I Don't Know About That - Vibrators

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Our Frankenstein expert Dawn Brodey (@dawn_brodey) is back, but this time as our expert on vibrators! To learn about more fun historical facts, subscribe to Dawn's podcast History I'd Like to F*** (@hilfpodcast). Jim's new special "High & Dry" is now available on Netflix! Subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/IDKAT for ad free episodes, bonus episodes, and more exclusive perks! Tiers start at just $2! ADS: BETTERHELP: Visit BetterHelp.com/IDK today to get 10% off your first month.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's so easy to get caught up in what everyone needs for you and never take a moment to think about what you need for yourself. Therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash IDK today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash IDK. betterhelp.com slash idk Cutting wood. Assembling wood. Would you be able to do it? I don't know about that.

You might find out on the I Don't Know About That podcast with Jim Jeffries and the woodcutter Forrest Shaw. Forrest off air was just telling us that when me and Jack put together I did not know much of the work

when we put together the jungle gym for my child in the backyard which I think is the place to do it. Excuse me, you said you built one. We did build it. Put it together and built the two different things.

That's what this whole conversation You had to screw holes. You had to screw holes. This was in Ikea. We had to buy every new step of the instructions. We had to go buy a new tool. You had to have an electric drill. We ran step of the instructions we had to go buy a new tool

you had to have an electric drill we ran out of tools we had to go to the hardware store and then there was a guy who was like you're putting together that one that's a tough job he said that

I own three drills you could have just borrowed one from me I own three of them then I know you I'd owe you you'd bring it up all the time

you'd bring it up all the time remember that time you gave me that drill now you've got to bury this body with me Jim fair's fair. Free. I'm going to give it to you.

Free rental. So Faro said, I did it for a living. He said that we didn't cut the wood. Who cuts the fucking- So we didn't build it. We assembled it. You assembled it. Even if you drilled a hole, you still assembled it.

Yeah, I know, but it's still- Did I build a Lego set or did I assemble a Lego set? You built it. Yeah, you built it. Yeah. Did he cut the Lego pieces? I don set? You built it? Yeah, you built it. Did he cut the Lego pieces? I don't think so. Oh, no, you assembled it. I just said the wrong answer.

Wabbit season. Duck season. No, no, I think you'll find in the Lego community it is called a Lego build. Well, a bunch of losers in that community. You're talking about one quarter of all toys purchased. You're saying one quarter of the world's children. In fact, more of them would buy that because they buy other toys.

You're saying all the children in the world are losers? Environmental disaster. They are environmental disaster. Somehow Lego gets away with being an environmental disaster and no one says shit.

Are people throwing away their Legos? We were talking about this when we were in Denmark. No one uses it again. All the empty pieces you put in a bucket and then you give to someone else who's allegedly going to use them. But now because the Lego sets are basically models,

there's pieces that unless you're using it in that model, you're not really using it again. You're not like, oh, I'll keep this windscreen that's slightly slanted like that for a thing or I'll keep this Jedi lightsaber. What you do is you throw it in the ocean and then an octopus will grab it and make a little house out of them

and stack them together. Yeah, they're very smart. We know anything. Yeah, I think you're just supposed to throw all your trash in the ocean, right? Yeah, no problem. It's huge. Yeah, it's so big.

I think when we were in, is it, they're from Denmark, right? Or are they from? We should introduce Dawn. Well, I mean, yeah. Everybody knows her already. We've gotten so many emails and comments and messages about uh how much everybody loved dawn brown brody and frank it's like people so many people bought the book yes i didn't know i've got a company yeah you got two free books i haven't read it but i've still got it i didn't throw it away

that's good that's pretty good for me i like that that curls my toe and then i i endeavor't read it. But I've still got it. I didn't throw it away. That's good. That's pretty good for me. I like that. That curls my toes. And then I endeavor to read it in the future. Yeah, you're going on vacation. Read it on the beach. Next to the pool. Yeah, I'm going on vacation with a baby. That's a lot of good book reading time.

Yeah, I've got a lot of book reading pages. Can you imagine the outrage my wife would have? She was taking care of the baby and I was sitting down with a good book. She might be proud. Romantic literature. If you came back from your vacation. She was taking care of the baby and I was sitting down with a good book. She might be proud. Romantic literature. If you came back from your vacation. She's never fucking read a book either. If you came back from your vacation and you're like, Forrest, I read Frankenstein,

I would fall over. I was like, what? You read a book on your It would shock me. Yeah, it wouldn't shock me that you fell over. Oh, geez. Guess you're not getting a drill now. You're getting into my literacy, and I say you fell over, and you're like, oh, a bit much.

Oh, I wasn't saying, like, you couldn't read it. It's just you wouldn't want to read it. I'm not saying you probably will fall over. I'm just saying I won't be surprised if you do. It'll happen. I believe you will read it. It's not that long, and you'll be a'll happen. I believe you will read it. It's not that long and you'll be a better...

I have read it. He's gone up to the bit where he's in Antarctica hanging out with Santa. Hey. Oh, great. You remember something from the play?

I remember that. What's he doing up in the North Pole? You're going to be in Reno this week. Reno. Hey, nice to see you people in Reno. Thanks for coming out.

I think the ticket sales there are quite good. I think I'll see you there. It's this week coming up, so yeah, if you haven't bought tickets. Yeah, I think you're there. And then I'm in Hartford, Connecticut. Well, first, from Reno, you're going to go over the mountains to California near Santa Rosa, a place called Roanert Park. There's a casino there, Grattan Resort and Casino.

All right. On the 24th of June. Then you go to Hartford on august 25th and providence rhode island august 26th um and you got a bunch of candidates after that and and if you're listening i don't know where to go but if you want to be on the one percent club we're filming the next season in sydney and uh we are looking for contestants as we speak um all good i'm filming it in august yeah oh yeah me too i'm not gonna be there i'm not my And we are looking for contestants as we speak. All good. I'm filming it in August.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, me too. I'm not going to be there. Boris is going to host it as well. No, no, no. I'm going to do it in my... I'm building a set. We're assembling it, something like that. I'm going to be July 6th through the 8th

at the Comedy Nest in Montreal, Canada. So if you're in Montreal, 6th through the 8th, come out to that. And then on that same Sunday on the 8th at the Comedy Nest in Montreal, Canada. So if you're in Montreal, 6th through the 8th, come out to that. And then on that same Sunday on the 9th, I'll be at the Punchline in Philly.

That's one night only. Please come to that because if nobody comes to that, I don't make any money. Jim, do you want to make any moves on Pat Sajak's job while you have an open mic? Pat Sajak, yeah.

Okay, so Pat and me got along. We got along good. Yeah. Is he retiring? Yeah, he is. This is his last season. We got along good. Yeah. Is he retiring? Yeah, he is. This is his last season. When I was on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune,

Pat came up and he gave me a hug and he goes, I have to watch more of your stuff. And I think when he said more, I think he means some. Because he didn't know who I was. Single second. Oh, really? Oh, you killed it on there, though. I killed it on there

people think I was doing a bit I'm just dumb if you okay Tony if you saw the the phrase I had to do it would be online somewhere but it was

I think it was that's the best pineapple I've ever had in my mouth you never heard that fucking saying that was the phrase you had to solve yeah common phrase and I got I got phrase you had to solve yeah common phrase and i got i got i got all the letters i was spinning and spinning and everyone else seemed to know what it was i got all but all the letters and at one stage i think that was the biggest piece

of pineapple that's the best piece of pineapple i've had in my mouth ever i think ever had it ever had it still it's terrible and anyway so i at one stage, I thought I had it, but I knew it wasn't the right answer. I thought, do the joke answer, but I was doing it for charity. And I thought, oh, you can't do it for charity. Because I wanted to say that's the best prostitute I've had all month. That would have made more sense. Yeah, that would have made more sense.

