I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 22. “I’m quitting my job, but I’m worried my husband doesn't support me”

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Alexandra and Brandon have a household income of $135,000. Alex just handed in her one week’s notice, but she still has financial needs, and she’s scared to broach the subject of spending money on herself with her husband. As we talk, it becomes apparent that self-agency has been absent from other aspects of their lives. From their relationship to career choices, both have been playing by everyone else’s rulebook but their own.  These conversations have been on the back burner for long enough—it’s time to get candid.  Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

I very much feel that whenever I want to spend money on myself it is an asking for permission and I'd rather not ask permission so I just go without. I have a question. Do I get any budget for things I need or do I need to wait until I'm earning my own money to be able to have my own budget for things I want or do I need to wait until I'm earning my own money to be able to have my own budget for things I wanna spend on myself. That's a question, that's my answer there, right? I know there's things underneath the surface

for both of us that we're not saying to each other. We maybe just harbor a bit of resentment towards each other. Hi, I'm Remi, Saitin. Welcome to the I Will Teach You Be Rich Podcast. Today, I'm talking to Alex and Brandon. Alex is 33 years old, and she's jumped from job to job for years. In fact, she just recently quit her latest job. Brandon is 34 years old, and he brings in $135,000 a year. Now, the reason that they originally reached out

was Alex felt resentful over having to ask for money, almost like an allowance, a little bit of context. Brandon brings in $135,000 a year. They have about $85,000 in savings and investments. They also have $78,000 in debt. But this relationship is unlike many others that you've heard of because Brandon and Alex were previously married, then they got divorced, and then they got remarried. In today's episode, you're gonna hear lots

of fascinating variables. You're gonna hear so much indecision. They talk around issues. You're gonna hear them admitting that they've basically done what others told them to do for most of their lives. But now Brandon and Alex are realizing that they don't really know what they want for themselves.

At times today's episode is gonna be very frustrating to listen to, but the layers here are quite fascinating. Let's listen in. When we're making financial decisions, I wish I would stand up for myself and say, like, yeah, but hold on, I wanna do these things first or can I just, you know, put some, put some input in there. And not that again, Brandon never says I can't.

I just, I just don't offer it up. So. Can we talk about those things right now? Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. So, I'm going to get acupuncture or see a chiropractor, or I like wanting to go get acupuncture or see a chiropractor or by supplements for myself on a monthly basis or go take recurring exercise classes. So things that have a recurring monthly price tag on them are the things that I find challenging

to advocate for myself because it means incorporating it into a budget and making it like a known every month thing that I have to say I'm taking this for myself. I noticed that you're talking about the things that you want to ask Brandon, do you think you could just ask him right now? I could, I could and I kind of have. I've hinted at it. And he's always very generous and welcoming. But we never have an actual conversation. And I think because it, in my mind, it needs to be a number of conversations. It can't just be me asking.

And he says, yes or no. But it's like, we actually then have to sit down and really think it through and figure out where that money comes from and how we allocate it. And then that's the conversation I don't want to have. Because what? Nothing I don't want to have it. I do want to have it, but I feel guilt because I know one of the answers is that I could earn more money and pay for myself. And then that's the answer.

So I just shouldn't ask because it's on me. Sounds like you have a lot of stories that you're telling yourself. Yep, that sounds right. What do you think those stories are? I think one is that, well, I keep saying, I don't make money, I can't make money. It's hard for me to make money.

So that's a story that's recurring. I very much feel that whenever I want to spend money on myself, it is an asking for permission. And again, not that brand and set that up. I've kind of worked that into my own mind. But yeah, it feels like I need to ask permission, and I'd rather not ask permission, so I just go without. Alex has been talking around a specific example for minutes and minutes now. It's getting a little frustrating, can't it? When I asked, do you think you could just ask him right now?

