I Don't Know About That - Ventriloquism

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Jim seems like a real dummy in this one. Thank goodness our expert Burt Dubrow was here to help us out. ADS: HELLO FRESH: Go to HelloFresh.com/IDKATFREE and use code IDKATFREE for FREE breakfast for life! One breakfast item per box while subscription is active.

Whether you're trying to save money, eat better or stress less, HelloFresh is here to help you do all three. Say hello to your most delicious year yet with fresh ingredients and chef-crafted recipes at the price you like, delivered right to your door. Go to hellofresh.com slash idacatfree and use the code idacatfree, I-D-C-A-T-F-R-E-E-E for free breakfast for life.

One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life, available for a limited time at HelloFresh.com slash IDAKATFREE. Use the code I-D-K-A-T-F-R-E-E. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Code IDKATFREE. Hello, Fresh. America's number one meal kit. Sandwich. Uh-huh.

Dirtwich. Gravelwich. Which one tastes the best? You might find out, and I don't know about that, with Jim Jeffery. A chipwich. A chipwich? Yeah. It's a chip.

I was going different bits of dirt, elements of land. A chipwich is an ice cream, I think, right? I have no idea. What you're saying with chips in it. Like chocolate chips. Chipwich. Oh, yeah, but not one. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's like a cookie ice cream sandwich.

Yeah, I think a chipwich would... That looks good. I don't know, it's probably, it depends what sandwich. sandwich all right starting off with a bang oh sorry i'm so sorry i had a big yawn there i'm having a lovely week my mother-in-law's in town um and yeah she she watches this podcast so much she listens to this podcast so much that if if if one of the topics comes up she forgets that she knows that information from the podcast and she tells me, which is good because I forgot. How come she's not here?

Bring her in. She's off doing things with her daughter. It's rained ever since she's got there. She's from England. We've done the jokes. Brought the weather. Did you? Reminds you of home?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wanted you to feel like home. A lot of this. Yeah, all, yeah. We wanted you to feel like home. A lot of those. Yeah, all day. That's all I do. Break the silence. There's a lot of silence. Yeah, it's normally just me and her sitting each other,

staring at each other across the table. And then occasionally I think, I should put the telly on. That'll really help out here. That'll do better. That'll do better. Make some music. But then I'm like, nah, just keep with the staring. Something's got to

give. We have a live podcast coming up. Oh. Live, live, live. March 5th at

Flappers in Burbank. If you live in the LA area. Or fly in. Fly on in. A good way to remember it is March the 5th be

with you. That is a good way to remember it. That's oneth be with you that is a good way to remember it that's one way you can remember it or just March 5th March 5th never forget what about something that rhymes with March 5th there's nothing that rhymes with March 5th

exactly but that's the thing there's nothing that rhymes with March 5th live podcast orange chicken it'll be nothing rhymes with march 5th live podcast orange chicken uh it'll be nothing wrong with orange right you know that's a thing right that's a thing okay but eminem dispelled that what door hinge door hinge orange oh eminem the rapper yeah he gave like he gave like five he gave like five

things that door hinge orange because it's all you the slant rhymes and you make it work yeah my wife my wife does something that annoys me. This is just one of many things, but that's marriage, and you live with the same person every day, right? And she does something. So my wife has an English accent, and I have an Australian accent, in case you haven't been following the podcast. And my wife says the word tomato now like an American.

Tomato. She says tomato. And I'm like, don't say that. And she goes, what? I go, there's a fucking song written about this. There's a song. Yeah. What are you saying tomato for?

Because that's what she wants. No, tomato. She's assimilated. Tomato. And until the day I die, I'll be calling those things potatoes. So the 5th of March. No one says potato. That's the point.

Oh, you just say potato. Yeah. Well, I say potato. I say potato. You says potato? I say potato. Let's call the whole thing off. What are these gigs?

March 5th, again, is the live podcast at Flappers. 8 p.m. Go to the website. Buy some tickets. Come see. Another way to remember it is it's 250 days before Christmas. I don't know. Someone fact-checked that?

I think that's off. Another good way to remember it. Or remember it like this. Remember when you were in the fifth grade and they made you much one time yeah it's like that um also we are possibly doing one in australia there's a maybe there's some things being thrown around there's things that i can't announce yet that i'm doing in australia but i'm going to be in australia filming something in april. But it's not the 1% Club. Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! And I'm still doing the 1% Club. I haven't stopped doing the 1%. Boo! We're going to be filming the 1% Club in July. May I say the number one new entertainment show on Australian TV, if the adverts are anything to go by, that's what I've been told. I haven't.

People – so I had to do a little press for the 1% Club a week, and I've been doing interviews with different print magazines. I never liked print magazines because you can not even be misquoted as such, but people can't hear the intonation in your voice when you say it. Sometimes something written out doesn't read the same. Everything I say, everything I say is so much more charming than when it's written out. You fat cunt. Ouch. Okay.

See how I did it like that and Jack just sort of took it? Yeah. But if he read that, he'd be very offended. Well, speaking of Australia. That's true. If you read it in court, if you read and Jack, I'm not going to edit anything else. You fat cunt.

Wow, was he an abusive boss? Yes. Speaking of Australia, I'm not going to edit anything else, you fat cunt. Wow, was he an abusive boss? Yes. Speaking of Australia, I have shows there. April 24th and 26th, I'll be at the Factory Theater in Sydney. Will Forrest be out in April as well? What's going on? What? Well, I can announce these.

So April 24th and 26th in Sydney, I'll be at the Factory Theater. There are links to the tickets on my website at 4shot.net. And then I believe it's May 2nd through the 4th or 5th at the Comics Lounge in Melbourne. That's also on my website. May the 5th be with you. There you go. You remember that. May the 4th.

May 4th. May 4th. I'll be at the Comics Lounge for sure. Also a couple other days in Melbourne. Melbourne. And then, Jim, you got some dates coming up, too. Let's see what you got coming up here. Buddy, you got Vegas, March 8th and 9th.

March 8th and 9th. The March of the 8th and the 9th. Right after the live podcast. Remember it by the take back the night march. Yep. From the mid-80s. 8, 9. Only if you're in Vegas.

And then March 16th, you'll be at Spirit Mountain Casino in Grand Ronde, Oregon. March 16th. Remember that as a 16-year-old marching over a hill. Yep. That's a lot of marching. March 22nd, Des Moines, Iowa. Remember that because it's my friend, my Uncle Brian's birthday. That's an easy way to remember it.

March 23rd, Kansas City, Missouri. Oh, that's far as... When is your birthday? Your birthday's in December. December 1st. Yeah, December 1st. So don't... Every year.

Every year. For the next three years. And then you're in South Africa, April 12th and 13th. How do you remember that? This is how you remember it. What are the dates? April 12th.

April 12th, I'm going to be in Cape Town. I'm going to come and do jokes for you. Come and see me. What is this? That's South Africa. I know it's South Africa but it's very You've got to take good care of yourself when you get to the intersections

because there's a lot of guard chickens. Is that Arnold doing? I'm doing extreme South Africa. April 13th you you're in Pretoria, South Africa. The gigs in South Africa are sold really well already. They're almost sold out. So if you haven't got tickets, get your tickets now because they're almost sold out. I've left one seat for Oscar Pistorius.

