I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 133. "She has $7k in cc debt—just 3 months after I paid it off for her" (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Becki is 42, Dustin is 36. Becki moved to North Caroline from California two years ago, into Dustin’s house but is feeling disconnected from her family, like the space is still his, not shared. Her troubling credit card history keeps them from getting married and building a future together. This episode is brought to you by: Superhuman | Get a free month of lighting fast email at https://try.sprh.mn/ramitsethi. Facet | Get affordable, accessible financial planning with a flat fee membership. For a limited time, the $250 enrollment fee will be waived when you sign up at https://facet.com/ramit. Babbel | Right now, when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription, you’ll get an additional 3 months for FREE. Just go to https://Babbel.com and use promo code RAMIT. Fabric by Gerber Life | Protect your family today with Fabric by Gerber Life. Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. DeleteMe | If you want to get your personal information removed from the web, go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit for 20% off. Connect with Ramit Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Why are you still putting things on your credit cards that we aren't you are paying off every month? I'm not going to bring all of mine to the table to piss it away. Because that's what's happened for two years. We've made $180,000 and we have nothing except you live with me in my world that I help facilitate and try to make your life easier. In a way, I feel sometimes like I pay a tax for you living here. If we're just going to continue down this like road of parallel lives, if we're not going to do this and if we're not going to become this team and like really attack life and create this like extraordinary life, then I have to rethink why I'm here. Becky's 42 years old Dustin is 36. They've been together for four years. They're not married.

And she moved from California to North Carolina into his house. Becky feels like they are not making progress in their relationship. And of course, money is playing a huge role in this. Now, before I speak to a couple, I review their applications, I look at the notes, but I try not to make any judgments because I want to hear their stories. In this case, Becky was the one who fell out the application. She mentioned she was frustrated that he hasn't proposed, frustrated that she moved across the country, leaving all her friends and family behind, frustrated that they keep their money separate, and he never seems to have money to improve their house, even though he has money for other things. Before we dive into this episode, I want to make sure

you're signed up to get my 2023 gift guide. This Saturday on my newsletter, I'll be sharing the system for giving amazing gifts, how I automatically save for them, how I find unique gift ideas, and of course, three holiday gifts that I'm excited to give this year. You can only get it this Saturday, December 9th, by making sure you are signed up for free at iwt.com slash podcast newsletter. Now let's hear from Becky and Dustin. How often do you talk about money in your relationship?

What's the week? Yeah, at least once a week. And what's the context when it comes up? It's normally back you trying to get me to spend money on something. Okay. Is that true, Becky? Uh, I don't think that's probably 100% accurate. Um, but I probably do bring it up the most.

We talked about it a lot because it's definitely, it's a big deal to Dustin. It's his big red flag and from the very beginning, it was like, I'm not going to be with someone who has these patterns with money and I'm not going to be with someone who is like this and that. I mean, money has always kind of been there. We're trying to figure out how to bring our money together in a few other things, but not really. Okay. How long you've been trying to figure that out?

I guess like since she moved in. How long ago is that? Two years. Well, what? You're trying to figure out how to combine your income for two years? Yeah. Everybody does it differently, I guess. No. Speaking as the guy who wrote the book on it, that's not normal.

All right. Two years, that's like me going to Taco Bell and saying, I've been trying to figure out what to order at Taco Bell. You know, they got the crunch wrap, but then they also got those cinnamon twists that all Indian people love. And then you go, well, Rumi, how long you been thinking about this Taco Bell menu? Two years. that all Indian people love and then you go well Rumi how long you've been thinking about this Taco Bell menu two years and Everyone in the room is like drop dead silent. They're like what the Like what's the problem two years that's a long time all right

Okay, okay, doesn't goes all right Becky. Do you think it's a long time to go two years trying to figure out how to combine your income? Everything takes dust in a long time. Did I catch that you were married before? Yes, yes. Okay. And how long were you married for? I was married for 10 years, high school sweethearts, we were together 15.

All right, and now and you two have been together for how long? Four years. Okay. How serious is this on a scale of one to 10? 10? four years. Okay. How serious is this on a scale of one to ten? Ten? I feel like I've just kind of gotten to the point because I had to get here with some other issues where I was just like I have a choice to make I can either be with him and accept that he takes longer than I like to do things or I cannot be with him.