Did you notice what she did? She just started spinning. She started giving me a 50,000-foot view of what's going on, instead of just asking him the question. You'll notice this a lot. A lot of people resist giving specific examples because they're afraid if they get specific about what they want. They're going to be seen as demanding or selfish or even a bitch. But I think details and specifics are where our rich life

is created. That's why I push so hard for them. So I'm going to use a principle now that we call from the clouds to the street, which means I want to take her from the clouds. All this theoretical, meta-level hypothetical stuff down to the streets where we reside. Real examples is what I'm looking for. Top of mind is I want to be able to purchase supplements for myself every month. And I would say that total is like 150 to 200. If you're getting high quality, help supplements for yourself.

To start with, I've just been buying them little by little as I have money in my account. And then the goal, I guess, or idea was that I would be able to talk to Brandon and be like, how can we fit this into our budget? Like, an monthly thing, but the other... Ask him. He's right here. Okay, but I already... Okay. Brandon, would it be okay for me to send between 150 and $200 a month on supplements for myself. I think like we've, like we've always talked about, if it's something that you really want to do, I'm all for it.

I say, let's go. For something that's $152 a month, I do think that that warrants looking at it and like talking through, like is that a monthly cost that we can take on and that we're comfortable with? And are we going to get the benefits from that, you know, the warrant, that kind of a cost? 200 bucks a month is pretty heavy for a supplement routine. But at the same time, I'm never a yes or no, I don't make the decision. I want you to run with it and do what you feel you have to do. And I think that

as we go, we just need to check in with each other. But that's again, something where like, I don't really want the job to say, I hold the money. Yes or no, you can do it. I don't have to like, we're partners. If you feel it's right, let's do it. And then we hit a problem. Maybe we'll take each other aside and talk about it, you know. Hmm. Okay, Brandon just said a lot of words, but what did he actually say? Think back to what Alex asked him. She wanted to know if she could spend money on her health supplements. His response in plain English was, well, sure, but maybe not, but I guess it's not my place to say really, and I'll leave it up to you.

What is that answer? This is a text book example of being non-committal and indecisive. Remember earlier, I pointed out some of the reasons that people resist asking for specifics? Well, people also resist being decisive? Why? They're afraid or they're inexperienced with making decisions. Sometimes they feel the need to do more and more research, and most of the time they don't

understand the costs of kicking the can down the road. I want you to listen for this indecisiveness as the episode goes on. It is everywhere. Alex, how clear do you think Brandon wasn't his answer to your question? Pretty clear. Really, what was his answer in one sentence? Oh.

It was yes, let's spend, but also have a discussion discussion beforehand to make sure. Really, so can you go out and go get those supplements right now? No, we need to have a discussion first. Well, how many discussions are we going to have? We're going to have 10 levels of discussions here. So again, I want to ask you the question, how clear was his answer to you? Okay, maybe not as clear as I had hoped.

No, it wasn't clear at all. He didn't say anything in response to your question. You asked him, can I get these supplements? Here's how much they cost. And his answer, although it felt neutral or slightly negative, it didn't actually answer your question. I suspect that this is something that happens a lot. You two talk around it. Because we spent the first 20 minutes of this call talking about having a conversation.

Do you guys want to have the conversation right now? Yeah. Yes. Okay. So who wants to take the lead? Oh. What's that? What's that? What's that?

Sigh. It's like I don't even know. Like I know there's things underneath the surface for both of us that we're not saying to each other because we care about each other and probably don't want to bring up any tension. And so we do the dance on eggshells to walk across each other. But then we don't get anywhere with it.

We maybe just harbor a bit of resentment towards each other. And that's not good. Either I noticed that when the two of you speak, it's almost like magnets repelling right not in a bad way. I'm not saying that there's not love and respect between the two. Neither clearly is. But I noticed that you're both dance around each other. Yes, I never want to be the kind of, neither clearly is, but I noticed that you're both dance around each other. Yes, I never want to be the kind of person who says this, but we should talk about it. And, you know, of course, I'm not the decision maker.

