I Don't Know About That - Thanksgiving
Episode Date: November 24, 2020In this episode, the team discusses the history of Thanksgiving with author of "This Land Is Their Land: The Wampanoag Indians, Plymouth Colony, and the Troubled History of Thanksgiving", David J. Sil...verman.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Cassettes.
Videos.
Which one killed the radio star?
You might find out, and I don't know about that,
with Jim Jeffries.
Beautiful.
Great timing.
I tried not to laugh out loud.
The timing.
With Jim Jeffries.
Continue on for 10 more seconds.
It's been a good week we're still advertising
me and Forrest
are going to be in Arizona
hopefully
or there might be a big cut here
if that's cancelled
but is that still
Jack just looked at me
I don't know
I haven't heard anything
I'm just turning
yeah allegedly
we're going to be there
December 17th and 19th
or something like that
17th and 19th yeah at like that. 17th and 19th, yeah.
At Stand Up Live.
Stand Up Live.
In Phoenix, yeah.
In Phoenix.
So if you're in the Phoenix area.
We've got five shows, right?
I believe so, yeah.
I believe we're doing five shows.
And we've got a COVID vaccination coming our way.
I know we're a bit late on this.
90% effective.
Yeah, 90% effective.
That's pretty good.
There you go.
Those are.
Yes.
It'll still be months, though, before it goes through the trial.
Who's going to take it right away?
I'm not afraid to die.
I think I'll wait a few weeks, maybe.
But I'm not waiting months and months.
Because I think if there's side effects, it might take years to find out.
I'm not waiting years.
Yeah.
Or we gave it to everyone
that day and now they're all vomiting right you know what i mean so if fauci and the scientists
and all those people say yes they must have tested it they can't just bring it out that's why they
say it's 90 effective because they've been doing the trials but now it's just the distribution is
going to take a long time i yeah and and i'm making it but you know i the covid thing is like
and then this again this is like right before thanksgiving but we're so we're you know a little bit later when we're talking about this but this
kind of holds true you know i follow a lot of sports and it's like a lot of times people are
getting covid and then they're like and then nothing happened but there are certain players
in the nfl that are that got covid and they're playing worse afterwards oh yeah the long-term
issues and people are just like maybe it's covid i'm like maybe like people aren't even really
talking about where it's like,
the guy Cam Newton that plays for the New England Patriots,
he started off amazing, got COVID, and then he came back and they're like,
he's playing like shit.
I'm like, I wonder what it was.
If only we had any hints.
I'm not saying it is for sure, but the guy Ezekiel Elliott for the Cowboys,
a really good running back.
He's played kind of this year.
Justin Turner didn't get any hits in game six.
It's a small sample size. He didn't get any hits in game six it's a small sample size he didn't get any hits in that game there are threads on twitter about like i think they call
it long haul uh covid victims or whatever but there are people with like really really serious
issues that are either popping up later or just not going away that's the thing about covid is
we've been living it for so long that you can make jokes.
Like, name me something else that has killed 200,000 people in the country in the last year that is socially acceptable
to make jokes at parties.
Like, you sneeze and you go, COVID.
Sorry, everyone, bit of the COVID.
And then someone's like, my uncle died.
Oh, that's a shame.
Sorry.
And then you get in the car with your wife and you're like, COVID.
Ah!
Yeah, and then there's also not even the people that are joking. They're just like, COVID. Yeah, it's,
and then there's also,
not even the people
that are joking,
they're just like,
yeah,
well,
you know what,
what are you going to do?
Life goes on.
It's like,
oh,
we've already gotten there.
Okay.
Oh,
we have to learn
to live with it
or die with it.
Yeah.
How many people
died in 9-11 again?
I forget.
3,000.
So almost that many a day
are dying from COVID.
I know four people
who have died from it.
Okay,
so a third of what of people that have died in 9-11.
And 9-11 is like, oh, never forget.
Oh, no, no, no.
9-11 is going to be 1% of what COVID did.
Yeah, yeah, never forget.
Except let's give 9-11 its truth.
It wasn't a lot of 90-year-olds in the Twin Towers.
Yeah, yeah.
Also not contagious.
There wasn't a nursing home on the top floor.
Yeah.
Yeah, also not, yeah, there was no way to prepare for that one.
But, well, I guess they did kind of know about it.
Yeah, and it couldn't be stopped with masks.
If you believe the, yeah.
Well, the hijackers might have been wearing masks.
No, they were already there.
We knew who they were.
They were seated in a seat.
It wasn't like they bought their ticket,
got through security,
sat on the plane and went,
now time to put on our mask.
I would do that.
Jim, you shouldn't be kidding around about 9-11.
I always heard that.
Why weren't they sitting in business class?
They knew the plane was going down.
Splash out.
How do you know they weren't in business class?
Splurge.
I think they were sitting in economy, I think.
Middle seat.
Yeah, middle seat.
They weren't even going to take the planes down. They're like in business class. Splurge. I think they were sitting in economy, I think. Middle seat. Yeah, middle seat. They weren't even going to take the planes down.
They're like, fuck this.
This guy keeps taking my armrest.
We're going to get in trouble for this now.
Jack, do some comments, please.
Okay.
You think you're so smart.
Just think your voice should be heard.
You don't know about me.
Fuck you.
You can't fly.
You're gone.
You're just a dumbass. Sing. Come and grow. No one really asked you. Come and grow. I didn't hear the lyrics, but I think I was insulted.
I think you shit on something.
I love that
yeah that's great that was by a fallout boy was it fernando macias j is what i have written here
it really did sound like the early 2000s kind of like rock emo punk oh yeah blink 182 fallout boy
it sounded like uh what's the one that did uh smooth criminal at like alien ant farm
they could have done that song alien ant farm that was fucking good
yeah
that's a winner
great job Fernando
yeah
we hear your song
Fernando
this comment comes
from an Instagram message
oh
they go
I love how every time
when Jim answers
the questions
and he talks a lot
of bullshit
the expert says
he did better
than I thought
and then give him
some ridiculously high grade also I love how you guys ask the expert something ridiculous and
then they go well actually yeah is that an american thing to approve everything yes yeah it
is but i i do like how they everyone goes he actually did people think that i'm just gonna
roll around in my own shit on the floor.
It definitely is because I think other cultures are a lot more blunt,
but here we're always like padding everybody's feelings.
Like, you're not a total idiot, but you're an idiot.
I want one of them just to go, moron.
Well, the other thing that happens too is whatever the score is,
unless you get a zero, you got some right, and then they'll say what you got right and you just throw your arms up
you know more than you think.
Someone says, wow, not what I expected Forrest to look like.
I was expecting Norma Tacone.
Who's Norma Tacone?
He's one of the Lonely Island guys.
Oh, okay.
I don't even know which one he is. I always think that Forrest.
He's not Andy Samberg.
Yeah, I know.
I got that.
He's the-
I don't know how to describe him.
I couldn't even tell you the other one.
He's the other one.
Yeah.
Lonely Island. Here we go images which one is he he's the one that's not the two famous i think he's got glasses he's not the glasses not the glasses the other one uh yeah really yeah i i
don't know wow oh the short one yeah no way that's i don't know i thought i thought we thought we
decided last week that you sounded like a black person.
Yeah, yeah.
And that was me too, yeah.
Also, we're on YouTube.
We've done a lot of episodes now.
Could have seen it already.
26 episodes in.
Whoa.
I mean, I'm sure that's where they saw me, but.
Yeah.
You're also googable.
Googable?
Googable?
Googable.
Oh, my testicles are a bit gobble right now.
We had some Greek people comment on the Greek mythology episode.
One person goes, as a Greek, I almost had an aneurysm.
Kudos, Jim.
I assume it's with the pronunciations because someone said, where is it?
You had these ready, did you?
Yeah.
I had some.
They jumped around.
They said your pronunciation of Nike is how they say it in Greece.
Yeah, Nike.
Nike.
Nike.
I know that.
I was harassed by some bikies one day.
Actually, we do call them bikies.
Yeah, exactly.
Someone commented. Some bikies wearing Nikes
I want them in black
Someone commented all in Greek
With all the funky Greek letters
And it translated strangely into English
It says well soft Jim
When will you come to Greece
I've been
Soft Jim
Is that a weight product
They were there less than a year ago.
I'll go back if you'll have me.
I had a good time in Greece.
I always like the comments when you're on your European tour.
It was on Twitter like, when's he coming to Amsterdam?
He was there yesterday.