And what did you decide? I'm still here. It's just that we have talked about combining and like taking this next step forward, like combining our finances, getting married, doing the things. And we kind of talk about it and we agreed that end of this year, we're going to do it. But when we try to come up with like, what is that going to look like?

We kind of talk about it, but then we can't really come to a conclusion, so then we just stop talking about it. I just feel like this pattern has kind of really overwhelmed me. I feel the most when it comes to money because he really does make the big decisions because as he's going to tell you like he has the money. So it's just not a great feeling for me especially when I feel I've given up a lot for this relationship to work. I just wanna feel like we are actually a unit

and a partnership and like we're gonna do this thing because if we're just gonna continue down this road of parallel lives, We're just going to continue down this road of parallel lives. I don't want to, I'm missing out on a lot. I have elderly parents. They live in California. My family's in California. My friends are in California.

My gyms in California. My whole life is in California. If we're not going to do this, and if we're not going to become this team and like really attack life and create this like extraordinary life. Then I have to rethink why I'm here. And what does rethink some things mean I feel like that's a word or phrase that we're not really being specific about. I mean rethink if this is the right relationship. I mean, I not only live in Dustin's space, state, life, but also on Dustin's timeline when he's ready to do things.

That's when we do things. We couldn't be in a committed relationship until Dustin was ready to do things that's when we do things we couldn't be in a committed relationship until Dustin was ready to do that we couldn't move in together until he was ready we couldn't say i love you until he was ready it feels like i am in a position where one i am having to prove myself like that i'm worthy of being a partner that have to prove that I can show him that I can be responsible with money in order for him to want to build a life with me, things that I want or I feel are important. Maybe don't get done or happen because, you know, he has the money. It makes a lot of courage to say, I know it can't be easy, and I suspect from the way you

said it that you've probably thought about it a lot. So thank you for opening that up to me. Dustin, what do you hear when you heard Becky say that? I've kind of already knew most of that without her saying it. But what do you hear when she said it? She's upset. I mean, I guess, so the root of it would be I guess like We're trying to configure out how to combine finances, but when she moved in she had a bunch of credit card debt and stuff like that

So I was like hey, I'm gonna help out. I'm gonna do these things This is all I need you to do Do these things means what like Like all she had to pay for was like our groceries for the house. You paid for everything else? Yeah, pretty, I mean, for the most part, I think we can somewhat agree to, I don't pay her car payment and stuff like that. Okay. So I took care of all that under the assumption like this credit card debt will be paid off and I was told it's gonna be like a year and a half or a year and three months and it's turned into like two years. And how do you feel about that Dustin? I'm not super comfy. I

kind of figured out a lot of it where it stood here recently when we filled out the little paperwork because I don't ask because I don't try not to ask so there's not some sort of conflict. All right. So you came into this relationship and it sounds like you talked about money early on. Like how did he come to know about your credit card debt? He asked her like really early before I moved here. Damn. Now that is unusual. I like that. What'd you say, Dustin?

You handed over a questionnaire, filled this out. And I'm sure you hit all those required fields because I need to know this information. No need to find out later. So what was it like, Becky, hearing that that's quite a direct assertive set of questions. I kind of like that. How did it feel for you?

I mean, it was fine. Our first six months of dating was all talk. Like, we were three thousand miles apart. I was still living in California. He was living in North Carolina. So, I mean, we questions, it's kind of like a joke. Like, we would look up these lists of questions. We would, I mean, we, that's all we did. And so, you you know we were both going through some tough times and the only really the only reason that our relationship worked was that we were like uncomfortably honest about things from the get go and we were not scared to have hard conversations Early on really early on Dustin tells me that you had credit card dead. How much credit card did you have back then? I had two loans that were like, they weren't credit cards, they were loans, they were like 8,000 and 9,000 maybe, and then I had two credit

cards that were probably four and five somewhere around there. So you had $26,000 of debt. I think that was about right when we are. I know she has a good career So it doesn't scare me. There just needs to be a plan to you know take care of it, I guess This is a conversation I've had with my friends back when we were single if you found out the person you were dating had death Would you be okay with it? And then naturally the question came, how much debt? What kind of debt? If it was $10,000 in student loan debt, nobody cared. If it was $25,000 in credit card debt, people definitely cared. For a lot of people I was talking to, they told me it speaks to a lack of control with

money, maybe behavioral issues with money, is that if you have debt, any kind of debt, the most attractive thing you can do is have a plan and be open about it. Like, yes, I have this debt. I went to school for a masters or when I was in my 20s, I wasn't paying attention to my finances, but now I've read books, I've listened to podcasts, I've made a change and I'm paying off my debt aggressively. I know exactly when I'll be debt-free and it's important to me to be in control of my money. How can you not love that? If you are not sure how to make that plan and you want the help of other people who have paid off their debt and they're improving their money to live a rich life, you can join my coaching program at iwt.com slash money coaching.

