I Don't Know About That - "The Bachelor" with Nick Viall

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

In this episode, the team discusses ABC's "The Bachelor" with host of "The Viall Files" Podcast and Season 21's Bachelor, Nick Viall (@NickViall). Follow Nick on Instagram and Tiktok @NickViall and on Twitter @ViallNicholas28 . Make sure to listen to "The Viall Files" podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Go to LoopedLive.com to buy tickets to our live virtual event! Find it under upcoming experiences! Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ladders. Ladder. What came first? You might find out, and I don't know about that, with Jim Jefferies. I really run out of things to say. Wow. Very lazy. Very lazy.

I saw a ladder, and it's next to a gramophone, and I thought, I can't do gramophone. I know, but yeah, but this is what you've been doing for a while now. You say a word and then you say the word. It sounds like the word. All right, I'll do it again. Start the music again. Don't edit this out. We'll do it again.

I've got a better one for you. TV. Lamps. Boris can go fuck himself. Much better With Jim Jefferies I learned about that Alright

Alright That's my new Brother podcast That we do Jack you're looking awesome today Thank you very much Jack's not here Jack's not here

We have Amos Gill Amos Gill who Opened for me in Australia And now lives here in America And comes on the road with me. Very good comedian. So good in fact that whenever I finish shows, people write to me like this, you were really great. What was the name of your opener? And it's always women because they like him because he seems very accessible. I feel bad being here because Jack had to go off and do something for you as an assistant.

He had to run an errand for me as an assistant. I had to pick up my son. He didn't make eye contact with me, Jack. Oh, is he not? I'm like cucking him, you know, like I'm fucking his wife in front of him and he had to set up my microphone before he left and he didn't, he couldn't, he couldn't look at me in the eye. He had a, he had a segment all set up, but we're going to podcast again tomorrow. He'll be back. We'll do another podcast, yes. Yeah, you should come along and we can question that. You sit in the corner and we'll get a little bit of a fight happening.

Just text him and say that I'm going to do it for like a month and just see when he says back. It went so well. It went so well today with Amos. No, no, no. What I'll do is I'll text him. I'll go, we better pay Amos for that. But I listened to the last episode and he stood up to Forrest

and then the next episode he's off the show. So I don't know what's going on. That's what happens when you speak up to authority. Amos is very used to the radio. He used to do morning radio in Adelaide. He used to be the guy that went, here we are, come on, just ring in. No, I say something. Do you want tickets for pink?

I'd say something mildly offensive and then people would go, you can't say that. That was it. Every day. Oh, we should. Mildly offensive in saying that in Australia you just throw around racist terms. No one. Before we move on, we should promote our live podcast. Oh, do that.

November 9th at 6pm Pacific time, we are doing a live virtual podcast. Now, this will not be a podcast that goes out regularly to air. So if you want to see this, listen to it. This is the only way to do it. So you can go to the link in our bio at IDCAP podcast. And the link should be there.

And there's like other things that are happening in this podcast. Yeah, there's going to be like Q&A, some trivia, there's bingo, there's prizes. What do you mean bingo? They're going to get virtual bingo cards and you know, depending on things that we normally say during the episodes and you'll win prizes. Do they still have real bingo

cards? I feel like virtual bingo cards is way forward. I feel like with technology that's the first thing you'd do. Yeah, I don't know. Just tap it with your finger. I'm going to be doing something special on the podcast. Yeah. I have the link but if you have it in front of you how do they get the tickets?

It's looped live. I'll have to look up the link. When you say something special is it just dancing awkwardly to some bad music? Maybe. You'll have to tune in and see. Learning how to read. It Might show a nipple. Who knows? One of your nipples.

The link is in all of our Instagram profiles. And it's loopedlive.com. I think even if you just scroll down on that, you'll see Jim Jefferies. I don't know about that live podcast. And also, if you can't make it during that live time, it lives for 72 hours. So don't worry, just grab a ticket.

And go to jimjeffries.com for all the gigs coming up. There's one gig I'd like to push a little bit, and I think it's around the November 6th or 7th or something like that. It's both those days. Yeah, both those days. I have added an extra show at the Ace Theatre in LA, and these are the shows that are my favorite shows of the year because I get to go home after the gig.

So I always let a little bit loose on these ones. But one of the shows sold out and we added an extra date. So if you're in the LA area or even if you're not flying. Sixth and seventh, I think it is. Sixth and seventh. Saturday, Sunday, right? One of them sold out. One of them has just been added.

So come along to those shows and I look forward to seeing you. Can I address what it's like to live with Forrest? Sure. So I've lived with both Jim and Forrest. Is that what you were going to say? It's free. He's a marvellous human being. He's very house-proud, Forrest, as he should be.

He's got a lovely house. Yeah. Now, when I lived with Jim, Jim has a- I hate my house. I can't imagine. You know Jim is home because his clothes are just left at the front door. As soon as he'd get out of a suit, it's sort of just crumpled on the floor. It's very chill.

Forrest has a no shoes in the house policy. It's a small house. It's a small house. What do we think of that already? There's a lot of dirt and dust outside. It's dirty. He dates a lot of Asian women. That's where I think he's got it from.

So he says don't wear shoes. That's fine. The other day I was getting changed to go out to the baseball with Jim and I put on fresh trainers in the house. When you say fresh, you just mean you hadn't worn them recently. They were in a suitcase. They weren't out of a box. Yes, I've moved to this country.

They hadn't been worn in America. This was my point of this. So I get changed. I walk out and Forrest goes, I told you don't put shoes in my house. And I said, they're fresh ones. Don't worry about it. I'm walking out. They haven't been outside. He goes into the shower. The shower's running. He comes back five minutes later with a towel still on and goes, take your shoes off right now. And I go, okay, I'll take them off. So I take them off

and he goes, now lick it. Lick the shoe. I'm not going to lick the shoe. And he goes, well, my carpet doesn't want to lick it either. Yeah, because as soon as you took it off, as soon as you took it off and turned it upside down, it was gross.

I just looked at Boris in a towel and he said, now lick it. And then you were confused and he went, but shoot. That's incredible. Yeah, look, it's free living for you. It is free living. All right, I think it's time to start the podcast. Slash IDK.

Please welcome our guest today in studio, Nick Vile. G'day, Nick. Now it's time to play. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a book by its cover okay so nick most of the time we have people on zoom um and then jim tries to guess what they're here to talk about and see

judges what's going on in their background and things like they doesn't even have that you can ask them some yes no normally there's books and stuff behind i go that seems like it's a medical journal or something like that. But I'm looking at Nick and Nick's off The Bachelor. So I'm going to say that we're going to be talking about The Bachelor, which is incidentally one of my favorite TV shows. And I'm quite open about it now on stage. It's been my coming out moment where I just admit it to the public now

that that's what I'm into. So I was under the impression it was like a new love, but you've been a fan for a while. Well, new love in the sense that three years. And in COVID, I watched a lot of back. You went back. I went back. Me and the wife just sat there and went,

there's nothing like watching like a season from six years ago going, I wonder what will happen with Jojo. Hold on. So Bachelor is your final answer? The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. Either either. Or The Bachelor in Paradise. Something involved in Bachelor Nation. Nope. Nick is here to talk about vaccines. No, kidding. All right. Bachelor. That is correct. Nick Vile is an entertainment podcast host and television personality. His weekly multi-episode podcast,

The Vile Files, was nominated for a People's Choice Award in 2020 and voted one of the top 10 podcasts of 2019 by AP. The hit series discusses relationships and provides real and unfiltered dating advice. On Mondays, he connects with his audience as callers ask Nick for advice on all aspects of their lives. And on Wednesdays,

Nick has a one-on-one conversation with celebrity, pop culture, and expert guests. Nick most notably rose to fame after starring in the 21st season of ABC's The Bachelor. You can follow him on Instagram at Nick Vile, N-I-C-K-V-I-A-L-L, Twitter at VileNicholas28, and TikTok at Nick Vile. Wait, Nick, you were The Bachelor? You weren't The Bachelor?

I was. You were The Bachelor? Yeah. I haven't watched that. I saw the season that you were in with the girl. Which one? Which one? Yeah.

It's on The Bachelorette. He was a runner up in consecutive seasons. I made a mark. Yeah. He loves The Bachelor. Do I? No, no, no, no, no, no. I know that you were the one that said you got dumped or something and you said, am I ever going to be loved or something like that.

That's a kind way of putting what I said. Yeah, they said something like, will I ever find love? Will anyone ever love me? And then they went, boom, bachelor boy. Like that, right? Yeah, so I look at you. You're a very healthy young man. You're very, very good looking and And you've got muscles on muscles.

Why are you unlovable? What happened? Well, Ben technically was unlovable. I've seen Ben's bloody season. Yeah, Ben, yeah. Why am I not unlovable? No, why did you perceive yourself as being unlovable? You seem unlovable.