Yeah. Just one. He's going to bring somebody. Yeah, but he only takes up three quarters of a seat and he's like a celebrity. So whatever chick he brings is going to be super thin Right? So

And like When you date Oscar Vistorius And he doesn't bring his legs Do you sit on his lap? Or opposite He would sit on yours No, but a man You never just waddle up on two

Because you know I've always had the I don't know So at the moment... Have you really invited him? Oh, yes. I'm inviting you right now, Oscar. Come and see me.

He doesn't listen to this podcast. He would. Why wouldn't he? This podcast mentions him more than any other podcast. Probably. If he wants to get his ego inflated, he fucking... Get your flippers on, mate.

Come on down. Come on down. Come on down. Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. We'll see you. Just spring on down. All right, so May 2nd. You'll get the disabled sit at the front. You'll be right next to, there'll be a blind person, a deaf person, an Oscar,

and they'll all be sitting in the same section. Nothing in common. What's that conversation got to be like? Yeah, I murdered somebody oh yeah yeah yeah well don't tell anyone and then the next one's like i couldn't if i wanted to i don't know what you said may 2nd spokane washington may the second be with you may 3rd denver colorado may the third be with you and an added show on May 4th, Denver, Colorado. We told him March! No, he didn't.

No, he said May. Was it? No, March is the live. And who are you referring to? Who are you referring to in the intro to the podcast? Okay, well I'm going to be in Denver, Colorado. One of the shows is sold out. The second show has been added. It's been added to the thing.

The best way to remember it is on Grandma's Featherbed, a song by John Denver. And I'll sing it five times so you know it's on the fifth. Grandma's Featherbed. Grandma's Featherbed. Grandma's Featherbed. I'll sing it four times. Third and fourth.

So four times I sing Grandma's Featherbed as recorded by John Denver, meaning I'm in Denver. March the 4th be with you. And then you got other dates. They're on jimjeffries.com. They got to update these, by the way. Okay. That LA one's wrong.

Yeah, the LA one's... But you're in North Charleston, Fort Lauderdale, San Francisco. You're back in Vegas on the 30th and 31st of August. That's easier to remember. Well, I got to update my bio. If you guys see me, it just says, he's recording the FX show legit. On your website?

Just moved to the United States. That's an HBO special. No one cares about those things. There's not even a bio on there. No, that one doesn't need it. That's my webpage. You already know who I am. You've come to see me.

I have a bio on mine. You should be telling me about you. Should I have a section on here? Tell me about yourself. Yeah, yeah. Contact here. Contact has your management and does all their names. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's what they do. Well, one of them is wrong in here. You got to get rid of that. Which one is wrong in there? Well, she's not there anymore. Oh, well, Joanna doesn't. You got to update this whole website. She moved companies.

The whole website. This picture. Do you still like this picture? It's from 50 years ago, so yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a good one. I've gone grey in the time that I've been married. I've been married for three years,

and all my greyness has happened in that three years. I don't know who to blame, but it's not me. Mother nature. Being married to my wife is like being the president. You know how they show you those pages? Yeah. How hard the presidency's been. Yeah.

A lot of golf. I was just reading my life. A lot of... My bio's no good. I gotta fix it. What does it say? 160 pounds? Look at this guy.

He was voted thinnest comic. If you want to see him out and about, he's rowing crew. Some people said, hey, how do you get that fit? There's a lot of jokes about fitness, eating well. Like a strong, mighty oak in the forest. Forest is the forest. It does say I became a comedian after a decade of life as a marine biologist. That's not even right.

It was longer than a decade. 13 years. Yeah. All right. Jack's very funny today. Jack's very funny today. Just wait to the second half Where I drop off

Hopeless Hopeless in that one I got my I got my stride going For the intro Yeah yeah yeah We should always do the intro second So Jack's this funny

Alright I think we're done Do you want to read an ad? Oh IDGap Podcast On Instagram Follow that This is us We don't have to advertise this show

People are already on it Hey if you guys like podcasts Follow us on Instagram Follow me on Instagram as well Me too Jack Yeah follow me too Aaron

And do Get on the Subscribe on the channel We want to make this channel If I get as big as Mr. Beast Then I'll do all the Mr. Beast things I'll give away double the amount of money as Mr. Beast More cars

That's the first we've heard of this Yeah Wait Do you mean your YouTube channel? If you get as big as big as mr b look mr beast when he first started doing things he only had like 10 000 subscribers yeah i already have 200 000. i'm ahead of the game so subscribe to jim jeffries on youtube if we get to a million subscribers i'll give away some money hey if i get i was about to say a million dollars then what if I went, what if it happens? If I get to 50,000 followers on Instagram, I'll give away some of Jim's money. All right.

That's a good deal. All right. Yeah. All right. I'd like to congratulate the Kansas City Chiefs on their victory. Ooh, edgy. Good prediction. Yeah, I'm predicting things that haven't happened.

Also, on the Ukraine taking over Russia. Well done, lads. That was quick. One more prediction for Tuesday. Or three days away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry for everyone who's got the new variant of AIDS. Delta AIDS.

Yeah, like we got so close to fixing the other AIDS. You have the Omicron want the Omicron AIDS Omicron AIDS you don't even know you have it your T cell counts decrease you think you just have a cold oh no you increase do you want them or not

you want T cells you get more T cells off Omicron AIDS any other news I was just very upset about Delta AIDS for all the people who are dealing with it this week Omicron AIDS. That's a good one. Any other news? Well, I was just very upset about Delta AIDS. That one's pretty bad. For all the people who are dealing with it this week, chin up. But I hear that's how you catch it, so chin down. All right.

Now let's meet our guest, Bert Dubrow. G'day, Bert. Now it's time to play... Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a book by its cover.

All right, Bert. I'm looking at Bert, and Bert's got a puppet of himself, which is the likeness is remarkable. It must have been, you know, it's got him. Well, the question is which one's the puppet. That's the question. I saw your lips move, so you're obviously the puppet. That's right.

Glad you're good. Are we doing a podcast on ventriloquism? We are. All right. Here's the thing. I'm a fan. I like ventriloquists. That's good.

It's the opposite of what I do for comedy, but often I believe they get shit on too much in the comedy community. People love them. If it's done well, and if you see one live, it's very entertaining, and they get to say everything that I would like to say on stage, but I can't because I'm not a puppet. Let me introduce Bert. That's exactly right. Bert Dubrow is a multiple Emmy and Cable Ace Award winning producer. He has developed and produced shows such as

The Dr. Drew Show, The Jerry Springer Show, Sally Jesse Raphael, and The New Tom Green Show. Currently, Burt is a senior executive producer of Daily Blast Live, a nationally syndicated daytime talk show airing in 76 markets and 80 stations across the country. Burt is a student

of television and owns an extensive collection of memorabilia, ventriloquist figures, videotapes, and kinescopes. Yeah. How did you get into ventriloquism, Bert? Well, let's first of all be honest here. I am not a ventriloquist, but I do collect these ventriloquist figures, which I'm well aware we probably just lost listeners. But I think I'm out of my mind. If you're listening to the radio portion of the podcast, his lips aren't moving. He's fantastic.

When I was growing up, that's really all you saw on television. For some reason, in the 50s and even the 60s, for kids shows, it was all puppets. And it was all a lot of ventriloquists, a lot of puppets. And I, believe it or not, at that age, wanted to be in television. So watched it all. And I took a loving, not a liking, a loving to these performers, Paul Winchell, Edgar Bergen.

