if you get zero through ten wipe out, you know what that score

20 tubular better 23 get pitted so pitted. Yeah, man, whatever that means. Yeah, okay Famous video Quick story so I had a friend who was a surfer died at a very young age It was one of my best mates and he died in a car accident. No, that's very sad, but He surfed every morning so we decided to He surfed every morning, so we decided to, his parents as well, to scatter his ashes at the beach where he surfed every morning before school. And so me and his brother and another one of his best friends, we were teenagers, we swam out to the ocean and we held the bag and we looked at each other and said goodbye to him.

Just a little spiritual moment, I'm not a spiritual person, but just out in the ocean.m. and said goodbye then we we tore into the bag and all the ashes covered us yeah we didn't fully think that out the big Lebowski oh yeah we had to run back to the shore most of him would have ended up down the shower yeah yeah well he's always with you but I remember as soon as it went like this and it started scattering out I want it. Oh, no. Oh is in the water. Yeah Circle and then we tore into thinking I don't know we thought that it would just sit there No, it was just sink to the bottom or something Okay, yeah, cuz I thought it like blew on you. No, no, no, no, in the water. You couldn't just get away from it. Oh wow. And then you got a friend like that.

Weird fungal thing. Yeah, you gotta have a boat for that activity. Or sometimes I put them in a little pillow and it sinks and you know. I remember his parents were watching us on the shore and then we came here and we ran up the beach past them. Whoa! Where did surfing originate and when?

I would say that surfing would have originated in the Pacific Islands, probably Hawaii, I'm going to give credit to out of the Pacific Islands. Oh, a long time ago. I would say over 200 years ago, about 200 years ago. Do you know who is often referred to as the father of modern surfing? Uh, Duke from Hawaii. I've forgotten his second name, but Duke. Surprised you got that. I was already like, what?

I've watched a documentary on Dukes, man. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. I watched it on the way back from Hawaii once on the plane. Hawaii had a documentary on the Duke. Duke's Restaurant. Duke's Restaurant. Yeah, it's not bad.

I love that place. If you like a tiki hut and a tiki torch and you're not racist, Dukes is for you. If you are racist, Charlottesville. We have non-racist tiki torches here. In Hawaii, the tiki torches are functional. Not just for anger. So, David Duke is what your answer is? I can't remember. I was like, David Duke. He went to the Olympics as a swimmer. Uh-huh.

He was like, he's like the guy. And from what I can tell remember, I was not David Duke. But he went to the Olympics as a swimmer. He was like, he's like the guy. And from what I can tell from the statue, there's a statue on Waikiki beach of him, and a little bit up from Duke's. And I reckon he smashed pussy, man. That's what I gotta say. I think that he did very well. You see the statues.

Yeah, with the statue, with this guy's physique. And he also, he was like the number one lifeguard, right? So he saved loads of life and then he was just all Hawaiian and lifeguard Yeah, learn how to surf if you're if you were on holiday You would have been you're a young lady. You would have Yes, please Which beach is known as a birthplace of modern surfing and is famous for its long rolling waves? Beach is known as the birthplace of modern surfing and is famous for its long rolling waves.

Um, okay, so the North Shore has got the real big beaches, but you wouldn't have started off on the North Shore. The waves are too big. So I'm going to say Waikiki Beach. What is the significance of the surfboard in ancient Hawaiian culture? And I'm also going to take surfing back to about 150 years ago rather than 200. What's, say that again? What's the significance of the surfboard in ancient Hawaiian culture?

It's what you surf on. It's, what do you mean significance? Are you gonna say it in some spiritual way? It's what you get strapped to when you get taken up to heaven. Okay. What material revolutionized surfboard design in the 1950s? I'd say fiberglass.

Fiberglass. What is a stringer? A stringer, a stringer,glass. What is a stringer? A stringer. A stringer, a stringer, a stringer. I had a guess. I'm going to say the ankle strap that attaches to the board. What are soft top surfboards and who uses them? Soft tops. I was a soft bottom back in the day. Yeah, still are. Yeah, still are.

Soft top, that's not very functional, soft top. They're the ones with the pads and stuff on them. So who uses them? The disabled and women. I didn't have to say the second one, it was all under the umbrella of I'm disabled. 100%. What do surfers use wax for? To make the, to put on the board to give you more grip.

Okay, what causes waves to break? Well, when they start to curl over the top. What makes that happen? The natural progression. Okay. What do you mean what causes that to happen? We'll see What makes that happen? The natural progression. OK. What do you mean what causes that to happen? We'll see if the answer's right. Momentum.

What? Science. I'm not doing the next question. What is a cutback? That's where you go and you cut back into the wave. So you're going along with the wave and then you go up against the wave. What is a duck dive?

A duck dive is when a wave's coming and you go down like that underneath the wave rather than going over the top of the wave. You're doing pretty good. What is a line up? That's where Patrick's Swayze and Keanu Reeves had to be in after robbing all those banks in Point Break. Yeah, what's a line up?

They have to stand there and people go. Oh, in the line up., I got you, okay. I'm making it surfing related. It was good, that was very good. Where at the end they say they go to Bells Beach, which is just outside of Melbourne, which is where they have the Bells competition. They did not go to Bells Beach.

They say they're filming because there's like a classic wave that comes along every decade and I'm not missing it. Not for any pink rubbery. Then they went there and there was no Bell it, not for any pink rubbery. Who was considered- And then they went there and there was no Bell's Beach, it's just it was a different beach. I think it was Oregon. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Who was considered the greatest surfer of all time?

I'd say Kelly Slater would be regarded as the greatest of all time. Also smashing it with a pussy. Name some other famous surfers then besides Kelly Slater. Tubular. Tubular? Yeah. That's good. Other famous surfers, fucking hell. besides Kelly Slater. Tubular. Tubular? Yeah. That's good. Other famous surfers, fuck it. Besides Kelly Slater, yeah.

Well, Tubular. Yeah, what's his name, from the Mucka Mad Boys? Mucka Mad Boys. That's a Chris Lilly character. The Mucka Mad Boys, he was like a guy and he got his testicles shut off. It's from Angry Boys. Okay.

Enjoy, it's a wonderful series. I'm rewatching all of Chris Lilley at the moment. He is the greatest thing, greatest comic ever to come out of Australia in any form. I'm including acting and sketches and stand-up. And yourself. And myself, including myself. He is the greatest talent that Australia's ever had and they somewhat canceled him during cancel culture and it's a fucking shame it is. Who is Garrett McNamara?

He sounds like a tennis player but I'm gonna say he's a surfer. What, yeah, but why is he significant? Because he was the first Australian to surf. Okay. Which female surfer is known for her remarkable comeback after a shark attack in 2003? Oh, I've seen that movie, the one-armed willy.

Gender fluid, yeah. Yeah, well, she's not very fluid. I hear she swims in circles. Don't know her name? No, I don't know, but I've seen part of that movie. I've just forgotten her name. What does point break mean in surfing terms? What is point break? That's the breaking point of the wave wave the crest of the wave that comes okay What is the name of the famous big wave surf spot off the coast of Maui the North Shore Maui? Oh Maui that's no Maui's from Honolulu famous surf spot has a name

Cattle Cove okay, where is Banzai pipeline? Oh, that's a small pipeline. I tell you Okay, where is Bonsai pipeline? Oh, that's a small pipeline. I tell you It'll be in Japan what about Mavericks? It's another break Hawaii and Jeffries Bay that one through the way. Okay here. What are these surf terms mean dick-draggr? That's when you got too big a dick and It drags against the water. That's more with boogie boarding when your dick's hanging off and you're just holding onto the top bit. I can boogie board like a motherfucker, but I've got a very little dick drag. What about washing machine? What does that mean?