I didn't. That was Ben dead. Okay, well, wait a minute. Okay, fuck it. All you good-looking people look the same to me. yourself as being unlovable you seem lovable i didn't that was ben was ben dead okay just mix them up okay fucking i perceive all you good looking people look the same to me that's racist at least ugly people have a better definition in their face where you can go that big mole on their forehead i'll remember that face yeah mine my season was more uh framed as um maybe i didn't see myself as unlovable but maybe everyone else did um yeah all right ask questions i'm ready to go all right i'm gonna ask jim some questions about

the bachelor the the franchise and um by the way what's with katie why is she getting angry at that bloke saying you wanted to be an actor and everything she says she found true love and she still goes fucking mental in the Final Rose episode. Excellent question. You're already happy. Let everyone else fucking live their fucking life. Plus, Claire, Dale's too far out of your league. What were you

fucking thinking? They're still together though. Oh, they just broke up. Oh, they did again? Oh, shit. Dale just keeps going in. I was looking for a baby Bjorn carrier for my son, right? I just had a baby, right? And we're looking through and me and the wife are going, oh, going in. I was looking for a baby Bjorn carrier for my son, right? I just had a baby, right? And we're looking through and me and the wife are going, oh, this one.

Dale was modeling with one of the babies. He's also a fucking taco model. Yeah, like a Halloween costume. Yeah, Halloween costumes. I think it would be unfair to claim Dale's out of Claire's league. Dale's beautiful. I've never met him in person, but I think he's a unique man. You're saying that Dale's simple, aren't you?

Claire's hot, though. I don't think Dale's out of Claire's league. I do, but opinions differ. Yeah. That's what I've learned about politics in this country. I mean, he's a beautiful man, but I think- She fell in love at first sight with him. That's really-

As soon as he came, she went, that's it. I'm not going to do it. And then she did that whole speech. I will never apologize for love. And then that's when the show is sort of you're like, what's going on here? Yeah. When they just go, we'll bring in another woman.

Yeah. They just brought in another woman. And then that Canadian guy who looks like he should be cast in Beauty and the Beast, who just ran off with Katie, the guy with the jaw, you know, he's got that jaw, the Canadian guy. He falls in love with anyone. If I was the Bachelorette, he would have fucking fought tooth and nail to get me. He'll go for anyone.

Anyway, ask a question for us. I don't know what anything you guys are talking about. This is about to be the most dramatic episode of the podcast ever. I know everything you're talking about. Me too. In a club that I don't know anything about. A lot of our listeners are in Australia going, what? Yeah, we're going to get a lot of comments here like, what the fuck?

In Australia, didn't they have like two girls in one episode? Shut up. All right. So I'm going to ask Jim some questions. One day I'll have my own podcast and then I'll say whatever I want. Still do that. So the and then you just rate them on accuracy on these questions. Zero through ten, you still do that. So the, and then you just rate them on accuracy

on these questions. See how it does. Zero through 10, 10 being the best. And Kelly's going to grade them on confidence. I'm going to grade them on et cetera.

We'll add them together. 21 through 30, true love. 11 through 20, second date. I don't even know if that's a thing. I wrote this.

Zero through 10, dead rose. All right. You know what The Bachelor is, right? The Bachelor's a TV show. Yeah, yeah. We're Bachelor of the Bachelor.

It's one person and they get 20 oddodd people to fight over that one person. The only reason it works is because people love competition. If you just went into a bar and you said, that's the girl, there wouldn't be 20 guys like, I have to do it, and all that type of stuff, or vice versa, one man. But people love competition. What year did it premiere? Ooh.

Nick might not know this either, but Kelly wrote this one. Because I feel like there's 20 okay so you're season 21 but there's like two seasons a year plus a paradise so I'm going to say

it's like 12 15 years ago I'm going to say 2004 how much are contestants paid for appearing on a season oh golly

I had no idea I thought they just got roses and so they live I since found out I always thought they just got roses. So they live. I since found out that I always thought that they would dress because everyone looks so immaculate. You have to bring your own clothes, except if you're the bachelor or the bachelorette, they give you outfits.

But the other people have to buy their own outfits. There must be a lot of people who like blow their budget like, all right, I'm going to get through a few rounds. I'm buying five suits. Yeah, I read something yesterday that said Jillian Harris like remortgaged her home to buy $8,000 worth of clothes for her season. And I'm like, geez,

you have to be really confident that you're going to get all that money from the X-Files. You think she'd be fine. So is this a question we can ask? How long does a rose ceremony take? Okay. Okay. We in footage.

This is what I love about the bachelor. I love that every other TV show that you watch is a reality TV show. They go, and we wrap it up. Like you watch Hell's Kitchen. It wraps up and we vote somebody out. The Bachelor doesn't give a fuck. They might have a rose ceremony just halfway through. There'll be one episode with none of them.

There'll be one that just like talks about the rose ceremony all day, coming up, coming up, and then it won't fucking happen. So a rose ceremony, if there's drama on the footage, can take, you know, 30 minutes or it can take 10 minutes. But I think in real life. I mean, when they actually film it. Well, I asked this. My friend Arden, who has a podcast, and Wells was there. And I always thought, this must be hard. Nick, you can speak to this. On the first night, there's all these chicks, right? They're all going for you. I can't remember Kelly's name half the time, and I work with her all these chicks, right? They're all going for you. I can't remember Kelly's name half the time,

and I work with her all the time, right? All right, let's make these answers shorter. Okay, okay. So we can get to talking to Nick. The thing is I found out that they do three roses at a time so they can remember the names. They went, all right, these are the girls, and then you come back to the three.

So I'm going to say they take two hours. Is alcohol allowed on the show? Yes, they are, but they don't want them to get too plastered. They used to. There was people who got really plastered. There was one guy who got so plastered before the roast ceremony even started. Some guy showed up in a car filled with water,

and he was just like, fuck you, dude. I'll tell you one thing that is allowed on that show, whether they do it on purpose or not. Steroids seem to play a big part. No one checks anyone's bags for vials of fucking, fucking sheep hormones. What do contestants do when they're not on dates? They sit around and bro out, man.

Or they do, they get bromances and they fucking hang out with the guys and they lift weights the whole time and they swim in the pool. How do producers decide who gets a big limo entrance? Like the order of who comes out of the limo? Oh, I have no idea. That's a fascinating question. Thank you. Who pays for the engagement ring?

There's a ring company and they always show it as soon as you pop open the box. It's like here. I'll say who pays for it. The company that owns the ring gets a bit of advertising, but the people who truly pay it are the people from Sierra Leone. These are blood diamonds if ever I saw people from Sierra Leone. These are blood diamonds, if ever. Sierra Leone, okay. I'll ask that next question when we're going.

Which franchise has a higher success rate, Bachelor or Bachelorette? You mean they stay together? Yeah, or just end it. You should really be asking all these. I'm just reading this. Okay, so you think I like to watch Bachelorettes because I like to see the men fight, but my wife likes to see the Bachelor because i like to see the men fight but my wife likes to see uh

the bachelor because she likes to see the catty women but you think that i as a man would like to watch the bachelor because there's more women to look at and all that type of stuff but i like to see the blokes have a bit of arguments but i'll say that the bachelor is more popular than the bachelorette which one has the higher success rate like more relationships relationships who stays together yeah like do the bachelorettes have do they stay yeah yeah it's a good i would i would say the bachelor has a higher success rate because i know of a couple of bachelors who have stuck it out okay let's ask a few more questions and we'll just have a conversation here and the guy our contestants screen for stds yes they are

yes that's i'm looking at my our friend here and you got no herpes son son. Good for you. You can just tell that by looking at him. Look at these people in The Bachelorette and The Bachelor. I'm like, well, they're all clean. That's your STD test? I'm like, I want to go to my- You have a nice smile. He looks like he showered today. No STDs.

Oh, well, I- In the sniff test. Because then they've got the show Bachelor in Paradise and sometimes contestants are like, I don't want to go on. Someone got herpes. That's why they couldn't go on the next bit. That's my summation. How long is the filming process?

Oh, I think it's two months. Two and a half months. How long does a contestant actually spend with a person before proposing? What was that? It's just weird. It's over now. We all have to move on. Okay. Okay, so a contestant would spend, opposing what was that it was just weird it's over now we all have to move on okay um how okay so

a contestant would spend they'd probably get three group dates and someone who really wins would get three solo dates so what do you want hours or days i don't know all right so let's say a solo date is four hours three of those 12 hours 12 hours one-on-one, and then I want to say 48 hours group. Okay. I'll ask you one more question. It's clear you know about the show, so I'm just going to ask you this last one, and we'll start talking to Nick.

In Rose Ceremonies, I think you already answered this, how does the lead remember all the names of the contestants? They do it three at a time, man, three at a time. All right. Why don't you wear name badges and be wearing McDonald's outfits? All right, let's start talking to Nick. But Nick, how did he do? Do you think he knows a lot about the match?

You're doing a good job. It's more four at a time. I'm an idiot. But what they really tell you, they shoot for four. And what they'll tell you is, listen, if you can only remember one, just leave the room. Because when you're filming it, you know, for the people who won't listen to this podcast and go on the show,

they have no fucking clue what it's all about. Yeah. They're fans of the show, but behind the scenes, they're kind of clueless. So all the things that don't, that happened that they're not necessarily expecting raise the stakes. So bachelor comes out,

bachelor leaves. You're just like, what the fuck? Why did he leave? All he really did is forget your name, but he, maybe he's pond is forget your name but he maybe he's pondering should i give you a rose or not or did i change my mind they'll sell it as such and oh so so when you were doing it when you were giving out the rose did you ever leave and go

this is a difficult um decision and you went up to chris and went the girl in the red dress what the fuck's her name yeah i mean i i did a decent job you know sometimes you try to have fun when you're filming of like challenge yourself to like i think i can remember four i'll try to do that it doesn't really matter because you guys it gives you something to do um but yeah you try to remember four at a time name tags to do that when when you're doing and this is this is off the question but when you're doing it and this is, this is off the question, but when you're doing it, do you look at like some people you give roses to, you go, enjoy your week.