It's frustrating. Every comic goes through that.
It's like, when are you coming to my town?
I'm here right now.
Come to the show. It's on tonight.
Or you'll see someone that recognizes you.
What are you doing here?
Oh, yeah.
I love that.
I'm in Kansas and someone's like, what are you doing here?
Holidaying.
Someone asked, Jim, when are you going to host SNL?
When they ask me.
Yeah.
I've had my phone turned off right now.
So who knows?
Could be coming through the pipeline.
I'll take one of John Maloney's 20 times a year.
Yeah, there you go.
I'll just take one of them.
That was nothing against John, I'm just saying.
I haven't been on.
This person says, as a German, I have to say Australians get the pronunciation of brands way better than the Americans.
Your Adidas sounds almost as German would say it.
And by the way, I say Nike like you.
Adidas.
Adidas.
Adidas.
And I guess they say Nike as well in Germany.
The Germans.
A lot of Nike comments there.
A lot of Nike comments.
A lot of people are obsessed with that.
Do we trust the Germans?
The real pronunciation of BMW is boo.
What is it?
Boo.
What about Audi?
Audi.
Mercedes.
Mercedes.
Mercedes.
Oh, okay.
You had some people who really connected with your Mr. T soap on a rope connection.
Yeah, people have messaged me asking where they could find it.
Yeah, someone found two on eBay.
They're for like 18 bucks.
And then...
And I didn't save it?
Someone says,
I had a Mr. T and Murdoch soap set
for about 35 years
and didn't use it till recently.
A Murdoch soap set.
Now that's one you'd want to get.
You don't get the Hannibal one.
He's got an actual cigar hanging out of it.
It doesn't look great. It looks wrong. Yeah, that's the Mr. Tannibal one he's got an actual cigar hanging out it doesn't look
great yeah that's the mr t yeah he's an orange soap in the in the box and it says i pity the dirt
on the side of the box it's so weird that the a team had a whole series of soaps
doesn't make any sense at all like someone's like i got it eureka yeah but they put them on the ropes
no i got it so you hang it around put them on the ropes no i got it
so you hang it around your neck and then you wash like this and then it comes back and then you
wash like that yeah all right you get a soap dish yeah you can only wash down to your navel
you can't wash anything else just remains dirty or you'll break your neck
your dick smells horribly see my soaps on a rope why does your dick smell so bad i couldn't get mr t down there
excuse me what you gotta bend over um this is this was a fun comment they go hey guys
absolutely love the podcast and when you mentioned the snuggie i was thrilled i was the editor of the
snuggie commercial and our company blue moon studios produced the whole snuggie campaign
you're right what the editor it was just crossing to people sitting on the couch,
overly smiling.
And then if I remember the advert,
there's footage of a family just doing this.
Yeah.
The first time I saw the Snuggie commercial,
it did bring a tear to my eye, though.
It was very moving.
Totally.
Kudos to her.
The arms of an angel.
Yeah, Forrest was looking at it like,
blankets already do so much.
I don't have any friends.
So some people really disliked the name game we played.
Someone said it was excruciating.
Someone else said, I heard a myth once.
It went, Jack is interesting.
That's fucking rude.
You are interesting.
However...
If you saw Jack naked, you'd go, that's interesting. Why's hurtful that's hurtful you are interesting however if you saw Jack naked
you go that's interesting
yeah
how does
why is that bit over there
shouldn't it be over
you'd go wow
it's like
it's like
E.T.
just as wrinkly too
his neck
his penis
it's like E.T. with long legs
thank you so much
people however love the erotica segment they said please please It's penis. It's like E.T. with long legs. Thank you so much.
People, however, love the erotica segment.
They said, please, please, please make Jack read more erotica.
That was hilarious. I was hoping we were going to do it this week, but you didn't have anything prepared.
But that was my favorite.
Someone's going to send us an erotica book that they have written.
He wrote it.
Yeah.
They want us to keep this segment.
Someone said, Jack, love you.
Stop reading sex and start doing sex. Good note good note my dad wrote a porno that podcast yeah that's very well
surely they've read it all i know that how big is this porno right it might be over it might
have just been a short term no they did a tv version of it they read a couple of pages each
time but it's like was this fucking war and peace the porno wait they he read it or wrote
he they found a script that their father had written a porno and it was like was this fucking war and peace the porno wait did he read it or wrote he they
found a script that their father had written a porno and it was like an erotic story like she
enters the room blah blah blah blah they found it so they read out a couple of pages each time
but the podcast has been going on for years now yeah surely what are they having other dads who
are submitted dad still just writes new stuff yeah like my dad has written pornos. I'm on board with that.
Maybe he wrote more once the podcast took off.
He's like the guy
who writes Game of Thrones.
We can't keep up with the episodes.
We just had to start improvising.
He touched his dick.
Cindy was in a meadow.
This was on the orgasm
episode. Someone gave their masturbation daily routine, I suppose.
They go a couple times a day, once in the morning, once before bed, and a few times in the middle of the day.
That's like five times a day.
I love the accent.
The guy's name is Korgoth Killings.
Yep, that's how he sounds.
Yeah, Korgoth.
Korgoth.
He lives in cave number three the dick destroyer
corgoth the pounder caught off the swollen yeah his cousin is borf
it caught off in both
tom and gronk yeah and tom and gronk and tore off and bought
Tom and Gronk.
Yeah, Tom and Gronk and Toroff and Bork.
Toroff and Bork.
Whatever.
They're just an average caveman family.
This person goes,
how in the wide, wild world of sports is finding the spots still a mystery to men?
The clit is in the same spot.
It's not hard to fish around for each woman's G spot.
You're making us look bad, gents.
I think that's an Australian person, right?
Because we had a TV show called The Wild, Wild world of sports that used to be on every sort of
we had that too though oh you had it as well yeah yeah um because they say that in uh blazing
saddles he goes what's in the what in the wide wide world of sports is going on here um what
this whole like how hard is it to find the blah blah i said where everything was i know where to
find it all this sounds like a personal problem.
Yeah, it's like maybe
your little clit should be bigger, you fucking
moaner. Also, maybe he's overconfident.
Maybe he thinks he's made women's fun.
Oh, that's a he. Yeah, I think it's a he.
He's making us gents look bad.
This is going to ruffle some feathers, Jim. I'm sorry.
They go, Jim can fuck off
with passiona. Passion fruit
flavor is so bad on its own that in
yogurts it normally has to be paired with a nicer tasting fruit
all right well that's just a personal opinion
you took that a lot better than i expected more passiona for me
that's a great way to look at that why do you think he's gonna start yelling about it
fuck you yeah i was expecting that i was expecting an iron brew level rant jack has
working with me he lives in constant fear and i'm gonna just go mental over pashiona
start smashing things um this person goes i think this is the most interesting episode yet about
greek mythology although I was really hoping
Jim was going to talk about
Hercules Returns
one of the most underrated
Aussie comedies ever
Hercules Returns
I don't remember that film
so there you go
I'll try to catch
Hercules Returns
and I guess last thing
seems like we have a little bit of time
do you want to get to that story
we've been having to push off
no no we're not doing the story
we've done this Jake
we're not doing it you know why we don't do the story because i've forgotten about the story
maybe i'll remember next week well then let's take a quick break before we introduce our guest
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All right.
Now it's time to introduce our guest.
Please welcome to the podcast,
David Silverman. Hello, David. Hello. All right, now it's time to introduce our guest. Please welcome to the podcast, David Silverman.
Hello, David.
Hello.
All right, David Silverman.
Sounds like a Hollywood type of name.
Hold on a second.
No, I didn't mean it like that.
No, I don't mean that.
I mean...
He's going to play the song.
Yes, though.
Yes, though.
Yes, though.
Judging a book by its cover.
All right, David.
Do you work in movies?
No, I don't. Oh, okay.
I can tell from your background, which is just a blue wall,
you seem to have a halo.
Are you some type of...
Are you working religion?
Not in this life.
Well, let's see.
There is... He believes in an afterlife evidently um
uh do you understand a question have you written books i have you have um would these have been
books that i might have read oh i i i hope lots of people have read them. So you're Dr. Zeus. Yeah.
Jim forgot to mention he hasn't read a book in 35 years.
You wrote Pete the Cat.
Wait, haven't you only read like three books?
I've read a few in me day, but I haven't read any for years.
They're just... A lot of words.
It's okay.
The president doesn't read either.
You can be anything.
The movies are so much better.
You made any of your books, okay, your books acts of fiction.
