I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 91. “I helped pay off his $30k+ credit card debt and he didn’t even care” (Part 1)
Episode Date: April 18, 2023Nicole and Jorden are in their 30s and have been dating for four years. Nicole recently graduated from college, jumping into an orthodontics career starting at $400,000 a year. Jorden’s failed perso...nal training business, and lack of resolve to improve his situation, have her questioning everything. This episode is brought to you by: Sakara | Right now, Sakara is offering our listeners 20% off their first order. Use code RAMIT during checkout at Sakara.com/ramit for 20% off all nutrition programs and wellness essentials. BetterHelp | Visit betterhelp.com/ramit today to get 10% off your first month. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors. Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/RAMIT. Links mentioned in this episode Join the LIVE watch party of my Netflix Show Netflix show BTS newsletter (limited time only) Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Get Money Coaching with Ramit Connect with Ramit Download the Conscious Spending Plan Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Let me read what you wrote in your application to me.
Cool.
Bosh.
Can I read from this?
You can read from it.
You wrote.
We recently had an argument that escalated our previous conversations from,
quote, are we financially ready to be engaged?
To quote, this man needs to pack his bags.
How are we going to make big purchases together
when his credit score shuts it down?
I'm now angry, upset, frustrated
that I didn't find out our huge financial differences
four years ago.
Am I overreacting or is it time to find a partner
who matches me financially?
Oh, gosh.
I'm sorry that I just, I was in an angry place
and I hate just hearing those words.
I don't mean that to Jordan. I was just an angry place.
Can I should I continue or not?
It's totally... I don't even want Jordan to hear you. I feel like that's not honest. I don't want Jordan to hear that.
Jordan, what do you think from all the things that you just heard from Nicole?
That's a lot.
Second year. Nicole is 30 and Jordan is 34.
I'd like to introduce you to this couple today.
She's an orthodontist, he's a personal trainer, and for most of his life, he's carried credit
card debt.
That issue is leading Nicole to question their relationship.
In this episode, you're going to hear about income disparities and class and ambition. Listen closely, because I think a lot of the issues affecting
Nicole and Jordan also affect a lot of us. Now, if you'd like, you can watch this full
episode on YouTube where you can see their body language and facial expressions and those
add a whole new dimension to these conversations.
One last thing before we start, a lot of you have been listening for a while.
I appreciate you listening.
I appreciate you sharing this on social media.
Thank you.
If you have not yet taken control of your money, then I want to encourage you to.
It's one thing to listen for entertainment.
It's another thing to listen to find some tidbits and lessons you can apply to your relationship.
But I don't want this to just be entertainment for you.
I want you to take control of your rich life.
You can do that in a few ways.
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It's called I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
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Next, you can get my journal.
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there, I do it every single month. And of course, you can watch my Netflix show, which is coming out.
Thanks for listening, thanks for watching, let's get into it.
I was helping Jordan pay off the credit card debt.
I started in the summer of last year, and when we were getting close to the end of paying
it off, I walked into the kitchen and I was like, I think we're going to pay off it.
I think we're going to pay it the last payment this month.
And I was really excited.
And I was like, we should, we should just not celebrate.
And then Jordan was cooking and he was busy in the kitchen
and he was like, well, I just don't think it says,
dire as you do.
And I was like, what do you mean?
It's not, like what do you mean by the credit cardets,
not dire to you?
And from what I remember Jordan was telling me that,
I've always had credit cardets.
It's always been something I've had.
I'm used to having credit cardets. It doesn't seem like something that's extreme. And in my head,
I was thinking, well, there's no point in investing. There's no point in doing anything else
if we have a high interest credit card at. But I didn't, I couldn't really communicate
everything that I wanted to or really see where he was. And so we just walked away from
that conversation.