You know, she's the decision maker, but and the truck and on and on. So ultimately you circle and dance, but there's no fulfillment. There's no answer. Sometimes the worst thing in life is to not have clarity. I don't care if I have to do something really hard. Just tell me when.

Tell me how long it's gonna last. I can do it, but I just need to know which direction to go. Yes or no. Brandon, do you see how you are playing into this as well? I do. Yes. Tell me. It comes from a place of not really actually knowing what to say, because that question that you asked Alex just a minute ago, how would that feel of Brandon said no? Or yes, how would I feel in that situation as I wouldn't feel good either way because I don't want to be the powerful keeper of the money and say, yes to this, no to that.

That's not a partnership and that's not what we've always talked about, trading. So Brandon, I'm hearing that you don't want to accept the mantle of being the holder of the purse drinks. You don't want to be the person who's saying yes and no to money. Okay, how do you make decisions? I just buy it. Hey, I appreciate the honesty. Okay, how do the two of you make decisions, Brandon? I think that Alex and I make decisions on the large things.

How? Describe it to me as if you're describing Macdonald's standard operating procedure. You come in here, you put the fries for 45 seconds. What's your SOP for making financial decisions? Step one is Alex puts together a pros and cons list on a big decision. Okay, so what do you write it on paper? Yeah, I'm all about the notebook and pens. All right. And then what happens, Brandon? And then we talk through it, and I think that we have a pretty good dialogue. I'll totally honest with you. I've taken a couple of projects to Alex where I'm like,

hey, there's this old motorcycle, this old car on Craigslist. I think that we should jump on it. It's a great deal. And we talk through it. And then at the end of it, sometimes it nets with a bottle and old motorcycle. But more often than not, it nets with a look. That's not something

we need to take on right now. We have other priorities that we need to take care of. Okay, great. You have more of a refined decision making process than most. So I want to applaud you both for that. So if you have this SOP or this way of making decisions? Can we connect that to this question about supplements? We could. I think it's because it's not a joint thing. If it's something just for me, that's where the hang up is, is because he's not benefiting in any way from this. This is just me getting something I want.

So Alex, what is the SOP for making decisions when it's just for you or just for him? If it's just for me, then it's, do I have enough money to cover it or not? And if I don't, then it's a, don't buy it until you have enough money. Okay, very straightforward. I can't tell you how many times I've told her,

go buy the jeans, go buy the shoes, just do it, just buy that stuff because I think that she feels bad about spending any kind of money on herself. And I think some of it is some family inherited stuff of just preconceived ideas, but I think a larger part of it is the I've just preconceived ideas, but I think a larger part of it is the contribution thing because it's been an Issue for Alex and I in the past, you know, we've had conversations. We've had fights about this and and I think that her mind constantly goes back and I don't think that we fully resolved that When I look at our finances, I consider them to be a team effort and It goes into the pool and that's our money. You know, like if I'm not just like, right on,

that sounds great. Let's do it by those supplements. Then she feels automatically, I'm feeling resentful. I don't want her to spend this money because a part of me feels like she's not contributing. Uh oh, did you hear the C word? It's the word that comes up almost 100% of the time when one partner earns way less than the other. That word contribute.

Lower earners are obsessed with the word contribution. How much do I contribute? I want to contribute. There are other ways of contributing besides making money. Who's contributing? Now, the dynamics of a higher earner and a lower earner are very tricky. I've covered this in previous episodes of this podcast. But one general rule is,

the higher earner must be aware of these dynamics and take on the responsibility of making the lower earner feel comfortable. For Alex and Brandon, one of the biggest driving forces behind their problem is simple. Alex doesn't earn enough money to live the lifestyle she wants. To live that lifestyle, she needs Brandon to help fund it. Well, my question then is, why did she just quit her job? I want to know if you've had discussions about Alex quitting her job.

