I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 174. “We make $300k but spend like we make $1M”

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Meet Forest, 40, and Kathleen, 43, a couple living in California with two kids. Despite Forest’s $300k salary, they’ve racked up $150k in credit card debt. They want to maintain their adventurous ...lifestyle, but the reality of their finances is catching up. Can they change their mindset on money before it’s too late? This episode is brought to you by: Fabric by Gerber Life | Protect your family today with Fabric by Gerber Life. Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. Mint Mobile | To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to https://mintmobile.com/ramit. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit. Shopify | Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/ramit. Facet | Get affordable, accessible financial planning with a flat fee membership. For a limited time, the $250 enrollment fee will be waived when you sign up at https://facet.com/ramit. Links mentioned in this episode • Pre-order my upcoming book: Money for Couples Connect with Ramit • Pre-order my upcoming book: Money for Couples • Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show • Sign up to attend a live event on my book tour • Get Money Coaching with Ramit  • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I have an announcement to make about this show. Now for the last 20 years, through the I Will Teach You To Be Rich book and website, I have been helping people take control of their money. And for the last three years, I've been helping couples on this podcast get rich together. Now, as you can tell, I love what I do.
Starting point is 00:00:16 On this podcast, I've spoken to over 175 couples on this show from all walks of life, whether they're trying to get out of debt, reverse generational patterns with money, or they're trying to get out of debt, reverse generational patterns with money, or they just want to get on the same page and live their rich life together. In January, 2025, my new book Money for Couples is coming out. Now, it only makes sense that starting Tuesday, September 24th, this podcast will be called the Money for Couples Show. So please do me a favor. If you love this show, you wanna keep hearing juicy stories about couples
Starting point is 00:00:47 and money, please make sure you subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you watch this podcast. And thank you so much for listening and watching. I can't wait to show you more of what we've been working on. If you have been thinking about starting your own business on the side and earning more money, listen up. Next Wednesday, September 18th,
Starting point is 00:01:08 I'm hosting a free live event online. It's called How to Find and Validate Your Business Idea. And this is something that I teach in my Earnable Live program. Next week, I'm gonna give you a sneak peek. You're gonna get step-by-step recommendations for how to find your business idea, how to test it, and how to shortcut the time it takes to go from no idea to your first paying client.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Go to IWT.com slash idea to sign up for this free event, which is at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific. Again, IWT.com slash idea. And I will see you on Wednesday, September 18th to help you finally find your business idea. On today's episode. We can't afford it is a phrase that we need to add to our vocabulary.
Starting point is 00:01:59 My first instinct is like, let's not worry about it. It'll all work out. Meet Forrest and Kathleen. We're richer than 99% of the world's population. We have such a good life, except... They are drowning in credit card debt. We think everything is rosy. If one card were to tip, it could smack us in the face.
Starting point is 00:02:15 We can't trust ourselves with credit cards. They're losing $5,000 per month, so at the end of the year, they're down $62,000. This is brutal. They're effectively broke. I make almost $300,000 a year. I should be able to go to $150 a month gym membership. I'm feeling shitty that we have this much credit card debt. Kathleen is an avoider and Forrest is an optimizer. I like automating my spreadsheets and automating my finances. A lot of that I do pretty well.
Starting point is 00:02:39 I wasn't really allowing myself to worry he's going to get the right job at the right time. It never occurs to the avoider that they're in trouble, and it never occurs to the person managing the money that they should somehow get help. It makes me feel like I do have control over it. What are we gonna do if he loses his job? You have $2,000 in savings. If you lose your job, you have enough to get by
Starting point is 00:03:02 for about four or five days. Meet Forrest and Kathleen. He's 40 and she's 43. Now even though Forrest makes $300,000 per year, they are in $150,000 of credit card debt. Today, we're going to explore the psychology of how people get into serious debt. And as we begin, I want you to listen to how their conversation about money starts. What do you notice?
Starting point is 00:03:42 But before we get into their story, I was listening to a couple of past episodes and I realized I want to start looking at people's numbers earlier. I already do this before I speak to couples. I look at their CSP. So I figured, why don't I just let you in on what I do? What is my process? So here is me reviewing Kathleen and Forest's CSP
Starting point is 00:04:02 before I meet them. Take a look, take a listen, what do you notice? Taking a look at the CSP from Forrest and Kathleen. Assets, $618,000. Investments, 168. Savings, 2,000. Already you can tell there's a huge disparity between investments and savings
Starting point is 00:04:25 That's a red flag and then debt at five oh six and they broke out their debt They actually went above and beyond and calculated what they what we have been spending. Oh, whoa Dining out and drinks 2200 a month Shopping? $1859 per month? So they're losing $5,000 per month. All right, well I have my work cut out for me and if I can help this couple it would feel like a very good use of time.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Wow. All right. Let's meet Forrest and Kathleen. Listen to how their conversation about money begins. We had had a couple of our finance dates, we call them, maybe like the week before, and they didn't maybe go as well as I had hoped they would. It was something that we have been trying to put on our calendar on a regular basis and it was probably, I think it was like a Saturday or Sunday morning. The kids were watching TV playing and we set up the laptop in the dining room and said, okay, let's really
Starting point is 00:05:42 go through the numbers. Let's look at where we're at from a debt perspective, from a what our goals are perspective. And I wanted to put down, it was something that we hadn't done, like how much do we need to save for the next vacation that we want to go on? And so we sat down and we put some numbers to those things. And at the end of that whole conversation, it actually felt like it went really well.
Starting point is 00:06:05 I felt really good that we were talking about things that we both wanted to do kind of realistically. I want to go to Napa, he wants to go on a ski trip, so let's put that in and think about how much money do we have to save each month, because that's always a sore spot is I want to travel and he's not really ready to because we don't have the cash upfront sometimes
Starting point is 00:06:30 or ever really. And so I was like, great, we can plan for this. This looks really good. If we just follow this plan, I'm going to Napa, he's going skiing, life is good. Maybe like a couple of days later after having like actually a good conversation around where we're at, I, because this is what I do is I look at our spreadsheet too often and I realized that there was probably some things that we missed from our
Starting point is 00:07:01 costs perspective. And so I think I approached Kathleen like the next day or a couple of days later. I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was like, what the f***? I thought we were good. I felt defeated because I felt like I thought we finally got to a good point. And my reaction was,
Starting point is 00:07:24 I was upset that here I was feeling good and now it's 48 hours later and it's like, oh, it's not things, you know, things aren't as good as I thought and that sucks. At the end of the day, we really don't have the money to do all the things that we want. And I'm not sure exactly how to go about changing that. And without a specific plan in mind, it feels overwhelming, it feels unattainable sometimes. And so like, why bother?
