I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 134. “I make $24K a year but my truck costs $1,600+ a month” (Part 2)

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Part 2 with Becki and Dustin drops us right back into a contentious conversation about Dustin’s 6-wheeled truck, but his and Becki’s misalignment runs a lot deeper than that. Once their numbers are revealed, painful truths come to the light—and life altering changes are put on the table. This episode is brought to you by: Trade | Right now, Trade is offering our audience a free bag of coffee with any subscription at https://drinktrade.com/ramit. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT. Rocket Money | Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to https://rocketmoney.com/ramit. Netsuite | Get visibility to everything in your business one one place. Sign up and defer payments, with no interest, for six months at https://iwt.com/netsuite. Links mentioned in this episode "She has $7k in cc debt—just 3 months after I paid it off for her" (Part 1) Connect with Ramit Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

I mean, I'm nervous about like the financial stuff. I don't want to do that the rest of my life. I always have a credit card, I ever know where the money went. I always just kind of climb up a ladder for no reason. It feels like I am in a position where one, I am having to prove myself like that I'm worthy of being a partner that have to show him that I can be responsible with money in order for him to want to build a life with me. I feel like the root of the problem is that I don't have a good, a really good sense of like who I am like I feel very lost. I don't know like it's my fault like I'm not worth marrying. Welcome back to part two of my conversation with Becky and Dustin. Just to remind you, at the end of the conversation last week, I found out that Dustin made $24,000

last year and yet he bought an F-350. That's a huge truck with six tires. And I hit my hand on the desk because I was cracking up so much and the video cut out. That's the first time this has happened in over a hundred episodes of this podcast. So we're back. And as a refresher, Becky wrote the application to me. She's frustrated because she moved across the country, moved in with Dustin. She's frustrated that their money is separate, frustrated that he doesn't seem to have money

to renovate the house, which is important to her. Frustrated that he hasn't proposed. But Dustin is frustrated because Becky is not keeping up her end of the bargain and paying off her credit card debt as she agreed to. Before we dive into the episode, look back on this year. How well do you think you lived your rich life? I think at this time of year, it's natural to start thinking about our New Year's resolutions, but often we miss an important step, which is to look back on the year and think about

what we loved, what we wish we had done more of. I call this an annual Rich Life Review. And my wife and I do this at the end of every year. Our Rich Life Reviews have helped us make amazing plans for the upcoming year, like spending months living in New York, traveling, being more generous, and just getting control over our money. This Saturday, December 16th, in my newsletter, I'll be sharing how to do a Rich Life Review, and you can only get it by signing up at iwt.com slash podcast newsletter. Here is Becky and Dustin.

All right, now listen, I did a little research, okay? A lot of truck guys out there, I like you to know that I know what a doly is now. Like, that's what you see on yellow stone. They're hauling around like 10 horses. Is that true? I mean, that is what it's for. Okay, I love that big smile on your face.

You're like, yeah, that's what it's for. And then, what do you haul in your truck? So like skis, steers, excavators, materials. Well, I don't even know what any of that is. What's this, what is in the... We should have it heavy machines that digs from the tools that just earth moving equipment.

All right, this is not getting me the answers that I thought I was gonna get. But all right, fine. You got the F 350 since we talked Which you filled it up with 200 bucks of gas on Monday. How much have you put into it since then? Shoot that was probably two Mondays ago and I just filled up and it was like 180 180 okay Okay, all right, so a lot of money

What do you do while you're filling up the gas for like 25 minutes? What do you do while you're while it's their pumping? Cry. All right, so I still don't understand how somebody can afford a $65,000 truck on a $150,000 gross income. So that's, that's a, that's not what I brought. That's my money. What?

That's not what the whole business made. That's just my portion of it. That's all the profit. 150 you made. Yeah. Last year. Yeah. Uh, that's different than what I see on this thing.

I mean, I own the business. So yeah, I mean, I made it. It's my money at the end of the day. And where is it? This is the problem. In the business account, and I took some of it last year, how much? I don't know. Am I being pumped right now?

What the hell is happening? This is the problem. This is why when we sat down to split our finances, he doesn't know what's his and what's the businesses and he kind of just takes a little as he needs it. More than a little sometimes as I need it or want it. Okay, and then what about when you need to say eat? Used to, I would just use the company card and just eat. So you're taking the company card, you're like going up to Chick-fil-A or whatever,

and you're like, all right, eight bucks. Yeah. Okay. And how does your bookkeeper feel about this? Oh, it's been a fiasco. They don't like that, huh? Oh, that's not it. All right.