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Now back to the show. It's hard to tackle life with your $28,000 credit card debt. True. So did you tell her that? I mean, pretty much. Yeah. What does that mean pretty much? Like, when she moved in, you know, when she finally moved in here, I was like, you know,

when she was living in about an hour and a half a way, it's not in my business, I guess. But once she moved into the house, I was like, things are getting pretty serious. So what is our plan to take care of these things? All right. Because I don't want to just paddle upstream the rest of my life. Dustin, is it fair for me to say it's really important for you that your partner

is not in credit card debt? Yeah, I'm not really prioritized saving for vacations. I don't see why we should be going on in. Well, we may have planned. He said, I'll pay all of the, yeah, you don't have to pay me rent and you don't see why we should be going in. Well, we may have planned. He said I'll pay all of the yeah, you don't have to pay me rent and you don't have to pay for utilities You just pay for groceries and all of our subscriptions You just need to worry about putting your extra money on your debt. All right, did you? Yeah, all right, so here we are X years later. What's the deal?

well in typical me fashion, I was paid off in January or in July, it was paid off. And then I did a job in July that I was supposed to get a pretty big check for and I spent money before I had it. So I just put on the credit card because I was like, oh, I'm going to get a pretty big check for and I spent money before I had it. So I just put on the credit card because I was like, oh, I'm gonna get that check in September. And then that didn't come through, it still hasn't come through. Irish taxes or something.

And then just little things, I just kind of run it back up. How much? Seven. Yeah, I don't know. I just didn't I don't know where the seven came from or how it goes back up July, August, September, seven grand in like three months. Right. We worked all this time to let get it paid off to go seven grand in three months. Yeah, I mean, a chunk of it was while I was in Ireland, like hotel and food and all that. And, you know, and then a chunk of it was the party. I thought I was going to have that money.

So I was like, let me just, you know, I really want to make this party so special. So let me splurge a little bit on this and that. So that was probably the biggest chunk of it. And then, you know, the other stuff has just been flight C L of zone and flights California and, you know, medical stuff. And then just, yeah, odds and ends, just little things, probably me, just spending more than I have coming in and not really realizing it. I ask a question. Of course. Do either of you feel satisfied with what just happened right there?

No. Becky? Not particularly. So can we try that again? Let's ask the questions that you really want to ask, but you have not set out loud. Dustin? Why are we still putting things on credit cards that we're not paying off at the end of the month? Okay. Love that question. Can I just do a quick reframe? It's not we.

You. No. Ask her the question again and ask it with the proper words. Sorry. Why are you still putting things on your credit cards that we aren't, you are paying off every month. Because I don't always have the cash to do all the things that we make plans to do in our life. And I don't wanna ask you for it

because I don't wanna hear it. That you don't get to ask you for it because I don't want to hear it. That you don't get to do the things you want to do because you have to pay for both of us. And you didn't sign up for this and you already had that marriage. You're not going to do that again. So I just put on my credit card and figured out later. When does it stop? In my head, I was at 13 months. Hey, we're going to get this paid off.

It ends up going whatever. 17 months, I'm like boom, here's what I feel is a little bit, pretty good bit of money to get us and me showing, hey, I believe in what we're doing. This is me putting my effort to move us along in life. You don't have to worry about this anymore. Just stressing you out. I'm in a situation. How much money did you give? Two grand. Two grand. And that was a gift.

I mean, it was for a birthday. Okay. All right. That's what I was told she owed on her credit card. Great. So you said, hey, you're close to the finish line. Here's 2k. Wipe it off. Yeah. Okay, great. You're close to the finish line. Here's 2k, wipe it off. Yeah, okay, great.