Starting point is 00:07:55 No, but that's kind of my attitude is, I'm not working full time right now. I will be in the next couple of years as the kids get older and we'll catch up and It doesn't stress me out the way it stresses him out So when I hear this kind of like I always tell him for us you're so doomsday about it and I get it It's very stressful to him he's the one looking at the numbers every day and I'm not so I'm a little bit less connected and I have the attitude of
Starting point is 00:08:22 we'll catch up it'll all work out and And does it work out? We are in debt and we don't wanna be. So it hasn't worked out yet in that sense, but I look at it like we are so grateful and lucky to have a house and two healthy kids and food and clothes and two cars, life is good, we're okay you
Starting point is 00:08:45 know I kind of have this glass half full attitude. Okay back to my question what did you notice about their money conversation? I think the good news is that they had a money conversation at all. They set a time and a place the kids were occupied and they did it together, which is really impressive. But I notice that Kathleen got upset when Forrest brought up some details about their finances a few days later. Why? Because deep down, I suspect she dislikes money.
Starting point is 00:09:17 So she wanted to get the money conversation over with as quickly as possible. Oh, most of us love having money. We love spending it, but we don't love managing it. We don't love talking about it. And to me, that's really what managing money is. It's talking about it. It's planning how to use it. And that is a core part of respecting money.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Respecting money is not simply having it and spending it. Respecting money is talking about it and planning it. In other words, managing money. This love-hate relationship with talking about money really describes how most people see money. They sigh, they avoid, they say things like, fine, let's have a conversation. As if one conversation about money
Starting point is 00:10:06 and it's all gonna be over forever. Money is not something you talk about once or twice or even 10 times. If that is how you see your finances as something to be over and done with as quickly as possible, of course you're gonna be upset that it gets brought up again. The truth is you're gonna be talking about money
Starting point is 00:10:23 for the rest of your lives together. So it's really important that you accept that and find a way to enjoy it. Let's dig in and hear more about how Forrest and Kathleen talk about money. When you two talk about money, is there one person who tends to bring it up? Forrest. Kathleen, do you typically engage or do you avoid talking about money? If it is something that we've planned, I will engage. But if I if it's kind of sprung on
Starting point is 00:10:57 me, I tend to avoid and. Even if it is planned, I'll admit, I am like, OK, I got it. Looks good. So when I asked you, okay, I got it. Looks good. So when I asked you, do you engage or avoid, you're like, well, if it's planned, I engage. But actually, even if it's planned, I avoid. So you avoid.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah, I think I do. Why are you avoiding admitting you avoid right now? This is kind of weird, right? Yeah, not to be neurotic, but no, I, because I want to have these meetings and I want to be on the same page and I want us to reach all the goals that we have. And then I think I get uncomfortable in a moment
Starting point is 00:11:35 with like all the bad news about it, right? So we'll sit down and I'm like, okay, I see, I know. I always say in order to live a rich life, we have to be honest, honest with ourselves and honest with the people around us. Forrest, I heard Kathleen say she described herself as glass half full and she admitted that she avoids generally speaking about money,
Starting point is 00:12:00 but she said overall, things are good. You have two children, two cars, a house, et cetera. She said, we're overall, things are good. You have two children, two cars, a house, etc. She said, we're okay, things are good. Do you agree with that assessment? Yeah, yeah, I totally do agree. I think we could do it and not always be behind the eight ball from a financial perspective. Okay. I have to admit I'm a little surprised by both of your answers because on the very application that you yourself filled out, we ask on a scale of one to 10, how serious is this issue?
Starting point is 00:12:45 You wrote 10. Not nine, not eight, 10. You wrote, Forrest, I am essentially the only income in our household and I was laid off earlier this year. Luckily, they kept paying me for three months and I was able to get rehired. I'm afraid this could happen again and everything that's in all caps would collapse on us. That is how I feel. So I listen from a personal and what we have perspective, our life is good. But I think we're living kind of on the edge, if you will. That situation with my job, I did get lit off.
Starting point is 00:13:27 And it took, like we were weeks away from, like if my income stopped coming in, it would not be good from a financial perspective. We would pretty quickly lose everything. Lose the cars, lose the house, lose all the assets, all of it within a matter of weeks. Probably, yeah. It would have to be all sold to just keep the lights on, you know. So what you're saying is quite serious. It's also quite at odds with the way that the two of you are describing your situation like oh, it's good glass half full I Think that's accurate. We keep living this life where we think everything is rosy
Starting point is 00:14:14 But if one card were to tip It could the reality of it could smack us in the face This is something I call the money minimization paradox I'll speak to a couple who fills out an application saying things are incredibly bad We can't go on like this and then the minute I talk to them they suddenly start minimizing it. Oh, it's not so bad It's actually better in the last couple of weeks. I think we just need to get on the same page It turns out that we would rather stick with a bad dynamic that we know rather than try to switch to something potentially better but unfamiliar. I
Starting point is 00:14:55 cover this concept of the money minimization paradox in my new book Money for Couples along with exactly how to get on the same page with money in your relationship. You can pre-order it at IWT.com slash money for couples. I'm so excited to be able to share this book that I've been working on for years with you. He's right. If that happens again and he doesn't, you know, he loses his job, we would be a creek. So is it possible for both things to be true?
Starting point is 00:15:27 Like our current reality, I don't feel terrible about, but it's a really scary reality because if he did lose his job, we don't have savings to fall back on. In fact, we have debt and that is so stressful for him. And I feel bad that he takes on all that stress because he's the one that's checking the numbers every day. Why is it stressful for him and not you?
Starting point is 00:15:46 You two are both married, you have two daughters. Why is that? That's a good question. I guess I just wasn't really allowing myself to imagine that reality, and which is probably naive of me. You hoping to get out of today's call? I think it would be helpful for me to learn specific strategies on how I can
Starting point is 00:16:09 behaviorally be better about the finances. So how can we get prepared? How do we get from where we are now to where we want to be with three months savings or whatever the goal is as painless as possible and continue to be able to live the life that we've been living. But I'm okay with making some sacrifices. It doesn't have to be, I'm not saying it has to be,
Starting point is 00:16:43 I wanna be realistic about it. What's that? I just heard a lot of circular talk. I want to have an emergency fund and I want to live a life that we've been living. What? You can't do that. No, I know that's contradictory. I know we can't do that. Let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsors. Years ago, when I was starting to sell more digital programs online, I had to set up a shopping cart.
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Starting point is 00:18:34 Integrate Shopify. If you've been listening, you know that I recommend your fixed costs should be between 50 to 60% of your take-home pay. And often when I talk to couples who are stressed about money, it's because their fixed costs are too high. 70 percent, 84 percent, one couple even had 125 percent of their take-home pay going to monthly fixed costs. Now, if you feel like you make good money, but you're not sure where it all goes,
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Starting point is 00:20:22 Maybe not until we had kids. I think that's accurate. I think probably not until not even just when we had kids, really not until like maybe just the last couple of years. And what precipitated that first conversation? I don't know. I think probably me just realizing that I haven't been as good about like controlling the ship as I should have been and asking for some help maybe. That's true. I don't know if I buy that. That's the first conversation you had about money was you asking Kathleen for help.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I can't remember if it was you that initiated or I'm assuming it was me just maybe being stressed out about saying, hey, we don't have enough money to pay off the credit cards again and the balances are going up. I think we need to do something about this, right? That sounds more realistic. The idea that you basically both coasted by for several years in your marriage with money and you only started to have more serious conversations about it. Serious meaning like, hey, we really have to talk about this.