So you said you netted 150K you. How much did the business make top line or grow? Top line was 499. Wow. How long ago would you start this business? 10 years. Okay. That's impressive. Half a million dollars doing pool installs. And that was in one year.

Yeah. So you're making half a million in the last year. And the year before, what was it? The year before was probably two to two fifty three hundred, right? I'd have to look, be honest. Okay, impressive. All right, and you got a nice profit margin. Okay, you got the truck. Sounds like the truck's necessary. Fine. This is helping me understand what's going on. I got you. No problem. All right. Now you yourself, you said you yourself netted 150. Where's the 150? Some of it's probably still in the business.

Some of it's probably in my savings of all a Jeep, things like that. Okay, your savings has $70,000 and of that 67 is yours. So some of it's in there. Oh yeah, it should be, yeah. All right. And then spent some of it, I'm sure, all stupid stuff. What places and live.

Do you mean the Jeepers or other stupid stuff? There's probably a lot of other stupid things. OK, we'll get to that. But can we fix this number? Because you do not make $2,000 a month. That's ridiculous. I mean, honestly, so all this year, all I've done, it automatically addressed the 2000 to cover like my fixed expenses.

This is the way that you do it. Okay. We're going to up level you here a little bit. Let's just say for easy math that you would make a 100k salary. Let's even say you'd make 150k salary. Okay. On the open market. That's your market rate.

And you go, hey, I don't want to pay myself full market rate. I want to pay myself 100k this year. But when I get my business a little bit bigger, I'll pay myself full market rate. Okay, that's how entrepreneurs do it. So you go, all right, I need to give myself... Well, we know exactly how much you need to give yourself, because guess who else in this relationship makes exactly $100,000. That's right.

Becky. So why don't we go ahead and just literally copy and paste her information. So now you make 8,333. Oh wow, this actually makes things really easy. Now I'm not saying this is how you got to make your final numbers, but this makes my job a lot easier. And I'm all for making my job easier. What do you say?

I'm with it. Rameet just copies and paste, and then he calls it a day. He goes, wow, great job. Rameet, see you later. So like right now we're going to say I make $80, $300 a month. What if I'm not making the money like I normally? Like this year I'm probably going to be close to like 250.

That's a problem. Do I maintain the same 8 grand or? You need to pick a number that you can confidently deliver on. Okay. All right, watch. So you're both your gross is 8,333 for a total of 16,667 per month, bringing us to how much is your annual gross household income? 200. That's a lot of money. Where do you live again?

North Carolina. How do you all feel about making a lot of money in North Carolina? Becky, brother, thanks. Well, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Why are you looking like that? I guess your reaction was a little, it kind of caught me off guard, because it doesn't feel that good sometimes. Oh, it doesn't feel that good sometimes.

Oh, it doesn't. And how much would feel good, Becky? I don't know. I guess if I was like over the hundred mark, I would feel better. You know, like if I was closer to like 120 or like between 120 and 150, I think I would feel a little bit Better, um, I don't know why I don't know if that's a number. I made up in my head. Yeah, you made it up What what do you see on screen right now? I

Calculator, okay, watch this. I just love what you just said because this is amazing watch this $8,333 and you said you know, I need to be over 100 to feel good. Can we just look at how much if we added all up? You make 99,996 dollars per year. You want me to hand you five dollars right now? I'll literally Venmo it to you. Will that make you feel better about money? No. No, it won't. No. I guess in my head, I always thought, and I first started looking into going back to school

and I saw the range of income. I think a part of me was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to make 100 grand a year. That's a lot. I feel like growing up in the late 80s, early 90s, it was like, you made six figures. And I guess now, like having it, and I still feel like I broke most of the time. And like again, I mean, the logical part of me understands that I'm broke because of my actions, like what I do with my money, not what's coming in. There's still just that piece of me that's like, if I just made like another one or two grand a month, it would just make such a huge difference.

Can you put that cup down for one second? Yeah, I'm sorry. That's okay. That was emotional, safety cup. That's okay. So you just said, with my head, etc, etc, etc. What's your hand here? Tell me what you feel about your money right now. $99,996 per year. What do you feel? I think I feel a little embarrassed. Keep it there. I feel a little embarrassed. Keep it there. I feel ungrateful. Ungrateful to whom?

Myself. Okay, keep going. I feel like I'm very fortunate to not only probably that kind of money, but make it doing something that I genuinely enjoy, and that the only thought I have about it is if I had more, I'd be happier. Wow. That's honest. Thank you. Do you ever realized that before? Not that specifically. I know I struggle a lot

with just gratitude in general. I it's like something I know is really hard for me or that I know causes a lot of my own self-inflicted issues, but I didn't realize I specifically felt about what I make. It seems to me a lot of what's going on here is about how both of you feel about money individually and with each other. Yeah, 100%. I'll suggest some things that I've observed just in this conversation about money. Becky, I think that Dustin doesn't trust you with money if we're just cutting to the chase.