You just walked out of the kitchen? I knew where that conversation was going to go. I
could see Jordan getting stressed and I knew it was going to go to, I just told
making enough money. I feel like I am doing everything it can with my business. It's
going to go into that way of him stressing about his business and how much income he's making. I was shocked. Before we had communicated about the credit card that
in we were living in Colorado, he would say like, I feel like I make progress towards paying it off
and then I get a setback and I back to where I am. And so the whole time we're in Colorado,
like well, when I start making money, like we're going to be a team, we're to have a second income, and I'll be able to help you with that, because Jordan supported
me a lot when I wasn't Colorado, and I had no income. So I thought that was my way of
giving back, and I was going to be able to support him for our future.
So I just felt like, well, we are not, we were not thinking about this the same at all when I started contributing
towards that.
I didn't feel like he understood me at all.
How much was this debt that we're talking about here?
It was probably, it was around, it was a 25,000 roughly.
31, but 31.
Okay. 31,000 and you both together paid it off in about six months.
Is that right?
Yeah, five or five months.
So she was coming in to celebrate.
Like first of all, do you both think that that's good, bad, impressive, mediocre?
What do you both think about paying off 30k
of credit card debt in about five months?
I was excited.
Okay. Jordan?
I mean, yeah, when you look at it like that, it's probably not a lot of people who could
accomplish that.
Yeah.
Look at it like what?
But looking back, just looking in in simple terms,
like, you know, he paid off $30,000 in five, six months.
What would be the opposite of simple terms?
I guess the way I look at it through my lens,
tell me, my viewpoint of like, again, this is great,
but it's like not fixing the root cause of what stresses me out.
So that's why it was, for me, it was great, but like this has been a situation that I've
been in before where I have paid off my credit card debt and then business would be really
slow and I would have to rack it up again just for basic expenses and stuff like that. So for me, it was very like, yeah, this is great, but
like it's not fixing the root of my stress, I guess. You get nervous talking about money?
Oh, nervous, yeah, a little bit. I noticed your breath is catching even as you're recounting
that story. Yeah, it's, I guess it's a, like I said, it's a tough conversation because it is something
that causes so much stress for me.
Like what?
What kind of stress?
Um, I guess like maybe fear, you know, not being able to help her eye for us or her
future family.
Do you want to reflect on that at all now that the other person is here in the room?
Yeah, I mean, I definitely have looked back at that conversation a few times.
And it would be like, and that was kind of been a catalyst for me to figure out,
like, okay, I need to handle my stress better, but it's definitely something that, you know, not a conversation that I was I'm proud of
by any means.
Have you two talked about that conversation since then?
Um, I don't think so more so in this forum, I guess, like when we talked with Heather,
we talked about a little bit, but we haven't really sat down and discussed it.
You want to do it right now?
Sure.
Sure.
All right.
Why don't you two talk and I'll observe.
Go ahead.
Nicole, I appreciate everything that you have done to help and support me, including helping me
with my credit card debt because I know that that is something that is important for our
future.
And while I still have some things to figure out and work on as far as, you know, growing my business to avoid
having that issue in the future. I really appreciate that you have, that you helped me with that
and that's one of the things that I love about you. Thank you. I was like, one of the first times Jordan saved me for that.
So thank you.
It's kind of beautiful to watch.
Almost, almost wish it had happened earlier.
It's such a way of connecting.
What did you feel Jordan as you were saying, what you said?
What did you feel Jordan as you were saying what you said? Um, gratitude, appreciation.
Yeah, that's cool.
And how about for you, Nicole?
I know that Jordan is grateful.
I know that deep down because we've Jordan have been together for years.
I know he's not great with apologies by no one he's sorry.
I know how his body language speaks more to me than how he burbleses things,
but it is really nice to see here and work sometimes that he's thankful.
All right. Well, I love watching that.
Let's talk a little bit more about the credit card debt,
and let's talk a little bit more about what brought you here.
You had this credit card debt.
Jordan, what was this credit card debt.
Jordan, what was the credit card debt incurred for?
Part of it, just business expenses.
Like what?
Like just, I guess general operating expenses,
like coaching,
and then just basic living expenses, groceries, gas.
How long did it take you to incur that 30K of credit card debt?
It was probably over a couple of years, two, three years.
