I Don't Know About That - We're Special

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

In this episode, the team has no guest! So enjoy this very loose, very off-the-rails episode including impressions and cartoon crushes. Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mexicans Mother-in-laws Who am I taking home after the podcast? Well, you might find out And I don't know about that With Jim Jefferies Don't worry about it, it was good It was solid

That's happened the last three episodes Welcome to I Don't Know About That With me, Jim Jefferies It was solid. That's happened the last three episodes. That was what I'm on. Welcome to I Don't Know About That with me, Jim Jefferies, Jack Kelly, Forrest, Louise, and my mother-in-law, Becca, is here today. She's come down. She's visiting America, seeing her first grandchild. You know, that's fun times.

She doesn't seem that impressed with him. She holds him like a... Se him. I've seen her. She holds him like a. Seen better. Yeah, yeah. But it's all right. Charlie's getting a lot of love at the moment. She couldn't wait to get out of the house though.

Tell you what, as I was leaving, she's like, oh, I'm well up for this. Where are you going? Take me anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a podcast? Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I think we should announce this straight off.

Our guest has had an accident on the way to the podcast. They're okay. They're okay. They're okay. They're okay. I don't even know who they are, so my sympathy towards them is very small because I can't put a name to the face.

I'm like, oh, Jenny, who's the expert in Walmart. Fuck. We should do a Walmart episode. When was it created? We actually should. Why is it called Walmart? Is it because there's a lot of walls? I don't know.

It seems like a rectangle building. It's not that many walls. For Walmart. It's not like it's little rooms. No, they originally sold walls. Oh, did they? No. I don't know. That would have been good. Because it's the Walton rooms. No, they originally sold walls. Oh, did they? No, I don't know.

That would have been good. Cause it's the Walton family. Is it the Walton family? Just look that up. No. Do they also make Wahlberger? Yes, they do.

It's Mark Wahlberg's father. Mark Wahlberg's father? Mm-hmm. If he was on the planes in 9-11, they never would have gone down. That's true. So our guest, this is literally a few minutes before we're going to start recording.

So we've makeshift the show. This might be our greatest show. Our highest rated show ever is the one where I just got drunk. Yeah. Well, we did. Can we get some booze in here? You know. I have weed.

We asked you questions. Yeah. Well, what we're going to do is because we don't have anyone the episode's going to be called We're Special We're Special and it's going to be each specialty that we know about and then the other people can

see if they know as much about it so we'll go around the circle before we do that, Jack will have a second Are we really doing that? Yeah, it's going to be good. Can I say one thing though? What if we're wrong though? Even though you think you're a specialist in something I'm not.

We'll correct ourselves in a later episode. The internet's not always right. Okay, well nobody should really take anything we say. One of my specialties is my childhood, so prove me wrong. Before we get into Jack's segment, we did a live show. We did a live show.

I was about to talk about this. We did a live show. People showed up. It was a really good show. It was about tattooing. I wouldn't tattoo anyone, and people got very upset because I was a bit of a pussy about it. But I don't like other people's blood on me, and there was wiping and stuff,

and I was like, no. Kelly got a tattoo. Kelly wrote cunt on someone's ankle. It's not somebody, it's Pony Lawson. Pony and so, and Kelly, how's your tattoo healing up? It's good. I'm like pretty much healed. I'm like Wolverine.

Give me a look at it. I'll tell you if it's pretty much healed. It's the bloody tampon. You don't cover it in anything? It had wrap on it but you don't really need it. That looks good. That's like three days. That looks good.

I remember every time Jason Whitehead had a tattoo, he was always covering it in Vaseline and stuff. Yeah, I put lotion on it and stuff so it stays moisturized. Canadian method. Jason Whitehead, he had a tattoo of Pearl Jam on his forehead. Eddie Vedder came to the show last weekend, and he had to shake the hand with his Pearl Jam tattoo on his forehead. Oh man. And DJ Qualls came to the live show as well.

DJ Qualls came to the live show and he had a tap tap tattoo on him. One of the ones the tappy tap wood would. But what we did was afterwards we did a meet and greet. I've never done this. Part of the reason why I don't do cameo or anything like that. I get nervous of what people will think of me if I talk to them one-on-one. I'm quite shy in many ways. Yeah. So we spoke to a super fan of the show, Jalen. He's a friend of the show.

He always does it. And Jalen, he had some words of wisdom to give to me, and this was it. He goes, I listened to Luis's podcast. News to me. Oh, yeah. News to me. I didn't know Luis had a podcast. News to me.

Don't let him say the name of the podcast. Luis Wooden Car. That's what it's called. And the theme song, Luis Wooden Car. Luis Wooden Car. He has a wooden car. Do you know what happened, Luis, when he said? Yeah, he sent me the video. da, da. Luis Wooden Car. He has a wooden car. Do you know what happened, Luis, when he said? Yeah, he sent me the video.

No, no. I'll tell you. Oh, have you got a recording of it? Yep. Oh, I didn't know about that. Okay. It's embarrassing. All right, play it.

This is fun stuff. He doesn't have it. Oh, you don't have it. I'll tell you word for word. This is tattooed on my brain, this one. It's the only thing that got tattooed on me during the whole thing. So he goes, I want to ask you on behalf of Luis if you'll be on his podcast. He said on his podcast he's too nervous to ask you.

You've known me for a long time. You're too nervous. Am I that fucking mean? And he wishes you to. No, no, no. Wait, wait. I'll get to that. I'll get to that.

And he goes, and I said, if you ask me, I'll do it. But that's only because J-Lon was paying for a meet and greet. I was trying to be friendly. I'm too busy and you know I am. But then he goes, then Luis said. Not J-Lon. Yeah. No, no.

But Luis said on his own podcast. This is how confident Luis is that I won't listen to his podcast. This is how confident he is. He said that he wishes me and him were closer. You broke my heart. But Jalen made it sound a lot more pathetic

than it actually was. He sent me the video and I watched it and I was like, oh, come on, man. You makealen made it sound a lot more pathetic than it actually was. He sent me the video and I watched it and I was like, oh, come on, man. You make me look like such a pussy. So what did you actually say? I mean, I said exactly that. It had more context to it. The context, yeah.

Yeah, he said it when I was holding his balls. I wish we were closer. I got too close to you. I get bloody COVID. No, I didn't know you felt such a way. You feel like we're not close? He just made it sound like. Tell them what the context is.

We were just playing a quick game, me and my co-host, on You're Not Down podcast. Bleep that, Luis. What's the name of the podcast? Bleep. It's called You're Not Down with Mike and Luis. Oh, you're catchy. And who's this Mike fella?

Mike's coming out of nowhere, isn't he? He's got a friend. You know he's cutting this clip as advertisement for his podcast. Yeah, but we played a quick game where Mike asked me, what's the worst thing about it? He gives me topics, but every topic was something hard to hate on. One of the topics was grandmas. I was like, what's the worst thing about it? He gives me topics, but every topic was something hard to hate on. One of the topics was grandmas.

I was like, what's the worst thing about your grandma? I was like, well, fuck. What do you say? So one of them was, what's the worst thing about Jim Jefferies? So I had nothing bad to say about you. That's very sweet of you. So then I was like, yeah, I guess the worst thing is- I just wish we spent more time together.

I see you guys golfing all the time. I didn't know you played golf. I don't. You've shown no interest in golf. I've never heard you reference golf. You never show up to anything we invite you to. If you ever said, you came to my baby's baby shower, how close do you have to be?

You fucking sat around with Lisa Vanderpump, you're in the inner circle, mate. No, I didn't. Oh, you didn't meet the pump? No. I think that's where it stems from. So what do you guys want to go bowling together or something? I don't know. I got me frozen shoulder. I can't

bowl anymore. That's out of the thing. But if you pick up golf and you get to a reasonable... It's taken me and Forrest two years to get this bad. Yeah. So you're even behind that. I think we do a Topgolf next time we're in Vegas. Oh, yeah.

Let's do it. I wish they opened a Topgolf out here. But so that's what they said, that you don't think we're close enough. So I'm going to, for the rest of this podcast, I'm going to say something nice to you every now and again. I'm going to ask about your weekend. I'll do that. I'll come in and take some interest.

Okay, I'll start right now. Luis, do you have kids? Shit, you're proving his point now. I should ask things like that. I don't know. I've got a cat. You've got a cat? Well, there you go.

Yeah, you guys are cat guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I talk about him pretty often. I'm surprised you never knew him. What's the name of your cat? Fitty. Fitty Duckitty, full name. Is he named after 50 Cent?

That's what everybody says, but now Fitty Shades of Grey. He's grey. 50, no, it's because you fuck him all the time. He's always got somebody tied up with a fucking kink mask on him. Did I cross the feline? No. Although his mom's mad at you. Why?

Because I said that she sucked him off or something like that. She's really mad. She made me play that clip for her. And she's, it's funny. I played the clip pretty much. Jim said that my mom sucked my dick, which is why she has COVID.

And when he had the others, you're free of it now, right? Yeah. I'm negative. Okay. All right. Why are you wearing the mask?