That's when you get thrown out of the waves and you just go... I've fucking been there and you're just seeing white as a kid. Like I look at my son now and he goes to the beach and we're like oh my parents just sent us out there with blue bottles and shit and just fucking getting dumped in the Australian heat getting skin cancer the whole time it's very dangerous what are ankle slappers Hot female dwarfs. Okay. What's a kook? That's terrible now. What's a kook? Oh, a kook. Is that like

somebody who stands goofy on the board? They stand left footed on the board? Because goofy is for skateboarding. I'm going to say maybe kook is what they do for surfing. We'll see. What does hang loose mean? It means hang loose, brother. Just hang loose. Just let your flag, freedom flag, freak out flag, fly. Okay.

It's like when you don't wear underwear. So do you know what hang ten is? Hang ten is hanging, I'm getting up on the board and hanging ten toes off the edge of the- So what's hang eleven? Hang eleven is for one of those dickdraggers. Okay. That's the 10 toes plus your big dong hanging in the water like a fucking single kill which was invented,

the dual kill was invented by Ben Lexan from Australia and that's why we won the America's Cup. Okay, a couple more. What's getting barreled? It's an easy one. That's inside the wave. Where you get inside then you come out. I don't even know those words that are,

ho dad Is that a word? You know? H-O-D-A-D Or did I just type something wrong? That is a restaurant in San Diego Next girlfriend father burger restaurant in San Diego. I'm gonna go Paul If you met this girl you do agree with me Last word what is stoked mean? Yeah

He said it though, I'm so stoked you asked this question over the moon guidance all right, Chad how did Jim doing his knowledge of surfing zero through ten tens the best so this isn't Correct incorrect. it's just like overall great. Yeah, correct and correct. Yeah, correct and correct. Also, it doesn't matter. You did okay at the beginning, I thought. Yeah, that's the biggest thing, this doesn't matter. I'd give you an eight out of ten.

Alright! Yes! Cowabunga! You started really strong and at the end you just, you know. Well, for a man who's only ever surf is only ever so also a couple of your jokes I think were the correct answers Hang 11 to yeah How do you do a confidence nine nine yeah very confident

I'm not like a surfer, so I'll give you a 10 so you get pitted so pitted did Alright, do you know that that video Jim? No? I'll play for you. Is it Chad? No a chance probably seen it before the oh, yeah It's very it's oh gee You'll see kids out there again. Some of those kids today was my cohost. Just like, dude, you get the best barrels ever, dude. Just like, you pull in, and you just get spit right out of them. And you just drop in and just smack the lip. Drop down.

And then after that, you just drop in, just ride the barrel, and get pitted, so pitted like that. Well, actually, the what? You know, he teaches lessons in Huntington Beach now Public speaking All right, where did surfing originate when Jim said it was in Hawaii 150 years ago? I said 150 in the... Polynesia.

But I did say the Pacific Islands. I thought you were pretty correct. Yeah, the Pacific Islands is always with the longboard and all that type of stuff and you see them all coming in. The Aboriginals weren't surfing. He says 150 years ago. I put this in chat GPT and it spits something out, do you know?

I read it but I forget. They said 12th century cave paintings, they had drawings of people surfing. Is it by Hodad? Yeah. What are you making this face for? They don't think they surfed that far back then? You can't just look at a cave painting and say,

oh, that happened. That happened. I can do a painting of me with rocket shoes. Yeah. Flying up to Mars, put it on the side of a cave painting in 2000 years, they go, they had rocket shoes. And to a- Fucking picture.

Yep. I'd be like, that's a board and a wave. I tell you what, if you pull me up a fucking cave painting of a cunt surfing and he's wearing billabong shorts, then I'm sold. I'll take Quicksilver. I'm sold. Okay, well, okay. Quick, I'll take quicksilver. I'm not gonna take that Hurley brand. No.

No, they wouldn't have had it back then. Billabong, billabong's Australian. Billabong and quicksilver. That's, that's, that's the cave paintings right there with the surfboards. See them? Yeah, but that could be just guys with big dongs. Yeah, I don't know. That looks like fucking surfboards.

It looks like why they're carrying it and not riding it away. On this website called CollectionsofWaikiki.com Wow. It says the earliest evidence of surfing history can be traced back to 12th century Polynesia and the Polynesians brought surfing to Hawaii. And there are famous written accounts of surfing in European diaries. James Cook witnessed Tahitian surfers in 1778. Oh wow. 1778. Oh wow. Wow, 1778. That must have been some

fucking splintery ass boards. The captain cook he was off on a, he was fucking traveling. The captain cook. He was, he just he just found Australia a week earlier. Really? Yeah, he went all the way down, found Australia and then found all, he went through all the Polynesian countries and all through the Pacific, and then got killed in Hawaii. Really? Yeah, they thought he was a god, and then they killed him, whatever. But like, when we were a kid, Captain Cook was,

there was statues of him everywhere, and now it's a bit sort of, the white people invaded, it's a bit less PC. He's here in Columbus? Yeah, yeah, but he was, you know what he was? He was the fucking, he was Captain Kirkman. He was on a ship, barely going, where no man had gone before,

in search of new people and new lands. Yeah. Right? And that's what exploring was. He was just going down and down, and he was traveling around with fucking botanists and stuff. He was doing it the right way, Captain Kirk. How do you go into the Pacific and find the Pacific? Sail around a bit. Well, Australia's big.

That one's easy to boat. Yeah, you come out of Australia. You got to get through Indonesia. That's a map of like... Fiji and all these little fucks that are on that way. Yeah, Fiji off to the side. And then, yeah, because these are long boat rides. It's a four hour flight from Sydney to Fiji.

So he comes into Sydney Harbour and then goes out up there, up into, because then it's a fucking, it's an eight hour flight to Hawaii. He sailed up there. He was out there forever. I imagine like you'd look for birds like that have to land eventually and see where they're going

and maybe head in that direction. And I don't know. My mate reckons, Friday in the podcast. My mate reckons when he was in the Navy, he said that they were in the eye of a hurricane once. This is off for you said birds is interesting. He said he was in the eye of the hurricane, the hurricane had been in there about 15 minutes

with her in the eye of it where it was completely peaceful. And he goes and all the birds because they were flying around in the hurricane, they all just landed and stood on the boat. The whole deck got filled with birds and they didn't give a fuck if humans came near them because they were too tired to give a fuck. Yeah. You know, they were acting like pigeons.

Interesting. Yeah. Is this your buddy? Yeah, my friend is a comic, cause he was in the Navy, he was telling me a story. He goes, it was just covered with birds on this big steel boat. And he was out there during a hurricane?

Yeah, yeah, they were cycling a hurricane, whatever, and they just sent a bit, you know, and they were all batting down the hatches and getting under, but it's a big battleship. It wasn't like they're on a wave, but it still wouldn't be fun. Still, they probably didn't want to be in it. They're probably caught in it.

No, they still didn't, they get caught in it, but they said all the birds landed on the deck. Interesting. Selling a little cha-ching or selling a lot cha-chings, Bossify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage

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Now you grow your business, no matter what stage slash IDK. Now you grow your business, no matter what stage you're at now, to grow your business, no matter what, Shopify, that's shopify.com slash IDK. Who is often referred to as the father of modern surfing? Jim said David Duke. No, he said Duke from Hawaii. Duke from Hawaii.