Did you think at any point, like, this is a problem, or was it more like,
I'll solve it when I start making more money?
I guess I didn't look at it as like a big problem.
I looked at it, I guess as more as like I was doing
what I had to do to, you know, live and build the business and there are times where
I'd have a really good month or two, I'd pay off a lot of it and then fall back into
it slow down again.
And so it was something that I always felt like eventually I'll be able to figure it out
and even things out.
So many things to notice already.
First, Jordan is literally shaking as he's talking.
And if you're not watching this on YouTube, I would encourage you to.
I have to step back here for a second and tell you how much I appreciate my guests coming
on this show and talking about these topics.
It's not easy. Would you come on a show in front of millions of people and share every bit
of your finances? Or would you talk about your relationship issues in front of all these people?
I have to give it up for Jordan and Nicole for coming on here and for every single guest
who has the courage to come on here and ask for help.
And I am honored that they come here and put their trust in me.
Now, for Jordan, we can already see, we can even feel that money goes way deeper for him
than numbers.
And all of us are emotional about money, but his body is screaming it.
I also noticed that his views on debt are really different than Nichols.
He shrugs off debt, as he says, quote, I didn't look at it as a big problem.
But Nicole sees it as a huge problem, And I can guarantee there's more to this difference
than just debt alone.
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When did you first realize that you might not see money the same way? Probably towards the end of 2021 when she was getting ready to graduate and we're planning
to move to California.
She wanted to buy house.
I was very on the fence about it,
but there was a lot of conversations.
That was really the first time I think is when we started
having the contentious conversations around money.
I felt it was gonna be a lot more expensive
and stressful than just continuing to rent for a year, especially since we were moving halfway
across the country. I just felt like it was not a great time to be doing that.
And what do you remember, Nicole saying?
remembered Nicole saying. I basically remember a lot of it was like this is what she really wanted and with the money
that she was going to be making, that it was something we could afford to do.
She wasn't going to ask me to contribute to the mortgage if I didn't feel like I could
reasonably to start off with. So eventually I was like, okay, this probably makes
sense for the both of us given where we are, but it wasn't something I was
completely comfortable with. Can I go out on a limb here and make a wild guess? So
this whole conversation about we can afford it.
My guess is that neither of you ever pulled out
any specific numbers about a house and calculated
actual income versus how much you could afford
for total cost of ownership for a house.
Wild guess, am I right or wrong?
It is because I wasn't ready to buy a house.
What a shock. What a shock.
What a shock.
And how about for the person who wanted to buy the house Nicole?
I did do numbers.
No, maybe not as specifically as I said.
What, what, what, what, what did you do?
But I was thinking how much money I'd be bringing in.
And I was, I was calculating the property tax I'd be paying.
How much I would be paying in the interest and my mortgage,
and in the area we wanted to live, we were looking to rent, we were both on the same page to rent,
in the beginning, we thought we'd rent for a year or two to figure out what we wanted to be,
and so we were looking at apartments, and I'm looking and I'm like, oh my gosh,
like to just have what we have right now, we're gonna be paying almost $4,000 a month.
So keep going.
I'm waiting for the final sentence here.
Keep going.
All right.
And then I thought we might as well buy the house.
I know.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I've listened to your podcast.
So that is your analysis.
Those are the numbers that you basically said,
hey, it's really expensive
to rent here. Therefore, we might as well buy. I know, I know I fell into the trap. Yes.
Okay, hold on. I'm not letting you off the hook yet. Okay. We're going to get to your numbers
too. I see them here. When you said I looked at the taxes and the more that's good. That's
more than 90% of people do. How did you decide if you could afford it or not?
I was thinking how much income that I would be having, how much money I would be taking home.
Okay. Red flag number one. Red flag number one is when you you answer my question by saying I was thinking.
That's like, okay. Alright. Fine. So you were thinking I'm going to be making a lot
of money and the mortgage is less money. So therefore I can afford it. Is that the
analysis you did? And not quite. It's like that basic. I know I know I have a lot of student
debt too. So I was accounting for my student debt payment and I'm thinking I'm still going
to have money left over way more than I have right now.