And I think that Becky, he has some legitimate reasons not to trust you because you overspend and you haven't told him about the spending problems for a long time. Stop me if I'm wrong, please. I want to make sure that I'm not saying anything that's inappropriate or inaccurate. Becky, your thoughts are fair. Okay, that's fair. Dustin? Yeah, I feel like that's fair. When we first met, she said, I'll just give you all my money and you take care of it.

She doesn't believe she's good with money. Exactly. Becky, do you see these feelings of self-worth, of connection, of, do I need to prove myself? They're deep. Nothing we can tackle on one call, but something that you will work on for many years, and it will be worth it. There's so much for Becky to dig into here. Personally, I love the opportunity that she's gonna get

to discover more about herself and her own behavior. What a gift to get to study the most interesting person in the world yourself. That's the way that I want us to all think about self-development, whether it's coaching, books, podcasts, therapists. This is an opportunity. It's a gift to learn more about herself.

So I'm excited for Becky. It's also important because the way that she talks about money and behaves with money and feels about money is being colored and distorted by the way she sees the world. And that includes her own self-worth. I really want her to tackle these things because as you heard from her comments about feeling good about money, if she made a hundred K, quick reminder, she makes $99,996. It's just not true.

And much of this is not simply a money problem. It almost never is. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored by Trade Coffee, who just extended their 15% off Cyber Monday deal through Christmas Day. If you have coffee lovers in your life, a trade subscription is a great gift option this year.

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I was watching this masterclass with director Ron Howard and he was talking about how he has a checklist for his movies. He's asking himself, are the characters interesting? Are they reactive or proactive? Is it a page turner? And the funny thing is, we do something similar for this very show. This podcast, we have our own checklist. Do we have great guests?

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And this holiday season, if you give one annual membership, you will get one free at masterclass.com slash remete. Right now, you can get two memberships for the price of one at masterclass.com slash remete, masterclass.com slash remete repeat offer terms apply. Now back to the show. All right. And then down here, we got guilt-free spending. So this is where the lies happen. How is it possible, Becky, that you went on all these trips and

you're telling me you only spend $500 a month on this? Yeah, I probably just added like my monthly kill free spending like things that are like on automatic. I don't think I went back and looked at like... Well, we're definitely not accounting for all your expenses here, which is a real problem. And I suspect Becky that's probably where a lot of some of the issues lie. How do we start actually getting accurate numbers here? Yeah, I guess if I was doing it, I was just thinking what comes like regularly.

I didn't even think to add up like holiday trips, anniversary vacation, one-off expenses, mistake fees, all that stuff. Well, let me tell you something, Becky, I think this is important. One of the reasons you feel anxious about money among others is that essentially your fixed costs are 71%, which is a lot. That means by the time we get down here to your guilt-free spending, you actually, according to the math, only have 500 bucks a month to spend. And so you know what you're doing is you're basically like, I don't care about that, I'm

just going to spend what I want. Right? Yeah. And then how does that make you feel? P*****. Yeah. H.S. So what do you want to do?

I guess I have to get my fixed costs more comfortable and I probably need to be more aware of my guilt free spending. I think that's right. What if you got, like once you pay off your credit credit card you'll have a thousand bucks right there. Yeah, which was the whole the hope right but I mean I have to get there which I mean shouldn't take very long. You know, do you know? No, I mean I have to do math. Should we just do it right now? Sure. How much do you know and credit cards? Um, I was like seven something. Yeah, seven just under seven. And how much are you paying towards those? I mean, I guess I'm kind of taking the dust

on approach. I try every paycheck to put four or five hundred a month or a paycheck. Excuse me. Do you try to brush your teeth in the morning? Try? No, I do brush my teeth at it. Okay. So then why are you trying to pay off your debt at a certain amount? It's actually easier to automate your debt than to brush your teeth. What does the word try have to do with paying off debt? I mean, it doesn't. Why would you set it up automatically? I think when I went to do it, I was like, well, I'm going to put it at this amount and then I had it there for a month and then that made me nervous because then I was like, you know, there was already one time where I was like, when the payment was about to come,

I didn't have the money. So I was like, I'll just do it when I get paid every time, every payday. Why didn't you have the money so I was like I'll just do it when I get paid every time every pay day Why didn't you have the money? You get paid the same amount every month Because I had already spent it on something else. Ah Gil free Gil free right Becky Yeah, that's true. You had spent it on something that that was guilt inducing but part of the guilt-free category You're not paying yourself first.