Jack told me to. Okay. So, so, so Louise had the COVID and then he said, just to be nice? Jack told me to. Okay. So, so Luis, I want to see his face. Luis had the COVID and then he said it's probably

because he's, what was it? He was dressed as Halloween in utter outfits or something like that. I wouldn't know. And he said,

he said, I feel sorry for the girl who sucked my dick, right? And I said something along the lines of, I'm sure your mum

will get over it. She's fine. Or something. Maybe I was a bit more forceful there. Now along the lines of, I'm sure your mum will get over it, she's fine, or something. Maybe I was a bit more forceful there. Now, the thing is I've known your father for a very long time. I know I'm very close with him. He knows he has kids. Yeah, I know he has.

And so I've known your father for a long time. I don't think I've ever met your mother. So Louise's mother, if you're listening, if you're listening, I'm sorry about the joke about you giving fellatio to your son. And I don't want anyone who's listening right now, don't put that in their head. Don't picture it because it's mean to his mother. You would love her. Anna's awesome.

She's like, she's fun. And she would actually appreciate an apology. She gets drunk. She would appreciate an apology. I'm sorry, Anna. It was just a joke. You should be more disappointed in your utter sucking son no she's mad at me for not how am i the one who's in trouble you're the one that's on on podcast going probably going to that woman who sucked my dick

and then now i'm like oh that jim jeffries is a distasteful fella she was more mad at me for not defending her on the podcast. But it's funny. How do you defend her? She did not. Exactly, exactly. No, it wasn't my mom. It was a girl.

She lives in Canada. As I was on my way out for work today, I live with my mom still. Makes the dick fucking easy. Make sure you don't let her watch up to this point. She was like, where are you going? I'm going to record the podcast. She was like, Jim's? And I said, yeah.

She was like, I gave him one unfollow today. I hope he knows. He has one less follow and I hope he knows it's me. What platform? Instagram. Fucking who? Bloody unfollowed me. I knew nothing was right in the world today.

Tell her to get back on there. What about the podcast? She's still following the podcast, right? I don't know. She does love Kelly. She loves Jack. I think that's enough. I'm making these jokes.

I noticed my name wasn't in there. Jesus Christ. I'm making these jokes in front of my mother-in-law. She seems fine. Yeah, she's laughing her ass off. You can make a joke about her and me if you want. Give it a go. I'd rather not.

Respectful. Respectful. He loves having a job. Is your mom following me on Instagram? I doubt it. But she does follow your only fans? I doubt it. No. So I was the only person. But she does follow your OnlyFans. I don't have one.

Forrest's OnlyFan is not as good as you think. It's just him masturbating and going, eh. Who would think it was good, first of all? I'm subscribed. What I do is I subscribe and then I hit the unsubscribe after I come with regret. Just get out of that. Still charges you for the full month though.

For the full month. That's all I care about. So Jack, what segment have you got for us? Comment world. All right, comment world. Comment world. Comment world. No one really asked you. Comment world.

So sit back and listen to Jack Hackey, Forrest Gormas, Ray Jackham, Jim Jeffery, shit on your thoughts in comment world. How's that?

I don't know. I don't know, but I enjoyed staring at Jack while he was staring back at me for some reason. I was trying to get Forrest to laugh and he didn't break. Oh, I know, I know.

Getting a laugh out of Forrest is a magic. I'm finding the baby started smiling. He smiles at his grandmother all the time. I've had about four. You know, I'm really fucking. Tough crowd. I don't want to tell you. Out of everybody who lives in that house or visits,

I'm the funniest one. And this kid hasn't realized it yet. He's smiling at the wrong fucking people. I'm the funniest one. And this kid hasn't realised it yet. He's smiling at the wrong fucking people. I'm doing good stuff. I'm doing some A-list peekabooing and I'm getting nothing. He'll respect you one day. Oh, I want to, before we do comment, I want to give a shout-out to Mick Malloy. We shouted out to him in the last one.

We played the clip of The Bachelor and us all fucking laughing at our clip of ourselves, right? Okay. And the intro. He thought that was so funny that he played the clip of us laughing at ourselves. It's clip-ception. Yeah, so it's the same clip as being- Let's listen to that again.

Let's just keep going. Yeah, let's hear that. It's the Russian doll of clips. Now there's a chance that he will now play us talking about this now. No, but we've got to hear the clip of him listening to that clip, and then we've got to laugh at that clip. But you're moved, Mick Malloy. Let's see if we can get him to play it again.

It's a game of chess. Yeah, I think we can go. I think you can go one more time. Nick Vile came to the shows on the weekend he came along he's a nice lad he brought a very nice looking

young lady she was his girlfriend Natalie oh yeah you have to promote any shows by the way you have to promote it's all in the

look look I'm coming to your town wherever I'm coming it's snowing what better what else you got to do you're gonna go the week this comes out

you're in Omaha, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. Yeah, two shows in Minneapolis. Two shows. Extra show added because the first show sold out, so we extra show on the same night. And then after Minneapolis, is Justin coming? Yeah, Justin's on that.

Oh, we all know what we're doing later on that night. We'll be in the bar over the road watching a bloke in a shower whip a dollar bill up a wall with his dick. That's what we do in Minneapolis. That's the best gay bar in all the town, Minneapolis. That's the gay mecca. And then in December 2nd, you're in Buffalo, New York. Ah, yes.

That's when you want to be in Buffalo, in the lovely December weather. Ding, ding, ding. The chances of me not getting stuck in one of the groundhogging in one of these fucking towns is very slim. Very slim. Which town would it be? I think Buffalo would be snowed in, right? Would there be snow already in Milwaukee?

I mean, there could be, but December for a second. I probably won't be. There could be. Buffalo will be snowed in, right? Will there be snow already in Milwaukee? I mean, there could be, but December for a second. I might probably won't be. There could be. Buffalo will be. It'll be. Yeah, maybe. Then after you're in Philly, and then you're in Norfolk, Virginia. Philadelphia, big gig.

Not sold out, but it's about three quarters sold. It's a big room. Very excited for the Philly gig. I'm there. I'm in Buffalo, Philly, and Norfolk with you. I'm also going to go back to Philly January 20th. You better get those tickets now. You only have two months.

That's my dad's birthday. Two and a half months. But I'm at the Punchline in Philly. Oh, I can't go. It's Kelly's dad's birthday. Oh, okay. Sorry. We have plans.

Anybody, Jack, you want to go? Philly, January 20th? No, it's my dad's birthday. I'm there. Okay, cool. Ask your mom, Louise. She wants to go. Or she's got to follow me on Instagram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell your mom I'll throw her a couple of tickets if she wants them. In Philly or in Buffalo. Now she has to fly somewhere. It's a bit of an apology. I'll throw her a couple of Milwaukee tickets. Yeah, and 5,000 miles on Delta, right?

It's a destination comedy show. It's great. Yeah, I did like the ones in uh we went and did some gigs in my i don't think i was terribly good in cancun i tried my best but i was i was a bit out but then after you i i was very bad when i did the goddamn comedy gen because i was yelling in my show and i lost my voice and i couldn't sing and then but the thing is when you're on a resort like that everyone has seen the show you still have to see him the next day. You have to walk around.

They go, oh, the show was interesting. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you at the buffet. Oh, I appreciate you all coming to see me. Okay. What comments you got for me, Jack? First one was on our recent episode with Larry Lawton about prisons.

Everyone loved that Larry Lawton was on. They kept going, the collab, I never knew I wanted, but definitely fucking needed it. People are underneath going, agreed. This is amazing. Everyone liked it. People had some comments about Forrest. Didn't one person not like it? I don't know. I don't read those.

There was somebody who was like, who picks these topics? Why would we want to learn about prison if that's the place we don't want to go? And it's like, why would you? There's 4,000 prison shows on TV. People are interested. Prison. So there's some comments of Forrest.

Let me guess. I haven't read the comments. Okay. Let me guess. Forrest lost his shit a little bit in that episode because I was rambling on a little bit too much and he gave me a good speaking to. Good telling off. Well, I picked the nice ones.

Okay. Oh, somebody was upset about that? No, not me. Guess what? Don't give a fuck. Get your own podcast. That's my job. Someone said Forrest was the cheeriest he's ever been.

Don't make that man leave his house. What? I barely spoke in the podcast. I don't know. It's done. That does make you sound cheerier. He barely spoke in the podcast. That does make you sound cheerier. He barely spoke in the one time. He's like, shut up!

Cheerier than usual. That was the happiest I've ever heard him. No more stories! You should see him sleeping. It's like he's alighted. This is on the episode that Amos was in my spot for a bit, and someone commented, is it a bit that Amos is complaining about Forrest's

no shoe rule whilst he had a giant wad of gum stuck to his boot? Why do I want his dumb shoes in the house? Exactly. The saga of that odd couple. I yelled at him yesterday. You guys bicker and bicker. Fucking the messiest guy ever.

Not ever, but he just drinks coffee and he carries the coffee pot around the whole house with him everywhere and then gets coffee everywhere and it's been two months of that cleaning up and it just came to a boil no pun intended yesterday where i just yelled at him i'm like done i'm done cleaning coffee where he's like i'm moving out i'm like yeah no you're not you don't have any other options and then we both said we were sorry. It was funny. I was like, sorry for getting coffee on the counter. I'm like, that doesn't sound as bad.