That's a saying I've said. I've never said the pineapple saying. Is Vanna White retiring if I have my way I've got my own people I've got to bring I'm cleaning house Boris do you want

to be Vanna White sure yeah everyone wants to see me turn letters I'm just I'm getting rid of Vanna White and just

it turns out the letters could appear by themselves I understand how automation has taken her the days

the days of her spinning the letter now she just sort of touches him even before the touch system i reckon you could have figured out a spinning device uh yeah but she used to spin him she was there to be hot and fashionable sell a dress yeah she'd spin him she sold a lot of she was very nice fan of white they were all very nice and uh um no i would do it but i just i don't know yeah i think i could do it because there's no questions really the question see on the one percent club the question's the hardest i'll do a game show in australia yeah the questions are the hardest bit i gotta read the bloody questions and i gotta get there and i'm like oh fuck and some of the questions are as

long as all balls and they're always like what answer is the number one second number to the fourth letter of the alphabet in the month of June if Sam was riding a bike right then they go the answer is seven four two three

because the seven correlates with the month with the thing even as I'm reading the answers I don't know what's going on I'm on the game show

I have no idea what's going on but the game show it's have no idea what's going on. But the game show, it's rating really well. It's coming first in its time slot. And what happens is a lot of people

write about the game show and it turns out because there's 100 contestants, it turns out I yell too much. So for all the people who are watching, I've taken note that I am yelling too much

but I'm a natural yeller. Sure. If there's 100 people, I know I might but I am yelling too much but I'm a natural yeller sure if there's a hundred people it's enthusiasm I know I might yeah but I start to go alright what have we got next

who's coming up oh like that it's the same as I can't be on a hands free kit in a car and not yell I yell too

I have no you have to I've tried not yelling and it doesn't pick it up yeah alright I'm driving to see you Jack don't tell the other Jack I'm warming up a new assistant.

What? Yeah, that's the other Jack I have an affair with. See, I'm a street improviser at Universal Studios in the New York windows. You have to yell. But we have the little Britney Spears mics. And so, yeah, you're two floors up, and you want to look like you're yelling, too, because it's part of the performance. It's like, oh, sweetheart, I haven't seen you, blah, blah.

And I'm always, my technician's like, you're yelling too much. I'm like, I'm on a second. Even if it's mic'd, I can't sound like I'm going, hello, how are you? Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. You have to yell. Exactly, yeah. So that's my big thing. I'm going to yell less.

Although with the 1% Club, what I have found out is a lot of people, we do very well in rural Australia. We do all right in the cities and all that type of stuff. So there's a lot of people we do very well in rural Australia we do alright in the cities and all that sort of stuff but so there's a lot of people who are watching me do a game show who have never seen

my stand up in any capacity whatsoever and they're enjoying this show enough but they feel like they have to write to me about some jokes that I need to apologise for

and I laugh my fucking ass off because it's like the other day there was a bloke that's like you think epilepsy is funny? Try having an epileptic fit then. Like this, right?

And I'm like, oh, dude, if you watch me stand up, epilepsy jokes are so low down on the stuff you could try to cancel me with. You think you're going to probably sell more tickets now, right? I would think. Well, not if I keep these epileptic jokes up. Well, not to that guy. I don't know. I think next time I go to Australia,

I might try to do like a more country town tour. Yeah. But we'll talk, you know, not like country. I'm not going country crunch. I'm not going to go out to like some places. I'm not going to go out to Cooper Petey and perform to the people. There's a town in Australia called Cooper Petey.

We should do an episode on this where it's so fucking hot they live underground I've heard about that yeah people fall through people's holes I've heard walking back from the pub

they come out they think that's the future they think everybody is going to be doing this the top is that and then you get a hole and you go down underground

into what they call a dig out and your walls are just like chipped out dirt and it's opal mining is why they all live there it's i think there was a scene in priscilla queen in the desert in this thing but cooper and they have night golf like no they have golf but you want to know how they do the golf because it's so barren you bring your own bit of grass so you bring a

grass bit of grass oh it's a tia farm yeah it'll just each shot oh each shot right so you have your bit of grass it's like a foot by a foot. You hit it into the desert. You walk up. You find your ball. You put your bit of grass on it. Off you go again. Another bit of grass.

Wow. We should just do that on public courses. Yeah, yeah. It's the future. What's it called again? Golf. Sounds fascinating. She didn't have a set on that. What Cooper Petey.

Cooper Petey Cooper Petey how much do you think Vanna White earns a year by the way she's not leaving I would say she'd be on 15 million a year 10 million

well she's not getting paid enough how'd you say that bitch a page such a hijack 15 yeah exactly yeah but he does more

the patriarchy the fucking patriarchy mate he should get more he doesn't want that. You should do the math. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll tell you what I'll do.

If I host the Wheel of Fortune, ladies and gentlemen, you've heard it here first, I just want to be paid the same as Vanna White. Yeah. Not a cent more, not a cent less. Ten million a year. All right, equality. Equality.

I'll come on and she can read the questions and I'll turn the fucking letters. That's how equal I want to be. What a guy. What a guy. They record 288 episodes in 48 days. Oh my God. What?

You would hate that. Wait. How? They record four a day. The episodes are as fast as you see them. Six per day. The 1% Club takes like three and a half hours to record an episode because there's so many people and people want to piss all the time.

That's what happens on the show. Can I go to the bathroom, please? And I'm like, we have a scheduled bathroom break. I'm like a dad. We have a scheduled bathroom break in 20 minutes. If you can hold on. I can't hold on. And you can't say that to a fucking adult.

All right. Do the audiences stay for four? Or do they get a new audience every time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have to sit there. That's each episode. Each episode. All right.

Come along to that. Well, let's IDCAT podcast on Instagram. Go follow that. Follow all of us on Instagram. And follow our guest, Don Brody. Let's get into our subject for today. All right. Now it's time to play.

Jack's not paying attention. Yes, no. No, yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging level by its cover. Okay, so Don Brody was here last time to talk about Frankenstein.

It is not Frankenstein. Is it Dracula? No. You're off course. You don't even think about anything. The wolf man. Don even think about the wolf man don't think about anything literature

oh everything's literature so everything's literature well I'll let me just I can you already know her

so Don Brody has a degree in history and theater from the University of Minnesota Dracula's wife I'm gonna give you a hit appeared on the History Channel series, Crazy Rich Agents.

I didn't even update your bio, by the way. That's fine. She has a podcast called Hilf, History I'd Like to Fuck. That is a clue right there. History. I'd like to fuck. History you'd like to fuck, so sex history. You're getting close, yeah. History of sex.

Well, I think we've done that. We did some... There's no history of sex. Very specific thing i think we've done that we did some there's no history of very specific thing we're talking about today oh you know what is this voice you're doing no it takes that takes the zing out of the offensive thing i'm saying i know i think it goes up i know uh it can be this thing of the elderly it can be this can be used for anal, right? Yeah, anal's invited. You can't get penis! Invited. It's technically

it can be shaped like a penis. It's a tool. It's vibrators. We're talking about vibrators and the history of vibrators. I'll tell you something about the old vibrators. Yeah, sure, go ahead the old vibrator. Yeah, sure. Go ahead. It bloody ruined, it spoiled women.

It did, it did. Before that, you were all happy with a cock and you'd find a way to come. You'd find a way. Would we? No, not all of you. The ones that could use your imagination. Oh, Vanna would be so disappointed to hear you say this. Yeah, but then the vibrator came in.

If I had a thing that could go on my dick and be more effective than a vagina, just go, come, of course we'd be using that all the time. And then we'd touch vaginas and be like, ah, women are useless. And we'd prefer that, honestly. We'd be like, enjoy yourself. Like, women can't make me cum because I've got the new suck-suck machine. No, men couldn't make women cum well before vibrators were invented. That's fair.