Starting point is 00:21:34 This isn't like an offhand thing. We need to sit down and discuss this. Only when the situation became pretty dire. I know we talked about goals and aspirations and dreams and the kind of life that we wanted to live, but we didn't sit and plan for how that was going to be. I feel like my attitude is just going with the flow, trusting the process, everything will be okay,
Starting point is 00:22:01 that it'll all work out. You remember that phrase from your upbringing? It'll all work out. Yeah. You remember that phrase from your upbringing? It'll all work out, things work out, that kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Here's what I propose. I propose we look at your numbers first. What was it like to go through the process of doing the conscious spending plan together. It's something that we had tried to do previously.
Starting point is 00:22:26 And I think doing it again together in the context of, we're going to have to show somebody else this, like, let's make it accurate. I could hear myself in the conversation wanting things to be better than they are. That's very insightful. Okay. Let's very insightful. Okay. Let's take a look at the CSP, shall we? Okay. Let's see.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Kathleen, can you read off the word in bold and then the full number next to it? Sure. Assets, $618,000. Investments, $168,113. Savings, $2,000. Debt, $ 506,098. Total net worth 282,015. What do you think about that number? All those numbers? I wish we had less debt and more savings. Not great, but I feel a little embarrassed or ashamed. Like I wish that we
Starting point is 00:23:27 had done a better job. I wish they were better, you know? Forrest, can you read off this number here? Combined gross monthly income. $23,884. So the two of you make $286,604 a year. Did you know that? I did. Yeah. Forest, you make $23,217 per month of the $23,884. And then Kathleen, you make $667 a month gross, correct? Correct. Let's look at your fixed costs. Kathleen, what's this number here? Fixed costs.
Starting point is 00:24:06 91%. All right. What do you think of that number? Doesn't leave much room for much else. At 91%, what does it tell me? That we have no money. Yeah, that's correct. You have no money left.
Starting point is 00:24:21 You're effectively broke. If 91% is going towards fixed costs alone, I don't even have to look down the rest of the CSP to know that you're not saving, you're not investing, you're probably still overspending on guilt-free spending, but you don't really have that much. And this right here, that one number is the source of enormous stress to American households right there. So you did something that I really love. You created a little category at the bottom. enormous stress to American households right there. So you did something that I really love.
Starting point is 00:24:47 You created a little category at the bottom, what we have been spending. And I appreciate this. You actually broke it out for me. This is really helpful. So dining out and drinks, $2,200 a month. Shopping at Amazon, etc. $1,859 a month. So those total costs are $4,000 a month.
Starting point is 00:25:11 What we actually have left is negative $5,200 a month or negative $62,000 over the course of a year. Guys, you're broke. Yeah. So how do you reconcile seeing these numbers, Kathleen, with saying, we're doing okay. I can't help but just feel like in my head when I see that it's this immediate defense mechanism of, but if I start making $80,000, $90,000 a year working full time in the next couple of years, we're going to
Starting point is 00:25:49 be able to come out of this and we are going to be okay. True, true. Yep. What do you think the real problem is here? Yeah, I think spending money with thought that we'll eventually have, have the money and not having it upfront, not actually doing what's necessary to be able to afford those things,
Starting point is 00:26:12 living a lifestyle that we can't afford. To me, I think that we are both very similar in that I say we're both the take the trip kind of people. You know, you only live once, let's live our lives to the fullest and enjoy it. And again, like this naivete of everything will work out. Forrest likes to ski and cycle, and I like to, you know, go to yoga and travel.
Starting point is 00:26:37 And I know those are bougie things, but I don't care that my house isn't as nice as my neighbor's house, but I know I do care about the adventure and the fun and that kind of lifestyle. And it's hard. Kathleen, that's what makes this so difficult. Because the story you just told me,
Starting point is 00:26:58 paraphrased is, it's not like I'm living some crazy millionaire life. My car has dents in it. Sure, I like to ski, but I'm a simple person. But you're not. The number that we did not talk about is one of the most important numbers on this CSP. It's this number right here. Under debt, you helpfully broke out the debt.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Mortgage 320K, fine. Home equity line of credit, 97,,000 that raises some red flags and finally Credit card debt read that number to me Kathleen $65,000 of credit card debt How are we how have we had this whole conversation so far like our simple people? What's the $65,000 of credit card debt Trip to Montana, yoga classes, eating out, skiing for the family.
Starting point is 00:27:59 What do you think? Like, are you worried about 65k of credit card debt? It's scary to worry about this stuff. So maybe I don't let myself worry about it as much as I should. I don't believe what you just said. I don't believe that it's so scary that you simply don't allow yourself to think about it. And I think that's a nice story, but I don't believe it for a second. I think there's no reason for you to worry about it. Your husband doesn't really involve you in the money.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Every time he tries, you avoid it. Still go to yoga. Still have theoretically putting money aside for this trip to Napa. Why bother? Why worry? Life's going to be fine. It's been fine so far. Even when he lost his job, he figured it out and family's good and we still eat out and
Starting point is 00:28:44 we have a nice time. Horace, what is behind this $65,000 of credit card debt? I've been in the trap of doing balance transfers. This is also the not the first time we've had that much or more credit card debt like that. We at least twice bailed ourselves out by cashing out money from 401k to pay off credit card debt because I couldn't transfer it around to be 0% interest anymore, which is also very embarrassing to say, but that's the reality.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Why did you get into credit card debt multiple times? Spending money that we didn't have on things that we wanted to do and just saying, we'll worry about it later, right? Why? Because we wanted to do the things more than we wanted to deal with the consequences. Do either of you ever say no to spending?
Starting point is 00:29:40 I think the simple answer is no, we don't. If we want to fix these numbers, we can. But it will require you changing your entire worldview on money, on your relationship with it and candidly on your relationship with each other. You want to do that? It's a lot of work. Yeah, I do. When we first started this conversation, I was like, hey, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:30:18 I feel like we have to make some sort of major life change for this to start working. I would love for us to get to a point where one day we can take the trips that we want and we can, you know, do the activities that we love to do and help our kids with their down payments on their house or whatever it is. I would love for that to happen one day. But I do know that something or many things have to give in order to get there. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:50 I believe you. I'll take it your word. And I appreciate that because if you if you're both open to making big changes now, I can work with that. We're going gonna talk about specifics in terms of making changes. That's when the rubber meets the road and we will see, okay? Let's take a quick pause to support our sponsors.