So.
Did you do any ratios at all?
Was there a ratio, like a percentage in that analysis?
To be straightforward, I did not have a percentage.
Thank you.
There's not a percentage.
Admitting it.
Okay.
Why is my greatest joy in life catching someone in the act of saying they bought a house
by running the numbers, but then discovering they actually didn't?
Like, what is wrong with me?
You know some people like to do thousand piece puzzles, some people go and build houses.
I sit here on a podcast and relish every second of finding someone in a money lie and then
slow walking them to the very end of the plank where
somebody like Nicole finally admits, no, I actually did not have a percentage.
And the worst part of this whole thing is I have a gigantic smile on my face right now.
I love my life.
I actually love what just happened.
And this is why I think there's something wrong with me.
Anyway, let's all take a moment of silence for yet another person who listens to this
podcast and subscribes to my free newsletter and that does exactly the opposite of what
I say.
What can you do?
People are people and they want to buy what they want to buy.
Let's take a look at their numbers.
Remember, she makes a lot of money.
She's mentioned not earning a lot and she helped him pay off his credit card debt.
Let's look at your income. I find this to be very interesting. Jordan, can you give me your
gross monthly income? It's on average just under $6,000.
$5,800. Yeah, a month, okay. And, uh, all right, so you make about $70,000 a year.
And, all right, so you make about $70,000 a year.
And Nicole, how about you? Monthly.
Gross is $33,000.
33,000.
So collectively, you make $465,000.
Yeah.
That sounds like a little or a lot.
More than I ever thought I'd ever bake.
Yeah, Jordan? Definitely, definitely a lot.
You ever find it interesting that there's so much stress around money and you're making
almost half a million dollars in your early 30s?
I guess when you put it like that, yeah.
Like I'm just reading the numbers.
I mean, maybe if you guys make a million dollars, then all the problems will vanish.
What do you think?
No?
A lot of silence on this call.
Probably not.
Hmm, that's so shocking.
All right, so I think that's a lot of money. That's why I'm not super concerned about the debt
nor our unit goal.
It sounds like you're pretty savvy.
A financially savvy person goes, yeah, I have a lot of debt.
Yeah, I know that.
And I make a lot of money.
That's how I make money because I incurred that debt.
Jordan, how much are you making per month?
If you subtract your business expenses out?
Roso would be around 3500. Okay, so you're making 3500, she's making 33,000.
What do you all think about that?
I would like for mine to be a lot closer to hers.
Okay, how are you going to do that?
That's what I've been trying to figure out, I guess, is what has
contributed to a lot of the stress.
I totally get it.
I'm just asking for your plan.
Do you have a plan as to how you're going to increase 3,300 a month?
Yeah, I mean, I'm putting in more work as far as producing more content, trying to generate more leads,
talk to more people.
In my business, that would be an extra one to two clients a month.
Okay, great.
What's the deadline?
Um. I guess I would be realistic to end of 2024.
That would be realistic.
If I don't be optimistic, I'd say this here.
I don't know. Just give me a deadline.
So you don't have a deadline. It sounds like.
Is that fair?
That's not fair. I don't know, just give me a deadline. So you don't have a deadline, it sounds like. Is that sure? Yes, no, that's there.
You think that this is a major source of the contention
in this relationship?
Nicole?
I think so.
I think it's not knowing when we can really start
planning for kids in the future.
Nicole makes 33,000 a month and he makes 3500 a month.
So she makes about 10 times what he makes.
There's a previous episode, number 65 and number 66, where Connie made $200,000 a month
and West Bay $2,000 a month.
She made 100x what he was making.
In those episodes, I talked about class differences and assortative mating and all kinds of subtle
differences that emerge in couples like this.
We already see that here.
Nicole is saying she's alarmed that Jordan didn't really consider his debt a problem.
That's a different way of looking at money that goes beyond Jordan. She's also saying that indecision is a problem for her. Another typical class difference
in planning. You know, socioeconomic systems and class are things we rarely talk about.