Cause, cause you must, you must have your final three or four pretty early. Sure. Pretty early on. Yeah. I, I,

I think everyone's different. Um, I felt like I, I pretty much knew early on and I, I, I kind of knew the beats each week of like did you did you go home week did you ever have anyone go uh no i don't want the rose no thanks no i that has happened people have been broken up with uh for whatever reason i was not i was not dumped as the bachelor that's

sweet he's not unlovable so well there was was that Italian guy that no one liked. What was his name? Oh, Juan Pablo? Juan Pablo. Yeah, yeah. And he was just like, hey. Yeah, yeah. He was like this. And then at the end, he was like, no, no engagement.

He's like, but I really like you. But interestingly enough, I don't think any women broke up with him. Colton got broke up with a lot, which you find out. We think Colton enjoyed The Bachelorette a bit more than The Bachelorette. That would have been a funner time for him. Yeah, maybe there just wasn't a vibe he was putting out.

Colton's gay, by the way, Forrest. That's where those jokes are. I figured it out. Yeah, I'm not stupid. The rose ceremony, actually, if you're talking rose ceremony, not cocktail party slash rose ceremony, actually, if you're talking rose ceremony, not cocktail party slash rose ceremony,

the rose ceremony takes about 20 minutes. Well, I'm just saying overall Jim's knowledge. He's doing a great job. Like a 10, you're going to give him? 9, 10? I'd give him a 9, 8, 9. Yeah, I'm giving him a 10 on confidence. Yeah, he did a good job.

I'll give you 1,000. He also didn't even hesitate when he answered. So your final score is a thousand and nineteen. All right. It's the highest score you've ever gotten. I will accept that rose. Okay. So you don't know what year it premiered. Kelly, you wrote down 2002 and you said 2004.

That was pretty close. I would have guessed right around there. It felt like, you know, the country needed picking up. 9-11 had just happened a year earlier. Yes. Our spirits were low. And look how it's turned around. The war in Iraq was raging.

It was the perfect time for such a show. But let me ask you then, so how many seasons? There's more than one season a year, is that right? Two a year plus. There's always been The Bachelor, which is why you have more Bachelor seasons than Bachelorettes. They're doing back-to-back Bachelorette seasons i don't know why because i never watched it before i went on so i think you know when the show was you know starting the they i think they

started the bachelorette relatively quickly after the bachelor but for whatever reason they didn't always have a bachelorette season i tell you so i had a sitcom with mbc that never saw the light of day but it was about to be filmed and we were already writing other episodes like a multi-cam sitcom and there was a character in it that was playing uh my father in the whole thing i was living with my dad in this sitcom and i wrote an episode about uh a bachelor like tv episode that my dad was going on called The Widower, right, or The Widow, right, where all these old blokes were trying to get this old woman with money, right? And then I found out through NBC they were like, you can't do that because ABC are going to do an old version

of The Bachelor. Yeah. I'm super looking forward to that because, you know what, I think that people don't change. I think we're fundamentally the same right until we die. I think it will still be as competitive. You like to think that old people will be like, ah, fucking have her. I don't give. I think we're fundamentally the same right until we die. I think it will still be as competitive. You like to think that old people will be like, ah, fucking hammer. I don't give a fucking shit.

But I just want to watch old blokes punching each other and stuff because you've got two types of dates on The Bachelor. You've got a group date and a solo date. So a solo date will be a wonderful, a one-on-one date will be a wonderful thing. You'll do pottery where you'll reenact fucking the scene from Ghost or you'll jump out of a fucking airplane. You'll do something fun.

A group date will be your boxing. Yeah. There's a lot of physical activity on group dates. And what happens with the men group dates, you're playing some contact sport and then one person gets injured and the bachelorette goes, Oh, I didn't think this was going to happen.

And you're like, fucking of course you did. That's what they just set up. We have to end the date. He's fucking dead. He's broken his neck. But the guy who gets injured always gets extra time with the bachelorette. Yeah, but there's always one bloke who's like,

I'm going to show this girl how much I like her. So he just goes up and punches someone. Like a woman's going to go, ooh. I know. It's like the least attractive thing on the planet is a man fighting. If you don't watch the first season I ever watched before I went and watched old episodes and stuff like that, there was a guy called Chad and you know Chad is.

Oh, yeah, Chad. Chad was this guy, steroid-bound type of guy who just ate meat, deli meat all the fucking time. If you know what he's doing now, right? As far as his life. No, literally they would show him in the house. He'd be like eating a turkey leg. Just eating protein.

That's all he ate, protein, protein. Anyway, so he was a real estate agent around here in LA, a high end real estate, good looking guy, really jacked. And now what he does is he gets in limos and he drives over to Chris Harrison's house and other Bachelor people from his episode and he

fucks in the limo in their driveway for fans only, for OnlyFans. What? That's his gig now. Shut up, are you serious? He fucks in limos. I do know he's for OnlyFans. What? That's his gig now. Shut up, are you serious? He fucks in limos. I do know he's on OnlyFans doing porn. I've heard that. I was unaware of the-

Yeah, he goes to their driveway. He's like, fuck you, Chris Harrison. Then he just bangs some bird in the back of the car. He's like, gotcha. That's incredible. I'm like, if you're listening, Chad, come over to me. It's fucking the driveway. I've got nothing on.

Bit of fun. Yeah, but didn't he just have like some domestic dispute with a girlfriend like a year ago? I think he was like, he's a troubled soul. He's a troubled soul. There was a guy called Evan who used to deal with erectile dysfunction and he was a bit more of a demure young man. And he used to pick on, bully the shit out of Evan.

It was great, Telly. Next question for us. So how much are contestants paid for appearing in a season? Jim said he didn't know. I have no idea. Well, contestants are paid nothing. Zero. Zero dollars.

Zero dollars. Just do it for the love of art. Yeah. You could fund the love of your life. Sure. Yeah. But who gets paid then? You said the contestants.

The leads, the bachelor, the bachelorette. Okay. And is that, I want to say quarter million? No. Oh, less, higher? Less, okay. You're not allowed to say it probably, right? If I ever-

Oh, you don't want to say it again. I get you don't say it. If I ever get single again, and my wife's going to be very unhappy with this question, why couldn't a bloke like me bloody do it? Like I'm too old, right? You could. All right.

How's the process? Like how do they find you or what do you have to like well they i mean if you watch the show they ask for submissions three or four times an episode they do casting calls in major cities people submit themselves i was submitted by a friend's what my buddy's wife who was a big fan of the show all different ways they have scouts and like you know you hear stories where someone's like i was at a mall and so a casting person yeah yeah because because we mentioned before thomas from this season who's been somewhat of a villain but i believe unjustly he answered a question stupidly like they were like he was honest yeah do you think if you didn't

win right now you could be the bachelor he's like well sure that would be a great thing to be the bachelor and the guys were like i cannot believe yeah that you want to be the bachelor i have all those girls chase of course you want to i feel like at this point like maybe in the beginning of this series people were coming on for a legitimate for the right reasons right but now that instagram exists like it's hard for me to believe that anybody's really going on there to like, because they think this is going to work in love. Well, he, he was hit up on the, um, just on, on, on Instagram. Someone wrote to him. Right. He's a gorgeous man.

And we're in person. Oh my God. I'll tell you what happened. So I'm doing a gig. I'm just doing a warmup gig gig in San Diego, so like 100 people in a little bar before I go out and do the theatres because I hadn't done comedy in a couple of years. Just a club, nice club, right? And so I'm doing the gig and I did a routine about The Bachelor and then the people come back and one of the waitresses come

backstage and goes, there's someone from The Bachelor who wants to meet you, right? I said, sure, send him in. And then he walks in. His season hadn't aired yet. And just from physically looking at him, I went, are you telling the truth? That's the fucking guy.

Forrest came in like this, oh, Jim, like that. He went, what the fuck? And then Forrest was sitting down going, let that man speak. Like we were fucking gay for two months. He's an Adonis. He was definitely my pick from that season. Cause he's tall too. I'm like, I'm six too.

And he's handsome, but in real life, he's super handsome. He's striking. Yeah. If, yeah, if somebody did not know you and walked in there, they would think that you were dying. And this guy was your make a wish. Just to meet him. Thomas is the man that if I'm in a far,

I want him to carry me out. Which was also, I would argue, I have and I have that he, Thomas is so good looking and tall that relative to his peers, Thomas, like he said something, he would be kind of outrageous and a little disingenuous but other people could say that and get away with it but because he's looked the way he did people didn't buy it i think people were critical not only the people on the show but even the audience were like people didn't i don't think people bought thomas's interest in you know right katie

over like because and not just Katie, but like Thomas, you see him as someone who could literally walk into a bar and look so low. And so Thomas has never fallen in love at first sight with anyone. You assume that. Right. And I think. And I'm not being mean to Katie, but Katie, Thomas was out of Katie's league because Thomas is out of everyone's league. You could have, you could have Thomas on an episode of the bachelor and the bachelorette is

fucking a young Cindy Crawford. And you're like, come on, Cindy, you don't think you get yourself Thomas. Or you certainly just don't think Thomas is going to like act like he's Thomas acted as if Cindy Crawford showed up and it was like, Oh my God,

the world is ended. And that's, and that got Thomas in trouble. Yet a lot of people do what thomas did and people are just like oh maybe he's in love yeah and no one bought thomas less attractive guys you're like yeah you seem desperate you would be in love already yeah yeah yeah that's why they should put more losers on the show i agree completely i'm a big fan of uh beauty and the geek is a good concept my brother used to edit that but the problem with beauty and

the geek was the show was like this, so the beautiful people had to be morons. Have you ever seen this? I've heard of it. It's fucking fantastic. It's good. They just get geeky guys and hot chicks. It's fun. How old are you? Is there like an age limit to being The Bachelor? No, I don't think it ranges anywhere from... What's the oldest?