This is this. You all have this imaginary world like we want to make you cum. He's remarkably accurate. To be fair, I am not fooled by that. There are plenty of times where I know that the person had no interest in making me go. I'm very excited to get into this history because y'all are assuming that a female orgasm was even believed to exist prior to a certain point. There was a guy who believed that when women had hysteria, this bloke... I'll tell you all the answers.

Okay, so Don Brody, follow her on Instagram. It's at Don underscore Brody. The original one was a Coke bottle filled with bees. We'll get to that question, save that answer. I feel so sheepish. He clearly already knows everything. Did you read the document? Okay.

And then also follow at Hilf Podcast. Don knows a lot of stuff about a lot of things, so it'll be interesting you've already done the show before but just for everybody out there I'm going to ask Jim a bunch of questions about vibrators and at the end of it you're going to grade them on his accuracy 0 through 10 10's the best Kelly's going to grade them on confidence

I'm going to grade them on etc we'll add them all together if you get 0 through 10 dildo pickles because I know you don't like pickles 11 through 20. Do you like the lesser known hobbits? Well, then you're going to like my next one. 11 through 20 is Croco Dildo.

Croco Dildo? Yeah. One of the more known. And 21 through 30 is Dildo Baggins, yeah. Because I had Dildo Baggins there, but then I was going to maybe license to Dildo or Dildo Hunting. What was it?

Good Dildo Hunting? I don't know. All very strong. Let's get to the questions. When does the dildo first appear in the historical record? When Jesus was on the cross. They didn't just nail him in the hands, if you know what I'm saying. What are you saying? I'm saying they got a Coke bottle filled with bees and shoved it up his ass. Coca-Cola, feel free to use this as a commercial.

You're welcome. We'll take your money. Is this your final answer? Okay, that's one of my answers. If that's correct, I'll take the points. Otherwise, and that's to all the people, but what about my epilepsy? Listen to the Coke bottle up the ass joke and now watch me game show on terrestrial TV, you cunts. Monday nights.

Not this Monday. They took us off again. They moved our show again because there was another show. Where are you now? I think they're trying to space out our episodes so that my next 10 episodes sort of link up. So they had a public holiday. They're not moving me off anyway.

So what was the question? When does the dildo first appear in historical record? Maybe a year, maybe a person. Yeah, no. There was a machine, there was a psychiatrist that helped women with hysteria, and he laid her down, he gave them a little bit of a fumble with a rod

and that would have been, I'm going to say 200 years ago. So I'm going to say 1820. All right. Hysteria was a long long time medical diagnosis for women what is it and what are its symptoms like according to people back then complaining

yeah I'm getting upset that the job's not done I've heard ya I've heard ya I'm gonna do it fucking hell don't keep pestering me. It's only been six months. What are some...

No, I was not being misogynistic. Hysteria. Hot flushes. Maybe it had something to do with menopause. It was tied in with that. I want to say hot flushes and doing this noise a lot. That was hysteria all day. What are some cures, like, according, this is back then, I guess,

what are some cures for a woman suffering from hysteria? Well, for the man, you can use a muzzle on her. Yeah. He's like, I'll stop being misogynistic. Next question. You can use a muzzle. A pillowcase with a drawstring. Well, I reckon it would be having

an orgasm was one of the cures. What other ones though? And Zoloft. Oh, and that drug that helps people with diabetes and helps you lose weight. Oh, Zampic. Oh, Zampic. Oh, oh, oh, Zampic.

Who do you know? She is too hysterical now. Zampic. They don't even have to run the ads anymore. There's just fat cunts losing their fucking legs with diabetes. And you're upset about fucking the other one. What was the disease? Epilepsy.

Epilepsy. I just call diabetic people fat cunts who have their legs cut off because thin people are trying to the fat people are trying to lose weight you don't have diabetes tuesday nights all right who monday is monday i thought i got switched all right i'm just guessing tuesday all right who was timaeus and what was his theory about a woman's uterus? Timaeus would have been a psychiatrist and his theory on a woman's uterus is that's where they held all the bad vibes in. Okay.

Who is credited with the first electrified dildo or vibrator? Oh, I think the original Tesla. Elon Musk? No, no, no. Nik original Tesla. Elon Musk? No, no, no. Nikola Tesla. Nikola Tesla. He's the original Tesla. Elon Musk isn't the original.

No. Yeah, Nikola Tesla, I reckon the first one, it looked scarier because the bits that came off the top of it. The coils? Yeah, yeah. The electricity? No, no, no. It wouldn't have been him.

It would have been uh edison oh the vibrator the vibrator in the 1880s this is the vibrator was came about was one of the first five devices ever electrified what are the other four the light bulb uh-huh electrified there's five vibrator, light bulb I'm trying to go through the first electric inventions you would have had the light bulb the vibrator so I'm going to say it's longer than 200 years

oh no leave it leave it it's shorter the dildo was that question not the vibrator so you said 200 years for the dildo the dildo was that question, not the vibrator. So you said 200 years for the dildo, but yeah. The dildo? That was the question.

I said dildo. Okay, change that answer. Yeah, yeah. Change that answer. Dildo. Go back 5,000 years. 5,000. 5,000 years. Okay.

As long as there was anything long. Okay. As long as we had anything long. Some woman was sitting on it, I'll tell you that for that matter. And some guy called Frank, don't ask him questions. He just hasn't found the right person. Okay. So in the 1880s, the vibrator was one of the first five devices that were electrified.

Yeah, I know the question. You've got the vibrator. You've got the light bulb. And you're going to think that I'm joking around here, but I'm going to say the toaster. Toaster's got to be one of the originals and the best I don't remember electric

electric electric we can move on we're gonna learn no no no it'll be a heating electric stove okay

and then one more and the blender in what year was the vibrator first publicly marketed, and what were its alleged applications? Oh, come here. Is your wife hysterical? Does she have problems being nice around the house?

It's a common complaint. Here comes the new vibrator. Put it in the region that she never lets you touch. Oh, it'll cheer her up. The kids will be happier, not for the vibrator, because the mum will be happier. Vibrators. Happy house.

Okay. Is that your answer? Yeah. Just totally straight-faced. In the 1920s, why was the vibrator prohibited from being publicly marketed? In the 1920s, it couldn't be publicly marketed. Because it wasn't. I reckon that's why the Charleston was such a popular dance

because you had to keep your knees together, flick out your legs in case your vibrator fell out. That's what was going on in the 20s. That's where the Charleston came in. You can teach that in your Frankenstein school. I'll be delighted to do it. charleston came in you're exactly you can teach that in your frankenstein school what happened in the 20s that they stopped it from being marketed ah it would have been al capone yeah and he would have been he would have been like prohibition okay in 19 in 1960 there was a technological leap for the vibrator what was it

our cordless batteries oh I think that's right. Good job. What is the quote, the obscene device law, and when was it introduced? 1920s. What is it? We can't have this. This is obscene.

It would be the Christians. The Christians would have come and fucked it up for everyone. Even though Jesus took one in the ass. fucked it up for everyone. Even though Jesus took one in the ass. When was the most recent arrest of a person in violation of the obscene device law? Probably Saudi Arabia Monday. Okay.

Not in the United States. In the United States. In the United States. You should have stipulated that. It's the laws in the United States. Yeah, but they'd have... You're telling me Saudi Arabia doesn't have an

obscene device another podcast another day you should have stipulated America you did not stipulate America America

oh okay in America obscene device that would have been it would have been in Utah yeah

in after the war okay sound effects I think that's epilepsy Jack I don't need that it's not funny have you ever had the onset of adult

epilepsy? the bloke wrote to me and said it is not a joke he never even had a seizure this man had the first epileptic fit he'd ever had in his 40s and he said it is not a joke yeah have you never even had a seizure this man had the first epileptic fit he'd ever had in his 40s and he said it was not fun jack apologize jack and i i will say the joke that i said that upset him so much so that you don't repeat it okay the joke was on the game show the lights all go flash flash flash flash flash, flash, flash. And I went, oh, that was a bit much. That might set me epilepsy off again.