And when I got my master's degree in sociology from Stanford, I never thought I would be talking
with couples in this format. So if you are curious to learn about some of the class dynamics
that I refer to, a great place to start
is this book called The Power of the Past by Jesse Streb.
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The way you make decisions is what I'm trying to understand right now.
And like, like, the fact is you were going from basically making not that much money as
a student, right?
Nicole, how much did you make?
I get up $100,000 a year.
Okay.
So you took out loans and during that time, Jordan, were you basically the financial provider?
For the most part, she would pay rent and a few things out of her loans,
but for the most part, yes.
Got it.
So you took some of your loans,
you used them for living expenses, Nicole.
Jordan, you made up, let's say, over 50%
of household expenses, would that be fair to say?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, and so you go, hey, let's buy a place because're even if it costs more we're still gonna have a ton of money
relative to what we used to have right
and we we wanted to be settles we wanted was that mean
Jordan and I
Chemulatively we've moved like seven times in the past four years. We've been together. Oh, that's a lot. Why?
We were living separately, so he helped me move. I helped him move. We moved into a place together
that place he came to
Small and there was a shooting in the parking lot. So we moved
To another place together and then we moved to California together. So we don't we had a lot of moves
That's a lot of moves. I feel you on that. And so just to clarify in your
mind being settled means what? It means that we're not moving. It means that my
family is here in California. We've bought a house here. We are staying here.
There's no potential for us to pick up and move to anywhere else. We are here in California.
Once we were here and had the house,
and I feel like at that point,
I was at peace with it.
Nicole, was your experience basically the same?
You felt good, you feel good now with the house?
Yes, great.
Okay, good, good.
All right, so you're in the house.
This is the house that I'm currently seeing you in right now,
right? Okay, great. So you're in the house. This is the house that I'm currently seeing you in right now, right? Mm-hmm.
Okay, great.
So you're in the house.
And what started happening from when you moved in until now as it relates to money?
I think at one point I introduced her to your book and your podcast.
My man.
How about, first of all, what'd you say? You know, I wish I could be in all these First of all, what did you say?
You know, I wish I could be in all these rooms listening, but what did you say to her?
I don't know.
She saw it this way or not, but that was like one of my first attempts to be like, hey,
I know this is important to you.
No, here's maybe some way we can get into it more together.
Wow.
Wow. Wow.
And how did you receive that when he brought up my book, Nicole?
Well, the book was like a long before the podcast.
That was when we were moving and we were sorting through things to get rid of.
And the book was, your book was one of the things that got to say.
That was in the book.
Yes.
All right.
I made it.
Okay.
And so what was that like when you heard him say,
we're giving away all these Robert Kiyosaki scam books
and we're gonna keep, I will teach you to be rich.
What did that feel like to you?
When you heard him talk about a money book?
That was, we weren't even really in the money conversation.
This was the podcast.
It was the podcast that started the convoes. We had, we were in the card to on our way for a road trip and Jordan just
put the podcast on. And I, I know what that meant. Like I, I knew that that was what Jordan
was trying to communicate was, this is my attempt to speak about finances because we
were in a little bit of a tip at the start of that road trip. Those couple days before
we had had a conversation about money. And so he turned that on and we just listened to it. It was a four-hour
ride and we listened to like four of the podcasts. That's awesome. I love hearing that and when
he made that gesture of turning on the podcast, what did you feel? How did you receive that?
How did you receive that? I love that.
The first one we listened to was the one about the couple who the women made, like, she made,
I don't know, 10 times more incumbent than the 100 times more.
100 times more.
It was even more.
It was a crazy amount.
And I was like, oh my gosh, like, wait, they're talking about gender roles.
They're talking about like all these things that we, like, we, we feel.
And it was, it was really nice to, to learn more about that too.
We both like to learn about human psychology.
It was very interesting to listen to.
Connie and Wes, thank you for coming on this show on episode 66 and 67 to share your story and to every guest
for coming on here and sharing your story.
There are so many people who see themselves in you.