You have to be over 18. The oldest is Kenny. 20 to 40. Kenny was on paradise and he turned 40 while there now i i need to ask this question um okay so when you all talk to each other on the dates we see the footage of the dates and it's always a conversation that goes along the lines of i believe that a woman's heart needs to be protected right and then and then she goes i also believe that a woman's heart needs to be protected. That is my belief system as well. But no one ever goes,

did you vote for Trump? Like, like just questions that you can quickly sort of answer. Like, Oh, this person's not for me. Very simple questions. What do you think about abortion? You know what I mean? Just get it out of the way, find out quickly. Do you have those conversations? Are you told not to have those conversations they edit those conversations out um definitely the lat the last one they will they would edit out if those conversations were had also i think most of

the time those conversations aren't being had for a combination of reasons of i think early on you're just nervous and you don't know what to do and you're just you're you know most people at this point have seen the show right so they're trying to like especially now more than ever people come in saying what they think they should say and I don't also think they're casting an overwhelming amount of people who are cerebral into that there's some you. Of course he's right here, but yeah, I'm the one saying that.

Yeah. For the most part, I don't think they're there that, that doesn't come up, but other stuff, whether it's not politics or not, you know, the show,

this edits that out because some of it is just not relatively interesting. People will say like, why don't they show more like real conversations? And sometimes the answer is, well, you would change the channel if you started being like, you know, what's your favorite color or shit like that.

How much, how much background checks do they do on everyone? Because like when I get a TV job, they go through my Twitter feed, they go through this, they go through everything to make sure that I'm not going to, you know, and then like,

I'm sure they do background checks, but then on the season before last one what's what's his name the tall real james matt james matt james matt james and rachel and there was the girl she seemed like a nice enough girl that's why chris harrison lost a job because she they found pictures of her at a plantation party you know gone with the wind looking party but obviously very offensive and but how did they not find that or do they not do background checks how does that work uh i'm not part of production but my understanding is they do so much more than any other show out there for the reasons that just happened but the problem is a couple things one um like and the reason why it gets caught in the bachelor

because the fan base is so very involved and intense there are literally hundreds of battery cap podcasts and blogs the intensity of the fan base is constantly looking for these things um and the so so people will be like why don't you like i've even had i've had conversations producers be like why don't you guys fucking catch this shit like i know you guys aren't trying to do this it's a headache for you guys like the fuck in there and and one of them actually i you know talked to me and put some perspective around it it's like dude we we try so hard we spend more money than anyone's trying to do this but think about like how social media has blown up to the point of you really can't it's so huge you have all these new platforms you have tiktoks and

then you have things like you know these pictures are coming from not their instagram but their friends or pictures and and and now with tiktok and the ability to go viral people are holding on like i believe this picture of rachel kirkconnell at this old south party wasn't one of hers on her social some girl was like i i can't oh shit i have this picture of this girl who's on the show yeah yeah what a fucking rat cunt that person is so stupid i have this picture this person at this party that you were at yeah show us your costume bitch at the party at the plantations old south party costume, bitch. You were at the party, at the Plantation's Old South party. Well, I don't know if she was at the party or maybe she knew someone

or had a friend, but she went viral from it. And that's kind of the thing. And then it becomes very performative and things like that. And, you know, obviously what Rachel, the party she went to, was wrong and insensitive. In saying that, it took a long time for us to find Justin Trudeau in blackface, so it can happen to anyone. I'm like, how did they not find us, the Canadian president?

So that's why it doesn't get uncovered because, you know, that the internet is an absolute ocean of stuff. And it's really hard. And they have 30 people every season. And it's not the 30 people they cast. They're doing 90 background checks for people they're and the fans become super sleuths like if they if they don't like you on the show they will dig until they find something to tear you down were you apprehensive about being on the show was it always just a yes for you did you just go

oh yeah this sounds like a bit of fun or were you like what the fuck am i doing uh both uh it was a different world. When I went on seven years ago and social media existed, but it wasn't the behemoth that it was now. And it wasn't the, I was completely unaware of the intensity of the audience and Reddit didn't exist. And this ability to kind of like try to find dirt on you

didn't exist. But when I went to the casting process, I was selling software. And the only reason I went on is because I first said, yes, I got a call when I was at work and I was like, Oh, this is weird and exciting. But like, I was curious about the process, but I was, my thought was, there's no way I'm doing this, but I've never been to LA. And if nothing else, it'd be kind of cool to go through the casting process just to be like, I don't know. I'm just kind of curious, but I'm not going to do it because I was like, I'm not going to quit my job. I love my job. I

have a good job and it's not worth it to me. And then when I went through the casting process, I could tell that they really liked me. And they, as soon as I met them, they were, would you do it if we asked? And, and so then I, at that point I was curious, I started like people at work I trusted. I was just just like, there's this like thing. What do you think? And they actually were very encouraging. Like work was like, you should do it. You have a lovely earnest quality to you.

And I think that's what they're looking at. Someone who you seem unaffected. You'd be a person on camera. You could put on and you wouldn't be putting on a different face. I, I think there should be a show for other people just called Dirt Bags Who Need Love, right? And you just put fucking all the trashy people. It's a bit wordy. All the people who they do background checks and they go, this person's horrendous, but

they still want love. That's the show for them. The fuckheads. That's what you call it, yeah. They call it toxic love. Yeah. That's a good one. The fuckhead.

Trademark them. All right. Where are we good one. The fuck kid. Trademark them. All right. The, where are we at? I don't know. Alcohol. Alcohol. That's allowed.

You said they can get plastered in, but they don't want them to getting too drunk and steroids are okay. They don't get as plastered as they used to. I think they used to encourage it. And now it's like beer and wine. And I know this because I did a podcast with Wells. He's a popular person from the podcast. So the nation or whatever. Yeah. Are you allowed to drink do they provide very much allowed after on my season i had this uh a woman who was a star of my season named corinne she went on paradise

the following season and there was an incident of of heavy intoxication in the pool right pool and there are some sexual exploits. I don't know the details of what happened, but that... Do you need me to explain how the parts work? A man and a woman are very drunk together. Stuff went down, and the show shut down for a couple weeks. Oh, was that like two or three years ago? Yeah.

I think my mom, maybe four now. Now you don't remember? That's how I... Wait, how many years ago were you on it then? I was The Bachelor. I was filming the show when trump was elected because i you like because i don't i don't watch the show but my mom would watch the show and i think that's where i because i'm like i know your face i know i've seen you on there so i'm sorry that i'm not they now have a uh two drink maximum per hour so they never they never encouraged it as much as people like to believe,

but what it is is you have nothing but time and it is always available. And if you are a drinker who drinks when they're bored. And steroids are okay, Jim said. I don't think they test for it. I guess technically, yes. Performance and dancing. Performance and dancing. Like the rose ceremony, I've heard from

the first night especially that lasts all night. You're seeing people come out when it's daylight at that point. So you've seen so many people just be sloshed by the end of a rose ceremony. There was one where a girl just went to sleep and they couldn't, they couldn't wake her up for the rose ceremony.

So on your first rose, sorry, sorry. I'm just going to steal Nick for a moment. That's the big thing. Can I steal you for a moment? So, so when the first night and the girls come in one at a time and then you have

to sit and have a chat with them and they're all trying to do their little angle how much time do you get with it because what is it 30 25 30 now it used to be 25 and then they would they did 30 and be like it was a thing oh we have 30 and now it's just 30 yeah okay so it's editing this show must be a nightmare so you have one you have one note how much do you give to each 30 women? It's not really your call. Okay. They fight for it. So what will happen is you'll meet all 30 or whatever the number is. After you meet them, before you give your speech and kind of address the women or the men, if you're the bachelorette, you're always kind of talking with the producers about, all right, so who are you into?

Who are you curious about? Who do you want to spend time with? And that at most is maybe four or five people. You met 30 people. You're just like, I don't know, the girl in the red dress seemed cool. You know, so there's not. And other than that, you're just kind of like, whatever. Because, you know, just you're nervous and you're looking from guidance from the producers.

And so I think tops five minutes. Yeah. Was it fun? I reckon that'd be fun the first night. No. That's why you didn't, nothing you enjoyed? I mean, overall, I appreciate the experience and it was memorable, but it's physically and mentally exhausting.