These names may mean something to some people who are watching, listening. Paul Winchell, Edgar Bergen. These names may mean something to some people who are watching, listening. Paul Winchell, Edgar Bergen, Jimmy Nelson, Sherry Lewis. These were all major stars of the time that were ventriloquists. All right. Well, what we're going to do is I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions about ventriloquism

and at the end of him answering them, you can grade him on his accuracy 0 through 10. 10 is the best. Jack here, you can grade him on his accuracy, zero through ten. Ten's the best. Jack here is going to grade him on his confidence. I'm going to grade him on how hungry I am. And we'll add all those scores together, and it doesn't matter what you score. You're going to be a dummy.

All right. So wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on one second. So you guys score him. I'm just watching, right? No, you score his accuracy of his answers. You score accuracy.

They're all different categories. Oh, okay. I just want to get this right. you score whether i'm right or wrong by the way burt no pressure doesn't matter these scores at all so it doesn't matter the forest means a lot to me i feel the same way yeah okay first question uh what is ventriloquism ventriloquism is uh puppeteering where the artist remains on the stage with the puppet. The optimum way to do it is to make it look like your lips aren't moving and the puppet's talking so they can never truly talk at the same time.

All right, just for fun for me, spell ventriloquism. V-E-N-T-R-A-Q-U-E-L-I-S-M-E-W You just gave up there after the Q. Okay. What are some names of the earliest performers of ventriloquism? The earliest ones? Oh, I don't of the earliest performers of ventriloquism um the earliest ones oh i don't know the earliest or whoever you just mentioned then was the you got us well so what did he say he's of the day burke just said some names i jerry lewis probably had a go at it he did all everything in entertainment i'll say jerry lewis okay how does a ventriloquist throw their voice like what how they do it they don't throw their voice as such because the voice doesn't land up in a different area.

They just keep their lips together like this and they speak as much as they can. And then they always talk like this is the thing. That's how they do it? That's how they do it. You put a permanent sort of sly smile. Oh, yeah, that's wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful thing we're doing here today. They're pretty good.

What are the five letters that can't be said without moving one's lips? Q, J. Let's do them. You can't run through them. A, A, A, A, C, C, D, J, A, A, F, F, G, G. Wait, have you said a letter yet? H, H. There's five letters.

H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, R, O, P. Riveting podcasting. P, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V. W, W you can't do. W is a real tough letter. W is a real kind of a letter. One more, please. W, X, Y, and Z.

Now I know how you say next time you sing with me. Okay, we're moving on. It looks like just for Jim, it's W. So he's really good. I think you're meant to do this. What are the puppets called, Bernie? Dummies. And how are dummies made?

Well, you see, you've got the traditional puppet, which will have a stick, which will have a couple of levers on it, which will move the eyebrows and the eyes left to right and all that type of stuff. And then you have a more traditional puppet now, which is more like a Muppet, where you can put your hand in and just do the mouth and then maybe have some fingers up top that will do the eyebrows.

So how do you make it? Well, it depends whether we're doing something made of fabric or something made of wood um if it's if it's a traditional one made of wood i believe they'd be hand carved and um they would be made out of uh something you know oak or something like that and they'd be polished and stained and colored and they'd throw a wig on the top of it and then they call him something like archie and they give him a bow tie and Archie, he fucks a lot of things. I don't know why. I know this about ventriloquism dolls, right? When the ventriloquist is not around, the puppet is up to no good inviting other puppets back to the bag, having sex. Very big sex life to the puppets.

Oh, okay. Who are some well-known dummy makers? Oh, okay. Who are some well-known dummy makers? I'd say most New Zealand parents. No, that's a joke. Hello, New Zealand. Sorry, joking. We've been on this scene for a tour.

I don't know. It would be, okay, Steiff from Germany. The Steiff company. Steiff? Yeah, Steiff. Are you making that up? No, they're a big manufacturer. Okay, Stife. Stife.

The pin in the ear. Who was the great Lester? He would have been a puppet, not the actual ventriloquist. He would have been a puppet. See, I worked with Otto and George a couple of times. Yeah. Ah, the best. So George was the ventriloquist and otto was the puppet now otto

was the ventriloquist and george was the puppet yeah and he said to me otto said to me that he liked it when the puppets had ordinary names yeah okay so he was he was a great lesser as a puppet not a venture less as the public you work with them i did the nasty show with him many many years ago. Back when he used to do the routine in Montreal, where he used to do the routine where Otto's head, George's head would blow out and he'd do a John F. Kane impersonation and then he'd flip forward.

Yeah. Yeah. Who is the most famous dummy? The name. Yeah. dummy um the name yeah um well i um uh whoever the most famous one now is is the old one that what's his name does the guy who pays all the child support there's questions coming up you know he's a jeff dunham jeff dunham the guy who pays all the child support everyone goes jeff dunham his old man puppet Would be the most popular He just brought out

A special just recently Yeah but historically Which is like a Valentine's Day special Historically Even when I saw This pup This bummy

I was like Oh yeah that one It's the one with the freckles On the face Oh gee Okay we'll see Who is Howdy Doody That's the one

He's the most famous one Howdy Doody You think Howdy Doody Is the most famous Howdy Doody's the most famous He's the one I'm thinking of Howdy Doody Who is Howdy Doody? That's the one. He's the most famous one. Howdy Doody. You think Howdy Doody's the most famous. Howdy Doody's the most famous. He's the one I'm thinking of. Howdy Doody had the Howdy Doody show back in the 1950s and early 60s in America. And he was very much liked by kids, American children. Name some other famous dummies.

You named Walter. Well, okay, but now do we classify Kermit the Frog as one? Because he's not real. I don't think that's a ventriloquist. They can talk underneath. Yeah they're underneath it but that doesn't mean they're not a dummy. I think it's just a puppet. I'll tell you who's the most unsung hero of television is the guy played Big Bird into his 70s who just fucking walked around like that all day yeah and then just and he had like a little tiny like screen in front of him where he could watch and he just walked around all day with his arm up and he used to run across roads

and everything like unbelievable that guy didn't die in that suit all right so we wanted okay Big Okay, Big Bird. Name some famous ventriloquists. Jeff Dunham. Nina Conti in the UK. Who's the other guy in the UK? He's quite good. He came second on America's Got Talent. I've worked with him before. I can't remember his name right now. The guy who's... You perform in a theater that was built for one.

Oh, Terry Factor. Terry Fader. There you go. Terry Fader. Yeah, he's There you go. Terry Fator. Yeah, he's a good... He sings as well. That's quite a remarkable thing. And he does impersonations of famous people whilst being a ventriloquist.