Now, that upset someone enough. How dare you make that joke. Yeah, to say that I had to make a formal complaint. Apology. Apology. Formal apology to all the elders. And this is your formal complaint. Here it comes.

I want to make this. I want to do it now. Cut this out. This is our clip. I want to make this. I want to do it now. Cut this off. This is our clip.

To all the people with adult onset epilepsy who have been affected in a bad way from my joke, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Stay away from strobe lights and live well. There we go. Back to vibrators. All right. You wouldn't want a vibrator that flashes. That would set off you.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I use BetterHelp. I used BetterHelp on the road when I was in Europe. I was touring around Europe with Forrest, and if that doesn't give you mental problems, I don't know, I will. But I went online. I couldn't see a therapist, and so I went online. This therapy, I don't know I will. But I went online. I couldn't see a therapist.

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for no additional fee. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash idk today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash IDK. Obscene device law. You said Utah, what year? Utah, 1952, man.

The most recent arrest was 1952. Utah, 1952. Okay. In what state does a person still today need a doctor's note to buy a vibrator? Oh, the state of hysteria. Yeah. Okay. And Alaska.

Why? No, no, no. It wouldn't be Alaska. It would be one of those southern states or Utah, and I'm going to say the state of Utah. Okay. Why are so many vibrators designed to look like cute little animals? Women love animals, don't they?

I guess so. They love animals. Good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah? Women love animals, don't they? I guess so. They love animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women love animals. Well, it all started off with the rabbit, which was the big one. My next question was going to be describe them,

so you can describe rabbit. The rabbit's the big one. I bought a girlfriend the rabbit stupidly. Why would you do that? You bought your own replacement. Women always come up to me and go, here's a tighter vagina for you to fuck when I'm away No, I bought an ice rabbit

And the rabbit became very popular Because of an episode of Sex and the City And then Ann Summers Which is a store which you could use here in America But it's a high street store You know Ann Summers? No High street store in England

So it's just on any shop corner or anything like that It's a high street store. You know Ann Summers? No. High street store in England. So it's just on any shop corner or anything like that. It's all pink. It's all just for ladies to go in there. And it sells vibrators and lingerie. Lovely. And guys can go in there and buy something for their girlfriend. And all the people who work behind the counter are all women who will be able to help you out. So it's not as intimidating and all that type of stuff

because before that, the porn shops in Britain were always a bit more dark and shady and in shady areas and stuff like this. Ann Summers, yeah. That's nice. Ann Summers used to have a wall of these pink rabbit vibrators and they were flying off the shelves like Tickle Me Elmo's at Christmas.

Okay, so real quick, describe these ones. Rabbit, real quick, describe it. Rabbit, crocodile. No, what is it? Describe it. Describe the vibrator. Okay, so the rabbit's a pink vibrator that goes like that, and then the little bit that goes off the top that goes.

See, this is why a dick can't compete, right? If you have the old vibrator, there's the silver bullet, right? You put that in there, you go on your clit a bit, and you put it back in, and then you clean it off. I don't know. Right?

You do that. That's why I don't like sex toys. Every time you come in them, you're like, well, I'm never going to clean this. Anyway, so... But then the vibrator, the rabbit had a little vibrating bullet

that came off the top of it, had a little couple of ears on it. So you could get it on either side of the clit. So while it was penetrating you, it was also going... Okay, butterfly. What about the butterfly? The butterfly is a similar premise, but with a butterfly at the top. What about G-spot, that one?

The G-spot one bends upwards because the G-spot is up and in, which I used to be, by the way, the king of finding the G-spot. I don't say I'm good at a lot of things, but I was elite. I was elite. With a device or with your hands? With my hands. You used to be? You lost a touch or something?

No, I've got a little bit of rheumatoid arthritis. I've got a little bit of arthritis. From all the... If I do that, after a minute and a half My fingers start to lock up And I have to go out and go Before I go back in Which would honestly give me the X so fast

Hold on sweetheart I got a cramp Alright I'm good for another minute What about the P spot? Do you know anything about that? I don't know Look look look I've never said that I was a great Do you know anything about that? I don't know. Look, I'm not... Sibian? Look, Sibian's the one you sit on.

Okay. Okay, we've got a couple more questions. Look, I've never said that I was a great lover. I've never said that I was a good fuck. But I tell you what, I knew how to find the G-spot, baby. That was me thing. That's good. That was me skill.

Okay, so... Admirable. Very admirable. Two more questions. There was one girl who did it that I really worked on her for about a year. And then after that, I went away with that knowledge and brought it to the world. You worked on her for a year. She's a mechanic.

What is the best-selling vibrator? She was up on bricks in the front of me house for a while. The alternator. I've been working on this one for a year. The alternator. I've been working on this one for a year. Only on weekends, but I should step it up over the summer. What is the best-selling vibrator of all time?

The Rabbit. Okay. During the early days of COVID lockdown, sales of vibrators went up by how much? 500%. Okay. All right, Don. How did Jim do on his knowledge of vibrators? Zero through 10, 10's the best. Oh.

I was keeping track most of the time. And I remember this last time, too. I do give you credit for the spirit of correctness. Yeah. If not correctness. But that's Kelly's job, honestly. I understand that historically I got most of the questions right. If not correctness. That's Kelly's job. I understand that historically I got most of the questions right.

But... Historical. But no, the historical questions... Yeah, the Coke bottle with the bees was... Yeah, yeah. You had all the Jesus stuff.

Jesus is accurate. But you'd trust me with one. Not you personally. Oh, sure. Oh, if you had... Oh, yes. If I was handling one, you'd go,

this guy knows what's up oh i think you're i have no doubt your expertise with a vibrator 10 out of 10 i'm certain even even i can i can assure the world oh yes oh yes his what he lacks in history he gains with uh double a's um i i would say um historically you got nothing right. No, six. Six. Okay, not bad.

Kelly, how are you doing confidence? I'm going 10 because he argued that he got everything right. It's Saturday, you get 150. I don't know what's going on. Knocked it out of the park. Deldo Baggins all day. This is one of the subjects I excelled at. Very excited about it.

Okay. When does the dildo first appear in a historical record? Jim said there was a Jesus Coke bottle. Then he said 200 years. Then he changed his answer and went back 5,000 years.

Can you tell us the correct answer? Yeah, so Jesus was the first vibrator. Now this is for Don now. This is for Don. The dildo was when Korag's wife was like this. Korag, go hunt that go hunt that saber-toothed tiger. But he's miles away.

It'll take me seven hours to get to him. Do it. And then he's always like, hey, can I sit there? You can't sit on that rock. It's just a little bump on there. It was like one of those little things, like the pinnacles. All right, Don, what do you think? I'm just fascinated with the whole landscape that's been painted for me.

That's why some rocks have moss on them. Yeah. Correct. I don't know. Actually, biology is not my arena. But the historical record, I mean, I have no doubt, and this is why I gave you partial credit, because you're exactly right.