They are nonfiction.
Nonfiction, okay.
So do your books involve a lot of graphs?
They do not.
They don't?
Always the nonfictions always have loads of graphs in them.
We do have a few hints.
Yeah, you want some hints?
Yeah, go on then.
Okay.
Kelly's getting a hint.
Hint number one.
Yeah.
Kelly's bringing some food onto the table here.
A chicken.
Yeah.
Oh, is it?
It's chickens.
No.
I'm fascinated by the amount of chickens in the world.
Just so you know, this is an okay hint, but it's slightly off.
It's a quail.
No.
It is a chicken, but.
Right.
Okay, give him another hint.
Kelly brought a chicken onto the table.
Now she is bringing.
Pumpkin pie, Thanksgiving.
He's an expert in Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
I didn't even have to use the cranberry sauce.
We didn't get a turkey.
I'm not doing it this year.
I'm not doing it.
I'm getting past that.
Jack's family, you wanna getting pasta. Jack's family.
You want to know
how sad Jack's family is?
Jack, what do your family
eat at Thanksgiving?
We used to get turkey subs
from Subway.
Oh, boy.
Then order the Thanksgiving
sandwiches from Subway.
Yeah.
Not even the Thanksgiving one.
Just the turkey sandwiches.
You guys had money.
So?
Okay.
All right.
Let me properly
introduce our guest.
Eat fresh.
David Silmerin has written several books on
Native American, Colonial American, and American
racial history, including This Land is Their Land,
The Wamp... Again, I don't know
if I'm saying this right. The Wampanoag Indians,
Plymouth Colony, and the Troubled History of Thanksgiving,
and also Thundersticks,
Firearms, and the Violent Transformation of Native America.
He is the recent recipient of the William Hickling Prescott Award for Excellence
in Historical Writing given by the Massachusetts branch of National Society
of the Colonial Dames of America, and his essays have appeared in The New York Times,
The Atlantic, National Geographic, and The Daily Beast.
Thanks for being here.
I'm going to sound very stupid on this.
I know I am.
I know this isn't going to be good.
Thanksgiving?
Yeah.
Well, we're going to talk about Thanksgiving,
but also the actual history of how it actually started.
We're going to make our in the first one.
We're also going to go around the room
and tell everybody what we're thankful for.
Oh, are we?
Yeah.
Because Thanksgiving is this Thursday.
I'm thinking of COVID.
Yeah.
Give me the time off.
Okay.
David, if there's anything you want to add or just tell us, like, just how, I mean, I know you are a professor, correct?
That's correct.
I teach at George Washington University.
Yeah.
It's in DC.
Tear it down.
And is there any, like, just, this is what you studied, obviously.
And then is there any other background you want to give us as far as you've summed up my entire life here?
OK. All right. Well, so you were a Thanksgiving major.
That's exactly right.
I'm an Easter miner.
You had a friend who was, I mean, got you on Valentine's Day.
OK. All right. So what we're going to do real quick is we're gonna ask jim what he thinks he
knows about thanksgiving the history of thanksgiving and all that i'm gonna prod him along with some
questions and uh at the end of that you're gonna grade him david on zero through ten uh on accuracy
kelly's gonna grade him on um confidence and i'm gonna grade him on etc ten's the best by the way
i know people have commented that they don't like me saying that but fuck off so i don't care some
people don't know.
Yeah, zero.
10's the best.
It might be a golf score.
Yeah, exactly.
You have to assume everyone's checking in on this is their first episode.
And we'll combine those three scores.
Zero through 10, your jive turkey.
11 through 20, cold turkey.
21 through 30, butterball turkey.
That's the best one.
I've actually been grading all day, so it's just a continuation.
All right.
Yeah, be harsh. I have to start off by saying i dislike thanksgiving i think it's stupid and i've tried
to do it several times because i have an american child i chip in and it's not a good meal and it's
just the fucking the amount of washing up afterwards it's just dish after dish after dish
and it's just like nothing really complements
each other then there's random things that are thrown in there and oh fuck me what's random
i put a lobster bisque out because i bought that was good i bought a fucking terrine i bought a
terrine that had turkeys on it i thought i was drunk or something it's like a big bowl you put
in the middle and it looks like all turkey and autumny you know by the way okay
american seasons everything's wrong australia's got it right the world should live in the southern
hemisphere or flip there because our school year goes from january to december makes fucking sense
our tax year goes from january to december like all these things when you get it when you get a
gift at christmas when you're in australia and you get a skateboard you know what you do you go
outside and fucking ride on it you don't go in a few months when dad shovels the snow
we'll get the skateboard out do you know how many people haven't been able to get home for christmas
in australia none there is no movie of people going oh we're all stuck every year every fucking
year you don't learn i watch american news and it's thanksgiving and it's like and these people won't be getting home for thanksgiving and they're all sitting around the airport
fucking miserable you you want to all travel during the higher snow days mental mental also
it's too close to fucking christmas it's too close you fucking you have thanksgiving and then
it's christmas like if you're a student and you're living
in some university and you've got to come home for Thanksgiving
then you fly back for a couple of days
then you come back again
or what you stay a fucking month with your parents
that sucks dicks
he did this whole rant to a 17 year old on a golf course
the other day
always on his mind
it really bothers me
you are not grading him on this part David
this is just emotion and opinion
It's just a rant
But you have all these dishes
You bought Thanksgiving dishes last year
I'm not doing it this year
I'm having pasta or Asian food
Or I'll mix the two
Noodles
Besides something you don't like
What is Thanksgiving?
It's a day that we have on the first Thursday of November.
No, no, the last Thursday of November.
We would have had it already.
Yeah.
Something like that.
And you get the day off school, and you come home,
and everyone eats a lot of food.
And then they fucking watch football.
Even if they don't like football, they watch it.
And then you have seconds.
And then everyone, because of the tryptophan in the turkey,
has a fucking nap.
Right?
And it's also when the pilgrims first met up with the Indians
and went, come on, we'll have a meal together
and let's see if we can all get along.
That was a few years before they gave them smallpox blankets and we all rejoice this one fucking meal they had where they were really
good who wants to fucking sit down for dinner with a bunch of religious zealots in fucking hats
anyway okay a lot of stuff there um couldn't keep up with what country celebrate thanksgiving What country celebrates Thanksgiving? Canada does it and America does it and that's it.
That's it?
That's it.
Okay.
What other countries have got anything to be thankful for?
I've traveled the world.
There's nothing.
I'm joking.
Thank you to all my international fans.
Thank you for coming.
Do you know when it started in the United States
and what was the impetus for it?
The end of November.
No, the impetus was it would have had something to do with pagans.
We get in the way.
It's always pagans.
The pagans were doing something wrong.
What happened was Halloween came about and someone thought,
oh, that's not good, all these devils and witches and whatnot.
We should be thankful for something.
It would have had religious overtones.
The Christians would have started it to get rid of their white guilt
for killing the Indians.
And that happened in 1988.
1988?
No, no.
I would say they started having it in 1840.
1840.
Yeah.
And then they were friends, the Indians and the pilgrims?
For a short time
and then still some of them are friends to each other i play the casinos i get along with them
fine yeah you know what i mean like like it's i think yeah it didn't last forever you know then
the the british civil war or something we would have ruined Thanksgiving. Yes, it was the Civil War. When was it declared a holiday and by who?
It was John Adams declared it a holiday.
No, John Adams was the second president.
I'm going to say it was, I'm going to give it to Lincoln.
And he did it during his first administration, year two.
Year two, okay.
Did he have two?
No.
Fuck, he got killed, didn't he?
I think you might be right, Lincoln.
I think I remember reading it.
I was thinking you only know three presidents before that.
I think he got assassinated in his second term.
Yeah, so, okay.
Okay.
And the, where am I?
Okay.
Where was it held the first Thanksgiving?
In the living room, the dining table.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Where do you have yours?
In the fucking bath?
City, state, anywhere.
It would have been on the East Coast.
I'm going to go Rhode Island, number four, Rhode Island Drive.
A guy called Ted's house.
Ted's.
And that's where TED Talks come from.
What are the major inaccuracies about the story of Thanksgiving?
Major inaccuracies that they all peacefully sat down for a meal would probably
be inaccurate.
It was probably just a couple of people.
Uh-huh.
Um, that they ate turkey at the first one.
Turkey.
Yeah.
I think turkey wasn't, you know, something they ate at the first one.
They probably had juniper berries and a fucking, uh, something else American hot dog or something.