I'll tell you how scared Amos is of Forrest. This is a fun story. Yeah. So we're doing the live podcast. So Forrest had told Amos, he's like, I'm off to do a live podcast. And Amos is good. And then Amos ducked down to the shops or something. And he came back. And then Amos ducked down to the shops or something and he came back

and then the dog wasn't home. And he thought the live podcast was like in a comedy club or something. It wasn't a live stream podcast. So he thought that he'd left the door open and the dog escaped. And so Amos just assumed he was fucking dead. And so he couldn't call Forrest because like, you know, maybe he could call Forrest and two people could help look for the dog, but he was more scared of his well-being.

While we were doing the live podcast, Amos was walking around fucking Silver Lake at Water Village. Yelling Arnie. Yelling Arnie. That's funny because he texted me eventually. He goes, do you have Arnie with you? And I go, yeah. And he goes, ah.

Or he called me twice or something and I go, oh, man. Yeah, no, he texted me that he was dead, but I hadn't had my phone on because I was doing the podcast. He was terrified, he was. Well, I mean, that's a big deal. Coffee on the counter is one of the, my dog's dead and missing. That'd be a little bit more upset about it. Yeah, but he didn't lose the dog.

He did nothing wrong. I know, but yeah. He's yeah he's just like oh god i'll be blamed for this yeah no we it's you know it's been fun having him as server though i would say overall for the most i had him live with me for months i love the young man's company yeah he um he does talk about comedy a lot though well well to me he always wants to go for a joke or something. Sometimes you just want to watch sports. Yeah, he does like to talk about comedy. He's still hungry for us. He's not like us that's like, our guest didn't shop. Let's phone in a podcaster.

He's got hopes and aspirations. I'm like, take your shoes off. Stop filling coffee. These are the important things in life. Don't touch anything on my desk. All coffee. These are the important things in life. Don't touch anything on my desk. All right. What was the next comment?

This is directed towards Jim. It said, teach Jack and all Americans how to pronounce Aussie. It's not an S sound. It's a Z sound like Aussie. Aussie, yeah? Like Aussie Osborne is the easiest way to do it. I'm trying to say Aussie, though. I guess I say Aussie.

No, Americans go, you Aussies are so great. I really don't. No, I've always said this. Whenever Americans try to speak in Australian, it sounds offensive to me. Like you're taking the piss. But it's like with other, like if you say hello, if you go to Hawaii, they're all like, aloha, aloha. And everyone repeats it.

No, it does that. Yeah. If I hear an American say g'day to me, it fucking sends chills down my spine. I don't know why you didn't go, g'day, mate. I'm like, yeah, not fucking a good day at all. But do your American accent right now. How long do you want me to do it for? Yeah.

That's offensive. This is my deep down sort of like i'm actually trying to speak to your type of voice but whenever i do it almost sounds like like a brad pitt impression well i he's good at the man yeah but like that's that's who i always visualize when you do that voice oh man it's great oh whenever australians do american accents they always go down an octave though no i can do it up high as well. But when I do it up high, it seems like a homosexual, which there's nothing wrong with that. But it just doesn't get me a lot of acting work.

I don't know. They go do it in American accent. I'm like, Hello, everyone. This is your principal. No, I always love it when I go for an audition. They go, Can you do it in America? I go, I can. Is that what I've done that? can you do it in American? I go, I can. I've done that. They go, do it in American.

I've gone in for auditions doing an American accent and then they've asked me because I'm meant to do it in two accents. Then after I finish the American one, they ask me to do the American one. That's an embarrassing moment in the audition where you're like, actually, that was my. And so I try to thicken up. That was my American one. Do you want the Australian one now?

So, yeah, I had an acting job yesterday. There was an Australian bloke who had a flawless American accent and he had to stay in the accent. And he was from like a rural part of australia and he was stuck in the voice i felt sorry for him maybe it'll stay in there forever but i i can't say the tv show i can say probably close today but i just got thrown in a van fucking all day it was it was a post yeah i had stunts and stuff and it was just a few lines and it was a mate of mine was directing and i was like yeah fuck it i it, I'll come and fucking do that, you know what I mean?

But I think I'm going to look funny in it because, you see, doing stunts, right, how I look at it, there's no need to act, you're being thrown. Right. You're going to look scared. You just let whatever happens while you're in the air being thrown happen to your face. It turns out that my face falls a bit funny. I look humorous being thrown things, but I was actually.

What did it look like? But that actually is your face. That's my face. Yeah, it's just a character choice. Everything about me is like, why can't there be in a drama one fellow that's like, oh, God, I'm falling down. That's just me. Next comment.

Someone said, I just want to spend a second to appreciate the fact that one of my favorite comedians manages to stay out of controversy throughout the years. I'm not criticizing his colleagues. It's just nice to be able to give the name of a comedian that's funny without being bland and to do so with no fear of hurting whoever's feelings. Thanks, Jim. I hurt lots of people's feelings.

I don't know what things you're reading, but a lot of people come to me with hurt feelings and want to voice their opinion on it. Our engineer's mom. Yeah. Fuck it. That cocksucker. No.

No. She doesn't listen to the whole podcast. She'll be in trouble. Be in trouble. Yeah. You know. I think it's funny. Yeah.

I think so too. And I can't. Forrest's mom's passed away. I can't do it to him. Yeah, I think so too. And I can't. Forrest's mum's passed away. I can't do it to him. Yeah, those days are over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to do it to Forrest all the time. And then I can't make joke about Jack Smiley

because she's a lovely metalhead woman. That's right. And I golf with his father. See, if me and your dad start golfing a bit, your family needs to take up golf. Yeah, that's what I've learned. That's what I've learned. Is there any great Mexican golfers?

I don't want to say. Yeah, Abraham Anser. He's probably top 15 or 20. He's pretty high up there. I like how you're looking at me. Australia always has a few and we've had Greg Norman was our big one. But yeah, you know what I mean?

I've never, I never like. Oh, Greg Norman. What about Greg Norman? I went to Cabo a couple of years ago with my mom and my best friend, Colleen, and my aunt Julie. And Greg Norman. And well, my aunt Julie's a klepto. She likes to steal something from wherever she is.

And so at our resort, there was a big cardboard cutout of Greg Norman. Julie's sitting at home right now. What? No, no. I take a, she'll admit to it. She's got a whole collection of beer mugs that she's stolen from restaurants. But she stole the big cardboard cutout and we had it up on our balcony because we were fucking wasted and security came the next day and, like, made us bring it back.

And then she stole it again the next night and I don't know how we didn't get kicked out of the next time. The security was like, we can't get the squirt off this thing. These women clearly like this cardboard cutout. Yeah. Answer is 14th. It's a N C E R Abraham answer. He,

or maybe you pronounce it differently, but the answer is 14th. What are we working? It was ranked 14th in the world right now. It's pretty good. I thought you were saying the answer to everything.. What are we working? It was ranked 14th in the world right now. It's pretty good. And then I thought you were saying the answer to everything. Yeah. There's a team.

There's a woman, Lorena Ochoa. She was, she's one of the, she was a top woman's golfer during her day. So there you go. Those are your two tops. I think a couple of bottoms.

There you go. Apparently there's been confusion about the lyrics to judging a book by its cover. Everyone seems to be confused until I guess I sang it when we didn't have the computer and, but it's yes, no, yes,

no. Some people think it's yes, though. Yes, though. Yes, though. It doesn't make sense.

I don't know. Can you repeat the question? That's the one. Yeah, that's a good one. I love Malcolm in the middle, man. I live like in the streets where Malcolm in the middle was filmed.

I am a big Malcolm in the Middle fan. I don't think I've ever seen it. Oh, it's a bloody good sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle. Bloody good sitcom. It's really good. You give good TV recommendations, so I always follow those. My son likes it as well. We all like Malcolm in the Middle.

My wife's a big Malcolm in the Middle fan. My mother-in-law, Becca, you like Malcolm in the Middle? Becca watches a lot of TV. I tried to watch it. I got my mother-in-law high for the first time yesterday. Second time. No, the one time it didn't take. It didn't take.

And the thing is, so Becca's come out here with all the vibrato in the world. Don't worry, Tasey, I'll take care of the baby and you can relax. I know you've had a hard time with this baby. She flies all the way out here and my wife's like this, when my mummy is here, everything's going to be better and she will help take care of the baby and I'll be able to do things like wash myself.

Anyway, so she does this whole thing, right, and then this one shows up and I go, you want to get stoned? She's like, I will, I ever. And then the two of us get stoned on the couch and then the baby's crying and we're like, we shouldn't be picking it up. We're not responsible people. So we got told off. We were the naughty kids.

So then now Taisy has three children to take care of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were the naughty kids. So then now Taisy has three children to take care of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were the naughty kids last night. We were told off. And, like, Becca was, like, going to cook us all dinner. And then she got too high. And then it was like she walked up and, will you get in trouble at work for this or anything?

Nah, you'll be fine. So then it was like she was cutting like garlic and stuff like that it was very clear Becca was going to lose a finger and so so Tasey had to

come in and take over and then we had to eat the food like little junkies like thank you so much for the meal poor Tasey

so the wife's not we're not in a good spot right now so that's why she's here alright So the wife's like, we're not in a good spot right now. So that's why she's here. That's all you've got to do. All right. Last comment for today.