Okay, a couple more questions. Name some famous actors that started out as ventriloquists. Keanu Reeves was a dummy, and then he graduated to being a real boy. No, I don't know. I like Keanu Reeves. What did I pick on him? being a real boy I don't know I like Keanu Reeves everyone's most loved go pick on Tom Hanks next yeah yeah yeah fucking Tom Hanks

you were shitting Elvis Tom that's fair I was your biggest fan Tom and you let me down famous actors that started out as ventriloquists famous actors that started out as ventriloquists Marilyn Monroe uh huh

I'm gonna say Walter Cronkite I know he's not an actor but it's still in the same realm and I should get a bonus point because that's

what he started doing that's the news today that was very good Marilyn Monroe that I reckon I reckon probably Jim Henson started off doing a bit of ventriloquism

with Ralph the Dog, which was his first public. He's not a famous actor, but sure. Whether you're trying to save money, eat better or stress less, HelloFresh is here to help you do all three. Say hello to your most delicious year yet with fresh ingredients and chef-crafted recipes at a price you'll like delivered right to your door each hello fresh box is packed with farm fresh ingredients and everything arrives pre-portioned right to your doorstep for less hassle and less wasted food this time of year

everyone's looking to revamp their eating habits and get back on track. Look to HelloFresh, wholesome, health forward options like over 30 calorie smart and protein smart recipes all week. Man, I had this thing. You'd love this. I had this pasta from HelloFresh

which is one of my favorite pastas still ever. It's the pork sausage one. It might also be You texted us. I've given up pork for a long time and HelloFresh

just delivered me a box and I was like, well, I'm not going to throw it out. I got to eat this. Good, wasn't it? Bloody good. You texted Jack and I. It was really good. It was delivered me a box and I was like, well, I'm not going to throw it out. I got to eat this. Good, wasn't it? Bloody good. You texted Jack and I.

It was really good. No, it was really, really good. He was like, what's the code again? I want to get more. Yeah, I used our own code to buy more. Yeah, well, it's good.

Yeah, I to cat free. Yeah, there you go. Go to hellofresh.com slash I to cat free and use the code I toatfree for free breakfast for life One breakfast item per box While subscription is active That's free breakfast for life available

At a limited time at hellofresh.com slash idacatfree With code idcatfree HelloFresh America's number one meal kit I'm not kidding here either people It's good Go get it. Okay, moving on.

Who is the highest paid ventriloquist? Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham. All right. I have one more question I'll ask you, but Jax has the answer to that, so we'll do that later. All right. Bert, how did Jim do on his knowledge of ventriloquism? Zero through ten, ten's the best.

I think Jim did exceptionally well. I would give him all around probably an eight. Eight? Yeah. All right, great. I think you did better than most would do of your age. Oh, I thought you were going to go nationality. That too.

Yeah, that too. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. How did he do in confidence? i gave him a seven he had some shaky moments but he had some real confidence if you get me water i'll drink it whilst talking as you okay hold on we'll do that later we got we have something in studio for you um and then i'm pretty hungry ten you're still a dummy all right cool uh so what is ventriloquism jim said it's puppeteering where the puppeteer stays on stage with a puppet makes it look like

your lips don't move is that pretty much all there is to it or yeah yeah and jim was also right that that the expression throw your voice is an expression the voice doesn't go anywhere it starts here the whole idea of ventriloquism is you're sort of talking from your stomach and squeezing and the voice can sound like it's coming from elsewhere but of course it's not yeah so speaking of that i mean i'm just jumping ahead like how does a ventriloquist do that with their voice so they squeeze their stomach is that what they're well in other words it comes out it's like. It's like you're talking like this almost. You know what I mean?

And that's really where the voice comes from and how the voice becomes different and how it becomes ventriloquial rather than just the way I'm speaking right now. So that's why you hear a lot of talk voices like that because they're squeezing. So ventriloquial, so what does the actual word mean? What's the definition of the word? Well, it's just ventriloquism. It's just speaking ventriloquially means you're speaking as a ventriloquist. Yeah, there was a question that I wrote here that I wasn't going to ask Bert

because we were talking just more about the performers and stuff, but the origin of the word, is that what you want to know, Jim? Yeah. I'll just read it then. That's fine. Okay. Ventriloquism, it's found in Egyptian and Hebrew archaeology. Here it is.

Oh, it means to speak from the stomach. Oh. Exactly what Bert's saying. It's from Vaudable. Yeah, and the Greek phrase for ventriloquism was gastromancy, and I guess that it goes far back where they called them belly prophets and people thought that they were speaking speaking like God was speaking through him yeah was that was that way um two two of the two celebrities that you may know Don Knotts who was on the Andy Griffith show oh yeah

and Ted Knight who was on Mary Tyler Moore both started out as ventriloquists did they ever have ventriloquists in the silent movies because Because I reckon you could crush it back then. I don't think so. Don't call me a dummy written down the bottom. Yeah, and I think, by the way, Jim Henson, really when he came up with the word Muppet, that sort of is an entirely different category. But you do see ventriloquists,

like that guy you were talking about from England who won America's Got Talent and Terry Fader, they all work with what they're called figures, soft figures, not dummies, Jim, by the way, soft figures. And the old school guys work with the wooden ones, the hard figures they're called. How long have you had that dummy for, that one there? My daughter actually had it made as a surprise, as a gift for me, about two years ago.

Okay, good, good. I was about to say, like, if it's like 30 years old, you've aged really well. Exactly. I wish I looked like him. I was like, it looks just like you. It really well. Exactly. I wish I looked like him. I was like, it looks just like you. It's fantastic. So wait, so the dummies are the wood ones, the harder ones?

So that's how they're referred to? Yeah, they're referred to. The pros refer to them as figures. As figures, not dummies. So hard figures or soft figures. I got you. Exactly. There's a famous story.

There's a ventriloquist in Britain and the bird was named Orville. So if you find Orville for me, Jack, you'll see. And he used to do like the bird was, it was a great big bird. And the bird used to sing in a very falsetto-y high voice. But there's a famous story of him going onto a stage. And he would always have Orville just sitting upside down, and the last thing he'd do is he'd dunk his arm into Orville, pull Orville out, and he'd walk on stage and do the show.

Well, he was doing a TV performance, and the story goes that one of the other performances shat inside Orville. And so he put his, please welcome to the stage, and he went out there with the whole performance. He had that. Oh! He's a performance. He had that. Oh. He's a pro.

You will now. Oh, the truth's under this. Hey, there was. That's awful. That's awful. There was a guy in England. I think it was England. His name was Rod Hull.

H-U-L-L. And he had a big bird, an emu. Yeah, I know this guy. Yeah, yeah. You know the act? Well, I know that he was big on radio and then he had to go do tv and he turned out he wasn't a very good ventriloquist so he just sort of kept on having holding glasses and things in front of his face and just talking like like this but still doing the puppet is that the one it's worth you guys googling him he would destroy

that emu would just attack anybody. And I mean literally. He did a Tonight Show with Carson and literally went after Carson. And nobody did that. I'm talking physically. You know, grabbing him by the head, grabbing him by the neck.

It was great. Have a radio. Rod Hall. H-U-L-L. Oh, yeah. He just pulled it up. An emu. Oh, yeah.

There used to be another emu. You see him? Yeah we see him now yeah Yeah Very funny Oh no I'm thinking of a different bloke I'm thinking of a different bloke Yeah he attacks

Yeah Yeah I'll look that up folks It's very funny because it is It is the It is the great get out The ventriloquist I've seen ventriloquists

Just rip into audience members And the audience members Just fucking Like triumph just fucking take it. Like triumph? They just take it, kind of. Take it. Yeah, but I... So the...