Paying yourself first is talking about savings and investment, and your debt at 27% is draining everything else from you. So we got to pay that stuff off first and whatever's left. That's why it's at the bottom. Guilt free spending is at the bottom of the CSP because that comes last. Okay, let's look at this. You're a monthly payment. You're paying for a thousand dollars a month. You're trying to, which I don't like trying. I'd rather have you automate eight hundred dollars a month instead of trying to do a thousand. I don't want trying at all involved. I just wanted to happen All right, let's look at this I'll do a little calculation here

7,000 bucks is your balance. I'm gonna say 27% on your interest rate because it's probably around there zero right now really There's a long for another six until next July So like six seven months months, all right. Okay, that's cool. Well, we'll put that in. Let's see what happens. And you're paying a fat wall. This is gonna be really good news.

So you're gonna pay it off in seven months. If you pay $1,000, it's just simple math. Okay, but I wanna show you what happens if it's 27% interest, which by the way, if you don't pay it all off, they might retroactively go back and charge, which we do not want. Okay, that'll take you eight months. It's not a huge deal, but you would pay 700 bucks in interest. That was suck. And let's say you end up like sort of doing it, but sort of not. Some months, you do. Some months, you don't. so it ends up being 500 bucks a month.

Wanna see what happens? It sucks. 18 months to pay this stupid debt off, and you pay over 1500 bucks in interest. What do you notice Becky? That's a lot. Yeah, so what's the conclusion? Just commit to the thousand and be done with it. Correct.

You want to set it up automatically right now? Sure. What's stopping you? I want to make sure I'm not pressuring you into anything. Nothing. I can do that. I can do that. Do I do 500 on each of them?

I have two credit cards. Or do I do a thousand on one until it's paid off? Okay, don't confuse me. Hold on. Just listen to me. Listen to me closely. What's the balance on each of them? One is three thousand and one is four thousand. So does it really matter? If you put five you have zero percent interest so that's not a factor. You have seven months to pay these off 0% interest, so that's not a factor. You have seven months to pay these off. So both of them are gonna be paid off at $500 a month, right? Yeah.

Becky got there a lot faster than I did, but we're both here. We're ready to click it. Go ahead, set up automatic payments. Read it to us, Becky. You set up automatic payments. Sorry, you're bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a good time. All right. Dustin, how do you feel? Great. All right. We got another one Becky. Yes. Go ahead. I don't want to pull this one up for you. Not because of the amount of it doesn't where it's from. Bank of America. Wow. Wow. Wow. I couldn't script it better. This is one of my least favorite banks. Second only to Wells Fargo. I can't wait for Becky to pay this debt off and close her account so B of A loses yet another I will teach you to be rich customer. I mean, it feels like a little bit of a way off my shoulders. It's just like that's just what it is. And that's where that's going to go. And I don't need to think about it. Right. All right. And come June, July, when that's paid off, what are you going to do? What's

going to change in your numbers? Oh, I mean, it's $1,000, probably going to go to 50% and 55% maybe. What will that mean for you? I'll have more guilt for spending or more money to say I'm going to invest. Probably more money to invest. She means spending. I mean you don't need a lie to me. It's your money. It's not going to affect me. I want you to choose you're going to do what you're going to do. All right, so we're going to take this down to 400. Your fixed cost are now 53%. Now that we're looking at our numbers without the debt payment, things feel a lot better. We increase her guilt-free spending, increase her investments and her savings goal, but you'll notice that she still doesn't feel good about money.

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I feel like this is the responsible thing to do. And it won't make me actually feel better in this moment right now. I feel a little bit like a little kid who's like, that's not that much fun money. Tell me what you really feel, not what you think you should be saying. Yeah, I mean, when I look at it, I'm just like, that's going to go really, no, that's not true. When I look at it, I'm like, that's a lot of money. That should be a money money to like spend and have things When I look at it, I'm like, that's a lot of money. That should be a plenty of money to like

Spend and have things that I you know like and do things we want to do But there's definitely a piece of me that's like, but I feel like that's gonna go really fast And how would it go fast laid out for me? I mean, it's probably like, verbalist things with me. I mean, I don't, you know, I don't, it's not like, I mean, it's, I don't know. Does anyone say it's coffee? Right? Does someone loves to blame everything on my coffee purchases, but it's probably just mindless. It's not intentional spending. It's just, I just buy things when I think I need them or I want them, but there's no real, like joy or intention behind it. The way you're talking about it seems like so insulting to yourself. Like, would you talk about a friend like, oh, it's so mindless and you don't even think about it.