So this most recent one was not as much of a discussion as it was like, I just need to get out of this. Previous times this has happened. We did have conversations. I'm now realizing that like Brandon's use to this perhaps. How many times has it happened? I've had like 10, 15 different jobs. Like I've done so many different things. It's kind of crazy. Why, why 10 to 15? I mean, maybe that's thinking back too far. That's not since graduating college. It's like from high school through now,

I've probably had like 15 different jobs. Yeah, life has just been wild. I think for a long time, I was trying to fulfill other people's ideas of who I was. And then I've also tried to like do things that I think this is who I am. And then I actually tried different things and don't just have one set trajectory.

And then when I thought I had a set trajectory, that's when we got a divorce. And then that threw that out of the window as well. And so everything just got tossed up in the air again. What age were you when you both got divorced? So we got divorced in 2015. I was 20, we were like 27. Okay. And then how many years until you got back together?

It was like two years until we officially got back together, but there was back and forth in that two years as well. And what was the reason that you got divorced and is that reason still present in the relationship? I think we got married very young. We got married when I was 21 and she was 20. And you know, we were playing at this fairy tale story and I think at a certain point,

we just kind of hit a wall where at least and I'm speaking for myself here, I was just like, what the hell am I doing? I'm grinding, making zero money. And you know, we got married so young, we aren't fully formed people, we need to be going off and doing our own thing, separating, and then being apart for a while, we did kind of realize that, you know, we are very good together, but I think that a lot of the issues do kind of exist, of like, you know, we both had that thing of like, we got out of college, we felt like

we were just like fulfilling these steps that were already laid out for us. Like it was just everybody assumed, oh you guys are going to get out of college, Brandon, you're going to get a job, you guys are going to have kids, and I think that we both kind of got out of that. We're like, I think that's not us, that's not our decision. Okay. Okay. You two are not sure about $200 a month's supplements. What do you notice so far? One pattern I notice is that they describe their lives almost as if they're watching themselves float down the river of life, not as an active participant, but just as an observer. It's like they're Patrick Swaisy coming out of their own bodies in ghost.

And I see this a lot. The idea that life happens to you instead of you being able to influence it. In my experience, this habit of being passive is extremely difficult to change. One of my favorite things to talk about? Is this concept of money dials? The areas where you love to spend money. The most common one is food, the next most common one is travel, and the third most common one. A top money dial is health and wellness.

Now I get it. I spend a lot on certain areas of my life. For me, I love hotels that falls under luxury. I love convenience that falls under having my food delivered, etc. And I also love the ability to spend on health and wellness, like a personal trainer or selecting where I stay by how close the gym is. Health and wellness is a top money dial for most of my audience. That's why I'm excited to partner with Ness,

who I wanna tell you about today. With the Ness card, you can earn five X points on health and wellness spending at grocery stores, gyms, salons, pharmacies, restaurants, and two X points on everything else. Then, just like you use travel card points for travel rewards, you can redeem the points from your nest card

for health and wellness experiences. This could be things like a Chipotle burrito, to recovery gear, to an all-inclusive retreat. Now, in my own personal life, I love spending money on health and wellness. I have a personal trainer. I get a weekly beard trim. I buy protein powder and when I travel I make sure to prioritize where I'm staying by how close it is to a good gym. Right now Ness is offering a 50,000 point bonus to members who spend $6,000 in

the first 90 days plus a $200 statement credit for health and wellness spending. They have a special offer for our I will teach you to be rich listeners. An extra 5,000 point bonus when you apply for the Nest Card and get approved using the link nesswell.com slash remit. That's n-e-s-s-w-e-l-l.com slash r-a-m-i-t. Offer and Benefit Terms Apply. There are a couple things that drive me insane. One, when I post a picture eating Mexican food in LA and 7,500 people help me tell me

that their favorite hot sauce is topatillo. And second, is getting spam calls or spam texts on my phone. I mean, how many times a day do you get a call from some unknown number? Or better yet a text from X, F, three, five, four, Z telling you that there's a problem with your electric bill. I'm busy. I want to focus on my day. I do not want to deal with spam phone calls.