So I did that and then to know like, it's already back to 7 grand. And we're here trying to join money and things like that, but we still haven't done, where you still haven't paid off your credit card. So us joining money or us saving money to go here, it needs to be paying off credit card. And that should be, it's been the number one goal for 24 months at this point. Becky? I definitely, I mean, yes, like, I mean, you're right. So, you charge the expenses to your credit card.

What are the consequences of that action? Well, then I feel guilty because I'm not supposed to be doing that and we made this agreement. And then I feel stressed. Because then I have more money to pay off. What else? Think about your partner. I know that, like, I would, that if he knew he would be upset and disappointed. And what about the connection between you?

When you charge up your credit card again, what does it do to the connection, the intimate connection between you two. I mean, it makes it difficult. It puts another barrier there because that's like a big deal to him. I think we're here because Becky, you wanted some certainty around where's the relationship going, right? Which is a totally fair question. So it seems like part of the behavior here, part of the consequences of that is that it makes the relationship less certain. Is that accurate? Yeah. So have you, have you made the connection with yourself that when

I charge up my credit card and go back into credit card debt, it makes Dustin hesitant to commit more deeply to this relationship. I'm no, I've never, I've never made that connection. That's a pretty startling moment. If you're listening or watching this on YouTube, you might be looking around like, what? How could you not see that? But I think it's important to highlight that a lot of people have difficulty seeing the connections between cause and effect.

This happens for money, where people will buy a car, but they don't understand that a $65,000 financed purchase affects their retirement. And they don't understand how much it'll affect their ability to spication or even their spouse's stress level. This lack of understanding also happens for health and wellness, where we rarely understand the connection between what we eat and how it affects our body, our energy, our mood,

even our skin. And of course, this happens for relationships and work and parenting. So it might seem obvious to you, the cause and effect here, but I can guarantee you there's a one important part of your life where you are ignorant to cause an effect or simply in denial about it. This is human nature. It happens to you. It happens to me.

It happens to all of us. Now, back to Becky, us now back to becky who's going to share a very interesting way that she rationalizes her behavior. I'm no i've never i've never made that connection. Say it with info tell me what comes to mind as you think about it and how you feel about that connection. feel about that connection. I mean, I guess I have thought about it because I've often thought he's never going to marry me because I'm never going to be frugal enough or I'm never going to be financially responsible enough because I've always been this way. So I guess to say I haven't thought about it is a little bit of a fib because I have

thought about it. And so I think sometimes then I go in the spiral of like, he's never going to make that commitment. He's never going to do this because I can't do this. And then I get upset because I'm like, well, I shouldn't have to like prove myself or be perfect from to want to be with me. And but no, because that was a thing that he was very clear about. So I mean, I guess I just get in these like kind of spirals

about it and probably just end up feeling frustrated. And like it's some, I don't know, like it's my fault. I'm not worth marrying. Why do you feel like that? And why have you never told me that? I guess I feel like I have told me that. I guess I thought I feel like I have told you that. I feel like I've kind of told you that it makes me, I mean, but maybe I've never said it. I guess maybe I've never said it that plainly.

And if I haven't, it's probably because I guess I was afraid if you knew that I didn't think I could change it then you wouldn't want to be together. Like if I was worried then you would be more worried. What's the end goal? I've always believed like I won't hurt to be able to spend money on like if she wants to say she has a What's the end goal? What's the end goal? Oh, to be married one day. Is it like a year or 10 years? No, I would say so for me the main thing would be like to see this team come together and like For me, the main thing would be to see this team come together and go down the road and be like, okay, you know, two months, probably not enough. I mean, I can be anybody for two months.

You know what I mean? I need to see you like, we are doing what we want to do and this is going to work for how long. Again, I don't, I'm on a feeling thing. I don't really, I'm not going to be like seven months or something like that, and then I'm going to propose and like have this grand plan. Becky, you see how I'm asking these questions? How come I'm the one asking these questions and not you.

I probably got tired of asking them. Do you mind if I read a little bit from your application? You okay with that? Yeah. Okay. Have you seen this application? Just... No. I think she might have read it to me, but she might have like...

...get me the cliff notes. She writes, my boyfriend and I have been living together for almost two years, and we do not know how to move forward in terms of money. And it feels to me like our relationship. Since before I moved in, I was clear that I want to change the house or not stay here. I have been patient, but in a few months it will be two years.