It's not even like conscious. Would you say that to a friend? Probably not. So why is it so easy to say to yourself? So why is it so easy to say to yourself? I mean, I've mastered self-criticism over the last 42 years, I guess. Yeah. And does it get you anywhere? I mean, sometimes I feel like it's, you know, accomplished a lot of things probably by telling myself I should do them or should be somewhere, but not particularly. I hate that word should. Yeah. I tell my patients not to should all over themselves all the time.

Oh, so you have you have really good advice that you tell them but you just don't do it. Yeah, all the time. What I hear from you is a lot of self-deception. all the time. What I hear from you is a lot of self deception. And it makes me sad because for me, if you want to make a change with your money, one of the first things that you have to do is accept what you have been doing and deeply understand why.

So when I ask, like, hey, how do you feel? If I were you and I was looking at this, I would say, I feel like a little child, which you said that felt really true. I would say, I feel like this is gonna be no fun. I'll say, I feel like I can't do this. I feel like I'll be able to do this for two months and then I'm gonna go right back to where I was.

And I don't know if I believe in myself to be able to do what's on this page. Yeah, love high schools more accurate You gave me all these other things I probably should do that. It's probably responsible Why'd you give me that? I noticed you're crying as we're talking about this as we're talking about this. I probably because I'm a little bit of a, I guess I'm a little bit of like a, like, cater or like a people pleaser, like I'm pretty good at giving the right answers or saying when I think people want to hear. You're not here to impress me.

Why are you here? You wrote the application, I mean, you have the application here. Well, for me, if I you were going to be a lot harder on Dustin, I know you do. I know you do. Yeah, I mean, because I want to change, you know, it's like I have good self awareness in some ways. Like I know that, like that's the problem. I know that I have good self awareness in some ways. I know that, like, that's the problem. I know that I overspend. I know I do all these things sense of like who I am, which sounds so lame at 40 years old, but like even like trying to go through the workbook and stuff like what sounds perfect or you know, it's just like I don't know and I think that's probably why

like it's kind of triggering that. I'm just so surrounded by Dustin's house and Dustin's life and Dustin's family because it's just I feel very lost so I think sometimes the spending is not very intentional because I don't really know what like really lights me up or brings me joy. Like what am I missing? Why am I not happy if I just had four dollars more or four thousand dollars more? If only XYZ, maybe it's Dustin,

maybe it's this house, or is it me? Yeah. What have you done as you hear these voices in your head? You see these feelings, they kind of circle once in a while. What do you do when you feel those things coming close? these feelings, they kind of circle once and a while. What do you do when you feel those things coming close? I mean, I don't know. I guess I probably sometimes I wash out or... How do you do that?

Like, fight. In your application, you told me that you feel like you have to do everything on Dustin's timetable. And you told me that he had even gone a long time before he said, I love you. How long did he go? Almost four years. I want to mean it. And I'm scared. I mean, I'm nervous about the financial stuff.

If that's, I don't want to do that the rest of my life. Do that means live that. Always have a credit card. I ever know where the money might always just kind of climb up a ladder for no reason. Okay. And when you say that, you mean you don't want Becky to have credit right there. Yeah, can we be specific?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't want Becky to do that. And that's not like a just for my benefit thing. It's for the team, you know what I mean? Like because I know she feels certain ways and there's a lot of stress around like every time she signs on every two, you know, every two weeks to look at her debt or maybe she spent more money on it and now in the morning I'm gonna be in trouble because I slept in.

You find a correlation between the credit card debt payoff and YouTube getting in fights? Not necessarily, but possibly if I look back and had a calendar of like and jotted it all down it might correlate, you know what I mean? Okay, so it's like that's a lie I live when we don't have to. Right, I got you. You're not married. So for being honest here, each of you cannot control with the other person's fence. And so Becky, what does that make you think? I don't know. We have separate decisions to make. Might it be that you are struggling to make decisions together, but actually it turns out that everything in your life is fairly separate when it comes to your finances. Yeah, 100%. I didn't know anything about how much he had, I didn't know his business made

half his money this year until five minutes ago. Like, what? What? No, I had no idea that he was gonna make half his much money. So that's what I mean. It's like, we just, it's very separate and I have no idea at any moment what's going on and he talks sometimes like we have all this money

and we can do all this stuff. And then the next minute, he's like telling me that I want all this stuff and I'm going to put him, you know, I'm going to drain his bank account for things, you know, that we've talked about. But it's just very confusing. Okay. Well, why don't, would you like to ask him some questions to clarify?