I guess in the Larry Lawton episode, it was the first time Luis has ever shown his face. We've got a lot of comments going, oh, that's what Luis looks like. People think you're good looking. Hey, finally I'm being recognized. This one was funny. That's why I'm off camera.

Stay away. They went, anyone else totally surprised with Luis's appearance? hey finally i'm being recognized this one was funny that's why i'm off camera stay away uh they went anyone else totally surprised with luis's appearance i thought he was going to look like hurley from loss or a mexican forest i wasn't expecting an ethnic chad with a bovine fellatio story and now a mexican forest is that just mostly cactuses is this why you made him wear a mask today because a couple people said he was attractive yeah exactly take him down a notch and then luis's podcast responded to the comment oh god they responded to every fucking things are we gonna give you today they responded with check out our podcast check out uh check our podcast out then. Not only do you see ethnic Chad for a full hour every week,

but a lot of podcast is Felicia related at some point. So if you guys like that. Sorry, did I miss a beat there? Who's ethnic Chad? He's ethnic Chad. Who's Chad? Just like, I think Chad's supposed to be like a good looking guy, right? I think it's like an incel term.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, those are the guys who get women. The incels, they write to me. Yeah, they do. Unless you're fan base. Some of them are just like, how dare you? I can't get a woman and all this type of stuff. It's lower your standards.

There's a fucking lid for every pot. That's how far down you want to go to find that lid. I had a pot without a lid one time, though. It exists somewhere. Yeah, that's true. Mm-hmm. Just how far down you want to go to find that lid. I had a pot without a lid one time, though. It exists somewhere. Yeah, that's true. It might not have been your house. You just had to look harder.

Yeah. If you got on Google, you would have found it pretty easy. Yeah, good point. Could have fucked that pot. We're back. Those are some good ads. So what we had there was if this podcast rates better than the other podcast, then the other podcast is dead. We all know this is the new

formula. But we'll see how we go. So we have to pick we're making this up on the fly, right? So everybody think of a specialty topic that you can be an expert on that other people can quiz you on and then you will be

you get what I'm saying? You'll be the allow someone to be the gym of the episode so they won't be allowed anything and then the other person can correct them. I thought whoever wasn't the specialist, the other three people had the answer.

Yeah, they have to answer the thing and then yeah, they're all the gym. Glad we worked this out ahead of time. This is a shit show. I was thinking, because I know a lot about Beatles, I was thinking about the Beatles, but then I think we might actually have a Beatle episode, so I don't want to blow me Beatles. We might have an episode for anything we say.

Make it more specific, then. Okay, so, Jack, what do you think you got? I can do movie lighting. That seems specific. Movie lighting. Yeah. Okay.

This will be a topic we'll probably never cover. That's fucking all right. This will be quick walk. All right. Ask me everything about movie lighting. Okay. What is tungsten? That's how you start it?

You're supposed to say, what is movie lighting? Okay. What is movie lighting? Yeah. What is tungsten? That's how you start it? You're supposed to say, what is movie lighting? Okay, what is movie lighting? Yeah, what is movie lighting? Movie lighting is the lighting you use on the movies to make them lit. And then when you do that, I was once in an appalling movie, as in all the movies I have done. But I was once in a very bad movie where I had to walk up to the lighting guy

and go, dude, what are you fucking? Like they'd run out of daylight so they just gave it a go. We're lighting and they go, and I go, okay, fine. We shouldn't do this. We should have real natural light. And I go, but you can't have this many lights. And I go, because there's seven different fucking shadows. How many suns have we got?

Yeah. So that was my argument. So you have to light everything up so it faces in one direction so the shadow passes in the one way like it would in real life. Otherwise, if you surround too many shadows, you'll get like a person that goes around from their feet. Like the multicam look. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Terrible. This is where you cut them off and tell them to stop answering that. That because that's good but i'm like the question asker and the movie movie lighting was the guy that christian bale just went blah blah blah that's true what are you doing i'm trying to fucking focus here he was yelling at the director of photography because he was adjusting a light in the middle of a take for no good reason. I'm with him. I'm fucking with him. The amount of times when you're doing something, you're like, I'm just writing this.

Can you fuck off? Yeah, I'm more for it. You're the forest. You're supposed to cut them off. Yeah. No, no. I don't have the questions. You have the questions.

All right. Stop. All right. That's not how you do it. I answered that perfectly. That's forest run. Let's see how he goes. Forest, do you know the difference between an electrician and a grip?

Yeah. Okay. The electrician's responsible for anything electrical, and the grip's responsible for anything you grip. That's good. That would give Jim a point, right? Forrest gets a point. And the grip is responsible for the person that Alec Baldwin killed.

Way to bring things down. I'm being far as he's being me. The quick explanation is... No one asked about Alec Baldwin. Move on. The quick explanation is the electrician or the set lighting tech, those are the people who will set up a physical light. So like this lamp would have been electrician. The lamps up here would have been electrician.

A grip does everything that modifies the light. So if you see like the big rags and stuff that reflect stuff or big negative fill, which is a big black. Why are they called a grip? I don't know. What's a key grip? Key grip is the head of the whole entire grip department.

Really? I always looked at that and was like, okay, what about best boy best boy second in command there are a lot about logistics and making sure there's coordination between the first unit team which is on set lighting and the rigging team which comes in and sets everything up before and the worst boy right so the worst boy is fired yeah and the best boy sounds like a shit job right best boy is okay it's a lot of logistics you usually just like

sitting on the truck all day planning out planning out locations where we'll put the truck. And has the feminist movement tried to change the name Best Boy? There is a best girl in Atlanta. I believe her name is Cricket. She might be Best Girl Electric. She was the best girl in Atlanta. She would have moved. What about Best Buy?

Best Buy. That's a good store. All right, Kelly, you get another movie lighting question. Jack pick movie lighting. Look, I know we'll never do an episode on it. I'm glad it's short, this segment. Okay, ask Kelly one. Okay.

I don't know. Okay. All right. Tungsten. Ask her about Tungsten. What's Tungsten? Do you know what Tungsten is? I think it's a Ford car.

Nah. Is it a crystal that you manifest studio lighting with? No, it's when you need to check the lights on or not. You lick it. Yeah, you lick it. Oh. Oh, I've done that. I do that with the nine-volt batteries.

So I guess I'll say there's, should I even ask the question or should I just spout information? What should I do? We're doing great. We're doing great. This is going to be one of our best videos ever. So there we are. Jack brought to the table movie lighting.

Look, I got it all in there. Wait, what's tungsten? Tungsten is- It's when you lick things. Okay. It's the metal and like incandescent bulbs that are kind of orange, that kind of orange hue. It's tungsten in there.

What is tungsten? Tungsten's a metal. Small town in Arizona. That was close. So when when the metal heats up it turns this orange color so there's on there's a color spectrum so tungsten you might see like degrees kelvin is how they determine it so tungsten's like 3600 degrees kelvin and then these lamps these are led lights boring is tungsten on the periodic table? It is. What number is it? I do not know.

Did we ever find out what was a prison fucking boiling water machine? Because if you listen to the podcast. Oh, a spark or something? If you listen to the machine, he goes, I can boil water really quickly with a blah, blah, blah. And we all went, ooh. And then when the podcast ended, we went. I think I looked it up afterwards. What was he boiling water with?

The only thing you noted that we didn't redress And then when the podcast ended, we went, I think I looked it up afterwards. What was he boiling water with? The only thing you noted that we didn't redress was that Woody Harrelson's dad killed a judge. Yeah, Woody Harrelson's dad's shooting judges and shit? That was the prison one, right? Yeah. Yeah, and then you said that you thought we all knew, but I didn't know either. Then he goes, I was in prison with Woody Harrelson's dad.

He tried to escape. Woody Harrelson's dad shot a judge. And then I thought, this must be American folklore that I haven't picked up on or something like that. And so I didn't want to speak up because I thought you were all nodding along. I didn't know none of you fucking knew either. Oh, I looked it up, but then I couldn't get in on that part. Every time I spoke, it was like a two second delay.

I couldn't jump in either. That was a hard one to jump in on. I couldn't jump in either. That's why hard one to jump in on. I couldn't jump in either. That's why I just yelled and said, no more stories. Forrest was texting me the whole time going, next question, next question. I was like, I can't. Every time I went to talk. Don't give away our trade secrets, Kelly. Texts that say,

hurry it up. Forrest really does have such a hard job. I got in loads. What's your expertise here? We're going straight to me. You need more time? I'll give you a few

options. My childhood. I know shit loads about it. The North Sydney Bears from 1988 to 1994. No. You don't want to hear. Too specific.

No. All right. You don't want to hear about the thing. The current Dodgers. That's not a bad one. What else am I an expert in? Let's do childhood because we might be able to answer. Early childhood.

Early childhood. All right. Okay. What was a guy I was about to go, what was my first pet called? And then everyone would know me password. Oh, well, then I guess I know what it is. Now, what's the name of my four members of my family? Jack.