He will do one thing like the floors and will want a medal for that. I'm 42. This is Becky. I'm living 3,000 miles from my home, friends, and family. I need to know that if I am here, it is for something special. I need our relationship to be special. If we aren't going to be a team and if we aren't going to work together to create something amazing, why am I missing out on life with every other person I love? That is the crux of our conversation today. So do we want to talk about that now? Yeah. It just feels really hard because I have to wait for you to be ready for everything.

I know you think about yard is like so stupid or the house is so stupid, but I want something that feels like ours and I don't know I just I want something that's that's ours I just want to feel part of mean, I don't. So it's hard for me to feel like we are building a swimming pool in the backyard when it's all of the money from my account. In a way that's kind of hard for me to understand how it's ours, because in my theory, like if we went and bought something or we, we were doing something, it would be we did

it. Like, not I paid for it and we enjoyed it. I mean, that's my disconnect. I think that's why I've been wanting to like, join things because I don't know how else to contribute so that you don't feel like, is it going to be that until I have $67,000 in savings? Like, it's not, it's not yours. When does it stop being yours and when does it become ours? Like, not until I match you because that's gonna be yours. So that's no, I don't understand

I mean for me Like if I'm financially Put in the book bag on of like oh, we want to have all these things for. Like we do want to build a gym so that we can have it. The gyms for you. I would be buying it for you. And now it would be ours, but I would have to financially prepare all of that. And then I told you this a long time ago, we can go whatever house you want and if I feel sometimes if I put a pool

Build a gym painted did it all of it It still would not be enough in a way. I feel sometimes like I pay attacks For you living here like I'm already at a deficit because you're so far away And it's like I don't I can't pay that financially. I can't I so far away. And it's like, I don't, I can't pay that financially. I can't, I can't put a beautiful pool out there and then overcome like every time you miss home. And you're like, but we, we, we have this nice pool. I don't want to spend all of my money to do it. Until now, it's been polite, like a visitor was in their house. But when they start talking to each other,

it starts getting much more concerning. We'll be right back after this. What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two? Bylingual. And what do you call someone who speaks one language? American.

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Now back to Becky and Dustin. Are your parents still together? Yeah. What do you remember about them as it relates to money when you're a kid? I mean my dad worked for Rana's own business. I had to add Rana's own business. My mom pretty much stayed home until I was like 12 and then she went back part time. My dad pretty much took care of everything. Why'd you laugh just a second ago? Yes, Justin runs his own business and I'm my mom and I spent all of a sudden, I was like, oh my gosh, we're literally reliving my life. I like that.

So what happens? my gosh, we're like literally like reliving my life. Okay. I like that. Yeah. So what happens? My dad never said anything explicitly, but he was always like, live below your means. Like, they always made a point to let me know that like, when they bought a new house, they only bought a house for what they paid, like, made on their last house. So they never went and lived like extravagantly. My dad ran a business and he would always tell me about how he had like a hundred thousand dollar line of credit at a bank that he'd never touched in 30 years.

Because you know, it's good advice. Yeah, yeah, my dad's great. So but you mentioned that you've been living above your means for years now. Where did that come from? That probably came from my mom. So my mom always probably spent a little bit more. I mean, we always had it, but she would just like squirrele away money all year so that she could like go super over the top at Christmas. I mean I can remember Christmas is that we're just like stupid. And she always was like so nervous about money and not having enough money to pay the bills but but we did but we did. So it was like I never really understood why she was like

that because we were never not. I mean, we always had enough money, but she was always like, oh, I don't know how I'm going to cover this. I got to move this money from this account. And I got to get cash from this stash that I've put away all year. And I have to do this. And I have to do that. Do you see any connection with that in your behavior today? Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't realize how much dust it was like my dad. I think that's where I, that was the laughter epiphany was like my dad has a lot of money stashed away, squirreled away. I don't even know if my mom knows how much he has. And in that relationship of your parents, your mom, nervous energy, saving money, but then overspending. And then who would come to the rescue?