Will they ever have a gay bachelor? Like where it's just all men. I don't think they can. And I'll tell you why they don't think they can and i'll tell you why they don't think they can because the contestants will cop off with each other yeah no i'm serious because you go that's the guy we're all meant to chase and you're like i like that one it will be a different show is it would cease to be the structure of the bachelor for the reason you mentioned because the show the bachelor and the bachelorette so whatever is is based off of you you are falling in love with

someone because they're withholding love not because they're giving you love right because so you're you're having these quick interactions like you said five minutes max you have a moment with them you soak in that moment and then they immediately pull that moment from you and so you are left with that in your brain and you pine over it. And to Jim's point, most people like you, you have heterosexual males and heterosexual women falling in love with each other because it's a bonding experience. It's intense. And so if it were a gay bachelor with a group of gay men, people, they would always, they would forget who the bachelor is. They'd have no idea. And they would fall in love with each other because that's who they're spending time with that's who they're connecting with i mean you

you have a lot of bromances and friendships are formed and then you feel real love for these cast members you're involved with because of the what you're going through so if they did it it would just it would be a very different show do you stop for lunch does it is there catering is it like catering is there craft services can you go around the corner get yourself a kit kat and a donut well when they when they're in the when they're in the mansion yeah they're back in that's kind of fun because there's a it's it's a house it's not necessarily a mansion but it's a house and there's a kitchen and they you just make grocery lists so you know usually you have a few cookers in the group and they're

always cooking you can eat whenever you're eating all day when you start traveling. Yeah. They just bring in lunch and you will always in on the one-on-one dates, you have a daytime portion of the date. You have a nighttime portion, daytime portion, some sort of activity. And then the nighttime portion, you sit with a meal of food that's been cold and you eat in between the two. As the bachelor, do you get much say over the dates because i always love when they send a little card out and someone goes uh love is high come and join me and it's like you're going gliding or some shit like that right do you have actually go i'd like to go to the liberace museum like like what do you get any choice you get almost no input with a few exceptions,

partly because they're making a TV show and they have to plan these things in advance, you know, with the cities that they're in. So logistically, you just can't. They will try to, depending on who their lead is, try to have a handful of dates that might be more in line with like, for example, they were going to cast this guy named Luke Pell

instead of me, and he was, it was in the army. So I had like this army date group date planned out. They opted not to go with him. They picked me. I ran track in college and then they had Carl Lewis and we had a track date. So like that was kind of tailored to me. I had no say in it.

And the only exception is on my season, we were supposed to go to Hilton, had a South Carolina, but a hurricane hit. And on like a, they had to adjust. So they're like, well, we'll go to your, we'll go to Wisconsin to Hilton Head, South Carolina, but a hurricane hit and they had to adjust. So they're like, well, we'll go to Wisconsin where you're from, a hometown. And because that was something they just kind of decided to do

in a moment's notice, they were like, well, where should we go? And I was lucky enough to offer suggestions, but other than that, no. If I was the bachelor, they'd go, we're going to go to a cocaine refinement plant, see how it goes from the plant to the powder. Oh, okay. Come on, Jenny.

I'll tell you what I love about the bachelor. Not so much now because of COVID. They've just gone to fucking New Mexico and Palm Springs is their thing, right? So you just stay in the hotel and they're trying to make fun. They're trying to do the best they can in a station or anything. But before that, they used to go, because as far as you don't know, so on different dates, as it progresses, you might go off to the Czech Republic for a date.

You might go off to, you know, and it's obviously paid for from some tourism thing because they've got to big up the town. There was one season last before, they go, all right, girls, you're the final 10. We're off to Cleveland. And the girls had to run into the hotel like, oh, my God, Cleveland. And they showed all the fun things to do in Cleveland. Even in a montage, it was pretty slim pickings.

And then they finished that season. That's the pilot, Pilot Pete, right? They finished that season where he was in, they go, we're going to Australia. So I was like, all right, Australia, right? They went to fucking Alice Springs. Now, did you ever go to Alice Springs with me no but I know about it it's a god awful place

it's fucking hot as all buggery there's no shade or anything like that and they're like there's flies the size of horses just banging you in the fucking head and they're like fall in love in Alice Springs in the desert a couple of seasons ago they said they were going to New Mexico and they interviewed one of the girls

and she was like I'm so excited I've never been out of the country before and I was like said they were going to New Mexico and they interviewed one of the girls. And she was like, I'm so excited. I've never been out of the country before. And I was like, oh, she's going to be so disappointed. Reminded me when she gets to old Mexico. What's the coolest place you got to go to? I got to go to Finland when I was a bachelor. I got to go. I got on Andy's team went to Venice, Italy.

That was cool. I say Finland because i thought that was really unique because i thought to myself i would never go to finland on my own i wouldn't you know i just know that i'm not gonna book a ticket but it is a really cool place it's the top of the world it's kind of fascinating so i thought that was really unique i've never been to finland yeah i did a show with you in finland did i i opened for you in helsinki hello to all my finnish friends oh yeah we went to Helsinki is that in Finland?

oh yeah I've been to Finland a couple of times but yeah I got to go to Brussels, Belgium, Venice, Italy were pretty cool yeah we've been to Brussels never done a gig I've been to Venice

but I've never done a gig there oh fucking Helsinki yeah fuck we went to Finland that's when we there was like we went to some biker bar afterwards we had to leave there quickly. What, did I get into a fight?

What happened? No, we just weren't supposed to be there. As far as the producers go, like how much influence do they have in you keeping contestants for, you know, obviously like Corinne was a good, great for ratings. Did you have a real, like a significant connection with her or was that producers? What she's saying is, do they make you keep on the nut jobs as long as possible the way i've always answered it and it's true the way i'll answer it is that they never make you send someone home that you are romantically interested in right and the rest you don't give a shit about.

Right. So it's not that they make you keep anyone. They just don't make you send people home that you care about. Gotcha. And so if you care about two or one, then. Cause there's that bird who's just on paradise and what's her name? And she's the blonde girl and she's a bit of trouble. Oh, I fancy the ass of her. That's a bit broad.

Yeah. She's the one that went up to, what's his name? Do you want to go to the boom boom room even though he's with someone? Demi. Demi is a good friend. Demi's trouble. She's so entertaining to watch though. She is one of the more real characters. I adore Demi. I think she's a no bullshit type of person but she's up

to no good. Who pays for the engagement ring? The company. Neil Lane. Yeah, Neil Lane. That's the thing. Oh, okay. I didn't know.

You said Sierra Leone blood dump. And the people and the workers of Sierra Leone. Or you could argue like the contestants pay for it by selling out. My wife, this is what she says all the time whenever she watches the show. She goes, why doesn't someone just say they're going to get engaged and then they get the engagement ring and then they can sell the engagement ring ever? That was a question.

My wife's not that smart. That's the biggest scam she's got in the fucking world. This is how I'll make $10,000 over the course of two and a half months and be on TV. I mean, she got you to marry her. Yeah, she's got a bloody good ring. Good scam. You have to stay together for two years.

To keep the ring. To keep the ring. Oh, yeah. You have to stay together. Oh, that's going to blow her mind. She always goes on about that. That's the first. If you make it for two years and break up.

That's the first thing I say as I go through the door. Two years for the ring. Yeah, my friend, their wedding was called off the morning of the wedding. break up that's the first thing i say as i go through the door two years for the ring yeah my friend um their wedding was called off the morning of the wedding and we were it was a it was in hawaii and i he had he came over to where we were staying me and my mom my friends we all had a house and then i had to go back there and get like his keys and some other stuff whatever and i was supposed to get the ring back from her did he call it off or did she call it off he called it off but it was too hard to get off the morning and then the body had swelled up no but the thing was she wasn't going to give it

back and she goes this is a gift that he gave to me and she's calling it off yeah yeah i was like i don't think that's how it works yeah yeah i got it back. Either way, just her saying that is a, it was- He dodged a bullet. Yes. Oh yeah, no, a hundred percent. At the time he was feeling like shit, but we were all like, well, you don't want to marry her. Like it was good, but it's like the day of.

The fact that she called off the day of and said, I'm still keeping this, what a blessing. I can't even imagine. This is a bit of a story, but it just reminded me slightly of it. I said to my wife the other day that I'm going to get a vasectomy because, you know, I've got two kids and that's enough for me

and I don't want any more kids. And my wife went, well, how about you just wait a little while longer and see if, and I said, my body, my choice. Very rare men get to say that, my body, my choice. I'm getting a fucking sniff. Don't worry about it. What franchise has a higher success rate of them staying together? You said The Bachelor,

Jim. Do we know this? It's The Bachelorette. It's The Bachelorette? Yeah. I believe it's like 30%. There's only two bachelors that are with someone from the show, neither of which are the women they originally

selected. Okay, so is that guy that lived in Seattle, and then he had that one, he picked one. Yeah, Jason Manzing. And then he went back. And then Ari did the same thing. The problem I had with Jason was this, is I had at that stage, when I watched the show, a son that was the same age as his. Get your fucking kid off TV, man.

Get your kid off TV. And then when they got married, he's like, the mum says he should just be a kid because there was that other woman who had two kids and was like, go on the date, and there was like a man running around the beach with the children and it's just like, what the fuck are we doing here? Yeah. Having one date with possible new dad, right?