Sorry. David Duke. David Duke. You know who David Duke is? He's the leader of the KKK. Oh yes, yes, yes. The Grand Wizard. That guy does like Dinky Torches though. I've never called him by his first name.

Call him Mr. Wizard. Are you out of your mind? I call him Grand Master Wizard mentor. Duke, Duke, uh, Kahanamoku. Kahanamoku. He wasn't, but yeah, Duke, Duke, uh, Kahanamoku. Kahanamoku. He wasn't, but yeah, Duke. That's the father of surfing.

I know, but he wasn't in the clan. No. He wasn't. He was too busy smashing pussies in Waikiki. There's statues of him in Hawaii. There's a statue of him just like this, with like a hole in the laser around his neck, that's right on Waikiki Beach, just up from the Surfer Mona Hotel like we're facing that the Mona Surfer like it's to the left and then Dukes is to the right of that that's the hotel we stayed in last.

I think there's one in Huntington Beach too. Oh yeah? Who's, I think that's Duke. And what did he, by the way what he did at the Olympics, I believe he went, he was Olympic swimmer. Yep. Olympic swimmer, did he win any medals? I don't know, I'll find that out. But then he was like the lifeguard. He was just out there all day just saving people. Yeah. Just getting out there saving folks.

And then, you know, surfing a bit. He was the king of Waikiki, man. He took home silver in the 100 meter freestyle. Hack. First loser. I guess there's one, yeah, it looks like Huntington, but there's a lot of them. Yeah, well there's Santa Cruz too. Yeah, I guess there's a, yeah it looks like Huntington, but there's a lot of them. Yeah, well there's Santa Cruz too.

Yeah, I guess there's a lot of statues of him. Yeah. He's the guy. And then it says he won three Olympic gold medals also. Oh, okay. So if he won any medals, you won a silver in the 100 meters. I don't know why that one came up first. And then a minute and a half later, also three golds.

For what country? America. America. Yeah, was he Hawaiian? Yeah, three golds. For what country? America. America? Yo, was he Hawaiian? Yeah, he's Hawaiian. He's Hawaiian. Yeah.

You just said his second name. What's his second name? I know. Kehanamoku. Smith. Kehanamoku, I think. Kehanamoku, I'm pretty sure that's Hawaii. That's a classic, I don't know, meme.

I don't know what, that sounds to me like rice and a burger patty covered in gravy. All day. And spam. Yeah, it's a chuck of spam. Which beach is known as the birthplace of modern surfing and is famous for its long rolling waves? Jim said Waikiki Beach.

That's correct. Boom. I guess those are the perfect waves to start on, huh? And also, you can walk really far out there up to your waist. And so it's not like, you don't have to be a real strong swimmer to get up and like like if you were starting Just fall get back up on the board. You have to be a super strong swimmer at Waikiki. Yeah. Yeah, they just roll in It's a sandbar too. Yeah, so if you fall that's it's usually there's reef outside of there Mm-hmm, you can serve out there

But last time I was there I was just floating in a fucking tube just by myself. I had an edible, you know, and I went way out on that tube just in one key. I was just floating all by myself and fucking two turtles come up just to hang out with me. Really? Just... Whoa! They probably thought you were a big turtle. They thought right? And then they were swimming around me and all that sort of stuff

and me and these two turtles were at one and I was high out on the beach. Right? And then, this fucking other bloke comes splashing out there. He comes, he comes, he's about 20 meters away from me, 30 meters and he's coming. And I think you're gonna scare the fucking turtles away, cunt.

You know, I think he's coming to see me turtles. And it's an Australian. Good. Hey, Jim About the ocean having a moment. It's just me in nature. Oh Jim. We saw you in Canberra Scared the fucking turtles He did scare the fucking turtles off. Did they go off? Yeah, they went off for a bit. That was nice. What kind of turtles? They were the great big ones. Okay, like a loggerhead maybe. They're real giant big ones. You can normally see them on another beach around like a couple of blocks away.

Yeah, I don't know why I asked that kind of turtles. I have seen one, but everyone was freaking out once at Waikiki. Everyone was freaking out. But then this time the two of them came up and one was little and one was big. I don't know if they were mother and son or father and whatever, just a couple of mates. But they were lovely. I think, is it a felony to touch them? I didn't touch them. Probably.

Yeah, oh yeah. They take you on a tour around the beach. There's this other beach where there's tons of them coming up and then you have to like to swim out amongst them. You've got to swim over coral and you can't put your feet on that. And there's just like a local bloke who just stands there like this.

Don't touch him. Get your feet off the coral. Oh yeah, you can't touch the coral. Yeah, yeah, so you can't touch anything. So I'm just fucking floating. I'm like, this is the most relaxing thing I've done. And then I go back and I fucking, the turtles visited me in the busy beach.

I didn't have to pay for shit. Yeah, if it's a green turtle, they're endangered. Loggerheads are less, but they're all gonna be protected. So they don't need to be. Maybe felony's too much, but it is. Oh, maybe. People love turtles, man. With a man, it's felony.

It's like, we gave up good straws. We gave up good straws. We gave up good straws. And I don't think we should not, maybe here where we're near the ocean, but in the middle of the co, how good is a Coca-Cola through a plastic straw McDonald's? It's a thing of beauty. Paper straws for whatever they do is,

it's fucking hopeless and they don't work. And my wife being the person she is, carries around a steel straw in her pocket. With a little cleaner, like a little thing she has. And she goes there and I don't like the feel of that against me teeth, the metal straw. Well the real enemy of this e-turtle are balloons. Mylar balloons specifically. Why are they?

Because they don't like having parties. Well they think they're jellyfish. Because they're aging so much. They eat jellyfish. They think they're jellyfish. They'll eat the balloon and once it goes inside of them then it fucks. They're all innards and they can't eat anything. They starve to death.

They eat jellyfish. Someone said the other day that they reckon that A lot of them do, yeah. Piper bags are just as bad. Was it on the podcast? Probably, plastic bags, balloons, things like that. But balloons, you know, parties when you're like, there goes those Mylar balloons.

You're like, bye, and like, there's a dead turtle, spy. That's what happens. What's a Mylar balloon? Just like the metal one. The metal one. Oh, that's a Mylar, huh? Yeah. Do you think we'll Mylar, huh? Yeah. Do you think we'll get rid of balloons?

No. No? Definitely not. It's big business. Party cities. Bro, kids, big business, big balloon. Balloon free society. Big balloon, man.

Yeah. I'm telling ya, I've got a three, I'm sorry, a kid that's setting three in a month or so. He's murdering turtles. And they're never happier under three than when they have a balloon. They're never happier. Just keep yuppie with a balloon.

It's kid heaven, man. Oh yeah. We're not getting rid of balloons. I just put a turtle in balloons and it's just a sticker of a turtle being carried away by balloons. So that's even more. God, that's another danger I didn't even think about.

It wouldn't kill always. It just sometimes would kill a turtle, not always. It does a lot. Yeah, but we've got a lot of balloons out there Not as big they're not just washing up dead turtle dead turtle dead turtle More than you think. Yeah, I'm not trying to make this podcast sad. Yeah, but nature kills a lot of them as well Turtles they go out they go out and they like, and then the mother lays the eggs, and then the turtles hatch, and only 5% of them will make it to the water.