Because if it's confusing, I'm here to help facilitate. I don't want you to be confused. I think you might not like the answers you get, but at least I want you to have some clarity. Are you ready to get some clarity? Yeah, that's why I kind of became, or I guess. All right, what do you want to know? Well, I guess for some formulas, like why are you going to make half as much as you made last year?

Because it didn't sell as many fools because of the COVID times were really great. Do you genuinely feel like you tried hard to sell fools this year? I've tried to sell all the fools that people have called me to sell. But you didn't do anything to do any marketing. You took all the business that came to you by happenstance. But you didn't do anything. I've never done anything to get to this point. So just because you've never done it, like that's okay.

That if I just told you tomorrow that I'm gonna just work 20 hours a week and bring in half as much money, like, I mean, is that okay? No, because we're, my financials are different. Okay, but what about next year? I feel like this, for me, this is a given thing. Like I could have spent $5,000, maybe sold pretty more pools.

That school, but did it really get me anywhere? No, I've never advertised, I've never spent money on any of that. So I just do what works. But it didn't work this year. If you made half as much as you made last year, then it didn't work. How do you think that makes me feel especially like when I know we joke about it a lot, but like it a lot, but like your hours that you work are pretty laxed. And so to like find out, like, there's other ways to sell and try and make more money than just paying for marketing. I mean, you said yourself last night, like, you know, you could do fencing or like, I don't know, like that doesn't feel good sitting over here,

knowing that and knowing that you're home every day at 3.30 in the afternoon, sitting on the porch. Okay. I'm sorry if that's mean, but that just, like that doesn't feel good. And I understand that that I'm home at 3.30 because I've made half the amount of money because I don't have

the work. And I'm trying to figure out a few other things like where to spend money. Do I hire another guy so I can make a bunch of money or do I want to enjoy my life and life. There's a fine balance for more money comes more problems. So it's like for me, I'm trying to obviously grow and learn and also nothing about what I made this year has affected anything in our life. Nothing. So I guess going forward, I mean, like, what are you going to feel comfortable committing?

So I guess going forward, I mean, like, what are you going to feel comfortable committing? I told you the other day, I told you a couple weeks ago, probably, I'm going to do 4,000 a month and then I'll write myself a big check, I didn't hear. I told you long ago, whatever you want to put in the account, let's do it. If you got five grain to put in account tomorrow, let's go put five grand in the account tomorrow. And if we put the 50 cent a week in an account, that'll be our money and we'll put it where we want to put it. I've said that multiple times. Like, I'm willing to do my portion. I'm not going to bring all of mine to the table to piss it away. I'm not going to wake up in two years and be like, oh, I wonder if we pissed my money away and I wonder where it went and we don't know because that's what's happened

for two years. We've made $180,000 and we have nothing except you live with me in my world that I help facilitate take care of things and try to make your life easier for no for nothing for you to sit here and say you're gonna make half as much money. Can I step in here for a few? Is that back and forth more typical of the type of conversations you have? Yeah. Yeah. Dustin what would you have? Yeah Yeah, Dustin, what would you say is that more typical? It's probably more real. We normally don't get that real What I would want from it is to understand Why

Me making less has changed drastically our life or something like I Don't understand. What do you want from the relationship? To be a team. And just in the way you described it, when you were speaking to her was, I don't wanna put my money in some, any more money that's gonna be pissed away.

Yeah? Nobody wants to be pissed away. Yeah. No, buddy wants to be a teammate with someone who approaches money like that. Okay. Would you, if your partner said, I don't want to put my money any more than this much, because it's just going to get pissed away. That's what's been happening for the last two years. That's, I guess I would understand where they were coming from, and they don't want to just throw money away.

Do you think that there might be a way to say it that can, if you truly want to be a team that might actually make your partner understand you more? There's probably definitely a better way. I agree. And I think that the way you said it actually pushes her away. I know it. I could see her body language. Becky, I just want to check in with you.

Did that push you away? Yeah. I wish I had stepped in earlier. That conversation was frankly a little mean and I did strongly recommend that both of them see a therapist to help them communicate more effectively. I hear what Dustin is saying that he wants a partner who is financially responsible but the way that he approached it and you could see how quickly that escalated that is no way to communicate with a loved one.

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Let's get back to the show. I'm trying to give you the tools to be able to actually connect emotionally. Trust me when I say that you getting some spreadsheet together is not going to change anything about your relationship. Do you both see that? It's not the numbers that are stopping you from being connected. Becky could pay off her credit card debt in exactly seven months Which she will it would not change a thing about this relationship Dustin could double his Business income would not change a single thing about this relationship

Why Does not about money I Guess that's how I really feel, but I'm probably not good at conveying it. Obviously. Yeah. Because that's how I feel. I guess it just makes me anxious, like just doing it. And then not knowing and not having to plan and understanding and everybody being on board.