Starting point is 00:31:14 I have a friend of mine who was taking care of his granddaughter the other day and he was looking for a movie to watch with her. He found something on Amazon Prime and then he refused to pay for it because it was $3.99 to rent the movie. Now keep in mind there's the same person who pays a lot of money to a financial advisor paying a percentage of his considerable portfolio. Think about it, he's paying hundreds of thousands of
Starting point is 00:31:39 dollars, probably more, but he won't pay $4 for his granddaughter to watch this movie. Anybody else find that crazy? Yet so many people are working with a financial advisor paying tens of thousands of dollars or more without even realizing it. That's because the industry set it up this way to be intentionally confusing. You never get a bill saying, thank you for choosing us.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Here's your invoice for this quarter, $5,000. Nope, they just take that fee right out of your account, listing it in your activity statement along with everything else. Oh, and since it's a percentage of your investments, as your investments grow, so does your fee every single year. So when I ask most people, how much do you think you pay to your financial advisor?
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Starting point is 00:33:34 Past performance is not a guarantee of future performance, terms and conditions. I recently found one of the coolest classes on MasterClass. Think like an FBI profiler with John Douglas. He was a legendary FBI profiler and author of books like Mindhunter. The course was fascinating because it covered things like how to avoid cults, narcissists, and manipulators, how to spot a liar, and what signs might predict future criminal behavior. Now this is personally interesting to me because in college one of my favorite classes I ever took was a class on lying and deception. That's where we learned a lot of the psychology of what happens when you lie and deceive others.
Starting point is 00:34:12 As you can tell, I'm very interested in human psychology. It's why I like talking to people about money. Not just their mortgage rates, but how their lessons from their past and their present inform their relationship with money today. Now with Masterclass, you can learn from the world's best. For just $10 a month, an annual membership with Masterclass gets you unlimited access to every instructor. And you can access Masterclass on your phone, computer, smart TV, or even in audio mode. One of my favorite things in this Think Like an FBI Profiler course was how John Douglas
Starting point is 00:34:43 discovered the idea that behavior might be more predictable than we think. And it reminds me of exactly the lesson that I saw when I was writing my new book, Money for Couples. Sometimes, I'm speaking to a couple here on this podcast and it seems like I can read their mind, like I can predict exactly what's happening. But it really is simply my exposure to tons and tons of people talking about money over the course of 20 years. Well you could do that or you could simply get the Masterclass program which teaches you how to think like that. So right now our
Starting point is 00:35:13 listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com slash Ramit. That's 15% off at masterclass.com slash Ramit. Masterclass.com slash Ramit. Now, back to Forrest and Kathleen. Let's start at the beginning. I need to understand how you got into this situation. Because right now, like, you've made a lot of poor financial decisions. And I'm grateful, actually, that we get a chance to talk about it. I'm grateful.
Starting point is 00:35:49 That takes a lot of courage. Okay, so I appreciate that. And I'm glad at 40 and 42 years old with two kids that we get to have this conversation now because it's way better to have it now than 20 years from now. I can't help you at 20 years from now. I can't help you at 20 years from now. Kathleen, I want to understand your relationship with money. When you were a kid, what do you remember your parents saying about money around the house? I think my parents didn't talk about it much. And I wasn't taught much about money at all,
Starting point is 00:36:25 but it felt like we always had enough. But I think my parents did a really good job of living below their means because they grew up very poor. What was the, who managed the money in the house? Mom, dad? My mom did. Mom, okay.
Starting point is 00:36:41 Yeah. And what was dad's relationship with money? He was obsessed with money. I would say he had a gambling problem. Oh, I don't want to make my dad sound bad. My dad made most of the income. But my mom worked full time and he I didn't know when I was a kid. I didn't know until I was a teenager that he had a gambling problem and that he was accruing debt. Right. And I didn't know when I was a kid, I didn't know until I was a teenager that he had a gambling problem and that he was accruing debt, right? And I don't think my mom knew about it either for a while. And then once that kind of came to light, I think that might've been when
Starting point is 00:37:14 my mom took over with the finances and he didn't bet on horses after that. I think my dad was obsessed with money and I didn't, you know, I didn't want that to ever be my focus. That actually makes a lot of sense. When you earlier said, I don't want to stress about money. It's almost like calling to the echoes of your dad because his relationship with money was tortured, was stressful, was in many ways, uh, indulgent. was structured, was stressful, was in many ways indulgent, which I think we see some similarities there, right, Forrest? What do you remember about money as a kid? So I grew up in pretty rural Northern California.
Starting point is 00:37:57 My parents were a little bit kind of hippies. They lived very frugally. I don't think I've done a really great job of like saving a ton of money for retirement. They are retired, but they live a comfortable, happy life. And they're not worried about money, I don't think. But they do, I think they are very good about living within their means,
Starting point is 00:38:21 which I'm not sure why I'm not. It's something I struggle with. Like it goes back to like, I don't know how to say no to anybody really. When I was like 18, 19, got my first credit card, I dabbled with a gambling problem myself back then and I ran up credit cards and my parents bailed me out of that. They made me sign a contract with them saying, hey, we'll pay off this $10,000 worth of credit
Starting point is 00:38:57 card debt, but you're going to move back in with us. And for maybe a year, I had my paycheck deposited in my parents' bank account. I've always had some solution to move all of the chess pieces around that worked for me in the past. Yeah, it worked. It's worked since you were 19 years old. Yeah. Your parents came in, swooped in, saved the day. Then your 401 came in in swooped in saved the day then your 401 came in swooped in saved the day
Starting point is 00:39:30 Balance transfer came in saved the day. I Mean you guys can keep going on like this until we can't right? Yeah, and then and then like it'll be like driving a semi into a brick wall. It will hit you all at once Yep, and that's the. Behaviors leave clues. And when I hear about avoidance on your part, Kathleen, you're an avoider. You employ conscious and unconscious techniques to just avoid money. Even your attitude about money is it'll all work out. money. Even your attitude about money is it'll all work out. And a lot of that's shaped by your dad and also what you saw him doing with money and his relationship with money. Forrest, the clues start at age 18 or 19 for you and they continue on. Just because you paid off that credit card debt, which was laudable, and I love that your parents did that
Starting point is 00:40:30 and they had a solution, that's great. But the lesson didn't get internalized. You took away a lesson that is perhaps different than what others would do. Others might say, holy, I hated being in debt, having my own wages garnished by my mom and dad I am never going back there your solution was oh Mmm it all kind of worked out
Starting point is 00:40:54 So let me just keep spending and then I'll find a way to make it work out again in the future So as your income has increased to a very high income three hundred thousand dollars You still haven't gotten ahead. Yeah. I definitely have some regret about the last 10 years. Had we taken a different path, the income that we've been making could, we could basically be like 180 degrees in the other direction had we played the game correctly.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Kathleen is an avoider and Forrest is an optimizer. Now we each have a money type, but what's even more important is the dynamic that exists in your relationship. For example, does one partner chase and the other avoid? That's the chaser-avoider dynamic. To put it another way, what is the culture of money in your household? When I asked this question, most people have to really think.