Why's that bitch not fucking planted the things closer then? Why did she go back so far? Because she believes in natural selection as well. Terrible parents, the turtles. Do you want a real answer? Yeah. Just keep the comment.

Yeah. Because I'll tell you, it's not funny. Give it to me. Now. They have to be above the high tide line because if the water floods the nest, it'll kill the turtles inside of the eggs. It'll flood them and kill them. So it has to be at a certain above the high tide line.

And it takes about 90 days for them to hatch. And once they hatch, almost all of them make it to the water That's not the problem when they're very small though. They get eaten Yeah, they get eaten by birds and fish and other predators and stuff Some of them get if they're near a road where there's like a lot of lights Sometimes I'll get because they're looking for the moonlight to bounce off the water That's how when they're hatch out of there They know where to go and if there's like near a road where there's like a gas station for instance a light or something like that It would turn around and go the other

way and get scratched by cars. Even at Shell? Yeah you're waiting for that one. Does the mom leave them? The mom leaves, yeah it takes 90 plus days usually. It depends on what species but like a logger had 90 days. So the mom will hatch them and then just... Digs a hole, lays them at the exact right... all the holes are the the same depth I like straws out the guy the holes are the same depth and because the heat determines the sex so the hotter they are that's the females is that there's a there's a certain temperature threshold that makes all females above that and then males below that so depending where they are in the nest, it's males and females.

Because we keep our cool. Exactly. Yeah. And you know, the hot tempers of the women. My wife was, we were not having an argument, we were having a little debate about- A spat. No, no, it was about the battle of the sexes and I'll tell you stuff. And I said, you know, we fought in all the bloody wars for you. You know what I mean? Men have died in wars all

across time and then I go and you didn't get to vote. It sounds very horrible, but we were dying in wars and my wife was very smart. She goes, she goes, uh, she goes, didn't you start them all? Oh, it doesn't matter. We ended them too. She goes, didn't you start them all? I was trying to think of a war through history that was started by a woman. The Trojan Wars. The Trojan Wars. Yeah, you got some ammo.

And then they brought out the condoms. But the Trojans, that was like a security breach. Putting in the Trojan Horse filled with soldiers is a security breach. By the, she. Putting in the Trojan horse filled with soldiers is a security breach, right? But then you don't want to have condoms named after a security breach. Oh, right.

Well. You know what I mean? Like where they all break out. Well, don't open it up. Yeah, then they all stand on horse. I want my condoms to be called Alcatraz. Well, you have the, I think it's, you have the weapon think it's You have the weapon inside yeah, and you don't want to get now In the way they drive the Trojan horse in there and then all the soldiers died inside

They all got out Toilet paper and flushed down the toilet. Some of them got too hot and became women. Breaches the walls and it comes back out. Yeah, you're not, yeah I forgot about the spermicide. They put that in the horse, killed a lot of them in there. Oh, yeah. Spermicide kills, dude. You gotta be careful. And also, like, Magnum, that's not a good name either.

Why's that bad? Because if you watch the TV show Magnum, that's not a good name either. Why's that bad? Because if you watch the TV show Magnum it makes you horny. Doesn't stop. There's probably more kids born from the 80s because mums have watched Tom Selleck and just got a bit hot under the collar and dragged the husband off there and told him to shut up. Magnum P.I. Yeah.

I'm gonna keep my eyes off and just sit on top of you. You shut up. That's what she said. What are the other condom brands? I was trying to remember. Durex. Durex. Durex makes sense

because that's a type of plastic or something they made up. There's one called Skin, S-K-Y-N. Is that the? That's from Durex. That's a sub, it's a skinnier version of Durex. Lifestyles. Lifestyles. Yeah, that sounds like, you know, that's for the gay community.

Lifestyles is one kimono micro thin. Yeah, kimono micro thin. Come on, guys. Yeah, I don't know. Is that a Japanese brand? Probably not. I don't know. Kimono?

It says best large. I just assume it's not a Japanese brand? Probably not. I don't know. Komodo? It says best large- I just assume it's not a Japanese brand. Best large condom. This is 12 best condoms, as said by Business Insider. It says Komodo Micro Thin XLs are the best large condom. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about me. I've got like not a very long dick, right? But I got a girthy dick,

so I need the larger size for me width. For the girth. For the width, right? Yeah. So when women over the years have seen me pull out the extra large, they go, well, this is gonna be a fun. Nah, it's just,

my cocks is like a thing that blocks roads, you know, from terrorists. Right? Right? Right? Right? Just looks at you like this, it's just wide and angry.

Do they ever ask me if it's for the girth? Yeah it's for the girth. Otherwise it'd cut off the circulation and I'd have a big ring around me, so I'd need to get the extra ones but I don't roll it all the way. It definitely doesn't roll it all the way. It's like a... It's a stump. Yeah it's like when you see those people who get like a woolly hat, but they just leave

it rolled up on the top of their head. Like the French... Grif is good though. Like the French guy out of, uh, Hogan's Heroes. Grif? I like how long Grif. Best vegan condom is, uh, Glide's Slim Fit. Oh. I remember, there was a girl I knew in Britain... Glide's a good name. Best vegan condom is a glides slim fit

Who she was always like she goes just so you know, I'm allergic to latex so I can't use condoms like that's not good Like I wasn't gonna use one but I didn't want to know that you weren't using him the whole time I will pass. Thank you. Nice to meet you Look Jim. this is for you. You can get custom fit condoms. Yeah. Bespoke. Give me a three inch wide, three inch long. Yeah, what's your inseam? I'm just like a magic eight ball. They're called My One. My and then One one 15% off air 10 lengths 9 wits 52 condom sizes Wow an airplane coke can Any fucking questions My fault guys like have you seen that guy 90-day fiance with no neck? Oh, yeah

Just go for forest this I know what he looks like you gotta see With a beanie. Yeah, what do I even look up? What's his name 90 day fiance man? No neck. He's got no neck on him Okay, I know That's my cock there. What is the significance of surfboard in ancient Hawaiian culture? It's what you get strapped in and taken up to heaven. Yeah. Yeah.

What? Strapped on, not in. I guess this is, I don't know, it's a selfish... This is one question I don't... I don't know, this is from selfish, but... Uh, this is one question I don't know. I don't know, this is from Chad G.B. He said ancient Hawaiians viewed surfing as a central part of their culture and used certain words made from local woods and religious ceremonies. You said what was the significance? And then you wanted my answer to be they used local woods and had ceremonies? Settle down. That sounds like a bullshit answer right there.

I think one thing... I'm gonna answer that for an ambiguous question and infer the podcast. They use local wood. Yeah, I'll be remembering it. Also, a couple hundred years ago, you only had local wood. No, this is imported. Nice.

How'd you get in here? We surfed it in. Yeah. And they got local wood. What were you saying? They, I think only the royalty could surf. Ah, okay. I once was at a luau, which we all know.

Some of them are better than others, the food's always pretty basic, but it's nice, especially if you've got kids, it's quite a fun type of thing. And it's nice to do that music with the sun setting and all that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was a bloke there who was the king of one of the tribes, right? And he came out and he had a bit of patter and he had a few gags And I'm the king and he really was the king and blah blah blah blah and then afterwards he this is like eight years ago He comes up to me and goes hi Jim like he walks up to the table. Oh the Kings coming. Yeah

Hi, hi Jim. Hello King, and then he's like this. I'm trying to get to stand up. We all the fucking King. Cause he's doing all these bits. Yeah. Like he had gags. He's trying to take that, you know, luau routine to the main stage. Yeah. And I'm like, well, you know, I'm telling the King,

well, you just go down to the comedy club when there's an open mic night and try your stuff out. That's all you can really do. And then hopefully you get noticed. I wish you the best of luck. Haven't seen him. Haven't seen any Hawaiian. Well, it must be hard being king.