That's a separate thing as a dad that I'm getting into. But, yeah, he picked one and then they showed – he sent the other bird away and then he sent some pictures of him, some footage of him on the balcony just crying like what have i done like that and then he picked the other bird so that's always right now do you believe honestly in the process do you think this is a thing that works i mean it has worked for two men yeah i think and not really i mean what's the rate in the real world it's not that much better that's my point it can work it has worked i mean people are very critical in that like the last questions like you did like oh how could it possibly work and obviously it's not the

most ideal way to meet someone it's certainly not the most ideal to start a relationship i mean you are it's a very toxic way to start a relationship because you're going through a TV show and you're forced to talk and make connections with other people while simultaneously do that. And while you're on the show, everyone's like, well, you know what you signed up for. But as soon as you pick that person, that person's like, what, what the fuck did you do with everyone else? And so it's a very toxic way. Oh yeah. That must be like, what did you do in the fantasy suites? Oh, my goodness. And then also when the show ends, you have to look at that other person and go, well, I live in Akron.

Yeah. So it's definitely not a healthy way to start a relationship. There was one cunt who lived on a farm that had a population of like 150 people, that fucker. He lived on a fucking farm and then like the girls were like, I'm ready to. There's a show in Australia called Farmer Wants a Wife. If your check is on Amazon Prime right now, it's free to watch.

They get five farmers and then they get some healthy, homely looking women who are happy to move out to the country and they get like four women each to take back to their farm and then they just watch these women shovel shit into pig dens until eventually they go, that's a good hefty woman. She's got a good birthing hips on her farm. I want a wife. If you want to check it out, it's a much more homely version of this show.

But in life, there's not a very good success. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, it's like there's, you know, there's the show Married at First Sight, which everybody thinks is crazy, but these people are being picked based on like experts interviewing them and all of that stuff.

Yeah, I wouldn't call it. Yeah, I don't know. But what I'm saying is like with The Bachelor, Bachelorette, I don't think that they're like going for people that, oh, Nick would really like this person because they have this in common. It's mostly like she's hot.

She can be on the season. They're more casting for a show. I think they're hopeful that the lead will be into two or three, but to that, but you know, it just depends on how you look at it. Right. Back in the day,

people would like marry the person that they were dating at 20. Yeah. They'd be like, Oh, we like you. And I guess we're 20. So we should get married. And then you made it work because back in the day it was like,

you're not supposed to get divorced. And the bachelor's kind of like that.'re like make it work you know and so and for some people that has you know worked for them because they made it work other people are like oh crazy so whatever i'd be i'd be amazed at the relationships that i would have had in my life if i was sober all my relationships were met blind drunk yeah i'm like you seem nice now you're sober and married yes i'm married but i was blind drunk when i met her well mushrooms our contestant screens for stds and you said nick has no herpes oh look just by looking at me i have very few superpowers. Very few.

Some, but very few. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick has no herpes. But it's green. Can you confirm you have no herpes? Yeah, and they do confirm that they do test for the whole gamut. Oh, they do. But interestingly enough.

Not HPV, though. No, they test for that. Oh, God, I can't be the bachelor. Interestingly enough, they- Not HPV, though. No, they test for that. Oh, God, I can't be the bachelor. Interestingly enough, though, it's like they test anywhere from like three or four months prior to filming.

Oh, yeah, so much can happen. So much can happen. Oh, you know what I find so annoying? It's like getting a COVID test a week before you go somewhere. A week? Well, imagine getting a COVID test four months in advance. This is my pet hate of the show. Someone comes on the show.

Then they start dating. They say, I like this girl or I like this boy. And then other people in the house go, I heard that he was dating a girl two weeks before he came on the show. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it works. Of course the fuck you would be.

Yeah. Oh, because there's a chance, there's a one in 30 chance this girl might like me. I should call off all other dates. When you first meet someone, you're always dating several people until eventually you meet one and then you tell the, flick the other ones off and you go, this is the one I like. And then you go steady.

You're not going steady with the fucking person. Date away. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't agree more, Jim, but the show started and, and they still do it and they get away with it. And by get away with it I mean it works because people want to believe I think in this kind of

old fashioned love. They're there for the right reasons. The show edits the show as if there are 27, 28 genuine people looking for love and there's like two or three there two or three people looking for fame and the point of

the show is to like you know smoke them out so to speak but in reality people used to go for the experience and that experience be like i have to travel this would be cool and now most people are legit therefore in followers and influencing and and you can still do both and and get in there and go i i unexpectedly made a connection and you know two things can be true at the same time. Right, now falling in love would be the icing on the cake. It would be the bonus. It's surprising to me

that we haven't known anybody who's gone on the show. You think a standup comedian, there'd be one in the course. Yeah, I think so. Amos, man, you want to do it? Our young friend Amos. Is there a microphone for him?

No, there's nothing in the corner. Amos Gill, we talked to him at the beginning of the episode. We haven't recorded that, but, yeah, we'll do it. We'll go back in time. Oh, yeah. Let's pretend we haven't done that. But Amos is a good look.

Would you go on The Bachelor? Yeah, of course you fucking would. I've seen your Tinder. You would. Yeah. I wouldn't come across one. You don't come across? What are you talking about?

You don't come across one on stage. Sell the fucking brand, my friend. You don't come across well on stage. Sell the fucking brand, my friend. I find that most people would have that response until they get asked. Well, what was this? Always an episode without a- I'm submitting you. Without fail, every time, come to about week five, group date,

you're all going to do a talent show. They don't call it a talent show. They go, just show off something that shows that you love this person or whatever. And then someone does a song. There's always a bloke with a fucking guitar who'll find a reason to sing whenever he can. Because his love for you is something

that you don't understand. You've got a pretty good voice. He was a musical theater major. He used to sing opera. Most people go on there trying to get their music career off the ground. Yeah, there's so many of them that just sing. They have a little song. There's a guy dressed as a fucking cat.

And he fucking put it away. Wait, why was he dressed as a cat? Because he liked cats, so he showed up as a cat. It actually got him first rose, impression rose. You don't know anything, Forrest. So sometimes, Forrest, on the first night, people will do some big spectacle when they show up out of the limo. So whether, you know, cat costume, shark costume.

And you get a little bit of info ahead of time. Yeah. It's meant to be fun. There was a guy that wore a mask for the entire first day. There was a guy that just lived in a box recently. Jojo showed up in a unicorn mask. What was your talent when it came to before we move on if you gave a recommendation for someone

does that hold any weight? it's really meant to just be fun I'm going to submit let's look at Amos here for a second he's as good looking as the ugliest contestant we'll put a picture of him the most important thing is he's tall when it comes to men

you almost exclusively have to be at least 6'1 or higher. Oh, no, no, no. How tall are you, Amos? He's 5'11. Are you? Yeah, but you got... You look tall. He's shorter than me.

He's got the boots on. His hair is the pop-pop. They have casted a few 5'11s, but it's a lot of 6'3. I'm 6'4. I'd be a short-looking fella. You're out, dude. You're too small. You could go on there, be all Australian and get into some fight

with someone because you didn't understand what they were saying. The Australian one has a huge hit rate of people being married. The Australian one, they use Sophie Monk, who was already a celebrity. They used a celebrity as the bachelor. That season is on Netflix or something. It's just sitting there because I just watched that recently, the Australian one.

And then they had ones where- The hobby guy, Nick Cummins, who was like an Australian- Oh, yeah. Yeah, they had a bloke who played for Australia, rugby player for Australia, and he's just a fucking- Okay, Google, what's his name? His name's Nick Cummins, the honey badger. So put Nick Cummins.

Nick Cummins. And then you'll go, that's what Australia has to offer. That's our fucking bachelor it's a disgrace he looks like he was in lord of the rings yeah yeah put him he chose nobody he chose none of them he said none of you are good enough for me he's got fucking permed hair and a tash he genuinely looks like he's a hobbit just Just to get the picture of Bachelor, get the picture of him with the rose. It's a fucking disgrace, Australia.

But they generally have some pretty good looking chaps on that show. Interesting. Yeah, there he is. He had his shorts on. And he's very funny. Yeah, he's a funny fella. I'm going to submit you,

Amos. All right. The, but where are we? Oh, how long does a contestant actually

spend with a person before proposing? He said 12 hours. 12 hours, one-on-one. One-on-one.

I don't know the exact number, but probably not far off. I would definitely measure it in hours and not days.

Really? And then just propose. Okay. And if you add up the moments, you know, you don't get a

lot of time. Does everyone fuck in the fantasy suites? No. No? Someone's just chat? What's a fantasy suite? Okay, at the forest.

Let me ask Nick, our expert. What happens is at the end of the season, when they've got the last three people, they have fuck dens, right?

Where they just go, they go, there's a fuck den over there. Do you want to go fuck in the den? And then they go, oh, I'm up for it. And off they go and they fuck in the den? And then they go, oh, I'm up for it. And then off they go and they fuck in the den.

They just sat there and don't always have sex. Not always, not always. But Hannah B fucked in a bloody windmill and people lost their mind. Okay, here's a question I have for you. What is with the chicks running up and jumping into the men and wrapping their legs around them? I've never had a woman. If my wife ran up to me and wrapped their legs around,

I'd fall to the fucking ground and go, what the fuck are you up to? Stop being so silly. I don't know, but my guess is it happened once and people go on and they think it's a thing. It looks romantic. It becomes. Did you ever have a woman run up and, of course you did.

I'm sure, yeah. And did you just sort of like, here we go. And then one of the heftier girls, you're like, oh, this might end badly. Stupid. No, you don't want to answer that, doier girls, you're like, oh, this might end badly. Stupid. No, you don't want to answer that, do you? They do. On the dates, they start them off.