My dad, he paid off all her debt when they first stopped married. Oh gosh, any, any similar. Do you know that? 40 years later. I never wanted to tell you that. Look at Dustin's smile. Look at that. Now that's a big smile right there. Dustin, you've become her father, which is where things be. But yeah, big, big days and amazing. Okay. Okay. So Becky, in your parents' relationship,

your dad came to save the day. All right. But even in talking as an adult, it was very much, my mom was a single mom who was strong financially. My parents are much older, so they come from a different time. My dad was a 35-year-old bachelor who had a successful business and it was time to get married and time to have a family. My mom was a nice woman who would stay home and take care of the kids. They checked the boxes for each other. Yeah.

What happens when Dustin writes you a $2,000 check to pay off the last of your credit card. How did you interpret that? I did feel taking, I was annoyed in all honesty because he didn't get me a birthday present. So three days later he gave me a $2,000 Venmo because I was pastoring him about not getting me a birthday present. So in all honesty, in that moment I was pastoring him about not getting me a birthday present. So if in all honesty in that moment I was irritated. She preferred Venmo over cash. Easier to get it in the bank. Becky, are you seeing the similarities between your parents relationship and what's going on here? Yes. Tell me what you notice. What are the connections you see?

You notice what are the connections you see? That Dustin's like the reliable one and the, steadfast one and he makes all the decisions and he makes sure we're not gonna like go in a financial ruin and I spend the money and then he kind of comes in and as annoyed as he is, takes care of it because he Because he cares That's is that an accurate representation of the roles right now

Yeah, I mean she I feel like she knows she doesn't have to worry That's exactly what she just said you're to be there to make sure everything's okay. But can I ask a question to both of you? Are those the roles you both want in your relationship? No. No. The clues are all around us. Becky never noticed the similarity between her parents' relationship and their own.

I'm interested that when I gently pointed that out, she went right back into her story about why she was annoyed that he gave her a $2,000 gift because it was late and the true point totally passed her by. This is really important. Sometimes people are so deep in their own stories that they don't notice what's going on right in front of their eyes. That's happening here and that's a tough way to live. It was at this point in the conversation that I noticed something peculiar about their relationship. Can I ask you something? You two ever say positive words to each other?

ask you something, you two ever say positive words to each other? No. Dustin, you ever say positive words to Becky? I feel like I do sometimes what I'm also very terrible at conveying my feelings. So what? Kids are terrible at writing bikes. They still try. Okay. True. You all want to practice right now? Should we try doing something nice? What do you say? All it took was you filling out an application, getting through literally thousands of other

people applying, getting screened, me showing up here, having a Netflix show. All it took was a few simple things for us to come together and maybe, me showing up here, having a Netflix show, all it took was a few simple things for us to come together and maybe, just maybe, say a couple of nice words to each other. What do you say? The dead silence on this call tells me that I might need to give you a little bit more guidance. That's fine with me. I don't mind. Who wants to go first and acknowledge their partner and say something nice? I'll go first. I very much appreciate everything that you've done for us up to this point. And for me, and I know That was difficult for you and I know that it means that you care a lot about me in our relationship. And I don't want you to have to feel that way anymore and I want to be a better partner so that you can feel more secure in our relationship. I guess I didn't understand or didn't know if you

did appreciate everything I did. So it's nice hearing that I would love for us to come together and move forward and kind of you not have that boundary where you can't speak to me about money I guess. That way I feel like that would be kind of a wall that's coming down. So maybe we feel more together about everything and that, you know, moving forward, we would at least, you're not on your page and I'm on my page, we'd kind of be on the same page and both have a general understanding of where things are going. How'd that feel?

Ken? Pretty good. and where things are going. How'd that feel? Okay. Pretty good. Looked good. I'm not kidding. It looked awesome watching the two of you really hearing what their partner was saying. One thing I learned in my own relationship is that there's never too many nice things you can say

It's never too much. I love you. I like that shirt. Thank you for emptying a dishwasher today Wow, I can't believe that you packed the suitcases for us. That's so cool and on and on It could be as small as packing the suitcases, it could be as big as I just love waking up next to you. And I hope that this little exercise just scratches the surface of, it's actually okay to say nice things to each other. In a way, it actually connects you so much more than talking about logistics. Anybody want to say anything else to your partner while we're here about this? I believe that she's... I believe she can do it. Like, I believed in her the whole time.