Starting point is 00:41:58 They've never really thought about the culture of money in their household. But you have a culture for a lot of things. Of parenting, of food, of sex, of leisure, and yes a culture of money. You create your culture of money and if you want you can change it. Let's find out now where they've been spending their money which will tell me a lot about Forrest and Kathleen's money culture. Some of these items include travel, tickets to professional sports games, entertainment, trendy, first of all, who the hell calls it a sports game? Probably a guy who doesn't go to any. Tickets to professional, whatever, trendy outdoor cooking equipment, yoga classes, subscriptions and
Starting point is 00:42:46 bikes. Listen in. I have a collection of two expensive bicycles. How expensive? One was $5,000 and the other one was $6,000 that I didn't have the money for. What the f***? What's a $6,000 bike? I know. Bike? Motorbike? Bike? What is it? What the f***? That just looks like a huffy. Let me make sure my logic is correct. I'm just looking at the numbers.
Starting point is 00:43:14 I want to make sure I understand this. You have $65,000 in credit card debt and you have a $6,000 bike on camera right behind you. Did I get that right? Yes. Do you realize I get that right? Yes. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Okay. We're going to make some f***ing changes if you guys are ready, but I want you to understand what just happened. If you guys were making a million dollars a year, okay, you could live this lifestyle. But you're not. More importantly, it's not simply one decision or two, because if we simply try to do it by decisions, it's like playing whack-a-mole. It's not about whack-a-mole. It's about going deeper. It's not about whack-a-mole. It's about going deeper. It's about understanding the principle, not the tactic.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Okay. What is the principle that guided your financial decisions for the last decade? I think there wasn't one. I think Kathleen- Mine was that it was all going to work out eventually. Yep, and What else Kathleen and let's not worry about it bingo Well, that's quite a powerful two principles incredibly powerful because given virtually any financial decision that comes your way
Starting point is 00:44:43 What do you? Individually Kathleen, what do you individually, Kathleen, and what do you as a unit, Kathleen and Forrest, decide to do if presented with a choice? Should we buy this thing or should we not? What do you almost always do? We buy it. Got to change that principle. So can we start by coming up with a new principle
Starting point is 00:45:02 or a new vision for how money works in your relationship. What do you think? I'll start. In our relationship, when it comes to money, dot, dot, dot, give me your vision. Okay, in our relationship, we only spend what we have. Okay, what else? And we get comfortable with saying no.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Oh, we say no to what? Spending money to each other, to ourselves. But like give me some examples, because... Okay, we say no to trips. Trips, what else? We say no to eating out. Oh, okay, good. We say no to eating out. Oh, okay. Good. We say no to buying things we don't need. All right. So that's good.
Starting point is 00:45:51 So that's in our relationship when it comes to money. We only spend what we have. If we don't have the money, we say no to trips, eating out, alcohol, etc. What else? Boris, what about you? What's your vision for money in your relationship? The vision is we're out of the credit card debt and we're saving money and when we want to go on a trip, we were able to actually save the money to do it.
Starting point is 00:46:16 So that in two years when we have a trip that we know we're going on, we can go on that trip and feel great about it. Who's doing the money in the relationship right now? First and force you have all these spreadsheets and stuff, right? Yeah What's the point of all that stuff? I don't know just you know Organized torture. It's just a meaningless way of boosting your perceived control without actually increasing your control.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. It's like doing the dishes in the sink when your house is on fire. Well, I got to clean the dishes. It's like, no, what the f**k? No, you don't. Smash that dish and get the f**k out. Your house is on fire. That's the level of urgency we We need to approach this situation with yeah, so The spreadsheets are not doing anything for you. If anything they are
Starting point is 00:47:13 distracting you from the fire that is burning and If I were you forced I would say as part of the vision in our relationship when it comes to money We are both equal partners. So are you interested in that? When we were talking about doing this with you, I said, I really want us to be able to do this together as opposed to, yeah, what you said. Like I have been kind of running the car into the ground, if you will. Okay, to just say I need a partner in this.
Starting point is 00:47:49 I can't do it alone anymore. Yeah, I think that's that's true. Want to say it to Kathleen? Kathleen, I need a financial partner because doing it by myself has not worked. And I feel like there's no, I'm as much at fault for all of our overspending as anything, but I think I need help following the rules that we talked about. And I need, I can't be the only one that follows the rules if I don't have somebody that is
Starting point is 00:48:37 like finding the contract and saying these are our rules and we agree upon those rules and both doing the same thing together. I hear you and that makes a lot of sense and it's not fair that I'm avoiding. It's not fair that I'm putting it all on you to find the gimmicks to get us out of it and then let you kind of carry that emotional, you know, stress and it's not working. Yeah, this is awesome. Okay, I'm feeling good about this.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Sounds like you're both feeling good about this. Any objections or reservations so far? I think just maybe one quick thing. I think. He goes one quick thing. We don't want to say no to tripspp's eating out alcohol, gyms, extra crickers. We have to be able to find a balance between having some sort of existence, other than
Starting point is 00:49:36 just work and payoff debt. And I want to make sure that plan that we come up with, that we're both bought into and Kathleen is bought into it as well. What do you think Kathleen about making a large commitment to changing our lifestyle and sticking to it? I think we can do it. I really feel like we've had this kind of reckoning, facing, I'm getting my head out of the sand
Starting point is 00:50:09 these last four months and seeing the reality that we're in. And I know we're capable of having the life that we want in the future. I know we are and I envision it for ourselves and I can commit to anything. And especially with you by my side. I'm in, baby, it's fine. We will, you know, I will make the sacrifices needed
Starting point is 00:50:32 to have the life that we want in the future. How are you gonna be able to say no to the things that are really valuable in your life that you surely deserve but we can't afford? This is why I wanted to do this and have this conversation is to kind of make us both feel like we're connected to a goal that we can achieve. First of all, great job. Take the win. That was a very healthy conversation. I like that a lot. Okay, I want you to notice my process so far. I let them explain how they see their situation.
Starting point is 00:51:10 We took a glance at their numbers. I checked in with them again. Then I helped them understand the severity of their situation. And we still have not made a single change yet. That is by design. I'm doing this on purpose. It's very tempting to have something like this, a podcast, people come in with their problems. I go, okay, I took a look. Now you need to fix this. It's just cut your cable. That's outrageous. I can't believe you go to the farmer's market. That feels good to everyone watching. It feels good to the person giving the advice and throwing stuff around and shrieking in a high-pitched voice, but that doesn't actually change people's behavior. It certainly doesn't change the way they feel about money.
Starting point is 00:51:53 I'm not here to entertain a bunch of people in their basement who leave comments on my YouTube saying, oh my God, this is so slow. The remit needs to be hard love, tough love. No, that might make you feel good, but I'm not here for that. I'm here for the couples. That's why I go slow on purpose. To go fast, go slow.