They don't have a lot of diversity when it comes to size on the show. That's true. Everybody is liftable. The show has always struggled with diversity. They've gotten better. The early seasons, it was just a lot of white people. And now they've got the next girl, the new bachelorette. She's a woman of color.

And they've moved it around a little bit. then sort of what's his name, James? Matt James. Matt James, who is the best-looking one. My wife thought he was James. He's so hot but he was so boring. She thought he was James Bond. And then I rang a friend of mine, Suzanne, and I said to her, because we watched The Bachelor and she rang me up,

and I go, he's so fucking boring. And she's a comedy writer. And she goes, I don't give a fuck. I'll give him a joke book. Yeah, he's very hot. She's like, we don't need anything more. And he seemed genuinely like a nice fellow. Yeah, he's a nice guy.

Speaking of nice guy, how- She pointed at me when she said that. Did everyone see that? What's wrong with the computer today? It just keeps sliding off of this. How easy do you think it is to be edited into a villain? Like I try not to take, I take all of that with a grain of salt

because I know that I'm sarcastic and it would probably be really easy to take some sound bites from me and make me look like a mean person. Do you feel like the edits are fairly accurate or do you think there's a lot going on there in terms of villainizing people? It's kind of both, right? It's incredibly easy to make someone not look good. Right. But if, if you try to watch it objectively, people have been called villains for stupid shit, But the stakes are so high on that show.

It's meant to be edited to elicit and trigger us and have visual reactions. And so much has to do with the soundtrack. It's not even so much what they edit you to be to do, but put a dun, dun, dun, dun. And you're obviously like, why do I fucking hate this? Yeah. And so there's a lot of that. So you're saying like when Darth Vader came in,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, if they were just a light, fluffy tune. But if he came in with the Benny Hill theme song, you'd be like, that's my guy. That comes up. He's all right. He's a bit of fun. Just the same music at the Moise Cantina. That's very much what it is.

I do think the show, you know, tries to very much what it is. I do think the show, you know, tries to tell the story that happens and they will make silly moments or things that aren't really high stakes and they'll turn it into very high stakes for drama. And to Jim's point, they'll, they'll make a whole episode based off a guy who was like,

I mean, sure. If they asked me to be the bachelor, I'd be the bachelor. And they make it seem like he's the most disingenuous foolish shit evil person and they'll have other men call him narcissistic for simply saying i mean when he was screwed anyway because if he lied about the question he said no i haven't thought about that then you're a fucking liar that's what i'm saying if he said that he wasn't thinking about that. Then you're a fucking liar. That's what I'm saying. If he said that he wasn't thinking about the possibility of being the bachelor at some point,

that would be a fucking lie. Don't take normal, ordinary things and make you think it's a bad thing. That was my moment where Katie lost me. I was all for Katie. And then she was just like this and Thomas, I will not let you make a mockery of that. Get the fuck out of here.

And like Thomas reckons, he reckons that she threw his rose against the wall. That bit was edited out like he had a rose fucking banged against the wall for dramatic effect. I'll tell you, okay, I'm going to tell you. I've watched The Bachelor. Tell you the greatest moment in Bachelor or Bachelorette history.

This is the number one. You can't get better TV than this. Oh, man. I think the blonde girl who got the champagne and said, I'm not always a classy bitch, and then she fucking drank it from the lip and it spurred out her nose. I watched that so many times. Chelsea?

Chelsea. Sometimes when I'm down, I watch it again. She's just like, she'd already been upset. She takes a big swig and it bounces back, bubbles up out of it. Some girls were picking on her and the bachelor guy said, come over here, come over here. And he goes,

uh, do you want some champagne? He had it from the bottle and he goes, you do want to drink a blue? She goes, I'm not always a classy bitch. And then she drank it. And then it spat up through her nose.

Fuck me. That was good. Play a clip of that. It sounds funny. I haven't even seen it. It sounds hilarious. It's good. It's someone trying to act like I'm fun.

Oh my God. I'm a disgrace. Well, I want to do something with you guys. See how similar you would be as bachelors. Okay. Um, we're going to do some two on one dates.

Tell me who you would want to give the rose to. Okay. And there's men and women. It's always you. How are you in forest? Thank you. We're doing it. No,

no, no. Uh, all right. So you guys can answer just whenever, uh, Keanu Reeves or Johnny Depp. Oh, Ke, no. All right. So you guys can answer just whenever. Keanu Reeves or Johnny Depp? Oh, Keanu Reeves.

Okay. Johnny Depp, you know he smells bad. Too many scarves. He's just going to smell like a fucking ashtray. Too many rings. A lot of accessories. You know, he's just going to spill wine on your sheets. You can talk about some sort of philosophical thing. It doesn't make sense.

I feel like Keanu is pretty down to earth. Yeah, of philosophical thing. Doesn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Keanu is like pretty down to earth. Yeah. He seems awesome. Keanu seems fun. I drop my pants and he'd go, Whoa, like that. I don't like that.

Perfect. All right. Who are you giving your rose to? Katy Perry or Rihanna? Rihanna. Oh, Rihanna. Yeah.

Tough call. I used to be a big Katy Perry fan. I used to be a big Katy Perry fan, but she was married to someone who I'm friends with. Russell Brand. Have you seen her on American Idol? I'll tell you what. I don't like her personality.

Rihanna looks fun. I'll tell you Katy Perry. So my father turned 80 last week, and so when I go back to Australia, I do my shows, and all the old blokes who are all the dads of the street, all these guys that I've known since I was born, they're all 80 years old now, but when you were kids, they were like the fucking, the bloke who bloody, hey, what are you kids up to? They were my age when I was little and I used to look up to these. So anyway, so I take them now to my show. So I get like, there's like seven or eight,

80 year old blokes who rock up to my gigs. And I take, we all go in and the fucking people move together like that. And fuck me, these old men can't use the internet. When that California girls where she was squirting cream from their tits, all the old blokes from my home street, they were all going, yeah, well, I need to have a wanker. Fucking look at that fucking Katy Perry. And I was just like, oh, God, the damage that's being done. So that's what I always think about Katy Perry.

All the old men on my street having a wank. So you couldn't take her home because the other guys would be inappropriate. You're protecting Katy. Yeah, if I bring Rihanna, they're all racist. They'll leave her alone. You know what I mean? So actually, I'll go for Katy Perry. All right.

Okay. All right. I'm going to go Rihanna. Perfect. Mark Wahlberg or The Rock? I'm tough. The Rock. I've never forgiven Mark Wahlberg for what he did to that dry cleaner back when he was a teenager.

So I'm going to go The Rock all day. Yeah, Mark Wahlberg wakes up too early. I have to go with The Rock. I think The Rock too. The Rock is... He seems fun. He seems fun. He's got tequila.

He's got... He does laugh at his own jokes, which I've been... I know it's dangerous to criticize The Rock, but... He's not a comedian. And me and him could both do the eyebrow together. We'd do that all day. That would take up minutes of the day. Have you seen Mark Wahlberg's schedule too?

He's always like, wake up at three, pray. No, it's like, I'm already out. They're both very good choices. I don't think The Rock sleeps much either. He can't. He's doing too much. Okay, if I have to answer the question, if I had to really choose, I would choose to pay to watch them have sex. Perfect. He can't. He's doing too much. If I had to really choose,

I would choose to pay to watch them have sex. Perfect. That's true. They're both out of our league. That is true. Amos just reminded me that I saw a video of The Rock rapping the other day, which takes him down a few pegs. I heard about that. I refuse to watch it. Don't watch it. Marky Mark.

Get the fuck out of here. Marky Mark is rapping. His name is Marky Mark. The Funky Bunch. That was how we started. His name was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, and you're going to ride off the rock for a bit of rapping? It wasn't good. Plus, it's newer. It's more top of mind.

But yeah, I still go with the rock. Cameron Diaz or Jessica Alba? Jessica Alba. Throwback. Oh, I'm going to go Cameron Diaz because I always think she seems like a bit of fun. She always seems to have a bit of fun. Cameron Diaz from The Mask. Sure seems like a bit of fun, the Diaz. She always seems to have a bit of fun. Cameron Diaz from The Mask. Sure.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Or Charlie's Angels when she's dancing in her underwear early on, that thing. And also she dated the Timberlake and they seem like a fun couple. Didn't they both date, Justin Timberlake? Oh, golly. All right, I choose Justin Timberlake. Jessica Alba.

Okay. Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt. Brad Elba. Okay. Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt's my man. Brad Pitt. I knew that was easy for you. He was our weatherman

on his TV show. Nicest guy in the world. It's kind of a bucket list thing to meet him for me. Oh, I'll tell you. I wrote a couple of jokes for him for his speeches. He's a nice fella.

He's a very nice fella. I'm weirdly, I don't have a lot of Hollywood crushes. I don't have at all, but like Brad Pitt. Yeah, you know, Brad's, we've all met Brad Pitt. He's very nice. Soft hands. I'm really envious of all three of you. I just shook my hand and I was like,

these are the softest hands I've ever touched. I like Brad Pitt so much that I'm now uncomfortable knowing that you guys all met him. If this makes you feel any better, I had purple hair at the time and I was walking past him and he goes, cool hair. And I go, you too. So I made an ass out of myself.

But he's seen you. He's seen me. No, he's very nice. He's very nice. All right. We got, let's see, Emma Stone or Emma Watson? Emma. I can't even picture Emma Watson.