You mean your four media family? My parents and my brothers. What's all their names? I know those. Carolyn Nugent yeah gary nugent's your dad yeah and then danny and scott are your brothers correct you did well that was an easy one though how many how many uh more from each other what what what school did i go to st. ives high st. ives high there you go god i go I'm winning at this I'm doing the best alright how old was I when I first kissed a girl I guess we can all guess

right I'm going to say I've known them all so far do you know this one I think so I'm going to say 11 no I was late man it was like 13 I was fingering at 14 that's what I was thinking I was thinking of the fingering I really ramped it up I went from kissing to fingering at 14. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking of the fingering.

I really ramped it up. I went from kissing to fingering straight away. I thought all we made to kiss. I couldn't kiss anybody. No one wanted to fucking kiss me. That's really sad. Do you want to talk about that? I came to America. I came to America and exchanged it. Then I kissed everyone.

Poor. San Diego. If anyone remembers from El Cajon High, right, at Granite Hills High, there was a young Australian in San Diego. It would have been. Went by the name of Jeffrey. Yeah, it would have been 1990. There was a boy called Jeffrey Nugent who was the Australian exchange. That was me.

I might have made out with you. I assume all of you are frumpy American women by now, but back then you were something else. I think this podcast is going great. Do you have any more questions? We should just title this. Don't listen to this. Why?

I think this is good stuff. This is what a Patreon episode, I guess. No, I think this is good stuff. Okay. This is what a Patreon episode, I guess, would be like, right? No, I think this is a very funny, very funny episode. All right, Kelly, you have to do a specialty. That's it? That's it for your specialty? My childhood went by pretty quick. I was born a young person, and then what happened was I got a bit older.

I went to school. I suffered from dyslexia. That was a hard thing. This isn't like a soliloquy. You're supposed to ask questions. You're supposed to ask us questions. At my peak, I was on eight Ritalins a day. You don't see that every day.

Eight? Eight Ritalins a day. Oh, my God. It feels like too many. It was too many. It was too many. My mother had me drugged from fucking morning to night. All you should do is ask us how many Ritalins a day.

How many Ritalins a day. Okay, but what was the first drug they put me on before they decided on Ritalin? Heroin. Dexedrine. So, yeah, I was on that shit fucking forever. And then I stopped doing it, but my hands still shake, and I blame that. Or it could be the copious amounts of alcohol and cocaine that I had in me adult life. Nah, it's more likely the Ritalin.

Nah, the Ritalin was bad, man. My mother used to wake me up with a Ritalin and a glass of orange juice was how I woke up. That's how every morning she used to shake me like this. You go, she'd shove one on your tongue and drink the orange. It was very acidic. And to this day, I don't quite like breakfast. It's because I was fucking on methamphetamines.

That's basically Red Bull. The first thing I did was a methamphetamine. Were you super focused? Allegedly. But I don't remember being that bad a kid. I think me mum had a bit of like Munchausen's where she wanted to keep you sick all the time, you know. So we were all. You were like Brian Wilson.

I was a bit like Brian Wilson but without the hits. All right, Kelly, your topic. Volleyball. Volleyball. This is what happened. I was talking to Becca on the way in And I said to her I said I said

Oh I'm sorry Becca We don't have it We don't have it The person's been in an accident And she goes That's terrible I go I know

We don't have a podcast And she goes Didn't Kelly play some sport At an elite level And I was like We're getting hammered at college I was a, we're getting hammered at college. I was a two-sport athlete.

Yeah, and I said she played volleyball. I don't know if she knows the history of volleyball, but prove me wrong, Kelly. Were you elite? I don't know the history. Were you elite level? Yeah, I played Division I volleyball. What does that mean?

I don't understand college sports in America. Division one is the top level in college sports. So you were living in Chicago, correct? No. Where'd you play volleyball? I played volleyball at Cal State Northridge. What position did you play? I was an outside hitter. Where's Northridge?

It's like 20 minutes east. Oh, I could play volleyball there. Is that where you went to school? We were top 30 in the nation my freshman year. It was a state of California university. And you played it? No, I just went to school? We were top 30 in the nation my freshman year. It was a state of California university. And you played it? No, I just went to the same school. Oh, you just went to the same school.

Did you two ever pass things? Did you ever see him with his mill cutters on? No, he's much younger than me. You wouldn't know it to look at him. And you guys won a championship? No, we were top 30 my freshman year, and I was on the Big West All-Freshman team. I was the only freshman starter my freshman year, but I ended up getting injured. I don't think you'd be offended by this, but you're a tall person.

Is it all about tall chicks? No. I mean, you can't teach height, so obviously being tall is an advantage, but there are plenty of girls that are much shorter. Like Misty May, trainer, is one of the best players in history. And also clearly a porn star. Her name's Misty May. Yeah.

Misty May, trainer. She was married to a major league baseball player. Misty May is either a TV evangelist or a porn star. That's true. Say they're brain busters for me. Quiz us on the positions because I don't know what they're called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you got the one where you punch it with your fist.

The one where you do it with your fingers feels a little bit like. Punch it with your fist? You do that one. You do the spiky spike. That's a bump. And then you do the one where you bash it with your fingers feels a little bit like. Punch it with your fist. You do that one. You do the spiky spike. That's a bump. And then you do the one where you bash it with your fist. And then you do the one where you go hands like that one. The hands like that one.

Yeah, that's a set. That feels like you're almost holding it. That's right on the cusp. Did you make it to the Olympics? And how did that go? I did not make it to the Olympics. I got injured in college. I have compartment syndrome

which is where the muscle gets too big for the outer sheath and so it's kind of like having shin splints but much more painful um and so the only option was either getting surgery in both of my legs or not playing anymore did your team ever just fuck the whole basketball team because you were all tall they were all tall no we were we were mostly paired up with a baseball team my years there really why i don't know every every sport had like their own their own pairing and it was usually baseball and volleyball does the school decide that or do you yeah it's mandated it's the same season what same season no different seasons so what questions do you have for us so did you ever shag a famous baseball player no not a famous anyone famous that you've shagged that'd be good

radio um suge knights bounced me on his lap that's a good one good yeah at the saddle ranch at saddle ranch yeah i was i was 19 years old i was really drunk at saddle ranch and we were sitting on the outside patio and this guy comes outside and there's people going up to him and asking for pictures. And I was like, who is that? And my friend's like, go ask him what happened to Tupac. And I, like, I wasn't into pop culture or anything like that at the time. So it was like, I didn't recognize him. You thought nothing of that? I said, I said, I'm not going to, I'm not going to do that. So I walk up to him and I go, who are you? And he goes, who are you?

And I was like, well, nobody's asking to take pictures with me. So nobody important. And he, he goes, do the carpets match the drapes? And I go, I have linoleum floors. Like I was fucking wasted and he's, and he'd laughed and he went and sat at the table with his friends. And then he like beckoned me over later and just grabbed me by the, the belt loops in my jeans and put me on his lap and was like bouncing me. He was like, all right, we're going to head back to the crib, blah, blah, blah. And I was like,

I can't go. My friends are here. And then they left in a big black Escalade with billowing clouds of weed smoke coming out. And I survived. All right. And you didn't go back. That's a message for you young kids who want to come out here to Hollywood and you think it's all glamour. It's not a lot of dark things go on at the saddle ranch. What are you a specialist in? You've already done manatees. She hasn't asked any questions yet, Jim. You just keep asking her questions.

You don't even know how the fucking show works. So her specialty topic is quick to temper. I don't know. I think that would be yours. All right, Jim, how many players are on the court on each side? No one on each side. No. Six.

I was going to say five. I don't know. There's six? Yeah, six. Forrest, what is Libero? Libero? Yeah, Libero. It's a Michelin star rated restaurant

in West Hollywood The libero is a back row specialist Oh wait is that shitty comment about that Louise house? It's a It's a car mine out of Barrowwood It was Cooper So it's a

back row specialist. So they wear a different color Jersey and they can go, they can sub in for two separate people. They're the only people in the game. Whoa. Yeah. Did not know that. What's the best nation at volleyball?

Um, the United States is actually very good. Our Olympic team is very good. Um, men and women's, um, yeah. Why'd you get so excited, Ernie? He's very, um, very licky, but I don't, I don't, I don't know why he's trying to lick me. Yeah. Why'd you get so excited, Ernie?

He's very, very licky. But I don't know. I don't watch it too much anymore just when I catch it every once in a while. Jack, what are spandex? Pants. It's a material. I just wanted him to think about girls in spandex.

I need to go home. All right, Forrest, what's your specialty let's see um eggs benedict he makes hollandaise sauce very quickly uh what yeah i've made a lot of eggs you tell me all the time every time you're like i made a lot i've made a lot of hollandaise sauce you just sounded like trump right there you tell me all the time i don't just all the time i know i know i know about this every time Every time I, because I like eggs. You guys like eggs? I like eggs.

I do, yeah. I reckon I know. Okay, first of all, you want to know how to make it? I'll tell you how to make it. What is in hollandaise sauce, the ingredients? Butter's your main jam. What are all the ingredients in hollandaise sauce? Lemon.

Butter, lemon, and you've got to steep it. That's important. You can't pour all the stuff in right away. What are all the ingredients in holiday sauce? I don't know. My wife makes the foundation, but she can't steep properly. I'll ask it again. What are all the ingredients in holiday sauce?