Starting point is 00:52:12 And so much of developing a healthy relationship with money involves not jumping right into cutting back on HBO, but rather zooming out and talking about how you see money and understanding how serious this situation really is. It's not just the numbers on the page, it's how we got here, we, the two of us. Now I do want to point out this common pattern that I see
Starting point is 00:52:38 where one person manages the money, but they're not even really good at it. And I see this over and over. Usually in these situations, the other partner is an avoider. So it never occurs to the avoider that they're in trouble, that's because they avoid money, and it never occurs to the person managing the money that they should somehow get help.
Starting point is 00:52:58 They've just become used to struggling. With Forrest and Kathleen, I don't think they've ever really had a positive conversation about money. So I'm going to walk them through an exercise from my new book called Your First Positive Money Conversation. Watch how it sets the stage for them to make real changes to their spending.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Let's start off with why this meeting is going to be awesome. Forrest, this meeting that we're going to have today about our money is going to be awesome because I'm excited to sit down with you and look at where we're gonna have today about our money is gonna be awesome because I'm excited to sit down with you and look at where we're going and how we're getting there. And I can visualize us in our retired years having the life that we want. And I'm excited to get there with you.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Next one is how I feel about money. Okay. I feel anxious when we talk about money because I know it's not good news and I don't like hearing the bad news and I avoid it. And I don't wanna feel that way about money. I wanna feel like we're doing the right thing and we're proud of the decisions we're making
Starting point is 00:53:57 and the headway we're making and where we're going. And how do you feel about where we're going and about our money conversations? I have a lot of anxiety around our money and I feel like I often I can't say no when I know I probably should. And I have this envision of our future where I don't have that anxiety and that money is fun and awesome. Fleen, how do you want to feel about money in the future? Yeah, I want to feel proud of it, of our decisions around it. I don't want it to be a source of anxiety.
Starting point is 00:54:47 I want it to be a source of like empowerment. I want to feel proud about what we've done also. That's so cool. I love that. That is at the foundational level of what's going to make this successful. We've all referred to a plan. Y'all wanna go through the CSP and actually make the plan right now? Yes.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Before we dig into their CSP, let's take a quick pause to hear from our sponsors. I think it's time for everyone to get a little bit more decisive. Don't you think? Like one of my philosophies in life is check the box and move on. If you need a cheese grater,
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Starting point is 00:56:40 Now, back to the show. All right, now before we do this, you have three choices of what changes you want to make. You can make no changes, a few changes, or big changes. What do you want to make? Big changes. Yeah, big changes. Okay. Great.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Let's do it. You have basically created a lifestyle where by default you spend a tremendous amount of money. Literally by default. We want to flip that. As you described it to a 180. The way I think about it is I want to by default be saving and investing a lot of money. You make $300,000 a year.
Starting point is 00:57:23 What the f***? You actually can save and invest But first you need to pay this debt off. It's Choking you. Okay. Well, if we look at your CSP right now your fixed costs are at 91% We need to bring this number down to 60% so How do you want to do it? Kathleen, do you think we can spend less on groceries?
Starting point is 00:57:50 Yes, I do. I definitely think we can bring that number down. I feel like I could bring it down at least to 1200 and with the goal of a thousand, we don't need to eat as bougie as we do. We can't. $1,200. All right, let's take a look.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Watch the number at the top here. It's currently 91%. As I change your groceries from $1,700 to $1,200, what did that number change to? 87%. Okay, we're going in the right direction. What else? We could have that Amazon number go down. 87%. Okay, we're going in the right direction. What else? We can have that Amazon number go down.
Starting point is 00:58:27 I feel like that could save $100 a month. Okay, I'll take subscriptions down from 401 to 301. Tell me what the number at fixed cost changes to. Didn't change at all. Didn't change at all. What did that tell you guys? We need to think bigger. Yes. The car payments and what we're spending on gas
Starting point is 00:58:49 and maintenance in four months, you can take $587 out of that. The car will be paid off. Okay, so it's going to go down to 1540. What did that number do right here on fixed costs? Down a couple points. It's now at 83%. We got to make bigger changes. I could sell, we could sell one vehicle. Yeah. Now we're talking. Can you survive on one vehicle? Yeah, we did for a long time. What the f**k? Why'd you buy the second then? Because we wanted a truck. I know this. We all need a truck. How much can you get selling this truck? The Blue Book value party, I believe, was 30,000. Oh, that's a lot of f*** money. Whoa. That's big time. We owe 20 ish thousand on it or so so oh never mind
Starting point is 00:59:57 Alright fine sell the truck you'll make a few thousand bucks off it fine fine 75% on fixed cost guys. We're actually like really moving in a nice direction here This is very good. Wow. Okay. I'm impressed Okay, so subscriptions at 301 What else is in this subscription Is it because your gym membership is 175? Half of it's my gym membership uh, I would probably just get rid of the gym and don home gym equipment.
Starting point is 01:00:31 You can't afford it. See how pervasive this idea of like, I'll just go buy this thing. You look a little uncomfortable for us. I make almost $300,000 a year. I should be able to go to $150 a month gym membership, but obviously we can't. That doesn't make sense. I totally agree. At $300,000 a year, it feels crazy to not be able to.
Starting point is 01:00:59 And it's gotten you to where you have, if you count the home equity line of credit, I mean, y'all have like $150,000 plus of debt. Not to mention the 401k that was cashed out and all kinds of stuff. So even though you make $300,000, you've incurred a ton of debt. Yeah. We have to change that. Yeah. And we can do it.