Emma Stone. Emma Watson is out of Harry Potter I've met Emma Stone we have mutual friends couldn't be nicer she seems like a sweetheart a lot of people say my girlfriend resembles Emma Watson so tough so do I go with the person

I've met who I know is nice doesn't look like your girlfriend I think you go with that one I'll go for Emma Stone I'm going to say Emma Watson only because I think it's weird if I say Emma Stone. Yeah, somebody who doesn't look like you. I know her. I've met her husband now. Yeah, this will end up as a clip somewhere.

I don't want to like, Nick's still trying to date Emma. I don't know what this has got to do with the show. This is the most flimsy premise either. Which one would you like? Well, it's two-on-one dates. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Carry on and carry on. It's exactly in line with the show.

I'm throwing roses around. And it's just as, that's how the show operates. Pick one. Yeah. Chris Pratt or Chris Hemsworth? Hemsworth. I've met the Hemsworth as well. I've got a story.

I met the Hemsworth the night that he met Brad Pitt. Wow. Hemsworth's a super nice fella. He's like, fuck. Yeah, yeah. That wouldn't excite me as much. I mean, that'd be cool. He's a super nice fella.

His wife's really nice. They seem like a real nice couple. I wouldn't excite me as much. I mean, that'd be cool. He's a super nice fellow. His wife's really nice. They seem like a real nice couple. I've even met that. He's Australian. I've met all three Hemsworths. I've met all the three Hemsworths in San Francisco. There's more than three of them. There's the ugly one.

No, the three actors. Oh, yeah, yeah. The three actors, yeah. They met their parents and uncles. The ugly one is objectively also beautiful. Yeah, he's beautiful, but it's just like, who are you standing next to? He's super nice as well, except I'm picking on him. Yeah, they say he's ugly, and it's like, yeah, next standing next to? He's super nice as well, except peaking on him. Yeah, they say he's ugly and it's like, yeah, next to his brothers.

You're like, huh? He's just not 6'4". He's like 6'4". He's still the ugly one compared to them. Look at this ugly troll. Stop putting him on television. Alright, last one. When you call my brothers the ugly one next to me, that's a real insult. You're like, wow, how much, where's that?

Let's go Mila Kunis or Megan Fox. Megan Fox. Megan Fox. I have a Megan Fox story. Do you want to hear my Megan Fox story? I've got a story. I don't even know every single person. I've met everybody, right?

So you know the story. So I was in Marco Island at Captain Brian's Fish House, like that, right? Comedy place. Yeah, comedy place. They also serve fish. And it was Thanksgiving, and i believe she's from that area and she was back for thanksgiving there was only about 40 people in the audience

i'd just gotten to america i had a profile in britain but no profile in america 40 people came to see me and afterwards i'm outside and brian austin green asked me for a light right they were still together and so i gave him a cigarette light And then he's standing there chatting to me about comedy. And then Megan Fox comes up to him and goes, honey, you got a light on you? And he pulled the light out of his pocket and I went, you already had one. You just wanted to fucking talk to me like that.

And I called him out and he's like, yeah. And so we actually hung out. We drank. Me, Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox went out drinking for about three, four hours. And as we did it, we're in this little bar and the people started gathering just to look at her through the window, a small town. They were coming.

So people were staring and looking at her through the window and people were coming up to her and she was so lovely. And everyone was like, can I have a photo? Now she was just wearing a baseball cap and had a hair tied back and not much makeup at that stage. And even now, arguably the best looking woman in the world, but she was her at her peak this is like 13 years ago she was still on transformer mode and so she said because you know there can't be a bad picture of her basically she goes I won't do any photos but I'll sign anything you want right one person after the other I won't do any photos

but I'll sign anything I won't do any photos I'll sign anything you want then this sort of big guy who looked like the comic book guy from the Simpsons walks up and goes, hi, can I have a photo? And she goes, I don't do any photos. And then he went, Jim, I've been watching you in England for years. And I was like, this is the first time I got recognised in America ever. And I was like, yeah, man, of course you can have a photo. And then Megan Fox took the fucking photo and that cunt to this day doesn't know Megan Fox took the photo of me and him. there you go that's great Brian Austin Green uh he's a handsome fellow my only

story of him is that I saw him on Thanksgiving across the street from my house and so I still don't know but I think maybe his parents live are my neighbors otherwise I don't know what Brian Austin Green was just like. Well, 13 years ago, he wasn't saying Thanksgiving with his parents. It must have had a falling out. Well, I don't know who they were. Last Thanksgiving, he was outside on a front lawn

talking to my neighbors who are older and I was like, I don't know why. Maybe he does door-to-door sales now. Could be. Maybe not. I haven't seen him since. All right. A couple more. I've got to pick my son up.

I think that's it, right? That was the last one. Yeah, I think we're going to wrap it up. We have a thing called Dinner Party Facts on the show. Did they tell you about that? No. Okay, well, we'll tell you now. And if you have something, if not, we'll just edit it out.

But it's Dinner Party Facts. We ask our guests on the show to give us some obscure, interesting fact about the subject that we're talking about. That if someone was at a dinner party or bar, they'd be like, hey, did you know, blah, blah, blah. It could be a story. Yeah. Yeah. So if you have anything about The Bachelor or Bachelorette or.

Let's see. If you don't. Colton's guy. I feel like people are so interested in the show that a lot of those types of questions are asked and answered. That's fine. Not our fan base. I don't know anything. They don't play music.

You know this, but it's weird. Rose Ceremony is like, of course, but there's no music when you're actually doing it. You watch it, but when you're doing it, it You know, you watch it and you're like, dun, dun, dun, dun. But when you're doing it, it's very weird because it's quiet.

Or even at the parties, the cocktail parties, there's no music because you have to record everybody. And you're just standing there and it's just a really quiet, ominous thing. It'd be like, it would be like if we all lined up and you started handing out roses, it's just like a weird vibe. And so that's kind of a weird feeling that way.

I have a dinner party. In fact, I have one. I have one i have one because we've got one for the show yeah yeah i do because i just did a podcast with wells and wells told me this is what wells told me so when you're watching bachelor in paradise because everyone's mic'd up all the time if you want to have a real conversation with another contestant you both go out into the ocean yeah because the mics are waterproof so there's a lot of people just i want to talk to you yeah go out into the ocean yeah so they swim waterproof so there's a lot of people just i want to talk to you yeah you go in the ocean um and then there's a couple times people there's a couple acting moments in the sense that it's like the first time i was on the show we were in the ocean yeah uh with the andy and i i was like i mean was really into her. I was genuinely into her and it was like a moment.

So I was like, I love you. And you know, we had a moment and that came back from the ocean. Like I was like, kind of told her I loved her. And so like, they're like,

fuck you, man. Like, reenact our, the first time. And there's a lot of those moments where, you know, they'll ask non-actors to,

to, to perform. Yeah. Do you ever have to do adr for the people who don't know what adr is it's when you have to put your voice back over because there might be a rustling sound for the not for the bachelor no yeah no none of that stuff we have a lot of it for you to do for this show though we'll be seeing you tomorrow in the studio uh can you just say this nick vile thank you for being here I want to remind everybody again his podcast is called The Vile Files

by the way he spelled Vile V-I-A-L-L so subscribe listen to The Vile Files and Jim will be on that podcast soon and follow Nick on Instagram at Nick Vile, Twitter at VileNicholas28 and TikTok at Nick Vile

thank you for being here Nick thanks for being on the show Nick I enjoy this very much I told you you were going to like this TikTok at Nick Vial. Thank you for being here, Nick. Thanks for having me, guys. Thanks for being on the show, Nick. I enjoy this very much. I told you you were going to like this episode. This was a joy for me. I look forward to having you on mine. We'll just recap and you just bring this energy.

I love it. Well, I've got to see the episode first. I'll have a lot of opinions on that and the first people who came in. Well, it'll be the second episode, which I think is a great episode for you to do because it'll be a lot of people. They'll try to get a lot of silly drama. I'll be watching it with a notepad. Do you ever gamble? I gamble on it

when I say gamble on it. This is how bad a parent I am with my son when The Bachelor starts. We all have a pool and my son's involved when he gets on and he gets to pick like, it's like picking on the horses. You only get to see them at the stables. So as soon as they come up, you have to pick and you only get four picks

and you have to pick right away as soon as they walk up. Immediately. Immediately. From the moment they leave the car, you've got to pick and if someone picks before you, you don't get the fucking horse. So you don't want to be too picky and you don't want to go too early. Oh, I like that. And then we write down all of our different people that we got

and then we follow them as they go along. That. Oh, I like that. And then we write down all of our different people that we got and then we follow them as they go along. And so that's a thing. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. That's the only way to do it. Because when you were saying that,

I was thinking like, I don't do it because as soon as I watch it, I can kind of tell, like I guess I watch it like the matrix. Like I can see. Yeah. You know, but the way you doing it is more authentic.

The second they got out of the car, I pause. Yeah. Anyone want it? I pause. Anyone want it? Come on. Anyone want it? Look at this. That's great. Look at this filly.

She's just come out of the stable. She looks like she has a good outfit on. Come on, anyone? Any takers? I would love you to tell that story when you come out. So thank you so much for being on the podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a dinner party and someone comes up to you and goes, I reckon they're just talking rubbish out in the ocean, go, well, I don't know about that, and walk away.

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