Is there mustard in it? I don't care about steeping. Tell me the fucking ingredients. Geez, our other experts have been much friendlier. Oh, really? Because when I was an expert, you talked about a man putting his dick in my mouth when I was an expert. What are the ingredients

in hollandaise sauce? I don't know. Butter. Butter? Yeah, that's it. I think there's some Grey Poupon mustard in there. There's mustard in there. Okay. Kelly? Lemon. Anything else? Chives. Yeah, there's like a green thing, so it'd be chives. Yeah. There's a green thing in holl yeah. Green thing and hollandaise sauce?

You can, you can. You couldn't put it in the sauce? That would be a garnish. You wouldn't put that in the sauce. Not when you're not in Australia. You might not. Australia's different. It's pronounced differently, too.

It's good. First of all, the main ingredient is egg yolk. Start with that. You have to separate the whites from the yolks. There is butter. Mary hasn't done that in a while. There is butter. There is a little bit of lemon juice.

There's also, most often time, like a splash of cognac. And then there is some steeping, if you want to call it. But it is basically you're adding the yolks with the butter and you're stirring them at a temperature where they don't break and they thicken you add the lemon juice and the and the cognac you can put some sort of green garnish on top of that's it and here's a question just for like the steeping process yeah why if you just put it all in one thing and blended it is it not the same then if you add a little bit at a time as you're constantly stirring it'll be thicker if you blend it then then you want it you want to be a little bit more a time as you're constantly stirring. It'll be thicker if you blend it, then you want it to be a little bit more runny,

but also you could do that, but also the flavor will be. Now, if you want to save it, if it is separated, you can put it into a food processor blender, add a little bit of cream, but it'll be a little bit too thick. I just learned this one the other day. Here's another question.

Anthony Bourdain famously said, does Amos tell me this, but it doesn't make sense when he told me and I know the answer is he said don't ever order that at a restaurant you know why? Don't ever order Eggs Benedict? Eggs Benedict yeah That's a bummer that's my favorite No. But his reasoning I agree with

100% yeah. Why? Because the hollandaise sauce is made the first thing that's another reason that's a different reason but yeah it's made the first thing when you come in like hours before the restaurant opens and then it just sits basically there in like uh because you can't make it to order you don't have enough time to do that so it's just gonna sit in a vat with like two gallons of hollandaise sauce and then you're eating it so it's disgusting yeah i'm all right with that yeah i'm gonna order it

yeah there you go i've had a good time with it so far. Yeah, yeah. Baking at home is a pain in the neck. That's the only place to get it. Yeah, it's good. All right, I'm done with Hollandaise sauce. I feel like whoever invented Hollandaise sauce, it was an accident. They were trying for something else.

It's one of those ones that's like, fuck, I separated this thing. I put a bit of mustard in there. It was an accidental sauce. trying for something else one of those ones it's like fuck I separated this thing I put a bit of mustard in there it was an accidental sauce there's no mustard

in it there's no mustard in it there was a bit of mustard when my wife cooked it she put a little bit of mustard in there

that was an accident I wouldn't put that in there you can do whatever you want to it's a sauce so it's an English muffin then ham

then the poached egg and then the sauce it's just a muffin they have to so it's an english muffin then ham then the poached egg and then the sauce it's just a muffin they have to call it an english muffin well just a muffin you might have to because not in england you don't i get my are they just called muffins it's called muffins really yeah what would you call like a blueberry muffin here ah yeah that's a different thing there that's just a fucking that's just a fruit cupcake like the fact that blueberry muffins, you've heard my theory on breakfast.

I get very angry about the whole idea that we have to eat certain foods in the morning and we can't eat certain foods later. And that's just, a muffin is just a way of selling you a cupcake at breakfast. It works. Yeah. If you eat a slice of cake, you're a psychopath. You eat a donut, you're just a fun fucking person in the morning.

Right? If you eat a hamburger, you know, good. But if you eat a pork sausage fucking thing, get fucked. You can eat what you want. Well, a donut's portable. That's why it became the breakfast thing because you can just get it on the go. Yeah, but all pastries seem to- A cake isn't portable.

Cupcakes are very portable. Oh, you said cupcake okay twinkie twinkie you couldn't end up twinkie at breakfast that would be a psychopath's move now people do that no not good people not anyone that i want to hang out with fucking that's your that's your qualifications you can't have a fucking twinkie before midday. That's a real spiral. You really haven't lived your best life. I've only ever had one Twinkie. Next time you tell me to come over, I'm going to eat a Twinkie. Before I come over.

That'll show me. But then you'll be hanging out with me. You'll be hanging out with me. Gotcha. Why don't you do it every time? A few years I'll be at your funeral like, he stuck to a joke that man. It's just in the morning. Always committed to the bit.

Aren't you heated up about Pop-Tarts in the morning too? Ah, buddy. We did. We did a pilot. Like not the part that anyone would see. And there was a fellow there that on the show that every morning he has two cinnamon crunch fucking Pop-Tarts. Brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts.

Two every day in his car. That's how many he's in a pack, so that makes sense. He doesn't fucking put them in the pop pit. He doesn't put them in the toaster. He eats them raw. That's the way to do it. He just eats them raw like a fucking animal. Yeah, but the cinnamon ones are actually pretty good raw.

I've never had a full pop. I've tasted a corner of a fucking apple. Yeah, but the cinnamon ones are actually pretty good raw. I've never had a full. I've tasted a corner of a strawberry one. They're not cooked when you put them on a toaster. They're heated. Yeah, but they warm up and they get a bit of crispiness, do they? I've never had one. They do get a little bit crispier, yeah. And the insides are a little bit more melty. I think you would like them.

They're good, man. I don't need a thing like that in my life. Yeah, just avoid it. You know, it's like people always go, oh, why haven't you tried it? It's like I never got into wine and I know it's the same as like cigarettes or beer or whatever or any drug or whatever. If I really push through the barrier, if I broke through, then I could enjoy wine.

But I didn't enjoy wine the first two times I tried it. So I just never fucking had it again. And so I'm trying to keep things in that column. I don't need more things. Pop-tarts can't infiltrate my life. There's a cake store, Susie Cakes, down the end of my house, and they sell a celebration cake that has confetti through it, and I fucking love that cake.

One time I bought that cake when we didn't have a celebration. It's Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, I just bought it home. Like I got one of those when we didn't have a celebration it's tuesday yeah yeah i just bought it home like i got one of those cakes it's fucking a celebrate they call it a celebration cake it wasn't even like friday or anything i just you know i can't be responsible with pop tarts i ate a twinkie on the way here did you yeah really no that's his code word for young male gay. We are in West Hollywood. That's true.

Yeah, what's wrong with that? Nothing wrong. No, perfectly good. Yeah, yeah. You do what you want in the privacy of your own alleyway. What? No. It's in the car.

It's in the car. In an alleyway. Yeah, yeah, you don't do that in your car in a major intersection. Well, I mean, depends who it was. Somebody famous, I don't want people to see it. Someone famous? Yeah. Who's your man crush?

Who would you most go for? I think Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert Gottfried? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the voice, right? It's the voice? Can you imagine Gilbert Gottfried and Forrest having sex? The noises? I can imagine. Is that your me or Gilbert? No one knows which one. I'm going to put my penis in you.

Open up for me right now. He's the bottom. It's one of those things. Impersonations are weird. You don't know you can do them until you give them a go. I've got Gilbert Gottfried. That's a good one. That sounded good, wasn't it?

I've never tried to give this a go. That's very impressive. It sounds like your Rodney impression. No, Rodney. Nick Daly's like, oh, hey, Jim. No. Hey, Jim. I'm going to go do it.

Nick speaks a lot lower like this. Nick came to the show the other day. It was good to fucking see you, Nick, man. He left me a nice voice message afterwards. He's like, your show was so funny. He's always very complimentary. He's sweet. If you don't know Nick, Nick played Rodney in Legit.

Me and Nick still hang out a bit every now and again. He was so cute. I walked into the green room and he like, like walked with a purpose toward me, stood there and he goes, I'm Nick Daly. And I go, hi, Nick. It's so nice to meet you. I'm Kelly. And I was like, are you having fun? He's like, and then just turned around and walked away. Yeah. He, he, he once, one time I was with Nick and I was taking him over to Dan Backer. We played Steve on the show. I was taking him over to see Dan.

Dan had a new pinball machine, so we were going over to play the new pinball machine. And I'm talking to Nick and I hadn't seen him in maybe six months or something, and I said to Nick, I said, Hey, Nick, how's your mum doing? My mum's doing good. And I said, How's your dad? hey, Nick, how's your mum doing? My mum's doing good. And I said, how's your dad? Ah, dad's good.

How's your sister? My sister's good like this. And I go, are you acting much? No, I'm not acting much. And then he just turns to me and goes, okay, I'm going to go to sleep now. Any problem? I very clearly bored the shit out of him. But no, so my Nick Daly's down here. I very clearly bought the shit out of it. But,

no, so my Nick Daly's down here and my, my Gilbert Godfrey's up here. You gotta yell with Gilbert Godfrey.