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There's no ads, no tracking. The best part is it's affordable. You can protect your whole family for less than $7 per month. So if you want to protect yourself and your family from phone scams, go to NOMO Robo.com slash remeat for a 14-day free trial. That's n-o-m-o-r-o-b-o dot com slash remeath R-a-m-i-t. Maybe part of the problem is we let life decide for us.

Tell me. Yeah, we kind of wait and see what happens and we have tentative goals or things we think we want in life, but we wait until There's a sign or something happens that allows that to be possible. And then we jump on it versus yeah, deciding for ourselves, what we actually want and then going for it. Tell me a time you let life decide for you. I think that's how I roll pretty much. Even with all the jobs I've had, I throw a wide net at a bunch of different things and then I see what comes back and then I go with it. That seems to be quite a repeating pattern in my life in general. It's people pleasing.

I very much am concerned with how I viewed and what other people think about me and that is what informed a lot of Brandon Mind's relationship in the beginning. The whole reason we got married to begin with was actually because other people didn't like the idea of us living together. And parents and even friends chimed in saying like, well, you shouldn't live together before you're married. And so we kind of did a double take at each other and like, oh, oh, my gosh, I got, yeah, you're right. I guess we shouldn't, you know, live together before we're married. And so we got married. Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is, so I've heard

stories about this happening because I have friends in high school But I've never had the chance to meet an actual couple who did this so when I understand everything up to yeah The moment where you looked at each other and you go, I guess we should get married so you're young you're like in your late teens early 20s and Was there a moment where you said Let's just not live together. Let's just, you know, we'll date each other, but we're not going to live together. Was there a moment where you had that conversation?

I don't think so, Brandon. Do you remember? I don't think so. I think we were fully bought in on this storybook story, and we were just in a way content, just like playing it out, playing out. Where'd it come from? Parents.

Religious? Religious? Religious? Yes, we got married in the Catholic Church. Neither of us are Catholic anymore. Right. Was it unusual for you in your peer group to get married that young? No, weirdly no.

Catholic? Is that what it was? Catholic and then also like Mormon friends. Those are the other group of people doing that or on that day. I think parents were one thing. I think we were just very young and kind of swept up in this thing of, you know, we're high school sweethearts, we're going to get married anyways. My instinct was kind of like, oh, we've always been told that we're the good kids. Like, we're the good kids. This is just what you do.

Wow. It's almost like you're just following a path that has been created for you. And not surprisingly, a few years later, you both start to ask yourself, did we ever intend to go down this path? Were we ever intentional about it? Yeah.

OK. OK, I'm understanding now. So you divorce, you then get back together. Now, here's the question. Do you still have some of those same beliefs that caused you to go down other people's paths? You still have some of those same beliefs today. I think I do. And I think that's part of the problem is even though logically I can know and understand certain things and not want to repeat patterns. It's like there's a subconscious block that's there that I need to like work to get rid of. And I think one of those stories is that the husband is the provider.

And the woman stays at home and has the kids because that's what my mom did, that's what Brandon's mom did, that's what our grandma's did, like that's the women and our family. It was the role. They weren't career oriented. They didn't have jobs. They stayed at home with kids. These are great examples of invisible scripts. All of us were raised with beliefs

that are so deeply helped. They're invisible to us. Alex saw the women in her life, staying home with kids, not having a career. And so she believed, how many ways do you think she absorbed the message that working is not for women? Think about the specific times she might have picked up

those messages. Maybe her mom once said, that's what men are for. Maybe her aunt once said, why would you work? Maybe her grandma had her own phrases. These are the types of messages that we invisibly absorb for years and often decades. We're all guided by invisible scripts. Sometimes those invisible scripts are positive, like working hard gets you good results.