Hot dog, okay.
Hot dogs were invented.
I watched a baseball documentary that was invented by a guy at the baseball.
He was selling brats, you see,
and he didn't want people to hold them with his hands,
so he gave them a bun, and there was the hot dog.
It was invented.
Fucking put in a bun saying you had an invention.
Like that fucking Earl of Sandwich.
Go fuck yourself, Earl of Sandwich.
What were you doing with bread before putting stuff in it?
Were people just eating it by itself going, I'm sure
this food is more versatile, but I can't
figure out a thing to do with it. One guy puts a bit
of salami in there and he gets called the Earl of Sandwich.
Alright, here.
A couple more questions and we'll get to
there. What are some myths
associated with Thanksgiving? Like some stories?
Um.
If you don't know. I know.
John Candy's wife is dead all the time
What?
Yeah, she was dead the entire time
You're talking about playing strings on automobiles?
Yeah, that's a Thanksgiving movie
Yeah, well that's a good movie
That's something good for the kid
Del Griffin's wife was dead the whole time
That's because he gave the myth out
That his wife was still alive
By just not mentioning it
Way to give away the movie
Oh, if you haven't seen it by now.
Spoiler alert.
That was one of the things in Legit,
it was like when we were pitching TV shows in one of the episodes
and Bacadal's character goes,
pitching my idea, pitching my idea.
And he goes, what's the idea?
He goes, trains, planes and automobiles.
I go, you can't do that for every episode.
And then he goes, every episode would be a different vehicle.
Why do we eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
Because they were wild and the Indians used to eat turkeys
and because they grow to their fullest size in fall.
They're thinner in the other seasons.
This is something I found.
Do you know what Ragamuffin Day is?
Ragamuffin Day is the day after Thanksgiving
where you eat all the different leftovers.
Leftovers, okay.
And then just a general question,
how do you think Native Americans feel about Thanksgiving?
I believe they don't like it.
I believe they're anti the Thanksgiving.
I believe that it's not a popular I believe they're anti the Thanksgiving. I
believe that it's not a popular thing. In the same way that Australia Day, we have Australia Day is
our sort of, it's more like a 4th of July. And it's the day that the white people came into
Sydney Harbour and found Australia. And the Aboriginals don't like it. So a lot of people
in Australia want to change it to Invasion Day, which isn't as fun a sounding name.
Like when you want to have the day of school, oh, it's Invasion Day, which isn't as fun a sounding name. Like when you want to have the day off school,
oh, it's Invasion Day.
Oh, God.
You know what I mean?
You want it to be a bit of fun.
You mentioned the Mayflower.
What's that about?
The Mayflower was the boat that the pilgrims came out on
and they were trying to escape religious persecution
in Great Britain.
And although I believe that is a myth because they
were the ones who were telling everyone you're not religious enough you should be more religious
they were persecuting everyone and then cried like bitches and got on a boat yeah a lot of buckles
yeah yeah yeah putting a buckle on your hat get the fuck out of my country your country this
no it's your i knew you're your citizen I was speaking as an English
person talking to the pilgrims like you
bucklehead get the fuck out and take
your wife goody proctor with you yeah
I wonder if that was buckle I'm gonna
write bucklehead down if that was a that
would have been a good insult hey
bucklehead yeah and that's what you
would have says I these fucking
buckleheads okay get on their boats these buckle heads with
their religion and their bloody more freedoms fuck off buckle head uh david silverman uh um
how did jim do on his knowledge of all things thanksgiving well i i would say it was a bit
inconsistent he got tens on some of these answers all All right. Zeros on others. I think overall he did all right.
I have a total score of 69 here.
All right.
69.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I don't even know where you came up with that.
I said tens the highest.
You're not paying attention.
I just did a Bill and Ted whoa for that.
We'll do 69.
Oh, overall, yeah, I'd give him a seven.
Oh, you were grading on 100.
Yeah, okay, so seven. Yeah, 69 is close to seven. Yeah, yeah, I'd give him a 7. Oh, you were grading on 100. Yeah, okay, so 7.
69's close to 7. Yeah, yeah, okay.
So 69 for those of you
that like that, and then 7.
What do you got? Oh, confidence?
I would give him a
6. Yeah, 6. What about
arightness? 42.
42, alright.
That's 13, so then I'll
give him a 53 so he does have a 69.
All right.
Yeah, because we want you to like Thanksgiving, Jim.
That's fast math.
Look, I like to have a day off, but I've had a few of them lately.
You're a comedian.
You always have Thanksgiving.
You have a lot of days off.
Yeah, with my son and where we sit down and try to do something or whatever.
You go around the table.
You say what you're thankful for.
I enjoy that. I think that's a nice thing to say that once a year.
I think that's the best bit.
Yeah, we did that last year.
That was fun.
Yeah, that's the best bit.
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Jack's lifestyle, Kelly's lifestyle,
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I want to eat healthier, but shit loads of it.
Just keep on eating.
So much healthy food.
So much lettuce.
Yeah.
I just want to fill up on lettuce.
Recipes are quick and easy with step-by-step instructions,
chef tips.
Like one of the tips will be like,
hey, turn your oven on.
And photos to guide you along.
And the photos is what I like.
I go, okay, that's a picture of the land.
The photos actually really help when you're going through it.
You're like, I don't know what I'm doing at all.
Do you remember those old cookbooks where they just had like ingredients and instructions?
Get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, how does it work?
I like my IKEA instructions.
Those are even a little hard.
Anyway, moving on.
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Forrest.
Yeah.
Have you done this?
You said it wasn't for me.
It's who we're getting.
Yeah, I like the balanced menu because, you know, I'm very balanced, well-balanced.
No, if you look at you physically, you are well-balanced.
Yeah, you can't move.
You look like one of those clowns you punch and it just pops back up again.
Well, I'm trying to look less like that.
No, I like it.
There's a Caribbean shrimp.
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You like shrimp.
I love shrimp.
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That's a good one.
Ooh, I love coconut rice.
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Okay.
So let's go over this.
I asked Jim what Thanksgiving was.
There's a lot of stuff in here.
Pumpkin shouldn't go in dessert.
People.
Let me talk to you, America.
This is actually sweet potato pie.
I couldn't find pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin is a vegetable that's meant to be eaten on the regular.
It's not a seasonal vegetable that you're meant to have spiced in a latte.
It's just a vegetable.
You can just eat it like normal.
Why did you try to put it into pies and cheesecakes?
Leave them alone.
I love pumpkin pie.
Just eat it as a savory.
All right.
Anyways, we can eat whatever we want here.
It's a free country.
You can, but if you open your hearts and minds to having it as a –
how would you feel if you're a fucking pumpkin, right?
They only want you once a year.
Australia, pumpkins, we have them all year round, all year round.
So there's massacres of pumpkins in Australia,
and here we actually respect them.
The pumpkin farmers are laughing their asses off.
They're having a wonderful time.
Not like the poor pumpkin farmer of America that's like,
all right, it's my big month.
Okay, better sell some pumpkins.
Here's that warty-looking one that no one likes.
What's the warty-looking pumpkin?
Fuck that one off.
That should be bred out of existence.
All right, let's let David talk for a second.
I asked him what is Thanksgiving last Thursday in November.
Lots of food, football, pilgrims, Indian smallpox blanket.
That was basically the rant.
I mean, yeah.
That's pretty close, I guess, right?
It's not too bad.
There's some smallpox before Thanksgiving as well as after Thanksgiving,
and there's only one case on record of colonists deliberately giving native people smallpox in a blanket,
but, you know, overall, pretty good.
Really?
Only one case?
Yeah, that's always the thing that you just think of.
We're educated all the time, the smallpox blanket thing.
There's only one bloke who did that?
Just fucking hell.
Only one case on record.
All right.
I thought it was rampant.
But who kept records of their blanket giving?
Where were the statistics?
So I asked Jim what countries celebrate Thanksgiving.
He said Canada and America.
Is that it?
I'm not actually sure.
To the best of my knowledge, he's right.
Ah, okay.
I thought I read something else like Brazil or something like that,
but it doesn't really matter because we're not going to talk about Brazil's Thanksgiving.
That humming noise, sorry about that, everyone.
Do we have some problem with the air conditioning today or something?
Oh, yeah.
I don't know if it's coming through the mic.
I don't think it's us.
You won't notice it if you're in a regular car.
In a Tesla, this might be very irritating.
Okay.
Just engine noise.
I asked him when did Thanksgiving start in the United States and who started it.