Yeah, to be the king. Yeah. Well, what material revolutionized surfboard design in the 1980s, Jim said fiberglass. Polyurethane. Oh, polyurethane, yeah. But I think fiberglass is pretty much Yeah.

the same shit. That's what they coat it with, right? And then the foams and the polyurethane foams and the metal, yeah. And then what is a stringer? He said an ankle strap. It's the middle part of the board. I think it's wood, oftentimes.

It's like the middle part in the, it divides the board. It's to give it its balance or its access or its whatever, yeah. And what type of wood are you meant to use? What's the best wood? Yeah, it's good wood. Good wood. You're an expert, yeah? Local wood. And what are what type of wood are you meant to use? What's the best wood?

What are soft top slip ruts and who typically use, Jim said it's for the disabled and women. That's correct. But that was spot on. Was it really? I only thought I'd be 50% right. Well, it's for beginners. When you take a lesson, you take a soft top, because you fall. Oh, it's got like cushion and stuff on it, right?

It's got cushion, yeah. Oh, so like kids like cushion and stuff. It's got cushion, yeah. Oh, so like kids and stuff. Yeah, that's what I learned. You can get them at Costco for like 150 bucks, 125. So a lot of people get them as cheap boards. Yeah, but if people see you taking one of those out there, you gotta be on a beat for beginners, right? Yeah, you can't take it out to like an advanced break.

This is the charity that I want to start, right? So you're in Hawaii. I'm not a big charity. Like I'm not, this is a charity that's very manageable for me to start, right? An environmental one. So you're in Hawaii, they've got those ABC stores everywhere, which to people who haven't been to Hawaii,

you're just like 7-Elevens, but they've got loads of souvenirs in them as well, plus all your 7-Eleven-y needs. A lot of spam on rice. Anyway, so they sell their boogie boards for 30 bucks, 40 bucks, just, and their shorts and swimsuits, and I was just like, but they sell for about 15 to $20, they will sell you bucket spade, sift, little molds,

and I was just like, when you got kids, you buy one of those every holiday, holiday. You buy it for your 10, 15 bucks so the kid has a bucket and spade and so you're not taking it back with you. You're just not. And I think people just leave them on the beach. I've stopped buying them now. I just go find them. And they're just chunks of fucking plastic. Useless chunks of plastic. There should be bins. Like fuck the ABC store and their money, they're making plenty of money off the chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, right?

But there should be bins on the beach where once you're done with your holiday, throw away, put your bucket and spade in there, another family can come and pick it up. Hmm, yeah. That's smart. Decontaminate them. Yeah, but from what, from the salt water

and kids using them? Like it's not, like from what? From the salt water and kids using them? Like, it's not, like, from what? From possible fungal fungus. I'm telling you why... Impossible fungus. I'm telling you why other people won't use them. Not me, I'm saying, but people will be like, ehh. But you get them into the salt water, you splash them around, they'll be fine.

It's a good idea. You could just do that. Just get a bin. Just get them with holes in it so the water drains out of them. They're not even a charity, but just those hotels that are on Waikiki Beach. I can see you're going to be on Celebrity Jeopardy one night. What charity are you playing for? Buckets.

It's not a bad, it's just landfill. It's a good idea, I think you could just do it, I'm saying, not to be a charity. Oh yeah, let's see that. What's Jim doing? He's putting great big bins on YKK beach without any governmental authority whatsoever. They've just let him do it. I'm just saying you write to them. You write to them.

And now he's got a handwritten sign. Put buckets after holiday slash vacation. I think it's a great idea. I think you should do that. I put holiday because that's what the rest of the world do on vacations. You're going on vacation soon. You should do it. You should try it. I'll it's a great idea. I think you should do that. I put holiday because that's what the rest of the world put vacation. You're going on vacation soon. You should do it.

You should try it. I'll try it in Fiji. And if it works, I'm going to Fiji this year. If it works out in Fiji, I will bring it to the rest of the world. Why do you say Fiji? Because that's how you say Fiji? Fiji?

Fiji. You're in Fiji. Fiji. Yeah, yeah. You're putting the extra emphasis on the G. You go Fiji. Fiji. Who was born closer to Fiji, me or you?

I don't know, have any of us been? I'm a four hour flight away, what were you? What does that matter? Well, I've met more Fijians than you fucking have. I've been thrown down the stairs by a Fijian in an Australian nightclub when I've been kicked out, you bet your bottom dollar. My aunt's Fijian.

Well, then there you go. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. We should ring her up.

As her house pronounce, Fiji buckets. What? She's off on Gilligan's Island somewhere. Your aunt, let's get her. Oh, that's racist. What was that racist? I don't know. I's get her. Ah, that's racist. Why is that racist? I don't know, I haven't had that. I have no idea that's Fiji.

We know that Gilligan's Island is not in Fiji because I think they left on a three hour tour from probably Maui. Maybe another Fijian island. Probably from Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fiji. I don't know where they left from.

It looks like they're in the Pacific. They've never specified though where the toilets are. Google where they left from on Gilligan's Island. Where they started on the three hour tour. Where they started getting rushed. Where do surfers use wax for? Grip, right? Grip, yeah.

What is... I had a mate who was always waxing his board. And then you gotta peel it off, how often? Come on, man. How often do you have to take it off? Depends. I would say, I would say, depending on how often you surf, every two weeks. Every two weeks, you gotta like, scrape it off and then...

Yeah, but if you're not surfing a lot, I'll do it like monthly. Yeah, right. Also, they left from Honolulu. On a three-year... Oh, so they went to Kauai. ...three years... Yeah. That's...

Right, so let me just get this right. So, so, Gilligan and the Skipper were a couple of blokes who lived in Hawaii. And they would get movie stars, professors, and Mary. Okay, alright, that makes sense. And the house. Checks out. Yeah, it checks out. What causes waves to break? Why do they have so many clothes? 3-0-2-0, where did they get all the clothes from?

Wardrobe department. What causes waves to break? Jim said their natural progression. Well I think, I don't know the technical term, but it could be like a reef break, sandbar. Yeah, so it shallows up, right? It shallows up. You know, Blacks Beach in San Diego has an underwater canyon. So that's a heavy wave. Oh, so it's the reverse of, so there's a canyon and it shallows up. Yeah, something, also it's the reverse of so there's a canyon and shell is yeah something like that

Yeah, so the reef ones are dangerous right so because if it's a sandbar one like Waikiki you were saying right the reefs are Yeah, so the reefs are more though. It'll like the terms like throw more so pipeline. That's like you know the barreling waves It's more of a hard kind of but if you fall you're hitting a river been windsurfing or kitesurfing No, they say you need to learn to read the wind. I don't want to take the time. I don't even want to learn to read. Yeah, you have to learn to read. Learn to learn the wind.

Yeah, how do you read the wind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever hit a wizzard? Isn't that some fucking wizard telling you something? Yeah. Learn to read the wind. David Duke. Yeah, it's Duke.

Yeah, that's why I think I got out of surfing. It wasn't really ever. That's why you got out of surfing. My friends were into it and I would go with them but I never, it's Duke. Yeah, that's why I think I got out of surfing. It wasn't really ever. That's why you got out of surfing. My friends were into it and I would go with them, but I never, it was good, but they would hit the reef and it just seems scary. Right, yeah, the reef, cause you can have urchins too.