And it makes me so happy to hear that Jordan was actually the one to bring up money with
Nicole.
That means a lot to me.
And I think it means even more to Nicole.
Sometimes one partner just wants the other to be proactive with money and to show some interest and this is a great example of doing exactly that.
So you start listening to podcasts in the book and what happens? Is it all, you know, you live happily ever after or what?
We've been, I had joined. We even had a joint. I was going to say, well, no, because we're having this conversation.
I don't think that the contentious conversations didn't stop, but I feel like we have had more conversations, more activities like we're going through the journal together.
So there is more activity in this area, I guess.
Okay. And out of curiosity, what is your rich life?
If I just, you know, keeping it short, if I had to sum my rich life up in one sentence,
it would be to not have to strap, not have to make decisions based solely on money.
Okay.
Okay.
Cool.
Nicole, what about you?
I want to have more freedom in my time.
And when we have kids, I want to be 50% nurture to my children and 50% provider.
Great.
Chris, sounds like you both thought about it.
Okay.
All right.
That sounds good.
What do you wish that your partner understood about the way that you see money?
I'd like to start with the call first.
I wish that, well, can you tell him?
I wish you knew how cruel I was with money in the way that
when I see you spend money differently than me, I don't tell you, but it's
sometimes it's like in my gut. I'm like, oh my gosh, I wouldn't spend money like that.
What if we did this instead? And I, I just don't know how to communicate that to him without feeling like I'm treating him like a kid or being a repairing or saying that I'm restricting
him on things.
And I keep that hidden from you because I don't want to really restrict how you spend.
And maybe you feel that off of me anyways, but I grew
up very frugal and especially the student for 11 years and very frugal. So it's like hard
for me to to spend money on certain things that I just haven't spent money on before.
Okay. All right. Thank you. And Jordan, what do you wish that Nicole understood about the
way that you see money? Tell her.
I wish that you understood that's...
Sorry.
Okay. Take your time.
Okay, take your time.
I wish that you understood that I want to see that it's my goal to see the
money as something that we can celebrate and enjoy, but it's hard for me to get to that point because of how much it stresses me out. Can I ask a question?
So Nicole, you said, I wish you understood how frugal I really am.
And Jordan, you said, I wish you understood that I want to get better with money, but I'm stressed out by it.
Now, I'd like you to zoom out for a second.
Do you think if your partner truly understood
that thing about you that it would change anything?
Nicole, say it out loud.
You're shaking.
Because he, and he already knows that.
He knows it.
And do you know that he's stressed out by money?
Oh, yes.
So what are we dancing around here for?
It's like, it would be like me going to my wife and saying, I deeply wish that you understood
that my hair is black.
It's like, we all know.
Everybody knows everything you both said.
So here you are.
In a sentence, how would you describe the primary problem that you believe you're facing?
I'm really worried for the future when we have children that I'm not going to be able
to take time off, that I'm going to be still working, the amount that I'm working, when
I really only want to be working two to three days a week when we have kids.
And I don't know that we can actually afford
the things that we want if I'm only working two to three days
with a lower income.
Jordan, what would you say in a sentence?
I would say that I am worried that she's not going to be able to do that or she's going
to do that and we're going to have to significantly cut back on expenses or find a cheaper place
to live or something like that. Okay, so if I'm hearing you correctly,
do you both think that the primary problem here is a numbers problem?
I guess I do.
From my perspective, from my standpoint.
Okay, Nicole.
I think it's, I think underlying the numbers is Jordan's
business income and the stress he feels with, with that income being lower than he wants it to be.
So it's an income problem.
Yeah.
Okay, let me read what you wrote in your application to me.
The cool.
Bosh.
Can I read from this?
You can read from it.
Okay.
You wrote, we recently had an argument that escalated
our previous conversations from, quote,
are we financially ready to be engaged to quote,
this man needs to pack his bags?
How are we going to make big purchases together
when his credit score shuts it down?
I'm now angry, upset, frustrated,
that I didn't find out our huge financial differences
four years ago.