He said 1840 and...
It's always the pagans.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The pilgrims.
Oh, no, pagans.
I'm sorry.
Because the pagans were doing something wrong.
Halloween.
Christians.
Christians started it for getting rid of their white guilt.
Yeah, to get rid of white guilt, the Christians did it.
Correct?
Well, there's a lot to untangle there. 1840 actually is important because that's when
the primary source or the historical source about the first Thanksgiving first appeared,
and that's the first time that the public began to associate pilgrims and Indians with Thanksgiving.
Up to that point, for almost two centuries, people have been celebrating Thanksgivings without invoking pilgrims and Indians at all.
Until 1840.
Until the 1840s. That's exactly right.
And I got a fucking seven.
I'm not sure how the pagans factor into all of this, but I'm sure they do somewhere.
Yeah, they do something.
So that's when, so was that the first Thanksgiving or is that just when we associate it with
the Hohenheim Indians?
No, it's hard to say when the first Thanksgiving was. Native people had been celebrating
Thanksgivings of one sort or another since the beginning of time. And English people had been
celebrating Thanksgivings
back in their home country before they arrived at plymouth um so yeah i think trying to figure out when the first thanksgiving was is uh kind of futile did they think of the 1621 event as the
first thanksgiving um but you know that's an urban legend did the indians historically do it around this time of
year because the crops were about to go away and they had to have a big feast before they
went into winter or something like that was that some impetus for it sure all native people had
harvest festivals just like you know farmers all over the world and they had thanksgivings at other
points of the year too you know when the strawberries appear when the fish start running or what have you when the fish start running okay let's talk about this well did we
used to have running fish what do you mean they're more salamanders are they well they just say
they're like running like oh in the water yeah yeah oh okay they're not running around yeah like
when the salmons are going upstream as well i I love when the salmons do that. Make your life difficult, salmon.
Well, it's a safer place for them.
I get the theory.
Except for the bears.
When you get up there, just stay there.
Don't come down again later.
Just fucking stay there.
You do this every year, you morons.
And then you fucking think everything's all right.
You wash downstream.
Oh, better jump back up to the top again.
Just stay at the top. Do you remember the video where they were putting salmon in tubes to get them up
the river? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like the same tubes that they have at the drive-thru in the bank.
You shoot them up there and up the river.
Also, you know, they don't have
iPads. They need something to do, salmons.
The bears enjoy it.
I love watching a bear grab a
jumping salmon.
When and who declared a national holiday?
Jim said Lincoln in the second year.
Yeah, I think he's right.
It was Lincoln.
It was in 1863 during the Civil War,
and it was an attempt to foster national unity during a time of division.
I said Civil War.
Yeah, you're doing good.
There was something I read about Mary had a little lamb, this woman.
Is that correct?
This woman that wrote that song was encouraging?
Yes, she was lobbying for Thanksgiving,
which had been a regional northern holiday,
to be declared as a national holiday.
And she prevailed upon Lincoln to make this declaration.
And from that, the holiday, which again,
had been a northern holiday, became a national one.
The South was a little reluctant to pick up on a Yankee holiday.
They were feeling a bit sore after the Civil War.
But it did spread.
Did they have their own version, the South?
Like Mint Julep Day or something?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
I was trying to find her name in here, but also like.
Sarah Joseph Hale.
They had the don't treat your slaves that bad that day, day.
Just one day out of the year.
Give them a half day.
Oh, the South.
They were good people.
Sarah Joseph Hale.
That's her claim to fame.
Mary Had a Little Lamb.
There's a lot of lyrics to it now that I Little Lamb. There's a lot of lyrics to it
now that I see it.
There's a lot of
what makes the lamb love Mary so.
The eager children cry.
Okay, anyways.
Mary Had a Little Lamb,
her father shot it dead.
That's the one we used to do as a kid.
Now she goes to school with it
between two slices of bread.
Wow.
It makes sense you're a comedian.
You had a fucked up childhood.
What the hell?
Scarred.
Where was the first Thanksgiving?
Jim said in the living room, East Coast, Rhode Island, Ted's house, number four, Rhode Island lane.
Yeah, I'm not sure what score I gave him.
I think he got a four on my one to ten scale here.
Rhode Island is geographically close to where we're talking about.
Most if you you think of the mythical thanksgiving as the first
you know first thanksgiving that would be in plymouth which is now in southeastern massachusetts
so yeah he's about 30 miles off yeah 30 miles away not shabby not shabby yeah plymouth rock
that's where it would have happened there would have been no dining rooms or living rooms this
is a really rudimentary colony all the houses would have been one room so oh okay all right so number
two hot lane okay road island you think there'd be a lot of roads in there wouldn't you
there are still roads in there it's a smaller um so i asked i asked him what are some major
inaccuracies about the story of thanksgiving this kind of gets into like the relationship i think with the native americans and the people that came in this country he said
that they peacefully sat down that's inaccuracy and turkey they weren't eating that junipers
juniper berries they were eating something like a wild hog or something like that but so what so
what do we believe about thanksgiving or are we taught as kids that isn't really true? Like that's.
Well, credit to Jim again.
I think he hit on the major point here.
And actually, it's the thrust of my book, which is that we traffic in this myth of pilgrims and Indians sitting down together as friends and feasting together.
And we use that as a symbol of colonization. And I think any reasonable adult
knows Indians and colonists feasting together is a really poor symbol of how colonization went.
I think Australian Invasion Day is probably more on point. So, right, I think that's the biggest
falsehood, is that these two groups were friends and that Native people consented to their own colonization.
There's no question that the Wampanoags reached out to the English colonists of Plymouth in alliance.
It wasn't because the Natives were friendly. It's because they had already been decimated by an epidemic disease.
Their Narragansett rivals to the west were trying
to reduce them the status of tributaries and they wanted an alliance with these newcomers who boasted
potent metal goods and and firearms right and so they sat down and said what are you thankful for
not dying this year only five out of my six siblings die. Like, sorry about taking your land and killing you guys. Would you like a nice dinner?
Come on.
Dinner on us.
Juniper berries and probably hot dogs.
The other major falsehood in all of this is that the two lived happily ever after.
I mean, their relationship eventually went to hell in a handbasket.
And the two parties ended up in a brutal war
that ultimately broke the back of indigenous power
in Southern New England.
And that's more the norm in all colonial regions.
Yeah.
So you studied this.
Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Or do you feel like, I mean, how do you feel?
I mean, should it be a holiday?
I mean, it's not going anywhere.
But I just feel like, should it be a holiday? I mean, it's not going anywhere, but I just feel like should we be more sorry?
You should.
Well, yeah, you should.
Think about it in a couple of different ways.
One is neither I nor most of the Native people I know have any problem with getting together with family and friends and offering goodness for our lives. That's a wonderful
ritual. Yeah, what it's involved into is very nice. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. The issue I have is
with attaching a false history to it. And what I would say is if we're going to associate the
holiday with pilgrims and Indians, and I don't think we have to, but if we're going to, let's
get the history straight. Let's stop propagating this kind of bedtime story that makes white people feel better about
colonization. And I think propagating that lie, and again, almost every reasonable adult I know
will readily acknowledge that it's a falsehood. Propagating that lie does a couple of different
things that I think are damaging.
One is it alienates Native people from a national holiday.
And they are our countrymen and women. And I don't think a national holiday should do hurt to any portion of the population.
But I think the other thing it does is it makes Americans more generally less critical about our past, about where we came from, and about how we can do better moving forward.
Yeah.
And it should be actually celebrated that way,
where it's like, hey, it didn't start off so great,
but now, like Jim was saying,
I always like this holiday the most
because it's really kind of non-denominational,
and it is just like friends, family.
You don't have to be with it.
You can just be with friends, and you're thankful.
Forrest once explained it to me once,
because I said to him this about 10 years ago.
I said, I don't get it, Forrest.
I don't understand this thing.
At Sage, I had no family in America, so I used to go to other people's houses.
People would invite me over for Thanksgiving thinking that I'd be lonely
on that day, and the day meant nothing to me, but I was like,
free feed, I'll go over like that.
And then Forrest said it to me, he goes, when you're a kid,
it's the gateway to Christmas.
True, true.
True.
So true.
Wow.
He goes, once Thanksgiving is over, buckle yourself in.
Christmas is a coming.
So true.
And my birthday is December 1st, too.
So it was really ramped up.
I was like, Thanksgiving, birthday, Christmas.
It's all happening.
It's how you become an addict.