Urchins have little, you know, I've stepped on one. You stepped on one? They have barbs in there, so you have to like, Wait, so you've hit one of those surfing? Like hitting stuff. I was in Mexico, I just, I was paddling and it was shallow and I just my hand went into one

Oh, wow, and I've stepped in one as well. You ever stepped on a rockfish? No, I always look scared. I'm always scared of stepping on a rockfish. That'd be very bad. What's their deal? Are they poisonous? They just look like fucking rocks, man. You would probably have to go to a hospital They look like fucking rockfish, man. I think you'd have to go to a hospital if you stepped on a rockfish The poison would be I don't know you'd probably want to you guys have a crazy rocks You have crazy jellyfish out there huh rockfish? Jim Jimmy Box jelly you ever see box jellyfish

I have yes, I've seen I've seen loads of I don't know these are loads of blue bottles Okay, and they're meant to be a real kind of a thing I've had friends who got stung by them. And that's when like, they just wash up on the shore and then like the whole beach empties and everyone goes, that's blue bottle day. What happens when you get stung? It's called a stone fish, by the way.

Stone fish, check stone fish. Stone fish. And do they, if you get- That's the cunt. Oh, that's a rock. Yeah, that cunt there. This guy's a man. Yeah, he's up to no good.

You step on him, and what a pointless fuck that guy is. Yeah, that can't there this guy and their boys. Yeah, he's up to no good It what a pointless fuck that guy You know, I want to get stung by a box fish box, I don't know no, but that's meant to be real bad That's fatal, right? Yeah And when I was I've seen one off a boat, so you're gonna call me I think I know you can see it's like a plastic bag Yeah, you're calling it a? You can see it, it looks like a plastic bag. You're calling it a blue something? Blue bottle. Blue bottle, yeah. Portuguese manor, we would call them too. The ones that are... Little tiny blue things. Yes, but underwater they

have this huge network of stingers. Google blue bottles. Yeah, and I used to get stung by those when I was a kid and those were like, that was a bad day. No, I've avoided it. Just extreme pain, extreme pain wherever it stings. And they rock up on the beach. When you see them on the sand, don't get in the water. You gotta put some sort of antihistamine or something. Right. You won't die.

Pain in the neck. Yeah, you won't die, but you'll see that on the top and then underwater it'll have this dark purple blue tentacles that can extend like 10, 15 feet away from it sometimes, and sometimes a boat will go over one and then they'll chop it up and then Can we do an episode on jellyfish? We could, yeah.

These things are wild. Aren't they immortal? Forrest? Marine biologist? They never die. Um, I don't, you mean like an actual individual? I heard that. Why isn't there a turtle?

Why isn't there a turtle? Why isn't the ocean filled with jellyfish? If they never die, we'll run out of space eventually. I heard that. I heard that. Why isn't the ocean filled with jellyfish? If they never die, we'll run out of space eventually. I heard on YouTube. Or do they not procreate either? Did we just have the one amount of jellyfish for eternity? The aliens just dropped them off. Well there's one jellyfish called the immortal jellyfish.

That one's immortal? I think that one might be why uh I forgot I was gonna. Yeah, they I got something bad jellyfish one time in La Jolla my stepmom put toothpaste all over it Well, there's another thing Asking her to pee on it. Well, was it whitening? So there's this one. There's this one type of jellyfish when it be in between Mother's Day and Father's Day in Florida. It'll breed and the little larvae are. You can't even see them will be in the water column.

And if you happen to be near a reef or something, when these larvae are out there and it gets on you, your whole body will turn into a rash and they call it like sea bathers, eruption or something like that. Sounds like some sort of STD or something, but that'll fuck you up too. Sea bathers eruption, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're really into the jellyfish. Oh, I think I've had this. It sucked. Yeah, it sucks. What is a cut back in surfing? Jim says when you go with a wave and you go back into it.

Correct. All right. Duck dive, you got that one right too. You just dive, yeah, come right. Duck dive, you got that one right too? Mm-hmm. You just dive, yeah, come on. What is the lineup? I'll tell you, so my wife who is from Britain, not a strong swimmer and also scared of the ocean like all buggery, right?

So on our honeymoon, and she was pregnant on our honeymoon, but she got pregnant like a month after we got married or something, right? And so she's oh no we had our honeymoon after covid it sort of dissipated right so we got married in covid and then a year later well she's still she's pregnant she's about seven months pregnant six months pregnant and uh she was seeing everyone else going out in the waves we're in uh we're in uh lanai the island of lanai there's the four seasons there right she was seeing everyone out there in the waves and she goes She goes I want to go out there and I said well you can go out there

You'll be right these are some mileways because what do I do when the wave comes at me? I said just jump into it and then you know because they're just there's light waves just breaking you just jump into it And I said watch me and I went out there And I said look and boom and I jumped in and then you go up and down. And I said, don't worry about going underneath one. These ones break a bit too early. You just jump into it. She fucking went out there.

It was like a slow motion movie. I've never seen anyone botch something up so badly. This wave came in as light as you could fucking imagine. Right? Like my wife jumps too high, it clips her in the thighs, and she flips over. She flips over pregnant, bashes her head into the thing, right?

She's under there for a bit, and I'm already like this. I've been married for a fucking month, and I'm gonna be taking care of a quadriplegic and a baby. This is bullshit. This is the better or for worse. This is the for worse bit and I've only been in it for a month. Elvis didn't warn you about this possibility. Anyway, she was alright but the baby still looks past your eyeballs. He looks at you through your eyeballs to the back of your head. It's hypnotic. If you put your head to his, your ear to his stomach,

you can hear the ocean, right? How do you duck dive though? So yeah, you push down with your board. Sometimes you use your foot to push the tail down. And you have to go like, but if the wave's breaking, you have to do it at a certain time, right, or else it'll go. Yeah, so. It's underneath the break.

Yeah, so you wanna paddle and get some momentum so that you're kinda moving forward a little bit So you paddle into it as it's breaking and then right before the white water That seems like the hardest part of surf or one of the like part where you can really fuck up if you're surfing Yeah, well Laird Hamilton, he's the big wave. Have you heard of Laird Hamilton? No, I've seen that You've seen him in a commercial I think in all of sports, the most impressive sporting

achievement you can see is someone surfing one of those massive waves. I know they reckon the hardest thing on earth is hitting a home run, point of contact or whatever and the pace of the ball. There's some other physical, being tackled in the NFL would probably fucking hurt, right? This guy's been in a lot of movies.

Being in the ring with Mike Tyson would be a kind of a thing, but nothing would scare me more than doing one of those This is man versus nature. Yeah. And it's like, and they go out there in jet skis and they get helicoptered in and they're like, uh, and they're just a dot going down on the fucking thing. That guy right there is Larrid Hamilton.

He's been in movies. He looks like, what's his name from SNL? Last Man on Earth. Oh, he does look like him. He looks like Will Forte his name from SNL? Um, Last Man on Earth. Oh, he does look like Will Forte. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Yeah, he looks like Will Forte. But this guy's the most well-known big wave surfer, right? Yeah.

How big do you go? Uh, 15. I'm asking about width. I like girth. Yeah, I, um, I like girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna call my next special girth.