But other times, those invisible scripts do not serve you anymore. Now, for Brandon, recall his lack of specifics, his inability to make a decision. I wanna tackle that. You think we can make a change on that? If you were to say no to Alex, no, you can't buy this. Would it make you the bad guy? Yeah, oh my gosh, there it is. I've never thought of it in that way before.

He doesn't want to be the bad guy and tell me no. And he's operating with that story in the back of his mind. And that's why he dances around. Do we don't quite answer it? Brandon, what would happen if you were to say no? Play it out for me? I think that if I was to say no, on my side of things,

I would feel hypocritical, I would feel misogynistic in a way, I'd feel overbearing. And then on how it's a side of, I feel like she would feel her belittled lesson like, you know, that her voice isn't strong and as worthy as mine. What do you get to become when you avoid making a decision?

A good guy. So you're doing everything to fulfill the idea of being the good guy. I'm not the one who has to hold the checkbook. It's both of ours. I love you. I trust you. You make the decision. You're the good guy because it's not up to you.

There's only one problem. I think the problem is the input. If I'm providing, does that mean that I need to assume their responsibility? Or does it mean that I have to find in myself the ability to buy into us completely as a couple as a team to say, whatever I produce in this world is a hundred percent mine and Alex's we share. Well, I don't know the answer to that, but you two do. You haven't had the courage to confront it. You earn the money, Brandon. That's not there's nothing misogynistic about saying that. You are the earner for this family.

Fine. You've accepted that. Fine. That doesn't necessarily mean that you make all financial decisions for the family. That's a separate issue. Let's first acknowledge you are the earner for the family. Can we all agree on that? Yes.

Okay. So you tell me, how do the two of you want to make small financial decisions? Let's start there. For the small decisions like supplements? Yes. I want Alex to come to me and say I want to spend on this. And then we both look at our bank accounts and determine whether or not that's the way to move forward. Okay. Well, she did that. She came to you and said, I want to spend $200 a month. So, you have all your finances in front of you. Now, I want to watch the two of you make this decision.

Okay. What I would say and what I've been hesitant to say or don't say to Brandon is that I feel this is a reasonable ask because if I'm to tally up the amount you spend per month on yourself or on the things you yeah you buy just for you this is minimal comparatively so it's not that much and I should be able to just get it but I also want you to know that you spend this much more than I do. Yeah. I think I could find, you know, the little things that eBay purchases, you know, the things here and there that I'll add up that I'm not spending on myself. Yeah, and that's fair.

But I think it all comes back to, I think both of us need a framework to work with it because you've got the supplements and believe it, when I say this, I want you to do everything because again, like I want you to feel empowered to do these things and I want these things for you, absolutely, but you do have supplements, dance classes. We spend a good amount on some kind of upscale groceries

to buy certain things. So there's just like, when you start to kind of stack things up and I do the same thing, it becomes a lot and then all of a sudden we're in the zone where it's scary because we don't save or like we're spending more than our means, and we're not chipping away at our bad debt that we need to get out of here.

So a $200 a month thing I feel like is just, that's definitely something we need to consider. It really has to be beneficial to us as a family. So I want that. I just, I want to step back and take a look at that It really has to be beneficial to us as a family. So I want that. I just, I want to step back and take a look at that and say, is there a good reason to be spending this money on a monthly basis? Alex, I want you to contribute to our bottom line

so that when we have these discussions, we can come to it as equal partners. I understand it's important to you that I am contributing to this. It may not be at an equal amount, but something. And I'm aware that's important to you. And I want to be able to provide that. I'm sorry, I haven't been able to do it to the level you've wanted. The other thing I want is I do want us to look at all the finances. Like my first step in this dance

is I want us to read Remedes book together and go through it and make sure we're on the same page. Even though I don't have the contributing finances yet, I want us to start off on the same page, even though I don't have the contributing finance is yet, I want us to start off on the trajectory of knowing where our finances are at, and then when I have the income to provide, we're just that much more prepared and ready to allocate everything accordingly. What did you just hear Alex say to you in one sentence? She wants me to be on board with her vision of managing the finances. I feel like I'm feeling resentment, like you don't like that it's my vision, that maybe you have a different idea that you'd want me to hear? Yes, I want us to be aligned on a compromise of yours and mine. Mine, I don't want to manage to a fine point, the granular finances. I work a lot in a stressful environment, and I don't want to chase down every dollar.