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead. I was just saying, I was still thinking about the stomach part. There must have to be some breathing practicing or something you'd have to do. Sure, you just naturally breathe, folks. And there are stories stories there are literally stories where uh

you these vents they call them vents would be working in like a you know a bar uh where there's you know where there's drinking obviously and some guy would get so pissed off at the dummy that he'd go over and choke the dummy and didn't even realize the ventriloquist was the one really doing it i've heard those realize the ventriloquist was the one really doing it. I've heard those stories where ventriloquist acts have had people come up to him afterwards. You tell that dummy to watch its fucking mouth. And by the way, how did Doody... Was the question, what's the most famous puppet or what's the most famous dummy?

So the question was, what is the most famous dummy so i so the question was what is the most famous uh dummy was that and yeah that would howdy duty would not be considered a dummy yeah okay there's a marionette marionette oh marionettes yeah they're the i don't like marionettes i can't stand marionettes they're too scary scary. Also, Punch and Judy, let's talk about them. They're not marionettes. They were little ham puppets, Punch and Judy. But the domestic abuse going on in that household. They literally call him Punch and Judy.

She has a rolling pin and bashes him over the head. And then, like, when you look back at it as a kid, you're like, how the fuck? But you produced the Jerry Springer show. That kind of puppetry was very violent back then. Very violent. But as I just said, you produced the Jerry Springer show, didn't you? You're right.

They had sticks. They beat the shit out of each other, those puppets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Judy was always using rollers. Maybe she put a bit more effort into his outfits. She wouldn't have been so angry. But, you know, I don't want to say anything yeah um i don't know if you heard what you have it what jim said he was he was referencing you producing the jerry springer show on violence

though i think what the uh you are right uh jim you are right there was a lot of violence on the jury show but it was more of a circus than anything else that's what i was used to that's what i would call it. When the fighting hit, we never, you know, as long as you brought it up, people think that we planned that and we didn't. I mean, literally a fight broke out one day on the show out of nowhere and we looked at the overnight ratings and it was like, holy crap, how can we figure this out? And we figured it out and we ended up just having people

on that horrendous relationships and they beat the crap out of each other but i always thought with those contestants i could do a whole show on the jerry springer show i watched a lot of jerry spring i always thought with those contestants weren't they staying in the same hotel weren't they possibly flying in on the same plane like wouldn't they have seen each other at the airport look at their cousins they've both been invited to the Jerry Springer show and like for some of them you can tell that was their and when you filmed it in Chicago correct or he was the mayor of Cincinnati but you filmed it that's right Chicago started it started in Cincinnati then Chicago then Connecticut but you know what um how do I put this they were real i mean they were real it wasn't like they weren't real but like anything else once the show became so popular when you got on the air you

sort of knew what to do i mean you weren't gonna write in and be on the show and recite a poem you know you knew damn well that you the only way you were getting on is if you had a horrendous relationship and things were gonna go crazy that was the only way you would get nine is if you had a horrendous relationship and things were going to go crazy. That was the only way you would get nine. They knew the assignment. Yeah, exactly. How did you send out the invites? Because there would have always been one person who contacted the show like, I don't get along with my brother-in-law.

But how do you send the invite to the brother-in-law? No, here's what we did. But how do you send the invite to the brother-in-law? No, here's what we did. In Chicago, locally, not nationally, we would run a voiceover that said, you know, if you've got a horrendous relationship or you're this or you're that, call 1-800-JERRY and then they would all just call us and we would talk to them and they'd come in. It was pretty much that simple.

But the story, we used say, if you're having a normal argument or a normal crappy relationship, call Oprah, call Geraldo, call Sally, but if it's really bad, come to us. Ratings. Exactly.

Ventriloquism, you didn't spell right, Jim. You're going to be surprised to find out you're right there are and it's i l o q u i s m quizm quizm all right um name some of the earliest performers of ventriloquism you said jerry lewis now is it did jerry lewis do ventriloquism bert he did not i said sherry lewis he probably i He probably. I was trying to take his idea. Also, like, you know, Jerry Lewis never did. He was more the marionette, more the dummy than anything. You know, Dean Martin was. Yeah.

I've forgotten how to talk. So Sherry Lewis was a ventriloquist. Okay. The female ventriloquists are rarer, but I don't... Is there any hindrance to being a female ventriloquist next to a male, or is it all the same playing field we're on, or is it harder for them to do the voice thing? No, it's the same, but you're right. There's more men than women.

You mentioned Nina, and there's probably... Nina's probably one of the more successful ones, but there's not a lot of women that do it that are successful they do it but they're not successful didn't Carol Burnett have a puppet or something Nina's very good Nina does a little monkey type of thing she does a regular puppet and all that type of stuff

but she's very good her father is Tom Conti who is a famous actor the only thing you guys would know he played Ross ross's father-in-law to the english woman for those episodes where they went to britain it was him and dawn sanders anyway it doesn't matter um but yeah she she can she's very good she's very good and i think at any given stage what we have on earth maybe eight famous ventriloquists and that's

it i feel like there's a hole in the market people fucking love them if i was a kid and starting over again ventriloquism is the way to go well you know jeff uh who's this jeff and i know each other since about dunham since about 1982 and i think he says i'm the first person to put him on television so i'll believe him but if you take all the ventriloquists the early ones and wrap them up Jeff Dunham is seen has been seen by more than more people than any ventriloquist ever to be

seen and Edgar Bergen was probably the most famous but Jeff is doing I'm sure you know this Jim you know he's doing 8,000 10,000 people in an arena now think about it with a freaking ventriloquist that is amazing. Yeah, but he puts on a good show.

Yeah, and... You can take your kids there, you can take your grand there, you can have a thing. There's adult jokes, kids jokes, jokes that go over the kids' heads and all that type of stuff. It's a bit for everything. I think it's very good. I worked with him early on when I was a comic at the Miami Improv.

So he was just... He already was doing theaters, but for whatever reason he was at the Miami Improv that week and he had the dead terrorist guy and he told me that yeah he told me the eyeballs were he knew the guy that did Mars attacks the they were the eyeballs that the aliens had a Mars attack and then tell me this is what he told me I don't know bird if yet but he said he had to create all his dummies back even the eyeballs that the aliens had in Mars Attacks. And then, tell me, this is what he told me. I don't know, Bert, if you know, but he said he had to create all his dummies back, even the ones that were made for him, because people

would own the rights to his act or something. Well, yeah. He did make all of them. He made all of them himself. I don't know that that was his motivation when he originally started. But he's very talented. He does them with a 3D printer. So he makes them all. Peanut, Walter, Ahmed, Bubba J, all of them.

Yeah, yeah. 3D printer. So they're plastic, are they? Yeah, fiberglass. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah, yeah, there you go. And so who's the big manufacturer's forest, your forest?

I don't know. Well, we were getting to that question. So earlier performers, you said Sherry Lewis, and I don't know if performers you said Sherry Lewis I don't know if you mentioned anyone else but Blake who was famous Edward Bergen I forget what the other name was Edgar Bergen, Paul Winchell

Paul Winchell was the one who I idolized loved the man and was lucky enough to become friendly with him in his later years for about 20 years we were friendly and a little trivia

Paul Winchell known as a ventriloquist known as a performer invented the first artificial heart what? get the fuck out of here and we're talking about

ventriloquism I'm out you're fucking kidding me like seriously he invented the last heart? What was that? Artificial heart, yeah. Google Paul Wenschel

artificial heart, you'll see. Like a pacemaker or an actual... No, no. You'll see. If you're going to Google it, you'll see what I mean.