I'm gonna call my next special girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. I'm gonna call my next special girth. I um, I like girth. I'm gonna call my next special Guth. I uh, I think biggest is 15. Is that from the front or the back? How do you know? Hawaiian is from the back.

And so uh, California, when you read the ways, pretty much anywhere else, it's from the face. So if they say 10 feet Hawaiian that's like 20 feet. Yeah. Actually that's 20 foot face. So from you, if you were standing on top of the water, 20 feet up. Yeah.

Everywhere except Hawaii it's when you're facing at how tall, but in Hawaii they measure from the back cause you know it's a shorter way from behind. I think it's just being pretentious. They're fucking, those big ones. Yeah. Those big ones. Laird said that like 80% of surfing is just reading the water.

So a lot of it is understanding when to duck dive, how to you know, paddle on the waves. It's just understanding. Do you know the biggest wave or the one he surfed or? Biggest one he surfed? Oh wait, there's a record, this guy, Garrett Matty. Eventually you have to come off the board. What happens when you come off the board

in those big waves? What's going on there? Well now they have like flotation. So if you, let's say you get towed in by the jet ski and then you wipe out and then it just drives you, because the water just drives you down 10, 20 feet. They have these new floatations, so you just have a rip cord and it just has a floatation.

But then they have to find you in the white water. That would be cool. You should put a parachute on the back so when you're on top of the big wave, you go, and then you go, oh. Yeah, you fly off. Now you're fucking paragliding. Oh, it's gotta be something. Let's get that happening.

You've got a lot to work on. You've got the reusable buckets. Or even those outfits with the wings. You stand up on the board, too much of this, whoo! And you fly off. Wait, so jumping ahead, then, who is Garrett McNamara? He is... He has the record for the

longest wave surfed. Yeah. Is it 100 feet? It says 100 feet here. Yeah. Was that the documentary? HBO, yeah. In Portugal?

Nazaré. Oh really, Nazaré, that's like the biggest... Drugs illegally. I don't know if there's, but people have some beef with Nazaré, cause they say it's just kind of a rolling wave, whereas like Jaws, Payahie and Maui actually breaks. How is Australia regarded in the surfing community? Because Australia always goes on some of the best waves

and that sort of stuff. Is that really the case? Like Australians or just like the... No, no, no, the country, our beaches. Oh yeah, I mean, you guys, the Gold Coast is amazing. Right. You have bells down there. I mean, yeah, people love Australia.

Right. Yeah. Because you know the west coast of Australia, Perth. Perth, yeah. Perth isn't many waves. Cottesloe Beach is a very light wave. Out there on a very light waves. Super windy. And that's why they had the Americas open out there. Great for saying shit, but the number one city on earth for kite and windsurfing. All right. So, so Garrett McNamara is a hundred foot Nazaré Portugal.

And then you just answered another question. What is the name of the famous big wave surf spot off the coast of Maui? You said? Piahi waves, or Maui, or Jaws. It's also known as Jaws. Piahi is the, okay. Not Turco.

Tasmania though, they have Shipster's Bluff. Have you heard of that? No, I've only ever been to Hobart. This time when I go to Tasmania, I'm thinking of like driving around a little bit. Yeah, they have a, that one is, it's not the biggest, but it's like, it's a wedge. So it has like a, it's one of the meanest waves.

What's a wedge mean? A wedge is kind of like where it's, there's like a shelf, like a reef shelf, and the water just kind of, how do you say, it kind of just folds over itself. Yeah. Now. Yeah.

It's powerful. We have to get the actual answer of the lady with the one arm who got bitten by a shark because I was very disrespectful. Yeah, yeah, which female surfer is known for a remarkable comeback after a shark attack in 2003? Not one arm Willie. Bethany Hamilton. Bethany Hamilton. Bethany yeah yeah I've seen the

document she goes back to surfing despite losing my surf still service what else you gonna do yeah can't start traffic I can't start a new job as a as a typist or anything half the speed I'm not doing that as an occupation I skipped a couple questions here. What is the lineup? Jim had a joke answer. Point break. That's where all the surfers are, waiting for waves. Oh, right. I always feel like

that would be a hostile, bro-y environment, right? Where he's like, hey, you cut in on me! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cut in on me! You're not good enough to be out here! You don't come out here! The waves are too big for you! I worked with mean you. You're not good enough to be out here. You don't come out here, the waves are too big for you. I worked with a guy. There's a lot of that, right?

Yeah, yeah, in Santa Cruz, because I went to college up north, surf Santa Cruz, it's intense out there. Oh yeah? I remember one guy was like, there's one guy out there and he's like, he said, what'd I do wrong? The guy said, what'd you do wrong?

You did everything wrong. You were wearing gloves, no booties. You got a rental board and dude There's one guy who's like all these college kids would come out and he just beat the shit They're like hippies from UC Santa Cruz, and they'd be like hey, man the waters for everyone and then he would Yeah, you don't know a surfer. Yeah, they're not chill, the surfers. No, no, no. They're not a chill group. They're assholes, yeah.

I worked with a guy in Atlanta who used to live in Topanga and said he was in like a surfer gang. Yeah. People showed up that just beat the shit out of people. Yeah. Well, there's one in Palos Verdes. And it's all like trust fund kids. Well, this is Chris Lilly's character

of the Muckerman boys. Yeah. He has this surfer gang. And he's like a pro surfer. And he, I protect this beach. It is funny. He lands over there protect this beach it is funny lands over there. It's a different beach. They need to know not to come down here. Angry boys, Smaus. Yeah Smaus. So who is considered the greatest surfer of all time Jim Tate Kelly Slater is he? I think so yeah and then name some other famous surfers. He's a power

Anderson and a prime man Kelly Slater he's the best. L so, yeah. And then name some other famous surfers. He's a paler adison and a prime man. Kelly Slater, he's the best. Laird Hamilton. Who are some other famous surfers besides Laird Hamilton? Laird Hamilton, I mean John John Florence is kind of the top guy now. There's a bunch of Brazilians, like Gabriel Medina.

Yeah. Who is Slater from? Cocoa Beach, Florida. Florida. Yeah. That's the thing, it's like from, I mean I've actually been with my friends surfing at that beach and the waves aren't very...

Yeah, well they say the reason he's so good is because he learned in Florida, it's small waves, so he learned how to, all the technicalities of how to... Yeah, how to get the meat off the bone. Exactly, yeah. So when he got in like big waves, he was like, he's amazing. Does he still compete or no? Kind of. He's like, he just kind of like semi-retired

He's the tiny hawker surfing Yeah, I met him one time my friend one of my friends friend knew him and we're on a beach And I met him years ago like in Florida, but yeah, he's got to be like 50 now, right? He's in his 50s, but he's still on the world tour But he kind of like retired he's kind of kicked off of it. Yeah, like fell off the qualifying So but he's still competing in some events, but he like semi-retired. And then you said the famous big wave surf spot Maui is

Payette, at Jaws. Oh, point break, what does that mean in surfing terms? So that's when the wave breaks out like a specific point. So waves, like if you're on a beach break, you can have A-frames where it breaks at like one point and then the white water kind of travels both ways. So you can surf left or right. Point break is just one specific direction.

So it could be a right hand point break. Malibu is a right hand point break. So it just breaks to the right and you surf. Let's say it's like a stage right. Yeah, okay. And then where are these? Bonsai North Shore Jim said you're back in North Shore Mavericks is Northern California, and that's a big one right yeah, Jeffries Bay South Africa Jeffries by what are these terms mean? I knew exactly. Yes, you did.