But what I didn't hear is like what you actually want. You're anxious, things feel bad, but what I heard you is fixating on all the bad stuff and not talking about any of the good stuff. All right. So if I were on the receiving end of that, I would feel like, oh my God, like, is this relationship even meant to be?

Does he want to be in a relationship? Always telling me is all the things I've done wrong. And I don't hear any love at all. I have no, I hear no care, no nothing. All right. I want you to reflect on that for a minute, okay? I'm here to help. I'm here because you both showed up.

I love that you're both engaged, engaged in this conversation. And I'm here to help as much as you want showed up. I love that you're both engaged. Engage in this conversation. And I'm here to help as much as you want me to. I think that there's so much behind what you've said today. If I zoom up, I see a woman who's craving connection. Deeply, connection with your family who lives across the country. Connection with your partner who didn't say I love you for years and who won't talk about money and therefore won't talk about a future together. I mean, it's, I'm lonely.

And the spending, it's probably like, one thing that, you know, one thing that kind of, I don't know, makes me feel good at the moment. How you doing Becky? I'm okay. That's as hard to talk about. The least of it is the numbers and sense on a screen. Right? Yeah.

What is it? Money reveals so much about us, right? What do you think it's revealing about you and Dustin and your relationship right now? Just that there's like a big disconnect. Where are we going and how we kind of both want to get there? Okay, where you're at today is what? Let me ask both of you. Today where you're at is Becky. Let me ask both of you. Today where you're at is Becky. Separate. Uh-huh. Dustin?

Yes. Two individuals face. Okay. And where you're going as on your current state, if you keep going the same path where you're going is, where Becky? Not together. Yeah. See who's that way. Where you want to go is Becky together To the team

Together, how do you want to get there? I mean, I want to I Guess I want to you know have like a plan and what I mean, how do we merge together a little bit and not be just two individuals living in the same house? I obviously like want to do a little bit more me stuff so that I can be a little bit more content as myself so I can be a better contributor to the relationship. I think we sit down and like figure out how we come together like what does that look like? Money wise or you know what we got to start somewhere so we just start and have a plan and move together in that plan.

Well, you guys have me with you right now. So is there a better time than right now? Let's do it. I like you to start by spending at least 30 seconds talking to the other person saying something that has nothing to do with money. Who wants to go first? I can go. I do love you. I know lots of me a while.

I 100% believe in you. I believe in you since I've met you. I admire a lot of things. I don't want to get too emotional. I admire so much about you in a way like I look up to you. I wish I could be more like you in a many ways. I think you're amazing. I think you live way too much inside of your head. So my detriment sometimes, maybe, and I try to navigate the best we can and, you know, kind of play my position in that. And I truly want to be a team. I've told you, like, we can do I can get you everything you've ever dreamed of. And most of it that you have it.

What's that 30 seconds? As the best thing you've said since we talked Dustin, thank you for being so honest. That was amazing. Becky? I mean, it's, I really, I see here, you know, I, it's just not funny, but it's, I guess, kind of sad because everything you just said, like, I feel the same, like, I admire you so much. And, you know, I try to tell you that all the time

I admire you. Like you did something that most people can't do and something that I don't feel strong enough to do. So it's like I admire you and look up to you so much and everything you've done and accomplished. And I just want to be part of like taking it to the next level. And I think that we can build something really beautiful.

And what I want is you, I want you to open up. And I want you to feel safe like being vulnerable and emotional with me and not have to hide behind kind of the silliness and the jokes and like that's what I want from you. I want a partner and you know that's really all I'm craving and I you know I love you I adore you know, I love you. I adore you. I'm here. I don't want to be here. Because I think we could have a really special life. I believe all that and I, I agree.

I mean, we can. You two are at your best when you are being honest when you are sharing what you love about your partner. When you're also admitting that there are things you don't know how to do or things you want to change. You can do all of those things, but you can't do any real changes until you are connected to your partner. Jumping into numbers, do you now see how trivial it is?

Do you see how pointless it is if you're not connected to your partner? Now, the feeling you have about each other, do you think that we can make a plan together? Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a reason. There's a love and it's out here. I don't need to keep the love secret.

If you love your partner, tell him. If you love things about them, tell them. And now that it's out there, now we can make a plan. I want us to find a way weekly to have a real conversation about, I would really like us to tell weekly and have a conversation about like what the next week looks like and what our plans are and what we want and, you know, like, summer flexion time every week. That's like serious. That's not joking. That's not goofing around. That's like, hey, this is how my week went. This is what was hard for me. This is what I want to do next week.