I wish that I was super financially savvy, and like with the stock market, I could do all that, but my brand doesn't really work that way. And I want you to take ownership of the finances for us to include paying bills and all that. But like Remiets said, I have serious concerns about some of the freedoms within that income that I'm bringing in that I'm concerned with,

that I will lose the freedom to exercise some of the things that feed my soul after working a long day. Okay, Paz Paz, this is great. Alex, he just said a lot. What do you take away from that? It makes me so excited. You saying that you would want me to like, pay bills and be on top of this?

I'm like, yes. And guess what? You haven't read Remeads book yet, but I know his ways. And all you're talking about is Remeads book yet, but I know his ways. And all you're talking about is Remeads Rich Life, the things that are important to you and you want to spend money on. I'm not going to nitpick those things. If those are the things that truly bring you joy in life, I'm going to put that in the

Rich Life category. And we're going to figure out all the other expenses in budgeting and other areas that are less meaningful to us. So it will all be okay and you don't need to worry about being limited or cut off in the areas that are important to you and that can be conversations we can have. I feel entitled to that release because I work hard and I think it is just like I work hard and it's stressful and there's a lot going on. And so sometimes I do feel entitled like if I want to go on eBay, I've earned that and I'm going to do it. I'm not going to ask anybody. I'm

not going to explain myself to anybody. I get that. Validate him Alex. Yeah, brand you do work really hard. You work incredibly hard. You are a great leader in your work and I'm so impressed by all the things you do and you do deserve that time to, yeah, kick back, relax, work hard again in your own way in your garage and your projects. Yes, this is great. One thing that I'm afraid of is we go through a remeads strategy and then we find that like, look, there's a hundred bucks at the end of the month that is like free of views. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, I can't do anything with that, you know?

Like, my projects need more than that or whatever. Ask a question Brandon. So how do we go through this process but retain my ability to exercise my audience? That's a great question. I'm not exactly sure, but I think it might be making adjustments in other categories. If you had $100 a month, Brandon, is that too little? That's too little. If you had $500, is that too little?

$500 could do it. That's it. All we had to do is ask two numbers, and we got the answer. Maybe let's bump that up. Pick a number. It's not my budget, it's yours. I'm thinking about larger projects. And I think about, OK, well, if I need to do something

heavy and I got to save over the course of like three or four months, you know, and how do I do that? Just give me some specifics here. I'm dying for some specifics. You guys are going to walk out of this call feeling really good and tomorrow you're going to wake up and realize you have no plan whatsoever. And it's going to be like another conversation you had where nothing gets solved. I am dying for specifics here, please.

$500 a month would be a workable budget. Lovely. $6,000 a year. Buy all the car parts you want and motorcycles, I love it. I'm so happy. Of course, you can adjust that number if you want. Perfect. This isn't set in stones. I have a question. Do I get any budget for things I need or do I need to wait until I'm earning my own money to be able to have my own budget for things I want to spend on myself. That's a question. That's my my answer there, right? It's not mine unless you want me to allocate your money for you. I'll be happy to do it.

You might not like what I allocated to though. For me, I have to be the good guy, so you're going to have to take the cell. The answer is just as I have a budget for my stuff, I want you to have the same budget for your stuff. Is it an even budget or is it a minimized budget because I'm not contributing as much? Like, do I not get as much? I know you're saying equal,

but I'm giving you the opportunity to speak your truth if you really think that it shouldn't be even and I will respect that. I don't know. I don't know not that I even because of input. Again, I'm doing my absolute best to look at all of this as like equal partnership. Like where me came to me and asked what was my budget, what's your budget for your stuff that would provide you with the stuff that makes you happy and fulfilled and feel like you've got what you need for the month? It might be around that $500 mark also.