Everyone, Jeffreeze. You come back in here. You surf too much. What do these terms mean, dick dragger? Jim said, too big of a dick and it drags against the water. And then you said, bodyboarding. Yeah, it's bodyboarding. That's what surfers call bodyboarders?

Yeah, because they swim and they dick drag at the back. Fucking dick draggers out here. And surfers don't like bodyboarders? Right. What about the skimboarding? Those guys that skimboard from the shore, then surf and come back in. I don't think they have beef with them,

because boogie boarders will, they'll take your wave. Yeah. Skimboarders, they can't really, there's something. Who want the island to take the fucking wave? Dick dragons, dude. Yeah, they're dick dragons. Yeah. What about washing machines,

you know what I'm saying, when you tumble under the waves. Yeah. Ankle slappers. You want to repeat your answer? I don't remember it. Hot female dwarfs. Is it hot? I don't want to be sexist. Hot dwarfs. That's fair. Small waves. Oh, ankle slappers are small.

Slap your ankles. A kook is someone who stands goofy on the board Jim said. It's a kind of like a beginner Cool. Yeah, Dick Draggers. See it's very hard to get you. It's a very It's hard to get into that community. I would find it too fucking hard to get into. The barrier to entries. It's a pretty severe Yeah, you can't be uncool. You can't be a beginner, but you have to start young. You have to start somewhere, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You gotta wake your kids. You gotta start later.

Yeah. The only thing old men can do like me is that stand-up paddle boarding. Yeah. That's fun though. It is fun. Yeah. But they don't like stand-up paddle boarders.

I'm not going out there. What's the nickname for that? I'm not going to wavy places. I'm on a nice there. I'm not going to wavy places. I'm on a nice lake paddle boarding. I like paddle boarding. If you show up fucking in my paddle bearing area, I'll be like, what you doing, bro?

Whack, whack. This is for paddle boarders. You kook. Hang loose, Jims. I'll let your freak flag fly, not wearing underwear? Yeah, hanging loose. The shaka. Yeah, the shaka.

You can do it. Hang 11 is for the dick-draggers, Jim said. I don't know what is hang 11. The thing that it said is when you hang 10 but you're naked. Oh yeah, you dropped on, yeah. If a tracker was following me, I wouldn't dick-drag. I was just pitching footsteps in the sand with like a snake

Obviously you just fell over here because there's like a whole tin of Ovaltine circle But I don't think people serve naked not in California They drop trial when they're when they can't end they drop trial But I don't think people surf naked, not in California. Maybe they drop trowel. When they hang ten, they drop trowel. It can still be too cold in California. You gotta wear a wetsuit. Do you wear a wetsuit or something?

Although you could. In San Diego, there's Blacks Beach, it's a nude beach. So you could in like August. Okay. Getting barreled inside the wave and then you come out. Yep. Seems fine. Isn't the ocean temperature pretty much always the same temperature?

In California? No. Like't the ocean temperature pretty much always the same temperature? It's just that... In California? No. Like for the most part. No. And then in the winter it just feels colder. In Florida right now, right now in Florida it's probably about 88, 89 degrees, the ocean. Is it really?

100%. Wow. I worked in it for 15 years, I can tell you. And here it's not, as you know. It's colder here. Yeah, yeah. But in Hawaii it's always warm. Waikiki's always warm. Why can't he's always warm?

It's warm but it's it's chillier than it would be. I'm going because I'm going to Fiji in the winter but it's still going to be 27 degrees Celsius so it's still going to be like 74. Yeah. It's all about currents and like where the ocean where the water is coming from before it gets there. So in Florida it's coming up to where it's already been heated and here it's coming down for it's being warmed up but it's still chilled. So is it going to be cold in Hawaii in Fiji? It gets there so in Florida. It's coming up the words already been heated and here. It's coming down for its being

Warmed up, but it's still chilled so is it going to be cold in Hawaii in Fiji I don't know I don't know if the currents are like there. We think I am a fucking marine biologist Yeah, you seem to know more than me. Yeah, I'm just fucking making shit up No, I mean he knows how to pronounce Fiji too, so I'm saying Fiji Fiji Fiji I Can't I honestly can't hear the difference. I'm not doing a bit here Fiji Fiji F saying Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. I can't hear, I honestly can't hear the difference. I'm not doing a bit here. Fiji. Fiji.

Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. Fiji.

Don't put as much of an emphasis on the G. No, I'm doing it right. There's no G in it. No, the J-I. G. It looks like it might be, it's not going to be chilly, but the water currents are coming up from the Arctic, the Antarctic down there. Oh good, from the Arctic?

No, but it's warm there, right? You're thousands of miles away from there, so it will warm up, but then it curls back. It looks like it might be right in a cross current where it might be pretty warm. Just Google me what the water temperature's gonna be in Fiji in August. Jack, fuck it, we could've got this done in seconds.

Yeah, I got it. There, we could've got this done in seconds. I got you. There you go, I got it. He's going, the current comes from the Arctic. 70s, high 70s. 28 Celsius, yeah. All right, high 70s, water temperature. Yeah. And so, so.

You hear the reverse down there, it's wind. They reckon that you're meant to swim comfortably is 81 degrees is where your body's like comfortable, naked swimming. That's where the Red Cross say, that's a good temperature. You're not gonna get hypothermia. You're not gonna whatever.

Oh, last term was stoked. Jim said over the moon. Yeah. Over the moon, man. No wrong answers for stoked. No. This is stoked in Australia? It's stoked, mate. Yeah. Stoked, stoked? Stoked, mate. Yeah. Stoked.

Stoked. Stoked, bro. Not even an Australian accent. In New Zealand, it's all the same thing. Right, we say bro. All right, this is a part of the show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our guests to give us some facts

or a story, something obscure, interesting about the subject. You got something for us? Yeah, so the wetsuit was designed by a physicist for the Navy for like frogmen for like Navy SEALs and is designed by a physicist in Berkeley. I forget what's his name? I had his name and basically his idea was that that water so like with the material like water in between your skin and the material if there's it, if it's trapped there,

your body heat will warm it up and then you can stay warm. Yeah. So that's, his name is Hugh Bradner. He designed it, I think in the 50s. Yeah. So before that people were just cold. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And then- But before the wetsuits, well, I always see the deep sea divers with an old helmet that looks like the helmet that you find at the bottom of a fish tank. That's a dry suit. So you wouldn't. The lead based. And it was, there was, you would get air, the dry suits, they still exist. You have air that gets in there. You need more stuff to weight yourself down. So something like surfing, you would never wear a dry suit because it would be bulky and the way and shit like that.

Yeah, do you sweat a ton in dry suits? I've never worn a dry suit because I've only worn wetsuits. Regular suits, he's a non-may. I was all Florida, so I was like, they're wetsuits. You'll get cold, but not cold enough for a dry suit. Right. But what's that?

There's heaters in them. I don't even know what I fucking just said. Move on. Yeah, you and your fungal infection, you're what it says. Fungal, yeah. All right, thanks Chad Kroger for being here. Go to ChadandJT.com for tour dates. See where they're gonna be, go check them out.

They're really funny. And then on Instagram, at Chad Goes Deep. Their podcast is Going Deep with Chad and JT, and also check out their Netflix show, It's Really Funny. Was it like six episodes Yeah, it's very funny hilarious stuff. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me All right, man. Hey, if you're at a party someone comes up here and goes ah The movie point break was about billiards. No, I don't know about that And walk away

Good night, Australia