Oh, he invented it. It just doesn't work. He invented it, but someone else had to make the sound without moving their lips. Yeah, yeah. Ba-boom, ba-boom yeah ba ba ba ba ba ba

yeah he created the he had the patent for the first artificial heart Paul Mitchell and do you reckon that's because he had his hand in things with little holes

and then going oh valves and then well I think there was more to it than that what's that I mean yeah it's true

it's still he's still credited as a ventriloquist and comedian but he made something so important. And I've invented nothing. It would be cool if you just invented something like that. Yeah, there's a photo of him holding the dummy,

and the next photo is him holding a heart. Yeah, you would think that would lead with the heart. I know, right? Also a ventriloquist. Was he a doctor who did ventriloquism? No, he wanted to be a doctor. He ended up being a performer, but he studied medicine while he was one of the top performers on television. As a matter of fact, you know what he used to do?

This is pretty crazy, but I'm going to tell you. He used to go to his vet and ask his vet, when they would put down his cat or a dog what would they do with it when it was over and they said well we'd throw him out he said well can i take a couple of them and he would open them up to learn what was going on inside of all of you know the animals and humans etc and ultimately ended up inventing the artificial heart. Jeffrey Diamond did a similar thing, but went another way. He was too hungry. Yeah, his motivation was different, though, I think. Oh, the five letters that cannot be said without moving one's lips.

Jim said W. That's all he got to. M-P-B-B. M-P-B-B. M-P, yeah. Think about it so mv try to say mom mommy without moving your lips yeah bmv fp bmf you know the problem is my lips are perfect like i think we can all agree my lips aren't moving like right now um but it's my adam's apple, my manly Adam's apple that gives me a way moving up and down. Damn.

Right. How do you stop that? Turtlenecks. How do you make that? You don't stop it. You wear a scarf around your neck. You wear a turtleneck. Yeah, a turtleneck or a scarf or something.

Oh, so that's a thing ventriloquists do? They have to cover up their Adam's apple? No, no, no. They don't. They don't care. They don't. I'm just kidding. Oh, yeah. But I never thought about that.

I reckon I can do it while I was drinking water. I'm going to go get water. I've got a puppet here for you. I've got a soft... What is it called? Soft and hard figure. A soft figure. I've got a soft figure here.

I have one here for you. You've got to figure out the voice is where you got to go. He's a soft figure. Be careful with it. Where'd you get him? That's John Wynn as a puppet. When we did Labor Days web series, we had a series of puppets. So you can reach in there.

You can feel. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. you go all right so um and jack's got some classic jokes for you oh i just have to you want to try without hey there jack hey show him a couple jokes jack all right and then i should have a stick for his arm so occasionally you can go like this oh jim go like this Jim this could bring your career To a whole new level Couldn't go down anymore Alright

Alright so what do we want to call this guy You can call him John You got water in there Well you don't talk into the can You got water in there? Well, you're not talking to the can. Hey, you guys, you know Albert Brooks, the comedian? Sure, yeah. It's really hard to do.

One of his first, one of his most famous bits is him with a little ventriloquist dummy. It was hysterical. He did it sort of the way you're doing it, Jim. At some point,quist dummy. It was hysterical. He did it sort of the way you're doing it, Jim. At some point, look that up. It's very funny. We'll try without the water, Jim. Here's some jokes right here. Which one?

You. Dummy, you, dummy. You make me look like... You make me look like I'm an idiot. Alright. Stay there. Okay. You make me look like I'm an idiot. Well, you don't need any help with that. You have the same voice. It's amazing, the voice is so different that the lip movement is. You gotta go.

Oh, I gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you make me look like an idiot. Well, you don't need any help with that. That's pretty good. The Al Pacino? Yeah. Ha!

Ha! Ha! Wait, try it. I like to sell women. Scent of a woman. Ha! I'll pull up some Al Pacino clothes No, scroll down to that one Jack, you have a go See if you can pull it off

Okay It's harder than it looks Because you have to think while you're doing it You did pretty good Your mouth wasn't moving Okay I don't think you're, you know I don't think Jeff Dunham's in trouble or anything

But you did pretty good You look like Cam How do you define a bachelor? I don't think Jeff Dunham's in trouble or anything, but you look like came How do you define a bachelor? Someone who'd rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck. I Assume that was terrible You were moving your lips, it's really hard. I don't know I don't try to squeeze the stomach and why is he flying? Yeah, I don't know. He does look like Cam Govinsky.

Do you know Cam? That's pretty accurate. Very good, very good. All right, we're moving on. Forrest can't do it because Forrest can't do voices. I can't. I can't. We'll try to time it up.

Without a puppet. Yeah, just do it without a puppet. Try to do a voice that isn't Forrest Shaw. I don't believe there's such a thing. Hey, guys. Hello. Ow. God. All right, all right, all right.

This is bad for the listener, good for the watcher. All right. We're not trained ventriloquists. But I do believe if I sat in my garage for a month, I would not get any better at it because I don't have a dummy. So how are they made? You were saying 3D printer is one way they're made now? Well, that's one way, but normally they were sculpted out of wood.

Way back when they were sculpted out of wood. And who was the first ever sort of acknowledged ventriloquist dummy? There's always Egyptians involved or something, but who was the first ever sort of acknowledged ventriloquist dummy? There's always Egyptians involved or something, but who was the first one on record? Do we know that? I don't. I don't. I don't think we know.

Because what I was telling you before is it traces back to the Egyptians and Hebrew archaeology and Greek, but they don't know. So there was people that were able to... If it was back with the Greeks, it would have been Stavros. Stavros and George. The British musicals, too. The British musicals start way back when.

Vaudeville, you know. Oh, it always goes back to Vaudeville. Always. Yeah, yeah. And then who are some well-known puppet or figure makers, I guess, instead of dummies? Say that again? Who are some of the well-known makers of the...

The main one that everybody talks about is a guy named Frank Marshall. M-A-R-S-H-A-L-L. He made many of the ones that Paul Winchell, et cetera, used way back when. Frank Marshall was the guy. Okay. The figure maker. And then in England, a person last name was Insull. I-N-S-U-L.

He was the Frank Marshall of- A lot of Insulls use his property these days. Probably. And then the great Lester, was he important? I just found these names. Yeah, yeah. He was one of the first to be known, you know, way, way, way, way back when. But not really, though.

I mean, they refer to him, but no, not really. Okay. And then when I asked who is the most famous dummy or, you know, the person that they said it was, I mean, Jim said it's Walter, Jeff Dunham's older than Walter, who might be now, but they said it was, I mean, Jim said it's Walter, Jeff Dunham's older man, Walter, who might be now, but they said it was Charlie McCarthy. I think that's fair to say, yeah. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. That's Candace Bergen's father, by the way, Edgar Bergen.

And yeah, Charlie McCarthy, I would say, and Jerry Mahoney, Paul Winchell's. Yeah, because when I looked him up and we could put him on it, like Charlie McCarthy, I was like, oh, that's the guy I think of. That's the figure I think of when I think of classic ventriloquism is the guy with the monocle and the top hat. What's the upkeep on, like, do you have to get wood polish and stuff like that? Or you just throw them in your bag and you move on to the next city? Or is there, like, oiling the joints on the eyebrows or anything?