Hanks is the same way. His birthday is in november and then he's halloween
birthday thanksgiving like he's like it's happening the whole time i'm like it's a bit
much if i have another kid i'll try to time it middle of the year yeah my birthday is june and
it's a nice spread out you get presents twice a year yeah and i grew up in florida and the thing
you were talking about the seasons though it's in florida it's obviously warm but it does get
cooler and i do remember it changing into like cooler to where it wasn't
oppressively hot in like in florida to where i was like oh that was nice so i actually like
the weather changing i like having the fire on and also like even with christmas i like the real
trees you have here because in australia it's too hot the trees they grow aren't quite right
and there'll be some australians going no we have good ones they're dog shit next to the american
ones the american ones are fucking beautiful.
Yeah, and your face off.
American Christmas trees are number one.
Really good.
Let's kill them.
But that's probably because of the seasons or whatever.
But yeah, no, I think if you go to Australia,
New Year's Eve, for example,
you go stand around the harbour on Ecstasy
in fucking shorts watching fireworks.
You guys will stand out in New York in times square freezing your ass up watching a ball drop
like fuck me that shit we all live in california i know i'm you know what i'm saying well there
are fireworks afterwards actually david where you're in uh you're out you're in the east coast
east coast right i'm actually in philadelphia. Oh, well, good work, Philadelphia.
All right.
Thanks.
I didn't ask this question to Jim, but what was the first Thanksgiving like?
Is it kind of like the same?
Like, you know, like, where do we get this?
Like the turkey and this?
What you're saying?
The first national holiday one?
No, just like the first one we had.
Like, was it similar to what we have now? Is turkey always the dish of choice?
We don't know, actually.
So we do know that they were eating fowl with a U,
or rather with a W.
It might have been fowl, fowl, but fowl with a W.
That could have meant ducks and geese,
but it also could have meant turkeys.
We know from another source that they managed to bag several turkeys that season.
They probably had access to a lot of fish too, right, I assume?
I'm going to say something very dumb.
The turkey is indigenous to America?
I think turkey is indigenous to North America.
Yes, it is.
They were wild turkeys.
They're hard to hunt, surprisingly.
But you're certainly right.
There would have been a lot of fish. So if you want to have an authentic
Thanksgiving, you should serve eel
and...
I feel less thankful now.
Lobsters and clams and oysters
and crab and... There you go, your lobster
bisque. Yeah, lobster bisque. I
fucking knew what I was doing. Yeah, the
turkeys are native because I think... This is
something I was taught. Thomas Jefferson actually
wanted that to be the national bird and not the bald eagle that's right
wow that's right there would have been no potatoes they didn't have potatoes it would
have been nothing made with flour or sugar oh wow and that takes most of the dishes you know
off the table where do we stand with the juniper berries and hot dogs yeah what was the there's no
flour or sugar the dessert dessert was... Pumpkin.
There would have been wild fruits.
You can be sure about that.
I don't know about juniper berries.
Yeah, and so no green bean casserole.
No casseroles.
That's correct.
Canned cranberry sauce.
Stick the mushroom soup in your damn maroon there.
This is one that blows foreigners' minds.
When you guys put marshmallows
on top of potatoes like get the fuck out of here and you start yams you're calling them yams i
think it's like a bit of seafood or yams it's just no yams like a sweet potato yeah it's a sweet
potato and then you put mark okay so for australians that are listening they put marshmallows on top
yeah and slightly toast them in the oven.
So there's marshmallow goo on top of your mashed potatoes, basically.
Or your sweet potatoes.
Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of that.
I bet I'll always have a bit.
And then every family cooks one dish that they're like, this is our family thing.
My family was sauerkraut because they're Croatians, Yugoslavian.
So we'd always have sauerkraut.
And if someone came that hadn't been there on Thanksgiving, I could see them looking at it like,
what the fuck is sauerkraut doing there?
I made chicken fried rice last year.
Yeah. In your walk?
In my walk, yeah. That's my contribution.
He's from Asian descent.
He can do that. He's bringing it to the table.
I'm not judging.
And so the Mayflower, I asked Jim about that, and he says the pilgrims,
and he thinks that they were coming here says the pilgrims and he thinks that
they were coming here for religious freedoms but he thinks that's a myth because they were
actually the ones that were i know this because it was one of my questions on my citizenship is
like name two reasons the pilgrims came to america i was on the citizenship yeah and one of them was
to get so i looked into it and then there's a lot of theories that know that they were the ones persecuting everyone.
People told them to fuck off.
That was on your citizenship test?
Correct.
Oh, boy.
Getting the important shit.
That was the correct answer to escape religious persecution.
That was the correct answer.
When did the word pilgrim come into play?
Because didn't they call themselves like Puritans or something like that?
They weren't calling themselves pilgrims at the time, were they?
They did not call themselves pilgrims. They called themselves
separatists.
They're a branch of the larger
Puritan movement, which was a reform
movement aimed at the Anglican
Church. And you're certainly right.
They were coming to escape
religious persecution, but they didn't
believe in religious freedom. I mean, they wanted
to set up their own religiously intolerant state.
Yes, exactly what I said.
That's exactly what you said.
They wanted to be intolerant, and then they're going, people aren't letting us be intolerant.
I know a group of people like that right now.
So this country was founded on assholes.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fantastic.
And we are keeping it up.
Yeah.
But one of the things to keep in mind about europeans from that period is what they're
fighting about is which religious denomination will be the emphasis the true faith and they
don't most of them didn't believe in a separation of church and state there were some folks who
believed that but they were outliers right so it was the bloody puritans coming over here with
their pure ways how many witches how many people died on the Mayflower?
Did any of them die?
Did they get scurvy or anything?
Or did they all live it out?
Very few people died on the Mayflower, actually.
But half of the passengers died within the first several months of settling at Plymouth.
Right, right, right.
It was the foul, foul.
Yeah, yeah.
They were missing all their English food.
Oh, I normally have jelly deal at this time of day.
Oh, get me a pork pie.
You don't have pork?
Oh, cool.
Blimey.
Don't eat any other vegetable besides potato.
So maybe we've talked about some of this,
but like myths associated with Thanksgiving.
I mean, Jim mentioned plane trains and automobiles.
Plane trains and automobiles.
That's the best Thanksgiving movie.
Best Thanksgiving movie, you think?
I think it's really good.
What other Thanksgiving movies are there?
I thought it was Christmas.
No, no, it's Thanksgiving.
No, it's Thanksgiving.
The plane trains and automobiles.
What other ones are there?
Yeah.
There's tons of ones.
I feel like people are going home for it.
I don't know.
See, this is the thing is they're trying to bring the Friends cast back.
And just for a table read before COVID, they were all going to get on stage. HBO Max and Victoria. I feel like people are going home for, I don't know. See, this is the thing is they're trying to bring the Friends cast back.
And just for a table read before COVID, they were all going to get on stage, HBO Max and Vitaro.
Why didn't they bring them back?
The only conceivable, if you're writing a Friends script, the only conceivable one is
they had great Thanksgiving episodes.
The only reason those friends would be back together now is for Thanksgiving.
Yep.
You know what I mean?
They're all not going to live in the city anymore.
Have a special Thanksgiving episode. The turkey on the head.
Write that. Write that. Here's
the 30 best Thanksgiving
movies as ranked by Good Housekeeping.
Alright, here we go.
Well, I don't even know what the oath is.
Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is
on there? Oh, yeah, yeah. Charlie Brown's
rubbish. I'm just going to tell you the ones.
Here's the ones I know. Jim Henson's
Turkey Hollow. Never heard of that. Never you the ones. I'm not a trash. Here's the ones I know. Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow.
Never heard of that. Oh, no.
I never knew that one.
Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant.
Oh, that's a song they play.
My mom used to play that song because it's a song about Thanksgiving.
I love that song.
That's like 20 minutes long.
I feel like I don't trust good housekeeping to make this list.
But this is why I say it's rubbish.
Tower Heist.
It doesn't have the same magic as Christmas.
It just doesn't have the whole thing.
Wait, wait, wait.
The blind side.
The blind side is a Thanksgiving movie?
Wait, wait.
Hold on a second.
I must have missed the point completely in that one.
There's got to be a Madea Thanksgiving movie.
Hold on.
This says Paul Blart Mall Cop.
Yeah.
This is a good list.
Funny people.
Empire Strikes Back.
You've Got Mail.
What the hell?
Wait, Home for the Holidays.