If I'm living my rich life and really the things I want to do. Okay. I don't know if we have a thousand a month to allocate to this. I kind of feel like we don't. So we're thinking kind of lofty here. But once we go through everything, we'll know for sure. And then we can talk then to find what the real number is. Okay. I love it. It's so far. I'm loving this. I love a couple of things about this. One, I love it. I love it so far. I'm loving this. I love a couple of things about this.

One, I love that you're both asking each other these very crisp, candid questions. Hey, how much do you need to feel good about your hobbies? Well, okay, I gave you my number. Now, I got to ask you the same question. How much do you need? I love that. That's a pretty pointed direct question. I love that you both have the courage to do it.

The other thing I love, Alex, you said, I don't know if we actually have this much money, but let's at least take these guesses and go figure out the plan. That is a beautiful way of thinking about it. You know the most important thing you're doing right now is coming up with some basic frameworks for your finances. Now you need to go test it against reality and see how much you have every month. But guess what? Maybe you don't have enough to do it. Okay, you both cut your number down by 25%. Great. Oh, you know what,

that's not going to let me have enough for my motorcycles and I really want it. I'd like to discuss with you that I want to have a little bit more. And Alex, I think for the time being, I'm going to need you to take a little bit less. Of course, when you earn more, we can discuss, explain. Whatever is your framework. I love that you're both getting into making decisions right now. Brandon, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I think what you're going to realize when you finally check all these boxes is how much of reality you've been ignored.

The numbers are the numbers are already there. They're happening. One way or another, it's just that you haven't been intentional behind it. I think you're going to realize how indirect you two have been with each other and how just setting simple rules like I want you to manage the conscious spending plan. And I want you to pre-read before we come Sunday at 11 a.m. It's clarified so many things. Finally, I think that you are going to both start to realize, yeah, okay, we have a long road ahead of us in terms of paying off our debt and maybe I can't spend as much as I wanted to on the things I want in the short term.

But we actually have control of our money. We can decide if we want to pay off our debt faster. We can decide if we want to pay off our debt faster. We can decide if we want to live somewhere else. We can decide if financially we want to have kids. We now have control of our money. We can see more than 50 yards ahead. That is an incredibly powerful feeling. Incredible! Most people believe it or not. Most people would rather

not know the truth. Even though it feels painful, you know, every day they're fighting and dead it up, but they don't want to know the truth because they have to look at the whole picture. And it's scary. You two are showing a lot of courage. You are courageous enough to confront reality, to look at the numbers, to really build some bridges in your own relationship. And the answers are going to be scary. Yeah, you have a lot of debt. Yeah, you might not be able to spend as much as you want. But you are in charge now. The world isn't passing you by. You are in charge. That's right, where we want to be. So, I'm going to be a great friend of mine.

I'm going to be a great friend of mine. I'm going to be a great friend of mine. I'm going to be a great friend of mine. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I'm Remiith Saiti. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. To find our entire back catalog of podcast episodes, go to iwt.com slash podcast. I'm given away a signed copy of my book.

Send me a screenshot. Show me that you're following my podcast on Apple or Spotify, and I'll pick one listener to send a free signed copy of my book right out to you. Here's what you'll find next week on the I Will Teach to Be Rich podcast. Getting into the house, there was more things that needed to be fixed, that more than met the eye originally originally and it was overwhelming to me

I felt that same horrible feeling like oh gosh the spigot has been open the money spigot and it's never gonna stop like the faucets Never gonna stop. I said no amount of money that we make will make you feel secure because If we're making a million dollars a year, you're going to think, oh, we need two million or a million and a half. And then just going to keep escalating.