What's the upkeep? No, if you're working, then you're fine. I mean, it's always moving. But yeah, there's always little fixes that you have to do. But if it's made properly, it could sit in a trunk for two years and come back and it'll still be fine.

And I asked you how do you do what he was, but how do you do he's not a ventriloquist? No, how do you do he was a marionette, not a ventriloquist figure. Bob Smith, who was the sidekick or whatever, just pre-recorded. He did Howdy's voice, actually, but they pre-recorded the voice. Okay. If anyone's listening, I'm going to tell you the greatest puppet of all time is an Australian puppet called Mr. Squiggle.

If you get a chance and you're with your kids, watch some old episodes of Mr. Squiggle. He you get a chance and you're with your kids, watch some old episodes of Mr. Squiggle. He's a guy with a pencil as a nose. He lived on the moon. And he would fly down each day and kids would do squiggles that he would join all the dots with his face. Oh, wow. And he would draw and he'd have a blackboard that they'd put the stencil on.

The blackboard was a moody cunt. The blackboard would sit there the whole time going, hurry up, hurry up, I haven't got all day. I'm sorry, I'm painting this picture as fast, hurry up. I haven't got all day. I'm sorry. I'm painting this picture as fast as I can. That's the best puppet ever. Mr. Squiggle, get a bit of this. Then he went in a rocket ship that was so small that his nose would stick out the front of the fucking rocket ship.

It was a belter. That sounds pretty good. I'm going to go home. I haven't even shown that to my two-year-old. Fuck it. I'm on Mr. Squiggle. That's my weekend sorted. Fuck the Super Bowl.

Okay. So the highest paid ventriloquist. Jeff Dunham. That would be Dunham. That would be Dunham. I'll say Jeff Dunham's ex-wife. Terry Fahey. Who I also knew very well.

Knew. And you're right. She was her very well knew Terry Fader and you're right she was paid very well you're right hi I got all this money Terry Fader would be paid

pretty well too though right yeah he would be Terry Fader yeah but nowhere near nowhere near Dunham nowhere near yeah cause Dunham also

is private jets all this type of stuff and he's selling out arena. And Fader's doing a 1,000-seat theater. I know he goes on the road as well, but it's got to be Dunham. Yeah, I know. Dunham's got to be right up there with the highest-paid entertainers in show business.

Fuck this ventriloquism. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like you either are very rich as a ventriloquist or dirt poor. Well, I feel like there must be a moment in a child's life when they decide to become a ventriloquist where they have to come out to their parents. You know, like, because you have to ask for your

first puppet, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Not everyone's going to... I'd be over the moon if either of my boys said I want to be a ventriloquist. I'd be right down at the puppet store the next day. I'd be all over that. Anything creative. Did I tell the story on here where I got booked as a ventriloquist i'd be right down at the puppet store the next day i'd be all over that anything creative did i did i did i tell the story on here where the they they i got booked as a ventriloquist you did on the last episode oh well what are the ads that was a good story though listen to our last episode by the way there's a good film out film from years ago called magic with anthony

hopkins uh who plays ventriloquist and the dummy ends up taking over and he can't control the dummy. Anthony Hopkins and Margaret, it's a pretty weird movie. Yeah, there's also another similar film called Magic where Anthony Hopkins plays Magic Johnson. That one's pretty good though. But because of current sensibilities in the world,

no one can find it anywhere. I think it's on Disney+. You mentioned Otto and George before. Yeah. I would cry laughing. That's how funny I thought he was. Yeah, very, very funny. Very, very funny. Filthy, you guys should know.

Filthy like you cannot imagine. He came out of that dummy's mouth. So there were very few places he could really play because he was just dirty. He was extremely dirty. And if it wasn't a puppet, you'd be cancelled, which was leading me up to a question. Has there been a cancelled puppet?

Well, yes, yes. You know who's been cancelled? Who? Ahmed was cancelled. Really? Yeah. He's not allowed to use Ahmed that much. I don't know why.

So Achmed's being canceled. Yeah, Bert's saying he doesn't use them. Really? All that much, no. Doesn't use them much at all. Yeah, I could see that because when he came out with them, it was like right after 9-11, like not too far after 9-11, and then it became probably, yeah.

Yeah. On the Valentine's special that he just did, like not too far after 9-11, and then it became probably, yeah. Yeah, and then... On the Valentine's special that he just did, he actually brings him out and calls him something different, a different name. Believe it or not. Timothy. Weird.

Timothy the skeleton. Yeah, he's not a terrorist anymore. Well, he also has a jalapeno. Yeah, he would have, after 9-11, put him away and gone, oh, I'm not using him anymore. Then the Boston bombing and then no when i worked with him it was after 9 11 because i didn't i wasn't even doing comedy but that so it had to be after that but yeah maybe i don't know i'd bring up now i'd be bring out slav the russian yeah yeah yeah and he's all about

beating up in the ukraine that's my new character. I'm trying to remember this guy's voice. We have a thing to do. It's a good ventriloquist voice, the Russian accent. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah, you can always beat up on the Russians. Oh, yes. Yes, illegal.

I'm a froggy. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. There you go. There's your dolls right there. No, he's not Russian looking enough. Sure, he's Russian. No, no, he's not Russian looking enough. Sure, he's Russian. No, no, he's not Russian looking enough.

I remember when I first started doing stand-up, I was working this club, this bonkers as a chain, and I was featuring, and there was a ventriloquist, I was the headliner, but he was at the end of his rope. He was holding together the figure with a lot of duct tape, but you could see it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could see it.

And I remember he had duct tape on the windshield of his car. He had duct tape on a lot of stuff. And he just seemed really sad to me. And it was funny to me, though, because there's something funny about a sad ventriloquist in real life. But then I remember him, like, we finished up the show. And I go, where are you going? He goes, I got to go see this stripper I'm dating. I was like, this guy's life. A little turned around for him.

No, I don't think it was going well. It's like if you go to the Magic Castle and you see the main room, and that's the people that have the big sets, the cutting coffins in half and all that type of stuff. And a lot of their props are getting old. And you'll see, like, the feet dangling out. They'll be all pilled and whatever because they're fake feet at the side and it's always their assistant is like like a woman

who you know was hot 30 years ago but just stuck with this bloke like all right well we're gonna make it happen there was an old couple act i saw there that they just kept pulling cloths out of pockets and did it for like 10 minutes and every time you go okay well i've told you my theory is is whenever you have birds involved in a magic show they always put them early on in the show so because they've because right before they're going on they're shoving doves up their armpits doves up this doves up this sleeve so they come out they go bird bird bird bird bird bird then the rest of it's just magic. No one ever brings out a bird right at the very end. That would be real magic. Yeah, yeah.

Bert, how many of the figures do you have? Like, you have the one next to you. I have about 30, 40 of them, something like that. Holy hell, Carolyn. Really? Do you partake in the ventriloquism, or you gave it a go, and you found out you couldn't do it or it's something? I really never had a tremendous interest.

I idolized these guys so much when I was growing up and I loved the art so much that when I became, when I had a couple of bucks and had a little success under my belt, I found out I could buy them, you know, the professional ones. And so that's what i did um i actually have one at charlie mccarthy jerry mahoney the ones that we've been talking about i have some of those at home too now a lot of people won't know i was saying this before most of the ones the the wooden or the fiberglass ones there it's a stick that goes down with levers on it

right it's not it's not a it's not a hand like that so it's actually a stick with little bits that come out, one bit's the eyebrows, one bit's the... If I can get to this guy, hold on a minute. I'll show you if I can get him. What do you call this guy, Bert? What do you call him? Little Bert.