Can you do a whisper at Gilbert Godfrey? My Gilbert. No, I can't do a whisper. But I can only do Seinfeld if he's exasperated.

Yeah. I can only do, what are we doing? Oh my god. He can't do it just at a dinner party. We'll do impersonations. Oh god, I can't do impersonations.

Oh, I can do a few. You're good at them. I can't do them. What do you got, Jack? Apparently when I get upset, I start sounding like Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, you do. What do you mean? Now, George, what do you think you're doing what are you doing yeah that's a good one yeah that's good what you gotta do with this iphone is you gotta remember to go down and then go down gotta be up then down she's a close talker yeah yeah um i don't know all right I don't have many good ones

do some of the things do Marvin the Martian hmm Earthling yeah see once you have a go I am here to blow up the planet Earth yeah he can do it then anyway we better get back to specialty topics

because Forrest and Kelly are playing along. I cannot even come close to doing an impression of anybody. And I'm really high. Throw out a name. I'll try. All right. Okay.

No, but you've got to really try, though. I'm going to try my best. You can't just go, I'm Forrest. I'll try my best. It'll be terrible. Okay. Do Joe Pesci. From which movie?

Just say like, you motherfucker. So you think I'm a fucking clown? Do a bit of that stuff for us. Yeah, hey, what am I, a clown to you?

You think this is, there's a guy in Independence Day. You think this is funny? There's a guy in Independence Day. I think that sounds like dance. I can't do it. You remember this character? Bobby Fierstein? It might be him. Can you do sounds like dance. I can't do it. Remember this character? Bobby Fierstein?

It might be him. Can you do it now? No, I mean, is that what I sound like? Yeah. You're kind of close vocally, I guess. You sound like someone's put a PVC pipe down your throat, fed some barb-eye, then pulled the pipe out and watched your larynx close in on it,

then they pulled the... That is what it sounds like. Give me someone else. I'll try someone else. Can you do the De Niro face? Just for that i even see because that's not even a voice i don't know if i can do it here let me try nope i get i don't think i'm doing it right i've got nibble greg you you can you milk me you think that's a good face you think you have a better face wait wait wait you think that you i'm so high and i feel like i'm in hell um all right give me one another give me another speaking one can you do the hormone monster from uh big mouth no i don't watch big mouthouth. See Christopher Walken, it's a classic one. Oh yeah, Christopher Walken.

Talk about shoving a gold- You're looking at me all wrong. I can't quite do it, but you know why, Forrest, you're having problems with doing the Christopher Walken is because your voice is so gravelly. Yeah, that's good. Right? You got to do it a little bit. The thing. I can't do impressions of people you know.

I can do impressions of people that don't exist. Oh, well, that's. Oh, do that. Yeah. Yeah. This is a guy that I made up in my head. You ready? Yeah.

Hi, everybody. That's Elmo. Hi, again. He can do Elmo. My name's Frederico. Frederico. Yeah, that's Frederico What's your Bucky Wham-O character? Sparky Wham-O?

Sparky Wham-O Sparky Wham-O was just a character I did that He only sells merch, that's his whole action He just had a normal voice Michael Caine I actually did it in the voice Michael Caine Hello

Batman did it in the voice anyway all right michael kane hello i tell you what that was one of the finest impersonations i'm pretty good. Go on, Ramsey. I'll give you another one that doesn't exist. All right, this is old Tim Barker here. Come on down, my old used car, Tim Barker's used car. Thank you.

That's Tim Barker. I like Tim Barker. His back story is stroke. No, that's just what I talk. I've been constipated for about 25 years. Not a stroke. Thanks a lot. You saw Luis's car probably, right?

No. How is your car going, Luis? Every time I see it, it looks like I don't know whether you've driven here or it's been abandoned from the last time. It still smokes a little bit, but I've kind of just grown to live with it. Every time I go through a drive-thru or like a Starbucks,

people like turn the fan on outside. You still go to drive-thrus with that. It's my only car. Do women like it when you go on dates? Is that a thing that helps? I haven't gone on a date in a while. I get compliments every time I drive it. Let's hear your impression.

From women? No. I got a character for you. Hold on. Bane. Oh, you're bored in the darkness. Oh, wait. That's not.

I fucked up the quote. You had a mask on and everything. I was just going to need to. Yeah, that's not bad, though. Bane is pretty good. Oh, Wanda Sykes. You mean to tell me? That's pretty good.

Why did you know you do Wanda Sykes? I think he's done it before. We used to do it at the office. I was very confident in it back in the day. Okay, do the whole quote. You mean to tell me that a shrimp fried this rice? That's pretty good. I've always wondered this about Mexican culture, right?

Do you find, because when you go, I was just in Mexico, and like you guys really lean into your stereotypes in a way that, I mean, like there's a lot of in the gift store sombreros and there's a lot of those Mexican, the wrestling masks. You're selling them out the fucking wazoo. Yeah, yeah, you're right into that. The little skulls with the paintings on them, the Day of the Dead, they get a lot of press.

When you were a kid and you saw Speedy Gonzalez, were you like, get the fuck out of here? Or did you like him? No, that's the thing. I loved him. I thought he was super funny. And I guess people always say, oh, we need a superhero to look up to. That's what we had.

What about his cousin Slowpoke? That was fucking amazing. Cousin Slowpoke? He's Kevin Slowpoke. He had a cousin named Slowpoke, Speedy Gonzalez. And he was like, you forgot the hot sauce. little bit taller with like a little like a simpleton he was very slow and speedy would have to like do everything he was like i would get like exasperated he was like god damn it yeah i mean because like i heard they were trying to cancel

speedy gonzalez these like this year right or last year they're saying it's a little bit insensitive i'm like no like we don't fucking care right Why is it insensitive? They got rid of Pepe Le Pew. That's because he's a rapist. Yeah, because he's a bit rapey, the Pepe Le Pew. He's French. So let's put this into context. He's French. But Stevie Gonzalez is just a fast mouse.

I don't understand. They got rid of it. And then my son and his mates were talking like this, like this, you can't get it anymore. They've taken it away. And one of his mates was going on, he goes, but I have a DVD of Pepe Le Pew from before he was cancelled. It's like they have a bootleg culture thing in their thing.

They're going, if you want to see Pepe Le Pew, you come over to my house. Used to be Playboy magazine. Now it just dvds of pepe lepew yeah cartoons smoking cigarettes that bloody cat had some paint down its back it was asking for it it looked like it looked like a skunk what was he meant to do he was french He had animal fucking instincts. What are you guys doing? Not watching Pepe Le Pew. That's for sure. SpongeBob. This is what they did.

They reduced the breast size on the Bugs Bunny rabbit. Buller Bunny. Yeah. She's still a good sort. Still a good sort as rabbits go. But she used to have a nice set of cans on her, she did, in the original Space Jam. And then on this Space Jam, she comes in and they've made them smaller.

But it's a different rabbit. No, it's the same rabbit. Same rabbit. Same rabbit. Still Lola. Same rabbit. Maybe she had reductions or maybe it was too much. Yeah, do you know how hard it is to play sports with big boobs?

Yeah, I agree with that. Sucks. Okay, this is my point, right? So they reduced her because she was deemed as sexy, yet the granny who takes care of twitty bird her breasts were dragging on the fucking floor i think they made her bigger that says to me that we can't sexualize older people and only young people are good looking and i think it's actually insulting to the elderly well you should see what they did the bugs on his dick

oh yeah really they got him circumcised? Yeah, take it right off. I thought he, you know. Look at it. Google it. Bugs Bunny's dick. Just Google Bugs Bunny's dick. I'm going to go with that. I thought he was found.

He was like a wisecracking Jewish guy, right? That's what he sort of his voice, right? Or is he a New Yorker? Probably New Yorker. I don't know. He was voiced by Mel Blanc. I feel like he would have been circumcised, Bugs Bunny. What's up, Doc?

Yeah, I had another impression. Coming out of the woodwork. All right, how long have we been talking for? Feels like we've got some solid stuff in here. Wait, there's a thing for Bugs Bunny's dick? Yeah. We've been going for 10 minutes. I think we've been going for over an hour.

We're good. Well, I hope you all learned something. Wait, we're not going to have your mother you all learned something wait are you like we're not gonna have uh your mother-in-law i do you want to go no no she's i think she's shy it's like a producer in the corner just like sitting on a chair by i don't think this is this is becca's forte i don't know but she listens to the podcast i felt like you wanted to say something with the hollandaise sauce though i think hollandaise has tarragon in it yeah i never put that in there but you can see the same voice as my wife's this uh you know when you're told

off in my house it's time for everyone to leave now okay yeah i'm looking it up it's it's already a tarragon vener holidays yeah tarragon would be good with it, yeah. Bit of mustard. Bit of mustard. How does Gordon Ramsay make Hollandaise sauce? Oh, yeah. Let's see what his ingredients are. Same way that Forrest does. By swearing at everyone.