People have been absolutely sticking things that look like a dick or seem like a dick in their bodies long before we had it in the historical record. Since before the invention of dicks. But the historical record has it 1900 BC,

almost, just over 4,000 years ago, Hippocrates has it as a described medical device. Hmm. Huh. So medical, okay. I thought it was just like

always medical. Yeah, it's medical. Its applications are purely medical for millennia, at least theoretically. So then we get to hysteria, and I asked you what was the long-time medical diagnosis for me. Well, you were perfectly misogynistic. In fact, the misogyny really is what gave you a better score on that answer because i'm one of the best in the world i agree i really applaud you and uh you excelled

at it because because the beating heart of hysteria you can't have a definition of hysteria without a total misogyny it's the point is that women are broken and basically anything that a woman did that was sort of uncomfortable or unpleasant or perceived as imperfect by men and women, because women would accuse other women of being hysterical all the time. There was like this perceived version. And that included literally everything. Shortness of breath, agitation, being a bitch, 100%, being a bitch is a very easy one. But also just making life difficult for people could get you diagnosed with hysteria and and a doctor would clinically diagnose you it wasn't just like witchcraft like a doctor would say

oh yes this is a positive case of hysteria which meant it had to be treated hysteria once diagnosed couldn't be ignored and that's why it was scary because you you have to be fixed we have to cure you yeah well as a comedian you want to be hysterical and like women like if you talk too much you interrupt a man which i just did boom hysterical if you interrupt a man you have clearly we will be burning you at the stake yeah yeah exactly it was sort of like it was witchcraft it was it took the place of witchcraft for an age that wanted to believe itself to be more dignified. Like, we still are going to have the same biases, but we're not going to be heathens like our ancestors and call them witches. We know it's a medical diagnosis.

We're not going to burn her, but they did have other treatments that were pretty awesome. Yeah, so what were some of the cures then? Jim said orgasm. And orgasm is great. Like, an orgasm was a cure for hysteria, which I think. But what did they, like, okay. orgasm. An orgasm is great. An orgasm was a cure for hysteria, which I think... So I have to assume that women were giving themselves orgasms,

right? Well, masturbation... It couldn't be like you went to the doctor and then you went and you went... That's how orgasms are, like a haunted ghost. And then you went, oh, I never had one of those and you go home and give them to yourself like surely there must have been an incident where a girl just

figured it out by herself because she would yeah did the doctors have to give them the orgasm was that part of the yeah like she'd eaten a hot dog a bit of mustard for down there and she'd scrubbed yeah no but the doctor had to give it without taking her pants off yeah the doctor had to give there wouldn't be a self-diagnosed like Like, go home and masturbate five times a day. That's your cure. It would definitely have to come at the hands of a man, so to speak. Sure, sure, sure. And a medical professional.

Not with a woman's orgasm otherwise. But it was also like... Orgasm was sort of a later cure for hysteria. They started with lobotomy and electroshock and imprisonment. Wait a minute, wait a minute. So your original cure was to cut the bit of the brain out that gives critical thinking. Correct. So you're just like this.

Exactly. A perfect woman, she still wears a corset and she still can look beautiful but she just talks less and she's unable to function. Which makes her

much easier to deal with. This is the same as so much, but you have a wife, right? You're in the old days. You want your wife to be taking care of the kids

and cleaning the house, et cetera. That's just the system that was going on. Why, even if she's hysterical you don't want to have a fucking lobotomy no well that's why it's for well-born women you mostly you could you could certainly apply this to like poor women but they're all it was less applied there this is where a woman is challenging the dynasty of a family i mean these this why. It wasn't just to stop her from not cleaning the house or bitching. It would be, you're about to bring our whole family down.

You're about to question politics. You are about to make me, your husband, look weak in the public sphere. And these kinds of things can't be tolerated. Right, so you would wheel your wife in, Hannibal Lecter style. Correct. You'd have her on a

dolly with a mask on and then you just dump her in front of the doctor and go this one wants to vote she's exactly that is sounds ridiculous and is ridiculous and is absolutely correct yeah this one wants to vote or just don't worry i have her already locked upstairs in the attic and they would go oh thank goodness and then the doctor would go up to the attic yes she's absolutely hysterical and the doctor would go to the attic and then he'll, oh, thank goodness. And then the doctor would go up to the attic. Yes, she's absolutely hysterical. And then the doctor would go up to the attic and then he'll be like, fuck, I left me drilled downstairs. I'll be back in a second. Well, it's like, do you remember the short story

of the yellow wallpaper? I haven't charged this one. I'll be back in a second. But women masturbating, the history of that, yes, but there's such a ignorance that we have to like, from when we look at these points in history, we have to try really hard to examine the fact that the ignorance of sexuality and especially the ignorance of female sexuality is almost impossible for us to comprehend. Because it was so, I mean, women, still, my mother, this is like not not ancient history when she first started menstruating didn't know what was happening and thought she was dying and her mother didn't tell her just kind of

gave her some materials like figure it out because it's not something we talk about so the idea that your actual functional like menstruation the act of having babies isn't discussed the idea that you're pleasuring yourself is so hundreds of years in the future. Well, it goes both. I've masturbated from the age of about 10 or something, even younger. And I remember thinking, I'm the only bloke doing this. Sure, exactly. I remember thinking that quite clearly.

Yeah, no, exactly. I'm the only one doing it. And I'm sure now with people, it's worse now because kids watch pornography and stuff like that. But like me, I was just looking at an underwear catalog going, I have an idea yeah yeah and if you didn't know sex if sex itself was totally ignorant to you you probably wouldn't even know that that thing you're doing is related to sex it's like scratching an itch exactly it's like sneezing it's like it's it's like a thing you do in price like picking your nose i mean it would be like

i don't know something you don't talk about i'm masturbated to like underwear catalogs every like a thing you do in private. It's like picking your nose. I mean, it would be like pooping. I don't know. Something you don't talk about. I masturbated to like underwear catalogs. Every, a lot of comics have talked about this, you know, the underwear catalog,

your thing, and before porn was like, but I did have, I had this for a couple of years and I, in one of my mother's women's magazines, and I say women's magazines because it's women's weekly, you know, still a big sales seller. There's women's Day and Women's Weekly in Australia,

the number two. Wow. One and two. They always had a picture of Diana calling her a whore. And then when she died, they were like this, oh, these people have blood on their hands. They killed that whore. I remember because my mother was in hospital when Diana died

and there was a pile of these magazines that she'd been reading and she was in there for about six weeks. So I got to see each week these magazines come out and then each week was like, oh, here she is with this Egyptian, with this harlot on a boat with this Egyptian man and all this other stuff. And then it's like the people's princess. Anyway, there was a magazine there and I pulled out a picture and I kept it under my bed, just a little scrap of paper that had

a full naked tit in it. And never before, never since did this magazine had a full naked tit in it. And I was like, this is the Holy Grail. This is it. And I was about 10 years old and I had me tit picture. You still remember it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember it because it was a

picture of a woman having a mammogram. One of them was hanging out. The other one was pressed into a machine. Was that the one that you had the picture of? Yeah, which I only assumed was a sex machine. But she had her tit pressed into this machine here. And I was like, this is all right. This is how bad my reading was.

I didn't check up on what was going on. I just tore it out and went, how did they let this one get through? So the doctor treated them with orgasms. So I guess they had to like fake, they're not having orgasms for real. Absolutely, because this is the other thing. They're like, I gotta fake another one.

This is the other thing. The women were as ignorant. And by the way, this is, all the historical women were as ignorant and by the way this is all the historical sources all of the historians who have researched this much more deeply than myself will agree that we're not saying every woman was ignorant of what an orgasm was or had never given herself an orgasm before but most of the women didn't know what an orgasm may not have ever had an orgasm and wouldn't have associated an orgasm with what a doctor was doing to you anyway.

But to your point, part of the reason why we have the vibrator is because when the doctors were trying to manually do it, their arms would get tired because it would take a long time. Because they weren't very good. And they knew and they really believed because of this like hypocrisy,

because the idea of like female fluid and female hysteria and all of this was so genuinely believed by the medical professionals. They really believed that we needed for her to express fluid. That was part of what they were trying to do. They didn't even say orgasm. It was an expressing of fluid and it was a tension and a release that cured her. And they would. Part of the reason why they got a vibrator is because they didn't't want to do it with their hands anymore their hands were getting so the squirters would be like fully cured and then the other girls needed a few more sessions and the

women themselves would be like i'm not gonna lie i've never felt better like again and are there women who knew exactly what was going on and were lining up and telling other friends and let's i can't wait to get jerked off at the office. Maybe, but probably most of them. Historians agree, the vast majority of the women who were treated with a vibrator and given an orgasm as part of a cure for hysteria, were as ignorant of what was going on as everybody else. So Timaeus, what was his theory about the woman's uterus?