Like, I don't know. Like, I guess I want to trust myself. Because then I feel like Dustin will in turn trust me. You want to trust yourself? I love that. How are you going to do that? By sticking to the plan that we put together.

Dustin, take the ball. She's bouncing you the ball now. Go ahead, catch it, and how do you want to respond to that? Um, however that looks, I mean, we go out to eat a few times a week, so maybe one of the times that's what we are doing. I mean, that's our agenda kind of, Like, we know we're coming together once a week and we're having that conversation. I love that.

Wednesday is every Wednesday. OK, done. Wednesday at seven or whatever. Sunday at four is Wednesday at seven, the real number. You pick it right now. I want it to be real. It's Sunday night before the week starts. Ask her how does she feel about that?

I just feel about that. I think our weekends get in the way too much. I think we know we eat out once a week and we know that's gonna happen. So like I like, let's just make Wednesdays our night out. It's the middle of the week. We'll just know that's the night we're going to dinner. Let's just make that the day.

Love that. And I look, okay, this was so cool. That was so great. You guys. So Dustin threw it back. He said Sunday, which is actually a really common answer for couples. And then I love that Becky was like, Hey, I actually don't think that works for us. But why don't we try Wednesday at seven? That was awesome teamwork. And then I love that Dustin was like, Yes. And he leaned forward and wrote it down right Dustin? Yeah Can awesome round of applause that was teamwork. That was fantastic. Take the win. That was awesome You guys it sounds so trivial, but that's how we build a partnership together one decision at a time I'm hopeful for Becky and Dustin

One decision at a time. I'm hopeful for Becky and Dustin, but I also recognize how difficult their journey will be. The fact that in our conversation they admitted they have never really said anything positive to each other. That's a tough sign. The fact that they keep their money separate and have difficulty communicating about it. That's tough. And the

fact that they have expectations of each other, but they are not being forthright about them, that's also difficult. But with all that said, I did see glimmers of hope where with a little bit of help, they were able to communicate and say something nice to each other. And you can almost see the partner melt. It's always in there. The question is, do they have the skills and the desire to be able to connect regularly when it comes to money and their relationship? And that is what I hope for them. So Becky and Dustin, thank you for coming on here and sharing. Now I'd like to turn it over to their follow-ups, which they sent me shortly after our conversation. We'd greatly appreciate all the time you spent with us and everything you taught us.

Moving forward, doing a whole dinner date, once we kind of go on over everything financial wise and efforts to build a connection and more trust that way. One of the biggest key things I learned was how to separate the business from my personal end column, so I've kind of know what I'm working towards personally, so I can enjoy my personal money and that business is going to be following. That's kind of a big way it lives with my shoulders. One of the things I was really surprised by was that we don't really effectively communicate. So we therefore don't really get to a solution. So you know trying to put measures

in so we gradually get to our solution and we don't just spin our wheels you know constantly not really getting to anything. Really appreciate everything you did for us and take you time with us and we'll forever be embedded to you for that. It was a really great experience. It was a really very difficult, way more difficult than I anticipated. I was just really surprised at how much emotion and just emotional things were tied into this issue

that we've been having that felt like it was over the numbers. And even though I watched the show and listened to the podcast and I just, you just don't think it's the same when it's you until you're in it and you're getting asked hard questions that, you know, I personally have probably been avoiding answering for 20 years.

And I just didn't really realize how much my financial behaviors were really were driven by this, like, kind of, I guess, almost like a little bit of hole in myself that I've had for a long time, that I've felt for a long time, but just didn't realize it was me manifesting itself that way. So that was definitely really eye-opening and again, difficult, but in a good way. What I learned is that it really wasn't as scary as I was making it when I sat down and re-did the CSP and just looked at the numbers and just it felt so much better. I just avoided it for so long and that made it so much worse. And you know going forward, I'm going to be able to have the one card paid off at the end of this week.

I'm going to have the other one done by March at the latest. So that's just really exciting. And I think when we looked at that together earlier today, it was just a big relief off of both of us. And a really good step in the right direction for us in our relationship. Well, that's as good of a follow-up as I could have possibly hoped for. Becky and Dustin, thank you for coming on the show. I want to encourage you to get help so that you can connect, communicate effectively and talk about money and your rich life.

I think this conversation was great. And I also think it was just the beginning of your journey together. Thanks again. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I'm Remi Tseati. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven't read, I will teach you to be rich. My book, pick up a copy.

You can get it at any bookstore or any library, and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I will teach you to be rich system into your personal finances.