Am I overreacting or is it time to find a partner
who matches me financially?
Oh, gosh. I'm sorry that I just I was an angry place and I hate just hearing those words.
I don't mean that to Jordan.
I was just an angry place.
Okay.
Can I should I continue or not?
It's it's totally I don't I don't even want Jordan to hear.
I feel like that's not honest.
I don't want Jordan to hear that.
Okay.
Then talk to me and talk to Jordan.
Let's be honest with where you are today.
When you wrote that, and there's more that I was about to read,
that is not the tenor of what you two are telling me today.
The way you're talking about is
if it's some income problem in the spreadsheet.
I was very angry after the credit card at conversation.
I was right after the credit card at conversation when I paid off 30,000 and I felt like,
when Jordan didn't care. That's different than Jordan should be making an
extra thousand dollars a month or something. Yeah. So I can help in whatever way is helpful, but I need you to be
honest with what is the real problem here.
Nicole, you filled out the application. I like to ask you and I really want you to
try to tap into what is really going on here.
really want you to try to tap into what is really going on here.
I feel like I'm going to be 100% sole provider.
And that is never what I've ever wanted.
Keep going.
My mom was to say, home mom, my dad provided everything.
I don't want that either.
I didn't have a relationship with my dad as closely as I did with my mom.
I want our kids to have an equal relationship with Jordan as they do with me.
But I don't want to be 100% provider. And are you worried that you will be? I am very worried that I will be.
Are you 100% provider right now? No. So what makes you worry about being 100% provider.
At the end of the month, we are in a positive together as a team.
We are a positive.
But the credit card debt, I'm scared that's going to come back.
And I'm scared that I'm going to be paying that again
in the future.
Jordan has paid for over half of the finances
for many years while you were a student.
So I'm a little confused where this fear is coming from.
I realized when I found out that the credit card debt,
that a lot of that finances that he's been contributing,
was going on the credit card, and I didn't know about that.
Okay. So that worries you.
That worries me. If I had known that he was contributing
with credit card payments, I would have contributed,
we would have been more 50-50. I wouldn't have had him contribute more than 50. I wouldn't have had him pay for our dinners
We went out. I wouldn't have had him pay for the groceries. I would have contributed equally to groceries
I would have contributed equally to going out I in my mind I thought we were safe with finances that he could afford to do that for us
And so I felt like he was providing. And then when I
realized that it was going on a credit card, I was like, Oh, it was, it's not really,
it's not really contributing financially. And I don't want to be doing everything. I want to team me.
Jordan, what do you think from all the things that you just heard from the Cole?
That's, uh, that's a lot you need. Secondary.
Okay, seconder.
I go home Jordan.
Of course.
Thank you for asking to do that. I'm really glad you did.
Can you tell me why you wanted to give Jordan a hug right now?
I regret saying those words.
They were not allowed.
I just...
I'm surprised that I said it.
So I mean...
I just... I wasn't that I said it. So, I mean, I just, I was in a very angry place. And was it honest when you wrote it?
I think in a better mindset, I think those are the issues that I do still battle with is that
the partner you choose for life is the biggest decision you have to make in life
and the biggest decision you make for your financial future as well.
and biggest decision you make for your financial future as well.
And if we are so different with our finances, if we think so differently,
then am I making the best decision for myself long term and making the best decision?
I can't go confidently with us being together in the future if I'm going to be 100% responsible for any of our financial future.
Nicole is right that the partner you choose is one of the most important decisions you make
in your life.
I find it kind of striking that they both confidently told me this was an income
problem and expenses problem until I pulled out Nicole's own application and
started to read it back to her. That's when we started to get real. In the second
part of this episode coming next week I'll continue my conversation with them
and I'll try to give them what they actually need.
I'll see you next week. In the meantime, you can find me on YouTube,
you can subscribe to my money coaching program at iwt.com slash money coaching,
and you can go into Netflix and set a reminder for the new show.
Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I'm Remedie Saiti. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
If you haven't read, I will teach you to be rich, my book.
Pick up a copy.
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