Little Bert? I'd call him Reynolds. Okay. So here you go. See, can you guys see this? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see there's the lever for the mouth,

like you were talking about, Jim. Oh, yeah. You see there's the lever for the mouth like you were talking about, Jim. Oh, yeah. And then look at the eyes. Yeah. Everything's on the stick, you see. See? Yeah. That's basically how they work.

Yeah, the eyes are important for the jokes. Do many ventriloquists get carpal tunnel? Probably. Probably. carpal tunnel probably like i get i get one of my fingers gets i get a trigger finger from playing too much playstation every now and again i gotta go to a doctor and get injections like imagine that oh no my career's over i broke both me thumbs oh no and you uh and you so do you use your knowledge for ventriloquism like you speak other than this podcast i so do you use your knowledge for ventriloquism? Like, do you speak, other than this podcast, I mean, do you talk about it at all? Or are you just, I mean, you just studied and keep to yourself?

It's just, if somebody wants to talk about it, I'll talk about it. I mean, I have a huge office in my house downstairs. And all of the memorabilia from the Springer Show, from Sally, from, I have Sally's red glasses. Everything's down there, along with the dummies and pictures and all that. So people come in. It's sort of like a museum. They love it. They love to see it.

Now, the young, young, young people will always say the same thing. This is creepy. You don't come down here at night, do you? That's what I hear all the time. Well, this is the thing. My mother collected dolls. She was a doll collector and then but i was allegedly a teddy bear collector as a child this is something you don't know about me i was an

arctophile a collector of teddy bears and i wasn't my mom just decided she wanted a teddy bear collection as well so she put that on to another person right but she clicked she the whole house was hoarded full of my mom's shit but the. But the living room had porcelain fucking dolls everywhere and there was this one doll that used to stare at me as I watched TV and if I was alone in the house, to this day, I would put a blanket over its head. My mum's been dead for years. No one's got rid of these bloody dolls

but my mum had like an extensive collection of Shirley Temple dolls and all this type of bullshit that she thought would be worth a lot of money. But everybody who used to go to the movies and watch Shirley Temple is fucking dead. These dolls aren't worth anything anymore. You have to explain who Shirley Temple is. Yeah, my mother bought them at the peak for women her age when they got money to, you know what I mean?

So we have Shirley Temple dolls. Are you interested in some Shirley Temple dolls, Bert? I'm not into Shirley Temple dolls thank you very much I know where you can get some on the cheap his office is plenty creepy enough

and then famous actors that started as ventriloquists you mentioned a couple right you said Ted Knight who was

Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore show and Don Knotts are thets from the Andy Griffith show. Those are the two that stand out in my head anyway. Oh, cool. All right, this is the part of our show. The drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. What?

Yeah, he was. That guy? Yeah. Are you just making that up? No, no, he was a very famous ventriloquist. No. He was. You're just making that up.

You got a big mean that's out of my boo, boy. I'm going to have you. Yeah, it was No. He was. He just banged that up. You got a big mean outside of my boob, boy. I'm gonna have you. It was good. What was that guy's name? He was an actual drill sergeant. Of course, he wasn't a fucking ventriloquist. They got him

just for that part. That's R. Lee Ermey. R. Lee Ermey. R. Lee Ermey. The ventriloquist. And I was not looking it up. For the record. This is a part of our show

called Dinner Party Facts where we ask our expert to give us some fact obscure interesting the audience can use to impress people i think you already used it though right well yeah it was the paul winchell artificial heart oh man that's a good one i already did i'm sorry i blew it that's okay, he still blew... Jim was very excited about it. As long as...

It's the same effect. It was just in the middle of the show. Yeah, that's a banger. Yeah. That's a banger. Paul Winchell invented... It was a famous ventriloquist, but invented the artificial heart.

And I think that is funny that when you look it up, it's like ventriloquist. Oh, also, by the way. Oh, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Saved a lot of lives. When he went into the patent office, it must have been fun.

What do you mean? This will never work. Are you some type of dummy? No. He came in with it. He came in with it. If I could do ventriloquism, I would have a puppet in my back pocket all day. It would just be a sock guy or something.

You could kind of do it. You did pretty good. Yeah, I have to practice. I don't put enough effort into it. I thought you were going to be way worse at it. Oh, no. Okay, maybe you are better. He just has to put his mind to it.

Oh, I don't know about that, Forrest. I don't know about that. Yeah, you were better before. No, you've got to keep your teeth. You can't go through your teeth. You've got to do that pursed smile. So there's a little bit of wind that goes through. A little bit of wind.

Okay, all right. Oh, Jeff little little wind. Okay. All right. Well, Jeff. I'm doing Forrest right now. He's just moving his lips, but I'm actually doing the voice. I can actually do Forrest is the easiest ventriloquist dummy ever. All right. Okay. Bert, thanks for being on our podcast.

By the way, you can watch his show that he's an executive producer of now, Daily Blast Live, nationally syndicated. With our friend Al Jackson. 76 Markets, 86. Al Jackson is also there. Hey, Jim. Jim, do you get to Denver at all? I do.

I am performing two shows at Denver at the Paramount Theater. Go to jimjeffries.com, Jack, and we'll give the actual dates. Yeah, I will be in Denver. Do you want tickets? May 3rd and 4th. May 3rd and 4th. I want you to come on the show and hang with us for a couple of minutes. What day of the week are those?

Friday, Saturday? Yeah. Monday, Tuesday. We're on Friday. We're on Friday. If I come in Thursday night, I'll come and do the show on Friday. It's a deal. You're in Spokane the night before. Jim, I in Thursday night, I'll come and do the show on Friday. It's a deal. You're in Spokane the night before.

Jim, I would appreciate it. I'm in Spokane the day before. I know Al would. I know Al would. I'd like to see Al again. He moved away from us a long time ago, and now he's producing, I assume, a ventriloquist-type show. Are you there, Al? Al's there.

Al's not in the room. I don't know where the hell he is. He just left you there. Come here. I heard him. Hold on. I just threw my voice.? Al's there. Where's Al? Al's not in the room. I don't know where the hell he is. He just left you there. Come here. Here, I heard him. Hold on. I just threw my voice. He's over there.

There he is. Al's right here. Al Jackson. There's Al. Hello. What are you doing? Why are you sitting weird looking? I asked Jim to come and do the show.

And so hopefully, if we can get you to come in Thursday night and be with us Friday, that would be wonderful. We'd really appreciate it. Stay with me. All right. I'll stay with you. All right. That I would not recommend.

Yeah, that I would not recommend. That would be creepier than a house full of dummies, I tell you. That's right. That's right. All right, Bird. I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you guys having me on. Yeah, thank you for being on, Bird. Thanks for being That's right. All right, Bert. I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you guys having me on.

Yeah, thank you for being on, Bert. Appreciate it, man. All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a party and someone comes up to you and goes, the artificial in heart was invented by someone

who wasn't a ventriloquist, go, well, I don't know about that and walk away. Yeah. All right, Bert. Oh, good night, Australia.