Jim said he was a psychiatrist. That's where they held all the bad vibes in. That's part of what gave him great scores, yeah. And his theory, though, was that a woman who was not pregnant was particularly prone to hysteria. It's good with baby ghosts. Exactly. Well, similar.

The fluids, whatever the baby, the uterus would hold, that that fluid unoccupied wanders. And if that fluid wanders up to your brain, that's how you get mental illness. And if your uterus fluid is wandering to your heart, that's how you get emotional problems. Hang on, hang on. This guy's clearly never met a pregnant woman.

Yeah, right? Yeah, this guy's like, and the only people who are never hysterical are the pregnant. Because their wombs are full. If you want to meet a woman of sound mind, meet the pregnant. Oh, very sound, yes. They would say, like, for a woman who was, for example,

one of the symptoms of hysteria was being very sexual. A woman who liked sex and wanted sex and was promiscuous was hysterical. So the cure for her was to impregnate her. And they would say, get a man to marry her and impregnate her and keep her pregnant all the time that was her cure for hysteria so it would because those fluids are wandering around crazy. Well that would work because they'd be fucking constantly and she'd be alright. That's the theory. And then if she cheered she'd be like this I'm just trying to get rid of the hysteria.

Yeah they had this very interesting way though of drawing in addition to orgasm Timaeus would use smelling salts so the fluid if the idea is that your uterus fluid is all up in your brain and we need to bring it down to the uterus where it belongs

they would put bad smelling stuff under your nose and sweet smelling stuff down by your vagina to sort of draw the blood down bring it down

bring it down bring all that down and then the woman would be right but also did it work? also the vagina is next to the asshole

the sweetest smelling smell right right yeah Bring it down, bring all that down, and then the woman would be like... Right, but also... Did it work? Also, the vagina's next to the asshole. The sweetest smelling... Right, right, yeah. All the holes smell in the ear, buddy. Word. True. They can do better than a baby. We all get bad breath. If you ever tasted earwax,

your snots, your nose, that's probably the best smell in the world. Yeah, your nose doesn't smell because you're smelling through your nose. That's where you get the smells, but yeah. Yeah, but if you put shit up your nose... Sure. probably the best smell. Yeah, your nose doesn't smell because you're smelling through your nose. That's where you get the smells. But if you put shit up your nose, everything smells like shit. You put shit in any hole. That's so true.

I've wondered about that. You put shit in a donut hole. There's only one way to find out. I don't like to wash or bathe or anything like that. So what I do is I just put like, I put like little bits of cardboard out of those pine trees that cab drivers hang on their revision mirrors. And I shoved them up my wife's nose. Smart. So that way, cut out the middle of me.

Legend. I was wondering about that. I've seen them with their upper nose before. Who was credited with the first electrified dildo vibrator? Was it Tesla? Nikola Tesla. Forrest thought it was Elon Musk. No, I was just making a joke.

I've known you a long time. I'll tell you when you're making a joke. Not only a joke. I'll tell you when you're making a joke. I'll let you know when it is. That was so threatening for no reason. No, not at all. When I see one, I'll tell you. I'll let you know what it is. That was so threatening for no reason. No, not at all. When I see one, I'll tell you.

It was Joseph Mortimer Granville and the device was known as the Granville's Hammer. That's a good name. That was almost a joke, but it wasn't. And he was one of these guys who was like, your hands are getting tired.

Are you talking about me? Yeah. I'm waiting for you to tell a joke. I'm going to tell you when you've done one. June 23rd, Reno, Nevada. Come on, we'll open it for you. Oh, poor people at Reno. Yeah.

Don't come out for the first 15 minutes. Self-deprecating, but I don't know if it qualifies for a joke. Hey, we like you for it. No, it wasn't a joke. It was just factual. I can't do it anymore so Mortimer I have an application for you guys that can really cheer you up what it's called a vibrator what is that I'm telling you

it's spoiled people was he a doctor get back to the dick folks let's just get back to earthiness skin on skin organic organic orgasms

why can't everybody come to the party I just reckon didn't you I thought you used a pocket pussy before I've used them before but I don't like them

wasn't it shipped to you for some reason oh I had one okay I'll tell you this story so i had this one that was like the ultimate sucking machine went blah blah blah and it looked like it looked like trump slips i remember and i got given it from nikki glazier well why don't you explain that? No, I am. Okay. Me and Nikki Glaser were in an alleyway. No, so Nikki Glaser, I was on her show on Comedy Central. She had a sex show.

Called Full Frontal? Full Frontal. No, Full Frontal was Samantha Bee. No, it wasn't. It was Not Safe for Work. Not Safe. Not Safe, yeah. What was Full Frontal?

Full Frontal was Samantha Bee. It was a political show. Not safe. Not safe. Not safe. What was full frontal? Full frontal. Samantha Bee was on a political show. They're all still the same to me. That was one of our competitions. They're all still the same. Whatever. It was a political show. Yeah, this is not safe.

That was a show about how we're getting fucked by politics. I remember Trump was campaigning at that stage. It was actually, I did a really good turn on that show, and that's when we got the Jim Jefferies shows. A lot of the same people worked from that show on. Yeah they were like hey you did great oh you ever thought of blah blah blah and then i had a meeting and blah blah blah so anyway i was i was on the nicky glaser show and they gave me this this was like the bentley of uh things you fuck for guys for guys anyway so it has this, and so it came with this big thing and this tube goes in.

And so, so my job was, before I went back on the show, was to try it out, right? They didn't give it to me on the show. It was mailed to me. Yeah.

And I remember my, I remember this because I think it was at your house when you got it. It was like an assignment? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think, yeah, it was, it was before I met my wife. This is a lot. yeah, yeah. Cause I remember my wife found it cause it's up in, it was in a box. wife yeah yeah yeah because I remember because my wife found it

because it's up in it was in a box yeah yeah is it your old house and she was like what and I'm like I got given it on a TV show

how do you do it yeah yeah so anyway so I had this thing I go back I fuck it I've fucked sex toys before everyone has

I go back I have to I have to fuck it. I've got a timeline. They deliver it to my house. And I remember I'm on the show in 24 hours. So I've got to fuck this thing within 24 hours. It's like the plot of a Bruce Willis movie. To get this on the show with Nikki the next time I'm there.

So I go on. And I fuck it. I come inside. It's all right. Then I've got to give my review. And I brought brought it back and I said, here it is, everybody. And then they pull the, if you pull the machine, because the machine had bits that rolled around the outside of it, right? Nice.

The inner sock. Yeah. The inner sock had, now I'll tell you something you might not know about me, Dawn. I might not, this is quite my father. I may not be a great lover, but I produce a hell of a lot of cum. Great to know. Volume. If volume was a thing that women enjoyed.

And thick, he says. Prove it. Tony, you take us all off. This would be the episode to do it. You put us all off in a room to masturbate and come back. You'll know which one's mine. Well, that's overflow. There's really only one way to find it.

I'm not kidding. Do you remember Peter North, right? They called the plasterer, right? Yeah. And then he was the porn star who just... I didn't know that was his nickname. There's always a thing like

it makes it look like a plasterer's radio. You know how they have those little radios with the plastering? Yeah, yeah. Painter, plasterer's radio. You know how they have those little radios with the plastering? Yeah, yeah. A painter or a plasterer. Plasterer's radio. Anyway, so I always watch him and everyone's like, did you see the guy touch the door?