That's definitely a thanksgiving movie
wait you've got i just watched you've got mail there's not thanksgiving you've got mail what
happens in november oh grumpy old men oh yeah um son-in-law this is terrible scent of a woman that
is a thanksgiving movie i remember that so you know man the scent of a scent of a woman is
definitely thanksgiving the family he has to take care of them. Curly Sue.
A Plane, Trains, and Auto Wheels isn't number one.
It's way down on the list.
Yeah, but they're wrong.
Hannah and Her Sisters.
The Big Chill.
And Rocky?
Rocky, the best Thanksgiving.
Babes and Toilet.
Wait, this can't be.
Wait a minute.
We need to write a Thanksgiving movie.
I know Rocky back to front.
There's an episode I could do.
If you ever want to do the Rocky movies, I'll fucking crush.
Yeah, that list was terrible.
But in Rotten Tomatoes, it's a lot of the same.
Here, I'll tell you what they have as number one in Rotten Tomatoes.
It's a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving followed by Krisha,
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Hannah and Her Sisters, Scent of a Woman.
There's obviously an untapped market here.
I'm going to start writing a fan.
We've gone off on a bit of a tangent.
Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
So are there any other myths that we should be aware of
or anything that we haven't covered?
I think there's a couple of them.
I think the one first and foremost is this idea
that Native people and colonists were friends
and lived happily ever after.
That's just patently false.
And yet it's because of the Thanksgiving holiday, it's the predominant symbol of native colonial
relations in this country. And again, it's a bedtime story. It's designed to make white people
feel good about colonization. I think the other one is that Thanksgiving extended from this feast between the Wampanoags and the English, and that association continued from 1620 all the way up to the present day.
As I mentioned earlier, it's not until the 1840s that that association began.
The holiday had been celebrated by white New Englanders for the better part of two centuries without any connection to
that false history. And what were they celebrating then, then, if they didn't have that myth?
Well, the government would declare days of Thanksgiving whenever, say, a drought ended,
or the region was successful in a war or there was a favorable ruling from
the imperial government or what have you it wasn't an annual holiday held at the same time
every year it would be declared at different times during the year so you might have two
or three or zero thanksgivings this this is one of one of my pet hates is in our society we celebrate success and
good things with gifts and parties and stuff like that and then then when bad things happen you get
no celebration right so they've just had a good crop and so the government piles on the good
goes here have a thanksgiving day have a day off you've had a good year rather than oh we had a
shit year oh you should need some cheering up. You should have a Thanksgiving.
When you have a baby, gifts coming everywhere.
Gifts coming everywhere.
When you have an abortion, nothing.
No one gives you anything.
When you get married, gifts. When you get divorced, nothing.
I'm with you on that.
We need gifts for funerals and stuff like that.
Funerals?
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, but for the people who are sad.
Yeah, if you're grieving somebody's loss.
Why do you get a present for the birth of a baby
and you don't get a present when grandma dies?
Yeah.
That doesn't seem fair.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I like that.
Misery gifts.
That's our new sponsor, Misery Gifts.
I asked Jim what Ragamuffin Day is.
I mentioned this to you on the call the other day.
I just saw this thing. Ragamuffin Day is. I mentioned this to you on the call the other day. I just saw this thing.
Ragamuffin Day was, it has its celebration as part of Thanksgiving where children were going door to door seeking candy dressed as beggars and homeless residents of New York.
So they just extended Halloween into Thanksgiving.
And you mentioned something that that was common or that was like the.
So it was it was common on holidays like new year's day or christmas day
um for street kids to go around harassing people in the city um you know demanding money or liquor
or whatever handout from them or else they would well torment them oh so it's just people mugging people you make it sound like it
sounds like the purge give me your fucking money yeah because in movies you always see that a kid's
like hey mister and it's like get out of here they're always like yeah they're like kicking
them away like ragamuffin's such a cute word for somebody who's like disheveled and it's like just
little criminals little ragamuffin don't get me don't get your lice on me go away there was a greater
expectation in the in the late 19th and early 20th centuries that if you were just walking
down the street in the city you were going to get harassed oh same same holds true and then
rudy giuliani fixed it and we all thought he was wonderful. And then he just fucked it. He fucked his legacy up. He was awesome.
Yeah.
So this is kind of we've.
So in your research or in your understanding, Native Americans now do do they celebrate Thanksgiving now?
Is it something that they're not anti Thanksgiving?
Jim seems to think that they don't like it.
I think that would be anti.
It does.
It depends.
There's a variety of practices. Among the Wampanoags in Massachusetts, some of them hold a day of mourning, this time with a U, every Thanksgiving day in Plymouth at a statue of their historic chief, Massasoit, over Plymouth Rock.
Plymouth Rock. And many Native people have built on that practice to use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to mourn and reflect on what they've lost over the years. But for every Native person
who does mourn on Thanksgiving, there's another one whose family holds a traditional Thanksgiving
the way every other American does. There's others who combine those two practices. They hold a feast and they mourn and reflect. So there's a great deal of diversity
within Native society about this issue.
What do you think would be the most fitting way to celebrate Thanksgiving?
I would like us to continue the practice of getting together with family and friends and
offering thanks for the goodness in our lives. I would prefer to see the holiday divorced from this false history.
And in place of it, I'd like to see Native American history taken more seriously in
American history education, in the primary and secondary schools and in the colleges.
I think the United States has done a fair job of addressing African American
history more holistically, at least since the 1960s. It hasn't even taken baby steps
to start addressing Native American history, which really challenges so many myths that
white Americans especially hold dear. Yeah, I think they should have a month like this Black History Month.
I think there should be a Native American History Month.
I think they should deserve that.
Especially as a kid growing up in this country, you're so right.
It's like my understanding of the history of Native Americans,
like, yeah, Thanksgiving, they enjoyed that,
and then Pocahontas, and then we're out.
In my brain, I was like, we're great. We're so great. And then as youhontas and then we're out. And in my brain, I was like, we're great.
We're so great.
And then as you get older.
They don't pay taxes.
It's all good.
As you get older, you read something here, a book here.
You even see a movie.
And you're like, oh, yeah, we weren't so good to them after all.
But yeah.
And so, yeah, I'm 100% behind what you're saying for sure.
Because I think that would accelerate the learning process.
I'm glad you're on board with that.
Would it have been good if we cut back and Forrest went, no.
I like it the way it is.
No, no, no.
We've given them enough.
The casinos.
I've lost a lot of money in those casinos.
I can't even tell you how much.
I've paid them and then some.
Reparations done.
Okay.
So, I don't know where I'm at.
Oh, you know, the president, I don't know if you guys know this,
people that live in other countries in America,
the president pardons a turkey each year.
I don't know why.
I asked David, he wasn't quite sure.
What does I like?
It's just a fun thing when the president pardons the turkey.
They bring a turkey in and then whoever's in the presence is like, oh, we're going to
kill you, but you're pardoned.
And then they're like, oh.
Trump's done this?
Oh, no.
All presidents do it.
Oh, I wonder if he's going to do it this year.
That's because these turkeys are murderers.
Yeah.
My favorite one is, if you can see, there's a clip of Sarah Palin talking and there's
a bloke, because they cut the turkey's heads off in a machine that just has like a like a fucking hole oh yeah I've seen that shove the turkey's
head in and it dies right and this guy's just Sarah Palin's talking and she's just like and
he'll be here in Alaska we do like all that and there's a guy that thinks he's out of shot and
he's looking really sort of shady and he's just killing turkey turkey just in the background i've
seen that clip i watch it every year that wasn't on the good housekeeping list but it should be um
yeah this is uh this is what happens to the pardoned i mean they still eat turkey in the
white house i'm assuming the pardon one gets to live at a farm and gets the or do we still kill
it is that a lie as well please tell me that one's pardoned forever.
Wait, hold on a second.
I don't know what happens to the turkeys after they're pardoned.
He's on that farm that my parents sent that dog
and the dog's still happy.
This says that the turkeys hang out in a private suite
in the Intercontinental Hotel.
This one, two male turkeys from North Carolina
named Bread and Butter hang out in their hotel room.
They're just on a bed.
At the Willard Intercontinental Hotel in downtown D.C. ahead of two days pardoning. So they just bring them from North Carolina named Bread and Butter hang out in their hotel room. They're just on a bed. At the Willard Intercontinental Hotel in downtown D.C. ahead of Tuesday's pardoning.
So they just bring them from North Carolina.
Show him that picture.
They just put this on there.
They put them in this.