Starting point is 01:01:25 It's not forever. And I think if we make all these changes and then we see, let's say we have $500 after all of this every month, that's it. And we want to go to a comedy show. Well, maybe we can because we haven't eaten out all month and we can do that or whatever. And then that debt's going to come down and we're going to feel empowered and we're going to feel good and not to make an excuse but I am going to be working full-time you know eventually and bringing in more income and then we can add back in the gym and add back in the things but we just have to do it now and both of us you know.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Kathleen you're like totally bought in here like I, I love it. I'm, I'm pleasantly surprised. I think it's amazing. And what's interesting to me is that Forrest, you have been taking on the financial load, the mental and emotional load of money for a long time. But now I'm finding this dynamic is so interesting because Kathleen is totally bought in. She's now encouraging you and you are resisting. Why do you think that is? I think, and Kathleen, I think I'm being a little resistant because I'm worried that you're saying that we were going to do these things, but then fall back into old habits. And that's giving me anxiety I think. I hear you and of course that's you know
Starting point is 01:02:51 something we have to be really careful of and hold ourselves accountable and hold each other accountable. If we can't make these decisions now we're definitely not going to be able to hold ourselves to them. Thank you for saying that. I'm sorry I've been resistant or I'm sorry I'm having anxiety saying that. I'm sorry I've been resistant, or I'm sorry I'm having anxiety around it. I love what you're saying. Thanks, me too. All right, so let's get excited
Starting point is 01:03:14 about just a slightly different plan. Can we, the vacations, using your new vision, what do you think about these vacations? In 2025, Kathleen has been planning a trip Using your new vision. What do you think about these vacations in? 2025 Kathleen Has been planning a trip to go to Napa for one of her best friends 40th birthday Kathleen. How do you cook? Can you say no to going on the trip? Yeah, that's gonna be hard for me. But I mean if I if I have to I have to because I feel like You know, we said we're
Starting point is 01:03:45 not going to spend money we don't have. And that is hard for me because to me, it's not about me going and having a great time. It's me disappointing a friend. If we're looking at the numbers, what is the answer? No. If it's me, from now on, I have one religion and that religion is my rich life vision. And that religion guides me on my decisions. Okay, at least this version of the rich life vision that will change over time. Once you're debt free, you're going to change it.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Of course, of course. But for now, I need to live it and I need to show my partner that I'm living it. And sometimes that involves some sacrifice. So $810 a month for vacations. Can I just summarily just tell you guys like, can we just shortcut this and cut it to zero? No more trips. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:04:41 Okay. Gifts at 300 bucks. Give yourself the gift of being debt free. Okay. No more gifts. Long- at 300 bucks. Give yourself the gift of being debt free. Okay? No more gifts. Long-term emergency fund. Yeah, we're gonna increase that because right now it terrifies me that you have one income, virtually no savings, and you have two kids. That is a very risky place to be. It's like way, way, way too risky. So what I did was I put your emergency fund at $3,000 a month. In six months, you're gonna have almost 20 20,000, you're going to have 20,000 bucks in your
Starting point is 01:05:08 savings account. Really good. Okay, now looking at your guilt free spending, you have 15%, which of a large number is $2,144. I don't want to give up my rowing machine, but I could also join any time fitness for $20 a month, you know, so that could be a thousand dollars right there. I could sell both of my bicycles. Let's say conservatively, I could get $6,000 total for selling both of them. I would want to probably buy another like, well, the $1,500 bike to replace them.
Starting point is 01:05:45 Sorry not when you have a hundred and fifty thousand dollars of high interest debt no f***ing way. Guys come on. This is extremely fascinating to me. Notice how hard it is to change your lifestyle. Forrest is here trying to do little micro negotiations with me like telling me he really needs a $1,500 bike. What's even more interesting is that Forrest is the one who's been taking on a lot of the mental load of the family's finances. That's while Kathleen avoids it. But now that we're making changes, he's the one resisting.
Starting point is 01:06:19 And he says he's worried Kathleen won't actually follow through. It's like he's preemptively trying to make this plan fail. This is what we call self-sabotage in psychology. To me, the real reveal here is that just because one person handles the finances in a relationship, that doesn't make them skilled at it. If we're being candid, Forrest's spreadsheet and tracking have not stopped them from getting into six
Starting point is 01:06:46 figures of high interest debt. And we have to acknowledge that Kathleen has played her part by avoiding money for a long time. We're making this commitment to each other where we're not going to spend money that we don't have. And right now we have negative money. And you have the trainer downstairs for indoor cycling and you can go to Anytime Fitness and use their bikes.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Can't you ride a $300 bike, a 500? Yeah, you're right. Okay, let's get rid of them all. That was awesome. Kathleen, amazing work. I really appreciated you stepping up there and kind of communicating in a way that reached Forrest. Forrest, I appreciate you taking a step back and going,
Starting point is 01:07:26 you're right, I am creating this thing in my head. Let's actually look at a debt payoff calculator, okay? So let's take a look here. I have your home equity line of credit, which is I believe $97,000. And you're currently paying approximately $1,000 a month towards that. Your credit card is at 65,000.
Starting point is 01:07:44 How much are you paying towards that? $7 dollars a month towards that. Yeah, your credit card is at sixty five thousand. How much you paying towards that? $728 a month right now nine years is your base case for paying this off So the good news is You have a lot of fat that we found from of fat that we found from eating out and Amazon and all that stuff. So there's easily an extra thousand. There's actually more than that that you can use to pay off every month. That's the good news. The tough news is that it's going to feel really difficult to you.
Starting point is 01:08:20 You can do it, but you got to be committed to it and You have to have clear rules and one of those rules has got to be like no gimmicks I know why you're saying remove all of the gimmicks Oh god, what are we gonna do now? It just seems like leaving a lot also on the table by not doing a much smaller degree of the credit card shuffle I want you two to live your life the way you want to live it. Okay, right now you have a struggle because you have debt.
Starting point is 01:08:50 And we've spent a lot of time today talking about how you got there, which I think is very important. But I want you to start understanding the mindset of somebody who has a high income like you do, and has managed to save and invest a lot which you have not done. I am allergic to gimmicks. I don't want them. I leave money on the table because I prioritize simplicity over everything else. Most of the suggestions we're spending how much time looking two steps backwards about gimmicks
Starting point is 01:09:25 rather than moving forward on a plan. This call is gonna end at some point. You two are gonna be on your own. I'm trying to equip you with the tools to stop leaning on the crutch of a gimmick and instead start looking at deep foundational strategy. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, you're right.
Starting point is 01:09:44 I know it's hard, you can do it. Let's do it, and let's follow it. I spent a lot of time with Forrest and Kathleen working through these issues. They were able to reallocate money towards their emergency fund, and they found $13,000 worth of stuff to get rid of. Now, if we used this money to pay down some of their credit card debt
Starting point is 01:10:06 It would actually make a big difference listen in All right fine. So instead of 65,000 We will make it 52 now You know this did you all see the change it shows that instead of like basically 10 years It's seven years and five months. That's a massive change. What that shows me is every single thing you have that you can sell that is not mission
Starting point is 01:10:34 critical to your rich life vision and your family, sell it. Because even $1,000 more towards debt is a huge difference when it comes to big amounts of high interest debt Like an extra thousand dollars is actually a massive deal, which is also why going to Napa for three grand is financially devastating at this room Right see that yeah, I know because it's not just three grand It's it's the interest that would save by using that three grand to pay off it. Exactly. Now, I want to talk about what to do with your additional income.
Starting point is 01:11:13 Let's see here. You had told me, Kathleen, that you're going to make $12.99 per month additional, correct? Correct. All right. Awesome. Amazing. Hey, what are you going to do with that money? And for credit cards?
Starting point is 01:11:29 So let's put an extra 1099 per month towards your debt. Watch what happens. Are you ready? Four years and three months. Wow. That's amazing. It's actually incredible, right? Mm hmm.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Horace? Yeah, I mean that that now it feels doable. Horace, these are the things that actually move the needle. They don't require any kinds of complicated. None of that. It's just like, get the big things right, and then be patient and let the process work. All right? All right.
Starting point is 01:12:12 Was there something else about, is there any additional income that might come in? I mean, possibly for me, but I'm hesitant because I don't know how it's going to work out. I'm going to be teaching a few classes. And I think if things go the way I hope they go, that would be about 10k before taxes. But it's hard for me to put that down because it's very new. Right? Okay. Can we can we just simulate it so you can see the effect of it? Sure. Let's be conservative here. Let's say 4,000 per year. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:46 That would take out your taxes plus maybe you save, I don't know, 10% of it for family stuff. I'm being very conservative here. 4,000 per year. Remember, right now you're at to pay off your debt four years and three months. Watch what happens when we add in your $4,000 per year. This is a $4,000 like one time extra payment, right? Yep, watch what happens.