And I'm like, that's nothing. Watch this. I am. And distance as well. He's an athlete. My headboard's covered in cum. And this is from me laying on my back, not from me getting up.

This is over my head. Several times I've shot myself in the mouth. I was wondering if you had to wear glasses or something. No, it's just a thing. So you get to the TV show. Anyway, Nicky was very impressed by that at the end. No, no, no. What happened?

You didn't clean it out? Yeah, shut up. I'm telling that bit. Right? So I bring at the end. No, no, no. What happened? You didn't clean it out? Yeah, shut up. I'm telling that bit. Right. So I bring back the machine. I'm coming at just that day. Fresh come. No, Nicky doesn't know this, so don't tell her. Anyway.

She'll never know. She doesn't listen to this podcast. Anyway, so I said, there you go. I thought I was just going to hold it up I'm on the show like this I used the blah blah blah 2000

I waited it I came in I timed myself I told you how quickly I came I was going over all the features I was doing a product review yeah

on TV you're Vanna White yeah and then and then Niggi holds it like this and then she pulls it out and I think to myself

oh no it doesn't pour out of it but she she pulls out the tube like that And then she pulls it out and I think to myself, oh, no. It doesn't pour out of her. But she pulls out the tube like that and then she shakes it around and I can hear a glugging noise. But that was the show we were on. That was the show. That's what they requested for me to do. Is there a correlation to your sperm count or is this just wasted mass? I tell you, I can get people pregnant by winking at them.

Great. I knew that's how it worked. I tell you, I can get people pregnant by winking at them. Great. I knew that's how it worked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had the snip, though. Okay, good. No more. No more. Have you noticed a difference in quantity since?

That's what I wondered. I thought to myself, would my velocity and or mass decrease? And the answer is no. Although I do feel like, and this might just be getting old and correlate, I do feel like the balls don't fill up as quick as they used to. But if I've gone 24 hours without cumming, I'll still have the patented Jefferies.

I had a friend whose husband got a vasectomy and after the vasectomy his semen started like burning her skin a little she had like a weird reaction to his semen after that I've had that thing where you do that and someone gets it and they get on their skin and it burns a little bit and then it doesn't other times

but that can happen yeah it's nature saying this is shooting blanks don't let him fuck you it won't get you pregnant they're meant to. This is shooting blanks. Don't let him fuck you. It won't get you pregnant. They're meant to say, like, if I put it in someone's eyeball now, it's not meant to hurt, is the theory. But I don't know if that's an urban way.

I'll let you know. So when. Because the other ones are swimming and thinking it's an egg. And my one's just. Oh, they're hanging it. On our porn episode, Lexi Luna said that that was true. I mean, she said she did a test at least. That they...

She tested it on her eyes. Somebody that was... Oh, good. This is interesting. I burned the skin, not the eyes. Okay, so what year did he invent the vibrator or rounds? 1883. Okay, so in the 1880s...

Maybe the thing was just filled with a bit of water. Maybe I did clean it. I don't want to get in trouble. None of the cum poured out, I promise. Yeah, it was water. In the 1880s, the vibrator was one of the first five devices ever electrified. What are the other four, Jim? So light bulb, toaster, stove, blender.

Oh, he nailed that one. That was really good. Light bulb, toaster, tea kettle, vibrator, and what was it? Fan, I think. Oh, a fan. You wrote the answers. That's right. I'm like, what was the fan I think oh the fan I just you wrote the answers that's right

I'm like what was the fifth one yeah yeah okay you said the stove I count that as like the kettle it's a cold

yeah and a blender is almost a fan so yeah I didn't give you seven six I remember I remember when I was in

I was in South Africa and they made me do it they made me I did. They made me. I did a tour of the townships where they have the huts and all the people live on top of each other. Because it turns out South Africa is quite an impoverished place. I've heard that.

And we were doing a field piece for the TV show, and they said, go into all the huts and talk to the people. And there was this one bloke who was just like, I went into his hut and I'm like, hello, mate, how are you? And he goes, I would like to show you the features of my home. And one of the ones was he'd put a light bulb in a blender. And he goes, and when you turn it on,

the light comes on instead of the blender spinning around. Oh, okay. I don't know how it didn't make the show, but this guy was like the Edison of this township. He's just like, and he was like this, you won't see this in anyone else's house. Like in the world, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, and the container of the thing gave a lovely warm light. Yeah, it would glow nice. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't make margaritas. Blend a bulb. In what year was the vibrator first publicly marketed and what were its alleged applications?

Jim said, he just did a commercial. He did a commercial. It was delightful. And also contributed to his above average score. It was not advertised ever as a sexual device. When it was publicly marketed, it was a... Oh, I know, I know, I know, I know. Massage. Bingo. Personal massager. It was a... Oh, I know, I know, I know, I know. Massage.

Bingo. Personal massager. It was a personal massager. And one other use. It was actually 50-50. Massager and... I'll give you a... A wizard wand.

Something, a face like the wrinkler. Yeah, beauty aid. Okay, so I... And so it would be subtle advertising where they would have a woman in her lingerie holding one and telling everyone how much youthful beauty and glow this gives you and she's holding it in various places. Right, so there's a routine that may be off my first special about me

or maybe a second special or something like that that was about me and my brother finding a vibrator in the garage and my father saw us finding it because we were going through boxes in the garage and my dad goes we went what's this dad he goes oh the massage it massages people put that away anyway so later on me and my brother went out to the garage and he did the whole you massage my back i'll massage yours and it's like brothers you push them on the garage and he did the whole, you massage my back, I'll massage yours. And it's like brothers. You push them on the swings and then it's your turn. They fucking run off, right?

And so I massaged my brother on the back with the vibrator in the garage. And I was about six. He was about ten or something like that. Then it was my turn and then he ran off. And so I sat in the garage in the dark just massaging my own back with the vibrator. And then my dad comes home and he rolls open the roller door and he just sees me just looking upset like that and he said did scotty fuck you over again

and uh so so so anyway so ever since i've told that story and how did i not remember this several times over the years people have sent me posters of personal massages oh yeah from back in the day yeah like the sky mall always that was always where i remember seeing sky yeah uh and in the 1920s why was a vibrator prohibited from being publicly marketed jim said al capone yeah which is that was also a good contributor to your score because he was ignorant but it but it's fine if you're ignorant you've still got a good score on your test you can still accidentally write the correct answer because prohibition factors into it because in 1920 we had a wider distribution of pornography video pornography than we had had before photo photo and video and they were certainly not pretending

that this was a massager or a beauty aid they were fucking each other with it and fucking themselves with it and fucking themselves with it. And so there were really illicit images of people using vibrators and dildos for exactly their sexual application. And then people would see them in these magazines with, it's just a personal massager. At the exact same decade that we have banned alcohol and have ads in newspapers that are like,

this Meriwether's tonic for your you know prescribed by your doctor and people started to see that the advertisements were misleading we were we were misleading in advertising selling illegal booze and they correlated it to these hang on a second these aren't actual massagers at all people are putting these in their pussies. So 1920. Prohibition. Prohibition. And then in 1960, they became cordless, right? Correct. What an advancement because there are some vibrator museums.

There's a particularly good one in northern Minnesota because these poor frontier women who had cracked the code were not about to head out in the middle of nowhere, never having an orgasm again. And you pointed out once you've had an orgasm with a vibrator, it's very difficult to say that you're never, ever going to do that again. So their early vibrators would be like in a briefcase and you'd open it up. It looked almost like a defibrillator. You've lost a latch. Oh, God. This is getting hot in my head.

You said you were going to come and I figured I'd encourage things. You got very salacious in here. It was just overalls. I wish it was more salacious than that. And so these early vibrators, not only did they plug into the wall, they drew a lot of electricity. Dangerous. Some of them even have, if you go to these museums,

have a chamber with mercury in it. And they don't know why. They're like, how does go to these museums, have, like, a chamber with, like, mercury in it. And they don't know why. They're like, how does this help people come? They're like, it's just beautiful. It's just kind of like it was fun to watch. It was lovely. But, yeah, being able to have it. I'd attach a solar panel to the end.