Talk to her. I believe in you the whole time. I wish maybe there was some more openness so I would have known like, Talk to her. I believe in I believed in you the whole time. I Wish maybe there was some more openness so I would have known like hey, maybe I need to pick this up right here Because if I don't we're gonna put it on a credit card like I I'd rather pay to whatever right now instead of pay $500 towards interest because we may pay it all. I mean, I just rather take care of it and know we're headed in the right direction. I mean, I'm thank you for not like making you feel crappy

about it and you know, I'm sorry that I didn't feel I could just tell you, you know, I'm sorry that I didn't feel I could just tell you, you know, I'm sorry that I just, you know, it's hard for me to not be perfect and I didn't want you to, you know, I don't know, but I'm sorry, I definitely will be more honest because I guess I can feel safe that you're not going anywhere. Still here. Wow. Honestly amazing. I'm so impressed with both of you, the level of communication, the honesty, and what makes it even more special is that you haven't really talked like this much at all.

Right? They're both shaking their heads. Been together for four years. Haven't really talked like this. What a special moment. If you're listening to this on audio, I would highly encourage you to come watch their body language on YouTube. Every week now I'm getting comments from people who come over the videos they go, hey, I was listening on my phone, but I finally decided to see what they look like. And now I'm hooked on the videos. In terms of Becky and Dustin, I loved their communication. I'm a little shocked

that this was the first time they've said something nice to each other, which obviously goes a lot deeper than we can tackle on one call. But I am pleased to see how they were able to communicate. Now I wanted to get into their numbers. And a bunch of you have asked me where you can get the template that all of these guests are using for their finances. It's called the Conscious Spending Plan and it's free to download at iwt.com slash csp. Let's take a quick pause for a message from our sponsors. Here's a little trick that I use when I sign up for certain services. If I'm signing up for some Instagram ad that I saw and it's called Acme Corp. For my last name, I will add plus Acme Corp.

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web, go to joindeleteMe.com slash remete for 20% off a plan for you or your entire family. Again, that's joindeleteMe.com slash remete. R-A-M-I-T. Let's get back to the show. You might if we take a look at the numbers. It is. All right, I think it's going to shed a lot of light on what is going on here.

To summarize, been together for four years, talked about the credit card debt being paid off. It was paid off earlier this year, but now it's run back up to $7,000. And we're really here because Becky, you want to know where's this relationship going? And right now your finances are separate. You both want to know that you're going to be part of a team.

All right, let's take a look. Dustin, can you help us do the net worth section? Just read the word in bold and read the full number next to it. Assets 537,900. All right. Next. Savings is 69,815. And debt, 450,215. All right. Total net worth? 187,689. So let's go underneath these numbers because it's important.

It shows the difference in your finances. So in terms of assets, Dustin, you have $520,000. And Becky, you have $17,000. In terms of investments, Dustin, you have $25,000. And Becky, you have $4,800. Okay. $25,000 and Becky, you have $4,800. Okay, saving 67,000 for Dustin, $2,800 for Becky, debt.

I wanna talk about this, Dustin, you have $243,000 of debt and Becky, you have $206,000 of debt. So if we actually split out the net worth by partner, dust in your net worth is $370,000 and Becky yours is negative $181,000. Accurate? All right. Becky, what does it feel like to hear those numbers? All right, Becky, what does it feel like to hear those numbers? I mean, it doesn't feel great.

What is the $206,000 of debt that you have? Mostly my student loan. How long have you been paying now? I mean, I graduated seven years ago. I haven't been paying for the last three years. So I just made my first payment this month. How much payment did you make? 369.

Okay. How long will it take you to pay it off? Forever. I mean, I'm on the income-based repayment plan where, you know, after 25 years or whatever it gets forgiven. And I think you take a tax hit. Right. And Dustin, what's your $243,000 of debt? It should just be the house, the remainder of the house, and a truck. What kind of truck? For the business. That doesn't answer my question. What kind of truck?

It's an F350 350 How big is that freaking thing? It's the biggest one you can get Jesus and what do you do for a living? I build swimming pools. So I'll equip men and whatnot. Oh really? How much did you pay? 65 65,000 all All right we haven't gotten to your income yet. So assuming you have a very high income that sounds like a very reasonable purchase. Let's see. Let's pop it up here. I'm in suspense just like you.