Starting point is 01:13:09 Three years, nine months. Yeah, that's great. This is why when you're facing a decision like, oh my God, I love my bike, should I sell it? It's like, sell that thing right away and put it towards the debt as quickly as possible. It pays off so fast. Next, it is about additional income,
Starting point is 01:13:27 meaning additional money put to it consistently. Nailed that as well. You put over $1,000 a month towards that. Fantastic. And then the third thing is automating the process and leaving it alone. Don't mess with it. It's like a Thanksgiving turkey. You put it in the oven, leave it alone. Don't mess with it. It's like a Thanksgiving turkey. You put
Starting point is 01:13:45 it in the oven, leave it alone, and you will know the exact month and year your debt will be paid off. How good will that feel? Amazing. And yeah, that's how I look at it. I mean, I know it's not my bike and truck, but I've given up. But for three years, let's call it four years, we're gonna suck it up and we can do this and also feel really empowered because we have a great family and we have fun watching Netflix and eating ramen, it's okay, we're still going to have all of those great valuable experiences
Starting point is 01:14:20 together with our kids, we're gonna be less bougie. And in a few years, you know, we can be smart and I'll be working more and we can start adding things back in. And hopefully in that time we'll also like have figured out how to not make the same mistakes again. So I just feel like we can do it, babe. I love hearing you say that you have this vision. Yeah. All right. Beautiful. I'm really pleased to see where this conversation has gone. I really am. I want to offer a couple of pieces of just pretty direct feedback.
Starting point is 01:14:57 Take it as you will. Again, I always tell my guests, it's your money, it's your rich life, it's your decision. I can't tell you what to do. I can simply tell you what I would do. So I have a couple things that I would do in your situation. One, I would do every single thing we talked about here, which is I would not only would I put the 13 K together immediately, I would go looking around the house with freaking binoculars and I would say, what else can we find? Let's just get it up to 15. That's our challenge. Can we get it up to 15? We got to find a way. I bet you could. I bet you could. And I would immediately put that towards whatever it is you decided. Credit card? Great. Next up, I would set up
Starting point is 01:15:43 a an appointment, a regular appointment with a therapist. I think that's going to be the glue that binds you together and keeps you focused on this vision. And just remember, it's natural. I taught you some principles and I taught you a rich life vision, but you will literally face thousands of financial decisions. And I don't expect you to get every single one right. There'll be times you go backwards, you make a mistake.
Starting point is 01:16:08 That's okay. More important is that you create a healthy culture of money so that whenever these things happen, you can recognize it and you can correct it. And you remember that you don't have to beat yourself up about it. I make mistakes with my money today, but I also trust myself to know that I will identify it and fix it each time getting a little bit better.
Starting point is 01:16:33 Let's hear their follow-ups. What I learned from this experience was just how far up Shades Creek we actually are. I think I had trouble really seeing that and accepting that previously. And more importantly, what I learned is what we can do about it. And now I feel empowered to tackle that debt and start actually saving some money and reaching our future financial goals together. And now, Forrest's follow-up. Hi, Rameet. Thank you again so much for your time.
Starting point is 01:17:07 What did I learn from this experience? Well, I learned that actually the challenge of making large changes in our life to fix some of our financial problems was more of a challenge than I thought it was going to be. I was more resistant to it than I thought it was gonna be. I was more resistant to it than I thought it was gonna be. I think it scared me, but we are gonna make some large changes. We've already put some plans together where we started looking at what we could sell the truck for. I started figuring out what my bikes are worth
Starting point is 01:17:40 and how we could sell those. And Kathleen is really motivating me and she's that partner that I need. It's sort of the fire that we needed lit under our asses to build a financial future that we're proud of and build our rich life together. I'm more excited than ever for the future and I think we can do it.
Starting point is 01:18:01 Thank you very much. Honestly, these updates are disappointing. I was looking for specific details from Forrest and Kathleen, especially after I spent a ton of time working with them line by line. The fact is, time is their enemy right now. And what they really need to do is attack their debt with overwhelming force. So my team and I went back to them and we asked them for another update weeks later
Starting point is 01:18:28 so we can hear what, if anything, they have actually done. Let's listen to an update that came several weeks later. Hi Rameet, Kathleen here. Just wanted to give you an update a few weeks after our call on how things have been going with Forrest and I. Things have been going really well. I think we have been helping each other get more comfortable with saying no to things, saying no to each other. And we're able to do that with the knowledge that
Starting point is 01:19:00 we are working towards a future that we both want, where we're both in charge of our financial freedom. We're gonna be able to take the vacation without stress one day. We're gonna be able to retire and be there for our kids and grandkids without this stress of debt over us. And that's really motivating. Also have scheduled our first counseling session
Starting point is 01:19:24 to help us kind of communicate better with each other and starting to gather everything to sell to help us get out of debt. Forrest is listing his truck for sale, my rowing machine, cancel the housekeeper, just really trying to aggressively get out of debt and get used to this new mindset of if we don't have the money for it or a plan to pay it off, we don't do it. And that's okay because life is pretty sweet without all the fancy s***. So thank you for your help and guidance and we're excited for the future. And now, Forrest's follow-up.
Starting point is 01:20:03 Hi, Ramit. Thanks again for your time. I think the biggest change that we've made is that Kathleen is now fully engaged with our finances. Before meeting with you, I felt like it was all on my shoulders. I knew we were spending too much and being irresponsible with our debt accumulation, not saving for the future. But I needed some help riding the ship so to speak. After meeting with you, I now have that partner, Kathleen, with me.
Starting point is 01:20:30 We're starting having more regular, productive meetings about our finances that we're both actively participating in. We've gotten much more comfortable saying no to the things that in the past we would have just done and worried about the costs later. I've also committed myself to simplifying the management of our finances instead of kicking the can down the road doing balance transfers and things like that. We now have a pretty solid plan to just pay it off aggressively. With my job I get paid large stock-based payouts about every six months. Over the course of about the next year,
Starting point is 01:21:13 we'll be able to take those two payouts from my stock-based income, put it directly towards funding at least a three-month emergency fund and paying off at least two of our high-balance credit cards. I think that's pretty solid plan.
Starting point is 01:21:32 This is definitely going to be a journey for us that we're going to have to stick to moving forward. But I'm confident in the plan that we have and I'm grateful that I now have Kathleen as my partner and looking forward to our future together. So again, thanks for your time. Hope to talk to you again soon. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I'm Ramit Sethi. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven't read I Will Teach You To Be Rich, my book, pick up a copy. You can get it at any bookstore or any library and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I Will Teach
Starting point is 01:22:19 You To Be Rich system into your personal finances.

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