But having it wireless was obviously. You had to get an extension cord. Or a battery that never dies. The meter doesn't dip when you go to the bathroom. Or what you do is you put a cord in a bloke with a bike on the end yeah or find your fellow with the blender i bet he could figure something out you will not see this in any of the obscene device law when was it introduced uh jim said and what did you say the 20s yeah that's what he said. 1973, it was passed as an official law.

Okay. And then when... In the state. Oh, yeah. Sorry, go ahead. I think you said Utah, right? Yeah. He said Utah twice.

Yeah, Utah. Texas. So Texas. It was only in Texas or it wasn't a national... It was initially instigated in Texas in 1973. It spread to many, many other states, never all 50 states, but it's come and gone, so to speak. And when was the most recent arrest of a person in violation of the obscene device law?

I'm so glad you got this one way wrong. And I was really glad because it shouldn't be this. It was 2007. A woman was arrested in Texas, arrested,ed. Arraigned. Because the laws had moved. It was no longer you couldn't have any obscene devices. It was that you had to have a limit of six in Texas at the time. You couldn't have more than six.

And she was throwing one of those passion parties. As many guns as you want, but dildos? Six. And also, by the way, if you have cattle, you have big old dildos in your barn to stimulate. Wait, they counted those no but i mean that's you can only have six for people but you can have a barn full for your cattle but um she was throwing a passion party one of those like you know tupperware parties for dildos and

they fucking it was like a sting and they arrested her and she fucking has was around craigslist ad too many dildos. And in what state does a person still today need a doctor's note to buy a vibrator? Jim said Utah again. That'd be Alabama. I had about five sites to pick from.

I only thought because of the Mormons. Wait, so if you go to a sex store, you have to bring a doctor's note? I don't think sex stores are probably illegal think about it like when cannabis you know

when cannabis was sort of illegal and then boundary legal like these phases so if you you go in there to the sex shop like this go see the doctor out the back oh I've been getting headaches

alright go to the front it's a sex dispenser yeah so they probably have and there's there's probably like in California, you know, you can't get those certain light bulbs.

Like they just won't ship them to you. So if you try to order one overtly online. The ones that if you put them in a landfill, I think they have mercury in them. So if you order one on Amazon. The one with the filament, not the LED bulbs. Filaments are fine. That they're making in China to start the Chinese army.

Oh, is that what he used to say? Yeah, these Obama bulbs. Oh, right, that's right, the Obama bulbs. Okay, and why are so many vibrators designed to look like cute little animals? To get around all of those obscene device laws. So you had said earlier, I think I can't remember which question. Women love animals, right, which is also true. But you had mentioned something about somewhere in the Middle East

that that was where something happened. And that was also to get you a spirit of note because there are obscene device laws internationally that impact what happens in the United States because they are technically not allowed to manufacture obscene devices because of their own country's laws. They're shipping them to places that maybe we can't receive those because of obscene device laws.

And so if they look like pink, purple, cute little animals, they can be legally shipped as just toys. And they can leave the sex part out because anyone who looks at it can defend the idea that this is just an adorable, harmless toy. And I think Jim described them all correctly except P-Spot. He didn't know what that one was, the vibrator. That'd be the prostate. So that is a vibrator that specifically is designed to stimulate the prostate.

Women don't have a prostate. Another episode. Another point. But there's no problem with taking a thorough investigation. I have a very nice-sized prostate. It's not too big, not too small. It's good. Maybe this is related to the quantity of your sperm.

Well, it's got related to the amount of my hemorrhoids that my asshole gets checked on the regular. I see. So you know how people, like, they stick the finger up? I get that done, like, once a month. And the guy's like, oh, your prostate's good. Like, people are like, you should get your prostate examined. Don't worry about it.

We're going to have his doctor on as an expert. I've been emailing him. I've got my prostate covered with hemorrhoids. My very first pap smear, I was told by my gynecologist. In Australia, it's called a cunt scrape. That's much easier to say. I feel like smear is always hard to say.

I was told that my clitoris was weird that i or my cervix was mel was my my cervix was strange and i was had such a complex i was you know 16 and i was like i've heard other women say that maybe it's comedians yeah they're like you're telling me this what uh yeah wait do you do this on stage no i should she said my nose she said it's nothing to be worried about. It's like having a weird nose. And I was like, you're using words like weird and deformed and odd and I'm

16 and I'm spread eagle and this is, it was awful. The best selling vibrator of all time. What is it? A rabbit. The Hitachi Magic Wand actually. But what happened to the rabbit? The rabbit was like a phenomenon. The rabbit was a phenomenon.

And I think it's simply duration. The Hitachi Magic Wand came on the market in the 60s and had several more decades to sell before the rabbit. The OG. That's probably what you're massaging yourself with. I have no doubt the rabbit has sold probably more per year since then. And the Magic Wand, genuinely, a lot of people do have it as a personal massager. It's like sitting in your grandpa's

basket next to the chair. No, I just use the bullet type of looking one. The pocket rocket was a similar time and kind of a competitor. Kool-Aid deflator. During the early days of the COVID lockdown, sales of vibrators went up by how much?

Jim said 500%. You know what's dumb? The vibrator that you can use with your phone so your boyfriend can be at the restaurant and make you do all that stuff. It's such a gimmicky crap. Rubbish. Also, what a waste of a restaurant.

We're out to eat. Yeah, but it's also meant to be for when you're away from each other or something like that. But it's also like the woman knows when she needs more pressure or she wants it to go faster yeah i've tried it and it's a it's too loud to be anywhere where it's a public you like would not want to do that and also you're right where it's like a vibrator on just being put on somebody without any type of

direction is not this is a scallop this is a scallop with a pistachio demi-glace? I don't want somebody to know that I'd be going up and down, up and down. So he's played a game on his phone. She's writhing around. Oh, my word. So how much did they go up in sales

during the beginning of COVID? Was it 500%? It was 300%. But yeah, spirit of the answer was correct. Spirit of the answer. And specifically, the week that the stimulus checks went out. Oh, yeah.

That was when their symbols went over the moon. How much does a top one cost you these days? It depends on what you want it to do. The equivalent of the rabbit. The one with the pearls in it. The one with the pearls in it. You can get you a high quality special dildo for $80 on your sort of, you know, mid range if you want it to, you know, have like a seal. People have to wait for a stimulus check.

Fuck it. A lot of people don't have money, man. I remember being poor as well, but it's like, can you put the price on an orgasm on the regular? I guess it's 80 bucks. 80 bucks. Now it's part of our show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our guests

to give us some fact, obscure, interesting that our audience can use to impress people about this subject. What do you got for us? Okay, I don't know necessarily why you're talking

about hysterectomies at your dinner party. I recently had one. Exactly. We've talked about your prostate. I talk about my medical complaints. Exactly. You will be talking about it with Jim at a dinner party.

That a hysterectomy is when you have your uterus removed, of course. And the reason it is called a hysterectomy goes back to this 1900 BC reference to a woman's hysteria. That if you remove the uterus, you remove the hysteria. Thus the hysterectomy. I thought it was because he's not a rectomy. Good two. Good two. All right.

Well, this is your second time on here. Everybody that's listened, you can see how great Dawn is. So listen to her podcast. It's called Hilf History I'd Like to Fuck. Download that and start listening to that. And then follow her on Instagram at Dawn underscore brody and at health podcast thanks again it's gonna be a regular thanks thanks for having us dawn oh thanks for having me yeah thanks thanks for being here um if you're ever at a party and someone comes up to you and goes uh women can have orgasms without the help of a doctor.

Go, well, I don't know about that. And walk away. Good night, Australia.