It's a video. That's a video for it. I don't swear. Wait, like there's literally a YouTube video. I don't swear. Bugs Bunny's penis. This 1942 Mary Melody's cartoon, Wabbit Who Came to Dinner, Wait, like there's literally a YouTube video. Bugs Bunny's penis. This 1942 Mary Melody's cartoon,

Wabbit Who Came to Dinner, shows a glimpse of Bugs Bunny's penis as he jumps out of a shower, and it really does. All right. Hottest cartoon character and why? And we're taking Jessica Rabbit out. Oh, bummer. That was mine.

She's going to win every time. Who are you taking out? Jessica Rabbit. Oh, that's cheap. Sterling Archer. Who. Sterling Archer. Who? Sterling Archer. From Archer?

From Archer, yeah. It was only women. I'm not allowed to do that. Yeah, yeah. We can't. Whose podcast do you think you're on? You would also fuck Sterling Archer. Yeah, he's pretty hot.

Yeah, he's hot. Fred Flintstone with a bullet. Oh, but I mean, either Wilma or Betty. Wilma or Betty. Okay. Well, this is the thing. Well, which one's your hottest besides Jessica Rabbit? Okay.

First of all, out of Wilma and Betty, I would always go Betty. But then, and I have nothing. I'm not Donald Trump. But then Rosie O'Donnell was cast as Betty and it ruined it for me a little bit. Nothing against Rosie. I just, okay, I'm going to back myself into a corner. But now I'm more of a betty man and also they in the porn parody i like i like the the girl who played wilma and i've used that porn a couple of times also that is one that's who you would go with

your hottest will wilman now but that's because of the porn parody um hottest cartoon character that's not off an adult cartoon. It's got to be off a kid's cartoon. Smurfette. Hot ones. Smurfette's not a bad call, you know. Smurfette's right up there. She's right up there. And the amount of fucking Smurf dicks that must have gone through her,

she is the only woman in the whole of Smurfland. Pretty much, yeah. None of them seem to be gay. It seems to be that there's that terrorist bloke who just lets off bombs everywhere. He just keeps blowing shit up. He just blows shit up everywhere like a terrorist Smurf. Yeah.

All the other ones, there's one giving gifts. They're all trying to get Smurfette's attention. Smurfette needs some more female friends. That's what she needs. The only hollandaise sauce I found with mustard in it is called Dijon mustard infused hollandaise sauce. I don't think it's actually an ingredient. Judy Jetson.

That's who I go with. Judy Jetson is not a bad call, but I'm still but she doesn't. Judy Jetson is better looking than Smurfette, but Smurfette had a je ne sais quoi that you can't put your finger on that she I don't know. Also, I like short women.

There's Judy Jetson playing the guitar. Come on. Yeah, but it's not that animated porn type of thing. It's not that. It's like a legit picture. Oh, yeah. Nothing wrong with Judy Jetson. What was the daughter's name? That's the daughter. Yeah, that's the daughter. What about the mum? I don't know how old Judy Jetson is, so check into that with Judy Jetson. What was the daughter's name? That's the daughter. Yeah, that's the daughter. What about the mum?

Well, I don't know how old Judy Jetson is, so check into that. Jane Jetson. How's Jane? I'm going to go Pebbles. Jane Jetson. Yeah, Jane was actually nice too. I like Jane Jetson. Yeah, give me a look at Jane Jetson.

I'll tell you how she is. Yeah, nothing wrong with Jane. Yeah. Jane would clean the house with a robot afterwards. How old is Judy Jetson? Judy's about 16 or something. You can't bloody Judy Jetson. Okay, sorry.

You'll get yourself in trouble with Judy Jetson. Edit that out. I don't want to get canceled there. What about Wacky Races with Penelope? What's her name? Oh, wait, you know who I really like? All right. Robinhood.

Everybody on our page, I want you to send it. It can't be from an adult cartoon and it can't be a porn version. Send us your favorite sexiest. It can be male or female for the girls to listen. Hello, Sharon. Hope you're well. And for the girls to listen, send us your sexiest cartoon character and why and we'll discuss them in another section coming up.

When hopefully we have a guest. No, in the bit before the guest. Yeah, the intro. I'm just saying hopefully we have a guest. Or even another episode. Another episode. Like we had another segment coming up. We'll go through, we'll go Nathan from Bakersfield liked blah blah blah

and why. Like one of the snorks. Oh, the snorks. The only reason you date a snork is because there's another hole to fuck. Oh, my God. I just said that in front of my mother-in-law. You're going to have to apologize to the snorks. Do you know what the snorks are? They used to have the snorkel off the top of their head. They're underwater smurfs, basically.

Yeah, they're underwater smurfs were the thing about them. The snorkel, yeah. Yeah, so I was just, you know. You forgot Ariel. I make the same jokes about dolphins if it makes you feel better. Oh, yeah, that's what I always say. That's why I thought, so we should have blowholes. Extra hole. And then I say,

you ever fucked a blowhole? Me either, but it looks comfortable. It does look comfortable. Alright, ladies and gentlemen. Supergirl with her top off? top off well yeah that looks good whoa i've been down a rabbit hole a superhero no it's it can't be a superhero cartoon i was because then wonder woman will win every day just like a hannah barbara it's gotta be looney tunes hannah barbara it can be a disney one Hanna-Barbera It can be

It can be a Disney one? But then you like Jasmine's super hot And like Yeah that's why You have to add All these things together Take away the

Give them as many options As they want Disney? Yes or no? You get Disney But you get more respect Do they have to be of age? Yeah yeah

Let's keep it PG Ariel I said Ariel But I think she's underage as well What if you were a kid at the time? That's a loophole. If you're seeing it through the eyes of when you were a child, yeah, that's right.

Make sure you qualify that in your comment. When I was a kid, I remember when I was a kid, because porn was very sparse, having to wank off to Barbie in my fucking toy catalog. Oh, wow. I was like, that's when you know you're out of things. She was bloody, she had long legs on her. She was dressed for success.

I still like a woman of power. A lot of plastic surgery. Here's a good one, but you never see her face in any of the, is Mrs. Bellum from the Powerpuff Girls. Oh, yeah. This is all you ever see of her is her bottom there. Oh, yeah. Ba-boom, ba-boom.

She's of age. She's got that real fucking bell shape of the thing. That's why in Britain, like, when you've got a girl who's got, like, a thin waist and then big hips, you say ding-dong. Because then they walk by, it's like a bell ding-dong. Lee Shang from Alone. Yeah, he's hot. I still say ding dong

when I'm being an old perf my wife hates this one it's like when I see a pretty woman on TV I go what's she up to and she goes I know you're saying that as a joke she said this to me last night she said I know you're saying that as a joke

but I feel like when you're an old man you'll be perving like this and it will cease to be a joke in yourself because my dad's very pervy. Yeah. But, you know, Tasey does get upset about that. We were at a baseball game one time, remember? And we were just seeing who we thought was the most attractive people that, like, I don't know what they're called.

They just, like, they're crowd control people. And they were hundreds of yards away. We were like, yeah, that one probably is. And she got upset. Baseball's a slow game. So we were having, me and Forrest were having a game, who's the hottest security woman? That's what it was.

And you could see like 15 of them like this. And like they were all slim pickings, but you had to pick. You had to pick. And I was like, oh, wouldn't mind being kicked out by her. I did a bit of that. And then my wife got angry at me. Yeah, she got upset. I'm kicking you out of the game.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a Dodgers game. Thank our guest. Oh, thank you, me. Thank you, Jack. Thank you, Louise's wooden car. Thank you. Thank you, Becca, my mother, Louisa's wooden car. Thank you. Thank you, Becca, my mother-in-law, for coming in here and all these sordid things.

It doesn't sound as bad when you hear it on the podcast. When you see it in the flesh, it's a lot more icky, isn't it? No answer. Is there anything any of our guests want to promote? Don't say the name. Not Louisa's podcast, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, not Louisa's podcast. Follow our Instagram at idcatpodcast.

Jack wants to promote celibacy. Yeah, follow our Instagram. The amount of people listening to this podcast and not following us on Instagram is a big difference. If you follow us on Instagram, we'll put up more content, but not until you start. Yeah. That's a pinky promise. No, people don't. Not everyone's on Instagram. We'll put up more content. But not until you start. Yeah. That's a pinky promise.

You know, people don't. Not everyone's on Instagram. I've gotten less and less on Instagram now. I hardly ever look at fucking Instagram. That's good. That's healthy. I'm about to hit a million followers on Facebook and I didn't think I'd get excited about it because I hadn't followed

that in years and years and years. And then I looked on my Facebook. I went, I'm a few thousand away or 10,000 or something. I was like, ooh, that'll be a fun day. I don't know why. You can get one of those celebration cakes. Well, it's the same as when you're driving in your car and all the digits are one at once.

And then if you miss it, you're looking up and something, ah, fucking missed it. Like that was going to be something that would really make you happy. I missed it. I was looking forward to that on this long car journey. That was going to be something that would really make you happy. I missed it. I was looking forward to that on this long car journey. That was going to be a big moment of triumph. I know exactly what you're talking about. So if you're ever at a party and someone says to you,

Judy Jetson isn't as hot as Jane, go, I don't know about that. Just be like, I don't know if she's a veg. You go, I'll just have them both. Goodnight, Australia. The holidays aren't sleigh bells and mistletoe. They're also airports, shopping malls and dining tables crowded with people, some you're glad to see only once a year.

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