They're good looking turkeys as well.
Yeah, they put them in there.
Then they're like, and then they retire them.
Apparently they go somewhere and they're just like, look, you're never going to be killed.
What do they know?
They live in Florida.
Not staying at Trump's hotel?
Maybe this year.
They don't look like they're covered in piss they're dry now um okay so this is the part of the of the show called dinner party facts
where we tell our listeners something that they can use or maybe didn't know something more obscure
about the topic or something like that
but kelly's gonna kind of lead us into this actually today so uh my ancestors actually
came over on the mayflower um and they are named john alden and priscilla mullins and
so they they according to our family history they met and fell in love on the mayflower and
they're america's first love story i've read up a little bit on it but apparently there was a love triangle too so once their child was born
so i'm a descendant of whores uh yeah i'm a descendant of whores um but whenever you see
pictures of the first thanksgiving or the our our version of the first thanksgiving and there's a
couple in it apparently that's them so she she made this quilt and it was
passed down from generation to generation to all of the oldest the oldest sons in each family
and apparently my grandma's sister um borrowed it to bring it to some event somewhere and then
just smallpox Annie yeah but she she apparently just stole it she said somebody gave it to her
so now it's probably just sitting in someone's closet.
Very sad.
So John Alden?
Yeah, John Alden.
So the original couple that met on the Mayflower,
it's just a cruise romance.
It's like when you're on the Sea Princess or whatever.
Apparently when they got there,
her whole family died within a couple of months,
so I think she had to get married.
He was like, yeah, man, I'm into you on the boat. He's like on the boat he's like yeah i'm into i'm into unless there's some hot native birds
then i'll be out of here they were the original jack and rose yep um and she let go so is there
i mean i don't know if you have anything else if you had anything you wanted to add to or
to what kelly said you can't beat that you You can't beat that, mate. Well, John Alden was Plymouth Colony's biggest killer of Indians.
I'm just kidding.
He was actually one of the most important guys.
Jokes, he was third.
He was a cooper, so he's a barrel maker who came over on the Mayflower.
He was in Plymouth Colony government from the
beginning all the way up to his death. He almost reached age 90. So he's in Plymouth government
for decades. He serves as their treasurer for a long time. He's their assistant governor for a
while. He actually managed a number of their land deals with Wampanoag people. He's a prominent guy and rose from humble beginnings to that position.
Apparently, their original house is still in the family.
So nobody's ever lived there except for the Alden family.
How much money have you got?
Your original house?
Not for, I don't have the money.
Yeah, trickle down economics, you'll get it.
What he's probably best known for is not his historical role, but
the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a poem called The Courtship of Priscilla Mullins
in the 1830s. And in it, he imagined that Miles Standish, the soldier in Plymouth,
sent John Alden to express Standish's love to Priscilla Mullins.
And while Alden was performing this duty, Priscilla Mullins supposedly said to him,
John, why don't you tell me how you feel? And they struck up a courtship. And apparently,
Miles Standish, according to Longfellow, didn't take too kindly to it, but eventually got over it.
And then Alden and Mullins lived happily ever after.
And one of their children married one of Miles Standish's children. Crazy. take too kindly to it but eventually got over it and then alden and mullins lived happily and one
of their children married one of miles standish's children crazy i guess that's the compensation
yeah there's only 12 people but also go over and tell yourself what the hell kind of shit is that
hey can you go tell that woman i love her like yeah it's your fault miles Miles, fuck off. Yeah. Idiot. So, Jim, do you feel any better about Thanksgiving?
I feel more justified in my stance.
He hates it even more.
And you're not celebrating Thanksgiving this year?
I'm going to celebrate it.
I celebrated at your house last year because I don't really have a family.
So I'm counting on you celebrating Thanksgiving.
You can come over, but it may be different food.
No, you say that, but then you got the whole spread last year.
I know.
We did it the year before.
Because you have a kid.
You have to do it.
I know, but I don't think Thanksgiving food is that great.
Taisy and Kate aren't up for it either.
Stuffing is really good.
Yes, stuffing.
Okay, let's just go around real quick.
Everyone's favorite Thanksgiving food.
David, what's your favorite Thanksgiving food?
I'm going to go with the yams and marshmallows.
Yeah, that's a good one. All jim you gotta like one uh i you see i don't eat pork anymore but i i like the honey ham yeah yeah honey glazed ham yeah honey glazed ham is a good
traditional it lasts forever put it in a pillowcase in your fridge
pillowcase all right jack let's call it a ham sack ham sack is that real yeah you put it in a pillowcase in your fridge. Pillowcase. All right, Jack. They call it a ham sack.
Ham sack?
Is that real?
Yeah, you put it in a pillowcase.
Yeah, yeah.
Some people make it.
You don't wrap it up because it gets all slimy
and all that type of stuff.
I don't know if you can do it with a honey one,
but when you have a leg of ham,
you just keep it in a pillowcase
or you can buy a ham sack.
My favorite's the ham as well.
Should we ask Luis or does it not matter?
No, he'll have some special thing. Stuffing, stuffing for sure. Yeah, stuffing's the ham as well. Should we ask Luis or does it not matter? No, you'll have some special thing.
Stuffing, stuffing for sure.
Yeah, stuffing's the one.
But, you know, I've been trying to eat less pork or not even eat pork,
and that good stuffing always has, like, sausage in it.
Like, you have the stuffing with the sausage and the...
Damn.
I don't eat the pork because the pigs are a very smart animal.
Yeah, but, you know.
They taste better when they're smart.
I don't think that should be the reason.
I just want to eat less pork.
Can you eat gum animals? Yeah, no it's it's got the brain of a
three-year-old so it's okay to eat stupid animals well i know i'm all right eating pork if you're
tricking them now i'm all right i'm all right eating pork if it was just like free range and
on a field and all that type of stuff because it's smart and you know it's part of the food
chain all that stuff but if you watch the videos of how they fucking treat the pigs man it's not
good i'm not i'm not really not eating pork nuts.
See, the chickens I don't give as much of a fuck about because they're just morons.
Idiots.
They're just standing around.
Chickens suck.
They treat the pigs the same as they do the fucking chickens, man.
And the pigs are smart.
What's your dish?
The dinner rolls.
Dinner rolls.
Like the bread?
Bread.
Oh, okay.
The whole time Jim was like, fuck bread.
Make a sandwich.
I'm like, actually, I really like it.
All right.
Well, thank you, David Silverman, for being here.
I want to say one more time, his book is This Land is Their Land,
The Wampanoag Indians, Plymouth Colony,
and the Troubled History of Thanksgiving.
We'll have a link to that.
Please check that out if you're interested in finding out more
of the terrible things
we did to the Native Americans,
but also if you want to get
some schooling on it.
Thank you, David.
Thank you.
And I just want to say
I'm thankful for all of you.
Oh, yeah.
We're supposed to do that?
Okay.
And the listeners.
I'm thankful for my son.
There you go.
That's a nice one.
Forrest, what do you got? I'll go last.
Oh, crap.
I'm thankful to still have a job during
this pandemic. Ah, it's very
sweet of you, Jack. And I've got some bad news
for you after this one.
Well, the pandemic's almost over.
You guys took all the good ones.
I'm thankful for a job and to work with you guys. All the good ones I'm thankful for a job
and to work with you guys
all the good ones
you were thankful for Jim's son
what are you talking about
I'm thankful to come here
every week to see you guys
aww thanks
yeah it sounds corny
but I really am thankful
for you guys
this is the best working
situation I've ever had
and you guys are all
very supportive
one day you'll get paid
for that
yeah but that's fine
but I am thankful
to the listeners too
you have the best fans so thanks for listening I'm thankful but that's fine. But I am thankful to the listeners too. You have the best fans.
So thanks for listening, guys.
I'm thankful to you guys who listen to the podcast
and to the people who don't listen to the podcast.
Go fuck yourself.
What about you?
What about you, Forrest?
I'm thankful for being so handsome.
That is a good one.
I should have thought of that one.
I'm thankful for Forrest being handsome.
Yeah, oh yeah.
He does bring up the average.
All right, if you're ever at a party
and someone comes up to you and goes,
you know the first Thanksgiving,
the pilgrims and the Indians all got along and had a meal, go, I don't know about that, and walk away.
Hey, everybody.
Jason Ellis here from the Jason Ellis Show podcast,
reminding you that my podcast, new episodes every wednesday downloadable where all
podcasts are available come see my friends michael and kevin as we talk to you about what's awesome
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