Income. All right. Gross monthly income. Becky.. Becky, what's this number here? Your total combined monthly income. 10,333. That's gross income, that's $124,000 a year. All right, did you both know that you make $124,000 total per year? Yeah. Yeah.

I think we did. I think I thought we made more than that because I make that's what I want to know who makes a long before we go on one I legitimately do not know the answer is one partner makes eight thousand three hundred and thirty three dollars a month and the other makes two thousand dollars a month makes what? I'm partner one. You make $8,333 a month. I have a lot of questions. Dustin, you make $2,000 a month. All right, so, Remy, we didn't know what to put here. I own a business and I don't, I'm not really set up to pay myself, so I just kind of put money in my account when I want to. But automatically drafted, I automatically draft two thousand a month.

How much is your business make? I think last year we cleared one fifty. We pulled out a bunch of money throughout the year. So we're me the truck. Yeah, let's start at the truck. The truck we had to buy the truck at the end of last year, Earl, he was going to have to pay taxes. Who taught you this? Extremely poor use of personal finance. We taught you this? No one, just wing it. This is like part of the big issue. Dustin graduated high school,

barely, and then worked for a little bit and realized I cannot work for someone else. I am going to work for myself and start a business. And I think he's done better than he really thought he would. And now he like, I mean, when I met Dustin, he had one account, business in personal. He just lived out of that account and kind of did a little bit here and a little bit there. And so now he doesn't know what's the business is money and what's his money. And that leads to a lot of our issues of like I don't really know how much money

We have because sometimes it sounds like we have a lot and sometimes it doesn't sound like we have any I'm so confused Like I have so many questions. First of all the way you talk about money Becky I'm talking to you. Yes, you talk about money like you don't make that much money. Do you know that? I've ever realized it. Yeah, you talk about money like you don't make that much money. Do you know that? I have a realized it. Yeah, you talk about money like you don't make that much money. You make almost $100,000 a year. And you live in North Carolina. And I don't think you pay rent, right? So the way you talk about money is completely at odds

with the numbers on the page. You are living an old story. It's striking. I'm frankly shocked when I found out that that 8,000, 333 is yours. Because the way that Dustin talks about money is like way more confident. And it's like, we shouldn't be traveling.

We have boundaries. Uh, uh, no, no, no. And when I hear somebody making 8,300 bucks a month, and they have debt, I'm like, okay, just pay it off. Especially with your cost of living. Like, let's solve the problem. We can literally knock this thing out in two months. I'm candidly surprised.

Now, Dustin, what the f*** man? Explain to me how you can afford a $65,000 truck. Please. The business bought it. The business made $150,000. Please. How can a business making $150,000 paying you no salary at $150,000? How can a business making $150,000 paying you no salary at $150,000? How can that business afford a $65,000 truck? I don't know. It's doing it. Who told you that?

Chet, your friendly local North Carolina Ford dealer? What do you say? Come on in here, Dustin. What kind of payment you want to make? You want to pay $600 a month? I can't do $600, but you're a good friend I'll tell you what I'm gonna go ahead and give you 650 a month. It's gonna be a 96 month alone At 7.5% yeah, you know your interest is credit isn't that good, but you know what something special for you

I'm gonna throw in the floor mats all for you. I wish that track was 650 dollars a month. How much? Oh, yeah,'s way more. How much? Is the payment? Yeah. 1450. You're the one who's paying $1,450 on a fuck truck. Plus gas. More than our market. Oh yeah. Explain this to me. How much you spend in gas per month? I have to look it up. I've spent $200 over $200 on Monday to fill up some of the work truck.

And do you love your truck? I mean, I didn't want it to be. What? What's that? It's just a duly. I won't a regular truck. His truck has six tires for me. Wait, this is crazy. Hold on. My videos. Oh my god. I think my video got frozen because oh my god. What happened? After over 100 episodes of this podcast, this was literally the first time my video cut out on me. And I think it's because I encountered someone who makes $24,000 a year and bought an F-350

with six tires and a $1,450 monthly payment, including $200 in gas he filled up this Monday. Well in part two of our conversation, you're gonna hear the surprising conclusion of Becky and Dustin, including the rest of their numbers. I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I'm Remi Tseati. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

If you haven't read, I will teach you to be rich. My book, pick up a copy. You can get it at any bookstore or any library, and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I will teach you to be rich system into your personal finances. you